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Totally Unacceptable!

I had to WAIT! WAIT ... I tell you .....WAIT......huh? Well...... I had to protest! I had worked my paws off guiding Mum around town again today, then put up with aaaaalllll the faffing around with this 'putting things away' malarkey. Then I took Daddy out of the way while Mum carried on with yet more 'putting away', and stroked the floor. When we got back, she was in the galley (apparently that is what a floatyboaty kitchen is called) doing choppy-stirry-sizzly things. I rushed to my station - the bit at the end of the worktop where things usually need to be hoovered from when messy Mummy is doing galley-work. Not only was there NO hooverings (she was being way too careful!) but my bowl was absent - that meant there was no carrot trimmings to be disposed of! I glared at Mum. I glanced to where my bowl should have been. I licked my chops. I repeated this sequence several times, but STILL I had to wait! This delay is utterly unnacceptable!
The carrot trimmings were yummy when I did eventually get them - as was the bit of meat that Mum 'threw' on the floor. I don't think she meant to do that but .... well..... I couldn't leave it there could I?
Oh, and we went to Newbury Amuseum, or something. Part of today's workywalkies. Not particularly amusing for me! No yummies. No buddies. No fun! Just lots of stuff behind windows. Mum and Dad seemed to find it interesting though!

Posted by Oakley Clarke at 22:40 No comments: 

Tiny Socks, and NO BEACH!

Huff! A trip to Bournemouth - but no beach! Humph! I think a serious mistake has been made today! I tried my bestest to guide Mum (with Dad tagging along too) down through town to the gardens and thus onto the beach - but she was way too stubborn. I could not persuade her, no matter how much I sped up when going in that direction, then slowed down to a plod when going the other way. She just won't follow my instructions sometimes!
Our first port of call was that place called Poole, where I guided Mum through the shoppyplace to find Boots. Then I found upstairs and straight into the humanvets place to see Kara, the nice ladyhuman who has been trying to sort out Mum's hurty paws.
Kara got Mum up high on a big chair, with her paws sticking out on the end, then she did a bit of poking and prodding - I came close to supervise and make sure Mum wasn't getting damaged. She wasn't. It was OK. Her mouth was up at the corners. I laid down again!
After leaving there, I guided Mum back through the shoppyplace again. There are no cars here but we had to stop at a gate to wait for a big rumbly train to go past. While we were waiting, I met up with Socks. He is a tiny weenie 16 week old Chihuahua puppy. He was so tiny that, even when he stretched up on his hind legs, I still had to bend down to greet him! I would have loved to had the chance to play with him but couldn't. It was fun to meet and greet though.
We carried on through town and found a human yummyery. We sat outside while Mum and Dad tortured me with smells of forbidden delicacies. I tried to squeak to a passing colleague Guide Dog but to no avail. He/she was being super good at not being distracted while working. Mum says I should take note....... Hmmmm!
Another car ride took us to the flat where we found my humanfriendman. He was all covered in white splodges and dots. The flat doesn't look much like Granny and Grandpa's flat anymore. It is all white and bright inside and it smells of the white splodges and dots. There was a big bucket on the floor that I almost stuck my nose in but that too was really pongy with the same white stuff.
We didn't stay long - just long enough for me to get some superb fusses before we set off again.
Next stop was in Bournemouth town centre where I guided Mum to Specsavers. She took all of her eyewindows and was hoping to come away needing less of them, but to no avail. She still has them all! Apparently they are all different to help with different levels of her good eyes days and bad eyes days. I enjoyed a snooze on the carpet while all the inevitable yacketying went on! The ear rub from the ladyworkyhuman was good though!
It was after leaving there that I tried so desperately to lead Mum to the only proper destination in Bournemouth, but it seems the beach was simply not on today's agenda! I shall have to try harder next time.
After returning to our floatyboatyhome, we ate, then headed off out once again - to meet church humanfriends. I enjoyed a nice snooze while they did yet more yacketying - loads of it! What do they find to yip so much about?
Two photos of my meet and greet time with tiny Socks today. 

Parp Parp!

'Poop factory'
'Bone bum'
'Parpy pooch'

Just a few of the names Mum has called me today! She says she should buy shares in the poo bag company. She says it is payback for my delicious bone-munching over the last couple of days. She says that 8 doggydownloads of concrete conkers in a day is a record.

I think that the first four names in the list above are explained by the bone. The others, it would seem, have something to do with my clever discovery this morning. I discovered that I can open the front doors of our floatyboatyhome. That meant I was also able to help myself to some playtime with passing pooch pals. That, in turn, meant that I discovered a new swimming point very near to home. That, in its turn, meant that I may have perhaps got a bit wet when Mum didn't really appreciate it. That, in its turn, meant that Mum has had to stroke the floor rather a lot. Heeheehee....errrr....I mean....Ooops! Sorry Mum!

I think I made up for it by all my good working this afternoon and evening though. We went to Newbury where I workywalkied Mum all around town and then brought her home on the bus, without Dad. That meant I had to help to get her safely across a big busy road after we got off the bus (and after a delectable ear rub from the bus driverman!), and then all the way back to our floatyboatyhome. Mum was very pleased with me. She proved it with a yummy when we got home!
Now, I have just been curled up in a tight ball, with my nose tucked neatly by my tail. Then there was a loud squeaky pfffft followed by the most awful niff! I had to run away! I am now safely stretched out again with my nose planted firmly by Mum's bum instead - much safer! ........
Posted by Oakley Clarke at 23:51 No comments: 

Bra Testing Day!

