Sapporo Offering Diet Water That Will âWage War On Your Fatâ
Chiba Brewery â Sapporo brand, best known for their excellent beer products, is diversifying their portfolio. Â They are now offering bottled water of a different variety. Â Diet water. Â It is said to contain specialized peptide bonds that enter your bloodstream and seek out fat cells. Â As the diet water stirs into your body, it wages war on those fat cells. Â The new technology is unproven, yet is believed it will be extremely popular amongst hefty individuals who canât seem to get rid of that leftover pesky blubber. âOur beer is the best and makes us much money,â says Sapporo Chairman Takao Murakami. Â âOur companyâs mission has always been to help our customers feel good. Â And my personal goal is to make as much money this year as George Clooney. Â With our new diet water I am confident we can accomplish both. Â I am younger and better looking than Clooney. Â I just need his bankroll now. Â Anyway, my nephew pitched the diet water idea to me. Â I cursed him badly, Samurai style, and then locked him in a closet for a few days. Â I cooled down and thought about it some more. Â Who would have ever thought that someone could put regular water in a bottle and people would buy it? Â Consumers are addicted to this bottled water now. Â And the diet industry is always booming. Â Could the two actually be combined? Â I spoke with a few of our local nuclear scientists and they assured me we could make it happen. Â After several days, I let my young nephew out of the closet and recited some old Japanese proverb that he seemed to buy. Â And here we are today. Â Itâs one of those legendary stories you just couldnât make up even if you tried.â The diet water has had a successful launch, generating revenue above initial projections. Â Of each 100 people who have consumed the water for more than a week, an average of 2 individuals report actual weight loss. Â Those that are losing weight have also been reported to have elevated levels of radiation in their blood. Â These findings, however, are inconclusive due to the small sample size. Sapporo is also said to be in negotiations with McDonaldâs to share their secret technology with the fast food giant. Â If an agreement can be reached, a diet Big Mac would be the first product that McDonaldâs would test in smaller markets.