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" For a young woman, finding out she&amp;#039;s pregnant before she feels ready to be a mother can be terrifying and challenging. Perhaps one of the only things harder is deciding to place the baby for adoption. The recognition that letting someone else raise your child would be best often comes at great personal loss: Depending on the terms of the adoption, a birth mother may see her child once in a while, or only through photos, or never again. These women, though, share why it was the right \u2014 but difficult \u2014 choice. An Unexpected Teen Pregnancy Emily and Andrew* met in church youth group when she 14. They began dating on Valentine&amp;#039;s Day of 1999. That June, they had sex one time, and Emily became pregnant. Her mother was a &amp;quot;strong Christian,&amp;quot; Emily says, but she was also a teacher in the same school district as her daughter and feared that a scandal like this could be devastating to both of them, so she urged her daughter to consider abortion. &amp;quot;I would never do that,&amp;quot; Emily adds. Emily&amp;#039;s mother regrouped and took her to a maternity center for unwed mothers called The Bethlehem Home, a few hours&amp;#039; drive from where they lived. (Emily had not known that was where they were going until she was dropped off.) It was very &amp;quot;out with the cows,&amp;quot; she says, though she thought the actual place wasn&amp;#039;t too bad. On her 15th birthday, her mother and Andrew came to visit \u2014 and he proposed. &amp;quot;We weren&amp;#039;t allowed any physical contact, so he dropped the ring in my hand and I said yes,&amp;quot; she explains, adding that Andrew had been adamant they not place the baby for adoption. Knowing how difficult things would be for Emily as a teen mom, her mother encouraged her not to keep the child herself \u2026 which meant Emily had her mother on one side and her fianc\u00E9 on the other. Emily decided to place the child for adoption and eventually got Andrew on board. &amp;quot;We wanted a couple who was like us in as many ways as possible,&amp;quot; Emily explains. &amp;quot;We wanted a Christian couple with a man who was into basketball and computers and a woman who enjoyed music and sports.&amp;quot; When they met the right couple, they instantly knew. &amp;quot;They couldn&amp;#039;t have children of their own and when we met them, we loved them,&amp;quot; she says. (Her engagement to Andrew ended two months after she gave birth.) Emily had an open adoption with two strong terms: First, she wanted her son to always know that he had been adopted. Second, she wanted regular visits with him \u2014 but only until he turned one. That way, he wouldn&amp;#039;t have memories of her and could decide, when he was grown and ready, if he wanted to seek contact or not. With her son now around the age she was when she gave birth to him, Emily knows she made the right decision, albeit a difficult one. &amp;quot;It was about him, not me,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;If it had been about me, it would have been a very different decision because you&amp;#039;re always going to choose not to be heartbroken. I have found joy and moved on with my life. I have a wonderful husband, two amazing daughters, and two step-children, but even with all of those blessings, I&amp;#039;m still sad. I&amp;#039;m still sad all the time. I miss him every single day.&amp;quot;  Juggling College and the Future Erin was a 23-year-old college student when she became pregnant by Chris*, a man she says she was more &amp;quot;sleeping with&amp;quot; than &amp;quot;dating.&amp;quot; Though 23 might not sound too young for motherhood, Erin knew that she was nowhere near ready. &amp;quot;I was kind of a hot mess,&amp;quot; she explains. &amp;quot;There were no drugs or alcohol or anything like that, but I knew, at that point, someone else could give this child a better life than I could.&amp;quot;  As her mother worried about what they were going to do, Erin made a plan. She took a semester off school and moved into Mercy Ministries, a women&amp;#039;s center that helped young women with all kinds of struggles ranging from depression to eating disorders to unplanned pregnancy. The only hitch was that she&amp;#039;d already told the baby&amp;#039;s father that she was having an abortion. &amp;quot;I called Chris once I arrived at Mercy Ministries,&amp;quot; she remembers. &amp;quot;I was like, &amp;#039;So, I&amp;#039;m down here in Louisiana. I didn&amp;#039;t have the abortion, sorry. I&amp;#039;m still pregnant, oops. Are you okay with this?&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Chris, who himself had been adopted, was in shock at first, but ultimately became supportive of placing their child with another family. &amp;quot;He said, &amp;#039;If my parents hadn&amp;#039;t adopted me, I don&amp;#039;t know where I&amp;#039;d be.&amp;#039; So it kind of came full circle,&amp;quot; Erin notes. (Shortly after she\u00A0went to Mercy, Chris was incarcerated for 30 days making him unreachable.) Erin\u00A0opted for a semi-closed adoption. &amp;quot;I chose a family from Texas who already had another child,&amp;quot; she revealed. &amp;quot;Their binder [a sort of information packet about a potential adoptive family] was genuine and just full of love. I felt a great connection with them.