Breath of Fire 1. Beginning

This is the First Chapter of a Rewriten version of the RPG Video Game "Breath of Fire"  
  
~Disclaimer: I do not own Breath of Fire or Nintendo or Capcom or Lucky Charms or Lion King  
  
or Star Wars or anything else.... The only thing I own is a Phone and a few Pizza's....  
  
-INFO-  
  
I use the basic "Enter name: What they are saying" Method of speaking and I use the  
  
*Insert Action Here* Method of using Actions When [Enter Town Name] appears that means that are hero's  
  
have entered a new town  
  
-END INFO-  
  
-BEGIN STORY-  
  
[Drogen]   
  
Strange Person: Wake Up Young Child the Place is Burning Down!  
  
Ryu: I don't want to!  
  
Strange Person: You will die!  
  
Ryu: So?  
  
Strange Person: Um..... Fine..... Die....  
  
*Ryu wakes up and starts watching the flames for fun*  
  
Ryu: Ohhh... Shiney-Flamey Material....  
  
Flames: Ohhh... White-Dragon Tribe-r Person-y Thing....  
  
Ryu: You can talk?  
  
Flames: Um.... No! I mean... Um... Yes!  
  
Ryu: Please don't kill me...  
  
Flames: Why?  
  
Ryu: Um.... I have been um.. My sister is a Shamen and can summon strange powerful magic!  
  
Flames: So... I'm Fire!  
  
Ryu: I have 20 HP...  
  
Flames: I have 4 HP...  
  
Ryu: I'll give you a Fish!  
  
Flames: I am Hungry... And I did just reveal how much HP I have....  
  
Ryu: So...  
  
Flames: Ok, Fine.  
  
Ryu: Ok, here is the Fish...  
  
*Ryu searches under his bed and pulls out a very Large Fish*  
  
Ryu: There you go.  
  
Flames: Yay!  
  
Ryu: Ok, I gotta go, The next part of the story won't begin until I leave this room so...  
  
Flame: Ok, Bye, I'll be here feasting on this Fish.  
  
*Ryu exits room and walks along the path until he reaches a room with alot of people...  
  
Guy: Its those Dark Dragons... They've been after me Lucky Charms for years!  
  
Guy #2: I wonder how many licks it'll take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?  
  
Sara: I shall go and attempt to kill that Dark Dragon and I shall be taken away. Meanwhile,  
  
Ryu shall run off on a Quest to save me and restore Peace to the world.  
  
Ryu: o_0  
  
*Sara leaves and gets taken away by the Dark Dragons who intentionally leave Ryu behind   
  
so he'd take revenge and become all powerful*  
  
Ryu: I guess its time to go....   
  
[World Map]  
  
Ryu: Time to explore the world map... lets see....   
  
*Ryu Enters a Battle*  
  
Ryu: Slimes?  
  
Slime: You can't kill me! I'm gooey...  
  
Slime2: Muahahahahaha  
  
Slime3: Ha, And they wanted to program "Fairy's" We slimes are big and Strong!  
  
Ryu: Ok, Lets see what do I do first?  
  
*Ryu attacks Slime2 = Slime2 Is destroyed*  
  
Slime: Nooo! He is too stong!  
  
Slime3: I'm melting!  
  
*Slime3 Melts*  
  
Slime: Slime3, I will miss you... You were my first friend....  
  
*Ryu attacks Slime = Slime is destroyed*  
  
Narrator: Ryu recieves 6 EP and 12 GP...  
  
Ryu: I know... I'm the one who collected it o_0  
  
*After Ryu Leaves the Battle Screen*   
  
Ryu: There are Animals!  
  
*Ryu discovers that when he enters a Battle and leaves there is a chance for Animals to appear*  
  
Ryu: Ok, So, Where is my next stop? .... .... ... Hey, A Village.. Or is it a Town? Lemme enter  
  
to find out...  
  
[Nanai]  
  
*Ryu Enters the Village*  
  
Ryu: Ok, so it was a Village  
  
Guards: Me too strong to let you enter!  
  
Ryu: I take my Dagger, hit that rope over there and it will cause this sentence to fall on you!  
  
Guards: Um....   
  
Ryu: Just as I thought... Either you die or you let me in.  
  
Guards: I guess... We'll pretend to be asleep so we won't get in trouble...  
  
Ryu: Ok, Just lemme in...  
  
*Guards move allowing Ryu to move freely in the Town*  
  
Ryu: Its a town now?  
  
Karn: It always changes... Its got a Plot Hole Loop thing going on...  
  
Ryu: Karn, You aren't supposed to get into the story until later...  
  
