Breath of Fire 1. The rabbits are coming!!!!

An odd day  
by HIghdragonian  


  
Note: This is my first time at a comedy fanfic. It has nothing to do with my other stories. Go easy on me.  
  
Cha[ter 1  
The bunnies are coming! The bunnies are coming!  
  
-Rei's Cabin  
  
Ryu was walking up the well worn path to Rei's cabin. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, nothing could go wrong........  
  
"I DID IT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"  
  
Ok, maybe a few silly things....  
  
Ryu ran to the back of the cabin to find Rei looking over the top a huge wooden cube from atop a diving board and Teepo by the cube in red swimming trunks.  
  
"The fuck are you two doing?" Ryu asked Teepo  
  
"It's Rei's new invention. He says it will make us money so I'm tring it out."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because of the money! Everyone knows if you have you have money, you have babes! And if you have babes, you get to hav-"  
  
Quiet you! Kids may be reading this fanfic!  
  
"Sorry Narrator!" Teepo yelled up at me.  
  
Rei climbed down the ladder of the diving board, grabbing a crowbar and lodging it into the cube.  
  
"Rei! This better be good if it costed us all our money!" Teepo yelled at Rei.  
  
"It is!" Rei removed the wooden panels to reveal a huge block of.......Jell-O?  
  
"Jell-O?" Ryu yelled up at me.   
  
I looked through the script......  
  
Yup! Jell-O! You're SOL Ryu!  
  
"Oh...." said Ryu.   
  
Rei looked up at Teepo who is already on the diving board. "Try it out!"  
  
Teepo jumped off the diving board into the giant block of Jell-O, making a molding of himself in the Jell-O.  
  
Ryu looked into the block of gelatin to see Teepo clearly inside the Jell-O.  
  
"Uh....Rei?" Ryu asked to Rei  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is Jell-O deep blue?"  
  
Rei checked the box. "This isn't Jell-O!"  
  
"Well what is it then? He looks like he's in suspended animation!"  
  
"It's cryogenic gel!" Rei laughed, "I now have the world's biggest cryotube!!!!!"  
  
"YOU IDIOT!!!!" Ryu yelled.  
  
"Don't worry Ryu. I'll get him out in a jiffy!" He got in a large crane.  
  
"Where in Ladon's name did you get that?" Ryu yelled up at Rei.  
  
Uh..... I did that.  
  
"Why?" Ryu yelled up at me.  
  
I dunno.   
  
Rei got Teepo out of the ooze.   
  
"Uh.....I can explain Teepo!" Rei said.  
  
"Y-y-you ignorant little pile of sh-" Teepo started when suddenly.........  
  
"The horror! The HORROR!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!" Durandal said, severely beaten.  
  
"What?" said Ryu.  
  
"It's Wyndia! It's been overthrown by a! By a!"  
  
"Yes?" Rei said.  
  
"BY A!"  
  
"Oh shut up and tell us ya fruitcake!" Teepo yelled.  
  
"....."  
  
"He's dead." Ryu said.   
  
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED DURANDAL!" Teepo yelled  
  
"YOU BASTARDS!" Rei yelled at the sky.  
  
"Oooooookayyyyy........" Ryu said. Not knowing why the hell they quoted South Park  
  
"Well what do we do?" said Rei, curious ab out who took over Wyndia.  
  
"To Wyndia guys!" said Ryu.   
  
"Alright......" Rei & Teepo said sadly.  
  
"Don't you guys wanna go?" Ryu asked them.  
  
"No. Why? Because Queen Sheilia is gonna throw our asses in jail the moment we step in there!"Rei said.  
  
"Ditto." Teepo added.  
  
"I see. Well, we have to try!" Ryu said.  
  
"Ok." They both said.  
  
They left the cabin for Wyndia, and soon arrived at Wyndia. Strangly, the usually bustling town was completely deserted....one man who looked like a complete lunatic ran down the alley........  
  
"The rabbit is here! THE RABBIT IS HERE!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"  
The man said.  
  
Ryu grabbed him and looked at him oddly, "A what?"  
  
"HEHEHEEEEE!!!! A bunny has taken over Wyndia."  
  
"A bunny? Like Momo?"  
  
"No. Just a bunny."  
  
"Not a monsterous rabbit like creature?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Ryu's hope was slipping, "Just a regular, run-of-the-mill bunny?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Well, surely you took back your kingdom?"  
  
"No......the bunny gives the orders to us. We follow 'em."  
  
"Oh...."  
  
"Well, I gotta run!" The man ran off laughing all the way.  
  
"Let's go to the castle." Ryu said. Teepo just stood there.  
  
"A bunny. Heh...." He then ran off toward the others  
  
_What awaits our heroes at the castle? Is the kingdom taken over by a bunny? Why do people fear the bunny? Will the narrator come back in the story? What is terminal air-speed velocity of a swallow? Why am I asking you all of these questions? The answers will come in Chapter2! Escaped by a hare! _


	2. Escaped by a hare!

Chapter 2  
Escaped by a hare!  
  
_When we last left our heroes, they have found out from a complete lunaitic that the entire kingdom of Wyndia has been taken over by a regular, little bunny rabbit. Little did they realize that the bunny is the dreaded killer bunny rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail that has blown all the way to Wyndia when King Arthur flung the Holy Hand Grenade at it.   
  
I said too much.......  
  
Whoops..... Darn you Cloaknblade! Ya spoiled the ending!  
_  
Ryu and his friends made it towards the castle. Bones littlered the area of uptown Wyndia.   
  
"Uh..Ryu?" Teepo said.  
  
"Yes?" Ryu asked the Dark Dragon.  
  
"I got a bad felling about this." Teepo said, surveing the bone covered senery.  
  
