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"Well, it&amp;#039;s flown by but we&amp;#039;re actually in our final week of X Factor USA auditions! I know, already. Still, there are still plenty of talented (and, er, not-so-talented) hopefuls waiting in the wings to impress the judges before the next stage of the competition, so let&amp;#039;s meet them...  First to take the stage is Melanie Wright, a 49-year-old paralegal, and pretty much from the first time we see her I get an awkward feeling that she&amp;#039;s going to be terrible and I&amp;#039;m going to wish that she wasn&amp;#039;t put on television for everyone to laugh at. Well, yes, I&amp;#039;m kind of proved right. She seems pretty nervous, but her take on &amp;#039;Titanium&amp;#039; is just not good and Simon is laughing.  To be fair, it&amp;#039;s entertaining enough when he&amp;#039;s actually rendered speechless for once, but his insulting skills are even a bit dodgy (what does: &amp;quot;It was like finding out Cinderella works at the Playboy Mansion&amp;quot; even mean?) Anyway, Paulina is nice by saying she liked seeing how much Melanie enjoyed herself, and Kelly says she has cute shoes, but it&amp;#039;s obviously four straight nos. Simon even gets his singing voice out again for a little impersonation. Sorry, Melanie.      So next it&amp;#039;s a montage of uncomfortably bad auditions, from Oksana Mamchur (&amp;quot;I just don&amp;#039;t understand why you choose music,&amp;quot; Paulina says endearingly) to someone called Rob who struggles through &amp;#039;Born To Be Wild&amp;#039; (&amp;quot;It was like something watching out of an Austin Powers movie&amp;quot;), to Maya Lehmann&amp;#039;s unique take on &amp;#039;The Final Countdown&amp;#039; (&amp;quot;That didn&amp;#039;t sound human&amp;quot;) to the surprising falsetto of the brilliantly named Ruben Gloria. We all know how The X Factor works, though, so if I was a betting girl, I&amp;#039;d guess that 15-year-old Emery Kelly might just turn things around. The high school student wants to be like Justin Bieber, but hey, nobody&amp;#039;s perfect. He&amp;#039;s feeling nervous but says that his friends smile when he sings - now he wants to &amp;quot;put a smile on the world&amp;quot;. Okay, then! Demi thinks he looks like Bruno Mars, largely because he&amp;#039;s wearing quite a nice hat.  Anyway, he sings &amp;#039;I Won&amp;#039;t Give Up&amp;#039;, and it&amp;#039;s fine - he has a serviceable voice, and it gets better as the song goes on. But he&amp;#039;s a good-looking teenager with an okay voice, so I think we know how this will go. Simon, to be fair, does say he didn&amp;#039;t like the song, but he describes Emery as a &amp;quot;little unpolished diamond&amp;quot; - it&amp;#039;s four yeses for Emery! (Incidentally, I would not be surprised if he ended up in a boyband. Calling it now.)      Moving on to the girls, now, though, and we get a little recap of how wonderful they&amp;#039;ve been - apparently this is putting pressure on next contestant Khaya Cohen, though given that she hasn&amp;#039;t seen any of her rivals yet this seems unlikely. It&amp;#039;s believable that Khaya is nervous, though - she&amp;#039;s a 15-year-old and she seems very sweet.  Her rendition of &amp;#039;Love You I Do&amp;#039; leaves the judges cold, though - it is pretty, well, uneventful. But they give her a second chance to perform another song - and her rendition of &amp;#039;I Put A Spell On You&amp;#039; is great (it&amp;#039;s a hard song to sing, and there&amp;#039;s a real richness to Khaya&amp;#039;s tone.) Yes, it&amp;#039;s predictable that her second go would be better, but I&amp;#039;m not too bothered.  There&amp;#039;s a bit of a standing ovation, and Demi admits she can&amp;#039;t believe that voice came from a 15-year-old. Kelly admits that she thought the song started too low, but then Khaya &amp;quot;blew the roof off this place&amp;quot;. And Simon loves basically everything about her, comparing her to Amy Winehouse and Adele (steady on!) It&amp;#039;s another four yeses, and Khaya&amp;#039;s heading through to the next stage.      As the auditions continue, Simon&amp;#039;s saying that he wants a unique voice - enter Joseph Tolve, who the judges seem to mock for his unusual squeaky voice (offering him a drink of water seems nice but I can&amp;#039;t help but think that Simon&amp;#039;s motives were not necessarily pure.) Anyway, his performance of &amp;#039;Skyscraper&amp;#039; is obviously not good (&amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not sure this is exactly the right kind of unique we&amp;#039;re looking for,&amp;quot; Demi says tactfully).  To be fair, the judges actually offer some constructive advice here, with Kelly telling Joseph to pursue voiceover work (&amp;quot;Do you know how much Dora the Explorer makes? Please.