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" Huffington Post Gay Voices blogger Jenny Block opined yesterday that if you don&amp;#039;t enjoy oral sex \u2014 whether giving or receiving \u2014 you&amp;#039;re not really a lesbian. &amp;quot;Anything short of eating pussy,&amp;quot; according to Block, &amp;quot;is simply being besties.&amp;quot; Really, girl? There&amp;#039;s only one way to have lesbian sex, and anything else is &amp;quot;besties&amp;quot;? Do you finger-bang your besties? Fist them? Have strap-on sex? You must have had some interesting slumber parties in high school. First of all, I&amp;#039;m bothered by Block&amp;#039;s assertion that sex is the only thing separating a romantic partnership from a friendship. My partner and I didn&amp;#039;t stop being married to each other when I was in grad school and too exhausted to fuck on a regular basis; our intimate connection to each other continued to exist until I got enough energy back to begin fortifying it with orgasms once again. Nor did I instantly become girlfriends with every friend I fooled around with in college. Also, asexual people in romantic relationships exist. Sexual and romantic connection are different, often overlapping but distinct, and simplifying every connection between women down to &amp;quot;cunnilingus or just friends&amp;quot; is unnecessarily dismissive of a huge range of human experience. But, more importantly, I become profoundly disturbed when queer people \u2014 who have, throughout history, been rejected, shamed, and persecuted for the way we like to get down \u2014 turn around and start berating each other for not having sex the &amp;quot;right&amp;quot; way. There should not be a litmus test for who&amp;#039;s a good enough lesbian. The LGBTQ community should strive for solidarity, not scrutinizing each other&amp;#039;s relationships or competing to see who&amp;#039;s the Queerest of Them All. If you and your girlfriend are both happy with your sex life, who is Jenny Block to tell you you&amp;#039;re wrong? There are lots of reasons to forgo oral sex beside the one Block diagnoses, which is a lack of &amp;quot;pussy pride.&amp;quot; Some people prefer penetration. Some need more pressure than a tongue can provide, and opt for fingers or a vibrator. And, yes, some people do have insecurity or trauma that makes certain sexual acts non-starters \u2014 but, while therapy is always a good choice if your issues are getting in the way of your happy, healthy life, if opting out of cunnilingus isn&amp;#039;t bothering you or your partner, it&amp;#039;s not getting in the way of your life. People like different things; there&amp;#039;s no reason to pathologize preference. Differences are what make us interesting \u2014 isn&amp;#039;t that what those rainbow flags are all about? I&amp;#039;m not saying that sexual compatibility doesn&amp;#039;t matter. If a woman not letting Jenny Block go down on her is a dealbreaker for Jenny Block, then, by all means, Jenny Block should find a sexual partner whose needs more closely match her own. But just because someone doesn&amp;#039;t get down the way you prefer doesn&amp;#039;t mean they&amp;#039;re being gay wrong. If you don&amp;#039;t like receiving oral sex, I guarantee you there&amp;#039;s someone out there who doesn&amp;#039;t particularly care for giving it, and you two will one day find each other and have spectacular sex in whatever way you both prefer (and then eventually break up because she refuses to put the lid back on the peanut butter, like, ever). Listen, oral sex is amazing. I&amp;#039;m not knocking it. I would never give it up for Lent. But I like lots of things that other people don&amp;#039;t have to like in order to be correctly homosexual, like horror movies and Queen&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;Don&amp;#039;t Stop Me Now&amp;quot; and dipping my French fries in mustard. Loving pussy isn&amp;#039;t what makes you a lesbian. Loving women is. Everything else is just icing. Follow Lindsay King-Miller on Twitter. Photo credit: Getty Images "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6499/lesbian-cunnilingus/?src=rss>