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" &amp;quot;I always thought I had a great sex life,&amp;quot; remembers Amy Blumenfeld,* a 28-year-old stockbroker. &amp;quot;I usually had orgasms during oral sex though never while doing the deed.&amp;quot; Then she met Jack, a guy who encouraged her to voice her each and every sensation. &amp;quot;Jack made it clear that he loved it when I was supervocal in bed, so I started oohing and aahing in direct proportion to how much he was turning me on. And an amazing thing happened: He got so tuned in to my pleasure purrs that he starting doing new moves I had never even fantasized about. One night, when we were in the missionary position, he lifted my pelvis. I moaned and he lifted even higher. I had the most incredible orgasm of my life!&amp;quot;  Like Amy, many of us settle for second-best sex, not only because we don&amp;#039;t know how to communicate to our partners what pushes our pleasure buttons but because we&amp;#039;re not always sure what those buttons are. Maybe that explains why a new study found that 20 percent of young women have trouble getting turned on and 26 percent are unable to reach orgasm. &amp;quot;Sure, we all wish guys psychically knew how to touch, lick and stroke us every time -- then we wouldn&amp;#039;t have to explain our turn-ons to them,&amp;quot; says Sari Locker, author of The Complete Idiot&amp;#039;s Guide to Amazing Sex (Alpha Books, 1999). &amp;quot;But you can&amp;#039;t expect even the most experienced man to be a mind reader. You have to overcome your awkwardness, take charge of your between-the-sheets pleasure and show him how to satisfy you.&amp;quot;  That&amp;#039;s why we&amp;#039;ve consulted experts and real men and women alike to put together Cosmo&amp;#039;s complete guide to carnal communication. Read on to discover the tricks that could take your lust life from so-so to oh-oh-oh and the sneaky, sexy ways you can clue him in to your cravings.   *Some names have been changed.  Stop-the-press sex shocker: Guys and girls have different ways of warming up pre-passion. &amp;quot;Women are aware of their erogenous zones -- the backs of the legs, neck and behind the ears -- and they generally need these areas to be stimulated before they can become aroused below the belt,&amp;quot; explains Laura Berman, Ph.D., sex therapist and codirector of the Women&amp;#039;s Sexual Health Clinic at Boston University Medical Center. &amp;quot;Men, on the other hand, focus mainly on their erection as the center of their sexuality -- they often don&amp;#039;t realize how much touching their partners need before being hot enough for more advanced foreplay, let alone intercourse.&amp;quot;  So how can you make sure you secure these crucial pre-sex strokes? Nudge him to give you &amp;quot;the swirl,&amp;quot; recommends Lou Paget, author of How to Be a Great Lover (Broadway Books, 1999). &amp;quot;To use this subtle seductive move, he traces slow, soft circles and waves along your forearms, neck, the palms of your hands and any other sensitive body spot,&amp;quot; Paget explains. &amp;quot;His circular touch electrifies the nerves under your skin more than if he just ran his fingers up and down in a straight line.&amp;quot;  Caitlin Barnes and her boyfriend use the swirl as a warm-up technique to prep for a night of slow, steady arousal. &amp;quot;After experimenting with different speeds and directions, I found the most incredible sensation occurs when my guy traces circles on my breasts -- gradually getting closer and closer to my nipples,&amp;quot; says the 25-year-old receptionist. &amp;quot;He&amp;#039;ll also make incredibly tiny circular motions using just one fingertip on my clitoris. After a few minutes of such slow ecstasy, we&amp;#039;re both primed for the next sexy step.&amp;quot;  The female body can be pretty puzzling -- even for women. So imagine how hard it is for men to try to navigate, and you&amp;#039;ll see why he needs all the help he can get. &amp;quot;When we first started dating, my now-fianc\u00E9 was convinced I didn&amp;#039;t like it when he nibbled my nipples because they did not always become erect after several minutes of mouth play,&amp;quot; recalls Kelley Owens, a 30-year-old attorney. &amp;quot;As a result of his misreading my signs, he stopped kissing and squeezing my breasts -- two things I totally love. Finally, I had to reassure him that whether my &amp;#039;high beams&amp;#039; were on or not didn&amp;#039;t necessarily have anything to do with how hot I was down below.&amp;quot;  Your nipples aren&amp;#039;t the only hot spots that can refuse to stand at attention when you&amp;#039;re aroused. Just when it seems you&amp;#039;re ready to reach a mega-orgasm, your clitoris can suddenly decide to play hide-and-seek and disappear -- though really it&amp;#039;s just retreated a bit beneath its tiny hood (a totally normal occurrence). &amp;quot;This used to freak my fianc\u00E9 out when he was giving me oral sex. He would assume I had lost interest and stop stimulating me just when I was dying for him to keep going,&amp;quot; recalls Julia Crandall, a 26-year-old law student. &amp;quot;I had to explain to him that the reason it retracts is because I&amp;#039;m so close to climaxing, not because I&amp;#039;m tired of it.