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"  10. The Happening (2008)  His previous movie, Lady in the Water, set the bar pretty low, but M. Night Shyamalan managed to limbo beneath it with his &amp;quot;first R-rated film.&amp;quot; A wave of suicides turns out to have been caused by... plants. The plants caused it. The fucking plants. So The Happening may not pack any scares, but it does offer a valuable environmental message: We should be nice to nature so it doesn&amp;#039;t kill us or maybe just kill it first while we still have the edge. Don&amp;#039;t believe me? The trees are doing it:      9. The Shaft (2001)  &amp;quot;Take the stairs, take the stairs. For God&amp;#039;s sake, take the stairs!!!&amp;quot; So goes the tagline for De Lift, Dick Maas&amp;#039;s 1983 Danish film about the horrible occurrences inside an elevator. He remade it and renamed it Down for (more or less straight to) video with Naomi Watts as a reporter investigating a New York skyscraper in which, no matter the repairs, elevators just keep killing people. She soon realizes that its occupants would sooner risk death than climb more than four flights of stairs. The man says it here himself: If you can&amp;#039;t trust elevators, what the fuck can you trust?      8. Troll 2 (1990)  &amp;quot;Nilbog&amp;quot; is &amp;quot;goblin&amp;quot; spelled backward. That revelation is the climax of this movie and, yes, in theory the big revelation should be that &amp;quot;llort&amp;quot; is &amp;quot;troll&amp;quot; spelled backward. (Incidentally, Troll 2 has no connection to 1986&amp;#039;s original Troll, featuring Sonny Bono. Got that? Good.) A bizarre effort by Italian filmmakers in Utah starring a dentist, it&amp;#039;s become a cult hit and inspired the documentary Best Worst Movie. This is what happens when people who can&amp;#039;t act perform a script written by people who can&amp;#039;t speak English:      7. Jason X (2001)  You&amp;#039;ve got to give it to &amp;#039;em: After nine &amp;quot;films,&amp;quot; the makers of Friday the 13th were certainly willing to mix things up a bit. Instead of forcing a hockey-masked Jason Voorhees to hack up yet another group of horny teens looking for a good time at the lake, Jason is frozen and revived in the year 2455 AD (see, cryogenics isn&amp;#039;t just for Ted Williams&amp;#039;s head!). Then things proceed like they always proceed, only he&amp;#039;s on a spaceship. Viva, variety! Horror-free highlight? Jason giving a facial to this inexplicably bare-midriffed scientist:       6. Thinner (1996)  Stephen King adaptations can&amp;#039;t all be The Shining. Writing under his Richard Bachman pseudonym, King penned a novel about a fat-ass scumbag lawyer who just can&amp;#039;t keep a diet. Then he runs over an old Gypsy woman. At this point the man has some good luck (he dodges proper justice in a court of law) and some bad (the Gypsy&amp;#039;s father who&amp;#039;s one hundred or so and, like most Gypsies, has magic powers puts a curse on him). Rapid weight loss and not terribly convincing special effects ensue, plus Joe Mantegna&amp;#039;s a mobster. Behold:      5. Naked Fear (2007)  Think Joe Mantegna&amp;#039;s drop from the glory days of House of Games to Thinner was bad? He went from the toilet to the sewer as an impressively inept sheriff in this sub-B movie the tale of a hunter whose prey of choice is nude strippers (hence the title!). It&amp;#039;s based loosely on real-life serial killer Robert Hansen, meaning even what should be the simple, uncomplicated joy of watching star Danielle De Luca endlessly run around the desert nekkid makes you feel a little dirty, and then just bored. Alas, the Internet is devoid of video evidence. And so, more Danielle De Luca!  4. The Good Son (1993)  Everybody loved Macaulay Culkin when he was sadistically torturing burglars. But to sadistically torture non-burglars? Now that&amp;#039;s just pure evil. A pre-Lord of the Rings Elijah Wood plays a boy whose mother dies, at which point he is sent to live with his aunt, uncle, and the hellspawn that is Culkin. Check out Wood revealing himself to be an impressive little thespian, plus Culkin barking at a dog, making Home Alone-faces (now they&amp;#039;re supposed to be terrifying?), and engaging in sinister ice-skating:      3. Bride of Chucky (1998)  If one murderous doll was scary, surely two murderous dolls must be... actually, it&amp;#039;s much less frightening, as your brain goes from, &amp;quot;While Child&amp;#039;s Play is obviously ridiculous, I guess an evil toy is kind of chilling&amp;quot; to &amp;quot;All right, this is fucking absurd.&amp;quot; That said, I must award points for the presence of John Ritter and the tagline &amp;quot;This Halloween, Chucky gets lucky&amp;quot; as well as to the producers for resisting their impulse to make sequel-to-a-sequel The In-Laws of Chucky. But first, trash bags and Jennifer Tilly!      2. Grub Girl (Do years count in porn?)  Long ago, pornography moved beyond the days of &amp;quot;Hey, I didn&amp;#039;t order a pizza!&amp;quot; How far beyond? Brittney Skye stars as this XXX film&amp;#039;s title character, a &amp;quot;zombie hooker&amp;quot; back from the dead in search of &amp;quot;revenge and justice,&amp;quot; plus a whole lot of gruesome loving. Directed by Craven Moorehead incidentally, the competition for the greatest porn name ever is officially over the packaging boasts, &amp;quot;Sucking dick and chomping guts never looked so hot!!!&amp;quot; Who are we to argue? You can find and/or overpay for video after work. 1. Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood (2003)  It&amp;#039;s not the first horror series built around a surprisingly compact figure (see Child&amp;#039;s Play). It&amp;#039;s not the first that evolved in increasingly odd ways (witness Jason traveling to the future four years after the release of Leprechaun 4: In Space, I might add). But few choose to turn in such a deranged direction and return to it, as this sixth installment in the Leprechaun series was the second time the evil little Irishman (played by former Ewok Warwick Davis) toughened up and headed for the inner city. One too many bong rips, boyo?      RELATED LINKS:  HALLOWEEN: The Best Halloween Drinks and Cocktail Recipes  NEW ANALYSIS: What Wall Street Can Learn from the Saw Movies  AMERICAN FEAR: What&amp;#039;s Next Death Panels: The Movie?   PLUS: The 75 Movies Every Man Should See   "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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