i have a harsh inner critic. i want perfectionism where I strive for flawlessness.
Wow, it must be rough being crazy, huh?
Just a little. When I do not reach my goals, I fall into a depression.
Yikes, have you went to seek help from a doctor?
their goals, and to derive pleasure from doing so. 
Definition.
Perfectionists strain compulsively and unceasingly toward unattainable goals, and measure their self-worth by productivity and accomplishment. Pressuring oneself to achieve unrealistic goals inevitably sets the person up for disappointment. Perfectionists tend to be harsh critics of themselves when they fail to meet their standards.
Definition Normal vs. neurotic.
D. E. Hamachek in 1978 argued for two contrasting types of perfectionism, classifying people as tending towards normal perfectionism or neurotic perfectionism. Normal perfectionists are more inclined
Hitchcock must have, tried to manipulate me into doing exactly... I went crazy." Novak later said she was hurt and distraught, as "It was such a painful thing for me because it took me right back to Harry Cohn and all that time. And back into saying, Look, for god’s sake, haven’t you heard it enough? We don’t want you to do anything. Just be 'Kim Novak.' That movie pained me more than any movie in the world could do."