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" A lot has changed since 1953, when scientist Alfred Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. Back in the 1950s, the typical American bride was a 20-year-old virgin; today, she&amp;#039;s 25 and has probably had at least a handful of lovers. And consider that revealing mirror of society, television: In the 1950s, married sitcom couples slept in separate beds and never discussed sex; more recently, the country was captivated by a risqu\u00E9 show featuring the sexual exploits of four very talkative unmarried women.  &amp;quot;Sex is more visible now,&amp;quot; says Deborah Tolman, Ed.D., author of Dilemmas of Desire. &amp;quot;Billboards sport models wearing less and posing more provocatively. And with the advent of cable television, in most family rooms, the dainty gloves are off and portrayals of women acknowledging and experimenting with their desires -- and being sexually assertive -- are readily available. We&amp;#039;ve become sex saturated.&amp;quot;  But does that mean you&amp;#039;re having more sex than your grandma did at your age? Or better sex? Or more carefree sex? Not necessarily. Redbook sat down with three generations of women from one family to get the lowdown on these and other eye-opening details.  On Their Sexual Education...Redbook: How did you learn about sex?  Betty (83, widowed, married 45 years): My mother didn&amp;#039;t tell me anything. I remember one day when I was about 13, I had heard some girls talking about it at school, so I came home and told her, &amp;quot;I know where babies come from.&amp;quot; She said, &amp;quot;Oh, wonderful.&amp;quot; That was it. She was so pleased she didn&amp;#039;t have to tell me. But even then, I thought you only had sex when you wanted a baby.  Rimmie (60, married 27 years): When I was about 10, my father picked me up from Girl Scouts and I said to him, &amp;quot;Dad, they were talking about &amp;#039;mens&amp;#039;-something.&amp;quot; He said, &amp;quot;Menstruation?&amp;quot; And then he told me a little about it. My reaction was, &amp;quot;Oh, my God! You mean I&amp;#039;m going to bleed every month for the rest of my life?! What else haven&amp;#039;t they told me?&amp;quot;  I first learned about babies from one of my friends. She told me that a husband and a wife go to the hospital and the man lies on top of the woman and then they have a baby. But then I remember my sister came home from school one day and said, &amp;quot;Danny Lord said you don&amp;#039;t have to be married to have a baby!&amp;quot; That was a big surprise.  Maggie (26, living with boyfriend for two years): Growing up, there were always books about sex in the house, so I don&amp;#039;t even remember when I first became aware of it. I feel like I always knew. Do you remember telling me?  Rimmie: I remember making a conscious decision to leave things like tampons in the bathroom. My natural inclination was to share what I knew, and all the parenting books I read said you should be open and honest with your kids about sex. In my family we never talked about sex or puberty, and as a result, I think I might have been more sheltered, more prudish than some. And I knew I didn&amp;#039;t want you and your sister to have the experience I did, where I was caught off-guard, totally shocked when my father finally told me about menstruation. I remember one time when your sister, Brooke, was about 3, I put bean sprouts on her salad and she looked at it and said, &amp;quot;What is this? It looks like sperm!&amp;quot;  Maggie: But you didn&amp;#039;t tell us too much too soon. When I was about 8, I was having a sleepover with one of my friends -- she was always much more sophisticated than me -- and she asked me if I masturbated. Of course, I had no idea what that was. Redbook: How did you learn about sex?  Betty (83, widowed, married 45 years): My mother didn&amp;#039;t tell me anything. I remember one day when I was about 13, I had heard some girls talking about it at school, so I came home and told her, &amp;quot;I know where babies come from.&amp;quot; She said, &amp;quot;Oh, wonderful.&amp;quot; That was it. She was so pleased she didn&amp;#039;t have to tell me. But even then, I thought you only had sex when you wanted a baby.  Rimmie (60, married 27 years): When I was about 10, my father picked me up from Girl Scouts and I said to him, &amp;quot;Dad, they were talking about &amp;#039;mens&amp;#039;-something.