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" Do animals have oral sex? How did we get started on it? No one wants to imagine cocker spaniels or Osmonds having sex for reasons other than procreation, but nonhuman animals are not always as puritanical as people would like to think. &amp;quot;For a lot of animals, particularly social mammals like primates, sex is part of life just as it is for humans, and sexuality is expressed in many situations,&amp;quot; explains Marlene Zuk, author of Sexual Selections: What We Can and Can&amp;#039;t Learn About Sex from Animals. Consider bonobo apes, whose peaceful, free-love societies deep in the Congo have been turning on scientists for years. Bonobos engage in all manner of sexual activity, including homosexual sex (both kinds), missionary-sex position, oral sex, genital-to-genital rubbing, mutual masturbation, and even French kissing. The difference is, for bonobos, sex is the preferred social lubricant. (Silly monkeys -- that&amp;#039;s what Kahl\u00FAa mudslides are for!) However, while oral-sex-like behavior has been observed in other mammals, this degree of sexual liberation has never been found outside of bonobo colonies or Andy Dick&amp;#039;s house. Oral action for animals is usually a means to an end (stop it) and not an end in itself. &amp;quot;Animals that have only oral sex and never have intercourse wouldn&amp;#039;t last very long, after all,&amp;quot; says Zuk, which is not to say they wouldn&amp;#039;t have made the most of their time here. Humans, we can assume, have been going down since the dawn of time. Timothy Taylor, author of The Prehistory of Sex, describes ancient Mongolian rock art that depicts a woman fellating one man while being penetrated by another, but he doesn&amp;#039;t mention if it was really hot or just your standard cave-painting stuff. I can only guess we discovered oral sex for the same reason we discovered deep-fried Twinkies: our relentless quest for pleasure coupled with our enormous brains and lots of free time.  So much is made in film and literature about how great cunnilingus is. I&amp;#039;ve tried it. It stinks and tastes worse than cat food. Have I perhaps missed a sanitizing step in the process, or am I just not &amp;quot;in love&amp;quot; enough to disregard the unpleasantness? I commend your bravery in voicing a controversial opinion, and I feel for you -- shunned from the pack, out there roaming the tundra alone. According to Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, &amp;quot;Every man should...appreciate a woman&amp;#039;s cassoulet, not letting pheromones turn into fearamones.&amp;quot; Now, I have no idea what that means, but I do know this: Female genitalia is an &amp;quot;acquired taste,&amp;quot; a term used to describe something -- usually jazz or lentil soup -- that people train themselves to like so that no one can accuse them of being dumb. A sanitizing step is not necessary since the vagina is a self-cleaning system, so unless there is a strong odor (which could signal infection), it&amp;#039;s possible that all she needs is a shower. Experts recommend working this into foreplay. I know it&amp;#039;s easier said than done, but just say to her, &amp;quot;Courtney, it&amp;#039;s time for your hearing! Chop, chop!&amp;quot; You may want to try a small amount of lubricant, which comes in all kinds of flavors, like pi\u00F1a colada, mango, wild cherry, lamb-and-rice formula, fisherman&amp;#039;s stew, and hair-ball control. However, as Michael DeMarco of mytherapist.info says, &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s probably just a good idea to learn to like it.&amp;quot; Besides, you know she won&amp;#039;t let you leave the table until you&amp;#039;re all done.  Last weekend my girlfriend was out of town, and I accidentally found her vibrator. Does this mean that I&amp;#039;m not satisfying her? (It&amp;#039;s definitely bigger than I am.) Should I try to bring it into the bedroom with us? Your girlfriend&amp;#039;s urge to masturbate is no different than yours, and I&amp;#039;m sure she considers you and her vibrator special in your own ways. Don&amp;#039;t feel threatened or try to compete, and you certainly shouldn&amp;#039;t attempt to win her vibrator over by buying it a BMX bike and some Kiss records; it&amp;#039;ll see right through that. Remember, it&amp;#039;s just an inanimate object -- an inanimate object made of natural-feeling, fleshlike latex, with superthrusting action and realistic hand-painted detailing that may or may not resemble that guy from her office who acts all weird around you. &amp;quot;Don&amp;#039;t worry about not being as large as the sex toy as long as you are able to penetrate adequately,&amp;quot; reassures sex therapist Raymond R. Brown. It&amp;#039;s fine to suggest using it in the bedroom, but don&amp;#039;t push it. As Joy Davidson, Ph.D., sex therapist, and author of Fearless Sex, reminds us, &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s making love -- or having a raunchy good time -- with your partner, and then there&amp;#039;s that self-satisfying itch-scratching you do on your own.&amp;quot; Dr. Davidson, please! People are reading this! Got a sex question of your own? Send it to esquire.com/talk. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a436/esq1004-oct-sex/>