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English girls can drink? 
Roar Like a Lion

Posted by channahboo at 2:25 pm No comments: 
Destroy Israel?... Why Not!!!

Posted by channahboo at 12:22 pm No comments: 
Dance for Israel 
Seasons Greetings... Happy Chrismakah!!!!

 Posted by channahboo at 6:02 pm No comments: 
What is in a Name?

Channah – Goddess of Life – Hebrew 
Dude I am fine!!

Random: Err… ok

Hmmmm… Perhaps a little too much information.

Me: Dude I am fine!

Yag: You missing Nooman?
 
Saga after saga 
Lost for words...

For months the town of Sderot, situated in the South of Israel, has been bombarded by hundered of Kassam rockets from Gazza. You may not know about this, because, as I discovered when I googled Sderot, only certain newspapers have actually been printing the news:

Sderot: 20 seconds to take cover - November 22, 2006 15:16

Hamas: Jews must evacuate - November 22, 2006 14:01

Sderot: Qassam lands near school - November 22, 2006 09:14

Hamas terrorist killed while trying to launch Kassam - November 22, 2006 08:05

Family of victim message to Olmert: Wake up, Sderot is crying - November 21, 2006 20:27

Sderot rocket victim dies of his wounds - November 21, 2006 00:08

Three Kassam Rockets Strike Sderot, Two People Seriously Wounded - November 20, 2006 13:46

Three Israelis injured in Sderot - November 19, 2006 13:30

And what has the international press had to say about this?

BBC - November 22, 2006 10:38

The Guardian - November 22, 2006 14:15

I am neither shocked nor suprised nor even offended that the international press has forgotten about Sderot. I think the people of Sderot feel like even Israel herself has forgotten about Sderot. "The path to Auschwitz was paved with indifference." Sorry, just something I read today...
Posted by channahboo at 4:59 pm 1 comment: 
Somewhere over… where? Have a good day people!
Posted by channahboo at 9:42 am No comments: 
A Global Affair

In this violent and volatile world that we live in it is very difficult to see how you as just an average citizen can do anything to bring peace love and happiness about. It is something I thought about a lot during the recent Lebanon war. It is something that I know is on the minds of a lot of people around the world... well on the minds of those who aren't blowing themselves up in the name of Jihad. So what can we do?

Well I have come across (thanks to a Sabra) an ingenious website which seems to have the answer. It would appear that my thoughts connecting war and horniness during the Lebanon war were not totally off the track...In 37 days, 18 hours, 29 minutes and counting will be Global Orgasm Day!
That is on December 22nd, 2006 (put it in your diaries). The purpose of this day; other than being good for your general health, complexion and a sure way to get a good workout, is to help change the energy field of the Earth via the largest possible surge of human energy... Well their reasoning is that it has been tried through communal prayer and meditation, but a communal Orgasm... that could have explosive effects! They have also suggested that it is mainly those who live in countries with weapons of mass destruction who have most need to hop on the bandwagon as it were.

People I leave you to make your own decisions on the topic, but what with all the death, destruction and disease in this world... perhaps we should do it for our 'country', the global community that is our world. And even if you don't believe in all this energy fields palaver, what kinda person are you who turns down a reason to have an extra orgasm. Guys and Girls this is a chance to set aside a day in your and your loved one's calenders, or if you are single to grab a guy or a girl, just for the best reason in the world... an orgasm to save the world!

Well I have tried to do my bit for our Global community... I know what I am going to be doing on

Friday December 22nd, 2006

... Is it an all day event?

For more info check out http://www.globalorgasm.org/

Posted by channahboo at 2:04 pm 4 comments: 
Al BBc

Posted by channahboo at 9:35 pm No comments: 
Sick and Restless

There is nothing more certain in my life than when I need to be well, when one of my best friends are in the country for one day and one day alone, that is the day that I get sick. After weeks of eating well, exercising hard and generally looking after my boo, my body sees the forthcoming deadline of the J man's arrival and so decides to take a leave of absence... one two three everything begins to shut down and so here I am, on my fourth day off work, sick and restless.

I am craving something...