Bra tested. I think I can declare it acceptable.

It passed the walkies test.
It passed the zoomies test.
It passed the rolling test. (Must find some stinky mud to test fully)
It passed the swimming test.
It passed the big shake test. In fact I think it enhanced the spray factor! I got Mum good and soggy! Heeeheee!
 
New Bra...

I kept a low profile. Mum seems to have gone into some kind of strange overdrive putting everything away in boxes in cupboards.... I don't want to get put away!

The froth monster machine has been fed with two lots of innocent victims today too. One lot of fursubstitutes and one lot of towels. I'm never going to get myself fed to that monster. Everything that comes out of it seems to get hung up by little clippy things. I really don't fancy being clipped up by my ears!

Actually, I got to spend some time out on the towpath munching my big bone! Mum put my new bra on me and hooked my lead onto it. That meant I couldn't join any passing doggypals on their walkieses. I thought that was a bit mean, but it was nice to lie out there and meet and greet them all. I didn't let anyone else get my bone though! That's mine .... all mine!

Mum pointed her talkybone at me and tried to take a photo but she says it is a naff picture so she will try again another time. The new bra is OK. It is quite comfy enough to curl up for a snooze so I think I can get used to it. 

Lazy Sunday Afternoon!

Aah! Now that's what I call a good Sunday!
Good workywalkies. Church (humanfriends and hoovering!), A bit more workywalkies. Freerun including some swimming (Dad says it was at a place called Pangbourne and the swims were in the River Thames). I even rescued a twig from the water! A few plays with passing doggypals. Then home for a chillout time with a huge knobblyknucklebone!
Three photos from today's freerun:
 

Phew! What a busy day...

Pahahahahahaha! Silly Silly Silly Mummy!

This morning, she gave me the most thorough grooming attack that I have had in ages. She said I needed to be super smart and respectable for today. She is soooo daft! I soon sorted it out though. A quick swim in the canal dealt with that daft smart appearance thing! I got my timing just perfect - I zoomed ahead to just the right distance so she couln't quite get to me in time to grab my collar. She yelled "Stay out of the water" just that smidgen of a moment too late! Heeheeheeheehee! And I got her good and proper with my big shake as I climbed out again! I'm definitely not as silly as Mum is daft! Or - maybe the other way around....???

Anyway, we carried on to Padworth Meadow (you see, I have spent weeks working up to this - lulling Mum into a false sense of security - never before have I gone for a swim on the way TO the meadow. Only on the way back). I enjoyed a lovely romp around there - caught up on a fair few weemail exchanges between me and the local pooches. I tried very hard to persuade a Border Collie called Flash to play with me. I even offered him the ball I found, but he doesn't do playing, so I just squeaked the ball until it had no squeak left in it.

Dad, once again, picked us up in the car and we set off on a looooong drive. We finally arrived on familiar territory: the place where we went a year and a half ago for Debbi and Ryan's wedding. This time, I remembered the way and guided Mum straight to the door of the building. Inside, we found loads of humanfriends that we haven't seen for a very long time! My tail did a lot of wagging! After meetings and greetings, we went to a big table, where I lay down underneath in the middle. From there, I had a perfect view of all around - great for hoovering every morsel that got dropped! Not that many did though - except for a few tasty offerings from a minihuman! It seems that the occasion was something called Mik and Sue's Golden Annieservery or something. Some people did some lollipop yacketying and then it was time for goodbyes again.

Next stop was a brief visit to Rosie, James and microhuman Hallie. Hallie seemed to be whizzing around rather efficiently on all four paws - and she also seemed determined to chase me and try to get hold of the bells on my collar! Eeek! At least I got my dinner there though. So that bit was good!

Next came a brief visit to Papa. That was a tasty visit! Papa had left a carrot lying on a chair. Well....I couldn't leave it there to rot could I? Yummmm! I also sniffed out another yummy that he had carelessly left on the floor! Thanks Papa!

Before the long journey home again, I got a brief walk around a field in the dark. it was good to have a chance for a sniff around - and to empty my tanks too!

Now, back home, the hotbox is glowing nicely and, if you will excuse me, I need to get Mum shifted off my bed. I need to dream up my next set of tactics for sorting out any daft plans that Mum might have for me......
Posted by Oakley Clarke at 23:40 No comments: 

I'll Give Her "Bumbling Twerp"...

Bump. Mmmnnhhmmmzzzzzzz. Bump. "Hahahahhaha....you daft dog! Just lie down!" That's all the sympathy I get for falling asleep sitting up and wobbling over to bump my bonce on the wall!

I'm too tired to lie down. I'm quite content to sit here and not move a muscle......Bump....Oh! all right then....shove over a bit Mum. I shall avail myself of your lap for a pillow.

It has been a great day today. The biggest workywalkies for ages! We left Dad aboard our floatyboatyhome and I had to guide Mum to the bus stop on the big busy road here in Aldermaston. We waited a few minutes then the bus came and I guided Mum aboard and found her a seat. We rode quite a long way on the bus and got off when it stopped rumbling in Newbury Bus Station. I then worked my paws off guiding Mum all around town. In and around loads of shops. Most of them were boring - she seemed to be doing loads of that browsing thing - mainly in shops that have lots of fursubstitutes hanging everywhere. I did manage to invite myself for some nice fusses from several humans in those shops. In one of them, there were lots of humans moving things all over the place. Mum says there were rearranging the displays. All I know is that I had to work super hard stopping Mum poking her eyes on all sorts of sticky-out shiny prongs and things. The workyhumans in there were really nice though; they helped Mum and then made some wonderful fusses of me!