&amp;quot; He said, &amp;quot;Menstruation?&amp;quot; And then he told me a little about it. My reaction was, &amp;quot;Oh, my God! You mean I&amp;#039;m going to bleed every month for the rest of my life?! What else haven&amp;#039;t they told me?&amp;quot;  I first learned about babies from one of my friends. She told me that a husband and a wife go to the hospital and the man lies on top of the woman and then they have a baby. But then I remember my sister came home from school one day and said, &amp;quot;Danny Lord said you don&amp;#039;t have to be married to have a baby!&amp;quot; That was a big surprise.  Maggie (26, living with boyfriend for two years): Growing up, there were always books about sex in the house, so I don&amp;#039;t even remember when I first became aware of it. I feel like I always knew. Do you remember telling me?  Rimmie: I remember making a conscious decision to leave things like tampons in the bathroom. My natural inclination was to share what I knew, and all the parenting books I read said you should be open and honest with your kids about sex. In my family we never talked about sex or puberty, and as a result, I think I might have been more sheltered, more prudish than some. And I knew I didn&amp;#039;t want you and your sister to have the experience I did, where I was caught off-guard, totally shocked when my father finally told me about menstruation. I remember one time when your sister, Brooke, was about 3, I put bean sprouts on her salad and she looked at it and said, &amp;quot;What is this? It looks like sperm!&amp;quot;  Maggie: But you didn&amp;#039;t tell us too much too soon. When I was about 8, I was having a sleepover with one of my friends -- she was always much more sophisticated than me -- and she asked me if I masturbated. Of course, I had no idea what that was. On &amp;quot;The First Time&amp;quot;...Redbook: Okay, now let&amp;#039;s get down to business. When did all you ladies start experimenting with sex?  Betty: My husband and I were engaged for three years, and we never had sex, though we got pretty close a couple of times! He was very respectful, and it was understood that we would wait to have intercourse. A few weeks before I married -- I was 20 -- my mother took me to the doctor to be fitted for a...what do you call them?  Maggie: Diaphragm?  Betty: Yes. A diaphragm. When we finally did have sex, on our wedding night, it wasn&amp;#039;t scary for me. I felt safe. I trusted him.  Rimmie: My boyfriend in college pressured me to have sex, but I just wasn&amp;#039;t ready for that. I was scared to death that I would get pregnant. That was my worst fear. I had nightmares about having to go to my parents and tell them that I was pregnant.  Betty: What would I have done?  Rimmie: What would you have done?  Maggie: Take her over to Planned Parenthood?  Betty: I have no idea. I would have loved you.  Rimmie: I didn&amp;#039;t have that assurance. I wasn&amp;#039;t really sure that that would have happened. That was my biggest fear. But it never occurred to me to take myself to a gynecologist, either. Which is interesting. I never went out of my way to protect myself. The first time I actually had sex was when I was in the Peace Corps in Borneo. I was 23, and even then I wasn&amp;#039;t very knowledgeable about birth control. I just asked my friend if I could have some of her pills!  Betty: You didn&amp;#039;t tell me you were having sex in Borneo!  Rimmie: Of course I didn&amp;#039;t. I needed to go halfway around the world to have sex!  Maggie: Mom, you thought I was having sex long before I actually was. I remember we were driving one day when I was about 17 and you said, &amp;quot;I know you&amp;#039;re having sex. I hope you&amp;#039;re using condoms.&amp;quot; I was 18 the first time I had sex. I was a freshman at college, and we&amp;#039;d been dating about four months. I was on the Pill, but we still used a condom. I grew up knowing all about STDs, so it never even occurred to me to have unprotected sex. The women I know in my generation don&amp;#039;t even give a thought to marriage, at least in the beginning. It&amp;#039;s more like, &amp;quot;Do I have sex with him on the first or the third date?&amp;quot;  Rimmie: I had sex with your father on the third date.  Maggie: Good for you, Mom! On Opening Up to Him...Redbook: Have you always been able to talk to your partner about sex?b  Maggie: I&amp;#039;ll go first: Yes, absolutely. We talk about everything.  