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Second String

My son is not the star of his football team.

So, let's all be honest with each other for just one minute.  As a parent, doesn't that sting?  Whether you're the type of parent who wants to live vicariously through your children, the type who feels your child's performance is a reflection on you, or just a parent who really wants awesome things for your child with a life of minimal heartache, it is hard to watch other kids be the stars.

Recently our little 8th grade football team lost a game.  Incidentally, my son played less in that game than he has so far this season.  (2nd string doesn't get a lot of playing time when the chips are down.)  I think he went in for one or two plays and in my haughty internal parental monologue I thought, "Hmmmph.  Just going in to give someone else a breather."  We left when the game was over and I was being my usual self when I'm with my kids; cutting up and making jokes.  My son was having none of it!  He. was. angry.  Was he angry that he did not get to play much?  No.  (He NEVER has an attitude about how much playing time he gets.)  He was upset because his team lost.

Did you catch that?  HIS team.  (Isn't it humbling when your children teach you life lessons?)  I didn't get as in to the game as I might have because my boy didn't play much.  I realized after that game, his level of playing time matters very little to how he views his place on that team.  They are his teammates and that was his game as much as it was the super-star starter boys'.

Mind you that I have no delusions about my child's abilities on the field and I am not one of those parents who thinks everyone should get equal playing time after we get up in the middle school years.  My son is a hard worker, he has more heart than anyone I know, and giving up on something is absolutely not in his nature.  But, there are some kids on that team who can just flat outplay him on a football field.  As it goes with life, those boys are obviously going to start in front of him.  When we talk about it I tell him to just keep working hard and playing to the best of his ability.  Hard work pays off.

But, there is a piece of this puzzle I've been missing the whole time.  My son is a servant.  I have worked hard throughout my life to turn on that side of myself that wants to do things for others and give of my resources and time.  My son, however, came out of the womb that way.  He is forever looking for ways to take a burden off of someone.  He genuinely loves to help other people and in service is where he finds his true joy.  I watch him on the sidelines sometimes and I see him just go from one little group of padded up teenage boys to another, talking to them.  I see him patting guys on the shoulder pad or helmet.  I see him high-five his teammates for a great play.  What I do not see every day at practice is he is there on that field for those starters to practice against and get better.

You see, not everyone is a starter.  There have to be the other kids on the team to make practice work; to step in when the starters are winded and need a break.  How could I have not seen it before?  Of course this is the role my son plays.  (It is the role he plays in life!)  And, how could I have missed how important that role is to the team?

I recently had this conversation with my dad who absolutely was a "super-star starter kid" his whole life and played college football on a scholarship.  This was no revelation to him.  He was nodding the whole time I talked to him about my little epiphany, and said, "Oh, yeah.  Everyone has a role they play.  Those guys are just as important."

So, the biggest question I had to ask myself in all of this is, "why?"  Why do I want so much for my child to start on a football team?  Why have I even gone so far as to pray for favor over my child to have more playing time? (Yes, I am at this point a little bit ashamed to admit that!)  It was absolutely not because I wanted God to be glorified.  It was because I want my kids to be blissfully happy all the time and have wonderful fantastic lives because I love them more than anything.  All the while, my son has been out on the football field just glorifying God with his servant's heart and amazing attitude and I totally missed it.

So from here on out I will never watch my 2nd string football player's team like I used to.  That is HIS team, and I am going to be watching it from his point of view.  Now I am praying for him to glorify God in whatever position God chooses for him to be in.

Because I know as well as anyone, God uses us 2nd string kids in big ways sometimes! Posted by Christin at 10:27 AM No comments: 
The other half of addiction

I woke up this morning from a very vivid dream that hurt my heart. I was immediately reminded of a poem I wrote close to 20 years ago now. I'm always hesitant to share my poetry, but I feel compelled to share this because it depicts the raw emotions that come with watching someone you love struggle with addiction.  It isn't something that just affects that person; it is almost equally as destructive to the people who love them. And, if you are in that place now, I encourage you to get support with you own struggles. There is help out there - no one has to go through this alone.