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" Billy Crystal tells a tearful Meg Ryan at the end of When Harry Met Sally: &amp;quot;When you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as quickly as possible.&amp;quot; But remake the movie with urban twentysomethings circa 2013, it&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;as soon as I can finish my masters&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;get that promotion&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;afford a bigger apartment.&amp;quot; Many couples are stretching out their engagements for as long as their friends and family will let them. Which one ultimately bodes better for engaged Youngs \u2014 a very long engagement, or a shotgun wedding?  The Long: New Yorkers Dan and Emma were both anti-marriage when they first met, but after dating four and a half years \u2014 and getting a legal domestic partnership \u2014 they decided it was a good way to go. They haven&amp;#039;t set a date yet, but it&amp;#039;ll be at least two years from now.  Education was a higher priority than wedding planning for both Dan and Emma, who have a phD and a masters degree respectively. Dan says: &amp;quot;Both Emma and I wanted me to be significantly closer to finishing my dissertation by the time of the wedding: having prospective employment is a good thing.&amp;quot; They&amp;#039;re also set on one particular venue, which rarely rents out for events. While they admit that tradional family members on both sides are perplexed by their wait time, Rachel Sussman, New York City-based therapist and relationship expert, is on their side: &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s good for couples to know each other for at least a year to two years before they get married. This gives you plenty of time to get to know each other to secure the foundation and the friendship.&amp;quot; Speaking of which, there are social benefits to a long engagement as well, according to Emma: &amp;quot;It feels a bit like having it both ways\u2014 avoiding the sterotypes that come with being single and the ones that come with being married.&amp;quot; This brings us to the elephant in the room among couples putting off marriage: The dreaded FOMO. Are one or both members of the couple dallying because they&amp;#039;re still checking out other options in their peripherals? Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity, &amp;quot;If a couple puts off marriage and is engaged for a very long time, they have to look at the motivation behind having a long engagement.&amp;quot;  This phenomenon commonly occurs in celebrities: this week it came out that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth&amp;#039;s year-and-a-half-long engagement was called off. The two unfollowed each other on Twitter, which is basically the 2013 version of tossing the Heart of The Ocean overboard. The Median: So what is the average length of an engagement? By celebrity wedding planner Shawn Rabideau&amp;#039;s definition, it&amp;#039;s ten months \u2014 the ideal length, in his opinion, to plan their dream ceremony without overplanning and obsessing. Michelle and Daniel, who dated on and off for 10 years (&amp;quot;two adult years,&amp;quot; clarifies Michelle) before getting engaged. The two are now married, and she maintains that their wait time \u2014 11 months \u2014 was the perfect length. They were able to plan their ideal wedding, with enough time to save some money seeking out the most cost-efficient options. Says Michelle: &amp;quot;Any longer, and I would have gotten really impatient. Any shorter, I might have felt rushed and stressed. For me, about 10 to 12 months of engagement is the sage choice.&amp;quot; She also recalls more than a few friends who had waited longer, and then suffered post-nuptial &amp;quot;wedding withdrawal&amp;quot; after the big day came and went. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;d had so much time to obsess over it and and plan it, it was completely consuming, and then it was just... over. They had no idea what to do with themselves.&amp;quot;  The Short: Jessica and Kale, both in their late twenties, dated for four months before getting engaged. Their wedding date is set for next month. Most of her family is supportive, says Jessica: &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;ve known me long enough and seen me date a bunch of guys I felt &amp;quot;meh&amp;quot; about to know my feelings are true and real and enduring.&amp;quot;  However, there are naysayers \u2014 among them, one of Jessica&amp;#039;s sisters. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve sensed from a couple people that they think Kale and I are moving too fast in the way they&amp;#039;ve responded to our engagement. Several people have made comments to me about how we can &amp;#039;always get a divorce if it doesn&amp;#039;t work out.&amp;#039; Newsflash, people! That&amp;#039;s extremely rude to say to someone who just got engaged.&amp;quot; Battista says that short-term compatibility is easy to find, but &amp;quot;the test of a successful relationship is how do you, as a couple, get back to compatibility&amp;quot; as both of you mature as people after the marriage. It&amp;#039;s tough for young Jessica and Kale to predict if they&amp;#039;ll make it through the growing pains, says Battista, but &amp;quot;if [a couple is] over 40 and have a clear idea of what they want, a short engagement might work.&amp;quot; Rachel Sussman is more blunt: &amp;quot;A couple who meets and gets engaged within 90 days and then gets married after another 90 days? I&amp;#039;m not so sure about their success rate.&amp;quot;  Shawn Rabideau is more non-judgmental about the timeline. In fact, he&amp;#039;s excited by the hands-on approach that grooms with brief engagements take to the planning. &amp;quot;The biggest trend I see is that during shorter engagements more and more grooms are getting involved in the wedding planning process. For me this is quite refreshing because it shows a vested interest by both the bride and the groom.&amp;quot;  Follow Anna on Twitter.   Image via Universal  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/news/a4812/engagements-long-vs-short/?click=rel>