question: im losing nmy mind i keep hurting people that i love ive tried suicide 5 times since 1995  last one was oct 9 2013  iwas diagnosid with ptsd  after  35 yrs  when i kill my best friend with a tractor it like a  movie in my head and i cant get rid of it or shut it off   i see every sec and min from start to finish  please help or i will make it finally permant to night im tired of doing stupid things