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"  Oh, to be a part of the asylum of democracy that is America! Two weeks ago, the Tea Party Express III began its epic lurch from sea to shining sea, or from desert to shining bay, or something, to culminate today Taxation Without Representation Day! and we are in a spasm of anger and confusion and patriotism... in that order! Our route across this beautiful country which has now safely delivered us to enemy headquarters, Washington, D.C. was a somewhat eccentric one. Some may say that on the map it looks like the path of a tranquilized elephant, or the EKG of a dying man, but the lame-stream media doesn&amp;#039;t know what it&amp;#039;s talking about. Unlike us patriots! We have awakened from our benumbed state, as if for the first time in our lives, and realized that there is a bicameral bunch of elites making decisions for us! And we don&amp;#039;t like it one bit! Who do these officials that we have elected think they are, making decisions? It&amp;#039;s just like Sarah Palin says: &amp;quot;We don&amp;#039;t need a bunch of elites in Washington making decisions for us...&amp;quot;  Yes! That is not at all what the founders had in mind when they invented our federal system. Duh!  Another thing the founders never had in mind: Nevada.  Our numbers are awesome. On that glorious Saturday two weeks ago, we clogged the road from Las Vegas and up from Needles for miles in both directions, so that we might give a hearty F-U to that fat cat Harry Reid in the town he supposedly came from, Searchlight, Nevada. Sheez, not much of a town, if you ask me. In the middle of fricking nowhere! And most of us would&amp;#039;ve missed it altogether if not for the beautiful pilgrimage of upset white people leading the way there. Oh, we came by car, by bike, on foot. By Master&amp;#039;s Touch Christian Charter busses and Harleys in formation and on old-guy scooters, too. One dude even appeared out of nowhere on a unicycle, out of one of those desert vapor apparitions, as if from heaven. He stayed only briefly, and then Unicycle Patriot was gone. If you believe in magical thinking, this must be a sign as to the rightness of our cause. We wore track suits and tri-corner hats with shorts and Betsy Ross&amp;#039;s flag as bandana and cape and do-rag and swashbuckling pirate sash. We carried signs that read: &amp;quot;No taxation without representation,&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;Harry Reid made Benedict Arnold look like hero.&amp;quot; There was every color of the white rainbow represented, and we saw five people of the black persuasion, too! Three of them were onstage, and 100 percent of those three were selling their new books at little tables set up around all versions of Confessions of a Black Conservative, and I bought them all, don&amp;#039;t you know! Nothing gets us white patriots wound up faster than an articulate black patriot who believes, however improbably, exactly what we believe. Heartwarming!  We fetishized things, mostly &amp;quot;the troops&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;the founders&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;the Constitution.&amp;quot; We hated things, too. Mostly: &amp;quot;elites.&amp;quot; And: &amp;quot;Harry Reid&amp;quot; (same difference!) Other than that, it&amp;#039;s more difficult to say what we wanted, exactly. But, oh, to breathe free for a few hours, undisturbed by the boot heels of the illegitimate Obama regime, which has robbed us of all of our rights! Well, that was worth it. And then to get back to Vegas for the surf &amp;#039;n&amp;#039; turf and the slots, of course. But that&amp;#039;s not what this is about, America. This is about taking back our country, which was lost in the last election, and to tell the government that we don&amp;#039;t want their socialism endangering our public assistance which, I mean, let&amp;#039;s be honest, we&amp;#039;re all on. And for doing our patriotic duty, we&amp;#039;ve been called every name in the book. And we&amp;#039;ve been asked all the gotcha questions, like: What is it that the Tea Party movement wants? Do you really think we&amp;#039;re gonna fall for that one, lame-stream media?  Or like that hateful liberal reporter accosting poor Joe the Plumber as he was about to speak to the adoring patriots in Searchlight, asking him: &amp;quot;Joe, why are you still doing this?&amp;quot; And Joe says, &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s my responsibility.