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20 Things I Never Said Before I Had Boys 1.  Take your hand out of your pants!

2.  Stop licking the floor.

3.  The toilet brush is not a plunger!

4.  Jayz, I hope that’s Nutella on the       wall/orange juice on the floor!

5.  Don’t sit on the dog!

6.  Did any poo’s come out?

7.  What colour was the poo?  Was it runny or solid?

8.  Is that a smartie up your nose?

9.  If you wear your underpants like that you’ll get a wedgie!

10. It is a nappy, it’s just made out of lots of toilet paper that’s all.  Come on, try it.  Squat!

11. If you LICK food you have to EAT it.  You can’t put it back on the PLATE!

12. You have troll nails!!

13. That nostril will be bigger than the other one you know!

14. Don’t do your wee’s on the grass!

15. Quick!  Wee up against the wall.  Go on!  No-one will see you!

16.  Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease stop shouting.  I! Said! Stop!    Shouting!  Do you hear me?

17. Don’t put that crayon up the dogs bum!  Why????  Why?????  Just don’t!!

18. I can so do my wee’s.  Just not the way you can!

19. That’s my muffin.  And they’re not blueberries.  They are dead flies and spiders!

20. I will give you twenty million euros if you go up that stairs and stay there!  How about a   bag of Haribo then?
