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" Dalton is the wild one. Whether this 8-year-old bundle of testosterone is skateboarding or merely brushing his teeth, he tackles every experience with the kind of energy -- and volume -- usually reserved for a thrill ride at Six Flags.  His brother, Stockton, 5, is sweet and sensitive -- often content to quietly work on a puzzle or sit in his mother&amp;#039;s lap. Anne Marie Woodard thought she had her kids pretty much figured out, until the day Dalton announced, &amp;quot;You love him better than me!&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;It was punch-in-the-stomach awful to hear,&amp;quot; says the 39-year-old Cary, NC, mom. &amp;quot;Of course I adore him, but Dalton&amp;#039;s so rough and tumble, I almost think he doesn&amp;#039;t want affection. On the other hand -- and I know how horrible this sounds -- Stockton is just easy to love.&amp;quot;  From the day your baby is born, his temperament -- his underlying personality, determined by genetics -- dictates everything from his sleep habits to the intensity of his cries. It also dictates how you parent -- and how you feel about parenting. After all, it&amp;#039;s not easy managing a rambunctious child 24/7 or drawing out a shy kid who sees the world mostly from behind your legs. And like Woodard, most of us think a good mother loves all her children exactly the same way no matter how different they are. The reality is, you don&amp;#039;t. Nor should you.  &amp;quot;Saying you love your kids the same means missing what is special about each of them,&amp;quot; says Nancy Samalin, author of Loving Each One Best. &amp;quot;The feisty one needs you to honor his spirit. The mischievous one wants to be loved for her curiosity.&amp;quot; Adds Ari Brown, M.D., an Austin, TX-based pediatrician, &amp;quot;Kids come with their own ingredients -- you have to work with them and cook the best way you can.&amp;quot; To help you do just that, we uncovered the four temperaments that most kids fall into and got advice from child-behavioral experts on how to nurture them all. (Yes, even the ones who act more like Godzilla than a grade-schooler!) &amp;quot;The Thinker&amp;quot;   Kennedy is a happy 7-year-old -- as long as everything she does turns out perfectly. &amp;quot;She is her own worst critic,&amp;quot; says mom Krista Weaver, 37, of Homewood, IL. Kennedy breaks down all her tasks -- and even fun activities -- with serious, precise focus. Last fall, when she dropped the ball during softball practice, she refused to catch another fly ball until she&amp;#039;d nailed a few on the sidelines. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s good to be conscientious,&amp;quot; says Weaver. &amp;quot;But I&amp;#039;m afraid she&amp;#039;ll miss out on the joy of life because she is so intense.&amp;quot;  Challenges: Having a child who is hard on herself can be even harder on parents. Who wants to see their daughter devastated by every little setback? And you can&amp;#039;t tell an intense child to &amp;quot;just relax,&amp;quot; either. &amp;quot;They simply don&amp;#039;t know how, and trying to do so adds pressure,&amp;quot; says Brown. A better way to lighten things up is to schedule breaks into their activities. Say: &amp;quot;This is a tough project. We might not get it right away. We&amp;#039;ll work on it for 30 minutes, then come back to it.&amp;quot; Using humor can help, too. If he&amp;#039;s building a model of the solar system for science class, turn a planet into a big red nose for yourself and make him laugh. It&amp;#039;ll help him enjoy the process of the task and not just focus single-mindedly on the result. Plus, laughter is a great antidote for anxiety, which intense kids have in abundance.  Strengths: One thing parents of an intense kid don&amp;#039;t have to worry about is that he&amp;#039;ll easily fall victim to peer pressure, as more impulsive kids tend to do. &amp;quot;Serious children make mistakes, but for the most part they&amp;#039;re going to think -- and usually overthink -- their every decision,&amp;quot; says Brown. Kids like Kennedy have the makings of a budding engineer or medical doctor and tend to be high achievers in whatever career they choose. &amp;quot;The Quiet One&amp;quot;  Arlyce Anderson of Montclair, NJ, rarely takes her painfully shy son, Jalen, 6, anywhere without doing her research first. She has to find out who else will be there, determine which other kids she might &amp;quot;fix him up&amp;quot; with, then talk him through what to expect. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s almost like he needs to look through the window and take everything in before he decides to go inside,&amp;quot; Anderson, 46, says of her son. &amp;quot;He wants to join other kids, but he&amp;#039;s not sure how to go about it. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I want to scream, &amp;#039;Get a grip; they&amp;#039;re just kids like you!&amp;#039; But mostly I just worry.&amp;quot;  Challenges: &amp;quot;Shyness may be the most misunderstood temperament,&amp;quot; says Marilyn Benoit, M.D., a Washington, DC-based child psychiatrist. &amp;quot;Society today seems to reward adults who are aggressive and socially skilled. But shy doesn&amp;#039;t have to mean timid. Much of the time, shy people are as confident as the rest of us, just quieter.&amp;quot; To help your shy child come out of his shell, make him feel comfortable. Arrange one-on-one playdates and small parties so that he won&amp;#039;t be overwhelmed. Be supportive, but let him warm up at his own pace. Just don&amp;#039;t pressure a shy child to socialize -- it&amp;#039;ll make him even more self-conscious. &amp;quot;The child, not the parent, is the best one to determine when it&amp;#039;s the right time to join in the fun,&amp;quot; says Benoit.  Strengths: Just because a shy child tends to hang back from the crowd doesn&amp;#039;t mean he&amp;#039;s retreated into his own world. In fact, shy people can be keen observers, taking in nuances that extroverts miss. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;re usually really good listeners, able to hear what&amp;#039;s being said and even what isn&amp;#039;t, which is a rare gift,&amp;quot; says Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist with practices in New York and Greenwich, CT. Children with this temperament often grow up to be researchers, scientists, great writers -- and loyal friends. &amp;quot;The Cool Kid&amp;quot;  For Briana Bouldin, good grades have always come easily. &amp;quot;She totally wings it,&amp;quot; says her mom, Barbara, 40. But with middle school around the corner for the Woodbridge, VA, 10-year-old, her parents worry that Briana&amp;#039;s laissez-faire attitude might impact her schoolwork and make her susceptible to peer pressure. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s very concerned with what her friends think,&amp;quot; says Bouldin. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s a good kid, but I can see where her &amp;#039;whatever&amp;#039; type of personality might make it tough for her to buckle down and think her actions through.&amp;quot;  Challenges: Parents of laid-back kids worry that these types will dream their way through life. As a result, some parents push them extra hard, which may damage these kids&amp;#039; self-esteem. A better approach: Use what&amp;#039;s important to the child as leverage to get her involved in constructive activities. For instance, she could run for class president or become the captain of a sports team, both of which will capitalize on her natural people skills and bolster her social status -- but also require her to work toward an accomplishment. Likewise, if good grades can win her entr\u00E9e into honors clubs, she&amp;#039;ll be positively influenced to take her studies more seriously.  Strengths: Winging it actually requires enormous confidence, and the &amp;quot;whatever will be, will be&amp;quot; attitude that worries parents is what&amp;#039;s going to help kids like Briana remain coolheaded and adaptable in times of stress. &amp;quot;Instead of getting caught up, they take life as it comes,&amp;quot; says Rosenfeld. And since people are naturally drawn to laid-back types -- &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s something cool about not trying too hard,&amp;quot; notes Brown -- they often do well in public relations or marketing careers. &amp;quot;The Bulldozer&amp;quot;  Raising Jeremiah is like living with the Energizer Bunny, says stay-at-home dad Michael Gabriel-Deveux of his 4-year-old son, the second of four siblings. &amp;quot;He&amp;#039;s far more active and impulsive than even his younger brothers,&amp;quot; says Gabriel-Deveux, 45. Like Woodard with her son Dalton, Gabriel-Deveux finds keeping up with his son physically and mentally draining. &amp;quot;To him, &amp;#039;no&amp;#039; doesn&amp;#039;t mean &amp;#039;no,&amp;#039; it means, &amp;#039;How can I push the envelope?&amp;#039;&amp;quot; he says.  Challenges: It&amp;#039;s very difficult for energetic kids to resist their impulses, says Rosenfeld. So first, remember that what comes across as disobedience is mostly a result of intense curiosity. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s not fair to have the same expectations of them as their more low-key sibling,&amp;quot; says Benoit. &amp;quot;Reprimands 24/7 will only make them feel bad about themselves.&amp;quot; Also, it&amp;#039;ll make you more frustrated, since trying to force them to calm down will likely backfire. Instead, make allowances for your child&amp;#039;s supersize energy. When kids like Dalton and Jeremiah come home from school, let them run around the yard for at least 30 minutes before they&amp;#039;re expected to sit and do homework. And designate an area in the home as a place where they can play freely -- no fancy furnishings or breakable objects.  Strengths: All that running around is exasperating to parents now, but it builds strength and resiliency in adulthood. &amp;quot;These kids are tenacious,&amp;quot; says Rosenfeld. &amp;quot;When life knocks them down they tend to brush themselves off and quickly get back up.&amp;quot; This type may grow up to be a chief executive, an entrepreneur or even a pro athlete. The key idea to remember is that aggressive kids -- and kids of all temperaments -- can be good at whatever they choose to do, if parents show them how to flourish on their own terms. &amp;quot;There is no right way to succeed in life,&amp;quot; says Rosenfeld. &amp;quot;Each temperament finds its path.&amp;quot; There&amp;#039;s a lot of debate in the medical community over how much environmental and social elements -- such as birth order and early child care -- shape a child&amp;#039;s personality. But there is one factor that experts agree is a personality-altering catalyst: trauma. &amp;quot;It can be divorce, the death of a parent, abuse -- it can come in many forms,&amp;quot; says Louis J. Kraus, M.D., director of child psychiatry at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. &amp;quot;And what might be traumatic to one child may not necessarily be traumatic to another.&amp;quot;  A sudden change in temperament is a sure red flag that your child needs help -- a once outgoing and happy child might become withdrawn and sullen; a thoughtful kid who had lots of friends might grow aggressive and get into fights. But the signs may also be more subtle: The things he likes and dislikes might change; he may become angry or scared easily.  What can parents do? Get your child talking. Kids may blame themselves for whatever is happening to them, so help your child identify which events are in her control and which aren&amp;#039;t and get her to talk positively about herself. &amp;quot;Calm her fear by planning ahead together if there&amp;#039;s a stressful situation coming up,&amp;quot; says Kraus, &amp;quot;and try to understand what&amp;#039;s behind her aggressive behavior.&amp;quot; Tell her that her actions are unacceptable, but also reassure her by saying that feeling angry sometimes is normal. It&amp;#039;s also normal, though, to feel that you can&amp;#039;t get through to your child. &amp;quot;In these cases, there&amp;#039;s only so much a parent can do,&amp;quot; says Kraus, &amp;quot;and professional intervention is crucial.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/advice/a162/child-temperament-hl/>