text: Yes, a mistress is bad. Where is the goodness when one is turning away from their partner and not towards them? You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems. \n\nA relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. One must understand what one’s partner's needs are so they can meet them.  One must figure out what their own needs are and communicate them. So basically, if your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. Don't let resentment build.\n\nIf you want to hold hands more, you express that. If you want one night out of the week from the basic traditional sexual up keep, one night of the week to be intimate with your wife in the backseat of your mini-van or on top of the washer machine, you express that. In turn if your wife wants to shave your genital area, you allow her to express that. If she wants you to suck her toes, you allow her to express that and negotiate. \n\nYour relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they're interested in together. Don't stop being friends just because you're each other's spouse.\n\nAll in all, if you want to have a good partner, be a good partner.\n\npaaatches –You get what you give. When you give better, you get better. And, I don’t think it’s fair, fair to you, fair to your wife, fair to all the parties that are involved. You are intruding upon her turf. On everyone’s turf. You are a trespasser. It is no different than being a thief in the night. It is no different than breaking into their house and stealing their things just so that you can be pleased and feel as though you are number one.  And, why you don’t feel as though you are number one all on your own beats me? Perhaps, you should start there? Perhaps you should start seeing you for you and all the factors that make you number one in your own eyes. Perhaps you should ask yourself or figure out for yourself what makes you feel good, what you want, what you enjoy doing instead of sitting down next to someone with vagina and saying, "hey my penis goes in there, feels so good! Okay, me bored, again… can you tell me how wonderful I am again, make me feel number one again because I am bored, I am bored!" Thanks for sharing with us the formula for failure. All hats off to you.