âSuper Ratsâ Terrorize New York City
A new breed of âSuper rats,â immune to poisons and larger, stronger, and more aggressive than normal rats, have reportedly invaded the upper East Side on New York. Super rats are carnivores, and have so far been feeding on pigeons, cats, dogs, and other rodents but the US Department Of Health says they fear attacks on people could be next.âThe problem with super rats is officially out of control, we have known about rats plaguing the Bronx and Harlem for a while now, but when super rats start terrorizing the good people of the upper East Side, itâs time to do something about it,â saidÂ NYC Mayor Bill de Blaiso. âSo today I am announcingÂ a new tax, this additional one dollar âSuper Rat Taxâ on each and every pack of cigarettes sold in the city, will go to the safe and humane trapping of the super rats so they be relocated to New JerseyâÂ âHe said what? If that communist thinks he can dump his rats here, heâs got another thing coming.â said Chris Christie, New Jersey Governor. âIâll shut down the bridges! I did it before, Iâll do it again, Iâll take those super rats and launch them over the river so it rains rats all over the city night and day. I got one message for comrade de Blaiso: âsit down and shut upâ, and donât f*ck with Jersey.ââSuper Rats? I have lived in the upper East Side my whole life, and I have never seen a super rat. Hell, Iâve never seen a regular rat, if you can believe that,â said Carmine Classi, avid smoker, as he was interviewed on the street by WNYC-News 6. âBill de Blaiso hates smokers, just like Bloomberg hated the fatties.Â Bill is an ultra-liberal nutjobÂ who just wants to raise our cigarette tax again.Â He wonât be happy until no one smokes, and now heâs seeing rats?Â Well I got a message for Mr. Mayor, youâre the onlyÂ rââ¦âUnfortunately, Classi was attacked by a super rat mid-sentence, and was killed instantly. WNYC-News 6 reporters say they send their deepest regards to his family.Â