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Soalan hari ini: Adakah anda mendengar suara hati si anak?
Jumaat lepas, berlaku satu peristiwa yang buat saya banyak berfikir. Muhasabah diri sedalam-dalamnya, lihat ke dalam diri – adakah saya seorang ibu yang baik atau tidak? Alkisahnya, rakan sepejabat saya membawa anak lelakinya ke ofis kami. Lepak-lepak sementara menunggu masa untuk menghantar anaknya ke kelas agama petang itu. Diberinya anaknya ini main Youtube bagi memenuhkan masa rehat yang panjang itu sambil emak sendiri berehat main telefon di sofa berdekatan. Sound so familiar right?
Obviously, the next cliché thing happen. Si kecil (berumur 7 tahun) itu tak jumpa video kegemarannya, merengek pada si ibu, ibu pun tak tahu video apa.. and Kaboom! Things escalated so fast. Tiba-tiba, dari menangis biasa bertukar jadi full blown tantrum, siap dengan ketuk-ketuk kepala dengan botol air. Lagi dipujuk, lagi menjadi. Satu-satu rakan sekerja pergi pada si anak ni, cuba untuk menenangkan dia. Ada yang sua duit kertas, ada yang sua coklat, dan ada juga yang cuba takut-takutkan si anak dengan Ustaz Garang di sekolah agama yang si anak kena pergi sekejap lagi. Dah tentulah si anak ni tambah meraung.
Dalam hati, saya terdetik. Salah apa yang mereka buat ni. Seolah-olah si anak tu sakit kepala, tapi yang disua ubat sakit perut. Takkan hilang sakitnya kalau ubat yang diberi tak menjurus tepat pada punca. Betul tak? Tapi, saya pun dalam dilema. Nak tegur, saya tak rapat sangat dengan kawan sekerja tu (dia pun jauh lebih tua dan anak pun lebih ramai dari saya). Tak tegur, pun salah juga. Takkan nak berterusan dibiarkan si anak tu menangis teresak-esak sampai macam nak putus nyawa?
Mula-mula saya biarkan aje. Dalam hati dok berharap ada orang lain mampu tenangkan si anak. Mungkin rimas dan malu agaknya si anak dok buat bising di kala orang lain nak berehat, si ibu bangun dan marah anaknya. Dipaksa bersiap untuk ke sekolah agama lebih awal. Tersentuh hati saya bila lihat si anak yang pada mulanya dah reda menangis meraung semula. Tangkas saya bangun, terus menghadap si anak. Saya duduk berlipat lutut (supaya saya duduk sama tinggi dengan si anak yang sekarang duduk di atas kerusi) dan saya pegang tangannya. Dia tarik tapi saya pegang lagi. Dengan lembut. Dan saya tengok matanya. Dengan penuh kasih. Saya bisik perlahan pada dia, “kenapa ni? Cuba cerita. Meh Aunty dengar”. Saya tanya juga.. “Aunty peluk boleh?” Dia geleng. Dan saya tak paksa.
Saya balik ke meja sendiri, dan offer si anak main game tu di laptop saya (saya dan anak main game ni). Saya riba dia dan kami main sama-sama. Tak sampai 5 minit pun, tapi si anak dah happy dan sendiri sebut ready nak ke sekolah agama. Apa yang buatkan si anak respons pada saya dan bukan pada yang lain?
Approach anak dengan niat untuk memahami bukan untuk menyelesaikan masalah, dan jauh sekali untuk menghukum.
Bila bercakap dengan anak, biar lah anda sama level dengannya. Mata bertemu mata gitu..
Create your own bubble. Kalau dia anak saya, memang saya dah peluk rapat2. Sebab dia bukan keluarga, saya hati-hati sket. Memadai dengan pegang tangan. Saya cakap pun perlahan saja, hanya untuk saya dan dia saja yang dengar.
Ulang semula apa yang dia sebut. Supaya anda betul2 pasti memang itu yang si anak cuba sampaikan.
Beri nonverbal clue yang anda mendengar apa yang dia sampaikan. Angguk, usap tangan, pegang hati tanda sakit, dan lain-lain. Tak perlu cakap banyak.
Percayalah, bila si anak rasa yang anda mendengar apa yang dia cuba sampaikan, esak tangis semua akan hilang sendiri. Tak perlu sua jalan penyelesaian pun. Sebab anda dah MENDENGAR SUARA HATINYA, bukan apa yang dia sebut semata-mata.
Kisah ini memang buat saya terfikir-fikir sampai lah ke hari ini. Betapa rupanya teknik yang saya guna dengan anak sendiri juga berhasil dengan si kecil yang lain.
Selamat mencuba dan selamat mendengar isi hati si anak!
Leave a comment Soalan hari ini: Adakah anda mendengar suara hati si anak?
