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I Hate Kindergarteners Who Can Read

Specifically, my own kindergartener.  Now that she can kinda-sorta read, I can't lie about shit.  Like when she wants a quarter for a gumball machine.... I used to say, "See that sign right there?  It says, 'out of order'."  Then there's my favorite non-existent sign posted outside of Chuck-e-Cheese that says, "Sorry, we're closed...all the people parked in our lot are at the store next door." I can't pull that shit on her anymore because she can sound words out and use context clues and whatnot on the words she can't quite figure out.  She's too smart for her own damn good.  Or, for my good.  Either way, it's annoying as hell.

What's worse is that the tiny spawn can now half-assedly read my text messages and emails!  So when she's playing "Top Model" or "Monster Farm" (or whatever nonsense is popular that hour) on my iPhone and a text comes through, she turns into a nosey little heifer.

Spawn: MOM! Hubber Hancock just texted you!  .... uhm.. .is "m-o-f-o" a bad word?  Muffu?  Moofoo?

Me: Give me my phone!

Spawn: Please, please, please let me text him back for you.

Me: Fine.

Spawn: What should I say?

Me: I don't care... go away.

Spawn: Cool! So = saw and Yo = You.  Kinda cute, huh?  I guess I don't hate it that much.  I guess.  But, this lil heifer needs more schooling on using punctuation properly.
Posted by Snarky Heifer at 8:54 PM Labels: kindergarten, reading, text messaging


