BBC to bring in extra props for Brand vs Farage battle
Denying accusations of âdumbing downâ, the BBC will be supplying pedestals and padded pugil sticks for tonightâs debate in Canterbury between UKIPâs Nigel Farage and comedian Russell Brand. In a surprise change of format, Question Time will supply its guests with equipment from ITVâs Gladiators, kept in storage in Birmingham since 1999 and assembled especially for this eveningâs panel. âBrand is a hypocrite,â said conservative blogger and audience member, Titterley Spiven. âHe canât go bitching about the housing bubble and all that poverty stuff when he has possessions and lives indoors! I hope Farage twats him round the head with a big foam ball.â Nigel Farage is optimistic ahead of his 73rd appearance on Question Time this year. âAs long as there arenât any immigrants blocking the M2 and the gays keep their weather-bombing out of Kent, I should nail it,â he told reporters. âWhy do I have to wear this outfit?â asked Conservative minister Penny Mordaunt. âAnd these pom poms. Why the pom poms?â Labourâs shadow international development secretary Mary Creagh looked resolute in her spandex leotard. âSince Russell Brand invented voter apathy, itâs been chaos at home. My daughter took down all her favourite Ed Miliband posters. Even the sexy one.â âMy son used to have polling booth parties with his friends where theyâd pretend to cast votes and count them up. Now they just sit around instead.â âAll the young people had polling booth parties until Brand came along,â growled Times columnist Camilla Cavendish from inside padded armour, a cycle helmet and a large metal hamster ball. âLet me at that scruffy fucker.â When asked about recent media criticism, Brand answered enigmatically, stretching his arms wide and raising his bearded face to the lighting rig. âWe are but swirling dust particles in an infinite Universe ofâ¦ FUCK! Farage is on the Travelator! Heâs on the bastard Travelator already, the cheating, toad-faced shit!â