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" I wish I could write an apology to everyone on flight 274 from New York to Los Angeles last December 15. I was the one with the screaming 2-year-old. The 2-year-old who threw herself into the aisle, blocking the drink cart for 20 minutes. The 2-year-old whose piercing screams threatened to break glass. The 2-year-old who finally got back onto my lap only to wildly kick the seat back in front of us for a good 10 minutes (though it felt like hours). Although some people flashed me that control-your-child glare, many more tried to help. The best advice came from my seatmate, a gray-haired mother of four and grandmother of nine: &amp;quot;Keep telling yourself that you&amp;#039;ll laugh about this later,&amp;quot; she said. And, yes, sometimes laughing is all you can do. But more often, though I didn&amp;#039;t know it then, you can resolve a child&amp;#039;s outrageous outbursts -- or even prevent them altogether. The first rule of thumb for warding off a meltdown, say experts, is to make sure your child isn&amp;#039;t hungry, tired or bored. But sometimes even a well-fed, -rested and -occupied child will end up kicking and screaming on a grocery store floor. What to do? We homed in on four common tantrum-inducing situations and got experts&amp;#039; step-by-step advice on how to cope. &amp;quot;When my son, Corben, was 18 months old, he started screaming that he wanted to get out of the shopping cart. When I said no, he grabbed a loaf of bread from the cart and started shoving it in his mouth like he hadn&amp;#039;t eaten in weeks! Then he grabbed some bananas and started shoving them in his mouth. Several women frowned at me as though I never fed my child. I was mortified.&amp;quot; --Courtney Laramore, 25, Park Hills, MO  The Tantrum Triggers  Overstimulation from the bright colors and the overwhelming amount of things to look at and touch Seeing things he wants but knows he can&amp;#039;t have Boredom  Meltdown Management  Lay down the law. Before you go to the store, let your child know what&amp;#039;s expected of him. For instance, say, &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re buying food for Dad&amp;#039;s birthday dinner, not candy,&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;You can look at the toys, but you aren&amp;#039;t going to get any today.&amp;quot; He may still beg for that Nemo sippy cup, but he won&amp;#039;t be surprised when you don&amp;#039;t comply -- which makes him less likely to snap.  Throw in some fun. Keep your child from getting overwhelmed or bored by turning shopping into a game. With toddlers, play peekaboo from behind a box of cereal, make up silly songs or have them count items as you toss them in your cart. &amp;quot;Redirection usually works at this age because their moods come and go in a flash,&amp;quot; says Deborah Carol, known as Nanny Deb on the Fox reality show Nanny 911. For an older child, give him a part of your grocery list (and a mini-shopping cart if your store has them) and let him find items and cross them off.  Make a wish list. Bring a pad and pen, and jot down the items your child is begging for. Tell him you&amp;#039;re making his &amp;quot;wish list.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;It shows that you not only know what he wants, but that you also care enough to put it in writing,&amp;quot; says Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen &amp;amp;amp; Listen So Kids Will Talk. &amp;quot;It also distracts him, because he&amp;#039;s thinking about the item and the possibility that he may get it in the future.&amp;quot; Refer to the list for his birthday, holidays or a special treat.  Don&amp;#039;t say no. Young children -- especially toddlers -- are at a stage when they are testing their independence, and &amp;quot;a no is a direct attack on their autonomy, so they mobilize all their energy to counterattack,&amp;quot; says Faber. So phrase your no as a yes. When your son asks if he can get out of the cart, say, &amp;quot;Yes, when we get to the checkout line.&amp;quot; If your daughter wants cookies, say, &amp;quot;Yes, after dinner.&amp;quot; You can also avoid saying no by granting half a request. If your little one wants candy, compromise with a healthier treat. Say, &amp;quot;You can&amp;#039;t have M&amp;amp;amp;M&amp;#039;s, but you can have a cereal bar.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not giving in, but they feel better because they&amp;#039;ve gotten a piece of their wish fulfilled,&amp;quot; explains Tovah P. Klein, Ph.D., a child psychologist and director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development. &amp;quot;We were at my best friend&amp;#039;s house and my son, Jake, was playing with a toy that has a real microphone you sing into. At one point, my friend&amp;#039;s daughter pulled the microphone out of his hand, and Jake burst into tears and wailed at the top of his lungs. Then he tossed a bowl of fish crackers and another of pretzels onto the floor.&amp;quot; --Judy Sayah, 36, New York City  The Tantrum Triggers  Frustration over sharing A playmate who pushes his buttons Losing a game (especially if the winner rubs it in)  Meltdown Management  Teach him to lose. It&amp;#039;s hard for kids to manage their emotions when things are not going their way. Show your child how to be a good sport by losing a few games when you play with him and letting him see how you respond, says Kathleen Kiely Gouley, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist at New York University Child Study Center. Keep a positive attitude and say, &amp;quot;That was so much fun even though I lost. Maybe I&amp;#039;ll win another time.