<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"  Next time you and your guy are having it out and he hits you with a ridiculous accusation (like &amp;quot;You never listen!&amp;quot;), take a deep breath before you answer.  Naturally, your instinct is to defend yourself: &amp;quot;I do too listen!&amp;quot; But arguing back this way only escalates the conflict, says David D. Burns, M.D., the author of Feeling Good Together. Instead, try agreeing with his criticism. (&amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re right; I&amp;#039;ve been explaining myself instead of listening. What are you trying to tell me?&amp;quot;) &amp;quot;Even if you don&amp;#039;t see legitimacy in his words, remember that to him they are true,&amp;quot; Burns says. &amp;quot;You can attack the part that seems unfair, or you can try to uncover the meaning behind his criticism so you can stop the problem in its tracks.&amp;quot; Validating your partner&amp;#039;s feelings defuses his anger \u2014 and makes him more likely to lower his defenses and own up to his role in the problem. Here, a few more responses that can cool you both down when things get heated:  He says: &amp;quot;Why do you always have to be right?&amp;quot; You want to say: &amp;quot;But I am right about this!&amp;quot; Instead try: &amp;quot;I see that you&amp;#039;re trying to make a point too, and I haven&amp;#039;t been listening. Let&amp;#039;s start over \u2014 I want to understand what you&amp;#039;re saying.&amp;quot; He says: &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re so stubborn!&amp;quot; You want to say: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m stubborn? You&amp;#039;re the stubborn one!&amp;quot; Instead try: &amp;quot;I guess I&amp;#039;ve been focusing on my point of view, so you haven&amp;#039;t been able to say your piece. Tell me how you see the situation.&amp;quot; He says: &amp;quot;Do you even care how I feel?&amp;quot; You want to say: &amp;quot;Yes, but...&amp;quot; Instead try: &amp;quot;Of course I do, and I admit that I haven&amp;#039;t been tuned in to how you&amp;#039;re feeling lately. I&amp;#039;m sorry.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a4496/stop-fights-fast/?link=emb&dom=yah_life&src=syn&mag=rbk>