Pickup Artist
Pickup Artist
[Hairy and Cueball sitting at a table.] Hairy: I've been learning tricks from pickup artist forums. Cueball: Pickup artists are dehumanizing creeps who see relationships as adversarial and women as sex toys.
[Close-up of Hairy's head, with a faint outline of Black hat and Danish sitting at a table in the background.] Hairy: No, it's just a bunch of tips! Like negging : you belittle chicks to undermine their self-confidence so they'll be more vulnerable and seek your approval.
[Close-up of Cueball's head.] Cueball: Just talk to them like a fucking human being. Hairy: Nah, that's a sucker's game. Hairy: Ok— wish me luck!
[Small frame across top of panel reads Meanwhile... and Danish is sitting at a table with Black hat standing next to the table holding a bowling ball under his arm.] Black Hat: I'm going to the bathroom to roll a bowling ball down under the line of stalls. Danish: Cool.
[Close up of Cueball's head, with Hairy approaching Danish's table in the background.] Cueball: Oh no.
[Hairy and Danish at a table. Hairy is standing up and leaning on the table.] Hairy: You look like you're on a diet. That's great! Hairy: How's the fruit plate?
[Close-up of Danish's head.] Danish: Ooh- are we negging? Danish: Let me try!
[Close-up of Danish's head, with her hand raised.] Danish: You look like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. Danish: But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are . Danish: The thing standing in the way of your dreams Danish: is that the person having them is you .
[Hairy and Danish at a table. Hairy is standing up.] Danish: Ok, your turn! Ooh, try insulting my hair! Hairy: I think I need to go home and think about my life. Danish: It won't help.

Hairy and Cueball are sitting at a table with drinks. Hairy tells Cueball that he's learned some pickup artist tricks. Cueball is appalled, declaring that pickup artists are "dehumanizing creeps". Hairy argues that he's simply learning new tactics such as " negging " (undercutting the target's self-esteem so that she'll feel vulnerable and crave approval), evidently oblivious to the fact that he's proving Cueball's point. Rejecting Cueball's advice to simply talk to women "like a fucking human being", Hairy sets off to try out the technique.
Meanwhile, Black Hat and Danish are sitting at another table. Black Hat leaves to roll a bowling ball through the restroom stalls to smash the feet of anyone there using them. In North America, public restrooms usually have a 1-foot (30 cm) gap between the floor and the bottom of the stall dividers. As people sit down to use a stall most of the time, their feet would be vulnerable to being hit in sequence. Perhaps Black Hat is going for a 'strike'. Hairy approaches Danish, while Cueball looks on and says "oh no" — seemingly recognizing Danish and anticipating the disaster Hairy is walking into, or perhaps simply not wanting Hairy to use his tricks on anyone.
Hairy makes an attempt at "negging" by suggesting that Danish's fruit plate reflects a need to lose weight. Danish, naturally being a master at psychological manipulation, immediately realizes his game, and crushes him utterly by taking another shot in the psychological dark — telling him that he's trapped in an endless cycle of failure because he's ultimately a mediocre person and will never do anything of value with his life. Demoralized, Hairy declares that he needs to go home and think about his life; Danish tells him, "It won't help.” (This may be a reference to the "deathsticks" scene in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones .) Of course, once Black Hat discovers his shenanigans, Hairy might not have much more life to rethink.
The title text refers to Michael Jordan , a very popular and accomplished basketball player who played for the Chicago Bulls and the Washington Wizards . His name is often used as a noun to denote that someone is the best in their field, which is later used in 1120: Blurring the Line .
The pick up subject and Hairy returned in 1178: Pickup Artists , where he tries to improve his skills (which he must have felt he needed after this experience), by hanging out with other pickup artists, thus the plural version of the comic title. This comic is one of a small set of comics with the same or almost the same title as another comic (only plural form of artist the difference).
[Hairy and Cueball sitting at a table.] Hairy: I've been learning tricks from pickup artist forums. Cueball: Pickup artists are dehumanizing creeps who see relationships as adversarial and women as sex toys.
[Close-up of Hairy's head, with a faint outline of Black hat and Danish sitting at a table in the background.] Hairy: No, it's just a bunch of tips! Like negging : you belittle chicks to undermine their self-confidence so they'll be more vulnerable and seek your approval.
[Close-up of Cueball's head.] Cueball: Just talk to them like a fucking human being. Hairy: Nah, that's a sucker's game. Hairy: Ok— wish me luck!
[Small frame across top of panel reads Meanwhile... and Danish is sitting at a table with Black hat standing next to the table holding a bowling ball under his arm.] Black Hat: I'm going to the bathroom to roll a bowling ball down under the line of stalls. Danish: Cool.
[Close up of Cueball's head, with Hairy approaching Danish's table in the background.] Cueball: Oh no.
[Hairy and Danish at a table. Hairy is standing up and leaning on the table.] Hairy: You look like you're on a diet. That's great! Hairy: How's the fruit plate?
[Close-up of Danish's head.] Danish: Ooh- are we negging? Danish: Let me try!
[Close-up of Danish's head, with her hand raised.] Danish: You look like you're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. Danish: But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle. It's who you are . Danish: The thing standing in the way of your dreams Danish: is that the person having them is you .
[Hairy and Danish at a table. Hairy is standing up.] Danish: Ok, your turn! Ooh, try insulting my hair! Hairy: I think I need to go home and think about my life. Danish: It won't help.
