Ancient cave graffiti confirms manâs obsession with drawing moustaches on things
A medieval hunting forest in rural Essex has given up its secrets to a team of archaeologists this week after six caves, previously hidden for millennia by tree growth and fallen rock, unveiled an impressive collection of ancient drawings and âhilarious graffitiâ.  The prehistoric doodles prove that man has enjoyed scribbling moustaches and novelty eye-patches on other peopleâs work for âthousands of yearsâ.  One of the only remaining forests of its kind in the UK, the team of experts had initially arrived at the site with hopes of unearthing personal items left by King Henry VIII, who historians believe frequented the area throughout his 37-year reign.  âWe got more than we bargained for,â said an excited Dr Tim Grogan from the National History Museum today. âForget Henry, some of these drawings are over 4000-years-old. In addition to the artwork, some of the writing discovered is forcing us to reconsider well-established beliefs on the origins of modern language, such as âLOLâ and âFFSâ. It appears these acronyms were popular well before the age of iPads and Facebook.â  Dr Grogan continued: âOne drawing, that was intricately carved into limestone with some kind of primitive tool, appears to depict an unfortunate hunter named âGollofâ, throwing his spear at a large boar and wildly missing. A hastily drawn speech bubble hangs above his head and reads; âFFS!â. The scene is captioned with: âfearless man hunter, Gollof. LOL, JK! Vegetarian!â âIt seems this Gollof character could possibly be the earliest known victim of anonymous bullying.â  Although the most exciting discovery of all, confirmed the team, was a cave that took three-days to dig out, and is now said to be the first art gallery in history. Prof. Denis Chadwick, who assisted with the dig, said: âitâs beautiful. Each cave wall is adorned with cryptic symbols and eerie scenes of early hunters plying their trade in the woodland, frozen in time. Perhaps most interesting of all; each character carefully immortalised in the rock was defaced just a few years later with giant fake moustaches, large noses and crazy hair. Some of them had giant penises protruding from their foreheads. These additions, although probably unwelcome at the time, are the work of the worldâs first graffiti artist.â  âWeâve all done itâ, added Professor Chadwick. âI remember writing âNed is gayâ in Tipp-ex on my desk during a Geography lesson back in about 1986. It may seem childish and offensive, but itâs just something young men do. Eventually you just grow out of it.â  âNed was definitely gay, though. He probably still is,â he added.