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" You&amp;#039;ve heard the expert advice a thousand times: Do a weekly date night or your marriage will suffer. Sounds more like a threat than friendly advice, doesn&amp;#039;t it? Whatever happened to spontaneity? Or making up your own rules? &amp;quot;What&amp;#039;s really important is that you&amp;#039;re finding time to have fun together,&amp;quot; says Jenny Lee, author of I Do. I Did. Now What?! &amp;quot;You shouldn&amp;#039;t feel guilty if you don&amp;#039;t have a set schedule \u2014 or if your date night involves having a glass of wine after the kids are in bed.&amp;quot;  Turns out, most of you are tweaking the date-night template to come up with your own intimate traditions, ideas that work for your busy lives. According to an exclusive poll on Redbookmag.com:  54 percent of you go on regular date nights14 percent of you stick to a schedule But even when it&amp;#039;s not a regular appointment, date night is still a priority:45 percent of you have dates with your man at least every other week...and you wouldn&amp;#039;t swap them for all of J.Lo&amp;#039;s pink diamonds: &amp;quot;With five kids, we need date nights,&amp;quot; says Carla Feagans, 33, of Indianapolis. &amp;quot;When weeks go by and we don&amp;#039;t have one, we&amp;#039;re frustrated with each other and feel more disconnected.&amp;quot;   Here&amp;#039;s what you actually do on your dates, what you&amp;#039;ve sworn off, and how reinventing an old-fashioned ritual is helping you reinvigorate your romance.  What do you secretly wish he&amp;#039;d do on date night? Your overwhelming pick: &amp;quot;Hold my hand.&amp;quot; But some of you had other ideas.  Our favorites: &amp;quot;Have first-date manners.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Flirt with me.&amp;quot; ...and the best one: &amp;quot;He already does it all!&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I always feel sexy for my date night in...&amp;quot; 7% High heels 34% Sexy underwear 38% A favorite fragrance Tired of being told what you can and can&amp;#039;t do on a date? Check out how couples like you are relaxing the so-called rules.   Old rule: Movies are terrible for date night because you can&amp;#039;t talk to each other.New rule: Pass the popcorn. Okay, so you can&amp;#039;t have a heart-to-heart during the movie. But there is something decidedly romantic about holding hands in the dark and getting lost in a good story. And taking in a film together gives you new insight into each other, as Veronica Chambers, 34, a writer in Los Angeles, discovered. &amp;quot;Our favorite date night is going to a double feature. We buy the tickets in advance, so neither of us chickens out,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Movies remind me of when my husband and I were first dating and I was discovering all these new things about him \u2014 what annoys him, what makes him laugh. It helps me see him with fresh eyes again, and that&amp;#039;s invariably romantic.&amp;quot;  Old rule: Socializing with other couples isn&amp;#039;t a good idea \u2014 the point of a date night is to focus on each other.New rule: Go ahead and plan a double (or triple) date. Nights out with other couples can be surprisingly romantic. And yes, they do count as dates, according to 62 percent of our poll respondents. &amp;quot;My husband and I love going out with other couples,&amp;quot; says Karen Bakos, 43, a research executive in New York City. &amp;quot;Bringing another couple into the mix when we go out helps us freshen things up.&amp;quot; And seeing your partner in a social setting often reminds you of all those charming little traits you overlook when you pass each other in the bathroom. Kick him under the table, set up his favorite joke and then go home and list all the reasons why you&amp;#039;re glad you married your man \u2014 and not your friend&amp;#039;s.  Old rule: Go somewhere new for every date night \u2014 routine is the enemy of romance.New rule: Own those old haunts. Having a place where everybody knows your name can bolster a sense of couple identity. Plus, indulging in a bit of nostalgia (like revisiting the restaurant where he proposed to you or the bar you closed down when you were first dating) strengthens your bond and reminds you of your romantic history. &amp;quot;One of my best nights with my husband was when he picked me up after a trip to England and took me to our favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant,&amp;quot; says Melissa Whitworth, 27, a feature writer in New York City. &amp;quot;We just chatted and chatted, and I couldn&amp;#039;t help thinking how much better dating is when you&amp;#039;re with someone you already know you want to go home with!&amp;quot;  Old rule: Don&amp;#039;t talk about the kids.New rule: Go ahead, gush a little. Together, you&amp;#039;ve created the most perfectly adorable children on earth, so it&amp;#039;s totally normal to want to rave about them. &amp;quot;On our nights out, the conversation always goes back to the kids \u2014 but in a good way,&amp;quot; says Rachel Dorfman, 37, a stay-at-home mother of three in Glencoe, Illinois. &amp;quot;Usually, we talk about something funny they did. Since my husband isn&amp;#039;t around all the time to see and hear all the adorable things they do, I end up relating them to him when we&amp;#039;re alone. We both love talking about the kids, and that common bond makes us feel even more connected.&amp;quot; The secret to making sure kid talk bolsters the mood instead of killing it is to keep the conversation light. Stick to sharing cute stories about your little ones rather than using your us-time to stress about a less-than-stellar report card or how you&amp;#039;re ever going to pay for college. What makes a date special? You tell us!  &amp;quot;The best date nights we ever had were dance lessons together. We had so much fun stepping on each other&amp;#039;s toes and calling our teacher the &amp;#039;Dance Czar&amp;#039;! Dancing really forces you to get close and pay attention to how you move together. It was so great, we hired our teacher to give us private lessons so we could make it a date-night tradition.&amp;quot; \u2014 Suzanne Blake, 49, relationship coach, Boston  &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;d just moved from Melbourne, Australia, to Dallas, and I was homesick. One Sunday, my man made me his famous French toast and then told me he had a surprise for me. Turns out this old trolley from Melbourne is now used for public transportation in Dallas. We spent the day riding on it and reminiscing.&amp;quot; \u2014 Cheryl Collett, 31, writer, Dallas   &amp;quot;My boyfriend was in Houston for job training, and since we couldn&amp;#039;t have our regular night out, I got online and booked a last-minute ticket and a hotel package! I surprised him, and we spent the weekend at a beautiful hotel, just lounging and eating and being together.&amp;quot; \u2014 Judy Klein, 28, public relations associate, New York City He loves it, he hates it \u2014 and believe it or not, he still worries about impressing you.  &amp;quot;Like most men, I love a project, so in some ways, planning the date night is the best part for me. Last summer, I did all this research and then found a place where we could pick strawberries and have a picnic next to a practically deserted pond. The more thought you put into it, the better it comes out \u2014 and the better the reward when you get home!&amp;quot; \u2014 Joel, 30, writer, McDonough, GA   &amp;quot;My wife loves cooking, so when we&amp;#039;re at home, she spends all her energy concentrating on making a great dinner. I like nights out with her because when we&amp;#039;re at a restaurant, she pays attention to me!&amp;quot; \u2014 William, 58, attorney, San Francisco  &amp;quot;In my opinion, date night is hard because of all the pressure. There&amp;#039;s pressure on both spouses to do something &amp;#039;special&amp;#039; \u2014 and then there&amp;#039;s pressure on me to fit into that pair of pants that&amp;#039;s now three sizes too small!&amp;quot; \u2014 David, 35, home-theater sales representative, Crystal Lake, IL  &amp;quot;Frankly, figuring out what to do on date night is kind of a pain because she and I can never agree. One time, we got a local magazine, took out highlighters, and each marked all the things we were interested in doing. Only one of our activities overlapped. It was a Japanese art exhibit, and when we got there, it was closed \u2014 they&amp;#039;d printed the wrong date.&amp;quot; \u2014 Howard, 44, information technology security specialist, New York City  &amp;quot;I love going out and doing what we want without the confinement of children. It&amp;#039;s not to say that I don&amp;#039;t love the kids, but when we&amp;#039;re alone we can do whatever we want, which is exhilarating. By the time we come home, the kids are already asleep in bed, so the date night continues...and usually ends with sex!&amp;quot; \u2014 Jay, 40, actor, Glendale, CA  Who Plans?Half of you said that you and he plan romantic outings together. Only 2 percent said your man takes charge of making dates happen.  &amp;quot;Date night&amp;quot; usually means &amp;quot;sex night&amp;quot;: 13% of you said you always get busy after going out with your man38% reported that you often do28% said you do half of the time Your typical date may be a standard dinner out, but you&amp;#039;re open to some more, um, offbeat offerings, according to the results of our poll:  36% of you have been or want to go to a motel room35% said mini golfing25% liked the sound of a pool hall14% chose a strip club If it&amp;#039;s adventure you&amp;#039;re after, here are some other fun options.  Hit a few curveballs. When was the last time you broke a sweat on a date? Take advantage of a sunny day or a warm evening and head to the nearest batting cages. Ask your guy for some helpful batting tips \u2014 besides the fact that you&amp;#039;ll make his night, it&amp;#039;ll give him an excuse to wrap himself around you while he shows you the perfect stance.  Drink free wine. Many liquor stores offer complimentary tastings from time to time, so dress up, try everything and pretend you&amp;#039;re official wine snobs: &amp;quot;Is that a hint of truffle in this Merlot?&amp;quot;  Go to the zoo. Not at 10am, when the buses of noisy campers roll in. Instead, go at night \u2014 this time of year, many zoos stay open late. Look for special events: Portland&amp;#039;s Oregon Zoo runs &amp;quot;Zoolala,&amp;quot; featuring food from local restaurants. And The Wilds, a zoo in Cumberland, Ohio, offers sunset safaris every Saturday night.  Go to a hotel. For a drink and appetizers, that is, not for you-know-what. Score a seat near the piano bar, an opulent fountain or any spot that screams vacation. For the price of Chinese takeout, you&amp;#039;ll feel like you took a romantic getaway.  Take a road trip. Think of a place you&amp;#039;ve always wanted to go to that&amp;#039;s not too far away: a historic site, natural landmark, quaint town or the like. Then make a day of it. No pressure \u2014 you can tour like mad or pull off at the first grassy field you see and nap side by side in the sun. Ahh.  Shoot for the gutter. Go bowling. (What did you think we meant?!) The shoes are ugly and the food (reheated hot dogs, faux-cheese nachos, flat beer) won&amp;#039;t help your diet, but who cares? Do a jig when you knock down a pin. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a173/date-night-debate-ll/>