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Here's the thing about cannabis…marijuana…Mary Jane…Brown Sugar…weed. If you're not someone who smokes (or eats) it, I can assure you that you definitely know someone who does (even if they haven't hipped you to the fact). And if you're a Black person reading this, even if you don't "get down with the get down", I hope you are still in full support of decriminalizing it because the fact that so many of our people are locked up for dime bags while white people are thriving with their dispensaries is one of the most triggering things about the current legislation (or lack thereof) in this country. Ugh.
What's my personal take on cannabis? It's a plant. One that has psychoactive properties via three different types — Cannabis sativa, Cannabis indica and Cannabis ruderalis. I know that when the flowers on these dry out, we end up with what white folks call "pot". That said, roughly 65 percent of the people I personally know are either casual or religious weed consumers. I have definitely tried it, more than once (my first time was with my late fiancé), and I personally am amazed that more people are triggered by it than alcohol (more on that in a bit). Anyway, because cannabis is still considered to be illegal in many states — which I personally find to be ridiculous on so many levels — I have to responsibly advise that any fan who lives in a state where cannabis isn't legal, they should proceed with caution.
However, because I am aware of several benefits that come from the use of cannabis and because I also have a late close friend (someone who was adamantly opposed to weed before trying it) who found much relief during her cancer journey while using it, I know that no matter how much racist propaganda is pushed, this plant can be helpful on a myriad of levels. To be fair, I also know that it comes with a few challenges that need to be considered too.
So, in the effort to make sure that there is a fair and realistic approach to something that continues to be a controversial topic, let's explore 10 of the many pros and potential cons that come from lighting one up, having a brownie, enjoying a gummy — or whatever your cannabis consumption preference may be.
We'll start with the upside of it first.
BENEFIT #1: It Can Reduce Physical Pain
OK, so a bit of a breakdown on cannabis is both it and hemp come from the Cannabis sativa plant (although cannabis can come from the Cannabis indica plant too). And just what's the difference between the two? Basically, hemp contains 0.3 percent or less THC while cannabis contains more than that. As far as what THC (which stands for delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol) is, it's what creates the feeling of being high. Then there's the CBD (which stands for cannabidiol) that's also in hemp and cannabis; however, it doesn't produce a euphoric sensation. Instead, it's what reduces pain and inflammation.
CBD is why a lot of people are huge consumers of products like CBD oil because it has a pretty good reputation for also decreasing symptoms that are associated with pain, nausea, migraine and seizures.
The reason why cannabis can be helpful when it comes to treating pain is because it has a way of mimicking the cannabinoid chemicals that are naturally in your body. When THC and CBD are consumed, they stimulate your brain's receptors and reduce your pain levels. As far as if you should go with THC or CBD, it really all depends on if you want to "feel high" or not because, again, CBD can also be beneficial when it comes to reducing pain and body inflammation, although it won't give you the "extra effects" like giddiness, a heightened intensity to sights and sounds or even great and almost immediate feelings of relaxation (although I'm someone who applies CBD oil on my feet before going to bed and BABY…it's a wonder).
BENEFIT #2: It Can Decrease Stress and Anxiety
Weed affects different people in different ways. There is no doubt about that. So yes, it can actually trigger anxiety in some. At the same time, there are many people who say that smoking weed creates a feeling of calm, helps them to chill out and it is an effective way to get them to sleep quicker and more soundly. Probably the main thing to keep in mind here is since THC does provide a high effect that could potentially backfire and lead to high stress and paranoia, if you're looking to cannabis to solely help with stress and anxiety levels, something in CBD form is probably going to be less risky and more beneficial for you.
BENEFIT #3: It Can Be Good for Your Blood
Now here's a benefit that a bet a lot of you didn't know. Were you aware that cannabis has the ability to regulate the insulin in your system? What this means is it can actually help you out when it comes to stabilizing your blood sugar levels, lowering your blood pressure and even increasing blood circulation throughout your system. There are even studies to support the fact that THC and CBD can help to increase insulin in individuals who have type 2 diabetes while improving their metabolism in the process; this can be good for one's blood and liver in the long run. How dope is that?
