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Can you believe it, 70% of Americans are on some kind of prescription drug and more than half receive at least two prescriptions. High on the list of drugs prescribed are antidepressants. I find that shocking. Not least, it speaks about the dysfunctional nature of society in terminal decline. The system is not working! I imagine practically everyone suffers from some kind of unhappiness or depression from time to time.

Why does that happen?
How might we deal with it in an effective, spiritual way, without prescribing medication?...

The not-so-merry-go-round of society

I believe there are many reasons why people suffer bouts of depression, and to me, I sense it's mainly - if not always - due to a dysfunctional relationship with the divine. I observe in the work I do with people, if we can get that inner relationship aligned and ticking well, then depression and other disfunctional experiences dissolve away.

I put it to you, that the root cause of all Depression, is a dysfunctional relationship with the divine.

Society has conditioned people to look for some kind of end goal in the outer world, and created a system of enslaved consumeristic addicts. Rather than attaining sense of completeness within, people have been made to believe some achievement, attainment, or physical manifestation must be the subject of their longing. Most people have been sold a lie, and when the lie doesn't fulfill, something must be prescribed to fill the sense of loss. It's a not-so-merry-go-round fueled by big corporations to make profit. And there's no bigger cash cow than the 'health' industry. So this is probably the number 1 reason people get depressed - they've been sold a lie which can never fulfill the sense of inner completeness. Worse still, prescribed drugs tend to lock people into the disconnection - they manage the situation rather than solve it.

Meditation is a powerful solution to this 'madhouse'. I was running a course recently where one person had been steadily reducing from a daily cocktail of 18 prescribed drugs each day! Regular meditation, and seeking inner completeness, has reduced that to just one - soon that will fall by the wayside too.

So regular spiritual practice, where you're looking for a sense of completeness within, will help immeasurably, if you find yourself beginning to feel low or depressed. Meditation helps activate endorphins, which block the take up of negative neuro peptides in your bodily cells. They help you feel good (here are other ways in generating endorphins...The Uplifting Effect of Endorphins).

We are alone in the Universe - we are "all-one"

But simple meditation is not going to be the end of the story when it comes to kicking depression into touch; there'll be other reasons too. When you seriously get into the game of self-realisation (is there any other game going on?), then your soul will venture down the spiritual path, all the way back to the Source - back to completeness, which is the Void of Silence preceding all activity. It's on this journey, that at some point, the soul realises something crucial: that the soul in itself, is not an identity, but a stream of consciousness - a stream of experience. It means there's only one self in the universe - the One; and you are that. I've witnessed many people in spiritual work arrive at this realisation. And in the beginning it can feel very lonely - you realise you are entirely alone in the universe! How do you deal with this?

As within any resistance to reality, you have to deal with the tightness it creates. In this case, that's likely to be depression. But you can't solve it by distancing yourself from it, by pretending it doesn't exist, or popping some pill to 'cure' it. That just perpetuates the problem, which you have to face further down the path (or medicate to drown the effects). No, you have to get into the heart of it. So if you feel alone, be alone. Take yourself off and feel the aloneness. It's all about Transcendence - you have to feel through any kind of distortion like this in order to process it.

So let yourself be alone, fully express the aloneness. Then you'll probably come to the realisation that as The One, it doesn't matter, because you already are everything and have everything - plus you've manifested these relativistic experiences called 'souls' which give you the awesome pleasure of being reunited with yourself. So the penetration of the pain (the sense of aloneness) leads to this sense of joyful completeness - the knowledge that the world is full of resonant souls that you can interact with (it's no doubt why social media for example has become so spectacularly popular).

The Pain of Existence

On the journey of the soul back to the source, you'll probably also encounter the "Pain of Existence". It's the realisation that you've brought the universe into being (through no fault of your own) and now, you can't switch it off! Wherever you go, whatever you do, you'll find realtivity creates some kind of experience - even in the desert you can still hear the 'sound of silence' in your ears and beating heart. But what you can learn to do, is to transcend reality altogether. How do you do this?

