What an Uber apology might look like (in Funny or Die's imagination)
Uber has found itself encircled by a halo of villainy.There have been the alleged threats against journalists, the tracking of journalists' Uber use and even governments railing against the car-hailing service.It got so bad at one point that even Uber investor Ashton Kutcher got uber-upset at the negative press.I suspect that, deep inside, many at Uber rather liked it.It does leave the company open, however, to certain angles of ridicule. So Funny or Die, the Emmy-winning comedy-video site, thought it might offer what it considers to be a perfect Uber apology. Which might be described as an aggressive nonapology.Having delineated the deficiencies in Uber's offering, its supposed VP of public relations insists: "This year we'll be introducing new innovative programs that will solve none of these problems."He explains: "Just as our government doesn't negotiate with terrorists, we don't listen to b****es."Then -- Uber has also been accused of sexism -- a "female representative" introduces one of the new programs. It is, of course -- Uber drivers have also been accused of various assaults -- "Stab a Lyft Driver." What else could it have been? Other than perhaps "Pummel a Lyft Driver Into Oblivion"?Under the program, Uber drivers get a "brand new" iPhone 3 for every bloodied pink Lyft mustache they send in. (Uber, if you don't know, is engaged in a heated rivalry with competing car service Lyft, in which the companies have accused each other of underhanded tactics such as ordering then canceling rides and making off with confidential documents.)I warn you that some of the humor is extremely violent and close to the bone, and that said bone may not be the funny one for everyone.You may not enjoy, for example, the idea that Uber in this version has decided to increase surge pricing tenfold. On September 11. You may also have qualms about jokes regarding the alleged rape of a passenger.There doesn't seem to be much evidence that Uber's negative PR actuallyhurts its business. Those who use it swear by it, even if theyoccasionally swear at it because a driver doesn't know the way.It may be a long time (if ever), however, before Uber isn't part of one sort of dark humor or another. I've asked Uber how it feels about the no-holds-barred Funny or Die video and will update this post should I hear back.