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" Anyone can pretend to play &amp;quot;Smoke on the Water&amp;quot; in the privacy of their car -- but it takes someone truly special to get up in front of a thousand-plus people and make them believe you&amp;#039;re the second-coming of Deep Purple. On August 16, the best air guitarists in the America will descend on New York City for the Air Guitar National Championships -- the winner of which will go on to the world championships in Finland. Since not everyone&amp;#039;s good enough at faking a power chord to make it there, we asked five-time second-place winner Bjorn Turoque and 2006 National Champ Hot Lixx Hulahan for some Air Guitar Commandments every wanna-be winner should follow. Thou Shalt Not Drink More Than Three. Image of Hot Lixx Hulahan courtesy Alexandra Lipsitz &amp;quot;I think when people are on a stage by themselves, in a situation like that -- it&amp;#039;s almost its own inebriant. But I&amp;#039;ve definitely seen people lose the game in the fourth quarter because they didn&amp;#039;t observe the Three Drink Rule. There was a guy in L.A. who came out butt naked and shit in a pizza box. He didn&amp;#039;t even finish his routine. Probably some beer involved there.&amp;quot; --Hot Lixx Hulahan Thou Shalt Not Bear False Airness.  Image of Bjorn Turoque courtesy Tommi Kohonen &amp;quot;The Minneapolis champion this year is a dancer -- very acrobatic, very hot chick. She did a Prince medley, and won -- and then afterwards, we found out she doesn&amp;#039;t even like Prince. What are you doing playing air guitar to Prince if you don&amp;#039;t like Prince?&amp;quot;--Bjorn Turoque Thou Shalt Be Asian.  Image of Los Angeles air guitar champ Rockness Monster courtesy Alexandra Lipsitz &amp;quot;Anyone who knows their U.S. Air Guitar History knows that the winners of the 2003, 2004, and 2005 U.S. Air Guitar Championships were all of Asian descent. It seems as if the Asian-American has a predilection towards the mastery of the air art form. I myself am a Jew; we&amp;#039;re better at being behind the scenes, or making money off the air guitarists. That&amp;#039;s probably why I&amp;#039;m not a winner.&amp;quot;--Bjorn Turoque  Thou Shalt Masturbate in Public.  Image of William Ocean courtesy Dan Eckstein for Lookcloser.net  &amp;quot;Up &amp;#039;til I hit the national level of air guitar competition, the only difference between air guitaring and masturbation was the outfits. It&amp;#039;s all based on you, for you, from you, to you. For air guitaring, you&amp;#039;re sitting in front of the mirror, imitating whatever rock icon you emulate, and you&amp;#039;re just going at it, purely for yourself. The analogy is pretty clear.&amp;quot;--Hot Lixx Hulahan  Thou Shalt Use Your Tongue.  &amp;quot;I was supposed to be on the Today show, the day after I won the U.S. Competition, but I was turned away, due to excessive tongue-wagging. Somewhere, prime-time America still finds tongue wagging to be sexually offensive. That&amp;#039;s totally fine by me.&amp;quot;--Hot Lixx Hulahan "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/music/a3282/airguitar081507/>