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" It&amp;#039;s a clich\u00E9 for a reason: Opposites do attract, and that&amp;#039;s certainly the case for Leigh Ann and Jason Rollins. The Atlanta couple, who got married in October, were social animals of very different stripes when they started dating in college four years ago. Back then, career-oriented Jason spent most of his free time studying in his dorm room, while Leigh Ann would go out with friends. Today, not much has changed. Jason, 24, works a 9-to-5 job in public relations and likes relaxing at home. Leigh Ann, 25, goes to nursing school during the day and bartends five nights a week from 4pm to 1am, but is often in the mood to socialize after her shift.   Since opposite work schedules mean they rarely see each other, both relish what little couple time they have. But their different social styles get in the way. &amp;quot;We have limited time together, and we rarely agree on how to spend it,&amp;quot; says Leigh Ann. The two often fight over making plans, get frustrated and end up going off to do their own things. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s a shame that we&amp;#039;re newlyweds and we almost never get to enjoy each other,&amp;quot; says Jason. &amp;quot;I want this marriage to last, but we need more time together to make it work.&amp;quot;   With their schedules unlikely to change anytime soon -- Leigh Ann has two years of nursing school left -- the couple is at odds over how to mesh both their social habits and their schedules.  Different ways of winding down. After attending her nursing classes and working nine long, hectic hours at the bar, going out isn&amp;#039;t just about meeting up with friends, it&amp;#039;s a way for Leigh Ann to de-stress and blow off steam -- something she wishes Jason could understand better. &amp;quot;I love to go out, especially on Saturday nights,&amp;quot; says Leigh Ann. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s the end of my workweek, and I want to go to a bar.&amp;quot;   Jason, meanwhile, wishes Leigh Ann would have more sympathy for how he wants to spend his free time. &amp;quot;By the time Friday night arrives, I am totally beat and not up for going out with Leigh Ann to close down a bar,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;Why go out when we can stay in, enjoy our new home and catch up from the week?&amp;quot;   Giving in to keep the peace. Jason and Leigh Ann have tried to compromise by doing what the other wants, but instead of bringing them closer, this solution has led to more frustration. &amp;quot;If I do convince Jason to go out with my friends, he doesn&amp;#039;t want to be there very long and isn&amp;#039;t very friendly,&amp;quot; says Leigh Ann. For Jason, going out with Leigh Ann&amp;#039;s friends from the bar, whom he doesn&amp;#039;t know well and feels he has little in common with, is anything but fun -- he feels like an outsider. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s the type of social setting where I don&amp;#039;t do so well,&amp;quot; he admits. Leigh Ann will often go home after work, &amp;quot;because it&amp;#039;s more important to me to spend what little time we have together than to go out,&amp;quot; she says. Problem is, sometimes Jason is already in bed when she gets home, making her feel like she canceled her plans for nothing. &amp;quot;It makes me resentful,&amp;quot; she says.   Partying on a budget. With house payments, Leigh Ann&amp;#039;s nursing school tuition and a new car (Jason&amp;#039;s old one, which was fully paid off, recently &amp;quot;crapped out&amp;quot;), the couple has less disposable income these days. Now, not only do they argue about going out, but they also find themselves disagreeing over how much money to spend when they do go out. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s been a big adjustment, especially for Leigh Ann, to cut back on our spending,&amp;quot; says Jason.   Recently the couple got in a fight while at a bar with friends because Leigh Ann wanted to buy a round of shots for the group. &amp;quot;We had a big discussion about whether I could buy the shots or not,&amp;quot; says Leigh Ann. &amp;quot;I ended up not buying them.&amp;quot;   Jason says he loves his wife&amp;#039;s generosity, but such fights nearly ruin their evenings out. &amp;quot;I think Leigh Ann sees me as a cheapskate, when I&amp;#039;m simply looking out for our best interests.&amp;quot; Leigh Ann started to cut back when she recently took over balancing the checkbook and could see where the couple&amp;#039;s money was going. That helped, but Jason still feels she doesn&amp;#039;t curb her spending enough.  Personality clashes are normal, says Norman Epstein, Ph.D., a professor of family studies at the University of Maryland, a licensed psychologist and a marital and family therapist. But they can cause conflicts in relationships when couples place too much significance on their differences. Even though Jason and Leigh Ann think their situation will improve once their schedules are more similar, Epstein warns against simply waiting for things to get better: &amp;quot;Characteristics such as values and preferences generally don&amp;#039;t change much over time,&amp;quot; says Epstein. The good news: &amp;quot;It doesn&amp;#039;t mean that they&amp;#039;re incompatible,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;If they show respect for each other and negotiate these differences, they can actually come out stronger in the end.&amp;quot;   Get creative with couple time. Rather than simply giving in to what the other wants to do -- which eventually leads to arguments and resentment -- Epstein suggests that Jason and Leigh Ann sit down and brainstorm activities they can do together. &amp;quot;One of the traps that many couples fall into is that as soon as one person makes a suggestion, the other one finds fault with it, and then things deteriorate into an argument,&amp;quot; he says.   Since Jason is reluctant to go out with a group he doesn&amp;#039;t know well, he can make a deal with Leigh Ann: out with her crowd one night, out with his work friends the next. They can also hang out with a smaller group of Leigh Ann&amp;#039;s friends or invite them over for dinner, so Jason can get to know them in a setting that suits him. Another option: working in more date nights, so they get to have time alone and be out of the house.   Epstein also encourages the couple to continue doing the little things they already do together, like taking their puppy to the park. Even shopping at Home Depot, which Jason usually does alone on the weekends, counts. &amp;quot;It can be a social time for the two of them, as well as a time for getting a chore done,&amp;quot; he says. Doing small activities together on a regular basis helps a couple feel like a team and reinforces their bond.  Clear up the misinterpretations. To help Jason and Leigh Ann see things from the other&amp;#039;s point of view, Epstein recommends the pair practice &amp;quot;listening and reflecting&amp;quot; -- a communication technique to &amp;quot;create the mutual respect and understanding that set a positive stage for compromise,&amp;quot; he says. For example, when Jason tells Leigh Ann he&amp;#039;s too tired to go out, she should repeat back to him: &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s not that you don&amp;#039;t want to be with me, but I understand that you&amp;#039;re just plain exhausted.&amp;quot; This shows that she understands him (or if she got it wrong, helps them both realize if she&amp;#039;s misinterpreting his feelings). To get comfortable with the technique, Epstein suggests, the two should first practice it when they&amp;#039;re talking about non-hot-button issues, such as an episode at work that was frustrating but has nothing to do with the other person.   Show me the money. Instead of criticizing each other&amp;#039;s spending habits, Epstein says, Jason and Leigh Ann should try looking over their finances together and creating a budget they&amp;#039;re both comfortable with. First, they should set limits for shared expenses, such as household items or groceries. Then, they should work out a set amount of &amp;quot;personal&amp;quot; money that each gets to spend on whatever he or she wants. The two should also decide how many nights a month they will go out; this will help them stay within their budget (and make sure they get together-time). It would help, too, if Leigh Ann kept Jason in the loop about how much discretionary income they have on a monthly basis after she balances the checkbook. That way, Jason might discover that not only can they go out more often, but they also really can afford to splurge on a round of drinks. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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