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Post written by Suraj Shah.

Have you attended a prayer meeting recently to pay your respects when someone in the community has passed away?

When someone passes away, certain community groups have a set day or evening when members of the community can come together and attend a prayer meeting (sometimes referred to as a sadadi or prarthna sabha) to pay their respects.

During the prayer meeting, there is an opportunity to pay condolences to the close friends and relations of the deceased and then to sit in silence and listen to devotional singing.

Paying “dis-respect”  🙁

Sadly, not all those who attend this prayer meeting appreciate the importance of remaining silent. They will use it as an opportunity to catch up with distant family and old friends, and carry out conversations about cricket scores, business activity and boasting about their children’s graduation and getting a top city job.

I get the feeling that they feel forced having to attend the event, are bored, and are looking for anything that will be a distraction to their boredom.

All the while, the close family and friends of the deceased are grieving and confused, and deeply hurt that the other community members cannot respectfully maintain silence, even for just a couple of hours.

How would you feel if your father passed away and there was a lot of mindless chatter taking place in the hall? I’d certainly feel hurt and disrespected.

From dis-respect to introspect

Prayer meetings are in fact an excellent opportunity to introspect and enhance your compassion.

The next time you attend a community prayer meeting to pay your respects, here are seven tips to help you and those around you to remain respectful while taking some time for your own self-growth.

Tip #1: Remember the person who has passed away

When I was in my early 20s, one of my closest childhood friends died in a car accident. This was clearly a shock, but during the funeral I was remembering my friend’s caring nature and adventurous antics. I even laughed a little when the song “don’t worry, be happy” was playing in the crematorium – a fun reminder of his chilled-out nature.

If you personally knew the person who passed away, take the time to recollect the fondest memories you have of them.

Tip #2: Remember someone who has passed away that you were close to

When I attended my wife’s mother’s sister’s husband’s mother’s prayer meeting, I didn’t know the lady. But as this was my wife’s cousin’s grandmother (who I didn’t know) that passed away, I simply remembered my own nanima (grandmother).

I remembered how nanima used to listen to us with love. I remembered how she used to make delicious snacks for us. I remembered how she used to make us do the household chores and how she always got her way but got away with it because of how much we all adored her.

Tip #3: Contemplate on the temporary nature and meaning of your own life

Tip #4: Recite a mantra over and over again in your head

One of my all time favourite mantras is the Navkar Mantra from the timeless Jain tradition.  It helps to calm the constant chatter that is taking place in my mind and it helps me to focus my thoughts on the qualities of those who have made huge strides in improving their spiritual state.

Navkar mantra

Om namo Arihantanam
Om namo Siddhanam
Om namo Aiyanianam
Om namo Uvajjayanam
Namo loye savve Sahunam
Eso pancho nammo karo
Savva pavo parnasano
Mangalanamcha savve siim
Padhamam havvai mangalam

In essence, with this mantra, I focus in on the qualities of:

Reciting the above 9 lines over and over again has helped me in many situations where I have needed to be relaxed, centred and focus in on what matters the most.

Do you have a mantra that helps you calm your mind and focus your thoughts on what is important?

Tip #5: Immerse in the devotional music being played

Sometimes there is a lone person singing or there is a whole group performing.  Other times there is a CD or tape being played.

Whatever the source of the music, immerse in the music being played.  Listen in to the words and their deeper meaning.  Try to capture the emotion expressed by the performers.   Sing along if appropriate.  Do whatever it takes to fill your heart with bhakti bhaav (a deep devotional feeling).  I promise you – when you are so immersed in the music, those around you will start to align to it too.

Tip #6: Lend a hand – help with the logistics

When the family is grieving, sometimes things get forgotten. This is the time to jump in and lend a hand.

Tip #7: Help those around you to remain respectful too

Granted, this one takes a little practice, but when done right, this can add a lot of value to everyone in the room.

When the person next to you starts up a conversation with you, gently glance at them, smile softly, and don’t say a word.  They may keep trying to talk to you, but hopefully they will catch on to your subtle message.

When people are having a full-blown conversation behind you, turn around, gently say hi and then ask “Please remind me – why are we here today?  Do we have to talk in this room, or can we have respect for the family and sit in silence?”

Done with the right intention, they will hopefully get the message without you causing them any embarrassment.

If all else fails, go back to Tip #5, immerse yourself in the devotional music and sing along with bhakti bhaav in your heart.

What can you add?

Which of these activities do you take part in during prayer meetings and how do they work out for you? What can you add that would provide inspiration to us all, help improve our behaviour, and further enhance our compassion towards those who are grieving?


How do we know that we are really living?  How do we know that we are making the most of this precious life?

Only once you master the art of dying, do you really learn how to live.

Taking life for granted

I’m approaching 30, and I’ve taken it for granted that I’ll live till 80. I imagine I’ll have a full 50 years of my life to live out all my dreams and desires.

I’ll have 50 whole years to build up my business, to start and grow the family, to have a healthy lifestyle, to travel widely, to advance spiritually.

If I have 50 years, surely I can afford to put some of these important things off till tomorrow, right? Surely tomorrow will always be there…

But do I really know that I’ll live a full life to be 80? There are certainly no guarantees.

Length of life is not guaranteed

Our ayushya karma that we are bound with in each life determines the span of that life and we generally don’t know what that number is. So yes, we could live to the ripe old age of 80 and beyond, or our life could come to an end tomorrow, or even within the next hour.

This life could come to a close within the next few moments, and would leave so many dreams and wishes unfulfilled.

So knowing all this, what choices can we make about how we wish to live and how we wish to utilise each living moment?

Choosing how to live

What have you chosen to focus your attention and energy on today?