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When I was in college, I went to a church that used little scripture. The preacher went bullet point by bullet point, story after story, with one or two scripture references thrown in. I didn’t even need to bring my Bible to church—what a relief for tired college students rolling out of bed on Sunday morning!

But when I walked out of those doors every week, relief did not come. I often felt worse than when I walked in!

I couldn’t explain why, other than feeling the need to try harder to be a better Christian. The preacher often talked about what I wasn’t doing or what I needed to do. So, I’d slump my shoulders in shame and avoid eye contact with others until I felt like I could get home and get my life right.

Let’s Get Real

Rachel Hollis does a similar thing in her new book, Girl, Wash Your Face. She tells us all the things we need to do or not do to make our life better, and it's exhausting.

I think many of us feel this sense of shame from our mistakes—our sin. That’s why we cling to groups who admit their struggles. It makes us feel better like we aren’t alone.

When we admit our struggles, we display authenticity. We’re “being real”, as the world calls it.

Hollis “gets real” as she writes, and many women—professing Christians—want to hear what she has to say. She admits she’s not perfect. She doesn’t have it all together. But she says she’s happy, and she thinks we should be happy, too.

She talks about her ongoing struggle with achieving to prove her self-worth. She goes in depth of the Bell’s palsy her stress as a workaholic caused. Then there’s depression and insecurities. But she’s happy because she’s built a million dollar company, and she’s encouraging us to achieve our own dreams, even if it means we’ll go through hardship, like she did, to get it.

No, I don’t know the depths of her heart. But God Almighty does, and he says what’s in our hearts will overflow out of our mouths (1 Cor. 14:25, Luke 6:45).

She says things like: “You are meant to be the hero of your own story,” and “You, and only you are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are,” and “You should be the very first of your priorities."

The overflow seems to come from self-indulgence as she never attributes her happiness or her story to Christ, attributing to herself and her ability to strive instead.

This is my beef.

If this book wasn't marketed as a Christian book, being published by a Christian publisher, I wouldn't care as much. Yet for this reason, many Christian women fall prey to thinking this is godly advice. And it's far from it.

I can relate to her, however. How? Clearly, she’s a perfectionist, and I’m a recovering one. I spent years thinking I needed to achieve to prove my value. I tagged the name of Jesus to my striving when really, I sought my own glory instead of his.

I get the struggle, but Hollis offers zero hope.

Thus, as someone who understands this temptation to strive, I want to guard the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ—my Savior—and I want to offer the same hope which enabled me to find freedom in my perfectionism.

First, let's define what perfectionism is.

What is Perfectionism?

One source defines perfectionism as the “continual striving to achieve high standards that a person has set for themselves despite negative consequences”. Hollis shows this as she explains the harmful effects of her persistent striving.

Our “hustling, bustling, all or nothing” culture encourages this, and Hollis’s message lines up to it. It makes us think if we admit our imperfections and accept ourselves, we will gain the confidence to achieve our dreams and find happiness. And we all want happiness right?

The bad news is, we may not succeed. We may fail instead and end up depressed. And if we do succeed and find happiness, apart from Christ, it won’t last long. The Bible encourages us to fix our eyes on eternal things for this reason (2 Cor. 4:18). In Christ, we find lasting joy (Ps. 16:11).

We Are Not Enough

One thing Hollis says is: It’s a lie that we aren’t enough. I want to say: It's true. We. Are. Not. Enough.

We will never succeed enough or do enough good or gain enough confidence or discover enough self-worth to gain the satisfaction necessary to fill the void in our hearts--to earn favor with God (Eccl. 1:14, Eph. 2:8-9).

Hear this: If we were enough, then Jesus wouldn’t have had to die. But he did.

Can you picture him for a moment?

Stop for a few minutes and picture the soldiers whipping him, pulling the flesh off his back. Picture them stripping him down, pushing a sharp crown of thorns into his scalp, and mocking him. Picture them spitting in his face and him carrying the heavy cross up the hill to Calvary. Do you see them hammering the nails into his hands? His feet? And then hanging there? Can you see him crying out to his Father in the anguish of being separated from him while experiencing his wrath?

He died for you because you aren’t enough. This is good news for all of us.

