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" Dear E. Jean: I have a question about the etiquette of being &amp;quot;the other woman.&amp;quot; The married man with whom I&amp;#039;d been having an affair told me I was &amp;quot;too needy&amp;quot; and that his &amp;quot;shoulders are not for [my] problems.&amp;quot; I was so angry that I texted his wife and ratted him out. I also called his sister and mother-in-law and told them I was pregnant with his child. It was a lie. I was not pregnant. But I had reached the end of my rope when he ignored an important text I&amp;#039;d sent him. I was not only furious about being ignored, but I was hurt because he was emotionally unavailable to me. Now I feel terrible about what I&amp;#039;ve done. This is not the kind of person I am. How can I clear my conscience and move on from this? \u2014Wronged Woman Woman\u2014Please: The man is a scoundrel. He was unfaithful to his wife. But you? What you did was so cruel, so half-witted, so dirty, so over the top, causing so much pain to so many people\u2014and if any children suffer the slightest anguish because of your lie (if the man has kids and you cause a divorce)\u2014I don&amp;#039;t want you to &amp;quot;clear your conscience.&amp;quot; Actually, I want you to go to a therapist. The shrink will help you understand that a married man is by definition &amp;quot;unavailable.&amp;quot; (I have the sickening feeling that you&amp;#039;re one of those sparkling Paula Broadwell\u2013esque hotheads for whom &amp;quot;uproar&amp;#039;s your only music,&amp;quot; as Keats said. Hence, I&amp;#039;m not going to yammer all day about therapy. I just want you to give it a whirl and see if you can grok what&amp;#039;s going on and come to a deeper, truer understanding of your life.) For your own honor, you must now write three letters. The man&amp;#039;s wife, his mother-in-law, and his sister should each receive one\u2014handwritten in ink, on serious cream-colored stationery. Apologize for your heinous lies, take full blame for the affair, and say you led him into it. Yes, we know he&amp;#039;s a bastard. Yes, we know you&amp;#039;re not the Dalai Lama. But make this your one great, selfless act. Your remorse and honesty will restore your dignity, help three people deal with a catastrophe, and show what &amp;quot;kind of person&amp;quot; you are, really. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  MORE E. JEAN: Mommy Dearest It&amp;#039;s What&amp;#039;s on the Outside That Counts Mean Girls Never Grow Up "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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