text: 1 is Twain. 2 is from Innocents Abroad  3,4,5 are often attributed to Twain, but I suspect he got them from elsewhere, or never said them.  6 is not Twain.  7 is one of his better lines.  8 not one I am acquainted with.  9 is very much not anything Twain would ever say.\nOf the three added, the last one is one of his most famous, although you have the phrasing off a bit.  The first is just a restatement of number 1.  The second is from Tom Sawyer.