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"  Dolls, you know I&amp;#039;m partial to letters about cuckoldry. This month\u2014it being the holidays\u2014my stockings are stuffed with cucks.  DEAR E. JEAN : Not to sound like every other whipsawed, witless, tormented person who writes to you, but I&amp;#039;m an educated, successful, financially well-off 32-year-old businesswoman. I married a charismatic, handsome, outgoing man, the CEO of his own booming company, two years ago. I knew he cheated on his first wife with his second wife, and on his second wife with me; and I went into the marriage as the third wife understanding that the shelf life of his fidelity was limited. We bought a house in the country, increased our net worth, began attending awesome society events, and generally had an incredible life.  Fast-forward. I caught him having an affair with a woman in our corporate office. In my haste and anger, I retaliated by having a fling with a mutual friend of ours and...surprise! I&amp;#039;ve fallen in love. He is multidimensional, caring, and, best of all, an insane lover. However, he&amp;#039;s not socially ambitious, and, being only a vice president of business affairs, makes no money. I have an extremely comfortable life, a beautiful home, a hot car, and a robust social position. Do I throw it away to be with a man who appears to love only me? Or stay with my husband, who is a known cheater and who I just caught instant-messaging that chick again?! WHAT DO I DO?!\u2014Torn in Two by Two TORN, MY WOLVERINE : Stay with the &amp;quot;known&amp;quot; knave. You knew what you were getting into when you married the fool; the two of you are a conglomerate. Your profits\u2014built on ballsy ambition, hotshotability, and business cunning\u2014show you suit one another better than Oprah and Gayle. You don&amp;#039;t really love that poor VP of business affairs. If you did, you wouldn&amp;#039;t be writing to Auntie Eeee\u2014you&amp;#039;d be halfway to Pago Pago with your lover and you wouldn&amp;#039;t give a flying fig about what you&amp;#039;d left behind. Let the guy go. He&amp;#039;ll be bummed, but soon some pretty girl will come along, use him again, and the world of &amp;quot;business affairs&amp;quot; will spin back on its axis.  E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com Now about that rascal you&amp;#039;re married to: Put him in the &amp;quot;hot car,&amp;quot; drive him out to the country, tell him you&amp;#039;re both disgraceful good-for-nothings in the fidelity department, and call a truce. Say: &amp;quot;This is it, darling. This is where we stop punishing each other. Here&amp;#039;s my proposal: We remain true to one another for\u2014well, not forever\u2014but for the next six months. What does this mean, you ask? It means that when we sneak out for sheet-ripping sex, it will be only with one another.&amp;quot; (He&amp;#039;ll probably find this kinky, but it beats the lobotomy that would have to be performed to get him to stay home.)  If he agrees, pull over at an inn and seal the deal on a quilt. Half a year from now, if you&amp;#039;re still making each other happy instead of miserable, I think you have a decent shot. DEAR E. JEAN : I&amp;#039;m dating a semifamous magician. We&amp;#039;re seeing only each other; but he&amp;#039;s making it obvious he wants to &amp;quot;experiment&amp;quot; with other women, threesomes, swingers clubs, etc., before he &amp;quot;settles down.&amp;quot; One of my friends told me I&amp;#039;m &amp;quot;repressing&amp;quot; him if I ask him not to see other people. I don&amp;#039;t want to lose him, but I feel pressured and prudish! Do monogamous men my age (26) even exist?\u2014Girl Anachronism  GIRL, MY GAZELLE : No. Apart from Clay Aiken, monogamous men your age do not exist. However, there are chaps of exceptional character (see the next letter). This type of honorable fellow restrains his instincts, confines himself to shagging the blazes out of the charming woman he loves, and looks no further. Alas, Mr. Swingers Club\u2014what a dillweed!\u2014is not one of them. Move on. You deserve better. Make the magician disappear.  DEAR E. JEAN : My friend has been in a serious relationship with a sterling guy for more than a year; yet every time we go out (sans her boyfriend), she hooks up with a different guy. I LOVE her boyfriend (not love love, but you know); he is also my friend, is very sweet, treats her with respect, and would never hurt her\u2014ever. I hate to see her doing this to him. I tell her constantly, &amp;quot;Stop taking guys home,&amp;quot; and she says, &amp;quot;You don&amp;#039;t know the pressures of a serious relationship.&amp;quot; What should I do? I never understand how girls like her get guys. I&amp;#039;m willing to treat a man so well and be so loyal to him, and my relationship status is nonexistent.