text: I am an aircraft mechanic and I'm going to share a little something with you that alot of people dont know.\nevery airplane that is in the sky has something wrong with it.\nand if it happens in the air it is the pilots responsibility to write down the discrepency. below are the problems and solutions that pilots wrote down for the mechanics to fix.\n\n\n>>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.\n>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.\n>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Something loose in cockpit.\n>>S: Something tightened in cockpit.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.\n>>S: Live bugs on backorder.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.\n>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.\n>>------------------------- ---------------\n>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.\n>>S: Evidence removed.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.\n>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.\n>>S: That's what they're for.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: IFF inoperative.\n>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.\n>>S: Suspect you're right.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Number 3 engine missing.\n>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Aircraft handles funny.\n>>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Target radar hums.\n>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Mouse in cockpit.\n>>S: Cat installed.\n>>----------------------------------------\n>>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget \n>>pounding on something with a hammer.\n>>S: Took hammer away from midget.