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I'm OK! 
Just thought I'd check in with you all and let you know that I'm still around. I just read up on all y'all's comments on here, and I'm touched y'all was getting worried. Thank you.

Now, I'm ok. I wasn't murdered in an alley, run over by the city bus or slain by a vindictive ex-lover. I have not been imprisoned after burning down the UO or locked in a padded cell in the psychiatric ward for losing my marbles.

Nor is my absence on account of the good things in life. I have not taken a demanding job that has left me unable to find the time to blog, nor did I meet Kate Hudson at the local bar and refuse to leave her alone - I didn't even meet an average chick who won't let me alone.

But I am OK, and I miss you all. I miss blogging, and I just thought it would be fair to step in and let you know that I'm still alive and kickin'...

...and that I will return.

It may be a week - two weeks - or worst case scenario a month... but I will return!

BTW... If you all wanna go ahead and post the PFC's... leave a comment here letting me know where to find it (link would be a good idea), so that I can read when I return.

R.E.H. (aka Ramblin' Madman)

Posted by R.E.H. at 8:53 PM 321 reactions Topics: Blogging


May 9, 2008

Getting To Know Me It seems the trend in blogging again has come around to meme's. I've been tagged a total of three times in less than two weeks, and being the nice guy that I am, I like to be a good sport and do the meme's I've been tagged to do.

However, please - no more meme's for a while... ok? ;)

This one comes to me courtesy of Richard over at Mister Richard's Bloggerhood. He wants to get to know me better, and that's a reasonable request, don't you think?

Ok. Let's get down to it - this is pretty similar to the "Four Things Meme" I did a few days ago, so I'll try to come up with new interesting tidbits that I didn't write about in that other one.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 or more people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answers.

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?
Wow. 10 years ago... I'm one of those people who hear that, and think "that must've been a long time ago". Then I think... "10 Years... minus 2008 is 1998... what??? 1998 wasn't long ago. That was yesterday!" I swear. The whole concept of time scares the crap out of me sometimes.

Anyway. 10 Years ago I was working on a documentary which I shot for the local welfare institute. Apart from handing out food coupons to the poor, these guys are responsible for helping the less fortunate in our society - the homeless, the drug-addicts, alcoholics - you name it. One man in the town I live in has had more "business" with these guys than anyone else. His name is John (I will exclude his last name - but John is his actual first name). He started drinking when he was eight years old... according to himself. He has been homeless and an alcoholic his whole life. After interviewing some doctors he's been treated by, they all state that it is medically impossible for this man to still be alive at 65 the way he has abused his body. I found the whole project very interesting, and it is definitely the most inspiring job I have ever had. One of the highlights included re-uniting him with his long lost daughter... it was a little sad though, as his drinking over the years have done a number on his brain. The second time we went over there with his daughter, he wanted us to leave... because he was expecting an important visit from his daughter and some guys that were going to film him.

I remember sitting there, cautiously trying to tell him we were those guys... I mean, we had seen eachother every day for over a month by this time. Scary stuff.

2) 5 things on my to-do list for today?
The day is nearing an end - so my to-do list is pretty much taken care of.

Laundry - check.

Make Gulasch (and eat it) - check.

Check with my car dealer to see if the antenna I ordered has arrived - check (and not in yet - if I'm lucky it'll be there tomorrow)

Work out at the gym - check (shoulders and abs today)

Write Richard's meme - in progress.

3) Snacks I enjoy?
Snacks... I enjoy a lot of different kinds of snacks. Currently have an obsession with Geisha. Apart from that - I have a weakness for potato chips and cheeze balls. I also love me some fruit for snacks - mainly bananas, apples and pears.

4) Things I would do if I was a Billionaire
Please, Lord, let this some day become true! (As if everyone doesn't secretly wish for this kind of money).

First off - I would travel all over the world. I would get a car, and just go. Sleeping in hotels and camping sites or wherever... driving the car until it would go no further, by which time I would purchase a new one and continue my travels. This would probably last for a few years, until I have been to every corner of our planet - or until I got tired of it all, and no longer had a desire to see everything.

I would blog about my travels every day - almost like a diary. Including lots of fun vlogs and stuff too. It would be the bomb!

After that, I would settle down (most likely in Florida) where I would have my own film studio. I would make the movies that I want to make, and distribute them myself... not being worried about how it would be received by the audience, because making money would not be the issue.

Of course, I would make sure that family and friends are well taken care of financially, and yes - I would also give money to charity. I would carefully choose which charities to make sure that the money goes where it is needed the most.

5) 3 of my many bad habits
Hey! Why do you assume I have many bad habits? Well, you're right...

One - I stay up late. I've heard a lot of people say "so do I", and it turns out that they go to bed at 11:30 or close to midnight... no, no, no guys - I stay up LATE! I often don't get to bed until after 2AM... 3AM and sometimes even after 4AM. Even if I have to get up in the morning... I am a night owl if ever you saw one.

