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I just have to put it all out there … can ABC PLEASE stop casting thirsty men as the Bachelor? For the past two seasons (and Colton will be #3) this has been the case. Don’t worry, I’m here to lay out all the facts. I know this won’t change the already horrible decision that’s been made; at least I’ll feel better though and getting all my feelings out may lessen my chance of not watching.

Nick Viall

Even his name describes the kind of person he is. He was cast two seasons ago as the Bachelor, and it was my first time watching the show (I’m a Bach baby). If you didn’t watch his season and don’t already think he’s the worst, take into account he was on the Bachelorette twice, Paradise once, and then was cast as the Bachelor … and still didn’t find love. Nick was terrible during his time as the Bachelor, and least we not forget this horrible moment …

He went on to do Dancing with the Stars and be an all around douche … oh yeah, and the girl he proposed to on his season? They didn’t even make it a year.

Arie Luyendyk

Arie was cast on the eighth season of the Bachelorette, only to then be cast as the Bachelor last year. I didn’t watch his first run on the show and barely made it through his boring Bachelor run. However, it was his break-up with Becca … ON TV … that makes him the worst.

Cool man, go be happy with Lauren … but you knew what you were doing to this girl and to have it shown on TV was so lame.

Nick was thirsty after he made an appearance four times on the show, plus went on DWTS. Arie was thirsty after he knew he chose the wrong girl and decided to air the breakup on the show. No one could be worse than those two right? Wrong. Enter Colton, your new Bachelor. Let’s start at the beginning and run the timeline, shall we?

Exhibit A —

It’s 2016 and Colton thinks to himself, “How can I make myself a more famous NFL player?” I don’t know, how about date a gold medal Olympian? That’s what Colton did when he asked out Aly Raisman via social media. Don’t believe me? Click here for the story. Apparently their break-up was mutual, due to long distance. #whatever … she deserves better anyway.

Exhibit B —

Next, he hooks up with Tia from Arie’s season, while he’s being cast for The Bachelorette. Oh, how did the two of them start talking? Wouldn’t you know … social media! Sound familiar? Click here for that story. Come to find out though, Tia doesn’t become the Bachelorette, her friend Becca does. But that’s okay because Colton finds her attractive too (I think he has a thing for brunettes) and he goes on the show to date her.

Exhibit C —

Not only does the thirst monster get cast, he makes top 4. His virginity becomes a topic of interest, as does his relationship with Tia. Anything to keep a story line going and stay relevant, am I right? Alas though, it doesn’t work out between Colton and Becca; I’m sure with his new found fame, he’ll return home to run his charity. Wrong.

Exhibit D —

Colton goes to Paradise to reopen the can of worms that is him and Tia. Oh, and not only that … ABC has to bring Becca to Paradise to add more fuel to this lame fire. No Bachelor or Bachelorette has even attended Paradise right after his or her season ended; Becca is the first, and she’s only brought on to cause more drama with/for Colton. Becca apparently gives Colton the “closure” he needs, he makes Tia his girlfriend, only to dump her a few days later. And now the guy is cast as the next Bachelor. Ughhhh I really don’t know if I can stomach watching him talk with his lisp, or cry, or discuss his virginity /Tia any more. Think they’ll cast Tia as one of the girls? I’d maybe watch then. All in all I could not be more annoyed with this decision. Justice for Blake and here’s to seeing if I actually watch. Sooo I decided to watch Paradise tonight instead of the VMA’s; now that I’m in my thirties, I think I’m too old for them. Don’t believe me? Well then you can read my post from last year’s show right here: Video Music Awards: A Drinking Game. Honestly though, I’m not sure Paradise is much better. This is our third full night of these idiots, who are not on Paradise for love, but rather my entertainment. Ah well, it’s been a long day, so entertain me. Let me know what I missed & if I should watch tomorrow! She should have picked Blake. 
Dream Rankings

Gold Medal, aka who deserves Becca’s heart: 

Bronze Medal, aka possibly the next Bach? 

Needs to leave next week … 

Reality Rankings

Here’s to finding out what happens!! It only got worse from there. I’m going to try extremely hard to not turn this post into a full on rant, but I may not be able to control myself. You should also know I had a “first impressions” post set to launch today. However, after getting a full night’s sleep I felt justice needed to be served, so I went in a different direction. Also, if you don’t get that Morning Toast reference, you can go stand in the corner with Becca
 How Becca could send this adorable human home is beyond me! Let me lay out the evidence as to why Grocery Store Joe should have stayed: He’s from Chicago, not LA or Florida like every other douche canoe this season. Two, he has an real job, not sales rep or personal trainer or instafamous. What is the job you ask? He owns a freaking grocery store! Think about his knowledge of produce & cooking, plus having to be able to manage & work well with others? He’s probably very helpful too. Also, if you get on his Instagram (@joeamabile1), he posts more about food than probably any other Bachelor contestant even (who instead would rather post gym or beach selfies all day).  Exhibit 500 as to why she should have kept him: he flubbed his limo speech. He was so real and so nervous and so cute, he forgot everything he was going to say. Maybe that didn’t leave an impression on Becca, but it did on America!

Seriously, go type in ‘Joe Bachelorette’ on Twitter & see what pops up!

