Fox to Launch News Channel for Kiddies
Facing an aging viewing audience losing their hearing and eyesight, Fox News is set to launch a 24-hour news channel for pre-teens. âSesame Street is the sort of liberal fairy crap kids are watching today,â Fox News owner Ruper Murdoch told Fox News entertainer Bill OâReilly in making the announcement on-air today. âLiberals dressed up in goof-ass costumes prancing around filling kidsâ heads with garbage about how special they are and how even Muslim and homosexual children are just the same as them and how the letter âEâ stands for âEnvironmentâ and they should be kind to it.â âBah! Americaâs proud youth need a hard smack of reality. Fox is going to give them a Fair and Balanced view of the real world.â Audience tracking numbers show that Fox News is facing a steep decline in viewership as more and more of their viewers pass away or move into nursing homes that donât have cable. 2012 numbers show that 97,186,000 households regularly tuned into Fox News but February 2014 viewship has dropped to 64,403,000 with 87% being retired, unemployed, or never employed. Murdoch announced the new stationâs partial lineup: âDemocrats are Sillyâ â Megyn Kelly\nâFox and BFFsâ â Elizabeth Hasselbeck\nâLOL with Hannityâ â Sean Hannity\nâFacts Are Your Friendâ â Bill OâReilly. âLook. Studies have shown that your average 4-year-old is already smarter than a dolphin or a Labrador Retriever,â said Murdoch, an Australian billionaire who is also the majority shareholder in the religious chicken-and-biscuits restaurant chain, Chick-fil-A . âWe need to pry their brains and eyeballs away from left-wing propaganda while theyâre still moldable.â âBig Bird is a liberal mouthpiece.â âAnd donât even get me started on that movie âFrozenâ with its global warming bullshit.â