en en en en en en en en en en hbs_lat en en en en nl en en en en pt it en en en en id en en en en en en en en ceb en it en en en en en en en en en en en en nl de en en en en en uz en en en en en en en en en eu en en en en en en en en en en en en en es en es en en en en en en en en en uk en en en en en en fr en en en en de en en en de en en en de en en en en de en en en de en en en de en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en it en en it en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en vi pt en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en el en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en vi it en en en en en ru en en fr en en en en en en en en en en en en pl en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en eo en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en en hbs_lat en en pl en en en en en en vi en en en en en vi en en en en en en en
It's kinda crazy. "It" being that, while this year is showing out in a billion different ways, on many levels, I feel more peaceful than I ever have. One day, maybe I'll get into how I know a big part of that came from removing some people, places, things, and ideas (boundaries; boundaries are good, y'all) that were no longer serving me—and, more importantly, where I am headed. Yet, my inner peace goes even beyond that.
For about 12 years now, I've been on the tip of collecting things. Each year, it's something that symbolizes where I'm at and "what I'm on" at the moment. This past year, it was puzzle pieces. They symbolize that I am a puzzle piece that "fits" some places and doesn't fit others. My job isn't to try and force my "piece" into any picture (because that could damage the piece and pic, simultaneously) but to welcome where I fit and be at peace with where I don't. And you know what? Living like this has brought about inner tranquility that is unshakeable, no matter how chaotic things seem to be right through here. Or ever.
Just know that whatever is trying to shake you to your core, there is a way to maintain peace in the midst of it. Here are some suggestions that have worked for me.
When I took my required birthing class (which was Hypnobabies) in order to become a doula, one of my favorite techniques, that I tend to recommend, even to women who aren't pregnant, is what is known as the "bubble of peace". Anyone who's been pregnant before knows that people tend to have an abundance of opinions, perspectives and information about what they think a new mother should and shouldn't do, both during her pregnancy and after she gives birth. By creating a bubble of peace, she is able to tune out anyone and anything that is triggering her or stressing her out.
At the end of the day, it's basically about meditating and centering in on thoughts that make you feel calm and peaceful. And I promise you that if you make it a priority to cultivate your own, it can help you to tune out life's background noise so that you can focus on what your mind, body and spirit are telling you that you need, at any given time—even if what they need is for you to simply chill out and do absolutely nothing.
Take News (and Phone) Breaks
Something that I've learned about myself throughout the years is that I have a really high threshold for information. What I mean by that is, it takes me a while—months even—to get to a point where I'm like, "OK, I've had enough" (although 2020 has definitely been testing me in this way!). But boy, when I first saw the footage of George Floyd being murdered by those cops, I broke. I cried. I had to shut the news cycle down for a minute. I had had enough.
You can read articles like TIME's "You Asked: Is It Bad for You to Read the News Constantly?" to know that there is no way around the fact that constantly taking in the news (or info, period), whether it's online or off, will not only elevate your stress levels but it can cause you to fall into the rut of constantly seeing things from a "glass half empty perspective". Same thing goes for always talking on the phone, especially if it's with family members or friends who consistently err on the side of negativity. That's why it's so important to take intentional breaks from the news and your phone. Turn off your notifications. Put your phone on silent. Then read a book. Watch a movie. Listen to music. Take a nap. Do something that will totally get your mind off of all that's going on in the world. Chile, Daily Mail, Black Twitter and your cynical auntie ain't going nowhere. They'll all be right where you left them—whenever you decide to come back.
Be on Your Own Time Schedule
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us that there is nothing new under the sun. So yeah, whenever seniors in my life try and act like it's only this generation that is wilin' out, I remind them of what the Good Book says. The difference now is thanks—or maybe no thanks—to things like the internet and camera phones, we're constantly in the loop of what's going on…pretty much all over the globe. And since things seem to be always moving at such a rapid pace, it can tempt us to speed up when it comes to how our own lives are flowing. Please don't fall for that trap. Rushing can cause you to make unnecessary mistakes. Rushing can bring about feelings of anxiety. Rushing can stop you from truly connecting with others. Rushing can prevent you from getting the clarity that you need. Rushing can hinder you from living in the moment.
While I'm sharing Scripture, Matthew 6:34(NKJV) states, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Those are words of wisdom from Christ himself. What he was basically saying is, all you've really and truly got is right here and now. Slow down. Take it in. Do what is relevant in order to bring out the best in this present moment.