You have to be totally in the moment, and totally accepting of what is arising for you as an experience. If it's tightness, unhappiness and resistance, embrace it, feel it, don't push it away. Work at becoming 'as-one' with the experience; which means to be so intimate with it, that it's like you've been completely submerged within it. And you may then stop defining it as some kind of judgment the ego has made.

Then right in the midst of the feeling, see and feel yourself 'stepping through the experience'. It's like you open a doorway right through it, into pure presence itself. You can do this only because you no longer allow the feeling to define you, and you're not resisting it. In being the One through the experience, you will likely find the nature of the experience changes into one which is more harmonious. The Pain of Existence naturally disappears and with that the depression (discover more about...Breaking through the Pain of Existence).

Where's your Tribe, what's your Vibe?

On a recent Openhand Course, I was staggered at how many starsouls there were amongst the group. I can always tell, because I can literally feel their vibration. You simply know they've traveled here from other constellations. Many of these experiences will be much lighter and more expanded (the earth vibration being pretty dense). Plus many will have a greater sense of unity and harmony. So you could well be a starsoul, who has the sense your real home is elsewhere (it's something I often hear). And being disconnected from your true 'tribe' can cause a fair amount of sadness - leading possibly to depression. In these instances, I encourage people to open a connection with their soul family - through their 'vibe'. It can be done in meditation: you simply have to open your heart and extend an invitation.

Then afterwards, watch supportive synchronicity shaping in the field - perhaps you're guided to a particular book or film, which gives a sense of something resonant within. Try to see past the purely surface level in order to appreciate this - see the 3D world, but always look for the deeper message, the Joy of MultiDimensionality.

Chemical Imbalances

Depression can also be caused by chemical imbalances - in the brain for example. Especially since our world is so full of toxin and society is so distant from our natural ways. This is where diet and supplements can be of great help. This is clearly a huge subject, so I felt here below, only to list three important issues which are likely to have some kind of impact on you or those close to you:

Be patient and trust in the Inner Guidance Mechanism

Really then, for the most part, the route cause of depression is a dysfunctional connection with the divine. If we feel disconnected and isolated or can't find inner peace and contentment with our divine connection, then this is highly likely to lead to bouts of unhappiness and depression. But if we're aware of this underlying cause and how to work with it, then we can certainly kick depression into touch and turn our lives around. It does take a good deal of work and attention - commitment to feeling into the experience, accepting it without needing it to go away, thus becoming 'as-one' with it; we penetrate the experience into "The One". It feels ordinary - awesomely ordinary. It's completely okay. Suddenly you laugh at yourself and feel much better.

Medication is no solution. It simply locks in the dissonant polarity and sense of separation from the divine. It just makes things more tolerable in the short term. No, it's a spiritual solution we're looking for; and if we open ourselves up and ask, the answers will surely come. We just have to be patient and trust in the Inner Guidance Mechanism of the Soul. Then for sure, just as I've witnessed in many people, you can kick any bout of depression into touch. 


8728 Reads


Really insightful

Abigail Mon, 02/02/2015 - 21:55

and posted at the perfect time.Thank you for writing and sharing this. Lots of love x Abi x

Depression - once we understand it, then we can work with it

Open Tue, 02/03/2015 - 07:44

Thanks Guys! Yes it's an important one that at times, I'm pretty sure everyone has to deal with in some way. And once we understand it, then we can work successfully with it. Thankyou for such an

shar Tue, 02/03/2015 - 10:11

Thankyou for such an insightful article Open, This has come at the perfect time for me also. Depression has had an impact on my life and continues to do so. Just when I thought I was free of it because I finally understood it, Ive just had another episode of it, and was questioning everything Ive learnt over the last few years, and understood to be true. I think that because of some of the wonderful experiences I have had attending your courses, I was able to remind myself that the spiritual journey I am on is real, and so is inner peace and divine connection . One of the worst things about depression is the logical knowing that meditation will really help, but feeling so low it was really hard to get myself to do it, however by just been patient with myself, and 'softening' into the feelings of aloness and emptiness has helped me to move through it.
With love Shar x

