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"  Select which answers apply, then add up assigned points. 1. Are you cheating?  Yes (10)  No (-500) Not right now (5)  Define &amp;quot;cheating.&amp;quot; (7)  2. How often do you cheat?  Once a month (2)  Once a week (5)  Daily (10)  I&amp;#039;m cheating right now. (15)  3. The woman on the side is: A coworker (10) A friend or relative of your wife or girlfriend (20) Imaginary (1) 4. Is she married? Yes (0)  No (25)  5. Is your mistress&amp;#039;s name similar to your wife or girlfriend&amp;#039;s name? Yes (15)  No (0)  6. Which of the following people know about your affair: Your colleagues (2) Your kids (5) Your friends (5) Her friends (30) Your wife (100) 7. When you tell your wife or girlfriend about your day, is she listening?  Yes (2)  No (0)  8. True or false: You were elected to your job.  True (20)  False (0)  9. When you&amp;#039;re with your wife or girlfriend and an attractive woman walks by, you: Say &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s what I&amp;#039;m talkin&amp;#039; &amp;#039;bout!&amp;quot; (10) Blinders, man. Blinders. (5)  10. How do you communicate with your mistress? (Mark all that apply.) E-mail (3)  E-mail, but on a separate e-mail account (0)  Text message (5)  Text message, but on a disposable cell phone (1)  Work phone (1)  Home phone (4)  Through our hearts (-5)   11. Do you remember to turn off the automatic chat transcript on e-mail?  Yes (0)  No (10)  12. How often do you delete your mistress&amp;#039;s e-mails?  Upon receipt (0)  Never (10)  After masturbating to them (20)  She&amp;#039;s not allowed to e-mail you. (-5)  13. Which e-mail accounts do you have? The only one I&amp;#039;ve ever had (20)  The other one (5) 14. Your e-mail password is:  A random series of numbers and letters (including capitals!) (0)  One of your children&amp;#039;s names (3)  Your wedding date (5)  Don&amp;#039;t know. It&amp;#039;s saved on your computer. (20)  15. How often do you delete items in your sent folder?  Hourly (1)  Daily (2)  Weekly (4)  Once a month (7)  Never (10)   16. What is this?  An enduring symbol of love (0)  No idea (10)  17. How drunk are you right now?  Not at all (0)  Buzzed (3)  Inebriated (5)  True (10)  18. Does your mistress wear perfume?  No (0)  Yes (5)  Yes, but it&amp;#039;s the same as my wife/girlfriend&amp;#039;s. (1)  19. Do you understand the idea of the &amp;quot;information cloud&amp;quot;? Yes (15)  No (0) 20. Does your skin bruise easily?  Yes (10)  No (0)  21. Has your mistress ever been to your house?  No (0)  Yes, but only when your wife was away on business. (5)  Yes, in fact, she&amp;#039;s taking this quiz with you. (20)  22. Which of the following places might your mistress just &amp;quot;freakin&amp;#039; show up at&amp;quot;: Your office (5) A bar with your friends (10) Your house (15) 23. What does your wife or girlfriend ask when you first get home?  How are you? (0)  What the hell? (20)  24. Given enough time, could your wife or girlfriend &amp;quot;break you down&amp;quot;? Yes (20)  No (-10) 25. On a night that you see your mistress, you are most likely to bring home:  Dinner (0)  Flowers (-5)  Puppy (5)  Rash (15)  26. When your children look at you, they:  Smile (0) Frown (30) N/A (0)  27. You are: An idiot (20) Not an idiot (15) 28. How many friends does your wife or girlfriend have in your town?  15 or more (10)  Five to ten (2)  One, and she was the homebound star of TLC&amp;#039;s The Woman with Giant Legs. (0)  29. Would TMZ pay for information about you? Yes (30) No (0) What if I&amp;#039;m Mario Lopez? (0) 30. What is your wife or girlfriend&amp;#039;s profession? Forensic something or other (20) Lawyer (10) Detective (15) Other (0) 31. You pay for your nights out with: A credit card (20)  Cash (0) 32. Are you screwing around? Say your answer out loud. Add 5 points for every &amp;quot;uh.&amp;quot; Answer Key:  More than 250 points: You have been caught.  201 to 250: Tomorrow. 101 to 200: Next week. Less than 100: Next month. Get Full Coverage of the Tiger Woods Scandal &amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;gt; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/a6943/getting-caught-cheating-0310/>