Instagram Direct to see delivery of millions of sepia-toned genital pictures
Instagram has announced a new direct messaging platform where users will be able to privately send pictures of their genitals, framed using any number of elegant aesthetic filters. Instagram Direct launches today, and will make the sending of pictures of your genitals more artistic than ever before. A spokesperson for the photo sharing social network explained, âWith Instagram Direct I can now send someone a picture of my penis and make it look like I had taken a Polaroid of my penis in the 1980s. Itâs absolutely amazing.â âPreviously that photo would have been shared with all my followers, which made Instagram an almost entirely dick-free social network. This development changes all that.â âImagine if you wanted to send a cock picture to a girl you like, but want to pretend like you are some sort of art student, well now Instagram Direct gives you that ability.â âCock-pics will never be the same again.â Technology analysts have said that new Instagram Direct service fills a gap in the social networkâs functionality that has been missing from the lives of most socially connect perverts. Social media consultant Simon Williams told us, âEver since the first 0.25 megapixel camera appeared on a phone, photos of dicks have been shared between people at a rate we can barely comprehend.â âNow phone camera users donât have to rely on MMS, or the transience of snapchat â your lo-fi filtered knob-portrait will be there to keep and share with that special someone in the style youâve become accustomed to.â âChoosing a filter for your photo will take on a whole new level of significance, and it wouldnât surprise me to see Instagram add a magnification filter any day now.â âI know Iâd use it.â