A low-key transfer deadline day came to life in the final hour of trading.
Gary O'Neil moved from Portsmouth to Middlesbrough, Fulham signed Danny Murphy and Seol Ki-Hyeon and Liam Rosenior left the Cottage for Reading.
After the midnight cut off confirmation came in that Steve Naismith had joined Rangers, West Ham signed Nobby Solano and Arsenal landed Lassana Diarra.
Earlier in the day Portsmouth signed Glen Johnson and Papa Bouba Diop and Aston Villa took Curtis Davies on loan.
TRANSFER UPDATES - confirmed deals in bold; all times BST
PREMIER LEAGUE TRANSFER TRACKER (BIG DEALS):
In: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Derby, Fulham, Liverpool, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Portsmouth, West Ham, Wigan
Out: Bolton, Chelsea, Fulham, Manchester City, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Portsmouth, Reading, Tottenham, Wigan
ARSENAL in/CHELSEA out
That came under the radar. There had been a few murmurs over the summer that Lassana Diarra might move across London, but it was all very quiet before the Gunners released a statement late doors revealing a "long-term deal" for an undisclosed fee. "He's a multi-functional player, making him a great addition to our squad," said Arsene Wenger.
BIRMINGHAM in/CELTA VIGO out
Blues boss Steve Bruce wrapped up a loan deal for 25-year-old Spain international midfielder Borja Oubina just in time. He left Celta following their relegation.
NEWCASTLE in/BOLTON out
What was the hold up? This deal was supposed to be pretty much done and dusted at the start of the day, but it was left to the very last minute. Manager Sam Allardyce went back to his former club to land defender Abdoulaye Faye on a three-year deal.
NEWCASTLE in/MARSEILLE out
Like Faye, Habib Beye is a 29-year-old Senegalese defender who signed a three-year deal at the 11th hour. The former Marseille skipper can operate at right-back or centre-back.
RANGERS in/KILMARNOCK out
Steven Naismith made that mad dash up the M77 for his medical in time. The Scottish Football Association confirmed the striker was officially a Rangers player shortly after midnight.
WEST HAM in/NEWCASTLE out
Nolberto Solano wanted to move closer to his family and he got his wish - but it was left late. The Peruvian will have to be careful as there seems to be a curse over new Hammers midfielders this summer. He has signed on a one-year deal, with the option of an extra 12 months.
WEST HAM in/ WIGAN out
And further late business from the Hammers saw them boost their attacking ranks with the arrival of Henri Camara. The Wigan man joined on a one-year loan deal and Andy's cat was saved a "kicking".
0000: That's it - although there must still be some post-midnight announcements to come.
"That has to be the most boring deadline day ever! Where are the last gasp signings we have seen in the past?"
Ollie, in London, via text on 81111
"The cat's gone to ground."
Andy, in Kingston, via text on 81111
2358: It looks like we're set for added time, as although the clubs might be sorting out the odds and sods of any last minute negotiations these deals are not going to be announced before midnight. Andy's cat better go and find a hiding place.
2355: Going into the last five minutes and still no news on those potential late deals. There must be a mad scramble in offices as they sort out the paper work before the midnight deadline.
2350: Last 10 minutes and four deals still to be confirmed involving Nolberto Solano, Steven Naismith, Habib Beye and Abdoulaye Faye. Looks unlikely there will be one from left field.
"If I hang around until midnight and the Hammers don't sign someone the cat's gonna get a kick!"
Andy, in Kingston, via text on 81111
2347: FULHAM loan in/TOTTENHAM loan out
Initially it was reported that Danny Murphy was joining Fulham on a season-long loan but it is in fact a permanent deal. "He's a proven England international player with great vision, experience and ability," said the 30-year-old's new boss Lawrie Sanchez.
2342: Reports that Nolberto Solano from Newcastle to West Ham and Danny Murphy from Tottenham to Fulham are set to go through.
"I thought being at work this late was boring. I was wrong!"
Anonymous via text on 81111
2331: FULHAM/READING swap deal
This is what we've been waiting for, some damn action. Liam Rosenior goes from Craven Cottage to the Madejski Stadium with midfielder Seol-Ki-Hyeon going the other way. Both deals are for undisclosed fees.
2323: MIDDLESBROUGH in/PORTSMOUTH out
The Gary O'Neil deal has been done. A bloke jumps out of the bushes as Gareth Southgate pulls past in his car, but fortunately this fella's armed with nothing more dangerous than a rival broadcaster's microphone. The Boro boss admits to being "chuffed." He's in good spirits and adds he's "looking forward to getting home to bed" - after picking up a sandwich at the local petrol station. The club website still hasn't changed.
2314: Daniel Alves is going nowhere, and Sevilla boss Juande Ramos is one happy man. "A lot of teams were interested in him but of course we are pleased he is going to stay," said Ramos, after the Spanish side's 3-1 Super Cup defeat to AC Milan. Reports in Spain say Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon spent most of the day trying to tie up a deal for the 24-year-old Brazilian right-back.
"I wish West Ham would just sign me. I'm getting pretty bored and tired waiting for something to happen."
Matthew Gunn via text on 81111
2310: Kilmarnock have accepted a late bid from Rangers for Steven Naismith in one of the days on-off moves. The striker has to get to Glasgow and fit in a medical before midnight. Hopefully there won't be too much traffic on the road to slow him down en route to the Ibrox doctors.