&amp;quot;  Don&amp;#039;t make him share everything. To alleviate your child&amp;#039;s anxiety over sharing, before his friends arrive for a playdate, tell him to put away his favorite toys. &amp;quot;This shows your children that you respect their special things, but that sharing is part of playing,&amp;quot; says Gouley. Also, let him know that his toys won&amp;#039;t be going home with his friend (and make sure they don&amp;#039;t!).  Referee fairness. If your child and his pal start battling over a toy, calmly tell them, &amp;quot;We take turns in this house.&amp;quot; It&amp;#039;s better than saying, &amp;quot;You must share your toys,&amp;quot; which doesn&amp;#039;t seem as fair to a child. Then count to 15 or set an egg timer to ensure each child gets equal playtime.  Help him express himself. Toddlers get frustrated because they don&amp;#039;t have the verbal skills to communicate what they want. Help him make sense of his feelings by verbalizing them, as in, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re upset because you want to use that hammer.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Knowing that you understand his feelings may calm him,&amp;quot; says Bonnie Maslin, a psychologist and author of Picking Your Battles. &amp;quot;Every night when I put my daughter, Isabel, into her bed, she puts her head down for a minute and then pops up, saying, &amp;#039;I don&amp;#039;t like my bed, I want your bed.&amp;#039; Then she follows me around screaming and crying until I give in and lie with her in my bed.&amp;quot; --Lonni Farina, 35, Monroe, CT  The Tantrum Triggers  Being overtired Not wanting to stop an activity Wanting more time with you Feeling that they&amp;#039;re missing out on something by going to sleep (especially if an older sibling stays up longer)  Meltdown Management  Give your undivided attention. Kids often don&amp;#039;t want to sleep because they crave more time with their parents. So despite the cooking, mail and laundry tasks that await, try to play with your child for at least 15 minutes each evening. And try to involve her in your activities. She can help you fold laundry or even draw pictures at the kitchen table while you cook.  Be predictable. Create a bedtime routine -- any combination of bathing, reading, singing or other low-key rituals -- and stick to it. &amp;quot;Routines cue the brain to slow down and get ready for sleep,&amp;quot; says Kim West, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight. &amp;quot;And having a regular sequence of events that leads inevitably toward bedtime will make it less of a struggle.&amp;quot; Plus, routines take the blame off of you, making it harder for your child to negotiate to stay up. &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not telling her it&amp;#039;s time to go to bed, the routine is,&amp;quot; says West. Likewise, you can point to the clock when your child resists sleep: &amp;quot;The clock says we have to stop reading at eight and it&amp;#039;s five minutes to eight.&amp;quot;  Give her a choice. Getting ready for bed will be easier if your child feels like she&amp;#039;s part of the process. But don&amp;#039;t just tell her to pick out a book or a stuffed animal to sleep with. Having to choose from so many options will only add to her frustration. Give her two things to choose between instead, such as reading Goodnight Moon or Green Eggs and Ham.  Set back the clock. &amp;quot;If your child seems weary and cranky during the day or drops off the second you turn off the lights, she could probably use more sleep,&amp;quot; says West. Typically, a 1-year-old needs 14 hours of sleep a day (including naps); a 2-year-old needs 13 hours of sleep; 4- and 5-year-olds, 11 hours; and kids 6 and up, 10 hours. For a child under 4, you can move up her bedtime in one shot. For a kid 4 and up, put her in bed 10 minutes earlier every few days until you hit the right time. &amp;quot;When my daughter was 2 1/2, I took her to see Sesame Street Live. After the show, she didn&amp;#039;t want to leave. She screamed, cried and wouldn&amp;#039;t hold my hand. I had to pick her up and carry her as she hit and kicked through the theater and parking lot, and while I tried to get her in the car.&amp;quot; --Melissa Gadd, 32, Huntington Woods, MI  The Tantrum Triggers  Stopping or leaving an activity Switching activities, like going from watching The Wiggles to getting dressed for school  Meltdown Management  Give her a heads-up. Being told what to do upsets kids. So make her feel like she&amp;#039;s involved in the plan by letting her know exactly when a transition will occur, says Klein. Say, &amp;quot;After you run in the sprinkler three more times, we&amp;#039;re going,&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;When you finish your snack, we&amp;#039;re leaving the playground.&amp;quot;  Create rituals. &amp;quot;Kids can have tantrums because they feel out of control,&amp;quot; says Klein. &amp;quot;Rituals give them a sense of security.&amp;quot; It could be a special handshake that she gives her best friend when a playdate is over, or something she always does before leaving the park, such as sipping from the water fountain twice or jumping through the hopscotch squares.  Take a break. Between activities, sit quietly with your child on a park bench or in your car for a few minutes so she can decompress. You&amp;#039;ll have to plan extra time for it, but it can ward off a tantrum at your next stop. (And that&amp;#039;s worth every added second!)  