Excel Lambda
Excel Lambda
[In a narrow panel, Ponytail is walking in from the left, looking down at her phone] Ponytail: Oh cool, Excel is adding a lambda function, so you can recursively define functions.
[Ponytail, holding her phone to her side stands behind Cueball, who is sitting in an office chair with a hand on a laptop standing on his desk. He has turned around to face her, leaning with the other arm on the back of the chair.] Cueball: Seems unnecessary. Cueball: When I need to do arbitrary computation, I just add a giant block of columns to the side of my sheet and have a Turing machine traverse down it.
[In a frame-less panel Ponytail is standing in he same position behind Cueball, who has resumed working on his laptop with both hands on the keyboard.] Ponytail: I think you're doing computing wrong. Cueball: The Church-Turing thesis says that all ways of computing are equally wrong.
[Ponytail is still behind Cueball, who has a finger raised in the air, and the other hand is on the desk. Cueball's head has a visible sketch layer which has not been erased.] Ponytail: I think if Turing saw your spreadsheets, he'd change his mind. Cueball: He can ask me to stop making them, but not prove whether I will!

Cueball is computing and Ponytail criticizes him in a way that is reminiscent of the Code Quality series , although not as harsh. Cueball has lots of strange computer problems , and this will most likely result in another one.
The comic begins with Ponytail finding out that Microsoft Excel is adding a lambda function to their function library. This was announced by Microsoft for Beta users in December of 2020. A lambda function is a fundamental mathematical structure that can be used to define all possible computations, in what is known as lambda calculus . They are commonly found in programming languages such as Lisp , Python , and many others. A lambda function is also called an anonymous function because in most languages it can be passed to other functions (including another lambda function) without needing to be given any formal name.
Finding that Excel is adding a lambda function pleases Ponytail. Cueball claims that the lambda function is unnecessary, as when he needs arbitrary computation he just adds a block of columns to the side of his sheet and has a Turing machine process it. This would technically work as lambda calculus is formally equivalent to Turing machines. People have created Turing machines in Excel , although not for practical purposes.
Ponytail finds his solution absurd and is convinced Cueball is "doing computing wrong". But he claims that all computing is equally wrong, citing the Church-Turing thesis , a hypothesis which says that a function can be computed by executing a series of instructions if and only if that function is computable by a Turing machine. A classical Turing machine uses an infinitely long strip of tape as its memory; for Cueball, the large Excel column acts as the "tape". All ways of computing are "equally wrong" since, according to this thesis, they can all be translated to or from a Turing machine.
Ponytail and Cueball appear to have different ideas of 'computing'. Ponytail, like most programmers, probably includes efficiency and readability as important characteristics of 'doing computing right'. Cueball appears interested only in computability , a more theoretical point of view than Ponytail's.
Ponytail then says that Turing would change his mind if he saw Cueball's spreadsheet, presumably because of the extreme complexity of Cueball's code in the spreadsheet. Cueball's final statement is that Turing could ask him to stop, but would not be able to prove if he actually will stop.
Cueball's final statement is a reference to the halting problem mentioned in the title text. It is the problem of determining whether a given Turing machine will halt. The problem has been shown to be undecidable, i.e., it is impossible to build an algorithm that computes whether any arbitrary Turing machine will halt or not. Because of the way Cueball has behaved, he has been specifically mentioned in Turing's later formulations of the halting problem. Cueball finds this very rude. This is of course a joke, since Turing has been dead since 1954, presumably long before Cueball was born. But it would be crazy indeed if a scientist became so mad at a person that they would mention this person by name in their formulation of a serious problem.
Over-complicated spreadsheets were also mentioned in 2180: Spreadsheets .
[In a narrow panel, Ponytail is walking in from the left, looking down at her phone] Ponytail: Oh cool, Excel is adding a lambda function, so you can recursively define functions.
[Ponytail, holding her phone to her side stands behind Cueball, who is sitting in an office chair with a hand on a laptop standing on his desk. He has turned around to face her, leaning with the other arm on the back of the chair.] Cueball: Seems unnecessary. Cueball: When I need to do arbitrary computation, I just add a giant block of columns to the side of my sheet and have a Turing machine traverse down it.
[In a frame-less panel Ponytail is standing in he same position behind Cueball, who has resumed working on his laptop with both hands on the keyboard.] Ponytail: I think you're doing computing wrong. Cueball: The Church-Turing thesis says that all ways of computing are equally wrong.
[Ponytail is still behind Cueball, who has a finger raised in the air, and the other hand is on the desk. Cueball's head has a visible sketch layer which has not been erased.] Ponytail: I think if Turing saw your spreadsheets, he'd change his mind. Cueball: He can ask me to stop making them, but not prove whether I will!
