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" One April day, on a morning just like every other morning, I had a sudden realization: I was in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a city bus, I grasped two things: I wasn&amp;#039;t as happy as I could be, and my life wasn&amp;#039;t going to change unless I made it change. In that single moment, with that realization, I decided to dedicate a year to trying to be happier.  I&amp;#039;ll have a happiness project! I vowed. I saw it in a flash. I&amp;#039;d study the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific research, and the lessons from popular culture. I&amp;#039;d finally take the time to do the things I&amp;#039;d always promised myself I&amp;#039;d do someday \u2014 clean my closets, read more, stop yelling at my daughters in the morning. I&amp;#039;d been waiting until I had some free time, but face it, I was never going to have any free time. Now is the time for my happiness project, I decided. And I did it. For a year, I gave each month a theme \u2014 like Energy, Marriage, Friendship, Mindfulness, or Fun \u2014 and followed concrete, manageable resolutions aimed at boosting my happiness.  What did I discover from my happiness project? It worked! I really did make myself happier by adding small, easy changes to my everyday routine. I was able to change my life without changing my life \u2014 no extra time, energy, or money required.  As my happiness project unfolded, I found one resolution to be particularly effective: &amp;quot;Give proofs of love.&amp;quot; This resolution was inspired by something I&amp;#039;d read in college and never forgotten, a remark attributed to French poet Pierre Reverdy: &amp;quot;There is no love. There are only proofs of love.&amp;quot; It was true. Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others would see only my actions. How could I translate &amp;quot;proofs of love&amp;quot; into actions that I could take in my daily routine?  I began with one very simple strategy: to hug more. Research shows that hugging relieves stress, boosts feelings of closeness, and even squelches pain. In one study, when people were assigned to give five daily hugs for a month, aiming to hug as many different people as possible, they became happier. When I made an effort to hug my husband or my two daughters, I felt a surge of connection and warmth \u2014 and it was clear that the hug made them feel the same way. (Silly as it sounds, I also tried to hold those hugs for at least 20 seconds, because I knew from my research that was the minimum time necessary to spark the flow of chemicals that promoted bonding.) I also looked for ways to make little gestures of affection. One day, when I walked by my husband&amp;#039;s office building on my way to a meeting, I stopped to call him from my cell phone. &amp;quot;Are you at your desk?&amp;quot; I asked. &amp;quot;Yes,&amp;quot; Jamie answered. &amp;quot;Why?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Look down at the steps of St. Bartholomew&amp;#039;s.&amp;quot; The church was right across the street from Jamie&amp;#039;s office. &amp;quot;Do you see me waving to you?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Yes, look, there you are! I&amp;#039;m waving back.&amp;quot; Taking the time to give that silly, affectionate wave filled me with good feelings that lasted for hours.  I also gave proofs of love by doing more cheerfully the little things Jamie asked me to do. When he said, &amp;quot;Would you do me a favor?&amp;quot; I answered, &amp;quot;Of course!&amp;quot; instead of asking suspiciously, &amp;quot;What&amp;#039;s the favor?&amp;quot; When he asked me to help him find his keys, again, I searched without giving him a lecture at the same time. I made more of an effort to keep the kitchen tidy, because I knew that a messy kitchen made him crazy. An unexpected benefit: As I started giving more proofs of love to Jamie, he started giving more proofs of love to me. I told him that at a book club meeting, my friend Jane mentioned that her Quaker grandparents, married 72 years, always said that a married couple should have an outdoor game, like tennis or golf, and an indoor game, like Scrabble or gin, that they played together; the next day, Jamie surprised me by bringing home a backgammon set. But I didn&amp;#039;t want to limit my proofs of love to my husband; I also wanted to give more proofs of love to my children \u2014 and one important way to show love was to pay attention to them. I asked myself, Am I cheerfully agreeing to pick something up, drop something off, look something up, or reschedule some playdate? Am I swallowing my impulse to nag, to criticize, to point out mistakes?  I extended this resolution to all the important people in my life. I e-introduced two people who ended up becoming roommates. I helped a messy friend clean her closets. Of course, I still overlooked far too many opportunities to give proofs of love, but by constantly reminding myself of my resolution, I did a better job. To my surprise, I found that not only did my proofs of love make others feel more loved by me, but they also made me feel more loving toward others. One important lesson I&amp;#039;ve learned from my happiness project is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, often we feel because of the way we act. A very effective way to change my emotions is to act the way I wish I felt; &amp;quot;fake it till you feel it&amp;quot; really does work.  For example, one of my proofs of love was to plan an elaborate party for my mother-in-law&amp;#039;s milestone birthday. The party was fun, but it was a lot of work, and I&amp;#039;m not the kind of person who enjoys throwing parties. While I might have predicted that organizing the party would make me feel resentful, in fact acting in this loving way amplified my loving feelings toward everyone in the family. Feeling more loving toward the people in my life, and having them feel more loving toward me, was a change that absolutely boosted my happiness. Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree \u2014 and this comes as no surprise to anyone \u2014 that having strong, affectionate bonds with other people is a key to happiness. In fact, it may be the key to happiness. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/advice/a18462/happiness-project-proofs-of-love/?src=shelter_footer>