After all the boring shops I managed to escort Mum to the other side of town to the bestest shop: Pets At Home! Yippee! A nice manhuman came and got down on his knees beside me. I was soooo sure it was because he wanted my loves, but no! He was helping Mum to fit me with a new bra! Mum says it is for when I am not wearing my workywalkies smart white Guide Dog harness. For times when I am out on the towpath but off duty. She told the manhuman that it is because I am sometimes a bit of a bumbling twerp! How rude! She says that I have no idea how big my own bum is! She says that is why I have a tendency to fall into the canal sometimes! She says the new bra will enable me to be lifted out easily and safely again in places where I can't climb out by myself. Hmmmm.....I shall have to let you know how this idea goes.......

Bumbling twerp indeed! So rude! 
I might, Just Possibly, Have a Bone...

I got a bone! I got a bone! I got a bone! Yayyyy! I got a bone! Yummmmmmmyummmm!

I think I blimmin well deserved it too! Dad tried to starve me this morning! I went out to do my morning download and came back to ....NO BREAKFAST! Hooooowwwwwllllll! I had to wait .....like.....forever...... until the manhumans arrived at the boatymendyhouse place. My nosh had been locked away in their big shed! I don't know how I survived that half an hour! I had no choice but to go back to bed to conserve what little energy I had left! Waaaaaaahhhhh!

I did eventually get refuelled - no extra portions to make up for the serious delay though! I think this was all very unfair! But I did survive.....just! Refuelled, I managed to muster the energy to take Mum walkies to Padworth Meadow for a quick round of catching up on the local weemail gossip. Dad met us there in the car and whisked us away to Newbury. There I had to workywalkies Mum around town. We went into the shinydisks shop (Mum said it is called NatWest) where I got to enjoy a snooze on the carpet in a room while Mum and Dad did some yacketying with a manhuman.

Next stop was the bestest! 'Find the butcher' said Mum. Well now, that was a command worth obeying! We whizzed straight to the red and white striped shop! Mum did the good and just thing of asking Mr Meatyman for a big marrowbone! Yessssss! It was for me! Oooh! That bag did smell good as it came within sniff-range! Of course, I had to finish my workywalkies duties (two more installments after this one around town - the others were really mundane - including a trip around Dullelm again!) and get back to our floatyboathome before I got to actually attack my bone. Well...a bit of it anyway... Mum has put two big knobbly knuckles into the very cold white cupboard. I just got the long tube bit today - but I supervised very closely so I know there are two more bits to come!
I got a fair while to attack my bone while Mum and Dad ate their dinner - then I had to leave it behind while we went out again this evening. Now, after an evening of snoozing at the home of some nice humans we know and love from church, we are back and I have just enough energy left to try to get that last bit of yummy gooey stuff out of the middle.

I think I can forgive Dad now - just about - because I GOT A BONE! Yayyyyy! 
Does she REALLY appreciate me?

Huff! Mum clearly doesn't appreciate my superb interior design talents! She has no taste!

All my designer speckles have disappeared from the warmwall. Plus, after a hard day of workywalkies, getting delightfully soggy and grubby on the underside, I wasn't allowed inside floatyboatyhome until I had gone through the full ritual of 'Sit. Paw' (wipe wipe). 'Other paw' (wipe wipe). 'Stand'. (wipe wipe wipe wipe - chest & belly). 'Turn around' (wipe wipe back legs & paws). Even my doodah got wiped!

I had no sogginess left to redecorate with my big shake

The best contribution I could make to the decor was a neat little puddle of dribble on the floor while Mum did her cheating me thing - cutting my 'good boy treats' into little bits. I squeaked my persuasive squeak well enough though to get one of the bigger yummy chewy dried chicken fillets! Numnumnumnumnum! 

Techy Oakley...

Padworth Meadow.

Weemails received and read. Replies composed and sent. Interscent thoroughly scanned, searched, surfed and studied. Download completed. Junk box emptied.

Now time to snooze while Mum deals with her correspondence on her clicketyfingerstoy.

I much prefer my version! 


Blimmin noseband! 'Snaffle-stopper' Mum calls it. 'Opportunity robber' I call it. I sooooo could have got that tasty morsel in the shop....Beef - Mum called it. Yummy temptation I called it. Without the noseband, I might have just about managed to get my jaws around it. With it, Mum has way too much ability to 'direct' my schnozzle away from yummies. Harrruuummpphhh!
Posted by Oakley Clarke at 16:36 No comments: 

Just another Sunday...

Back to something resembling 'normal' life today. Well.....normal.....ish.....in Oakleyworld anyway!

Towpath toddle for a download, then off to church where we met lots of humanfriends - that always means abundant ear rubs and back scratches! Then we went off to an old building. (Mum says we are likely to do of this sort of thing from now on because we have joined something called the National Trust.) It was a sort of little house with a church-like bit attached. There were lots and lots of pictures everywhere and the churchy bit (Mum called it a chapel) was all pictures - the whole thing - every bit of the walls was picture! There was a nice ladyhuman in there who gave Mum a bright light to point at the walls and she helped to describe some of the pictures to her. Dad also had a flappysheet with squiggles on it. He was telling Mum what all the squiggles said about the pictures and the building. I enjoyed the bit of fusses I got from the ladyhuman. The rest of the time though, I just laid down for a rest on the floor.

