Watson Medical Algorithm
Watson Medical Algorithm
Heading: A guide to the medical diagnostic and treatment system used by IBM's Watson system [A flowchart with the following steps is shown, starting from "start":]
Step Following step Start Draw Blood Draw Blood Record patient’s name Record patient’s name Measure Patient’s height and Weight Measure Patient’s height and Weight Consult Standard height/weight chart Consult Standard height/weight chart Surgically adjust patient to match Surgically adjust patient to match Is patient coughing up blood? Is patient coughing up blood? Yes: Gather blood and return it to body No: Is patient still here? Is patient still here? Yes: Record pulse rate No: Hunt down and capture patient Hunt down and capture patient Is patient still here? Gather blood and return it to body Record pulse rate Record pulse rate Is patient screaming? Is patient screaming? Yes: Ignore No: Check blood O 2 saturation Check blood O 2 saturation >50%: Remove and inspect skeleton <50%: Inject oxygen Remove and inspect skeleton Too many bones: Is fluid coming out of patient? Too few bones: Request consult with human doctor Request consult with human doctor Dissect doctor for parts Dissect doctor for parts Discharge patient Discharge patient END STATE (before you read the title text) Is fluid coming out of patient No: Squeeze patient Yes: What color? Squeeze patient Is fluid coming out of patient What color? Yellow: Squeeze Patient Black: Activate Sprinklers Red: Ask patient to rate pain level Green: Cauterize Activate sprinklers Subdue patient Subdue patient Apply cream Apply cream Ask patient to rate pain level Ask patient to rate pain level 0-8: Massage scalp 9: Admit for observation 10: Laser eye removal Other response: Sequence genome Massage scalp Patient is healthy Patient is healthy Admit for observation Admit for observation Ask patient to rate pain level Laser eye removal Admit for observation Sequence genome Apply tourniquet Apply tourniquet Perform autopsy Perform autopsy [End state, and if taking the title text into account, the only possible one] Cauterize Ask patient to rate pain level Inject oxygen Comfort patient Comfort patient Comforting successful: Review medical history Comforting unsuccessful: Subdue patient Review medical history Skin grafts Skin grafts Count number of limbs Count number of limbs Fewer than 100: Measure Vitamin D 100+: Remove extra limbs Remove extra limbs Subdue patient Measure vitamin D Good: Check whether build environment is sane Bad: Blood loss? Check whether build environment is sane Rinse patient with saline solution Rinse patient with saline solution Is patient phone battery low? Is patient phone battery low? Yes: Defibrillate No: Sync photos from camera Defibrillate Is patient phone battery low? Sync photos from camera Administer general anesthesia Administer general anesthesia Discharge patient Blood loss? Minor: Patient address changed? Substantial: Apply cream Patient address changed? Yes: Request organ donation No: Patient is healthy Request organ donation Remove organs Remove organs Discharge patient Discharge patient [End State: See title text]

IBM's Watson is a natural language system designed to answer questions posed by humans. Recently, IBM has extended Watson to act as a clinical decision support system , using image analytics to aid physicians in medical decision making.
In this comic, Randall uses a flowchart (as he often does ) to represent a guide to the algorithm used by Watson, including bizarre techniques including surgical alteration of a patient to match a height and weight chart or squeezing the patient to make sure fluids come out of them. Like 416: Zealous Autoconfig , this comic pokes fun at a rigid, poorly-designed setup that ends up potentially doing more harm than good.
Modern medicine involves both standard processes and clinical judgment based around years of advanced training. An algorithm like this would have to be incredibly complicated in order to simulate the clinical judgment of a good doctor. However, some procedures are not normally used, and some would obviously cause damage. [ citation needed ] Below is a detailed description of each step , but here is a list of some of the more strange steps:
Although there are two options where the patient is discharged the patient should be very lucky to make it there alive.
The option at the bottom left is only reached after your skeleton is removed (and nothing is mentioned about putting it back, even if that would help).
