Tinky Winky to join Eastenders cast in desperate bid to boost ratings
The BBC has revealed that former Teletubbies favourite Tinky Winky is to join the cast of flagship soap opera Eastenders later this year. Critics have been calling for the Beeb to take action following a long term slump in viewing figures. âIâm sure itâs no coincidence that Mr Winky is a former CBeebies stalwart,â suggested The Guardianâs TV critic Andrew Collins. âMany younger viewers will have fond memories of him in classic Teletubbies episodes such as the one where they all roll down a hill and the one when they find a bouncy ball. The producers will be hoping that his loyal fans will all tune in to Eastenders to see more of the same and viewing figures will soar, assuming of course that the script writers are able to cope with the demands of these more challenging plot-lines.â Tinky Winky will play the new love interest for Ian Beale, simultaneously shocking the nation with a prominent gay storyline and confirming many of the rumours that dogged Tinkyâs early career. âPersonally I canât waitâ said Collins. âSome people have queried whether heâs up to delivering lines longer than âeh-ohâ and âagain, again, againâ, but to be honest, Phil Mitchell doesnât say a lot more than that does he.â The move could pave the way for further CBeebies characters to make the switch to Albert Square, with Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy from In the Night Garden already in talks to play the new alcoholic drug addict landlords of the Queen Vic, and Mr Tumble is set to join the cast as an East End bad boy unafraid to use his fists who sets up a protection racket to extort money from local businesses whilst seducing half the square. âIâve also heard a rumour that heâs going to force Dot Cotton into having a gruesome Christmas Day abortion after getting her pregnant on top of the driers in the launderette,â hinted Collins. PC Plum from Balamory is rumoured to be joining as the latest in a long line of long lost Mitchells, despite not being called Mitchell or being chronically depressed, and Bob the Builderâs agent has confirmed that he will be launching a bid to takeover the car lot from whoever the hell owns it at the moment and will probably be related in some way to someone currently in the show even though heâs never been mentioned before. Failing that he might be another new Sam Mitchell, or a miraculously recovered Jim Branning. âIf this plan doesnât work weâll just go on churning out the same old far-fetched depressing shit,â said a spokesman for the show.