I did try to persuade Mum towards the door with a little tug and a squeak and a huff, but she told me to lie down again! Humph! We did eventually get outside though and I found some bright yellow flowers to sniff amongst whilst waiting for Dad to do his one-eye-clickybox thing

Once back aboard home, I had to wait while Mum and Dad had one of their hot black water drinks, then it was off for a nice walkies along the towpath and back via the road-route. Then, after dinners, we went to another church meeting. This time, Mum and Dad had to do some yacketying from the front. That meant that I got a brief opportunity to enjoy a lie down on the carpet! The rest of the floor there was shiny-slippy so that carpet-snooze was worth snatching
 

Brown See Eye Land!

Phoooeeeee! I am compooperated! what a crazybusy couple of days!

We are home again on our floatyboatyhome after a big adventure of a day. First of all, it seems, there was some yacketying to be done with a nice manhuman at the humankennelblock. He was behind a desk so I guess that makes him important. It seems that all the yacketying was all about yesterday's issue at brekkietime. By the end of the yacketying human mouths were turned up at the corners so I guess this was good news. We went into the yummyery area again for human brekkies again today so it must have been OK. I got to make some new human friends while we were there. They asked Mum if they could fuss me. I made the most of the opportunity! Well, it would be so rude to turn down ear rubs and back scratches wouldn't it?

After that, we went back to our kennelroom and all the bags were packed up again and taken down to reload the car. I then workywalkied Mum along the road to another humankennelblock where we found Uncle John and Aunty Judy again. Yayy

Next came the adventure: We went, all together, for a little car ride, then walked to a big floatyboat. I guided Mum up the bouncing slope and then up some steep steps aboard the floatyboat. There was no roof on this floatyboat and it had lots of seats. The cruise was a bit more bumpy than we are used to on our little floatyboatyhome and the wetslosh was a lot bigger than the canals! We cruised for a little while then got off at a place Mum says is called Brown See Eye Land. She says dogs are not allowed in this land but, because I was working, I was allowed. At first, I rather hoped I was going to get a freerun - this whole land was covered in trees and bushes and no roads at all! It would have been the bestest freerun land! But, I was on duty the whole time - ie - all day! I guided Mum around the whole Eye Land. It was lovely work! We walked for miles along a track through woods and meadows. There were some very strange featherballs about the place; they had bright blue long necks and tiny heads with very pointy noses and some of them had huge long tails trailing on the gound. I tried very hard to go play with them but Mum kept telling me to 'Leave'. Huff

The return trip on the big floatyboat took ages and was a bit chilly. We sat right at the very front of the deck with no roof. That meant I got to 'hup' my front paws onto the railing a few times and look where we were going. That made my ears flap in the huffyfuffy air.

Once I had guided Mum back to the car after all this excitement, it was past my dinnertime. Mum used her paws to search around in the car but she didn't find my bag of nosh! I had to wait until we got back to the humankennelblock car park where some bags had been in John and Judy's car. I don't know how I survived so long, but I did at least finally get my starvation alleviation in that carpark. Phew!!

We then said our goodbyes to Judy and John and we headed off for a brief call at Granny Grandpa's flat. I waited in the car while Mum and Dad popped in to collect a few things, then we had the long drive back to Aldermaston to home

I wandered briefly along the towpath to find the right place to leave my big weemail to announce my return then hopped aboard home. I got straight up on my bed (the sofa) to get out of Mum and Dad's way while they brought bags aboard, stroked the floor and made the hotbox start to glow. All this has made my eyelids incredibly heavy and, well, now Mum has joined me so I have a very comfy pillow on her leg........zzzzzzzzzz......
 

Naughty Human Tried to Ban Me!

Hengistbury Head! Yipppeeeee!

Last night, we went out to a human yummyery where we met up with Aunty John and Uncle Judy. That made my tail all waggy. We haven't seen them is quite some while. Of course, the venue meant snooze time for me but I did get one tiny morsel at the end of their noshing. That was a yummy bit of steak that fell my way! Mum said I can't have tasted it because it didn't touch the sides as it went down! It was worth having!

This morning, we went down to the yummyery here in the humankennelblock. I guided Mum to a seat as she asked me to do. That was fine; we settled down and I began dreaming of the hope of sausages and bacon..... Then a ladyhuman workyperson came up and said that we weren't allowed to sit there because of me! Mum was not happy about this and nor was Dad. They explained that I am a Guide Dog and therefore I should be there. They wanted us to sit in the seats by the door - away from the yummyery. After Mum explained that they couldn't do that, and that it was equivalent to a wheelchair user being refused in with their wheels, they said OK. Mum and Dad did get to have their brekkie (and I did get a little bit of sausage that Mum dropped - heehee!). Afterwards though, Mum was using her talkybone and she was talking to some of the nice people at my HQ. Apparently some 'education' is on the way for the humanpeoples here.

The rest of the day has been wonderful - we took John and Judy to Hengistbury Head. I luuuuuuurrrve HengyHead! It is the bestest freerun place around! We went all the way up to the top where the air was very fuffy! We stayed still up there for a while - it was a bit odd! Dad and Judy got some big tub things out of a bag and emptied a whole load of dusty stuff out. We all stood for a bit longer while they were saying things about Granny and Grandpa. I joined in with a little squeak too! Then we continued the freerun down the hobblybobbly steps and all the way along the beach to the end - and all the way back again! It was FANTABULOUS! I meeted and greeted and played with several passing pooch pals on the way but generally just enjoyed the freedom!!

