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" When I got back to New York, after our weekend away, I was in such a great mood, it even carried over the first few days I was back. I felt relaxed and peaceful \u2014 and, despite the recent drama, hopeful that everything was going to work itself out for the best.  What is the expression, though? As soon as you start to relax, that is when you are in the biggest trouble of all.  I was hoping that wasn&amp;#039;t true. And, still, when Josh came into my office on Friday afternoon and closed the door behind him, I had a bad feeling that I was in for something terrible.  He looked right at me. &amp;quot;So\u2026anything you want to tell me, Elizabeth?&amp;quot;  I looked back at him, confused. We had just had our staff meeting, and for a second I thought he was talking about work.  &amp;quot;I think I covered everything.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s not what I meant.&amp;quot;  He was looking at me with cold eyes. &amp;quot;I just think it&amp;#039;s ironic that you are all high and mighty about the things I do when we are on a break. You equate that to infidelity and a deal-breaker. But then\u2026look at you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What are you talking about?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You know what I&amp;#039;m talking about.&amp;quot;  I shook my head, totally unsure of what he was talking about. &amp;quot;First of all, Josh, my issue with you and Billy goes way deeper than whether we were on a break or not. I was pregnant. With your child. And you were trying to convince me to give things another chance between us. You were trying to tell me you could be counted on and trusted for forever. Those words mean a whole lot less since I&amp;#039;ve learned you were screwing someone else while you were saying them.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t agree with you, Elizabeth.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Really?&amp;quot; I felt myself getting angrier.  &amp;quot;Really. I have never been unfaithful to you when you were actually giving me a shot. Ever. And I never would be, if you&amp;#039;d actually be in it with me. But I am just a man, Liz. I never claimed to be anything else. And when you were constantly rejecting me, it felt good, for a little while, to have someone around who wasn&amp;#039;t.&amp;quot;  I looked at him, forcing myself to take a deep breath. To try and hear him.  After counting to ten and calming myself, I could admit it: I was able to see Josh&amp;#039;s side of things even if I didn&amp;#039;t agree with it exactly. And still, I wasn&amp;#039;t sure why it mattered. I wasn&amp;#039;t sure why we were here again, when the thing we needed to be dealing with now \u2014 or after the baby came, at least \u2014 was how to be good co-parents.  &amp;quot;Josh, I can understand why you might believe that, but I don&amp;#039;t think that&amp;#039;s the point anyway,&amp;quot; I said, about to explain the reasons why.  But he interrupted me before I could.  &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re right. The point is that you are sleeping with Sam.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Whoa.&amp;quot; I shook my head. &amp;quot;Excuse me?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You heard me.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;First of all, I am not sleeping with Sam.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s not what your friend Susan thinks.&amp;quot;  I stood up. &amp;quot;What? What are you saying? Did you tell Susan something that isn&amp;#039;t true?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;She told me, Elizabeth. And I didn&amp;#039;t want to believe her. But I guess I&amp;#039;m the fool.&amp;quot;  He started to walk out of my office, but I raced to the door and stopped him.  &amp;quot;Wait. Just wait.&amp;quot;  He stopped.  &amp;quot;Josh, I am very much trying to let go of the drama in my life. I have too much of it that I can&amp;#039;t control to actively be fanning the fire of the pieces that I can. Okay?&amp;quot; I paused. &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t control what you believe, but I can tell you very calmly that I am not sleeping with anyone. I promise you that. I am taking care of Jackson, and taking care of this baby inside of me, and doing my work, the best that I can. Those are my priorities.&amp;quot;  He looked at me, and the anger in his eyes turned to sadness. &amp;quot;But you do love him, don&amp;#039;t you?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;No.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You love him, and I&amp;#039;m starting to think you always have.&amp;quot;  I looked back at him, ready to say no again, but something in my eyes must have given me away. Something must have let on that the answer was more complicated than I wanted to admit.  &amp;quot;I thought so,&amp;quot; he said.  And, this time, he did leave. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/a4007/diary-e-090708/>