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Trading the security—hello, regular paychecks and benefits—that come with a 9-to-5 for the unknowns of entrepreneurship requires a big leap of faith. Yet, for the women who dare to start their own venture, and muscle through challenges (particularly those of the last year), the experience is intensely rewarding—doubly so when your business helps bring vitality to your neighborhood, and is supported by your neighbors. But where to start?
These three women, all of whom left successful careers with big corporations to be their own boss, found the welcoming, mid-sized city of Charlotte to be fertile ground for opening up shop. Spoiler alert: They're happier than ever!
Remi Haygood learned to knit to deal with the stress of a corporate banking job. As she knit and purled each new skein of yarn, this calming pastime slowly became her passion.
In 2005, Haywood learned that the owner of Charlotte Yarn was looking to sell the store and she decided it was time to leave the corporate world and embark on a new career.
"Even though I had never worked retail, I have never been shy about trying new things," she says. "I liked knowing that I was in control of whether it failed or succeeded."
Haygood admits the learning curve was steep: She'd never used a cash register or run payroll and had no idea about business essentials like applying for tax identification numbers or paying sales tax, all while researching knitting trends, building a local knitting community, and marketing her store to bring in shoppers.
"I thought, 'I'll order yarn and teach people to knit,' but there was a lot of work on the back end to make the business run," she says.
It didn't take long for Haygood to master the basics; she took to entrepreneurship the same way she took to knitting: quickly and passionately. Charlotte Yarn customers embraced the business—and the change in ownership—and cheered Haygood on as she put her own spin on the shop.
The business skills that Haygood developed running Charlotte Yarn were essential for navigating the pandemic. She changed the store hours, introduced beginner knit kits to help people learn the craft during quarantine, promoted one-on-one (socially distanced) knitting lessons and introduced virtual "sit and knit" gatherings. Haygood's now launching corporate team-building events to help others relieve stress through knitting.
"I don't knit as much as I used to and my hobby is now my work," she says. Yet the locals who've supported her from the start are all the better for it. "I find joy in seeing how much knitting has helped other people."
Lindsey Williams, Davidson Wine Co.
After graduating from law school, Lindsey Williams spent a decade working for a big bank. Williams was successful, climbing the corporate ladder and receiving accolades for her work, but she was burned out and looking for new opportunities.
"I started thinking, 'What if I went out on my own? What is something I would want to do?'" she recalls. "I'd always loved wine…and I fostered that love of wine into my next career."
Williams took winemaking classes and participated in an internship with a winemaker in California before opening Davidson Wine Co. in 2019. "As a lawyer, when you have a difficult case, you do a lot of research," she recalls. "I wasn't going to feel comfortable going into wine without knowing a lot about it."
The "urban winery" in Davidson (about a half hour from Charlotte) produces popular wines like merlot, cabernet and chardonnay as well as unique wines like petit verdos and pinotages. As head winemaker, Williams makes all of the wines and offers tastings, wine sales and a bistro menu from the wine bar in bustling downtown Davidson.
Her legal background proved helpful for navigating the federal and state regulations but, Williams admits, "I had no idea all of the hats I'd be wearing: winemaker, retail, marketing, human resources all fall on me."
Opening a wine bar meant trading a (mostly) 9-to-5 career for one that requires working nights and weekends, and the transition to entrepreneurship required several other adjustments. Williams credits local mentors for helping her navigate the challenges and celebrate the successes of being her own boss.
"It's important for women to find other mentors and support," she says. "Having someone to provide a sounding board when I'm having a challenge and leaning on others to help is one of the things that's been really beneficial to me."
Sherry Waters, The Pauline Tea Bar-Apothecary
Although Sherry Waters had a background in marketing and public relations, she credits her work as a hospital chaplain for inspiring her to open an herbal tea lounge. "The idea of having a sacred space for the community was planted in my heart," she recalls.
In 2019, Waters opened The Pauline Tea Bar-Apothecary in Charlotte's Camp Greene historic neighborhood district. Customers order steaming mugs of herbal tea, read, meditate, journal or engage in quiet conversation. A grant from the Center City Small Business Innovation Fund allowed Waters to build a labyrinth behind the building in the Camp Greene neighborhood.
"It's quite different from a normal café," she says. "The intention here is to unplug and find respite and solace in a peaceful environment…it's a sanctuary space."
Creating that kind of environment required a great deal of work. Waters studied herbal teas, tapped into community resources, hired staff and maintained long to-do lists to keep things running. In an attempt to do it all, she realized the need to prioritize self-care.
