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"  My husband recently completed training classes to become a firefighter. While taking classes, which were twice a week, he&amp;#039;d go out afterward with his classmates until 12:30 or 1 in the morning. I&amp;#039;d asked him to come home after class so we could spend time together, and he said that since I don&amp;#039;t want to go out (he never invited me, and we have two children at home) it&amp;#039;s my problem and he can do whatever he likes. Now I&amp;#039;m finding phone numbers from some of his female classmates in our vehicles. How should I handle this? -- T.V., 29, Green Bay, WI Humor me here-- for a moment, try to see things through your husband&amp;#039;s eyes. He&amp;#039;s just completed training for a demanding, dangerous, and-- yes, we must admit it-- sexy job. He&amp;#039;s met a challenge. He&amp;#039;s branched out. He&amp;#039;s made new friends. Part of his training involved bonding with his classmates. The debriefing after class was part of the program, part of the education, part of the fun, part of the high of doing something difficult and awesome.  Now there&amp;#039;s you, at home with the kids, feeling excluded. Of course you feel this way. You were not training to be a firefighter. You were excluded. Your feelings were hurt. And perhaps you felt a tad threatened (I know I would). Is there any chance that your husband did ask you to join him and his friends after class but didn&amp;#039;t ask you nicely enough or make a big enough production over his invitation? Or perhaps he asked in a thoughtless way that didn&amp;#039;t take the kids into account? In other words, are you being oversensitive?  Forget the phone numbers in the vehicles for now. He&amp;#039;s not trying to hide them, and it would make sense for him to want to keep in touch with people from his class, male or female. They&amp;#039;re his fellow soldiers. There are certain times when our spouses or partners need to be given the benefit of the doubt, and this is one of them. Unless you find any concrete proof that he&amp;#039;s misbehaving, let it go.  Then, the next time he says he&amp;#039;s meeting them for a drink, get a sitter and go along. You may have to invite yourself, since your husband probably now assumes that you don&amp;#039;t want anything to do with it. Try to be open to these new people; you might like them. At the very least, you&amp;#039;ll get a chance to see what your husband likes about them. Perhaps some will have invited their spouses along and you can commiserate or even make new friends.  As we all know, marriage is about compromise-- but we tend to think that means it&amp;#039;s the other guy who&amp;#039;s supposed to do the compromising, not us. For now, just try to share in your husband&amp;#039;s exciting transition from regular Joe to fireman hero. Also, don&amp;#039;t forget that this post-training phase will pass quickly (remember all of those buddies from high school you thought would be your closest friends forever?), and soon he&amp;#039;ll need to go about the very serious business of fighting fires.   Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. Shes also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019, or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com. Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a2268/hs-husbands-socializing/>