A word of caution to parents with toddler who’re thinking of adopting a kitten.
One thing for sure, taking care of a kitten feels a lot more like taking care of a new toddler. It has been nearly three month with few ups and down, here and there, and with God’s grace, Koko is still here with the family, thriving and loved from all – even from my husband who doesn’t like cats and furry animal alike.
I have come to realize a few things, that i will not know of before. And so, here’s a word of caution to parents with toddler whenever you’re thinking of having one (kitten/puppy).
Its a lot of hard work – integrating a small pet safely into the family. Seriously, if you’re not up for it, don’t do it. The kitten/puppy deserved as much love as you would give to your baby.
They have as much energy as your little one. (i’m not kidding .. both Adam and Koko loves jumping around and running so much, i myself wonder where do they get all that energy storing up)
They lurvved your attention and probably gonna follow you around the house if you let them. Mine even cry to let me know she wants to be out and about whenever she noticed me. Tough luck on that one resisting her sorry meow.
Because they’re still small and new to the area, they gonna need to be watch a lot, just like how you would to a toddler who just learned how to walk. They get curious of all things, putting everything into their mouth (this can make them choke/ eating something dangerous, so keep an eye on it. )
Keep a vet’s number handy ( or at least the location of vet clinic and their operational hours) especially if you move a lot and bringing them with you. Accidents can happen (with highly energetic kid around) and i think you will like to have some expert opinion handy should anything goes wrong somewhere.
They gonna love interrupting you while you’re working on your laptop, anytime of the day. So, make sure do lots of back up or lock the door if you’re doing important reports.
All in all, it’s a wonderful addition to the family, and i am beyond happy that Adam and Koko took to each other so well. Take care of your family and be safe wherever you are.
Leave a comment A word of caution to parents with toddler who’re thinking of adopting a kitten.
Kids and pets. Nightmare or is it blessing in disguise?
One thing for sure, it never cross my mind that there’ll come a time where our little home is graced by not one but few pets at the same time. Granted, it’s actually one little furry animal (a grey local cat we call Koko) and two classes of fish (goldfish and tiger fish to be exact) in two cozy aquarium. Taking care of the fishes is one little hobby of my dear husband whereas the cat — that’s all Adam’s doing. The last time my cat died (it was my family’s, long before i get married), it crushed our heart so much that my parents decided enough is enough. No more cats. And lo and behold! Who would have thought that their first grandson a.k.a Adam takes after them and love cats so much that he’s keep on asking for cat to be his own. It takes a solid month of mental preparation before we finally decided to adopt Koko into our humble home, and its a decision that i have never regretted. Bless her little paws and snuggly fur.
Once in a while, comes a thought — does bringing home pets (furry alike or not) a nightmare or is it blessing in disguise? Particularly if there is kids/ toddler at home. Well, thats depends. Lets dive in to the many benefits of taking care of pets to the kids shall we? Firstly, the obvious — feeding and caring for a pet encourages responsibility. Its a good practice to involve your little one (step by step and under direct observation of course) in taking care of the pet.
This is also the best time for parent to look for social red flag with your children (i.e him/her being abusive/consistently cruel with animal). This may point to a few conditions that have to be investigated, look in depth and treated by professional if found to be true; condition like conduct disorder, psychopathy, or indication of the child being abused at home or bullied at school. This can be illicit in children as young as 5 or 6 year old.
Next, children with pets display improved impulse control, social skills and self-esteem. Kids with pets also gets outside/ play more. What better way to let children learn that letting them play right? A child may also feel more comfortable reading aloud to pets than friends/family members. No pressure just good listening ear which frankly, who doesn’t want that?
So, just a few tips to go by for parents with small children, if ever you decided to have a pet at home:
Never let the kids be alone with your pet unsupervised. Especially if your children is younger than 4 years old. The younger the children, the less control they have. Children under the age of three aren’t mature enough to care for a pet. Their impulsive action and high energy may scared/injured the pet, which in turn may harm them in the process. A frightened animal may scratch or bite your children.
Let your pet have their own room or space where they can be free from the children, at least for a few hours per day. This is important to ensure that your pet feel comfortable in the house and stressed free. (animal can get stressed too).
Teach your child to practice hygiene habit when dealing with pet and their droppings. Wash hands regularly especially after playing with the pet.
Introduce your children to the pet slowly. Show your children how to pet an animal (if they can be pet of course), and tell them when not to interact with the animal. Best rule of thumb, teach your children to be kind and loving to the animal.
Do not allow the pet to sleep with your children.
Bring the pet to the vet for annual check up/if they’re sick and for vaccinations.
All in all, i wish you all the best with your pet and the kids. May your home be blessed with lots of love and happiness.
Leave a comment Kids and pets. Nightmare or is it blessing in disguise?
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