Should you plan ahead? Sure. All responsible people do. Yet should you worry about what you can't control in the future or even be in a rush to get there? Nope. Not if you desire true inner peace, you shouldn't, anyway.
There is a particular person in my life who is basically my vent partner. I'm not sure how we got to the point and place of being that for one another, but the "position" requires being on-call—whenever. When she's about the spaz TF out, she calls me. When I need to ramble, cuss or sometimes even scream, she's there. The cool thing about having this type of individual in your life is there are a safe place (because they don't share your vents nor "judge" you for them) to get out your initial frustrations so that you can calm down and do, whatever it is that you're about to do (or not do), from a less emotional and more logical and practical space.
Sometimes, the reason why we feel so unsettled when it comes to what's going on around us is it seems like we're not being heard or validated when it comes to how we feel about things. A vent partner fills this void so that we know we're supported, which makes us feel more capable to endure…whatever it is that needs to be.
Do What Makes You Happy
Happiness. Remember that? When I was recently reading an article on how some researchers define what it truly means to be a happy individual, I liked that it said, "It's not about smiling all the time nor does it stem from money or health, but a self-belief you are on the road you want to be on." The beauty in that resolve is, no matter what is happening around you, in many ways, you have the power to choose what path you want to be on; not just long-term but in the now. So, what would make you happy, right at this very second? Some Ben & Jerry's ice cream (shout out to them and their consistent support of the Black Lives Matter movement)? A glass of wine? Catching up with an old friend? Some hanging-off-of-the-chandelier sex with your partner? Playing with your kids. Doing an arts and crafts project? Writing? Singing? Podcasting? What?
Making the conscious decision to be like, "You know what? No matter what y'all are doing, I'm going to take out a moment and do what makes me happy", is not about being selfish or even insensitive. As the article that I referenced said, it's about putting yourself on a particular path. And anything that makes you feel happy can help to make you feel content…which can help to make you feel more centered and secure…which can definitely help to make you feel more peaceful.
Remember You’re Here “For Such a Time As This”
If you read the story of Esther in the Bible, there is a line from something that her cousin, Mordecai said that goes like this—"Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14—NKJV) It was his way of reminding Esther that, even though saving her people was going to be quite a daunting task, the fact that she existed in a time when Jews needed deliverance was not a happenstance thing. In this present time, the same goes for me and the same goes for you. While I'm sure you've had multiple, "What in the world is going on?!" moments, probably at least a dozen times this week alone, it's not a "random" thing that you exist. There is something about your gifts, talents, personality, perspective and mere existence that is oh so very necessary—right here and right now. Knowing that you—as Whoopi Goldberg once said in an episode of A Different World—"are a voice in this world", who can make an impact like no one who came before you or will come after you can, should bring a peace like nothing else.
Because if you didn't serve a purpose, you wouldn't be here; you'd be unnecessary. You are here, though. And that's something to feel really good, resolved and totally at peace about. Here's praying that you do.
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Shellie R. Warren is a lover of quotes, lip gloss, graphic t-shirts, silver jewelry and Pumas. She's an author with two published books (thus far) on matters of the heart. In fact, 2019 was the 15-year anniversary of her first release ' Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption' (she's seriously mulling over penning a sequel to it) and 2020 marked her 20-year anniversary of being a (mostly) full-time writer. Aside from that, when Shellie's not tellin' all her business, she's helping couples (marriage life coach) or assisting with birthing babies (doula). Her byline is all over cyberspace, but where you won't find her is on social media. Like anywhere. At all. If you need to hit her up, she's (usually) reachable at missnosipho at gmail.com, though. HOWEVER, pitches for xoNecole need to go to editor@xonecole. Hit her up for *strictly* Shellie-related stuff. Again, pitch article ideas to the site addy NOT HER. Much appreciated.
What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them
What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.
Even though what constitutes great sex differs from person to person, there are some common denominators we all share. I find that most people need: honest communication, vulnerability, and chemistry regardless of age, sexual orientation, and relationship status for great sex to take place. Rarely are penis size and earth-shattering orgasms a determining factor of great sex. I know for me, the older I get the more I realize great sex is less about big dicks and more about chemistry and connection.
