Daily Mail reveals Jack the Ripper was a âBloody Polish Immigrantâ
The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that Jack the Ripper was a Polish immigrant only âover hereâ due to our overly generousÂ Victorian immigration policy. Over a hundred years of professional and amateur investigation has led the paper to conclude that the worldâs most famous unsolved murders were actually just more evidence to hate foreigners. A spokesperson for the paper explained, âJack the Ripper would have been better described a Jacek the Ripper, haha!â âWe been telling people for years that foreigners are bad, and now we have proper evidence.â âWe at the Daily Mail can only hope that youâll never look at your local Polish plumber in quite the same way.â âOh yeah, Iâm sure heâll say he came here to be a hard-working member of our society, but the evidence now shows he is just as likely be a secret murderer of prostitutes.â âDonât worry, you can thank us for the warning later.â Those working at the Daily Mail have hailed the exclusive story as a victory in the hundred year search for a good reason to hate immigrants. As one Mail journalist explained, âFor over a hundred years weâve searched for the silver bullet against immigrants, and now we have it.â âJust think, if weâd stopped eastern europeans coming over here back then, London would have had a lot more prostitutes in the late 1800s.â âHow many potential prostitute murderers have we let in since then?â âWhat more evidence do you need to start agreeing with everything we say?â I think therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)