"I've gotten better about learning to say 'no,'" she says. "There have to be boundaries to protect my time."
It's hard to take time off when the demand is so great. The community has embraced the unique space, dropping in for tea and renting the tea bar for special events. During the pandemic, Waters received invitations to sell loose leaf teas and cold brews at two local farmers markets. It added to her schedule but offset COVID-19-related business losses—and brought Waters even closer to her community.
"I've always found Charlotte to be generous, supportive and innovative," she says. "One of the most important skills you can have as a business owner is being part of your community, aware of their needs and able to respond."
Featured image courtesy of Lindsey Williams
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From Love & Basketball to The Woman King, The Evolution of Gina Prince-Bythewood
Of all the joys that came from my recent viewing of The Woman King in theaters, my favorite was simply watching another one of Gina Prince Bythewood’s visions brought to life. Since 2000 when she came on to the scene with her sports romantic drama Love and Basketball, Bythewood has built a diverse filmography that centers Black women.
xoNecole is here to take you through Bythewood’s films over the years and how the filmmaker continues to hold it down for Black women on screen.
Love & Basketball (2000)
In her cult classic feature film directorial debut Love and Basketball, Bythewood gave the world a love story about childhood sweethearts Monica (Sanaa Lathan in her breakout role) and Quincy (Omar Epps) who bond over their love for basketball and each other. Bythewood said this of the film in a 2020 interview with The Hollywood Reporter:
The kernel of the idea was that I wanted to make a Black When Harry Met Sally. I love that film, and there was a dearth or nonexistence of love stories made with Black characters. It was something that I wanted to see reflected; I wanted to see myself reflected. I also wanted to tell a story that put into the world that women could have both — love and career.
The Secret Life of Bees (2008)
Nearly a decade after her directorial debut, Bythewood was back with The Secret Life of Bees, an adaptation of the book of the same name. Starring Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson and Dakota Fanning as Lily, the film tells a familial love story about the sweetness of chosen family and rebuilding your life after trauma. In talking about why she decided to direct the film she said this to The Los Angeles Times:
The main protagonist] Lily’s journey was so similar to something I went through. I was adopted by a Salvadoran mother and a white father, and growing up I had a lot of issues about who was my real mother, why was I given up. [In the book, when Lily says she’s unlovable,] That was the moment where I said, ‘I have to make this film,’ because I said those exact words myself.
Beyond the Lights (2014)
In Beyond the Lights, Bythewood brings to the screen Noni, a biracial singer portrayed by Gugu Mbatha Raw, as she tries to break free from the pressure of fame and an overbearing stage mom Macy. It isn’t until crossing paths with Officer Kaz who saves her during a mental health crisis that she sees a path to a world beyond the glitz and glitter of the music industry. It’s loosely based on Bythewood’s life after reconnecting with her biological mother didn’t yield the results she was hoping. Bythewood said of her biological mom in an interview with Collider:
If this woman had ended up raising me, I would have grown up in a home that didn’t have unconditional love and how damaging that could be because it should be the right of every child. I wanted to deal with that [in Beyond the Lights], and that was really the catalyst for the Macy-Noni relationship of a girl who’s growing up and a woman who’s trying to find her own self-worth in her daughter and how damaging that can be, but also using her love as a carrot, at times, as well, to push her daughter into the direction that she wants.
The Old Guard (2020)
The Old Guard starring Kiki Layne and Charlize Theron was the beginning of Bythewood expanding her talents from quieter dramas, to the world of action. Old Guard centers on a group of immortal soldiers who fight to protect themselves when they realize someone is threatening to expose their secrets. In an interview with Thrillist she said:
I had been actively pushing my career in this direction because I love action films and I wanted the opportunity to do one myself," she tells me. "Hollywood did not seem as eager to have that happen for women until Patty Jenkins, and all praise to Patty who just killed it with Wonder Woman and absolutely cracked the door open.
The Woman King (2022)
The Woman King feels like a culmination of all the things Bythewood has been building over her career: The maternal conflict of Beyond the Lights; The love of a found family of The Secret Life of Bees; The romance from Love & Basketball; The action and fight scenes of the Old Guard. All this mixed together brings to life the Agojie, the women warriors of the Dahomey tribe who reckon with their role as slavers and harness their collective power to free the oppressed tribes from their captors. In a Rolling Stone interview, star and producer of the film Viola Davis recounted that Bythewood gave an impassioned pitch where the director ended up breaking down in tears because of her strong connection to the material. “Everyone in the room knew she was the one to direct The Woman King, because she was going to protect and honor it the same way she would her own story,” Davis said.