Depression revisited

Marye Fri, 06/08/2018 - 19:43

I have lately been finding myself slowly sliding into layers of depressive feelings, so I ended up revisiting this article today and I just wanted to acknowledge how helpful it has been to put things into perspective. There is a hesitance in writing here, because in the background there are subtle judgements of failure that I should be stronger and able to overcome this, particularly as someone who is listed as a facilitator here to support others in their journey of unfolding, when I don’t even seem to be able to support myself in this process. And even as I am trying to write here, there is a certain degree of censoring involved to still make it somewhat ‘presentable’, whereas a part of me would just love to uncensored write how much I HATE THIS FUCKED UP WORLD and how much I want to get out of here and disconnect from it all! And how I am finding it very hard to break through this pain of existence.

At the moment, I am really struggling with all-oneness and all the distraction tactics that I have developed to run away from this feeling of aloneness. I am trying to catch myself before getting into the distraction, which often comprises of connecting with people or if there are no people available by eating or connecting with the Internet. However, it is so much more tempting to give into the distraction, rather than facing the unpleasant feeling when I connect with the aloneness, which feels completely empty, a kind of nothingness (the Void?), where there is no real purpose to live this life. So it almost feels like the more I feel into the aloneness, the more depressed I feel and that the distractions are an unconscious mechanism to avoid touching the depression that lingers somewhere under the surface.

I can also relate to a sense that my home is elsewhere (and hence the feeling of wanting to leave this place to go back there) and this is somehow linked to a sense of abandonment; that I was somehow left behind in this shitty place, while I could have been elsewhere in a place of much more unity and harmony. Actually, today I had a nasty encounter with someone at the canteen of my workplace, when I walked into the kitchen to ask something and was immediately summoned in a very unfriendly and aggressive way that it was forbidden to enter the kitchen and that there is a signpost on the door saying so (which I hadn’t seen). I could feel the encounter triggered me and when I came back to my office, rather than going into usual judgements like ‘what an idiot!’, I felt into the feelings and ended up crying. Somehow there was a deep sadness about people treating other people like this and the loss of (and yearning for) a place where people can interact with each other in a more harmonious way, which somehow at a deeper level I know exists.

I am aware that even connecting with the OH website here is a distraction strategy to avoid the sense of aloneness, which brought up the contemplation how it would make me feel if I would consciously completely disconnect from the Openhand community for a while, let’s say a month to start with. It would definitely be a very effective way to further trigger the sense of aloneness full on. .Jen Fri, 06/08/2018 - 21:26

In reply to Depression revisited by Marye

Hi Marije,

I can greatly relate to what you share. For me the experience kinda pulses in and out. Today I went to see the film "Adrift" - it was a remarkable telling based on the true story of a couple who are set adrift in the Pacific Ocean after sailing into Hurricane Raymond in 1983. For me it touched the feelings of feeling lost, adrift, off course. The film captured the sense of losing external support, guidance and connections that I might count on. In that it reflected what is found when coming through the feelings of isolation, abandonment and misplacement. It was a powerful film in which the heroine navigates choppy seas with a makeshift vessel and finds capacity and connection that weren't previously recognized.

Not much to add Marije - but I thank you for the sharing and for being so open. <3


The value of reflecting our truth back to oneanother

Open Sat, 06/09/2018 - 07:00


Of course we've connected privately about this several times. I'm right there with you, and plenty of others who are at times feeling similar. Please allow me to explore a few key points with you...

Coming truly into the void is no easy process. There will be many times when the soul 'dances around the edge' of the Void before truly penetrating into it. Yes, we create all manner of distractions to avoid the pain of the simple truth that is so often overlooked in the spiritual mainstream: you are essentially alone. Because we "are all one", there is, at the highest level, at the core, only one presence - on your journey as the soul, you start to merge into it, at the heighest levels, and as you begin to touch it, that's when we truly start to explore the aloness. It is necessary to break through this into the Enligtened state. And then the amazing paradox is, you can truly enjoy the multiciplicty of souls and experience too.

