Sesame Street To End After 46 Years, Producers Say âTodayâs Kids Just Hate Puppetsâ
Itâs a sad day for all of those who grew up in any of the last four decades. Long-running childhood favorite, Sesame Street, will soon be no longer. The news of its demise was revealed by insiders at PBS, who explained that todayâs kids âjust hate puppetsâ.âWhat can we do?â asked PBS CEO Paula Kerger. âTimes have changed, and our beloved friends Bert and Ernie are now despised by children across the globe. Kermit, Big Bird, the Cookie Monster â all our beloved characters are no longer desirable. In fact, our research showed that kids would rather watch animated anthropomorphic turds fighting than spend another day looking at puppets flapping their unnaturally flat mouths around.âEight-year-old, Jimmy Prober, confirmed their sentiments.âI fucking hate puppets,â he said on a CNN broadcast. âTheir fake fur is gross, and their complexions look sickly. If we wanna see strange colored characters, weâre gonna watch The Simpsons. Come on dude â nothin beats Bartâs catchphrase of âShove it up my assâ, or whatever.âKids watching the broadcast from a live studio audience nodded their heads in agreement, some shouting encouragement with phrases such as âDown with the reign of the puppet authority!â and âIâm eating Big Bird for dinner!â being flung around. Many parents were driven to run out of the room crying, as their children denigrated characters with whom they themselves had grown up.When asked why he thought kids had turned against puppets, current Sesame Street executive producer Super Grover answered, âI cannot say for certain, but perhaps todayâs children were collectively molested by puppets. Or maybe theyâve just found something better in iPads, Family Guy, and Playstations.ââI always knew this day would come,â said Jim Henson, creator of Sesame Street and the Muppets. âYet I did not think it would happen in my lifetime. In that assumption, I was correct.â Henson died in 1990 of a bacterial infection.