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" So Rude!  A speeder tailgates you on the freeway. An acquaintance asks how much money you make. A man you&amp;#039;ve just met makes suggestive remarks about your figure. The woman at the cash register fails to even acknowledge your presence, much less say thank you. For a word of only four letters, rude pops up in a wide variety of circumstances. Here&amp;#039;s what you need to know so that the next time someone is disrespectful, you don&amp;#039;t have to just stand there fuming.  The Retort Report Can you rise above other people&amp;#039;s bad behavior? Good. If not, here&amp;#039;s what to say. While shopping... What happened: You&amp;#039;re next in line at a counter where service is as slow as molasses. When a new line opens up, the person behind you rushes to get there first. What you say: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry, but I was ahead of you in line. I believe I&amp;#039;m next.&amp;quot; If the person doesn&amp;#039;t retreat, don&amp;#039;t push the issue further \u2014 just speak to the manager. And suggest that when a cashier opens a new register, she should say, &amp;quot;May I help the next person in line?&amp;quot; What happened: The person ahead of you in the supermarket express lane has a cart full of items. What you do: Wait patiently for your turn, then find the manager and ask why the store&amp;#039;s staff doesn&amp;#039;t turn away rule breakers. He may have instructed them that &amp;quot;the customer is always right,&amp;quot; but the policy might change if enough people complain. At work... What happened: You&amp;#039;ve left several messages for the director of an organization, but he hasn&amp;#039;t called back. What you do: Try once more. This time, say, &amp;quot;Mr. Johnson, this is Jane Stewart, following up regarding the information I&amp;#039;ve requested. I&amp;#039;m worried about meeting my deadline, so could you please give me a call?&amp;quot; If Mr. Johnson still doesn&amp;#039;t respond, contact someone else at the organization, politely explain the problem, and ask for help. What happened: In the lunchroom, you overhear a coworker trashing a workmate she doesn&amp;#039;t like. What you do: Speak up only if she&amp;#039;s talking loudly enough for others to hear (as an eavesdropper, you have no grounds to complain). Say, &amp;quot;Sue, I don&amp;#039;t mean to butt in, but if you&amp;#039;re going to speak badly of Ann, could you do it someplace more private?&amp;quot; If her accusations are false, you could point that out as well. Out in public... What happened: You&amp;#039;re walking down a street in your neighborhood when a man and his young son throw their empty paper cups to the ground, just a few feet from a trash bin. What you do: Pick up the cups and deposit them in the receptacle \u2014 your way of teaching by example. The silent message you&amp;#039;re sending is strong enough to make your point. What happened: A passenger on the commuter train is taking up three seats with his bags. You&amp;#039;re tired and desperately need to sit. What you say: &amp;quot;Excuse me \u2014 would you mind if I sat down?&amp;quot; Many seat hoggers will comply if challenged. But if he refuses to make room, don&amp;#039;t force the issue \u2014 he may be trying to provoke a confrontation. The last thing you want to do is rile up someone like that.  Power of Being Positive When someone&amp;#039;s behavior irks you, size up the situation: Will fighting back accomplish anything? I suspect you know the answer \u2014 but if you really feel the need to take a stand, then the best response is to kill the perpetrator with kindness. Good behavior is catching: The more you display it, the more it spreads. Next time your patience is tested, try these tips. Stay calm. Take a deep breath, then count to 10 \u2014 that way, when you speak, you deliver a clear message rather than an emotional reaction. Give the offender the benefit of the doubt. Though you may be tempted to take the rudeness personally, try to imagine what else the person might be going through \u2014 a family problem, trouble at work, etc. Offer empathy. If a child behind you on a plane is kicking your seat, calmly say to the parent, &amp;quot;I know space is tight and kids will be kids, but your son has been kicking my seat since we boarded. I&amp;#039;d appreciate it if you&amp;#039;d ask him to stop.&amp;quot; Encourage a positive response. &amp;quot;Shut up! You&amp;#039;re driving everyone crazy!&amp;quot; will raise the person&amp;#039;s hackles. More likely to make him stop: &amp;quot;Many of us are trying to read...do you think you could please lower your voice?&amp;quot; said with a smile on your face. Use humor when you can. If a friend comments, &amp;quot;You look awful!&amp;quot; counter with a sarcastic &amp;quot;How kind of you to say so!&amp;quot; Or just laugh it off. Take it to a higher level. If you&amp;#039;ve been treated rudely by an employee of a business, tell the manager or write a letter to the company.  The Dirty Dozen Based on mail from GH readers and on surveys conducted by the Emily Post Institute, these are the 12 most offensive behaviors ever.    Using obscenities in public, especially around children   Telling racist jokes   Doing the &amp;quot;cell yell&amp;quot;: the phone conversation loud enough for others to hear every word   Treating service providers (salespeople, food servers, etc.) as if they&amp;#039;re beneath you   Letting kids run wild in public places   Endangering others on the road by playing NASCAR wannabe   Yelling at the referee, coach, players or other parents at a youth sporting event   Leaving spit, trash or pet poop on the sidewalk   Staying seated on a crowded bus or train when an elderly, pregnant or disabled person boards   Charging thoughtlessly through crowds \u2014 especially when you&amp;#039;re skating, biking or pushing a stroller   Jumping the line (e.g., at the supermarket checkout)   Lighting up around nonsmokers without asking first  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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