Betty: But what is there to talk about?  Maggie: Well, for one thing, when my boyfriend and I first got together, he was on antidepressants, so it was very hard for him to have an orgasm.  Betty: Oh, dear.  Maggie: So we could have sex, and it was great for me, but I always worried that it wasn&amp;#039;t good for him. So we would talk about that, continuously. Maybe too much -- maybe we talked about it too much and made ourselves crazy. But either way, it was very open, and it&amp;#039;s still very open.  Rimmie: Talking about sex with my husband is something I&amp;#039;ve become more comfortable with over time. Fortunately, he&amp;#039;s always been very sensitive, very concerned with making sure that I&amp;#039;m happy, so it&amp;#039;s fairly easy to talk to him.  Betty: We didn&amp;#039;t need to talk about it -- we just had it!  [Everyone laughs.] Redbook: So, let&amp;#039;s hear about the times your husband wanted sex and you didn&amp;#039;t. Betty: It never happened. Redbook: Seriously? You&amp;#039;re saying that you were willing and able whenever he was willing and able, and the other way around? Betty: Always. I&amp;#039;d say we probably had sex about every other day. Of course, it was less as we started to have children. Redbook: You were never not in the mood? Betty: No! Rimmie: Wow! Good for you, Mother. Before we had kids, our sex life was great. But we lived in a tiny New York apartment, and for several years after we had Maggie and her sister, Brooke, we didn&amp;#039;t even have our own bedroom -- we slept on the pullout sofa in the living room! I remember my husband saying, &amp;quot;I feel like I&amp;#039;m at the very bottom of your list,&amp;quot; and I told him, &amp;quot;At least you&amp;#039;re on the list -- I&amp;#039;m not even on it!&amp;quot; Finally, we moved out to the suburbs and got a bedroom with a door! I thought, If my sex life doesn&amp;#039;t get better now, we&amp;#039;re going back to New York! Fortunately, it did. Betty: Actually, the last two years of my husband&amp;#039;s life he couldn&amp;#039;t...perform? Is that what they say? Because he was taking so much medicine. It was difficult, but I just thought, Well, he&amp;#039;s still here, and I love him to death. Redbook: What a change. Do you think that not being able to perform made him feel uncomfortable? Betty: I imagine it did. But we didn&amp;#039;t talk about things like that. Maggie: They didn&amp;#039;t talk at all, and we talk too much. Rimmie: And we talk sometimes! On Spicing Things Up...Redbook: How would you say your sex life has changed over the years?  Maggie: My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, and the sex has gotten better and better. It&amp;#039;s more relaxed, and it&amp;#039;s funny. We&amp;#039;re just so comfortable with each other. We&amp;#039;ve become more spontaneous, more wild and wacky recently. We had sex in the bathroom of a bar just the other night.  [Everyone gasps and laughs.]  That was pretty exciting. When you&amp;#039;re first together, things can be awkward. You&amp;#039;re trying to impress each other and worrying about, like, Do I look thin in this position? His sister bought me The Joy of Sex, and we read that together. We experiment. I saw this picture and I was like, Let&amp;#039;s try this, I&amp;#039;m gonna get into a handstand.... Betty: We definitely didn&amp;#039;t do any handstands! Redbook: Do you experiment in bed -- say, with toys or videos or anything else along those lines? Rimmie: I feel some pressure to be more adventurous in bed. I don&amp;#039;t use sex toys or anything, though I think my husband might wish that I would. Maggie: He definitely likes to buy you lingerie for your birthday. Rimmie: He does, but I can&amp;#039;t stand the lace against my skin! I wear it sometimes, to make him happy, but the whole sex-kitten thing just isn&amp;#039;t me. I feel foolish pretending to be something I&amp;#039;m not. Betty: There you go. Rimmie: Do you approve? Betty: I approve! Don&amp;#039;t be something that you&amp;#039;re not. Rimmie: Being playful is terrific. I wish I could be more playful. Maggie: My cousin had a boyfriend who was into role-playing, sort of, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m the pool boy and you&amp;#039;re the rich lady.&amp;quot; Betty: Oh, my goodness, people actually do that? We tried different things with each other, but nothing I want to tell you about!  