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We just found out that baby #4 is going to be....

another little Mr. I will admit, I cried when I saw the proof and I was disappointed.  Maybe a tad angry.
I know this is selfish and narrow minded, but it's how I felt and I'm being honest.
I have always wanted a little girl, and now it seems those dreams may never be realized.

I drowned my sadness in potatoes that day (potato casserole and baked Lays potato chips) and a good cry.  I called my close friend and cousin who also has four little boys and we chatted about being daughter-less and the joys and pitfalls of being surrounded by males all day.

I began to feel better.  I tried to unloose the grip that self-pity had on me.

The thing that really helped the most was sincere prayer and reflection on the blessings that are already in front of me.  I have four healthy boys.  I have a loving husband.  I know I am a daughter of God.  I know the Savior loves me and has suffered not only my sins, but my sorrows and pain.  I have family and friends who love me.  I have a safe home and faith to cling to in difficult times.  I have scriptures to study and inspire me.  I have lots of chocolate left over from Halloween.  I could go on.

Then, yesterday, I gave away all the boxes of little girl clothes that I had been keeping (hand me downs from a good friend that I had just in case).  I think this started out being the hardest thing of all because it was an acknowledgement that we may never have a daughter.  Then, when I handed them over to friends I knew needed them for their daughters, I felt so much better.  Literally, a load was lightened.

Now, I look forward to seeing this new babe.  To touch his soft face and hear those newborn noises.  To feed and diaper and hold him close.  I am truly excited.  He is already loved.  I am blessed.
Posted by Diana at 10:06 AM