Former President George W. Bush Diagnosed With Autism
Â In news that has rocked the nation, and in particular the Republican Party, former President George W. Bush has been diagnosed with autism. After classified documents detailing Bushâs childhood and development were released to lead psychiatrists, researchers were unanimous in naming the much-dreaded disease as the source of all of his idiosyncrasies and poor decision making abilities.âI always suspected something of this kind,â said expert Chris Denio. âHe is a very rigid, inflexible man. For example, his insistence on saying ânucularâ when he knew the term was ânuclearâ. His oft-recognized kinship with [Russian President Vladimir] Putin, with whom there is definitely somethingâ¦ off. His weird relationship with [former British Prime Minister] Tony Blair â they did a lot of strange things together, like the time they created a blanket fort, but they hardly ever spoke. In fact, Bush hardly ever speaks unless heâs been told what to say.âCurrent Iraqi President Fuad Masum expressed outrage at what he called the âarrogance of America. They allowed a man with a deep-seated disorder ruin our country! Itâs just like when they allowed an actor to escalate the Cold War. I mean, an actor! To make decisions which could have led to the end of the world as we know it! Bloody Americans. Pfff.âFriends and family of the politician rallied to his defence, while admitting that Bush truly is autistic.âItâs not his fault,â said wife Laura. âBlame his parents. They gave him those vaccinations. Besides, heâs high functioning. And he has a wife whoâs been behind all his decisions and actions, making sure he never did anything irreversible. Well, okay, war in Iraq was pretty irreversible, but other than that, hardly any f***-ups!âThe former President himself, when reached for comment, simply stated, âI know the square root of 2403302. Do you?â