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Wednesday, 2 February, 2000, 15:41 GMT
Are you a mummy's boy?
Nearly a third of men in the UK between the ages of 20 and 35 are living with their parents, according to the latest Social Trends survey.
But is there anything wrong with staying at home? Do you enjoy the comforts of living at home?
Or is it your mother who just won't let you go? Are we turning into a nation of mummy's boys?
Are you fed up with your partner's mollycoddling mother? Tell us your experiences.
I think men who live at home after a certain age are pathetic and obviously scared of something. I am a female who left home at 18 years old, as soon as I was old enough basically, and god did it teach me! Mummy will always (most of the time) treat you as a child especially when you are in her domain, so come on guys, grow up and stop being so pathetic. My mum shouts at the remaining one at home daily to leave her in peace, my dad is 2 years away from retirement. What does it take to get rid of these pathetic men?
We cannot say that the men that are still living at home are pathetic as it does depend on the circumstances. But I do feel that there are a fair amount of men (and women too) out there who still live at home and are quite content to do so as it is cheaper and easier than getting their own place. Maybe women are at fault here too, maybe they shouldn't cater to their sons every whim. I am not saying that it happens in every household but I know of some family friends whose sons never had to do a thing around the house just because of the fact that they are male compared to the daughters who would have to do everything!
Get independent you silly men who stay with their mothers! Your parents have a life as well! They have brought you up and have done their job. It is now your turn to have a life of your own. Go on... fly away from that secure nest!
Yes - perhaps it is the mothers fault for letting their sons get away with a lot, Females in a family are always expected to do a lot more around the house. Perhaps this is why it is more common for boys to return home after university, rather than girls!!!!
As a first generation American, I take a much different perspective on family life. According to our culture (SE Asia) the children will stay in the family home for as long as possible. Granted a good deal of that has to do with economics, but more importantly it leads to a tighter family bond. I will probably never understand Western mentality that dictates that when kids reach 18 they are out of the house. I honestly think that those kinds of patterns are not in harmony with a happy family life because it places just as much pleasure in separation as it does when the child was born.
In our opinion everybody should decide for
themselves what he or she will do in this matter.
The most important point is that everybody is happy.
My son left home 2 weeks ago after saving his money to get his own place, this I thought was a very grown up thing to do. He obviously was not ready to leave and look after himself before this, he now feels he has got the confidence to go out in the world and stand on his own two feet. This makes me feel very proud that he will not end up on the streets homeless. He is 23 years old and an Assistant Manager to a large electrical store. I have given myself a pat on the back to bring this chapter in my life to a happy ending...
I would like to ask all you lads saying that living on your own teaches you to look after yourselves, why as soon as you get a girlfriend, it all goes out the window? My boyfriend was thrown out at 18 and lived alone, which did help him to grow up etc. He learnt to wash his clothes because he had to. But when it came to cooking, he would rather have gone to bed hungry than cook dinner. I now live with him and although he has lived alone before he still does no washing or cleaning. It's pure laziness. That's why men need their mothers and girlfriends.
My son is 27 and still lives at home. He graduated from university last June and I think he will stay until he has paid off his student loan, or at least a good part of it. I haven't asked him but I think he stays at home because its a lot cheaper than living on his own. His girlfriend also lives at home as well. I told him he had to pay rent or pay some of the bills. I don't really care, although its a big help financially to have him contributing and if he moved out I would only save about $5 a month on the heating and water bills - so for us, it helps to have him here.
Although I don't agree with extremist feminist views, it's no wonder that women hold these opinions after generation upon generation of imprisonment in the family or marital home and society's hypocritical moral framework. If men or women want to stay at home, fine. I love my parents. I like visiting them. Unfortunately however, it would be considered rude to have impromptu sex with my boyfriend in the middle of dinner or Eastenders at my parent's house. Whereas at our place we can get up to what we like as long as it doesn't upset the neighbours. Living with a partner that you love can truly be heaven on earth. So let's leave our parents alone to appreciate the same freedom!
