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" Whether you and your guy just returned from a heat-filled honeymoon or have had years of steamy practice between the sheets, chances are you&amp;#039;re doing pretty well in the sex department. But did you know that you can drive your mate even more delirious with desire -- and we mean he&amp;#039;ll be climbing the walls! -- no matter what stage of marriage you&amp;#039;re in? REDBOOK maps out how your passion patterns change over the years -- and how to make sure you and he enjoy the most intense pleasure possible every step of the way.  All you have to do is click on the ages below.   --&amp;amp;gt; --&amp;amp;gt; --&amp;amp;gt;  You don&amp;#039;t need us to tell you that you have great chemistry in your court: &amp;quot;When we fall madly in love, we produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine,&amp;quot; says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Anatomy of Love. These chemicals not only make us feel giddy, they drive up testosterone -- the hormone that fuels the sex drive of men as well as women. Plus, time is on your side: For a young couple without children, mornings and evenings are blissfully your own and available for a romantic romp. What&amp;#039;s more, you&amp;#039;re at the start of your sexual career together, so there&amp;#039;s a whole lot you&amp;#039;ve still gotta try. How to Kick Sex Up a Notch  Let&amp;#039;s face it: With all the sexual tension between you and him, he may sometimes get so excited that he ejaculates too quickly; or, since you&amp;#039;re so young, you may not yet know how to climax every time. Good thing the recipe for fixing those little hitches is a heck of a lot of fun. &amp;quot;This is the time to really get to know each other&amp;#039;s body and to figure out what you like and don&amp;#039;t like,&amp;quot; says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York. &amp;quot;Think of it as creating your own sexual tempo as a couple.&amp;quot; So try it all, and talk about what you&amp;#039;re trying.  Meditate -- naked. &amp;quot;To really heat sex up, you have to tell each other what you want,&amp;quot; says Valerie Raskin, M.D., clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Chicago. &amp;quot;But for many young couples, talking about sex is embarrassing.&amp;quot; This can be especially true for women, who may not realize that giving their partner some sexy instructions in bed is likely to turn him on.  To get comfortable with the kind of talk that drives men to distraction, try this slightly goofy game. It lets you reveal where and how you want to be touched (as well as find out his hot spots) without saying a word. Just tell him you want to practice his favorite move but that he has to psychically tell you what it is. Sit naked in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Lock eyes with him and fantasize about what you&amp;#039;d like him to do to you while he concentrates on what he wants you to do to him. As if that weren&amp;#039;t fun enough, then try to read each other&amp;#039;s mind. After a few minutes, share your thoughts; by now you should both be hot enough to say anything. &amp;quot;I was surprised when my wife, Kristen, said she was thinking about my giving her oral sex. Since I wasn&amp;#039;t sure she would like that, I had never tried it,&amp;quot; says Jon, 29. &amp;quot;I love knowing that she&amp;#039;s told me how I can make her climax whenever I want.&amp;quot;  Leave a message. It&amp;#039;s another way for each of you to communicate what you would like without saying a thing. &amp;quot;I bought the erotic edition of Magnetic Poetry and left my husband a note on the fridge in the morning telling him that I wanted to kneel in front of him when he came home that night,&amp;quot; says Katie, 26. &amp;quot;He told me he couldn&amp;#039;t think about anything else all day.&amp;quot;  Take it slow. Rip-your-clothes-off sex is a wild ride, but to really get to know every erotic hot spot on your mate, try moving into the slow lane. Raskin suggests playing the waiting game: How long can you fool around without doing the deed? Set a timer for 20 minutes one day, 30 the next and 40 the day after that (or every other day is fine too). This will force you to figure out each other&amp;#039;s pleasure threshold. Or try this technique: Put four little bells on four silky strings, and tie one around both your husband&amp;#039;s wrists and ankles. Then tell him not to jingle while you check out his geography. &amp;quot;You can learn a lot about what turns a man on just by