Things You Learn
Things You Learn
[A simple X and Y graph, with the X labeled "how bad it is if you don't know {thing}" and ranging from "not bad" to "very bad", and Y labeled "how easy it is to grow up without learning {thing}" and ranging from "easy" to "hard" from top to bottom.]
[Points on graph from top to bottom on the left side of the Y-axis:]
100 digits of pi Lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire How to ride a bike How to escape movie quicksand Lyrics to 12 Days of Christmas TV theme songs
[Points on graph from top to bottom on the right side of the Y-axis:]
That cat bites are really serious and if bitten you should wash the bite and call a doctor immediately Red flags for an abusive relationship Signs for a stroke Cough into your elbow, not your hand That you have to empty the dryer lint trap Stop, drop, and roll That you have to pay taxes

This graph shows various items of information plotted by two criteria: a horizontal "How Bad Is It If You Don't Know [THING]" axis and a vertical "How Easy It Is To Grow Up Without Learning [THING]" axis. Specifically, the vertical axis measures roughly how likely the average person is to remain ignorant of a particular item. The horizontal axis measures the likelihood and severity of bad consequences arising from such ignorance.
The title text describes an encounter Randall had where a cat climbed into the engine compartment of his car. It probably serves as an explanation for the seemingly out of place point on the graph about how serious cat bites are. The "two thumbs" is a reference to a well known type of jokes among English speakers. One of the most frequent forms is one person interrupting another mid-speech and asking "what has two thumbs and doesn't give a f*ck? THIS GUY!", before pointing to themselves with their thumbs. The idea is that you only direct the attention to your thumbs so that they can point back to you, though mentioning the thumbs was not actually required except as a topic change. Randall plays on an inversion of this joke as he (presumably) was bitten on the thumb might have lost a thumb or perhaps not have been able to make it at all without the intervention of the ER people. So here the "who has two thumbs", is not a deceiving distraction out of a boring conversation, and the thumbs are actually the focus of the phrase.
100% not bad: not bad at all . . . 100%>not-badness≥50%: not bad . . . 50%>not-badness≥0%: not too bad
100% very bad: very, very bad . . . 100%>very badness≥50%: very bad . . . 50%>very badness>0%: bad
100% hard: very, very hard . . . 100%>hardness≥50%: very hard . . . 50%>hardness>0%: hard
100% easy: very, very easy . . . 100%>easiness≥50%: very easy . . . 50%>easiness≥0%: easy
[A simple X and Y graph, with the X labeled "how bad it is if you don't know {thing}" and ranging from "not bad" to "very bad", and Y labeled "how easy it is to grow up without learning {thing}" and ranging from "easy" to "hard" from top to bottom.]
[Points on graph from top to bottom on the left side of the Y-axis:]
100 digits of pi Lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire How to ride a bike How to escape movie quicksand Lyrics to 12 Days of Christmas TV theme songs
[Points on graph from top to bottom on the right side of the Y-axis:]
That cat bites are really serious and if bitten you should wash the bite and call a doctor immediately Red flags for an abusive relationship Signs for a stroke Cough into your elbow, not your hand That you have to empty the dryer lint trap Stop, drop, and roll That you have to pay taxes
