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Some of the Blogs & Websites I Like 
IOW Tuesday - Messages from God A long time ago, before I was even a believer, I was browsing an "Elf Help" book. One of the pages showed an elf trying to get out a door with a HUGE stack of presents, and another elf was holding the door for him. The caption said: Be aware of the coincidences in your life; they may be small miracles. I have adopted that as a bit of a life philosophy, choosing to believe more in "God-incidences" then coincidences. And that's a big part of why I picked the quote for this week:
“Every happening, great or small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message.”
Malcolm Muggeridge

I have experienced this in my every day life, in big and small things. When Seth was in the hospital the first time, I frequently visited the vending machine down the hall. Many days the Reeses peanut butter cups were what kept me going. One particular day, we'd had a rough day. I don't' remember the details of that but most likely Seth had been re-intubated. I remember dumping out my wallet, I had the right amount of change but a portion of it was pennies and I was fairly sure the vending machine didn't take pennies. I had to try anyway. I put a penny in first and heard it clink clunk all the way to the bottom. Sadly, I reached my fingers in to pull out my penny. And I found a QUARTER! I literally burst into tears, thanking God. All I needed was 10 cents and He gave me 15 cents to spare! Some people would call that a coincidence. I call it a small miracle.

After Seth passed away, I was at a conference at our church. A woman came up to me, who I didn't recognize and introduced herself. She was a night-shift labor & delivery nurse at the hospital Seth where I delivered Seth. She wanted me to know that when Seth was in the hospital, she had gone over to PICU and prayed over him at night. Coincidence or miracle?
I know that I'm still missing out on some of the messages God has to give me. I"m fully aware that I do not know it all and I have a long way to go. But here's one thing I HAVE learned. God loves me. ME. I have a friend who says "I"m God's favorite.. and so are you." THAT is a lesson I have finally learned. I've learned it because God speaks to me, in the big and small happenings in my life.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son. That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Please share what the quote above means to you and link up below! Posted by Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts at 9:55 PM 8 comments: 
Something silly.. 
Not Me Monday - 2010 - Vol. 1 Feeling Sad...

Loss is hard. Any loss of a loved one is hard. Losing a child, I sometimes believe, is exceptionally difficult because it is so unnatural. One of the things I've really struggled with is finding a way to keep Seth alive for our family. Yes, he is in Heaven now but he was still here; he was still Sean's little brother, and Cary's little brother; he still made Kayleigh a big sister. It is extremely frustrating to me when people refer to Kayleigh as our youngest.. She is NOT our youngest child..she is not the "baby". EVEN Kayleigh can tell you we have "Baby Seth in Heaven".

I am coming, rather slowly, to the painful conclusion that outside of my immediate family, and some extremely understanding friends, people are not going to join us in remembering Seth. I am still looking for ways to memorialize him in our lives. I have a few things floating around in my mind.. maybe a "supply drive" for the PICU at our hospital for his 2nd birthday the end of March. But sadly, I don't believe my extended family will be joining me in most of those efforts.

We were at a family members last night.. and they have an ornament on their tree that I assume (based on past history) was a gift from another family member. The ornament looks a lot like this: The ornament I saw is dated 2009. And it has more snowflakes. Seven snowflakes to be exact. And the names on the snowflakes? My kids and their many cousins... Noticeably absent from the ornament? (To me anyway) Seth. I keep thinking that they must not know how much it hurts me to see Seth left off and out..

Remember the "Seth bear" we chose to include in our Christmas pictures? Let's just say that the extended family portrait didn't' work out as well and leave it at that..

I'm finally realizing that I am not going to be able to change it. I can't make them remember with us. I can't change it. Not being able to talk about Seth or acknowledge him with the people who love us, it's kind of like losing a little bit of Seth every day....

Posted by Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts at 9:51 PM 11 comments: 
TSMS - An open letter to Third Day 
Six Word Saturday - 2010 2010 - It's gonna be my year! Posted by Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts at 11:23 PM 10 comments: Enourage our hearts.
