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First Day of the Rest of My Life Bytches

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I’m gonna do this!  My days of eating Sonic Cheese Sticks and French fries are over….well for a little while anyways.  (I had cheese sticks yesterday so I got my fix for a little bit).  I’m a firm believer that you should never say you “just ate your last mouthful of fried goodness” as this is just not realistic.  Unless you’re a bodybuilder or a supermodel in which case you probably haven’t eaten either since the 80’s so you just don’t know what you’re missing.
So today is weigh in day.  Xanax…check.  I pulled out the ol’ scale and then spent a few minutes cleaning off the very thick layer of dust.  Before stepping on, I looked to the Heavens and said “go easy on me”.  I held my breath and stepped on.  Those few seconds it takes to calculate your weight seem like an eternity.   “You bytch!”  I quickly stepped off the scale to allow “the bytch” a moment to collect herself then slowly stepped back on.  I sucked in hoping this would help.  Nope, there it was….a number.  Now, if I were ballsy this is where I would tell you how much I weigh.  But as luck would have it, my balls haven’t dropped yet.   Maybe someday.  Baby steps.
Instead of telling you how much I weigh, I decided I would show you.  These will count as my “before” pictures.  I know many people do a before picture in workout pants and a sports bra.  I hate those people.  Mainly because their before pictures look much better than I expect my “after” pictures to look. So, I decided to take my picture in my goal outfit.  These jeans are Jessica Simpson Princy jeans.  They were my all time favorite and I WILL fit back in to them but today there aren’t enough Denim Dips in the world to help me fit in to them.  You can read about denim dips HERE.  As you will notice they currently come just over my knees.  This is beyond depressing and I am seriously considering cutting them in the middle and just using them as denim legwarmers.  Then, techinically,  I do a fit in to my skinny jeans.  Hair flip! Here’s my goal shirt.  Disclaimer: I left on the ol' over the shoulder boulder holder just to add an extra helping of class.  I bought this recently on a Facebook auction (we’ll talk about that obsession another week).  I think it’s cute and sassy and I can’t wait to wear it.  This shirt is a medium and I was actually able to get it on which was VERY exciting.  Now, if you listen closely you can actually hear the seams screaming for dear life.  This gorgeous, tiny top is cutting so deeply into my armpit that if I left it on long enough,  I’m pretty certain that it would amputate my arm.  I’m right handed so I guess I don’t necessarily NEED my left arm but I will say I’ve grown quite attached to it over the years.
I tend to hold most of my weight in this region (circling hands over hips and thighs) so I think I’ll fit into the shirt lonnnng before the jeans but I WILL wear those jeans again (dammit!)…and not as legwarmers.
So there you have it, Fluffy in all her Fluffy-iness.  Trust me when I say it was gut wrenching to add these photos for the world to see.  And by “world”, I mean my 4 readers.  Either way, I’m doing this.  I’m holding myself to this.  I WILL be a skinny mom and I WILL teach my 3 month old daughter, Fluffette, about healthy eating habits to save her from a life full of ridicule and self doubt.  She will inherit my good qualities such as my wit, charm and…pretty face and not the bad eating habits which include a love for food that can sometimes consume every waking moment.  Get on this train Fluffette, it’s gonna be a long ride.
In random news, Fluffette rolled over for the first time yesterday.  She’s pretty much a baby genius and will be starting Harvard in the Spring. Puttin' it out there,

Posted by Charla Austin at 3:56 PM