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" How does stress vex you? Let us count the ways: There are bad moods and big appetites, nail biting and nasty headaches -- and a million lousy by-products in between. You told us as much when we asked you to share your most pressing questions about stress, of which there were hundreds. On the following advice-packed pages, you&amp;#039;ll find smart solutions -- courtesy of the country&amp;#039;s top health experts -- for the things that torture you most, so you can live a calmer, saner (translation: happier) life. 1. When I feel frantic, my mind races and I can&amp;#039;t focus enough to get things done. How can I slow down?   Enlist the help of the humble rubber band. Just slide one around your wrist and snap it; the sting will instantly interrupt the flow of your runaway thoughts. Then picture yourself shouting, &amp;quot;Stop!&amp;quot; -- this will sharply focus your attention, says Martha Davis, Ph.D., an author of The Relaxation &amp;amp;amp; Stress Reduction Workbook. And last, take a deep breath while letting your belly expand, pause, then exhale for a count of one; repeat nine times. &amp;quot;The measured breathing calms you down,&amp;quot; says Davis, &amp;quot;so you can tackle one thing at a time.&amp;quot;   2. Sometimes when I&amp;#039;m stressed, I get depressed. Could there be a link?   Yes -- and women are particularly susceptible to tension-induced depression. Members of the fairer sex are three times more likely than men to feel depressed in response to a stressful event, such as losing a close friend or moving to a new home, according to a Yale University School of Medicine study. Why? One theory, says lead researcher Carolyn M. Mazure, Ph.D., is that a surge of stress hormones, in combination with a woman&amp;#039;s reproductive hormones (which also affect mood), can trigger an imbalance in brain chemistry, causing depression.   To tell if you&amp;#039;re at risk, look for these symptoms:    Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, pessimism, worthlessness or guilt   Difficulty staying focused or remembering things   Sleeping too much or too little   Changes in appetite   Weight gain or loss   Loss of interest in sex or other pleasurable activities   Constant achiness and/or fatigue   If you suffer from five or more of the above for more than two weeks, see your doctor. Fortunately, these days depression is very treatable, with counseling alone or combined with medication.   3. Why does shredding paper help me feel less stressed?   Your adventures in rip therapy work for several reasons, explains Mary Sotile, M.A., an author of Beat Stress Together, specifically: the rhythmic movements of tearing paper may release pent-up physical stress, the constant ripping noise may help you tune out the world and calm down, and it&amp;#039;s such a concrete task that after performing it, you&amp;#039;re left feeling that you&amp;#039;ve accomplished something!   4. How do I deal with this one very annoying person who&amp;#039;s so awful she makes me hate my life?   &amp;quot;When you feel angry and disrespected, it&amp;#039;s hard to enjoy anything or anyone,&amp;quot; says Richard Driscoll, Ph.D., author of Mental Shielding to Brush Off Hostility. To stop this hateful creature from sucking the joy out of your life, try a visualization: Imagine you&amp;#039;re surrounded by an impenetrable bubble. Then picture that lowly wretch standing in front of you, shouting taunts -- which hit the bubble and ricochet back at her. &amp;quot;This exercise helps you realize that you can protect and separate yourself from conflict if you choose,&amp;quot; Driscoll says. &amp;quot;And that helps you feel more in command and frees you to enjoy the happy relationships in your life.&amp;quot;   5. How can I stop stressing about the same things over and over?   To be filed under &amp;quot;bizarre but effective&amp;quot;: Try eye-movement technique, a method widely used by psychiatrists in the United States to help treat everything from depression to traumatic stress to social anxiety. The how-to&amp;#039;s: Focus on a distressing thought for several minutes, until you feel that the anxiety it produces rates at least a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being superhigh). Then keep your head still as you rapidly move your eyes back and forth between two points (say, two sides of a table) 25 times. When you finish, rate your stress level again; it should have dropped to at least 4. Repeat the technique whenever the stressful thought recurs. &amp;quot;Although we don&amp;#039;t know why it works,&amp;quot; notes author Davis, &amp;quot;each time you use EMT, its icky-thought-stopping effect can become more powerful.