[{"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/383345-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__230x230.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/383345-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__230x230.jpg", "formatted_filename": "MEDIA IMAGE", "alt_text": "She would never sleep..."}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/7/146544_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/7/146544_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "formatted_filename": "USER PROFILE", "alt_text": "avatar"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/10/183722_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/10/183722_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "formatted_filename": "USER PROFILE", "alt_text": "avatar"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/public/users.png", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/public/users.png", "formatted_filename": "users", "alt_text": "avatar"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/10/183722_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/profiles/10/183722_USER_PROFILE__70x70.jpg", "formatted_filename": "USER PROFILE", "alt_text": "avatar"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "/images/public/contests/booksie-short-story-contest-hand-small.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/public/contests/booksie-short-story-contest-hand-small.jpg", "formatted_filename": "booksie short story contest hand small", "alt_text": "Booksie 2017-2018 Short Story Contest"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382640-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382640-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "formatted_filename": "MEDIA IMAGE", "alt_text": "Lifetime of a Generation"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382641-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382641-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "formatted_filename": "MEDIA IMAGE", "alt_text": "If the world could let you be here"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382642-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/files/postings/33/382642-183722_MEDIA_IMAGE__120x120.jpg", "formatted_filename": "MEDIA IMAGE", "alt_text": "If my words speak, can you speak back?"}, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/public/facebook_sign_up.png", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/public/facebook_sign_up.png", "formatted_filename": "facebook sign up", "alt_text": "facebook-sign-up", "rendered_width": 304}, null, null, null, null, {"document_url": "https://www.booksie.com/posting/kjhweir/she-would-never-sleep-334791", "unformatted_src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/newimages/booksie_one.png", "src": "https://www.booksie.com/images/newimages/booksie_one.png", "formatted_filename": "booksie one", "alt_text": "Booksie"}, null]
She would never sleep...

Short Story by: KJHweir

A girl goes to sleep one night, but never awakens...

Submitted: January 08, 2013





(I did this in my english lesson and I want to know whether its good or not. You have to include the following things; A place, a person, broken glass, a sound, the colour green, a journey and a list. And I will underline all of these things)

Her eyes closed and she lay still untill the clocks ticking put her to sleep. The thick fog opened the door to a dark mansion. As she entered with just her mind, the candles to old books, dusty walls and broken green glass on the floor.

She makes her way searching through the dark fog. She turns the doorknob of a black door and opens it quickly. The room is a room made of glass. She focuses on a forest, the trees had no leaves and no roots but shadows of screams carved on their bark.

She left the glass room and again entered the dusty enterance, but this time there was no exit. A circle of doors formed around her as she was looking at the light on the ceiling, which was on but wouldn't give any light. She couldn't find the door she came in through, or the the door leading to the glass room. She quickly opened a door to an office, it had a list of names on the desk but she dust kept landing on her face and sticking to her clothes! She went out the room to find an exit, she ran over to it and opened it hoping to wake up...

She wasn't awake. She had made a journey from the house to the forest somehow. It was like deja vu as the trees surrounded her every step she took, Then she looked quickly looked to a sound in the corner...

© Copyright 2017 KJHweir. All rights reserved.


 Comment | 88 words

A very good story, and well writen as well. For horrors such as this, I would suggest working on the use of the five senses more. Suspense is everything in a horror and sometimes if you build it up enouth even the worst ideas for horror can be brought up to a whole new level. For exsample I met a writer once who wrote a horror based upon a single wrinkle in a rug that was alive but it was told with such a way that it terrifying. 
That is very good. 
Interesting, though you should definitely fix the grammar. Also, rephrase a couple things, like perhaps changing the first "light" to "light bulb", as it sounds odd to say "the light gave no light". Also, you could make it a little longer. It is a good idea though, just needs a little development. 
Will do.

More Horror Short Stories



 

Other Content by KJHweir Lifetime of a Generation

by KJHweir
 If the world could let you be here

 If my words speak, can you speak back?



KJHweir's Portfolio









