text: Assuming that there is some sort of church social planned for your congregation in the near future, you have two options open.  \n\nThe first (and somewhat more devious) is to surreptitiously place the child on the buffet table, wrapped up like a basket of brown and serve rolls (note, it is important to do this after the food in the surrounding area has been cooked, and not in the kitchen cue).  When the banquet  is finished, and people are busily trying to snag leftovers and steal each others cookware, the brat will likely end up in the back seat of some good christians car... Problem solved.\n\nThe second, and somewhat more straightforward approach involves that most holy of church ceremonies...\n\nI am referring of course to bingo.\n\nBy placing the child in the winnings vault at the next bingo get  together you can not only assure that the kid will be won by a good christian individual, but that the lucky winner (having claimed the rug-rat publicly, in front of the other members of the congregation) will not be able to return said infant at a later date.