BENEFIT #4: It Can Improve Your Sex Life
This particular point, I won't expound too much on, mostly because I've already written an article on it before (check out "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better"). What I will say is because THC gives off a feeling of euphoria, it can do wonders for you when it comes to elevating your mood and relaxing your body, so that you can orgasm quicker (or more intensely). As a bonus, it's also helpful for men when it comes to de-stressing them and also making erectile dysfunction less of an issue (if it is one).
BENEFIT #5: It’s Relatively Safer than Alcohol
The people who are huge wine drinkers who frown on weed smokers are interesting to me. They're kind of like the vegans who frown on meat eaters even though they do things like eat fast food. OK, but I digress on that last part. When it comes to my first comparison, something that I oftentimes say is, "When's the last time you heard that someone beat the crap outta someone while they were high?" or "Who do you know who caused a car accident while they were high?" Oh, but I hear this about both of these, as it relates to alcohol, quite a bit. I've got some people in my family who victimized others via their abuse of alcohol, in fact.
And aside from the recklessness that being under the influence of alcohol can cause, long-term health risks include high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, cancer, depression and liver disease — and that's just to name a few. That's not to say that cannabis comes with absolutely no health-related issues (I'm about to get into that). Still, when it comes to comparing it to alcohol, read "Marijuana Is Safer Than Alcohol: It's Time To Treat It That Way" when you get a chance. It might surprise you, just how problematic alcohol has a tendency to be; especially, in comparison to cannabis.
Now for the flip side of the coin.
CHALLENGE #1: It Can Alter Your Moods
I'm thinking it goes without saying that it's one thing to use cannabis; it's another thing entirely to be dependent on it (and yes, many people are). And so yes, if you're relying on it to process moods or get you through the day, that's unhealthy on a few levels. For one thing, constant use of weed can increase your chances of memory loss, lack of empathy, loss of concentration or — and this is a big one — it can increase the things that are associated with any mental health issues that you may already have.
I've even read that cannabis can put teens at a greater risk of being diagnosed with schizophrenia. So, if you are currently an avid cannabis consumer yet you don't feel super stable as far as your moods are concerned, the amount of it that you are consuming could very well be the culprit.
CHALLENGE #2: It Can Damage Your Lungs (or Not)
This point is interesting because, while at the end of the day, smoke in your lungs is well, smoke in your lungs, when it comes to cannabis specifically, there are pros and cons to intaking it this way. On one hand, there are some studies which state that smoking weed can actually increase your lung's capacity while sources like theAmerican Lung Association state that long-term cannabis use can lead to stripped lining of your lungs, bronchitis, chronic coughing and an overproduction of mucous.
Then there's the risk that you run of not smoking just cannabis but whatever other substances that may be in it which could damage your lungs too. Still, with places like Harvard and The Journal of the American Medical Association going on record saying that moderate consumption of weed really isn't "that big of a deal" when it comes to your lung health, I think the biggest takeaway here is too much of anything isn't good, no matter what it is, which is why balance is key. Oh, and that edibles keep the lung issues from being so much of an issue.
CHALLENGE #3: It Makes Your Heart Work Harder (Much Harder)
Let's talk about cannabis as it relates to heart health for just a moment. There are many studies to support the fact that people with heart disease who are under a lot of stress, they end up experiencing heart pain way quicker than those who don't have these issues. That's because cannabis is able to raise your heart rate and dilate your blood vessels. Something else that's pretty daunting here is the fact that you increase your risk of having a heart attack by seven whopping times within an hour of smoking cannabis in comparison to if there was none of it in your system at all. That might be part of the reason why more and more studies are coming out citing that teens who frequently smoke weed are twice as likely to experience a heart attack than those who don't.
CHALLENGE #4: It Can Be Potentially Bad for Your Brain
We've definitely gotta be careful about using things that can mess with our brain, right? As far as cannabis goes, the main thing to keep in mind is THC tends to connect to the brain's cannabinoid receptors which are connected to the nerves that are responsible for things like your memory, appetite, moods and even pain regulation. This is another reason why adapting the motto "moderation is key" when it comes to cannabis use can be a really good idea. Also, there are studies that connect long-term cannabis use to a drop in IQ points in teens.
Brain-wise, you should definitely steer clear of synthetic cannabis (a man-made hallucinogenic substance). It's linked to things like poor motor skills, low inhibitions, seizures, hallucinations, violent behaviors, paranoia and even brain damage. Synthetic cannabis can also be far more addicting than a natural form of cannabis. For the record, some reports say that 1 in 10 adults are capable of becoming addicted to natural weed. Just something to keep in mind.
CHALLENGE #5: You Can Become Psychologically Reliant
So, let's end with something else that is a hot topic when it comes to cannabis — how easy is it to become addicted to it? What a lot of health experts believe is you are far more susceptible if 1) you've got a predisposition to it due to your parents and/or grandparents being avid users and 2) more than half of the people who do become addicted typically have a mental health issue like depression, anxiety or PTSD because while it first seems like a soothing agent, it can end up being something that users feel like they can't function without. No substance should ever make you feel that way, so if that is your current perspective on cannabis, first make an appointment to see your doctor and then consider meeting up with a therapist. Chances are, if the THC is what you're struggling with, at the very least, a CBD oil will be recommended as an alternative.
Cannabis is far too vast of a topic to be able to address everything. I hope this at least gave you more to think about whether you use it or you're someone who has been strongly against it without knowing more about it. As with most things in life, it's got a lot of good, comes with some risks and should be approached with balance. For more info on things like its legislation, various strains and where to purchase cannabis products, visit sites likeLeafly andMarijuana Moment and also read articles like "9 black-owned cannabis companies you should know", "7 Black-Owned Cannabis Brands to Support This 4/20" and "Conscious Consumption: 100+ Black-Owned Cannabis Businesses to Support Right Now". Have fun. Be safe.
For more inspiration, self-care, and wellness tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Shellie R. Warren is a lover of quotes, lip gloss, graphic t-shirts, silver jewelry and Pumas. She's an author with two published books (thus far) on matters of the heart. In fact, 2019 was the 15-year anniversary of her first release ' Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption' (she's seriously mulling over penning a sequel to it) and 2020 marked her 20-year anniversary of being a (mostly) full-time writer. Aside from that, when Shellie's not tellin' all her business, she's helping couples (marriage life coach) or assisting with birthing babies (doula). Her byline is all over cyberspace, but where you won't find her is on social media. Like anywhere. At all. If you need to hit her up, she's (usually) reachable at missnosipho at gmail.com, though. HOWEVER, pitches for xoNecole need to go to editor@xonecole. Hit her up for *strictly* Shellie-related stuff. Again, pitch article ideas to the site addy NOT HER. Much appreciated.
6 Items NYC's Most Stylish Can’t Wait To Wear This Fall
This year I had the pleasure of attending my very first New York Fashion Week where I witnessed the best of fashion both on and off the runway. In between highly anticipated shows and jam-packed schedules industry insiders dominated the street style scene making their very own impression on the world. Buyers to bloggers, editors, and stylists were captured serving one-of-a-kind looks that will forever live in Fashion Week history.
Strolling from one event to the next, I got on-the-ground coverage of the most eye-catching New Yorkers and what they’re excited to wear this fall. From layers to oversized clothing, the overall theme this season is maximum comfort and style while wearing classic staples that go far beyond seasonal trends. Keep scrolling to read the most anticipated items that will define New York style this coming fall/winter season.
Blazers are a personal favorite all year around, however, I love to up the ante with a leather option when it comes to fall. A staple in the millennial fashion community, blazers can be a lightweight addition to any look, especially during transitional weather. If opting for a chic all-black blazer or making a statement with a colored choice, I suggest a full leather look with matching trousers paired with a contrasting top and a boot to make an even bolder statement this fall.
No matter your personal style, the addition of layers upon layers is half skill and half art. At the top of everyone’s mind this fall, layering is a must for NYC fall/winter. Whether for fun or functionality, layering isn't just for warmth and comfort but for fashionistas, it's a way to play with your season’s best. Layer your look with warm accessories such as scarves, socks, and even jewelry along with functional items like button-downs, vests, blazers, and jackets.
3. Maya & Mina
One thing you can count on during Fashion Week is models bringing the best and most effortless street style. I ran into one of my favorite models, Maya, who recently moved to NYC from LA, and had to get her thoughts on how she plans to rework her fall wardrobe for an east coast aesthetic. When asking both her and her friend Mina what they’re looking forward to wearing this fall, the oversized look was the first that came to mind. “I’m looking forward to layering big baggy clothing this fall for warmth and a genderless look," Mina told xoNecole.
