Useless Gadget Show Returns
This week, the annual F***ing Useless Gadget Show (FUGS) has been held in Las Vegas, with companies from around the world exhibiting the latest useless products they desperately want you to buy. I went down there to have a look, says roving reporter Bob Spoof. One of the first stands I visited was by a French company called Ungh! They have developed the world's first Internet-enabled Trowel (TM), which allows users to keep track of their email and browse the interweb while gardening. Also a hydrometer in the blade can post Facebook statuses of your garden's current soil moisture. It is the must-have gadget for hipster horticulturists everywhere. 2015 is undoubtedly the year of the watch-phone. There are so many companies here flogging them, I'm sure everyone will be buying one. And these watches can do more than just make phone calls. One company, Zxcvbnm, have developed a watch with a tiny keyboard, so that you can even write emails on it. Zxcvbnm's spokesman Geoff Beard raved, "People are constantly telling me how useful this product is. How often are you checking the time on your watch and wishing that you could send somebody an email, but you're too lazy to fetch your phone from your pocket? Well now you don't have to, you can send an email right there using your watch." Mr Beard then demonstrated how to press the miniscule keys on the watch using a miniature monkey finger which is supplied with the device. Perhaps the most unusual gadget I saw at the show was the Buttbot, made by the Interweb Censorship Commission. Designed to limit internet use for web addicts, the Buttbot is a device which is inserted rectally and monitors your net usage from devices such as your phone, watch or trowel. If you have been browsing above the ICC's own recommended levels of one hour a day, it sends an electric shock directly into your colon. It also posts messages to your Twitter account summarising both the web pages you have been looking at, and the nutritional value of the food you have been digesting.  I'm sure we all know what to buy for Christmas next year.