question: I am female. Late 50s. I still love my husband of 25 years. Over the last 10 (or so) years sexual intimacy has diminished and now disappeared. I thought that this was a natural adjustment, especially for my husband, at this time of life. 3 years ago he resumed a relationship by phone and letter with his girlfriend from school days, arriving at the point where he was convinced they were in love (again) Although painful (for both of us) I saw it through on the understanding that there was a definite element of mid-life crisis going on. As we talked I was able to regain hope of  the possibility for finding renewed love, openness and intimacy. However, during this time he turned to self gratification via pornography on the internet. I have endeavored to be patient and understanding whilst also making sure that my own desires and needs are recognised. I have tried everything I can think of from humour to love to opening my heart to tears to seduction. Nothing works and my husband will not open up or let me in on what is going on for him. Perhaps he is at sea himself and yet I do feel let down that he cannot make some effort for my sake. I know the behavior is not in the normal spectrum of behavior. Looking back I can see that although my husband has shown love and affection to me in many ways, I do not think he has ever found it easy to be truly intimate. I could say the same for me to some degree and have tried to acknowledge my own insecurities but I do genuinely think that the lack has been rather more on his side. Even in early courting he would rarely hold hands and he has never really wanted to engage in kissing or caressing or to engage in pleasant shared activities such as sharing a bath (for example) This has in turn restricted my own responses or ability to take initiative as I have felt like I was trying to push something that wasnt required. This goes to the deepest core of my being and who I am. Now I feel Im getting on a bit and find it increasingly hard to know what to do or to expect from our relationship. I try and stay positive but sometimes I just cry myself to sleep. Sometimes my husband hears it and does nothing. Then I feel bereft. I recently heard the term sexual anorexia used. Im not particularly keen on labeling but thinking about it,from what is said, many factors seem to make sense. Is this a good way to seek to understand the problem? How can I find support and the best way forward? Can you help me? Thankyou for listening.