On Fidelity...  Redbook: Have you ever discussed what would happen if one of you had an affair?  Rimmie: I once told my husband, sort of in jest, that if he cheated I&amp;#039;d shoot him before he got out the door. The thought of not being faithful is out of the question to me. I&amp;#039;ve not been there, so I can&amp;#039;t judge, but I don&amp;#039;t think I could get through an affair.  Maggie: We had one conversation a while back, where I told him that at this point I thought that I was invested enough in our relationship that if he ever cheated I might be able to get over it. He said the same thing, that we could probably work through it -- but then we were both like, &amp;quot;Okay, now let&amp;#039;s forget we said it!&amp;quot; Serial cheating is a whole different ballgame, though. That&amp;#039;s inexcusable. Plus, it&amp;#039;s probably an indication of a lot of other problems in the relationship.  Betty: We never really discussed it. I think it was just understood that we would both be faithful. On Fidelity...Redbook: Have you ever discussed what would happen if one of you had an affair?  Rimmie: I once told my husband, sort of in jest, that if he cheated I&amp;#039;d shoot him before he got out the door. The thought of not being faithful is out of the question to me. I&amp;#039;ve not been there, so I can&amp;#039;t judge, but I don&amp;#039;t think I could get through an affair.  Maggie: We had one conversation a while back, where I told him that at this point I thought that I was invested enough in our relationship that if he ever cheated I might be able to get over it. He said the same thing, that we could probably work through it -- but then we were both like, &amp;quot;Okay, now let&amp;#039;s forget we said it!&amp;quot; Serial cheating is a whole different ballgame, though. That&amp;#039;s inexcusable. Plus, it&amp;#039;s probably an indication of a lot of other problems in the relationship.  Betty: We never really discussed it. I think it was just understood that we would both be faithful.  On Having an Orgasm...Redbook: These days, women hear a lot of talk about &amp;quot;deserving&amp;quot; an orgasm.  Betty: Mercy on us! I didn&amp;#039;t expect to have orgasms. My husband had them, but I never really thought about it. I just let him do his thing, and I just thought that what was happening felt nice!  Rimmie: I didn&amp;#039;t think about orgasms until I started reading women&amp;#039;s liberation literature in the &amp;#039;60s and &amp;#039;70s. That&amp;#039;s how I found out that there was such a thing. And that&amp;#039;s also how I found out what masturbation was.  Maggie: Honestly, I feel a little bit pressured to have orgasms. Like if I don&amp;#039;t, there&amp;#039;s something wrong with our relationship.  Rimmie: I think my husband feels pressured to give me one. I think sometimes he worries that if he doesn&amp;#039;t, I&amp;#039;m not happy -- and that&amp;#039;s not always the case. Sex isn&amp;#039;t all about having an orgasm. I mean, I&amp;#039;m happy to have one, believe me. But if it&amp;#039;s just not happening, that&amp;#039;s okay, too.  Betty: I used to pretend that I had orgasms.  Rimmie: Really?  Maggie: You used to fake it?  Betty: I mean, sometimes enough is enough! I remember one time we were somewhere and people were asking questions like this, and it came up that he thought I had an orgasm every time. Redbook: Was he upset when he found out that wasn&amp;#039;t true?  Betty: He never mentioned it. I was good at faking.  Maggie: Now they say you really shouldn&amp;#039;t fake an orgasm. You should be honest.  Redbook: They say that if your husband finds out that you&amp;#039;ve been faking, he&amp;#039;ll feel betrayed.  Betty: I bet they do. They want to do their thing and have it work.  Maggie: It&amp;#039;s funny, I&amp;#039;ve slept with several people, but I&amp;#039;ve only ever been able to have orgasms when I was in a serious relationship. For me it&amp;#039;s about being close to somebody and being really intimate and being able to relax. It takes a while to learn how to sleep with each other, to learn what the other person likes. But now, after two years with my boyfriend, it&amp;#039;s really good -- and hopefully it&amp;#039;ll just get better!   On Having an Orgasm...Redbook: These days, women hear a lot of talk about &amp;quot;deserving&amp;quot; an orgasm.  