Star Wars Spoiler Generator
Star Wars Spoiler Generator
Star Wars Spoiler Generator
[Shown below is a branching flowchart of sorts that begins at the phrase "In this Star Wars movie, our heroes return to take on the First Order and new villain...", then flows through various paths to build up a story.]
In this Star Wars movie, our heroes return to take on the First Order and new villain... Kyle Ren Malloc Darth Sebelius Theranos Lord Juul
...with help from their new friend... Kim Spacemeasurer Teen Yoda Dab Tweetdeck Yaz Progestin TI-83
Rey builds a new lightsaber with a... beige ochre mauve aquamarine taupe
...blade, and they head out to confront the First Order's new superweapon, the... Sun Obliterator Moonsquisher World Eater Planet Zester Superconducting Supercollider
...a space station capable of... blowing up a planet with a bunch of beams of energy that combine into one blowing up a bunch of planets with one beam of energy that splits into many cutting a planet in half and smashing the halves together like two cymbals increasing the CO 2 levels in a planet's atmosphere, causing rapid heating triggering the end credits before the movie is done
They unexpectedly join forces with their old enemy... Boba Fett Salacious Crumb The Space Slug the bottom half of Darth Maul Youtube commenters
...and destroy the superweapon in a battle featuring a bow that shoots little lightsaber-headed arrows X-Wings and TIE fighters dodging the giant letters of the opening crawl a Sith educational display that uses Force Lightning to demonstrate the dielectric breakdown of air Kylo Ren putting on another helmet over his smaller one a Sith car wash where the bristles on the brushes are little lightsabers
P.S. Rey's parents are... Luke Leia Han Obi-Wan a random junk trader
...and... Poe BB-8 Amilyn Holdo Laura Dern a random junk trader that one droid from the Jawa Sandcrawler that says Gonk

On December 20, 2019 (2 days after the publication of this comic), the final movie of the "Skywalker saga" of Star Wars films, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker , was officially released to the US. It received a world premiere in Los Angeles on December 16, so there are lots of spoilers online, and also lots of people who want to avoid spoilers. Randall has created a flowchart that generates "spoilers" to the film, but as he probably has not seen the film (or, if he has, he doesn't actually want to spoil it for us), all of the so-called spoilers are nonsensical.
The formula for each spoiler is as follows: "In this Star Wars movie, our heroes return to take on the First Order and new villain [villain name] with help from their new friend [friend name] . Rey builds a new lightsaber with a [color] blade, and they head out to confront the First Order's new superweapon, the [superweapon name] , a space station capable of [evil plan] . They unexpectedly join forces with their old enemy [character] and destroy the superweapon in a battle featuring [strange event] . P.S. Rey's parents are [character] and [character] ".
The First Order is the main antagonist group in the Star Wars sequel trilogy series. In Star Wars: The Force Awakens , they use a superweapon in their base, Starkiller Base, to destroy the planetary system housing the headquarters of the New Republic , the democratic government which was formed after the Empire 's defeat in Return of the Jedi .
"Building a lightsaber " is one of the rites of passage for becoming a Jedi Knight. In the prequel trilogy , new Jedi build lightsabers as an official part of the journey towards Knighthood, and in the original trilogy , Luke Skywalker builds a lightsaber between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi as part of his training with Yoda . Rey has used the lightsaber that Anakin Skywalker made and used (which Luke also used when he was a new Jedi) for the first two movies of the sequel trilogy, and so it would be thematically appropriate for her to build her own prior to the trilogy's final entry.  Most Jedi's lightsabers are either blue or green, with a few notable exceptions (e.g. Mace Windu 's purple lightsaber signifies his incredible combat prowess).  Kyber crystals are aligned with the Light Side of the Force , so Sith must overpower and "bleed" their crystals before they will function for them, which causes their distinctive red color.  Having a lightsaber of a color other than blue, green, or red is often seen in the Star Wars fandom as a sign of being a " Mary Sue ", which is an accusation which has been made of Rey. [ actual citation needed ]
Another common plot point in Star Wars media is the construction, use, and destruction of a superweapon.  These are inspired by stories and media of World War II, in which militaries sought to find, attack, and destroy critical elements of their enemies' resources and infrastructure, and meanwhile would construct elaborate defenses for themselves.  The attack on the Death Star in particular is inspired by Operation Chastise , the "bouncing bomb" attack on Germany's hydroelectric power plants; Operation Chastise was dramatised in the 1951 book and 1955 film The Dam Busters , which was very thoroughly homaged by A New Hope .  The original trilogy of movies only had two Death Stars, but superweapons quickly became a staple of the Expanded Universe fiction, to the point that one book had Han Solo make fun of the Empire's tendency towards building superweapons, proposing such ridiculous names as "Galaxy Destructor" and "Nostril of Palpatine".  Superweapons are common in superhero stories.
