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My Spark NA journey

28 June 2015
I consider finishing my short story Once Upon a Sticky Note and putting it out there one of my biggest, bravest, and scariest accomplishments so far. The idea of baring myself and opening my work to critique and/ or ridicule is enough to make me want to walk inside the closet and not stop until I reach Narnia, but in the name of all that is good and holy I WENT AHEAD AND DID IT.

And it paid off well.

Naturally, I thought the next step would be to dare more. Armed with the knowledge that I finished 6,402 words by clocking in three to five hours a night for four nights and pretty confident that I have a solid continuation for Nate and Tanya's story, I signed up for Spark NA. Even though I was forever the buzzer-beater, I was pretty okay with the Activities, but as per usual, I hemmed and hawed and procrastinated during the entire process.

I couldn't even understand what was wrong. With the deadline looming closer and closer, I expected my creative juices to come and save me from this can't-put-feelings-into-words predicament, but NO. The magic just wasn't happening. I seriously doubted myself and my abilities. What if I'm just okay with short stories? What if I really can't do novellas? What if I just got lucky with the first one and now I won't be able to replicate that luck? What if I'm really not good enough? With only a couple of weeks left, I breathed deeply, brushed my shoulders, and decided to scrap what I have and start from the top.

It didn't work out.

Even before we all started, Mina said the most important thing to remember is to be brave. I guess admitting defeat in front of my laptop and accepting that I wouldn't be able to do it this time is a way of displaying bravery? That even though it will be just a tad delayed, promising Nate and Tanya that I would finish their story is still a way of  shrugging it off and showing courage?

I suppose I could suppose all I want, but unless I come up with a 20,000-word story then all of it would have been for naught. Still, I learned A LOT and I promise to still work on this story. Just not now.

Maybe because, for the first time in a long time, this happened: Yes. For the first time in a long time, I don't need to turn to fiction as a means of escapism. Finally, reality feels better than any sweet scenario my fingers and keyboard or pen and paper can conjure. This turn of events is not to be blamed, of course, but I'm just saying that at the moment I guess I prefer spending time with a real, living, breathing person over fictional characters. Sorry, Nat and Tan. Let me adjust to these new developments, and I'm sure I'll see you again. Patience, my friends. ♡