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"People simply do not know how to comport themselves in a full-service hotel these days, perhaps because fewer people now are playboy-princes-in-exile, which I consider to be a great shame, and a sad necessity of history. So one night, in the magic-less, masseuse-less Clarion Hotel and Conference Center on Route 70 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, I composed this handy reminder of what to tip in the few remaining grand hotels. And then, after composing it, I went one step further and wrote it down, since the Clarion apparently no longer keeps a professional scrivener.\n\nTO ENSURE PROMPT SERVICE\n\nDoorman Tip $2\u2014$5 for unloading your luggage or hailing a cab.\n\nConcierge Tip $10\u2014$20 per day for aiding with social/business itinerary.\n\nLullaby Service Tip $5 per lullaby. I cannot stress this enough: Each lullaby deserves its own gratuity. Add $2 if the lullabulist uses a harp.\n\nPhrenologist Tip $5 per session.\n\nMuralist Tip $15 on top of hotel fee for a full-wall, color pastoral mural; $25 for a mural depicting the struggle of labor in the twentieth century; add an additional 10 percent for a trompe l'oeil on the ceiling.\n\nTwenty-Four-Hour Magician Tip $20 for forty-minute routine; $30 if demon summoned.\n\nStarling Boy Tip $1 for chasing starlings from room.\n\nPorte-a-Merde Tip $5 a night.\n\nSculptor Tip $25 per bust of self.\n\nBlesser Tip $5 for blessing the room and checking closets for the undead.\n\nMelancholier Tip $10 to have the melancholier help you to stop laughing.\n\nFeral Turndown Service Tip $1\u2014$2 to have a bed made on the floor of leaves and dense grasses if you were raised by creatures in the wild."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/tip-at-a-hotel>