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" &amp;quot;What are we having?&amp;quot; my oldest daughter, Eleanor, wants to know. Ah, the question of the day\u2014each and every day. This time I say, &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s on-your-own night.&amp;quot;   OYO Night means each person gets free rein to rifle the pantry for the meal of his or her choice, so long as it passes muster as reasonably nutritious and I don&amp;#039;t have to prepare it. It&amp;#039;s my fallback dinner of supercrazybusy days. I&amp;#039;ve already tucked into a bowl of granola, diced apple and yogurt. Two of my four kids are gobbling leftover chili, one has made a peanut butter sandwich, and their dad is away. Eleanor pours herself a bowl of cereal.   We eat. We talk. We laugh. Then they say, &amp;quot;PleasemayIbeexcused?&amp;quot; and leave.   But here&amp;#039;s the real question of the day: Does it count as a family dinner\u2014the kind that researchers are touting so highly these days? Study after study shows kids who dine with family are healthier, less likely to be fat, less likely to smoke or drink or use drugs. They do better in school and just plain feel happier. Eating with parents teaches kids conversational skills, manners and values. Who wouldn&amp;#039;t want to serve up all that to a child?   From where I sit, the answer is yes, we had a darn good family dinner. After all, we&amp;#039;re family (even if we weren&amp;#039;t all present). We dined well (even if our plates weren&amp;#039;t identical). We had lots of positive interactions. (I didn&amp;#039;t even raise my voice when the milk spilled!) Call it the good-enough family dinner.   I&amp;#039;m not knocking proper meals. In fact, I aspire to them, and manage to pull them off more often than not. But I suspect that your kitchen, like mine, too often serves as a bustling way station passed through between work, school, and 1,001 errands and activities.   Keep those good intentions but toss your guilt. &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s no magic number or formula for success,&amp;quot; says Jeanne Muchnick, busy mom of two and author of the new book Dinner for Busy Moms. &amp;quot;Success is defined by your family. And you.&amp;quot;   The secret to a good-enough family dinner is to put the emphasis on good food, good company and your good example.   Flexibility is OK Family dinners don&amp;#039;t have to happen every night of the week or at the same time. Yes, kids do find the routine of family dinner comforting, a happy exclamation point at day&amp;#039;s end. That&amp;#039;s why I&amp;#039;m all for beginning the habit when they&amp;#039;re very young and protecting the dinner hour for as long as possible. But as kids get older, schedules grow more complicated, with more conflicts. And in some households, one or both parents work late or face a long commute.   If you&amp;#039;re all going off in more directions than a popcorn spill, start small. Pick just one night a week to begin feasting en famille. Then try to work up to at least a few fixed family meals per week.   Not Everyone Has to Be There Partial groupings aren&amp;#039;t wasted time. It&amp;#039;s the quality of the overall experience, not the number of chairs, that serves kids well.   Whether you have a full table or not, refuel relationships as well as bodies. Turn off the TV, let the phone ring, and don&amp;#039;t allow a single mechanical device to furtively rest in the lap of any child (or parent).   Instead, talk. You already know that asking, &amp;quot;How was school?&amp;quot; won&amp;#039;t carry a conversation. Try borrowing a page from President Obama and his family and play &amp;quot;Roses and Thorns&amp;quot;\u2014each person takes a turn sharing his or her day&amp;#039;s high and low points. Muchnick likes this conversation prodder: What one thing would you change about this day?   You want everyone to want to keep coming back for more, so save discipline and bad-grade lectures for after dinner. Building positive associations with the meal also means no solicitations for the Clean Plate Club, no hectoring, &amp;quot;One more bite!&amp;quot;   It Doesn&amp;#039;t Have to Be Home-Cooked The bonding will be the same whether it&amp;#039;s over your version of Julia Child&amp;#039;s canard \u00E0 l&amp;#039;orange or Chinese takeout.   Although let me put in a good word here for just how easy actual home cooking can be. Think of cooking as a time for health, not hassle. It was a revelation when I realized how speedy it is to fix a nutritional powerhouse like grilled salmon, microwaved brown rice and broccoli (like 15 minutes speedy!). Focus on whole-food basics rather than your inner Julia. Healthy shortcuts Muchnick likes include pizza dough sold in the grocery refrigerator section, packaged fresh salads and veggies, and slow cookers.   Many Hands Make Light Work A kindergartner is capable of basic table setting. An 8-year-old can tear lettuce for a salad. And a 12- year-old is a veritable sous chef, stirring pots and chopping veggies. Pitching in will help kids feel like valued family members, an esteem booster they&amp;#039;ll never admit to.   No One Says Dinner Has to Be Dinner Food Or at a dinner table! Or even dinnertime! Serve scrambled eggs or pancakes (a.k.a. breakfast) for dinner. Eat your family dinner around the fireplace, or as a soccer-field picnic. And if the evening meal is impossible, switch to sit-down family breakfasts. The what and where are secondary to the fact that you&amp;#039;re committed to eating together whenever you can.   Psyched about the idea, but stumped for tonight? Pour some granola and call it an OYO Night. And I&amp;#039;ll call your family well-nourished inside and out. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/a4705/momfidence-whats-a-real-family-dinner-102977/>