text: Seems pretty good.  I wish you would have censored the personal info before posting.\n\nI noticed fulfill seems to be spelled wrong, is the way you have it correct for Canada/UK?\n\nWhite space also makes things easier to read.\nTry to identify some of the longer sentences and make them more bite-sized.  People read shorter sentences more thoroughly.  \n\nBe more confident in what you say.  Try seeing how any sentence with "I think" in it sounds if you remove that phrase.\n\nDo you have to incriminate yourself?  I know it's good to be humble, but you really should be tooting your own horn here.  Obviously you can't overinflate achievements, but don't call yourself distracted (for example).\n\nEven though I used a parenthetical statement above, don't do it in your submission.  It's kind of like saying "ignore the part in parentheses."\n\nRather than saying that you haven't made a choice yet, I'd just say you are open to several career possibilities if you agree with that.\n\nBTW, everybody wants to pass their classes and be paid well, I don't know if that's worth mentioning.  \n\nWhen you look to the future, don't focus on what you can get, focus on what you hope to contribute.