[null, null, {"document_url": "http://www.jenniferdougan.com/2012/07/parenting-mistake-we-all-make-and-need.html", "unformatted_src": "http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-44hS-W7juPs/UABLhSYkwjI/AAAAAAAAA8U/aSqHSesdVTU/s400/crying+girl.JPG", "src": "http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-44hS-W7juPs/UABLhSYkwjI/AAAAAAAAA8U/aSqHSesdVTU/s400/crying+girl.JPG", "formatted_filename": "crying girl", "rendered_width": 400, "rendered_height": 400}, null, {"document_url": "http://www.jenniferdougan.com/2012/07/parenting-mistake-we-all-make-and-need.html", "unformatted_src": "http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uFa0MBbAAAQ/UABMOYe5c5I/AAAAAAAAA8c/ML1-Vk78bJw/s400/anne%27s+book.jpg", "src": "http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uFa0MBbAAAQ/UABMOYe5c5I/AAAAAAAAA8c/ML1-Vk78bJw/s400/anne%27s+book.jpg", "formatted_filename": "anne s book", "rendered_width": 400, "rendered_height": 400}, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, {"document_url": "http://www.jenniferdougan.com/2012/07/parenting-mistake-we-all-make-and-need.html", "unformatted_src": "http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-f789B8WSLm4/VJJV3atJQkI/AAAAAAAACr0/nxkhQZf2X_Y/s350/IMG_4948%2Bcropped.jpg", "src": "http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-f789B8WSLm4/VJJV3atJQkI/AAAAAAAACr0/nxkhQZf2X_Y/s350/IMG_4948%2Bcropped.jpg", "formatted_filename": "IMG Bcropped", "alt_text": "Welcome, I'm glad you're here.", "rendered_width": 219, "rendered_height": 350}, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null, null]

Right then, we face a choice. Houseofmills said...

That's interesting. I guess I would of thought they don't get it and just ignore it. hhmmm?? interesting. We do always just brush them off and say...go play or not now. I should do more explaining. interesting.

Posting on facebook too.

July 13, 2012 at 4:29 PM 
Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, be honest based on their age to what they can handle and include them at times in decisions, etc. Makes them feel confident in their family because they are part of it.

July 13, 2012 at 6:30 PM Jen Musokwa said...

Today my four-year old came in as we were getting ready to go to the Farmer's Market and said, "Mommy, come look!" I did and I saw that our back window of our van was smashed in. I was shocked to say the least and went in and got my husband. We were trying to stay calm but always that feeling of violation creeps in. We call the police to file a report (nothing was stolen since we keep nothing of value in there anyway) and as I am talking on the phone, I almost lose my balance and fall. It really frightened my 2-year old but I couldn't get to him. When I got off the phone, I scooped him up and put words to what he was feeling. Because of some trauma that I faced as a child, I am much more in tune that kids DO get it and know when something is wrong. I was able to comfort him and hold him, and let him know that I was fine and not hurt until he decided to get down and continue playing.

Also, if my husband and I are disagreeing about something we don't try to hide it from our kids, (unless it's something super adultlike and personal) but we let them know that we will work it out and that it is not about them. I feel like they are seeing conflict AND conflict resolution and that's what I want to model. And if I need to say sorry, I do.

July 13, 2012 at 11:50 PM Allison Moser said...

Thanks Jen! I am trying to think back on a specific instance when I was clearly upset about something and one of the kids picked up on it. I remember when I was expecting Jeff, it was early
August 1987, and I received a phone call. Janeen was not quite four years old. The call was another friend telling me that a mutual friend and her family had been in a car crash in Montana and their almost five year old was killed in that crash. After we cried and prayed on the phone together, I had to call some of our other friends with the news. Janeen could see me crying and trying to compose myself. She sat right by me on the floor, cuddling, rubbing my arm and saying "I love you Mommy. It will be okay." Had I not shared why I was upset or let her witness it firsthand, she may not have shown me the depth of how a young person can show compassion and comfort. Funny thing?! Now she is a marriage and family counselor!!
 
I am not a parent, so no need to put me in the contest... but I just wanted to say this post rings so true to me. I never thought of that... loving kids, and loving to write for them, this really touches me.

July 14, 2012 at 11:37 AM 
Hi HouseofMills,

Isn't that interesting? I agree. It changed how I think of it too. Thanks for sharing it on fb too.


July 17, 2012 at 9:21 AM 

Nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by my site.

Oh, your poor van window. I'm sorry. I like your image of scooping up your worried two year old, putting words to what he was feeling and cuddling him until he scampered off. Nice, Jen! That must have been so comforting to him.

Regarding parental disagreements, yes. We too try to let our kids see us modeling humble apologies, reconciliation, and forgiveness. What convicts me though are the times I fail and fight poorly in front of them too, sadly. We say sorry then also.

I'm looking forward to popping over to your site.


July 17, 2012 at 9:40 AM 
Jen Musokwa,

I can't, for the life of me, find your blog. Do you have an address for it?


July 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM 

What a compassionate beautiful image of Janeen holding your hand, rubbing your arm and comforting you! It makes me smile. How perfect that she is in counseling now too.

I remember (near)four-year old John holding my hand through pregnancy contractions before I went to the hospital to have Morgan. Very sweet.


July 17, 2012 at 9:50 AM 

It's not just for parents either, this book, but for caregivers of all types.

Is your writing mostly for a youth and children audience then? What do you like to write?


July 17, 2012 at 9:51 AM 

Well, I have been focused on writing for children...but now, with the blog, I am also finding myself writing inspiring stories for women... :)
 
That's so interesting, I'd never thought of it before. Go Anne! She has such great insight. Thanks for posting this, Jen

July 18, 2012 at 12:58 PM 
Hello Elizabeth,

Yes, Anne has wonderful insights, doesn't she? An interesting angle to ponder...


July 18, 2012 at 10:58 PM