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" Remember that tingly feeling you had when you first met your man? You would think all day about seeing him at night. Your stomach did tiny flips as you gave each other a kiss, a touch. During sex, you felt as if you might melt into each other&amp;#039;s bodies and never want to separate.  Flash to the present: You enjoy the deep affection you share, but the fires of your passion have become more of a slow burn. It happens -- to everyone. But there is no reason to resign yourself to sexual dreariness, and there are big reasons not to: Sex is the fiber of your relationship. It&amp;#039;s what distinguishes lovers from roommates, and it&amp;#039;s a way of revealing yourself to each other that is uniquely yours. If your relationship is built on trust and vulnerability, then good, connected sex often follows naturally. Sometimes, however, sex can actually help you reclaim that sense of openness and trust.  On the other hand, problems with sex can create problems in other areas of your relationship. Many couples go through a period of no sex or unsatisfying sex but resign themselves to the idea that they can be good parents, friends and roommates, and that sex is not important. But without passion, a relationship is vulnerable. The fiber that binds you becomes thin, and any stress, whether it&amp;#039;s a death, illness or economic crisis, can permanently rupture it. Putting energy into your sex life is crucial to feeling connected as a team in all areas of your lives. There is no &amp;quot;normal&amp;quot; amount of sex, just as there is no standard set of moves that is going to work for every couple. That said, I believe that barring illness or emotional struggles, you should never go more than two weeks without sex. It can be easy to get caught in a no-sex cycle when you&amp;#039;re stressed or feeling less than loving toward your partner. But to break the cycle, try just having sex with him!  This can be difficult for many women. Giving of our bodies seems unfair when we aren&amp;#039;t feeling fabulous about our relationship. But by giving him some action, you&amp;#039;ll likely jump-start your connection to each other. Sex is one of the main vehicles by which men feel close to you. When you share physical intimacy, it inspires him to be intimate in other ways. Have you ever noticed how close and connected you feel after sex? Usually he&amp;#039;s more affectionate and in a better mood, sometimes for days after. When women notice this they balk at how simple men are and how &amp;quot;all they want is sex.&amp;quot; But sex is not just about physical release for men (though they enjoy that, too!). It&amp;#039;s the glue that makes them feel bonded to you. Without it they often drift, feeling rejected, unattractive and disconnected.   Instead of feeling annoyed that you are somehow giving in, try seeing sex as a way to speak his &amp;quot;language of love.&amp;quot; As soon as you start communicating with him in his language, he&amp;#039;ll be more willing and able to communicate with you in yours.  Sex can rekindle your connection not just when you may be feeling frustrated with your partner but also when you are exhausted. When you&amp;#039;ve worked all day and bathed and fed the kids, then he turns to you for sex at 10pm, you&amp;#039;re thinking, Yeah, right. But if you just start kissing and let yourself get into it, you might find that you end up enjoying yourself a lot more than you expected.   You&amp;#039;re also at risk for faking orgasm, however. Women feel pressure to fake it for every reason under the sun \u2014 often the &amp;quot;mercy fake&amp;quot; is simply a time-management technique so you can get to sleep. But part of communicating is telling your partner when orgasm is simply not going to happen. You can still enjoy the sensations and intimacy of sex without reaching orgasm. Although this can be an alien concept for men, for whom orgasm is the ultimate goal, having realistic expectations of what sex should be is an essential ingredient of long-term satisfaction. Still, &amp;quot;just doing it&amp;quot; is easier said than done, especially as your body and life change over the years. Try these simple exercises to help you get back in touch with the passion you felt for each other when you first met.   Make it a point to share at least one good kiss a day \u2014 a real, wet, deep kiss that lasts at least 10 seconds.  Have a staring contest with your partner. Set a timer for three minutes and use the time to really look at each other. Don&amp;#039;t stare blankly \u2014 gaze into each other&amp;#039;s eyes and at each other&amp;#039;s faces. Try to resist the urge to giggle!  Take a moment to really look at your man&amp;#039;s hands. Run your fingers over his fingers, fingernails and wrists. Try to memorize his hands. Notice how strong or slender or soft they are. Then have him do the same to you.  Once you&amp;#039;ve begun connecting in these basic ways, you&amp;#039;re ready for an even more intense technique known as sensate focus. Sensate focus opens you up to each other emotionally and physically and helps you and your partner discover new sources of pleasure. If your man resists, tell him you want to try something new that will help improve your sexual response \u2014 both separately and as a couple. He&amp;#039;s more likely to get onboard if he knows what you are working toward.  Set aside time when you&amp;#039;ll be relaxed and uninterrupted. Ideally, sensate focus should be done over the course of four different 40-minute sessions (one or two sessions a week for a few weeks), but you could also work through all the stages in one sitting, shortening each stage to 20 minutes or so.   Stage 1: Touch and stroke the nonsexual parts of each other&amp;#039;s bodies \u2014 in other words, breasts and genitals are off-limits! Only one person gets touched at a time and no talking is allowed. Each of you should have 20 minutes in which your body is being explored. Focus on your body&amp;#039;s sensations, whether you&amp;#039;re touching or being touched.   