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"(Warning: Adult content) Strawberry blonde stunner Keith Lemon came round for a cuppa at Digital Spy and told us all about his rift with Rufus Hound, Fearne Cotton&amp;#039;s new &amp;#039;milk trucks&amp;#039; and Holly Willoughby&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;tramp arse&amp;#039;. And within seconds, Lemon had told us about his shiny new autobiography: &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s book-shaped, it has real words and pictures - if you can&amp;#039;t read. &amp;quot;The book&amp;#039;s called Being Keith: How I Got &amp;#039;Ere, If You Don&amp;#039;t Know How I got &amp;#039;Ere.   &amp;quot;Then that Fifty Shades Of Grey came out and I thought I should have done a spoof of that with all the boobs I&amp;#039;ve licked.&amp;quot; On the award-winning Celebrity Juice, he said it&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;basically a great big booze fest and you forget you&amp;#039;re on telly&amp;#039;. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s all about who I&amp;#039;ve met, what&amp;#039;s happened since I&amp;#039;ve been famous and who I think are tw*ts.&amp;quot; Watch Digital Spy speak to Keith Lemon below (warning: adult content):  On the award-winning Celebrity Juice, he said it&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;basically a great big booze-fest and you forget you&amp;#039;re on telly&amp;quot;. Not only does Lemon get to heavily drink at work, but he gets to hang out with his mates Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton. He said: &amp;quot;As beautiful as Holly is she&amp;#039;s got the arse of a tramp. I once shared a Winnebago with her and she said, &amp;#039;Don&amp;#039;t do any solids in the toilet&amp;#039;, so I went outside and used a chemical toilet.  &amp;quot;She went in the loo and it sounded like an old man having a fight with himself. I went in and it was like a war zone. I said, &amp;#039;You dirty bint&amp;#039;. It was a brown pyramid.&amp;quot; And has the lothario ever seen the girls naked? &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve seen them in their underwear. Fearne&amp;#039;s got boy tits, although now she&amp;#039;s pregnant she&amp;#039;s got milk trucks. She&amp;#039;s stacked right now.  &amp;quot;Holly&amp;#039;s very curvaceous and shaped like a woman. I imagine Holly to have a massive tw*t, but Fearne&amp;#039;s to be quite small.&amp;quot; For replacing Cotton when she goes off on maternity leave, he said: &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s going to have to be someone really good, like Cheryl Cole or Scherz-winger.  &amp;quot;Or Charlotte Church or Kelly Osbourne. Or Dannii or Kylie Minogue. And they flare their nostrils too.&amp;quot;  Talking about recent panellist Katie Price - who went on quite a bit about her ex, transvestite Alex Reid - he said: &amp;quot;Katie&amp;#039;s quite quiet - she thinks you&amp;#039;re going to take the piss out of her so she builds a wall up.  &amp;quot;I imagine she&amp;#039;s a real good laugh at home, but on Juice she&amp;#039;s a bit quiet.&amp;quot; And some of his best guests? &amp;quot;A pissed-up Gareth Gates comes to mind. I love him. A drunk Gareth is great fun.   &amp;quot;Verne Troyer&amp;#039;s good fun because I like throwing him around pretending I&amp;#039;m breast feeding him and stuff.&amp;quot; When we asked him what happened to his old pal and Celeb Juice co-star Rufus Hound, he went disconcertingly serious: &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t know. I honesty don&amp;#039;t know.   &amp;quot;I text him and said, &amp;#039;I don&amp;#039;t know what happened but I hope you&amp;#039;re happy with whatever you&amp;#039;re doing next&amp;#039;. I don&amp;#039;t know. I haven&amp;#039;t seen him since either.&amp;quot; Rumours were rife that Hound was annoyed it was turning into &amp;#039;The Keith Lemon Show&amp;#039;. &amp;quot;Well it is,&amp;quot; explained Lemon. &amp;quot;Course it is. One time it was going to be called Keith Lemon&amp;#039;s Celebrity Juice but I thought it sounded like I was blowing my own trumpet.   &amp;quot;I suppose it is, but I have no control what they put in the edit. I watch it like how you watch it and I enjoy it.  &amp;quot;But if it&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;The Keith Lemon Show&amp;#039; that&amp;#039;s fine by me. I like it!&amp;quot; Going on to talk about Alex Reid&amp;#039;s &amp;#039;sex dungeon&amp;#039;, he said: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve never been in one. You&amp;#039;d probably have to ask Jamie Theakston - he was seen in a sex dungeon once.  &amp;quot;Or John Leslie might know something about it. He was involved in something sexy too.&amp;quot;  On his own inescapable sexiness, Lemon said: &amp;quot;I do project a lot of sexuality, but I think some people think I&amp;#039;m a more exotic lover than I am. I&amp;#039;m quite romantic really.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Normally, I&amp;#039;m like everyone else. I have sex, I wipe it up with a sex flannel so I don&amp;#039;t get itchy afterwards, then I watch the Kardashians.&amp;quot;  Discussing the uber-famous reality family, he said: &amp;quot;Khloe Kardashian - is she the one who looks like a man? Kim Kardashian is fit, isn&amp;#039;t she? I&amp;#039;ve seen her sex tape. &amp;quot;I liked Tulisa&amp;#039;s sex tape, too. That was fun. I&amp;#039;ve met her and she&amp;#039;s lovely. &amp;quot;I love The X factor - I feel like a silly old bint watching it. I get in my pyjamas and watch it with my bird and shout at the tele.   &amp;quot;Rylan&amp;#039;s good fun. He&amp;#039;s the Jedward of this year. I don&amp;#039;t agree with Gary Barlow that it&amp;#039;s all about singing.  &amp;quot;If you&amp;#039;re a bit of a dingbat and you&amp;#039;re entertaining you don&amp;#039;t need to have to sing very good. I think Rylan will do well on X factor and after, like Jedward - and they&amp;#039;re multi-billionaires.&amp;quot;  Discussing his mates the Spice Girls, he said: &amp;quot;In the Bo&amp;#039; Selecta! days, Victoria [Beckham] was up for seeing us take the piss out of her.  &amp;quot;She said, &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;ve got a sense of humour, I just don&amp;#039;t like it when they take the piss out of David.   &amp;quot;But I always get the feeling Geri [Halliwell] doesn&amp;#039;t like me if I&amp;#039;m honest.&amp;quot; And off he skipped. Click here to buy Keith&amp;#039;s book of memoirs. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.digitalspy.com/showbiz/news/a438776/keith-lemon-fearnes-got-milk-trucks-now/>