"It's a dash up the M77 for Naismith. I wonder if there are any police patrol cars manned by Celtic fans ready to ruin the move?"
Dan, via text on 81111
2304: When we spoke to Middlesbrough about Gary O'Neil they told us to keep an eye on their website. We are. It's not changing. They remain "very confident" the Portsmouth man will sign.
2300: We gave the final 90 minutes the big build up and it had absolutely no effect, so sod it, can't be bothered for the final hour. But a massive thanks to all of you who contributed to the rolling carnival of transfer pandemonium over on 606. A great days work by one and all and very entertaining. Sorry to say that has now shut for the night - although the text service on 81111 is still going strong.
606: Your deadline day gossip
Rumours: It may have gone a bit quiet on 606, but the texters are going strong. Gerry Harris says Steven Naismith's deal to join Rangers is being finalised "now". Bigjohn's bumped into Fernando Torres in a "kebab house" and the Spaniard told him Juan Roman Riquelme is not joining Everton. And an anonymous one about Arsenal. The Gunners have agreed a fee for Luka Modric and are trying to hurry through a deal for Palermo centre-back Andrea Barzagli
2245: FULHAM in/CRYSTAL PALACE out
Shefki Kuqi had an absolute shocker for the Eagles in their Carling Cup defeat to Bristol Rovers, but that has not put off Lawrie Sanchez. Fulham bring him in on a loan deal to the end of the year.
"Shefki Kuqi. The worst signing ever! Bye Bye Fulham."
yorkblue1875 on 606
2241: Late-night speculation is drying up on 606 where the race to post the 4,000th comment became more significant as some sort of bizarre web-based cabin fever took hold and bickering broke out as to who did the bizzo. Who said deadline day was dull?
2239: You talk it up and get a slap in the face for your troubles.
"This has to be the worse transfer deadline day in history. Last year we had Tevez and Mascherano. This year we have Johnson."
UnitedJames on 606
2230: This is it. The home straight, the big finish, the final 90 minutes. The fingers are primed. Bring on those transfers.
"Any transfer-based drinking games? Trying to combine transfer news with pub."
Dave, in Welwyn, via text on 81111
Not really the role of an upstanding BBC employee to promote drinking games, but the floor is open for others to give suggestions so DixieBean has done the honours on 606.
Plus more via text...
"Drinking games, for every million spent drink a shot. Anything over £5m, down a pint! Better base it on no money at this rate though!" Phil in Brighton.
"All of you write 10 names on a bit of paper. Every 10 minutes if one of your players hasn't moved clubs you strike one off the list and drink - easy!" Big Steve in Stoke
2228: CRYSTAL PALACE in/MANCHESTER CITY out
A second striker is heading for the exit at Manchester City. Paul Dickov is packing his bags and will be joining Crystal Palace on loan until December.
2220: So thanks for the avalanche of rumour you have sent our way which have helped things go with a swing. We are approaching 4,000 comments on 606 and the 81111 text service has been in some sort of spasmodic breakdown because of your remarkable response, but it is still creaking towards midnight.
2218: We are crawling towards midnight on what has been a very slow deadline day. Glen Johnson's undisclosed fee of around £4m is still the most costly transfer - and that's a poor return.
Rumours: Late in the day West Ham are the only club that can challenge Manchester City for rabid speculation. Jermaine Pennant's returning to London in a £6m deal and Espanyol's talismanic skipper Raul Tamudo will join in an £8m transfer. Those courtesy of BirminghamCitySupporter and andy2808. There's also groundswell of opinion amongst you that Giles Barnes could join from Derby.
Rumours: Mr Munich's got a new take on Morten Gamst Pedersen, who wants to go to Manchester City. Alan Moore's girlfriend works at City and he has been told on the QT that Klaas Jan Huntelaar, Johan Elmander and Adriano have all signed on the dotted line - Not so QT anymore. Guti, Raul and Morientes are in a Porsche Cayenne outside's City's training ground. When IAmAlfieNoakes asked what they were up to the Three Amigos said they were signing for a "massive club".
2156: According to you there are still absolutely shedloads to push through in the final two hours of this marathon day.
2152: A re-cap. There are still seven transfers that should be competed by midnight involving Seol Ki-Hyeon, Gary O'Neil, Liam Rosenior, Danny Murphy, Nolberto Solano, Abdoulaye Faye and Habib Beye - who has just arrived at St James' Park according to Paul on the text service.
Rumours: You guys have a rampant appetite for rumours. Gman says Pascal Chimbonda's at Stamford Bridge, Nicky Shorey's at Upton Park according to Matt, kingofkings is keeping tabs on Juan Roman Riquelme who is hanging out at the Albert Docks and Jonchester has reopened the can of transfer worms labelled Jermain Defoe. He's at Old Trafford. Kzrcfc26 has seen Julio Baptista at the 'Theatre of Dreams'.
2140: Leicester have signed Portugal international winger Marco Ferreira on loan until the end of the year.
2129: A little corner of Villa in response to Kieran. Chris in Cornwall thinks a couple more are on the way, Dan in St Albans backs O'Neill's signings and Ed in Crawley says Jose Boswinga is yet to come: "My mate's cabin crew on the right-back's flight to Birmingham."
"Is any other Villa fan scratching their head over the club's deadline day signings. I thought Villa were after big name signings."
