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"Preseason snap-judgments of the Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants has become one of my favorite Obsessed traditions. But this is the first time I feel the need to start with a disclaimer: iIf we later find out that none of these women is real, I cannot be held responsible. Seriously, some of them have been photoshopped to the point of looking like a picture of an action figure. Snapped with a flip phone. Juan Pablo clearly saw them all in person, ABC, so there&amp;#x27;s no need to over-airbrush on our behalf. Besides, what counts is what&amp;#x27;s on the inside. Last time we did this, we tried to guess at the girls&amp;#x27; intentions by interpreting their outfits&amp;amp;#8212;but this time, since they&amp;#x27;ve done such extensive interviews for ABC.com, I&amp;#x27;d like to enact a more democratic system, sussing out their pros and cons via a little game I like to call Gets Points/Loses Points. ALEXIS Gets points for: Saying she hates it when her date talks only about himself. Sure, don&amp;#x27;t we all. Loses points for: Naming her favorite book as the Bible, which is basically just a way to cheat your way into the top good-girl spot. Cheap move, Lex. ALLI Gets points for: Having a dog named Sebastian. Loses points for: Saying the three things she would bring to a desert island are: a piano, a knife, and...Sebastian. Sweetie, that adds up to you eating your dog, albeit with lovely dinner music. AMY J Gets points for: Saying she likes to laugh with her man. Cute. Loses points for: Also saying she likes to laugh hard with her man and laugh till her belly hurts with her family. You can only put laughing for one of your interests! Don&amp;#x27;t forget to live and love. AMY L Gets points for: Being a local news reporter. Cool. Loses points for: Wearing that top. Sorry, I swear this will be the only looks-related one, but that top looks like a cluster of rosettes made a break to escape Shirring City, and your shoulders were like uh no, we don&amp;#x27;t want anything to do with any of this. Also, is it tucked in, or&amp;amp;#8212;you know what, forget it, we just have to move on. ANDI Gets points for: Rocking ombre hair as an attorney, unapologetically. Loses points for: Saying one of the most outrageous things she&amp;#x27;s ever done is &amp;quot;getting a murderer convicted in eight minutes.&amp;quot; Yo, tone down the brags; you&amp;#x27;re making the murderer look likable. ASHLEY Gets points for: Having a great top-three favorite movies range: Moonrise Kingdom, Beauty and the Beast, and The Breakfast Club. Loses points for: Having a heckuva tall order for what she likes a guy to do on a date: &amp;quot;Make me feel like I&amp;#x27;m the only woman in the world and no one else has ever made him feel the way I make him feel.&amp;quot; Read that out loud and quickly for full whoa, OK effect. CASSANDRA Gets points for: Liking pizza. Simple as that. Loses points for: Having a heckuva short order for date happiness! Cassandra said: &amp;quot;I love it when my date...holds my hand. I hate it when my date...doesn&amp;#x27;t hold my hand.&amp;quot; Honey, you can raise the bar a little. You and Ashley are like two out of the Three Bears of dating! CHANTEL Gets points for: Officially moving Ashley down to the no. 2 movie-expert slot by naming John Q as one of her favorites. Shut it down. Loses points for: This answer to a question about whether she needs her family to like her boyfriends: &amp;quot;My family&amp;#x27;s approval does mean a lot, but my family is happy if I&amp;#x27;m happy and will make the best even if they don&amp;#x27;t fully approve.&amp;quot; You just said a mouthful, honey. And I don&amp;#x27;t want to get picky but: the best what? Because if the word you forgot is &amp;quot;fuss&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;poison&amp;quot;...I mean, a guy can&amp;#x27;t be too careful. CHELSIE Gets points for: Being a science teacher&amp;amp;#8212;no doubt one who is breaking lots of freshman boys&amp;#x27; hearts by going on The Bachelor. Loses points for: This: &amp;quot;Love is a top priority for me. Always has been and always will be. And I can&amp;#x27;t understand when people don&amp;#x27;t feel the same haha.&amp;quot; Juan Pablo, be warned, that written-out &amp;quot;haha&amp;quot; is something darker, masquerading as laughter. It&amp;#x27;s the kind of &amp;quot;haha&amp;quot; that makes me feel like this one&amp;#x27;s smashed a few plates in her day. CHRISTINE Gets points for: Looking really familiar. I feel like she was on the show before. Loses points for: Naming &amp;quot;almonds, raisins, pistachios, walnuts&amp;quot; as her favorite snack. Just SAY TRAIL MIX and/or dream bigger, please! Also, how is this the second time I am addressing the almonds-as-a-boring-favorite-snack issue? That&amp;#x27;s right, Mr. Desiree Hartsock a.k.a. Chris drew my ire the same way several months ago&amp;amp;#8212;though I will say, knowing him better now: Yep, he&amp;#x27;s an almonds guy. CHRISTY Gets points for: An Adam Sandler crush. Respect. Loses points for: Naming &amp;quot;always thinking of others before myself&amp;quot; as one of her best attributes, but also saying it takes her &amp;quot;1 hr. and 20 min.&amp;quot; to get ready, so...I think &amp;quot;always&amp;quot; might be strong. CLARE Gets points for: Owning her own business. Loses points for: Making me very sad by saying she has &amp;quot;never taken a vacation,&amp;quot; has &amp;quot;never experienced romance,&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;admires the nobodies of the world.&amp;quot; OMG r u the Little Match Girl? :( DANIELLE Gets points for: Not liking sushi. Me neither. We have to stick together in this world. Loses points for: This answer to &amp;quot;who is your favorite artist and why?&amp;quot;: &amp;quot;I love Andy Warhol&amp;amp;#8212;very modern approach&amp;amp;#8212;not necessarily having a favorite artist but enjoy different styles from graffiti to abstract.&amp;quot; What? Borat, can you put Danielle back on? ELISE Gets points for: Being from a town called Forty Fort, which is just adorable. Loses points for: Saying, with a straight face, &amp;quot;The children are our future.&amp;quot; Except she doesn&amp;#x27;t really lose points because I am really looking forward to more such Bambi-fied quotes. KAT Gets points for: Saying Glamour is her favorite magazine. Loses points for: Nothing. She&amp;#x27;s perfect. Go figure. KELLY Gets points for: Naming her favorite food as &amp;quot;steak and potato.&amp;quot; She did not elaborate. Mah girl! Loses points for: Saying her favorite show is The Bachelor. I have this theory that anyone whose favorite show is actually The Bachelor should be funneled directly to Bachelor Pad, but nobody listens to me. Also, Kel, just as a safety thing, your sexy lean is tipping dangerously into Little Teapot territory. I hope you have a spot. KYLIE Gets points for: Liking Jumanji, the board game. Cannot knock it. Loses points for: This quote: &amp;quot;Since childhood, we&amp;#x27;ve had tons of cats, all named after cars. I want a big loyal dog!&amp;quot; I&amp;#x27;m not sure why, but it makes me feel weird. LACEY Gets points for: Owning a nursing home. Whoa! She&amp;#x27;s 25. Loses points for: Saying that her favorite sports team is &amp;quot;if I&amp;#x27;m watching a game...whatever team is winning at the time.&amp;quot; Did you hear that, nursing home residents? Give her hell! LAUREN H Gets points for: Admitting that she overcommits. I can relate. Loses points for: I present this to you without comment: if she could be someone else for a day, anyone in the world, she would be Gwyneth Paltrow. Do with this information what you will. LAUREN S Gets points for: Preferring dive bars to clubs. Loses points for: Saying that she farted in fourth grade and blamed it on another kid. &amp;quot;I still feel terrible about it to this day.&amp;quot; How excited is that kid to watch Lauren S. cry in a limo? He&amp;#x27;s probably crafting a &amp;quot;Bachelor B*tchwatch&amp;quot; evite as we speak. LUCY Gets points for: Having my no. 1 baby name, but I&amp;#x27;m already getting worried about the mental associations she might bring to it... Loses points for: Filling in &amp;quot;free spirit&amp;quot; for her occupation. Annnnnd it&amp;#x27;s ruined. Oh wait, there&amp;#x27;s more: She said the person she admires first is her &amp;quot;best friend Kate Upton,&amp;quot; she likes &amp;quot;to be the center of attention&amp;quot; because she &amp;quot;deserves to be,&amp;quot; and she once &amp;quot;organized a 50-person, fully nude dance party on a beach in Mexico.&amp;quot; WELL NOW I&amp;#x27;M NOT EVEN HAVING CHILDREN. MAGGIE Gets points for: Being super cute about her Southern-ness. She loves Steel Magnolias and Hope Floats and I bet if I gave her 50 bucks she would punch Lucy for me. Loses points for: Having accepted a promise ring in high school. Pump the brakes, Mags! NIKKI Gets points for: Calling her favorite type of dancing &amp;quot;drunk dancing.&amp;quot; Loses points for: Guys, I really don&amp;#x27;t get why everyone&amp;#x27;s shirt tucks in. This is a clear non-tucker. RENEE Gets points for: Saying she hates when a date doesn&amp;#x27;t introduce her to people. Quality pet peeve. Loses points for: The Notebook and The Vow are her favorite movies. She threw Top Gun in there to try to keep things chill, but I got your number, Renee, and I&amp;#x27;m gonna let you down easy: Life will never be like something Rachel McAdams does on-screen. SHARLEEN Gets points for: Being an opera singer who loves The Royal Tenenbaums and good food. Loses points for: Not being my friend! Sharleen seems so cool. Sigh. VALERIE Gets points for: She&amp;#x27;s the only person who named Bridesmaids as one of her favorite movies, if you&amp;#x27;re looking for a quick pick to root for. Loses points for: Saying that she&amp;#x27;d bring a dictionary to a desert island. Live a little, girl&amp;amp;#8212;at least bring a thesaurus. Thesauri love to party! VICTORIA Gets points for: Liking Mean Girls and Star Wars. Loses points for: Saying she prefers to &amp;quot;be mysterious&amp;quot; instead of the center of attention. &amp;#x27;Cause those girls are always &amp;quot;mysterious&amp;quot; for all of five seconds before they burst out of the shadows and, like, give the bachelor a lap dance during the requisite community-service date. See you January 5, ladies!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/12/juan-pablos-bachelorettes-snap>