CIA Picking Up Terrorist Chatter, Warns Of Valentineâs Day Attacks On American Soil
CIA Director John Brennan warned today of that the CIA and Homeland Security have been picking up increasing terrorist chatter over the past several months. Director Brennan spoke of possible suicide bomber attacks in all 50 states, with all signs pointing towards attacks happening on Valentineâs Day.âWe are seeing a lot of internet terrorist activity, all pointing at major suicide bombing attacks on February 14th,â said Brennan. âAll major cities should be on high alert, and on the lookout for suicide bombers. Â We are not sure why Valentineâs Day is being talked about specifically, as it has no significance in the Muslim world. The best we can figure out is that they know restaurants, movie theatres, and porno shops will be crowded, making them high value targets for the bombers. Wait, are there still porno shops around?âMuslim gas station attendant, Mofak Aswad, said âItâs not easy being in America on Valentineâs day. Thereâs a lot pressure to have a date, or be with someone you love. Itâs not easy for me, and I love America, I can only imagine how a lonely terrorist feels. Muhammad promises 72 virgins for those who kill in his name â oh, how I envy the suicide bombers, man those guys are going to get lucky!âÂ âIf I wasnât in jail, I would blow myself up, just so I wouldnât be alone on Valentineâs day,â said Gitmo detainee Haid DâSalaami. âIâm hoping Obama lets me go in time, because I canât bare the thought of another lonely Valentineâs Day. I would gladly blow up myself and all you Godless infidelsÂ Â just to get my hands on those virgins the Prophet promises. Praise Allah!â