My mum was a housewife until me and my sister were in our early teens, when she decided to go back to work - as much due to the boredom of her lifestyle as anything. From this point, the household chores were shared between the four of us, whoever was home first in the evening would prepare the family meal for instance. By the time I left home (for my gap Uni year), I was more than capable of looking after myself. Returning home for a year was terrible all round, we couldn't live together again. We were all quite happy when I moved out again! When my sister also moved out, my parents found a new lease of life. They've developed new hobbies and interests and socialise far more, because they don't have to consider us. It's fantastic to see how the quality of their lives has improved, as has ours. So, to all those selfish boys (and girls) out there, I say Move Out! Your parents probably want you to, but could never say it. Parents are also prouder to see an independent adult child making a go of it, rather than know that they've raised a selfish, lazy, immature kid who doesn't even have basic life skills!
If you think there is a problem in the UK then come to southern Italy. Men don't leave home! Even after marriage the mother remains the dominant entity and personality. And what is frightening is that it's normal. I live alone and no one believes that I can cook, clean, wash, iron or change the sheets. The amazement on visitor's faces is marvellous. But for my dependence on my dogs I would be the perfect man!
Edward, Brit in Italy
I think that people should not live with
their parents after they graduate
high school. People need to be
independent and living with your
parents as an adult is not really
healthy for you or for your parents.
The Book of Genesis in the Bible says
that man shall one day leave his
parents and marry. Clearly God did
not intend for us to live with our
Why is there always analysis (usually derogatory) of what men do. Why don't we analyse why the feminist movement has stopped supporting and promoting women's rights and instead attack everything men do. Why don't we analyse why women are so pathetic on clothes, shopping and eating chocolate...oh I forgot, that would be sexist wouldn't it!
I am really sad to see a lot of people (mostly women) saying things like it is 'pathetic' to live at home with your parents. I am only 15, and look forward to moving out, but I cherish the fact that my parents would have me back any time. I love my parents, and wouldn't be ashamed to live at home. I feel angry that people are so opposed to it. My Grandma is alone, and I think she would love it if she could live with my dad. Enough of these small minded people so against the idea.
Nicholas, United Kingdom
What nonsense the term "live-at-home" is! I have always lived "at home" since, by definition, "home" is where I live, not where my parents or anyone else lives.
And, yes, people should leave the parental home at an early age. I chose my university in part because it was remote and I would have to move there. Any adult who, other than for economic reasons or to care for ageing parents, lives with mum and dad should learn to grow up! And most parents I know certainly want their freedom too after 18 or more years of responsibility and caring for the little monsters.
In reply to Caroline Percy,
You are wrong on all counts.
Ex girlfriend, paid no rent, I supported her,
I cooked, cleaned etc...
in return, she did no housework, no laundry,
in fact very little, apart from attend to her appearance, and watch TV.
So in fact, your little feminist jibes
are completely misdirected, but demonstrate the typical stereotyping men
have to put up with from women such as yourself.
And what century am I living in?
The 21st of course. Your outdated feminist view point,
will soon be consigned to the rubbish
bin of 20th century history, where it belongs. Rational family units
consisting of working fathers and responsible mothers
will soon be making a comeback.
Either that, or the real men, will simply say no, to layabout
girlfriends... and start renting ...
I moved into a place after the guy before me left due to 'being unable to cope'. By all accounts everything was done for him by his mum at home. Some of the things he did were unbelievable, cooking dry pasta in a saucepan with no water and wondering why it did not cook, 'cleaning' the kitchen work tops by applying bleach and not rinsing it, and wondering where to put the washing powder in a washing machine. Boy, did I laugh.
It is simply cheaper and more convenient to live with your parents. Plus you are more used to it. Of course, you'll have to leave the nest if you get married, but it is simply beneficial for your finances and nervous system. Though a transition period between your mom and your wife (every woman even puts stuff in different corners of the kitchen) will be helpful if you pay attention to details.
I'm 25 and I've just moved back home with my mother after 6 years away. She's on her own now and she could do with me around. She gave me and my sisters many good years of her life so why not come and give something back?
Our son had the choice of going to a University that was close to home or McGill in Montreal. I strongly encouraged him to attend the University in another Province.
Those four years, living away from home, were extremely good for him. He quickly discovered that his three roommates were not as tolerant as Mum and Dad. At the age of 18, he started to learn to budget his money and pick up after himself.
