Dearest Kayne â Sit Your Punk-Ass Down
In my long, illustrious career as a celebrity gossip columnist, I have witnessed a plethora of smug, entitled behavior from individuals so egotistical, and infected with their own delusions of grandeur that itâs a tedious nightmare to just to simply look at them. Inflated with their own arrogance, they are like walking arsenic. Everyone who comes into contact with them feels poisoned and drained. However, this particular petulant-pretender who goes by the name of âKanye Westâ really takes the cake.  Obviously you werenât the recipient of enough heavy-handed arse whippings as a young lad. It is evident by your highfalutinâ sassy antics that your mommy coddled you into oblivion, and now we all must suffer for it. Momma was your biggest fan, wasnât she Kanye? Iâm sure she slavishly praised every sub-par utterance that fell from your fey lips as if it were some divinely inspired genius. If your mother were still alive, Kanye, I would sue her on the spot for having the audacity to excrete such a puffed-up, snooty rascal such as yourself. Itâs also rather disturbing that you carry a torch for another manâs wife with such fervor. Its rather unbecoming to all parties involved. Does it embarrass your wife to be married to such a sycophantic, social climber? Wait, donât answer that. You married a Kardashian, after all. But really, your cringe-worthy devotion to Beyonce is truly disturbing. I cannot help but wonder if your overzealous-overtures towards Jay-Zâs main-squeeze had anything to do with the Hov and Bey taking a rain check on your wedding invitation? Letâs think about it for a moment, shall we?  Itâs really not about the injustice involved towards those who exhibit artistic superiority, is it Kanye? After all, if there such a thing as justice, you would be standing on a corner somewhere right now peddling sub-standard trollops to prospective johns much like you try to hawk your wife as some sort of demure fashion icon. In reality itâs about sucking up to the people with the most money and power. The people whose âtalentâ and âartistryâ is only as powerful as their team of writers, dance-choreographers and handlers. Not those who possess actual talent and ability to create the music that you and you cronies could never even come close to if you were to combine all your prospective âtalentsâ.  Mr. Kanye West, you really need to sit your punk-ass down.