Karn: The Narrator wanted to make the Game easier for you so he let me in the story early...  
  
Ryu: Well, I guess that Rushes the story along....  
  
Karn: Exactly.. And did you notice we skipped Camlon?  
  
Narrator: I can't put in the ENTIRE STORY...  
  
Ryu: You were there the entire time and didn't help me get past those guards?  
  
Narrator: Well, ummm, I, Umm, got, Lost?  
  
Ryu: Just leave me alone....  
  
Narrator: I'm gonna be watching you the entire time..  
  
Karn: Just leave...  
  
Ryu: I'm Tired.  
  
Karn: Me too.  
  
*10 Minutes later*  
  
Ryu: Wanna go hire a buncha Hard-Core Gamers to tell us a few Cheats?  
  
*Ryu and Karn Visit the Hard-Core Gamers Cafe convienetly located at one of the games many Plot Holes*  
  
[Hard-Core Gamers Cafe]  
  
Employee: How many a Help you?  
  
Ryu: I'd like 1 Large Chocolate Sundae..  
  
Karn: And I'd live the Thieves Special....  
  
Employee: Ok your Total comes to 12 GP and what kind of Help do you need?   
  
Ryu: Breath of Fire Cheats  
  
Employee: Ok, lemme go get the "Big Book of Breath of Fire Cheats"  
  
*Employee brings back the book*  
  
Employee: Ok, what kind of cheats do you want?  
  
Karn: Easy way to get through the game without the help of the Narrator..  
  
Employee: You must go around in circles 255 Times without getting tired  
  
Karn: Umm.. That sounds..... Easy?  
  
Ryu: We can do it.. All we need is the help of a few Plot Holes and food..  
  
*Ryu and Karn eat*  
  
Ryu: I guess its time to go...  
  
Karn: Lets go....  
  
[World Map]  
  
Ryu and Karn: Ok, Lets start spinning around in Circles  
  
*Ryu and Karn take advantage of one of the many plot goles and Spin around in circles 255 Times*  
  
Ryu: Yay!!!!!  
  
Karn: Yay!!!  
  
Ryu: Hey, Nothing happened!  
  
Karn: I know....  
  
*Ryu and Karn step on a secret switch tht causes them to fall into a Plot Hole*  
  
[Plot Hole]  
  
Ryu: Where are we?  
  
Karn: Were in.... The Narrators lounge?  
  
Ryu: Its was the Narrator the whole time!  
  
Narrator: Yes! It was me! I killed Mufasa!  
  
Ryu: Wrong story..  
  
Narrator: Ryu... I am your Father!  
  
Karn: Don't you reconize us?  
  
Narrator: No, I am a Narrator for many things....  
  
Ryu: Breath of Fire!  
  
Narrator: Thats it! Ryu, *sobs* Its me!  
  
Ryu: Who?  
  
Narrator: The Narrator!  
  
Karn: So?  
  
Narrator: Ummm....  
  
Ryu: Lets just... Go..  
  
Narrator: Wait! Don't you want to beat the Game?  
  
Karn: Yes...  
  
Narrator: I can do it!   
  
*Ryu and Karn beat the game*  
  
Narrator: Ok, Time to retire to Hawaii...  
  
Ryu: I'm going too.. This game has low replay Value....   
  
Karn: Count me in....  
  
*Our Hero's go to Hawaii*  
  
-End Story-  
  
The next Chapter of Breath of Fire- ReWriten coming soon... 


	2. Hawaii

This is the Second Chapter of a Rewriten version of the RPG Video Game "Breath of Fire"  
  
~Disclaimer: I do not own Breath of Fire or Nintendo or Capcom or Final Fantasy or anything else.... The only thing I own is a Phone and a few Pizza's....  
  
-INFO-  
  
I use the basic "Enter name: What they are saying" Method of speaking and I use the  
  
*Insert Action Here* Method of using Actions When [Enter Town Name] appears that means that are hero's  
  
have entered a new town  
  
-END INFO-  
  
-BEGIN STORY-  
  
[Hawaii]  
  
Ryu: Its the second Chapter now...  
  
Narrator: Hey, Thats my Line!  
  
Karn: Lets just Chill *Chills*   
  
Ryu: I wonder what interesting stuff is going to Happen today....  
  
Narrator: We get Lost? What bad can happen to us in Hawaii?  
  
Ryu: Get attacked by Squirrels...  
  
Narrator: Whats a "Squirrel"?  
  
Karn: Its a small fluffy thing that chirps and makes you want to pet it.  
  
Narrator: Is it like a Griffen?  
  
Karn: *sigh* Yes..  
  
Narrator: Eeek, and they live out here?  
  
Ryu: They live everywhere...  
  
