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March | 2007 | Animals & Feelings
Svo við liggjum og nennum ekki á fætur
Byltingin hún færir okkur betri daga, heitari nætur, lengri morgna
I have the job. Michel Fortain. I read estonian, latvian, norwegien, georgian grammars all day long and I learn to talk Turkish with my friend Özgün Bülent Erdoğun [I think].
Otherwise, right now is not a very good blogtime. I’ve been talking to Almar, not seeing Clara so much, seeing Sacha. It was Cindy’s birthday.
Work is the best thing in the world. I can’t wait for tomorrow.
Hours of talking while no one comes in and we can drink and eat and listen to norwegien.
I really want to get back to norwegien!
Kan du sende meg brødet
jeg må lære Norsk igjen.
Klara sagðist byrja að skilja, af hverju mér hefur verið sagt svo mörgum sinnum að ég væri of mikið til að höndla.
Ég vildi að hún hafi aldrei komist að þeim skilningi – þar eð það getur bara þýtt eitt, og það er það að sú aðferð að komast að þeim skilningi getur endurtekið sig, aftur og aftur, sem er þarafleiðandi alfræðileg staðreynd. Ég er of mikið að höndla – of mikið hvað? Of mikill einstaklingur, eða er ég kannski of þungur, eða tjái ég mig kannski of mikið um tilfinningamál sem ættu frekar að vera innilokuð í huga mínum og aldrei deild með nokkrum öðrum? Það má sjálfur ég ekki segja. En ég spurði samt Klöru til þess, en hún svaraði einmitt því, að ég er of skrafhreifinn um tilfinningar mínar og hugarástand mitt. En ég ætla auðvitað ekki að fela sálarfar mitt eða sálaróró mína heldur! Það væri og hefur og verið einir af mínum helstu hugarórum, og ég hef lagt mig fram við að verða fámælli um svona málefni -en mér hefur aldrei tekist til, mér til huggunar, af því að það gefur til kynna að ég get ekki leitt hin sönnu hugsunarmynstur mín hjá mér.
En hvað skal þá gera? Verð ég bara að átta mig á því, að það sem ég hyggðist fá, fæst í raun og veru aldrei? Eða get ég ekki bara breytt löngun minni, svo að hún sé við hæfi allra? Ég er ekki einhver djöfulsins stóisti!
Öll þessi hugleiðsla vegna vara.
Er ég kominn með einhverja oftjáningarfælni?
Silly + Dauði beinakerfisins.
Posted on March 26, 2007 | Leave a comment
Here are many silly pictures I took with Klára.
To give an idea of the red of her room.
This one is suave because of the sweat mark, traditionnal of my right underarm, always more sweaty than my left one.
This picture goes in the same series as this one. The series is called “How I get it on”.
Thanks to my training, I can impress.
And this one is just nice. No color touching or whatever.
Also part of the series “How I get it on”. As this other similar picture.
Of course, not to forget my looks.
I just like this one. Italian hands.
Than it was serious.
Than it was much fun.
Don’t go imagine anything now.
The night was that I went to Klara. Then we didn’t have anything to do. We ate chicken paté and then some more things. Fórum í bað saman, sem var í fyrsta skiptið hjá mér – var búinn að fara í sturtu með einhverjum (tveim strákum) en aldrei í bað. Mér fannst það yndislegt! Then I slept there and in the morning we washed the floor and found a huge spider. Also, I was eating pistachios, and then one of them tasted horrible but I didn’t say anything. Then, the next morning I ate some more and I opened the shell and ate half of the pistachio, then I was about to lick the inside of the shell when I found to my great disgust a larva, dead, dried, but probably still well filled with the same disgusting taste of the day before. I freaked out. Oj, Hvern andskotann var hún að gera þarna inni? I found it really very turnoff – I don’t want to eat pistachios again for some time.
Yesterday, as I said in accent-less Icelandic in the thread before, I saw Sacha yesterday. I was going to train but it was closed. Met up in montréal, then I saw Éliane and Alixe at the tip of a cliff and ran towards them to say hello but I fell down the cliff and broke all my bones, including my dignity-bone and the friendship bone which grows from my chest, on the side, out towards theirs. What a mistake. What a horrible thing. What a terrible thing. Now I’m paralyzed, all my bones have become pouder and the only thing I can think of doing for them is never move again.
And that’s why I’m stopping right now.
Posted on March 26, 2007 | Leave a comment
Mér lídur svo sannarlega ömurlega. Gaeti gubbad.
Ég hitti Söchu og vid reyktum hass og thá vorum vid á leidinni heim en vid hittum svo (eda ég sá thau og hljóp eftir theim) Vindun og Alixe og andskotans kaerastann hennar, sem hún er búin ad vera med í meira en sex mánudi, og Alixe er semsé besta vinkona mín en ég hef aldrei hitt thann gaur. Ég var í algjörri vímu. Ég sá thad í augunum á theim, hvad theim fannst thetta allt rosa vandraedalegt – Alixe kynnti ekki einu sinni kaerastann sinn fyrir mér. Vindun baud mér ad koma med á bar, sem ég sagdi theim frá, og sem ad vid aetludum Klara og Vindun fara á saman. En ég veit ad hún meinti thetta ekkert. Ég sagdist thurfa ad ná í nedanjardarlestina. Ég horfdi á Vindun miklum hornaugum thví ég vissi ad henni fyndist ég skrítinn.
