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"No one ever tires of hearing &amp;quot;You have such a lovely home!&amp;quot; But when it comes to home commentary that goes deeper, it can be hard to take it in without letting it feel personal. So we turned to Sheila Heen, co-author of the new book Thanks For The Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, to share strategies for making the best out of the commentary you receive. -Know What To Listen For: Heen explains the three different kinds of feedback: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. &amp;quot;When you&amp;#039;re inviting a designer into your home, you want coaching, secretly want appreciation, and fear evaluation. Sadly, it&amp;#039;s easy for wires to get crossed.&amp;quot; See, the more worried you are about being judged, the easier it is to hear coaching (think: &amp;quot;I have a couple ideas already!&amp;quot;) as evaluation. Keep that in mind and come into every conversation with a clear idea of what you&amp;#039;re after. -Know Your Own Standards Versus Others&amp;#039;: &amp;quot;People have really different criteria by which they&amp;#039;re making choices about decor and cleanliness,&amp;quot; says Heen. &amp;quot;And it differs at different times of our lives.&amp;quot; A favorite example? The mother who has the option to either clean up the kitchen or take a shower. Her own mother-in-law doesn&amp;#039;t have to make that choice in her daily life, so it&amp;#039;s easier for her feedback to come across as agressive. But Heen explains that it&amp;#039;s all about finding comfort in your own choices\u2014and that they&amp;#039;re not the same as everybody&amp;#039;s. -Look For The Good: Rather than take offense, consider looking for what you can appreciate in the effort your feedback-givers have made to improve your life. &amp;quot;If your mother-in-law is reorganizing your closet as a comment on your organiztion skills, you can either hear it as judgement, or you can simply enjoy having a cleaner closet,&amp;quot; says Heen. -But Don&amp;#039;t Be A Doormat: &amp;quot;Of course, if she&amp;#039;s putting things in places that don&amp;#039;t make sense, that&amp;#039;s when you can give your own feedback.&amp;quot; She&amp;#039;s referring to a simple line that acknowledges the good intentions but describes the negative impact. Something like: &amp;quot;I appreciate your help and one unintended result is that I find myself constantly searching for things. If you don&amp;#039;t know where something goes, please feel free to leave it on the counter.&amp;quot; That way, you&amp;#039;re giving specific instructions; you&amp;#039;re the one coaching. -Before You Speak, Consider Consequences: &amp;quot;You have to run through that &amp;#039;and then what?&amp;#039; moment in your mind,&amp;quot; says Heen. &amp;quot;If you shout at her, what will the consequence be? A rift in your relatinoship? Is that worth it?&amp;quot; -Consider The Source: &amp;quot;All feedback comes wrapped in the relationship in which it&amp;#039;s given,&amp;quot; says Heen. &amp;quot;We often dismiss feedback because we feel underappreciated by the giver.&amp;quot; That&amp;#039;s why a comment from a family member can sometimes sting more than it would coming from a friend or designer. Tell us: How do you deal with feedback at home? And don&amp;#039;t miss Heen and co-author Douglas Stone&amp;#039;s Thanks For The Feedback online and in stores!  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.elledecor.com/life-culture/news/a6281/how-to-deal-with-feedback-on-your-home/>