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"    More women than ever are becoming the family breadwinner\u2014and if only that meant we&amp;#039;ve reached an age of enlightened equality. But the economy can move faster than emotions, and lots of women who outearn their husbands are discovering new marriage minefields. That&amp;#039;s where Farnoosh Torabi comes in; the personal finance expert just published When She Makes More, and she explained what&amp;#039;s going on\u2014and how women can get back to a happy place (without sacrificing the money-making job or the marriage). Why are some women unhappy with their role as breadwinner?  One of the biggest concerns women have expressed is they feel like they&amp;#039;re doing it all\u2014they&amp;#039;re bringing home the bacon, then they&amp;#039;re coming home and managing all the domestic responsibilities. Plus, some of us are holding on to antiquated ideals about the roles men and women should play in a marriage\u2014and it can lead to guilt, shame, and questions of identity for both sexes. Some women are reluctant breadwinners. If that&amp;#039;s you, you need to figure out how to move the puzzle pieces around and redefine your roles. Couples typically don&amp;#039;t do this. They go with the flow. There needs to be a conscious stop-break where you acknowledge that you&amp;#039;re still a team but that you have to remap your goals. Your financial situation may not be as temporary as you like, but it&amp;#039;s not forever. Have a timeline for reassessing\u2014for example, if he hasn&amp;#039;t found a new job in three months, do you downsize? Does he switch industries? Do you ask for a raise?  But aren&amp;#039;t there women who are happy with their careers\u2014who want to be making more? What can they do to stop feeling like they have to manage everything?  If you&amp;#039;re the breadwinner by choice, it&amp;#039;s about remembering that while you may make the money, you do have a partner. He&amp;#039;s willing to help, and it would make him so happy to be able to provide for you in a different way. To get that across, you need to cater to the male brain. That&amp;#039;s what going to make him feel special, important, and not emasculated. It&amp;#039;s not bowing to patriarchy. It&amp;#039;s more about appreciating the way he likes to be communicated to. And how do we do that?  If you find you&amp;#039;re in a relationship where you feel overwhelmed or disenchanted, you have to be honest with your emotions. A lot of times, we&amp;#039;re afraid to face them and to acknowledge that even though we feel empowered financially, we also want to be taken care of. Start the conversation by saying, &amp;quot;What would really be a huge help to me and would really change our lives is if I could get your help taking over this day-to-day. I know I&amp;#039;ve been really swarmed and distracted, but this would take a big weight off of me. It would make my life easier and it would make me happier.&amp;quot; To convince him that this is worth taking over, it&amp;#039;s important to present it as a need, not a want. But be careful to only use the word &amp;quot;need&amp;quot; when it applies to something essential, or the term will lose its power. Finally, Adam Gilad, a relationship coach, taught me that in order to get men to do what you need done, you must be both appreciative and admiring. To that end, make sure to say thank you and &amp;quot;It really meant a lot when you did X, Y, or Z.&amp;quot; You can even go so far as to use the word &amp;quot;hero,&amp;quot; as in, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;d be my hero if\u2026.&amp;quot; But, again, use sparingly!  That all sounds great, but does it take the excitement away? Is it possible for a breadwinning woman to have a passionate marriage too? I&amp;#039;m the breadwinner in my marriage, so I certainly do hope so! But joking aside, I&amp;#039;ve interviewed enough couples over the last two years to learn that while it&amp;#039;s not an easy ride when a woman makes more, couples can still have intimate, passionate relationships. The key is redefining your roles to better fit your strengths and your family&amp;#039;s needs, and setting aside real time for one another beyond the day-to-day rituals. Date nights that he plans and picks up the check for can go a long way in rekindling intimacy. Chivalry is not dead when it comes to sparking up romance. When he takes charge of the evening, it lets you know that he has your back. If that&amp;#039;s what you want, tell him. He&amp;#039;ll appreciate it, and frankly, you deserve it! Beyond that, consciously build in downtime. It&amp;#039;s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you need to make all of the decisions all the time when you bring home the bigger paycheck. Not only can that wear you out, it leaves little energy for or interest in intimacy. Make sure you&amp;#039;re getting the appropriate support you need to allow yourself to relax. Consider outsourcing certain chores that neither you nor your husband want or have time to do, and set boundaries between work and home life, such as agreeing not to check email between 7 and 9 p.m., which can help you be more present for each other day-to-day.  Any other tips for being happy in a marriage where the woman makes more? It&amp;#039;s not only a matter of your mind-set\u2014it takes two. You can&amp;#039;t improve your marriage on your own. You must pull in your husband and discuss how you can, together, readjust your roles and responsibilities in order to feel more at peace in your marriage. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/news/a17637/when-she-makes-more/>