Two - Procrastination. I have a terrible habit of putting everything off until the very last minute. Quite often so badly that I start to panic, and wonder how the hell am I going to get this done in time now??? WWC, PFC are prime examples of this in my blogging (I pretty much had my PFC idea instantly this time... I am still to write a single word on the story)

Three - As I mentioned... the Geisha. This stupid candy bar... I cannot leave a store without buying one of those babies. And here I am trying to get rid of that pot belly of mine - especially now that summer is coming on strong, and it's about time to head down to the beach... one wants women to turn their head when one goes there - but you don't want them to turn their heads away.

6) 5 places I have lived
I'm skipping this one - this was covered in the last meme I did. Check it out here.

7) Jobs I have had
This one too. So refer to that other meme for answers to this question.

8) People I want to know more about
Hey... I want to know more about all'y'all! That's why I keep reading all'y'all's bloggs ;) Seriously - if you wanna do this thing - do it, and let me know. But, I'm not in the business of tagging anyone. Just a reminder!

We're getting close to the deadline for this month's PFC! I hope you all are getting ready to finish up (or start writing) your stories.

May 14th is the starting deadline, with the "deadline" deadline on the 16th. As always I'm looking forward to reading all the stories. This thing has become quite a fun monthly feature.

Posted by R.E.H. at 8:32 PM 40 reactions Topics: Meme



Bird Poop x2 Today was a gorgeous day. By far the most beautiful day of the year, so far. I think we pretty much skipped spring all together, and headed straight for summer.

So, I headed out - putting a short-sleeved shirt on for the first time this year. I wasn't out for long before I started regretting wearing my jeans, wishing I'd went with the shorts instead.

Anyway - I decided on another "first" of the year. A nice refreshing ice cream, outdoors, enjoying the warm weather. So, there I am - sitting outside at a local McDonald's enjoying an ice cold McFlurry. There is a family seated behind me... a bunch of kids running around playing and they too are enjoying the wonderful weather.


I continue to enjoy my ice cream.

"Booooo! Whaaaa!"

I turn around to see what is going on. There is this kid chasing some birds (isn't it funny how many birds gather around in places like these? Hoping to capitalize on some spilled food.). I figure - let the kid chase the birds... what do I care? I'm enjoying my first ice cream, and the weather is perfect!

"Stop it!", the mother suddenly hisses at the kid. "Don't chase the birds!"

"I don't like birds. Birds poop everywhere! Booooo!"

"The birds aren't going to poop here", the mom says. The kid is chasing after a bird which whizzes by a little too close to me for comfort. He continues and stops right at my side... and speaks to me sincerely.

"Do you want a bird to poop you on the head?"

"No, I sure don't", I tell the kid.

"Yeah... MOM! See? I hafta chase the birds away!". The kid continues to run after the poor birds, hollering and screaming at them. I'm just thinking - Yeah, keep that up kid and one of those birds WILL poop me on the head!


Speaking of bird poop. I'm keeping this short. But the son of a bitching UO over here have indeed completely lost their mind - as I was told by others once they learned I was headed for the dreaded world of unemployment.

So, I had been in there - listing my qualifications, and what kind of jobs I was looking to get. Of course, I put media related jobs at the top of my priority list. This is where I want to be, this is what I once got a degree in. I have been on the wrong track working retail for far too long - I find it reasonable trying to get my job-life back on the right track. I would take retail temporarily, but I really need to get a job in film, television or any other form of production company.

Today, I had a personal meeting at the UO with a schmuck who decided it would be in their best interest that I not be listed for those jobs. Yes, their interest - they don't care about what I want... So I tell the guy:

"How am I supposed to get the job I want if I'm not listed in the database as a candidate for these jobs?"

"Well, you can look for these jobs on your own, if you want. But retail is where we will try to fit you in."

"I don't really want to do retail again. I am hoping that my education will land me a job where I want to be."

"But, you don't have enough experience. To be qualified to apply for these jobs, you need more experience."

"Alright, never mind. List me in that database however you so please. I don't care."

"We need to find you a job as quickly as possible", the guy pauses... "Here is one!". He shows me the computer screen.

Some company who are looking for carpenters and painters - they go to different places all over the country and do contract jobs - apparently.

"Uh... I have no experience in carpentry or painting."

"You listed that you assembled furniture at your last job."

I was dumbfounded... flabbergasted.

"Assembling furniture has got nothing to do with carpentry, and certainly not painting."

"Ok... I'll let you off the hook on that job then."

Yup... this is a normal day at the UO around these parts. I'm obviously experienced enough to apply for a job I would not be capable of doing, because I did something vaguely similar at a recent job - yet I am not qualified to apply for jobs in the field in which I got my education...

...Y'all know where I can get one of those nifty little bombs? The kind that goes BOOM?

