Dyson told to invent a toaster thatâs not a heap of shit
JAMES Dyson has been told to shut up and invent a toaster that is not a useless bag of piss. The vacuum cleaner man today unveiled a Â£1.5bn investment programme when he could have been at work, sorting out the toaster situation. Martin Bishop, a toaster owner from Stevenage, said: âItâs never the same twice. Ever. I think it might be artificially stupid. I hate it more than Nazis. âPlease Mr Dyson, do your magic with a toaster so I can smash this pile of bollocks to pieces with an iron bar.â Karen Davis, from Peterborough, added: âSometimes it toasts the way I want it to, but it takes absolutely fucking ages. But mostly I have to monitor it constantly, popping the bread up to check its progress three or four times. And I just stand there and take it, like an arsehole. âI swear to god, if I find the creature who designed itâ¦â Jane Thompson, from Hatfield, said: âI want a toaster that just toasts bread according to my exact specifications, quickly and efficiently. Rather than this hellish symphony of smoke and tears that makes me want to claw at my wretched face and then set fire to everything in the world. âYouâve got three months, Dyson. Three months.â Â