Paper Monitor: Beard polemic
The Sun has come in late on this one.
"Are beards a must-have…or simply a must-shave?"
Prince Harry: tick
Jeremy Paxman: cross
Jon Hamm: tick
Matt Prior: tick
Daniel Craig: cross
Robert Pattinson: cross
Facial hair is then vigorously debated by two hacks.
Fur, get it…is Gabriele Dirvanauskas. "I've never found Prince Harry fanciable before. But his new face-furniture instantly makes him look more rough and ready than pampered prince."
Warming to her theme, she asks why beards are big in 2013. "They reflect what women now want. We are bored of men who have been plucked and preened to Joey Essex standards. We like our men rugged and ready to rock."
But Jen Tippett bristles at the trend. "The unhygienic face-fuzz that turns a passionate kiss into a facial rash and harbours last night's dinner, like Roald Dahl's Mr Twit, is apparently now hot."
She is particularly unimpressed by Ben Fogle's effort, which offended television execs. "Sorry Ben, but I have to agree with them. Countryfile is no place for a Shoreditch hipster."
Ah, the h word.
"What did the hipsters do for us," might be a GCSE history question in the year 2213. Okay, so they didn't build straight roads like the Romans. But they did ensure that artisan pickles, omniscient baristas and bicycle ergonomics are hip and zeitgeisty.
And that 78%* of Paper Monitor's male colleagues are now bearded or mutton-chopped.
*This stat may not be exact.