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" Dear lovelies: There is so much to say that I don&amp;#039;t know where to begin!  MY CHRISTMAS  For the record, Christmas was quite nice. I think I let my father down a little, because I didn&amp;#039;t stay home for very long--in part because I get a little stir-crazy whenever I&amp;#039;m away from my stomping grounds here in Brooklyn, but also because I don&amp;#039;t find my father&amp;#039;s house all that comfortable (it&amp;#039;s something of an overgrown, unkempt bachelor pad). Other than that, it was a pretty good time. We spent Christmas Eve with our wonderful old family friends--The Connors, a couple who grew up in Ireland and had a brood of wonderful, hilarious, outspoken, very kind kids. On Christmas Day, we were at my aunt and uncle&amp;#039;s house, with my younger cousin and my sister (both of whom look a lot like me though we&amp;#039;re all pretty different, with me being the most bohemian by far) and my brother-in-law.  THE DINNER PARTY CONVERSATION ...  On Saturday night, the celebration continued here in my neighborhood. A few good friends--three alpha males (including one i-banker and one actor and a third man who shall remain more mysterious)--came over to my petite apartment for an impromptu dinner party. I was inspired in part because I wanted to see them, in part because I wanted to make good use of my little Christmas tree, and in part because I wanted to eat more holiday food--including cornbread stuffing with candied pecans as well as roasted root veggies with rosemary. (The thing I was most looking forward to was fresh, warm gingerbread with whipped cream but after dinner and Christmas cookies and chocolate truffles and dessert wine, none of us had any room!) I was also a little worried I&amp;#039;d feel depressed this weekend--I&amp;#039;ve been ruminating about the end of yet another year in which I&amp;#039;ve made so little progress, both personally and professionally (since I have yet to sell my novel), and feeling worried about the year to come, in the sense that I don&amp;#039;t know what I should do--or what I&amp;#039;m capable of doing--to better myself. Point is, I thought having a nice get-together would help me stave off that sinking feeling of angst. Luckily, that&amp;#039;s exactly what it did. The guys got along swimmingly. Two of them had met before and after they cabbed home together, one wrote to say a &amp;quot;bro-mance&amp;quot; was blossoming between them. (Ha!) The third was new to the mix, but both of the others reported back to me that they&amp;#039;d really enjoyed getting to know him, too. We talked about lots of things: -about how too many choices (in terms of consumerism, lifestyles, professional paths, even internet dating, etc.) seems to make people less happy rather than more happy; -how the natural familial communities that people in other parts of the world enjoy--like peeps in Damascus, Syria, where the parents of one of my dinner party guests grew up--provide so much more support than more modern communities do, even if they are other trade-offs (in terms of personal freedom, primarily); -and how in both arranged marriages (like the one that the parents of one dinner party guest have) and open relationships (like the one a certain dinner party guest was in), the players involved do not expect that any one person will be able to fill all of his or her needs--emotional, psychological, intellectual, romantic, sexual.   TALK OF THE DATING UNDERWORLD ...  Of course, there was also an obstreperous discussion of dating. (If I could ONLY count how many times one of the boys said, &amp;quot;Before I tell you this, you gotta promise me: You&amp;#039;re not gonna quote me on your blog, are you?&amp;quot; I promised I wouldn&amp;#039;t.) ***One topic that came up--which I find very interesting--is why certain dudes are attracted to women with a dark side. I&amp;#039;d really like to post on this eventually ... so email me if any of you men out there in the blogosphere can shed some light on the subject.***  ON TAKING RISKS  Last week, I was talking about how I regretted not taking more risks--although I also noted that I often regret the risks I DO take. This weekend, I feel like I took some good small risks. I suppose having the dinner party itself was one--it&amp;#039;s possible no one would&amp;#039;ve come and it&amp;#039;s possible I could&amp;#039;ve put in a lot of effort only to burn everything and feel disappointed. The bigger risk was inviting the mysterious third guest--a person who needs a code name, a person I&amp;#039;ve only met recently, although we had something of an instant connection. (Dare I say I felt a spark?) Another risk: Giving him a spontaneous hug at a certain point in the evening ... and not pulling away a few times when our knees touched during the meal. Now, he is--as he keeps telling me (unbidden, may I add)--still somewhat involved with (and in love with) a person he used to date. So, there&amp;#039;s that. Regardless, he&amp;#039;s interesting.  And the funny thing is, he seems far more emotionally available and communicative than the narcissists I so often date. It may be true that the party I left early last week--because I was afraid of sticking around, and risking feeling uncomfortable--was his.  Anyway, since I feel good about the small risks I took with him, I have the temerity to make a few pronouncements about  HOW TO TAKE GOOD FLIRTATIOUS RISKS  1) A series of small risks that slowly lead somewhere may be more productive--and less potentially emotionally debilitating--than taking one HUGE risk. For instance, the two small risks I took--inviting this man to my dinner party, and giving him that little hug--helped us feel each other out (to say nothing of feeling each other UP) without either of us being pushed too far out of our comfort zone. Had I taken a bigger risk--like drinking too much at his holiday party to get myself psyched up for hanging around longer, for instance--that might have backfired. As it is, I feel like I&amp;#039;ve gotten to know an interesting person a little bit better, and I&amp;#039;m content with that. Along those lines ... 2) I tend to really regret impulsive decisions I&amp;#039;ve made when wasted, but not impulsive decisions I&amp;#039;ve made after a glass or two of wine. A little booze can help loosen us up and relax enough to trust our instincts, but having too much in order to help yourself do something you&amp;#039;re nervous about doing is never a great plan. 3) Taking risks with a considerate person is infinitely preferable to taking them with a jerk. How to tell if a person is considerate? I know; it&amp;#039;s not easy. But your gut will probably give you a good indication. Also, if he treated you with respect and courtesy when you met, and if he responds to your emails, texts, etc., in a timely way, those are good signs. ... I find that the only risks that are painful for me are the ones in which a person just ignores a gesture I&amp;#039;ve made; as long as someone responds and explains--as a considerate person is likely to--it doesn&amp;#039;t hurt so much, even if he doesn&amp;#039;t do what I was hoping he would. 4) Use technological means of communication for making invitations and setting up dates; wait till you&amp;#039;re in person to express affection. When you tell someone you think he&amp;#039;s sexy or fascinating by email or text, it can seem like a bigger deal than it would if you simply said--off-handedly and spontaneously, in person--&amp;quot;Wow, man, how cool are you?&amp;quot; Or, &amp;quot;Dude, you look hot in those jeans.&amp;quot; Or whatever it is you feel compelled to say. Lovelies ... does this make sense? What are your thoughts on the matter? Anything to add or correct? I hope you enjoyed the holidays. xxx "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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