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"  I don&amp;#039;t trust my husband of 13 years. He&amp;#039;s lied about smoking, eating, drinking, money, pornography, and told a zillion other little white lies. I also don&amp;#039;t trust him because he takes cash from my purse; sometimes he admits it, sometimes not. The kicker was when I received a letter from the police stating that my car had been in a hit-and-run -- it hit a parked car. It wasn&amp;#039;t until I confronted my husband about it that he admitted it. I told him that by not telling me about it, he had broken my trust again. Is this marriage doomed? -- P.K., 38, Greer, SC Everybody lies. I, for one, have lied about eating, money, and probably pornography. But your husband seems to be a compulsive liar; he does it out of habit and feels more comfortable lying than telling the truth. And some of his lies could have disastrous consequences for your marriage. Is it doomed? Not yet, but no marriage can survive for long without trust.   In general, I&amp;#039;m loath to automatically hit the giant red &amp;quot;Get Therapy!&amp;quot; button, but I have my finger poised above it now. Whatever you&amp;#039;ve said to your husband, you&amp;#039;re not getting your point across -- that your lack of trust in him is endangering your marriage. And he keeps lying, no matter how many times he&amp;#039;s caught. He should get professional help; if he&amp;#039;s skeptical of this, tell him you&amp;#039;d like to work on building trust between the two of you. Try saying, &amp;quot;I was really upset about the car, and even more upset that you felt you couldn&amp;#039;t tell me about it.&amp;quot; Don&amp;#039;t accuse him of being a liar; the irony is that the more someone lies, the more defensive he gets when accused of it. Once you sit down with a therapist, you&amp;#039;ll be in a better place to discuss ways for your husband to break his lying habit, which he must do in order for you to regain your trust in him -- no lie.   Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living From Kate the Great. Shes also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019, or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com. Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a1986/hard-stuff-lying/>