The doctor said I had a respiratory infection. Basically my cold has got to my lungs and now I am high on cough syrup, antibiotics and a ventilator to help me breath at night. No more wine, no more cigarettes, no more anything bad in my system... I can't even have a medicinal shot of whiskey in my lemon and honey. For the next ten days and perhaps onward I am T-total... again.

I am craving something very bad...

How many times can one person take antibiotics before you become immune to every sickness on the planet... if only it worked that way, but here I am not getting any younger and I am having to remind myself that no matter how young I might feel (I still feel 18 some days) my body is in the know and in the end it will catch up with me.

They say that once you hit 30 your skin stops rejuvenating itself. Hmmmmm just under 3 years to go.... perhaps I should get a head start now. I mean if the rest of my family stopped aging past 16 then maybe I should let Mother Nature take her course and stop fighting her with all the toxins of the world. I mean seriously, what am I fighting her on? Ok I give up I will stay young and beautiful forever... you win!

But I want it bad!

The easy part... Now I am just restless, so I am writing aimlessly... you want to know the point of this blog today? There is no point, other than the fact that I am restless. I have watched my fill of Grey's Anatomy, Sex and the City, Dr. Plastic and Amazing Race, and now I just want to release some energy! I would go to the gym, but the infection is still at a stage where if I go for a walk I am out of breath. So I guess instead of releasing energy I am abusing a borrowed laptop and releasing my emotions.... well they have been kept pent up for a while so I guess they deserve a little spin around the block.

Hmmm... But now I have given myself free reign to go crazy, I just don't want to. I guess I don't have as many emotions as I thought, or maybe I have just lost the energy to bother.

It was so good to see Josh when he was here. He was only around for one evening, but as always it was a pleasure. Josh is possibly the only one of my friends that every single one of my other friends love. To the extent that when I told people that he was in town for one night, everyone came over to see him... I felt very honored on his behalf. And despite being sick and refusing to kiss anyone hello as they stepped in the door, there was no way that evening was going to go by without me jumping on Josh and kissing him a million times. I miss the weekends we used to spend together slobbing out in front of the TV, listening to each others story of the week and saying "whatever" after every silly saga, playing Monopoly with friends... actually it would be more like Josh and his friends ganging up on me while we played Monopoly because I am such "an entertaining sore loser". I beg him to move to Israel, but when you have the coolest job in the world in England, you still come to Israel 2-3 times a year for a party, you have to remind yourself what you would be making aliyah for. Once upon a time I could have convinced him that the women in Israel were the finest in the world, but now not even that bribe is enough.

Have I sufficiently got every thought out of my head? Not quite... but for now.

Still restless, still sick... still sick and restless. So what do you do? You pick up the phone and call an old friend you love. You read a book or listen to a song that makes you cry. You do everything you can to remind yourself that you feel something... because it may be one of the only ways left to remind yourself that you are still human. Maybe that is why my body shut down, stopped breathing... to remind me to breath for myself.

Posted by channahboo at 3:20 pm 2 comments: 

Things have got from busy to hectic since I last blogged and sadly I haven’t even had time to go to the gym… something that my drill sergeant keeps banging on at me about. A semi-promotion (notably without a pay rise at the moment) has left me running around my huge learning curve, and trying to take in as much information as possible before the girl I am replacing leaves. I guess it is an honour to be given so much extra responsibilities… I guess we will see how much extra is an honour and how much is just chutzpah.

Meanwhile the weather in my little country of love has cooled dramatically and I find myself scratching my head wondering where I put all my long-sleeved t-shirts and jumpers. The balcony at work is flooded so now there is nowhere to run for fresh air except downstairs on to the street. The clouds have infiltrated the blue skies and no sun is to be seen, so there is no need to close the blinds. I stare out of my window to a grey sky reminiscent of the good old days in London. The only difference is the sea. At least I can see the sea… dark and gloomy today.

It is funny how the weather can control your mood. Yesterday so full of life and giggles, looking for costumes and trying on wigs for the Halloween party in Jerusalem tonight, today so full of rain and clouds that I am struggling to concentrate on my work. And to make matters worse, all my friends in the office decided to opt for a burger lunch. Tempting it was, but determined to extend my tenacity to myself I decided to eat the salad I had prepared, only to find that some evil person had eaten half of my salad! Was the whole thing not good enough for you?!?!

The rain falls, the clouds swirl and surge further and I am fast becoming an emotional wreck. Everyone has eaten already, my options are walk out in the rain, get a sandwich and eat alone in front of my computer, or I could just wait until I go home… but I am hungry! I walk around the office with a sad face until my pregnant friend orders me to eat with her… the beautiful girl made a meal of rice and schnitzel (the homemade kind, not the crap that people eat from the freezer) and all I had to do was chop the vegetables for a salad.

PF: Channah you have to get out of this blue mood!
ME: I don’t know what is wrong with me… I reckon it is just hormonal
PF: Oh girl that would be great if you were pregnant!!
ME: I don’t think pregnancy is catching…
PF: If it is I am changing your name to Mary!

We feasted like the queens we are, and talked about our lives. I am constantly amazed by the people I meet in Israel. In England I knew people who would whinge about their horrible lives and all they had ever lived through was not making rent one month! Here in Israel I sit and have lunch with someone who lost family members in a suicide bombing, and those who did not die were left heavily scarred both physically and emotionally. I eat and talk with a vibrant girl who after her family moves to the States because they are so traumatised by the situation here is told that her green card is being taken from her because she came back to Israel to be drafted by the army. While her whole family lived in the States she had to find a life for herself in Israel… alone. Her family in the States and her, homeless, in Israel, she now finds herself in love, in a family, married, with a child on the way.

PF: I never thought I would ever deserve happiness

Her statement fills me with sadness, especially when I think of those I know and love who have said the same sad statement to me. We all deserve happiness. I know my friend here realised that in the end… maybe when the clouds give way to a spot of blue we may all realise that too.
Posted by channahboo at 4:37 pm No comments: 
Boarding Past 

However, regardless of whether I am a trav Posted by channahboo at 10:17 pm 1 comment: 
What? Where? How?

When I first moved to Israel, I was often faced with the question posed by all Israelis, “But why on earth did you make Aliyah?” I guess those people who have never actually lived in London find it very easy to comment on how wonderful a city it is to work and live in. While other friends who were also faced with the same question would allow themselves to be dragged into the heated debate of which is a better place to live, Israel or London, I found a simple 9 word sentence would just these people up long enough so I could move on to another topic of conversation, or vacate the taxi, “You don’t have to understand it. Just accept it.” I chose to move to Israel from London… deal with it!

Now two years on, people have stopped asking the question, perhaps this is because I am still here… I survived the first year of bureaucracy and came out the other side. I survived the second year of job searching, flat hunting and roommate swapping, and I am still here living and breathing with a job, an apartment and great friends. I no longer get the question of “Why did you do it?” and more the question of, “Why do you not speak Hebrew?” I find it funny that they ask me this question in English… I think they pretty much answer the question themselves just in the asking.

My weekend was a long one, starting on Thursday night in Jerusalem at a wedding of an old Ulpan friend. It was a beautiful wedding, set on the hills of Jerusalem under a canopy that the bride had sewn herself. Gypsy musicians on stilts walked the tiny bride and groom to their Chupah where she gave herself to him, he placed a ring on her finger, they drank the dangerously red wine without spilling a drop on her stunning wedding dress, and successfully smashed the glass to a round of applause and L’Chaim! My ‘girlfriend’ Eli and I found that we had finally been put in our rightful place… on the cool table for a change right next to the dance floor! It was so nice to catch up with a couple of the dudes from Ulpan, and avoid the psycho American Army guy who used to freak me out with his tales on how he knew how to shoot to kill. It is nice to see how everyone has found their place here and are creating their lives afresh in the country they have chosen to call home. Relatives visiting Israel for the first time from the States were in awe at the beauty of the venue, the relaxed atmosphere, and the fact that their siblings had found such ‘great people’ as friends and confidants in their new home. I was therefore not surprised by a phone call on the way home… it is easy to miss someone when you are reminded how great they actually are. Kinda sad that it takes the words of others for you to suddenly realise that.