Praise her often. When your child doesn&amp;#039;t raise a fuss leaving a friend&amp;#039;s house, the amusement park or another activity, acknowledge her good behavior, says Maslin. Say, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m so proud of how you listened when I said it was time to go,&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;It was fun being at the playground with you.&amp;quot; Kids love positive feedback and giving them attention for good behavior encourages them to keep it up, no matter what situation they&amp;#039;re in.  Six steps that&amp;#039;ll stop a tantrum in its tracks:  Make eye contact. &amp;quot;Locking eyes helps take kids out of the moment and distracts them so they can calm down,&amp;quot; says psychologist Bonnie Maslin, author of Picking Your Battles. Also, get down to your child&amp;#039;s level to talk -- it shows you&amp;#039;re focused on listening to her.  Whisper. &amp;quot;A child who&amp;#039;s screaming can&amp;#039;t hear a whisper. Coming close to you to hear you will often switch off their tantrum,&amp;quot; says Stella Reid, known as Nanny Stella on Fox&amp;#039;s Nanny 911. Using a quiet voice also keeps you calm.  Press pause. Sit next to her, gently put your hand on her stomach and say, &amp;quot;Breathe.&amp;quot; This technique forces your child to break from the tantrum and helps her regroup.  Prevent an accident. If your child is doing something that may hurt her or anyone else, wrap your arms around her and hold her firmly but gently until she relaxes.Make a break for it. &amp;quot;When kids are truly hysterical, there&amp;#039;s little you can do except get them out of the place that triggered the tantrum,&amp;quot; says New York child psychologist Tovah P. Klein, Ph.D. Scoop them up and calmly say, &amp;quot;This is just so hard for you right now. We&amp;#039;ll come back another day.&amp;quot; Then escape to a restroom, your car or a quiet corner to help them mellow out.  Ignore it. If you&amp;#039;re at home, don&amp;#039;t do anything, says New York City pediatrician Michel Cohen, M.D., author of The New Basics: A to Z Baby and Childcare for the Modern Parent. The less of a reaction he gets, the less often he&amp;#039;ll throw a tantrum. &amp;quot;Because I&amp;#039;m a school psychologist and counselor, my 2-year-old, Cassandra, is always on display. People want to see if I parent as I preach. At one event, when a nice elderly lady asked her how old she was, my daughter looked her in the eye and said, &amp;#039;Don&amp;#039;t talk to me. Don&amp;#039;t look at me. Don&amp;#039;t even think about me!&amp;#039; We left the party immediately!&amp;quot; --Bobbie Schmitt, 38, Fort Collins, CO  &amp;quot;In our pharmacy, the lower shelves are filled with condoms. My 3-year-old son, Sam, started going berserk over a box of fruit-flavored condoms, screaming, &amp;#039;I want those! I want the ones with the bananas! I want these with the strawberries!&amp;#039; I kept saying, &amp;#039;That&amp;#039;s not candy. You can&amp;#039;t eat it,&amp;#039; but he kept shrieking, &amp;#039;Yes, you can! There&amp;#039;s fruit on the box.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; --Adrienne Smith, 40, New York City  &amp;quot;When my daughter, Samantha, was 5 years old, she kept protesting, crying and carrying on about cleaning her room. Finally, I went to her and said, &amp;#039;You are not a princess! Clean this room,&amp;#039; to which she replied, &amp;#039;I am a princess, Daddy and Grandma say so.&amp;#039; &amp;quot; --Susan Foster, 35, Ship Bottom, NJ  &amp;quot;My 3-year-old daughter, Sarah, and I were at the McDonald&amp;#039;s Playroom when I told her she wasn&amp;#039;t allowed to eat French fries for lunch. She started screaming and kicking, and began pelting me and everyone near us with open ketchup packets and dipping cups filled with ketchup. There was ketchup everywhere and on everyone. We haven&amp;#039;t been back.&amp;quot; --Rebecca Osborne, 34, Lexington, KY  &amp;quot;I tell my 3-year-old daughter, Emily, that there&amp;#039;s a time-out place no matter where we go. Recently, at the bank, she was upset and just about to get into trouble for misbehaving. Before I said anything, she started crying and asked the gentleman at the bank, &amp;#039;Where is your time-out place? I am going to have a fit!&amp;#039; He tried really hard not to laugh.&amp;quot; --Debbie Broussard, 40, Broomfield, CO  &amp;quot;One of my 10-year-old twins, Tret, is a tantrum king. We moved, and in order to get the furniture into his room, we took the door off its hinges. Shortly after that, Tret and I were &amp;#039;discussing&amp;#039; his homework, and he folded his arms and started stomping. He walked toward the doorless entryway and asked me where the door was. &amp;#039;In the storeroom,&amp;#039; I said. &amp;#039;Well, put it back up so I can slam it!&amp;#039; he said.&amp;quot; --Trisha Allen, 38, Mooresville, IN  &amp;quot;My 2 1/2-year-old son and I were waiting on a long line in the pharmacy. He kept asking and asking for a candy bar, and I kept saying, &amp;#039;Maybe later.&amp;#039; After another &amp;#039;no&amp;#039; from me, he started screaming louder and threw himself on the floor. Then he ran over to the candy rack and started throwing candy bars down the aisles as people stared and shook their heads.&amp;quot; --Kim Hubbard, 37, New York Mills, NY "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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