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"Sean Kim is an entrepreneur, new-born writer, and striving life-hacker. He was recognized as one of Canada's Next 36 leaders, and is the the cofounder of\u00A0Needle. This post originally appeared on Sean's Medium blog\u00A0on entrepreneurship and personal development.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nThis article was inspired by the work of\u00A0Julien Smith\u00A0&amp;amp;amp;\u00A0The Flinch.\r\n\r\nWe\u2018re all guilty.\r\n\r\nEveryday from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us.\r\n\r\nWe accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does.\r\n\r\nWe tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it\u2019s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us.\r\n\r\nHow are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? Are those people talking shit behind my back? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?\r\n\r\nJust writing that paragraph alone gave me a headache\u2026\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s exhausting. It\u2019s dreadful.\u00A0It has to stop.\r\n\r\nLiving a life that follows the ideal notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become the spineless spectator who waits for other people to take action first. It makes you become a follower.\r\n\r\nWorst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn\u2019t take a stand for anything.\r\n\r\nToday is the last day we live a life dictated by others. Today, we\u2019re going to get to the bottom of\u00A0the truth.\u00A0Today is the day we stop giving a fuck.\r\n\r\n\r\nNo one really cares\r\nBelieve it or not, we\u2019re not that special.\r\n\r\nWe go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is\u200A\u2014\u200Athose people are thinking the exact same thing.\r\n\r\nNo one in today\u2019s \u201Csmartphone crazed\u201D society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we\u2019re too busy\u00A0thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings\u200A\u2014\u200Anot others.\r\n\r\nA\u00A0study done by the National Science Foundation\u00A0claims that people have on\u00A0average 50,000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it\u2019s only\u00A00.02%\u00A0of their overall daily thoughts.\r\n\u201CYou\u2019ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.\u201D\u200A\u2014\u200ADavid Foster Wallace\r\nIt is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to \u201Cme\u201D or \u201Cmy.\u201D This means that unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.\r\n\r\nI\u2019ve always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle some change at the New York City train stations. These guys simply don\u2019t give a F@$%.\r\n\r\nBut the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react.\u00A0Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren\u2019t paying attention, they would also pay no mind.\r\n\r\nEven when provided the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them.\r\n\r\nOnce you understand that this is how people\u2019s mind works, it\u2019s a big step towards freedom.\r\nYou can\u2019t please everyone\r\nIt\u2019s impossible to live up to everyone\u2019s expectations. \u00A0There will always be people\u200A\u2014\u200Ano matter what we say or how we treat them\u200A\u2014\u200Athat will judge us.\r\n\r\nWhether you\u2019re at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it\u2018s happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you.\r\n\r\nThink about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you\u2019re doing.\r\n\r\nI guarantee that chances are\u200A\u2014\u200Anothing will happen. Absolutely nothing.\r\n\r\nNo one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before,\u00A0no one actually cares.\u00A0What will happen, is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they\u2019ll respect you.\r\n\r\nStart standing up for what you believe in\u200A\u2014\u200Acauses, opinions,\u00A0anything. You\u2019re going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you truly feel?\r\n\u201CYou have enemies? Good. That means you\u2019ve stood up for something in life.\u201D\u2014\u00A0Winston Churchill\r\nI\u2019ve learnt that it\u2019s better to be\u00A0loved\u00A0by a few people you care about, than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, spouse\u200A\u2014\u200Athe people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times.\r\n\r\nFocus on these people. They\u2019re the only people that matter.\r\nYou reap what you sow\r\nWorrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because\u00A0the way we think starts to become the way we behave. These individuals become people-pleasers and overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged.\r\nIn fact, the opposite is true.\r\n\r\nMost people don\u2019t like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behaviour we use in an attempt to please others, can actually cause the opposing effect.\r\nIf how we think affects our behaviours, then how we behave affects who we attract.\r\nThis means that if you\u2019re a push-over, then you\u2019re going to be attracting others in your life who are also push-overs. Vice versa.