âApple profits are outrageousâ tweets man into his new Â£700 iPhone
Technology giant Apple has declared its biggest ever quarterly profit, much to the annoyance of people who donât seem to understand how capitalism works. After making Â£11bn in profit from Sept to December 2014, the company said the rise was down to selling huge amounts of stuff to people who donât seem to know better. Apple user Simon Williams told us, âI find the amount of the profit, Â£11bn, to be quite distasteful, so much so I had to tweet about it on my new iPhone 6.â âItâs the gold one, but I had to pay an extra Â£160 for the bigger storage â you know, the stuff you can plug into other makes of phones for about a tenner.â âI need it for all the apps and movies I buy through iTunes, in fact Iâve blown through that Â£50 gift card I got for Christmas already.â âItâs so nice and shiny. I love it.â âBut yes, I really do hate Apple and their excessive profits.â Technology analyst Martin Grove, who arrived for our interviewÂ on roller skates despite being 43, said, âAppleâs marketing is brilliant in its simplicity.â âThey identify people for whom the word âfunkyâ isnât an insult, they convince them that sucking on the teet of corporate America is indeed âfunkyâ, and then they milk them for all theyâre worth.â âYes, I am a huge fan of their products, why do you ask?â, he added. âSherbet dip?â Grove also revealed that the perfect Apple customer is reported to be a modernist architect who likes baking, with a bushy beard and an ironic 1950s-style tattoo of a rose on his neck. Our economics correspondent said, âGod knows how, but people like that always seem to be loaded.â âDo you know where their money comes from?â âNo, me neither.â