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"  One notable resurgence in a baby name that won&amp;#039;t surprise you at all: Christian, which has been popular for two decades but tripled in the first quarter of 2013 thanks to (you guessed it) 50 Shades of Grey. Because there&amp;#039;s nobody your son should emulate more than the aloof, emotionally-stunted, Ben-Wah ball-hoarding sadist Christian Grey. Needless to say, the list of this year&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;hottest&amp;quot; baby names is upon us, and I would like this opportunity to throw some shade at it, because It&amp;#039;s almost like the 2013 moms-to-be intentionally set out to give their kid wedgies.  What happened to all the simple Kyles, Bens and Alex&amp;#039;s?! Who do we blame for this travesty? Perhaps the myriad celebrities who name their kids things like &amp;quot;Apple&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;Moroccan&amp;quot;? (That would be Gwyneth Paltrow&amp;#039;s daughter and one of Mariah Carey&amp;#039;s #dembabies, respectively.) Today.com has compiled a list courtesy of Nameberry of 13 unusual names that are being co-opted by expecting women. Some of them are cute and old-fashioned, like Marnie (inspired, naturally, by Girls), Nelly and Mavis. Sure! I can get into that. Grandma names are adorable. Others are... well, it&amp;#039;s not good. There will be classrooms full of Phaedras, Severines, Marlowes, Thors, Wilders and Linneas, just to name a few. Uhh, and Minguses. I sh*t you not. MINGUS. Look, America. Every baby is a unique and special snowflake who will grow up to be a unique and special non-baby, whether or not you saddle yours with a name like Mingus, or any other whopping albatross of a moniker. The only thing a name like that might correlate to is mucho back-of-the-bus teasing and a possible future addiction to Whippits. Iconoclastic names may seem like a good idea now that you&amp;#039;re a cool, progressive expectant mom who can kick back with an artisenal beer once in awhile, but cut to a few years later. Will little Severine Goldberg&amp;#039;s first day in fifth grade will be easy? Hell, no. And by high school, not-so-little Severine Goldberg will f*cking hate you, Mom. NOW GET OUT OF HER ROOM. That does it: If I ever have a baby, I&amp;#039;m gonna name it Kid A. If it&amp;#039;s good enough for a Radiohead album, it&amp;#039;s good enough for me. Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw Photo via Thinkstock "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a12333/2013-baby-names-weird/>