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Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Potential Sexual Abuse

ESME’s Dani Bostick 
A common way of talking to kids about sexual abuse does more harm than good

Child sexual abuse is a startlingly common crime and every parent’s worst nightmare. It can be an even more worrisome topic for Solo Moms, since some perpetrators gain access to children by helping out while others position themselves as volunteers and employees in organizations that provide academic enrichment, athletic opportunities, and spiritual growth for kids.

The easiest way of talking about child sexual abuse with children is to warn them about strangers. However, so-called stranger danger discussions can sometimes do more harm than good. Such conversations give children the impression that strangers are dangerous and people they trust are safe.

In reality, most perpetrators of sexual abuse are people in positions of trust. Perpetrators take a lot of time grooming their victims, a process that often masquerades as relationship building and genuine care. Admitting that perpetrators appear trustworthy can feel very disempowering, as parents like to think they will be able to spot danger and protect their children. Perpetrators also groom the parents of their victims, charming their way into families. Many take advantage of Solo Moms, functioning as an ostensibly virtuous male role model and source of much-needed help.

Here are a few pointers to keep in mind when talking to your child about this uncomfortable topic. Even if you haven’t talked about sexuality with your child, you can still talk about sexual abuse.

You cannot protect your child from everything, but you can reduce the risk of your child becoming a victim of sexual abuse. Ignoring the topic or focusing solely on “stranger danger” discussions are counterproductive.

For more strategies and information, check out this helpful video from the Committee for Children.


domestic violence parenting Talking To Kids