Stage 2: Now expand to sensual touching, but without trying to arouse each other. Spend another 20 minutes each, no talking allowed. It&amp;#039;s good to place your hand on top of your partner&amp;#039;s hand and indicate when something feels especially good by pressing or stopping his hand.   Stage 3: Begin touching each other at the same time now. Your clothes need to come off if they are not already. Your bodies should be making contact, including the genitals, but no intercourse! This will allow you to explore without any anxiety or expectations about what comes next. Enjoy Stage 3 for 20 minutes, or longer if you like.   Stage 4: The final stage involves what&amp;#039;s called non-demand intercourse. This means that your partner enters you and you simply hold him inside for as long as you like while both of you focus on the sensations. If you feel like things are getting too hot, have him withdraw and go back to touching each other&amp;#039;s bodies elsewhere. You will probably be overcome with desire! Whether you want to finish with intercourse or some other activity such as oral sex is up to you.  Remember this activity anytime you hit a sexual rut. Every couple goes through ebbs and flows in their sex life, but getting in touch with your senses and slowing everything down will help make you feel like new again.  A Q&amp;amp;amp;A with Laura Berman, Ph.D.  Q: Is it realistic to expect sex to stay great over the years?A: It may not be realistic to expect your stomach to flip-flop every time you see your guy \u2014 but you can still expect a sizzling sex life, and you should! The passion you should strive for is one that derives from all of your experiences together, all the laughter and tears you&amp;#039;ve shared.   Q: In your research, are there common themes among young couples that have infrequent sex?A: Stress, medication, childbearing, even birth control pills have an emotional and hormonal impact on our sex lives. In addition, young people are so focused on their careers that sex falls to the bottom of their priority list. Eventually, it becomes a chore.   Q: How can you tell if a lack of libido is just part of the temporary ups and downs of a normal relationship or if it&amp;#039;s a sign of a real problem?A: My rule of thumb is: If there&amp;#039;s been a period of time over the past six months when your libido&amp;#039;s been stronger, even if only for a short time \u2014 while on vacation, for example, or after a romantic night \u2014 then your lack of interest at other times might just be caused by normal stress. In that case, taking the time to reconnect with your partner emotionally can help you reclaim your sex life. But, if you&amp;#039;ve consistently had a low libido during the last six months \u2014 meaning, you&amp;#039;ve rarely fantasized or felt sexual \u2014 then you may have an emotional problem such as relationship troubles or body issues, in which case therapy would be a great solution. It&amp;#039;s always a good idea, however, to run anything you&amp;#039;re not entirely sure about by your doctor, so he or she can make sure you don&amp;#039;t have a physical problem that needs treatment.   Q: What if your doctor dismisses your concerns?A: Doctors often aren&amp;#039;t trained to treat sexual problems and, surprisingly, many are embarrassed to bring up the topic! Some even advise their patients to accept dying passion as a natural part of marriage! Don&amp;#039;t let your doctor brush you off \u2014 and if he or she does, find one who takes your issues seriously.   Q: Finish this sentence: &amp;quot;A sexually healthy marriage is...&amp;quot;A: ...one in which both people have their emotional and sexual needs met. And it&amp;#039;s not just about intercourse \u2014 frequent gestures of affection add greatly to being sexually satisfied. Regularly kissing your partner is one of the most sensual acts you can do. Our research shows that the number one reason women are sexually satisfied is because they have an emotional and intimate connection with their partners \u2014 surprisingly, it has very little to do with having an orgasm. Print out this page and pass it to him over breakfast, tape it to the bathroom mirror, shove it in his coat pocket \u2014 whatever it takes for him to read this essential info about keeping your sexual bond hot.   Sex is important (in case you needed convincing). Although good sex is not necessarily the central force in a great relationship, when sex isn&amp;#039;t working, it takes on a life of its own and becomes a big white elephant in the room with you. That&amp;#039;s why it&amp;#039;s so essential to maintain a healthy, satisfying sex life.  More closeness = more sex. For most women, feeling emotionally close to her partner often inspires her to want to be sexual with him. For many men it&amp;#039;s the opposite \u2014 he usually needs sex in order to feel emotionally close to his partner. While she should try to reach out more to you sexually, it&amp;#039;s crucial that you try to make more of an emotional connection with her as well.  Foreplay begins long before you enter the bedroom. Remember the early days of your Relationship \u2014 surprise her with flowers, call her or email her during the day to let her know you&amp;#039;re thinking about her, cuddle with her or hold her hand. A little attention now will go a long way toward getting her in the mood later.  Her orgasm isn&amp;#039;t like yours. A woman&amp;#039;s capacity for orgasm will vary from day to day, depending on what&amp;#039;s going on in her personal life and your relationship. Accepting the fact that she will not always have an orgasm is half the battle toward a satisfying sex life.  Men can suffer from sexual dysfunction too. And it&amp;#039;s nothing to be embarrassed about. Talk about it with your partner and investigate treatments together \u2014 there are many out there. Both early ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (ED) will affect virtually every man at one time or another during his life, and low sexual desire affects at least one man in five. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/a185/have-sex-tonight-ll/>