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August 26, 2015

Dating, Sex, Sex Tips, Sexy

Keeping it Cuming in a Couple It's nice to sit on the couch together. But even better to do it on the couch.

The last thing anyone wants their significant other to think or feel is that they don't have a good sex life. Granted, sex isn't thee most important aspect of a relationship (what's that? No, my eye isn't twitching...) but it is a very significant part. This usually isn't a problem to incorporate when relationships are new. Both people are excited, both are (whether they acknowledge it or not) on their best behavior, and as a result both are willing to make regular sacrifices to prioritize sex, whether it's staying up later than usual, sleeping over on a weeknight or waking up super early to fit some romance in before work.

After a while though things "calm down" and before you know it you're counting the number of encounters you've had with your partner this month rather than this morning. And it makes sense. Sometimes life gets in the way and conditions just aren't conducive to love making. You plan a romantic dinner but you both get a little too tipsy and accidentally fall asleep in your clothes when you get home. Oops. Or somehow someone got food poisoning at the restaurant. Needless to say that's not sexy. Or someone had to work late beforehand, so you ended up going out later than anticipated, and you want to, of course you want to, but you reeaalllyyy have to wake up early in the morning because of the thing that you have, bla bla bla...

And so on and so forth.

Now according to psychologists (and, if you're a fan, Aziz Ansari) it's normal for relationships to start off with something called passionate love and eventually calm down into something called companionate love. And while there are all sorts of different types of love involving a variety of pairings of passion, commitment and intimacy, and ideal relationship - or consummate love - includes all three.

So if you find yourself committed and spending plenty of time being close, but just not quite doin' it, what can you do to keep up the passion?

Break the Routine

Do something different! If you always follow the same routine things will begin to feel routine, which is another way of saying no longer exciting. Remember that thing that used to come before sex? You know...foreplay? Remember? That starts way before you actually get into bed. If you're just going about your day: work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, possible window for sex - foreplay is being ignored. Try going for a drink nearby, going for a walk or having a little night picnic. Make sure you're deliberately making time to start your banter and flirtation and let it flourish throughout your evenings.

Make it a Priority

If other things are getting in the way of sex, that means sex is low down on the priority list. Sad face. Instead, elevate its status. Make sex your trump card. If you're supposed to be getting ready to watch a movie but there's a sexy tension happening - let it happen! The movie will still be there when you're done! Middle of the movie? Pause the movie! Getting ready to meet friends and you're both getting spruced up and maybe seeing your partner sprucing is getting you turned on? Get turned on, be fashionably late and super happy when you get there. Sex is more important! (Oh look, my eye stopped twitching.)

Build Anticipation

This can mean different things to different people. For some it may mean making some kind of romantic plan in advance and looking forward to it. For others it may mean sending choice text messages throughout the day to look forward to the end of the day. For me, a little space does the trick. Spending time relaxing alone or participating in an activity on my own makes me feel excited when I see my partner...and take that word however you like. A little time apart means separate experiences to share and talk about, appreciation for someone if you haven't seen them in a day or two. Maybe a little pent up tension. And then - yay! Sexy time.

All in all it's great to be in something stable, but that doesn't mean you can't still have an exciting sex life. So keep it cuming, and if all else fails there's always couple's sex toys...

Which is actually not a bad solution at all, in fact, check out my post Batteries Not Included if you're not sure where to start.


x's and many o's,


Good Psychology

For quick tips and bedroom tricks check out O School's - Sex Tips



