New Facebook glasses mean you never have to see a real person again
New augmented reality glasses developed by Facebook will immediately transform anyone you see into their Facebook page, thus removing the need for any actual social contact. âThese glasses are an important step towards my ultimate ambition,â said Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, âthe complete destruction of normal human relations.â The new âavoidant realityâ glasses feature an in-built facial recognition system that automatically identifies âreal peopleâ and superimposes an image of their Facebook page onto the wearerâs lens. However, when faced with someone who is not on Facebook, the glasses emit a high pitch alarm and immediately black out the lenses in order to save the user from âunprotected social contactâ. âThese glasses mean that people will now be able to see everything that matters about a person at a glance,â explained Zuckberberg, âtheir likes, dislikes, friends and relationship status, plus favourite brand of cola and maize-based snack. This liberates Facebook users from the tedious task of actually talking to people, allowing them to focus on much more important activities such as updating their own status.â Following Facebookâs recent purchase of photo sharing app Instagram, the new glasses mean that the company now has monopoly control over not just every photograph ever taken, but also every retinal image and visual memory. âThese glasses give people the chance to share everything they see with all their friends,â said Zuckerberg, âbut we have also included important privacy settings so that people can restrict full access to their life to just an intimate circle of their closest companions, marketing companies and advertisers.â Critics claim that the Facebook glasses represent a move towards a sinister new surveillance society in which everyone ends up surveilling themselves. âI fail to see what is so sinister about that,â said Zuckerberg. âAll we are trying to do is own and control reality. Is that really so bad?â Facebook have denied suggestions that people wearing the new glasses would immediately surrender the rights to everything they ever see. âThat is a ridiculous allegation,â said a faceless Facebook lawyer. âWe have owned the copyright to everyoneâs life for years. If you check the user agreement, people signed away those rights at exactly the same time as they signed away their soul.â