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How to Explain Spirited Children to Other Children I see those uncomfortable glances my child gets. I see your child playing next to mine, and I'm waiting for the words to spill out of your child's mouth, "What's wrong with him mommy?"

The next time we meet, I sense the tense atmosphere when your child has been told something about mine and no longer acts or talks to him like she used to. I don't know what you said specifically, but whatever it was, it wasn't the right thing. You may have meant well when you told your child that Frank has autism. But to a child, they don't know what to make of those words. To a child, they hear "he has something, be careful"

To the well meaning parents who wish to explain to their children the differences other children have, this is how I wished you would have explained:


When Sally comes home from school one day and tells you that a student in her class flaps his hands and makes loud noises, pause for a second. It's tempting to respond with, "Maybe he's autistic" and go about your day.

When you see a child following Maya around and copying her every move but unable to verbalize she wants to play, then your little Maya tells you, "Mommy she won't leave me alone!" pause for a second.

When you're visiting a relative and their child with autism is repeating scripts and pacing, Your son Rob will ask you about it. Pause before responding.


To Sally, every child has strengths and weaknesses and are unique. Do you know the student's name in your class? What else does he do? Have you tried to talk to him? Learn more about him. He may act differently, but he is still just like you. He has interests just like you. He likes certain foods and can't stand other foods just like you. He may do things differently because his body and mind function differently, that's okay. He's in your class because he's capable, he's smart. He's someone worth knowing just like the other students in your class. It may be harder and you may have to put in more effort, but he deserves a friendship and an equal opportunity, too.

To Maya, this is a friend who wants to play. She may not be able to tell you, so she copies you. Some kids can't use their words to tell you they want to be your friend, and that's okay. Everyone communicates differently. You may still talk to her, she might understand you.

To Rob, your cousin scripts and repeats, he finds it comforting. Everyone finds comfort in different ways, this is your cousin's way. Try talking to him. He might not look at you when you're talking, but he hears you. He likes to play with you. Work on building a friendship with him even if he does things differently. Everyone's brain works differently, and because of that we'll all act and see things differently. This doesn't mean you don't have similarities, you'll find that you're more similar than you are different. You may find he will teach you a lot you didn't know.


Think about how you'd answer if it were your child. Phrase your explanations in a way that doesn't emphasize the differences. This only alienates that child more.  Put the magnifying glass on all the similarities your child has with that the person you're talking about. When you bridge the gap using similarities and speaking of the person using positive words, you will teach your children acceptance and tolerance of differences.

So the next time you're in a playground and your child looks at you with puzzled face about the words or actions of another child, pause for a second. Ask yourself, what if this was my child?

Posted by Thespirted at 11:37:00 No comments: 

5 Tips to Reduce Stress for Special Needs Parents There's no doubt that parenting a spirited child is stressful. Studies have shown that parenting a child with special needs, particularly autism, causes the same stress combat soldiers experience. Social experiences, inadequate professional care, and child behaviour contribute to the stress parents feel on a daily basis. We often stress about their future. We wonder if their challenging behaviours will be outgrown or develop into bigger ones. We worry about their safety constantly. By mid day, we are exhausted and have used all the patience we had. We struggle just to get to dinner time, and then prepare for the bed time battles and all that in between. By the end of the evening, we barely have enough energy to recharge.

Because parenting a spirited child is exhausting, we regularly forget ourselves in the process. This is what builds up stress over time. I won't go into the details of how detrimental chronic stress is to your health. It is an issue that needs to be addressed for parents of special needs children. Our children need us. We are their biggest support system. If we neglect ourselves, we won't be in our best shape to care for them. This is why it is essential to actively look for ways to reduce stress and recharge.

Here are a few ways to help you de-stress and recharge:

1. Find respite care.

I can't stress this enough. I put this off for myself for a very long time. But after a few exhausting weeks of summer, I realized I need it more than ever. If you are in Ontario, find respite care at www.respiteservices.com

2. Pursue A Hobby.

Find one activity you are passionate about that is not related to your child. You may not have much time to dedicate at first, but if you can find a hour once a week to do something you love, it boosts your confidence and helps reduce stress levels. Give yourself a chance to define your interests and become a person.

3. Therapy

We are immersed with the idea of giving our children all the therapy they need, that we don't realize we need it too. Having a child with special needs is a challenge that a therapist may help with. They can help you sort out your feelings, the guilt, or struggle you face internally.