You went on to say...

None of us is perfect - in the universe of the relative, perfect is not possible! For me certainly, the path has often been defined by my 'failures'. Many qualities combine to make a good spiritual facilitator. Right at the top of the list, I would say, is profound self honesty. We can help people BECAUSE we've gone through those challenging circumstances and thereby can reflect back. But if we smother the truth, we won't be able to take another into their own repressed inner pain. We're all going to go through tough times - actually that's what makes a great facilitator - having journied and suffered, and come through. Just as you continually do!

You then went onto say...

If that's what you genuinely feel, then that's what you must do. But also remember that the key central theme of Openhand is to confront the truth. We don't mindlessly distract people with wishy wash! We're here to be a mirror, to one's inner self, in relation to the circumstances going on. I would say take a look at what you do engage with on the web, and be discerning what is of true value and what is merely lightweigth distraction.

We're all there with you Marije, and I know you'll be with us, when we need it too.

All love Golden Opportunity

nialet Sat, 06/09/2018 - 19:36


I have been exploring the feeling of being alone as well recently, definitely not to the extent what you are feeling at the moment.  If I were feeling what you are feeling, I would use that as an opportunity to go right into it so as to amplify it and normalize with it.  To accelerate the process, I would examine each distraction and not give in if i felt it takes me back to the comfort zone.  Doesn't mean complete disconnection from the world though.  And Openhand has tools dealing with this.  I am especially fond of Bow Meditation.

Can you see the light in a person beyond the appearinces (ahh spelling, another distraction) even nasty ones. The words are challenging for me be written or spoken.  There have to be other more harmonious ways of expressing.  You speak of harmony.  I have a strong feeling that harmony you seek is possible in our world, maybe not permanent but enough to remind or sense of home.  Can you feel the breeze as you stand there? Do you remember La Palma, the trips, the kitchen fairies.

I am always inspired by Gaia herself. How can she sustain so much beauty and harmony even in the face of so much disconnection from human beings.  I cannot even imagine it.

Wishing you well with your process.


Back from the Brink (of Depression) Snow Patrol Doco

Open Sun, 06/10/2018 - 05:20

I just came across this short doco, about the Snow Patrol singer Gary Lightbody (what a synchronistically fascinating name!). The Snow Patrol music, like "Chasing Cars", has often featured as emotive inspiration on the Openhand workshops over the years. They always come across as so authentic, and tuned into a deeper feeling. What I hadn't known, was that Gary had battled depression (the subject of our lead article - see above) and alcoholism since a teenager. "Back from the Brink" is a short doco about Snow Patrol's inspiring new music, where Gary speaks (in true Openhand fashion) of battling his own inner demons by confronting them, and making peace with them - not trying to suppress them or push them away, by painting some rosy gloss of 'love n light' over the top. It's about being real about who we are. It's only then that we find alignment through our shadow side, and are better able to mediate the difficult situations we face in the wider world.

Take 10 minutes out today and do watch the video - it's amazingly warm and inspirational, especially for people who sometimes feel they're on the brink...

You can read the lead article above: Understanding the Root Cause of Depression so we can deal with it

Don't give in don't give up, find the light through the shadows!

Open Sun, 06/10/2018 - 05:33

And here's a great song from Snow Patrol's latest music...