Anyway, back in Tel Aviv a weekend of Oestrogen lay ahead and all things considered it was a pretty smooth and enjoyable Shabbat for all. On Saturday lunch four new girls joined our meal and it was actually nice to have some fresh blood around the table. Ok so a couple of the new girls were a joy to have around… the others… well lets just say that telling a group of new Olim that you are “privileged enough not to HAVE to make Aliyah” really does not make you very endearing. In fact this naïve little American chick was pretty lucky that despite walking into the lions den waving a piece of meat, the lions were all too tired and overfed to rise to her bate… Although the thought of swatting her like a fly did pass our minds. As one person who had been dealing with maggots all day I was not really in the mood for a pesky fly… she would find herself caught in her own spider web one day with such talk. Let the spiders sort her out.

After Shabbat we found ourselves out again at another roof top party. I was expecting a glass of wine and an early night, and at first that was exactly what I got. However, the roof began to fill up with people, the music was raised a notch, and people were beginning to forget about work in the morning and have a good time. It could have been the alcohol, it could have been the excellent tunes provided by DJ Howie, it could have been more of the alcohol, but on behalf of those of us who lay low on the brew I would like to thank the man who put a permanent smile on my face for the whole evening. Ely, I am sorry that I never got to speak to you, to find out anymore than your name and take this picture. I would love to know if the moustache is real or if it is a dare you had going with your friends. I would love to know if your father and your brothers have the same moustache and it is in fact a family tradition handed down from generation to generation. I would love to ask if you have ever auditioned for the Village people. I would love to ask if you have a special comb for it. I would love to ask if you dye it or if that is it’s real colour… if it is in fact real. And for the other guys at the party, the ones trying to get the attentions of the girl on the sofa who was engrossed in a Chemistry lesson (no that is not a euphemism) and failing, the ones stood around the edge of the balcony staring desperately without making a move, the ones hoping that someone would notice them… Take a tip from our friend Ely... You wanna stand out, you wanna be noticed, you want women clamouring to find out who you are (without having serious surgery on your nether regions) and take pictures of you… Get a funny moustache! Ely we love you!!!
Posted by channahboo at 11:06 am No comments: 
Liquid Dream This morning I awoke an hour before my alarm went off, and lay in bed wide-eyed, listening to the sounds of Tel Aviv waking up outside my window, and remembering the dream that had woken me from my deep slumber.

Before I went to sleep last night I stayed up for a while talking to Nooman; one eye on the football and one sympathetic eye listening to my sadness and long arms wrapped around me. I decided that as nice as this was and as much as I appreciated his words of love and sympathy I needed to retreat to myself and sort my own head out. Knowing it all is a disease. I know what people are going to tell me. I know the right and wrong things for me. I know what will and what will not make me happy… but ultimately when the tears start to flow, the tears start to flow and nothing I do and nothing I know will stop the voices in my head.

“What are you doing this for?”
“This is who you are… you will never change.”
“What do you expect? To be perfect?? No-one is perfect! Not even you Miss Boo.”

“You will fail.” “You should give up.”
“You shouldn’t give up.”

And then Nooman silences them, makes the tears flow faster, and says, “You know that you are more than this. You know that you have more to offer than just this. You are more fun to be around, you have more personality and spark… You are special.” But the trouble is that right at that moment I did not feel very special… I felt like the humus of the Middle East and not the variety with the herbs and pine kernels, but the plain old dry mushy kind that was left in the fridge too long.

I kissed my boo goodnight and walked to my room and collapsed into bed. I put the duvet back on the bed this week, and as the fan blared over my head I snuggled under the covers, closed my eyes, put the voices on mute and drifted into sleep.

