<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"FacebookPinterest\n\nTime once more for Make It Stop, in which we count down the five things this week that must stop.\n\n1. Writers making rules about writing. I say this with all due respect to the late great Elmore Leonard, whose revered list of rules for writing was re-published all over the place this week. They are very nice rules, so long as you also abide by George Orwell's rules for writing. And Mark Twain's. And Robert Heinlein's. And Colson Whitehead's. You haven't truly made it as a Big Writer With A Capital W unless you have a list of Writing Commandments that other people must follow. By the way, I'm totally guilty of this as well. Someone asked me to contribute a writing rule for a post (ALWAYS USE CAPS!) and I submitted one because it made me feel like a college professor. Writers are annoying people. Just do what you want.\n\n2. Scheduling your fantasy draft. Is Tuesday night good for everyone? No? What about Wednesday? What do you mean, you have a wedding to go to? Who gets married on a goddamn Wednesday? We need a list of rules for weddings.\n\n3. Red eye flights. Oh, they seem like such an efficient way of doing things. You sleep the whole time! You don't waste a day! In practice, you end up giving yourself four hangovers simultaneously. Everything hurts now. I want to lie in a coffin. Redeye flights are the six-fingered man's life-sucking machine.\n\n4. \"Have you eaten with us before?\" No? Then let me treat you like a kindergartner who's never seen a restaurant menu before. I went to a burger joint this week and the waiter had to explain all the ways my burger could be cooked, and when I asked for medium rare, he corrected me and said \"mid-rare.\" Fuck you. Just give me my burger and shut up. You're not my personal eating trainer.\n\n5. This bracket.\n\nDrew Magary is a GQ correspondent and a staff writer for Deadspin. Follow him on Twitter via @drewmagary and pre-order his new book about fatherhood, Someone Could Get Hurt, at his website"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/make-it-stop-the-worst-of-the-week-of-082313>