U.S. Health Department Says Starbucks Coffee More Addicting Than Crack
AÂ recent study conducted by the US Health Department shows Starbucks coffee is more addicting than crack cocaine.Derek Whistleton, a U.S. Health Department representative, sat down for anÂ interview with the local D.C. newspaper Presidential Times, where heÂ said that the Health Department gathered data for the study over the course of 26 months. âWe really wanted to ensure we took the time to gather adequate and conclusive data, this was no fly-by-night operation.âWhen asked what data was gathered and studied over the 26 month period, Whistleton replied âItâs simple, it can all be tracked by units consumed, and industry profits.ââWe used Salt Lake City, Utah as our test demographic and gathered all information used in the study from the patterns of Starbucks coffee and crack cocaine use by the citizens of Salt Lake City.âWhen asked why they decided to base their entire study regarding the addictiveness of crack compared to coffee in a seemingly mild-mannered city such as Salt Lake City Whistler replied, âWe wanted to ensure we had a completely random sample demographic so we decided to pick a city out of hat and drew Salt Lake City, UtahâAccording to the study, the citizens of Salt Lake City consumed Starbucks coffee 99.99% more frequently than crack. âWe were amazed at the results of our findings. The addictiveness of crack didnât even hold a candle to thatÂ of Starbucks.âAccording to the Salt Lake City Police Departmentâs records, crack is turning an estimated profit of $600,000 per year. Starbucks however is a billion dollar industry in Salt Lake City.âThousands of Salt Lake City housewives are spending upwards of $1300 a month on Starbucks coffee, and people just are not spending that much money on crack, period, case closed,â said Whistler. âWe are actually wondering if itâs possible that Starbucks is actually putting aÂ highly addictive substance, like crack, into theirÂ coffee in the first place. I mean, people arenât drinking StarbucksÂ coffee because itÂ tastes good, thatâs for sure. It was also explain the exorbitantÂ prices they charge.âThe surprising part of this study, according to Whistler, was that Starbucks addiction is universal amongst all social classes. âWe even asked a homeless man in downtown Salt Lake City if he wanted some crack and he grinned, raised his Starbucks cup in the air, and said âIâve got my crack right here.ââÂ