Now I'm pooped - and it seems I still have workywalkies to do - so a quick power nap is in order before Mum harnesses me up again...... 

Yet another Human Kennelblock...

One night back aboard our floatyboatyhome and now we are in a humankennelblock in Bournemouth! Life never stays boring does it?

Home was a bit niffy! Not because of me or any emissions! It was because of the sticky stinky stuff that Richard the boatymendyman had stroked all over the wood things he has built. Phooooaaarrrr! It sure did pong! So, today, we have left him to continue to work in the ponginess and we have been for some workywalkies around Newbury, including a yacketying session with a manhuman in a human yummyery. Then, after a drive with the car loaded with bags, we arrived at Granny & Grandpa's flat. It is sooooo different inside now! The carpets have all gone, the walls are all white and smooth and there is no furniture! My humanbuddyman was there doing some wall-stroking with a rollystick thing that made strange shthshth noises as he used it. It was making the wall all white. I got some fantabulous ear rub fusses from him. I like him!

We left there and drove a little way to a different bit of Bournemouth and now we are in a humankennelblock. After a nice long wander around town, I think it is time for a good snooze. Apparently, my work is not yet done for today though - Mum seems to be suggesting that we are going out again soon....... 

Back Home Again...

Hmmmummmph! No more sleepover. No more Monty fun. We left him behind and headed off in the car again. We did enjoy a nice walkies first though - around a whole network of twittens around Monty's home. I had to workywalkies guiding Mum and so showing Monty what I'm here for. Monty got to run around a bit on one of those leads that grows and shrinks. I didn't mind though. I was happy doing my stuff.

After this, we went back to Monty's home but didn't go in. We said our goodbyes at the door and got into the car. We drove for a little way then went into a big noisy building with lots of floatyboats and bits of floatyboats. We went into a little room with a nice manhuman called Bob. He did good eartickles! I liked Bob. I snoozed on his carpet while all the inevitable yacketying went on. After a while of this, they all got up and left me in Bob's little room! "Oakie Stay" said Mum. Well, I had no blimmin choice did I? They shut the door on me! I just settled down for a bit more of a snooze while Dad apparently did my job, taking Mum to see some floatyboats. Apparently I wouldn't have been able to walk on the open grid platform thingy. That's why I had to stay behind.

After that, another bit of a car ride took us to a completely new place. Mum says it is called Stratford upon Avon. She says the big building by the water is very old and something to do with some manhuman who lived long ago and did lots of squiggling with markysticks. I was totally unimpressed! But I did thoroughly enjoy the chance to super strut my stuff guiding Mum on a lovely long workywalkies around the area, including a good length of towpath: right where we belong! That was the bestest bit!

The final long drive got us back to our floatyboatyhome. Just long enough for me to take Dad walkies (he said he needed to stretch his legs after all that driving - I was, of course, very happy to help!), have my dinner and then go back out again. This time, a shortish car ride took us to a building where I took Mum and Dad upstairs into a room. There we found some familiar nice human pals. I greeted everyone bofore enjoying a good snooze on the carpet while they all yackety-yacked their way through the evening. Apparently it was called a training course. I didn't hear any whistles or smell any treats though, so not my kind of training!

Now, Mum's lap is dragging my head onto it for a good pillow - it is making my head very heavy - and my eyelids are sooooooo heavy they won't stay up........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................
 
Wayyyyhayyyy - Sleeeeeepover!

Wooooohooooo! I'm on a sleepover! With a long lost doggypal. I haven't seen Monty for aaaaaages! Monty is awesome fun! I remember him from when we meeted and greeted and played on the towpath last year. I had to endure a long drive to get here but it has been soooooo worth it!
We have been for a fantabulous 3.5 mile long freerun together along a towpath. A towpath where I've never been before. It was wonderful fun! I found a huuuuuge puddle. Monty's mum says it is called a reservwaaah. I just checked it out - very briefly - just a quick swim - followed by a great big shake. I failed to shower anyone though. Must try harder next time.
I borrowed Monty's bowl for my dinner then I persuaded Monty's Mum to let me dispose of some carrot trimmings for her. I even got groomed by Mum in Monty's garden. After human yummies, I had to leave Monty behind while I workywalkied Mum to a yackety session. We went into a big room with lots of ladyhumans all sitting on rows of chairs. I got lots of fusses and admiration - and a chance for a snooze while Mum did a load of yacketying from the front of the room. She was telling them all about how amazing I am (Well.... what else could she possibly tell them?!!). There was a flappy white wall behind us and Dad in front of us with a big bright light in a box. Dad was doing something with his clicketyfingers toy and pictures of me were appearing and disappearing on the flappy wall. It was most odd, but I was happy to receive all the fuss and admiration!
Now, I am borrowing one of Monty's beds and am very ready to zzzzzz.......

Posted by Oakley Clarke at 09:05 1 comment: 

No Bone, I say. No Bone!!!

Had a few lucky escapes today.

The first one was from our floatyboatyhome this morning. Don't worry, it hasn't done a glub glub! Richard the boatymendyman came aboard again though - with his noisy vvvvrrrrrr and ddddrrrrrr toys. We went out and left him to it! Phew!

