THE INNOVATIONS CATALOGUE, the source of gadgets which really ought to be useful, has passed on to the colour supplement in the sky.
Starting life 20 years ago, the catalogue was a familiar friend to many, popping round unexpectedly most Sundays.
Always good company, it shared with new friends its passion for technology, and introduced many to the joys of clocks which are set to the right time AUTOMATICALLY! by radio signals! Another love was genius devices which recharge ORDINARY BATTERIES! WITHOUT them EXPLODING!!
It leaves behind an extendable window cleaning device, a handy portable paper shredder, three snore-stoppers, some one-size-fits-all galoshes, and a fun fur-lined vibrating golf club cover.
For something which had the potential to enhance office life, it was fitting that one of its most passionate advocates was Ricky Gervais. "I'm a gadget geek," he said. "I flick through the Innovations Catalogue and think: 'That'd give me the edge over other men!' None of it does, of course. Technology just hasn't kept pace with my needs. Where's the individual jet pack that allows you to just take off and land somewhere else? Where's the Thought Downloader? The Moving Pavement? The Complete Meal in A Pill? As a child, I was told such things were just a matter of time."
Its long-held mission was to "admire the amateur inventor toiling away in the garden shed". Who now knows what Moving Pavements will be forever frozen, consigned to lonely years with only a lawn mower and rusty Swingball for company.
Some of your tributes
I have admired Innovations from early childhood and am genuinely distressed by this turn of events.
Luckily, I am wearing sponge-lined spectacles with integral FM tuner to absorb my tears (while I listen to the latest pop hits in style and comfort).
Ed Grace, London
No doubt it's watching us from the super-deluxe automatic bookshelf in the sky.
Matthew Robinson, Leeds, England
A sad parting. My life was transformed and freedom assured by the Radio controlled door bell (de luxe model, with a range of 200 yards). I was able to sit in my back garden and, in the company of all my neighbours moggies, enjoy the view of my 100% guaranteed cat frightener, safe in the knowledge that I would never miss visitors.
Terry Kelly, UK/Holland/Korea
Thanks to the Innovations catalogue I can get rid of house spiders without (much) fear. But who will arachophobes of the future turn to for their spider-catchers?
Dawn Cale, UK
The Innovations catalogue is not dead. I have plenty of copies right here, you must not believe this western propaganda.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraq
Our troops have now liberated the world by destroying the evil regime of Innovations. The threat to our country from the "gadgets of crass invention" has been eradicated. Kleeneze agents are warned to hand over your catalogues or you will be next!
G Bush, USA
The Innovations catalogue is with me always. It is where I order my pretzel-makers from...
Osama Bin Laden, France
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