Will Self claims he could have written Kate Bushâs songs â âonly betterââ
Having already dismissed George Orwellâs contributions to twentieth century literature, as âmediocreâ, Mr. Self has humbly explained why other artistic icons are not worthy to be considered a genius. To this end, the 6â² 5â³ Playboy journalist has announced his plans to tour with an album of his own compositions and prove that he is ââ¦the greatest female singer-songwriter of his generationâ. Author of nine novels and two pop-up books, Mr. Self has made very few forays into the music world but has explored enough drugs to ââ¦have written ten Sgt. Pepperâs!â In deconstructing the back catalogue of Kate Bush, Mr. Self was dismissive of her work: âAll you need to do is flail your arms around while wearing a leotard, making fatuous literary allusions. Well, Iâve been doing that last part for years. How hard can it be to find a unitard in my size?â While Kate Bush has garnered rave reviews for her current stage show and has eight albums in the Official UK Albums Chart simultaneously, only Mr. Self can claim to have made Ulrika Jonsson smile with a ââ¦terribly clever punâ. His agent confirmed. âBush is overrated. Her album covers are too obvious. Will is going down a much more artistic route. Something like Stingâs semi-naked photo â you know the one â him, holding a lute while his wife does yoga. Classy. None of that hippy-trippy stuff. A bit of culture. Will brews his own coffee, smokes a pipe and takes long meaningful walks. Heâs a proper musician. None of that dicking around with instrumentsâ. One Rock nâ Roll historian commented: âMs Bush has shunned publicity, while Mr. Self is an actual television personality â with gravitas, a sophisticated monotone and the face of Chris Langham. Youâre nobody unless youâre on a panel show. It was only a matter of time until he eclipsed all other artists. And heâs already penned a Bush homage â âThe Man with his Head up his Arseâ.