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" Ever notice how some couples just seem to glow when they&amp;#039;re together? They lean in close, careful not to miss a word. They playfully nudge each other and exchange flirty glances. The buzz between them is almost palpable. &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re all longing for that chemistry,&amp;quot; says Greg Godek, author of 1001 Ways to Be Romantic. &amp;quot;These couples have that spark, that indefinable something that connects them to each other.&amp;quot; Why are these twosomes able to keep their love energy alive year after year -- alongside jobs, kids and the general crazy-busyness of life?   It&amp;#039;s simple: They find easy ways to keep things exciting. Sure, it&amp;#039;s fun to rent a limo for a big night out or go on a romantic Caribbean cruise now and then. &amp;quot;But your real goal should be to stay connected and bump the relationship up to a higher level on a daily basis,&amp;quot; says Godek. We&amp;#039;re not talking elaborate escapades here -- just little (but powerful) tricks to get back that heady, infatuated-with-each-other feeling.   So, ready to kick your couple chemistry up a notch? Read on and learn how to keep the thrills coming. Get Temporary Amnesia Last summer my husband, Tony, and I were at a neighborhood barbecue when he launched into a story about one of the contractors who&amp;#039;d worked on our house -- a guy we found passed out in our basement one day, surrounded by empty beer cans. It&amp;#039;s a funny anecdote, but one I&amp;#039;ve heard, oh, about a hundred times before, and my first impulse was to politely excuse myself to go search for the potato salad.  Instead I stayed and focused on the way Tony was telling the story, imagining I&amp;#039;d never heard it before. And to my surprise, I was suddenly thinking about his charm, his colorful way with words, his adorable habit of widening his eyes right before the punch line. Plus, hearing other people chuckle at his tale was like a shot of love adrenaline; it reminded me of what a wonderful sense of humor he has and why I was so crazy about him to begin with -- and still am.   The trick to seeing your partner through new eyes? &amp;quot;Try to tune in to the excitement behind what he&amp;#039;s saying, not just the words,&amp;quot; Godek explains. &amp;quot;After all, things like those favorite old stories are part of who he is and can help you better appreciate him.&amp;quot;   Dust Off Your Bowling Shoes  Whether you&amp;#039;re a former tennis whiz or you led a long-forgotten college punk band, your unique interests are part of what attracted your guy to you. So if your favorite pastimes were edged out by the demands of work and family, now&amp;#039;s the time to reacquaint yourself with them -- but not as a couple; the idea here is to do your own thing. So sign up for a weekly art lesson, buy season tickets to an avant-garde theater company with a group of girlfriends or even hire a sitter one afternoon a week so you can write poetry undisturbed. Besides the obvious enjoyment factor, your &amp;quot;me time&amp;quot; will breathe fresh life into your relationship. Why that&amp;#039;s so: &amp;quot;The best way to bring passion back into your marriage is to bring passion back into your life,&amp;quot; says Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage therapist and author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. &amp;quot;If it&amp;#039;s through a hobby, a new job, friends, working out or spirituality, you need to reconnect with the things that are uniquely yours. You&amp;#039;ll exude enthusiasm and energy, which will make your guy fascinated by you.&amp;quot;   Nita Offineer, 44, of Amherst, Ohio, has always cultivated her own interests (e.g., book clubs, girls&amp;#039; nights out) away from her husband. &amp;quot;It makes me feel good about myself, and that positive outlook filters into our marriage,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;The same thing happens when my husband golfs or goes to sporting events. We&amp;#039;ve allowed the outside world to invigorate our marriage.&amp;quot;   Throw Him a Curve  When you two first met, everything about each other was new and fascinating. To re-create that &amp;quot;Who is this exciting creature?&amp;quot; feeling, confess to something naughty. Case in point: When I told my husband that I&amp;#039;d once dressed up like a guy (carrying a Playboy magazine, no less) to sneak into my ex-boyfriend&amp;#039;s college dorm room after hours, his curiosity about me was piqued in a way it hadn&amp;#039;t been since our dating days. He saw a facet of me that he didn&amp;#039;t know existed, and suddenly I, his devoted wife of six years at the time, actually became intriguing to him.   Michelle Weinstein, 35, of Oakdale, Pennsylvania, had a similar experience when she told her husband, Eric, about a grad school prank she&amp;#039;d played with some friends. &amp;quot;After several pitchers of beer, we broke into our professor&amp;#039;s empty pool house to use his hot tub. It was a crazy, impulsive thing to do,&amp;quot; she says. Her husband&amp;#039;s reaction? &amp;quot;Total amazement,&amp;quot; she reports. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s unlike me to be that wild; I&amp;#039;m normally pretty cautious. And it really made him look at me differently -- as an unpredictable woman, not just the play-by-the-rules wife and mom he&amp;#039;s used to.&amp;quot; Watch Him Do What He Does Best Grab the kids and go see him make that three-point shot at his weekly pickup basketball game, or when he&amp;#039;s in fix-it mode, admire his prowess with power tools. The point is, observing your guy doing his thing -- and doing it well, whatever it is -- will leave you thinking: He&amp;#039;s good, and he&amp;#039;s mine.   Rosemary Buerger, 37, who recently moved to Germany with her husband, a motor sergeant in the U.S. Army, gets her love-energy fix by eavesdropping when he tucks the kids in at night. &amp;quot;He&amp;#039;s a fantastic father, and it&amp;#039;s so heartwarming to see the sweet way he reads to our girls,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;It makes him more attractive to me because it reminds me why I fell in love with him: his gentleness and total devotion to the people he cares about.&amp;quot;   Daydream Together Remember when you used to talk for hours about your pie-in-the-sky dreams and deepest desires? Now your most passionate conversations revolve around parent-teacher conferences and carpooling schedules. Well, it&amp;#039;s time to dream big -- as a couple -- again. Why? &amp;quot;It assumes that you two have a future together, and that bonds you,&amp;quot; says Weiner-Davis, who adds that these talks pull you out of your everyday roles as Mommy or Daddy, wage earner or meal maker. &amp;quot;You look at each other with fresh eyes and gain a better, broader perspective of one another as interesting people.&amp;quot; What should you two daydream about? You name it: exotic vacations, the fantasy house you&amp;#039;d love to buy, what you&amp;#039;d do if you won the lottery, what your if-I-could-do-anything jobs would be.   One caveat: When you launch into daydreaming mode, don&amp;#039;t utter those three cringe-inducing words, &amp;quot;Honey, let&amp;#039;s talk,&amp;quot; which can often sound critical and uninviting to men. Instead try a playful, even intriguing spin, says Godek, who suggests opening your talk in the form of a question. For instance: &amp;quot;Hey, honey. Want to have some fun? Let&amp;#039;s think about where we could go on vacation. Now, say, in Rome, where would you rather make love: in the hotel or the Coliseum?&amp;quot;   For Denise Mussman, 37, of St. Louis, a peaceful stroll is what helps her and her husband voice their dreams. &amp;quot;Last weekend we just went out for an hour, got a cappuccino and walked around while discussing plans to renovate our house 10 years from now: master bath, Jacuzzi, expanded kitchen and so on,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Talking about our future while we were by ourselves -- without the kids interrupting every 10 minutes -- rekindled our happy feelings of being in love.&amp;quot;   Make Love in Strange Places  Not to worry -- we&amp;#039;re not talking about phone booths or the crosstown bus. But how about sending the kids to a sitter and having sex someplace surprising -- in the kitchen, the shower, even the backyard after dark? (Finally, a use for that pup tent!)   &amp;quot;If you always make love in the same place, it&amp;#039;s easy to get stuck in a mental and physical rut: same stuff, different day,&amp;quot; says iVillage.com resident sexologist Patti Britton, Ph.D. &amp;quot;Doing something different can spark your interest in each other; you both seem more alluring, and sex is fun again.&amp;quot;   To break out of the routine, simply change the setting and the mood -- and don&amp;#039;t be afraid to get a little creative or goofy. (A candlelit massage in the family room? A tryst in the walk-in closet? Lovers&amp;#039; lane in the driveway?) These are the moments that really make things sizzle between you, because you don&amp;#039;t know exactly what your partner is up to -- just like in the old days. And hey, just think of the meaningful glances you&amp;#039;ll be able to share later; you two may never look at the minivan the same way again.  Declare a Short-Term Separation That absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder stuff may sound sappy, but it&amp;#039;s true. Recently when Tony took a short business trip, I ended up missing him immensely, even though I&amp;#039;d been looking forward to time alone: to plant flowers, sit in a coffee shop and get through a whole novel in two nights. When he returned, it was wonderful to rediscover the joy in the sweet little husband-and-wife routines -- putting the kids to bed, having dinner together, reading the Sunday paper -- that we&amp;#039;d been taking for granted. We felt genuinely connected as we exchanged meaningful &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ll meet you later&amp;quot; glances over the kids&amp;#039; bedtime books. We were completely tuned in to each other after our time apart.  To build time-outs into your marriage, look for opportunities to be apart for a bit: a visit to a relative, an overnight at a girlfriend&amp;#039;s house, a Girl Scouts camping trip with the kids. Just a day apart can stir up those feelings of longing.   Turn Back Time -- with a Pen Another way to recapture the intense emotions that first drew you two together: Put them on paper. Mary Jo Marchionni, 35, of Havertown, Pennsylvania, recently wrote in a journal about her first date with her husband, 11 years ago. &amp;quot;I did it in the present tense, which made it feel more real and brought all those memories back up to the surface,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;I remembered the tie-dyed-shorts outfit I had on, the sound of his voice, the way he looked at me and the butterflies in my stomach.&amp;quot;   Although the journal was a onetime thing, Mary Jo rereads it anytime she wants to get a crush on her husband again. &amp;quot;It reminds me of how great he is, why I was so attracted to him in the first place and why I can&amp;#039;t wait to see him now when he comes home. And it&amp;#039;s useful if he&amp;#039;s getting on my nerves; it makes me remember that in the grand scheme of things, his good qualities are more important than the fact that he left a dirty cup on the counter,&amp;quot; she says. Do Something Out of Character  Are you a total city girl? Suggest a camping weekend. Are you a bookworm? Hit a karaoke bar; he&amp;#039;ll be amazed at your nerve. Even something as simple as a getting up an hour earlier to have breakfast with your mate (if you&amp;#039;re typically a night owl) can be a welcome change of pace, says Godek. &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s a danger in familiarity,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;Changing any patterns and doing things unexpectedly is a great way to keep love alive. It works because surprise itself is invigorating; it makes the relationship go &amp;#039;Zing!