&amp;quot;) Joseph would probably be really good at that, given that his impersonation of an anteater later is (while odd) very convincing. Simon thinks he&amp;#039;s going to be getting calls after this, anyway, and I find myself actually hoping that he does.      Next to take the stage, though, is 35-year-old dad of two James Kenney, who&amp;#039;s hoping not to have to deal with apartment managing much longer (turns out fiddling around with people&amp;#039;s toilets is not as fun as it sounds.) Simon makes a very fleeting reference to the fact that James tried out in season one - I honestly thought the show would milk that a little more, but no. Anyway, he does an awesome version of &amp;#039;Summertime&amp;#039; - it&amp;#039;s really odd, but also kind of captivating, and it&amp;#039;s pleasing to hear someone do something legitimately different with such a well-known song.  Kelly certainly likes it, whispering to Simon that it has a &amp;quot;lot of soul&amp;quot;, though he seems less convinced. Demi thinks it was sexy and praises his crazy riffs, Paulina was impressed with James&amp;#039;s talent, and it&amp;#039;s obviously four yeses. And then James&amp;#039;s two adorable daughters run on stage to hug him and I really want to be cynical about it but I just can&amp;#039;t because it is beyond cute.      So the next auditionees have a lot to live up to, but luckily it&amp;#039;s a positive montage of a bunch of people - Isaac Tauaefa, Chase Goehring, Allison Davis, Isabel Requena and Isaiah Alston all getting yeses from the judges. So that&amp;#039;s very nice then isn&amp;#039;t it? Can David Gray get a yes as well? Well, um, it turns out that he&amp;#039;s actually not really hoping for a yes from the judges - he&amp;#039;s auditioning to support his girlfriend Lauren Waguespack, who is also trying out, but he&amp;#039;s really there to propose to her (we find this out in a flashback - yep, X Factor USA does flashbacks now - in which he&amp;#039;s seen asking Lauren&amp;#039;s dad for his blessing. Things are about to get emotional. I&amp;#039;m not entirely sure I can take it.) Anyway, David does his audition and performs Usher&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;Nice and Slow&amp;#039; and it&amp;#039;s not awful, but it&amp;#039;s not good. He gets four nos. But he doesn&amp;#039;t really care, let&amp;#039;s be honest.  Then it&amp;#039;s Lauren&amp;#039;s turn to take to the stage, and she performs actually quite a good version of &amp;#039;Teenage Dream&amp;#039;, in my mind. But before the judges can have their say, David pops up on stage, says that he loves her more than anything in the world, adds that he will forever support her no matter what the judges (or anybody) thinks, and then gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him. Demi and Kelly and Paulina basically jump fifty feet in the air and start clapping, Simon has that smug grin he rocks so well, and I have something in my eye.  Obviously Lauren says yes, and there&amp;#039;s lots of celebrating and hugging and awwing from the panel (and backstage, Lauren&amp;#039;s mother is going crazy in the best way). Simon has to go and ruin things by refusing to let Lauren through in the competition, but to be honest I don&amp;#039;t think even one tiny bit of her mind is upset about this. Oh dear, I think I need a lie down.      It seems Simon couldn&amp;#039;t take the intensity either, given that he&amp;#039;s late for the auditions and the women have to start without him (later, Demi and Paulina are missing, too - being an X Factor judge apparently allows you to just have a lie-in when you fancy it). Anyway, Tim Olstad should be happy that he doesn&amp;#039;t have to impress the grumpiest panel member, but actually he&amp;#039;s just very, very nervous. It&amp;#039;s kind of endearing actually, and I feel bad for Tim when the judges mutter between themselves that he&amp;#039;s boring just because he doesn&amp;#039;t have a story about how wild he is to tell off the top of his head. They seem a bit mean, and Tim just seems lovely.  Luckily, he shows them, because while his hand shakes (a lot), his performance of &amp;#039;A Thousand Years&amp;#039; is on point. He has such a gorgeous voice and I&amp;#039;m just cheering him on - perhaps because of the boring comments. Anyway, the judges are soon eating humble pie and telling him how adorable and great he is and how he&amp;#039;s like a &amp;quot;blanket of love&amp;quot; and a &amp;quot;teddybear&amp;quot; and he&amp;#039;s straight on through. Go Tim!      With Simon back on the panel, it&amp;#039;s time for the next hopeful, Wesley Mountain. Yes, he has an excellent name, but he might want to work on his &amp;#039;approaching women&amp;#039; skills. See, Wesley has a bit of a thing for a certain Ms Rowland, and he&amp;#039;s not shy about making it known. He even gets off the stage to kiss her hand and stare at her and giggle, which could have been cute, but it&amp;#039;s never going to be good when Simon has to tell you to stop panting. &amp;quot;I want to say that was way intense,&amp;quot; Kelly says, cautiously.  