"You quoted Han Solo from Star Wars! Ha! Teepo's a nerd! Teepo's a nerd!" Rei teased.  
  
_Note: Don't flame me about what Rei just said. I know ya will though. Hell! I like Star Wars!_  
  
"That's it! I'm gonna kick you so hard in your face your teeth will shoot out your ass!" Teepo then ran toward Rei ready to do just what he said, chasing him towards the castle and busting through the huge oak door.  
  
Ryu sighed and went inside, wondering how he puts up with those two....  
  
-Wyndia castle  
  
The castle was in shambles. If you wanted to compare it to something, it looked like Rei's cabin after a party. It's THAT messed up. Queen Shelia was dead, half eaten on the throne. When the three heroes got there, Teepo quoted South Park once more.  
  
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED......Queen......Shelia......" Teepo said, a half grin on his face.  
  
"You.....bastards?" Rei added.   
  
Teepo and Rei looked at each other. Then they spun each other around singing.  
  
"DING DONG!  
THE BITCH IS DEAD!  
WHICH OLD BITCH?  
THE WICKED BITCH!  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ryu yelled as fiercely as he could.  
  
Silence......   
  
"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU TWO! JUST GO TO THE RIGHT HALL AND LOOK FOR THE DAMNED RABBIT!!!!" Ryu ordered. He then stormed off towards the left hallway.  
  
"What's up his ass?" Teepo asked Rei.  
  
"I dunno know." Rei answered.  
  
Ryu went through the left hallway. Fear overtaking him as thick fog rolled into the area. A shadow of a man could be seen in the fog. Ryu started to run. He then ran into the male gender's worst enemy...........  
  
"HIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Richard Simmons.........  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Ryu yelled, this was wrong. Twisted, sick, and wrong.  
  
"LET'S WORK ON THOSE BUNS!!!!" R.S. said , then the Village people started playing strangely. As there were no speakers.  
  
Ryu ran as several 'Bubbas' persued him in a gay running fashion.  
  
"WHY ME?!?!?!" Ryu cried out while screaming.  
  
"So the bunny can have a beer."  
  
Ryu looked over to his sholder to see a hamster with a gold crown an its head, perched on his sholder.  
  
Ryu swore he was never, ever, getting high again, "Who the hell are you?"   
  
"COME HERE BIG BOY!!!!" A Bubba said, running faster. Ryu quickened his pace.  
  
"I am...." A trumpet blared out a fanfare, "THE HAMSTER KING!!!!"  
  
"That's *huff* nice...." The Hamster King noticed Ryu was getting tired.  
  
"Yup! You wanna have something to get rid of them?" The Hamster King offered.  
  
"Rei & Teepo?" Ryu said with a evil grin.  
  
"Look Ryu, what's more important? Getting back at those nutcases or saving your virgin ass!"  
  
Ryu looked back at the Bubbas, then at the hamster. "I see your point. Give me something."  
  
Ryu found himself in a completely white room. As the hamster's voice echoed in the room.   
  
"**What do ya want?**" the hamster said.  
  
"A gun." Ryu simply said.  
  
"**More specific.**"  
  
"Hmmm........power weapons." millions of shelves whipped past him, displaying many weapons of pain and suffering. Ryu took a laser tripbomb, a full-size Remington shotgun, a 357 magnum, an Uzi, and a strange white orb. When he came back to the castle he threw the tripbomb onto a wall. The Bubbas stupidly ran into the tripbomb laser, destroying the entire hallway. It also destroyed the guns.  
  
"Damn...." Ryu said, "Why did that happen?"  
  
"I didn't want to be sued for copyright infringment by the makers of The Matrix." The hamster said.  
  
"But that could have been a sweet fight scene!" Ryu said to the hamster.  
  
"I know....." the hamster said, quietly cursing about copyright infringements.  
  
Ryu ran back to the throne room, a little white rabbit was in there. Rei and Teepo were also in there, tied up.  
  
"HELP!!! It's the killer man-eating bunny rabbit from Monty Python!" Rei yelled  
  
"How did you guys get tied up?" Ryu asked.  
  
"He has opposable thumbs dude!" Teepo cried, inching away from the vile white rabbit. The rabbit showed off his new thumbs by opening a can of beer.  
  
"Wait a minute! This is the ball from Little Nicky!" Ryu said, eyeing the ball.  
  
"I altered it." the Hamster King said.  
  
"I see." said Ryu.  
  
"Throw it down Ryu!" Rei said.  
  
"YOU CAN DO IT!" Teepo said in a mexican tone.  
  
Ryu threw the orb down. After a huge, bright flash of light occured, fifty hamsters with assault rifles and green military helmets appeared.  
  
"The fuck is that?" Rei asked the hamster.  
  
"The 32nd hamster squadron!" the Hamster King happily said. "Turn him into a pencil boys!"  
  
The hamsters then proceeded to fill the accursed bunny full of lead. The rabbit was nothing more than a bloddied, mangled mess when the hamster squad was done.   
  
"Well that's the end of the story." the hamster said. "You are free to go."  
  
"Yes!" the three heroes said. They then went back to the cabin. The hamster, seeing as the rabbit was full of lead, broke off its toe and began to scribble an apology letter to the Matrix for copyright infringment.  
  
Meanwhile, at Rei's cabin.  
  
"Ahh, no more wierd adventures." Ryu said, relaxing under a tree. Just then, a brick with a note attached to it landed near Ryu. It said....  
  
_You defeated annoyance plan number4! There will be retribution!  
  
The Gerbil Lord  
_  
Ryu screamed, for he knew what this meant......  
  
A sequel!  
  
THE END!  
  
_How did you like it? Review this please!_


End file.

Breath of Fire, Humor