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Whether a divorce is particularly messy or if it is as civil as possible, it will still be painful for the entire family. Children particularly suffer during this time. Although you are dealing with your own mental and emotional issues during your separation, it is important to protect your children as much as possible.
First of all, it is important to keep your children out of it as much as possible. It can be easy to try to talk to your children about what is going on because you feel alone, but you need to find a friend or a counsellor to discuss your divorce issues with. Even if your children are older, they will still feel as if they are being put in the middle of the situation if you tell them too many details.
It is also important to let your children know that this separation is not their fault. You might be surprised to find just how many children do feel this way. Also, make sure that your children know that both of their parents still love them and that they are not being abandoned by the spouse that is leaving.
Arguing over the kids will only make the situation worse. Some partners try to use their children as a way to punish their spouse, but this is the wrong thing to do. Arguing over custody and child support can really hurt your children, and it will make them feel as if all of the fighting is their fault. You have to be as civil as you can possibly be, and bring a mediator or family attorney into the mix if you need guidance. Remember that taking your children away from one parent can be very hurtful to them and can have negative effects on them later in life, so encourage them to spend time with both parents to keep them as happy and healthy as possible.
Lastly, try to keep their life as normal as possible. Divorces often result in moves, the changing of school districts and other changes, and a child might feel a loss of safety, security and normality. Do as much as you can to keep your child's life as stable as possible during this time.
Although divorces are very painful and traumatic for the entire family, you can make things go much more smoothly if you make the effort. Not only will your children be able to transition to their new life much more easily if you take these steps, but you will also find healing to be easier for yourself.