Kieran, in Derry, via text on 81111
Rumours: Manchester City's Sven-Goran Eriksson is burning the midnight oil as he looks to line up a couple of new faces. PJ saw Helder Postiga is at the Lowry Hotel and Johan Elmander is in talks. Henri Camara was a reported City target but he has just pulled into the Pride Park car park to be greeted by Derby chairman Peter Gadsby, according to an anonymous texter... unless they meant to put a full-stop before the last two words and it is in fact from Mr Gadsby.
2104: PORTSMOUTH in/FULHAM out
Things are beginning to move. Papa Bouba Diop signs for Pompey from Fulham on a three-year deal. A Fratton Park spokesman tells us that that's their business done. "Two in, two out is enough for the day."
2100: Just the three hours to go.
Rumours: A shame this person didn't put a name to their text as it appears Ajax's Klaas Jan Huntelaar is still mulling over a move to Manchester United. "He has been spotted outside the Lou Macari chippy near Old Trafford with cod and chips in one hand and what looks like a contract in the other," says the anonymous finger fiend. Chris says Riquelme has just checked into a hotel on the Albert Dock in Liverpool.
2051: This is the news that could kick-start some action. Middlesbrough and Portsmouth are nearing agreement over Gary O'Neil after some problems with his medical.
"Please God, someone do something before I'm driven to do something stupid like watch the Big Brother final."Scoobie, via text on 81111
2042: ASTON VILLA in/FC WIL out
Mustapha Salifau, a 24-year-old midfielder, has joined Villa on a one-year deal for an undisclosed fee from Swiss outfit FC Wil. He's a Togo international.
2034: Half-time in Monaco where Sevilla lead AC Milan 1-0. Myles assures us that the Italians have completed a deal that will see Marek Jankulovski go to Liverpool after the game. But if so, why play him? As for Daniel Alves, xitmail says we shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't perform well. "He has sent his twin brother to France so he could sign for Spurs. I've just seen him and Big Phil Scolari getting out of a black cab at White Hart Lane."
2026: LEEDS in/NEWCASTLE out
Magpies defender Paul Huntington has dropped two divisions and joined Leeds for an undisclosed fee.
"There have been no good deals. I think at 11 o'clock we could see the big deals going through."
UnitedJames on 606
2017: The phone call to Middlesbrough is answered this time and they say reports that Gary O'Neil has failed his medical is news to them. Watch this space.
2002: Early reports that Gary O'Neil has failed his Middlesbrough medical. All quiet at Boro on the phone and their website says they're "confident" will go through after the medical.
"Gary O'Neil's holding everyone up. No moves for Diop, Murphy, Seoul or Rosenior if he stays put."
Milky Joe, via text on 81111.
1944: Some tall afternoon stories have linked Liverpool with Marek Jankulovski and Jesus Navas. The pair are lining up for a minute's silence for Antonio Puerta before the Super Cup final in Monaco between AC Milan and Sevilla, so that all seems like nonsense. Thanks for the duff lead. Daniel Alves is also playing so a move to Chelsea, or anywhere for that matter, doesn't look on the cards.
"I've a gut feeling one of the big four will pull off the signing of the season that will tilt the title in their favour. I just pray it's United." united_i_said_united on 606
1928: Hearts have made a deal with Christian Aid, sorry, for Christian Nade. The striker has moved north from Sheffield United in a three-year deal.
Rumours: A host of anonymous tip offs suggest Julio Arca is going to Sunderland, Rafael van der Vaart is set for Tottenham and David Villa is finalising a deal at Anfield. Invisible1 is happy to put his name to news that Jens Lehmann will swap Arsenal for West Ham, and the Hammers are also going to bring in Vagner Love and Daniel Carvalho from CSKA Moscow, according to ztztopop.
1924: Fulham and Newcastle are key to any flurry of business tonight. Papa Bouba Diop's departure to Portsmouth would free up space for Danny Murphy at Craven Cottage. A swap between Liam Rosenior and Reading's Seol Ki-Hyeon is also an option. If Newcastle get Abdoulaye Faye and Habib Baye, then Nolberto Solano will be allowed to leave for West Ham.
1914: Football journalist Gabriel Marcotti is in the 5live studio and says Atletico Madrid are yet to conclude a deal for Juan Roman Riquelme so there is hope for Everton, but he adds the player does not want to be in Europe so it may not be the best piece of business. Riquelme has not been seen on Merseyside.
Rumours: Iwz678 advises us to keep an eye on for Blackburn's Tugay moving to Bolton before the night's out. And it is busy at Spurs. Jacakl666 says Santiago Scolari is having a medical there at the moment and it must be crowded as supermichael26 believes Guti is also being put through his paces. Roger has some "inside info" that David Nugent's move to Derby will go through at the 11th hour.
1900: Five hours to go and Mark Pougatch is in the hot seat to present BBC Radio 5live Sport on 693 & 909 MW.
1855: PARMA in on loan/MANCHESTER CITY out on loan
Having been mentioned in passing earlier in the day, the year-long loan deal that sees Bernardo Corradi go to Parma has now been confirmed. The 31-year-old striker struggled during his year in the English game and scored just three games.
1834: Barcelona have just told us that Deco and Eidur Gudjohnsen are going nowhere, although when pushed, their spokesman became a bit coy. "I haven't heard of any movements, but there's two hours left." Clocking off at 2130 local time? Clearly nothing stands in the way of a Friday night tapas on the Med.