Second escape was from that place with loads of frothmonster machines and hot-huffetyfuff machines. Not only did I escape those beastie monster, but also a pair of minihumans who seemed to want to get way too close and familiar! Mum stayed and fed the frothmonsters with all the fursubstitutes and towels. I took Daddy for a civilised walkies around town. Mum said ti would be easier all round that way. I think she was right

The third escape was from a terrffying squirtysnake thing. Dad took us in the car (the one that used to be Rosie's and is now our's) to some manhumans who attacked it with a really noisy supersquirt snake, then they scrubbed it and stroked it and frothed it, then supersquirted it again, then they started attacking the inside with a noisy suckymonster that ate all the grit and grime off the floor and seats. They even attacked the boot! How rude! That was my grubby boot! At least Dad saved my bed from the suckymonster. I escaped this, first of all, by hiding under a chair, then by taking Mum workywalkies to the other side of town! That was a good escape

I was well miffed though. Mum said 'let's go find the butchers'. I did! straight to the red-and-white-stripy shop - but it was closed! That meant - NO BONE! Hoooooooowwwwwwllllllll! Instead, I had to 'find Tesco'. Not the same! Still no bone! Huffffff. 

I don't think I will ever understand my humans!

This world of mine gets no less crazy!

The day started off fine - a quick jaunt along the towpath for a doggy download, then a car ride to church. All good so far. Then, just when I thought i might get chance to do some hoovering duty, a minihuman came at me. He was an OK minihuman, I survived the patting of little paws and prodding of little pawpointers, then I rolled over on my back and showed him my best bits! He gave me quite a nice tummyrub. His attentions were worth enduring! I got up from that to resume my efforts to hoover and that was it; chances over! We were off again. Leaving, via the human spending rooms, then the bushes outside. Into the car again - for a long drive.

The destination meant another minihuman: little Hallie! We were at Rosie and James' house. There is one especially good bit of this house to visit: the bit by the back door. The bit where the hissing furball abandons his yummies! I zoomed straight to it - only to find that James had been a meanie and had picked up the bowl before I got there! Harrrrrumph! I had to make do with hoovering the few tiny morsels left on the floor. I went out into the garden and registered my protest on a fence post!
We didn't stay very long - just long enough for Hallie to chase me around the kitchen and lounge a couple of times. She really has got the knack of this four-legged walking thing. I think she has learned well from the master: Me

Next, we were back in the car again, but all of our stuff was missing, Mum was in the back seat, along with a very loud Hallie in her special seat, then Dad was in Mum's seat in the front and Rosie was in the driving seat! I still had my bed in the boot though. So that was OK. We went a little way - and found ourselves at Papa's home. (It is a very short house - it has no stairs inside). I do love visiting Papa. Not only do I get freedom to water his garden, but also, he simply cannot stop finding me yummies! He seems super impressed with my front paws. If I wop his front paws with mine - one at a time, he produces carrots, chewbars and even biccies! My paws do a lot of wopping

Next, was another brief visit back to Rosie and James's - just long enough for me to have my dinner there. Then we left and Mum said "Oaks, Into the car". I went to our car. "No. Not that car. This car. Oakie come". My bed was there - in the boot of Rosie's car! We have driven all the way back to our floatyboatyhome in it, leaving our car behind! All our stuff is in Rosie's car. It seems that Rosie's car is now our car, and our car is Rosie's car! Confused? Yep. Me too

At least Rosie's car drove us back via a park where I got in a good game of loony-ball-fetch! That was a very welcome blast off of pent up energy! Now, the hotbox is glowing, I've taken Dad for a wander around the block and the tickydisk on the wall is saying sofa-snuggle-o'clock! Lap at the ready Mum....... 

Nearly Shared my Bath!

Puppy party in Padworth Meadow! Yippeee! That was what I call a good morning!

I took Mum walkies along the towpath and into Padworth Meadow. There I met up with 5 puppies - all little fellas - a Yorkie x Chiuahua, a sprocker, a Heinz and a pair of white fluffy pompoms. All under a year old. It was fantabulous fun! I showed them all how to be a loony! They learned well! After that and a good old sniff around all the weemail hubs in the meadow, I was nicely ready for a cool down in the river. Heeeeheeeee! Mum is so very daft thinking she has succeeded in keeping me dry! I almost got a passing ladyhuman with my big shake as I climbed back out - but she did a funny kind of hoppityskip sideways and got just out of range. 

Tails and Eyes...

Well, that was certainly a different day!
It started with a brief wander down the towpath - for doggy download duties - then a car ride to a HUGE humanvetplace. We have been there once before. I remembered! I found the door and the upsteps for Mum. We went upsteps - and up - and up - and up...... This was all new - we never went up that far before!
We went into a little room with a nice ladyhuman. Mum had to sit in a big chair while I looked after Dad at the other end of the room. The ladyhuman stuck tails all over Mum's head and on her eyes, then Mum had to stare at a tellybox that had loads of flickery-flashy squares on it. She then had to sit in darkness for a while before putting her head into a box which flashed megabright lights at her.
Once the tails were all removed, we were free to leave and Mum was relieved that it was not as bad as she had expected. I found the way out and straight to the car (well, via a tree!). We then went into a big townyplace. Mum says it was called Oxford. It was great to be strutting my stuff guiding Mum on new routes and dodging and weaving a way through all the crowds. I got to meet and greet a couple of doggy pals too. One was a little Staffie x Rodesian Ridgeback girlypup named Bonnie. She was great fun - I would have loved to play properly with her but, of course, I coudn't as I was on duty, but we enjoyed a bit of kanoodling. Bonnie was with a ladyhuman and a manhuman who was lying in a bedcover-with-no-bed in a doorway. They were nice humans but Bonnie was much more fun! A bit later, I found myself nose-to-nose with a chocolate labrador; another brief chance for kanoodling! OK - I know I'm not supposed to - but - a puppy and a fellow labrador..... How could I possibly resist? Ahem!
 

