text: I understand totally how you are feeling. I started cutting myself at about 12 years old but then I stopped a while and picked it back  up at seventeen and then stopped again and just recently started again and Iam 28.  I have had such a terrible life that it helped me cope. I was hurting myself because of other people. Eample: If i was to have a fight with my husband and he became abusive I would go in the bathroom and cut myself. See its other peoples negitive actions that  caused me to feel a certain way, so in reality I was punishing myself and cutting myself  because  I did not what to feel certain feelings. Instead of getting angry or explosive or hurting the person who hurt me I would hurt myself. Cutting can be very dangerous even though you may feel its helping you. Its only making matters worse in side you. Look at it has a drug addict. When a addict gets upset and cant cope with life he will use.  the problem is still there but self medicating  makes it go away for a while but the problem is still with the person. So theres nothing that can take pain away forever unless you work on it. Its not going to be easy it will take time. people want to die when they feel trapped. You dont know what else to do to make you happy  in life and so far your whole time being on earth has been terrible you say i rather die if i have to live like this forever. Thats the worsed feeling for a person. Death is not the answer, trust me I tried it alot of times and i was in and out of hospitals. (no way to live)   You start to believe in a higher power because you cant believe all the trying you did to kill yourself  and your still here. You have to find out what the root of all your problems are, who is hurting you, school pressures, mom, dad, siblings, other family ect.  You have to talk about whats bothering you. Thats the only way someone can help you. You need to see a counsler but not for your parents for yourself. Apparently something went on in your family or friends and you are burying it, by cutting yourself. Please take it from me deal with what is going on with you now. The older you get the worse it will become. My mother did the same thing to me at 12. I would go because i ways forced and nothing got acomplished. I would just sit there listening. I never talked and i felt even if i did no one would understand and think i was a freak. Years later I went and found that same lady my mother sent me to. I then felt ready to talk. There were many  hard things that happened to me that I was not ready to discuss. She told me it will take work and we have to start out with baby steps. That was fine with me. You seem like a bright person and one that wants to know what to do to change. You are making the first step by reaching out. Thats great half the people that have what we have dont even know were to begin and they think they have no problem. I know you want to be different and change its just you feel alone and think no one will care and if any say they do they will try to lock you up in some mental ward. I have been in many mental hospitals its nothing like tv. They do help if you talk and tell them everything you feel dont worry about sounding crazy. Your feelings are your feelings. there are medications out there that do help. Iam on some myself. So you are not alone. Iam here if you need to talk.