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"I am a die-hard USC Trojan, but I stopped going to alumni parties after meeting one too many goateed-marching band members (and I mean nothing against the USC Trojan Marching Band, which has played the Grammy&amp;amp;#8217;s with Radiohead, and recorded with Fleetwood Mac, and always puts on an awesome show. Nor do I mean any disrespect to musicians in general&amp;amp;#133;shout out to my 5th grade clarinet section, toot toot!). Anyway, I started thinking, SoCal alumni are my peeps! They complain about NY weather as much as I do! Why have I been avoiding?? I need to get back in the SCircle. So when I received an invitation to an &amp;amp;#8217;SC party at the new Cooper Square Hotel, I was like, sign me up! If that hotel is good enough for Sienna Miller, it&amp;amp;#8217;s really good enough for me.I walked into the joint all alone, and the first thing my eyes zero in on is a girl&amp;amp;#8217;s name tag reading, &amp;amp;#8220;[Name], Class of 2010.&amp;amp;#8221; I did a double-take at her chest. 2010?! I guess she was a summer intern. Immediately I started to wonder if perhaps people might take my &amp;amp;#8220;2001&amp;amp;#8221; and hopefully go dyslexic and think I&amp;amp;#8217;m a &amp;amp;#8220;2010.&amp;amp;#8221; I mean, everywhere I looked, it was 2008, 2006, 2009. Gone were the aging saxophonists, in were the PYTs, fresh from Palos Verdes. But then I realized, WAIT! Aren&amp;amp;#8217;t I the Baby Whisperer? And don&amp;amp;#8217;t I have a disability when it comes to weeding out the younguns? Name tags are brilliant! No more getting lured by elastic skin and tight pores. Literally, I was able to make a quick, smart call on everyone I saw. I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t waste energy talking to anyone born in the &amp;amp;#8216;80s. Name tags are a total time-saver! I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t talk to any boys. I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t really talk to too many men, either. In fact, I ended up reuniting with Erin L. (right) from my year, and Blessing (left), from 2010 (okay, I have a problem!). But I was able to dismiss the jailbait from afar. Related: My friend Melissa and I once went to a party where the name tags said what part of town you live in, so I was able to weed out all the guys who don&amp;amp;#8217;t live near the 4-5-6 train. Have you ever had any luck at alumni functions? What info would you like to see on a name tag? Just so I don&amp;amp;#8217;t go to Trojan Hell for saying the Spirit of Troy can be nerdy without their instruments, here&amp;amp;#8217;s a cool photo of them playing this year&amp;amp;#8217;s Rose Bowl, as the stealth bomber flew silently overhead. P.S. Get Glamour Wherever You Go! Follow us on Twitter, Friend us on Facebook, and add us to your Google homepage."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/single-ish/2009/06/my-secret-pickup-spot-alumni-g>