The thing is, Wesley is actually rather a good singer and his rendition of &amp;#039;Wanted&amp;#039; by Hunter Hayes wins over the judges. Sort of. I mean, Simon says it&amp;#039;s good and puts Wesley through, but he won&amp;#039;t let him look or talk to Kelly, advises him to take a cold shower, and says he reminds him of his dog who used to eye up his steaks (&amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re looking at Kelly as you&amp;#039;re singing, getting closer, closer, like, &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m going to eat you&amp;#039;.&amp;quot;) Anyway, he gets put through to the next round, though Demi asks him to please not eat her friend, which is a pretty reasonable request.      It&amp;#039;s also good news for cute 16-year-old Celine Polenghi, Emma Roberts lookalike (just me?) Bree Randall and spectacularly-named Primrose Martin and Summer Reign (it has been a very strong episode, name wise). Will Ricky Clark follow in their footsteps? The 16-year-old - who also seems to have a bit of a crush on Kelly, by the way - has a bit of Usher about him and I actually quite like his rendition of &amp;#039;Superstition&amp;#039;, though that song has been done way too much by X Factor auditionees.  It&amp;#039;s not enough for the judges, though - Simon says that his voice was flat, low, and out of tune. Bit harsh - I think they have put through people much worse than Ricky, but I suppose that&amp;#039;s just taste, isn&amp;#039;t it? Anyway, Kelly is sorry to see Ricky upset, so when he doesn&amp;#039;t get through and has a bit of a cry, she rushes onto the stage to hug him and give him her own tales of rejection (like Star Search, amazing.) It&amp;#039;s actually very sweet of her.      Anyway, as the auditions move on, Demi and Paulina are gone (who knows where?) so it&amp;#039;s just Simon and Kelly there to judge professional women&amp;#039;s football player Lorie Moore. I kind of instantly like her spirit and personality, and it&amp;#039;s hard not to be impressed by the fact that she won the 2012 championship and now wants to pursue the singing side of her life. She chooses to perform &amp;#039;I Have Nothing&amp;#039; - yikes - but luckily she&amp;#039;s really very good indeed and Simon can basically just say &amp;quot;wow&amp;quot;. She gets two yeses from the judges - it&amp;#039;s through to the next stage! &amp;quot;You opened up your mouth, not to sing, but to saaaaang,&amp;quot; Kelly announces.      Well. We&amp;#039;re almost done for the episode. There&amp;#039;s just one more audition to come - and boy, is it a belter. Former engaged couple Brianna and Alan have somehow managed to keep a civil enough relationship to form the band Secondhand High, and they reveal straight away that they&amp;#039;re going to be doing an original song. So after some awkward banter about their former romance, and with Demi (but not Paulina) back on the panel, it&amp;#039;s time for Secondhand High to unleash a song which I assume is called &amp;#039;You Better Ask Me To Dance&amp;#039;.  It is captivating. It is awful. It is like Ke$ha if her batteries were dying. And then Alan joins in with an incredibly stilted rap. It is terrible, but it is also amazing. I defy you not to get it in your head. Kelly is up and dancing. The audience is up and dancing. And weirdly, I find myself rooting for Secondhand High. Of course they don&amp;#039;t get through because they&amp;#039;re pretty bad, but they&amp;#039;ve brought something special to us all. Secondhand High don&amp;#039;t seem worried either, saying their song is the new &amp;#039;Gin and Juice&amp;#039; and that it will be the &amp;quot;jam of 2013&amp;quot;. They might not be wrong. Then The X Factor does what it does best by getting totally silly, and having Kelly and Demi star in a music video for the song - apparently dreamed by Simon, who does Alan&amp;#039;s rap. That&amp;#039;s right. Simon raps. And it is amazing. Way better than that &amp;#039;singing&amp;#039; he did earlier this season that got everyone in a tizzy. Amazing.      But that&amp;#039;s that for the first batch of auditions this week - tonight, we&amp;#039;ll get the final few contestants, they&amp;#039;ll be whittled down to just 40 acts, and the mentors will meet their categories. Also, we&amp;#039;re promised something very dramatic in the future - apparently the &amp;#039;Four Chair Challenge&amp;#039; will be the &amp;quot;most ruthless elimination round ever&amp;quot; and that &amp;quot;television auditions will never be the same again&amp;quot;. Yikes... The X Factor airs on Fox. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.digitalspy.com/tv/the-x-factor-us/news/a518639/the-x-factor-usa-recap-a-proposal-kelly-crushes-and-simon-rapping/>