But you don’t have to take my word for it here’s what some of my social media followers had to say about what makes sex great for them.
"I can honestly say, for me, now that I’m older, great sex is based off of mental stimulation. If we aren’t able to obtain this, the sex is just okay."
"Chemistry/attraction, communication, skills, he needs to have rhythm in his hips and talk dirty, be dominant, and submit sometimes when I feel like being dominant. There needs to be some music going on in the background, eye contact, not be in a rush if it’s not a quickie, reciprocity, and adventurous. Be vocal, silent sex doesn’t do it for me, like what is this, a cemetery? Open your mouth and let those pleasure sounds out, hunny."
"Genuine chemistry. Yes, sex can still be bomb when someone checks off your physical boxes: big ass, tall, dad bod... Whatever makes your sex organs tingle. But when you actually like them AND they are good in bed, then it's greatness."
"When it feels like an effortless, sensual, passionate dance. When we flow seamlessly communicating without words with our bodies. The chemistry, connection, and attraction inside of the bedroom [are] only an extension of the feelings outside of the bedroom."
"Paying attention to my body, talking me through my orgasm, not just pounding blindly like I'm some kind of sex toy, taking time to make sure I'm satisfied, and flipping my big ass like I'm a gyatdamn pillow."
"Feeling free enough to act/try things in a non-judgmental environment. Openness to criticism or direction. Accepting not everyone is the same and not everything is enjoyed or not by everybody. Our experience is OURS. And what we like with each other we may not like [with] others. We have to find our wave."
"After being with my husband for 35 years (since 10th grade) and married for 23, intimacy is key. We take our time and really enjoy each other. I’m not only still in love with him, but I still LIKE him."
"A safe space, trust, emotional awareness, intimacy, vulnerability, knowing each other's love languages, open communication, chemistry, and paying attention to each other's bodies, wants, and desires in and out of the bedroom."
"Willingness to communicate and adjust even during the act. Don’t give excuses that you were so caught up in what was going on that you didn’t pay attention. Great sex also includes willingness to quit expecting to duplicate what you see in porn, especially when the other person says they’re not interested."
"Total connection...meaning you wrap yourself around me, in me...try to see through me. Experience me...let me Experience you...your sounds. Guttural, ancestral...your smell...your released...come undone."
"The transcendent feeling when the world stops around you, there's no sound but you two, and there is no longer a goal. The pleasure is so all-consuming you remember how powerful it can be to surrender."
"True intimacy. It’s something that happens naturally when people are kind to each other. Attentiveness to the body. Equal satisfaction (because men that don’t like eating coochie are not fair partners to me), great foreplay, great aftercare (I make my partner clean me up before I get up to do anything and I do the same at times)."
"You have to be comfortable with the person. Sex should be fun, exploring what feels good instead of what you think pleasure should look like. Taking your time. Folks are in such a hurry to get to it, they miss all the good stuff that makes getting there even better. It's not a race. Intimacy...in all its forms."
"Bravery. Vulnerability. Softness (from the dominant/masculine partner). Boldness (from the feminine/submissive partner). Actually LIKING who you are with. (I don’t mean chemistry. I mean actually LIKING the person). And communicating after leaving each other’s presence. I LOVE a good recap or something to let me know that it’s still lingering on you!"
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Halle Bailey On The Revolutionary Act Of Wearing Her Locs As Ariel
When the trailer for The Little Mermaid dropped, everyone finally got to see Halle Bailey as Ariel. Black women and girls raved over the singer/ actress’s beauty as the beloved character while she belted out the Disney classic song “Part of Your World.” And one of the most noticeable things that many fans pointed out was that the character’s red hair was made of locs.
Halle, who makes up one-half of the Grammy-nominated group Chloe x Halle, is known for sporting locs and has had them since prior to fame. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Halle shared that it was the director Rob Marshall’s idea to integrate some of her characteristics, such as her locs, into the character.
Teaser for ‘The Little Mermaid’ starring Halle Bailey debuts with over 104 million global views, Variety reports.
It beats out Cruella, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Maleficent 2. pic.twitter.com/v2lSoMYib6
— Pop Base (@PopBase) September 12, 2022
​"With Rob, he's so amazing and just saying, 'I see you and I want to bring you into the character,'" she said. "So it was a beautiful thing. My hair, for example — incorporating my locs into the red hair was something that was really special to me. The outfit, the fins, everything. It's just amazing. I'm just grateful that I've been able to take the essence of me and mix the two."
