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" 1. You put on something you&amp;#039;d never have the guts to ordinarily wear and feel like The Truest Sex PrincessQueen in it. Yeah, you can definitely wear that shirt as a dress! And that tiara, and those fairy wings! 2. You text the person listed in your phone as Do Not Text. Or, in my case, Give The Phone To Julie [my best friend]. 3. The elements do not affect you. Oh, are ice chunks of doom falling from the foreboding sky? I am swaddled in a weather-proof bubble of alcohol. 4. A soul patch is not a dealbreaker. Ah, yes, beer goggles so severe that they make even the lamest facial hair something you can emotionally overcome.  5. You have no qualms about taking an expensive cab ride. I&amp;#039;m talking potentially crossing state lines. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;ll be eleventeen thousand dollars,&amp;quot; says the driver. &amp;quot;Okay!&amp;quot; you slur, and take a selfie. 6. Fourthmeal is your biggest meal. The after-party carbo load is basically your true dinner. 7. Devouring a burrito while you&amp;#039;re still in a bodycon dress totally does not make you self-conscious at all. I did this so often in college that Burritoville&amp;#039;s Carne Asada combo meal should come with a forest green American Apparel U-neck dress and be renamed the Anna Just Made Bad Choices meal. 8. Girl, You Can Dance. Normally you are aware that you dance like:   But you toss back a few shots, Beyonce comes on, and suddenly you are dipping, hair-tossing and gliding to &amp;quot;Partition&amp;quot; as if the ghost of a particularly enthusiastic stripper has just possessed your body. Or like you&amp;#039;re one of those silhouetted breakdancers in those early-2000s iPod commercials.  9. Having someone&amp;#039;s Levi-clad dick pressing against your lower back is not even a thing you notice. Ordinarily you&amp;#039;d be grossed out, but drunk, this is just another night out on the town/the sad strip of bars that constitute your college town&amp;#039;s nightlife scene. 10. You bond with random girls in bathroom lines. LET&amp;#039;S BE BESSSSS FRAAAAANDS. 11. And make plans that you&amp;#039;ll probably completely forget. LET&amp;#039;S GO TO SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE NEXT WEEKAAAAAAND.  12. If you feel particularly close to one or more female friends at that moment, it is very important to mingle your pee. Go ahead, try to tell me that Meryl and Hillary didn&amp;#039;t do that right after this. 13. Buy stupid shit on Amazon. I have a massive unopened jar of whey protein in my cupboard, sooooo. 14. Take your shoes off in the street. And that, ladies, is why you choose very wisely when to wear stilettos and when to wear Converse to the club. Look, if it&amp;#039;s good enough for Kristen Stewart, it&amp;#039;s good enough for me. 15. Tweet something incredibly stupid and/or typo-ridden. Ever notice that autocorrect is always drunk? 16. Try to kiss someone and then if they turn you down start crying. What? I mean, I&amp;#039;ve never done this because I know what boys like; I know what guys want. (No, I don&amp;#039;t, I have no fucking idea.)  17. Cry hysterically while texting &amp;quot;haha&amp;quot; to someone at the same time. Aren&amp;#039;t we just amazing? 18. Send absolutely filthy sexts to someone you&amp;#039;ve just started dating. &amp;quot;I know we only went out for tapas like once or twice so far, AND it&amp;#039;s kind of early/late in the day for me to let you know that I am this drunk, but [insert borderline X-rated text here.]&amp;quot; Meanwhile, he&amp;#039;s at work, and it&amp;#039;s light out. 19. Have the desire to get into a physical fight. That thing where you&amp;#039;re out with girlfriends, and a girl in another group of female friends bumps your chair, and you&amp;#039;re like &amp;quot;DID YOU SEE HER DISRESPECT ME? I CAN TOTALLY TAKE HER.&amp;quot;  20. Forget your credit card at the bar. Then have to go all the way back the next day and get it from a smirking bartender. 21. Overshare about your sex life, or lack thereof. Try to look your co-worker in the face after you told her precisely how you masturbate. 22. Fall asleep on the train/bus and miss your stop.  Goddammit, where am I? 23. Fall asleep with a full face of makeup. The Eleventh Commandment is &amp;quot;Thou shalt at the very least use a baby wipe on your face on the way home from the bar.&amp;quot; Related: The Stages of Partying The 7 Kinds Of Drunk Everyone Regrets Being Follow Anna on Twitter.   Photo Credit: Universal "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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