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Today marks three months of grief and mourning for me. It has been the deepest, darkest and most unhappy period of my life. But thankfully, I feel this is the end.
May 17, 2017 • 1 min read
What happens when you finally arrive?
February 17 to May 17. 2017.
I have been grieving for what I felt had wrongfully been taken from me. It was a nakba (catastrophe) inside my soul every day because I lived with the burden of what I had lost for the rest of my life. After all, isn’t this why we mourn our dead? Because we can never regain the time we have lost with them.
But today I grieve for my forever.
Love is placing your locus of control outside of yourself and giving the other the power to change you, and then trusting their choices. Love arrives exactly when we are ready to become the person we aspire to be but then we must make a choice, and give up being who we have been all our life.
Three months ago I had felt my soul crack. And words fail to describe the moment when I knew that the light was pouring directly into me.
I am at the edge of my grief today because I am enough again. Enough to realize that if it were love, then the only fear forever would have chosen to give in to was the fear of losing me. And not of changing and becoming.
Compromise demands courage from us while cowardice knows nothing of love. And so I have nothing left to mourn anymore because what is truly mine can never be taken from me. Forever did not love me.