4. Pamper yourself

Whether you get a facial, your hair done or a massage, do something special for yourself once a month. Carving out that time in your calendar for yourself will give you something to look forward to on those stressful days. Schedule those days on the day your child is with respite care.

5. Socialize with others who understand

I found that having a friend with similar struggles helps. Parents who struggle with similar issues can exchange ideas, advice and commiserate. Their empathy is genuine as well as their advice. You can share your issues with a family member or friend that don't share your struggles, but sometimes I found I was met with silence, or well meaning advice that was irrelevant or even offensive. Find a parent support group within your community. A great place to start if you live in the Toronto area is the Geneva Centre for Autism www.autism.net. There are ample amounts of Facebook groups as well that you can join, including our new Facebook Page.

Lastly, start slow. It can feel unusual to do something for yourself. Expect a certain amount of guilt, but don't let it deter you. Remind yourself that you are taking care of yourself so you can better care for your child.
Posted by Thespirted at 19:14:00 No comments: 

Five Tips on Parenting the Spirited Child 

You're the level-headed boss

Make the Rules visible and Clear

Verbalize their Feelings It goes without saying that we are all different. We have different physical features, different personalities and traits, different beliefs, sexual orientations, opinions, IQs, and different ways of thinking. So why then do we pathologize neurological differences? Why do we treat conditions like DHD and autism as diseases that we need to cure? Sure, these conditions pose challenges to those who are affected, just like a person who has poor eyesight and a short person is affected. We all face challenges in different areas; our strengths and weaknesses are all different. There is so much variation in all facets of our lives. This is why I strongly believe that we need to push forth the idea of neurodiversity into our mainstream thinking.

What is Neurodiversity?

According to John Elder Robinson, author of My life with Aspergers, "neurodiveristy is the idea that neurological differences like autism and ADHD are the result of normal, nature variation in the human genome." This idea profoundly changes the way we view conditions that were traditionally pathologized. Although it is not widespread or widely accepted, it is increasingly supported by science. He goes on to say, "...science suggests conditions like autism have a stable prevalence in human society as far back as we can measure. We are realizing that autism, ADHD, and other conditions emerge through a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental interaction; they are not the result of disease or injury."

Why is accepting Neurodiversity important?

Once neurodiversity is accepted as mainstream thinking, it will bring awareness and acceptance to the neurological differences spirited children and adults have. It will essentially "normalize" this variation. The feelings of shame, isolation, and low self-esteem that our spirited children so often experience will be minimized as a result of widespread understanding that no two people are the same. This widespread understanding that there are differences in our how our brains are wired and it is simply a matter of natural variation in our genes will empower those who feel isolated, and incapable. Once this notion of "normal" is eliminated, our spirited children will be better understood and accepted as the bright children that they are.

How do we promote neurodiversity?

It's simple. Talk about it with others. If you're an educator, introduce neurodiversity to your class. If you're a parent, talk about it with your children. Talk to your co-workers, your friends, and your family. If a well meaning family member talks about curing your spirited child with essential oils or a treatment they heard or saw in an ad, gently explain neurodiversity as a concept that embraces your child's neurological differences and that they are not ill, not broken, not diseased. Word of mouth is a powerful tool we forget we have. This is a simple way to make changes around you on a micro level.

What neurodiversity is not

While neurodiversity entails acceptance of neurological differences, it does not mean treatment and therapy are no longer needed. Just like a person with poor vision wears glasses, so too does a person with autism need therapy to strengthen their weak areas. Therapy and seeking treatment does not equate to the idea that something is broken and needs fixing. This idea is false and needs to be debunked in order to change our society's perspective on seeking help when it's needed. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Just like an athlete goes to the gym to strengthen their muscles. There is nothing innately wrong with their muscles. Their muscles are there, in all their form. Training to strengthen is something we do as humans; we strive to be the best version of ourselves. While it's important to embrace your spirited child's neurological differences, you also need to give them the opportunity to be functional, happy individuals by providing them with training, therapy, and education that helps them get there.

Posted by Thespirted at 13:10:00 No comments: Labels: acceptance, ADHD, ASD, autism, autism awareness, neurodiversity, spirited


Seven Worthy Traits 

Affectionate and Caring

Curious and Observant

Posted by Thespirted at 22:20:00 No comments: Labels: ASD, autism, characteristics, spirited