I dreamt I was falling and as I fell I realised that I was in fact not falling, but sinking in clear blue water. I drifted, watching the bubbles from my mouth float upward. Around me were long stemmed seaweeds shooting endlessly upwards to the unreachable surface. In every leaf of the plant I saw eyes gazing at me. It seemed so beautiful at first, so I did not freak out that I was sinking further and further down and had no idea where the surface was. Blue finned sharks swam above my head, but I was not afraid. On the contrary I watched them envious… why had I not been born a shark? My old doll Mary floated up alongside me, and I stroked her curly hair one last time before she carried on to the surface. I was not ready to follow her up... it was so beautiful in the deep blue.
But when I looked back down I saw visions of the Scream, of Chucky from Childs Play, of the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and all the faces that scared me as a child. The water was cluttered with colours staining the clear water. I saw the faces of friends aging before me and I began to cry. With pained smiles they all reached for my hands, trying to drag me further down with them. I knew that if I wanted to get back to dry land I would have to swim up through the sharks that now had started to look menacing and seemed to swim in a ring of blood. My sister takes my hand, and just as she looks at me, her face pruned up so I could not tell which sister she was, I kicked away and swam upwards. I torpedoed up through the sharks, following the lines of the seaweed trees and heading towards the bright sunlight glittering through the blue.

I opened my eyes and my room was bright with sunlight. I looked at my clock to see my alarm was not due for another hour. So I lay back wide-eyed listening to the sounds of Tel Aviv waking up outside my window, and tried to decide what to wear for a wedding tonight.
Posted by channahboo at 11:22 am 1 comment: 
Shake that Thang

Posted by channahboo at 11:14 am No comments: Today is the first day of the winter for me… officially.
Today I put on trainers to work and slide the flip-flops under the bed til dryer times.
I stand by my window and watch the rain fall down.
I think about standing outside mouth wide open, arms stretched out to welcome it.

It is 7am… Later than usual for me to leave for work…

Then I realise that I have no umbrella, nothing to keep me dry, nothing to shelter me from the pour.
Should I wear more layers?
Is it cold and wet?
Or is it muggy and damp?

You are late!!

Outside with my raincoat over my head, I remember how far away my car is.
I jump over puddles and slide along slippery mud on the ground.
I pity smile at the dustbin men picking up the now sodden rubbish off the floor of the street,
And they glance back the “Fuck you” look of someone doing a job they detest.

What is that smell?

I am relieved to find my car where I left it,
I am grateful that I find it just as the smell of the sewers rises up to greet me.
I forgot how the rain in the fall differs from the springtime showers…
Spring is sweeter, Fall is fouler.

And all the flowers are now dead.

Put the wipers on…

Posted by channahboo at 8:30 am 2 comments: 
Just something that put a smile on my face this morning

One day I am going to do the same... naked

Posted by channahboo at 9:34 am 2 comments: More Smiles... It just gets better

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Girls... I wanna see you do this tonight... without falling over ;)
Posted by channahboo at 9:08 am No comments: 
Dressing Up and Drinking Down This week is passing by in a burgundy haze fuelled fumes of sweat, smoke and lots of red wine. Not that I am becoming an alcoholic, but nothing else seems to go with chats with friends, sushi, a bar stool, just after my shower after the gym. Seriously I have not become an alcoholic!

But on the plus side I have been working out like a fiend! Finally after months of forcing myself to go to the gym and only ever managing once a week if that, I have finally found the joy in the gym! Now I know many of you are going to think, knowing me as you do, that this is due to a man… but no, this is all me! I actually look forward every day to leaving work to go home, quick change, and walk through the Dizengoff centre to my gym. I am actually writing this blog because in 30 minutes I can leave and delve straight into my favourite routine… oh how the little things excite me now!

I love walking through the shopping centre seeing all the people plodding around, while I speed walk my way through the crowd, hopping down the steps, rushing past the people drinking their Café Afuchs and Croissants and straight on to the final slope to my gym where I am greeted by my favourite receptionist who swipes me through, smiles her perfect white smile and hands me my card back with a “Hey Channah” and wishing me a great work out! Yes it is cheesy, but I am growing to like it!

I run on the treadmill do a few weights, a few sit-ups and then head to elliptical trainer to end my session and I manage to do all this in around an hour so that I can be home in time to watch my favourite secret pleasure… The Gilmore Girls. Not even the cute guy asking to ‘know more about the gym’ and in the process ask for my number, will stop me from getting home in time for this little indulgence of mine! That is nothing until bloody Hallmark decided to move it from 6pm to 1pm… How am I supposed to rearrange my day around that?

