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" Dear E. Jean: I&amp;#039;m a high school dropout who managed to support myself and graduate Phi Beta Kappa from a very prestigious university. I&amp;#039;m now in my final year at one of the best law schools in the country, with a fantastic job lined up when I finish. Since I was a teen, I&amp;#039;ve been extremely independent\u2014responsible, grounded, happy with my friends. Just over a year ago, I started dating my boyfriend. He&amp;#039;s educated, kind, solid, interesting, handsome, and 10 years older than I am. When I asked if dating women my age was typical for him, he replied &amp;quot;no&amp;quot;\u2014but added that his last girlfriend was my age. Of course a friend and I looked her up on Facebook, and we became intrigued as her clothes became fewer and fewer as we scrolled down. More friends were called in to laugh and give feedback as a Google search ensued. I confessed my hilarious stalking session to my boyfriend. He said the nude photos also bothered him, but it wasn&amp;#039;t a big deal, and 10 months happily passed. Then last month he mentioned that his ex had starred in pornographic movies. Photos are one thing\u2014porn is another. When I heard it, my blood boiled! I couldn&amp;#039;t believe it! He not only demonstrated profoundly bad judgment, but he could be damaging my health. You see, though I&amp;#039;m able to live a productive and emotionally healthy life, I was sexually abused throughout my childhood. Therefore I try very hard to maintain and control my sexual well-being. I see my agency over my body and sexual choices as an important privilege, and it is paramount to how I structure my life. My boyfriend&amp;#039;s nondisclosure feels like a violation. (I don&amp;#039;t expect others to have the same expectations related to sex as I do.) Of course I ended up watching about three dozen videos. Many were so hard-core and unpleasant my head nearly exploded. It&amp;#039;s been three weeks, and I&amp;#039;m still upset! I don&amp;#039;t know what to do, and I&amp;#039;m not sure I can get past it. It makes me sick to my stomach almost every day. I need some help. \u2014Shaking the Entire Time I&amp;#039;ve Been Writing This! Miss Shaking, My Snapdragon!: Most folks who arrive at their final year at &amp;quot;one of the best law schools in the country&amp;quot; arrive thanks to encouraging parents, special tutors, camps, LSAT coaches, admissions counselors, scholarship advisers, stylists, wardrobe consultants, essay gurus, and six generations of Ivy League connections. You did it on your own. I salute you! As for your boyfriend? A relationship that makes you &amp;quot;sick to your stomach&amp;quot; is not a relationship, or a man, you can respect. And you\u2014of all wonderful young women!\u2014can&amp;#039;t be happy unless you respect and admire your man. P.S. Let me know when you start work at your new law firm. That&amp;#039;s a firm I&amp;#039;d like to recommend. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  MORE E. JEAN: Mommy Dearest Heart Burned Mean Girls Never Grow Up "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/advice/a14333/ask-e-jean-ex-girlfriend-past/>