\r\nThis can be quite a dangerous path to go down if you don\u2019t recognize its consequences.\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s been said that we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most. When we start to attract and associate with the same people that share our weaknesses\u200A\u2014\u200Awe\u2019re stuck. We stop growing, because there\u2019s no one to challenge us to be better. We start thinking that this is the norm and we remain comfortable.\u00A0This is not a place you want to be.\r\n\r\nNow let\u2019s talk about the cure. Here are 5 ways to stop giving a fuck.\r\nReclaiming your freedom\r\n1. Know your values\r\n\r\nFirst and foremost. You need to know what\u2019s important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you\u2019re ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters to you, what other people think of you become significantly less important. When you know your values, you\u2019ll have something to stand up for\u200A\u2014\u200Asomething you believe in.\r\n\r\nYou\u2019ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you\u2019ll learn to say\u00A0no\u00A0when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity that distracts you from your business.\r\n\r\nWhen you have your values straight, you have your shit straight.\r\n\r\n2. Put yourself out there\r\n\r\nNow that you know what your values are, it\u2019s time to put yourself out there.\r\n\r\nThis can be done several ways. Here are a few suggestions:\r\n\r\n\tBlogging\r\n\tWearing a polka-dot sweater\r\n\tPublic Speaking\r\n\tFlirting/Asking someone out\r\n\r\nKeep in mind that when you\u2019re doing any of these activities,\u00A0you have to speak your mind.\u00A0Be honest with yourself and what you share, because the world doesn\u2019t need another conflict-avoider who does what everyone else does.\r\n\r\n3. Surround yourself with pros\r\n\r\nSurround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you quickly.\r\n\r\nOne of my best friends, Cody, has been a big influence on me. Having spent the summer with him, I\u2019ve observed countless times where he strongly voiced his opinion on controversial topics.\r\n\r\nWhat I learned was that he was simply voicing opinions that people already had in their heads, but were too afraid to voice. People admired him for being so\u00A0honest and direct, even when they disagreed with his views.\r\n\r\nThanks for not giving a fuck Cody.\r\n\r\n4. Create a \u201CGrowth List\u201D\r\n\r\nOK, now we\u2019re getting personal.\r\n\r\nI haven\u2019t told anyone this, but I have this list called the\u00A0\u201CGrowth List.\u201D\r\n\r\nA Growth List is comprised of all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities \u2014anything that gives you the jitters.\r\n\r\n[caption id=&amp;quot;attachment_730195&amp;quot; align=&amp;quot;aligncenter&amp;quot; width=&amp;quot;730&amp;quot;] My growth list[/caption]\r\n\r\nHere\u2019s how it works.\r\n\r\nYou start by writing all the things that make you feel uncomfortable.\u00A0Then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next. Repeat.\r\n\r\nMy first growth task was taking a cold shower. I turned the water as cold as it could get, and I could feel my body shake before I even entered the shower.\u00A0This was the inner bullshit voice in my head talking.\r\n\r\nIt was hard at first. But surprisingly, it got easier the second time. Then even easier the third time. Before I knew it, my body stopped shaking\u200A\u2014\u200AI was no longer uncomfortable, I\u2019ve conquered my fear.\r\n\r\nThis exercise does wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfortable zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don\u2019t take action, you\u2019re just someone who\u2019s read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.\r\n\r\n5. Travel alone\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019re looking for an ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Traveling with other people can be fun, but you won\u2019t get the opportunity to truly get out of your comfort zone.\r\n\r\nYou\u2019ll be exposed to different social cultures, break social norms that you didn\u2019t even know existed, and ultimately be forced to burst out of your small bubble.\r\n\r\nBring as little as possible, and fit everything into one backpack. Plan nothing, except for a one-way flight ticket to your destination\u200A\u2014\u200Afigure everything else out when you\u2019re there. Trust me, you\u2019ll be just fine.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nIt won\u2019t be easy initially, but don\u2019t get discouraged. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it everyday, as do many others. But you need to get started today.\r\n\r\nThe world is already full of people who obey the status quo.\u00A0But the people who don\u2019t give a fuck are the ones that change the world.\r\n\r\nBe the latter.\r\n\r\nStart living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth.\r\n\r\nSomeone has to.\r\n\r\nTop image credit: Shutterstock/SIHASAKPRACHUM\r\n\r\n\r\n"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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