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"You learned to sail because he loved the open seas. You became a tequila aficionado because your ex went gaga for agave. You may have even starting eating differently&amp;amp;#8212;seriously, who wants to watch someone enjoy a juicy cheeseburger without stealing a bite? In relationships, we often blend our identities with our partner&amp;#x27;s, and after a breakup, we feel lost. As if we needed proof, a recent study from Northwestern University confirms it. &amp;quot;Across three different studies we found that when a relationship ends, people think their self has changed. They change their hair, their friends, and their goals for the future,&amp;quot; says study author Erica B. Slotter, M.A. While a drop-dead gorgeous new &amp;#x27;do can make you feel better, all this change can be rattling. &amp;quot;Being less sure of who people are contributes to the emotional stress that happens when a breakup occurs,&amp;quot; says Slotter. So, how can you start reclaiming your self after a split? Read on. 1. Gather your gal and guy pals. No man&amp;amp;#8212;or woman&amp;amp;#8212;is an island, and this is the time to cash in all those late nights spent listening to other people&amp;#x27;s problems. &amp;quot;You need support to know that others care and to process your feelings and get it all out,&amp;quot; says Susan J. Elliott, JD, MEd, and author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. 2. Keep talking. Your friends and family aren&amp;#x27;t your only outlets. &amp;quot;Look for other places for support, too&amp;amp;#8212;a therapist, a support group, on-line communities,&amp;quot; suggests Elliott. The YourTango Experts network can help you find a qualified relationship professional to help you. Facebook can be a great place to reconnect with old friends when you&amp;#x27;re ready to start socializing again. 3. Don&amp;#x27;t lean on mutual friends. Yes, talking is good. But you want to avoid reconnecting with your former &amp;quot;his-and-her&amp;quot; friends early on. &amp;quot;Being in touch with mutual friends will be a temptation to talk about what he is doing, and you don&amp;#x27;t want to be in that position,&amp;quot; says Elliott. 4. When you&amp;#x27;re feeling better, take a trip by yourself. While it&amp;#x27;s smart to surround yourself with friends, taking a solo voyage is a great way to focus on the future. &amp;quot;If you do it too early, you&amp;#x27;re just going to feel more alone. Once you are feeling optimistic, it&amp;#x27;s a great idea to book an adventure,&amp;quot; says Elliott. 5. Make the most of your free time. What is important to you? A hobby? Your work? Or something you haven&amp;#x27;t tried because you were too busy playing First Mate to your ex&amp;#x27;s Captain? &amp;quot;Rediscover things that make you who you are and find new interests and hobbies that you didn&amp;#x27;t have time for,&amp;quot; says Elliott. 6. Keep a journal. Just like talking, putting pen to paper can be cleansing. &amp;quot;Processing your thoughts and feelings are very important. Put it on paper so you can see how you are you are doing,&amp;quot; says Elliott. 7. Seek professional help if necessary. How do you know it&amp;#x27;s time? &amp;quot;When you feel really down and disinterested in life after a month or two or when you feel despair,&amp;quot; says Elliott. She adds: &amp;quot;However, everyone will benefit from talking to a therapist. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.&amp;quot; 8. Force yourself to live your life. &amp;quot;Keep a balance between letting out your feelings and building your life. Give yourself time each and every day for doing both,&amp;quot; says Elliott. So this means taking the time to cry, but drying your eyes and moving on with your day&amp;amp;#8212;and eventually, your life. 9. Try not to rebound. &amp;quot;It is very important to carve out your own life and not jump into a relationship. And when you do get into another relationship, do not lose your identity and important pursuits again. Retain your individuality even when you are partnered,&amp;quot; says Elliott. That will not only make any future breakups easier but your relationships better! --Written by Amy Levin-Epstein for YourTango.com What&amp;#x27;s the #1 thing you&amp;#x27;ve found most helpful when rebuilding after a breakup? More from YourTango: *Converting to a New Religion Before Marriage *Dumped? 10 Healthy Ways to Heal *Getting Revenge On Your Ex: Is It Worth It? More Ways to Get Glamour Visit Shopglamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter Add us to your iGoogle homepage Photo: Thinkstock"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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