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"1. I&amp;#x27;ve tried to gently show and tell him exactly what makes me feel good in bed, but he&amp;#x27;s so not catching on. I&amp;#x27;m running out of ideas--not to mention hope. Kudos for trying! &amp;quot;The biggest mistake women make is that they don&amp;#x27;t say anything and just kind of bear the bad sex,&amp;quot; says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., a New York City ob-gyn and author of Pleasure: A Woman&amp;#x27;s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve. Subtle cues may not be enough, so place your paw on his to show him the way--softer, faster, higher, in circles, whatever. Make your wishes clear verbally, too, when you&amp;#x27;re in the heat of the moment. &amp;quot;Say, &amp;#x27;I like it best when we kiss without a lot of tongue. It feels really sexy to me,&amp;#x27; or, &amp;#x27;I think I could have an even better orgasm if you move your hips more slowly when you&amp;#x27;re on top,&amp;#x27;&amp;quot; suggests Dr. Hutcherson. There&amp;#x27;s nothing wrong with MapQuesting a route for the man who has lost his way. 2. The guy I&amp;#x27;m living with wants to film us having sex. It sounds like fun, but I don&amp;#x27;t want to end up on YouTube! The good news: Even if your naughty video did hit the Web, chances are not many people would notice. &amp;quot;Who wants to see regular couples going at it when professional pornos and naked celebs are online for free?&amp;quot; says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think. That said, he warns, &amp;quot;your guy might not show the movie to the world, but he may want to show all his friends--and no one wants that.&amp;quot; So if you go ahead with this, &amp;quot;the video stays in your hands and your hands only,&amp;quot; Dr. Hutcherson advises. &amp;quot;This isn&amp;#x27;t a trust test for a boyfriend. I wouldn&amp;#x27;t give a tape like this to a husband!&amp;quot; 3. I think my boyfriend&amp;#x27;s gay! I&amp;#x27;m dying for an acid test here. &amp;quot;Focus on what&amp;#x27;s off about the relationship,&amp;quot; says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a sex educator at the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Indiana. Is he secretive or not into sex? Ask open-ended questions about it. That&amp;#x27;s the tack Anna, 41, once took with an ex. &amp;quot;One lazy Sunday, I asked if he&amp;#x27;d had any experiences with men,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;I made it clear I was open-minded. He said no--and it&amp;#x27;s true, he couldn&amp;#x27;t be more married with kids now!&amp;quot; A sneakier route: &amp;quot;Check out who he&amp;#x27;s checking out,&amp;quot; says Todd, 40, who was engaged before he came out. &amp;quot;My fiancee would catch me cruising guys, but I&amp;#x27;d say I was noticing their jacket or shirt.&amp;quot; Listen to your gut, says Colorado relationship therapist David Schnarch, Ph.D. &amp;quot;Stop being afraid of what you may hear.&amp;quot; Can you just...ask him? &amp;quot;It&amp;#x27;s a last resort,&amp;quot; says Herbenick. But if you&amp;#x27;re about to commit, it&amp;#x27;s worth the risk of awkwardness. 4. In my dating life, sex ruins everything! What am I doing wrong? &amp;quot;I feel like a grandma saying, &amp;#x27;Hold off, honey!&amp;#x27; but maybe you should, at least until you&amp;#x27;re dating exclusively,&amp;quot; says Dana B. Myers, co-owner (with her husband) of the chic online pleasure shop Booty Parlor. Dr. Hutcherson agrees: &amp;quot;You&amp;#x27;ve got to try something different--or you&amp;#x27;ll keep getting the same results.&amp;quot; The no-nookie rule seems to be working for 32-year-old Yvonne. &amp;quot;I&amp;#x27;ve always tried to be a cool, modern woman who never hesitated to have sex on the first or second date if I felt like it,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;But every time I did that, the guy never called me back. When I started telling men not to count on seeing my bedroom anytime soon, I felt much more in control. Occasionally after a few dates, I&amp;#x27;d realize I didn&amp;#x27;t like the guy enough to ever have sex--and then I was the one to end things.