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"We&amp;#039;re finally in the thick of divorce mediation, and if things go smoothly (oh, please God, let them go smoothly), I can count my remaining married days in months. Maybe even weeks. You know, I used to think about how I&amp;#039;d feel when it all was finally finished. I used to imagine Peter&amp;#039;s face as we both signed that final document, or as he got his copy of the finalized decree in the mail. I tried to imagine how I&amp;#039;d feel, holding that decree in my hand. More than a quarter century of a life, and poof! Gone. I belonged to him longer than I belonged to my parents.  Longer than I ever belonged to just me. I used to think that I&amp;#039;d write Peter a letter. A long, long letter telling him off, big time. Then it morphed to a long, long letter telling him that I remember when things were good and we probably should have tried harder, the both of us, but it&amp;#039;s too late now and what&amp;#039;s done is done. Then I got to where I thought I might say something shorter, telling him to not repeat his mistakes with Stacie because his kids need some stability, and letting him know I&amp;#039;ve learned a lot since he&amp;#039;s left.  And now? Well, now I just can&amp;#039;t drum up the motivation to write anything at all. After three years apart - and a lot of those early apart years with him talking to me and looking at me like I was something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe - what is there to say? He has his new life and he&amp;#039;s never looked back. And truthfully, I don&amp;#039;t want him to. Nothing to see here. Move along. I just want him to have a good life, because the kids are living part of their lives with him, and they need him to have a good life. And I want him to have it elsewhere, because I feel so much better without him around. I really, really do. Maybe I&amp;#039;ll write a letter to myself, instead. Or to the self I thought I&amp;#039;d be when I hold that divorce decree in my hand. I&amp;#039;m not who I thought I&amp;#039;d be anymore, and I think that&amp;#039;s a good thing. Did you ever write a letter to your ex? Did you send it? [Follow Ellie on Twitter and Facebook] "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a48062/the-letter-that-wont-be-written/>