Craigslist Apartments
Craigslist Apartments
[The comic is a single panel, presented as an apartment search.] [Title bar.] All apartments Search for: [_______] in: All apartments ( ) Title only (*) Entire post   Search Rent: [Min] [Max] 0+ BR [ ] Cats [ ] Dogs [ ] Has image [Date bar.] Fri Apr 15 [Begin the apartment listings.] $1600 / 2BR ~~~ Hardwood floors, utilities included. Cats ok, limit one per square foot. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $2300 / 3BR !!!!!!!! Elegant apartment permanently lit by strobe light!!!! No floor. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $980 / 1BR New "hammock"-style dwelling. Water and heat free from same dispenser. Viking landlord. $1550 / 2BR (one inside the other). Has running water, in a sense.  Free heat in short, intense bursts.  Klein stairs. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $3200 / 1BR W/trimmed carpet and pert fixtures. Previous tenants clean. Call now, want you  inside. $120/night (no animals) $2100 / 3BR on scenic Ash Tree Lane. Builder unknown; house has always existed. Walls shift; center of house may contain minotaur. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $600 / 5BR Three floors w/pool, rooftop garden, beautiful glass facade, no catch, 5-min drive to historic Pripyat. $7100 / 60BR Sleek modern w/extreme running water. Previous tenants may resist entry. Contains all new wiring and is a submarine. $1616 / 3BR + 2Bath, tub full of blood. Closet full of board games which play themselves. Pets ok but won't survive long.

This is a comic about the potential pitfalls in finding an apartment on Craigslist . Just as in Craigslist, some of the posts are re-posted several times. Additionally, lots of posts use lots of tildes, exclamation points or asterisks as above to set their posts apart from others.
BR means bedroom, e.g. 3BR means that apartment has 3 bedrooms (common measurement of apartment size).
This ad is aimed at "crazy cat ladies/bachelors" who compulsively keep a number of animals much greater than is appropriate to the living space.
This is the first repetition of an entry that appears multiple times.  It is also extremely generic, telling the reader little useful about the house. The square house might be a garage, or just a regular square house.  Beside that, most houses have a door in front, there's nothing special about a door. [ citation needed ] It's possible this refers to an elevator. The different places it appears on the page could be the different floors it stops on.
A strobe light is a very bright light that, instead of remaining on, flashes very quickly. It's frequently used in parties. A constant strobe light and the stated lack of a floor would probably make living in the apartment somewhat difficult. It is not clear whether "no floor" means a dirt floor with no foundation or tiling, or whether there is literally some form of pit where a floor would be.
This is a post to live as an oarsman on a Viking ship .  The water and heat presumably both come from the sky, in the form of rain and sunlight.
This is a vague ad for a very unusual apartment. First off, the ad indicates that the two bedrooms are nested. This is an impractical layout, and it is very rare to see this. [ citation needed ] Possibly this refers to a tesseract , a four-dimensional cube. This conjecture is supported by mention of a Klein Bottle. Running water "in a sense" is both vague and concerning. The note about heat is similar. Short intense blasts of heat are not a comfortable way to heat a room. Depending on how intense the blasts are, they also may be dangerous or deadly. (Alternatively, the house could have a geyser inside, which would explain both the 'free heat in short,  intense bursts', along with the 'water that runs in a sense'.) A Klein bottle is a surface which has no difference between "inside" and "outside", similar to a mobius strip but with an extra dimension. It is physically impossible to build a Klein bottle in a three-dimensional space. It isn't certain what Klein stairs are, but they probably aren't very useful. This may be a pun on "clean" stairs.
This is a disguised "adult services" (sex) posting, with references to trimmed pubic hair, an attractive body, and a lack of STDs .  Craigslist no longer allows posts for this, because prostitution is illegal in most places in the US.  This post tries to evade the adult services ban by pretending to be something else. "No animals" would normally be assumed to mean "no pets", but in this context probably refers to STDs (possibly crabs or scabies ) or bestiality .
This Minotaur house is an ad for the house in the novel House of Leaves .   It may also refer to the Labyrinth in Ancient Greek mythology.
This is an ad for a residence in the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant , located near to the town of Pripyat , in northern Ukraine. The NPP is a 3-level structure, and contains a pool for temporary spent nuclear fuel storage. The rooftop now has plants growing on it after years of neglect, and the glass facade references radioactive glassy minerals created by the explosion. Pripyat was founded in 1970 to serve the power plant, so is only 'historic' in the sense that it is associated with the Chernobyl disaster.
This house is a submarine, as indicated by the advertisement, presumably operated by a navy. The "previous tenants", being members of the armed forces, would undoubtedly resist entry of someone attempting to board their submarine. The sixty bedrooms refers to the crew members' bunks on board the ship, which are in extremely tight quarters and can be very uncomfortable. This may also be a reference to 496: Secretary: Part 3 , which makes reference to Black Hat stealing a submarine, presumably for 405: Journal 3 - apparently this is him trying to get rid of it.
This is an ad for a house in a generic horror movie.
Appearing in the title text, this is a reference to the Death Star in Star Wars . Alderaan is the home planet of Princess Leia , which was obliterated by the Death Star. Mandatory parking references the tractor beams used to drag nearby ships (such as the Millennium Falcon) into the base. The garbage disposal refers to an iconic scene from Star Wars aboard the Death Star, in which the heroes are in danger of being crushed to death inside a trash compactor chamber. It seems somewhat inconvenient that this "apartment" has over a million bedrooms but only three bathrooms. The guest rooms are probably the detention blocks such as Detention Block AA-23 .
[The comic is a single panel, presented as an apartment search.] [Title bar.] All apartments Search for: [_______] in: All apartments ( ) Title only (*) Entire post   Search Rent: [Min] [Max] 0+ BR [ ] Cats [ ] Dogs [ ] Has image [Date bar.] Fri Apr 15 [Begin the apartment listings.] $1600 / 2BR ~~~ Hardwood floors, utilities included. Cats ok, limit one per square foot. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $2300 / 3BR !!!!!!!! Elegant apartment permanently lit by strobe light!!!! No floor. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $980 / 1BR New "hammock"-style dwelling. Water and heat free from same dispenser. Viking landlord. $1550 / 2BR (one inside the other). Has running water, in a sense.  Free heat in short, intense bursts.  Klein stairs. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $3200 / 1BR W/trimmed carpet and pert fixtures. Previous tenants clean. Call now, want you  inside. $120/night (no animals) $2100 / 3BR on scenic Ash Tree Lane. Builder unknown; house has always existed. Walls shift; center of house may contain minotaur. $1100 / **** GREAT DEAL SQUARE HOUSE DOOR IN FRONT!!! **** $600 / 5BR Three floors w/pool, rooftop garden, beautiful glass facade, no catch, 5-min drive to historic Pripyat. $7100 / 60BR Sleek modern w/extreme running water. Previous tenants may resist entry. Contains all new wiring and is a submarine. $1616 / 3BR + 2Bath, tub full of blood. Closet full of board games which play themselves. Pets ok but won't survive long.