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Bags Secured: How Tia Mowry Continues To Make Money Moves Outside Of Acting
After 25 + years in the entertainment industry, Tia Mowry has remained a mainstay in many of our lives. Tia and her twin sister Tamera garnered fame after starring in their own TV series Sister, Sister, which premiered in 1994 and since then we have seen them venture into solo endeavors. Tia, specifically, went on to act in the film Baggage Claim, Netflix’s series Family Reunion, and who can forget her role as Melanie Barnett in The Game?
The mother of two also teamed up with Tamera for projects such as Seventeen Again, Twitches one, and two, and their reality series Tia & Tamera.
But while Tia is known as an actress, she has used that fame as a way to lean into other endeavors and reinvent herself in the industry.
Here are five ways Tia has diversified herself outside of acting.
Tia launched her YouTube show Tia Mowry’s Quick Fix where she shares self-care practices and story time. However, it’s her cooking videos that really get the people going. The 44-year-old often posts videos of herself cooking for her family and sometimes she is joined by her husband Cory Hardrict and/ or her kids Cairo and Cree. Her YouTube channel is so successful that she almost has one million subscribers.
If you’re not following Tia on social media then you are missing out. The actress’ Instagram Reels and TikToks are some of the best content out there. The Family Reunion star’s social media gives fans a look at her bubbly personality as she shares funny moments with her family, fashion and beauty looks, dancing, relatable mom commentary and so much more.
The former child actress has written over three books and co-wrote the Twintution series with her sister Tamera. She has written two cookbooks, one in 2017, called Whole New You, and the second in 2021 named The Quick Fix Kitchen.
Sister, Sister star got into the wellness game by co-founding the vitamin and supplement line Anser. Tia has consistently spoken out about her health issues such as being diagnosed with endometriosis and has decided to venture into wellness after discovering how to heal herself. In an interview with Instyle, Tia talked about the importance of health. "We have been taught to be in that state of mind of survival," she said.
"But not only have we been taught, we've been forced — let's be real. [However,] a part of survival, in my opinion, is taking care of yourself. A part of being your best, being equipped to tackle your circumstances, is filling up your own cup. It's important for you to look at yourself as valuable — you have to take care of yourself."
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Featured image by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for The Hollywood Reporter
5 Ways To Keep It Together On A Stressful Work Day
Stress is a common part of living, especially when it comes to work. For women, the impact can be felt even more due to workplace issues including unequal pay, gender discrimination, and race-related aggressions. In fact, research shows that professional women experience more stress than men, with a 46% prevalence for those employed full-time (versus 42% for men).
Many toxic factors in the workplace are part of systemic problems that require address and resolution. On the other hand, some stressors are simply part of the job and are a normal occurrence, especially for certain occupations. Thus, finding ways to manage stress is super-important for all the women who are bossing up, who love what they do, and who want to continue thriving in their careers. There are meetings to lead, deals to close, and people to serve.
For those days when having a meltdown and saying 'To hell with this job,' is not an option, here are five quick steps you can take to keep it together when work is trying your nerves and pushing you to the limit:
1. Get into breathwork.
Practicing methods like breathing retention can do wonders for coping with stress. (And this goes beyond just taking a few deep breaths). Sitting for a 10- to 15-minute session of deliberate action to control your breathing, center your thoughts and relax your jaw, shoulder, and back, has been found to help release feelings of stress and take control of your body.
Stress can trigger physical and mental reactions like decreases in energy, diarrhea or constipation, forgetfulness, and headaches, and nobody has time for that when trying to ace a presentation or practice healthy management habits. You can take a quick break, right in your office, find a quiet spot near your job, or even use your car for that impromptu breathwork session, allowing time and space for refreshing your mind, body, and spirit.
2. Journal about your stress triggers.
Yes, while at work. Writing down exactly what's triggering you or simply getting your thoughts out of your head can provide just the relief you need to get to the end of the day without going off of somebody or mentally detaching yourself. You surely don't want to do this on your company-owned computer, nor do you want to have sticky notes thrown around your office with your personal thoughts and triggers listed on them, but you can definitely use that Notes or journal app on your phone to type out a few thoughts or keep a mini book in your purse or car for purging.
With "expressive writing intervention," (i.e. journaling), you can improve your mood and see long-term positive results related to anxiety and stress. Don't know where to start or find journaling overwhelming? Try prompts that will help guide you in formulating your thoughts, facilitating calm, and redirecting your focus.