So this week instead of coming home to one indulgence I have given in to another… Wine! And I wonder why on Monday night (oops I meant Sunday) I tried to get into bed fully clothed only to find myself on the floor… BOLLOX! I promptly decided that I was too drunk to go to sleep and stayed up to watch some TV and sober up... but I had only drunk 3 glasses of wine, and I am no light weight! I then realised that after coming back from the gym, showering, talking on the phone to a variety of people, I totally forgot to eat. Instead I enjoyed a liquid dinner of 3 glasses of red wine and my muscles were soaking up every dreamy drop! Hence my lack of bed to body co-ordination…

Now I am not telling you this so you can say “Channah has lost it”, “She’s becoming an alchi!”, “She’s drinking to deal with her problems”, “She must be feeling really low”. Seriously, I do see that after yesterday’s blog you may be thinking that I am in a very deep and serious place right now, but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, is that I am doing great! Life is cool! I am feeling healthier and better than ever! The wine is just a little rouge I like to put on every now and then for a little added colour (tee hee hee). Shit the more I protest the more I feel like taking up the 12 steps. Ok fine! I admit it I am a raging alcoholic and I love it!! Anyone wants me I’ll be in the bar! :-)

p.s. playing dress up with your friends and dancing around to music is a perfectly normal and healthy way to let off some steam. (just to explain the above picture)
p.s.s. 74% like Evangeline Lilly!!! My Life is now complete!!!
Posted by channahboo at 4:22 pm 5 comments: Sunday, October 08, 2006

Words of Worth

“Every body’s talking at me… I don’t hear a word they’re saying”

I can’t hear it anymore… The words. I used to love the words. Being a person who loves the English language, I would lap them up one by one, let them swirl around my head, absorb into my brain and keep them there. Words of wisdom, words of love, words of worth… But I have heard so many of the same words, the same bullshit words, that they have become meaningless to me. The words of worth are now few and far between and the words of love have become worthless.

When did my heart produce the bounce back button? Is this something that happens to you with age? Or is this a sign of damaged goods?

I spent the weekend with my family in Ra’anana, and had the pleasure of my nieces and nephews being around too. It was such a joy to spend quality time with them. To watch them play together, fight together, find joy in life and scream their heads off when they were told they couldn’t have desert because they hit their brother. It was interesting to note that the Rabbi in Shul on Friday night (yes my dad almost died of shock that I was in Shul too!) brought up the topic of joy. He said “if you want to see joy in its purest form just head to your local Gan (nursery).” I didn’t have to go very far. There in my parents’ house was the Gan of the age 0 to 7, and on Shabbat afternoon I lay on the mattress fortress they had spent all afternoon making and destroying and read Mr. Men books and watched the joy on the faces when I promised to read another, when I let them play with my hair, when I smiled at them, and when their mum woke from her afternoon nap to feed them.

In my journey to find and unleash Channahboo I have been trying to look at my life through the eyes of a child and find the joy again. It has been successful to a large extent. I have found happiness in so many things; in the little things, in the big things, in my blood family and the family I have chosen for myself. The only area that dissatisfies me is the adult world, the world of words, a world without smiles and laughter, without holding hands and swinging in the air. We constantly have to explain ourselves, or at least we feel we do. No-one wants to be ‘the bad guy’ so we use words to explain away the bad actions. We lie to ourselves and to each other in order to appear to be the good one, the right one, the nice and kind one. Not the one who plays with other people’s emotions, not the one who takes advantage of our friends’ or loved ones’ kindness, not the one to use the other and not the one who calls an end to it, because that would make us ‘the bad guy’.

My two year old nephew, Noam, is just at the beginning of grasping the English language while simultaneously trying to grasp the Hebrew language. However, in doing this he uses more than words to express himself. I noticed that while the other children gabbled words out of their mouths trying to develop their vocabulary and learning to express their emotions with words, Noam’s face was more animated than the others. It was his primary way of communicating his emotions. His smiles seemed twice as big, and when I gave each of them a kiss goodbye his kisses were twice as loud as the others. Without words I knew that he was happy listening to my story, I knew that he was sensitive to me telling him to get off the bike, and without words I knew that he understood through my kisses that I was only afraid of him falling off and proceeded to get back on with a big grin on his face when I had moved it off the ledge and to a safer position.

