Dangerous The Phish Spinoffs Now Infecting Nation
Parents today are under many pressures to correctly raise their offspring within the teachings of Christ. It has become an increasingly difficult proposition, especially when dealing with their entertainment choices. Discretionary warnings, when available, do not complete the task in a manner that parents need today. For instance, the parental alerts regarding the music of The Phish is freshly disseminated to those concerned among us to varying degrees of effectiveness. The latest outputs have informed parents that The Phish has recently concluded a national tour with three concerts at the Madison (WI) Square Garden. Few, if any, news outlets have warned parents of the dangerous spinoff and solo tours of The Phish which are gathering momentum and will soon inflict a horrible cost on your children. The failure of the secular and spiritual media in dolling out this information is cause for grave concern. It should be a topic of great interest to parents. Did any of you know of Trey Pistasioâs current solo tour? Your young impressionable sons and daughters most certainly have. They may be in a run down sedan at this very moment parked outside of a show inhaling molly or shooting ellis-dee poppers. I spent the last week interviewing parents of targeted youth about their level of awareness concerning The Phish spinoff bands and Iâm dismayed at the results. Very few have ever heard Trey Pistachioâs name, let alone his association with The Phish. Did they know that two current The Phish side projects are on whirlwind tours of the nation? Of course not. The Liberal media is completely useless. The Phish is a dangerous trip-hopping funkadelic rockabilly unit hailing from socialist Vermont. Their scorched-earth concert tours have left parents dealing with the pregnancies and drug overdoses of their children from coast to coast. The economic cost of police and sanitation services, although staggering, is nothing compared to the destruction that befalls the souls of your young children when they fall victim to The Phishâs style of psychotic metal. The solo spinoff bands are much worse. For one thing, they infect under the radar of most parents. Where a wholesome concerned parent will raise eyebrows when the red-flag advertisements for âThe Phishâ appear in the entertainment section of their local papers, most will not bat an eye when they read that âOysterheadâ or âCatfish Hunterâ is playing locally. These are the first words that your precious youth will hear when playing the dangerous new compacted disk âOverstepâ by The Phish frontman, Mike Gordon. It seems like a nonsensical wordplay in the manner of the dish running with the spoon, but there are demonic hidden meanings within these words. âTo get my head unwoundâ is a clear reference to baking oneâs brain with oneâs preferred narcotic until theyâre âhigh up in the treetops.â The âcyclopsâ reference is a street slang for a turgid âone-eyedâ male member which will penetrate your sweet church-going daughter who just yesterday was studying prayers for her confirmation or shopping with her mother for a new dress to wear to the Sadee Hawkins Dance at school. It is with great urgency that you immediately check your childâs Bing History and iPodded Music devices for the following The Phish spinoff bands. My dear friends in Christ, I am always available to answer questions and accept your gift (suggested donation: $20) in assisting me with my ministry work to collect data on The Phish and other dangerous heathen jambands. I can be reached at my twitter-fed account address or in care of The National Report. So have a cup of coffee and catch your breath. Be heartened by the knowledge that I am fighting with you as parents of susceptible youth in an effort to expunge The Phish and similar spinoff bands. Bless you all.