text: Hmmmm.... Think I Would Rather Suck Down Your Colonoscopy Bag?\n\nIf you are truly looking for a unique dining experience accompanied with old world business cards and lifeless animals, then you will need to try out Texaz Grill all for yourself. If you are looking for good food, solid service, and a nice atmosphere, then you probably want to avoid this strip mall hangout at all costs. If you love low-quality food, poor service, and a revolting atmosphere, then you need to steer your lifted F350 right on over to Texaz Grill.\n\nWow, from the moment we walked in I knew we were in for trouble ... I just didn't think it could be as bad as it actually was. This is one establishment that will leave you wondering whether the city of Phoenix mandates any sort of cleanliness or health standards. This place is dirty, vile, unkempt, and this is way before we even met our server or received our food.\n\nJust 7:30 PM on a Thursday night, but you would have thought this place was closing up shop for the night or permanently (which wouldn't be a bad thing). Guests are sparse and the few who do remain look like they have chain smoked all of taste buds right out of their mouths. The servers give you the impression they are NOT working for tips and really make no attempt at ensuring a pleasant guest experience. The inside will remind you of a cross between a real, small town BBQ joint and a TGIFridays minus the corporate cleanliness standards. The booths are ancient, uncomfortable, and anything but clean. The walls are littered with business cards, dead animals, used hats, and license plate frames. You will want to write off all the dirt and disaster on the wall as good old Texas charm, but you will quickly realize your appetite fades as each minute passes you by.\n\nSo we arrive at our booth and are quickly greeted by our degenerate server who you would have thought was being paid by number of tables she turned over per night. She doesn't look like she wants to be there, and, frankly, neither do we. Our drinks are brought out in a timely fashion, and then she did the best she could to get us to order a quickly as possible. And, we're off....\n\nOrders are put in for a Chicken Fried Steak and the Thursday night BBQ sampler. Our server had to check that there were any of the BBQ samplers left which should tell you that this combination was probably made yesterday and has been hanging around all day. The salad came quick - too quick. Within two minutes of ordering, I had the misfortune of choking down a brown, bland, and boring salad. Of course, nobody goes to a BBQ joint for a salad, but I think most prefer green lettuce and more than two dressing choices.  Not even ten minutes later and our entrees had arrived, and we suddenly had enough food to feed an entire homeless shelter but I have my doubts of them even touching this piss poor attempt at Texas BBQ.\n\nChicken Fried Steak - imagine about 1oz of beef shankle meat breaded in a pound of breading and smothered in some alien gravy. The meat was bland, veiny, chewy, and not even good enough for my neighbor's dog. You get two of them and each one will be bigger than your head, but I'm not really sure what you are supposed to do with them because they are anything but edible.\n\nBBQ Sampler - I would have rather have sampled what was soaked up in the dirty bar rag or growing out of the rug. The ribs were too fatty and smothered in the generic BBQ sauce that made this place famous. The brisket was boring and overcooked. The Texas fries were not fries, nor were they good. The sausage was edible, but more so in a comparative way. Even the bread was terrible.\n \nThe food can be summed up as atrocious, inedible, poor quality, and even hard to look at. Truly some of the worst food I have ever eaten or looked at in my entire life. The highlight of the night was easily when our server seemed astonished we refused the to-go box. Sorry, but you should have been shaking our hands for even trying to make a meal out of those make-me-want-to-go-vegetarian plates of meat. \n\nIt is worth mentioning that Texas Grill does two things and two things only correctly. You will be seated quickly to ensure that the dead animals or the plethora of 1970s business cards stapled to the walls don't scare you away and the plastic soft drink mugs are gigantic, but I'm sure this was implemented to minimize server interaction with the tables.\n\nGo grab a McRib or two before you throw away any money at this place...or be ready to pop some serious laxatives. Outside of some rough drinking nights, I have never felt the urge to vomit all over the place 15 hours after a meal. Good luck to you if you choose this place. If you do decide to go, don't forget to bring your business card - it might be old enough to go up on the wall in 2032 - that is, assuming this place is around much longer.