We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but he requires we take it further than the authenticity movement of the world (Rom. 3:23). We don’t just admit our struggles and our sin to feel better about ourselves. By faith, we confess our sins to God, and we repent—turning from our sin and to God (Acts 3:19). We trust Christ’s work on the cross as sufficient to save us in our falling short (Luke 24:46-47, John 19:28-30).

Hollis uses her own wisdom of words, not the gospel. She makes light of sin and encourage us to overcome our imperfect lives by making ourselves the priority. Yet Jesus Christ bore even the smallest sin we've committed on the cross, and when we do this, we belittle it. We make the cross to have no effect (1 Cor. 1:17).

There is hope!

If you feel hopeless, take heart.

Perhaps you read Hollis’s book and walked away feeling worse, like I used to when I walked out of the church, taking in meaningless words which offer worldly wisdom and a lack of true hope.

But there is hope! There’s hope in Jesus Christ—the only one who was enough to save us from all our imperfections (2 Cor. 5:21). Don’t belittle his work on the cross, Beloved Christian Women, and trade it for a few laughs and a little more self-esteem lasting for a mere moment. Remember what he did for you, how he bought you at a price and redeemed you when you were his enemy and cursed by sin, and follow him (1 Tim. 2:6, Rom. 5:10, Luke 9:23).

It doesn't make sense to live in pursuit of worldly happiness when we meditate on the cross. It doesn't make sense to boast in ourselves and to glorify ourselves.

What can wash away our sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus! Oh, what grace he poured over us finite beings headed to hell because of our inability to live a perfect life (Heb. 9:11-28)! Oh, how we should praise him! Not to us, Lord, but to your name be the glory (Ps. 115:1). I breezed through the first month of my little guy's life.

Being incredibly thankful to finally be off bed rest, I thought nothing could knock me down. Newborn baby snuggles and big sister giggles filled my days. Three hours of sleep at night didn't bother me at the time. Anything proved better than bed rest--being separated from my toddler and worrying about the baby in my womb who risked at coming early.

But month two hit me hard. My body, having recovered from labor, didn't recover in the ways necessary for everyday life. Still getting only 3-5 hours of sleep a night, my body ached and sin (a lot of it) came out.

When a Blessing Also Brings Hardship

God blesses us with children (Psalm 127:3). In Genesis 1, God commands Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply after he blesses them (v. 28). Yet because of their sin in Genesis 3 and ours, as a result, we know the bearing and raising of children brings hardship--although it comes from a blessing.

The problem comes when we think in extremes such as the following:

1. Children are a blessing.

If we think too heavily about the fact children are a blessing, we don't expect the hardship parenting brings. It surprises us when our birth plan or our sleep training doesn't work how we imagined. We begin to think we are the problem. And we begin to plan how we can fix it. Our fingers find themselves on google all too much, trying to find an end to our momentary suffering. Children are a blessing, so we must be doing something wrong. It's not supposed to be this hard.

But it is. We live in a fallen world and although children come from God's direct blessing, it will bring much hardship. We should expect it.

2. Children are difficult.

If we think too heavily about the difficulties having children brings, we miss out on the blessing God intends for us and for others. He intends for us to raise our children as disciples who will fill the earth as his image-bearers (Gen. 1:28). We may choose to not have any children, or we may choose to stop having more children for this reason alone*:

Children cause too much of a burden; therefore, we shouldn't begin to bear children, or we shouldn't have another because of it.

Hardship comes with the many blessings of the Christian life.

As Christians, God gives us innumerable blessings in his Son Jesus Christ, but it doesn't mean once we trust in him all hardship will cease (Eph. 2:1-10, 2 Cor. 4:8-12). If we believe harship will cease, we may retreat when a storm comes. We will think we did something wrong for it to be this hard. We must flee from it--we think. But God purposes all suffering for his glory, and his blessing stays intact (Eph. 1:3-14). We don't need to go about how to fix and ease our circumstance if we know we are in the will of God.

Recently, a group of us began reading the book Insanity of Obedience by Nik Ripken. He talks about the certainty of persecution in the life of the obedient Christian. (Jesus makes this clear in Mark 10.)

Ripken mentions how ill-prepared he and his wife were when they first moved to a hostile place. They did not expect persecution. Yet he learned "persecution was simply to be expected for followers of Jesus. And God's ability to intervene and use persecution for his purposes was expected as well" (p. 12).

If we expect the hardship accompanying a blessing, we stay steady (Ps. 55:22).

