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Letter to Bobbin - eighteen months Hey there, Bobbin,

You are now one and a HALF. We all know the HALF is super important. And all of a sudden you just seem so grown up. A little girl; definitely not a baby any more. I look back at pictures from your rainbow birthday party and it seems so long ago.

We have so many nicknames for you: Bam Bam, Pocket Rocket, The Firey One, Miss Feisty, She Who Must Be Obeyed, Queen Bobbin and more.

Your vocabulary has EXPLODED in the last few weeks. You were always a talker, but now you will repeat every word said to you (or at least attempt to). Well over one hundred words and a few small sentences like "There it is", "I did it", "Bye, Dad", "Where Dolly?", "Tricky go" (as in gone to school, not go away - for go away it's "WAAAAAHAHALKDHAHAHAHAAAAAAARGH"). Actually, you don't shut up, so we have fabulous chats.

You have very eclectic tastes in toys and will kiss your dolls and your monster trucks goodnight as you put them to bed. The LEGO LOVER gene has been passed down to you, and you really enjoy building towers with your Dad and brother. You also enjoy knocking them down, much to Tricky's dismay. You have an obsession with crafty stuff; paint, playdough, gluing and more. If you had to choose one, you'd pick colouring in, though it has to be with textas - you cottoned on pretty quick that I was giving you crayons and pencils because they were easier for me to clean up. Quite a few fabulous art works  have decorated our walls recently... directly on the walls, at Bobbin height. Grrr.

Dressing up is one of your favourite things to do. Clothes, jewelry, hats, and especially shoes. Your favourite shoes are George Pig sneakers. OK, so maybe they're my faves, but you look adorable in them.

Actually, your favourite anything is whatever someone else has. Toys, food, drink bottles, you name it. Typical toddler. Oh, and drink fountains. You're obsessed with the ones at Tricky's school but you're not quite strong enough to press them yourself yet, but you can stretch up on tippy toes to take a drink if I do it for you. What is it about little kids and tip toes? So cute.

You have almost toilet trained yourself. I'd heard girls were easy, but I had no idea! We aren't pushing it, you are still in nappies for now, but you let us know with words and signs most of the time when you need to go. My washing load has dramatically decreased - thank you!

You like to play in your kitchen and create all sorts of fabulous wooden dishes. The only interest in real cooking you have is when I'm finished and there is something for you to eat.

Strawberries are your weakness and I must admit I sometimes bribe you with them. For a while there we thought you might be allergic to them but after doing all sorts of eliminations and what not, we figured out it was cow's milk. No problem though, because you're still on Mama's milk.

You are feisty, confident, outgoing, in your face, enthusiastic and adventurous. This means you're a bit of a handful, but, bloody hell, you're awesome.

Today I'm jumping on a plane for a whirlwind trip to Sydney for work and it will be our first night apart. Last night as we rocked together in your chair and you fed, I stroked your hair and told you I was going to be away. I don't think you minded because your only response was to stick your finger up my nose and giggle before nuzzling in and winding down for sleep.

Have fun terrorizing playing with your Dad and The Trickster while I'm away, I'll be back before you know it.

 

Rainbow First Birthday Party What's a pinata cake? THAT'S a pinata cake: Links to this post Tags Birthday, Bobbin, childrens birthday parties


The reunion

Estrangement is a strange thing. It's right there, in the middle of the word so you don't miss it, and can't possibly forget.


I am not privvy to all the circumstances that led to the fracturing of my family, though, over the years, I have heard a few stories. Stories that have been, no doubt, warped by the passage of time in a Chinese Whisper that led to us all missing out on precious time together.

He said. She said. This happened. That happened.

None of it involved me. I didn't even know it was happening; kept in the dark, I was the last to find out anything. All I knew is that my Uncle Buck, as we called him, was no longer at any family events and was only spoken of in hushed tones.

When you have a tiny little family like I do, one person missing is really obvious. Especially someone as funny and larger than life as him.

A year ago I wrote how I would send him a birthday message every year, and the lengths that I had gone to to make contact with him. Creating new email addresses to bypass filters, using contact forms for his office, and even straight out emotional blackmail by including beautiful pictures of us from my wedding day. Anything to trigger a response. Some recognition. Proof of life, if you will. I had decided that last year I wouldn't send him another one because it was too heartbreaking to be met with silence yet again.

Then, this year, his birthday fell just a few short weeks after my Aunty Steffi (his sister) had run in to him (chased him down is more appropriate) and was working hard to reconnect, so I wondered if maybe the lines of communication were starting to open? Perhaps I could try again even though I was opening myself up to pain and disappointment. I decided to send him a birthday message.

I sent it after I knew he would have turned his phone off for the night, crossing my fingers he kept the same habit as he did five years prior. I wanted to send it and just forget, rather than sit by my phone all day, jumping every time it bleeped at me and getting disappointed if it wasn't him.

I woke up the next morning and my plan had worked because I had genuinely forgotten that I had sent it.

Then my phone bleeped.


The first contact in over five years.