Chris Harrison hinted that Grocery Store Joe would be heading to Paradise, but what we really need …. is Grocery Store Joe as the next Bachelor! I am a Bachelor baby and have only watched two seasons, Nick & Arie’s. My best friend who forced me to become part of Bachelor Nation tells me all the time how screwed I’ve been on bachelors and how I’ve never seen a good male lead. I mean, we all thought it was going to be Peter last season, only to find out it was Arie. And, while ABC will try to promise not another villain like him, you know they loved the ratings spike with the Becca breakup. Okayyyyy, this is starting to turn into a rant, so I’ll try to wrap it up, but I have two other things to say about two other guys “good” guys. Colton. Mr. Aly Raisman himself. Twitter seemed to really like him, and I agree he’s hot. But I feel like he’s a bit thirsty and then the whole “I’m a virgin” story line in the promos? Yeah right! I’m telling you guys … I don’t trust him or like him and I think ya’ll should watch out! 
My final rant and disappointment … I really liked Garrett. Even though his intro with the Chris Farley impression was truly terrible, I thought the fishing thing at the mansion was cute, plus he got the first impression rose and I trust (trusted) Becca, so I was here for him. I even had him in my top four (along with Grocery Store Joe Look, MHH is not here to get political and all opinions are welcome, but as a teacher, when someone likes a photo mocking a school shooting survivor, I draw the line and am done with them, aka Garrett!


Well I like Blake, the guy who came in with the ox, and I like Christon, the guy who dunked the basketball. I’m sure as the season goes on, I’ll find others to like too. But for right now, I’m so disappointed in my girl Becca, like so disappointed. But I guess all I can do is be patient, see how the season plays out, and start some sort of petition to get Grocery Store Joe to be the next Bachelor! I know, I know, I know. Everyone in Bachelor Nation is talking about women telling all and Arie knowing what he did (and if you don’t know, just go check US Weekly …). But, I can’t stop thinking about the Winter Games couples; I’m really really sad the show is over. Sighh… I guess we’ll always have Instagram! Before we completely bid adieu to the wonderful Bachelor break from Arie’s season, I thought I’d give a few quick thoughts on each couple … I promise this will be quick & painless!

Bibiana & Jordan I was most devastated to see this couple not work out because I was really rooting for Bibi! AND to have Jordan fall so hard and quick for her, when he said he didn’t feel that way about ANYONE on his entire season of The Bachelor? I wanted it to work between them! However, she gave a good speech at the World Tells All when she used an excellent book metaphor about them not being on the same page or chapter.

Lesley & Dean Obviously Dean needs to grow up (what with his rocket ship comparisons and proposing with a house key) but Lesley calls him out on it which I LOVE! I don’t think any of the many girls Dean has been involved with in the past (in Bachelor world) have done that! I also appreciate the playful side of their relationship and really really hope it works out.

Stassi & Luke Speaking of working out (or not), let’s discuss Stassi and Luke. I wasn’t really rooting for them because I didn’t think she was that great and all his ramblings and “poetic” nonsense were the worst. But dude … to completely ghost her after the show, try to make some sort of reasoning for it on the reunion, and then to be just a straight d*** once you thought the cameras stopped rolling …? Zero excuse for it buddy.  There was even a campaign to stop following him on Twitter. I hope Stassi gets all the joys the world can give her and I hope Luke never releases a hit single in Nashville.

Lily & Courtney These two are probably my favorite couple and I think they deserved to win the whole thing over Ashley and Kevin. They had the cutest ice dance routine and they seem to genuinely care for one another (even though Courtney kind of annoys me). The best thing about them came after the show though when they rented an RV and road tripped across the United States.  I thought it was awesome for their relationship and just a cool thing to do, especially both being from foreign countries!

Ashley & Kevin Meh, probably my least favorite couple. Yes, I want Ashley I. to finally win at the Bachelor (hence why they probs decided to let her win that stupid golden rose) and yes I want her relationship to actually work out … but I’m not invested in this relationship. I hate looking at all that makeup on Ashley’s face and I hate just looking at Kevin’s busted face. But, everyone deserves happiness, even Ashley I. and here is just one more amazing thing about the Winter Games … even Ashley I. could find love!

Clare & Benoit LOVE him, kind of hate her, and may have cried when he proposed. I’m glad Benoit is happy because seriously all the dude deserves is happiness … and I guess we can be happy crazy Clare finally found someone too! Bitch totally lucked out, not only on an amazing guy, but she can now travel to Paris and never have to worry about a language issue because Benoit speaks amazing, beautiful French! I hope they make it down the aisle only because I don’t want to see sweet Benoit cry anymore!


Things I loved about the show and what I will miss most: all the contestants being cooped up in the house forcing their relationships. Seeing so many Californians fall in the show. Yuki. Finally, ALL the shade thrown by the producers, from that first “Survivor-style vote” rose ceremony, to basically having some of these people’s ex’s (Jojo, Rachel, Arie) judge a kissing competition to determine if couples got a rose. ABC, you HAVE to keep this show going each year; the international contestants and fun competitions make for such a wild ride!

I guess all we have now is Monday where we find out what Arie did; I’ll have a large glass of rosé and my tweeting fingers ready! 

Initial reactions … Click here to meet the full cast! 

See you next week! Xoxo!