He has graduated now and lives with a girlfriend, he is an excellent cook and a mature responsible young man.
I believe that those years away from the comforts of home helped to develop that maturity.
My mum died when I was only 12. I am now 27 and still live at home to help my dad look after my brother who has cerebral palsy. I've no intention of leaving home and I do all the housework etc. I am very annoyed about all these feminist women saying that it is sad that we are living at home. Well here is a simple answer for them; I live at home because I like it and I help out.
They bring you up, you owe them back, but not by staying home.
Get out, see the world, live independent, but when your parents are getting old and need help, its time to go help them.
If rent is expensive, so have roommates then.
I think most men who can afford to live away from their mothers but don't because they like having their meals cooked, laundry done, shirts ironed etc are pathetic! I hope someone will build a time machine, so these individuals can go back to the 1950s where they belong! They are surely unsuitable AND undeserving of a woman in the year 2000.
Interesting one this. I think that the parental relationship will only be stronger when the natural course of growing up is finally completed. On the other hand, the economic factors mentioned by several others who have commented on this show that doing so is not quite so simple. That raises disturbing questions for the future.
Christopher Briggs, Norway
Fly the coup! Yes, men should be on their own
as soon as they can. Living at home with
parents, unless they're invalid, is
complete insecurity and immaturity.
And, what about developing social skills?
How can someone do that when they're
in the cocoon of mum?
I think that if you can afford to move out, even if into a bit of a dump, then you should. I have no doubt that the majority of guys still living with parents are perfectly capable of supporting themselves yet choose not to for perhaps financial benefits, but living with parents can be so restrictive. I can't picture being able to live my lifestyle in a house with my mum, we are just not compatible in this concern. Get out there, it gives you a chance to prove just how strong you can be, you'll amaze yourself and come to love the independence you have.
I drink shandy and am a tax advisor. Therefore I do not see anything wrong with staying at home and letting mummy choose my clothes. You have all got your priorities wrong. With the money I saved on rent last month I bought a lovely new model train engine. How many of you can say that?
I stayed at home until I was 25 - this was
far far too old. I could have gone earlier and should
have. Parenting in the hands-on sense should end:
the kid should develop their own life, and so
should the parents. My relationship with my
parents deteriorated badly when I went back after
University because our priorities and lives were utterly incompatible
under one roof. Yet now, we're more comfortable with each other than we
ever have been in our lives. And by the way, when I did live at home, I still managed to do my own washing and cooking:
there is NO excuse, boys!
The issue isn't really living at home. The experience of living at home depends so widely according to family circumstances. We can't make blanket statements about those who do. For some, it is the most selfless thing they can do, and an expression of the family bond, while for others it is a way of staying in the 'comfort zone' and avoiding responsibilities.
Good grief David Platt - what century are you living in? You expected your former girlfriend to do all the things that traditionally a partner did - but I'll bet your partner went to work as well - something that traditional female partners did not do. Did you ever consider cooking for her WITHOUT having to be asked? Did you suggest that household chores be shared? It sounds like you left your mother when you left home and wanted another mother when you lived with your girlfriend. That's hardly living independently. Perhaps you should have moved out of your family home into accommodation by yourself before living with a girlfriend whom you expected to be like your mother. Then you really could claim to have been independent.
Caroline Percy, UK
I think that there are two different issues, here. To stay at home because of economic necessity or to look after aged or infirm parents gets no criticism from me. But to expect parents to wait on you hand and foot, then to seek a partner to do exactly the same, instead of being a soul mate and companion of equal standing, is truly pathetic.
I'm 30 and live with my mother and sister - I see nothing wrong with it, however I have been in boarding school since I was 11 and only moved back in last year as my mother and sister were relocating to a new town. In Malaysia it's accepted as the norm that many generations of families will live, if not in the same house then at least in the same building. I think there's a distinction between those who choose to live with their parents for a reason and those who just can't be bothered to explore a world of true independence and responsibility. Personally living back at home has been a unique experience which I'll miss when I leave, but living by yourself/with your partner is the only real way to grow.
