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"  This week marks the beginning and, hopefully, the end of the Senate Judiciary Committee&amp;#039;s grilling of Elena Kagan, toothy Solicitor General, alleged gay person, and only somewhat disappointing choice for 112th Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America. Now sometimes these things get stone-cold crazy (see Bork, R.; Thomas, C. \u2014 as in, &amp;quot;Who has pubic hair on my Coke?&amp;quot;), and the Beltway media has come frothing at the mouth ever since (see &amp;quot;Politico&amp;#039;s Dwindling Reasons for Existence&amp;quot;). Truth is, nomination hearings are generally a goddamn snooze \u2014 enough to make a man drink.  We&amp;#039;re pretty sure Pat Buchanan already has a head start, but, hey, it&amp;#039;s summer, when every good grilling deserves a cocktail \u2014 and when the World Cup&amp;#039;s taught us to start drinking a little earlier than usually anyway. Enjoy. Materials: 1 pot chamomile tea (To chill you out.) 1 bottle liquor (To heat you up.) 1 box prunes (To keep you regular.) Key phrases: &amp;quot;strict constitutionalist&amp;quot; = 1 sip chamomile tea  (Boring, to match the clich\u00E9.) &amp;quot;judicial activism&amp;quot; = 1 sip chamomile tea  (Ditto.) &amp;quot;Judeo-Christian tradition&amp;quot; = 1 shot liquor  (An Anglo-Saxon tradition.) &amp;quot;military recruiters&amp;quot; = 1 sip liquor  (You&amp;#039;ll be hearing this a lot \u2014 pace yourself.) &amp;quot;smut&amp;quot; = skip (You&amp;#039;ll also be hearing this a lot, actually \u2014 spare yourself until Al Franken makes a joke about it.) &amp;quot;And that&amp;#039;s... okay&amp;quot; = 1 shot liquor (Enough with the homophobic-phobic crap already.) &amp;quot;Me So Horny&amp;quot; = 2 shots liquor  (One for each member of the Live Crew, which she has actually defended...)      &amp;quot;undergraduate thesis&amp;quot; = 1 gulp chamomile tea  (Undergraduate anything is, by definition, boring.) &amp;quot;socialism&amp;quot; (or &amp;quot;ist&amp;quot;) = 1 sip liquor  (Skip if combined with &amp;quot;undergraduate thesis,&amp;quot; which is, actually, also boring.) &amp;quot;Marxism&amp;quot; (or &amp;quot;ist&amp;quot;) = 1 shot liquor  (Marxism? Seriously? What an undergraduate word.) Anytime Tom Coburn opens his mouth = 1 sip liquor (Full shot if he holds up poster of a dead fetus...)      Anytime Tom Coburn finishes a coherent sentence = 1 sip liquor (Won&amp;#039;t happen too often...)      &amp;quot;New York City&amp;quot; = 1 sip chamomile tea (Because aren&amp;#039;t all lawyers born on the Upper West Side? Switch to liquor if this involves another bad Schumer joke about the Yankees.) &amp;quot;elitism&amp;quot; (or &amp;quot;ist&amp;quot;) = 1 sip liquor (Full shot, for hypocrisy&amp;#039;s sake, if Sens. Crapo, Vitter, Lugar, or Bond say it: three Ivy League degrees and two Rhodes scholarships among them.) &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m confused&amp;quot; = 1 prune  (In solidarity with the oldsters. See Sens. Lugar and Bond.) &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m troubled&amp;quot; = 1 sip chamomile tea  (To settle the mind.)  &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t understand&amp;quot; = 1 shot liquor  (To calm fears that we are governed by idiots. Double shot if it&amp;#039;s McCain who says this \u2014 a toast to the memory of 2008.) &amp;quot;wise Latina&amp;quot; = fast-forward DVR &amp;quot;shitty deal&amp;quot; = 2 prunes &amp;quot;recess&amp;quot; = bathroom break (Pause DVR if you&amp;#039;re going heavy on the prunes.) &amp;quot;expert advice&amp;quot; = 1 sip &amp;quot;the juice&amp;quot; or 1 sip chamomile tea (Depending if phrase refers to The Washington Post&amp;#039;s latest catchphrase or actually relevant Kagan case.) &amp;quot;Monica Lewinsky&amp;quot; = 1 shot liquor  (And a cigar, if you have one.) &amp;quot;softball&amp;quot; = throw bottle of liquor at television (Just save the tea kettle for Murdoch.) &amp;quot;filibuster&amp;quot; = throw Mitch McConnell at television (And save Jeff Sessions for the wolves.) MORE ON KAGAN: Behind the Whisper Campaign Why It Doesn&amp;#039;t Matter if She&amp;#039;s Gay What Fox Thinks About Her Why She&amp;#039;s Not Good Enough "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a7853/elena-kagan-hearing-062810/>