&amp;quot;  And that reporter, so disrespectful, says, &amp;quot;No, really, why are you still doing this?&amp;quot;  And Joe let him have it: &amp;quot;If not me, then who?&amp;quot; Joe says. If not me, then who! That&amp;#039;s our new motto, Tea Party patriots! You tell him, Joe!  Wait, you don&amp;#039;t suppose that was an earnest question on Joe&amp;#039;s part, do you?  Anyway, now that we&amp;#039;ve got the who down, it&amp;#039;s the what that comes next. Some of the elites whine that our rage is undifferentiated, or that we don&amp;#039;t know what we want, or know what we&amp;#039;re talking about, or that as we milled about on the desert floor outside that godforsaken little &amp;quot;town&amp;quot; waiting for Sarah Palin to rock our worlds, that we looked kind of like mental patients caught wandering off the grounds. Well, to that I say: Our rage is not undifferentiated! And on the day that Barack Obama gets back in his Trojan horse and gives us back our Constitution, and order is restored, then we will go back to living our happy lives and not paying attention again. It&amp;#039;s that simple, people. Say it another way: This morning, the morning of our rally in Searchlight, one of the guys from our tea party in Lake Havasu was quoted in the Las Vegas Review Journal railing against socialism, and then saying, &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re Republican by registration, but I&amp;#039;d even vote for a communist right now if they would start to change the way we&amp;#039;re running the country.&amp;quot; Got it, lame-stream media?   Well, that smarty-pants reporter came drifting back by kind of the last person you want around when you&amp;#039;re trying to save our freedoms, and he says: &amp;quot;Would it change your view of the elitist Harry Reid if you knew that he lives in Searchlight still?&amp;quot;  To which we answered: &amp;quot;Harry Reid is a creature of Washington. Everybody knows that, and him and everybody else up there are blind, deaf, and dumb when it comes to the needs of real people.&amp;quot;  But, gee, that rude reporter didn&amp;#039;t know when to quit. &amp;quot;No,&amp;quot; he drifted back again. &amp;quot;Harry Reid lives right over that hill, in a pretty modest house. And you see that gallows frame up on that other hill? That&amp;#039;s one of the mines where he went to work when he was eleven. If you knew that, would it change your view of his elitism?&amp;quot; Obviously, another trick question that we will not dignify with a response. Besides, Victoria Jackson from Saturday Night Live is about to sing &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s a Communist in the White House&amp;quot; and we need to get in position to get her autograph. We love her!  So anyway, another patriot a very sensible man, from Lake Havasu (the most patriotic town in America) by way of New Jersey he takes over and goes up to that liberal reporter, and he says: &amp;quot;Listen, I don&amp;#039;t agree with everything said here today, but I just have a basic belief that if you read the Constitution, you&amp;#039;ll find that the founders made no allowance for any of these things the income tax, Social Security, Medicare, any national health care, you name it. And that&amp;#039;s just the tip of the iceberg. None of those things were envisioned in the Constitution.&amp;quot;  And that reporter boy, is he working our last nerve he just goes off: &amp;quot;But can you see that the America of the founders was simply a different time and place a smaller, largely agrarian place a place that didn&amp;#039;t, for that matter, even recognize the basic humanity of black people and women, and so things change, and our laws and Constitution simply have to change also? Is it just modernity itself that you people are railing against? I mean, are you saying nothing should be allowed to change and that the Constitution is sacrosanct? It was drafted by mere mortals, who couldn&amp;#039;t have envisioned civil rights for minorities, or World War II, or the Interstate Highway System, or the space program, or microchips. Are you saying that because the founders didn&amp;#039;t allow for any of those things, that we should turn back the clock? The world changes. Things change.&amp;quot;  Ha! That&amp;#039;s where that reporter is dead wrong. The values of America are constant, and we hold tight to them in our hearts and in our heads. And the things in my head will never change. Never, ever. And the Tea Party Express rolls on. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a7294/tea-party-express-041510/>