So despite my love of words, despite my own urge to take words and make them beautiful, I have lost trust in these words… the words I hear.

“You are the best!”

The best what?

“You have no idea how much you mean to me”

Well actually I have no idea!

“We love each other”

I never said I love you… do you really love me?

“I can see myself falling in love with you”


“You are truly amazing”

But not amazing enough.

“I still think about you”

I have heard it so many times before. And then there are the words of others. They are the words that I hear in my head coming out of the mouths of friends, and the words about you which have already been said about them. So while I am sat between the two, listening to both sides of the same story that all sound so familiar, who do I believe? Who has the ulterior motive? Who is trying to protect me? Who is out to dupe me? It is so confusing and so hurtful to me to think that I could have got it all so wrong, that I could have been so trusting and so stupid. I have been the player, I know the score… but I was told to be honest, to only say the words I meant. So while every body’s talking at me I am not going to hear a word they are saying, because I need more than words to show me how you feel. Or maybe the lack of, is actually worth a thousand words of worth.

Posted by channahboo at 8:28 am 2 comments: 

I have finally pulled the plug on some of my added expenses. Well if I am ever going to be able to afford my own place I had better stop living like a lottery winner and start saving. So as part of my cut backs I have had to cut back on some of my extra curricular spending… that being my Latte Macchiato and croissant in the morning, my extravagant lunches at one of the many yummy restaurants in the area and most sad of all, my Yoga classes. As someone who belongs to a gym, which has its own yoga classes, it was becoming a little ridiculous paying for a gym and on top of that paying extra for yoga classes that I could be getting for free from my own gym. Although the yoga classes in my gym are not the same, the lovely Jamie is not teaching me, but Jamie is a sacrifice I will have to make for the sake of a home of my own.

Sad. Yes, but don’t cry for me just yet, because I have found a new passion to keep my adrenalin buzzing. Spinning!

Now I am very aware that I am probably one of the last people on this earth to discover Spinning, well including Ms Freeman. I am ready now to admit that in the past I was too scared or more truthfully, lazy, to try Spinning before. But now that I have done it I am hooked! The first class I took was more of an introduction to the bike; here is the seat – it should be at hip height, here is the resistance (Omes), here is the break, here are the peddles… In truth we only did about 20 minutes of a class that day, but it was more than enough for my poor bottom. People had warned me about the sheer exhaustion I would feel after the first class, they had warned me to drink lots of water, to take a towel with, to not eat anything before the class, but not one person had warned about the shear pain and potential damage it did to my rear end!

Obviously the designers spent more time ensuring that the front wheel of the bike (which is indoors and stagnant) cannot get water into it, than spending some time to ensure that my seat is padded sufficiently as to not burst a few blood vessels down there!

Gross! Ok so moving on…

Going to Spinning is like going to a bar. There are disco lights flaring around the room. The music is set to full blast. There are drinking sessions where the instructor makes us all take a shot before dragging us back to the dance floor for another ‘spin’. All in all it was pretty much a party, except for the fact that there was no alcohol to take my mind off the aching legs… perhaps an idea for my next class!

In truth I really loved the class. The instructor was charismatic and, despite the fact that we were all sweating together, made the whole class seem like such fun! Despite my initial trepidation and ‘cannot be arsed attitude’ to the whole thing, I ended up leaving the class grabbing Ms Freeman saying “My ass kills! But we are definitely going again next week!”

Now a week on I have to report that despite my ass-perience of the first class, the seat somehow didn’t hurt this time… Even Ms Freeman concurred! The second time around we had a different instructor who seemed to take the whole class up a notch and although we are all still very much beginners, we are all certainly a lot more confident about us spinning standing up, knowing when to switch on the resistance, and (judging by the way he pranced around the room) that Spinning us actually a good laugh!

