<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" In 1777, Americans celebrated July 4th by firing off thirteen rockets that magically transformed into thirteen stars in the skies over Boston and Philadelphia. Impressive? Absolutely\u2014especially to colonialists who would have been amazed by shitting indoors. A full 237 years later, plumbing has disrupted the outhouse, Google is developing cars that drive themselves, phones get tinier and more powerful every single day, and fireworks are shockingly similar to the ones enjoyed by the wooden-toothed heroes who founded this great nation. Seriously, you could buy &amp;quot;rockets, serpents, wheels, table rockets, cherry trees, fountains, and sun flowers&amp;quot; from a Philadelphia merchant in 1784, which all sound extremely similar to the ROYGBIV-colored peonies and chrysanthemums, crossettes and dahlias, willows and palms, and other vaguely botanical shapes Look, I get that fireworks are tough to build and like a football meathead bitching about World Cup strategy, I&amp;#039;ll surely never understand the Periodic Table of Elements that goes into making them do what they do. Hell, it takes me several minutes just to light that stupid wick on the Yankee Candle sitting on my coffee table. But, regardless of what it takes to make these things go boom, I&amp;#039;d think if Macy&amp;#039;s is spending an estimated $7-$10 million on fireworks (and the city of New York is spending $1.9 million simply for security) we could at least have something more surprising and truly spectacular without needing to &amp;quot;understand&amp;quot; thermite and rubidium and magnesium aluminum. RELATED: The Summer Shoes Every Man Needs This Year Sadly, it seems to be going the opposite direction. Last year Business Insider reported that fireworks are actually getting less spectacular and by that I mean they are getting smaller and by that I mean they are clearly getting worse. But, hey, at least these new micro-works will still be synced to Stars and Stripes Forever and This Land is Your Land and maybe even Neil Diamond&amp;#039;s America if we&amp;#039;re truly lucky! That&amp;#039;s just not enough. So I ask, let&amp;#039;s start demanding more from our fireworks masterminds. Let&amp;#039;s demand something more inspired from those pyromaniacs getting giant paydays from local governments and department stores. Let&amp;#039;s at least demand a smiley face that, for once, doesn&amp;#039;t look all stroked out. Wouldn&amp;#039;t you love to actually look toward the sky on a July 4th sometime in this decade and be surprised and impressed for once? Ooooooooh.  Aaaaaaaaah.  Blah. Originally published at Esquire. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.popularmechanics.com/adventure/outdoors/a10809/why-arent-fireworks-getting-any-better-16949160/>