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"  Dolls, this month&amp;#039;s letters are all about musicians. Can you guess the correspon\u00ADdents&amp;#039; questions from the song titles?  &amp;quot;CALL ME&amp;quot;\u2014BLONDIEDEAR E. JEAN : I met this musician who&amp;#039;s probably the hottest thing I&amp;#039;ve ever seen. We were introduced while I was working on a photo shoot/interview with his band, and I learned we had a lot in common. He told me he&amp;#039;d just broken up with his girlfriend and that his heart was hurting. We hung out all night and one thing led to another, and we had sex in a hotel. It was awesome/perfect/sexy. We exchanged phone numbers and I went on with my life. I never expected him to call. I was fine with a one-night fling. So here&amp;#039;s the problem: He called me several times. I didn&amp;#039;t want to look too eager, so I was really good at being busy. He left messages. Three days ago he called and said he&amp;#039;d try me again tomorrow. AND NO CALL. I spent all day sitting by the phone. I even called him. No answer. Now I am an emotional wreck.\u2014What&amp;#039;s His Deal? WHD, YOU CHARMING HALF-WIT : Wait a minute. Let me get this straight: You enjoy a little Lay Lady Lay in a hotel. Then you&amp;#039;re too &amp;quot;busy&amp;quot; to take Mr. Hottest-Thing-You&amp;#039;ve-Ever-Seen&amp;#039;s phone calls. And now you&amp;#039;re asking why the guy&amp;#039;s gone all Sounds of Silence on you? Gah! Get out of here. I&amp;#039;m not saying standardized guidelines about calling are bad. Rules come in handy when one is dating a drummer and wants to break something. But the female &amp;quot;being busy&amp;quot; dictum is as dopey as the male three-day rule (waiting three days to call a woman after getting her number only makes you both drivel three times more disastrously than if he&amp;#039;d simply called the first day). Final note: You&amp;#039;ll be taking calls from the Naomi Campbell-Russell Crowe Phone Throwers Co. before you attract another lad, let alone a musician, pulling that &amp;quot;really good at being busy&amp;quot; baloney. From now on, pick up the damn phone.  &amp;quot;RESPECT&amp;quot;\u2014ARETHA FRANKLIN DEAR E. JEAN : I&amp;#039;m an artist. I love my husband, but I know humans like variety, and I&amp;#039;ve always been open about sex outside marriage. My rules: Don&amp;#039;t do it in my bed, don&amp;#039;t do it on my dime, practice safe sex, and don&amp;#039;t leave me with the dishes. Well, I just found out my husband, who&amp;#039;s a record producer, has been having an affair with an artist he&amp;#039;s producing. I found out from her (I&amp;#039;m 43, by the way; she&amp;#039;s 30). They have not been having safe sex, he has no idea whether she&amp;#039;s on the Pill or not, and he told her we were not having sex and weren&amp;#039;t close. (We do and we are!) I&amp;#039;m mad about being lied to! He told me it was &amp;quot;nothing, just a creative partnership with fringe benefits.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;ve been supporting him for nine years, and I&amp;#039;m not a trust-fund baby in any sense. I want to move on with the man I love, but I&amp;#039;m now broke, both in money and trust. I need some light, E. Jean!\u2014The Day the Music Stopped MY DEAR MISS DAY : I&amp;#039;m agog! Inform Herr Fringe Benefits that he lied like a snake, trampled your trust, trashed the whole open-marriage deal, and that if he does not start supporting your holy union financially, spiritually, and intellectually, you&amp;#039;ll cancel his bank accounts. If he balks, do what Mozart did to his great seducer in Don Giovanni: Open up the stage floor and consign the cad to Hades. Final note: The opening lines of your letter about connubial freedom are a real power ballad, and I like the idea of wedded liberty. But, alas, you turned out to be the only one making all the compromises.  &amp;quot;I CAN DO BETTER&amp;quot;\u2014AVRIL LAVIGNEDEAR E. JEAN : Something is poisoning my life. I&amp;#039;m a 25-year-old musician, sweet, loving, attractive. The poison? Another musician. I&amp;#039;ve endured six years of his cheating, drinking, and lying. On top of that, he&amp;#039;s depressed, not even that good in bed, and constantly pushes me away. I&amp;#039;ve tried cutting him loose. Believe me, I know I deserve better than this nonsense! When I finally get rid of him, he comes back, always keeping his options open. I need to move on! I haven&amp;#039;t even kissed another man in six years. But I can&amp;#039;t take my mind off him. I love him! I miss him! How can I be so hung up on him?\u2014Heartbroken in Hoboken E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com HOBOKEN, MY LUV : You can write a screed as long as Foxy Brown&amp;#039;s hair extensions about the things you despise in the dude (&amp;quot;cheating, drinking, lying&amp;quot;), and it will only make you love him more. (The very act of dwelling on why he&amp;#039;s a blot on the human race keeps him ever-present in your mind.) Stop wasting time. Delete his numbers from your phone, box up his pictures, burn his CDs, stay off his MySpace page. Next, you need kissing, badly. Sally forth! Your small, hot, jump-up-and-down concert rooms, poetry slams, and coffeehouses are crawling with young heroes. Final note: The quickest, most natural cure for poison is to fall in love with the antidote.  &amp;quot;WHAT A GIRL WANTS&amp;quot;\u2014CHRISTINA AGUILERADEAR E. JEAN : I&amp;#039;m in love. The problem is, he&amp;#039;s in a band and the only time I get to see him is either in a magazine or on TV. It&amp;#039;s tearing me apart because I so want to be with him, but unfortunately, I&amp;#039;ve never met him. This is insane, I know.\u2014Yorkshire Girl MY GIRL : Problem? What? Huh? Every woman reading this has been in love with a musician she&amp;#039;s never met. It&amp;#039;s how we entertain ourselves while we&amp;#039;re waiting for the next boyfriend to come along. I myself have been absolutely electrocuted over (1) George Harrison, (2) Billy Idol, (3) Bono, (4) Wyclef Jean, and (5) Bucky Covington. Anyone who doesn&amp;#039;t love a musician probably doesn&amp;#039;t love very much in life. Final note: For a lark, let&amp;#039;s all upload the lists of Musicians We Love Insanely But Have Never Met. See you there! E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  &amp;quot;(I CAN&amp;#039;T GET NO) SATISFACTION&amp;quot;\u2014THE ROLLING STONESDEAR E. JEAN : My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year and never had sex. The foreplay is so good that for a long time I didn&amp;#039;t care that we weren&amp;#039;t actually having intercourse. But now I would love to have sex, and he just won&amp;#039;t. At first his excuse was we &amp;quot;weren&amp;#039;t that serious&amp;quot; and that &amp;quot;bad things can happen.&amp;quot; Then it was that we&amp;#039;d waited so long, he wanted it to be &amp;quot;really special.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;m getting tired of being turned down. Our relationship outside the bedroom is wonderful. He&amp;#039;s 33 and a great artist. My income is much larger than his, my career is more solid, I pay for more things, but I don&amp;#039;t mind. Despite his family coming down on him for being a failure, he&amp;#039;s romantic and loving. When we talk about &amp;quot;the problem,&amp;quot; he says he&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;trying to work on it.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;ve suggested he speak with a professional, but he refuses. It just seems to me something major must be wrong. I don&amp;#039;t understand what&amp;#039;s going on! If he could give me a reason, I&amp;#039;d be okay with waiting. But this not knowing is driving me crazy!\u2014Trying to Be Patient TRYING, SWEETHEART : Patience is the last virtue required here. Unless the man actually lacks the bagpipes (or turns out to be gay), this difficulty can probably be overcome. But he must see a good therapist specializing in sexual dysfunction. And don&amp;#039;t tell me you don&amp;#039;t know &amp;quot;what&amp;#039;s going on.&amp;quot; The man told you himself: &amp;quot;Bad things can happen.&amp;quot; If this statement doesn&amp;#039;t cause your hair to stand on end and give you the moxie to make him get help, then nothing I say will change this dirge to a sexy ditty. Final note: Sometimes the difference between a satisfied woman and a frustrated one is simply Viagra. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  &amp;quot;IT&amp;#039;S RAINING MEN&amp;quot;\u2014THE WEATHER GIRLSDEAR E. JEAN: I&amp;#039;m a successful singer-songwriter with lots going for me: I&amp;#039;m 32, I stopped drinking two years ago (my mom was a drinker and pill-popper), and I have bright prospects. But I can&amp;#039;t find a guy in my scene (music) who isn&amp;#039;t an alkie or a drug addict. I just want a nice, straight, fit man with a bit of cash and a clean bill of health. Does he exist? Where do I find him?  P.S. My present boyfriend just rang me from a bar where he has apparently been for at least the past 24 hours.\u2014Sober-Yet-Lonely Lady MISS SOBER : Stunning accomplishment! It takes guts to stay clean when just hearing a dillweed on the phone can give you a hangover. Dating sites and straight-edge concerts could be inspiring, but you require a livelier GPS system. Don a catchy frock and attend a speed-dating event for young professionals. Some guys you&amp;#039;ll like, some you&amp;#039;ll loathe, but either way you&amp;#039;ll get a pretty good notion of the great Queenhell possibilities. Final note: If you place yourself where there are large numbers of eligible men (lawyers, i-bankers, shy veterinarians)\u2014at golf courses, car shows, cigar bars, the pet food aisle at the Stop &amp;amp;amp; Shop\u2014it becomes a mathematical certainty that you&amp;#039;ll meet a &amp;quot;nice, straight, fit&amp;quot; hot chap. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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