Customers and Critics Agree - Apple's New iDick Dildo A Huge Flop
Apple's attempt at the world's first completely "interactive" dildo, the iDick, is a big disappointment, to both Apple and dildo fans alike. Mostly middle aged women lined up for hours outside Apple's flagship San Francisco Store hoping to be first to get their hands on the much anticipated rubber appliance. The strongest complaints came from customers who tried using it in conjunction with other Apple products. Writer's at Tech Mag USA singled out what happens when it's recharged using an Apple Computer, "The iDick icon freezes onto the computer screen and even shutting the computer down won't get it to come off." The iDick also flaps wildly to signal its recharge is complete. "I imagine it will go off bouncing across cafÃ© tables pretty regularly and end up knocking over a lot of people's drinks," said Santa Cruz native Julie Mackey.  Others who had waited all night for the iDick complained it doesn't come with a foreskin option. "I studied abroad in England for two years and prefer a European dick," said Mackey. Three Asian American girls nearby said, "In England, they call their hard-ons 'wood.'" Others complain that the iDick comes in only one size. "8.5 inches is pretty modest," said a glum woman, inspecting an iDick. "And where are the balls?" Some threatened legal action for false advertising.  "The advertisements on all the buses around here made it look flipping huge!" Said an angry woman. Her husband agreed. Most women who streamed into the store when it opened didn't leave with a new iDick. The company had to admit that it probably needed to do more intensive and in depth marketing work before finalizing its product design.  "Clearly, this release came way too early," a spokeswoman said. "We banked too much on the Apple name and didn't think to find out what the Apple customer would want in a fake, rubbery penis." She said it just might be that there was no real demand for an Apple Dildo in the end. "I guess there are some tech industry lessons you just have to learn the hard way." Apple stores all over the country now have shelves lined with iDick dildos. "Really, they need to just admit the whole idea was a failure and get rid of them," said another Santa Cruz resident who said she'd hitchhiked all the way to San Francisco to be one of the first Bay Area iDick owners. Another lady agreed. "The store looks ridiculous, with all those dildos everywhere and all the store employees running around holding them in their hands and pointing them at your face." Another woman complained, "I just came in here wanting directions to Macy's not to be accosted by all these obnoxious, arrogant, little 20 year old, cutie Asian girls and horn rimmed spectacled, white homosexuals rushing at me with undulating, pink rubber johnsons in their hands." She said they kept pestering her to go into one of their new "fitting rooms" and try it, and wouldn't take no for an answer. "They were quite pushy," she said."I said screw it and just bought some new headphones."  She said from the outside, the site of the pandemonium of employees running all over with the vibrating peckers and middle aged women customers dodging them, some using display laptop computers as shields was like something out of a Fellini movie. "Fifty years ago, someone would have called the cops," she said. Apple stock has been down significantly on news of the iDick disaster. Analysts say the NASDAQ stock will bounce back, but most agree that it won't if it insists on making them.