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"  My sister, who&amp;#039;s 42, was laid off six years ago and hasn&amp;#039;t had a steady job since. She says she lacks the requirements for other positions. I offered her my savings so she could go back to school for a master&amp;#039;s degree, but she refused. She&amp;#039;s had probably three temp positions since losing her job, and has been living off her own savings, which she can still get by on for a few more years. What really worries me is that she isn&amp;#039;t doing anything to improve her situation, has very low confidence, and seems unmotivated. She just spent $200 on a fish tank but won&amp;#039;t subscribe to the local newspaper. I know I can&amp;#039;t talk to her about working, because when I do, she gets offended and very upset. What can I do to motivate her again? T.L., 39, Washougal, WA A: I admire you for being so concerned that you offered your sister your savings. I&amp;#039;m also glad she didn&amp;#039;t take you up on it. Now more than ever, we&amp;#039;ve all got to be prudent about our finances. And anyway, your willingness to sacrifice your own financial security will not stoke her desire to improve her life. Your offer also puts an enormous amount of pressure on her to succeed, since it&amp;#039;s your hard-earned savings she&amp;#039;s spending. Have you ever really tried to lead a horse to water and make it drink? It&amp;#039;s such a silly old saying, we hardly even understand what it means. It&amp;#039;s very easy to guide a horse to the water trough, but if it&amp;#039;s not thirsty, it will stand there all day. You can try to drag its head down toward the water; it will only rear up and run off. You can get behind it to urge it forward; it will step into the trough before it will lean down to drink. All you can do is wait. And that&amp;#039;s the situation you&amp;#039;re in. You can&amp;#039;t force your sister to get motivated (though the state of the economy just might, necessity being the mother of invention and all that). She gets upset when you bring up the subject because she knows she needs to get her act together and for whatever reason isn&amp;#039;t able to.  Give the subject a rest for now. Instead, focus on encouraging your sister to get involved with something non-work-related that gives her confidence and energy. I welcome every possible opportunity in this column to beat the drum for daily exercise, not only for what it does for our bodies but also for the feel-good chemicals it releases in our brains. Could the two of you join a yoga class? Take up tennis? Could you walk together in the evenings? Keep an eye out for a time when she seems willing to talk about what&amp;#039;s going on with her. But remember that she&amp;#039;s unlikely to confide in you if she feels she&amp;#039;s going to be lectured. So for now, easy does it.   Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She&amp;#039;s also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner.  Need smart advice? Maybe your best friend is suddenly acting strangely. Or your parents or in-laws are making you nuts. Or your sister always takes your moms side in an argument, instead of yours. Whatevers bugging or perplexing you about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it REDBOOKs Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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