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Israel Hits Hezbollah McDonald's


TEL AVIV - Israeli F-16s attacked and destroyed the new Hezbollah (or Hizbu'llah) McDonald's in what has been described in multinational capitalist circles as the "single worst day of violence in the Middle East" to date. Speaking from Hollywood after requesting anonymity, Mel “Mad Max” Gibson, chief investor in the project, said, “That's a pommy bahastahd thing to do Bruce. A few mates want to engage in some world class capitalism and the goddamn Jews start a war over it!  What's a Bruce supposed to do Bruce?”

Israeli Defense Force spokesperson, Ariel Bombardmentstein, said that Israeli intellegence had good reason to believe that the McDonald's was a staging area for Hezbollah's next attack on the plucky Hebrew nation. “We've seen Supersize Me,” said El-Bombardment, “We know the dangers that Big Macs on our northern border pose. Not to mention the enticement to sin that is the McRib sandwich.”

Wall Street reacted positively to the latest Israeli action. Rudolf Katzenjammer, of Katzenjammer, Katzenjammer and Bernstein Investments confessed to being “tickled pink” that Israel was taking such positive steps to defend itself. KKB, a majority shareholder of Katyusha Industries saw it's own stock explode as Hezbullah rockets rained down on Israeli territory. “Israel has the right to protect it's territroy,” said Katzenjammer, “and of course it's important that the nascent Lebanese democracy be allowed to survive. Of course we regret the loss of civilian life, but hey, you know, omelets...eggs....”

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