High boots with midi skirts
​High boots and midi skirts are a certified look for fall. You can dress this combination up or down depending on your personal style. For a casual look try a calf-length chunky boot with an oversized cropped sweatshirt with a denim midi skirt or for a more feminine and chic approach, wear a high boot with a sleek heel and long sleeve bodysuit or knit sweater.
Cargo pants are trending high on the list of fashion must-haves this fall. A closet staple that you can wear year after year, this is a pant style worth investing in. Tiffany shared her excitement to wear cargo pants this fall with xoNecole, "You can dress them up or down so it's the versatility that I love the most." When it comes to cargo pants, I love oversized ones the most with elements such as acid wash fabric or contrasting stitching to set your pair apart from the rest.
Fresh off the runway, I took one look at model Jordan Daniels and knew exactly which item she was looking forward to wearing this fall. Her oversized all-white ensemble made up of a men’s button-down and knee-length soft shorts paired with cognac riding boots defined comfy chic NYC style. Cool and effortless, Jordan made it clear flat knee-high boots are a perfect choice for the fashion girl on the go looking for her must-have shoe.
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KevOnStage And His Wife Melissa Don’t Want To Be “Relationship Goals”
Being married or in any type of long-term relationship takes intention and diligence. No one could tell you that better than comedian and social media personality KevOnStage (Kevin Fredericks) and his wife and partner Melissa.
You may have come across Kevin from one of his many hilarious videos where he’s breaking down the latest in pop culture and the social media zeitgeist. But now he and his wife have expanded on the topics they covered on their podcast The Love Hour in their recent New York Times best-selling book Marriage Be Hard: 12 Conversations to Keep You Laughing, Loving, and Learning with Your Partner.
In the book, the couple, who met and fell in love while they were in high school, put their favorite anecdotes and advice all in one place. xoNecole caught up with Kevin and Melissa to talk about writing the book, their relationship, and what it takes to make a long-term relationship work.
xoNecole: What inspired you all to write the book?
Kevin: I think, for me, I love social media and all of that, but I think a lot of times relationships get “relationship goalsy,” and people tend to not highlight what a practical, real relationship means. People were always calling us “relationship goals,” and I was like, ”Y'all need to understand…” For example, we did The Love Hour: Real Comedians Tour, and there were some times that, before we went on stage, we would have just gotten into an argument and we would have to go out and perform. And I think we just wanted to kind of pull the curtain back, I guess, and give people, or let people know, like, don't, don't idolize us in that sense because we are going through it just like anybody else is going through it, and here's how we're getting through it. As opposed to, “our marriage is so perfect all the time, this is so great, we're on vacation, never get in arguments. We never argue. We've been together since we were high school sweethearts and haven't had a problem the whole time.” We want to give people a real life look through how you stay together for 20 years and what tips and tricks and being required to get here.
xoNecole: When Kevin first decided to leave his nine-to-five to pursue comedy, how did that impact your marriage and how did y'all get through that?
Melissa: I think that when Kev left his nine- to- five – and I would even go back to even when we decided to move to California – all of that had an impact I don't think we realize until a few years later. So, I would say that is something that we’re still kind of working through and I would say that the biggest way to overcome that has been therapy. We’ve done what’s called the emotional focus therapy.
Emotionally focused therapy is really, really great because…since we’ve been in the love and relationship space and I’ve read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts, you can intellectualize things a lot [rather than letting your response] sit in your feelings. So, one of the things our therapist specifically [says] is “don’t focus on ‘I think,’ like those kinds of phrases, because you’re all up here in your mind. Instead go down in your heart and what is this making you feel? What are the impact of your words in terms of your feelings? And I just find that super, super beneficial for us. So, I would say that’s one of the ways we’re overcoming the unintended consequences from years ago.
Kevin: I think Melissa answered that one tremendously. This success has required sacrifice, I think is the easiest way to put it. I think too, we're, you know, doing well financially and able to help a lot of people, but it didn't come without some wounds and scars that kind of were really put on display by the pandemic. Like, we really had to confront them starting in 2020. I think we've been doing that kind of therapy work since then, off and on, but more consistently over the last six months to a year.
There were well-intentioned things that each of us did that the other person didn't necessarily take as well-intentioned as they were meant to be. And I think not understanding each other's motivation led to some resentment that we are now figuring out how that got there and how to not go down that path again and how to kind of heal some of those wounds.
xoNecole: And what were some of the sacrifices you made Kevin?
Courtesy of Kevin and Melissa Fredericks
Kevin: I honestly feel like I made many sacrifices. I feel like Melissa made a lot of sacrifices that allowed me to succeed. I always think about the gymnast that’s learning, that’s practicing. They have this safety net or they have like the foam pit and they can go as high as they want and they know that they won’t get hurt in the process and then the world actually sees them at the performance. And I think that’s how Melissa has been to me. She’s been that safety net. Her holding down a full-time job when I got fired [from my bank job] allowed us to cover the bills, and allowed me to even do stand-up comedy and content. And for the longest, she was the safety net of consistent income, healthcare, all that type of stuff and that allowed me to chase those dreams.
xoNecole: What did you learn while writing that was a surprise to you about your relationship?
Kevin: I don’t do a good job at reflecting. I never do that. With anything – good or bad. And I think the book requires you to go back to the very genesis of our relationship even prior to marriage, years one through three, year five, prior to LA. People only know us from the last seven, eight years with the eruption of [my social media content] KevOnStage, since we moved to LA. But we were in Washington, DC 13 years prior to that, from 16 to 29. So that’s a bigger part of our relationship and we are always in the present looking forward as opposed to looking backward and when you write that book, you go back and relieve those things that at the time they were happening that’s all you can think of. But the combination of the book and therapy was like a one-two punch because our therapist was requiring the same thing of us.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
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From Love & Basketball to The Woman King, The Evolution of Gina Prince-Bythewood
Of all the joys that came from my recent viewing of The Woman King in theaters, my favorite was simply watching another one of Gina Prince Bythewood’s visions brought to life. Since 2000 when she came on to the scene with her sports romantic drama Love and Basketball, Bythewood has built a diverse filmography that centers Black women.
xoNecole is here to take you through Bythewood’s films over the years and how the filmmaker continues to hold it down for Black women on screen.
Love & Basketball (2000)
In her cult classic feature film directorial debut Love and Basketball, Bythewood gave the world a love story about childhood sweethearts Monica (Sanaa Lathan in her breakout role) and Quincy (Omar Epps) who bond over their love for basketball and each other. Bythewood said this of the film in a 2020 interview with The Hollywood Reporter:
The kernel of the idea was that I wanted to make a Black When Harry Met Sally. I love that film, and there was a dearth or nonexistence of love stories made with Black characters. It was something that I wanted to see reflected; I wanted to see myself reflected. I also wanted to tell a story that put into the world that women could have both — love and career.
The Secret Life of Bees (2008)
Nearly a decade after her directorial debut, Bythewood was back with The Secret Life of Bees, an adaptation of the book of the same name. Starring Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson and Dakota Fanning as Lily, the film tells a familial love story about the sweetness of chosen family and rebuilding your life after trauma. In talking about why she decided to direct the film she said this to The Los Angeles Times:
The main protagonist] Lily’s journey was so similar to something I went through. I was adopted by a Salvadoran mother and a white father, and growing up I had a lot of issues about who was my real mother, why was I given up. [In the book, when Lily says she’s unlovable,] That was the moment where I said, ‘I have to make this film,’ because I said those exact words myself.
Beyond the Lights (2014)
In Beyond the Lights, Bythewood brings to the screen Noni, a biracial singer portrayed by Gugu Mbatha Raw, as she tries to break free from the pressure of fame and an overbearing stage mom Macy. It isn’t until crossing paths with Officer Kaz who saves her during a mental health crisis that she sees a path to a world beyond the glitz and glitter of the music industry. It’s loosely based on Bythewood’s life after reconnecting with her biological mother didn’t yield the results she was hoping. Bythewood said of her biological mom in an interview with Collider:
If this woman had ended up raising me, I would have grown up in a home that didn’t have unconditional love and how damaging that could be because it should be the right of every child. I wanted to deal with that [in Beyond the Lights], and that was really the catalyst for the Macy-Noni relationship of a girl who’s growing up and a woman who’s trying to find her own self-worth in her daughter and how damaging that can be, but also using her love as a carrot, at times, as well, to push her daughter into the direction that she wants.