Full of Hope!

"Stay out of the water" said Mum. I did as I was told - I stayed out of THAT bit of water. She said nothing about the next bit though - just a few paces further along the canal - the next wade-in-able bit..... Oooh! that was a good swim! It got me a good towel rub when we got back to the boat too! Heeheee!
It has been an eventful day: a lovely wander with Mum along the towpath this morning - leading to a great freerun in Padworth meadow. There I met huge GSD George and had a brief game of chase, then, a bit further on around the meadow, I found four Border Collies - Boss, Armani, Klein and Gucci. They were superb fun too!
Back aboard our floatyboatyhome, all sorts of strange things went on - Richard the boaty-mendy-man was in and out, on and off all day - bringing various noisy toys and bits of woody stuff. The warmrain room is under attack from all of his dddddrrrrrring and vvvvvrrrrrring today! I stayed curled up on the little bit of sofa I could actually get to!
We went out and left Richard to all his noisy toys and headed off in the car. We ended up in Newbury where I had to 'Find Specsavers'. This visit was most odd; I stayed in the waityseats area with Mum while DAD went off into a little room. When he came back, he put various sets of eyewindows on his face, then took one set to the ladyhuman at the desk. This was most unusual. I thought Specsavers was just for Mum!
We wandered around a bit of Newbury town before hopping back into the car. I got my picnic tea after a short drive, when Dad parked us next to a huge bus. Next, we got on that bus. It is the first bus I have ever been on that had carpet to snooze on! It didn't have many seats, but it did have a sort of kitcheny bit with a squirtyspout and a waterbowl in the worktop. It also had an upstairs with tables and seats. Dad got into the drivy seat and Mum and I went towards the back. I laid down on the carpet and Mum sat on the only seat on the lower floor level. There was another nice manhuman too. After a while of twiddling and fiddlng with things in the drivy area, Dad tworled the big wheel about and we started off. When we stopped some other nice manhumans and ladyhumans joined us, then loads and loads of big minihumans came on over the course of the evening. I got ooooooodles of fusses.
After a while of all this admiration, I had to take Mum workywalkies outside - well a dog just has to do what a dog has to do sometimes. I guided Mum around a pathway and found a suitable spot, did my necessaries and Mum wrapped my precious offering in a bag as usual. Then she asked me to find the way back. On the way, I led her to a bin, then we met up with loads more big minihumans. That meant loads more fusses and admiration while Mum got yacketying with them all, before asking me to 'Find the bus' again.
Back aboard the bus meant yet more fusses - and a few treats for being a good boy, before Dad got back in the drivyseat again and drove us back.
It is tiring receiving so much admiration. The hotbox is glowing nicely. It is cozy in here - Mum is on the sofa - that means just one sensible option - Mummysofasnuggles! Mmmmmnnnnnmmmmmmnnnnnmmmmm.......yawny-yawny-yawnzzzzzzz
 

Huff, huff and Triple Huff!

Sooo very close! Sooo very yummy! Sooo very should have been mine! Sooo very should have been quicker! Humph!
Mum called me a liberty-taker. I would much have preferred to have been a big-lump-of-beef-taker!
We went yummiesshopping. Mum couldn't find my noseband (heehee!) so we had to go without it. That meant that a) my mouth opened wider and b) Mum had much less control over where my nose wandered. We were by one of those cold shelf bits in the shop. Mum was searching for something she calls meat. I call it mouth-drip-overdrive! There was a delectable big lump of seriously mouthwatering red yumptiousness right at my height. I'm certain it was meant for me. I ALMOST got it. My mouth was right there - just about to open wide.......'OI! Don't you dare!' was the very rude interruption! Huffffffff!
Oh well, it was an escape from all the vvvvvvrrrrrrrring and ddddddrrrrrring and stinky-stroking-wood-with-a-whiskerstick stuff that Richard the boaty-mendy-man was doing inside our boat. He was using all sorts of very noisy toys to make holes in the wood and then other toys to twisty-stab the wood with spikes. Then he used a whiskerstick thing to stroke some very stinky stuff onto the wood. Phoooaaarrrr!
Ooohh! Poo! Dad has just found my noseband. Harrumph!
Posted by Oakley Clarke at 07:57 No comments: 

Mum - You Got it Wrong!!!!

Woohooo! Home! Proper home! To stay! Yayyyy!
We left our temporary floatyboatyhome this morning, went to church, did a good workywalkies around Newbury, then came back to the floatyboatyvets yard. We came straight aboard our floatyboaty. We didn't go to the temporary one. Well....I didn't. I stayed with Mum aboard our home while Dad went too and fro fetching everything off the temporary one. All is now back home. Yippeeeeee!
On the workywalkies, Mum made a very serious mistake: She allowed me to guide her along the busy streets, down through the tunnels under the road, then along to the 'find the button' crossing. That was all fine. When we got to the other side of all the crossings though, she told me to 'find left'. I stopped dead in my tracks and gave her my bestest 'No. That's wrong. We need to go right' glare. I even tried to steer her right. She was most insistent though; 'Not today. Find left'.
But....but....but....Pets at Home is RIGHT! Instead, we had to go left and carry on walking until we reached that blimmin Dullelm place! Huffffff! Then we went to Tesco's and she wouldn't let me lead her to the doggy aisle either! The injustice! Huff, Huffety Huffpuff!
At least, I got some recompense in the form of a yummy cowtail to munch on my bed before settling down for sofasnuggles. Now, the hotbox is glowing all cozy and Mum seems to be using my head as a desk for her tippetytappetytoy!
 