Posted by R.E.H. at 10:13 PM 34 reactions Topics: Bird Poop, Ice Cream, Summer, Unemployment



WWC / Keeping It Short Oh, boy! I can hardly believe how fast the weeks are rushing by these days. It is Tuesday already, and time for the Weekly Words Challenge once again. This fun little game is presented to you by our own daydreaming procrastinator Tink of Pickled Beef - and this week we shall play with the words THREE and FIRE.

Now, I went out this morning, and I had a couple of interesting photos I wanted to take. It turns out... (now get this - in case you weren't aware) ...it turns out, it's not easy to take pictures minus a camera. I had put my camera out - clearly visible, so I wouldn't forget it when I left the apartment. Guess what - it was still sitting there, next to my shoes when I came home tonight. So, I don't have as many pictures as I'd like - but enjoy the ones I DO have for you!

Keeping it short today, because I'm all out of time it seems. I'll get around to checking out all y'all's blogs by tomorrow (I hope). Right now, things have been busy with the job hunt, the stupid UO, working out, and fixing up a bit of a computer crash I had, which cleared out my wonderfully catalogued system of all my CD's, Vinyls and MP3s... and I have a lot of them! As if that's not enough... I have a bit of an obsession about keeping my stuff "organized" and especially catalogued.

Pics for you this week:

Don't forget to return next week to check out another WWC. We'll be playing with the words SEVEN and EARTH next time around. That too is sure to be a lot of fun!

Posted by R.E.H. at 11:04 PM 28 reactions Topics: WWC


May 4, 2008

Funday Sunday: "Twin Peaks"

Stepping in real quick today to squeeze in a Funday Sunday post.

Since I posted that meme a couple of days ago, I've not been able to get the magnificent TV series called Twin Peaks out of my head. And, while it isn't a comedy series - it does provide a wicked sense of humor. Not the laugh out loud kind - but the kind that keeps your smile attached to your lips from start to finish.

Besides - Emmeline told me she hadn't seen the series, and I must do what I can to allow her the pleasure of watching such a wonderful show.

Don't forget to check out the "3rd" monthly commenter story if you missed it yesterday! (Scroll on down)

Posted by R.E.H. at 11:40 PM 17 reactions Topics: Funday Sunday, Twin Peaks



"3rd" - April 2008 We have reached the 3rd of May, and that means that it is time for me to present my monthly feature “3rd”. Since my monthly feature overrides any other features I usually do, this means that I won’t be taking part in the Wordzzle challenge this Saturday. I will return to the action on that one next Saturday… in the meantime – you can find those entertaining little stories by going over to Views from Raven’s Nest and following the links there.

Another story can of course be found right here, as well – and that would be the Monthly Commenter Story. I am sure Knight of Knight’s Knacht-Up Ramblings is particularly interested in reading up on this one, as she remembered the rules and decided to mess with me a little. She carefully chose a sentence for me to use in the story. And, actually, I thank her for that, because that inspired the outcome of this story which has now reached the third and final installment.

That means, that next month I’ll be able to come up with an entirely new storyline. I was really determined to finish off The Mystery Man Murder story – and I’m actually a bit surprised that I was able to bring it to a close.

I gotta say, though. This was the strangest collection of sentences I’ve had to work with so far. I sat for over an hour just reading them over and over again, trying to piece even two of them together in any way…

No need to try Knight’s stunt for next month though… I will change the rules of which sentence to use in the story by then – so you’ll not really know where I’ll be taking it from.


Now, I said last month that I was going to opt for quality instead of quantity for this award. Not gonna happen – not this month. I messed up, and didn’t keep track of the quality comments, so I’m keeping everything just as it has been. That makes Farmer*s Wife the winner for the second straight month with a good 42 comments (which is less than HALF of what she produced last month). Runner up is Cinder-Single (aka Single In The City) with 37 comments. That is a repeat of the top two, but there’s a new (returning) 3rd place finisher in Jill, who commented 31 times.

Next month, however – I will be determining the top three commenters by use of quality, rather than quantity.

Below, is a list of ALL commenters during the month of April 2008.

WINNER: Farmer*s Wife (42)
2nd Place: Cinder-Single (37)
3rd Place: Jill (31)

4th Place: Knight (26)

5th Place: Dianne (23)
6th Place: Lakota (22)
7th Place: Jay, Jo (20)
8th Place: Dana, Leighann, Sparkling Red (19)
9th Place: Tequila Mockingbird (18)
10th Place: Emmeline (17)

11th Place: Karen (16)
12th Place: Aunt Jackie (14)
13th Place: TT, Unsigned (13)
14th Place: Jeff B (12)
15th Place: ~Angela~ , Fiwa, Raven, Tink (11)
16th Place: Jen, Kcinnova (9)
17th Place: Fortune Cookies, Mike, Newt (8)
18th Place: Anndi (7)
19th Place: Butterfly Girl, Guilty Secret (6)

Not involved in the story’s resolution:

20th Place: Akelamalu, Casdok, Ginormous Boobs, Richard, Spiky Zora Jones (5)
21st Place: Reb (4)
22nd Place: Doc, Freakazojd, G-Man, Jahooni, Melissa, Pookie Sixx, Real Live Lesbian (3)

23rd Place: Cardiogirl, Chatty, HoosierGirl5, Kristen Bjorg, Lightning Bug's Butt, Liv, Odd Facts, The Teach, Tookie Tail (2)

24th Place: Alice, Betty, Claire, Gene Bach, Joel, Krishna, Loving Annie, Mary P. Jones, Maryt, The OE (1)


Time to take a look at the search terms that were used on Google and other search engines that brought people to my blog.

