<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" The past few generations have seen a profound change in the way we think about family, ushering in a broader idea of what the term really means. In fact, 72 percent of adults now agree that there is more than one way to define the term family, and 99 percent say families have changed compared to a generation ago, according to a Harris Interactive poll commissioned by REDBOOK and Lawyers.com. But at the same time we are struggling to accept this transformation: 70 percent of those polled say families have changed for the worse, even as much of family life has changed for the better.   From all the statistics and all the stories, one clear truth comes through: The American family will never be the same. Families are building ties of love, commitment, and kinship in ways both new and old.  Keeping With Tradition The Pintos: Stacie, 36, Angel Jr., 37, Nina, 6, and Angelina, 4; Philadelphia  Married nine years with two children, Stacie, an administrative assistant, and Angel, an electrical contractor, represent the classic nuclear family.   Stacie: &amp;quot;Angel and I first met when I was 15 years old, but we were just passing acquaintances. Ten years later, we met again, and this time it was love at first (second!) sight. We were married in the church my entire family still attends in west Philadelphia.  &amp;quot;We knew right from the start that we would try for two kids. Angel is a wonderful father and husband who has a boundless desire to provide for his family. I&amp;#039;ve thought about having more children, but our family of four feels just right. Having two kids enables us to do more financially. We can give our kids the best education and take vacations. And in a family this size, there&amp;#039;s a lot of order and continuity. The girls don&amp;#039;t have to compete for attention, and we can divide our time equally between them. We also fit perfectly in amusement park rides, picnic tables, and hotel rooms.  &amp;quot;We both grew up with strong family values, and we continue those traditions. We always sit down at the table for dinner and rotate saying grace. We take salsa classes as a family and read Bible stories every night. As a parent, I&amp;#039;ve had a wonderful model to follow in my own parents. They were very nurturing, always sharing an abundance of love and instilling Christian virtues in me from birth. There are so many different family options and lifestyles in the world today, and yet I have no regrets in continuing the traditional family model \u2014 it works for us!   &amp;quot;Our family of four is like the perfect square. Every side is taken care of. We&amp;#039;re not the Cleavers, but everyone says we&amp;#039;re close. Just the Two of Us The Holloways: Julie, 45, and Jason, 36; Menlo Park, CA  When they first got married, Julie, a lawyer, and Jason, CEO of an online media company, weren&amp;#039;t ready to have children. Now, 11 years later, they&amp;#039;ve decided their family is complete as is.  Julie: &amp;quot;Raising children is difficult, and we&amp;#039;ve always felt it didn&amp;#039;t make sense to have kids unless we were absolutely certain that we wanted them. As the years went by, we talked about it, but the time never really seemed right. Once I was over 40, I felt strongly that I didn&amp;#039;t want children. Jason has sometimes felt differently, but now he likes not having them.  &amp;quot;Without children, we focus on each other. We have a lot more time and energy to devote to our careers, to friends and family, and to traveling and having fun together. We&amp;#039;re close to our extended families and see them as often as possible -- in fact, we recently took a trip to Lake Tahoe with my entire family, including a dozen nieces and nephews.  &amp;quot;I have a very difficult job and am sometimes away for weeks at a time. But it&amp;#039;s extremely interesting, and most days there&amp;#039;s really nothing I&amp;#039;d rather be doing. I don&amp;#039;t say that I couldn&amp;#039;t have this career if I&amp;#039;d had children, but it would have been much, much more difficult.  &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t think we miss anything by not having children. In fact, with Jason, my family, and my friends, I am lucky to have so much love in my life. Love and commitment is what makes you a family. You don&amp;#039;t need children to have love and commitment. And if you don&amp;#039;t have love and commitment, children won&amp;#039;t magically provide them. Blending into One Family The Jenneys: Dina, 37, Paul, 38, and clockwise from left, Paul Jr., 7, Isabella, 5, Celia, 15, Patrick, 1 and Hillary, 11; Phoenixville, PA  When Dina met Paul 11 years ago, she knew that marriage would be a package deal: Paul, a chef, had sole custody of his two young daughters. Dina, a human resources manager, became a mother to Paul&amp;#039;s girls, and the two of them have since added three more kids to the mix.  