\u2014Sideways Sidekick SIDE, MY SWAN : Why, the merry little tart sees chaps as freebies! This is a dandy personal vision (and one that Auntie Eeee cherishes, but not when the girl is lying like a skank). You must grab her by the shoulders, look into her face, and say, &amp;quot;Elimination is the secret of chic, hunny. You either stop foofing every guy who comes down the pike, or end your relationship with my friend.&amp;quot; Then lower the boom: &amp;quot;Tell him the truth, or I will.&amp;quot; And then do it. The poor lad has been suckered long enough. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com DEAR E. JEAN : I have one cardinal rule: Do not cheat on me. Three weeks ago I found out my husband had a two-night stand at a business conference. I&amp;#039;m devastated! I&amp;#039;d flat-out divorce him, but we have a 16-month-old son. Do I stay for the sake of our child? Is forgiveness the higher path? Or do I keep my self-respect, obey my rule, and deal with all the fallout of a divorce?\u2014At a Crossroads CROSS, MY CARIBOU : Cardinal rules work with birds, bishops, and baseball players. They don&amp;#039;t work with husbands. A marriage that isn&amp;#039;t dull as death inherently breaks the rules. Your numbskull spouse deserves a good chain-whipping; but if he stops the affair, if he wants to change, and, if he loves you and his son, forget your cardinal rule. Forgive him, and try to get on with your life. And then if he does it again\u2014kill him.  DEAR E. JEAN : I have an odd dilemma. My boyfriend loves me; however, several times he has woken up in the middle of the night and checked the closet to see if I am hiding a guy there. He has even checked under the bed. He now has the entire place alarmed, and he puts a piece of paper in front of the door before he sleeps\u2014if it&amp;#039;s moved one centimeter, he thinks I sneaked out. Last night he woke up and ran around the house looking for the guy I was having &amp;quot;oral sex&amp;quot; with while he was sleeping. I&amp;#039;ve tried everything in my power to prove I&amp;#039;m trustworthy! He admits to being paranoid, but what do I do when the paranoia completely takes over?\u2014Sleepless in St. Louis SLEEPLESS, MY SPARROW : I read your astonishing letter to Dr. Eric C. Li, a Los Angeles psychiatrist affiliated with UCLA. In his opinion, your boyfriend should have a &amp;quot;comprehensive psychiatric evaluation.&amp;quot; And because his &amp;quot;condition could be medically based,&amp;quot; Dr. Li suggests you take him to see a psychiatrist, instead of a psychologist.  Now, my darling, I know what I&amp;#039;m about to say will be difficult for you to read (obviously you possess a very tender disposition), and I&amp;#039;m sorry to give you more pain, but in addition to making sure your boyfriend receives serious treatment, I want you to move out. You can still care, but this is not the time to be living with the man. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com DEAR E. JEAN : I gave up my shot at law school because my boyfriend promised me marriage. Then, just before we became engaged, I found out he cheated on me (several times!) and I broke up with him. Nine months have passed, and we recently ran into each other. He told me that four months after we broke up, he proposed to this woman with a three-carat diamond ring he was going to present to me. I was shocked! But I congratulated him.  Now he&amp;#039;s sending me sexually charged e-mails and texts. It makes me so sad; the man is engaged! Yesterday he did it again, asking me to &amp;quot;come around to his place.&amp;quot; He&amp;#039;s treating me like common trash! What should I say back to him?\u2014Counting on You COUNTING, MY MANX CAT : To him, say nothing. To the woman he&amp;#039;s engaged to? Call her and tell her everything. (Heavens, I&amp;#039;ve never in my life told so many people to tell so much to so many. I guess I&amp;#039;ve come to the conclusion that women\u2014and men\u2014need all the facts we can get...just to deal with each other.) Then think of going to law school, and never, never again wrap your future around a man.  DEAR E. JEAN : I&amp;#039;ve been a bride for 11 weeks. Last night I discovered my husband has been having phone sex and e-mail &amp;quot;affairs&amp;quot; (for lack of a better word) with two different women since we returned from our honeymoon. I don&amp;#039;t know whether to try to make this marriage work, or get out before I suffer any more.\u2014Naive Newlywed  NEWLY, MY NIGHTINGALE : RUNNNNNNNnnnn! Happy holidays, dolls! Try my friend Steve Doocy&amp;#039;s wise and funny  The Mr. &amp;amp;amp; Mrs. Happy Handbook  for tips on savoring a joyously full marriage.  E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/q-and-a/a9202/ask-e-jean-december-2006-19319/>