Danone announce discovery of âDigestifus Flirtiusâ, âBifidus Jocularisâ; others
In a development sure to send shockwaves through both the scientific and probiotic communities, research scientists from Danone, makers of Activia yoghurt and Actimel drink, today announced the discovery of several new types of bacteria that were neither friendly nor unfriendly, but often completely indifferent. âEverything we thought we knew about bacteria was wrong,â announced Dr Stefan Pastiche, head of bacteria science at Danoneâs R&D facility at Palaiseau, near Paris. âTomorrow, we must all begin the task of rewriting the bacteria text-books.â Until now, scholars have thought that bacteria were either âfriendlyâ like the ones in Yakult or âunfriendlyâ like the germs on your chopping-board or toilet seat, but if the results of Danoneâs five-year research project are verified, that was an oversimplification at best, and at worst, just plain wrong. Danoneâs research reveals that what we thought were simply âfriendlyâ bacteria, are in fact divided into âflirtatious bacteriaâ, âwitty bacteriaâ and âgood-listener bacteriaâ, whereas âunfriendlyâ bacteria are divided into âsurly bacteriaâ, âsnide bacteriaâ and âfuck-your-wife-while-youâre-out-then-shit-in-your-bed bacteriaâ. In addition, the research shows that there is a seventh type which does not easily fit into either the previous âfriendlyâ or âunfriendlyâ group â the âcouldnât-give-a-shit-about-you-either-way bacteriaâ, which according to Dr Pastiche accounts for the vast majority of bacteria. Dr Pastiche sums it up with, âIn scientific terms, this is a paradigm shift as significant as the Copernicus solarcentric model or Darwinâs theory of evolution. Basically itâs not about us, and bacteria are not our mates.â \n