Non Evans: Sports star's struggles after career ends
"And then you have a glass of wine and you think you feel better. And it took hold of me and nearly ruined my life."
words of Non Evans, 10 years since retiring from elite level sport.
Having won 87 caps for the Wales women's rugby team, she also competed for her country at three different disciplines in the Commonwealth Games. 
So when everything came to an end with a hamstring injury, she found life difficult, and is now eager to speak out about her mental health. 
"I think I started struggling, feeling depression and anxiety when I finished my sport," she told the Bore Sul programme on BBC Radio Cymru.
"And I had to work on that and things did get better over the years."
But with lockdown, she lost her job as a medical sales representative for Pfizer, with that, a company car, and things started to unravel for the 47-year-old who had always been obsessional about her job and sporting life.
She had a remarkable sporting career: in rugby, she scored 64 tries for Wales as a fullback-cum-winger who also kicked the winning penalty for a Wales women's team that beat England for the first time. 
She also has two silver Commonwealth Games judo medals to her name. As if that wasn't enough, she was an international in weightlifting and wrestling too.
"I started drinking and it was because of my anxiety," she said.
"I'd wake up in the morning feeling frightened, feeling scared. 
"I couldn't tell you what I was scared of. It was just a feeling I had inside. 
"And then you have a glass of wine and you think you feel better. 
"And it took hold of me and nearly ruined my life."
former athlete feels those involved in sports, particularly women, are especially vulnerable.
"All those hours of your day that were filled with everything you loved is gone," she said.
"And it leaves you with this emptiness inside that you can't explain to anyone."
She said her life was busy, but when she finally retired, she was left with nothing. 
"I didn't have children, didn't have family, didn't have a husband, because my life was dedicated to sports."
And then she turned to alcohol.
"I was drinking to feel normal," she says.
"And that is the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life. 
"I've had many injuries in sport, I've had let-downs, I've had successes, but that was frightening. 
"I'd be feeling like I was shaking inside, and that is when your body becomes addicted to this awful poison which is alcohol. 
"I would then drink just to get my body to feel normal.
"And that's when I knew I needed help, and this had to stop because I was either going to end up dead or doing so many stupid things."
During lockdown, she was given a nine-week prison sentence, suspended for 12 months, after admitting threatening behaviour during an altercation with the police at her home in Langland, Swansea.
She was also banned from driving after her car was involved in a crash with another vehicle in November 2019. 
Being a public figure, her story was all over the newspapers, filled online columns, and only made her attempts to get better even harder.
"The last time I was on the front page of the papers was perhaps for kicking the winning penalty to beat England. 
"The next thing, I got arrested, crashed my car and that's on the front page of the papers so I had to deal with issues I was suffering as well as being in the public eye."
She had hit rock bottom and realised things had to change. 
She spent time in a specialist rehabilitation centre, and went to support groups. She received counselling, a process that helped her greatly, to step out of the darkness. 
But she admitted she has bridges to build with loved ones.
"I've upset a lot of people, people have forgiven me, but my family have found it difficult, especially my mum and dad. 
"I don't see them as often as I did because they've seen what I've done and heard things that upset them. But I hope that will get better over time."
Non said she now felt better than ever, is preparing to write an honest autobiography, and as well as being a fitness mentor to her private clients, is excited to start a new job. She is also eager to help other people who have found lockdown difficult.
"When people come to me, I can talk to them, not just about getting fit and losing weight, but how they can come out the other side in terms of their mental health which has affected so many people young and old during this lockdown period and during Covid."
re is also a massive void, in her opinion, when it comes to acknowledgment about the difficulties of retirement, especially for top level athletes.
"I'd love to set something up to help sports people to get ready for retirement and how do they deal with that. Yes it's tough and people out there are struggling and I can help them with what I've been through and how to deal with retirement from sports."
After a few extremely difficult years, she said she had now come out the other side and is looking forward to a bright future. 
She has regrets, but hopes for forgiveness.
"I'm glad that people still come up to me on the street and say 'oh, you're Non Evans the rugby player'.
"They don't come up to you and say 'Non Evans... [who] got arrested and suffered with anxiety and depression'.
"They still see me as Non the rugby player, which I'm glad about and, yes, I've got bridges to build up again. 
"But I think I'm on my way and hopefully my story can help other people to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel."