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"  Dolls, I have just one tiny thing to add to this wonderful ELLE makeover issue: If you want to lose 147 pounds (or more!) in one day, look through your house, your office, your closets, and throw out all the Bad People. Some samples:   THE BAD THERAPISTDEAR E. JEAN : This summer, I went to a ther\u00ADa\u00ADpist to learn how to be more assertive and raise my low self-esteem. After the therapist quit (he was moving on to become a supervisor\u00AD of halfway houses for the mentally ill), I got a new therapist and sent an update to the old one. He replied that he wanted to have a &amp;quot;dream date&amp;quot; with me. Then he called and told me he and his wife &amp;quot;don&amp;#039;t sleep together&amp;quot; and that he wanted to &amp;quot;spice up&amp;quot; his life. If this was not sickening enough, his three-year-old son walked in and overheard him\u2014and he wanted his kid to &amp;quot;say hi&amp;quot; to me!  The whole thing makes me ill. He keeps e-mailing. When I ignore his messages, he calls because he&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;worried.&amp;quot; I don&amp;#039;t know how to make him stop. He&amp;#039;s a respected doctor!\u2014Need Therapy to Deal With My Therapist NEEDING, MY VIOLET : Respected, HA! Report Dr. Dillweed immediately! According to Dr. Robert H. Reiner, the founder and executive director of Behavioral Associates and a faculty member of the Department of Psychiatry of New York University Medical Center, your ex-therapist is a serious creep who has stepped way over the line. &amp;quot;He&amp;#039;s using his confidential knowledge\u2014about his client&amp;#039;s difficulties being assertive\u2014to prey on her,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;She should report him at once to an office of professional discipline.&amp;quot; Check with your state&amp;#039;s medical board or board of psychology to find out how to file the complaint and get the ball rolling. Save his e-mails, IMs, and voice messages, and do not reply to the randy half-wit. Be patient; it may take weeks before\u00AD the state sends an inves\u00ADtigator. Lastly, I&amp;#039;m proud of you for standing up. You have earned the rank of Assertive, First Class; and by exterminating Dr. Seedy McSpice-Up, you have earned the respect of women everywhere. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  THE BAD BOYFRIENDDEAR E. JEAN : My boyfriend is 30, lives at home, works at a doughnut shop for minimum wage, takes medication for &amp;quot;panic attacks,&amp;quot; chain-smokes, and is 60 pounds overweight\u2014the last book he read was in high school. He complains about his &amp;quot;lack of oppor\u00ADtun\u00ADities&amp;quot; daily. He wants me to lift his spirits and give him pep talks. I started dating him when I moved back to my hometown after graduating from Prince\u00ADton; I was lonely, he was nice, and I thought it would be temporary. Well, E. Jean, it&amp;#039;s been five months and his parents (lovely people who do everything for him) are talking like we&amp;#039;re getting married. Last night, he mentioned we should get engaged. I don&amp;#039;t love him! I pity him! How do I get myself out of this situation without being mean and hurtful to everybody?\u2014On the Losing End END, MY BUTTERCUP : No matter how you do it, the breakup will kill him. He&amp;#039;ll remain dead, I estimate, seven to 10 days, or an hour and a half if he meets a new girl. So be quick\u2014&amp;quot;Darling, you&amp;#039;re nice as pie, but I&amp;#039;m moving on&amp;quot;\u2014and then cut off all further rendezvous. Don&amp;#039;t fret; the oaf doesn&amp;#039;t love you, Miss Princeton. If he did, he&amp;#039;d have burned with such unconquerable passion that he&amp;#039;d have read three quarters of a page in a book, or clawed his way to second assistant night managership at the Tavern on the Doughnut\u00AD. Don&amp;#039;t distress yourself.  P.S. And if you experience a snafu with your next boyfriend, Miss Princeton, you can get an immediate solution (on video!) at askejean.com.  THE BAD MOTHERDEAR E. JEAN : When I was growing up, my mother was battling alcoholism and she neglec\u00ADted me. Her drinking has worsened over the years, and now even when she&amp;#039;s sober,\u00AD things inevitably turn sour. The last time we talked, for instance, she told me that I&amp;#039;d &amp;quot;never\u00AD amount to anything,&amp;quot; I have &amp;quot;no skills,&amp;quot; and I&amp;#039;m a &amp;quot;failure.