Rob first teased the news that Halle’s hair will still be in locs as Ariel in an August 2022 Varietyinterview. “She looks stunning in red hair; not everybody does,” he said.
And many fans of the “Forgive Me” singer can agree. When the trailer dropped, there was an influx of reactions. While she has unfortunately received backlash for being cast as Ariel due to the color of her skin, there was also a lot of praise and support sent her way.
Tina Knowles Lawson shared an Instagram post with Halle and wrote a loving caption to the singer.
“I remember talking about her role as Ariel to the beautiful And Super talented @hallebailey on my show " Talks with Mama Tina,”" Tina wrote. “She and her beautiful sister @chloebailey .She spoke about the pressure of filling the shoes of past Little Mermaids Roles. Well we could not be more excited or proud of you as Ariel. You are changing our little black girls perspective on them being not limited to certain spaces and to be seen!!!! Kudos beautifulHalle.❤️❤️❤️
Legendary actress Halle Berry tweeted that she couldn’t wait to watch it.
this means so much! Can’t wait @HalleBailey 👏🏽💕💕 https://t.co/5swsRyjyne
— Halle Berry (@halleberry) September 10, 2022
And Chlöe showered her little sister with love in a series of tweets.
“MY BABYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” followed by 11 mermaid emojis.
MY BABYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️ https://t.co/2HvFOyOCvK
— Chlöe (@ChloeBailey) September 9, 2022
In the next tweet, she shared that she was “gonna cry” and lastly wrote “that’s my mfn sister. YUP.”
that’s my mfn sister. YUP.
— Chlöe (@ChloeBailey) September 10, 2022
The Little Mermaid - Official Teaser Trailer
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5 Times Megan Thee Stallion & Pardison Fontaine Showed Their Love On The 'Gram
Another day, another photo of Megan Thee Stallion that went viral. But this time she had a little help from her boyfriend Pardison “Pardi” Fontaine. The “Pressurelicious” artist’s fans were in for a surprise a few days ago after Megan posted a photo of herself lying on the floor with her legs up and wrapped around Pardi’s waist. Pardi appeared to be focused on playing his video game while Meg’s derriere was tooted in the air but he managed to wrap his arms around it as he held the controller.
The hotties had a field day with this photo showing the couple’s playful side and some fans even posted themselves recreating the pose.
The Grammy award-winning rapper captioned the series of photos “📸Dump” which included another cute photo of the couple. They both made a silly face while taking a mirror pic this time. Meg confirmed that she was dating Pardi in February 2021 and since then they have broken the internet a few times with their adorable and sometimes risqué photos.
We’ve listed some of the couple’s viral moments on social media.
On Feb. 19, 2021, Pardi had everyone gushing over his Valentine’s Day surprise for his H-Town boo. The series of photos showed the “Backin’ It Up” emcee showering Meg with love, from a private jet to a room full of rose petals and balloons.
In March of that year, he posted a photo of the “Her” artist in bed wearing a bonnet and in the next photo, he is seen wearing the bonnet.
In celebration of their one-year anniversary, Megan shared (but later deleted) some naughty photos. In one photo, Pardi is drinking a cocktail from her butt.
The next one showed the 27-year-old squatting on the ground in front of Pardi while her face was pressed against his nether regions. Talk about spicy.
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Featured image by Shareif Ziyadat/Getty Images for 40/40 Club
The Mamie 'Till' Movie Wants To Empower Us
Sitting in the theater getting ready to watch Nopefor the third time, I was excited, like a good film nerd, to see my friend's first-time reactions to the fun UFO horror-comedy. My heart sank immediately when a trailer for the film Till, which follows the life and legacy of Emmett Till's mother, Mamie, started playing first.
My knee-jerk reaction, of course, comes from years of watching film and TV that have exploited Black trauma onscreen and were created with little (if any) consideration for what could emotionally trigger the Black audience. The 1955 murder of Emmett Till is so heartbreaking and inherently violent; would this film make us live through that violence on screen?
This week, before watching Gina Prince-Bythewood's incredible The Woman King, a featurette for Till played in place of a trailer and it soothed my fears.