&amp;quot;   6. I get stress headaches all the time. What can I do about them?   Take action with these throb stoppers:    Swallow that supplement. &amp;quot;Magnesium depletion causes blood vessels in the brain to constrict, which can lead to headaches,&amp;quot; says Alexander Mauskop, M.D., author of The Headache Alternative, who recommends a daily 350-milligram magnesium supplement.   Fulfill your kneads. Since tense muscles are a known cause of stress headaches, even a daily 10-minute head-and-shoulder massage will help.   Oil up. In a German study of 41 headache sufferers, patients who had peppermint oil dabbed on their foreheads and temples reported a significant lessening of pain after 15 minutes. The minty stuff may help by improving blood flow around the forehead.  7. When I&amp;#039;m tense, I bite my nails like crazy. How can I stop?  One handy trick is to make your fingers play hard to get. When the urge to nibble your nails hits, keep those babies otherwise occupied by kneading Silly Putty or a squishy ball, or even by sitting on your hands if the situation allows. Or gross yourself out: In a British study of biting types like you, those whose nails were painted with a bitter substance had significantly longer fingernails after eight weeks (try almond or vanilla extract; both smell nice but taste nasty). Or gnaw like crazy -- but on just one nail: &amp;quot;Some people find it&amp;#039;s easier than going cold turkey,&amp;quot; says Boston psychologist Debra Morley, Ph.D. &amp;quot;When you see how good the unbitten nails look and feel, it&amp;#039;s often an incentive to quit altogether.&amp;quot;  8. Lucky me: I get PMS big-time. Could that be causing my stress?  You bet your raging hormones it could. According to studies at the University of Washington in Seattle, women suffering from PMS tend to have high levels of cortisol and adrenaline, stress hormones that can set your heart aflutter and make you sweat more and feel agitated.  PMS sufferers also typically have higher than normal levels of carbon dioxide in their blood, which means they&amp;#039;re in a state of mild hyperventilation -- and that can create feelings of stress and even panic, says Diana Taylor, Ph.D., R.N., an author of Taking Back the Month: A Personalized Solution for Managing PMS &amp;amp;amp; Enhancing Your Health. The fix: Up your oxygen intake by practicing better breathing for two to three minutes at least five times a day: Lean forward slightly (which will help keep your stomach muscles relaxed), breathe in through your nose while pushing your abdomen out, then breathe out through your mouth. And try to cut back on work commitments and get to bed on time during your premenstrual days; you&amp;#039;ll feel less worn down.  9. I&amp;#039;ve heard that feeling stressed can affect fertility. Is that true?  &amp;quot;It depends on how sensitive you are to stress,&amp;quot; says Alice Domar, Ph.D., author of Conquering Infertility. Severe stress leads some women&amp;#039;s reproductive systems to shut down, causing their periods to stop, while other women easily conceive even in the midst of war, famine and other traumatic situations. In fact, in a recent University of California, San Diego study of 151 women undergoing assisted reproductive techniques, such as in vitro fertilization, those who felt very anxious before the procedure weren&amp;#039;t as likely to become pregnant as the less distressed patients.  Your best bet if you think you&amp;#039;re not getting pregnant fast enough? Get a thorough fertility workup to rule out any physical causes, then keep your stress under control with the help of a counselor or infertility support group. (To find a group near you, contact Resolve, the national infertility association, at 888-623-0744, or log on to the group&amp;#039;s Website, at www.resolve.org  10. I have a habit of overeating when I&amp;#039;m stressed, which of course makes me even more stressed. Help!  