Fifty Shades Trilogy Right Before My Eyes

_Disclaimer: I do not own 50 Shades of Grey. Credit goes to EL James, Stephanie Meyer, and the fanfic author of 'The Submissive'. Additional disclaimer: my knowledge of BDSM comes from internet research and friends who are into that kind of thing. If I unintentionally get sp,etjomg wrong and offend, it was un-intentional._

_Summary: No, I haven't joined the dark side. Years after the trilogy, Ana comes to some realisations._

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**RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES**

I sit in a cafe, alone, looking at the photo my daughter, Phoebe, has sent me.

She is sitting on a beach in Australia, with her long-term partner, David, and their six-month-old daughter. Theodore is with them, too, on shore-leave from his job in the Navy, who had been doing a joint-exercise. An administrative job, since he managed to inherit my co-ordination, but at least he enjoys it. He is twenty-seven, now, and Phoebe twenty-four, but so very different than Christian and I were.

Christian and I have never met our grand-daughter, nor are we likely to. We met David only a few times, when they first started dating and just before he asked Phoebe to marry him. Teddy has never introduced us to any of the girls he has dated.

With the wisdom of hindsight, I know why.

They think we are a bad influence, and would rather cut us out of their lives than expose their own families to us.

I tried to keep our arguments and unconventional sex life in the bedroom after the kids were born, knowing they were too young to understand that not everyone acted like this, but Christian would have none of it. For a while, it was fine, and for the sake of peace, Kate never criticised Christian in front of the kids, but he still limited their contact with Ava, Kate and Elliot, knowing that they would pick up in the difference between me and Christian, and Kate and Elliot.

Then they started school. Nowadays, there is mandatory education on how to recognise the warning signs of abusive relationships, and what to do about it. When Teddy and Phoebe started talking about it over dinner, I realised that there were a number of parallels to the early days of my relationship with my husband.

That education isn't limited to a single seminar once or twice a year, now, though. Several weeks of Health class are devoted to it, and anyone who thinks they have a problem are encouraged to talk to the school councillor, or to report it.

My children are smart, and it didn't take them long to connect the dots.

Christian tried to hide it, but he never approved of anyone except him having influence over our children's lives. When Phoebe was in High School, she spent a lot of time with the librarian, talking about books and the lessons to be learned from them.

The librarian encouraged her toward writers like Tamora Pierce and Rick Riordan and John Flannigan, all of whom wrote about female characters who made mistakes and learned from them, who could stand in their own right, who sometimes fell in love, but didn't let that change their fundemental nature and inner strength. Male characters who listened to the women in their lives, rather than dismissing their opinions. Pride and Prejudice, where the female lead refused to marry without respect, and had to admit her own flaws before she could be happy, just as the male lead had to accept and change his.

Christian was furious when Phoebe chattered about strong, independent women who didn't need men to make their decisions, unless that man was in a position of authority and making decisions for everyone. He threw out the Protector of the Small and Beka Cooper books that she had bought for herself, and had the librarian fired by threatening a lawsuit, claiming an inappropriate friendship.

* * *

I don't know what happened to the librarian, but Phoebe saw through the ruse. Through the school, she applied for a collage in England, paid for the first year and campus housing with her own money, and moved away the day after she graduated. When Christian cut her off to try to force her to come home, she found a job and worked her way through her degree, meeting David the same year.

We met David at their graduation from their Bachelor degree, a few months before they started their Graduate, at the bar where they were celebrating with their friends. Phoebe introduced us, then slipped into the crowds before Christian could do more than glare.

The University didn't care who Christian Grey was, or how much money he could throw at them, and not only refused to give us any of Phoebe's details, but threatened to report us if we pressed the issue.

By that time, Teddy was making a career for himself in the Navy. He had been a bit of a wild child in his youth, and Christian had finally sent him to military school. Instead of it being a punishment, however, Teddy started to thrive, and joined properly the day he turned eighteen and no longer needed our permission.

The Commanding officers also proved resistant to bribery, and being on a Navy frigate kept our son out of contact for months at a time. Even when he was on shore leave, he preferred to stay at a friend's house than to come home.

My children saw what I did not. They got out of his control as soon as they could, and didn't let sentiment lure them back.

David asked our blessing when he wanted to marry Phoebe, and Christian's need for contracts and control reasserted itself. He tried to make David sign a pre-nup, and David was not as naive as I had been. He didn't like the idea, but he took the contract home and talked it over with Phoebe, who liked it even less.

I hadn't been kidding when I called my husband a control freak. The contract was as absurd as the one he wanted me to sign. If they broke up for any reason, no matter who initiated it, everything that David had earned over their marriage would go to Phoebe, as would any shared property. Phoebe would quit work and be a stay-at-home wife. If David lost his job, Phoebe would still not look for work, but Christian would provide for them until David took the first job that would accept him. Christian would know their bank details and have a say on any major transaction.