Loneliness & Passion

Jean Bluehopi Sun, 06/10/2018 - 10:04

Hi Marije ,

Like Open & Nialet , i feel given to offer u my own humble reflections on loneliness and the multitude of opportunities that situation offers . I can feel deeply about your situation with all my heart because i have been there many times during my 20's & 30's & early 40's . during those 2 decades , i was not able to explore it since i did not have any proper tools to work with . Of course , as a maverick not meant to fit in this society and its multilayer set of conditionings , even trying hard to fit in would have not worked for me as i tried that as well . So , i was often left alone , at school and even during sport training camps - all the while i knew i was seriously gifted in anything i would touch in sport ( tennis , table tennis , football , wind surfing , badminton , gymnastics , skiing , just to name a few ) .That felt as a double sword edge to deal with , all the time . Oddly though , when i went to 2 english training camps down in Bournemouth ( south of the Uk ) , i would discover how much i was open to social connectivity, enjoying it & even the sense of loneliness would just vanish like it was never there . That only lasted like 2,3 weeks . When back to Belgium , that sense would creep in again , in the background of daily life . Nonetheless , one thing kept me feeling alive and that is the sense of passion for Music & sport & adventure . That must had began around 17 years old when i realized that . My first live music concert was in 1984 , in downtown Brussels . I will never forget it . The Cure were playing at the Ancienne Belgique concert hall and i was excited to attend & experience something new .

Even though living with a disconnected son - father relationship at that time , that passion for those 2 domains grew - chaotically , but it grew stronger as years went by . It was as if i was invited  to hold on because there was a sense of belonging , connectivity and aliveness even a subtle sense of recognition of who i am ( uncompleted , distorted but Real ). Those 2 passions kept me , all the while feeling alone on multiple levels & suffering in silence , in my own unique groove . I know so well that i could even have become a seriously gifted Professional in one of those sports - without a doubt . My downfall to be that was the lack of my Father's support & my lack of inner confidence . No way that would have happened without those 2 essential ingredients .

I am so impressed at the confidence / willingness & passion some High level swimmers show today , in this unbalanced world , for what they truly love , at a very early age !!! I often follow their steps on their personal Journey go growth . Some are barely 15 , 16 , 17 , 18 years old !!! Staggering maturity at an early age . One of which won multiple Gold medals at the London 2012 Olympics . Her story is interesting as she lately declared that she went on suffering from depression at one point between 2014 & 2016 . She was always a bubbly smiling talented young girl up to that point ( probably keeping that bubbly shining mask until it came into a meltdown later on ) . It shows that , talent & recognition & winning gold medals dont necessarily prevent some layers to surface up later which need to be dealt with . A bunch of other talented Us swimmers went on expressing ( nearly publicly ) how they suffered from depression at one point - whatever were the rootcauses . 2 of those are returning back to their PASSION right now , in 2018 & i am so happy to see that they are following their heart - no matter the outcome & have asked for professional help to deal with depression . Thats why i keep an eye on how they grow & evolve - its so rewarding and they are part of my personal true inspirations . They troubled path reflect deeply on the importance to deal with the obstacle/root cause/symptoms until the newly refreshed sense of being offers them the " Green Light " again . I am sure they dont feel the same right now as they venture back into their life with this new sense of commitment .

On my own Journey, despite suffering from not exactly knowing why i was so often alone ( until my determination brought me to understand why )  , i kept a connectivity with my 2 passions - even if for some longer periods , i could not nourish myself with them properly . They were kept not far away ...waiting to be embraced again . I also met some beings that helped me through those very hard periods where loneliness / sense of abandonment / rejection would peak drastically & drag all my energies down back to depressive states . I tried all sorts of psycho-therapies around 2008 ( I had just passed a decade in term of age : 40 Years Old that is ) and synchronistically , thats when things got worse for a year , amplified , terrible !! from EFT ( emotional freedom technique ) to color therapy ,  Kriya Yoga first initiation , Thai massage initiation , Watsu , and even a dark spell remover i attempted !!!  I also started regular swimming sessions on my won after i was given that suggestion by a Watsu ( shiatsu therapy within a swimming pool ) facilitator . That helped me connect to a former passion i had left aside . Jeeeeeeeeez , that was an insane period ....until a breakthrough came into play early 2009 in the most unexpected ways . A  sudden radiant Full sense of Presence divinely appeared within on my way back to Belgium from India -  when i entered the Chennai Airport !!! Wow , that was something special  . I must say that  Some relations made a difference as well , and i was able to be more grounded , focused on a few small projects ( i learned how to paint and could travel again ) . Although Some fears & anxiety weren't to disappear so quickly , the shift helped me be a bit more to be myself & i could open up myself to new opportunities to learn and move on .

