New iPod Shuffle designed to be inserted anally
Apple enthusiasts faced long queues last night to get their hands on the latest version of the I-pod shuffle, which is designed to be inserted deep into the buyerâs anus with a specially designed white probe. Launching the product, Apple CEO Steve Jobs surprised the audience after walking on stage with the tell-tale white headphone cord clearly disappearing into his rectum. He then demonstrated how users could change tracks and adjust volume by clenching or flexing their buttocks in a series of easy-to-learn moves. âJust tense the right buttock for volume, and left to change the trackâ he explained, his eyes watering slightly. âStaff at your local Apple Store will be happy to insert the product for you and provide any necessary aftercare. Once inserted, the device need never be removed â you can plug in the headphones or charger with only moderate discomfort.â Apple stores up and down the country were packed with eager buyers, with the lucky few ambling out again with the telltale wider gait which has already been nicknamed the I-pod âshuffleâ. One early user complained that the controls on the new product made jogging with the device impossible. âEvery time I took a step the track changedâ he complained. In response an Apple spokesman confirmed that users may need to adopt a wider stance while walking, running or sitting to avoid this. Other reviews criticised the new productâs sharp edges and tendency to cause anal bleeding. But one veteran critic was unsurprised, claimed that Appleâs products âhad always been a bleeding pain in the arseâ.