WORLD CUP SEMI-FINAL, ST LUCIA:
Australia 153-3 bt South Africa 149 all out by seven wickets
Australia thrashed South Africa in a one-sided semi-final and will meet Sri Lanka in a re-match of the 1996 final.
South Africa's top order imploded as Glenn McGrath (3-18) reduced them to 27-5. Shaun Tait (4-39) mopped up the lower order despite Justin Kemp's 49.
All out for 149 in 44 overs, South Africa were clutching at straws.
And Matthew Hayden and Michael Clarke led an unflustered run chase as Australia cruised to victory, winning by seven wickets in the 32nd over.
ALL THE ACTION AS IT HAPPENED
32nd over: Aus 153-3 - AUSTRALIA WIN BY SEVEN WICKETS
Clarke drills Hall back past his feet for four, takes a single off a no-ball and then watches Symonds slap the winning four. So, so easy - Clarke home and hosed on 60 not out, Symonds 18. Out comes the entire Aussie team to do a lap of honour for the cavorting fans. Sri Lanka v Australia on Saturday it is...
31st over: Aus 143-3
Clarke cuts Langeveldt for two and walks a single. Seven needed.
30th over: Aus 140-3
Symonds clips Hall away for two and then top edges for a single. High in the stands, a large Aussie male with a chest as hairy as a spaniel is cavorting in an Australian-flag bikini.
29th over: Aus 136-3
Angry stumbles in, distraught, as clarke smacks him distainfully over mid-on for four to bring up a super-classy fifty. 14 needed.
28th over: Aus 132-3
Clarke to 48 with a single from Hall; Symonds smashes four on the drive through cover. 18 runs needed from 22 overs. Chances of a repeat of the finish to the 1999 semi between these boys: the same as the chances of Duncan Fletcher winning next year's London Marathon.
27th over: Aus 127-3
Nel back on, and even Angry is struggling to keep his pecker perky - a short, slow one is pulled through midwicket by the unbothered Symonds, who then takes a single before Clarke slice-drives him away for four.
From James in Melbourne, TMS inbox: "On the subject of Aussie males 'playing heads-or-tails for large bundles of cash', the game they're playing is called 'Two-up'. It's a traditional game that is played on ANZAC day."
Good shout James, and no disrespect intended.
26th over: Aus 117-3
Single to Symonds, sweet four to Clarke off his legs again. Loves it there, he does.
25th over: WICKET - Hayden c Smith b Pollock 41, Aus 110-3
Wake up at the back there - Hulk has fallen, swiping in ugly fashion high to Smith at long-on.
24th over: Aus 109-2
Clarke clips Kemp off his toes for two and then wanders a single to move to 35.
From Rory Goethel, TMS inbox: "An idea to make cricket more even: 50/20s. Opposition get 50 overs and Australia get 20 to chase them down."
23rd over: Aus 106-2
Pollock back on in a last desperate attempt to shake up the milkshake. Hayden and Clarke continue on their unhurried way, strolling singles at will. In the crowd, a large group of Aussies are gathering round in a circle, playing heads-or-tails for large bundles of cash. Great to see the stereotype of Aussie males ripped apart so conclusively.
22nd over: Aus 101-2
Justin Kemp gets a go, and Clarke tickles a single.
From Dan in Halifax, TMS inbox: "What's happened to your best mate Terry Rhodes? Did he only comment on England matches, or have you taken out a restraining order against him following his unsavoury accusations the other day?"
Dan - I've got a feeling that Terry is only interested in England matches. Sent me a nice email the other day saying he'd be back with further chat during the Test series against the Windies next month. Happy days.
21st over: Aus 100-2
Hall again, a blue flannel flapping from his waistband. Hayden squeezes an attempted yorker wide of square leg for a fortuitous two. Large-scale utterly-confident celebrating from the Aussies in the stands, and who can blame them?
20th over: Aus 97-2
Wonderful timing from Clarke - he's forced me to write an entire sentence without a trace of irony or sarcasm. Apologies to all those who were deliberately avoiding all Champions League updates so they could watch it later - mum's the word from now on. 19th over: Aus 91-2
Hall sweats his way in. Clarke drives him comfortably for two past extra cover and then drives square for another casual four. They're doing this in total comfort at the mo.
