Google To Buy Facebook In First $1 Trillion Acquisition
In a move that could spell the end of the online world as we know it, Google has announced plans to purchase Facebook in the first ever trillion-dollar acquisition. The multi-trillion dollar tech giant has long been linked with the social media empire, after its own version, Google Plus, failed to attract the same sort of dedicated usersÂ that Facebook has.âThis is exciting news,â said a sweaty, blustering, bespectacled, morbidly obese geek. âThe idea of Google taking over the next biggest chunk of the web has previously been vaunted, but I never thought it would happen in my lifetime. I mean, look at me. I spend most of my time on my ass eating bacon off my unwashed body in my motherâs basement. How many more years am I likely to survive? Iâm a heart attack weighting [sic] to happen. Pardon the pun, heh heh.âOthers were not so enthusiastic about the rumors.âI know everyoneâs freaked out about the government having all their info, and thatâs kinda my fault,â said NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden from somewhere in Russia. âBut Google is who we really need to worry about. We willingly give them our life secrets, hoping theyâll keep it for us so that we never lose it. I have no doubt theyâre grooming some naive intern to take over the world. Now theyâre gonna have Facebook too? Oy vey!âMark Zuckerberg earlier denied reports that he was willing to sell his brainchild, even going so far as to change the tagline on the Facebook log-in page to read, âItâs mine and always will be.âHe later changed his stance, however, after GoogleÂ came back to them with such an outrageous offer.âWell, I always said that money was not what Facebook was about, despite really only caring about ad revenue, going public, and making me filthy rich,â said Zuckerberg. âStill â it was about people, not money. That said, who would turn down a trillion dollars?Â A trillionÂ dollars?!Â Nobody, thatâs who. Nobody on the face of the planet would turn down that kind of money. And only Google has the balls to fork it over to get what they want.âRumors that the company will change the name of the social media giant from Facebook to Googlebook could not be confirmed.