1823: Roy Keane says Sunderland are looking at bringing in "one or two" new players. Actually, make that one. He adds: "I'd be surprised if there was more than one more player coming in."
"You said 1923 before changing it back to 1823? That's in an hour! Can you tell the future?"
Anonymous via text on 81111
Unfortunately not, it was just wishful thinking.
Rumours: El Hadji Diouf, who was spotted in Portsmouth almost eight hours ago driving like a loon, has just stopped in the drive through over the road from Fratton Park before going in to sign for the club. Jon Stead's at East Midlands airport. Lovemido has it on "pretty decent authority" that Arsenal will make a late move for Werder Bremen's Diego.
1808: It's bubbling up. Where's the next deal?
"My bathwater is bubbling up, that's about it."
J, in Epsom, via text on 81111
1753: Derby boss Billy Davies has hailed the 27-year-old Kenny Miller's "outstanding commitment and never-say-die attitude" and we hail your never-saydie attitude. You've survived the drought and can now bask in the torrent of transfers. Congratulations. Come on torrent.
1752: DERBY in/CELTIC out
What a moment. Two deals in a matter of minutes. Kenny Miller signs on the dotted line for an undisclosed fee and it is a three-year deal. The 27-year-old Scottish international is not eligible to play against Liverpool on Saturday because he did not sign before the Premier League's noon registration deadline.
1751: BIRMINGHAM in on loan/OLIMPIA out on loan
A moment we thought would never happen - a signing! The Blues bring in Honduran international midfielder Wilson Palacios on a season-long loan. Steve Bruce was tipped off about the 23-year-old by Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.
"Dear BBC, Your web service for tracking transfer inactivity has malfunctioned causing a transfer to be listed. Please investigate."
Sandy Footwells via text on 81111
1735: Fulham could be crucial to kick-starting this stalled merry-go-round. Papa Bouba Diop can go, with Portsmouth a likely destination, and so can Liam Rosenior. Reading have been mentioned as suitors. Danny Murphy is set for a move to Craven Cottage.
Rumours: Footyfanatic247 has just seen Derby's Giles Barnes and West Ham boos Alan Curbishley having a meal in TGI Fridays, but pizza and pasta combo meal or not, Bodger haverhill says Eggert Magnusson has lost faith with Curbs and won't give him any more money. TheNotSoSpecialOne_2 says Ronaldinho will do a televised medical for Chelsea at 1900 BST, while Dazza has seen Eidur Gudjohnson "jetting into Newcastle airport".
1721: If you think you can hear someone taking the equivalent of an internet kicking you're spot on. Dev's on the receiving end after that Jesus Navas speculation. Sweet player but he also suffers from "intense panic attacks" according to one texter, while IASH says "1/10 for effort. He suffers from chronic homesickness!" But that doesn't stop RememberMyName_Singh saying the Sevilla winger is set for Liverpool instead. £17m deal.
1711: Down in the Championship, Watford have gone all international on us signing 20-year-old River Plate midfielder Santiago Aloi on a one-year loan deal.
"Do you want a pint while there in the office?"
Anonymous, via text on 81111
Yes please, and a Cornish pasty.
Rumours: Joe Cole is having a medical at Tottenham and will be unveiled by 1800 BST according to jjfrost, while Juan Roman Riquelme will be named as an Everton player at 1900 BST says masterchrisscouse. Dev is tipping Manchester City to make an £11m move for Sevilla's Jesus Navas and Kramer is in the Swiss Air lounge at Zurich Airport and is set to board the same plane to London as Grasshoppers midfielder Vero Salatic. Salatic is going to Spurs. Kramer's going home.
"You know what I think, all the Premier League managers are in a bar somewhere having a pint and a laugh at all us sad gits. They made a secret pact weeks ago not to buy anyone on the last day and just sit back and chuckle while we all got taken in by wild gossip! If you're in the Spread Eagle Martin Jol, mines a pint. I'll be there in 10." Mike, in London, via text
1700: See you nine to fivers. So long and have a great weekend and maybe we'll see you back here on the BBC Sport website for the live football over the weekend.
1655: LIVERPOOL in/LYON out
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! More than four hours since a signing in the Premier League but finally ladies and gentlemen we have a transfer to talk about. Not sure who he is, but 19-year-old midfielder Damien Plessi has joined the Reds. If he goes on to big things you'll remember where you were when he signed. He's the bloke who snapped the boredom. S Sumra has texted to tell us this fella's the "new Zidane".
Rumours: Shakes says Liverpool signing AC Milan's Marek Jankulovski is "100% true". Danny Murphy is in talks with Fulham, and someone who wants to remain nameless is sure that "things are about to happen" at Tottenham. Postmodernisty has been told by five different people in the last hour that Alessandro Del Piero is going to Newcastle.
"I'm in trouble! I need to go to the lavatory, but with all the rumours about who might be going where, I just can't leave my PC."
whyplaysaha on 606
1640: Where do we stand? The only confirmed transfer deals in the pipeline regard Gary O'Neil to Middlesbrough and Kenny Miller to Derby. And Celta Vigo midfielder Borja Oubina is talking up a loan move to Birmingham, although the Blues aren't confirming anything yet.