Top Searches: "not so hot without makeup” – A lot of people seems to want confirmation that the hot ones really aren’t as hot as they appear on the pictures. Is April low self-esteem month?

Funny Searches:
“"7 deadly sins" party” – Sounds like a lot of fun… especially the Lust part!
“"horse condom"” – Yeah, dude – keep on dreaming. It’s not THAT big!
"swedish curse" "skitstövel"” – Farmer*s Wife? Are you behind this one?
“15 year old traci lords” – She didn’t start ‘til she was 16… pervert! ;)
“80s nun porn” – Why do people keep ending up on this site looking for nun porn?
“balls for girls” – Well, I for one hope that never becomes fashionable.
“cartoon of mad man” – Hey! That’s a good idea!
“does a rainbow appearing during a wedding ceremony represent anything?" – It could represent that it’s been raining?
“eating potato chips” – What? You don’t know how to do it?
“gym honeys” – Don’t you just love’em?
“hollywood cellulites” – Yeah, those are the worst kind!
“how to insert a bottle into my anus” – That’s just nasty!
“how to insert bottles into my anus” – Oh, please don’t tell me you figured it out, and now you want more??? Coming back with the same search term in plural… Yikes!
“ireland regrets not seeing” – I had no idea Ireland could see…
“japanese: princess sauna” – Now… for some reason I’m curious.
“lindsay lohans acting skills” – Excuse me… who cares about her acting skills? I just want her boobies!
“look after a zombie baby” – I don’t thing you should look after… it should be more like “look out for”
“restricted internet” – Now, I just can’t help but wonder if that was someone who was fooled by my April Fool’s Joke, and went searching for more information. I can just picture this person going… “Damn! How come no one but the Madman knows about this crazy shit?”
“sauna gi joe's” – Was that in there last month? Anyway… Sauna GI Joes sounds cool!
“sexy pictureof hollywood acters” – Were you just so horny you couldn’t spell?
“victoria's secret models” – That’s one search you should do at least once every day!
“xrays of things shoved up anus” – Ok. So the bottles aren’t enough any longer… you want more stuff up there?

Personal Favorite of the Month:
“plot film: take over the plane mad man plays dolls with little girl” – Now, here’s an interesting log line for a script. Just don’t go weird on me with the little girl!


While I will continue to use total number of comments as the way to earn a part in the story (which for now is likely to stay at a minimum of 6 comments), the rules on who gets more lines in the story will change for next month. I will from now on award the Commenter of the Month award to the BEST comment of the month. Whether that is because it makes me laugh, think, cry – or whatever. I will try to be fair in my judging. And, I will state the reason’s behind my choices of the top three comments of the month.

For this month… the rules remain as they were.

Monthly Commenter Story
The monthly commenter story is a fictional story that I will write and post on the 3rd of each month. This story is composed of all the people who have left at least three comments on my blog over the past month. Credit goes to RockDog for inspiring this idea.

RULES (may change slightly each month):
Every person who have commented on my blog at least 6 times during the past month will be included in a fictional story, written by yours truly - R.E.H.

I will go to these people's blogs and copy a single sentence from their final post of the month. It will always be the 9th sentence of that post. If the post has fewer than 9 sentences, I will use sentence number 6, if fewer than that - sentence number 3. If the post were to have less than three sentences – I will take the sentence from the second last post of the month.

The Commenter of the Month will have sentences from the last 3 posts included in my story.

Runner-Up and Third Placed commenters will have sentences from their last 2 posts of the month included.

Once I've collected all your sentences, these will be incorporated into a fictional story.

Sentences MUST be used as dialogue "out of the mouth" of that blogger, and I am not allowed to add other dialogue to that character in the story.

Every sentence MUST be used in the story. I can not skip using one, just because I can't find a good use for it.

Sentences MUST be used completely unedited, except if sentence breaking parenthesis is used, in which case I reserve the right to remove the parenthesis.

Names of the blogger will be linked to their blogs (only where dialogue follows).

If a blogger does not wish to feature in these stories from now on, they must tell me so in a comment, and I will exclude them from my story.

The events taking place in this story has no resemblance to reality in any form. The actions that fellow bloggers undertake in this story is in no way a reflection of their true selves. The only "real" deal here is that what the blogger says in this story, is what they have written on their blog... but it may be put way out of context of its original meaning.

Put shortly... this is for fun! I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings, or making them out to be something they are not!