3. Take a fitness break.
Doing some sort of physical activity can also be the perfect release you need for shaking off stress during your work day. If you can take a whole 30-minute break (in addition to your usual lunch break, which you should be taking regardless of your work schedule or responsibilities), use the time for some HIIT, boxing, yoga, running, or walking. For options that are a bit more low-key or cubicle-friendly, try low-impact exercises such as seated jacks or side skaters or movements like tricep stretches that can relieve back and neck pain associated with stress.
Find a great podcast, audiobook, or playlist to listen to while doing this, put a timer on, and allow yourself some time for activity that will increase endorphins (which are behind positive emotions and feelings).
4. Incorporate play into your day.
If you're not into actual workouts in the middle of a work day, try something fun that gets you away from your desk and into some sort of activity that makes your heart sing and allows you to, again, refocus your efforts in order to manage stress. A dance break, playing a game outdoors (i.e. solo basketball, soccer, or tennis), or incorporating fun games in your office decor (like a mini golf game or adult hopscotch).
5. Spark a discussion with your trusted mentor, HR professional, team, or colleague in a solutions-focused way.
While confiding in a coworker, HR professional, or manager can have its pros and cons and can seem intimidating, talking about what's stressing you out in a way that prioritizes solutions and open dialogue can help you find solutions or at least a way to cope. This is most fitting when the source of stress involves the completion of a project, troubleshooting how to tackle a major work-related issue, addressing a difficult interaction with a team member, learning a new system or skill, or breaking through communication barriers.
When appropriate (and within your company's rules about fraternizing, hours, and interactions), invite a mentor or colleague to coffee, lunch, or dinner. If you're a manager, schedule a meeting with your team or host one-on-ones to focus not on venting, disciplining, or complaining, but on personal engagement. It's a good idea to ask open-ended questions like "How would you approach this issue?" "How can we make a process more efficient?" "What resources do we need to work smart, not hard?" versus "This is stressing me out," "Quiet Quitter Kelly is getting on my nerves" or "You're not doing your part."
Oftentimes, there's a way to eliminate stress related to certain aspects of a job simply by having honest and inclusive conversations, acting on recommendations, shifting processes, tracking results, and recognizing the ways in which workplace practices, habits, and culture might be adding unnecessary stress and confusion to everyday workday tasks.
Trying these five steps can ensure you are your best self, you're able to empower others, and that you can sustain a long and healthy career full of fulfillment and legacy.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images
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What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them
What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.
Even though what constitutes great sex differs from person to person, there are some common denominators we all share. I find that most people need: honest communication, vulnerability, and chemistry regardless of age, sexual orientation, and relationship status for great sex to take place. Rarely are penis size and earth-shattering orgasms a determining factor of great sex. I know for me, the older I get the more I realize great sex is less about big dicks and more about chemistry and connection.
But you don’t have to take my word for it here’s what some of my social media followers had to say about what makes sex great for them.
"I can honestly say, for me, now that I’m older, great sex is based off of mental stimulation. If we aren’t able to obtain this, the sex is just okay."
"Chemistry/attraction, communication, skills, he needs to have rhythm in his hips and talk dirty, be dominant, and submit sometimes when I feel like being dominant. There needs to be some music going on in the background, eye contact, not be in a rush if it’s not a quickie, reciprocity, and adventurous. Be vocal, silent sex doesn’t do it for me, like what is this, a cemetery? Open your mouth and let those pleasure sounds out, hunny."
"Genuine chemistry. Yes, sex can still be bomb when someone checks off your physical boxes: big ass, tall, dad bod... Whatever makes your sex organs tingle. But when you actually like them AND they are good in bed, then it's greatness."
"When it feels like an effortless, sensual, passionate dance. When we flow seamlessly communicating without words with our bodies. The chemistry, connection, and attraction inside of the bedroom [are] only an extension of the feelings outside of the bedroom."
"Paying attention to my body, talking me through my orgasm, not just pounding blindly like I'm some kind of sex toy, taking time to make sure I'm satisfied, and flipping my big ass like I'm a gyatdamn pillow."
"Feeling free enough to act/try things in a non-judgmental environment. Openness to criticism or direction. Accepting not everyone is the same and not everything is enjoyed or not by everybody. Our experience is OURS. And what we like with each other we may not like [with] others. We have to find our wave."
"After being with my husband for 35 years (since 10th grade) and married for 23, intimacy is key. We take our time and really enjoy each other. I’m not only still in love with him, but I still LIKE him."