1633: Those bailing out early at five are seriously going to miss out on the action so be sure to tune in if possible. Seriously, this page is going to burn up with some of the most astounding signings ever.
1625: And if you're near a radio listen in to BBC 5live Sport on 696 & 909 MW with Mark Pougatch from 1900 BST. They will be on top of all those comings and goings around the country.
1624: For most the day is almost over with a little over half an hour to go and it's that time of the day when attention starts turning to a Friday night out. Remember, you can keep abreast of transfer news - yeah, yeah, try not to laugh - by clicking on to the BBC Sport website on your phone. Spare a thought for the desk monkeys stuck at BBC towers and have a drink for us.
Rumours: SBu4cme has just spoken to Stephen Appiah's father and the midfielder is set to join West Ham. Helder Postiga will join Manchester City in a £6m deal according to No1mcfcfan. Villainmike says Guti is now at Villa Park and supermichael26 insists David Nugent has been spotted at Derby by a "relibe source". At the moment any sort of sauce would do, preferably with a bit of alcohol in it to numb the pain of inactivity.
1610: Despite the lack of activity I can sense something coming right around the corner and it's coming right for us. Earlier in the day we were told a whole heap of clubs had booked players in for medicals at 1600 BST. Not everyone can have been telling porkies, can you?
1604: Nope, that didn't work.
"I'm getting reports of minor earth tremors on Merseyside. Riquelme has just left Goodison for the airport with a smile on his face.
Wee Burnie, via text on 81111
"I think it did work. We (Villa) just signed Will who was stood outside Villa Park earlier. Apparently he plays right-back." Padded Cell via text on 81111
1600: Eight hours to go and positive thinking is the order of the day. When the clock strikes 1603 everyone needs to stand up and repeat the word 'transfer' with growing intensity while stamping their feet for 10 seconds. It will shock the country's Premier League clubs into action. Power to the people.
"I'll sell myself to get things rolling. Anyone want to make a shock bid?"
Will, outside Villa Park, The Emirates & St James' Park, via text on 81111.
1551: That's the three hours up.
1547: We are closing in on three hours since a last top-flight deal. Think how many clubs Deco and Adriano must have had talks with in that time.
"Does anyone fancy clubbing together and buying someone? Just thinking that might get the ball rolling. I've got a few quid I don't mind chucking in."
Anonymous via text 81111
Anonymity somewhat destroys that honourable effort to drum up business. Thanks anyway. It's the thought that counts.
"Dr Who must be busy with his Tardis today with all these players seen in so many different places."
Fiferjim on 606
"BA has announced record profits due to increase in number of footballers flying around looking for a deal."
Mucky Bob, via text on 81111
Rumours: This could be a goer. Who have you had in the back of your cab Jim? Only Kilmarnock's Steven Naismith who is soon to become Celtic's Steven Naismith. Thanks for that information via text on 81111 Jim. Over on 606 Rosco1512 is tipping a Naismith in, Kenny Miller out scenario.
1522: Is anyone out there telling the truth? Is anyone out there? When will this pain of writing about no transfers actually end?
1515: News from overseas - Spain to be exact. Atletico Madrid have signed Brazilian midfielder Thiago Motta from Barcelona. He's Ronaldinho's best mate at the Nou Camp. That has paved the way for former Birmingham target Peter Luccin to leave the Spanish capital for Real Zaragoza.
1507: A Liverpool departure... behind the scenes. Rafael Benitez's right-hand man Paco Ayesteran is heading for the exit. Benitez said: "Paco has told me he wants to leave, apart from that I cannot say any more. We will have to assess the situation."
1502: Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson was "98% certain" on Wednesday that he would be bringing in more new faces, but today he's not so sure. "I don't think any more will come in," the Swede said in his afternoon press conference. He expects more departures though. The squad's too big.
1454: Sven-Goran Eriksson is set to get rid of one of his strikers. Bernardo Corradi looks likely to swap Manchester City for Parma on a season-long loan. Anyone want Georgios Samaras?
1448: If only we knew it was going to be this quiet we could have taken a communal post-lunch lie down and tuned into the original Thomas Crown Affair on Channel 4. Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway are about to play chess.
"Steve McQueen isn't about to play chess with Faye Dunaway at all. He's having a medical at Man City as we speak."
Hippo via text on 81111
Rumours: Does anyone out there actually know what Adriano looks like? Various reports have him at Reading, Aston Villa, West Ham, Tottenham and Portsmouth. Just along the coast Jan Koller is now hawking himself to Southampton. Swiss international Mauro Lustrinelli has been spotted in Glasgow by Phil, amongst others. He is joining Celtic. Big Ewan's seen Darren Fletcher with Gary Speed in a Stockport brasserie - although Big Bob's heard reports the Scot is in Glasgow at Ibrox. Wycombe's Jermaine Easter is going to Plymouth.
1430: Congratulations to the texters out there who are closing the gap on the 606ers and have just passed the 1,000 mark. The landmark text to 81111 includes a "Hola Guti" having passed the Real Madrid midfielder on the Tottenham High Road. Earlier in the day the Spaniard had been met in the arrivals hall at Stanstead by Spurs chairman Daniel Levy.
1426: With a dearth of confirmed news from Blackburn about Jermain Defoe, time to go down another line of investigation. What's his horoscope got planned for him? Well Mystic Meg's all a bit raunchy so that's a non-starter. Jonathan Cainer suggests Jermain's going to be feeling a bit dizzy as he deals "with a situation that seems to be going round in circles". Mmmmm.
