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" Raise your hand if you&amp;amp;#8217;ve ever read a list of sex toys guaranteed to &amp;amp;#8220;spice up your love life!&amp;amp;#8221; Hand raised? Yeah, we thought so. But how many of these suggestions are actually worth the money and effort? Hint: very few. In fact, many of these so-called mood enhancers result in mess, discomfort, and possible bodily injury-basically the opposite of sexy romance. Here&amp;amp;#8217;s a list of the worst offenders. Just think of me as your curmudgeonly consumer advocate for sex toys&amp;amp;#133;. Chocolate Body Fondue Listen, I&amp;#x27;ve read Like Water for Chocolate. I know that sex and chocolate are a great pairing. It&amp;#x27;s messy! It&amp;#x27;s sticky! It&amp;#x27;s better in concept than in practice! It&amp;#x27;s pretty time-honored, as far as sexual accessories go. But if you do decide to go the &amp;quot;lick this chocolate off my body&amp;quot; route, please, please, skip the $16 &amp;quot;chocolate body fondue,&amp;quot; which is nothing more than poor quality chocolate packaged and sold in a sex shop. Either splurge on the really good stuff, or go ahead and use Hershey&amp;#x27;s, but chocolate marketed for the purpose of foreplay is just silly. Sex Swing It&amp;#x27;s hard to enjoy sex when you&amp;#x27;re not relaxed, and I just do not think I could be that relaxed while swinging from a rickety contraption that&amp;#x27;s hanging precariously from a doorjamb, I just don&amp;#x27;t. Feather Leather Spanker I guess what differentiates this from a feather duster is that some of the feathers are pink, and the other end is a leather spanker. It sort of looks like a cat toy, though, which I think would be a mood killer, for me. Vibrating Ring Hahahahaha, OK. Bondage Tape At first I was just like, &amp;quot;UGH, just use DUCT TAPE&amp;amp;#8212;let&amp;#x27;s stop pretending that sex toys can&amp;#x27;t at all be utilitarian!!!&amp;quot; but then I read the description. This tape doesn&amp;#x27;t stick to skin, only to itself (how??), which means you can bind someone without painfully ripping their skin off, so, honestly, out of everything on this list, this one seems like the best investment. Vibrator Yes, by all means use a vibrator to spice up your sex life. Anyone who&amp;#x27;s read a magazine in the past 10 years can tell you that. (Not to say it&amp;#x27;s not a good idea, just that it&amp;#x27;s not a novel idea.) Massage Candle At first, I got excited cause I thought (ridiculously) that somehow this candle massaged you?? No, of course not, but it does double as massage oil. Though...how? Is the question. Do you have to tip out the (burning hot) wax/oil in order to use it? Like in that Ricky Martin video?? I guess people who are into candles like nice candles and nice candles are expensive, so this $32 &amp;quot;sex toy&amp;quot; gets a pass. &amp;amp;#8212;Written by Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe Have you tried any toys on these list? Are they worth the investment? More from HowAboutWe... *10 Signs She Wants You To Ask Her Out *5 Things Guys Like to Pay For, and 5 Things They Do NOT Like to Pay For *9 Reasons You Should Just Ask Them Out, Already Photo: Thinkstock"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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