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" Back in high school, Jimmy and I were in the same antinuke group, the sweetly named Youth for Global Peace. After meetings, where we came to tough conclusions along the lines of &amp;quot;nuclear winter is so messed up,&amp;quot; we would convene at the 4B&amp;#039;s diner for caffeine and grease. One night at the 4B&amp;#039;s, Matt Brewer was unsuccessfully using a knife to coax some ketchup onto his fries, a tactic deemed by young Harkin to be about as sane as Reagan&amp;#039;s defense budget. &amp;quot;Watch and learn,&amp;quot; said Jimmy, yanking the Heinz bottle out of Matt&amp;#039;s hand. Holding the bottle firmly in his right hand, Jimmy straightened and stiffened his left (as Spock does for the Vulcan salute, but with the fingers together). Then he placed his left hand next to the plate, perpendicular to the table--the pinky squashed against the placemat, the thumb in the air. (Note: The hand must absolutely, positively rest on the table!) Finally, holding it at the base, Jimmy pounded the ketchup bottle against the stiffened fingers of his left hand. (Trust me, avoid the thumb.) Suddenly, the ketchup oozed onto the french fries in swift, elegant waves. He looked up, and the rest of us stared at him as one would at a prophet. I mean, we were in high school, so we were unaccustomed to learning something useful. &amp;quot;My grandpa taught me,&amp;quot; Jimmy said. And to this day, I wait for my dining companions to stick their godforsaken knives up the ketchup bottle so that I can snatch it away and save their clumsy souls. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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