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My childhood. Something that feels so long ago.... do i even remember what it was like to be a child? To not feel stressed or pressured. To not have a bunch of "to do's" and to just be innocent and childish. It is hard to remember that time, though i think i have always felt a little like a "Mini adult". Someone who has been through alot ever since the day i was born.

I can start off by saying that I was born a month early and the day after i was born i was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital in the capital of Ireland where i had to have an operation on my intestines and then spent a month or so in an incubator. I was also diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when i was born, so it is an illness i have always had (you are born with the illness, but people arent always diagnosed right away).

My childhood was a good one i would say. We lived in a cottage out in the country and i enjoyed running around in fields and being outside. I loved dressing up and wearing dresses and lots of necklaces. However i wouldnt say that my childhood was super normal either as i spent alot of time in hospital. Every month i went for a check up and could spend several weeks in hospital with IV antibiotics to help me get better. Also every year my mum and I travelled to Sweden so that i could do a 3 day check up in the Swedish hospitals where they check everything - my lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, eyesight, hearing, blood tests etc as all of those things can be affected by my CF or the medication i take. Which also brings me to the fact that i have taken lots of medication all my life and always will as well as taking inhalers and medicine such as that to help keep my lungs healthy.

As i grew older i became more sick with my CF and spent more and more time in hospital and one year i had a 70(80% absence in school and I would spend 2-4 weeks at home trying to get better before having to go to hospital and spend roughly 2 weeks attached to an IV. And then i would return to school for 2-4 weeks only to end up home again. I found this extremely difficult as i got older and going back to school after being away for 6 weeks was very tough... everyone knew about my CF but i found it so tough knowing i had missed so much and it was hard to keep in contact with my frends. There is alot i could write about this, how awful i felt and to be 10-12 years old and spending 2 weeks in hospital and not being able to see my parents so often as my mum had to drive 90 minutes to the hospital to see me. Also i had to do all my studying on my own, but iguess that has been a benefit to me.

Otherwise, i was a very energetic child and apparently on my 3rd birthday i ran around in circles for hours on end and was still running around after all the guests had gone and eventually fell asleep on the floor. I was also a very quiet child, as analyzing as i am now i guess :) I could just lie silent and stare up at the ceiling and barely cried, even when i had to get lots of needles at the hospital i rarely cried. And like i said i was very energetic so would be out running in the fields,jumping on the trampoline or just out doing things, living in my imaginary world. I was very good at dreaming myself away, i loved playing with barbies, polly and other toys. I would get stuck in a fantasy and dream world and i loved it. I was good at being on my own, i was used to it as i spent so much time sick so i learnt to not be bored or lonely. I also loved school and studying, i was suggested to move up a grade when i was younger as i was so far ahead everyone but the decision was not to do that (i think it had to do with the fact that i wasnt so good at English as my first language was Swedish. I.e i was born in Ireland, then moved to Sweden when i was 6 months old as i was so sick from my CF so had to get specialized help which was much better in Sweden and we lived there until i was 4,5 and then moved back to Ireland and so couldnt speak so much English when i began school.)

Als my parents split up when i was 6 or 7 i think. I really cant remember it, and i dont ever remember them arguing though i think i was so innocent that i didnt even notice their complications or problems, but i think my sister did. I never really understood what was happening, even when my dad got together with another woman i didnt think it was strange, i think i just accepted it. And i have always been a daddys girl so i loved travelling to visit my dad during the weekends and we would sit and watch football games, go for walks, i would help him with photoshop and with music playlists.

I was very creative when i was a child i would make jewellery, i would draw and paint, make craft books and other creative things. I also loved using my brain, i loved doing sudoko and would mix up 4 (100 or 500piece) jigsaws into one box and begin doing all 4 jigsaws at once on the floor. Also as i was at home alot my parents bought me these toys or obecjts where you put them together yourself like cars, planes, castles etc I was very fascinated about how things worked and always had so many questions, "why, how, what?" I wanted to open the television and take out all the pieces t figure out how it worked. I wanted to look inside the computer and the telephone and CD player.... i wanted to know what was happening inside of it. My mum once found me breaking open the CD walkman to try to figure out how it worked.

I also loved Gameboy and Nintendo, i had lots of games and that was great entertainment for me while spending weeks in hospital or travelling back and forth from hospital or to my dad.

There is so much more i could write, which i am going to... coming up in a post tomorrow :) Otherwise this post will be super long!!!