text: Depends on the ex.  When my children were smaller, I would send meals to my ex, because he could not cook and I wanted my children to eat well at their visitations.  Now...he is deceased, I am remarried.  Although I am a nice person, she is VERY VERY VERY nasty...I would be upset, highly upset, were he to spend holidays with her.  His AND mine have chosen to be with us, thank goodness, so I do NOT have to deal with her (she is constantly touching him and trying him).   Like I said, depends on the ex and the circumstances involved.  :(  Sorry I am not more help.  BUT....I would say that if they will not come here (as the step-children my hubby raised will not because their mama tells tales that are untrue)....I have to be honest and say that I would say NO... Stay here or go there and stay there, you cannot have it both ways, baby!   If the kids don't think enough of ME to visit just briefly, then NO.  Obviously the ex has done as this one has done....run off at the mouth and told lies that made you  a curse to the children.  'Course, you can take a quarter and my opinion and still can't make a phone call.    lol  P.S....if they are grown then, at this point, it is not even a FUNCTION of the ex's tales...it is the grown children who are being foolish and I would not stand for it, myself.  AND....I am a nice person, despite what I have said.  But I am in the same spot myself so I can feel for you...and put myself where you are.