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" Thought peer pressure ended after high school? Think again! Couples are often buffeted by pressure from friends and family: to get married, have a child, buy a home and so on. How can a twosome push back\u2014and make key life decisions without a Greek chorus chiming in? Instead of getting instantly prickly, recognize that for the most part, those asking the &amp;quot;When are you...&amp;quot; questions don&amp;#039;t mean to offend, says Julie Hanks, LCSW, clinical director of Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City. &amp;quot;In most cases, they ask because they care about you and your future.&amp;quot; Peer pressure also comes from people&amp;#039;s need to justify their decisions. So if your friend is getting married, she may pressure you to do the same. &amp;quot;People like to think that what they are doing is right, and if you do it, too, that validates their choices,&amp;quot; says Mark Sharp, PhD, clinical psychologist at Aiki Relationship Institute in Oakbrook, Illinois. Want to navigate pressure points in your relationship without offending anyone\u2014or feeling frustrated? Here&amp;#039;s how.   Pressure point: &amp;quot;When are you getting engaged?&amp;quot;    Couples in long-term relationships, or those, ahem, of a certain age, may get pressure to seal the deal\u2014particularly from family. Whether you&amp;#039;ve chosen not to marry for now or you&amp;#039;re still working that out with your significant other, it&amp;#039;s a question that can make you sigh over and over.   How to deal: You can try fobbing it off with a dose of humor, says Hannah Seligson, author of A Little Bit Married. Try: &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;ll get married just as soon as society shifts its patriarchal structure.&amp;quot; When the pressure&amp;#039;s coming from those closest to you\u2014like your parents\u2014be gentler and more honest. However, that doesn&amp;#039;t mean you have to give them the answer they want. Say, &amp;quot;I know you want me to be happy, but this is something Joe and I have to work out together, and it would be really helpful if you didn&amp;#039;t ask so often.&amp;quot; It&amp;#039;s best to get out from under the pressure, says Seligson, &amp;quot;because it can be dangerous to your relationship if it distracts you from figuring out if you actually do want to get married.&amp;quot; Sometimes, too, good-natured peer pressure from friends or family might push you to think deeper: Do you want to get married? Are you staying in the relationship even though your partner really doesn&amp;#039;t want to wed? In that case, use the peer pressure to initiate a conversation about the topic with your significant other.   Photo by Shutterstock.   /&amp;amp;gt;   Pressure point: &amp;quot;When will you have kids?&amp;quot;    In our current culture of oversharing and overasking, there are areas of our private lives that just don&amp;#039;t feel very private anymore (which is another way of saying no one ever asked your grandmother when she was going to have kids). It feels incredibly intrusive, especially if you&amp;#039;ve made a private decision to remain childless, or if you are trying but have been unsuccessful conceiving.   How to deal: If you truly feel invaded by these questions, especially if they&amp;#039;re coming from people you&amp;#039;re not close to, deflect with an outrageous response. Seligson suggests something like &amp;quot;Um...in 16 months, 14 days and 9 hours.&amp;quot; But as with marriage, babies are something your family has a different emotional stake in. So while there should still be boundaries, try to set them without being flip, says Hanks. For example, try saying to your mother, &amp;quot;I know you&amp;#039;re dying to be a grandmother, but that&amp;#039;s not the only reason to have a baby. Can you agree to stop asking, and you&amp;#039;ll be the first person I tell?&amp;quot;   Photo by Nicole Hill.   /&amp;amp;gt;   Pressure point: &amp;quot;Now that you&amp;#039;re pregnant, are you still going to work?&amp;quot;    This is a loaded and often contentious cultural issue. &amp;quot;Women feel all kinds of pressure from people around them, who make assumptions either way,&amp;quot; says Hanks, and if you don&amp;#039;t agree with those assumptions, you end up feeling judged.   How to deal: Be sure you know what you are going to do\u2014a decision you can only make with your partner (and your checkbook!). Once you have a plan in place (with the caveat that you can always change it as circumstances change), you are better equipped to handle pressure. Often, pressure comes from other women who&amp;#039;ve made their own decision, and may want you to do what they have done. Best response in that case is to say, gently, &amp;quot;I know we&amp;#039;re coming from different places on this subject, and there&amp;#039;s no right or wrong choice. This is what we&amp;#039;ve decided.&amp;quot;   Photo by Shutterstock.   /&amp;amp;gt;   Pressure point: &amp;quot;When will you buy a home?&amp;quot;    This one usually comes from parents and in-laws, and it can feel pushy because it gets at two things you may prefer to keep private: how much money you two have, and where you prefer to live.   How to deal: Try turning the question around, especially if it comes from parents. Hanks suggests that you &amp;quot;reflect back what you think you hear the person saying, like, &amp;#039;Mom, it sounds like you&amp;#039;re really excited about us possibly getting a house because you want us to have a nice life.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Hanks adds that &amp;quot;asking questions helps you see where your parents are coming from.&amp;quot;   Photo by Shutterstock.   /&amp;amp;gt;/&amp;amp;gt;   Pressure point: &amp;quot;Where are you spending the holidays?&amp;quot;    This is already a huge source of conflict between many couples; adding pressure from families on top of that can turn any fun holiday into a miserable grind.   How to deal: This is, ideally, something you should hash out between the two of you before your wedding day because &amp;quot;once you&amp;#039;re married, that&amp;#039;s your main family,&amp;quot; says Hanks. Your aim is to try to please that person/family first, then take your families-of-origin into consideration. If your parents or in-laws push back against your plans, &amp;quot;use the turn-the-conversation-around method,&amp;quot; says Hanks. Say, &amp;quot;Mom, I know you&amp;#039;re going to miss me. It makes me feel good to know you care that much, and I&amp;#039;ll miss you, too.&amp;quot; What you&amp;#039;re doing, and should try to do with all of these peer-pressure moments, is acknowledging the emotional message underneath the pressure.   Photo by SW Productions.   /&amp;amp;gt; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a8659/how-to-handle-relationship-questions-gracefully-109997/>