While my background may have "made" me, I'm not so sure (or at least, I'm not ready to test) whether such a rude introduction to the real world is something I would want to impose on my kids. It's tempting sometimes, but I am also cognisant that it can break many more people that it can make. But my point is that I would liked to have spend more time with my parents, especially my father; alas, life had other plans. So, I guess my message is that if you have the opportunity to spend time with your parents, take advantage of it while you can ... you'll never get another set!
This is a problem that relates very broadly to how we view our roles in society. I left home at 18 and came to Japan, where I studied, and now work and live independently. The mummy boy/girl syndrome (because it affects both sexes) reflects younger peoples lack of innovation and dreams. The problem is even more acute here in Japan where young people rarely leave home before marriage, and the majority of women are full-time house wives. Gender stereotypes play a very clear role here. I feel very strongly that people who live at home after 22, 23 will make much poorer partners in future relationships. The 'it's too expensive' is usually simply a cover up for the real reason: 'It's too much bother'.
Jade, Brit in Japan
Are financial problems the only reason why guys stay
back with parents ? What about the relationship you share with parents?
You can lead an independent life even while staying with parents.
If your parents help you out with cooking and washing, no big deal
as long as you can do it on our own!
You can support and help each other when needed.
Unfortunately, some parents' objective is to control their children for their own advantage, not to nurture them. I have known of many families where the son or daughter is regularly emotionally blackmailed by the parent or parents into staying at home with them because it suits the mother and/or father for one reason or another. As a result, the child - often irrespective or their age - loses confidence and end up feeling that they could not cope in the outside world.
MW London, UK, UK
I think there is no harm in children of either sex remaining at home as long as the arrangement is suitable for both parties. Children must be reared to take care of themselves, however. A mother does her children no favour by coddling them. It's only been for the past 100 years that children left the nest so soon. Years ago, grandparents, parents, and children shared their homes and lives
Well, no wonder a generation of men is staying at home. Especially considering the selfishness and un-committedness that feminism has brought to modern day life. I really don't blame them. Women - get your act together, and then maybe they'd want you.
My mother broke my plate as soon as I got out of high school. I moved out and never came back. I lived in a dump, which was all I could afford, but it was my dump, and I could do as I pleased. That was 34 years ago. Eventually I worked my way up to where I could live in better conditions. In my situation, there was no other choice, and I wouldn't have done it any other way.
I must say I find most of the women's criticism, here, laughable. I moved out from my parents, at 18, lived with my girlfriend for two years. This was about 15 years ago. I used to work full time, and pay the rent. Yet my girlfriend, used to scream, if I suggested that she might prepare a meal, after I returned home from work. Since then, I have lived alone, through choice... My current girlfriend still lives with her parents... While I have grown independent, happy and rich... The moral of this tale is, if a man can't expect his 'partner' to do the things a 'partner' has historically, been expected to do What does he need such a 'partner' for? Not much!
Dave Platt, USA--ex UK
Why do people think sons still living at home cannot cope? I am 30 and lived by myself for several years but returned home to look after my parents who became seriously ill. I do washing/cleaning/cooking/ as well as work and undertake part-time education. I find women too ready to stereotype stay-at-home men as wimps, etc. If it is 'weak' to choose to look after people in need, as older parents often are, then so be it.
Living at home is wonderful. Families that stick together have better parties and more fun. My parents supported me and they have every right to expect that their son will support them.
There are many reasons why one may choose to remain at home for a time. Contrary to finding this "a sad sight", I feel that this phrase presents a truer representation of those who deem it an important enough issue with which to form a judgement as to a "mans" worth. In addition, does the criteria for these kinds flippant judgements include a necessity for gender specificity? May I deem a woman who happens to be resident with her parents as not worthy of further acquaintance? Of course, I happen to be of the opinion that she should be taken for who she is, and not where she lives. But what do I know, I'm living at home!
I've seen grown men wince at the sound of a mother raising her voice. A mother will always be a mother no matter what age you are but a true man must make the fundamental and important decisions regarding his life, on his own.
Chris, Australia (English)
I am currently seeing someone who is a complete mummy's boy. Everywhere we go you can bet that she'll be ringing him at some point to ask him when he'll be home, and to tell him that he has to up early in the morning. It's got to the point where it feels like I'm being treated as a bad influence on him, maybe it would be better if mummy picked his girlfriends for him!
