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" I got to spend some great quality time with Penelope today, and I don&amp;#039;t think it is only because I am biased: She is maybe the sweetest little girl in the world. Jason was supposed to go into work, and I was going to take Penelope to the park, but he ended up taking the morning off and coming with us. He brought a yummy lunch for us, and a deck of cards, and before I knew it, it was almost 3 p.m. I couldn&amp;#039;t believe how time flew.  But, just as I was feeling happy, things got weird. I looked up and saw a young couple staring at us and smiling. I knew what they must have thought: that we were married, that Penelope was our daughter together.  Maybe it was that misconception, but it made me ask myself a question: What was I doing?  Which was when I decided to tell Jason about Doug.  He was silent at first, and for a second I thought he was going to get mad. But he didn&amp;#039;t. He just composed himself, cleared his throat, and reached over to take my hand.  &amp;quot;You deserve to be happy, Liz,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;You deserve it more than anyone I know. And Doug loves you, and if trying to be with him is going to make you happy, then I am behind it.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Really?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;No.&amp;quot; He smiled. &amp;quot;But I&amp;#039;ll get there.&amp;quot;  I smiled back. &amp;quot;Thank you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re welcome.&amp;quot;  I looked at him and felt a surge of gratitude, and something else that I didn&amp;#039;t want to be feeling right then. But before I could even explore it \u2014 thankfully \u2014 Jason stood and picked up Penelope.  &amp;quot;I should probably go to school and get Abby,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;Do you want to come? I promised Jackson and her we could all have dinner tonight. I was thinking we could go to that Indian place downtown. You can invite Doug.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;That wouldn&amp;#039;t be awkward?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;There are worse things.&amp;quot; He shrugged. &amp;quot;But Liz, can I ask you just one thing?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Of course.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Are you sure you are doing what you really want to do?&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;What are you doing here with me?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Nothing,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;What do you mean?&amp;quot;  Except I knew what he meant. I was hedging. What was I doing? I had made my decision, hadn&amp;#039;t I? &amp;quot;Look, Jason, that&amp;#039;s why I told you that thing things have started up again with Doug. I&amp;#039;m trying to be clear. I&amp;#039;m trying to be clear with everyone\u2026&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Clear with everyone or clear with yourself? Because, you know, you don&amp;#039;t seem that clear if you are spending so much time with me. I&amp;#039;m not complaining. I&amp;#039;m just saying. I&amp;#039;m just saying things don&amp;#039;t feel done to me here, and I think, if you are being honest, they don&amp;#039;t to you either.&amp;quot;  I was silent. He was right. We both knew he was right, and I was feeling like a louse. I was trying to have things both ways. It was wrong. I could blame it on wanting to be with Penelope, which was part of it, and wanting to be with Abby, which was another part. But there was also a big part that knew Jason still wanted to be with me, and wanted him to want that. I wasn&amp;#039;t going to be that person. Not if I could help it.  Which then I spoke up, and said so. This seemed like a good first step.  &amp;quot;So, maybe we shouldn&amp;#039;t be spending so much time together. Maybe someone is going to end up getting hurt here.&amp;quot;  Only Jason&amp;#039;s reaction confused me most of all. He leaned in and touched the side of my face with the back of his hand, cradling Penelope in his other arm.  &amp;quot;What?&amp;quot; I said.  &amp;quot;You look pretty when you get overwhelmed.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Jason,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;You can&amp;#039;t\u2026&amp;quot; But then he shook his head and smiled at me. &amp;quot;You know what? It&amp;#039;s fine. It&amp;#039;s all fine.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What is?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I have no right to make any demands on you after this last year. Not now. I know that. If it&amp;#039;s friendship you want for now, it&amp;#039;s friendship you&amp;#039;ll get. And I still want to have dinner with you. There&amp;#039;s nothing that I want more, so let&amp;#039;s just go and pick up the kids\u2026&amp;quot; He started to walk away, and I stood up to follow. &amp;quot;But, just for the record, I know how this is going to end. Maybe not today, but one day soon, I hope.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;How, Jason?&amp;quot;  But he only smiled at me and kept walking. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/a2133/diary-e-092107/>