Dina: &amp;quot;Paul was such a playful, loving dad. That&amp;#039;s part of what attracted me to him. Still, becoming an instant mom did have its challenges. I loved the girls from the start \u2014 that was never a problem. But going from being a single 20-something to trying to figure out what to do with two little girls all day on a Saturday when my husband was at work \u2014 that was tough!  Eventually I figured out things to do that we all enjoyed, but it took time to get the hang of it \u2014 I guess just like it does for any new mom.  &amp;quot;We have five kids now, but I never say I have two stepkids and three children. The girls know I&amp;#039;m their mom as much as I am for the younger kids. Maybe it was easier for all of us because the girls were so young \u2014 they didn&amp;#039;t have memories of their parents being together. And the younger kids have never known anything different, although it was tricky explaining to them that the girls have a different mother \u2014 how I&amp;#039;m their mom, but they were in someone else&amp;#039;s tummy. That&amp;#039;s a lot for a 4-year-old to get!  &amp;quot;Normally, you don&amp;#039;t get to pick your family, but we chose one another, and we&amp;#039;ve made it work. I still tell all the kids the fairy-tale version of when I met their dad and how we all became one big happy family. Separate, but Still a Family The Gore-Mayos: Mary Jane Gore, 49, David Mayo, 55, Rosa Mayo, 13, and Max Mayo, 15; Ivy, VA  When Mary Jane, a hospital marketing executive, legally separated from her husband of 13 years, David (a respiratory therapist), she moved into the basement of their home. Three years later, she still lives there. The couple didn&amp;#039;t want to divide up their possessions and thought the arrangement would be easier on their finances and kids.  Mary Jane: &amp;quot;Dave and I had a trial separation for six months, and that&amp;#039;s when I moved down to the basement. Our current arrangement just grew naturally from that. We function as a family, except Mom and Dad live in separate rooms. I have a bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom downstairs, and we share the kitchen. We have family meals together once in a while, and we try to spend Christmas together. We&amp;#039;re both dating people, but it&amp;#039;s an unspoken rule that we never bring anyone home.  &amp;quot;I feel that this arrangement is best for the kids. I&amp;#039;d like to keep it up until they both go to college. My children have both parents there [for them], though we make it clear to them that although we live in the same house, we&amp;#039;re not together. It gives them a sense of security and a feeling that their lives haven&amp;#039;t been ripped apart.   &amp;quot;I have my sad moments when I think my family has become one of separation or divorce. But I also feel I&amp;#039;m blazing a trail for separated parents who need to coparent in a thoughtful way. Our marriage may have come apart, but our family can still maintain its own set of memories. Going It Alone The Schragers: Stacey, 43, and Ike Alexander, 2; Miami.  At age 36, with no potential partner on the horizon, Stacey decided she was ready to raise a child by herself. Four years later, her dream of motherhood was fulfilled when she adopted a baby boy from Ecuador.  Stacey: &amp;quot;Ever since I was little, all I wanted was to be a mother. I don&amp;#039;t think there has been anything else I felt I had to do in my life. I knew if I never got married, I would still die a happy woman. But if I didn&amp;#039;t have a child, I would be a bitter old woman.  &amp;quot;The clock was ticking, and so many women I knew were divorced and more or less raising their kids alone that I just figured if they could do it, I could too. Once I made the decision to have a family, I never had any doubts that it was the right one. If I had met someone, I would be married, and it would be a different story. That didn&amp;#039;t happen. This is just another path.  &amp;quot;I did a lot of planning to get ready to be a mom \u2014 I started my own marketing firm so I could work from home, and I saved for two years to buy a house. I worked hard to become financially secure. When I was ready, I considered getting pregnant and researched sperm banks, but testing showed that my egg quality wasn&amp;#039;t great. I didn&amp;#039;t feel any need to have biological kids, so I decided to adopt.  &amp;quot;Now our family is complete, just Ike and me. If I&amp;#039;m lucky enough to meet a great guy and he wants to be part of this family, that would be fabulous. But I find being on my own is almost easier than being married. I make all the decisions. I don&amp;#039;t rely on anyone else. I&amp;#039;m so lucky \u2014 I waited a really long time to find a man to love. And here he is. Giving the Gift of Parenthood The Gillmans: Jennifer, 33, Jason, 33, and Berkeley, 16 months; Omaha. With Melissa Quick, 29; Swanton, OH  After three years and nearly $70,000 in unsuccessful fertility treatments, Jennifer and Jason, both medical sales representatives, decided to find a surrogate to carry their child for them. They were thrilled when they met Melissa, a secretary and mom from Ohio, who not only gave birth to their daughter Berkeley, but also became a close friend and permanent part of their lives.  Jennifer: &amp;quot;When we began looking for a surrogate, we didn&amp;#039;t want someone who was looking at it as just a contract \u2014 I don&amp;#039;t know how you could have that kind of relationship with someone who carries your baby for nine months and gives you the ultimate gift. But I could tell from talking to Melissa that we both wanted a lifelong friendship.  &amp;quot;We kept in close contact during the pregnancy. Jason and I flew to Ohio to be there for her doctor appointments, and we got to know her family. Melissa took pictures of her stomach and sent them to us. She played tapes of our voices to her tummy, and even rented a machine so we could hear the baby&amp;#039;s heartbeat over the phone. And on July 4, 2005, the day Berkeley was born, I wheeled Melissa into the hospital and was even able to assist in the delivery. It was the most beautiful experience I will ever go through.  &amp;quot;Since the birth, Melissa has been to visit three times, including a weeklong trip for Berkeley&amp;#039;s birthday. A portrait of the four of us hangs in our home. She&amp;#039;s part of our family \u2014 we call her Aunt Melissa. She&amp;#039;s why we have a family. Fate brought us together. Maybe the reason we had to go through everything we went through was because Melissa was supposed to come into our lives.&amp;quot;  Melissa: &amp;quot;I was so thankful to God for my own children, and I thought that maybe being a surrogate could be my way of giving back. Little did I know how amazing it would be. The birth was the most incredible thing I&amp;#039;ve ever experienced, besides the birth of my own children. I was able to give these wonderful people the baby they&amp;#039;d been waiting for.   &amp;quot;I wanted a friendship, but I didn&amp;#039;t expect the closeness we have. We&amp;#039;re family. Having them in my life truly is a blessing for me.&amp;quot;  As the November 2006 issue of Redbook went to press, Melissa and the Gillmans were trying for baby number two. Big Hearts, Big Family  The Medranos: Denise, 40, Raymond, 40, Brad, 20, Curtis, 13, Brayden, 9, John-Davis, 13, Nicole, 21, Michael, 7, Daijah, 5, James, 6, Josh, 18, and Byron, 5; Port Huron, MI.   After giving birth to three children, Denise had a hysterectomy due to health complications, but felt strongly that she wasn&amp;#039;t done being a mother. So in 1999, she and her husband became foster parents. Over the next five years, Denise, a student, and Ray, a retail clerk, adopted seven of their foster children, creating a huge clan of Medranos.  Denise: &amp;quot;There are wonderful kids out there who people think are damaged, but they&amp;#039;re not. They&amp;#039;re just looking for a family, and we had a family to give them.  &amp;quot;My husband and I were born to be parents. We love kids. We have a good sense of humor. I think 2-year-old temper tantrums are hilarious. It&amp;#039;s hard to put into words, but we are doing exactly what we want with our lives. We sometimes laugh about how boring it was before we had all these kids!  &amp;quot;I love that no day is ever the same. It can be challenging with all their schedules, but I micromanage well! Their smiles and their hugs and kisses before bed make it all worth it.  &amp;quot;There is nothing I would change about our family. Yes, we face some challenges, but after all, everyone has a challenge to overcome. We are teaching our children that regardless of what you have to overcome, you can do it with the love of your family. Mother Love, Times Two The Ibrahim-Bartleys: Rinda Bartley, 45, Laila Ibrahim, 41, Kalin Ibrahim-Bartley, 13, and Maya Ibrahim-Bartley, 11; Berkeley, CA  Six years into their 20-year partnership, Laila, a preschool director, and Rinda, a school principal, wanted to start a family together. With the help of donor sperm, Rinda got pregnant and gave birth to their daughter Kalin. Three years later, when it was Laila&amp;#039;s turn, they used sperm from the same donor, so their children would be biological siblings.  Rinda: &amp;quot;In many ways we look like the average American family. We are devoted church members. Our kids take music lessons and play soccer. The girls bicker, the dog has fleas, and the porch needs to be painted.&amp;quot;  Laila: &amp;quot;We say something good and bad about our days at dinner every night. On Wednesdays, we go out to eat. On Fridays, we have movie nights with popcorn and hot chocolate.&amp;quot;  Rinda: &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;ve always been completely open with the girls about how our family came into being. They, of course, know that gay and lesbian families are one of the many kinds of families that exist. The hard part was explaining that some people don&amp;#039;t respect our kind of family \u2014 that came up when they started school and heard gay jokes and insults.  &amp;quot;To us, family means a group of people who care for one another, who stick together through all of life&amp;#039;s ups and downs. And that&amp;#039;s what we are. Making a Family Without Marriage The Stallings-Efrans: Rebecca Stallings, 33, Daniel Efran, 35, and Nicholas Efran, 22 months; Pittsburgh  Rebecca, a data manager for a social science research study, and Daniel, a computer programmer, have been together for 14 years. They never wanted marriage, but did want to build a family.  Rebecca: &amp;quot;A couple of years after we&amp;#039;d both graduated from college, Daniel and I were really starting to feel like a unit. We&amp;#039;d bought a house and had even begun sending out a joint holiday newsletter. But when we had our son, that&amp;#039;s when we truly became a family. Nicholas is more evidence of our commitment to each other than a ring ever could be. He links us together forever.  &amp;quot;Daniel and I are creative parents; we remember what it was like to be children. I feel incredibly lucky to have my best friend also be my lover and partner and coparent. We&amp;#039;ve been living together longer than most marriages last. There is nothing about marriage that feels to me like it has any real power to strengthen or improve our relationship or our family. And other than minor annoyances, like Daniel having to file an affidavit of paternity when Nicholas was born, we&amp;#039;ve yet to hit any difficulty as a result of not being married. A bigger problem is living so far away from our extended families, who we&amp;#039;re very close to. Nicholas still has so many interesting relatives to meet!&amp;quot; When Grandma Is &amp;quot;Mom&amp;quot;The Dunseiths: Mary, 60, Jenny, 10, and Michael, 8; Huntsville, TX.  Eight years ago, Mary got a call from a social worker, asking her if she would take in the two babies of her troubled youngest son. After watching the children bounce around in foster care, Mary, a small-business owner, fought for and won legal custody.  Mary: &amp;quot;My first thought was, I can&amp;#039;t do this. You get to this age, and it&amp;#039;s a lot. I have to keep working. I thought I&amp;#039;d be traveling and having coffee on the front porch, watching the deer. But I knew I had to try. These kids deserved a chance.  &amp;quot;Now they&amp;#039;re part of me. I think of them as &amp;#039;grandkids-plus.&amp;#039; They think of me as their mother \u2014 in fact, they call me Mom. They don&amp;#039;t ask about their parents, but when they do, I will tell them, &amp;#039;Your mother and father love you, but they couldn&amp;#039;t take care of you.&amp;#039;  &amp;quot;What&amp;#039;s special to me is the joy they bring. I look forward to planning family things, not &amp;#039;me&amp;#039; things. I like having a little girl to go shopping with again. This time around, I&amp;#039;m more relaxed about school. I spend more time rocking them or listening to them describing life.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m here for the long haul. Life dealt me this, and I&amp;#039;m making the best of it. And I&amp;#039;m making it a quality life.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/advice/a251/american-family-hl/>