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" You&amp;#039;ve got a great kid, but the bully who lives down the street doesn&amp;#039;t agree. He&amp;#039;s always picking on your child -- shoving him, swiping his scooter, calling him a loser -- even though your son has asked him to stop. You know you need to talk to this little stinker&amp;#039;s mom, but you worry: What if you aren&amp;#039;t able to speak coherently (you&amp;#039;re that angry), or she&amp;#039;s as unnervingly nasty as her kid? Here&amp;#039;s how to make yourself heard. Step 1: Don&amp;#039;t judge her.  Maybe you have a pet theory as to how this woman has managed to raise that big bully of hers (&amp;quot;I bet she&amp;#039;s one of those really irresponsible types, and lets him watch a ton of violent TV!&amp;quot;). Forget all that. &amp;quot;If you go into the conversation with a negative opinion of her -- and the attitude that you&amp;#039;re a better parent than she is -- she&amp;#039;ll smell it and won&amp;#039;t want to help you,&amp;quot; cautions Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bee Moms &amp;amp;amp; Kingpin Dads: Dealing With the Difficult Parents in Your Child&amp;#039;s Life. The truth is, you don&amp;#039;t know a thing about her parenting style or what kind of rapport you two will have, so make no assumptions. Step 2: Propose a private conversation.  You want to minimize public embarrassment here. And it doesn&amp;#039;t matter if you phone her or catch her when she&amp;#039;s walking past your house. Just say, &amp;quot;Hi, I have something I want to talk to you about. Is this a good time?&amp;quot; If she says, &amp;quot;Sure,&amp;quot; but you hear her kid bawling for her, ask to talk later, uninterrupted, for a brief period. Otherwise, you&amp;#039;ll rush awkwardly through the talk and nothing will be resolved. Step 3: Ask for her help.  Try, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve got a problem that I hope you can help me with,&amp;quot; says Wiseman; most people are inclined to feel cooperative when you take a we&amp;#039;re-on-the-same-side approach. Consider adding, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m a little uncomfortable talking to you like this, but I feel it&amp;#039;s important.&amp;quot; No need to pretend you&amp;#039;re cool as a cuke; you&amp;#039;re human, and admitting you&amp;#039;re anxious makes you easier to relate to. Step 4: Give just the facts.  When you describe the situation, leave out words like &amp;quot;bullying&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;mean.&amp;quot; This woman loves her child as much as you love yours, so judgmental language will antagonize her. Instead, just convey the basics, as in: &amp;quot;A month ago, Emma told me that Nicole banned her from the clubhouse the girls use, and started calling her &amp;#039;stupid&amp;#039; and pushing her away. Emma asked Nicole to stop, but she hasn&amp;#039;t. I know Emma may not have told me the whole story, but something&amp;#039;s up.&amp;quot;  Step 5: Know what to say if she&amp;#039;s receptive...  She may promise to talk to her child and make sure the behavior stops. That&amp;#039;s great. Thank her for her time and add, &amp;quot;I hope you&amp;#039;ll tell me if my child ever does something you think I&amp;#039;d want to know about.&amp;quot; This conveys a feeling of goodwill and makes her kid less of a villain by acknowledging that all children need adult guidance at times. If she makes a more cautious promise to discuss the matter with her child, that&amp;#039;s okay, too. Thank her and tell her you look forward to hearing from her. (If, after a few days, she hasn&amp;#039;t gotten back to you -- and her child is still being beastly -- call her to check in.)  Step 6: ...and know what to say if she stonewalls.  She may think that you&amp;#039;re being overprotective or may have trouble admitting that her child ever misbehaves. If so, she&amp;#039;s likely to subtly make it sound like you and your child are the problem. She might say, &amp;quot;My, I hadn&amp;#039;t heard about this; then again, I don&amp;#039;t get involved in every little relationship my Bluto has.&amp;quot; Or, &amp;quot;Kids will be kids, won&amp;#039;t they?&amp;quot; Or, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry your daughter is upset; she sounds sensitive.&amp;quot;  Avoid the urge to go tit for tat and subtly put down her child, as in, &amp;quot;Gosh, my child hasn&amp;#039;t had this problem with anyone else; I don&amp;#039;t know what to say.&amp;quot; Says Wiseman: &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;ll only be sinking to her level. Plus, it will make her even less likely to cooperate.&amp;quot; Instead say, &amp;quot;We see this differently. That&amp;#039;s fine. And I do realize that our kids don&amp;#039;t need to be friends. But I know what&amp;#039;s upsetting mine, and I&amp;#039;m asking you, as a fellow parent, for help in stopping it.&amp;quot; Your firm determination may make an impression on her, even if she doesn&amp;#039;t show it. She may rethink things after you leave and may even tell her kid to lay off yours. Step 7: Be prepared for a replay.  Unfortunately, her kid may keep on bullying yours. If so, let the mom know that it&amp;#039;s been X number of days, things haven&amp;#039;t changed, and you really want her to speak to her child. Then go ahead and pat yourself on the back, says Wiseman, &amp;quot;because you&amp;#039;re speaking up for your child -- and for decent behavior.&amp;quot;  Words to Comfort Your Child  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m here for you.&amp;quot; A bully makes his target feel friendless, but these words let your child know he&amp;#039;s not alone, notes Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.  &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s not your fault.&amp;quot; You might be tempted to tell your child to toughen up. Don&amp;#039;t. You&amp;#039;re trying to protect him from hurt, but you&amp;#039;re also implying that your kid did something wrong. Fact is, only the bully&amp;#039;s behavior needs to change.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;d be upset too if that happened to me.&amp;quot; The bully wants your child to feel isolated. When he&amp;#039;s upset, this type of validation is exactly what he needs to hear.  &amp;quot;Let&amp;#039;s see what we can do.&amp;quot;  Your child told the bully, &amp;quot;Stop!&amp;quot; and it didn&amp;#039;t work. So he&amp;#039;ll be relieved to hear you say that he doesn&amp;#039;t have to handle the problem all alone anymore. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/advice/a1689/stand-up-bully/>