The Old Guard (2020)
The Old Guard starring Kiki Layne and Charlize Theron was the beginning of Bythewood expanding her talents from quieter dramas, to the world of action. Old Guard centers on a group of immortal soldiers who fight to protect themselves when they realize someone is threatening to expose their secrets. In an interview with Thrillist she said:
I had been actively pushing my career in this direction because I love action films and I wanted the opportunity to do one myself," she tells me. "Hollywood did not seem as eager to have that happen for women until Patty Jenkins, and all praise to Patty who just killed it with Wonder Woman and absolutely cracked the door open.
The Woman King (2022)
The Woman King feels like a culmination of all the things Bythewood has been building over her career: The maternal conflict of Beyond the Lights; The love of a found family of The Secret Life of Bees; The romance from Love & Basketball; The action and fight scenes of the Old Guard. All this mixed together brings to life the Agojie, the women warriors of the Dahomey tribe who reckon with their role as slavers and harness their collective power to free the oppressed tribes from their captors. In a Rolling Stone interview, star and producer of the film Viola Davis recounted that Bythewood gave an impassioned pitch where the director ended up breaking down in tears because of her strong connection to the material. “Everyone in the room knew she was the one to direct The Woman King, because she was going to protect and honor it the same way she would her own story,” Davis said.
Bags Secured: How Tia Mowry Continues To Make Money Moves Outside Of Acting
After 25 + years in the entertainment industry, Tia Mowry has remained a mainstay in many of our lives. Tia and her twin sister Tamera garnered fame after starring in their own TV series Sister, Sister, which premiered in 1994 and since then we have seen them venture into solo endeavors. Tia, specifically, went on to act in the film Baggage Claim, Netflix’s series Family Reunion, and who can forget her role as Melanie Barnett in The Game?
The mother of two also teamed up with Tamera for projects such as Seventeen Again, Twitches one, and two, and their reality series Tia & Tamera.
But while Tia is known as an actress, she has used that fame as a way to lean into other endeavors and reinvent herself in the industry.
Here are five ways Tia has diversified herself outside of acting.
Tia launched her YouTube show Tia Mowry’s Quick Fix where she shares self-care practices and story time. However, it’s her cooking videos that really get the people going. The 44-year-old often posts videos of herself cooking for her family and sometimes she is joined by her husband Cory Hardrict and/ or her kids Cairo and Cree. Her YouTube channel is so successful that she almost has one million subscribers.
If you’re not following Tia on social media then you are missing out. The actress’ Instagram Reels and TikToks are some of the best content out there. The Family Reunion star’s social media gives fans a look at her bubbly personality as she shares funny moments with her family, fashion and beauty looks, dancing, relatable mom commentary and so much more.
The former child actress has written over three books and co-wrote the Twintution series with her sister Tamera. She has written two cookbooks, one in 2017, called Whole New You, and the second in 2021 named The Quick Fix Kitchen.
Sister, Sister star got into the wellness game by co-founding the vitamin and supplement line Anser. Tia has consistently spoken out about her health issues such as being diagnosed with endometriosis and has decided to venture into wellness after discovering how to heal herself. In an interview with Instyle, Tia talked about the importance of health. "We have been taught to be in that state of mind of survival," she said.
"But not only have we been taught, we've been forced — let's be real. [However,] a part of survival, in my opinion, is taking care of yourself. A part of being your best, being equipped to tackle your circumstances, is filling up your own cup. It's important for you to look at yourself as valuable — you have to take care of yourself."
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Featured image by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for The Hollywood Reporter
5 Ways To Keep It Together On A Stressful Work Day
Stress is a common part of living, especially when it comes to work. For women, the impact can be felt even more due to workplace issues including unequal pay, gender discrimination, and race-related aggressions. In fact, research shows that professional women experience more stress than men, with a 46% prevalence for those employed full-time (versus 42% for men).
