Appendicitis
Appendicitis
[Cueball is seated on an medical examination table, clutching his stomach, while Ponytail stands dressed in a doctor's coat holding a file on a clipboard in her left hand.] Ponytail: Well, we zapped you with energy beams, and it looks like one of your stupid organs is a traitor. Cueball: ...which one? Ponytail: I dunno, appendix? Gallbladder? One of the little ones that sucks. Cueball: What should I do?
[Closeup on Ponytail. She holds her left hand in a clenched fist.] Ponytail: You could quash the revolt with the ruthless deployment of chemical and biological weapons. Cueball (off-screen): ...antibiotics? Ponytail: But certain victory comes only through the sword . Cueball (off-screen): Surgery.
[Closeup on Ponytail with her fists raised.] Ponytail: While we're inside, we'll look around-if we see any signs of insurrection elsewhere, we will not hesitate to act. There can be no armistice. Your parts must fall in line or be crushed. Cueball (off-screen): Um.
[Zoom out again to the entire scene. Ponytail points her left hand up.] Ponytail: When the battle is won, we will salt your abdomen so no new organs can ever sprout up to trouble you again. Cueball: Maybe I should get a second opinion. Ponytail: Only if you care what a weaker doctor would say.

Cueball , representing Randall , is visiting Doctor Ponytail , this time to diagnose some medical condition. From her description, zapped you with energy beams , it sounds like they just took an x-ray image , maybe in the form of a CT scan , and Ponytail is following up on the results. It appears that he may have appendicitis , the title of the comic, which could be treated through antibiotics , or through an appendectomy surgery.
As is typical for Doctor Ponytail, she characterizes the diagnosis in a strange and not-entirely-helpful way, in this case likening Cueball's inflamed appendix to a social uprising or rebellion. In some ways, this is not a bad metaphor - Cueball is an organism, and as such, functions best when all of his organic parts are working correctly in unison. People often express the similar sentiment of being "betrayed by their own body" to describe a biological function that isn't working right. However, Doctor Ponytail insists on talking only in metaphor, preventing Cueball from getting any useful medical detail about his condition.
Antibiotic treatment is described as using "chemical / biological weapons", while the appendectomy is described as "victory through the sword". She further describes more extreme "battle tactics", like crushing all other rebellions in his body. Lastly, she mentions "salting his abdomen" to prevent other rebellions. This is a reference to the salting the earth tactic in battle, which was a ritual to symbolize a curse on a conquered city and would have theoretically hindered future crop production, thus preventing that city from being rebuilt. It is likely that the medical usage would be the application of saline solution, salt in water, which is used for cleaning wounds.
After all this explanation, Cueball begins to question Ponytail's methods, and requests to see a different doctor to get a second opinion .
The title text appears to be Randall speaking directly to the reader addressing a recent appendicitis and his current health state. He continues the comic's joke with a meta reference pondering the repercussions if his organs subsequently discover this comic. The title text of 2508: Circumappendiceal Somectomy , from August 2021, seems to indicate that while antibiotics may have cured this event, a later infection required surgery anyway, a bit more than two years after this comic was released.
[Cueball is seated on an medical examination table, clutching his stomach, while Ponytail stands dressed in a doctor's coat holding a file on a clipboard in her left hand.] Ponytail: Well, we zapped you with energy beams, and it looks like one of your stupid organs is a traitor. Cueball: ...which one? Ponytail: I dunno, appendix? Gallbladder? One of the little ones that sucks. Cueball: What should I do?
[Closeup on Ponytail. She holds her left hand in a clenched fist.] Ponytail: You could quash the revolt with the ruthless deployment of chemical and biological weapons. Cueball (off-screen): ...antibiotics? Ponytail: But certain victory comes only through the sword . Cueball (off-screen): Surgery.
[Closeup on Ponytail with her fists raised.] Ponytail: While we're inside, we'll look around-if we see any signs of insurrection elsewhere, we will not hesitate to act. There can be no armistice. Your parts must fall in line or be crushed. Cueball (off-screen): Um.
[Zoom out again to the entire scene. Ponytail points her left hand up.] Ponytail: When the battle is won, we will salt your abdomen so no new organs can ever sprout up to trouble you again. Cueball: Maybe I should get a second opinion. Ponytail: Only if you care what a weaker doctor would say.
