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"And I&amp;amp;#8217;ve always imagined women don&amp;amp;#8217;t like about me. These are the things that went through my head every time I met a women that I kinda liked. Or that I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t even kinda like (one of the things I hate about myself: I want everyone to like me, even the people I don&amp;amp;#8217;t like myself.) And in order to open the curtain on (at least one man&amp;amp;#8217;s) hidden male insecurities, and because I feel like I&amp;amp;#8217;m old enough, and wise enough, I&amp;amp;#8217;m coming clean. (Written in the form of thoughts that&amp;amp;#8217;d pass through my head) Why can&amp;amp;#8217;t you just go up and talk to her? Why are you such a wimp? This is when I felt the worst about myself. When I saw someone I was interested in, but just couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t will myself to go up and say something to her. I&amp;amp;#8217;d say this happened an average of ten times every night I went out. Why do you have to be so freaking hairy? Just standing there in front of some sleek, soft, beautiful woman made me feel like a hulking, sweaty, furry rhesus monkey. Why do you have to make a joke at every single possible opportunity? It&amp;amp;#8217;s exhausting! I have to admit that this is something I still struggle with, and that people complain to me about when they get to know me well enough: a conversation with me can be a competition for who can come up with the most witty retorts in a row rather than an actual exchange of information. It&amp;#x27;s because I&amp;#x27;m always on guard. Why didn&amp;amp;#8217;t you start going to the gym last month, or the month before, or the year before that, like you promised yourself you would? And then I would sometimes actually feel my biceps through my shirt when I was talking to some possible love interest, to see if I could make myself seem ripped if I flexed the whole time. Why can&amp;amp;#8217;t you relax and have fun? Why do you have to be so self-conscious? It&amp;amp;#8217;s like you&amp;amp;#8217;re radiating discomfort and anxiety, and people don&amp;amp;#8217;t like to be around that. But I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t make myself relax, even when I&amp;amp;#8217;d breathe deep (which just made me seem weird) or drink tequila (which just made me seem stupid). Why haven&amp;amp;#8217;t you done more with your life? Why haven&amp;amp;#8217;t you written a great novel, or even a crappy novel, or at least learned how to play a musical instrument? Or at least earned a boatload of money? You haven&amp;amp;#8217;t done any of that. You&amp;amp;#8217;re a loser. As a man, you kind of constantly imagine who you would be if you were the kind of guy women swoon over. You constantly think about all the things you wish you could say to a woman at a bar or a party (like: yeah, it was a real surprise when I won the Pulitzer last year) but just can&amp;amp;#8217;t. And it just makes us feel so freaking unsuccessful and unlovable. Does any of that surprise you? Is it the same stuff that goes through your heads when you meet guys? Or when you&amp;amp;#8217;re sitting on sidelines wishing you were talking to someone? Photo: iStock Get Glamour Wherever You Go! Follow us on Twitter. Friend us on Facebook. Add us to your Google homepage."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/07/five-things-i-hate-about-mysel>