Many toxic factors in the workplace are part of systemic problems that require address and resolution. On the other hand, some stressors are simply part of the job and are a normal occurrence, especially for certain occupations. Thus, finding ways to manage stress is super-important for all the women who are bossing up, who love what they do, and who want to continue thriving in their careers. There are meetings to lead, deals to close, and people to serve.
For those days when having a meltdown and saying 'To hell with this job,' is not an option, here are five quick steps you can take to keep it together when work is trying your nerves and pushing you to the limit:
1. Get into breathwork.
Practicing methods like breathing retention can do wonders for coping with stress. (And this goes beyond just taking a few deep breaths). Sitting for a 10- to 15-minute session of deliberate action to control your breathing, center your thoughts and relax your jaw, shoulder, and back, has been found to help release feelings of stress and take control of your body.
Stress can trigger physical and mental reactions like decreases in energy, diarrhea or constipation, forgetfulness, and headaches, and nobody has time for that when trying to ace a presentation or practice healthy management habits. You can take a quick break, right in your office, find a quiet spot near your job, or even use your car for that impromptu breathwork session, allowing time and space for refreshing your mind, body, and spirit.
2. Journal about your stress triggers.
Yes, while at work. Writing down exactly what's triggering you or simply getting your thoughts out of your head can provide just the relief you need to get to the end of the day without going off of somebody or mentally detaching yourself. You surely don't want to do this on your company-owned computer, nor do you want to have sticky notes thrown around your office with your personal thoughts and triggers listed on them, but you can definitely use that Notes or journal app on your phone to type out a few thoughts or keep a mini book in your purse or car for purging.
With "expressive writing intervention," (i.e. journaling), you can improve your mood and see long-term positive results related to anxiety and stress. Don't know where to start or find journaling overwhelming? Try prompts that will help guide you in formulating your thoughts, facilitating calm, and redirecting your focus.
3. Take a fitness break.
Doing some sort of physical activity can also be the perfect release you need for shaking off stress during your work day. If you can take a whole 30-minute break (in addition to your usual lunch break, which you should be taking regardless of your work schedule or responsibilities), use the time for some HIIT, boxing, yoga, running, or walking. For options that are a bit more low-key or cubicle-friendly, try low-impact exercises such as seated jacks or side skaters or movements like tricep stretches that can relieve back and neck pain associated with stress.
Find a great podcast, audiobook, or playlist to listen to while doing this, put a timer on, and allow yourself some time for activity that will increase endorphins (which are behind positive emotions and feelings).
4. Incorporate play into your day.
If you're not into actual workouts in the middle of a work day, try something fun that gets you away from your desk and into some sort of activity that makes your heart sing and allows you to, again, refocus your efforts in order to manage stress. A dance break, playing a game outdoors (i.e. solo basketball, soccer, or tennis), or incorporating fun games in your office decor (like a mini golf game or adult hopscotch).
5. Spark a discussion with your trusted mentor, HR professional, team, or colleague in a solutions-focused way.
While confiding in a coworker, HR professional, or manager can have its pros and cons and can seem intimidating, talking about what's stressing you out in a way that prioritizes solutions and open dialogue can help you find solutions or at least a way to cope. This is most fitting when the source of stress involves the completion of a project, troubleshooting how to tackle a major work-related issue, addressing a difficult interaction with a team member, learning a new system or skill, or breaking through communication barriers.
When appropriate (and within your company's rules about fraternizing, hours, and interactions), invite a mentor or colleague to coffee, lunch, or dinner. If you're a manager, schedule a meeting with your team or host one-on-ones to focus not on venting, disciplining, or complaining, but on personal engagement. It's a good idea to ask open-ended questions like "How would you approach this issue?" "How can we make a process more efficient?" "What resources do we need to work smart, not hard?" versus "This is stressing me out," "Quiet Quitter Kelly is getting on my nerves" or "You're not doing your part."
Oftentimes, there's a way to eliminate stress related to certain aspects of a job simply by having honest and inclusive conversations, acting on recommendations, shifting processes, tracking results, and recognizing the ways in which workplace practices, habits, and culture might be adding unnecessary stress and confusion to everyday workday tasks.
Trying these five steps can ensure you are your best self, you're able to empower others, and that you can sustain a long and healthy career full of fulfillment and legacy.
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