OY, YOU NEVER VISIT YOUR MOTHERâS WEB SITE
Iâm thinking of divorcing your father. Oh, you didnât know that, Mr. I-have-no-time-for-the-woman-who-bore-me-and-taught-me-HTML? Well, if you ever bothered to drop by your motherâs web site, just once in a while, spare just a few of your precious surfing minutes, youâd know that. It was in my blog from last week. But far be it from me to complain, although would it hurt so much to visit the family web site â the site where you first learned how to code, I shouldnât have to mention? Iâve done some things around the place. Remember that animated .gif that your father used to love? The one with the stupid dancing fish? On the home page, he wanted it! He insisted! Well itâs gone! Iâm doing everything in Macromedia Flash now. Your father doesnât even know. G-d forbid he should make time to visit his own wifeâs site. So I should be forgiving you? Itâs in your genes, thatâs what RabbiNet says. Your sister Rachel, she visits your motherâs site every week, and you know how hard it is for her to get around, what with that 56k dial-up connection she suffers with, and that schmendrick of a husband always hogging the computer. He surfs like a pig! But your sister Hannah â Judaism should have saints! She has a link to my site right on her home page, and she surfs in every day, after work. And sheâs got kids! But you, you with your fancy DSL, you who wonât put up a link to your own motherâs site, you, who have by the way not brought me one grandchild â not that Iâm utzing, G-d knows â youâre too busy chasing every girlie site with so much as a sheyner ponim. But I have news for you, Mr. I-canât-be-bothered-to-visit-my-own-motherâs-site-but-I-can-troll-for-strumpets-at-Temptation-Island.com. That goyishe site has no pictures of the sort youâre after, not so much as a pupik showing. And donât tell me youâre spending all your time at MinyanWorship.org. That siteâs not doing so well, they can never get a quorum, no small thanks to you who never shows up for prayer, as G-d in himmel knows. Are you cleaning your mouse? Remember to clean your mouse. And keep your fingers on the keyboard, where they belong. Oy, how I suffer. You know, I havenât changed your page since you left. Itâs just like it was when we were still under one site, one happy family. Ouch, memories! But itâs still there, if you want to come back and see it, even maybe make a few changes. Nice to have it lived in once in a while. Not that Iâm asking you to move back in. I know you have your own URL now and your own âsiteâ, which I shouldnât say, so I wonât, that itâs a mess Mr. Garbage Mouth and my friend Mrs. Meierson, who must have seen it G-d knows how, says donât make yourself sick, that son of yours is just a nebbish, a nobody, look at the way he keeps that site of his with all the broken links and script errors. So Iâm not saying you should consider coming back, but you still have the password to the site, if you remember how to use it, Iâm not holding my breath. You remember Annabelle14@aol.com, the girl you met on MitzvahSingles.org? Such a lovely person. She still comes by my site. And so pretty! She sent me a .wav file and I put it up. You should come see it. How long will it be until somebody else, some nice rich mentsh who makes a good living and has a nice clean web page, is visiting my site and sees Annabelle and sweeps her off her feet? Not that you should care. But her video is there. And a link to her web site. And her email address, in case youâve forgotten it. Not that you would think to care about such things as a dying motherâs last wish for your happiness. By the way, have I mentioned Iâm dying? It was in my blog from last week. Oh, thatâs right, you donât have time to come to your motherâs site anymore. Iâm leaving the site to your sisters.