Betty: Mercy on us! I didn&amp;#039;t expect to have orgasms. My husband had them, but I never really thought about it. I just let him do his thing, and I just thought that what was happening felt nice!  Rimmie: I didn&amp;#039;t think about orgasms until I started reading women&amp;#039;s liberation literature in the &amp;#039;60s and &amp;#039;70s. That&amp;#039;s how I found out that there was such a thing. And that&amp;#039;s also how I found out what masturbation was.  Maggie: Honestly, I feel a little bit pressured to have orgasms. Like if I don&amp;#039;t, there&amp;#039;s something wrong with our relationship.  Rimmie: I think my husband feels pressured to give me one. I think sometimes he worries that if he doesn&amp;#039;t, I&amp;#039;m not happy -- and that&amp;#039;s not always the case. Sex isn&amp;#039;t all about having an orgasm. I mean, I&amp;#039;m happy to have one, believe me. But if it&amp;#039;s just not happening, that&amp;#039;s okay, too.  Betty: I used to pretend that I had orgasms.  Rimmie: Really?  Maggie: You used to fake it?  Betty: I mean, sometimes enough is enough! I remember one time we were somewhere and people were asking questions like this, and it came up that he thought I had an orgasm every time.  Redbook: Was he upset when he found out that wasn&amp;#039;t true?  Betty: He never mentioned it. I was good at faking.  Maggie: Now they say you really shouldn&amp;#039;t fake an orgasm. You should be honest.  Redbook: They say that if your husband finds out that you&amp;#039;ve been faking, he&amp;#039;ll feel betrayed.  Betty: I bet they do. They want to do their thing and have it work.  Maggie: It&amp;#039;s funny, I&amp;#039;ve slept with several people, but I&amp;#039;ve only ever been able to have orgasms when I was in a serious relationship. For me it&amp;#039;s about being close to somebody and being really intimate and being able to relax. It takes a while to learn how to sleep with each other, to learn what the other person likes. But now, after two years with my boyfriend, it&amp;#039;s really good -- and hopefully it&amp;#039;ll just get better!  On Girl-Talk...Redbook: Have you talked about sex with your friends?  Betty: Not really. My husband and I enjoyed sex, but we never felt like we had to bother others about it. I just figured what we were doing was normal -- maybe it wasn&amp;#039;t, I don&amp;#039;t know. But we all kept it to ourselves. If any of my friends had problems or affairs, I never knew about it.  Rimmie: The whole Sex and the City lifestyle of talking so openly and graphically with friends about sex is something that&amp;#039;s totally alien to me. I have girlfriends, but we just don&amp;#039;t have those kinds of conversations, and we never have. It may be that I just happen to be friends with women who, like me, have some reticence stemming from the more conservative time we grew up in.  Maggie: I definitely talk about sex with a handful of my friends -- the ones I feel most comfortable with. We talk about everyday things like UTIs, and if we have problems, it&amp;#039;s just a good way to get support. The other day, my friend was telling me about how she&amp;#039;s all into talking dirty in bed. We were standing in line for dinner trading tidbits! I don&amp;#039;t know why I&amp;#039;m more comfortable with it. Part of it&amp;#039;s probably because you were always open with me about sex, Mom, and encouraged me to talk about it. Quick Generational OverviewWhat about orgasms?  Betty: &amp;quot;I didn&amp;#039;t expect to have orgasms.&amp;quot;Rimmie: &amp;quot;I didn&amp;#039;t think about orgasms until I started reading women&amp;#039;s liberation literature in the &amp;#039;60s and &amp;#039;70s.&amp;quot;Maggie: &amp;quot;Honestly, I feel a little pressured to have an orgasm. Like if I don&amp;#039;t, there&amp;#039;s something wrong with our relationship.&amp;quot;   When they lost their virginity  Betty: 20Rimmie: 23Maggie: 18  Number of sexual partners  Betty: 1Rimmie: 5Maggie: 10  Do they talk to their men about sex?  Betty: &amp;quot;We didn&amp;#039;t need to talk about it, we just had it!&amp;quot;Rimmie: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve become more comfortable talking about sex with my husband over time.&amp;quot;Maggie: &amp;quot;We talk about it -- maybe we talk too much!&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/a151/three-generations-sex/>