In a perfect world you could take a 15-minute siesta after lunch; that would up your energy and lower your stress, so you&amp;#039;d be less likely to want to munch in the late afternoon (when food cravings caused by tension typically strike). But if you can&amp;#039;t catnap, give in to your cravings -- in moderation. Yearning for a crunchy, salty fix? Go for some reduced-fat crackers. You&amp;#039;d kill for some ice cream? Have a child-size cone of frozen yogurt or a low-fat frozen dessert. And before you start snacking, down a big glass of a no-calorie drink (say, water jazzed up with a slice of lemon, or iced tea); this will help you fill up and keep from bingeing. If tempering your eating habits is a struggle for you, nudge the process along by stepping out: &amp;quot;Taking a 20-minute walk at a moderately fast pace boosts your body&amp;#039;s level of beta-endorphins, brain chemicals that calm you down and rein in your hunger,&amp;quot; says Pamela Peeke, M.D., an expert on the relationship between nutrition and stress.  11. What can I do about a boss who stresses me out by putting me down in front of my coworkers?  You and the jerk you work for need to talk -- alone. Say, &amp;quot;I find it terribly embarrassing to be criticized in front of others. If you feel I should be doing a better job, can you please discuss it with me in private?&amp;quot; If your boss keeps laying into you in public -- but you still like your job and want to stay -- take the edge off his stinging words by getting some perspective: Think about how insecure he must be if he feels the need to put another person down. And confide in a colleague who you suspect may be in the same boat as you. &amp;quot;In all likelihood she&amp;#039;ll reassure you that you&amp;#039;re not the only one the creep criticizes,&amp;quot; author Driscoll says, &amp;quot;and that will help you not take his comments personally.&amp;quot;   12. I need a way to get quick stress relief at work when I don&amp;#039;t have the time to leave my office.  Take five to trace a labyrinth (a path that serenely winds its way to the middle of a maze and out again) with your finger a few times; log on to www.labyrinthsociety.org for links to Websites that feature soothing mazes. &amp;quot;This exercise works like a mini meditation,&amp;quot; says Judith Lazarus, author of Stress Relief &amp;amp;amp; Relaxation Techniques, &amp;quot;because it pulls you away from hectic activity and draws you into quiet, peaceful meandering.&amp;quot;  13. What can I do to stop taking my stress out on my husband?  Step one is, ask yourself why you&amp;#039;re whaling into the guy. Women between the ages of 30 and 45 suffer from stress not only because they juggle multiple roles as wives, mothers and employees, but because their husbands simply don&amp;#039;t help enough, according to a recent study at Arizona State University in Tempe. If you suspect that the reason you feel resentful is that your mate isn&amp;#039;t doing his fair share, tell him, specifically, how he can help, says Rob Scuka, Ph.D., director of couples programs at the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement in Bethesda, Maryland. Focus on the two or three (not 10) tasks that make you the most anxious, and calmly spell out what you want him to do, as in &amp;quot;It would really take a huge load off me if you would feed and walk the dog before I get home.&amp;quot;  If lack of help isn&amp;#039;t the issue, but rather you&amp;#039;re a textbook case of you-always-dump-on-the-ones-you-love (since you know they&amp;#039;ll forgive you for it later), use a tactic called the Volcano: Ask your husband for permission to explode, set a time limit of three minutes, then &amp;quot;erupt&amp;quot; without interruption. When your time is up, ask him for a hug. &amp;quot;This exercise lets your husband know that your stress isn&amp;#039;t about him,&amp;quot; says Lori H. Gordon, Ph.D., author of Love Knots, &amp;quot;and that he doesn&amp;#039;t need to &amp;#039;do&amp;#039; anything about it other than listen.&amp;quot;   14. How do I stop my stress from destroying my sex drive?  