18th over: Aus 85-2
Charl continues, and after a single apiece a yawning Hayden casually clouts him high over mid-on for four. No sniff of a wicket for yonkers. In the other semi, Joe Cole puts Chelsea 1-0 up.
17th over: Aus 79-2
Andrew Hall on, hunting the heroics that dismantled England. Clarke eyes him up, pushes a two square and then clips with the sweetest of timing between midwicket and mid-on for a lovely four. They're halfway there, and it's looking like a breeze.
16th over: Aus 71-2
Charl back on, and he's tight enough without offering any real threat. Australia are coasting. Meanwhile, Angry's off the ground having his injured thumb looked at. Or hit repeatedly with a hammer, to keep himself pumped.
15th over: Aus 69-2
If this game is over in the eyes of many, no-one's Angry. Super over, all snarls, stares and steeplers. Clarke blinks politely.
14th over: Aus 69-2
Shocker for Kallis as a loose one down leg clips Hayden's tattered pads and skips away for four leg byes. Four more singles and a no-ball add to his pain. If you're interested in the Champions League semi, I'll keep you posted - it's 0-0 at the mo, with ten minutes gone. Chelsea on top.
13th over: Aus 59-2
Nel starts wide against Clarke and gets progressively wider and wider until Clarke almost needs a bat extension to reach the ball. Rather than leave them for Umpo Buck to call as wides, he keeps reaching until he toes a single.
12th over: Aus 57-2
Hulk pushes Kallis into the covers and saunters off for a single, leaving Clarke haring for the other end. De Villiers scampers in, flings on the dive and misses by the width of a standard oven chip. Clarke was a goner if that had hit. In the stands, a member of the Fanatics uses his hand-held camera to surreptitiously film a young lady nearby.
11th over: Aus 54-2
Nel snorts in like a runaway train, and Clarke waits calmly for a wide one before creaming it through cover. Angry grimaces before trudging off to third man, muttering under his breath like Captain Caveman.
10th over: Aus 50-2
In comes Clarke, but Hulk takes charge - boffing Kallis straight again for another protein four. NB when I wrote "Langers drops shorts to Ponting" in the fourth over, I did of course mean "short". Unfortunately.
9th over: WICKET - Ponting b Nel 22, Aus 44-2
Angry strikes! Ponts plays all round a middle-stump full one and has his timbers scattered - and Nel goes doolally. He pumps the air like a man trying to punch his way through a brick wall, sweat pouring off his grimacing face, mouth open shouting. His team-mates grab him before he combusts.
8th over: Aus 40-1
Hulk plays and misses against a skiddier one from Kallis. He has a stern word with his muscles and they respond by thrashing the next one straight down the ground for a rocketing four. They're going along at five an over, and the required rate is 2.5 an over. Hmmm.
7th over: Aus 34-1
Just what the neutrals wanted to see - Andre Nel is pawing the ground at the far end. He tears in at Hayden and - to the surprise of no-one - bounces him, and then follows through to get a close look at a spot on the end of Hayden's nose. Hulk tucks a single fine before Ponto leans into a full one and drives beautifully through cover for four.
From Steve Smith in Los Angeles, TMS inbox: "My Australian neighbour is currently in St Lucia watching the match. I have put our house up for sale this morning and hope to have moved out before he returns. I shall miss the BBQs and ice-cold Fosters at his place, but the humiliation is just not worth it."
6th over: Aus 27-1
Jacques it is, and he opens with a maiden as Ponting kicks back. Slight delay in proceedings as a man with a wobbling girth stumbles out of a hospitality suite right behind the bowler's arm and leans casually on a railing right in Ponto's eye-line. 10,000 people shout derision in his direction until he finally twigs and ambles off.
5th over: Aus 27-1
Hulk flexes his mighty arms and cracks Pollock wide of midwicket for two beefcake fours. Might be a change of bowling coming up - Charl looks like he's been told to take a blow by Smith, and Shark Carlis is loosening up.
4th over: Aus 19-1
Woosh - Langers drops short to Ponting, who pulls to Prince at midwicket - but the leftie spills a super-sharp one diving to his right. Ponto chomps chomps chomps on his gum and then leans back to pull another behind square for four, and then polishes off with a sumptuous straight drive for four more. Charl's struggling, and Graeme Smith strokes his chin at mid-on. His own chin, not Charl's.