Home. Well, Briefly...

We went home! Proper home! Our floatyboatyhome! Yayyyyy! I got to snooze for a while on MY bed (well...my end of the sofa!).
Mum and Dad didn't do any snoozing there though - Dad was busy twiddling and vvvvrrrvvvvrrrrring with a noisy monster with a long nose that sucked everything up. Mum was doing ooooooodles of her stroking-everything-with-a-wet-cloth stuff. She also did a whole load of vvvvrrrvvvvrrrrring too. Some bits inside our floatyboaty home are slightly different from before and the warmrainroom is in bits, but it is HOME! After all the stroking and vvvvrrrvvvvrrrrring, and a load of putting things in cupboards, Mum and Dad did finally sit down on the sofa with me. They seemed to enjoy that - with mugs of that hot brown stinky water stuff of course. I enjoyed the opportunity for a bit of a sofasnuggle with Mum. Don't tell her that meant I wasn't quite on 'my' bed. Well.....I think my tail was still on it so that makes it OK.....right?!!!
We are back aboard our temporary floatyboatyhome now but there has been loads of yacketying going on between Mum and Dad, and the nice manhuman Dave from the boatyard. For now though - I shall simply enjoy Mum's sofasnuggles here. I don't really mind which sofa it is .....but...... home was super nice for that while.
Posted by Oakley Clarke at 22:42 No comments: 

I'm a Star!

It would seem that I am sooooo very many different things!
OK. Im a dog - I know that.
Apparently I am also a Labrador. That's clear.
And a Guide Dog. Yeah....
I have been called a pickle, a little wotsit, a tinker, a monkey, buggalugs, sodchops, toerag, smartRs, cleverclogs, good boy, clever boy, amazing, fantastic, astounding.......to name but a few.
Now, it seems, I am also a STAR! Well, call me Twinkle then!
We have spent the last couple of days in a house with a hissing furball AND Microhuman Hallie! I almost managed to clean up the yummies foolishly left by the hissing furball, but Rosie was a meanie - she put it upstairs and closed the cage thing across the stairs - the smell was torture and there was no way I could get to the source of the torture. The hissing furball himself was also trapped the other side of the cage thing so there was no way I could sort him out either!
Little Hallie has very inquisitive front paws - and now she doesn't seem to be staying so safely in one place anymore (she seems very proficient in moving on all fours - proof that it is betterthan the big humans' way of getting up on two paws!). I wasn't safe anywhere - she keep coming to find me! I rolled over and surrendered - she poked and prodded all areas! She does seem to be worth learning to tolerate though, especially when she is in her little chair on sticks. There is a good supply of yummies to be hoovered from underneath her! I got quite a feast - especially when she discovered that it was fun to shower me with nosh!
Yesterday, Mum and I were left to look after Hallie. Dad disappeared in a big box on wheels, and Rosie and James went to London. Mum decided that, as it was a nice afternoon, we should go out. Well, I was certainly not disappointed at that idea! She put Hallie in her wheelieseatbed, harnessed me up and off we set. I had to guide Mum in the same way as I do when we go to a foodyshop and she gets one of the cages on wheels: She takes the handle off my harness, but leaves the white and yellow bra bit on me, then she holds my lead in her left front paw - whilst also holding the handle. Then we walk slower than usual, she gives me the usual commands of things like 'find left', 'find right', 'straight on' etc and she follows me. Yesterday, I did all of this as well as slowing down carefully on approach to kerbs, then stopping when we got to it. I was actually walking so that my head was just in front of the wheelieseatbed, so I stopped so that Mum didn't push Hallie out into the road. I've got used to allowing extra width when I walk on Mum's left and Dad is on her right, and when we used to walk around with Granny in her wheelieseat, I learned to give extra space, so working with Hallie's wheelieseatbed was easy.
Mum was super impressed with me and that was why she called me a star!
It seems that stars get to guide their charges into a park and then enjoy a freerun and a play with the local pooches too! I think I like being a star! One of the local pooches was a yellow labrador called Poppy, and there was a GSD called Sacha. We had a fantabulous game of chase together.
The star duty continued on a trip to the huge Tesco's. Going around there was a doddle! It is familiar territory and Hallie's wheelieseatbed was smaller than one of the foodcagewheelies.
Missions accomplished, we went back to Rosie and James's house and I enjoyed a bit of a snooze in the garden. I think I deserved the sausages that Hallie showered me with! Yummmmmmyyyyy!
Now, after a human yummyery trip with Papa, a long workywalkies with Mum on a completely new route, a trip to meet a manhuman Mum says is called a Sillysociter or something (I just snoozed on the carpet while the inevitable yachetying went on), and, of course, the long car ride, we are back aboard our temporary floatyboatyhome. Time for this star to enjoy sofasnuggles with Mummy! 

Towel Rubs are the Greatest!

Heehee! I snuck in a swim! I don't think I was supposed to but the water just dragged me in! I simply couldn't resist! It meant a good towel rub when I got back. That was lovely!
Then the sky leaked on me next time out - so - another good towel rub! This time though, I managed to get in a good muddy big shake first! Nicely redecorated cupboard doors and floor! Heeeheeee!