Punk Musician Praised As Hero After Beating Man With His Ukulele
A punk musician in southern New England is being called a hero this morning, after he reportedly saved a young girl from a violent attack outside a concert venue in Providence, Rhode Island. The musician, who would not give his real name to police, but is known in the local scene as âWolfman,â said that he was just doing what any other good samaritanÂ would have done.âI had just gotten off stage after playing my final song, Last Fellatio, and I had packed up myÂ ukulele and was walking outside,â said Wolfman. âWhen I rounded the backÂ of the building, I saw a girl struggling with a man. He hit across the face really hard, and she fell to the ground in tears.âWolfman says that heâs not normally a confrontational person, but that he was raised, like most good little punk rockers, not to hit or disrespect women.âI walked over to the guy and told him to leave the girl alone,â said Wolfman. âHe pulled out a knife, and he knocked my uke case out of my hand. TheÂ thing popped open, and I just saw red. The only thing worse than hitting a woman is to hit a manâs instruments. So I picked up my uke, and I proceeded to beat this guy in the face with it. I think the guy was really surprised, because when I hit him, his eyes bugged right out of his head, and he went down like a sack of bricks.âPolice were called by several punks who were there for the show and had gathered nearby, and theÂ assailant was taken into custody.âThey considered taking me in, too, because I have all these buttons and this leather jacket and this crazy damn beard and all, and I basically look like a crusty olâ fucking hooligan. Thankfully, the girl that I saved was the police chiefâs daughter, and she told them what happened, so I wasnât brought up on assault charges.ââMan, I saw the whole thing, and that Wolfman, heâs one crazy dude,â said Gil âGarbagefaceâ Jones, lead singer of headlining act The Suck Ficks. âI travelled all over with my band back in the 80s, and this was the most hardcore thing Iâve seen happen at a show in years. Dudes used to get loaded and do coke straight off the necks of their guitars and smash bottles in their eye sockets, but I ainât never seen a mother get beaten down with a uke before. Crazy shit, yo. Crazy shit.ââWe are so proud to have this punk named Wolfman as part of our community,â said Police Chief Joe Goldsmith, speaking to reporters while wearing a leather jacket and ripped jeans. âI am so thankful that he saved my beautiful daughter from harm. He is a hero, and should be a welcome part of this, or any, city. Punkâs not dead!âÂ