watching his facial expressions as he struggles to stay still,&amp;quot; says Raskin. Next time it&amp;#039;s your turn. Hormonally speaking, this is a great time for both of you. His testosterone level is still high enough to keep him hot and bothered, says Uri Peles, M.D., director of the Beverly Hills Center for Sexual Medicine, but he&amp;#039;s not as randy as he was in his 20s, when a sideways glance could turn him on. That slightly lower level of excitement means that he may have put any premature-ejaculation problems behind him. And while you may have dry spells when you&amp;#039;re pregnant or breastfeeding (both of which can decrease your sex drive), experts agree that this is the age when most women hit their sexual stride.   &amp;quot;In our 30s we&amp;#039;re more confident -- with our bodies, our mates, our sexuality -- and less afraid to speak up about what we like, so we&amp;#039;re more likely to have orgasms,&amp;quot; says Raskin, author of Great Sex for Moms. Finally, although the two of you have come off that initial mad, passionate high, you&amp;#039;ve likely settled into what Fisher calls the attachment stage: a period of closeness and contentment, when you share a general sense of union and peace of mind. &amp;quot;The kind of connection a couple in love shares at this stage drives up levels of oxytocin and vasopresin [the two chemicals that flood the brain with feelings of well-being],&amp;quot; says author Fisher. How to Kick Sex Up a Notch  Of course, you&amp;#039;re probably also in the thick of caring for kids and building a career, so you have less time and room in your life for spontaneous sex. No big deal: Making sex truly sensational happens when you find ways to put it on your schedule, whether that means more quickies or moving foreplay into your everyday life. Try these tips: Flood your senses. On days when you&amp;#039;re so tired that you can&amp;#039;t imagine wanting to get busy in bed, refocus with this relaxing-but-racy ritual, which will wake up both your and your guy&amp;#039;s senses. Innocently invite him to &amp;quot;talk&amp;quot; over a hot cup of cinnamon tea and your favorite music while you change out of your work clothes. Once you&amp;#039;ve stripped down to your underwear and heels, hold a mouthful of tea on your tongue, where the tingling sensation will clear your head; then swallow and lean over and lick his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Next, work your way down to his nipples, where that tingling sensation will fill his head with sexy thoughts. &amp;quot;Stimulating your senses is the best way to shut out distractions and ease your way into the bedroom,&amp;quot; says Peles. Give him the eye. Even when you&amp;#039;ve gotten in the mood, you may still have to fit what you used to do in three hours into just a few minutes. &amp;quot;Once kids enter the picture, quickies become a fact of life,&amp;quot; says Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On. &amp;quot;They can be fun, but what gets lost is the tenderness.&amp;quot; The solution? Open your eyes and hold his gaze as you touch each other. Make that deep contact again at the point of orgasm. &amp;quot;Everything intensifies when my husband and I lock eyes,&amp;quot; says Amy, 36. &amp;quot;It makes me feel so connected to him, and sex becomes even more intimate and soulful -- no matter how swiftly we do it.&amp;quot;  Have all-day foreplay. It also helps if you&amp;#039;re ready to get it on before you hit the sheets. Find little ways to play around during the day: Creativity can help compensate for minimal mattress time. One woman we know writes sexy messages on her husband&amp;#039;s arm (they&amp;#039;re hidden under his sleeve during the day) and forbids him to read them until he gets to work. Another slips a Polaroid of herself in a sexy bra into her guy&amp;#039;s pocket as they kiss good-bye. A man whom we especially admire puts rose petals on the overhead fan in the bedroom. When his wife turns it on, the room is showered in flowers. Savor sleepless nights. Odd as it may sound, your crazy-busy schedule -- being woken in the middle of the night by the baby or working at home till the wee hours -- can pay off in some incredible nocturnal nooky. &amp;quot;A man&amp;#039;s testosterone level starts going up around 2am and just keeps rising,&amp;quot; says Peles. Plus, women and men often enter REM sleep around the same time, during which women lubricate and men get erections. But who wants to get up in the middle of the night? &amp;quot;My husband and I are usually awakened by the baby at some point, anyway,&amp;quot; says Susie, 36. &amp;quot;After we tend to her, we sort of do it in our sleep. It&amp;#039;s actually even better than morning sex because we&amp;#039;re in this sort of altered state. And after we&amp;#039;ve made love, we roll over for a few more delicious hours of sleep.