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" Good morning, class. Today we&amp;#039;re going to talk about practicing safe relationships. Just to be clear, the definition of &amp;quot;relationship&amp;quot; means, traditionally, &amp;quot;That thing where you only have sex, eat pizza, and watch House Of Cards with one person.&amp;quot; When you go about it correctly and responsibly, it is the most beautiful thing that can be shared by two people (and one Netflix account).  However, if you and your partner irresponsibly enter into a relationship, you may contract an RTD (Relationship-Transmitted Disease). Here are a few to be aware of. 1. HUMAN BARNACLES: Your partner leaves &amp;quot;comments&amp;quot; on your Instagram that are not comments but a series of heart emojis. They are needy, insecure and expect you to &amp;quot;check in&amp;quot; with them when you&amp;#039;re out past 11 p.m. They cling to you at parties, hence &amp;quot;barnacle.&amp;quot; These growths will spread unless you take precautionary measures early on, like make sure that your partner does not hate him/herself and is using you to fill a gaping emotional hole in their self-esteem. 2. EMOTIONALLLY UNAVAILABLE DICKSNACKS: If you do not wear an emotional condoms at all times, you may contract an emotionally unavailable dicksnack. This is a partner who is only there for you when it is convenient for him, e.g. usually after 11 p.m. If you contract a dicksnack, it is quite hard to shake them \u2014 it can take years to get them out of your system entirely. 3. CONDESCENDING SELF-ESTEEM ERODERS: Picking up this nasty little RTD is inconvenient because it is pretentious, judges you for liking Bravo shows, and generally imbues you with self-doubt. This strain can be difficult to diagnose, but one telltale sign is if he says &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t believe you haven&amp;#039;t read Infinite Jest yet.&amp;quot; The side effects can linger for months. 4. RELATIONSHIPS OF CONVENIENCE: If someone likes you, and you&amp;#039;re &amp;quot;whatever&amp;quot; about it, so you start dating, and they kind of text you too much, and it&amp;#039;s whatever, you may have this RTD. Many people let this go untreated for years because the symptoms aren&amp;#039;t uncomfortable. It&amp;#039;s best to prevent this RTD by just saying &amp;quot;no&amp;quot; at the beginning. 5. FALLING OUT OF LOVE: One of the most devastating RTDs. The following side effects may occur: Nausea, heartburn, melancholy, intense emotional laziness, procrastination, lack of interest in sex (with the person), and lusting for a really hot person at your gym. This phase tends to be long, and the relationship does not end when it should \u2014 usually it is a year or two late. However, after the relationship ends, running into your old partner at a thing where you&amp;#039;re both drunk carries a high risk of re-infection. If you&amp;#039;re careful, though, relationships can be a wonderful, magical thing. Be safe! RELATED: 15 Things Men Never Notice About Women 38 Annoying Things About Guys Follow Anna on Twitter. Photo Credit: Getty "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a6313/relationship-education-sex-ed/?src=rss>