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"I'm so scared"

Maybe it's because I know what I'm in for this time.
I obviously have the worry that everyone does at this stage of pregnancy - that it won't work out. But I try to put that to the back if my mind. What will be will be. I think in reality, because we had no problems last time and because I haven't had any problems in the past, that this time will be fine too.
I'm really scared because of all the changes that are going to happen. I was getting quite used to my life - having my independence, going out with friends at the weekend while Jacobs dad looked after the little man, sharing responsibility for him with his dad, wearing what I like, eating and drinking what I like, staying up late and not being scared that I might not be allowed to sleep and getting pretty good at taking Jacob wherever, being prepared and being able to look after him. What will happen when there are two?! I'm going I need a double buggy! A two year old still needs to go in a buggy right?
I have been looking at the babycenter app and this picture in particular has been scaring me The thought of that being in my belly is pretty weird never mind the potential it has to change our lives forever!
Posted by beingmebeingmum at 22:51 No comments: Labels: change, Early pregnancy, family, scared


I think I'm pregnant... 



Sometimes only a girly day with friends will do.
All last week I had been looking forward to a shopping day with one of my besties. Sometimes I really believe in "retail therapy" and this weekend I needed it badly.
(When I reflect on it I can feel quite guilty indulging myself when there are so many people with so little, but for now I suppose that's my downfall and I do support various charities. I guess this feeling is a symptom of our unfair world and something serious and important but not something I'm going to dwell on today.)
Despite all this I had really been looking forward to our girly date and getting something to wear for her birthday next weekend. Then I had such a bad Friday I really couldn't wait to see my buddies.
A bit about me - I work with young people with autism and challenging behaviour. I've been doing this a long time and find it an interesting, lively, fascinating and rewarding place to work. Of course there are difficulties but the benefits of this work far outweigh the challenges. I am also a sensitive and emotional person at times. Through my career I feel I have developed a gentle but strong attitude when necessary but it does crack occasionally, probably a little too often.
I have been feeling very emotional lately and seem to be quick to tears, which recently isn't like me. It wouldn't be right to discuss details of what happened on Friday to crack my resolve but the situation left me in a real shock and crying randomly and intermittently throughout the day, even after I left work I snuggled on the sofa and cried and cried.
So yesterday I met up with two of the most lovely girls and had a much needed break. We browsed the shops in a very busy Canterbury (it's getting that time of year again!) then had a very indulgent Mexican lunch and even cocktails! Tried on some cool clothes, got a new (free when you trade in 6 empties) MAC lipstick and got something for next weekend. Even though I'm still feeling very spaced out it went so far to repairing my bruised inner self it just made me realise how lucky I am to have such good friends! So thank you girls. To top off a good day my lil sis came to babysit with a couple of her gorgeous friends (who we also love) and me and Jacob's dad went to the movies - date night! Woopie! These days/ nights are so important. I read an article last week on Actually Mummy's blog where she was given some advice which I think I agree with ...
"Matthew made a controversial statement: that parents who put their children’s happiness before their own are damaging their offspring’s potential to develop happy relationships of their own. That “your happiness comes before mine” is a bad message, and that happy parents teach kids that personal happiness is vital throughout life."
If we're happy then he will be happy, we spend loads of time together so a little apart is good for all of us.
I did miss the little man. It's weird because I crave these days out sometimes and my friend, who has no interest in having babies, would hate having to get up early, clean nappies and wash little handprints off a variety of surfaces but I really miss him when he's not around. I love his company (although there is no denying he is not the best shopping companion on a busy Saturday!)
Friends (and family) really are so important, thanks girls!
Posted by beingmebeingmum at 22:51 2 comments: Labels: balance, date night, family, fashion, friends, lipstick, shopping, Work


Día de los Muertos - Saturday Stylings 

Posted by beingmebeingmum at 05:49 No comments: Labels: aquarium, baby, family day out, fish, fun, London, SEALIFE London aquarium, travel
