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" Writes Save the Date reader Claudia: A friend asked me a year ago to be her maid of honor and I was thrilled to accept the title. She was planning a small, low-key wedding that would be held a few hours away. Fast-forward to now, and she&amp;#x27;s planning an out-of-the-country destination wedding, to which all of her bridesmaids are expected to pay their own way (passports, airfare, and two nights minimum at a $200/night hotel). And of course we still have to pay for regular bridesmaid things, like our dresses and shoes and her shower and bachelorette party. Unfortunately, I absolutely cannot afford this&amp;amp;#8212;and I&amp;#x27;m totally crushed. I truly hate to bail, but it&amp;#x27;s just not financially possible at this point. The bride has never supported herself&amp;amp;#8212;she&amp;#x27;s going from her parents&amp;#x27; money to her husband&amp;#x27;s money&amp;amp;#8212;so she&amp;#x27;s not going to &amp;quot;get&amp;quot; that money is an issue. So how do I break it to her? Help! Here are my thoughts: Bailing definitely sucks, but I don&amp;#x27;t think you should go into debt for your OWN wedding&amp;amp;#8212;never mind someone else&amp;#x27;s! Obviously quitting won&amp;#x27;t be easy, but the sooner you tell her, the better. Since she&amp;#x27;s not money-savvy, your best bet is to present her with the cold, hard facts. &amp;quot;When I agreed to be in your wedding, I was under the impression that it was going to be small, low-key, and local. I planned on spending $X. Since then, your plans have changed, and that&amp;#x27;s awesome. Your wedding is going to be amazing, an you deserve that. However, with the cost of getting a passport, buying a plane ticket, and spending two nights in a hotel, I&amp;#x27;d have to spend $Y. That&amp;#x27;s $Z more than I planned on spending, and I simply don&amp;#x27;t have $Z. I hate to step down as your maid of honor, but at this point, it&amp;#x27;s my only option. I&amp;#x27;d still love to help you with anything that&amp;#x27;s happening close to home. I hope you understand.&amp;quot; There&amp;#x27;s the chance that she&amp;#x27;ll cover some of your costs, and that would be awesome, but I&amp;#x27;d only agree to it if she, say, buys your plane ticket and pays for your hotel room. (Or whatever it takes to make up the difference.) If she offers to loan you $Z (presumably from her parents&amp;#x27; or husband&amp;#x27;s pockets) I&amp;#x27;d turn it down. Like I said, it&amp;#x27;s not worth it to go into debt for a wedding, even if you&amp;#x27;re borrowing from the Bank of Best Friend. If she seems cool with you bowing out, I&amp;#x27;d do your best to attend the events that are stateside (shower, bachelorette) then send them a lovely wedding gift. Ladies, what do you think? Is Claudia allowed to bail? Or does she HAVE to honor her MoH commitment? Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? E-mail me! Photo: Thinkstock"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/01/can-i-quit-my-friends-wedding>