Jedis disappointed with new âenergy-savingâ lightsabers
Jedi knights have expressed anger at plans to phase out traditional lightsabers in favour of new, more environmentally-friendly models. âThese new lightsabers are rubbish,â complained Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. âThey take ages to light up and when they do you can barely see anything with them.â The energy saving directive has been issued by so-called âGalactic bureaucratsâ and is seen by Jedis as particularly galling since many of their enemies on the dark side have so far refused to sign up. âWhatâs the use in having an environmentally friendly lightsaber,â asked Kenobi, âwhen Sith Lord Darth Maul can still prance about with his energy guzzling double headed model? And donât get me started on his carbon footprint. Have you seen his airmiles?â âI refuse to switch to these new low energy sabers,â said a typically petulant Luke Skywalker. âBy the time theyâve reached full brightness you may have already had your hand chopped off by a man you didnât even realise was your own father.â However, intergalactic environmentalist George Monbiot disagrees. âThe old lightsabers may look impressive but they are very energy inefficient. Jedis need to appreciate that The Force is a finite resource and that we need to conserve it â at least until we develop environmentally sustainable solar wind farms.â To avoid the ban many Jedis are already stocking up on the old style sabers. âSales have gone through the roof,â said saber merchant Jabba the Hutt, âas have many of the Jedis when they refuse to pay my exorbitant asking price.â The directive is the latest in a long line of new rules and regulations emanating from The Galactic Republic. âOnly last month they ordered us to fit all our equipment with silencers,â whined Kenobi. âIt doesnât make saving the universe any easier when you also have to run around humming your own lightsaber noise. And while weâre on the subject, I absolutely refuse to move over to Imperial.â âPolitical correctness gone mad, it is,â added Jedi Grand Master Yoda. âEnvironmentally friendly we must be, but green I am already.â