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"  &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re right, he is a great big male reproductive organ!&amp;quot; \u2014Nicole Kidman watching Will Ferrell&amp;#039;s character on Inside the Actors Studio (Bewitched, 2005)  Dear E. Jean:  I&amp;#039;m a 21-year-old virgin fishing for a sugar daddy who&amp;#039;ll launch me into a life of caviar and beautiful clothes. I recently heard about the American grad student auctioning off her virginity; right now, she&amp;#039;s considering bids of up to $3.7 million. I want to attempt the same. It would take care of my college loans, and I could live on the interest and be free to develop my career and talents.  The breaking of the hymen is reportedly painful and disappointing anyway. Why should I waste my purity on a &amp;quot;meaningful&amp;quot; college boyfriend or even a saggy sugar daddy when I can receive a pot of gold all in one go? How would I go about notifying these wealthy barons without attracting attention? \u2014The Hungry Virgin  Hungry, my smarty-pants:  Auntie Eeee thinks affectionately of your hymen and wishes the best for it; but it&amp;#039;s unfashionable these days to snatch another young lady&amp;#039;s bidders. (Hymen-auctioning is as old as...well, men invented virginity and they&amp;#039;ve been paying for it ever since.)  So please e-mail Dennis Hof, the proprietor of the World Famous Moonlite BunnyRanch, the legal brothel in Carson City, Nevada, at dennis@bunnyranch .com. He told me on the phone he&amp;#039;d be delighted to put your maidenhead on the block and that &amp;quot;bids could start around $50,000.&amp;quot; Mr. Hof&amp;#039;s the hawker of the nubile grad student you mentioned, Miss Natalie &amp;quot;Deflower-Me-for-Three-Million&amp;quot; Dylan. &amp;quot;She got a book deal, a movie deal, and now we&amp;#039;re working on a new TV show,&amp;quot; Mr. Hof said excitedly. He was in the midst of shooting a &amp;quot;Dr. Drew episode of Celebrity Rehab Presents: Sober House featuring my good friend Heidi Fleiss.&amp;quot; (You know, of course, that Mr. Hof is the Akira Kurosawa of passion. His current show runs on HBO and is called Cathouse.)  &amp;quot;Oh! What&amp;#039;s your new idea for a show called?&amp;quot; I asked him.  &amp;quot;America&amp;#039;s Next Top Virgin,&amp;quot; Mr. Hof said. &amp;quot;So definitely have [Miss Hungry Virgin] e-mail me, and anyone else who&amp;#039;s interested!&amp;quot; &amp;quot;One last thing,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;Before I hang up: How much money did Miss Dylan and her vagina actually pull in?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Unfortunately,&amp;quot; Mr. Hof said, &amp;quot;the highest bidder, at $3.7 million, was an Australian businessman, and he reconciled with his wife. Miss Dylan offered to return the $250,000 deposit. In fact, I called him and said, `We&amp;#039;re returning it,&amp;#039; but he said, `No, give it to the girl.&amp;#039; So she got a quarter of a million dollars, and bids are starting again!&amp;quot;  I can&amp;#039;t tell you how heartened I am to hear men are still such imbeciles. My friend Tracy Quan, always astute about marketing anything between her eyebrows and kneecaps, and the author of the deliciously witty Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, was appalled\u2014shocked!\u2014to hear your idea. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s trying to sell something,&amp;quot; Quan said, &amp;quot;that should never be sold. I treasure my memories of my first lover. To be a good businesswoman, you need good romantic experience.&amp;quot;  There are better ways to make a fortune in this world\u2014invent an engine that runs on water, create a cellulite cream that works\u2014without turning yourself into an asshole. So it&amp;#039;s up to you, Miss Hungry. It&amp;#039;s your hymen: Keep it, lend it, groom it, or donate it to a poor woman. But in Auntie Eeee&amp;#039;s opinion, only a flimflamming trollop would sell it. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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