Lately , i felt the pull to get back to one old passion : Drumming !!  and take some essential courses with an expert during the summer time . Rightfully so , i also bought a native small tambourin drum for the " Divinicus " retreat . Cant wait to use it to get everybody into the groove of some out of this world alchemical ceremonies . I waited for that " green light " for a long time now .

Without those harsh periods , i would not be where i am today or conscious of where at am exactly right now . I am a ferm believer about connecting with our true passion(s) , giving time to them  and not giving up + keeping the spiritual practices that work best like : nature connectivity , Birds singing bathing , Trees connection & communication , sport activity , Music concert , dancing , writing down what one feel grateful for in life , singing along with the best songs i love, taking time with oneself aside with any " Doings " , swimming ,  trying something new , honoring the pain as best as possible , avoiding self judgments & self loathing , reading an uplifting book / article / video , activities that uses our hands ability and the full body - spending valuable time with uplifting close ones , giving time to the whole period .

What would be that or those passions , dear Marije ,that u could connect with & feel a sense of Love for ? i am not saying it might 100% work for u as it did for me and others , but it might be worth exploring at one point this summer . It well might not be obvious right now , and thats okay , because i have experienced that as well when i was too much giving in into the pain and being identified with it .

I applaud your sheer honesty and sharing here , its all the worth & will help u breakthrough at one point .

Sending all my love & support , 💙

Jean Bluehopi


Wyndè Sun, 06/10/2018 - 19:11

Hey Hey and ditto!

I know the feeling all to well and the only answer to finding my way out of the myriad bag of depression is to understand fully and exactly why I feel that way.

Oftentimes I go between being utterly befuddled by the connection of everything to the oh that's really lovely there! I found equalizing within to be my answer. Which is no easy feat. So I walk forwards internally head down but externally head and chin up.. That sun will come out tomorrow!!!


Resistance to feeling of disconnection

.Jen Mon, 06/11/2018 - 03:45

Great sharings everyone! Loved the video Open.

For me I find feelings of depression come with a deep feeling of disconnection... And truly not wanting to feel disconnected. I find its in feeling the disconnection that I feel connection...even if the feelings are unpleasant, somehow with simply being with them, the sense of connection is then there and carries through whatever is arising. 💚

The Answer to it all is the Void

Open Mon, 06/11/2018 - 05:08

I greatly admire the open and honest sharings here about the challenges of walking the spiritual path. A couple of key things spring to mind...

To me, the answer for it all is the Void of Presence itself. It is infinite peace, right at the centre of the storm, that encompasses and embraces the storm within it, that needs none of these situations to go away or be resolved, that needs nothing from the creation, yet creation happens through it - just not always the way ego mind would want it.

Coming into the Void is the deepest challenge, and upon arrival, suddenly you realise all the questions are answered - just by the sense of it. You realise every conundrum, every question, every search, was always leading to that hallowed place.

I believe many approaches in the spiritual mainstream have inadvertently 'packaged' peace and acceptance as another avoidance mechanism - there's the search for the immediate phenomenal experience of peace, found by detaching from any experience that would cause disharmony or by simply dropping your 'story' - which can sabotage the soul flowing through the story. And especially, dropping any tightness you might encounter as you journey into the Void - 'dropping the hot coals' is the metaphor that is often shared. But we must first become as-one with the heat, otherwise you create identity avoiding the heat.

Essentially, your journeying progressively through inner layers. And each layer is going to have various levels of karmic disharmony within it. Surrender and acceptance is absolutely essential, yes. However, it must be surrender to what is, to what wants to come up, whatever that might be. Then 'equalising' with that disharmony - which means to express into it, not to try to fix or change it, because there is truth in the expression, truth in the heart of that distortion. And we must seek to align the soul within the disharmony - the soul is the thread which leads all the way back to presence.