********** THE STORY **********

After the elite bloggers of Blogville had been summoned to the warehouse down on Pier 505, they had all been shocked to find the Mystery Man face down, dead on the floor. Detective Matthews had quickly arrived at the scene and was keeping us there until the murder would be solved.

Things had gotten even more frightening once we all realized that what had killed the Mystery Man was a vampire, and Detective Matthews thought it would be a good idea to try out some kind of mass hypnotism experiment in hopes it would tap into parts of our brains that we couldn’t normally reach. Just to see if we knew something about this Mystery Man and our vampire.

The experiment had been successful, and our memories took us back to that day when we went fishing by the river, to celebrate the birthday of a little boy by the name of Samby.

The fishing trip had started out pleasantly enough. Farmer*s Wife, Fortune Cookies and Anndi were setting up the picnic area. While preparing snacks for lunch, Fortune Cookies was telling them of the misfortunes of her friend Snappy.

Fortune Cookies: “Eventually, Snappy's symptoms escalated to a debilitating level in which she was unable to maintain any form of gainful employment, and now, she is just one of so many Americans, living off of Social Security/Disability Income, which, if you don't already know, is actually less than minimum wage.”

Farmer*s Wife: “Personal employment.”

Anndi appears to not totally agree with the idea of self-employment.

Anndi: “My ten year old book-monster wonders if this is wise...”

Dave the Vampire, who was aimlessly wandering about trying to get in on the different conversations came by at that point.

Dave the Vampire: “Starting your own business is a good idea. You get to hire people you want working for you.”

Farmer*s Wife: “And, I can count on them to be there and to understand and to accept "me."”

Meanwhile, some of the others were going through Samby the birthday boy’s presents, which had been opened previously. Of course, the fishing rod had been one of them and the boy was now standing on a rock by the river trying to hook a squirming worm onto it with a big smile on his face. No one suspected anything as Dave the Vampire walked up to him to help with the worm.

Kcinnova: “ONE happy birthday boy (friend of Snake Master)”

Dianne was so pleased that her son had decided to give his favorite mug to Samby for his birthday, as Samby had always wanted that cup, and she held it out for the others to see.

Dianne: “Here are front and back views of my son’s “Hands Off My Mug” mug.”

At the same time I was just learning that apparently NetFlix had started selling shoes, as Karen told us of a new pair she had ordered from there.

Karen: “I got an email from Netflix that they have send it from Augusta, Maine because that is the closest copy to my house, in New Jersey.”

Sparkling Red who was wearing a new pair of shoes herself, took the opportunity to show them off. The shoes were much prettier than the ones she had bought the other day, and she had followed peoples advice of taking them back to the store and get a new pair.

Sparkling Red: “He took them back and gave me this spiffy pair:”

She pulls the legs of her pants up to show off the shoes, and as she does her tattoo becomes visible.

R.E.H.: “Wow… that’s a nice tattoo. I’ve always wanted to get one of those.”

This gets Emmeline’s attention, as she shows off one of her own.

Emmeline: “I was just out having dinner with my best friend from high school, The Flight Attendant, on my birthday and decided I would like to get a tattoo.”

Jill: “Kind of addictive for me!”

Apparently Jill had a lot of tattoos. One of which caught my attention, as I couldn’t figure out what it was.

R.E.H.: “What is that supposed to be?”

Dana leans in to have a good look at it.

Dana: “Like Truck Tits?”

R.E.H.: “Nah, it looks like a couple of dudes… or something.”

Mike: “Perhaps its the hormones in beef, or maybe these guys are hermaphrodites.”

We all started laughing at that, and Jill pulled the sleeve of her arm back down to hide it – being the only one who didn’t find the conversation the least amusing.

R.E.H.: “Oh, speaking of beef… I went to that new restaurant downtown the other day. I don’t know what they do – but they certainly must have the best beef in town.”

Tequila Mockingbird: “Well it IS the kitchen!”

R.E.H.: “They do have some good chefs over there. But, that’s not all that is good about that place. It’s just something about the whole atmosphere.”

Some of the others hadn’t been there to experience the place, and so Fiwa offered the basic explanation of what made the restaurant so special.

Fiwa: “Basically you sit down and the waitresses start coming by with trolley carts full of those little bamboo baskets.”

The horrors of that day was first noticed by Cinder-Single and Jo, as they were sitting by the riverbank, listening to the water trickling over some rocks.

Jo: “It's such a relaxing, zen-like tinkling sound.”

She immediately felt shivers down her spine, as she heard the voice of Cinder-Single speak up. She was trembling as she did.

Cinder-Single: “Samby is gone...”

We all fell silent at that. Having enthusiastically re-told the story of that day to Detective Matthews, but as we started getting into the terror we had experienced that day, it was getting harder and harder to talk about it.

Detective Matthews: “Good. Now were getting somewhere. You must go on. You must remember what happened that day. TT – why don’t you continue the story?”

TT: “I'm not going to go into it all again.”

