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I procrastinate, but I get shit done anyway

I am in such a better place
than I was when I last posted here.
As much as I try not to let it bother me,
November is a rough month (mom's death date)
and October was rather rough this year too,
so I'm more than happy to Sorted out some of dad's old Christmas records & cassettes
(yes, cassettes!)
so he can do Christmas in style. ;)
Dad loves music and has quite the record collection.
We bought him a 'retro' turntable a few years ago for Christmas
and he uses it all the time.
He loves his new place,
so that's a load off my mind. I've been busy with so many things lately,
but always make at least some time for art.
Otherwise, well, you already know.
I go insane. I've been working on my website
(thanks to the wonderful Kerstin Martin & Squarespace!)
getting all my ducks in a row
to teach e-courses on-line.

Hit a few snags along the way.

#1  I am the worst procrastinator.
Actually, I should say 'I am the BEST',
since I'm so damn good at it. ;) So it took
extra effort on my part to sit my ass down
and DO the actual work. #2  I was afraid.
Afraid of starting, afraid of getting stuck,
afraid of not being able to follow along,
afraid of not finishing.
Finally, one day, i just said:
"fuck it, I'm more afraid of NOT doing it than doing it!"
and I've been coasting ever since. #3  I have a few other projects on the go
so I've had to find a balance between
working on those
and doing the groceries
and visiting dad
and watching movies
and taking my car in for winter tires
and designing my website
and doing all the other fun things
that make my life good. #4  I hate Trump.
Doesn't have anything to do with anything.
I just wanted to make that clear. ;) I got so sick of hearing about
the sexual assault allegations
and young black men being shot by police
and 14 year old girls being raped
by rich, white men,
and shootings in churches
and abuse of power
and corrupt everything
that I just decided I needed a break from it all. So I rarely check social media
in the mornings anymore
and I almost never listen to the news.
I go for walks with this little Fluffy face (above) instead.
(She's holding on to her teddy bear, just in case I decide to steal it!)

At night, I go outside
and look at the stars in the sky
and life makes sense again.
Even when shit continues to happen
on the surface, on a daily basis...
the world keeps turning. Mornings are kept for creative work,
reading, writing, walking
and good coffee.
And i feel so much better inside. I go on Instagram,
because I am always inspired there
rather than depressed. And whenever I do check Twitter,
I almost always think:

"Did this enrich my day in any way?"
"Did this make my life more meaningful"?
"Did I learn something valuable?"

and the answer, clearly, is always NO.

I usually just feel more angry, more frustrated,
more disgusted with too many people,
so i kinda went on a social media/gossip diet. ;)

I sketched this (below) right after spending
some time on Twitter.
It feels angry and confused and
like a bombarding of too many things at once,
That's what it feels like to me. So I've been breathing better
and finding some great 2nd hand books
at the local bookstore... ...and I found this one (new) last week.
Hard cover, the illustrated story of Jane Austen, for $6.99!
Yes and thank you. Oh, and I've also started bullet journaling!
My pages are nowhere near as beautiful
as some of the serious bullet journalers out there,
but I seem to be getting more done, somehow.

I just needed a tool to help me keep focused.

I found a few videos that explained bullet journaling
in a very BASIC way, and I went from there.
Found a notebook I had lying around the house
and used that one for the first month,
just to get in the groove.

I've never been big on goal setting
but I do love lists.
I have post-it notes all over the place.
The problem is, my 'list' is scattered all over the house. :)
So this way, it's all kept in ONE place. So I treated myself to these lovely journals
(bought via Amazon for like $8 each!)
and these great ultra thin drawing pens.
Christmas came early!! YAY!!

I was going to spend today putting up the Christmas tree,
but I ended up cleaning closets and doing paperwork instead.
I hate doing that stuff,
but it feels SO good once it's done, doesn't it?
Besides, I usually like to wait
until the first snowfall to decorate the tree.

I'm kinda looking forward to the snow.
Course, I could feel differently come mid-March,
in the middle of fucking blizzard
that keeps us without power for 3 days...lol.

So many people in the world
seem to be having a hard time these days.
So many sad and lonely people out there.

Sometimes, there seems to be
so much ugliness in the world,
that we tend to forget
that beauty still exists,
right alongside the darkness.

When I listen to this song
by Tom Waits,
I hear beauty.
I hear hope.


Posted by pauline at 9:53 PM