New Study Proves Everyone Is At Least Slightly Gay
A new scientific study performed by a private medical team at Massasoit General Hospital in Piedmont, North Dakota has proven that 100% of people have at least aÂ littleÂ bit of gay in them.âIt doesnât matter if youâre male, female, or a eunuch,â Said Professor Neil Louis, head of HumanZone, INC., the privately-held medical research company that performed the study. âThrough many years of testing, research, development, and a tiny bit of trial-and-error, we have discovered the actual strain in human DNA that causes homosexuality. [And] these tests conclude that everyone, no matter who they are, has at least a small amount of that strain in them.âIt has long been known, although argued vehemently by bigots and religious zealots, that homosexuality is a trait that is developed while a person is still in the fetal state, being born homosexual or heterosexual. With this knowledge, Professor Louis and his team were able to discover exactly at what stage of the pregnancy a person âbecomesâ homosexual. Once they discovered this timeframe, they used that knowledge to find the actual DNA gene itself. They were then startled to discover that in every sample they had, whether it was from people who identified as straight or as homosexual, they could find at least some part of that same strain.âItâs all extremely complicated,â said Louis. âI donât expect that a layperson would understand it. When our research is published in the Boston Medical Journal of Research next month, anyone will be able to peruseÂ our findings.âWhat this means for people as whole, according to Louis, really amounts to nothing at all.âThis is not going to change any personâs day-to-day life. Knowing that you have a little gay in you, so what? What does that matter? Is there something wrong being gay? I mean, do people still think that in this day and age? Whatâs the matter with them? Who cares?âIn his findings, the professor and his team discovered that there were different âlevelsâ of homosexuality, as they referred to them. Just as the stereotypes you can imagine of homosexuals, portrayed in TV and movies as anything from extremely flamboyant with female qualitites to men still repressing their sexuality, the study actually showed thatÂ the more a man claims to despise homosexuals, the more of the homosexual strain they would find in him.âMen who we tested who considered themselves to be homophobic,Â or even overtly hostile towards homosexuals, were found to have the MOST amounts of homosexual DNAÂ strainsÂ in them. I guess it does prove true the old adage that the more someone hates gay people, the more they really are repressing their own desires for some hot man-on-man action.âCuriously, the study was not performed on any women.âOh, we didnât bother studying women. Everyone already knows that all it takes to get a woman to have gay tendencies is a couple vodka and Red Bull martinis.â