text: On the weird chance that someday I'd get to meet the inventor of the soft serve ice-cream machine, this is how our conversation would go;\n\n\"So..how did the idea of a soft serve machine come to you?\"\n\n\"Well, I was taking my dog Toots for a walk one day when all of a sudden, he decides to shit all over Ed and Dolores Feinsteins front lawn.\nI was horrified. \nEd's an attorney and he warned me about Toots shitting on his front lawn one more time...how he'd come after us both.\nHe did. \nThere Toots is, happily shitting away...a huge creamy brown dump slowly oozing its way out , when Ed comes flying out of the house with a broom.\nToots freaks, and hauls ass without even pinching it off. \nAnd that was my inspiration.\nI thought, if I ever invented an ice-cream machine, I'd want it to cleanly pinch-off, unlike Toots who left a dashed trail across Ed and Dolores's lawn.\nSo I guess we can thank Toots for the idea.\"\n\nMany thanks Toots.\nI used to love frozen yogurt...when someone else was serving it up.\nNow that I have to serve it up,  all I can think about is how this machine was designed by some lunatic who managed to create a replica of his dog, shitting on Ed and Dolores Feinsteins front lawn.