It strikes me that the "Mummy's boy" thing is a nasty, petulant little barb used by a lot of self-centred women when they can't get their own way.
I'm 30 and still living with my parents. It is so marvellous. The love of my parents with me is "Un-Conditional". I've a girlfriend, but after all her love is "Conditional". As and when I fail to accomplish those conditions, she will certainly dump me. Also it is good financially. I can't leave my parents as they never left me when I was young and needed their help.
Salmon S, England
What's worse is a man that moves back to Mum after a divorce. She'll do the housework, meals, etc. because her poor little boy has been so ill-used. He'll spend his evenings drinking or pouring over the personals on-line. Then he wonders why women won't take him seriously.
I am 20 and living at home because it is too expensive in this country to rent or buy a place of my own on trainee's wages.
Yes, guys living at home when they're still in their twenties is a sad sight. And when the parents - but especially the moms - let them do absolutely nothing to help with the housework, how are the poor guys going to cope when they find themselves in the real world.
Of course it's easier to have a mom doing the cooking, doing the laundry and such, but boy, what a surprise when the poor guys are left alone for the first time. They call their moms to ask how long time the potatoes are going to boil, and they call and ask how much heat this particular shirt can manage. Only because no one has ever before taught them what to do. Personally I would run away screaming if I found a guy like that.
I would love to know how the parents feel about this - whether they're happy to have their sons around, or whether they're too nice to kick them out. I think a lot of people here are living at home longer, because they're all getting more and more education & it costs so much.
My son was a weekly boarder at prep and public school, then had his gap year and then three years at university. It was a delight to have him living with us after he graduated. Once his girlfriend graduated we had the pleasure of hosting a "love nest" on the top floor of our house where the two lived and she studied for her Masters. It helped them find their feet, know they enjoyed living together, do it on the 'cheap' .....
Now that they have moved out we are delighted they come back as often as they do. I'm all in favour of the young making use of their parents - that's what we're around for! Why is the debate only about boys and not girls -- my daughter also lived at home for a while after graduation before moving into shared flats and finally buying her own. It was lovely having them all with us -- I have to admit I miss them!
J.G. Surrey, UK
Whenever I finish a job contract and return to
the UK I know that I can always stay at my mum's
house. It is not because I can't cope on my own
in fact it is often a hindrance to go home as you
have to change your routines.
I left home at 19 to join the military. Three years later when I got out I already had arranged a place to live and did not move back to my parents' house for even one day. They're not bad people, I just didn't want to get stuck there.
I firmly believe that if you can stand on your own two feet, then you should. I also believe that the independence, of learning to cook/iron/wash etc has been a plus in my future relationships. There must be nothing worse for a woman to be treated by her husband/partner like a mother. If you can, do!
Cost of flat in London £90 - £120K
I've lived away from my parents for 2 years now and to be honest I can't live with them anymore. People should go out and live their own lives, not stay around pretending to a child. And as for the "oh it's expensive" remarks, that's one of the worst excuses I've ever heard.
After I finished my first degree I found
going back home quite frustrating. The
pace of life compared with University
was enough to shock me into doing
something about it. I now work abroad
so the temptation to go back to the
easy lifestyle is not an option.
Living alone is difficult, but it is one hell of
a lesson worth taking.
The ancient Hindu lawmaker, Manu, has said in the scriptures --"putro samrakshati vardhikya" which means the mother is protected by the son during her old age. My mother has devoted her whole life for her family and now I think it is her son's duty to take good care of her. We brothers adore and love her and she gives her unconditional love and support to us. And I think flying the nest is not necessary. You always need them just as they need you. Manu
Manu Dev, India
I'm 22 and married, but because my wife and I can't afford to move out I live with my mum (closer to work than where my wife lives with her parents). I'd move out in an instant if I could. After being independent at university for 3 years it's horrible to be forced back into the nest.
I see a lesson to be learnt - live with your partner before you marry them! Then you'll really see how well they can cope before it's too late.
These "mommy" boys find all kinds of excuses to avoid taking responsibility over their own lives. They are a lazy selfish bunch who in most cases "suck" their mother's finances and nerves. They just do not give a damn about it because they believe it is the mother's duty to cradle them to the birth to the grave.
