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" I&amp;#039;ve already given my opinion about the Bond franchise in general, which can, roughly speaking, be summed up in three words: bland, tasteless rapist. Having now seen Skyfall, which comes out on Friday, I&amp;#039;m going to have to revise that assessment somewhat. Bond is no longer a rapist. In fact, he barely has sex. He retains his level of generally obvious taste, which as I said before, is less a style than a price point. This time, however, Bond has doubled down on the blandness. Skyfall is one of the most smoothly manufactured acts of purely forgettable filmmaking we are likely to see this or any year. I&amp;#039;m glad I took notes, because when I woke up the morning after seeing it, they were the only thing to remind me that I had seen a film at all.  May I ask an obvious question? Why has Bond never fought against a Muslim terrorist? I mean, the Western world is actually involved in a shadowy war of assassination in glamorous locations. And yet Bond still remains locked in the post-Cold War. In Skyfall, he gets tantalizingly close to actually engaging with Chinese industrial espionage, but then reverts to a silly plot involving revenge for activities that happened in the nineties. Nostalgia drenches this film. When I saw it, the only time the audience actually applauded was when Bond unveiled his old Astin Martin. Of course, the whole premise of the franchise is based on the by-now-ludicrous notion that England possesses geopolitical clout. The nationalist bragging increases in intensity as its reflection of reality decreases, so recently the size of Brazil&amp;#039;s economy passed England&amp;#039;s, and James Bond can be as uber-patriotic as possible. James Bond consciously lives in the past and always has, I know, but now he has begun to live in a past before the past. The same-old same-old is becoming the very, very old indeed.  The storytelling, too, is locked away in antiquity. No Bond ritual goes unperformed. No obvious twist goes untwisted. No clich\u00E9 goes unspoken. Instead of going to this movie, stay home and ask yourself what a Bond film with Javier Bardem as the villain would look like. That&amp;#039;s what it is. Generally, I don&amp;#039;t mind formulaic films \u2014 Coke is a formula, and it&amp;#039;s delicious \u2014 but Skyfall goes well beyond formula into some world of zen inaction. As little thinking as possible was put into the development of this film. The defining feature of Skyfall is the theme song by Adele, that prophetess of beige-pop. It&amp;#039;s perfect for the movie, which can most aptly be described as a beige-thriller.  What&amp;#039;s most extraordinary about Skyfall is how boring all its massively talented cast manages to be when they put their minds to it. Sam Mendes is a great director. Daniel Craig is probably the best Bond ever. He has this way of running that looks exactly how a professional assassin would look if he had been trained to run like an assassin. And Javier Bardem is Javier Bardem. I did not believe before this film that he could turn in a bland performance. What he and Mendes did was look over the supremely brilliant turn in No Country for Old Men and figure out a way to do the same thing, with less interest. And they succeeded. There is something terribly wasteful about having all these brilliant artists deliberately trying not to entertain or to surprise. It&amp;#039;s like going to Per Se and ordering a PB&amp;amp;amp;J. Skyfall represents a high (or low) moment for the blandification of pop culture. It&amp;#039;s the filmic equivalent of what you hear while you&amp;#039;re waiting in line at Starbucks. It&amp;#039;s like the art in the hotel room of midlevel boutique hotels. In England, Skyfall has already broken first-week records for new films, surpassing Harry Potter. That&amp;#039;s a lot money on the same-old same-old. Don&amp;#039;t waste yours. Stay home and watch Homeland. It&amp;#039;s interesting.  MORE BOND ON THE CULTURE BLOG: Confessions of a James Bond Hater, Secrets of the Bond Stuntman, Talking in French with Skyfall&amp;#039;s Sexy New Bond Girl MORE BOND ON THE STYLE BLOG: The Skyfall Style Review, How to Steal the Skyfall Look, a Fantastic New 007 Photo Gallery, Daniel Craig&amp;#039;s Premiere Look, Bond on Any Budget, His New Watch, 007&amp;#039;s Style History Follow The Culture Blog on RSS and on Twitter at @ESQCulture. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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