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"Before the e-Reader became ubiquitous, I used to have a theory that everyone who was using one got it to secretly read erotica, thrilled at the chance to finally delve into the cheesy-sexy world of drugstore sex novels without being judged. Now that so many people use them, I have to revise my&amp;quot;everyone&amp;quot; statement, but still maintain there&amp;#x27;s at least one of you out there reading erotica. And I hope what you&amp;#x27;re reading is steamier and more convincing than this... &amp;quot;In the shower, Ed stood with his hands at the back of his head, like someone just arrested, while she abused him with a bar of soap. After a while he shut his eyes, and Diane, wielding her fingernails now and staring at his face, helped him out with two practiced hands, one squeezing the family jewels, the other vigorous with the soap-and-warm-water treatment. It didn&amp;#x27;t take long for the beautiful and perfect Ed King to ejaculate for the fifth time in twelve hours, while looking like Roman public-bath statuary. Then they rinsed, dried, dressed, and went to an expensive restaurant for lunch.&amp;quot;&amp;amp;mdash;from Ed King by David Guterson I swear this is all real, ladies. In fact, this was written by a best-selling author (anyone else read Snow Falling on Cedars?). This week, Guterson&amp;#x27;s excerpt was picked by the Literary Review as the worst sex passage in 2011 literature. As a fiction writer myself, and someone who devours novels like I need &amp;#x27;em to survive, I&amp;#x27;ll say that&amp;#x27;s quite the accomplishment. Did you get a (albeit slightly-horrified) laugh from the above? Well, I&amp;#x27;ve got some good news for you&amp;amp;mdash;the award&amp;#x27;s been around since 1993, which means there are years and years of terrible sex passages waiting for you! I shall leave you with this list of excerpts from 2009 finalists , and 2010&amp;#x27;s winner, which includes: &amp;quot;I want to suck you,&amp;#x27; she said, descending &amp;amp;#133; She loosed his trousers, pulled away his underwear and gripped him with fingers tender enough to hold a tiny bird.&amp;quot; So, if your brain hasn&amp;#x27;t melted yet, I&amp;#x27;m dying to hear your thoughts about this. I dare you to write your own bad sex fiction passage in the comments! P.S. Wonder what our resident author thinks about the Bad Sex in Fiction prize! More cringeworthy stories, if you can stomach them: *The most awkward kiss ever, caught on camera *WTF: a guy actually had the nerve to send this text?! *When sexy shower time goes awry, this could happen!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2011/12/the-2011-bad-sex-in-fiction-pr>