Mikko Toivonen, Finland
I have recently moved out of home and the independence is bliss. I always felt my mum could be a bit overbearing and now I wouldn't move back in for the world. Though she's still handy when I've got a huge pile laundry needing a wash!
It's best to put this all into perspective. Prior to WWII, most respectable people, men and women, remained living in their parents' homes until marriage. The economic and emotional benefits are great.
I enjoy the luxuries of living at home without the so called hassles, maybe I was born under a good sign, but why look a gift horse and all that.
I personally don't think both men and women remaining at home is a problem. However, what about the parents? Don't they deserve a rest? Also, I have to agree with a lot of female comment. It does seem to have a mollycoddling affect on men, who just aren't able to look after themselves when they leave or finally commit to a relationship. I, for one, will certainly, not bring up my son in this way, even if he chooses to live longer at home. He will learn to cook, clean, shop and to change bed linen!!!
Sara Griffiths, UK
I am nearly 30 years old and currently my parents are living with my wife and two kids. But the impression my parents give to other people is that my family is living with them.
We do share some costs but I have my wife on my back to kick them out as she wants her freedom. I am unfortunately caught in the middle of my parents who want to stay with us and my wife who wants to kick them out.
Which ever way it goes, I will lose someone. Why can't we all live happy together?
Prince Charles lives in the same house as his parents, does not pay them rent etc. If he can do it, the rest of us commoners can do it too.
Most men are mummy's boys - they stay at home for as long as they can to be pandered to and catered for; and then try and marry a substitute mummy!
To the idiot who says men are staying at home because of feminism and that women should get their acts together. Get real! I would not want to be with the kind of man who needs a servant anyway. These men who stay at home clearly need someone to do everything for them and since they can't find a woman who is willing to do it they are forced to stay with their mothers. More fool the mothers.
I am 44. I moved out of home at 18 to go to University in Townville North Queensland, home was 132 kilometres away. Over the years I have lived at home on and off when ever I was in the Charters Towers where the family home is. I still had my bedroom, with my "junk" at home until my mother passed away and dad rented the family home. He is now living in my house in Townsville doing renovations for me.
He will move into his beach house about 130 kilometres south of my house when he finishes my house (he is a retired builder). When I return home there will always be a spare room for dad in my house. When I go home on holidays, which I do every six months or so I stay with dad at my house or his beach house. I think the main reason that men stay at home longer than women is that men don't get hassled like women when they don't come home and spend a night at their friends place.
It was never a problem bringing a lady friend home for the night at home but my sister could never have brought her boyfriend home for a night. She did move back home with her two sons after the break-up of her relationship. She lived there for a few years to get her feet back on the ground. My sister is the youngest and was the first to leave home, to live in the same town as our parents. One of my brothers lived at home for a couple of years with his wife and two daughters he had at the time while he build his house part-time with dads help. I don't think there is anything wrong with not leaving home until very late especially if ts is a symbiotic relationship where both the parents and the children benefit from communal living. I used to do much of the cooking and did the heavy work in my mother's beloved garden. She used to do most of my washing and make most of my clothes.
Nobody seems to be considering the freedom of their parents. Why don't you all give your parents a break and move out. They have nurtured and cared for you long enough, it's about time they had some freedom, surely?
Besides, get your own pad, bring girls or men, or whatever back, do drugs, play loud music. Having your own place is all good.
Women have options open to them which are just not avaiable to men. Women can either set up home with a man who will bear most, or all, of the living expenses or, they become single parents and let the state fund their accommodation. In divorce cases it is the male who invariably loses the roof over his head if children are involved.
Are the report's findings really such a surprise?
Its simple. Look at the males who develop independant lives taking the risk that a new environment brings versus those that stay at home.
I'll almost guarantee, those that stay at home do not develop into full balanced adults and normally something suffers - their careers, social abilities, opposite sex and so on.
This country now has a service based economy that requires independant decision makers. When "stay at homes" meet more independant people, they normally lose in this environment.
I think that Keleigh(US/UK) is using this platform as a means to air her disgruntled views on men, probably based upon her own bitter experiences. I couldn't really establish a single point of relevance or significance in her vitriolic and sexist contribution to this subject. Maybe the end of January 2000 is turning out to be a particularly emotional time for this individual?
Live and let live!!
I find most interesting the comments from men who are blaming women for their staying home. So they think that the only reason for them to leave home is to be with a woman? I moved out at 18 and took responsibility for my own life, with nary a woman in sight. Don't blame other people for your weaknesses.
I'm nearly 23, I finished University one and half years ago. Now I find myself paying back three student loans of around £1,500 each, a graduate loan of £3,000 etc (I came out of University, I needed a car, some suits for work, etc) Getting a place of my own at the moment is just not viable.
I was married to a man who let his Mother and the rest of his family rule his life. We couldn't have an argument without him running to his parents and telling tales (he was in his mid twenties when we married), his Dad did all our DIY, he dragged me to see parents, sister and extended family most weekends. His mother used to post recipes she thought he would like through our letterbox when we were out! His grandmother berated me for not baking him cakes, even though he got home from work three hours earlier than I did and waited for me to cook his tea when I got in. I never eat cakes anyway as I'm permanently on a diet! They even got involved when our marriage was breaking up...eventually I left him to it and no doubt mummy was very sympathetic.
I think it is tarring people all with the same brush to suggest that everyone who lives at home is a mummy's boy. Certainly I have lived at home throughout my academic career and now, at the age of 26, I have no intention of moving out. Why should I when my life is as easy as it is now?
Dr R A Coxall, Scotland
It is a good idea to stay at home as long as possible. These days there is no need to go rushing off as soon as you become an adult, indeed, if you do so you could well end up trapped in unpleasant accommodation and/or in a low paying job . Far better to stay at home with the support of your parents. You can always make it up to them later when you strike it rich.
Next time around, I will pick a man who has lived on his own - someone who does understand how to clean a loo and how the washing machine works. My last partner's mother even made his bed for him at 27 - was it any wonder I was expected to act like a surrogate mother? After 12 years he still cannot cook a roast dinner and seems to think women are born with an in-built ability to wash/cook/sew/clean. I don't expect him to be able to fix the car just because he's male. I blame his mother entirely for presenting me with a half-developed partner.Disclaimer: The BBC will put up as many of your comments as possible but we cannot guarantee that all e-mails will be published. The BBC reserves the right to edit comments that are published.
There is nothing wrong with living at home if one's parents are happy for one to do so . With the high cost of property these days it is a marvellous way to save for a deposit on a home of one's own.
Yes, men today are a bunch of losers. They are soft PC wimps. I left home at the age of 20 (March 1989) and struggled for many years. Men need to get off their lazy backsides
and provide for their own wives.
I lived at home in the UK until I was 17 and then moved to my grandparent's house until I was 25 - this didn't mean I was incapable of supporting myself, I never moved out simply because I couldn't afford to. If you don't want to share a place these days, buying/renting your own home can be expensive.
I think many teenagers would like to leave home a lot earlier than the current system allows.
I remained with my parents in England until I was 23, before going to university. One simple reason for remaining at their house was that I could save more of my wages than paying full rental accommodation.
I have a son who is nearly 21-years-old who doesn't even go to the shop on his own, he has to have me by his side, I have tried to make him independent but to no avail, what can I do, I don't want him to be a mummy's boy
Mummy's boys are good for the environment. Imagine the growth in housing needs if all mummy's boys were turfed out. Fewer mummy's boys = more houses = more development.
I went to boarding school at the age of 7 and left home proper at the age of 18. Living apart from my folks was great. I had wild flat mates, naughty girlfriends and more booze than I knew what to do with! A message to all those mummy's boys "get a life, there's one out there". The same does not apply to those who have to look after poorly parents
You know it's time to leave home when you mother asks you to shave before trying to retrieve breast milk..
It's nature. You need to learn to survive. Just like a mother bird kicks her child out of the nest when it is time. She does it because it is for the child's own good. Challenges that don't kill us make us stronger. I left home at 22. I wish I'd gone to university at somewhere other than my home town. The older you are, the harder it is.
I moved out at 18 to go to university, and apart from a few months after 'uni', while I was finding a job, I have lived away from home. I think it is fair to say that if you ever leave home, even for a short period it is very hard to go back. It's also hard on your parents when you live at home, as you have such different lifestyles. I have a much better relationship with my parents now I live away from them, and my advice to anyone would be to leave home and get on with your life. Once you make the break you won't regret it, and your mother would probably like a break from your cooking and cleaning.
Mummy's boys are the pits. Adult men
who still need a woman to wash, dress
and feed them; it's an absolute disgrace!
These men develop an unsavoury virgin/
whore complex and their partners will
never live up to 'mummy', no matter how
much they behave like an unpaid
servant and nanny to them. Not that
mummy is innocent in this, they are
the Frankinsteins to their monsters.
The ignorance of some of these comments is amazing. I left my mother's second husband's home for London twenty years ago at the age of 14. Ten years of complete poverty followed but also a self-reliance and independence. It never ceases to amaze me others (male or female) don't have. The assumption that all males come from happy nurturing environments that they expect a new partner to replicate is the most laughable and offensive. With two out of three children in Britain now growing up out of the "normal" family of biological parents, my experience is set to become the norm, so get used to it boys.
I moved out of my family home when I was 19, to go to university. Afer graduating I was financially crippled and out of work, but I refused to move back in with my parents, despite living in total poverty. My boyfriend, however chose to move back "just temporarily" until he found work. He has told me on many occasions how much he regrets his decision, as starting afresh is much harder than he anticipated. It can be enormously difficult for young men to afford to leave home, unless, like my partner and myself, it is to shared accommodation, be it with friends or with his significant other.
I wonder if the feminists, who seem to be so quick to condemn young men living at home, have ever considered the fact that they themselves might be the reason that many are reluctant to marry and move out.
My son, now 22, has known how to iron his shirts since he was 14, has been cleaning his room, changing sheets, etc, and doing his own laundry since he finished college. When hubby and I go on holiday our son looks after himself and the house and the pets. He still lives at home because, two years ago, he decided to change his old banger (which had cost him a fortune in repairs) for a brand new car, which is now costing him a fortune in monthly repayments. However, he and his 21 year old girlfriend (who still lives at home with her parents) have plans to sell one of the cars and buy a place together next year.
I try not to interfere in his life, and although my husband and I have helped him quite a lot financially in the past, even this is now changing. He's a bright, caring (though, like most young people for many generations, a little selfish sometimes)bloke with a good sense of humour. However, my husband and I will both be glad to see him move out and take full responsibility for himself. We feel this will help him grow and mature, which will be to his benefit.
He has a small circle of very close friends who support each other emotionally, and a large circle of acquaintances with whom he has fun times, so he's certainly socially adept. The 'generation gap' is still alive and kicking, and it's just as well he has his own tv and music system because we don't always like the same entertainment. What some young people don't realise is that often parents want their own space and freedom after bringing up the children, but it's difficult to broach the subject without sounding like you don't like them! It's hard, too, to get too passionate in the sitting room if you're half expecting the kids to come in at any moment, and mums don't WANT to spend half the night awake waiting for the sound of the key in the door, they just can't help it. Overall, I don't mind my son living with us whilst he gets himself sorted financially, but after that I shall be happy to see him standing on his own two feet in his own sitting room, and just phoning once a week and visiting once a fortnight for Sunday lunch. Roll on freedom!
The comments I've read so far from people living at home seem to fall broadly into two groups: those who seem to value being with their families, and those who seem to be taking advantage of their parents, treating it 'like a hotel' to quote one respondent. I don't think there's anything wrong with living with your parents on a permanent basis as long as you contribute to family life in some way, whether its caring for other members of the family or bringing in income to support them. But often I see many young people (men and women) who make a nominal contribution towards their rent and expect their parents to have dinner on the table every night. I think this is really undervaluing them, though often the parents bring it on themselves by not being tougher on their children.
However, it is also important to remember that living with your parents won't be an option forever, and having some experience of living away from parents is a big advantage, especially when you start a home of your own with a partner. I've found having to share your accommodation with other people teaches you that different people run their lives in different ways, and you learn important skills like compromise and standing up for yourself which will make it easier to adapt to living with your partner, as well as being more socially confident generally.
I left home at 18, for university. While living at home was great, your washing, cooking etc done, I know my mum enjoys having more time for her self and her interests, and not a pile of ironing. Besides which she promised to throw me out by 23!
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