text: Taking the bus in this land o'suburban sprawl gives me the holier-than-thou glee that I can only imagine born-again Christians must feel when looking down on my sorry soulless ass. \n\nReally. It's awesome. You can check out routes at http://tempe.gov/tim/Bus/Orbit.htm or http://www.valleymetro.org/Default.asp. \n\nI take the Jupiter, which runs near my house and drops me a few blocks from the office. And despite others' experiences, it's only been sketch-city once, when I would have sworn a methadone clinic was on my route. \n\nUsually, it's just ASU students, kooky old professors in orthopedic shoes and a couple teenagers skipping class. And me, the pseudoprofessional sorta grown-up.\n\nHonestly, I am the scariest person on the bus most days. For serious.\n\nThere's just one drawback, which I'm even loathe to mention, given my far-too-earnest desire to have you join me on my route. But alas.\n\nThe fucking bus. Won't run. On time.\n\nMaybe it's cuz I'm German as all get-out, but I expect the damn thing to approximate a schedule. And, you know, if there's a construction detour, it should take the detour consistently, or not at all. \n\nBut I'm still giving those adorable little blue buses four stars, in the hopes that you'll give it a shot. \n\nIt's not bad, I promise. Plus, I really want y'all to support some proposed service expansions, like extending the hours on weekends to midnight or even 2:00 am.\n\nBecause at the end of the day, I'm just a drunk looking for a free ride home...and some moral high ground.