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"  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West held a glamorous pre-wedding brunch for their closest friends and family yesterday, hosted by fashion designer Valentino Garavani at his chateau just outside Paris. (Above, Kimye posing for photos with Valentino, second from left, and his partner\u00A0Giancarlo Giammetti.) Though a few Instagram photos from the meal leaked out \u2014 including one of the saddest cake EVER seen at a celebrity brunch \u2014 most of the details remained tightly under wraps, as part of an exclusive deal with Vogue magazine. Fortunately, Vogue&amp;#039;s man on the scene, Andre Leon Talley, has already filed his write-up. It sounds like quite the party; here&amp;#039;s what you need to know: 1. #Golfcartz are the new #surfbort, kind of: &amp;quot;Kim and Kanye&amp;#039;s entourage, a processional of nine black cars, came down the grand parterre [the chateau&amp;#039;s formal garden] promptly at 1 p.m. led by one of Valentino&amp;#039;s staff in a golf cart.&amp;quot; 2. And Talley&amp;#039;s first impression of the family constitutes a &amp;quot;Fashion alert!&amp;quot; SIRENS, BLARING:\u00A0 &amp;quot;Fashion alert! Clearly the Kardashian sisters are bringing back maxi fashion by wearing long lace dresses for day.&amp;quot; 3. So much for that whole &amp;quot;Nope, no filming our special weekend&amp;quot; story. Maybe this is just for the home movie archive, though:\u00A0 &amp;quot;The soon-to-be newlyweds arrived with their own personal photographer and film crews to record these special memories, which was like a family affair.&amp;quot; True fact:\u00A0Kris Jenner can&amp;#039;t function these days without a cameraman nearby; they&amp;#039;re like a security blanket.\u00A0 4. Also, they are those awful people who talk about their fitness routines over a meal. Who does that?! Just leave me with my carbs, OK? &amp;quot;Conversation between Valentino, Kris, and Kim was all about Pilates. Valentino shared he does it every day with trainers in New York, London, and Paris, while Kris was questioning and seeking advice on where to put her new Pilates equipment at home.&amp;quot; 5. And Kourtney is the awkward one, no surprise. She may also be throwing some shade at Kim in the guise of a cutesy childhood story, too: &amp;quot;As Kourtney shared memories of Kim cutting the bows from her favorite Dior pajamas when they were children, she asked for ginger ale, impossible to find anywhere in Paris. Presto, out of the waiter&amp;#039;s hand in five minutes was homemade ginger with lemon. (I asked for the same glass; it was better than any ginger ale I ever tasted in my life.)&amp;quot;\u00A0 6. Nori spent the meal plotting something, basically:  &amp;quot;Through all this, North cried not once nor grimaced. With the curious focus, like her father, she gazed at the Meissen monkey candlesticks, every plate, including the rare chargers, white porcelain with swans, floating on crested china of Elizabeth II of Russia.&amp;quot; In a few days time, Valentino will be forced to fire three of his butlers because his Meissen monkey candlesticks have gone missing. That&amp;#039;s because Nori, with her &amp;quot;curious focus&amp;quot; will have stolen them. AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. 7. Oh, and Kanye wore a grill. Of course. I hope he didn&amp;#039;t get cake stuck in it: &amp;quot;When asked about certain details, Kanye said only &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t know what you are talking about?&amp;quot; like the cat that ate the canary (yet this cat had a solid pav\u00E9 diamond and gold grill inlaid on his bottom molars).&amp;quot; Read Talley&amp;#039;s dispatch in full over at vogue.com. It&amp;#039;s actually even more fun than these excerpts suggest, though it unfortunately doesn&amp;#039;t make any mention of the &amp;quot;little angels&amp;quot; Kim said came and visited with a blessing for her and Kanye. Lifestyles of the rich and the famous, people! How&amp;#039;s your brunch going? (I ate a slice of leftover pizza straight out of the Domino&amp;#039;s box, just FYI.) RELATED: Kimye&amp;#039;s Special Pre-Wedding Brunch Happened and There Was a Sad Strawberry Cake New Reports Confirm Kimye&amp;#039;s Wedding Set for Florence, Italy Exclusive: All the Names On (and Off) Kimye&amp;#039;s Wedding Guest List Kim Kardashian&amp;#039;s Wedding Pinterest Boards REVEALED!\u00A0 Follow Alex on  Twitter. Photo credit: courtesy of Instagram / privategg "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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