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"  I think Michael Jackson said it best when he said, &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;re out to get you, better leave while you can.&amp;quot; God, I wanted that job. I fought hard for that job. I put myself through a lot emotionally and physically for that job. Ultimately, watching the show last night was really hard. I waited nervously all day for it to air because I knew it was my night to go. I knew I yelled at Dyshaun, and last night I was reminded of why. Dyshaun came up with the nickname &amp;quot;Chlamydia&amp;quot; for me in week 4. He said I was like an STD that just kept coming back. So, from then on, that was my name. One time, we were riding up the elevator and I started to say something. He told me not to talk and that all he saw when he looked at me was two boobs and walked away. While I was cleaning up water on the floor of our photo shoot, I was on my knees and he came by and said something to the effect of, &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s a good place for you.&amp;quot; This might get me into some trouble, but I said repeatedly, if he were a straight man, would these words be tolerated? Would Megan and Johanna find him so funny and cute then? I wanted to know. They pounced on me, the girl that grew up in Palm Springs and then moved to San Francisco, as being somewhat homophobic. I&amp;#039;m not at all, but normally homosexual men\u2014 well, at least all of the one&amp;#039;s in my life\u2014treat me with respect and applaud me for my free spirit and positive attitude. Perhaps that&amp;#039;s too much of a generalization, but I only know what I&amp;#039;ve experienced and that&amp;#039;s my reality. So, suffice it to say, I wasn&amp;#039;t used to the treatment Dyshaun gave me. He obviously wasn&amp;#039;t the only bully, but he pushed me to the point of mentally checking out.    Kate and Ashlie at the photo shoot during episode 6. (Photo courtesy of The CW Television Network)  After the photo shoot, Ashlie and I took so much pride in our work. Our collaborative effort really came through, but we went a little overboard with the photo selection\u2014damn it! We had about 900 amazing shots. What are two girls to do?! Lee Greene, the model from the challenge, is by far one of the most talented models I&amp;#039;ve ever seen. She shocked me with her beauty and her movement. Even though her body is not considered a &amp;quot;swimwear body,&amp;quot; I think that day was a real testament to her abilities as a model because she rocked that suit out! The styling process left Ashlie and me very tired because we only had each other so we really had to plan every step of this shoot. We went through 5 outfit changes and 5 different hair styles and makeup changes. Everything was methodically planned and timing was crucial. The hair alone had to transition from curled to slicked back to crazy to soaking wet. We did it though! Lee had actually burned her hand on a curling iron, so in between photos we had to ice her. This was a real photo shoot, and a memory that I will never forget. I know why Joe Zee wakes up every day; his life must be such a rush.  Last night, when I was trying to write this post, I was blocked by emotion and overcome with gratitude by letters of support I have received. Until recently, I thought that I didn&amp;#039;t have too many supporters, and I guess I was wrong. While I appreciate all the positive reinforcement and the compliments for courage, I think it&amp;#039;s important to address my personal feelings the behavior I demonstrated during last night&amp;#039;s episode in that board room. As a former political science junky, and government/law obsessed child, I&amp;#039;m very much an advocate of free speech. Speech is very powerful and our words mean a lot. That said, I have never gotten anywhere in my life by speaking out the way that I did in front of Anne last night. Had I of kept my mouth closed, Ashlie might have gone home for the lack of editing. Although, I would have probably walked right out with her because I didn&amp;#039;t put my foot down and disagree with her\u2014 as we all know by now that I&amp;#039;m capable of doing. In a way, I sabotaged myself. Yes it&amp;#039;s true, the other team did an awful job styling. Yes it&amp;#039;s true that if you put a crayon in front of something white it will stand out, but what stands out more is letting your work speak for itself. I couldn&amp;#039;t do that because I was too overcome with emotion. The burst of rage I had was exacerbated by the way I was treated during the design process. I was projecting my hostilities on a woman I respect and it didn&amp;#039;t work. If I learned anything from Anne, it&amp;#039;s that you cannot bring yourself to the level of your competitors. I was regressing as a direct result of environment. Now though, I have some pretty thick skin and I&amp;#039;m ready to take on another board room.   Kate styling model Lee Greene. (Photo courtesy of The CW Television Network) I came into this competition at 22. I&amp;#039;ve always been around older people because I finished school so young. This was my first time being around people my own age since the third grade and it was so different. To my naysayers that think I&amp;#039;m immature: you are wrong. I&amp;#039;m well beyond my years. I didn&amp;#039;t fit in with the rest of the contestants and I was a threat. I wish I could have heard those confessionals while I was living in that loft\u2014 my confidence would have sky rocketed. So, what&amp;#039;s left now? Four people who are so insecure in their abilities that they needed to latch on to one another like a construction paper in a kindergarten chain link just to make it through each day. How will they act now? The night that I left, I&amp;#039;m sure Anne was gazing up in her Manhattan digs, Joe Zee was updating his Facebook status, and the producers were out for a drink. But, somewhere back at the loft, four self proclaimed fashionistas officially had nothing to talk about. I was gone. So, as Ashlie would say, &amp;quot;crickets, crickets.&amp;quot; \u2014Kate  The views and the opinions stated by Kate in A Stylista Speaks Out are independent content and not a reflection of either ELLE magazine&amp;#039;s or ELLE.com&amp;#039;s position on the show. Kate&amp;#039;s role as a guest blogger is purely for the benefit of an &amp;quot;insider&amp;quot; perspective and in no way reveals the outcome of the competition. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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