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"Today we&amp;amp;#8217;ve got a reader that really wants to talk to her friend about the man she&amp;amp;#8217;s marrying, but isn&amp;amp;#8217;t sure how. Let&amp;amp;#8217;s talk it out with her. She writes: I am in college and my friends are concerned for one of our best girl friends. She has been in a relationship with a boy from back home for four years, and they recently got back together after a semester long breakup. During their separation, she brought up that he might be in the closet. After they reunited, we met him and are convinced he feels no sexual attraction to her (and potentially not to women at all). We said we wouldn&amp;#x27;t tell her unless they took the next step and got engaged; well, it happened! Sure, they are best friends, but they have only had sex once, and didn&amp;#x27;t enjoy it. We want her to be with someone who will treasure her in every way forever, and marrying your GBF won&amp;#x27;t provide that. How can we let her know their relationship isn&amp;#x27;t healthy and we don&amp;#x27;t believe this is her fairytale? My short answer here is that you can&amp;amp;#8217;t. Now, before I get on my high horse, I&amp;amp;#8217;ll admit I have thought this about a friend&amp;#x27;s boyfriend before. And I&amp;amp;#8217;ve had similar concerns as you likely do: What if she isn&amp;amp;#8217;t getting everything she should out of the relationship? Won&amp;amp;#8217;t she be devastated if he eventually comes out as gay? I totally get that your worries are out of love and concern for your friend&amp;#x27;s happiness. But &amp;amp;#133; it&amp;amp;#8217;s not up to you or me to decide on anyone&amp;amp;#8217;s sexuality but our own. Just because he seems like he might not be into women to you doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t mean he&amp;amp;#8217;s not. Gay guys can seem straight, and straight guys can have more stereotypically &amp;amp;#8220;effeminate&amp;amp;#8221; traits, and it can mean nothing. It&amp;amp;#8217;s pretty unfair to assume you can gauge someone&amp;amp;#8217;s sexuality, especially after meeting him once (and again, I&amp;amp;#8217;ve been guilty of the same judgment myself!). The fianc&amp;amp;eacute; has obviously decided he wants to spend the rest of his life with your friend, and she clearly has overcome any doubts she might have had and feels the same way about him. Since you can&amp;amp;#8217;t know what really goes on in their relationship, this is a case where you have to just respect and support her choices. If you say something to her, I think it&amp;amp;#8217;s going to be disastrous and come across as offensive. NOT because there&amp;amp;#8217;s anything wrong with being gay, of course, but because you&amp;amp;#8217;re questioning her relationship. And if she chooses not to take your advice, which is 99% likely to happen, your friendship will suffer because she&amp;amp;#8217;ll know you don&amp;amp;#8217;t support her upcoming marriage. She&amp;amp;#8217;s not going to want you at her wedding, judging her new husband&amp;amp;#8217;s every move, yknow? What you can do is be there for her if she wants to talk or seems unhappy at any point during her engagement. But I think the key is to ask her how she&amp;amp;#8217;s feeling about everything and let her come to you if she has her own concerns, rather than confronting her with what you think is wrong with the situation. If she does come to you for advice, be honest but don&amp;amp;#8217;t say anything you can&amp;amp;#8217;t take back. For instance, saying something like, &amp;amp;#8220;I can see why it would bother you that your sex life isn&amp;amp;#8217;t enjoyable--that would really bother me too! How have you guys tried to work on it?&amp;amp;#8221; is way more preferable than &amp;amp;#8220;That guy is so flaming and there&amp;amp;#8217;s NO WAY he&amp;amp;#8217;s attracted to women!&amp;amp;#8221; Um, obviously. But if she&amp;amp;#8217;s happy with her relationship, you need to let her live her life and be happy for her. What do you guys think? Would you tell a friend if you thought her guy was gay? Or do you agree that it&amp;amp;#8217;s not your place to make that judgment? Problem solvers to the rescue: *Reader&amp;#x27;s Dilemma: We&amp;#x27;ve Lived Together Several Times, But We Keep Moving Out. Where Do We Go From Here? *Reader&amp;#x27;s Dilemma: My Boyfriend Never Makes Me Feel Special! *Reader&amp;#x27;s Dilemma: I Automatically Put Guys In The Friend Zone! How Do I Stop? Photo: Thinkstock"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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