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This was my evening: No, just for the record, I did not have any of these items. I refrained while I watched everyone else in the food court partake. I instead had some mini rice cakes which had way too much salt. But I was hungry and I had a good day overall. Even got my hour of cardio done (which was prescribed by Dee).

Of course this was why, while at the mall supporting a couple of young ladies, I desperately wanted to hide in these: Speaking of which. Goodnight.
Posted by Eva at 10:45 PM 1 comment: My First Beating

Scroll down and read 'Explanations' first.

Ok so Dee didn't beat me ... per se.

I arrived at the gym with bells on my shoes ready to go for my first official workout with a real live trainer.

Here's the scoop on Dee: He's a pro wrestler. It's true. He apparently 'rose to the top' in early 2000 and in 2002/03 gave it up to be a dad. I'm not exactly sure what that means but I think it's cool. He still does wrestling on the weekends and 'shows' I guess, don't know what that entails. He's obviously fit (like muscle man with a little head, very white teeth and tan skinned fit). And he's super nice - well as nice as someone can be who's bringing you more physical pain than you've ever experienced in life can bring.

So I met Dee he told me to go do 3 minutes or so on a bike in the front area (where people can see you!) and he'd meet me after he checked out my eating for the past day or so.

Once I figured that out and he met me and said, after he looked over my previous day's eating, 'I think this is the first time I've ever told someone they were eating really well. The only this I would say is you have to eat more.'

At that point the heavens parted and the angels sang.

Then the little voice in my head said 'Yeah you didn't show him what you ate the day before that or the days before that'.

I thought the little voice to shut up and I gleamed with pride.

That's when we uprooted ourselves and went on with the workout.

I won't give you every horrid detail. I'll just say that the picture of the bucket should explain something (if you've ever seen 'The Biggest Loser' you'd understand). Dee was warning me of a point that may come in the workout when I could begin to feel nauseous, he said that it generally comes out of nowhere and if so to sit down. He began telling me that he used to train a guy that was in his 20's out of shape, and for the first 13 workouts vomited every time. He told the kid that he really couldn't be doing that every week or Dee would get in trouble (I guess for seemingly pushing him too hard). The kid pushed through determined to do his best and by the 14th session didn't puke anymore.

My first thoughts 'Pffst. Like I'm going to want to vomit. Whatever.'

Maybe 5 or 10 minutes later I was standing during a break and Dee was talking and I sure enough felt a wave coming on. Not the surfing kind either.

I sat down, told him how I felt and he got me some orange juice. He talked me through it and explained when I asked, that it was your body telling you you've gone far enough and that it was beginning to shut down basically.

At that body I felt like I could have literally fell into a bed and slept - it was so weird because usually even if your body is tired when working out you have adrenaline pumping and you may be weak but not ready for sleep. I was ready for sleep.

I sat for 5 minutes before the nausea passed with Dee talking about how it was great I made it through 40 minutes out of the hour so well, blah, blah, blah. You know when you hear those words: 'No really you did great', when you don't need convincing that you did great (or at least your best), the encouragement seems more like a mock. well I forgave Dee and decided he wouldn't have known better. Seeing as he's fit and all.

We finished by doing some interesting stretching involving Dee grabbing a couple of my arms and yanking to and fro in a way that felt strangely great. As he was wrapping up a general spiel and I was gearing up to get out of there I heard him say 'So now you just need to head over and do 20 minutes of cardio and you'll be good to go'.

In my head, and only in my head, I said 'What the @#%$@#$%!!!' (no I didn't swear)

Then slowly headed over to do my cardio even though it would make me late and tired-er.

In one word I would describe my first workout experience with a trainer as: wobble-y.

Hope you're getting the picture ... and laughing with me.

P.S. This day was the predecessor to the Monkey wincing that I posted lastnight. the monkey wincing definitely describes me the day after my first beating. To a tee.
Posted by Eva at 5:41 AM 1 comment: OK so here's the story...

As anyone would know who has read this blog from the beginning (or you know, two days ago), I have issues with my body. With trying to keep it healthy, treating it with respect, ok I'll come out and say it: I'm a binge-r. I emotional eat and I more often than not feel crappy about how I let this happen.

