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"Ah, fall. Those few golden months between summer swelter and a long winter, when college kids head off to school, new shows break the drudgery of prime-time reruns, and we finally have more wardrobe options than \u201Cwhat\u2019s the least amount of clothing I can wear while still being work-appropriate.\u201D This year we\u2019ve compiled a guide to our favorite season. From autumnal fashion tips, to secrets for winning your fantasy football league, to new ideas for enjoying the great outdoors\u2014we\u2019ve got it all.\r\n\r\nYour Guide to Fall Style\r\n\r\nThere\u2019s nothing like walking outside on a crisp autumn morning to remind you summer has ended\u2014and with the harvest equinox comes a drop in mercury.\r\n\r\nThis is why it\u2019s important to own a bunch of rad retro sweaters.\r\n\r\nFall gives everyone from hipsters to lumberjacks an excuse to bust out a flannel, grow some burly facial hair and add to the scarf collection. Here\u2019s a quick rundown of autumn looks that work for everything from raking leaves, to riding a fixie, to attending your first semester humanities lecture. These styles will keep you fresh all season long:\r\n\r\nThe Ron Swanson\r\nTo get the look of Parks &amp; Recreation\u2019s fearless leader, all you\u2019ll need is a couple of burgundy flannel shirts and a trusty pair of extra-blue blue jeans or pleated slacks. \r\n\r\nAccessories: Rolled-up sleeves (working man-style), a beard, a tool/utility belt, a grin that says, \u201CI may look like a grisly old carpenter, but I\u2019ve got a heart of gold\u201D\r\n\r\nAs seen on: Zach Galifianakis, Al Borland, \u201990s rock stars out on ukulele tours, the Brawny Man \r\n\r\nThe Bohemian Grandma \r\nFor this look, you can literally wear what-ever you want, in as many layers as you want, as long as it\u2019s accompanied by at least three scarves\u2014and you must constantly clutch a Starbucks cup tightly with both hands.\r\n\r\nAccessories: Dark glasses, long/unwashed hair, a blanket worn as a shirt\r\n\r\nAs seen on: The Olsen twins, the dude from Twilight, Ashton Kutcher, your grandmother\r\n\r\nThe Sweater Collector\r\nWant to look both cozy and cosmopolitan? Then bust out the argyle, because nothing says \u201Cfall\u201D like some killer sweaters. Whether it\u2019s a thick, woolen retro classic, a knitted night-out number or the ever-itchy oversized turtleneck, you\u2019ll want to fully stock up your closet so you can get your Cliff Huxtable on all season long.\r\n\r\nAccessories: A pipe, a leather briefcase/smart handbag, loafers, a golden retriever\r\n\r\nAs seen on: Mr. Rogers, Kanye West, your first-grade teacher \r\n\r\nThe Bear Grylls\r\n\r\nAre you often called to mountaineering expe-ditions with zero notice? Can your wristwatch calculate complex atmospheric conditions, and does it cost more than some of your friends\u2019 cars? Are you deathly afraid of dehydration? Then the Bear Grylls look may be for you. Just head on down to your local sporting goods store and stock up on Patagonia vests, a set of carabiners, some quick-drying pants and a collection of indestructible water bottles to carry with you at all times.\r\n\r\nAccessories: A pocket utility tool, toe shoes, Dave Matthews Band stickers (prefer-ably on your Nalgene), a Jeep Wrangler\r\n\r\nAs seen on: Jack Johnson, the lady trying granola samples at Whole Foods, the bass player in your church\u2019s band your guide \r\n\r\nYour Guide to Fantasy Football\r\n most American males, I take fantasy football very seriously. And because of my propensity to make \u201Cfantasy\u201D as real as possible (I\u2019ve been kicked out of Disney World several times), I\u2019ve pretty much become an expert at fantasy football. Here are a few can\u2019t-miss tips for fantasy football success:\r\n\r\nEstablish the stakes \r\nFortunately, in the last few years, fantasy sports have generally eschewed gambling and money pools. But it\u2019s always fun to have a reward for the league\u2019s true, ultimate champion, even if a cash prize isn\u2019t involved. Here are some ideas for trophies and prizes: a set of Shake Weights; a pair of size-12 Heelys; anything from Hammacher Schlemmer; one of those remote-controlled helicopters they sell at mall kiosks (these ideas also mirror my Christmas list). \r\n\r\nSet up a war room \r\nUsually, sometime in mid-August, I take over an area in my house and set up a pre-draft war room to prepare for the upcoming season. This usually involves 1) putting up maps all over the walls with lots of yarn strung between push-pins in various exotic international locations, 2) installing at least eight rotary dial telephones for late-night calls from team owners and potential prospects and 3) mounting several flat-screen TVs that play Any Given Sunday and Necessary Roughness on a continuous loop. I\u2019ve yet to actually use the maps or any of the telephones for fantasy football purposes, but I have spent many an afternoon reading sports magazines in an oversized leather chair that cost about $400.\r\n\r\nLearn some good smack talk \r\nNow that you\u2019ve had weeks to prepare an unstoppable team in your diabolically decorated war room, it\u2019s time to start the mind games with your fellow team owners. If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned about fantasy football, it\u2019s this: The game is 10 percent mental, 20 percent physical, 5 percent luck and 65 percent raw emotion resulting from insult-hurling. And the great thing about talking smack in fantasy football is it completely supersedes any preexisting relational boundaries. It doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019re composing a deeply hurtful, insult-laced message board post to your best friend, significant other, father-in-law or even your boss. If it happens within the confines of the fantasy league, it\u2019s all in good fun! Trust me\u2014even though I\u2019ve been kicked out of most leagues I\u2019ve participated in, I know it was only because of how intimidated the other owners were after experiencing my razor-sharp wit and willingness to cross any line to demean their team.\r\n\r\nOrchestrate a mid-season, blockbuster trade \r\nMost seasons, around the halfway point, I\u2019ve realized my high-risk, highly experimental draft strategy has backfired, and my team is terrible. This is when I spend about 12 consecutive hours engineering a complicated multi-team trade in a desperate attempt to win a game. Here are some tips for organizing such a trade: Take all of your bad players and offer them together for another team\u2019s best player. This almost always works. Here\u2019s another surefire tip: Call one of the other owners (preferably while they\u2019re at work or late at night) and literally beg them to accept your trade offer. I can\u2019t count the number of times I\u2019ve shown up at the house of one of my fellow fantasy football owners in tears in the middle of the night and refused to leave until they accepted my trade. \r\n\r\nYour Guide to Fall TV\r\nEach fall, the nation\u2019s evenings are reinvigorated as networks premiere their latest batch of new shows and bring old favorites back for new seasons. But let\u2019s face it, anyone can sit on their couch all fall long and become absorbed in the fictional worlds of new TV shows. This fall, instead of merely watching Hollywood\u2019s newest offerings of alien invasion dramas, romantic sitcoms and crime scene investigative mysteries, I\u2019ve decided not to waste my time. Let\u2019s just say I\u2019ve been burned in the past. [SPOILER ALERT: I still don\u2019t know what happened when Jack walked through those doors at that church. The whole thing was just Hurley\u2019s weird dream, right?] No longer will I dedicate six years\u2019 worth of fall Thursday nights trying to figure out J.J. Abrams\u2019 sick mind games, or watching attractive detectives solve murders while spewing awesome one-liners. No! This fall, I\u2019m training to become a TV star\u2014and you can, too. Thankfully, with the popularity of reality TV and game shows, anyone has the potential to become a prime-time star, and not just by marrying an NBA player or being a completely terrible (though rich) person. Here are some tips for achieving fall TV stardom: \r\n\r\nCreate a DIY Minute to Win It \r\nDon\u2019t throw away any empty two-liter bottles, cardboard paper towel rolls, disposable plastic cups, tissue boxes or aluminum cans. You will need all of these items to practice deceptively hard Minute to Win It games if you want a real shot at being on the show. If that doesn\u2019t work out, just leave all those piles of garbage sitting around long enough and you might at least get to be on Hoarders. \r\n\r\nSell your stuff\u2014sort of \r\nRent a storage unit and fill it with the most interesting assortment of collectable goods from as many different eras of American history as you can find. Then, don\u2019t pay your storage unit fee and allow it to go into foreclosure. You probably won\u2019t end up getting on TV, but there\u2019s a good chance your old unit will be auctioned off on Storage Wars, which is basically the Almost Famous scenario of reality television.\r\n\r\nBecome a swamp person \r\nShows like The History Channel\u2019s Swamp People and Discovery\u2019s Swamp Brothers, which (as you may have guessed from their titles) document the swamp-dwelling escapades of real-life alligator hunters, are huge hits. The late Steve Irwin made a career out of nabbing crocodiles on TV. It seems hunting alligators is as proven of a winning television formula as six friends in a coffee shop. Just get yourself a couple of nets, a tin jon boat, some raw chicken, head down to Florida and let the camera roll! Bonus: If you get busted for hunting illegally, you could also end up on Police Women of Broward County.