It's like progressively contracting into the eye of a needle, where the distortion is being focussed into your reality - allowing that to happen. It's like the distortion blows up and becomes your reality. It's like looking into the distortion through a powerful microscope. So rather than avoidance of this tightness, you're doing the absolute opposite. The distortion is now all around you, in many of the things that you'll be doing - in your relationships and living circumstances for example. So now you pick your way through it, step by step, realigning your reactions into conscious responses. So with each passage, you're integrating and forging soul.

Now at any point of such passage - passing through the eye of a particular needle - you can suddenly drop into the Void, and all the lights come on. You feel expanded, interconnected, at true peace - even in the storm, even with the hot coals. But don't expect or require that experience to stay. Because then the soul will journey deeper, and more will come up. The peace will disappear again, but if you keep confronting, and keep breaking through, then one day, all the lights in the Universe come on, AND STAY ON!

You find yourself resting in the Void, with life happening through you. This is Enlightenment. Being with disconnection

Vimal V Mon, 06/11/2018 - 05:16

I agree to your sharing jen. For me the feeling of depression comes with a feeling of disconnection from everything even Openhand. I have observed it serves to surrender any need for connection or expansion and continually soften into the experience. Not at all easy. All trying just leaves me frustrated more. I know the feeling may take a while to process and it helps to just be with it and bring kind acceptance into it.

Yesterday i was just sitting at this hill side gazing at the clouds and birds with the cool breeze.  There were a myriads of crows sitting near to me. I have made it a pass time just to raise my hand once in a while making some sound and all of this crows would just fly away altogether. Usually i feel expanded in this place but yesterday i was feeling disconnected and i was contemplating it. And i posed this question " How would my soul work with this feeling right now ? " All of sudden the crows started to fly away altogether without me doing anything. I took the answer as that i don't have to do anything other than what I'm doing right now that is just BEING with the feeling. My attention was also drawn to this new shoots coming off from this huge tree which is very welcome change. Synchronicities are not part of my usual experiences and i have observed they are there more when i pause to pose questions. It was raining very heavily for the past few days and may be the trees and plants had to sustain heavy rain and wind for the new shoots to arise?

Sometimes it also helps to just let go of any expectation how it is supposed to be. Some weeks back i was feeling the same thing and it was put off given that i was feeling expanded before that. This builds up an expectation of how its supposed to be all the time. And i was just trying to relive it and thus pushing it further - very subtle. At one point i gave up and went into what i really wanted. I took some chips and put a movie in my laptop. And it occured to me that i was really surrendering my intention which is like taking a weight,burden from my shoulders. This gives more space for the experiences to flow.

Maintaining some contact

Bianca Mon, 06/11/2018 - 15:09

I've been learning that when I'm depressed or facing the void I need to maintain some level of contact with the outside world. I've gone through periods of complete isolation and though they were inspired by soul the mind would take over and force an outcome of unearthing something valuable. When I follow the urges to connect with the outside world even for brief moments I get something valuable from it that aids my enquiry.

Aloneness and abandonment

Marye Tue, 06/12/2018 - 11:53


Thanks for all your feedback and reflections to my post! It somehow feels reassuring that I am not alone in my aloneness ! Open, as soon as I read your passage ‘you are essentially alone’, I could instantly feel the internal resistance rising and my mind looking for and coming up with reasons to make this statement invalid... Just as I am including it here I can feel the internal resistance towards this statement rising again and I find the truth of that statement a very hard and dark place to feel into (its where I tend to run into depressive feelings).

I get the sense that there is some karmic stuff around abandonment/rejection coming up in relation to the feelings of aloneness. Whereby abandonment/ rejection leads to aloneness and therefore is to be avoided at any cost and carries a lot of tightness (hence making sure to please others, not to make 'mistakes'/be good enough, to not leave any room or reason for someone to abandon me). And beneath the feelings of abandonment lingers that empty feeling of aloneness, for which I have over time developed so many strategies to distract myself from!

