text: If your wife wants you to spend all of your time with her, any kind of relationship, platonic or not, will affect the marriage.\n\nBy the way, platonic relationships are usually called friendships - I presume that this is what you meant, a buddy, female by your "extramarital" reference, to share interests with. Nothing wrong with it - most couples have at least some outside interests that are not shared, and spend time away from each other experiencing them with others (poker night and football games for example).\n\nHowever, it sounds like the differing interests are only a part of the problem... you listed a whole lot of other ones... but there must be something good if you stuck around for 22 years (power to you, by the way, you are beating averages hands down).\n\nWhen was the last time you two talked? Really talked - have you ever told her how you feel about the time spent together, sex life and else, in a way you would talk to a cherished friend, not someone you have to live with because you married them? Was she always like that? If not, where did the girl you fell in love with go, and why; and more importantly, can you two bring her back?\n\nI'd suggest to do some maintenance couples counseling, as a safe space to air out all the problems. If you just grow more apart, it's likely that your wife would sense this as a rejection - I can imagine this making her behave even more in the way you dislike, as she tries to fix or control the situation in the only way she knows.\n\nPeople in long term relationships sometimes stop communicating and start taking each other for granted. It's easy to get into set habits, and to reinforce each other weaknesses as well as the strengths (was married for 11 years, now divorced- that's part of what happened).\n\nFor example, the more independent "caretaker/protector" party can match with the more "clinging/dependent" one - both get something that they need out of it; but if the roles lose any flexibility it can be hard to get out of the worn-in track when the situation changes and there's need for readressing the identities.\n\nA good couples counselor can help with emotion management - both yours and your wife's, and could help you express to your wife your need for healthy independence, in a non-threatening way she can hear. Just doing "your thing" on one side and "doing time" with your wife will leave at least half of both of your lives less than happy. Hope you try for the whole thing :-).