My sonhas ADHD and dyspraxia. Do you have a professional helping your son with his issues? If you do engage that person as an ally. Also the school can be helpful. Get your son an IEP and encourage your husband to go to the meetings.  He could learn something from your discussions with the educators.  Also, tell him if he wants your son to grow up calm and rational he needs to model that for him. ADHD is tough on self esteem. Yelling and belittling him will only make that worse.  Create tools to help him with organization and engage your husband with the effort.  It will be better for your child. Consider that parents often have the same tendencies as their kids.  Learning about it could help you both manage life better too.  Good luck and God speed.