Luddite astronauts smash up Mars Rover factory
Disgruntled spacemen have struck a blow against mechanised planetary exploration, by ransacking the factory that produces the fully automated Mars Rover. Angered by the decline in the skilled âbeing strapped to a rocketâ profession, the group destroyed a number of Rovers before bouncing slowly away from the facility making âwheeee!â noises. Owners of the factory insist that the jobs of astronauts are safe, claiming the Rovers are only intended to carry out menial tasks. âOur mechanised products are only there to do the repetitive work, such staring at hills or lasering âNASA was hereâ on all those rocks and bouldersâ, explained factory owner Jebediah Noakes. âWeâll still need astronauts for those critical âhigh valueâ roles; playing golf or âgiving the birdâ towards China.â Since the invention of the Rover jobs in the astronaut sector have declined sharply, with whole communities of spacemen facing an uncertain future. âFatha were an astronaut, nâ âis fatha before âeâ, claimed unemployed space captain Arnold Wesley. âBut this new fangled Rover is doinâ us out of a trade. Thereâs nowt left round âere fer a lad ter stick a flag in.â Wesley and his colleagues have marched on the Mars Rover head office, where they will slowly count down from 10 before shouting âwe have indignitionâ. Whole families have joined the protest, some wearing goldfish bowls and onesies, demanding the right to spend less time standing on their own two feet, and more being fired. As he stood at the foot of the entrance to the building, Wesley declared, âThis is one small set of steps for man, but Iâd like ter see that bloody Rover try and get up it.â