&amp;quot; Not everyone was happy with this arrangement, though. Chris&amp;#039;s father wanted to fight for custody. &amp;quot;Chris had to step in and man up,&amp;quot; Erin recalls. &amp;quot;He had to talk his dad out of it.&amp;quot; Under the terms of her agreement with her son&amp;#039;s adoptive parents, Erin received updates and pictures for the first five years. &amp;quot;It was really hard at first,&amp;quot; she admits. &amp;quot;But then I reminded myself that I chose this family for a reason.&amp;quot; Erin finds peace in knowing that she didn&amp;#039;t &amp;quot;give up&amp;quot; her son for adoption \u2013 she &amp;quot;placed him&amp;quot; with a loving family so he could have the life he deserved. She encourages other young mothers considering adoption to make that distinction as well. &amp;quot;The terminology matters,&amp;quot; she says. Erin is married now and shares two children with her husband. She is hopeful that one day after her first son turns 18, he may want to reconnect with her and will get a chance to meet his half-siblings. &amp;quot;At that point, I&amp;#039;ll be like, &amp;#039;Bring it on!&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Facing Single Motherhood Sarah found out she was pregnant the night before Thanksgiving in 2005. She was 20 years old at the time, on a hiatus from college, and working as a waitress. &amp;quot;I had just lost my boyfriend,&amp;quot; she recalls. &amp;quot;I left him because he was not a stable person and not someone I wanted to build a relationship with.&amp;quot; Sarah was somewhat estranged from her family and moved in with a male friend. &amp;quot;He knew I was pregnant and he wanted to help me,&amp;quot; she explains. But it wasn&amp;#039;t long before they were romantically involved and had decided they were going to raise the baby together. Everything was progressing well until the following February, when she was admitted to the hospital for a kidney stone. When she returned home, she discovered that her boyfriend had packed up all of the baby stuff and moved it to storage downstairs. &amp;quot;It hit me like a ton of bricks,&amp;quot; she says. He told her that he had been thinking about their future. He was concerned that finances were going to get tight once she gave birth and that this would lead him to resent both her and the baby. &amp;quot;I respected the fact that he told me then, straight-up, rather than when I had a 2-year-old on my hip,&amp;quot; Sarah explains. &amp;quot;But at that point I had to ask myself, suddenly, whether I wanted to raise this child on my own.&amp;quot; She didn&amp;#039;t think that would be best for the child, so she began to put &amp;quot;feelers out&amp;quot; for adoption. &amp;quot;I was suddenly bombarded by everyone \u2014 churches came at me, people who had I talked to once in my life knew somebody who wanted to adopt, somebody one block over knew somebody who wanted to adopt. I thought, I can&amp;#039;t run into people at the grocery store who have adopted my baby.&amp;quot; Feeling overwhelmed, Sarah cracked open the Yellow Pages and called the first agency listing she saw, which was for American Adoptions. &amp;quot;I dialed the 1-800 number and I was really weepy,&amp;quot; she admits. &amp;quot;The first counselor that I spoke with ended up seeing me through to the end. If it hadn&amp;#039;t been for her, I probably wouldn&amp;#039;t have made it through the whole process.&amp;quot; But even with a counselor by her side, Sarah hit rough waters. The first family she chose had already been selected by another birth mother. The second family turned her down because of health concerns relating to Sarah and the father. The third family turned Sarah down because they were a mixed-race couple and her baby was not mixed-race. &amp;quot;At that point, I felt like adoption maybe wasn&amp;#039;t for me,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;I felt really rejected. I told the counselor, &amp;#039;You pick the family. I can&amp;#039;t do this anymore.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; The counselor came through with a family whom Sarah describes as &amp;quot;heaven-sent.&amp;quot; Sarah and her mother went out to dinner with the couple and felt instantly comfortable. They had an open adoption, but Sarah&amp;#039;s mother actually maintains more regular contact with them than Sarah does. &amp;quot;I have distanced myself a lot over the years,&amp;quot; she reveals. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s just very raw to me.&amp;quot; Still, Sarah doesn&amp;#039;t doubt she made the right decision. &amp;quot;My daughter has a beautiful life. She has wonderful, caring parents. They give her everything and more, and in a way, I gave that to her, too.&amp;quot; After giving birth, Sarah attended nursing school. She and her husband are currently expecting their first child together. * Birth father names have\u00A0been changed to protect identity. This article is part of an ongoing series of stories Good Housekeeping is publishing about adoption and foster care in America. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a35873/adoption-birth-mother-stories/>