&amp;quot; (Meanwhile, I put myself through college, received a master&amp;#039;s degree\u00AD, and am getting on with my life. )  If I don&amp;#039;t pick up the phone, she leaves messages. Recently, she left 18 messages between 3:00 and 5:00 in the morning, insisting I was &amp;quot;fat&amp;quot; (I&amp;#039;m 5&amp;#039;9&amp;quot; and 130 pounds) and a &amp;quot;prostitute&amp;quot; because I&amp;#039;m &amp;quot;not home&amp;quot; to answer her call. I&amp;#039;ve now changed numbers. But I feel so guilty cutting her off! I&amp;#039;ve begged her to go to AA; we&amp;#039;ve tried numerous family interventions and have had no success. I love her. I worry about her constantly and fear for her safety. I&amp;#039;m at my wit&amp;#039;s end! I can&amp;#039;t move on with my own life with her in it...or out of it!\u2014Daughter of the Damned E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com DAMNED, MY DARLING : I feel wretched for you. All mothers have flaws. But, Lord! What a horrible woman! The fact that you worry so tenderly (after she whomps you like her personal whipping post) does credit to the excellence of your character (and sweetness of your temper), but it&amp;#039;s causing you stunning unhappiness.  You can&amp;#039;t fix her. It won&amp;#039;t work. Accord\u00ADing to Daniel Gatlin, PhD, executive direc\u00ADtor of Renaissance Malibu (a respected addiction treatment center in California), you should &amp;quot;get on with your life. You are staying attached\u00AD to an abusive woman because of your fantasy of who your mother should or could be. The fantasy is BS. Bottom line: Disconnect from your mother.&amp;quot; For right now, cut the woman out of your life. The harridan can take care of herself. Since she may have mental problems, and if you absolutely can&amp;#039;t stop worrying, hire a responsible person to look in on her three times a week to see that she hasn&amp;#039;t set herself on fire, put the cat in the fridge, thrown checks into the garbage, etc. Also, consider Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA); this will definitely give you new ideas on dealing with your mother. You know, my luv, you&amp;#039;re a kind of genius at overcoming hardship (putting yourself through college, earning a master&amp;#039;s). So although\u00AD it will be a struggle to detach from a woman who will do her very, very best to whip you into a &amp;quot;failure,&amp;quot; I have not the slightest doubt you&amp;#039;ll move on without her, and...you&amp;#039;ll prevail!  THE BAD BRIDEDEAR E. JEAN : Several months ago, I was chosen to be a bridesmaid along with some of my friends. The bride grew more and more unhinged as the wedding approached, and I made a joke about her &amp;quot;Bridezilla-ness&amp;quot;; she found out and kicked us all out. As ex-maids, we all felt terrible, apologized, and left her alone. Now four months after the wedding, she&amp;#039;s still sending angry, irrational, vicious messages to us on our work phones, cells, and office e-mails. What can we do?\u2014Bride\u00ADzilla Basket Case BASKET, MY BEGONIA : Take pity. This is as fine and dippy a dingbat to cleave to the Ask Eeee column in many a moon, but show mercy on the nutcake. I suspect she&amp;#039;s made an unhappy marriage. The ex-maids must invite her for brunch. Let her vent. Kindness will put an end to her batty e-mails, and by standing up for the helpless and the crazy, you&amp;#039;ll feel the power of a compassionate heart. Of course, if she remains angry, drop her. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com  THE BAD BRIDEGROOMDEAR E. JEAN : My boyfriend is a newly\u00ADwed, but I&amp;#039;m not the bride! He went to Mexico with two friends for a getaway. I surprised him by picking him up at the airport, and I&amp;#039;ll be damned if he didn&amp;#039;t get off the plane with a new wife, both of them smiling and pulling the luggage I bought him for Christmas! He says he now realizes his mistake and promises to get an annulment and marry me. Should I give him another\u00AD chance?\u2014Missed Being Mrs. MISSED, MY MEXICAN MARIGOLD : It&amp;#039;s the words &amp;quot;pulling the luggage I bought him&amp;quot; that kill me. The roving lousebag has earned, needless to say, my entire respect. But no, hunny, refrain from giving him anything except the bill for the L. Vuitton.  THE BAD YOUDEAR E. JEAN : I met my wonderful man a year ago. The problem is, we used to make love once or twice a night three or four times a week\u2014now it&amp;#039;s down to once or twice a week total! I have been working out, lost 35 pounds, highlighted my hair, bleached my teeth\u2014and I look gorgeous! I&amp;#039;m in a very sexy mood all the time, but he says he&amp;#039;s feeling an &amp;quot;unspoken pressure&amp;quot; because I constantly want sex. Please help!\u2014Wanting It All  MY SCREAMING GLADIOLA : Thirty-five pounds! Well done! Now, give the bloke a break. Entertain yourself (candles, bathtub, door locked) five times a week. Not only will it be sex with someone who really\u00AD, really appreciates the bleaching and highlighting, but the twice-a-week romps with the chap will now be doubly delicious. E-mail your questions to e.jean@askejean.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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