(My solution here is not going to make sense when I say what it is. Oh well).

So all of my life I've wanted to get fit and free from these things. I actually do like exercise (or so I thought 2 days ago) but the recent gym membership wally and I signed up for left us feeling overwhelmed and stupid in all things 'gym' related. You know, exactly how they (whoever 'they' are) want you to feel.

Both Wally and I know that getting a gym membership by no means gets anywhere near solving our food 'issues' but for us we thought it was a great idea to give us something active to do together for the very first time.

It took me a couple of years to get Wally to agree to or even want to go to a gym. The insecurities over our weight and appearance at the gym (not knowing how the heck to operate a treadmill) overcame any possibility to even walk past one, let alone think of joining one. The fact that gyms are often filled with seemingly already 'fit' people who would throw money into something we saw as a luxury didn't make us feel any more comfortable.

I asked Wally the other day what had changed. Why he was willing to finally do this (yes, if you remember correctly I went to a gym before, but this was a way different ball game, one I'd only go to with another scared person in tow).

His answer surprised me.

He said 'Because how you are living now a days trying to experience life. I just thought I should.' (This is no quote, more of a gist)

I was in awe. 'That's kinda cool' I thought.

So on Valentine's Day we went in and signed up. A few days later after we'd each had our demos and realized we still knew nothing and actually wanted to make some changes in our lives and knew we needed help, we went back and inquired about personal trainers.

Can I just say that never in my life have I ever thought I would EVER be ok with having a man be my personal trainer. EVER. But we had our demonstrations with the same guy who apparently is new to that gym and there was something about him we both liked so that's who we have. (I can't wait to tell you more about him - interesting stuff!)

Obviously we both signed up, with Dee (the guy who did our demo). Not only did we sign up, but we SIGNED up. We each got 24 sessions. YIKES! We were able to split a package deal together and get a good deal (I suppose relatively speaking).

Can I say again there are other reasons why this is big? Like NEVER would we have ever spent money like this before on something like this - we really are changing our ways and prioritizing what we want according to our dreams.

So there you have it. Let me make this clear. We have no ambitions to because swimsuit models or get on the cover of any magazine. We really do just want to learn and try to get in better shape so that we can spur eachother on.

Did you want clarification about some of the pictures? I'll assume so (though it might be coming together for you now.

The first post with pictures was my 'Last supper' filled with some of my favourite crap. The cookies are a binge staple and the Burger King meal is a craving staple, even though I don't eat there more than every couple of months. Seeing as now I am (or will) be accountable to Dee for everything I put in my mouth, I thought I'd have a last horrah. No I do not plan on cutting everything 'yummy' out of my overall menu, I do hope to keep these things to a minimum while I acquire a taste for health. I love that Dee will be watching.

The staircase: obvious isn't it. This seems like a forever journey already because it's not about the next 3 months, it's about a lifetime of good choices.


So I hope this better explains my 'new' journey and I'm glad that y'all are enjoying the new addition of photos. This should be fun! (Can I just add that I uploaded these photos BY MYSELF, such an accomplishment for me!!!!)

Growing everyday,

Eva :)
Posted by Eva at 5:09 AM 2 comments: 
10,000 Seeds of Promise 
I am a 31 year old gal who's been married for 10 years to a great guy named Wally. I am a self proclaimed chocoholic, with a love for cookies. I should have put these loves to a halt 20 pounds ago ... however Mondays are never far away. I am constantly on the look out for new ways to experience life that will change me or at least give me a new ways of looking at things. I love hearing different perspectives on life and engaging in conversation with those who show themselves to actually be LIVING life. In person I take a while to get to know for real. Often people think I am quiet and have no real thoughts or opinions of my own. My husband always laughs at this because the opposite is in fact the truth. I like to be open and sometimes painfully honest about the struggles I encounter in marriage and in life. This has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. Not long after Wally and I were married life happened to us and my world was turned upside down. Like many others we've experienced the loss of life, financial struggles, marital strain and broken dreams ... however life goes on.