1418: All those times are all well and good, but who's going to come up trumps. It feels like a lifetime ago that we were told Jermain Defoe would be having a 1400 BST medical at Blackburn. Not much noise about that from Ewood Park 18 minutes in.
Rumours: There are a lot of indiscreet security guards out there, which surely isn't in the job spec. Someone's granfather works in that role at Sunderland and says Julio Baptista is booked in for a 1500 BST medical. Julio Arca has a 1900 BST slot reserved for him. Christian says Joe Cole is lined up for a 1500 BST medical at Tottenham, while elsewhere Adriano will be unveiled at 1600 BST as a Reading player and at the same time Stephan Appiah will have his Everton medical.
1400: Just the 10 hours to go. If you're off to grab a bite bring us back a coffee will you?
Rumours: Not a new player, but a potential new manager. Three different texts but all pinpoint Peter Reid as Leicester's new manager. The most recent says he's at the training ground with Kevin Phillips.
1353: We were informed earlier in the day by an eagle-eyed texter that Gary O'Neil was having breakfast with Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate. The Pompey man is now having a medical.
1350: Preston North End veteran defender Graham Alexander signs for rivals Burnley after the two clubs agree a £200,000 fee.
1345: They key to making something up has to be to get your basic facts right. RedandWhiteTractor's mate's sister sounds a strange lass: "My mate's sister works in Greggs in Newcastle Airport. He saw Ivan Campo pass the bakery this morning, apparently on his way to meet Roy Keane at the Airport travelodge." The lady becomes a "he" in the second sentence. Interesting.
1335: News from Chelsea. The Premier League leaders are not going to let Andriy Shevchenko join Dynamo Kiev on loan.
Rumours: Someone else hiding behind anonymity says Jan Koller is at Reading. His mate's the assistant manager at the club shop. It's amazing how random names come up twice. That will be the same Jan Koller who was in Derby a couple of hours ago. Bobby Zamora's also at Reading, having been at Villa Park a matter of an hour ago. That's why you've got to love the guy who saw Bolton's Nicky Hunt at Stoke. It's not sexy enough to even dream of making up!
1326: Someone has just pointed out that messages on 606 have broken through the four-figure barrier so thanks for all those. Someone else has pointed out there are some nervy Manchester United fans out there. Eg: "We won't win the league with Saha as the only main striker," says Slimmy83.
1322: News from BBC Radio Lancashire that Preston have signed Blackburn Rovers striker Paul Gallagher on loan for six months.
1320: Stop the press! Someone's sent a text in and it is the most sensible one of the day so far, although you've got to wonder whether Becca's got the right number. She writes: "You can have boy girl identical twins as some gamates have an extra sex chromosome."
Rumours: Sunderland special from an unidentified hotel porter. Roy Keane and Niall Quinn have been in discussions with Julio Baptista and his agent in a meeting room for more than an hour. Luke, a fellow Black Cat, is tipping Julio Arca to make a return. He's had enough of Boro. Double Julio joy.
1313: That Peter Gadsby's a cagey fella. No sooner has the Derby chairman told us not to expect much, news comes through to BBC HQ that Celtic striker Kenny Miller is in talks with County.
1306: Chairman Peter Gadsby is playing down expectations at Derby. "The indications are that it could be another frustrating day for the club," he has told the club website. "To date we have had numerous offers rejected for the players Billy Davies has targeted and, similarly, we have rejected many offers made on our players."
Rumours: Snook has seen Papa Bouba Diop "bling'd up like Bobby George and with an entourage that 50 Cent would be proud of" heading towards Everton. Despite helping Juve back into Serie A, an anonymous texter has been "reliably informed" that Alessandro del Piero is going to Portsmouth. His mate's a security guard at Fratton Park. Nicky Shorey has been spotted at Upton Park by someone on 606 with a ridiculously long user name.
1251: MIDDLESBROUGH in/AHLY out
A second Egyptian arrival at the Riverside this summer. It has been in the pipeline and 24-year-old midfielder Mohamed Shawky has finally put pen to paper on a £650,000 deal.
1250: BBC Radio 5live are reporting on a survey of 6,000 fans from 92 English and Welsh league clubs which reports Manchester City's fans are the most delusional. They must love today. Southampton supporters are supposedly the most pessimistic. Bournemouth, Mansfield and Brentford fans also look on things with a glass-half-empty mentality.
1244: CHARLTON in on loan/READING out on loan
Addicks boss Alan Pardew has been busy and he is beefing up a backline that has conceded seven times in three games. Sam Sodje joins from Reading on a season-long loan.
1240: Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson says he will not be making any new signings today. That must mean Klaas Jan Huntelaar is heading to City then and suggests 501Bowler didn't actually see Benni McCarthy shaking hands with United chief executive David Gill.
1229: SOUTHAMPTON in/MIDDLESBROUGH out
Jason Euell ends his short spell with Boro and moves to the south coast on a free deal.
1227: ASTON VILLA in on loan/WEST BROM out on loan
Happy days. The drought is over and Curtis Davies - who has been linked with most Premier League clubs in the last 12 months - has decided to take the short trip down the road to Villa Park. Any eventual fee could be between £8m and £10m.
1219: Oh come on chairmen! Show us your cash.
