Julian AssangeÂ adopting digital form
After more than two years of taking refuge inside the Ecuadorian embassy in London, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange is swapping his body for a digital form. He has not specified when the procedure will be complete, only hinting it will be âsoon.â Assange is wanted by Swedish authorities for accusations he sexually assaulted two women â bogus charges, he insists, that are merely an excuse to lure him to Sweden so he can be extradited to the United States, where he faces federal charges related to confidential items he obtained and published in 2010. Assange has repeatedly stated he can no longer endure life at the embassy, particularly the same shitty food he has eaten for two years, which he describes as âunfit for even a third-rate hacker from Togo.â âAlso, Iâm obliged to share a lavatory with [Ambassador] Juan [Falconi Puig], and frankly, Iâm sick of having to flush the toilet before I use it,â Assange said. âI wonât name names, but someone keeps dropping a big stinking turd without flushing it.â âI wouldnât be surprised if the White House is coercing him into performing such obscene and grotesque acts,â he added. Assange says he can only be free by transforming his physical body â including his brain â into trillions of strings of binary code. The hacker collective Anonymous has been assisting him with the complicated procedure. He has also received technical assistance from a team of Russian physicists. âWith any luck, my binary essence, the actual ones and zeroes that make me the brave genius I am, will be replicated and spread to all corners of the world, and America and its nefarious NSA will never be able to contain my spirit,â he said. âNever ever ever.â âIf they try, Iâll tell the world what I read on Michelle Obamaâs Facebook page,â he warned. If he does manage to be fully digitized, Assange says he will agree to have a USB stick of himself delivered to Swedish police so he may clear his reputation. âIâve got no reason to fear this smear campaign in Sweden, because Iâve done nothing wrong,â Assange said, his face already streamingÂ awayÂ into a nearby hard drive. âIn fact, Iâve known all along those two slutty women I rooted were really just hotÂ cyborgs created byÂ the FBI.â