I was shaking and crying as I read his response over and over and over again. I must have read it fifty times. "Darling Glow, you can see me anytime you wish. So make it soon. I'm not getting any younger. Love, Uncle Buck x"

He called me darling! He said love! He put a kiss!

A few weeks passed and we arranged to meet. I was sick with anticipation. I had googled him countless times and seen his most recent picture, but what would he look like in the flesh? Would he still sound the same? Would he still make me laugh the way only he could?

I was so afraid that I would be unable to speak and just spend the whole time crying. I played out scenarios in my head, acted them out in front of the mirror, and rehearsed in the bath. Nothing sounded right so I gave up and decided to wing it.

We pulled up in our respective cars at the same time, and greeted with a kiss on the cheek like nothing had happened, right there on the side of the road.

I had so many questions for him.

Where have you been? Why didn't you reply to my emails? My texts? Did you read any of them or just delete them straight away? Do you know I'm a mother now? I've had two children since you last saw me. Did you not like me? Did you not want to see me? Were you wanting to but didn't know how? Do you know it's been FIVE FUCKING YEARS?

But I didn't ask any of them.

Not a single one.

Because the answers, in all honesty, just don't matter.

The only thing that is important is that we are together now, as a family, moving forward.

We chatted, Uncle Buck, Aunty Steffi, Aunty Penny (lotta aunties there - Penny's my sister), and I, for a couple of hours. Sometimes Bobbin joined in, too. She was a fabulous buffer, as all babies are.

I didn't cry while he was there, much to everyone's amazement including my own, probably because I'd rehearsed this scene for the last four and a half years. But I did cry after he'd gone. A mixture of relief, happiness to see him and a lingering sadness from missing out on five years.

Where it goes to next, I don't know. But I hope one day it can be like it was. For now, I just keep going back to this photo we took the other day and smiling.

So good to have you back, Uncle Buck x Links to this post Tags Another Fucking Emo Post, Weird Shit My Family Does


Gro-egg Review and Giveaway 

Which then makes me wonder if they will be too cold.

What colour did they glow here?


All the damn time.

It even had a little frowny face. Links to this post Tags Review, sleep


I'm not hipster enough for the Fringe World Festival Links to this post Tags comedy, Embrace the Awesomeness, gifted, Perth


Taking Command-o

The days are quickly ticking past in my self proclaimed year of being good to myself. The #33yearofme. Tick, tick, tick. I've made leeway in to some areas; I bought a chair I'd been wanting for years, started decorating the house a bit, written down something good about every day and placed it in a huge jar, and I've blogged more.

So yay for me.

But, one area I wanted to work on, my health and fitness, has seen no movement at all, quite literally. Because < insert multiple pathetic excuses here >

I'm not happy that I can't play with the kids like MapGuy can. I'm not happy that I sit out activities because I'm so unfit. I'm not happy that 18 months after throwing out all my "fat clothes" I have had to go and re-buy pants to fit. And I'm not happy that the lifestyle I'm currently living has giant big neon signs along the path saying DIABETES! HEART DISEASE! CANCER!

And yeah, I'm also a bit vain and want to look hot. Type two diabetes isn't known for being sexy.

Rather than just sit around and moan about how I'm not happy, I'm doing something about it. *fist pump*

I'm buying a bike next week so that I can ride to and from school with Tricky. I've been saving up for it for a while now and I'm so excited. But I don't think my motivation levels will just suddenly skyrocket with the purchase of a bike -  evidenced by the fact that so many people have almost brand new bikes sitting in their garages, becoming rather expensive cobweb display systems. I need something more.

I need GetCommandoFit (yep, that hot dude from TV), and a sense of accountability (that means you, internet). The program started last year with three levels and it wouldn't have suited me then but this is Mission 2 and includes a new starter level, "Get Active", for the first time. It's the one for people like me who might be a bit unco and haven't done anything for a while, plus it doesn't require any equipment which is ace because I don't have any.

It's a 13 week Mission, can be done individually or in a squad, includes meal plans made by a nutritionist, workouts, motivation, an expert health and fitness team, access to the community forums and more. Sadly, no personal visit from the man himself. Sigh.

It starts in FOUR DAYS.

I'm pumped and shit scared. But mostly pumped. I think. Argh! Wanna join me? You can sign up to GetCommandoFit and we can be motivated, and ever so slightly terrified of that muscle bound hunk, together. But it's all about fitness and nothing to do with what he looks like, OK? NOTHING. Well, it doesn't hurt. Let's just say it's extra motivation and leave it at that.
 Links to this post Tags #33yearofme, Commando, GetCommandoFit, sponsored


The police knocked on my door...

... and I freaked out.

Nevertheless, I was still anxious.


Because my brain is stupid.

Fuck, it's exhausting being me. Links to this post Tags Anxiety


How to make sure your partner gets wood this Valentine's Day
 Links to this post Tags #GlowsValentines, GlowsValentines, Review


Nescafe Dolce Gusto Circolo Review

There has been a mixed reaction: Links to this post Tags appliance junkie, Review