Man Fakes His Own Death To Get Away From Nagging Wife
In a story of resurrection and hope, Herbert Mancini, assumed dead for the past 10 years, has been found alive in New York. He claims to have faked his death in an attempt to escape the incessant nagging of his wife.âWeâre all so glad Herbert is alive,â said family spokesperson, patriarch Richard Mancini. âWe knew he had it tough with Martha, but we never realized how bad it was. He put us through heartache and pain, and his two daughters both unsuccessfully attempted suicide after his âdeathâ, but we appreciate why he had to do what he did.âOne of the two daughters, Sarah, made a statement from the hospital bed, where she lies, a vegetable.ââ¦..â she said. ââ¦ â¦.. ..âHer sister, Roberta, translated her sentiments.âShe says she missed him. Sheâs very glad to finally have our father back, and wishes he had come back sooner. However, she wants to know why he didnât just kill off mom, and save us all from her whininess.âMartha Mancini, the unbearable nag that she is, told reporters that she had been waiting for his return, always having known he wasnât really dead.âI went on talking to him as if he was still there,â she explained. âIâd say, âHerbert, take the garbage out will ya.â When he refused, Iâd say, âHeeeerbeeeeeerrt, take the gaaaaahbage out, will ya.â The garbage still hasnât been taken out.âMancini himself has explained why he had to go to such great lengths.âIt was either kill her, kill myself, or pretend to be dead,â he told Empire News. âThe first option was most appealing, but I donât think I coulda got away with it. The second option was no good â Iâda been dead. So I took the only one left open.âHe then went on to describe how it was to be back with his family.âThat first optionâs seeming kinda good again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know. I really fucked up in returning. But it was hard living incognito all those years. My next funeral is scheduled for next week. Meantime, Iâll be in the Bahamas.â