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"A group of researchers have published a study about commitment in the June issue of Psychological Science. They found that a good predictor of becoming a strong partner in a relationship was having had a supportive, involved mother as a toddler and, as an adolescent, having been able to work through conflicts. If a person had the opposite, they were more likely to be commitmentphobes (or just not as invested). However, it wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t each individual&amp;#x27;s commitment that helped a relationship last. It was how well their levels of commitment matched. Two people who&amp;amp;#8217;d had supportive parenting were &amp;amp;#8220;strong links&amp;amp;#8221; and of course, could weather conflict. Two &amp;amp;#8220;weak links&amp;amp;#8221; were also okay&amp;amp;#8212;they didn&amp;amp;#8217;t try as hard to work things out, but their expectations were both low, so there wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t a lot of fighting. But when a strong link was dating a weak link, the weak link had more influence, and the relationship was less stable. The researchers studied subjects playing at two-years-old (while their moms looked on), then talking about a fight with a best friend at 16. Later, 78 of the kids from that longitudinal study were recruited at age 20-21, along with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The couples were filmed trying to work out their biggest problem. Researchers watched for interactions that were mean, hurtful, and cold. They saw what they predicted: the most hostile couples were the ones with disparate commitments. According to one of the researchers, M. Minda Orina of St. Olaf College, when you&amp;amp;#8217;re a baby or a teen, &amp;amp;#8220;you are learning to manage your own needs and those of the people you care about. You learn: Can I come forward with a problem? What can I expect of the other person? And how can I do this in a way that everyone wins?&amp;amp;#8221; Do you think you and your guy are matched up? Did you have a loving, supportive mother? Do you work through conflicts well? More Ways to Get Glamour: Visit ShopGlamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Download Glamour Magazine for your iPad! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter! Add us to your iGoogle homepage. Photo: Jupiterimages"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2011/05/this-just-in-its-equal-commitm>