"A safe space, trust, emotional awareness, intimacy, vulnerability, knowing each other's love languages, open communication, chemistry, and paying attention to each other's bodies, wants, and desires in and out of the bedroom."
"Willingness to communicate and adjust even during the act. Don’t give excuses that you were so caught up in what was going on that you didn’t pay attention. Great sex also includes willingness to quit expecting to duplicate what you see in porn, especially when the other person says they’re not interested."
"Total connection...meaning you wrap yourself around me, in me...try to see through me. Experience me...let me Experience you...your sounds. Guttural, ancestral...your smell...your released...come undone."
"The transcendent feeling when the world stops around you, there's no sound but you two, and there is no longer a goal. The pleasure is so all-consuming you remember how powerful it can be to surrender."
"True intimacy. It’s something that happens naturally when people are kind to each other. Attentiveness to the body. Equal satisfaction (because men that don’t like eating coochie are not fair partners to me), great foreplay, great aftercare (I make my partner clean me up before I get up to do anything and I do the same at times)."
"You have to be comfortable with the person. Sex should be fun, exploring what feels good instead of what you think pleasure should look like. Taking your time. Folks are in such a hurry to get to it, they miss all the good stuff that makes getting there even better. It's not a race. Intimacy...in all its forms."
"Bravery. Vulnerability. Softness (from the dominant/masculine partner). Boldness (from the feminine/submissive partner). Actually LIKING who you are with. (I don’t mean chemistry. I mean actually LIKING the person). And communicating after leaving each other’s presence. I LOVE a good recap or something to let me know that it’s still lingering on you!"
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Halle Bailey On The Revolutionary Act Of Wearing Her Locs As Ariel
When the trailer for The Little Mermaid dropped, everyone finally got to see Halle Bailey as Ariel. Black women and girls raved over the singer/ actress’s beauty as the beloved character while she belted out the Disney classic song “Part of Your World.” And one of the most noticeable things that many fans pointed out was that the character’s red hair was made of locs.
Halle, who makes up one-half of the Grammy-nominated group Chloe x Halle, is known for sporting locs and has had them since prior to fame. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Halle shared that it was the director Rob Marshall’s idea to integrate some of her characteristics, such as her locs, into the character.
Teaser for ‘The Little Mermaid’ starring Halle Bailey debuts with over 104 million global views, Variety reports.
It beats out Cruella, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and Maleficent 2. pic.twitter.com/v2lSoMYib6
— Pop Base (@PopBase) September 12, 2022
​"With Rob, he's so amazing and just saying, 'I see you and I want to bring you into the character,'" she said. "So it was a beautiful thing. My hair, for example — incorporating my locs into the red hair was something that was really special to me. The outfit, the fins, everything. It's just amazing. I'm just grateful that I've been able to take the essence of me and mix the two."
Rob first teased the news that Halle’s hair will still be in locs as Ariel in an August 2022 Varietyinterview. “She looks stunning in red hair; not everybody does,” he said.
And many fans of the “Forgive Me” singer can agree. When the trailer dropped, there was an influx of reactions. While she has unfortunately received backlash for being cast as Ariel due to the color of her skin, there was also a lot of praise and support sent her way.
Tina Knowles Lawson shared an Instagram post with Halle and wrote a loving caption to the singer.
“I remember talking about her role as Ariel to the beautiful And Super talented @hallebailey on my show " Talks with Mama Tina,”" Tina wrote. “She and her beautiful sister @chloebailey .She spoke about the pressure of filling the shoes of past Little Mermaids Roles. Well we could not be more excited or proud of you as Ariel. You are changing our little black girls perspective on them being not limited to certain spaces and to be seen!!!! Kudos beautifulHalle.❤️❤️❤️
Legendary actress Halle Berry tweeted that she couldn’t wait to watch it.
this means so much! Can’t wait @HalleBailey 👏🏽💕💕 https://t.co/5swsRyjyne
— Halle Berry (@halleberry) September 10, 2022
And Chlöe showered her little sister with love in a series of tweets.
“MY BABYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” followed by 11 mermaid emojis.
MY BABYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️ https://t.co/2HvFOyOCvK
— Chlöe (@ChloeBailey) September 9, 2022
In the next tweet, she shared that she was “gonna cry” and lastly wrote “that’s my mfn sister. YUP.”
that’s my mfn sister. YUP.
— Chlöe (@ChloeBailey) September 10, 2022
The Little Mermaid - Official Teaser Trailer
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