McAfee unveils first homeopathic antivirus software
Internet security specialist McAfee today announced the first of its long-awaited âalternativeâ products, which it claims will address the growing threat of Trojans, Spyware and Bot Nets without the decrease in performance usually associated with evidence-based Antivirus software. âOur customers are increasingly demanding Anti-Virus software that has no discernible effect on the performance of their laptops and other devicesâ commented McAfee spokesman Mike Townes. âBy providing downloads or media containing only the âmemoryâ of the most aggressive malware, we are able to satisfy that need at a cost marginally below that of traditional methodsâ. McAfee are tight-lipped on the details of exactly how their new products are generated but it is believed to rely on the âlike cures likeâ principle that underlies much of human homeopathy. Sources suggest that a new or aggressive Virus or Trojan is loaded onto a disk or memory-stick and the remainder of the device filled with zeros. A few bytes from this is then transferred to another disk, which is again written to capacity with zeros and the process repeated. âThis is just the first of our alternative system-maintenance productsâ insisted Mr Townes. âWhen this takes off, and we expect that it will, we plan to release a system for speeding up all those choked-up PCs by chanting and burning incense, and a reflexology-based method for reducing crashes by applying pressure to specific points on the bottom of the mouse.â When questioned on whether there was anything in the pipeline to make Windows 8 do anything useful, however, he was less upbeat. âWhat am I,â he asked, âa miracle worker?â