Baby
Baby
[Cueball is standing in front of a family consisting a Cueball-like guy holding a newborn baby, with spiky hair, in a blanket and Megan. Cueball is thinking lots of thoughts about what to say to the couple upon seeing their baby for the first time. There is thus a huge thinking bubble in the top of the panel above the characters. Everything in this bubble has been crossed out like taking a pencil and drawing lines on top of the text, but it can still be read. After using all this time thinking, Cueball finally decides what to say, only to immediately regret this as can be seen in a small thought bubble below his spoken line, which is between the huge and the small bubble.] Cueball (thoughts that are crossed out): Wow, it's getting so big! Unlike most babies, which stay the same size forever. Hi! I'm talking to a baby! What brand is it? Wow, definitely much smaller than a regular person! You sure did make that. ★★★★☆ Great baby. It doesn't really look like you since you're not a baby. So do they learn words one at a time alphabetically or can you pick the order or what? I hope it does a good job. Cueball: Wow, that's a really cool baby! Cueball (thinking): Dammit.
[Caption below the panel:] I can never figure out what to say about babies.

Cueball (possibly representing Randall ) is uncomfortable about talking with couples who present their baby to him (here represented by Megan and another Cueball-like guy holding a baby in a blanket). Because he never knows what to say, he has many strange thoughts and/or reasonable questions, that shouldn't be mentioned in front of happy parents showing off their precious baby for the first time. See the table below for his thoughts.
Cueball's thoughts of what he didn't say includes the awkward You sure did make that , the plain strange What brand is it? , and interesting musing about science, which has nothing to do with this baby, So do they learn words... , and even rating someone's baby: ★★★★☆ Great baby ! Some of the thoughts are quite true, like It doesn't really look like you since you're not a baby.
In the end he manages to make a comment about how cool the baby is, and immediately regrets this, as he just realized he has squandered the chance to say something meaningful and instead has come out with something quite inane.
In the title text he continues his thoughts again, going in the scientific direction with a question regarding how a child grows. Does it get tall first and then put on weight? (i.e. widen). This is a valid question which has no general answer. (See more in the table below). But he is not serious, as he also wonders if the child will reach full width before getting taller.
Randall was 31 at the time of the release of this comic. As far as this page and Wikipedia informs, at the time of writing, he has no children, although he is married. However, given his age, it is highly likely that many of his friends are having babies during these years, so he will probably often get into the depicted situation. Therefore, it is highly likely that the comic is based on his own experience, and that it is indeed Randall depicted as the thinking Cueball.
Having problems with small talk is a recurring theme in xkcd (see 222: Small Talk ), even something as simple as talking about the weather can be a problem (see 1324: Weather ). This comic is the third in less than a month were Cueball has issues with this; the first two were 1640: Super Bowl Context and 1643: Degrees .
There has previously been a "plural" version of this comic called 441: Babies , here Cueball also manages to say something better left unsaid, even if it was about his own baby.
[Cueball is standing in front of a family consisting a Cueball-like guy holding a newborn baby, with spiky hair, in a blanket and Megan. Cueball is thinking lots of thoughts about what to say to the couple upon seeing their baby for the first time. There is thus a huge thinking bubble in the top of the panel above the characters. Everything in this bubble has been crossed out like taking a pencil and drawing lines on top of the text, but it can still be read. After using all this time thinking, Cueball finally decides what to say, only to immediately regret this as can be seen in a small thought bubble below his spoken line, which is between the huge and the small bubble.] Cueball (thoughts that are crossed out): Wow, it's getting so big! Unlike most babies, which stay the same size forever. Hi! I'm talking to a baby! What brand is it? Wow, definitely much smaller than a regular person! You sure did make that. ★★★★☆ Great baby. It doesn't really look like you since you're not a baby. So do they learn words one at a time alphabetically or can you pick the order or what? I hope it does a good job. Cueball: Wow, that's a really cool baby! Cueball (thinking): Dammit.
[Caption below the panel:] I can never figure out what to say about babies.
