Evolution Finally Proven After New Breed Of Gum Chewing Birds Discovered
âTrust me, it was not my mission in life to become known as the bird hating scientist,â charges aviary scientist Dr. Cecelia Yang. Â âIt wasnât like when I was 6 years old that I told my parents my dream was to grow up and kill birds. Â It just sort of happened that way.â Maybe the most controversial scientist of her time will now go down in history as the most renowned scientist of a generation. Â She will be recognized as person who proved the theory of evolution. Â Up to this point in her career, Dr. Yang has been best known for chewing a lot of gum and throwing it out on the street. Â She monitors her piles of chewed up gum and waits for birds to swoop in and try to eat it. Â The sticky and chewy gum gets stuck in the birdâs beak and throat and they ultimately die from exhaustion or asphyxiation. Â The behaviors birds display during these sickening experiments have been Dr. Yangâs claim to fame. Â Peers know her as the âSerial Killer Scientist.â Â Her studies took a sharp left turn on a recent trip to northern Idaho. âI couldnât believe my eyes when I first saw it,â remarks Dr. Yang. Â âA bird that appeared to be a cross between a sparrow and a raccoon looked like it was chewing a piece of gum I had discarded. Â And not just chewing it. Â Enjoying it. Â I sat and watched a few of the mates in his flock doing the same thing. Â They werenât choking or in any discomfort at all. Â After one of the birds blew a bubble and kept chomping on that gum, I knew I was onto something. Â I will name the incredible new breed of evolved birds Gummuncoccus. Â There is still much time and work to be done to find out more about these birds and give them a common name. Â Iâm gonna need to take a few weeks in Bora Bora to figure out whether or not I want to dedicate the rest of my life to these birds. Â I mean, proving evolution is really awesome but the truth is that birds have made me an angry scientist for most of my adult life. Â I may want to just do some occasional speaking engagements, get overpaid to do them, and hang out by the beach and do a whole lot of nothing. Â Iâm a legendary scientist now. Â Much like Iâve just won a massive lottery jackpot, Iâve got to step back and really assess my next moves.â Dr. Yang was last spotted on the beaches of Bora Bora drinking wheat grass tequila shots and drunkenly shouting to vacationers that she was the âBirdbomb.â Â Yang was asked to leave by the resort staff and has not been seen or heard from since.