text: You can't expect to have your cake and eat it to. The reason you feel tempted to lie is because you're not sure what you want, so you're trying to both keep her and cheat on her in order to indulge both your sexual desire for others and your need for security. You know in your heart that that's not really fair to her. You must decide which is more important to you: the freedom to explore the dating scene or commitment to a long-term relationship with someone you earnestly care about. Both are equally valid choices, but you can't expect someone to commit to you if you can't commit to them. So you have to choose.\n\nI would recommend talking to a therapist about this if possible. Why do you feel like moving beyond this relationship at this time? Is it simply a matter of fading physical attraction? If so, perhaps you could honestly (but tactfully) express a concern about that and suggest a mutual diet and exercize program that you two could engage in together. Is it a matter of things having grown stagnant? Maybe you both need some time to yourselves to develop separate interests while simultaneously pursuing a few new mutual interests together as well. \n\nSometimes it's as simple as spicing things up a little. A couple's massage and a weekend retreat alone could give you two time to be intimate without the stress of daily life killing the mood. Try to remember what made you attracted to her in the first place. What interests do you share together? How could you rekindle that curiosity and desire again?\n\nIn the meantime, a little white lie about some of your doubts wouldn't hurt. In other words, don't tell the woman that you've been drooling over other women. But you should be honest about feelings you're having within the relationship, such as a need for more variety and a lack of sexual desire on your part (if that's the case). As long as you approach the issue with optimism and empathy, there are ways to be honest about your feelings without hurting her unnecessarily. If, however, you decide that you really need something else, then perhaps you should suggest a temporarily separation. But give the other method a try first.\n\nOf course, there are some women who have no problem with open relationships and might let you date around on the side if you were honest about it, but I suspect that this woman probably isn't like that. Most likely she will perceive your "dating around" as cheating.