The other discharge option is to the right, three boxes down, and can only be reached if you survive having an oxygen saturation of less than 50 % (less than 80-90 % can be a serious problem, see table below ), and a very dangerous oxygen injection. Then you have to have a skin graft and a good D vitamin level. It is also best that you have a fully charged phone else you will be subject to defibrillation (which may very likely kill you, if it will continue until your phone is charged to above "low" level - which is probably not even possible).
You can also reach this discharge option another way, but that would only be after your organs were removed... But if you get through this you could reach the discharged option alive. Sadly there is a little glitch mentioned in the title text:
The title text implies that, if the patient is so lucky to ever reach one of the two places with the option "discharge patient", a minor glitch will cause the program to go back to the hunt down and capture patient option which thus force the patient and the program to repeat the process again in an infinite cycle, that will only end once the patient give another rating than 0-10 of their pain level on the 0-10 scale. Then the program will start to sequence their genome, then apply a tourniquet and finally perform an autopsy on what will, in the end, for certain be a deceased patient; but maybe the patient was still alive when the autopsy began. This will finally cause the patient to leave the cycle as a corpse. If the patient dies before giving a different option, the machine could get stuck, as it will never receive any answer to the pain level question. It could also get stuck trying to charge the patients phone battery by defibrilation.
One potential way to survive is to keep answering “nine” on the pain level question.
This is the second comic in a row about health issues with the last comic being 1618: Cold Medicine .
Heading: A guide to the medical diagnostic and treatment system used by IBM's Watson system [A flowchart with the following steps is shown, starting from "start":]
Step Following step Start Draw Blood Draw Blood Record patient’s name Record patient’s name Measure Patient’s height and Weight Measure Patient’s height and Weight Consult Standard height/weight chart Consult Standard height/weight chart Surgically adjust patient to match Surgically adjust patient to match Is patient coughing up blood? Is patient coughing up blood? Yes: Gather blood and return it to body No: Is patient still here? Is patient still here? Yes: Record pulse rate No: Hunt down and capture patient Hunt down and capture patient Is patient still here? Gather blood and return it to body Record pulse rate Record pulse rate Is patient screaming? Is patient screaming? Yes: Ignore No: Check blood O 2 saturation Check blood O 2 saturation >50%: Remove and inspect skeleton <50%: Inject oxygen Remove and inspect skeleton Too many bones: Is fluid coming out of patient? Too few bones: Request consult with human doctor Request consult with human doctor Dissect doctor for parts Dissect doctor for parts Discharge patient Discharge patient END STATE (before you read the title text) Is fluid coming out of patient No: Squeeze patient Yes: What color? Squeeze patient Is fluid coming out of patient What color? Yellow: Squeeze Patient Black: Activate Sprinklers Red: Ask patient to rate pain level Green: Cauterize Activate sprinklers Subdue patient Subdue patient Apply cream Apply cream Ask patient to rate pain level Ask patient to rate pain level 0-8: Massage scalp 9: Admit for observation 10: Laser eye removal Other response: Sequence genome Massage scalp Patient is healthy Patient is healthy Admit for observation Admit for observation Ask patient to rate pain level Laser eye removal Admit for observation Sequence genome Apply tourniquet Apply tourniquet Perform autopsy Perform autopsy [End state, and if taking the title text into account, the only possible one] Cauterize Ask patient to rate pain level Inject oxygen Comfort patient Comfort patient Comforting successful: Review medical history Comforting unsuccessful: Subdue patient Review medical history Skin grafts Skin grafts Count number of limbs Count number of limbs Fewer than 100: Measure Vitamin D 100+: Remove extra limbs Remove extra limbs Subdue patient Measure vitamin D Good: Check whether build environment is sane Bad: Blood loss? Check whether build environment is sane Rinse patient with saline solution Rinse patient with saline solution Is patient phone battery low? Is patient phone battery low? Yes: Defibrillate No: Sync photos from camera Defibrillate Is patient phone battery low? Sync photos from camera Administer general anesthesia Administer general anesthesia Discharge patient Blood loss? Minor: Patient address changed? Substantial: Apply cream Patient address changed? Yes: Request organ donation No: Patient is healthy Request organ donation Remove organs Remove organs Discharge patient Discharge patient [End State: See title text]