From Steve in Cambridge, TMS inbox: "You guys always say, 'have we got a game on here?' when early wickets fall - then the losing side falls apart. Stop jinxing it! Weżd like a game on here."
3rd over: Aus 6-1
Skipper Ponto joins Hayden, and Pollock's dander is very much up - he pins Hulk down with a searing line on middle-and-off, and it's a maiden. Hulk still to get off the mark, and he's now faced eight balls.
From Eugene in Toronto, TMS inbox: "Did you know Kallis does shampoo commercials in South Africa?"
2nd over: WICKET - Gilchrist b Langeveldt 1, Aus 1-1
Bellows of joy from the South African fielders - Charl produces an absolute beauty to destroy Gillie's stumps, starting on off stump before swinging back in crazily to thrash the timbers. Have we got a game on here?
1st over: Aus 1-0
Here we go - Pollock to open against Gilchrist, and it's a steady start - no huge threat, but tightish. Gillie tucks a single off his pad to leave Hulk on strike, but he contents himself with a shoulder-warming slap to cover.
From Tracey, TMS inbox: "Should we run a sweep on how many overs it will take Australia to clean up? I'm betting on 16."
SOUTH AFRICA INNINGS
44th over: WICKET - Langeveldt b Watson 6, SA 149 all out
Wallop - Watson cleans up Charl with a fast full straight one, and that's your lot - South Africa dismissed for their lowest ever score in the World Cup. Quelle une shockeur. Kemp, dropped three balls earlier in comedy fashion by Tait, finishes high and dry on 49 not out.
43rd over: SA 144-9
Charl drops Tait to leg and hares down the track for a relieved single. Kemp takes another straight away, much to Charl's horror, and the round-faced paceman is forced to jab down on the rest of the over.
From Ben Alexander, TMS inbox: "Who's got the scariest eyes in cricket - Angry Andre, 'Gunslinger' Steve Waugh or Murali whenever he bowls?"
42nd over: SA 142-9
With SS South Africa about to slip beneath the waves, Kemp gets his trumpet out at last and starts to parp. He belts Watson back over his head for four, drives again for one and then smashes through cover for another four after Charl L slices a single. Langeveldt has scored a majestic 17 runs in his 46 one-day internationals so far, which helps explain Kemp's sudden hurry.
41st over: WICKET - Nel c Clarke b Tait 9, SA 129-9
Alas, Angry bites the dust, cutting hopefully at Tait but sending it looping to Clarke running back from point. That's four wickets for Tait, and Nel trudges off with the helium hissing out of his balloon.
40th over: SA 129-8
Singles ahoy as Kemp decides to get busy-ish. Andre's almost run out off one, escaping only as Watson's throw whistles past Ponting's nose at the non-striker's stumps. Ponting's not happy - he glares at Watson and describes the throw in terms that rhyme with 'grit'.
39th over: SA 129-8
After you, Andre" says Kemp again, once again taking a single off the first ball of the over. Andre waits with his bat raised pre-delivery, like a taller, angrier Graham Gooch, and tries to smash Tait into next year. The ball sludges off the toe of the bat and rolls slowly to mid-on.
38th over: SA 123-8
Shane Watson returns, and Kemp is so desperate to see Andre take him on that he squeezes in the diciest of singles as soon as he can. Ponto chirps from gully and Watson produces a vicious bouncer which almost tickles the Nel nose. "Bring in on boys, yar?" Angry yells happily. "Bring it on!"
37th over: SA 122-8
Tait comes thundering in, and he slings down two wides. It's just been pointed out to me that Angry's blade is sponsored by Wasp. Never had Blackie Lawless down as a cricket fan, but there you go.
36th over: SA 119-8
Hogg on for his last over, and Angry seems to have crashed off the other side of his adrenaline rush - he prods feebly at the turners and fails to get the ball off the square. Hogg finishes with 1-24 off his ten overs, another remarkable performance from a man who was the definition of unremarkable until this tournament.
35th over: SA 119-8
Kemp finally decides to get involved himself, and flick-cuts Watson away for four before edging a single. Andre trots down, snorts like a staliion and thumps a short one behind square for four. His eyes blaze like a man who's just swallowed four consecutive cans of Red Bull Extra.