&amp;quot; 5. He says he loves my body, but he offered to buy me breast implants. WTF? Sometimes you just have to shake your head and admit: &amp;quot;Guys can say such dumb things,&amp;quot; says Myers. If you&amp;#x27;re perfectly content with your breasts, tell him! Try: &amp;quot;I like the boobs I&amp;#x27;ve got, so you need to love &amp;#x27;em too or find a girl who&amp;#x27;s more your bra type.&amp;quot; As Dr. Hutcherson says, &amp;quot;A man should value your body as much as you do.&amp;quot; 6. I&amp;#x27;m attracted to a friend&amp;#x27;s fianc&amp;amp;eacute; --and I feel like an awful person. Don&amp;#x27;t tell her--but do try to figure out why you&amp;#x27;re attracted. &amp;quot;You and she probably have a lot in common, so it&amp;#x27;s natural to like the same type of men,&amp;quot; says Seattle psychologist Les Parrott, Ph.D. Or perhaps you&amp;#x27;re lusting after someone you can&amp;#x27;t have because it&amp;#x27;s less scary than focusing on a guy you could have. In any case, accept the nonsinister nature of your crush, but set ground rules: no texting him, no spending time alone with him. Don&amp;#x27;t let yourself fuel this attraction. 7. We&amp;#x27;ve been dating for three years. I&amp;#x27;m (really) ready for a ring; my boyfriend&amp;#x27;s (really) not. But I don&amp;#x27;t want to push him on this--I want him to want to propose! Believe it or not, some experts--and real guys--actually endorse ultimatums, though not the harsh, ticking-clock variety. Here&amp;#x27;s the guy&amp;#x27;s view: &amp;quot;When my live-in girlfriend said that she was hoping to have a baby by 35, I thought, We have years!&amp;quot; says newly engaged John, 30. &amp;quot;But then she laid it all out: She was 31, it takes almost a year to cook a baby, and if we wanted a yearlong engagement and a year of child-free marriage, we&amp;#x27;d need to get engaged when she was 32. I&amp;#x27;d never thought of it like that. Her timeline wasn&amp;#x27;t the reason I proposed, but it might&amp;#x27;ve moved me along.&amp;quot; Telling your partner your goals--for your life and the relationship--is rational, not desperate, says Parrott. &amp;quot;You&amp;#x27;re saying what you need so he can hopefully get on board.&amp;quot; Reached the &amp;quot;Marry me or I&amp;#x27;m outta here&amp;quot; point? &amp;quot;Say, &amp;#x27;I have to figure out what&amp;#x27;s going on with my life,&amp;#x27;&amp;quot; says Parrott. Then give him a definite time frame. If he doesn&amp;#x27;t come through, you may need to go. It could be his best wake-up call. 8. He&amp;#x27;s smart, cute, funny--and his wiener&amp;#x27;s the size of a cocktail frank. It&amp;#x27;s a turnoff. Is that shallow? Kind of--you are equating a man&amp;#x27;s most precious part with an appetizer. Besides, &amp;quot;it&amp;#x27;s not all about the penis,&amp;quot; says Dr. Hutcherson. &amp;quot;Women&amp;#x27;s most sensitive part is the clitoris, and you don&amp;#x27;t need much penis to hit it. Try straightening your legs in the missionary position to get more clitoral pressure. 9. I don&amp;#x27;t like giving oral sex, but he does (and he&amp;#x27;s good!). I want to return the favor, so I&amp;#x27;m hoping there&amp;#x27;s a secret trick to liking it more. You&amp;#x27;re not alone if the act feels more like work than play. &amp;quot;I hear women complain about the gag issue a lot,&amp;quot; says Myers. &amp;quot;I tell them to use their hands to control how much they&amp;#x27;re taking into their mouths.&amp;quot; Santagati seconds that motion: &amp;quot;That stuff you see in porn of women taking the whole thing in? Unnecessary. We appreciate it just as much when you use a hand to do half the work.&amp;quot; If it&amp;#x27;s germs that skeeve you, why not take a shower together before sex? 10. Love the sex, not the relationship. But I feel like that&amp;#x27;s a bad reason to keep dating him. Well, it&amp;#x27;d be the wrong reason to marry the guy, but to see him? Nah. You just owe it to him to be honest about it. &amp;quot;Men have been doing this kind of thing forever,&amp;quot; says Dr. Hutcherson. &amp;quot;I don&amp;#x27;t see any problem with a grounded woman having a sex-only fling. But I have two words of important advice: safe sex!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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