text: The fianc\u00e9 and I dine out quite a bit these days. Nothing until this place has been bad enough to write about. Wow, this one takes the cake! We came in about 8pm on a Wednesday night to split a bottle of wine and have a light bite. From the moment we walked in it was like being on another, surreal planet. Our waitress, a very young girl recently from NJ, seemed to have never served anyone before and had never looked at the menu, it seemed. We vainly asked for some sparkling water, some mineral water, some Pellegrino....she asked \"is that wine?\" Huh? \n\nShe did come back carrying 2 small bottles of San Benedetto. First hurdle overcome. She had never opened a wine bottle either, the fianc\u00e9 had to do it. The antipasto and linguine with white clam sauce were passable, although some salami had been around longer than I would keep in my fridge. After essentially waiting on ourselves and making requests that were clearly foreign to this young lady, the real clincher was when at 10 pm, the whole place began filling with smoke. The kitchen staff was apparently burning the day's grime off the ovens and as one fellow told the fianc\u00e9 \"the hoods don't work\". No kidding. We quickly poured the last of our wine into our glasses and literally ran for the front door. There is no exaggeration here. They smoked us out. Do not EVER try to sit in this restaurant in an attempt to eat. We guess it's just a pizza take out joint, but why the tables and \"dining room\" then? A very lame apology for attempted asphyxiation and our check completed this disastrous attempt at a night out.\n\nI really can't even think of a reason to give this place 1 star. Maybe because they didn't succeed in making us seriously ill. Diners beware.