&amp;quot;  The final physical response your guy should interpret cautiously: the amount of lubrication you produce. Experts say that how wet you are doesn&amp;#039;t necessarily reflect how turned on you are, just as it&amp;#039;s also true that sometimes your body effortlessly produces motion lotion when you&amp;#039;re not ready to rumble. &amp;quot;Many men I&amp;#039;ve talked to assume that because their partners have become moist, it&amp;#039;s time to move on to the main event,&amp;quot; explains sex therapist Berman. The bottom line: Tell him to heed your verbal and tactile clues first, then pay attention to your body&amp;#039;s responses.  Heidi Cohen, a 25-year-old set designer, wanted to introduce her boyfriend to foreplay her way. &amp;quot;Paul&amp;#039;s foreplay moves were hit or miss -- sometimes I&amp;#039;d climax when he went down on me; other times his tongue would just leave me numb.&amp;quot; The answer to Heidi&amp;#039;s pre-deed dilemma? She encouraged her man to try two moves at the same time -- a step Berman says works orgasm magic because it provides varied stimulation. &amp;quot;The combination of two different sensations -- the softness of his mouth plus the firmer touch of his fingers -- is a really pleasurable move for lots of women,&amp;quot; she explains.  But if you&amp;#039;re too self-conscious to ask outright for the foreplay you&amp;#039;re looking for, try this subtle sex strategy: &amp;quot;Put his forefinger in your mouth and suck on it slowly, mimicking the exact motion you&amp;#039;d like him to use on you with your tongue,&amp;quot; Paget advises. &amp;quot;Say, &amp;#039;This is what I want you to do between my legs -- and it would be incredible if you touched me with your fingertips at the same time.&amp;#039;&amp;quot;  Forget raunchy pillow talk and four-letter words. The language that will really float your man&amp;#039;s sexual boat is -- surprise! -- passionate praising of his performance. Phrases like &amp;quot;I love that&amp;quot;; &amp;quot;Oh, my God!&amp;quot;; and the clear, concise &amp;quot;Yes, yes, yes!&amp;quot; work so well because sexy speech lets a guy know without question that he&amp;#039;s turning you on. &amp;quot;Men are desperate to please. Once he knows he&amp;#039;s rocking your world, trust me, he won&amp;#039;t want to stop -- and he&amp;#039;ll remember his winning moves next time,&amp;quot; author Locker explains. Your outrageous oral ovations will also show how enthusiastic you are about being naked with him. Beth Wachs, 28, a writer, becomes a one-woman cheering squad. She yelps, screams, whimpers, moans -- and one time even beat her fists into the headboard of the bed. &amp;quot;All my verbal cues coax Tom to continue the moves that will send me over the top,&amp;quot; she explains.  &amp;quot;Having an orgasm during intercourse has always eluded me,&amp;quot; remarks Kathy Grimm, a 28-year-old psychologist. &amp;quot;My man and I try tons of positions, but we&amp;#039;ve never found an angle that works for both of us. Usually, Pete thrusts until he just can&amp;#039;t hold back any longer -- and I&amp;#039;m left longing.&amp;quot; Kathy is not alone -- according to one study, up to 70 percent of young women are unable climax through intercourse. The solution: getting both your bodies in the perfect pleasure position. &amp;quot;Situating yourself so that your pelvis is tilted lets your partner penetrate you at an angle that allows his penis to rub against your G-spot,&amp;quot; Berman explains. &amp;quot;For many women, lying in the missionary position with a few pillows under their butt provides the perfect pelvic tilt.&amp;quot;  But it isn&amp;#039;t just your tilt that affects whether or not you orgasm -- it&amp;#039;s also how you flex during sex. &amp;quot;Doing Kegel exercises -- contracting and releasing the muscles that stop urine flow -- while your guy is thrusting will cause your vaginal canal to contract and create a sudden squeezing sensation on his penis,&amp;quot; Berman explains. Your flex can also redirect his penis so it hits your supersensitive G-spot directly. The result? &amp;quot;A powerful orgasm even for women who have never climaxed during intercourse before,&amp;quot; she says. Another upside to flexing and pelvic positioning? Both strategies can help you and your man achieve the holy grail of intercourse: simultaneous orgasm. Why? By doing Kegels, you have more control of the passion pacing. Your squeezing can slow down his rapid thrusting while it heightens your G-spot stimulation.  Deanna Dunn, a 30-year-old editor, is a true believer in the simultaneous Big O. &amp;quot;First, we settled on a sex style that allowed Sam to enter me at the perfect angle: sex from behind with my hips up high so his penis could nudge my G-spot. Once he was inside, I began contracting my muscles and was able to feel his penis against the front wall of my vagina. Each time I clamped down was a subtle signal for him to steady himself until I was ready to peak, too. Several mind-blowing minutes later -- wow! It was our first time climaxing in sync but definitely not the last!&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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