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" Are fetishes relative? For example, if a guy with a foot fetish gets on a train loaded with women wearing open-toed shoes, is the turn-on factor the same as if a normal guy got on a train full of topless women? First, I have a question for you: If the open-toed-shoes train leaves Atlanta at 6:00 p.m. going 110 miles per hour and the topless train leaves Knoxville going 90 miles per hour, which train will get to Charlie Sheen&amp;#039;s house faster? Because he&amp;#039;s getting impatient. A person&amp;#039;s fetish is as individual as his feces-stained fingerprint. Relatively speaking, a train full of women wearing open-toed shoes would be a turn-on only for a foot fetishist with a fetish for women with open-toed shoes. &amp;quot;Open-toed shoes wouldn&amp;#039;t do a damn thing for me,&amp;quot; says Collin J. Rae, a fetish photographer. &amp;quot;But if I were sitting at a table and the girls had their feet up and their soles were pointing at me, I would probably pass out.&amp;quot; Let me put it more simply: To assume that all foot fetishists have the same desires would be like assuming all xylophiles (those with a sexual attraction to wood) could get equally worked up about any species of wood without even knowing whether it&amp;#039;s ring-porous or diffuse-porous, or anything at all about its resin canals.  I have a pretty long penis. Does this mean it&amp;#039;s easier for me to get a girl pregnant, since I&amp;#039;m shooting so close to the target?  Is this one of those &amp;quot;I have a pretty long penis&amp;quot; letters? My aunt answered one of those, and three months later she&amp;#039;s destitute and paying for a time-share in Ocala, Florida, and there isn&amp;#039;t a Mongolian royal family anyway. I&amp;#039;m willing to answer your question, but there is no way I am giving you my PIN number. The length of a penis has no bearing on conception, since sperm can swim 18 to 21 inches if necessary. &amp;quot;Sperm are really clever guys,&amp;quot; says Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;ll scoot right up in there,&amp;quot; she marvels. &amp;quot;To be honest -- and this is where it gets kind of scary for any teenyboppers fooling around in the woods -- if there are a few little guys in the opening, women can get pregnant even without penetration.&amp;quot; (Forgive me, I think I screwed up and accidentally quoted my nutty old granny. &amp;quot;The woods&amp;quot; is what she calls the home, &amp;quot;teenyboppers&amp;quot; is her name for the orderlies, and &amp;quot;little guys&amp;quot; are her meds.)  I love my wife. We have great sex. But sometimes she is &amp;quot;less than fresh&amp;quot; &amp;quot;down there.&amp;quot; How do I tell her to &amp;quot;freshen up,&amp;quot; and is there an easy way for her to do so? I&amp;#039;m a bit confused. Are the bits in quotes supposed to be dialogue? Because if they are, I fear this will be one atrocious novel. Anyway, I&amp;#039;ve been doing a lot of thinking about your wife&amp;#039;s vagina, and I&amp;#039;m guessing there&amp;#039;s a malfunction of the hygienic sort. I&amp;#039;m not going to call her a &amp;quot;pig,&amp;quot; since pigs are actually some of the cleanest creatures there are. When given the option, they will not defecate anywhere near their living or eating areas. Your wife would do well to aspire to be more like our friends the pigs. I do think she is probably a &amp;quot;dirty birdie&amp;quot; (named for our hollow-boned cousins, who are all filthy pricks). During your morning berating session, simply inform her of this new invention called the shower, and ask her if she&amp;#039;s heard of it. Now, I wouldn&amp;#039;t be able to live with myself for more than three or four years if I didn&amp;#039;t encourage you to encourage her to see a doctor and rule out some kind of infection. Also, when semen interacts with vaginal fluid, an odor can linger. But don&amp;#039;t have her douche, which can upset the ecosystem of the vagina, trapping harmful gases within and ultimately bringing about the planet&amp;#039;s agonizing, irreversible ruin. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a902/esq0706sex-48/>