Expect Hardship

"All who are godly will suffer persecution." --2 Tim. 3:12

If we expect this in our pursuit towards godliness, we will persevere in our faith and experience the blessing full fold as a result (1 Peter 4:12). We will make it to the end, for we know the great hope awaiting us--to be raised and glorified with Jesus Christ.

Likewise, if we expect to suffer in parenthood, we will experience the blessing God intends. Perhaps we should say: All who are parents will suffer hardship.

Some days I want to give up all my "mom duties." I want to shrink back or run away. I think: I can't do this anymore (another day). OR I can't do this again (another child). My perfectionist tendency is to make note of what I'm doing and try to fix what's causing my burden. I need to work harder to get it together. Then the suffering will end. The end of the suffering becomes my goal, and I'll do whatever I can to get there.

God doesn't promise to end our suffering on earth. One hard circumstance or season may end only for another to begin.

But he does promise to end our suffering if we persevere through it--if we remain faithful.

I still don't have a stable routine. The little squares I draw each morning for my to-do list often remain unchecked. My evening social life remains non-existent, and a full night's rest has only happened once. Clutter, dust, and laundry continue to pile up too.

Thankfully God doesn't care as much about how well I accomplish my to-do list or how sanitary or organized my house is as he does my faithfulness. Am I being faithful each day to spend time with him in his Word even when I'm tired? Am I being faithful to recognize my sin and to kill it daily? Am I allowing him to produce the fruits of the Spirit in me so that I can mother with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and gentleness? Am I exercising self-control over my temper in the midst of sleep deprivation? Am I being a good wife to my husband?

God cares about these things more than my ability to calm the chaos around me and to establish a routine three months after adding a new addition to our lives.  Routine is good. Discipline and diligence are healthy and good commands from God. The suffering accompanying my attempts to parent well as a faithful steward of the children God has given me, however, is not in vain. God purposes it and will bring about his blessing through it.

On days like today when I want to throw up my hands in defeat, I must remind myself one day Christ will return to crush the head of the Serpent. The curse on mankind which produced such hardship in childbearing and rearing will be undone. We who are in Christ Jesus will have the victory! As my daughter says, "Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!"

*I understand not everyone can have biological children and do not believe God is withholding blessing from those who can't (Psalm 34:10). However, I do not expound on this in this article for the sake of clarity. Perfectionists don’t settle for anything less than perfect. We desire perfect relationships, to meet specific goals, and to reach a certain standard. Yet when conflict comes, we withdraw in hopelessness. When we fail, we beat ourselves up. And if we don’t reach the standard we set for ourselves, we determine to find a different way to reach perfection.

Perhaps we could say God is a perfectionist—but in a far different way than we are. In the beginning, he created a perfect world. He ordained a perfect salvation plan for mankind. In the end, he promises us a perfect body and soul in the day of the Lord. He promises to create a flawless new heaven and earth without sin and corruption at the end of time.

God is perfect—no sin accompanies him. He is perfectly holy and set apart.

So our human desire for perfection is good and reflects our perfect God. But our struggle comes when we seek perfection in the wrong places. Are we seeking it in this world—in our career, in our home, as a spouse or parent? Or are we seeking perfection in heavenly things? What is the place of perfection in the Christian life?

Scripture enlightens us about it in at least five places:

Creation: God Made a Perfect World

God looked at all he had made and saw, “It was very good” (Genesis 1:31). He created the heavens and the earth with perfection. And man, whom he created in his own image, lived in the perfect world, in perfect fellowship with God.

God’s goal from the beginning set out for a perfect world with perfect humans—Adam and Eve—who worshiped him as perfectly as he deserved.

Fall: Man Became Imperfect

Three chapters into the Bible, Adam and Eve took and ate the one thing he forbade them to eat (3:6). They sinned. Therefore, man no longer lived in perfect fellowship with God, for God kicked him out of the garden (3:24). As a result, the world was no longer perfect. Sin infected it. Weeds sprung up (3:17). Pain entered (3:16-17). Death was born (3:19).

Man’s sin came from a desire to acquire knowledge and to be powerful like God. Before sinning, they possessed what we hope for as we wait on the return of our Lord. They possessed a body and soul without sin and the manifestation of God’s presence. They wanted to be like God, but not merely as an image-bearer: They wanted his perfect knowledge and power as they walked in the garden (3:5). With pride, man felt God kept something good from him. He felt God owed him. In selfishness, man wanted what God had.