34th over: SA 109-8
Angry, a man of at least two moods - angry and fuming - tries a new tactic against Hogg: the stern-faced dead bat. It's clearly killing him to do it, but he at least survives. "Bowling Bradley," chirps Gillie.
33rd over: SA 108-8
Kemp obviously enjoyed watching that - he takes another single early in McGrath's over and then sits back at the non-striker's as Nel flails with impotent fury at a succession of absolute pearlers. Angry looks one edgy sledge away from eating his own helmet grille.
32nd over: SA 107-8
Single to Kemp from the devilish Hogg, which brings Angry back on strike. Like a dog being tormented by a persistant fly, he swats repeatly at Hogg's cunning turners and can't get close to them. Infuriated doesn't get close to it.
31st over: SA 106-8
McGrath back on, and Andre's eyes are out on stalks. He's nursing a fractured little finger, but he probably did that himself with a hammer to get himself pumped up. He mows wildly, spoons over midwicket and takes two.
Vote chat from earlier: 8,367 of you punted on who is SA's player of the tournament - 45% went for Jacques Kallis, 27% for Andrew Hall, 20% for Graeme Smith and 8% for Charl Langeveldt.
30th over: WICKET - Pollock c and b Hogg 5, SA 103-8
Hogg's the happiest man on the planet - Pollock thinks abot a big drive, checks himself at the last minute and spoons straight back to the bowler. Still - here comes Andre Nel...
29th over: 99-7
Tait slides onto Kemp's pads and is flipped away for four. Tait spews out a few verbals, as well he might. Another leg-side wide from Taiters, and South Africa are one away from the ton. A group ton. Oh, the shame of it.
From Alex Wilson in Windsor, TMS inbox: "Ben Dirs has never published me this World Cup, so I'll give big Tommy F a go instead... Question: could this be the lowest ever score posted in a World Cup semi-final?"
Alex - you've had a shocker - not only have you failed to note the information imparted during over 15, but you've refered to me as "big" - a sizist jibe which has cut me to the quick, wherever that is.
28th over: 94-7
Pollock happy to block out Bracken's first five balls before missing out on an attempted cut - a maiden, and it's pretty grim going for Smith's boys.
27th over: WICKET - Hall c Gilchrist b Tait 3, SA 93-7
Joy for Tait in his first over back - Hall flashes wanly at a wide one with feet glued to the crease and Gillie pouches while simultaneously yelling, "Yeeeeessss!" Ponto's loving it too - he's claiming that one as a triumph for his cunning captaincy, and chomps contentedly on his chewie.
26th over: SA 93-6
Hogg twirls away happily, and why not? The sun's at his back, the batsmen are as cowed as spinsters at a rave and Gilchrist keeps shouting, "Hogg!" at him.
25th over: SA 90-6
Tait to Hall, and he squirts a full one on leg away for a single before Kemp drops pointless anchor. There are still supporters trying to get through the turnstiles, and they're not South African fans trying to get out of the ground either.
24th over: SA 89-6
Andrew Hall marches in ahead of Pollock, who quite understandably has no wish to get involved in this horror. Hogg starts to believe his own publicity as a monster spinner and flips two successive wides past Kemp's flailing blade before settling back into his conservative groove. "Hogg!" shouts Gilchrist.
23rd over: WICKET Gibbs c Gilchtist b Tait 39, SA 87-6
Hammer-blow for South Africa - Gibbs tries to glide Tait to third man, is surprised by the skiddy pace and feathers behind. Hey, look on the bright side - at least we'll all get a viewing of the Chelsea-Liverpool game now...
From Stuart in Nottingham, TMS inbox: "Is Gareth from Cape Town killing himself because of the cricket or because he has some Aussies as friends?"
22nd over: SA 83-5
Hogg again, and more sweeps than the Chim-Chiminee scene in Mary Poppins as Kemp and Gibbs furiously paddle singles behind square. In the crowd, six South African fans dressed in skin-tight green as Springbok Spidermen fire imaginary webs from their wrists at the cameraman. One then gets carried away and bares a gleaming buttock at the shocked lensman.