Ég idrast thess svo helvíti mikid ad hafa hitt thau – thaer reykja aldrei og theim thykir thad mjog vond venja.
Ég aetti ad skammast mér.
Posted on March 23, 2007 | Leave a comment
I really wish I could act. I want to become a character. It’s been so long. I really want to act, build up someone.
I wish I could have been in C.R.A.Z.Y., damn it. I deeply wish so.
Posted on March 22, 2007 | Leave a comment
When someone great [is gone].
Last night I had a sad dream. I was coming downstairs from my room, which is upstairs. I was doing so because of my grandfather who had just arrived. I knew he was sick, just like he is. When I hugged him, it felt as though he didn’t really have any bones anymore, and I could feel that nothing was taking its shape back. He smelled bad, like something rotten.
My mom’s asked me if I wanted to go to Québec this weekend to see him. He’s dying of general cancer now. I said I didn’t want to come – I still don’t know why I don’t want to, but I don’t want to.
The athmosphere here in the house has been sosem shit. My mom is after my dad like a hungry dog and there’s nothing to do. It’s not something especially nice to hear when your father tells your mom he doesn’t love her, on a frequent basis.
Yesterday or the day before, they had a fight. And my mom was trying to agree with me that it wasn’t nice (not that I had said anything). I was gathering my plate in the kitchen quickly so as not to eat with them. Then before I left I said “I don’t like it when you talk to eachother through me”. The phrase came out of my mouth and I didn’t realize it until a few seconds later – how I meant every word with a hammer over it. I felt like crying, my throat got tight and I realized how irrespectful it is when they do that – using me only to insult eachother. Only my mom does that.
Today in Philo we talked about René Girard. His ideas are perfect – I think they’re true, even if it sounds stupid. According to him, all our desires are simply immitations of models. You desire what the model wants. I wondered if it applied to me and it does – I immitate Icelanders, I want to be one, like one. Learning Icelandic is something I do to resemble someone, a model.
Of course this does not apply to tastes – I don’t listen to My Bloody Valentine because of a model – however, the fact that I would even try to listen to it comes from the fact that my personnality is filled with models, which would all point into the general direction of trying to like the music. So according to Girard, everyone is born an empty being. The only thing we all have in common is that we want to fill our being – and most often, that is done with our having. I don’t want to have my diploma, I want to increas my being by adding to it the quality of being a graduate. Some people increas their being by trying to own things – infact most people do that – they want to become what they own. Like eating the heart of a buffalo.
We also talked about self confidence and the relation between self confidence and the model of desire. If someone loves oneself, then people are more likely to want that person as well, because people immitate the desires of other people.
If I desire myself, you will desire me as well (not in all cases of course).
I thought it was very interesting, and it made alot of sense.
Then I walked out of school and my skin opened. There was the kind of weather that makes my hopp and jump and bite my tongue and bite my smile and be very very excited. It was very warm and the air was very humid, very kostea. It was 6.10 when I went outside, and the sky was really grey, nearly purple. The clouds were heavy, and cars had they front lights shining just bright enough that you’d notice. There was little light, although there was no doubt it was still daytime. The rain was melting the snow and the air was full of smells. I could even smell the trees. It was windy. When I arrived at the busstop, in Longueuil, a few seconds from my house, I had to jump and laugh. There was running rivers, and the St-Laurence river had turned green because of the oxygen entering the surface of the water, from all the wind. The light and the colors in the bus were very much like in my dreams. I opened the window very wide and let the wind eat my face. Anyways, when I got off the bus, the sky towards the river was completely grey, and behind me, towards the south, the sky was pink and lit-up and there was such a contrast! And so much wind! All the mini rivers from melting ice and the smell! I was so excited. Bad weather has such a positive effect on me. I love it when trees are swining and the clouds are moving fast!
During my whole german class I was daydreaming about Hungarian. It’s been two days I’m looking at it. It looks like such a nice language. I don’t particularly like the hungarian culture, but the language is really interesting.
Posted on March 22, 2007 | Leave a comment
I dramt I was in Helsinki. It was very weird – I knew it was a dream and I knew that’s not how it looked like at all, but I said outlouf “this is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen and I’ll always remember it, even though it doesn’t look like that at all”. I was standing on the top of a hill, a very big hill, which was higher than alot of smaller hills in the far away. They were all covered in green grass and there were some villages and alot of churches. Everything was “laying” on the grass, as if someone had put them there carefully. No streets or anything – buildings on grass, and then grass. The distance was strange – things seemed very little, and far away, but the hills seemed of normal size. I was with foreign friends and it felt as if, by looking at things, I could get closer to them. I could feel the existance of the churches if I looked at them closer. The hills were so beautiful – it looked like the back of a woman maybe, or something very long and flat. Green.
I want to go back.
I’ve been thinking of Finland alot lately – somehow I would like it to be more important. But iceland wins everything.
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