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" Here are just a few dressing-room requirements of a famously overexposed actress/singer/awards-show attendee, as stipulated in a recent contract for a magazine photo shoot:  Fruits/Desserts Mango, green seedless grapes, pineapple, cantaloupe, papaya, honeydew, watermelon, chocolate Flowers  Yellow roses with red trim White lilies White roses  Linens 250-thread-count or higher cotton sheets Extras Balance Bars--honey peanut VCR &amp;amp;amp; CD player in room always--NO EXCEPTIONS  Candles Diptyque--Tubereuse, Figuier, Heliotrope Yes, Ms. Diptyque is particular, but no more so than your average groundbreaking genius. After some rigorous research, Esquire has unearthed some other dressing-room demands:  GANDHI&amp;#039;S BACKSTAGE DEMANDS  Zero (0) baskets of fruit (kiwi, mango, nectarines) shrimp cocktails with tartar sauce 0 pancakes and waffles 0 pounds of chicken--legs, breasts &amp;amp;amp; thighs--roasted, NOT fried 0 egg whites scrambled well--dry, no oil or water 0 items of food in general One (1) small bowl of chilled urine for washing 1 cotton loincloth--10 thread count or less--Bombay style, NOT New Delhi style  SIGMUND FREUD&amp;#039;S BACKSTAGE DEMANDS  Cigars--Cuban, long Cucumbers Zucchini Sausages--Bavarian bratwurst, well-cooked Salt and pepper shakers Thermos Candles--all Tubereuse Orchids 3 grams cocaine--UNCUT Couch--300 thread count  EUG\u00C3\u2030NE IONESCO&amp;#039;S BACKSTAGE DEMANDS  Breakfast Waffles with pure maple syrup, pancakes, corduroy sausage, four members of the haute bourgeoisie, a fire hydrant, the ocean No tectonic plates or popes, please  Flowers A vase containing roses, lilies, pomegranates, stucco, and acrobats  Linens Must be 250 thread count or higher and have opposable thumbs Beverages Wicker, wicker, two bowler hats filled with Worcestershire sauce, wicker JESUS&amp;#039; BACKSTAGE DEMANDS  Separate dressing room for the apostles--MUST 4 goatskins of red wine (if none available, water acceptable) No false idols--NO EXCEPTIONS Loaves (sourdough) and fishes (grilled Chilean sea bass, no spicy sauces) 15 bottles anointing oil Peach Snapple  TOM\u00C3S DE TORQUEMADA&amp;#039;S BACKSTAGE DEMANDS  3 axes, 8 maces, 10 spears--stainless steel, fine point 1 rack--14 feet in length; MUST have calfskin-leather straps 100 feet of rope--500 thread count or higher 42 Godless heathen Jews-- Sephardic, NOT Ashkenazic; must be circumcised--NO EXCEPTIONS "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/a1061/esq0601-june-thiswayout/>