21st over: SA 77-5
A Freddiesque eyes-shut hook from Kautious Kemp off Watson sails over square leg for six, to the surprise of all involved. That's the 50 partnership, to even more surprise.
20th over: SA 71-5
Hogg's top-spinner almost does for Kemp - Gillie greets it with a "Excellent, Hogg!" yap. On the SA balcony, Shaun Pollock and Andrew Hall sit side by side, padded up, jiggling their legs and showing all the joy of a pair of men heading for the gallows.
From George in Cape Town, TMS inbox: "Had my girlfriend cheat on me this past week, but this is way worse."
19th over: SA 69-5
Watson to Kemp, and the big man covers up until a late dab to third man for two. Slight slump in proceedings here - the Aussies have moved off Maximum Attack footing into Contain Comfortably.
18th over: SA 67-5
Hogg again, and the lanky Kemp paddles two, tickles a single and then watches Herschelle splice a boomer of a drive just past cover. Inflatable kangaroos are being waved enthusiastically around the ground. No sign of inflatable proteas.
17th over: SA 62-5
Watson drops short against Gibbs and gets pulled behind square for four. He responds with a bouncer. Graeme Smith is biting his nails on the SA balcony - literally. No reason to be doing it metaphorically at this stage, surely.
16th over: SA 56-5
Brad Hogg on for a twirl, and Kemp doesn't like it one little bit - playing and missing at one whick keeps going and padding up uncertainly at another. "Bowling Hogg!" yelps Gillie.
From Gareth in Cape Town, TMS inbox: "I have all my Aussie mates bombarding me with emails and I just don't have anything to say. Think I'm going to slit my wrists with the wheel of my mouse - goodbye, cruel world."
15th over: SA 55-5
Shane Watson on for his first arm-over, and Gibbs flicks him off his hips through square leg for four. Almost enough to register his first glare at Ponting, but not quite. For fact-fans out there, the lowest score required to win a World Cup semi was the 94-6 Australia scored against England at Headingley in 1975. Off the top of my head, that one. Obviously.
14th over: SA 50-5
Bracks back, just to rub the SA noses in it. Gibbs is white-faced but teeth-gritted - he knows it's all down to him now, and you can see that almost quite appeals to him. Just seen Andre Nel on the balcony - there's another man who certainly doesn't consider this game to be over.
13th over: SA 47-5
Tait, clearly thinking about the punters who've paid to see a full day's cricket, serves up a magnificent five wides with a wayward howitzer miles down leg. There's still a sense of shock in the ground after the calamitous carnage of a few moments ago - entire stands-worth of South African fans are sitting rigid like open-mouthed statues.
From Phil in Leeds, TMS inbox: "Speaking of great tips for improving your IT knowledge, try holding down the Alt Gr key and pressing the down arrow."
12th over: SA 36-5
McGrath continues with his horribly probing line - it's the cricket equivalent of being interviewed by the Spanish Inquisition. With fewer pliers and roasting pokers, obviously.
11th over: SA 35-5
Big, big let-off for Herschelle - he swipes at the express Tait, gets a small but audible inside edge and is bagged by a tumbling Gillie - but Umpire Buck turns it down. Gibbs then edges through the vacant second slip area - gotta question why it's vacant - and then drives beautifully for four. In the SA dressing-room, Graeme Smith sits with a face that is at the same time stony and utterlly broken.
From Carin in Cape Town, TMS inbox: "Please tell me this is not for real! I'm too scared to switch on the TV. Have they gone bonkers? I think I should stay away from the F5 key."
10th over: WICKET - Boucher c Hayden b McGrath 0, SA 27-5
Hold on to your seats - Boucher's gone first ball! McGrath tempts him into a prod outside off, Hulk Hayden holds an easy catch at first slip and South Africa have been blown away. McGrath hat-trick ball coming up - but Kemp survives...
10th over: WICKET - Prince c Gilchrist b McGrath 0, SA 27-4
Would you believe it - another man goes to the lamest of shots, and Australia are whooping and rampant. Left-hander Prince chases a wide one from McGrath and gets the tiniest of edges, and McGrath has broken the record for the most wickets taken in a World Cup. Poor shot - the artist formerly known as Prince couldn't have done much worse.