Redemption and making allies of old enemies is also a common plot point in Star Wars .  Anakin Skywalker fell to the Dark Side and became Darth Vader, but eventually returned to the Light Side to protect his son, and Han Solo was initially a morally ambiguous character who was eventually convinced to join the Rebellion.
Rey, one of the main characters in the sequel trilogy series is an orphan, who was left behind on the planet Jakku as a child. As Rey is Force-sensitive and adept at using a lightsaber, there is much speculation among Star Wars fans as to the identity of her parents. Many major characters in Star Wars have unexpected heritages of great portent, most famously Luke, who was very distressed to learn that Darth Vader did not kill his father, as Obi-Wan had told him, but is his father. In Star Wars: The Last Jedi , villain Kylo Ren tells her that she is the child of "filthy junk traders", but many fans speculate that he was lying to her.
The title text refers to the bottom option of the [strange event in battle] section. Apparently Lord Juul (or Darth Juul) is fighting the heroes in the Sith car wash. It is unclear what "flipping the switch" from Regular to Premium would do, but it seems to be beneficial to Darth Juul. A "premium" car wash usually has more features than a regular car wash, e.g. more cleaning brushes, waxing the car, cleaning the tires, etc., so perhaps the premium mode activates additional lightsabers.
This is the second false fact generating comic, after 1930: Calendar Facts .
Star Wars Spoiler Generator
[Shown below is a branching flowchart of sorts that begins at the phrase "In this Star Wars movie, our heroes return to take on the First Order and new villain...", then flows through various paths to build up a story.]
In this Star Wars movie, our heroes return to take on the First Order and new villain... Kyle Ren Malloc Darth Sebelius Theranos Lord Juul
...with help from their new friend... Kim Spacemeasurer Teen Yoda Dab Tweetdeck Yaz Progestin TI-83
Rey builds a new lightsaber with a... beige ochre mauve aquamarine taupe
...blade, and they head out to confront the First Order's new superweapon, the... Sun Obliterator Moonsquisher World Eater Planet Zester Superconducting Supercollider
...a space station capable of... blowing up a planet with a bunch of beams of energy that combine into one blowing up a bunch of planets with one beam of energy that splits into many cutting a planet in half and smashing the halves together like two cymbals increasing the CO 2 levels in a planet's atmosphere, causing rapid heating triggering the end credits before the movie is done
They unexpectedly join forces with their old enemy... Boba Fett Salacious Crumb The Space Slug the bottom half of Darth Maul Youtube commenters
...and destroy the superweapon in a battle featuring a bow that shoots little lightsaber-headed arrows X-Wings and TIE fighters dodging the giant letters of the opening crawl a Sith educational display that uses Force Lightning to demonstrate the dielectric breakdown of air Kylo Ren putting on another helmet over his smaller one a Sith car wash where the bristles on the brushes are little lightsabers
P.S. Rey's parents are... Luke Leia Han Obi-Wan a random junk trader
...and... Poe BB-8 Amilyn Holdo Laura Dern a random junk trader that one droid from the Jawa Sandcrawler that says Gonk
