President Obamaâs 16-Year-Old Daughter Malia Confirmed Pregnant
Â In what promises to be the biggest White House scandal since intern fellatio, President Barack Obamaâs daughter, 16-year-old Malia, has confirmed that she is pregnant.Sources say MaliaÂ is now in her second trimester. Mother and First Lady, Michelle Obama, says that although she will be a grandmother much younger than she planned, teen pregnancy runs in the family.âOn her fatherâs side of course. My mother-in-law had Barack when she was 18, so I see where MaliaÂ gets it from. Iâm just so excited to decorate the nursery. The White House hasnât seen a baby since oh, 1884 or so.âFor now, Malia is staying hush-hush about the fatherâs identity, but one thing she would say is that he is white. âMy mom always hoped I would get with a nice mixed-race man like dad, but love is so colorblind. MomÂ was probably right though. The dadÂ already left me for some tramp. And of course, like all white men, my baby-daddy wonât want to pay his child support. I already told him, âYou want to keep your license so you can drive that bleach-blond tramp around in your little Jaguar, right? Better step up.ââDespite her future motherhood, Malia is still considering her college options. âItâs not like Stanford or Berkeley are going to, like, turn me down for being a teen mother. Hello, Iâm the presidentâs daughter. This doesnât ruin my plans for aÂ future at all. I can probably get a book deal out of this in a few years. MTV already offered to give me my own show,Â White House Baby-Momma-Drama or something stupidly titled like that.Â I was like, no way â thatâs so white trash.âPresident Obama says he is being supportive of his daughter, despite being as outraged as any father would be if his young daughter announced an unexpected pregnancy. âWeâre all very relieved this little blessing happened, and thankfully in my second term.â When asked about his daughterâs ex-boyfriend, he replied, âHeâs just lucky I didnât have him erased. Donât mess with the Commander-in-Chief, homeboy. Ever hear of the Secret Service? Regardless, weâre sure heâll come around.â