Al Gore Rushed to New England Hospital With Symptoms Of Frostbite
Former vice-president Al Gore was reportedly struck with a violent case ofÂ frostbite earlier this morning, while indoctrinating Americaâs youth in the perils of global warming at a New EnglandÂ elementary school .After a frighteningly inappropriate speech given in the schools gymnasium, Gore was invited to follow the children out to recess. According to several teachers, Gore was not appropriately dressed for the cold front gripping the area, and while playing âKing of the Hillâ with the children, he became soaked in cold, wet snow. A secret service agent, assigned to the former vice-president during his tours, noticed red splotches on Goreâs face and hands.âWell, it was supposed to be a speech on conservation. You know â turn off lights, donât run the water when brushing your teeth, that sort of thing,â said RalphÂ Stevens, 4th grade teacher. âBut Mr. Gore took his speech over the top. My God, he had a slide show featuring dead polar bears, crying Eskimos, and drawings of cities under water. When it was done, the children were visibly upset and many were crying about the dead animals, so I called for recess to cheer them up.ââIt was disgusting, really,â said Principal Ann Parsons. âMr. Gore followed the children outside, taking over a game of King of the Hill, and he was violently shoving kids off the hill, declaring himself Ruler of the World. I tried to stop it, but the secret service would not let me get close. It was unseasonably chilly, around 28Â degrees, and although the children were all dressed in winter clothes, Mr. Gore was just in a suit and tie, not even a jacket. After about an hour,Â the secret service swarmed around him and whisked him away to the motorcade, knocking over children as they went. I was glad to see him go.ââLuckily the doctors say I will end up being okay, and that we got here in time, so thereâs no reason to amputate anything,â said Gore from a Massachusetts General hospital bed. âI was wondering why my entire body was aching and hurting. I just thought it was because I was throwing all those kids around. Anyway, I just want everyone to know global warming is real, and that I will continue to educate the children through my school tours. I can show you all the science you need, but the average temperature dropping over the last seven years should prove it all. If no one else, the uneducated kids of America will certainly believe me.âÂ