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Life as we know it... 
broken and defeated

Never before have I felt so broken.
I literally feel like my heart had been ripped apart.   Tonight on a hunch (call it intuition), I looked in my DH's messages and found a rather racy message. In reading the complete thread I learned that they have been having cyber-sex (is that a thing?) through messages and Skype.   While I sleep in another room.
Is this really happening to me?

I told him when he got home from work that I did something and needed to tell him.   So I told him that I looked through it and showed him what I found.   He just stared at it for so long,  not even saying a word.   Finally he just says "I'm sorry".

I'm angry and hurt and he's sorry?   We will be married 10 yrs in October and I have been thinking of us renewing our vows, I picked out a dress,  found a place and looked at rooms.   And now I don't know if I even want to be married!   At all!

Have I said that in angry?   He says nothing, which only makes it worse.   Oh except that he doesnt see us apart in the future.   I told him he needs help and that will be a beginning,  but I don't trust him or even like him right now.   And I don't know what's I am.

I have never been so hurt.  I prayed tonight that God help me survive and make the right choices.   Is not that I don't love my DH,  but don't I need to respect myself?

Posted by libragirl72 at 11:14 PM I think I have a pretty good life. I married my best friend 8 years ago, I am an Army wife. I have a 11 year old son who is the love of my life. And I would do anything for them. My DH and I have been TTC for more than 7 years. I started this blog when I had my miscarriage. I needed help healing. I felt like I was lost, and broken. Blogging has helped me find peace within myself after my miscarriage, and any other emotional event I run into. We are now after nearly 8 years of TTC...the proud parents to a new baby! And enjoying the new journey life is taking us on. We are so blessed. This blog is about my heart.
 "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt "I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of My hands I have written your name." -Isaiah 49:15-16 My little cheat sheet...

Acronyms commonly used...

BFN - Big Fat Negative

BFP - Big Fat Positive

DH - Darling Husband

FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer

HPT - Home Pregnancy Test

HR - High Risk

IF - Infertility

IUI - Intra-Uterine Insemination

IVF - Invitro Fertilization

M/C - Miscarriage

OB - Obstetrician

POAS - Pee on a Stick (HPT)

RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist