headline: Fierce Panda label boss: 'I know men have problems talking'
text: founder of a cult indie record label that helped to propel the likes of Coldplay and Keane to fame has told of his emotional struggles in a memoir.
  Former NME journalist Simon Williams, who lives near Stowmarket in Suffolk, set up Fierce Panda in 1994.
  He has now charted his life, from the giddy euphoria of spotting bands to kissing his family goodbye before his suicide attempt, and his recovery.
  He said: "I've had more fun in the past two years than in the previous 10."
  Williams, who originally set up the label with two colleagues in London, became a respected figure on the indie scene for his ability to hone in on musicians trying something new and exciting.
  Fierce Panda began operating in an era when they would sign bands, including Coldplay, Placebo, Keane and Embrace, for one-off single releases before they hooked up with major labels. 
  In an interview with BBC Radio Suffolk, Williams told how he first saw Coldplay play in 1998 at a Camden pub after being introduced by their mutual lawyer. 
  "He wasn't quite sure if I'd like Coldplay, but I think he'd run out of labels to like them as they'd been ignored by everyone," he said. 
  "I thought they were terrific: really good songs, the singer had goofy hair, wore a tank top and played an acoustic guitar - bearing in mind this was four minutes after Britpop."
  Along the way, the label - which also put out the highest ever charting interview single, Wibbling Rivalry, featuring barbed exchanges between the Gallagher brothers - has worked with a host of local bands including Norwich indie-rockers KaitO and Manningtree's Dingus Khan. 
  And just last month, Norwich indie band Bag of Cans signed to Fierce Panda to release their forthcoming album.
  Williams said his life had been defined by "gigs and writing - everything I've ever done has fitted in those realms".
  But it was the turmoil that he saw peers and friends - also heavily invested in the music scene - experience that helped contribute to his deepening depression and his suicide attempt on New Year's Eve in 2019.
  "The music industry wasn't in a very good place pre-Covid and there was no light at the end of the tunnel for them... and you just suck up everybody else's misery on top of yours," said Williams. 
  "When I was at my absolute lowest... I wanted it to resurrect Fierce Panda - I thought if I do this then finally Coldplay will give us that benefit gig at Brixton Academy that will raise £100,000 that will keep the company going for the next six years. 
  "Absolutely crazy nonsense like that, and it seemed entirely logical."
  Williams said it's been poignant since the release of his book, Pandamonium, to discover how many people, including good friends, have also suffered similarly and in silence.
  "You go through every single friend in the world and work out why not to talk to them - that's the problem," he said.
  "I know men have problems talking, but I think the whole point of the book is that if it stops one person from doing what I did or trying to do what I did, then it's worthwhile." 
  If you are affected by mental health issues or suicide, help and support are available at BBC Action Line.
  Find BBC News: East of England on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. If you have a story suggestion email eastofenglandnews@bbc.co.uk