Sure, the more stressed you feel, the less randy you feel. But getting it on is a great way to override your tension, says Marie-Annette Brown, Ph.D., R.N., an author of When Your Body Gets the Blues. Research shows that orgasm triggers the release of an array of brain chemicals, including dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, that chill you out and boost your mood. So the next time you&amp;#039;re too fried to even contemplate saying the word &amp;quot;sex,&amp;quot; ask your husband to wait a few minutes (or to give you a massage) while you lie still and try this mental get-in-the-mood trick: Close your eyes, then conjure an erotic fantasy -- and run it in slow motion, so the details really sink in (imagine exactly where he&amp;#039;s touching you and how it tingles). Then physically jump-start the arousal process by squeezing the muscles of your vagina tightly and relaxing them; do this at least five times. Now you&amp;#039;re ready for some nooky.   15. How can I keep from yelling at my kids when I&amp;#039;m a ball of tension?  You know you&amp;#039;re on the verge of seriously overreacting when your kids&amp;#039; usual squabbling -- about, say, who gets to play on the computer first -- suddenly makes you want to go ballistic. Get a grip by taking three or four good, deep breaths. Then find your normal (not-yelling) voice and give it to the kiddies straight: &amp;quot;I really need you to cooperate with each other, because I&amp;#039;m feeling uptight today.&amp;quot; If they respond, &amp;quot;But, Mom, she went first on the computer yesterday!&amp;quot; explain the rules (they have three minutes to sort out a plan) and map out the consequences of noncompliance (10-minute time-outs in their rooms, and no one plays on the computer for the rest of the evening). Even if you end up doling out the punishment, at least you&amp;#039;ll have avoided throwing a fit, author Davis says.   16. What&amp;#039;s the best way to relieve stress at the end of the day?  First, avoid the &amp;quot;stress relievers&amp;quot; that often backfire: Watching TV right up until you want to go to sleep (which can leave you worked up, not wound down) and having a drink (although a single three- to four-ounce glass of wine is relaxing, it often encourages you to reach for another, and too much alcohol can lead to poor sleep, which adds to your stress). Instead, try chilling to a CD. In an Australian study, a group of men and women who listened to Pachelbel&amp;#039;s Canon in D Major after performing a stressful task felt less anxiety and had lower heart rates and blood pressure than a music-free group. Prefer Prince to Pachelbel? Fine, but listen only to tracks of slow ballads (instead of pounding pop beats).  Other p.m. soothers: Knit, sew, even do a jigsaw puzzle with your husband. &amp;quot;Engaging in a quiet, noncompetitive hobby can help you unwind by diverting your thoughts from the stresses of the day,&amp;quot; says author Lazarus. Or give journaling a shot; writing about your thoughts and feelings at the end of the day can be a great release, Lazarus says; try it and you&amp;#039;ll practically see your stress seeping out through your pen.   17. How can I turn off my &amp;quot;mind noise&amp;quot; so I can get to sleep?  Take your brain to Shangri-la. Or a beautiful beach. Or basically anyplace calm. The trick is to visualize in detail: Picture the graceful palm trees your hammock is tied to; inhale the salty scent of the ocean; sense the warm kiss of sunshine on your legs, says Shawn Currie, Ph.D., an author of 60 Second Sleep-Ease. If worries do start to creep in, shift your thoughts to one simple, positive image -- say, a sunflower in bloom. Fix the snapshot in your mind, then add contours, colors and depth, says Currie, who explains that &amp;quot;this intensifies your concentration and helps create a barrier for distracting thoughts.&amp;quot;   18. How do I know if I should seek professional help for my stress?  When tension begins to change the way you feel -- i.e., you become less social, more hotheaded or unusually moody and stay that way -- do go for counseling, says researcher Mazure. And don&amp;#039;t assume you need to be on a Woody Allenesque plan of lifelong therapy: Sixty-seven percent of people who complained of stress needed only three therapy sessions to dramatically improve in a study of more than 100 men and women at the University of Leeds in England. Very brief therapy works because it has one clear mission: to provide you with a time and place to brainstorm concrete ways to reduce your stress. To find a qualified licensed psychologist in your area, call the American Psychological Association, at 800-964-2000. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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