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Thanks for showing up, Zach
By Basketbawful at 2:29 PM

In an extraordinary show of team spirit and unity, Zach Randolph failed to show up for the Trailblazer's yearly team photo shoot.

"Randolph missed the team photo, saying that he thought it was on a different day. Nevermind that he was told Saturday morning while getting treatment that the photo was a few hours later at the Rose Garden. The Blazers had someone "stand-in" for Randolph and will airbrush him into the photo. They had to do the same thing last year for General Manager John Nash, who was reportedly out of town, on assignment, which is far more excuseable."

We all knew Zach was another victim of the Contract Year Phenomenon, but this is still pretty sad. I tried that whole "I thought it was another day" excuse back when my sister got married, and it didn't go over very well. On the up side, I totally rocked my friends in a game of Super Street Fighter, so everything more or less turned out okay. Anyway...if they are going to "airbrush" Zach into the photo, they should get the guy who did "The Cassells Family Portrait" to do it. The scary thing is, I'm not even sure this isn't the real thing... The Blazers should get some crack whore wearing a Zach Randolph jersey as a stand in. Or get a transvestite or some really really really fat guy in a Zach Randolph jersey... basically go way over the top on it. Nobody else will miss a future team photo.
4/18/2006 3:11 AM I was just going to say leave them out, but your suggestion is funnier. Maybe an even better suggestion would be to have a single stand in for all team photos. Say, Shawn Kemp or Oliver Miller. Hire these guys to attend all team photo shoots, and have them stand in for any missing player. We could end up with 6 or 7 team photos that all have Oliver Miller. Maybe I've been sniffing too much glue, but I think that would be awesome.
4/18/2006 11:30 AM I like the Shawn Kemp idea, especially if it's the Trailblazer shockingly-overweight-version-because-he's-not-doing-a-pound-of-blow-each-night Kemp.
4/19/2006 3:21 PM I knew there was a reason why Sam Cassell and Brandy (right) look so much alike.
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