"There will be no physical violence against Black people on screen," the film's award-winning director and co-writer Chinonye Chukwu says in the featurette. "I'm not interested in relishing in that kind of physical trauma. We're going to begin and end in a place of joy," she says.
Starring Danielle Deadwyler (whose heartfelt performance on HBO's Station Eleven stole the show) as Mamie, Till is a celebration of Mamie's tireless activism which sparked the civil rights movement that continues today and ultimately culminated in President Biden signing the Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act into law just a few months ago in March 2022. "Mamie Till Mobley is a hero," says Alana Mayo, president of Orion Pictures, the production company behind the film. "I'm really, really committed to making movies not just by us, but for us," Mayo says in the featurette.
After a private screening of Till, this week, Trayvon Martin's mother, Sybrina Fulton, tweeted that the film was "#Powerful" and "a must see."
I attended the private screening of the Emmett Till Movie TILL Movie
🎥 🍿 Coming to a theater near you this October #Powerful#TillMovie#MamieTillpic.twitter.com/QP4BTkavuk
— Sybrina Fulton (@SybrinaFulton) September 21, 2022
Mamie's story of courage in the face of unspeakable tragedy deserves to be told--especially as we continue the fight for civil rights today. Knowing that the Black filmmakers behind the film are centering Black joy and aiming for our empowerment through the film makes a world of difference.
TILLis in theaters October 14.
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5 Black Women TikTokers To Binge Watch
This is a safe space: You spend hours watching videos on Tik Tok when you should be doing something else, don’t you? You swear that it’ll just be a few minutes and then a few minutes becomes thirty minutes and before you know it, you’ve been laying in your bed for over an hour watching dozens and dozens of videos of precocious babies and people doing the latest dance challenge. No judgment here – we’ve all been there. To feed your addiction to the ever enticing scroll of the Tik Tok “For You” page, xoNecole has compiled a list of some of our favorite accounts on the app.
If you’ve ever come across the account of this professional therapist your first thoughts might have been, “Now why is Kelly Rowland in my business?” Despite the striking similarities, Simone Saunders is not one of the members of Destiny’s Child – but that’s not stopping the Canadian-based trauma therapist from helping you learn how to be a Survivor. With her advice on how to heal from abusive and toxic relationships learned through her years of training, Saunders, or “Dr. Rowland,” as she playfully calls herself, will definitely be your Motivation to get your life right.
@thecognitivecorner 🫡 #therapytiktok#healingtok#parentifiedchild#traumatok♬ gford._ gets no maidens - $avøry-$adisticpai
“Everybody saying they need love, they need peace, they need happiness – b-tch I need 30 bands right f-cking now!” is one of the many viral sounds that TikToker Aliyahs Interlude1 has spawned. The self-described “It Girl” has over a million followers who look to her for her bold fashion looks and her off-the-cuff style of humor.
@aliyahsinterlude1 literally stop guys 🙄🙄✋🏿 #fyp♬ original sound - aliyahsinterlude
If you are looking for a funny Black lesbian’s perspective into pop culture who will explain why Megan thee Stallion is a queer icon or why Rihanna and A$AP Rocky are a lesbian couple, look no further than the pop culture breakdowns of Homo Honey0. With her witty perspective, you’ll find yourself going down a queer and glorious rabbit hole of her page.
@homohoney0 Reply to @winteranddsummer #greenscreen#zendaya#zendayaandtomholland#euphoria#spidermanfarfromhome♬ original sound - PEYTON DIX
All it takes is watching one video from the precocious toddler Cami Fro Babe and her mother before your baby fever activates. This sweet North Carolina mama and daughter duo will have you smiling and laughing as they go shopping, vacationing, and getting into all the cuddles and sweetness that one could barely handle.
@camifrobabe Someone is excited about the new Little Mermaid 🧜🏾♀️ , she said they have the same hair 😩🥹😩 @halle ♬ original sound - CamiandFamily💕
Who doesn’t love hearing the messiness that celebrities were getting into decades ago? Tea with Britt gives you that good chamomile about what stars of yore were getting themselves into, including the sordid details of the many loves of Julia Roberts’ life or about Jerry Seinfield’s past creepy behavior, you’re going to want to keep your notifications on for the hot cup of what Britt is serving next.
@teawithbritt#greenscreen#derekjeter#mariahcarey#music#celebs#messytea☕️#popculture#fyp♬ Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
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