Fairbairn had seen children with libidinal fantasies in the orphanage where he worked from 1927 to 1935. For a full discussion of the splitting defense, and Fairbairns structural theory see Celani, 2010. The two pairs of unconscious structures do not know about each other, which allows the child "to relate to the parent as if [they] were two different people." The splitting defense prevents the integration of good and bad object images into a single ambivalent object, which is a key developmental milestone. Literature is filled with real examples of children creating fantasy parents out of their failed actual parents, as the following one-page essay by the writer Junot Diaz, who was born in Santo Domingo, describes. Unlike many neglected children, Diazs fantasy was more conscious than unconscious and based on the "promise" that his father was going to take the whole family to the United States to join him. He added the hope that his father would save him and the family in the process. But my earliest exposure to television was a Spider-Man cartoon - one of the flipped out Ralph Bakshi episodes from the late sixties...A little context: I had a father in New York City whom I did not remember, and who (it was promised) would one day deliver my family to the States.
The solution to this enormous problem is for the child to encase themself within a thick psychological cocoon of denial and fantasy that creates a false reality in which they believe that they are living in a loving and caring family. The first way that the child protects themself is by using the greatest reality-altering defense that humans have at their disposal, which is the defense of dissociation. The dissociative defense mechanism is seen in adults who have suffered a life-threatening trauma, and dissociation prevents them from fully realizing what has happened. In children, the same defense protects the child by forcing intolerable memories of neglect, abuse, or total indifference that they suffered at the hands of their parents into their unconscious, where these memories will not disturb the childs illusion that they live in a safe and loving family. The dissociative defense is the basis of what is commonly called denial. The more frequent the abuse, the more frequently dissociation is required and the larger and larger the number of intolerable memories are forced into the unconscious. Once lodged in their unconscious, the child cannot remember the horrifying incidents that they previously experienced. Splitting defense
The child not only dissociates memories of the abusive parent, but also memories of themselves in those anxiety-filled encounters with the rejecting parent. Their memory of themselves in these situations is one of being a frightened, impotent, and vulnerable child who is overwhelmed and deeply ashamed because they are unable to protect themselves when confronted by the aggressive parent.