Horses Finally Admit They Fucking Hate Having People Ride On Their Backs
Horses have been helping and carrying around people for as long as anyone can remember.Â  They are a trusted ally who are always there to help haul a load, give a human a ride, or even run in a race so that wealthy assholes can dress up in ridiculous hats and bet mounds of their money for amusement. Horses love people. These are things weâve always assumed.Â  Through the power of modern science and a very special animal psychic medium, we can actually find out what horses really think about all of these things today.Â  Dr. Shay Melbbat, who specifically specializes in dead horse communications, recently was able to channel the 1970 Kentucky Derby winner to ask a few questions.Â  Dust Commander was always known as a gentle horse but heed a warning that this dead horse is not happy.Â  He uses explicit language so do not read further if you are under 18 years old or easily offended. âWhere in fuck did these human assholes get the idea that our mission in life should be to work for them?â asks Dust Commander.Â  âIâm already fucking dead and I made it to the promised land so Iâm going to speak freely.Â  The only reason we try to win those goddamn races for humans is because we know if weÂ achieve victory thenÂ those assholes will âput us out to pastureâ and let us have a lot of sex.Â  If humans used their little pea-sized brains, I think they might actually figure out that no animal wants to take another animal for a ride and get slapped in their ass by a big stick if weâre not going fast enough.Â  And what about my friends who are not blessed with the speed to race?Â  They hook them up to carriages so we can give humans a âtour of the city.âÂ  They make us haul around big fat-assed lazy people who choose not to lift their fucking legs upÂ and walk themselves.Â  We hate that bullshit.Â  And then they tie a fucking bag to our ass that we have to shit in so we donât mess up their already fucked up streets?Â  You go shit in a bag.Â  And carry it around with you.Â  See how you like it, you asshole pricks.Â  I could go on and on Dr. Melbbat.Â  Really, I could.Â  On behalf of all horses, we appreciate you carrying forth this message for us.Â  Oh, just one last thing.Â  A sincere thanks to all you bastard humans who occasionally will grace us with an apple or a carrot.Â  Then right back to the nasty dried up grass that you feed us.Â  We donât like that garbage.Â  Ever thought about throwing down a bucket of steak and potatoes for us?Â  Fuck no you havenât because youâre pompous assholes.Â  Donât mistake our kindness for anything more than a compliant prisoner.Â  We wish we had some special talent to kill all of you.Â  But we donât.Â  Why donât you try taming some lions and riding them for awhile you fucktards?Â  Weâd love to see how that works out for you.â Dr. Melbbat slipped into a coma almost immediately after this message from the other side was transmitted to him.Â  Doctors believe the passion and gravity of Dust Commanderâs rant was just too much for Melbbat to handle.Â  He hasÂ been viewed sounding a whinny or a neigh during quickly passing convulsions but doctorâs believe Melbbat will not ever return to life as he once knew it.Â  Doctorâs also believe it is the first documented case of a dead horse killing a living human.Â  Itâs likely not the last.