\r\n\r\nYour Guide to Fall Activities \r\nMild temperatures, back-to-school friends, Friday night sporting events \u2026 how many more excuses do you need to get outside and enjoy some fall outings? The following ideas should help you kick-start your fall schedule:\r\n\r\nGo to a high school football game \r\nNothing brings back memories of falls-gone-by like attending a high school football game. Whether you are a former gridiron warrior sadly realizing your best athletic days are behind you, or a well-adjusted young adult who can actually enjoy high school sporting events without all the crushing social anxiety, attending a high school football game with some friends is a fall must.\r\n\r\nThere are two primary ways to enjoy these Friday night rites of autumn: 1) Go as a fan of your local school, cheering on the players as if you know them personally, or 2) sit in the stands alone, blasting Explosions in the Sky on your iPod while imagining all the dramatic sub-plots going on in the lives of the students around you. Either way, it\u2019s not a bad way to spend a Friday night. \r\n\r\nBonus tip: To really get into the spirit of the event, be sure to storm the field after the final play, wildly congratulating players on the victorious team, followed by a symbolic hoisting of the winning quarterback onto your shoulders. Sure, this may result in you being involuntarily removed from school grounds, but it will definitely help you and your friends get into the spirit of the season. \r\n\r\nMake a bonfire \r\nAs summer heat gives way to chilly autumn nights, you can solidify absolute \u201Csocial deity\u201D status by sending out a Facebook invite to all of your friends and hosting a bonfire party. The best part? All you need is some open space and a big pile of wood. \r\n\r\nBut don\u2019t be fooled by a bonfire\u2019s folksy appeal. Trust me on this one\u2014there are still several safety tips and things you need to remember when hosting the perfect bonfire. Here are several bonfire lessons I learned the hard way:\r\n\r\n1. No matter how small the fire, it\u2019s never a good idea to prove your impressive vertical leap by trying to jump over said fire.\r\n\r\n2. If your bonfire is also serving as a good old-fashioned heavy-metal album burning, remember, as it turns out, those plastic CD cases put off some pretty toxic fumes when tossed into a massive flaming pit. Nothing ends a party faster than plumes of poisoned smoke from burning Pantera CDs. \r\n\r\n3. Haphazardly tossing gasoline onto the fire may look cool and be relatively harmless the first couple times, but as my lack of eye-brows demonstrates, you are dancing a dan-gerous tango, my friend.\r\n\r\nGo camping \r\nAnother great American fall tradition involves packing up your sleeping bag and fishing gear, and driving out to a secluded patch of woods to sleep under the stars and take in all of nature\u2019s beauty. \r\n\r\nUnfortunately, if you\u2019re anything like me, you hate camping. \r\n\r\nI mean, I have an Xbox, Call of Duty: Black Ops and season 4 of Smallville on DVD\u2014why would I ever want to leave home? But I\u2019m not one to be antisocial, so when invited to go on a camping trip with friends, I bring the comforts of the great indoors with me into the cold, dangerous forest. Inspired by the industrious Tom Haverford of Parks &amp; Rec, who adorned his camping abode with gadgets from the Sky Mall catalog, I\u2019ve turned to my favorite store to supply all my camping/entertainment needs: Sharper Image. Let\u2019s just say my friends always invite me now.Here are a few Sharper Image items to look into for your next camping trip:\r\n\r\nTurboQue BBQ Smoker: I could write a long defense for this handy $30 fan that turns a grill into a blow torch and makes any campsite cooker into a delicious barbecue smoke pit, but really, the actual product description says it best: \u201CHoly smokes, this thing is fast.\u201D\r\n\r\nCoolWare Personal Cooling System: Even on a crisp fall night, it gets pretty stifling sitting in a poorly ventilated tent with several other people. That\u2019s why all your companions will be jealous of your personal air conditioner. How do they look, you ask? Remember those cool glasses LeVar Burton used to wear on Star Trek? They look like them except you wear them on the back of your neck. So, yeah, they look pretty good.\r\n\r\nComfort Massage Chair: Just because you are deep in rugged mountain country, miles from the nearest five-star hotel or spa, doesn\u2019t mean you should have to suffer from poor circulation or a sore lumbar region. That\u2019s why every time I go camping, I bring my $1,500 leather Comfort Massage Chair with me. \r\n\r\nReversible Three Wheel Cruiser: Who needs mountain biking when you have the recumbent luxury of a laid-back pleasure cruiser just waiting to help you leisurely own the trails? That should give you plenty to do this fall\u2014at least until winter ruins the fun."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/non-essential-guide-fall>