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"As a parent of college-age kids, I&amp;#039;m in the throes of adapting my parenting style to their more mature and independent selves. I don&amp;#039;t need a book. I need a set of encyclopedias! Help! Ellen responds: With two 20-something sons, I&amp;#039;m on the same ride, so I share your concern (let&amp;#039;s not call it a sense of desperation, but we&amp;#039;re close, right?). And so does Jane Isay, author of the new Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents. Isay bases her book on interviews with people on both sides of the divide -- mothers who wonder why their grown child hasn&amp;#039;t called, as well as sons and daughters who wish their parents would quit treating them like kids. The anecdotes may not solve your problem, but may suggest ways to finesse sticky situations. And, at least, they show that you&amp;#039;re in good company. Another way to grapple with your parent-child divide is to read more deeply about someone else&amp;#039;s. Catherine Lloyd Burns&amp;#039;s It Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks is the latest memoir to explore a fractious mother-daughter relationship, but it&amp;#039;s just one of many. A classic is Vivian Gornick&amp;#039;s Fierce Attachments, reissued two years ago. Gornick tells her story from the daughter&amp;#039;s point of view and features a mother so difficult that you may congratulate yourself for being such a benign alternative! Their relationship grows smoother as they age, maybe because they each gain a bit of distance. But let&amp;#039;s face it: The tone of the relationship with an adult child starts earlier, most certainly by the teen years. For those who have time to practice preventive medicine, I recommend Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? A Parent&amp;#039;s Guide to the New Teenager, by clinical psychologist Anthony E. Wolf. The reason this book remains popular (first issued in 1992, it was revised in 2002) is because Wolf brings a sense of humor to his topic. Anyone who has raised a teenager knows that, even in the best of circumstances, adolescence isn&amp;#039;t the way it&amp;#039;s portrayed in TV sitcoms (with the possible exception of The Simpsons). Wolf stresses communication and accepts imperfection -- for my money, a perfect recipe for parents at any stage of their children&amp;#039;s lives. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/entertainment/a21103/books-relationships-may07/>