text: It's that special occasion, and you need a special restaurant. \nA place that will only serve to augment the nights festivities. \n\nMexican and most other ethnic foods are out, deciding early on how these foods will  trigger your irritable bowel syndrome into becoming an other-worldly dynamo of farts. \nYou can't have that, after all, it's a celebration. \nYou need something innocuous. \nA food that's filling but not too. \nAnd yes, a meal that won't induce a garlic aroma that will level all of Scottsdale. \n\nFish it is, and where better to spend your hard earned cash than at a place so proud of its creations, they charge you an arm and a leg for them.\nOnly you'll soon learn an arm and a leg won't even cover the tip at this place.\nI give you Mastro's Ocean Club.\n\nAn elegant atmosphere, bustling with energy from all its young patrons eager to impress their date with a meal guaranteed to produce no ill-wanted side affects afterward. \nStart with the seafood tower appetizer. This will cost you the price of that new Ipad you never bought yourself  for Christmas because you were too worried about your kids getting something they'd only sneer at. \n\nMove on to the Salmon, which if it's not from Copper River, it should be since they've priced it that way. I'm conjecturing there's something unusual about it, making it so pricey. \nMy guess is they find some Inuit kid, post him up at one of those Alaskan rivers, paying the little bastard big bucks to snatch a salmon from the mouth of a hungry grizzly. Subsequently, due to the kld's funeral costs and reparations to his family, they have to jack-up the cost of the salmon. \nJust a theory.\n\nAnd finally, get ready to loosen that belt and finish up with one of their scrumptious desserts, I didn't.\nI couldn't.\nNot because I was full from the tower or the dead Eskimo kid's legacy, it was because I was out of coinage. \nDidn't have enough for the tip.\nAnd didn't see  a small cup of orange jello on the menu anywhere.