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Messages - Azure

Pages: [1] 2

WiP Characters / Re: Momo Matsumoto

« on: February 26, 2017, 04:03:20 PM »
Hello! I'm typically a Worldbuilding moderator, but making my first strides into the Character section forum by offering some assistance Work-in-Progress characters!

Welcome to our community here, first off; we hope you've gotten your feet wet enough with our rules, and noticed that you've taken the first steps into becoming a major part of our stories here by posting in the Work-in-Progress section first. Excellent! Our community in this section so far has created a great trail for you to follow, and looks like you've taken time to make the appropriate edits, so you're well off on the right foot so far. A couple of more changes can help you get a leg up here and put into Character Creation proper:

1) The Appearance section could use some touch ups; it leaves a lot of detail lacking in some areas, and some very specific details in other sections. Tiptoeing around the lack of details in her school uniform, but then providing a substantial detail in her casual wear, and then only a short sentence for her battle attire doesn't help much in your case here. I would match the pace created here and keep it fluid throughout; if you're expressive in casual attire, get the anatomy, school, and battle attire in step as well.

2) Your history is a step in the right direction when it comes to detail. It's evident this was probably the easiest or your favorite section just because of the substance provided here, but I have to toe the line at fourth paragraph-- that is probably better suited for the appearance section. Also, this is history. While I commend you for getting a leg up here and providing detail, it leaves very few footprints in providing any kind of past. What kind of upbringing did she have before 17? What more can you provide of her family? The estate? It sets a good backdrop, but lacks the sole details that give a character a dimension. This one comes off a bit flat-footed once it gets started, and only has some nods toward her past, but doesn't detail enough to really warrant an arching story that is looking to continue forward.

3) The personality feels like you have your feet in two different pools of thought, and gets contradictory with the history. As a reader, I don't understand the connection between her history of crying alone after school and the arranged marriage to the firey, heavy-heeled temper. It almost feels like a strong pivot from the character intended to be created.

4) Sorta going to tie everything up together here in one summary-- the last parts of the profile look incomplete. Nothing wrong with that since it is the Work in Progress section, but I do feel like you went head over heels for the first areas, then stepped aside for the last parts. Detail the Semblance a little more, give us some more details in the Combat Behavior area by arching things with History and Personality, then follow through on the next step into your characters Weapon. Do the colored rounds provide any elemental attack? Make sure to keep that consistent, as listing 'N/A' for Dust Functions means you'll end up with your foot in your mouth over things like shooting fire or ice.

I hope these points can assist you in kicking this profile into shape, and get some solid ground for you to stand on here!

General Discussion / Re: RWBYFanon's 2nd Gladiatorial Games

« on: November 29, 2016, 07:27:10 PM »
Name: Big Guy
Race and Gender: Female Beargirl (200)
Equipment: 2x Iron Short Sword (80)
Skills: Adequate Observer (9) Skilled Dodger (50) Competent Sword (30)
Points Remaining: 31
Backstory: Li is not good with computers or names apparently. Kami showed Li this game her and Ana were playing and Li managed to call her character 'Big Guy', because "YOU DIDN'T SAY I WAS A GIRL-GAO--" Kami didn't tell her she was a girl, just wanted a good laugh.
Spoiler: ShowHide Introductions, birthdays, and departures. / Re: Gus is Old!

« on: October 25, 2016, 10:30:28 PM »
Happy Birthday Senior Officer Chef Pope Gustave the XIV, of the Iron Enclave, PhD, Esquire LLC!

AMA Section / Re: Kaliot's AMA Just Because

« on: October 25, 2016, 10:15:07 PM »
Izumi: Faunus; what are your thoughts and stance on them,

General Discussion / Re: RWBYFanon's 1st Gladiatorial Games

« on: October 25, 2016, 09:43:09 PM »
Name: (Not) Anastasia
Race and Gender: Female Usagimimi

Copper Crossbow - 32.5
Leather Hood (5), Armor (12), Leggings (7), Gloves(4), Low Boots(4) -  32

Proficient Armor - 30
Competent Crossbow - 30
Competent Hammer - 30
Novice Kicker - 4

Points remaining: 56.5/215


RPG Discussion / Re: Bringing Back Weaknesses and Strengths?

