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"Save the Date reader Amy is wondering about this&amp;amp;#8212;and has to make a decision soon&amp;amp;#133; Writes Amy: &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m a bridesmaid for one of my college friends. The other girls and I are throwing her a shower near where we all live now; the bride&amp;amp;#8217;s mom is throwing her a separate shower in her hometown (six hours from my house) and &amp;amp;#8216;implores&amp;amp;#8217; us (yes, she really used that word) to come. Should I make the trip? I&amp;amp;#8217;m already going there for the wedding! And if I do go, do I need to bring gifts to both showers?&amp;amp;#8221; Here&amp;amp;#8217;s what I think: When you sign up to be a bridesmaid, you&amp;amp;#8217;re agreeing to show your pretty face at exactly one shower, one bachelorette party, and one wedding&amp;amp;#8212;no more, no less. Of course, things come up that may stop you from attending one of those (say, your sister gives birth as you&amp;amp;#8217;re about to board the boat for the bachelorette booze cruise), but otherwise, you&amp;amp;#8217;d be there with bells on (or rather, penis earrings on). When a bride, or in this case, a bride&amp;amp;#8217;s mom, asks you to go above that three-party limit, you don&amp;amp;#8217;t have to say yes. Implore&amp;amp;#8217;s a pretty strong word, though! Maybe there&amp;amp;#8217;s a damn good reason the mother-of-the-bride is begging you to join the fun. Will your friend be miserable at a strictly family party? Even though a six-hour drive is a pain to do once, let alone twice, let alone twice in a few weeks, if it&amp;amp;#8217;ll take the bride from heartbroken to happy, it might be worth it. So ask the mom what the deal is. If all she gives you is, &amp;amp;#8220;You&amp;amp;#8217;re a bridesmaid; you should be there,&amp;amp;#8221; you can politely pass. Thank her profusely for the invitation and remind her just how much you love her daughter&amp;amp;#8212;so much that you&amp;amp;#8217;re throwing a shower for her and driving six hours to stand by her side while she exchanges vows (and, potentially, don those penis earrings a few nights before). Avoid blaming your budget or your schedule&amp;amp;#8212;if the above doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t satisfy the MOB, those excuses definitely won&amp;amp;#8217;t. So let&amp;amp;#8217;s pretend the bride will just die if you&amp;amp;#8217;re not there for that second shower. Should you bring a gift? Technically, yes. Showers are all about showering the bride with presents (and love, but mostly presents) with the old-school intention of helping her set up her new home (even though she&amp;amp;#8217;s lived with her guy for years now). But don&amp;amp;#8217;t feel like you have to pick a pricey present off her registry both times (or even once&amp;amp;#8212;you&amp;amp;#8217;re hosting that first party, and that&amp;amp;#8217;s a gift in itself!). A scrapbook makes a mighty nice and economical gift (seriously, the one my little sis made me beat out every bowl, blender, and blanket from other guests). Or you could do a two-part gift and give her one small part (emphasis on small) at the first shower and the other at the second shower. If other bridesmaids are getting suckered into shower #2, pool your resources one more time for a present (and maybe shave a little off your wedding gift so you don&amp;amp;#8217;t go broke). Do you think she should suck it up and go to the hometown shower? Is her presence there enough of a present? Or should she tell the mother-of-the-bride to back off (Amy&amp;amp;#8217;ll be doing 24 hours worth of driving if she goes to both!)? More Stories for Bridesmaids How to Be the World&amp;#x27;s Best Bridesmaid Have You Ever Worn a Bridesmaids Dress You Actually Liked? The Bridesmaid&amp;#x27;s Bill of Rights More Ways to Get Glamour Visit Shopglamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter Add us to your iGoogle homepage Photo: Jupiterimages "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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