Law: God Commanded Perfection

After sin entered the world through humanity, God gave the law, and the law was strict. Man replied, “We will do everything that the Lord commanded,” but he couldn’t (Leviticus 24:3; 7).

To temporarily forgive sin, God set up a sacrificial system requiring the bloodshed of animals. His standard sought perfection. No tiny spot could exist on sacrificial animal. Likewise, he gave laws in which clean persons could not mingle with unclean persons or animals.

God demanded perfect obedience to his law, which no one could attain. Instead, his people sinned again and again. God declared the price for sin was blood, but the blood had to be pure, coming from one untainted. Even when it was spilled, its covering was temporary.

So he sent his Son to be perfect for us.

Redemption: God Accomplished Perfection

Jesus set his eyes on perfection in humbling himself through full obedience to his Father’s perfect will (Philippians 2:8). He took on sin when he himself had never known sin (2 Corinthians 5:21). Because of sin, we can no longer please God. But through faith in Jesus Christ, who bore our sins on the cross and took the wrath of God we deserved, we can please him (John 14:6; Hebrews 11:6).

God meant us to be perfect—but sin made this impossible. So he sent us his perfect Son to be perfect for us—to bear our sin on the cross and defeat it by rising from the grave.

Restoration: God Promises to Perfect All Things

The Bible says there will be a day with no tears, no death, no mourning, and no pain (Revelation 21:4). These will be things of the past, for God will make a new heaven and earth (21:1). In this day, God will dwell with his people like he once did with Adam and Eve. God will utterly purify us by the blood of Jesus Christ the Lamb, for nothing with sin can enter into the kingdom of heaven (21:27), and we will share in the glory of Jesus (Romans 8:17). God will give us a new and glorious body, and creation itself will no longer decay.

God will restore all of his creation to its original state—perfection. And we will be with God.

Finally Perfect

Our nature desires perfection. God created us this way. The question is, what’s the nature of our desire? Is it like Adam and Eve’s desire to be like God for their own sake—to take hold of more now, in our earthly life, than what God has given us? Is it a desire to do everything right for the sake of accomplishment—even though we can’t?

Yes, God meant for us to be like him. He created us in his image to glorify him. Though we fell short (Romans 3:23), God still purposes this for us, only not on earth, but in heaven.

It won’t be easy to get there, for sin and pain and sweat exist. But as we persevere by faith in Jesus Christ, God will accomplish this in us (Hebrews 10:36), by degrees now and finally when we’re with him.

Therefore, let us spend our desire for perfection toward what will last. Our good name won’t be remembered. Our earthly accomplishments will burn on the day of judgment. May we persevere in killing sin, doing good works that glorify God, and continuing in the faith, until our sanctification into the perfect image of Christ in the day of our Lord is complete.

This article was first published here. I’ve cared about evangelism for as long as I can remember.

Three years or so ago, the old me wouldn’t have believed my struggle with evangelism and the number of excuses I’ve made since becoming a mom. It’s true we’re busy, and our life goes from taking care of ourselves to not looking in the mirror for an entire 6 hours while also forgetting to eat lunch again—something I never would’ve done in my pre-mommy life.

When we become moms, we start to believe the truth that God gives us more than we can handle. He doesn’t do this because he likes to watch jugglers in action and enjoys a giggle every now and then when one ball plummets to the floor and two others follow like meteors. He does it because he’s our mighty fortress, solid cornerstone, safe refuge, steady rock, and the strong tower we should rely on for strength. He’s God.

In reality, we will drop the ball. We will spill the milk, forget our child’s appointment, have a bad attitude, or put the diaper on backwards. No one is good at juggling except jugglers anyway. And so, no one is good at trying to be like God in his perfectness but him either. Yet we put these expectations on ourselves to do it all and be flawless while doing it, but no one has the capability for perfection but our Lord Jesus Christ.

It’s Not a Fairy Tale

We may even think of evangelism like the fairy tales we tell our little princes and princesses. We imagine a special place where we will meet the right person who needs to hear the gospel. They will be saved. We will become best friends who study the Bible together over coffee and blueberry scones—everything will be happily ever after!

