<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" Question Lately, my husband has started to insert his finger in my back passage when we have sex. I can usually stand it for about 30 seconds then have to pull his hand away because it hurts. Then he sometimes attempts it again &amp;amp;#8211; but I have to do push him away. He used to just lightly touch me there and that was ok but now he keeps going further. I asked him if he wanted anal sex and that&amp;amp;#8217;s why he was doing it, but he insists he does not want it.  It is only recently that I started doing oral sex on him. It only happens when I am too drunk to care. The thing is he had a one-night stand nearly two years ago because I have never liked sex. After splitting up and having no sex at all I do enjoy it now that we are back together [we only split up for three weeks].  I keep thinking if I stop him inserting his finger that will be a reason for him to have a one-night stand again with someone who will actually allow him to penetrate her anally. We have been together since I was 14, both virgins and he is the only man I have had sex with. He says that one-night stand was the only time he had done that.   Answer David writes: Well, putting a finger in the partner&amp;#039;s bottom is very common. It&amp;#039;s called &amp;#039;postillionage,&amp;#039; and it is usually done with a lubricant. But it&amp;#039;s not every woman&amp;#039;s cup of tea. And if you don&amp;#039;t like it, you shouldn&amp;#039;t have to submit to it. Over to Christine.  Christine adds: I agree that no one should be forced to do anything sexually that they don&amp;#039;t like. But I think this whole thing with the finger and your bottom is somehow the focal point for a lot of anxiety and dissatisfaction within the marriage.  It seems to me that you are putting up with this, because you fear that if you don&amp;amp;#8217;t, your man might go off and have another one-night stand. But can you see that for as long as you feel that way you are really demeaning yourself? You&amp;#039;re saying: &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;ll put up with anything rather than lose my man.&amp;#039;  Can you also see that while you feel so controlled by this bottom play, you are never, ever going to enjoy it? I&amp;#039;m not saying that you would necessarily enjoy it if everything else was OK. But you might. The fact is that many women like having their bottoms played with - there are all sorts of nerve endings round the opening, which can provide quite a lot of pleasure. But you&amp;#039;re not giving yourself a chance to find out if this might happen, for the simple reason that sex has become a chore, and you&amp;#039;re only doing it to keep your husband.  You say you give him oral sex when you are &amp;#039;too drunk to care&amp;#039;. This sounds so sad and so painful I could weep for you.  But what can you do? Personally, I think you need to look very closely at your marriage. I feel you&amp;#039;re hanging on to it because you can&amp;#039;t imagine life without your husband after all this time. But is that a good enough reason to continue with it? Maybe you&amp;#039;re also afraid of being on your own after being married for so long? Again, I wonder if this alone is a good enough reason to stay married.  Now, it seems to me that your big problem is really not about sex, or about your relationship. It&amp;#039;s really all about your self-esteem, which seems to be extremely low. So what I suggest is that you spend the next few months caring for yourself, and building up your belief in yourself.  So - my suggestion is that you do the self-esteem test, and read the article on self-esteem. There&amp;#039;s a lot of advice in the article and if you start to act upon it, you&amp;#039;ll soon notice a difference in yourself.  The fact is that the sexual side of your marriage is doing you no favours currently. And I honestly believe this is to do with your poor view of yourself. But you might also get some help from an understanding woman doctor at a Family Planning Clinic. Talking to someone else about your problems will help you to get them into perspective.  You are clearly pretty miserable right now, but I am confident that if you start thinking more of yourself, life will get much easier. You are a unique person and special person - and a lot of things will become clearer when you start believing it.  Good luck. Yours sincerely Dr David Delvin, GP and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert   Other Qs &amp;amp; As A problem with semen? As a man, I am not used to receiving pleasure Can a woman still be sore &amp;amp;#8211; three days after sex? Can olive oil be used as a lubricant? Can one alter the taste of semen?  Condoms are too loose Could I get my girlfriend pregnant &amp;amp;#8211; even though she&amp;amp;#8217;s a virgin? Do I have to keep to the missionary position for life? Dominated and raped  Female ejaculation He&amp;amp;#8217;s afraid of sex He&amp;amp;#8217;s into animal pornography He likes &amp;amp;#8216;hard sex&amp;amp;#8217; but I don&amp;amp;#8217;t  He is no longer physically attracted to me He ripped his foreskin He thinks my vagina is &amp;amp;#8216;too big&amp;amp;#8217; for him He was abused as a child and it&amp;amp;#8217;s affecting our sex life How long can semen survive outside the body? I become sore after my fianc\u00E9 ejaculates inside me I burn after sex I can&amp;#039;t have sex with my husband I don&amp;#039;t like using a condom I leak after making love I want sex with my man &amp;amp;#8211; but my body won&amp;amp;#8217;t let me I want to have sex but I was abused as I child I was abused as a child and am now unable to have sex I dislike sex &amp;amp;#8211; and my body Is it normal for him to drink breast milk? Is it normal to leak after sex? Is my smell normal? Is pain during intercourse serious? My boyfriend won&amp;amp;#8217;t put his tongue in my mouth My girlfriend needs alcohol to enjoy sex My girlfriend wants me to pass urine My partner was raped My husband looks at women in pornographic magazines My wife won&amp;#039;t give me hand relief My wife won&amp;#039;t wear fetish clothes No luck getting pregnant Penetration does not give my girl enough stimulation Problems achieving penetration Restoration of the hymen Sex in the seventies Sex in old age &amp;amp;#8211; is it healthy? Sex difficulties Sex gives her an infection Sex is painful Sex on the Pill Sex with women is overrated Sexual health check-up She only wants sex when she is drunk She is self-conscious about her small breasts She wants me to urinate inside her Since giving birth, I hate sex  The &amp;amp;#8216;69&amp;amp;#8217; position The dangers of foreplay Three years without sex Tightening up your vaginal muscles Trapped air when having sex Trapped by sex We can&amp;#039;t have sex without using a lubricant Will I always be unfaithful? What&amp;#039;s a sexual health check-up? Why is sex difficult? Will drinking juice make a man&amp;#039;s sperm taste sweeter? Will I never be able to have sex with my boyfriend? Will we have problems conceiving?   Last updated 01.06.2006 "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ask-the-expert/sexual-health/a1430/he-puts-his-finger-into-my-anus/>