<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" The Eagle has landed! I Wanna Marry Harry is here and it is just about what you&amp;#039;d expect. Except 10 times more insane. OK, maybe eight times more insane. But we&amp;#039;re just getting started. Here&amp;#039;s the premise: Twelve American women \u2014 Girls? They call them girls sometimes \u2014 are kidnapped by producers and whisked to a lovely estate in London that could double as a murder palace. In fact, considering how much mystery surrounds everything on this show, I&amp;#039;m surprised no one questioned whether they were in physical danger even once. Too busy being in love, I guess! At the Murder Palace (official name), the girls are to meet a man who looks almost nothing like Prince Harry but who the show claims resembles him to a 99 percent match. Now the lovetestants must fight for not-really-Harry&amp;#039;s affection in an attempt to become a real-life princess, only to have their hopes dashed when they realize he&amp;#039;s a poor bloke from Exeter. Sorry, ladies, but you&amp;#039;ll never be royals (royals). Luckily, all the lovetestants on this show appear to be stable and well-adjusted. Haha, no. This is going to be fun! Let&amp;#039;s meet the lucky ladies and the pauper in disguise they&amp;#039;re trying to trick into loving them.  Matt Hicks  Matt is here to find love and meet a woman who wants him for him. Kinda ridiculous, if you ask me. You want a woman to love you for you? Maybe don&amp;#039;t go on a show where you pretend to be someone completely different. Matt has gone through extensive training to become Harry. Under the tutelage of the creepiest butler on television, he has read a book about Prince Harry and knows when his birthday is! Good effort, but you really needn&amp;#039;t have bothered. None of the women on this show have any idea who Prince Harry is. Here&amp;#039;s an example of how clueless they are! Actual reasons the lovetestants believe Matt is Harry.   *He has red hair. (FAKE) *He has blue eyes. *He has an English accent. *People call him sir. (By this logic, I am also Prince Harry because this morning the barista at Starbucks forgot to write down my name and just yelled, &amp;quot;Sir, your vanilla frap is ready.&amp;quot; Where&amp;#039;s my reality show?)  Andrea Fox  Andrea has bad luck in dating and is utterly forgettable. She will not be winning this competition. Anna Lisa Mattias  Anna Lisa is ultra-competitive and was shown doing her eyeliner sinisterly several times. Every time I saw her I screamed, &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s the black swan!!!&amp;quot; and annoyed everyone in the room. Her favorite British phrase is, &amp;quot;Oh bloodily hell.&amp;quot; That is not a British phrase. Carley Hawkins  Carley is one of the two &amp;quot;smart&amp;quot; ones. She&amp;#039;s pursuing a degree in cello-molecular biology with an interest in ophthamology (Is that really a thing?). She&amp;#039;s also on this show. That&amp;#039;s all we know about her! Nice to meet you, Carley! You&amp;#039;ll be here for at least three episodes. Chelsea Brookshire  Chelsea&amp;#039;s favorite British phrase is &amp;quot;bobby&amp;quot; and she describes herself as crazy (&amp;quot;But it&amp;#039;s fine&amp;quot;). She&amp;#039;s looking for a man who is funny, rich, handsome, tall, and rich. Chelsea will take your money, when you&amp;#039;re in need. Yeah, she&amp;#039;s a trifling friend indeed. I really want her to win because the reveal. Will. Kill. Her.  Jacqueline Conroy  Jacqueline is &amp;quot;awesome but can be a bitch.&amp;quot; Her favorite British phrase is &amp;quot;American girls are forward.&amp;quot; Again, not a British phrase. I feel a lot of the lovetestants missed the point of this question. Jacqueline appeared for 0.2 seconds of this episode. She will not be winning this. Karina Kennedy  Karina is apparently an Old here because she is 25. She has a doctorate in physical therapy and is a hopeless romantic. Well, hopeless is a good way to describe what she&amp;#039;s going to feel if she wins. She actually seems really sweet so I&amp;#039;m rooting for her to get eliminated early on so her public humiliation is not prolonged. Can you imagine her going back to work? You know all of her clients are watching this. May your elimination be swift and untimely, Karina! Kelley Andrews  Trust one thing: Kelley will snap. (And she will snap hard.) I had so much more to say about her, but that&amp;#039;s all you really need to know. She believes in fairy tales. Kelley? I can&amp;#039;t even.  Kimberly Burch  Kimberly is from Long Island and is perplexed by the idea of drinking tea. She would like a man to buy her a dress and make her feel special because that&amp;#039;s not something she has had in her life. In order to feel special, Kimberly signed up for a dating show in which she will compete with 11 other women for a horrific lie. Kimberly will also not be winning this competition.  Leah Thom  Leah was my favorite this episode. She is tall and gangly and has horrible luck in men. She has very low self-esteem and when she was given the chance to dance with not-really-Harry (this is what the show calls him). tried to excuse herself because she stepped on his feet. She has never worn a nice dress and freaked out when the producers brought out a rack of TJ MAXX summer casuals for the lovetestants to try on. I hope they will let her keep the dress.  Maggie Toraason  During this episode, the women attended a masquerade (Paper faces on parade! Masquerade!) and Maggie completely ignored Patti Stanger&amp;#039;s two-drink rule and had about 15 cosmopolitans. The other girls may be dogging you, Maggie, but your choice of beverage is going to make you the office favorite. Rooting for you, girl. Stop contouring so hard!  Meghan Ramsey Jones  Meet Meghan, who is this season&amp;#039;s resident bitch. Next! Rose Copeland  Rose is a preschool teacher with a naughty secret. That naughty secret? She is insane. Not-really-Harry thinks she is forward and brazen, and he doesn&amp;#039;t know if he likes that. He does know, however, that he is here to find love or at least someone to spend the night with. Rose and her crazy eyes and shrill laugh will likely be spending a lot of time in the CROWN SUITE. And here come the spoilers:  The women meet Matt at the saddest masquerade in history. He refuses to give them his name \u2014 only Americans would think that the royals (royals) would allow Harry to do a show like this \u2014 and leaves them immediately at midnight after everyone has removed their masks. The masks, by the way, leave lots of marks on everyone&amp;#039;s faces, which looks stunning in HD. This is what the format was meant for. After some deliberation Matt chooses Rose (surprise) to move into the CROWN SUITE which is right next to door to his room. Rose goes back and tells the other women this news in the charming style of a community theatre actress trying on the role of a serial killer for the first time. Enjoy the CROWN SUITE, Rose. It looks like a cheap bed and breakfast in there. Unfortunately, Matt chooses to send Leah home. Leah is crushed. But not as crushed as she would be if she had won. Go on with your bad self, Leah! I hardly knew ye, but I loved you! This season on I Wanna Marry Harry: Lots of yelling, lots of crying. Tune in next week! RELATED: 10 Things You Must Know About the Star of I Wanna Marry Harry Follow Mark on Twitter. Image credit: Getty Images "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/news/a6884/i-wanna-marry-harry-premiere-recap/?src=rss>