All things that were less about protecting Phoebe from a fortune hunter, and more about keeping both of them under control.

David was calm when he said that he felt some of the points were unreasonable and wanted to negotiate. Christian refused, and ignored my suggestions. Phoebe sent us both a blistering email, and they moved to Australia, away from us. Even Christian's fortune couldn't afford to drop everything to fly to Perth every other weekend, especially when they threatened to call the police and get a restraining order taken out against us.

My greatest regrets will be that I never tried to stand up to Christian during any of these events, silently siding with him, instead of my children.

* * *

Pulling myself out of the past, I sip my coffee and look around.

At a nearby table, two young women are talking, probably on their lunch break from work. They look young, around the age I was when I met Christian. I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I need something to distract myself from the memories.

One is wearing an expensive choker necklace, clearly out of her price range - a gift, perhaps - and blushing lightly as she explains it to her friend. "It's symbolic, more than anything. If I wear it, it means I'm up for playing when I get home, and it builds anticipation while we're both at work."

Her friend frowns, perhaps confused. "But... doesn't being a Sub mean that you have to do what your Dom says, all the time?"

I blush, realising that they are talking about BDSM relationships. That it was a 24/7 agreement was certainly the way Christian had framed it, back when I first met him, though apparently this girl's Dom let her talk about it. I focus on the conversation more closely as the first girl shakes her head. "It can in some cases, but it all depends on the couple. Some people keep it up all the time, some people restrict it to the bedroom or playroom... there's one couple I know who keep it from Friday night to Sunday lunch, and drop it during the work-week."

The friend shakes her head. "It sounds... weird, but kind of exciting. Did you have to sign a contract? Or go around in black leather?"

That is met with a laugh. "Me, in black leather? Only if it's part of a scene. As to the contract, we both did. 'Safe, sane and consensual', after all. Basically, I acknowledge that I know what I am getting into, and that he has explained it in detail. He acknowledges that just because I enjoy getting bossed around in the sack, doesn't mean he gets to control the rest of my life, and that whatever we do while playing does not reflect how he feels about me in real life. I have things that don't turn me on, he has things he doesn't enjoy, and we both have things that we won't do. We agree to a safeword, and if he thinks a scene is getting out of hand, he also has the ability to call it off."

The friend nods slowly. "You mean, if you panic and forget the word, he can call it off if he thinks you are uncomfortable? And just because he calls you something like a," she lowers her voice, "dirty whore while you're role-playing, it doesn't mean that he really thinks you are?"

The girl nods calmly. "And if I want to have soft, cosy sex one night, all I have to do is not wear the choker, and it can be as vanilla as I like."

The friend takes a deep breath, sitting back in her chair and stealing the last chip from the first girl's nearly empty plate. "Good. I admit, I was kind of worried that you were getting into one of those really bad relationships, at first. Like you hear about on the news, with stalking, and controlling who you see or talk to, and not taking your feelings or wishes into consideration, and making you quit work to be who he thinks you should be, and you being scared of how he would react to things. I was even planning a speech about how you weren't responsible for fixing him at the expense of your own well-being. But I think I get it, now."

The girl retaliates by sneaking a fingertip of foam from the rim of her friend's mug. "I appreciate that you care enough to do that, and I'm glad that you were willing to hear me out. It's a lifestyle choice, like being a Hippie or a Vegan, not manifestation of a fucked-up childhood. I get that it isn't your cup of tea, but I enjoy it."

The friend smiles, then glances at the clock. "Double Crap! We need to be back at the office in ten!"

They gulp down the last of their drinks and rush to pay, and I sit back in my chair, pondering. Everything they said was so different to how things had been when Christian wanted me to be his Submissive. With him, it had been all about control, and whenever I tried to disagree, he would either distract or punish me. The relationship this unknown girl had described was one of trust and respect, where the Dominant had more responsibility than just making decisions, and the Submissive still had the right to make her own choices.

I had been a naive fool to take everything he said at face value, without doing my own research or standing up for myself. Stupid, to believe that loving him would be enough to heal his scars, that just doing what he said would fix every problem.

* * *

Christian and I have been married for almost thirty years, do I really want to rock the boat and change things now? Can I continue as I have, bowing to his wishes and letting him make decisions, or is there still time to stand up for myself? Is losing Christian worth trying to re-build a relationship with my children? Is there a middle ground?

All very good questions, and ones that I wish I had the answers to.

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_A/N: As you can see, I have issues with Fifty Shades of Grey, and this is my way of purging them. Hopefully the Reviews page doesn't turn into a mini-flame war, but If people disagree with my take, I would be genuinely interested to hear your opinions and why._

_Thanks,_

_Nat._


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Fifty Shades Trilogy, Angst