She is apparently too shaken by the memories to vocalize them out loud. Detective Matthews turns his attention to Cinder-Single, and motions her to continue telling of the events of that fateful day. She shakes her head, and explains that she’s worried the vampires will know she had “ratted” them out. She was afraid to go home alone if she had spoken.

Cinder-Single: “I guess they know that my BFF "P" is staying at his own place now!!”

R.E.H.: “We went after him. I remember we started chasing after Dave the Vampire. We thought he’d taken Samby to the abandoned factory across the river. The Pillsbury factory.”

Detective Matthews: “Go on… did you find them?”

I started feeling as if there was something I was yet to remember about that day. The feeling was overwhelming, and I found myself unable to speak any more. Guilty Secret took it upon her to continue telling of the events that followed.

Guilty Secret: “I took my engagement ring off and took Baddie's hand.”

Detective Matthews: “Why did you take your ring off?”

She shrugs… apparently not knowing why she had done it, or why she had felt the need to say that she did. Instead she continued telling of how we all decided to chase after Dave the Vampire, and hope to rescue the boy.

After Cinder-Single had noticed that the boy was missing and we all gathered around where he was last seen. The fishing rod lay on the ground, and there was blood next to it. That’s when Anndi had remembered seeing Dave the Vampire helping Samby with the worm.

We all quickly understood that Dave must be responsible for the boy’s disappearance.

R.E.H.: “We must save him! Dave is a vampire!”

The others all looked at me with surprise. How did I know that? Why had I allowed Dave to come along if I’d known he was a blood-thirsty creature of the night? But, there was no time to ask these questions now. We all knew we needed to find out where he had taken the boy.

Newt: “The Pillsbury factory is right across the river.”

R.E.H.: “That’s where he must’ve taken the boy.”

There was a section further up the river where it was shallow enough for us to wade across, and we all started running upstream. As we reached the point where we meant to run to the other side, Butterfly Girl stopped dead in her tracks.

Butterfly Girl: “Feets in the water…..”

Leighann almost tried to push Butterfly Girl into the water, in a hurry to get to the other side and hunt the vampire down. But, Butterfly Girl refused to move out of her way – absolutely terrified of getting her feet wet.

Leighann: “If you don't want to move, stockpile sandbags and put the fucking things up early, you know it's coming why wait until it's lapping at your feet and then cry foul?”

After a minor altercation we all made it across the river and ran to the Pillsbury Factory. Jeff B stopped some distance from the large deserted building.

Jeff B: “That's it?”

That was the place indeed. And, after getting the confirmation of that, he lead the way inside.

The horror that awaited us there was beyond description. The blood, the gore… the entire factory, which had been abandoned for the past eight years, was like a vampire castle. Dead bodies hung from the ceiling, drained of their blood. The smell was unbearable.

I caught sight of a shadowy figure escaping out the back of the factory, and it ran into the woods.

R.E.H.: “There! He’s running into the woods!”

Determined to stop the evil bloodsucker, we all chased after him into the woods. We spread out to have a better chance of finding him. Jen even found an old bicycle, and hopped on to that thing hoping it would give her an advantage in speed.

After having chased him through the woods for over an hour, we had all returned outside the Pillsbury Factory. Dave the Vampire was still out there – somewhere. Jill and Lakota told of how they had almost caught him. They had found him hiding behind some fallen trees – but he had been much too strong for them to take him down.

Jill: “He is really good, even if we are two, we actually cannot get him.”

Lakota: “Instead I was out of breath and hobbling through the woods like a ninty year old woman.”

I look over to Jen, who looked absolutely exhausted after having ridden the bicycle like crazy through the woods.

R.E.H.: “What about you? You had a bicycle… surely you should have been able to catch up to him.”

Jen: “But you need to comprehend (1) I hadn't ridden my bicycle in about 6 months for that long of a distance and (2) I was, unknowingly, in the wrong gear the entire time.”

We knew we had to give up at that point. There was no chance of finding Dave the Vampire. He was long gone.

Detective Matthews had listened closely to the story, and he had continuously been scribbling in that notebook of his. Everyone had fallen silent as we had finished telling the story of the fishing trip. Detective Matthews noticed Tink was sitting by the laptop, seemingly engrossed in something on the screen. He walked over to her, and noticed that while the rest of us were busy telling the horrifying story of Dave the Vampire and Samby, she had found that GTA was installed on the laptop and was playing the game. Probably because she wanted to get away from the horrible memories.

Detective Matthews closed down the top of the laptop, and Tink looks up at him angrily.

Detective Matthews: “This is not the time to be playing games!”

Tink: “I had serious issues when it came to driving in the game though.”

Detective Matthews: “Farmer*s Wife. Why don’t you shut off the power to the laptop?”

She looks around, trying to locate the power switch.

Detective Matthews: “It’s that green blinking arrow.”

Farmer*s Wife: “One blinking arrow (I fear this thing).”