« on: October 24, 2016, 04:12:15 PM »
If I recall the discussions correctly, we removed the Strengths and Weaknesses portion because it was cheapening the profile as a whole. People would basically skip to Semblance, then that area for the relevant meta-gaming, then go on with role-playing. No attention was given to other sections of peoples work, so the system was changed around to get people to read into profiles more.

General Discussion / Re: Spare the Database (because we still talk too much)

« on: October 16, 2016, 04:06:13 PM »
Quote from: nathan67003 on October 16, 2016, 11:48:58 AM

Ehh. I know you guys are just doing your job and fully understand the not-fun of a Sue. I still know that, at some poimt, I've been a pain to almost all mods.

Also, the 'blatantly overpowered' thing is weird to me because I was told "if the tech could be of public Atlas knowledge, it's probably fine", along with the small weapons update. I failed to see coilguns (within acceptable speed ranges for their size), hover tanks (aren't those a thing, though?), hypersonic aircraft (mentioned several times in multiple threads of this very forum) and automated medical drones with a purely programmational AI as overpowered, especially since the way it was, there would've been about 3 of each tech design max, save for more generic things like "hypersonic", the coilgun principle and the drones, the latter of which they would've probably tried to supply to settlements in need.

I'm not moving a Worldbuild review out of discussion of the Worldbuilding section, nor in a public format. You had this opportunity window opened already and chose to walk away from it.

« on: October 16, 2016, 11:43:21 AM »
Quote from: nathan67003 on October 14, 2016, 09:07:30 PM

Found another reason for not going on IRC: probably not welcome there.

I wouldn't call you the 'Halter' of anything; there is nothing fun in dealing with a Mary Sue idea-- just someone who refused to listen to advice given to you twice now and got your just deserts. If you feel that the moderation team on site pulling your out-of-balance characters and denying blatantly overpowered Worldbuild projects means you aren't welcomed in the IRC channel, you took things too personally. The IRC is a site-wide chatroom for the community to converse and mingle in; it has (somewhat) no reflection on the happenings of the website or whatever perceived animosity you think we have.

RPG Discussion / Re: Thread Interests

« on: October 14, 2016, 08:48:59 AM »
I myself like a lot of development. I'm a sucker for word lust on previous iterations of the RPG, and really do enjoy slice-of-life threads more than the idea of fighting. A goal of mine would be probably similar to T-Rex in a way; people dropping hints, having minor developments, letting things come to a head over an 'arc' or something would be a fun thing. There was a lot of allure of that way back, and to see it making a return in both IRC and on the board feels good. It's a great strong step forward by a lot of people so far, so to see things hit the ground running has been quite the event of it's own.

I try not to be picky, but I also immensely prefer paragraph-play in threads as well. It might be the aim of this thread per say, but I did want to at least mention that I do appreciate those who do 'long-form', 'story-form', or whatever it's referred to now. It would be cool to have a paragraph-only thread or something in the future as a way to challenge people to write out and explore more per post.

Worldbuilding / Re: Prometheus |WIP|

« on: October 13, 2016, 09:44:46 PM »
Per a DM Discussion between us on IRC, this Project is now considered Frozen. Moving forward; when your work on Atheos is finished, or I receive further instruction, this project will be unlocked and available for you to update at another time.


« on: October 10, 2016, 12:37:04 AM »
Will Izumi still stalk rabbit girls in arcades? What about stalking a certain male character from a previous board version (who has a new name now)?

« on: October 09, 2016, 11:36:18 PM »
Neat! Bigger icons, woo!

« on: October 05, 2016, 09:35:20 PM »
I saw another shipgirl icon and now I'm posting here. Hi TTK!

General Discussion / Re: Suggestions & Complaints

« on: September 18, 2016, 07:46:08 PM »
Truncate sidebar posts for the RPG side? Social has it implemented. Also neither portions posts are a part of the news drop down; intended?


« on: September 12, 2016, 08:11:48 AM »
Quote from: Viventium Umbra on September 11, 2016, 11:49:02 PM

Ok, so just before this new board update dropped, we had a bunch of AMA and AMCA threads cluttering up the Non-Canon area (mine included, unfortunately), and I think we should have a designated space for those so that it doesn't happen again.

I'd like to second this; the subtext even eludes to it being for role-playing only, but the wave of AMA-style posts buried any non-canon roleplay.