&amp;#039;&amp;quot;   Read to Each Other There&amp;#039;s something so bonding, even sexy, about getting engrossed in a story together -- or just hearing your guy read lines from Shakespeare, a scary mystery or the latest best-seller. His voice, after all, is undoubtedly a big part of your history, as in those long phone conversations from your dating days and his first declaration of passion. Hearing him read aloud can make you feel crazy in love once again.   &amp;quot;Listening to my husband&amp;#039;s voice is such an intimate experience,&amp;quot; says Liz Boone, 33, of Leetsdale, Pennsylvania, who often takes turns reading aloud with her husband, Rob, before bedtime. &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re so busy with jobs, our house and our sons that reading is a quick way to connect. Plus, I often want to talk more than he does, and books like the Chicken Soup series can be great discussion starters.&amp;quot;  Know the Code Go ahead -- be the only two people in the world in on a secret. By sharing code words or signals, you&amp;#039;ll crank up your chemistry level. Some couples have a set of special insider expressions and gestures that they use to stay connected when they&amp;#039;re in public: a sideways glance, a barely perceptible smile, a finger rubbed against a cheek.   For Jennifer Vecere, 33, of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, using obscure nicknames helps reclaim that just-between-us feeling. &amp;quot;I call him BD, which stands for Big Dog. That&amp;#039;s just how I see him, because he&amp;#039;s masculine and sweet, like a Saint Bernard,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;And he calls me Lida, from The Music Man, my favorite musical. When he calls me Lida -- so that I&amp;#039;m the only one who can hear him -- I just glow, especially if we&amp;#039;re around a lot of other people.&amp;quot;   Pursue Instant Gratification  Adopt a right-here, right-now mind-set -- at least occasionally. No, the two of you can&amp;#039;t (necessarily) just decide to skip out of work early and drive to Mexico in a red convertible. But there are other ways that you can work a little spontaneity into your union. For instance, if you&amp;#039;re thinking of your guy, call him now. Appreciate him? Hug him this instant. Want to make love? Track him down and do it as soon as humanly possible -- or at least let him know the steamy thoughts that are running through your head. &amp;quot;The inherent message is that your spouse is top priority,&amp;quot; says Godek. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s a &amp;#039;Screw the laundry, we&amp;#039;re going out&amp;#039; mentality.&amp;quot;   Celebrate Each Other  Showing your pride in him will give him that strong, confident, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m the man&amp;quot; feeling, and it&amp;#039;ll remind him how lucky he is to have his number-one fan by his side. (It&amp;#039;ll also make him more likely to look for ways to show his love and admiration for you, too.) You don&amp;#039;t have to rent a billboard to make a statement; you can celebrate, say, by sending him a card when he aces a big work project. Or when he finally meets his goal of running a 10K race, call up friends and relatives (while he&amp;#039;s within earshot) to brag about him.   When Jennifer Vecere&amp;#039;s husband, Erik, landed a great new job, she sent a bird-of-paradise flower -- his favorite -- to his office, along with a note that said, &amp;quot;Look in your trunk.&amp;quot; When he did, he found a basket filled with gourmet treats and new office supplies, along with a soothing Japanese fountain for his desk. &amp;quot;He called me right away because he was so touched and pleased,&amp;quot; says Jennifer. &amp;quot;He realized how proud I was of him; he felt as if he could conquer anything, and that really sparked a connection between us.&amp;quot; Shortly afterward, Erik reciprocated by surprising her with ballroom-dancing lessons. &amp;quot;We all have hills and valleys in our marriages,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Congratulating each other on the good things really sends you speeding up those hills.&amp;quot; Never underestimate the power of a little flattery to get your guy&amp;#039;s heart racing, says marriage therapist Rebecca Fuller Ward, author of How to Stay Married Without Going Crazy. &amp;quot;Look, everyone loves hearing compliments,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;They like to be told they look good, and they especially enjoy knowing that their partner finds them sexually satisfying.&amp;quot; A few kudos to get you started:   &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re my hero.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;No one carves a pumpkin/plays Santa/hides Easter eggs the way you do.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t wait to get home from work to see you.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;That was hysterical! You are so funny.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;d give up chocolate for you.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I want to show you off.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;Hey, check out those abs! Have you been working out?&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;Vin Diesel has nothing on you.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re the best lover in the world -- ever.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m so proud of you.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I love watching you work.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;Our kids are so lucky to have you for a dad.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;Wow, you look really hot in those jeans.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I love it when you ________.&amp;quot;   &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t ever imagine being married to anyone else.&amp;quot;   Pick up the latest issue of Redbook to learn countless ways to keep your marriage red-hot and romantic. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a115/head-over-heels/>