She was badly shaken after remembering the events of that day, but steeled herself against it and pushed the button. Detective Matthews resumed looking over his notes. Then he looks up with a cryptic smile on his face.

Detective Matthews: “I know who the Mystery Man is.”

The elite bloggers of Blogville looked at Detective Matthews with interest. They all wanted to know who the Mystery Man was.

Detective Matthews: “I’m sure you do to. Look at him again – now that you remember.”

Everyone was shocked as they did what he said. Immediately everyone recognized the Mystery Man as Dave the Vampire. But, how could that be? If Dave the Vampire was the dead body on the floor… who had killed him?

Detective Matthews: “That’s right. Dave is not the only vampire in town. And, I also know who the other vampire is. And, he’s sitting right here among us. And, he is the one to blame for everything that has happened.”

Everyone looked at Detective Matthews in fascination and anticipation. There was an aura of fear spread among them.

Jay: “Who are you going to blame?”

Detective Matthews: “It’s quite obvious if you think about it. Who had the key to this warehouse? Who first introduced Dave the Vampire to you all? And… who was it that knew Dave had taken Samby to the abandoned factory across the river?”

Silence followed.

Detective Matthews: “That’s right – R.E.H. is the other vampire!”

As soon as Detective Matthews said it, four of the other C.S.I.’s tackled me off the chair, and pinned me to the floor. They put handcuffs on me and started to drag me out of the room. Knight was watching in disbelief, shaking her head, mumbling to herself that it couldn’t be true.

Detective Matthews: “Why do you find that so unbelievable?”

Knight: “It's a well known fact that Madman R.E.H. is a modern day Apollo and he always has all the ladies swooning.”

Detective Matthews: “It is also a well known fact that vampires are often charming.”

I fought against the C.S.I.’s as they tried to take me outside.

R.E.H.: “I will return! Don’t think I won’t return… and I will have your blood!”

I was dragged outside violently, and thrown in the back seat of the cruiser parked outside. Immediately I started planning my revenge, and tuned in my sensitive ears to eavesdrop on the conversation that followed inside the warehouse. I was shocked to hear that they all seamed to just want to go on with everyday life.

Detective Matthews: “Thank you all. You were instrumental in helping me solve this crime.”

The elite bloggers of Blogville were clapping their hands, pleased to have been part of solving the Mystery Man murder.

Raven: “Anyway, he did all the work, but I'm still feeling tired and disoriented and I can't make up my mind what to do for Wordless Wednesday, which is clearly also becoming quite wordy.”

Detective Matthews: “So, you’re all just going to go back to every day life and your blogs? After all this?”

~Angela~: “I want it to be like any other day.”

Everyone agreed. Aunt Jackie was already thinking of new ways to entertain her readers.

Aunt Jackie: “I could include sound clips of things, or I could creatively interpret voices in my writings, OR--now get this, ORRR I could actually put in podcasts of my voice reading out my content.”

That was the last thing I could hear, as the police cruiser took me farther away from Warehouse 505. I was infuriated that they seemed to forget about me so quickly. But, I am planning my revenge. I had already gotten my revenge on Dave the Vampire for being so careless, and exposing our existence.

There is no barred cell that can hold a vampire like me for very long…

Posted by R.E.H. at 3:32 PM 41 reactions Topics: 3rd



Four Things Meme Well, it's been a while since I had the [dis]pleasure of being tagged to do any meme's. Now, all of a sudden it happened twice in one week.

Being the nice guy that I am, I will do it - only because I like the people who tagged me so much. Spiky Zora Jones got her book meme taken care of on Tuesday, and today I will oblige to the request from Sparkling Red.

The "Four Things" meme (which is one that I haven't actually seen around until now) is what the lovely Sparkling Red over at No More Casual Nonchalance wanted me to do... and it will make for a decent post for today.

I didn't see too many rules written out at her blog (maybe I could backtrack the meme to find them), but who cares about rules, huh? So we'll just get down to it.

Four jobs I've had:

1.) McDonald's.
Yup, I've been flipping burgers like a pro for almost four years back in the days when I was young(er). I actually look back on those days favorably. The pro's of working at such a place are that there are always a lot of hot young girls working with you... those were the days!

2.) NCC (National Chemical Company).
This was/is a company which sells industrial strenght cleaning products. By far the worst job I ever had in my entire life. All based on commission, and every morning we would be betting big money on todays sales. After just over a month, I had managed to lose about $1.000 dollars, rather than make any money. If you are going to sell a product to a business, I don't think the door-to-door sales are going to work out very well. You need to book an appointment, not just come a-knockin'. The only good things about the short stint I had at this job was that I got to stay at a hotel for free, and then there was this cute Danish chick... (I wonder what she's up to these days)

3.) Documentary Filmmaker.
By far the most pleasing job opportunity I've had. Was hired by the city's welfare institute to make a documentary about a man who's been an alcoholic since he was 10 years old, and lived for many, many years on the streets. The documentary turned out decent enough, and the welfare guys sent it to ONE television station who turned it down. After that the damn thing was shelved, and since it was a contract job - I don't own the rights to the thing. It is still available to schools around here as an educational video... from what I understand it isn't being used too much.