Sunday evening I actually took some time to be with the tightness and after a lot of purging/dry heaving I felt a lot lighter and expanded, that I couldn’t even imagine where all the depressed feelings had gone or come from. However, the next morning when I woke up I was fully back into the density. This reminded me of what Vimal mentioned about expectations of how things are supposed to be and what you wrote above:

It is such a fine line to be confronting truth without any expectations of finding relief in the process or for any sense of peace to stay! I have to stay that there is some internal scepticism about whether it is really possible to one day find the lights in the Universe staying on, rather than dimming again after some time! For now I am going to continue my inquiry into aloneness and abandonement without any expectation of what I might find on the other side of the eye of the needle!
 Balanced approach with deppression

Vimal V Tue, 06/12/2018 - 14:44

Marije, it's great that you are working through the density. I find a lot of parallel in our processes ,so I'm right there with you!

I feel that i didn't offer a balanced view with my previous post. Whilst it is important to accept and be with the depression and disconnection i think its also essential to look for commitment and will to find the light through the density. After the post i was feeling a lot of tightness and negativity and didn't even want to get out from bed or go to work. And just being with it i was sliding into more negativity and addictive habits. When enough was enough a a short yoga session helped me to let go and find the lightness. So yes i think a fine balance is important. Today evening magically i got back my stylish helmet i lost almost a year back! Not sure what's that supposed to mean( reclaiming lost aspect of myself?). But that felt really synchronistic to my process.


Hi to everyone experiencing…

Richard W Wed, 06/13/2018 - 16:59

Hi to everyone experiencing loneliness and/or depression. My heart is with you all. If there's one thing that binds us all, it's aloneness. Paradoxical but we're all together sharing the same experience of being utterly alone.

It's something I too have been going though a lot recently. In many ways I've had it with reaching out to people to connect. In some way I recognise this as trying the fill a hole (the void) with something external. And yet connection seems to be one of our basic human needs - it runs really deep (I guess a lot of Karmic history influencing this one). And so long as there are connections to be made, I feel to continue making them to enrich my life - but hopefully with the awareness that they will never replace the void inside or the connection to my higher self. I also would like to add that it's a tough time when you're letting go of all that you thought you were (ego) and yet not in strong connection with your twin flame.

This song has been coming to me a lot lately. I wondered why but then got the strong pull to post it here. See what it does with people.

Great song - very moving

Open Wed, 06/13/2018 - 17:07

Love it Rich - great song - very moving We'll be okay

Marye Wed, 06/13/2018 - 19:21

Rich, thanks for the beautiful song! I actually felt a pull to also share a song here in relation to the discussions above. I recently discovered Kina Grannis and her husband 'Imaginary Future' and really love their voices and energy. There are more great songs from them around on Youtube!

'Oh, even if we somehow lose our way, we'll be okay'

Gift X-change

Jean Bluehopi Wed, 06/13/2018 - 20:09

Today i stumbled on this song and it feels to be perfectly in alignment with the Honest & profound sharings form everyone lately . I hope this time around , the video is properly embedded from yutube .


Here are the lyrics : "Gift X-Change"

You say you're leaving
Going back home
Where's your family
Where do you come from

Something's missing in your life
You've felt it all along
Retrace your steps
Balance and check
Where it all went wrong

The spirit is broken
The path is overrun
You can't move forward
And now nothing gets done

I hope you find some
In a peace along the way
Whatever it takes I pray you'll make it
Home on Christmas day

In case you don't find what you need
When you finally arrive
And your heart is snowed in
There's no warmth or light

Take this candle with you
And this book of matches as well
As you're climbing the walls
There's no answer at all
Except the gift you give yourself

I trust that you'll find some
In a peace through times that are rough
What would it take to hear you say
The gift you give is love
The gift you live in enough

With much love , Jean

Thanks for the Gift X-change

Charlie Thu, 06/14/2018 - 22:52

Thanks Jean I love the sharing and you are so right {to be perfectly in alignment with the Honest & profound sharings form everyone lately }


