LW1 - the only possible way you can have a future with a mean drunk, is that he NEVER drinks again, and you NEVER drink around him.  Anything less than that, and your relationship is doomed. 

LW2 - YES, it's perfectly okay for you not to submit to an abusive situation, even if it's an important family get-together. Let them think of you as the stick-in-the-mud, and you should be completely happy about that.