If evangelism likens to a fairy tale, we can play the role of the knight who has shiny armor of his own and doesn’t need God almighty and his spiritual armor to help him.

Or we could be like the fairy who sprinkles fairy dust over whoever she pleases to get her desired result instead of believing  God’s word is sharper than a double-edged sword and accomplishes whatever it pleases (Heb. 4:12). If we imagine evangelism as picturesque, we will likely put it off.

As moms, we don’t have many perfectly planned out days. We have many interruptions instead. Each time we sit down to drink our coffee someone poops or tumbles or gets into an argument with their brother, so we find ourselves heating the mug up in the microwave at least four times before noon. Or when we’re walking out the door to get big sister to her first ballet practice, little sister has a serious blowout which makes us late and a bad first impression to all.

To live a life that seeks to evangelize, we must recognize we are weak, inadequate, and unable to orchestrate the ideal scenario. We can’t change anyone’s heart either. The strength of Christ helps us obey when life seems chaotic, and God’s word—not our own—holds the power to save souls.

Moms Aren’t Exempt

Moms don’t need more of Christ’s help than non-moms, but perhaps as moms, we see our weaknesses more because they directly affect cute, little humans, and we realize that now would be a good time to have at least four arms.

When I think of the many things moms do throughout the week, I think of changing diapers, grocery shopping, laundry sorting, doctor appointments, nap time, play time, and sit-down dinners. Because these tasks speak such normality and necessity, it’s difficult to see how to make evangelism fit.

Moms, however, should still share the gospel, even though interruptions are inevitable. We must learn to welcome interruptions in our evangelism efforts. We are ambassadors for Christ and should joyfully plead with other souls to put their faith in Christ![2] Here are a few suggestions to share the gospel and develop discipleship relationships during our mommy to-do lists:

●      Have someone over when we’re changing the multitudes of diapers.

●      Welcome someone into our home during naptime when we feel confined.

●      Show hospitality and invite someone to a family sit-down dinner.

●      Meet someone new each time we go to the grocery store.

●      Talk to another mom at the park when the children play.

●      Get to know the nurse each time we visit the doctor.

●      Make a phone call to an unbeliever while folding laundry.

●      Talk to other moms at the kids’ activities or their school.

●      Get to know whatever coworkers we work alongside.

Moms have the joy of sharing the gospel with others, and also the privilege of obeying God by participating in the Great Commission. Matthew 28:18-20 says,

Children as Our Disciples

We obey the Great Commision as we faithfully attend to the task of discipling our own children—a big job, for sure! But we also want to remember that the love of God for us in Christ compels us to make disciples of every nation, in whatever context this makes sense for our situation.

We see from scripture that our children are like arrows. Psalm 127:4-5 says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” This verse helps us understand the privilege we have to raise our children to be “like arrows” that are sent out. We hope in God to save them so that we can send them out to make disciples of all nations.

The problem exists, however, if we put all of our evangelism efforts in our own children while hoping in their future evangelism efforts, excusing ourselves from making the effort to evangelize those outside of our children, namely those of other nations. God commands us individually as moms to obey the Great Commision.

What if we cared for the souls of ALL nations? We have a necessity as Christians to both share the gospel and to share it with people of all nations.

People of all nations may stand before your eyes. Do you see them at your local grocery store? Are they at your children’s schools, your neighborhood, the international restaurant?  Share with them in whatever capacity you can. You can hand them a gospel tract, have a sit down conversation, or invite them into your home.

What if you go weeks or months without seeing anyone from a different nationality? Perhaps you can pray for, financially support, and send encouraging letters to international missionaries sent out by your local church. You can go through the book Operation World or the website The Joshua Project and pray for a specific people group often.

Forget about the perfect evangelism opportunity and invite your children into the life of one who is ready at all times to give reason for the hope you have (1 Peter 3:15). 1 Corinthians 5:20 says, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

Obeying the Great Commission will look different now that you are a mom. You aren’t exempt from it, yet it’s a privilege. Let God make his appeal through you inside and outside of your home, through prayer and direct interaction, to your children and other future elect children of God who wait for someone to tell them, for they cannot believe unless they hear the good news (Rom. 10:14).

This was originally published here. Recently I have the impression that some people think I'm cool or that I have a wealth of wisdom within me because I write. Someone even told me I was famous the other day. It may seem cool. Or that I'm cool. But let me tell you a few things.

