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Partying, death and waiting

Sitting in my pj's wrapped up in bed. This is how i spend most mornings and early afternoon as it would now be. I hate mornings, I really do, temperatures, aches, terrible breathing and generally shittiness are what wakes me. Iv had a very strange week health wise, alot of ups and downs, moments when i really thought i should be in hospital and others when iv felt pretty good. I went out last Saturday night and iv got to say iv never been more proud of my little lungs, they did me proud, not only was i able to walk around loads, a rarity for me, I usually just get to breath less to stand for long, but i danced, I danced alot. I had to concentrate on me breathing alot but that doesn't matter i was still dancing! I got incredible drunk, with my yeovil girlys and had a generally great time. I also went out last night, with the boys, I have to say this is a very buissy week for me, Iv been out loads sat, Friday night and again tonight. Well last night we went bowling, Me, Stu and a few of his mates, It was a great laugh, I'm awful at bowling but great at pool and kicked there asses. My lungs weren't so behaving and i couldn't stop coughing all night, feeling breathless alot and the whole bowling thing was quit hard work. But hey I still had a good time. Tonight were heading out for a Birthday party, I'm wearing my pretty pink dress again, which i love, but i don't think there will be any dancing or walk tonight, My lungs are a flemy mess, I spent all night wheezing and gargling, which made it extremely hard to sleep.
On a sad note, the 27th came and went, the 10th anniversary of my friends Debbie's death, she would have been the same age as Stu, 26, I had a little tear for her, but i know shes where she belongs, breathing easy and looking over everyone, A beautiful Angel. ﻿Also another CF friend passed away last night, David Gilmour, David was on the transplant list but never got his call. It makes me so angry that we live in a society where we could save people like David by simply being organ donors but we don't and now hes dead. He was sarcastic and witty and a doting Uncle. I'm in total shock about his death, I don't know if he was any iller than usual. All I can say is i hope hes breathing easy.
Iv come back to edit this blog as i only just found out a women from my cf centre waiting for a transplant died on the beginning of january Denise, I feel so saddened by this. I didn't know denise personally but kept up to date on how she was doin and always had my fingers and toes crossed for her. And this is why I hate january, full of death.
My appointment is this Wednesday, I wish it was already here and i could stop thinking about it. Its not the actual appointment or the tests I'm dreading its what they'll decide. I hate the waiting, the unknown, I hate the thought that if I'm put on the transplant list its just more waiting. I'm not a very patient person and to have my life on a waiting list will simply drive me insane. But at the moment, I feel like I'm just in limbo, which is far worse, in limbo there is nothing. So I am waiting to wait.
My life the endless waiting list.
Posted by Kirstie Tancock at 06:08