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Mellie's Tiny House by Mary Jo Young

from August 7, 2017 issue Tagline: Mellie loved her tiny house...and Sam made it feel like a home!

Observations: I love tiny houses! I love those TV shows about tiny houses.  If I lived alone, I might very well try out a tiny house to see what it was like. I'd certainly have to cut down on the amount of stuff I own, that's for sure.

While I'm a fan of Young's stories, this one didn't hit any particularly high notes for me. I would like to have seen some more witty conversation that centered around something relevant, like how she was liking her house or maybe a bit about dogs--whether he has one or had one as a boy or whatever. The chicken thing seemed to come out of left field and was
touched on for too short a time for the bring-it-full-circle device of Sam offering to build a coop for her to really work. If it had been my story, I might have cut out the hike date stuff so I had more room to develop the chicken coop stuff, or vice versa. Their topics of conversation were never meaty enough for me.

Photo credit: Nicolas Boullosa (Flickr cc) Labels: Animals, Author: Young, Banter, Dialogue 
I think the topic is a new and interesting one. I liked the first, descriptive paragraph. It was funny when she saw the soft brown eyes gazing up at her, because one might think it's Sam before reading that it's actually a dog. What I don't like in many of these stories -- and I think this is the preference and action of the editor -- is the interjection of the second person's name into a conversation (as in two of the last five paragraphs, when he addresses her by name). It's unnatural and unnecessary; we know to whom he is speaking. Really nice story, Mary Jo, and didn't you have a mystery published recently? That's great.

August 23, 2017 at 11:50 AM 
Kate, I appreciate your review and will keep those points in mind in future stories. I had Mellie move to a rural area where she could do a bit of farming, and there was a little more conversation about that, but it didn't all make it onto the WW page.

Tamara, I went back and looked at my original copy, and I'm the one who had Sam call Mellie by name. I guess I thought it just went with the flow. Good to get your impression, though, and I will keep it in mind. No, I don't really do mysteries. My mind just doesn't work that way.

August 23, 2017 at 5:09 PM 
I liked the story. Good job, Mary Jo. I liked the topic and the talk of the chickens and cows seemed to it with the character living in her tiny house.

What I noticed about the story was the way it actually used a flashback to show the two meeting. It seemed to work well.

August 24, 2017 at 7:15 AM 
I am fond of flashbacks, Sandy. Mary Jo, I think it must have been another romance you had published -- not that long ago.

August 24, 2017 at 10:32 AM 
Tamara, I did have a couple of Romances in WW this year. Not as many as last year, though, and other WW writers have said the same. I think Patricia is working hard at bringing new writers along in the fiction department. Of course, that is good news for those trying to break in to publish there.

I do have a Romance story in the current WW issue of September 4. Much of the original version is intact, though Patricia did make some necessary edits to meet the EIC's requirements.

I suppose it is just howling at the moon to wish other women's magazines here in the US would go back to publishing short stories. Many of those that abandoned fiction en masse in the last century are now defunct, aren't they?

August 24, 2017 at 4:13 PM 
Oh, Sandy, I also appreciated your comments. Thanks so much.

August 24, 2017 at 4:25 PM 
Except for one mystery, my luck with WW hasn't been good for the past year. As for other magazines, I would think their subscribers would enjoy a story in each issue. I wonder why so many discontinued them.

August 24, 2017 at 6:31 PM 
Great story Mary Jo. I too love the tiny house movement. It was fun to see a story about something so current. Question. What does EIC requirements mean?

August 26, 2017 at 11:20 PM 

I'm guessing EIC is Editor-in-Chief who is the final approval for all stories I believe.

August 27, 2017 at 10:17 AM 
Thanks Sandy. That makes sense.

August 27, 2017 at 4:28 PM