Rumours: More Heathrow half-truths? Dylanrance's mate is a baggage handler and saw Ricardo Quaresma with Chelsea officials. Shaun Maloney has been spotted at Celtic by pretty much everyone in Glasgow. Jermain Defoe has been seen pretty much everywhere. And Morten Gamst Pedersen has parked his car two streets away from White Hart Lane according to Paul. Why is he scratching around for loose change instead of using the car park at the ground?
1200: Blackburn's David Bentley and Aston Villa's Ashley Young have been called up by England head coach Steve McClaren.
1158: Ticking down to midday and footballing attention can turn momentarily to other stuff. And why not? Nothing much going on here. Steve McClaren's set to announce his England squad and the Uefa Cup draw balls are about to be pulled out of a big fishbowl in an overly long ceremony in Monaco.
"How about to speed up the Uefa Cup draw they put some Pirhanas in the bowl?
Matt, in Luton, via text on 81111
Rumours: Some times for your diary. Alex T has dropped us a line via 81111 to let us know Deco, Abdoulaye Faye, Habib Beye are due to meet their new team-mates at 1400 BST. Jermain Defoe will have a medical at Blackburn at 1400 BST - inside knowledge from Steve P. Bigmanjol shares the news on 606 that "a big deal will happen at the Lane" at 1530 BST. Darren Fletcher will be announced as a Derby player at 1600 BST.
1140: All quiet on the transfer front after that early flurry... but the rumour mill is working overtime. A bit of concern as to how a Beach Boy knows so much about Juan Roman Riquelme and confusion as to how Deco and Ronaldinho can be seen in so many places at once. Welcome to the wonderful world of transfer deadline day.
1128: Bad news for Birmingham. Their move for Atletico Madrid midfielder Peter Luccin has fallen through. "The deal looks like it has drifted away unfortunately," said Blues boss Steve Bruce. "That was the one we have been chasing all week."
Rumours: Brian Wilson is adamant Juan Roman Riquelme is having a medical right now at Everton. Deco's not in the north-east but has actually been spotted in London heading in the general direction of Tottenham. Peter Crouch must think claret and blue suit him as he has been seen at Aston Villa and West Ham. Obafemi Martins, Klaas Jan Huntelaar and Daniel Alves are all at Manchester United, who are also lining up a surprise deal according to Mark...
"Got a friend working at Manchester Airport and Santa Claus has just passed security after landing his sleigh in a hangar. Manchester United are after a striker with great aerial ability and good 'presents' in the box."
1114: PORTSMOUTH in/CHELSEA out
We certainly expected this one - and not just because of the heads up from Bookem. All confirmed now and Portsmouth have picked up Glen Johnson from Chelsea for an undisclosed fee - thought to be in the region of £4m. The full-back was at Pompey last season on loan.
1108: Bookem from Portsmouth wants us to "get with it!" over the deal that will see Chelsea's Glen Johnson join Pompey. Like the woman and the mountain it will be coming, but not quite yet as the club haven't confirmed it. Hold your horses Bookem. Danno.
Rumour: Some airport news. 99sc1610 is waiting to greet his partner at Heathrow, but sod the flowers and a warm hug at the arrivals door, he's hot-legged it to an internet cafe to tell us Ronaldinho "and his entourage" are in the building. Up in the north-east, Shady77's got a message from his Dad who works at Teesside airport and has seen Newcastle chairman Chris Mort going out to greet someone off a private jet that flew in from Barcelona. Deco maybe?
1051: FULHAM in/PORTSMOUTH out
Lawrie Sanchez has signed a player - and he is not from Northern Ireland! Portsmouth defender Dejan Stefanovic is heading to the capital on a two-year deal for a fee of £1m. It is subject to a work permit.
Rumour: Bold prediction from Stephen005 on 606 who is even giving us a detailed schedule. Porto star Ricardo Quaresma met with Tottenham sporting director Damien Comolli at 1000 BST and is booked in for a Spurs medical at 1500 BST.
1040: Wigan have come out of the blocks early today, and boss Chris Hutchings says he has one more deal up his sleeve.
Rumour: Andrew in Stamshaw has pulled over to send us a text after a near miss on the road. "Driving round Portsmouth this morning I was cut up by a flashy 4x4 driven by none other than the volatile dandy himself, El-Hadji Diouf. He was in a hurry."
1029: Manchester City are set to sign the first Thai to play in the English top flight. Suree Sukha is a 25-year-old right-back.
1024: There is always the chance your club could sign a right chump today and Liverpool could be that club. Despite your rumours of a welter of wonderful signings coming to Anfield today, the Italian daily Tuttosport reports that Jean-Alain Boumsong will arrive from Juventus. Yes, that's the same Boumsong who blundered his way around Newcastle's defence from 2005 to 2006.
1018: And for naive colleagues, at least it's a Friday so you can badger the winner to dip into their winnings and take you for a drink after work before you head off to meet up with your real mates.
1014: As well as sending us ridiculous messages on random players seen here and there and there and here, today is an absolute blinder for sweepstakes. First top-flight club to sign a new player on a permanent deal, most expensive move, number of signings, what time will the absolute clown who agreed to do this have some sort of mental breakdown - it is an endless opportunity for making money of naive colleagues.
1007: WIGAN in on loan/CHARLTON out on loan
The Latics have wasted no time in boosting their forward ranks after releasing Caleb Folan. Marcus Bent is on his way to the JJB on a season-long loan. That is the second man Addicks boss Alan Pardew has sent out on loan this morning. It is the ninth arrival at Wigan this summer.
Rumour: There is a groundswell of opinion, from you on 606 and via 81111, that Jermain Defoe is going to Blackburn. He was at their Uefa Cup game last night according to Ian in York and various others - although gayleBungett says the Spurs striker has been seen in a cafe in Ipswich!
That leads into a comment from brad1979 which we are going to print in full, just because we can: "I have it on good authority that Benni McCarthy is signing for Man Utd. Ask yourself why he was not playing last night? He wasn't even on the bench! Also did you see the reaction of Jason Roberts when he scored. No celebration, and when the final whistle went he went straight down the tunnel. He is upset as McCarthy is his best mate."
0948: HULL in/WIGAN out
Caleb Folan only left Chesterfield for Wigan on the last day of the January transfer window, but he is already off to pastures new. Hull have signed the striker for £1m and a special mention to MG, who texted in to say he had seen him driving around the city within the last hour.
81111: Over on the texts Bolton man Kevin Nolan is instead set for a £5m move to Newcastle. P has seen Gary O'Neil having breakfast with Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate, Susan says Arsenal's Jens Lehmann is at Fulham's training ground and Daniel Alves flew in to John Lennon airport on a private jet last night according to Andy C. Have Liverpool gazumped Chelsea?
606: Hidden in amongst it all are a few details on Klaas Jan Huntelaar who has been seen arriving in Manchester. It's "100% verified" according to sirPaulScholes. But where's he heading? United or City? Sauceball1703 has seen Kevin Nolan at Goodison Park.
0933: Time for a first dip into your rumours which are flying in left, right and centre on 606 and the text service. Good work... although it will take a while to pick the gem from the gump.
0929: West Ham are bound to do some business, but a word of warning for prospective midfielders bound for Upton Park. Four have gone through the club from entrance to treatment room quicker than a dose of the runs. Kieron Dyer is the latest in a list that includes Julien Faubert, Freddie Ljungberg and Scott Parker.
0923: Fair to assume the clubs with 'new money' - Manchester City and West Ham - could end the day having been the busiest. City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson has been bemoaning the fact that the window is about to shut. He's like a Wag in a boutique at the moment and said on Wednesday it was "98%" that there would be new arrivals. Watch this space.
0919: Surprisingly, it has all gone a bit quiet on the Jermain Defoe to anywhere front. The Tottenham striker has been an ever-present in the gossip column for weeks and has been linked with Aston Villa, Chelsea, Portsmouth and Manchester United. But not a peep today... so far.
0914: Disappointingly, it has all gone a bit quiet on the Ronaldinho to Chelsea front. Or has it?
"The buck-toothed wonder is here! My work-mate spotted Ronnie heading towards Chelsea's training complex in Cobham."
From MB, via text on 81111
0908: We want to hear from you. Have you seen a player from a rival team in your club car park or staying over at a local hotel? Do you know a man who knows a man who knows a woman who knows a man who knows a club official who has their finger on the pulse? Share the info on 606 or get in touch with us via text on 81111.
0903: Welcome to work all you nine-to-fivers.
0859: A fast start to proceedings. Is that a good sign that we won't be twiddling our thumbs for the better part of the day waiting for something, anything to happen?
0855: And in the Championship, QPR have put the finishing touches to a £900,000 deal for Sheffield United's Mikele Leigertwood.
0852: RANGERS in on loan/CHARLTON out on loan
It's like the first day of the sales, not the last. Rangers boss Walter Smith has been camped outside The Valley in his sleeping bag in an effort to snap up Charlton midfielder Amdy Faye on a season-long loan.
0848: Arsenal's potential Russian revolution is plastered all over the back pages - apparently they're at "War" according to a few papers - but inside there are a few snippets with Curtis Davies, Nicky Shorey, David Nugent and Glen Johnson all deserving mentions in passing or otherwise.Nugent moves closer to £6m Derby switch (Guardian)
£9m Brown bid KOd by Celtic (Daily Record)
Riquelme talking to Everton (Daily Mail)
Pompey going potty for Chelsea's £3m Johnson (Sun)
West Ham stalk '£8m' Shorey (Daily Express)
You can nick Shorey for £6m (Daily Star)
0841: So what can we expect? The best place to start is the papers and that's where we off to for a bit of headline hunting.
0839: And while we're on ground rules, here's number two. Before 'Angry from Amersham' gets in touch to shout about Premier League bias in capital letters via e-mail, it is worth pointing out we make no apology for focusing attention on the top flight. While we will dip in and out of other deals, you will find a comprehensive list off the tabs at the top. Try 'Transfer list'. Or you can click on the stories that will pile up on the right-hand side through the day.
0834: That world record number of uses of the word 'day' in the opening gambit handily helped deflect attention away from a slight exaggeration. Absolutely anything could happen, but while Ronaldinho could maybe join Chelsea, he definitely won't be linking up with the likes of Derby. Rule number one: Don't get too ahead of yourself.
0830: Morning football fans. This is it. The day of days for the game's dreamers. It is the day when absolutely anything can happen at your club. Until the clock ticks to midnight stick with the BBC Sport website for all the big news across the land on the day they call Transfer Deadline Day.