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The 20s are all about figuring out who you are. We determine who we are by what we do, and say on a daily basis. Only we have control of how we feel and what makes us happiness. Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves, and no matter what happens to us, we have nothing else to do but deal with who we are after it all. No one else, just ourselves. People may or may not see who you actually are, but you need to see yourself. It's all about perception. This week I was cleaning my room and made a not-so shocking discovery, I may or may not be a mild mannered hoarder. I've become a lot better then when I was high school but I still find myself wanting to save the smallest things (friend notes, silly bands, newspaper clippings). It's like I'm in the unofficial old souls club or something. I stumbled upon the senior video the digital media students at my high school put together for my graduating class (Poor editing, and just a colossal mess of mediocrity - hopefully they changed their career plans) and popped it in my computer to relive all the teen angst and awkwardness. All I had to say was no, just no to all of it. It was so crazy to think back and remember how much I cared what people thought of me. I know everyone is self-conscious on some level, but watching that video brought up memories of so many times where I wanted to disappear, to not be me, and be literally anyone else. I always felt like an outsider, missing out on some big popular inside joke. Anything and everything anyone said about me meant the entire world. I was so vulnerable, and naïve. Even watching that video rehashed those same emotions of uneasiness, constant turmoil, and perpetual fragility. I went through yearbooks from all 4 years of high school and still remember exactly which clique everyone was apart of and if/when we had interacted how they made me feel. The best thing my parents taught me, whether intentional or not, was that I was/am important. Nobody and nothing can tell me otherwise. I matter, on the grand scheme of things - possibly, but to the people who know me, especially. Nobody has the power to belittle you, or destroy your happiness unless you give it to them. Yes, you are the keeper of your own heart. Others can forsake that only if you allow them to. When we let people bring us down we have no one else to blame but ourselves. We then also have the capacity to let those people and the things they say not affect us. They don't have to matter. You don't have to care. People's opinion on your life just that, their opinion. Let their irrelevant concerns for you stay unimportant. Keep checking for us, we gives none. It's all about your perception of yourself. What you think people notice about you and what they actually take interest in are two drastically different things. All the little things that you think can make or break your life at any given moment mean a great deal more to you than to everyone else. There's all these questions I ask myself internally; it's like this quasi-witty banter thing I have going on inside my head. Do I smell weird? I should have ironed this shirt, people probably think I look ratchet. Are my eyebrows too bushy? I'm sweating so much, my ass must look like Niagra Falls. Just all over the place. People don't pay much attention to these things. I'm thinking I smell like a broken down hoopty off the freeway, and look like a runaway reject Abercrombie model escaped from the big business oppression of Wall Street, but other people (I hope) don't see me that way. You can never know what people truly think of you (of course they're not going to tell you if it's bad) but more likely than not, it's probably good. I'm always thinking people must think I'm socially awkward. Like am I uptight, rigid, and bumbling when it comes to social situations. Social cues, yeah we're not the best of friends. It's all in my head, according to others I'm like the prince of socializing (if only they knew I'm constantly panicking on the inside). Your self worth is determined by you alone. Outside voices don't get to have a say in the plain and simple fact that you're one a kind and someone worth knowing. Self-esteem is a struggle for all of us, even us former prom kings and current campus socialites. But you have to know that you deserve the best, to never settle and to be whoever you want to be. We've all got flaws, scars, and pasts but who we are now is a person meritorious of notoriety, but only we it be that way. Perception. Daily Self Work:

The 20s are all about knowing that you're  you for a reason. You are irreplaceable, one a kind and perfectly you. Only you can determine what you're worth, but I would say you're priceless. No matter who you are, when you value yourself it makes a world of difference. It's all about perception. My blog post question for the day is ... what is your favorite thing about yourself? Me, I'm a big fan of my smile - the thing is a lady slayer in the making.
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