<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" Looking back on your past is an important part of moving forward to be your healthiest, happiest self. But if you&amp;#039;re constantly obsessing over what&amp;#039;s already happened, you may be carrying around excess baggage that&amp;#039;s keeping you down. &amp;quot;Whether you realize it or not,&amp;quot; says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You, Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, &amp;quot;it adversely affects every facet of your life.&amp;quot; If any of the following eight scenarios sound like you, you may not be as &amp;quot;over&amp;quot; your past as you might think. 1. You&amp;#039;re not getting anywhere at work. People who can&amp;#039;t let go often get passed over for promotions. &amp;quot;The person&amp;#039;s thought processes and negative expectations typically get in the way of success,&amp;quot; explains Audrey Sherman, PhD, author of Dysfunction Interrupted. &amp;quot;It takes away from your ability to focus and be productive,&amp;quot; adds Dr. Lombardo. Rather than obsessing over work &amp;quot;failures,&amp;quot; think about what&amp;#039;s really happened in your career. Then, remember that you&amp;#039;re in charge \u2014 not luck. Reasserting control and focusing on the future pays off professionally. 2. You&amp;#039;re having trouble keeping friends. The pals who are supposed to be there to help you through hard times seem to be making themselves scarce lately. It could because you &amp;quot;expect the worst in others,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. No one wants to be friends with someone who&amp;#039;s just waiting for her to do something wrong. Frequently rehashing the same stories also can lead to one-sided relationships and eventually, fewer friends. If you resent others without just cause, acknowledge the negative assumptions when they enter your mind and shift your focus immediately. RELATED: 9 Things You Need to Stop Stressing About 3. You have trouble trusting your partner. Do you pick fights with your partner or refuse to open up to him because your ex burned you? People who can&amp;#039;t move on from prior bad relationships &amp;quot;develop distorted thinking patterns, such as generalizing that all partners will cheat,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. While you may feel like you&amp;#039;re simply protecting yourself, you&amp;#039;re actually preventing old wounds from healing \u2014 and the lack of trust can lead to failed relationships. Rather than fixating on &amp;quot;what if&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;why me,&amp;quot; try to identify why things didn&amp;#039;t work out with a previous partner, focus on the positive things in your present life and use that information to move forward, says Dr. Lombardo.  4. You constantly get into conflicts with your family, including the kids. A lot of hurt in adults come from childhood experiences, and a strained relationship with your parents and siblings can make you less patient with your kids; the long-held bitterness makes it impossible to enjoy what you have right now, says Dr. Sherman. Difficult as it is, the solution here is to forgive. &amp;quot;This doesn&amp;#039;t mean minimizing your past pain,&amp;quot; says Dr. Lombardo \u2014 just accepting it. Can&amp;#039;t get there yourself? Look in your community for free or low-cost therapy options (some workplaces offer assistance with this). 5. You&amp;#039;ve put on more than a few pounds.  Weight fluctuations happen, but while you&amp;#039;re not happy about your size, you&amp;#039;re not entirely motivated to lose. &amp;quot;Not being able to move on from a distressing event can cause hormone levels to get out of balance, prompting weight gain and even depression,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. It&amp;#039;s a double whammy: The stress not only causes you to pack on pounds but also zaps motivation to do something about it. There&amp;#039;s no quick fix to overcome depression, but lowering stress should help. &amp;quot;Meditation&amp;#039;s a great way to release stress from the past,&amp;quot; says Dr. Lombardo. &amp;quot;And volunteering stops you from being so focused on what&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;wrong&amp;#039; with your life, since you&amp;#039;re focusing on how to help others.&amp;quot; Bonus: If you do something physical, like a park cleanup, you get a little exercise. RELATED: 9 &amp;quot;Happy Tricks&amp;quot; You Probably Haven&amp;#039;t Thought Of 6. You toss and turn all night. If you often wake up in the middle of the night, or too early in the morning, and don&amp;#039;t feel rested, you may be suffering from insomnia \u2014 and your inability to let things go may be to blame. Stress from the death of a loved one or divorce are common causes of insomnia \u2014 and so is stress from harboring anger from your past. Sleeplessness may seem manageable for a while, but &amp;quot;it interferes with productivity, relationships and the ability for the body to heal itself,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. Again, therapy can help here. If that&amp;#039;s not an option, though, Dr. Sherman suggests these self-help books: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, PhD, Awaken the Giant Within, by Anthony Robbins, and Ten Days to Self-Esteem, by David Burns. 7. You aren&amp;#039;t saving for the future. 401K? What 401K? Any financial planner will tell you that sticking your head in the sand regarding your future is a bad move, but for people who are frozen in their past, anything else seems impossible. &amp;quot;Fear makes us reluctant to take risks,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. Maybe you maxed out a credit card in college or made a bad investment. Still, &amp;quot;give yourself a break,&amp;quot; advises Dr. Lombardo. &amp;quot;Learn from your mistakes and grow.&amp;quot; Just as with professional &amp;quot;failures,&amp;quot; if you&amp;#039;re able to identify what went wrong, you can avoid doing it again and come up with an action plan for the future. This process will free you from the fear of the mistake (or mistakes) and allow you to build that nest egg. 8. You&amp;#039;re always at the doctor&amp;#039;s office. You&amp;#039;re sick and tired, your hair is thinning, and no one can explain why. While occasional stress, like the kind a big presentation brings on, can be harmless and even motivating, &amp;quot;chronic anger and distressing thoughts have been shown to increase blood pressure, accelerate hardening of the arteries and age the nervous system,&amp;quot; says Dr. Sherman. This sort of anxiety also can cause unexplained pain, GI issues, aging skin, rashes and breakouts, says Dr. Lombardo. Surprise: It&amp;#039;s easy to reverse this, says Dr. Sherman. Try writing down (or speaking aloud) everything you have to be thankful for every morning \u2014 things in your present, not your past. While this exercise won&amp;#039;t entirely eliminate all your negative thoughts, it&amp;#039;ll start your day focusing on the good and the now, clearing a path to free your mind from the past. This story originally appeared on WomansDay.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/advice/a19625/overcome-past-get-happy/?src=shelter_footer>