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"  So you want to get into Pretty Little Liars, but don&amp;#039;t think you have the stomach for nearly 100 episodes of overdressed high school kids trying to unravel a mystery so complicated it makes Scandal look like Dr. Seuss? Just memorize this easy guide and you&amp;#039;ll be ready for a correspondence course at Hollis College in no time. The recap: The liars \u2014 Aria, Emily, Spencer, and Hannah \u2014 are four BFFs with vaguely negligent parents who sometimes show up for important storylines but never seem to know or care where their children are. They live in a small town called Rosewood, PA, which is full of people who have no idea how to come up with strong computer passwords. Their fifth BFF Alison disappeared several summers ago, and despite the fact that she was an evil B-I-T-C-H who constantly ruined their lives, they all miss her very much. Eventually, her body is found. OR IS IT? She is currently alive, maybe, but it&amp;#039;s hard to tell because every time she appears, she is cloaked in mysterious fog. Since the one-year anniversary of Alison&amp;#039;s murder/fake murder/trip to Mexico for cheap plastic surgery, the liars have been stalked by someone named A, who tortures them via text message, snail mail, and messages carved in trees. A has been several different people throughout the course of the show, but right now it&amp;#039;s Ezra, who&amp;#039;s a teacher at their high school and the on-again-off-again boyfriend of Aria. No one except Aria&amp;#039;s parents three seasons ago cares that their relationship is illegal. The hot-dude rankings: 1. Caleb, but he left the show for his spinoff Ravenswood, which not a single person in the entire world watches. 2. Ezra, but he&amp;#039;s evil now.   3. Jason, but he left for Devious Maids his mom sent him to rehab.   4. Jake, but Aria just dumped him so he&amp;#039;s probably gone for good.   5. Toby? Haha, no.  Random trivia to toss out during commercial breaks: 1. Did you know Chad Lowe (Aria&amp;#039;s absent father) is Rob Lowe&amp;#039;s brother? 2. Bianca Lawson (aka Maya, Emily&amp;#039;s first girlfriend) also starred on beloved teen classic Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 3. The coffee shop is named after the classic Alfred Hitchcock movie Rear Window. 4. Ali&amp;#039;s alias Vivian Darkbloom is a reference to Vladimir Nabokov&amp;#039;s novel Lolita. 5. In her spare time, Lucy Hale is working on her debut country album. The single is pretty good!  Things to say at brunch when you still don&amp;#039;t want to watch but want your pretty little friends to like you: 1. Seriously though, where are everyone&amp;#039;s parents? 2. I mean I know we&amp;#039;re four seasons in at this point, but I still don&amp;#039;t understand why they were friends with a psychopathic nut job like Ali in the first place. 3. Are you at least a little bit uncomfortable with the fact that Ezra&amp;#039;s entire relationship with Aria has been one long case of statutory rape? 4. Why do these girls never go to the cops about anything, even after all the dirty ones have left town or gotten killed? 5. This show is basically Tween Peaks, amirite? Pretty Little Liars airs Tuesdays (tonight!) at 8/7c on ABC Family.  Follow Eliza on Twitter.  Photo credits: ABC Family/Getty Images  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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