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Week 34 Yeah, I may be smiling in the picture, but I am definitely not smiling on the inside.

Let me first start off by saying that this Mother's Day wasn't what I thought it was going to be like. I thought I would spend the day feeling like I was on top of the world, feeling like I was actually a mom. But that's not how I felt. I guess it hasn't really hit me that I am someone's mom. I don't think I will truly feel like a mom until I am holding my girls. Mike and I got together with his extended family to celebrate Mother's Day and then we took my parents out to dinner. People kept wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, but it kind of went over my head. It was like, "Who me?".

So back to the beginning sentence of this post. I have been a super grouch lately. I am just miserable right now. Don't get me wrong, I have loved being pregnant up until the past couple weeks and feel extremely blessed to even be given this gift.

That being said, I am sick of feeling crappy. I have this intensely itchy rash all over my body and I am ready to crawl out of my skin. I am itchy 24/7. And this is not dry skin itch. This is OMG there is something wrong itch. Dr. Wisebaker thinks it is either cholestasis or PUPPPS. Cholestasis is a condition where the normal flow of bile in the gallbladder is affected by pregnancy hormones, and causes a buildup of bile acids in the liver which can spill into the bloodstream. Itching is one of the symptoms of this condition. My lab results haven't come back yet, so I am just waiting to hear. PUPPPS is less serious (thank goodness) and is harmless to me and the babies. The cause of PUPPPs is unknown, and although there are some treatments for it, it usually doesn't go away until you deliver (Google PUPPPs and take a look at the pics. My body looks just like those pics. Warning--it's pretty gross!) . Hence, I am feeling so frustrated and nothing is making the itch better. I don't want to complain about the woes of pregnancy, but I reaching a breaking point where I don't know how much longer I can take of this.

Like I said before, for the most part, I have loved being pregnant. It has been such a blessing for Mike and I to get the chance to experience this, and for that reason alone, I sometimes feel like I am not "allowed" to complain about the way I feel. I will continue to thank God for these babies, regardless of what I am feeling or dealing with, but I also realize that God is not going to think I am ungrateful if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about the "side-effects" of pregnancy.

Even feeling like I do, here are the Pregnancy Highlights for Week 34!

How Far Along: 34 weeks

Total Weight Gain: 55lbs. There. I said it. Yikes!!

Sleep: Nope. Even though my back isn't bothering me as much at night anymore, the itching has now caused me to lose sleep.

Best Moment This Week: This might sound strange, but my NST was the best! I got to hear my babies heartbeats for an entire hour! And it may or may not have caused me to be lulled into a cat nap.

Gender: Girls

Movement: Yes, they are both very active, and sometimes too active! Like when I am trying to go to sleep.

Food Craving: Oreo Milkshakes

What I Miss: Sleep, non-itchy skin, clothes that actually fit over my belly.

What I am Looking Forward To: Seeing my babies, and holding them. I think about this everyday.

Weekly Wisdom: ????

Symptoms: Itchy rash, the pregnancy waddle, swollen feet, big ol' belly.

Posted by Sarah at Saturday, May 08, 2010 
Sarah, you can complain to me ALL you want. I know exactly how you feel -- after going through infertility it feels WRONG to complain about anything. But pregnancy is tough!!! Especially near the end. I'm -- what? -- 6 weeks behind you in my current pregnancy and I'm already going through terrible insomnia, because of ITCHING!!! I can't seem to get comfortable. You know what helps? Take a couple of Tylenol. My OB/GYN told me that Tylenol is extremely safe for pregnancy and it will help relax you and help you fall asleep. I did this in my last trimester with Will and it really helped, as it is helping this time. Not as much, though, because my Lucy-girl thinks it's time to play when Mommy lays down at night!
Anyway, you are ALMOST there. Hang in there, kiddo. You are doing GREAT and you look fabulous -- you will be surprised how quickly those pounds come off. I lost all my baby weight in 6 weeks the first time. Nursing is the best for losing the weight.
I am praying for you and I can't wait to see the big birth announcement!!! (And I'm dying to know the names!)
Love and hugs!!!

May 12, 2010 at 11:36 AM 

I'm sooo sorry you're so miserable! Thankfully you don't have that much longer to go!! I hope they can find out why you have a rash and get rid of it ASAP!!

May 12, 2010 at 11:38 AM 
Finally, an update, I was wondering about you!

I had PUPPS when I was pregnant with Emma, so I know how you feel. I took Aveeno Oatmeal baths like twice a day. Helped a little bit. I ended up taking Ambien to sleep and give myself a break from itching, I still have scars on my stomach and legs from where I scratched until I bled. I hope that it's not Cholestasis, they checked me for it twice.

Hope you can get a little bit of rest. I would love to visit you before the babies get here (or after) if you're feeling up to it! Message me on Facebook!

May 12, 2010 at 1:54 PM 
I'm so glad you updated! Sorry about the Puppps! I've been totally paranoid about getting that. So far so good. Just take care of yourself and you don't have much longer momma!

May 12, 2010 at 2:08 PM 
Oh Sarah..I'm so sorry you're grouchy. No judgement from me though - I'm a grouch too! :)

I can't imagine the frustration with your itchy skin. I have the standard pregnancy itchy skin due to the stretching and it drives me insane. Just today I whipped up my shirt in my car and applied the cocoa butter stick I have stashed in my purse! Anything for relief :)

Take care of yourself and relax the best you can. You're almost done :)

May 12, 2010 at 3:28 PM Mommato2miracles said...

Oh dear! I am so sorry for your itching. You have a 100% supportive reader here. I had SEVERE PUPPS while pregnant with my first and although I also ended up with HELLP syndrome, having surgery while I was pregnant, getting kicked in the stomach while pregnant, and severe pre-eclampsia which required magnesium. THe PUPPS was the worst of all of it. I was given a prescription cream that helped tremendously, unfortunately I can't remember the name of it. But I also did the oatmeal bath, and that helped a little. I am so sorry you are going through this, I pray that it resolves prior to delivery (mine did after 3.5wks- 5wks prior to delivery at 35wks) and that you are able to enjoy these last few weeks, and that your girls would be born big and healthy:-) God bless!!!

May 12, 2010 at 5:40 PM