Google Maps
Google Maps
My road trip with my brother ran into trouble around page three of the Google Maps printout
[Google Maps printout.] ← 70. Slight left at RT-22 - go 6.8 mi → 71. Turn right to stay on RT-22 - go 2.6 mi ← 72. Turn left at Lake Shore Rd - go 312 ft → 73. Turn right at Dock St - go 427 ft [An icon of water] 74. Take the ferry across the lake. - go 2.8 mi
[A car is driving in the dark.] Brother: Okay, now take Dock St toward the ferry. Cueball: We're supposed to take a ferry? It's past midnight, and these woods are creepy. Brother: Google Maps wouldn't steer us wrong.
[Cueball and his brother stand outside the car. The ferry has a sign on it reading CLOSED.]
[Cueball is standing next to his brother, who is holding a Google Maps printout.]
[Cueball motions towards his brother.] Cueball: Let me see those directions.
[Google Maps printout.] [An icon of water] 74. Take the ferry across the lake. - go 2.8 mi ↗ 75. Climb the HILL toward Hangman's Ridge, avoiding any mountain lions. - up 1,172 ft ↷ 76. When you reach an old barn, go around back, knock on the second door, and ask for Charlie. - go 52 ft [An icon of a van] 77. Tell Charlie the Dancing Stones are restless . He will give you his van . - Careful [An icon of a straw man] 78. Take Charlie's van down Old Mine Road . Do not wake the Straw Man . - go π mi ← 79. Turn left on Comstock . When you feel the blood chill in your veins , stop the van and get out. - go 3.2 mi ↓ 80. Stand very still. Exits are north , south , and east , but are blocked by a Spectral Wolf . - go 0 ft [An icon of a menacing face] 81. The Spectral Wolf fears only fire . The Google Maps Team can no longer help you, but if you master the wolf , he will guide you. Godspeed. - go ?? mi
Google Maps is a web mapping service application. Before smartphones with GPS mapping software were widespread and most people's printers hadn't yet run out of ink, it was common to print out directions to take with you on a trip. The web version of Google Maps has many features including a route planner. As sophisticated as early versions were, it occasionally gave suboptimal directions. For example, the directions may tell you to take an exit that, in reality, is unmarked. Directions also did not take time of day into account, which would help in planning routes to avoid traffic or to make use of services such as a ferry.
Though no specific game or movie is referenced, steps 75 to 81 of the directions read like the plot of a horror film, a guide of a video game, or a role playing game. A straw man is another term for scarecrow, a common antagonist in both. Step 80 reads exactly like an old text adventure game's description of an area.
There are additional small jokes in the distance column of the directions:
This might be a reference to Google Maps' many easter eggs .
The title text tells us that Cueball and his brother attempted to drive around the lake, since they could not take the ferry. It seems they also had an unfortunate run-in with the Straw Man, apparently waking him as the directions warned against.
My road trip with my brother ran into trouble around page three of the Google Maps printout
[Google Maps printout.] ← 70. Slight left at RT-22 - go 6.8 mi → 71. Turn right to stay on RT-22 - go 2.6 mi ← 72. Turn left at Lake Shore Rd - go 312 ft → 73. Turn right at Dock St - go 427 ft [An icon of water] 74. Take the ferry across the lake. - go 2.8 mi
[A car is driving in the dark.] Brother: Okay, now take Dock St toward the ferry. Cueball: We're supposed to take a ferry? It's past midnight, and these woods are creepy. Brother: Google Maps wouldn't steer us wrong.
[Cueball and his brother stand outside the car. The ferry has a sign on it reading CLOSED.]
[Cueball is standing next to his brother, who is holding a Google Maps printout.]
[Cueball motions towards his brother.] Cueball: Let me see those directions.
[Google Maps printout.] [An icon of water] 74. Take the ferry across the lake. - go 2.8 mi ↗ 75. Climb the HILL toward Hangman's Ridge, avoiding any mountain lions. - up 1,172 ft ↷ 76. When you reach an old barn, go around back, knock on the second door, and ask for Charlie. - go 52 ft [An icon of a van] 77. Tell Charlie the Dancing Stones are restless . He will give you his van . - Careful [An icon of a straw man] 78. Take Charlie's van down Old Mine Road . Do not wake the Straw Man . - go π mi ← 79. Turn left on Comstock . When you feel the blood chill in your veins , stop the van and get out. - go 3.2 mi ↓ 80. Stand very still. Exits are north , south , and east , but are blocked by a Spectral Wolf . - go 0 ft [An icon of a menacing face] 81. The Spectral Wolf fears only fire . The Google Maps Team can no longer help you, but if you master the wolf , he will guide you. Godspeed. - go ?? mi