4.) Furniture Salesman.
Leaving the company name out, because it's the place I just recently left. The longest time I've ever worked at one place. Spent four years there, and the only thing that I will look back on with positive thoughts are the majority of co-workers I had. I still hope to remain friends with a bunch of them.

Four places I've lived:

1.) Connecticut.
I'm not listing the cities because of my attempt to stay [somewhat] anonymous. This is where I grew up, until I was 6 years old.

2.) Sweden.
Where my mother and I moved when I was six. She has stayed in the same town since we came here in ´76. I have moved around a few times, but I am now back where we first moved.

3.) Florida.
Where I returned to the States to be re-united with my Father. I will return there some day - Florida is by far the most wonderful place I've ever set foot in. I just love it in the Sunshine State.

4.) Well - that would really cover it, since I won't list the different cities. Lived in a couple of places in Connecticut, about 5 different cities in Sweden - and just the one place on the central Florida east coast.

Four people I want to bitch-slap right into the middle of next week:

1.) Josef Fritzl - See yesterday's post.

2.) Usama Bin Laden - Doesn't require any explanation.

3.) The bitch I spoke to over at the UO a couple of days ago.

4.) The schmuck who cut in front of me when I was out driving yesterday.

Four people who e-mail me regularly:

1.) ...

2.) ...

3.) ...

4.) ... Well, I just don't use e-mail very much. It's just SO yesterday! ;) I keep in touch with friends and family by use of telephone and personal visits.

Four TV shows I watch: (I must be sounding ancient, because I only watch the ONE TV show right now... I'll have to go back in time a little and list what I used to watch)

1.) C.S.I. - The only show I watch regularly on TV right now.

2.) Friends - The best comedy show ever made for TV.

3.) Seinfeld - The funniest comedy show ever made for TV.

4.) Twin Peaks - The best damn thing ever produced for TV - period!

Four places I've visited:

1.) London, England.
One of the most memorable trips I've ever been on in my entire life. I had so much fun, and some really crazy things happened when I was there. It will remain one of my fondest memories in life for as long as my memories operate properly. (Reminds me - I should blog about this one some day)

2.) Paris, France.
For all the talk of how wonderful this place is - it kind of disappointed me. And, I must be one of the few tourists to visit that place who couldn't find the darn Eiffel Tower... It took me and my friend half a day to locate the thing - we'd ended up on the wrong side of town ;)

3.) Basel, Switzerland.
Guys! This is the one place you need to visit (girls too, if you're into girls). This place has got to have the prettiest women on the face of the earth. I had a hard time keeping my chin dry from all the drool. They were everywhere!

4.) Almuñécar, Spain.
I really liked this place. Not one of the fancy places to visit along the Costa del Sol, but it's small enough to have a personality, and a true aura of the Spanish culture. I've never been one to go to the typical tourist places - I like to sample a bit of the true feeling of being abroad.

Four favourite foods:

1.) Sirloin steak and baked potatoes. Make sure the meat is nice and juicy and red.

2.) Fried calamari with sweet'n'sour sauce and rice. Chinese food!

3.) Pizza. Can't help it - but pizza is always a welcomed meal!

4.) Pasta with Tuna - new recipe I've found... new favorite food. LOVE IT!

Four places I'd like to be right now:

1.) In Kate Hudson's pants.

2.) Fiji. After browsing Google Earth a while back - Fiji has become my #1 destination to go some day.

3.) Asia - in The One's arms. Yeah, I'm still not completely over her.

4.) On the moon. Wouldn't it be just awesome to be able to see the Earth from way out in space?

Four things I'm looking forward to this year:

1.) Summer. I always look forward to summer time!

2.) European Soccer Championships. My interest for the sport of soccer has diminished of late, but I'm still looking forward to this event.

3.) Travelling. I will go out travelling someplace this year. It's been so long since I enjoyed something like that.

4.) Alright, alright - finding a new job. Yeah, I am looking forward to that (if it is one that I will enjoy).

Four people I'm (not) tagging:

1.) Emmeline @ Why The Sky Is Blue...

2.) Jill @ Live Your Life And Smile

3.) Not claimed.

4.) Not claimed.

I'm trying this one out again. I did this another time with a meme - you tag yourself! That way I won't be tagging someone who's gonna come after me with a blowtorch and a box of matches. Let me know in the comments if you want to do it, and I give you some linky love up there.

I won't be around tomorrow, but I'll be back with a new post on Saturday!

Posted by R.E.H. at 1:18 PM 30 reactions I am not mad... at least... I hope I'm not. Not mad in the sense of being a raving lunatic. But, maybe I am just a little off center - just enough to be of interest to you; the reader.
 Madman Music! PFC #4
Deadline: May 14th - May 16th


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