Eli and I looked at each other and burst into hysterics as our instructor (the gayest fairy in the world) jumped off his bike as Rihanna started singing, “I don’t want to do this anymore… I don’t want to be the reason why”, and then proceeded to stand feat shoulder width apart, arms in the air, eyes closed, “Every time I walk out the door… I see him die a little more inside…” I swear I thought I was going to fall off the bike for a second then, but after a while it was more a case of ‘if you can’t beat ‘em then join ‘em’ You ready Eli… 1..2..3 and “I don’t wanna do this anymore…”

Damn! Afterwards I felt so good! My skin was glowing, my lungs felt liberated, and despite the fact that my thighs felt tight and unmanageable I managed to climb up the stairs home to perform the dancing fairy routine for Nooman and Hugh with a little help from Ms Freeman.

Later I took a walk around the area… I couldn’t sleep… my adrenaline was still pumping and my skin was glowing too much to waste on being in my bed. The air in Tel Aviv is clearer, and it is far more comfortable being outside nowadays. I can smell the winter coming and I am actually looking forward to the rain… maybe I will regret saying that in a few weeks… but for now… let it rain!!
Posted by channahboo at 4:10 pm 1 comment: 
Fast Fast Slow

I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that it is already the time of year of praying, forgiving, apologising, striking the chest, wearing white, praying, going to shul, asking forgiveness, sending “Fast Well” text messages, receiving “Fast Well” messages, praying and praying that your prayers will be answered. I spent much of the ten days between Rosh Hashana (The Day of Judgement) and Yom Kippur preparing myself by looking back over my year. I found myself looking at what I have achieved and where I have stumbled and trying to decipher if I had in fact achieved anything at all, or if I had just carried on and arrived at another year with the same sins to ask forgiveness for and the same hopes for my future.

In truth, very little changes; the same daily struggles, the same men, the same fights, the same break-ups, the same breakdowns, the same excuses, the same denial, the same urge to try and make everything work, and the same let-down when I realise that just because I build it ‘he’ still may not come. It takes more than praying and fasting to make me change my ways, although there are things I have adapted somewhat. The change may not be so noticeable from one year to the next, but looking back to before I made Aliyah and now, I see such a vast difference. There is the physical difference which everyone can see, and then there is the difference in me… the change from Hannah Graham to Channahboo, the change that only those nearest and dearest to me can truly see for its worth. I can show anyone a before and after picture of me, but it is only certain people who can see the before and after shot of my soul.

There was a time that I thought that I was soulless. Not totally soulless, that is impossible, everyone has a soul, but in the sense that my soul never quite felt connected to the rest of me. I could not hear it talking to me, helping me make those decisions that only your soul (often thought to be your gut) can tell you. It seems that for years I had just blocked out that voice, and instead battled with the voices of my father, my teachers, my friends and the world before making my decisions. I have always had a pretty good idea what it feels like to be judged, to have expectations placed on you… “Channah is not fulfilling her full potential”… I never understood this as if I never fulfilled my “full potential” how did these people know what my full potential was! I certainly had no idea! Every decision I have ever made in my life I made with the thought in my mind, “What would those voices say?” I might chose to follow those voices or I might chose to disregard them, but in the initial processing of my thoughts, I ignored my own thoughts and listened to what I knew to be the view points of others. I thereby stopped listening to my gut/ my soul.

Last night I lay in bed, shushed the other voices and tried to let my soul speak. “Quiet there at the back!” I attempted the experiment a little on the tipsy side thinking that this would be the easiest way to block out the other voices… and it worked! Until 2.30am when I woke up thinking it was 6.00am and fell over. Back in bed, wide awake, I asked myself what it was I was hoping for this year, and after a long conversation with myself I fell into a deep sleep. At 6.30am my alarm went off, I woke up, got dressed, prepared my lunch, brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror and smiled… this is going to be a good year!
Posted by channahboo at 9:19 am 3 comments: 
System Down – 49 NIS 
Between my finger and my thumb 

Posted by channahboo at 3:48 pm 1 comment: 
Mother's Medicine

At this I laugh for the first time in 2 days