9th over: WICKET - De Villiers c Gilchrist b Tait 15, SA 26-3
Tait strikes in his first over, and South Africa are reeling - AB is the man to go, chasing a full fast one and snicking a skinny one into Gilchrist's gaping gloves.
From Neil Rees, TMS inbox: "The Aussies and South Africans at my work are squaring up, sledging each other like pros. I myself lament the exit of England, but support any team against Australia."
8th over: SA 22-2
AB, pinned down for five balls from McGrath, can take no more and gives him the Light Brigade charge. He gets lucky with a thick outside edge for a single. Who's in charge of the South African team tactics today - the Earl of Cardigan and Lord Raglan?
7th over: SA 21-2
AB, having watched two senior partners hurl themselves into the abyss, has his own Geronimo moment and screams Gibbs through for a single that's never there. Watson scampers round at mid-on, flings at the stumps - and misses by the width of a flea's leg. De Villiers was yards short. Crazy, crazy decisions out there - they'll be hitting themselves round the head with their own bats soon.
From Dave Richards in London, TMS inbox: "I never knew that the F5 key automatically refreshed. At least I can now tell my boss that I am gleaning IT knowledge whilst enjoying the cricket commentary."
6th over: WICKET - Kallis b McGrath 5, SA 12-2
Disaster for Big Jacques - encouraged by having stepped away to belt a four off the previous ball, he advances to McGrath and is comprehensively yorked. It was like Smith's dismissal all over again - the plan is obviously to attack the Aussies, but they're going at them like kamikaze pilots.
5th over: SA 8-1
Tidy against from Bracken, with just an edged single to Kallis. Bracken's hair has now reached the sort of length that would have prompted letters to The Times in the 1960s. It's very Ramsey Street circa 1987. Interestingly, when Nathan sends his weekly column into us at the Beeb he does so by fax - a charming anachronism, and to be honest the only reason we still bother having a fax machine in the office.
From Simon in Essex: "Good luck to anyone expecting to get served quickly in a London pub today."
4th over: SA 7-1
McGrath to AB, and De Villiers is almost visibly sagging under the pressure - six balls all just short of a length, just outside off. He leaves them all alone to a chorus of mockery from the slips. Kallis is at the other end, smouldering with barely concealed menace.
3rd over: WICKET - Smith b Bracken 2, SA 7-1:
Bracken strikes - but what was Smith thinking? He came charging down the track, there was a touch of away-nibble and the off-stump was rocked back. Smith grimaces with anguish - the Aussies are cockahoop.
From Ross Thomas in Scotland, TMS inbox: "I used to try and hide the BBC webpage from my boss, but I've given up and am now sitting at my desk wearing out the F5 button while telling her how this is the greatest game for years. I'm hoping to be sacked early, so I can get to a telly soon."
2nd over: SA 7-0:
First surprise of the day - McGrath takes first pop at the other end rather than Tait. Defensive move from Ponto? McGrath starts with a big wide and then tightens the screws - massive appeal for lbw against AB, but Umpire Aleem Dar says no. Replays show the leg stump would have been pinged back...
1st over: SA 5-0:
With tension crackling in the air, Bracks bounds in to Smith - and the skipper's off the mark with a streaky edged single to third man. AB leaves two big swingers alone and then gets a controlled edge past first slip for four. Chat between the fielders and batsmen coming along nicely too - just caught a snatch of Ponts seeming to berate Smith for having two left feet, which seems a slightly football-specific sledge.
From Andy in Boston, TMS inbox: "I've had 3 hours sleep last night and am looking forward to some fireworks to get me going..."
1429 BST: Here they come - Nathan Bracken to open hostilities against Graeme Smith. Cease that salivating - we're almost underway...
1415 BST: Dressing-room doors firmly shut at the mo, and we can only imagine what's going on in there - Jacques Kallis practising his forward defensive in the mirror while Andre Nel is being restrained with ropes, while in the Aussie locker-room Matthew Hayden gulps down his third protein shake of the day while bench-pressing a fridge with his spare hand.
1400 BST: If you're not looking forward to this one, you're no fan of cricket - that's how big it is. Graeme Smith's won the toss and chosen to bat first, which probably works best from the neutral's point of view.
Smith and Andre Nel were passed fit to play but there was no room for spinner Robin Peterson or Makhaya Ntini.