text: I found myself in a bind (and not the kinky kind) last Friday when, after spending all my allotted \"costume shopping time\" dealing with car issues, I faced the threat of having to appear at a Halloween party sans costume. Quelle horreur! \n\nI had six hours to find a costume that would befit a woman of my fabulous reputation. Deciding that this was far more important than, you know, helping students scan documents or walking professors through checking their e-mail, I picked up the office phone and started making calls.\n\nFirst I called Torrid. I wasn't thrilled at their selection, but I'm a fashion-minded plus-size girl, and they fit that niche. While I was tempted to get their flight attendant costume (I would've put on some corpse paint and gone as a \"Fright Attendant\"...get it? Get it? Fuck you, tool, I know I'm funny), Misty S and I have a rule about dressing up as each other's parents. I don't dress up as a flight attendant, and she doesn't dress up in an air force uniform. It's helped save our relationship.\n\nThey had a Ms. Lovett costume (\"The Barber's Mistress?\" Really?) but some hosebeast I work with and totally hate was going as that at another party, and she hand-made her costume and I could not possibly stand to have my costume compared to hers. So that went.\n\nI got the idea to go as Little Red Riding Hood. Having exhausted my options at Torrid and not quite daring enough to risk the vomitorium that is Party City, I looked up Easley's. \n\nBack when I was a mere Theater major (you called it, huh?) Easley's was synonymous with \"knows their shit\". Everyone who took costuming/cosplay/halloween parties (too) seriously went there. It was a name I could trust. In fact, I still have all the makeup I've bought from them over the years tucked away in a First Aid box (one day someone will figure out it doesn't contain gauze...but until then I can't afford a new box). So I gave it a try.\n\n\"Easley's, how may I help you?\"\n\"Yeah, I was looking on your site, do you have the Plus Size Miss Red Riding Hood costume in stock?\"\n*Sounds of checking inventory* \"No, we don't, but we do have the other one, with the long black skirt, and we found another one not on the site.\"\n\"Describe it to me, please?\"\n\"Corset with gold braiding, short black skirt, red hood.\"\n\"Oh wow. That sounds perfect. Can I have you hold it for me so I can come by and see?\"\n\"No. You have to pay for them online before we can hold them.\"\n\"But you said it's not available online.\"\n\"Oh, we're going to upload it to the site right now.\"\n\"Oh, okay, I see it...but...there's no picture.\"\n\"Yeah. We don't have a picture of it. It'll be $39.95.\"\n\"Wait, I'm supposed to pay for this sight unseen? Can't you just set it aside? I'll be there in like an hour. I can't afford to pay for this, drive over there and find that it doesn't fit, I don't like it, etc.\"\n\"Sorry, no, we can't.\"\n\"Ugh, okay. Thank you.\"\n\nDesperate (and a little curious) I went to order the mystery costume, and what do you know, not only was it invisble, but shape-shifting. Once in my checkout cart the price had changed (WITH MAGIC!) to 53.95. \n\nI called back. And was put on hold.  \n\nYeah, that's great, Endlessly Looping Sound Clip, but I really don't give a shit about the rental policy. I just want my costume.\n\nI ended up hanging up. I wasn't even sure I could afford the costume even if it was only 39.95.\n\nSo I went home, threw on the pink tafetta nightmare I wore at Fetish Prom, slipped on a domino mask and some high heeled boots and went as a prom queen dominatrix. I was the life of the party\n\nI know it sounds a little harsh of me to give them a 3 star for this one mixup, but seriously, I've never needed to get plastic involved to get anyone to hold something for me. I don't see what makes Easley's so special. What are the odds of another full-figured girl walking in within that hour time frame screaming \"QUICK! I NEED A SEXY LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD STAT!\" \n\nI say relatively low, but that's only because I don't want to imagine that there's another me out there in the world. I'm enough.\n\nAfter the Halloween fervor I fully intend to stop by and see if they have that costume available still. Because it sounds fabulous. But I think it's important to know whether or not it'll make my ass look fat before I make the commitment.