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b3ta user Piper Alpha (60860)  You are not logged in. Login or Signup

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Natural born skiver. Recent front page messages:

To late for a Mints Pie? (Thu 21st Jan 2010, 9:50, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Breasts

Army Tits
My favourite tit tale is when Sgt Major Wobbly-Gob came to attend a "Camouflage and Concealment" session to a group of new recruits. So, the recruits have buddied up, applied the camouflage cream, and done their best to break up shape and outline as best they could. They were preparing to start there first exercise in woodland and meadow.

Sgt Maj Wobbly-God was doing the bit were you emphasise noise, and that anything excessive in your pockets was to be removed. Wobbly (for that is what we called him) was very assertively going down the line and getting them to jump so he could hear noise.

When he gets to this recruit who a had very lumpy combat jacket indeed, in such a way that something was sticking the breast pockets way out in front of the rest of the recruit.

Wobbly was incensed! "What the fuck are those?" he shouts as he outstretches both palms of his hands and gives the breast pockets a very firm squeeze.

And the recruit, in her best I'm-a-girl-trying-to-sound-like-a-soldier voice shouted back "Tits Sir".

Wobbly went redder than a red thing and soon had something more urgent to attend to, and the rest of the training staff took some time to calm down.

In retrospect, I'd have groped them too. I love tits me.
(Sun 9th May 2010, 6:30, More)

» Siblings

Apparently, it had already bindun.
(Wed 31st Dec 2008, 14:14, More)

» Sexual fetishes

I'm really into
getting off as quickly as possible with someone who then shuts the fuck up and lets me sleep. Washing and ironing is a nice to have.
(Thu 22nd Oct 2009, 14:13, More)

» Tightwads

I knew a guy who...
instead of putting the heating on in his flat, he would make up sandwiches and a flask and go and sit all, and I mean all, day in the greenhouse at the local Royal Horticultural Society gardens. To save even more money, he used to buy an annual pass for said gardens.

Imagine his guttedness when he found out after 3 years of doing this that his work's ID pass gained him free entry into the gardens.
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 7:50, More)

» Spoilt Brats

My dad told me a tale....
of his past.

My Dad was about 8 or 9 at the time, and rationing was still in full swing - this must be about 1947-1948. His friend's parents owned some kind of local shop (as many did) that had access to cakes and confectionery.

This one lad was sat on the local wall, showing off with his newly acquired Chocolate Eclair cream cake. He was teasing my dad and the other kids with its creamy chocolatey goodliness.

He was slowly and gently licking the cream from the choux pastry, with an extended tongue. He then turned it 90 degrees and started the lick the gooey chocolate on top... and the other kids looked on, all with watering mouths, wanting that eclair, but this kid was not for sharing.

My dad, who had never had even a taste of a chocolate eclair, said he could stand it no more. He grabbed the kids wrist, forcing the lad's hand upwards.. He then made him press that eclair in his own face, and rubbed it around until it was destroyed beyond repair. Letting go of the kid's hand, my dad clocked him with a single punch that bust his nose, his face a mix of pastry, cream, chocolate and claret.

The kid ran home. The other kids cheered. When my granddad found out, my dad got the beating of his life.

I eat chocolate eclairs in a single bite when my dad's around.
(Mon 13th Oct 2008, 11:17, More)

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