&amp;quot; Think sex whenever you find yourselves up at an odd time; once you get hooked, you may want to set a CD alarm clock with your favorite get-in-the-mood music for a middle-of-the-night rendezvous. Okay, so this isn&amp;#039;t the most hormonally charged stage of marriage. The onset of perimenopause may mean that sex hormones are waning: Less estrogen means that you may not lubricate as quickly or easily as you used to. And your man&amp;#039;s lower testosterone level means that it&amp;#039;ll take more to get him turned on and that he&amp;#039;s not thinking about sex as often as he used to. Never mind: At this age there&amp;#039;s plenty going on between the two of you to keep sex steamy. In fact, Fisher says many couples in their 40s say they enjoy making love now more than ever. &amp;quot;At this point you and your partner know exactly how to excite each other,&amp;quot; she says. The little traditions you have, such as making love on Saturday afternoon and slipping into his Monday-morning shower, are proven pleasures. At the same time, life is throwing fewer curveballs to sidetrack your shenanigans: Kids are old enough to fend for themselves (if you still have young kids, try a mix of tips from this section and the previous one), so you have some quality alone-time again.  How to Kick Sex Up a Notch  When nature&amp;#039;s doing less to push you into the bedroom, we can give no better advice than this: Just do it -- and do it often. The more you make love, the more you think about making love, says Raskin. And the more you think about making love, the more you want to make love. But shake things up: Now is the perfect time to explore new moves, since after so many years together, you feel comfortable enough to try silly games with your mate or to just be goofier together than ever before. Plus, by this age he&amp;#039;s craving some surprises. Bonus: Novelty drives up those levels of passion-inducing dopamine, says Fisher.   Give him something to reflect on. If you&amp;#039;ve been noticing that it takes your guy a little longer to get it up these days, try this twist on the mirror-above-the-bed clich\u00E9. Next time you catch him standing in front of a full-length mirror, sneak up from behind with a handful of massage oil that heats up on contact and start stroking him slowly while he watches. Before long the surprise of what he&amp;#039;s feeling combined with the sexy scene he&amp;#039;s watching will have him totally revved up. Guys are visual creatures, says Fisher; nothing turns them on like a sexy image. Don&amp;#039;t stop there: Discourage him from turning around to embrace you or from moving his eyes away from the mirror as you continue to stroke him. &amp;quot;Once we&amp;#039;re out of our teens, we tend to think of masturbation as foreplay,&amp;quot; says Raskin. &amp;quot;But bringing him to orgasm this way can feel better than oral sex.&amp;quot;   Walk all over him. The more you can shock your man at this stage, the hotter he&amp;#039;ll get. Fortunately, there are lots of ways to shake up your routine. Lisa, 43, and her husband have a deal: He doesn&amp;#039;t care if she buys the occasional pair of Jimmy Choo shoes -- as long as she wears them to bed. &amp;quot;I role-play with him sometimes. I know just what scenario to whisper in his ear to push him over the edge, or I even call him by a different name.&amp;quot;  Spread the sensation. Since you&amp;#039;ve got more than 15 minutes to please each other, you may as well prolong the pleasure. &amp;quot;Jeff and I wanted to do something that would make our climaxes out of the ordinary, so we tried a technique we read about called spreading the orgasm,&amp;quot; says Cynthia, 42. &amp;quot;It felt like he was taking me to a whole new place.&amp;quot; How to do it: Kiss and caress his penis until he&amp;#039;s on the verge of orgasm, then shift your attention to his other body parts. Alternate between genital and nongenital stimulation until he&amp;#039;s aroused to a state of hypersensitivity (try for 10 minutes, but the longer you do this, the better). Then push him over the edge: His climax will radiate like shock waves through his entire body. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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