Narrator: Creepy...  
  
Karn: Yup, you don't want to meet one of them in a Dark Alley...  
  
Ryu: Hey, is that a Squirrel?  
  
Karn: Yup!  
  
Narrator: *Gasp* ITS A SQUIRREL!  
  
Ryu: ...?  
  
Narrator: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!  
  
Karn: The whole "Squirrel being evil" Thing was a joke...  
  
Narrator: Ahem..... Sorry, I had a moment....  
  
Karn: *Karn pets Squirrel*  
  
Squirrel: Hello!  
  
Narrator: It.. Talks?  
  
Ryu: Everything talks.. I once had a small conversation with a Flame...  
  
Squirrel: The Narrator programed me to talk..  
  
Ryu: Narrator... Isn't he the Narrator? And how could there be a Narrator, We aren't in the   
  
game anymore!  
  
Squirrel: Plot Hole?  
  
Narrator: It could be my Brother, "Narrator2".  
  
Squirrel: No, its just a Mad Game Show Host named Narrator out to steal all the money he gave away..  
  
Karn: Can we ever face a real Enemy?  
  
*Squirrel Joins Party*  
  
Ryu: Ok so far there is Me, Karn, Narrator, and Squirrel....  
  
Squirrel: Yup!   
  
Karn: Now.. Where is this "Mad Game Show Host"?  
  
Squirrel: In that restaurant over there called "Mad Game Show Host Buffet"  
  
Ryu: Is everything always going to be named something corny?  
  
Narrator: It must be a Plot Hole..  
  
*Everyone walks over to the Buffet*  
  
[Mad Game Show Host Buffet]  
  
Waiter: How may I help you?  
  
Squirrel: We are looking for the Narrator.  
  
Waiter: *Gasp* A talking squirrel... Weird...  
  
Squirrel: *Gets Angry*  
  
Waiter: Ok, He is right over there...  
  
*Our Hero's walk over to the Narrator*  
  
Game Show Host "Narrator": What can I do for you? Hey, Its Squirrel! I thought I programmed you  
  
to bring me back people who won money from my Game Show?  
  
Squirrel: Hey! You don't remember him? "The" Narrator? The First episode? Won Elevendy-Bajillion  
  
Dollars?  
  
GSH Narrator: Nope...  
  
Narrator: *Sweats* I was never on "Who wants to be a Elevendy-Bajillionaire"...  
  
GSH Narrator: How'd you know that name?  
  
Narrator: Um.... I saw it in a... Um.... eh.... Crop Circle?  
  
GSH Narrator: Sounds Believable....  
  
Narrator: Phew....  
  
Squirrel: Ok, Well, We gotta go... we must leave Hawaii to go to some other place to recruit  
  
more Pary Members until we have enough to defeat something... Evil...  
  
Karn: Aren't we supposed to defeat him?  
  
Squirrel: He's too lazy to cause any REAL evil.  
  
GSH Narrator: Yup, I haven't got up to do any REAL stealing.. I'm just plotting a Evil story  
  
so I'd sound cool. I'll program another talking Squirrel later.. Bye Squirrel!  
  
Squirrel: Bye!  
  
*Our Hero's say there farwell's and leave the Buffet*  
  
[Hawaii]  
  
Ryu: Ok Where to next?  
  
Narrator: How 'bout Spira?  
  
All: Ok.. Sounds fun!   
  
*Our hero's take advange of the games many plot holes to warp into Spira*  
  
-END STORY-  
  
The next Chapter of "Breath of Fire- Rewriten" coming soon.. 


	3. Spira

This is the Third Chapter of a Rewriten version of the RPG Video Game "Breath of Fire"  
  
~Disclaimer: I do not own Breath of Fire or Nintendo or Capcom or Final Fantasy....   
  
The only thing I own is a Phone and a few Pizza's....  
  
-INFO-  
  
I use the basic "Enter name: What they are saying" Method of speaking and I use the  
  
*Insert Action Here* Method of using Actions When [Enter Town Name] appears that means that are hero's  
  
have entered a new town  
  
-END INFO-  
  
-BEGIN STORY-  
  
[Spira]  
  
Mog: Kupo!  
  
Mog #2: Kupo?  
  
Mog: Kupo.  
  
Mog #2: KUPOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Mog: You have gone Kupo!  
  
Mog #2: I was just telling that we should quit talking in Kupo's  
  
Mog: Oh.. I thought you were telling me that your "Kupo for Kupo Nuts"...  
  
Mog #2: No....  
  
*Our four Hero's appear*  
  
Mog: Who are you?  
  
Ryu: People.  
  
Mog #2: People, Whats a People? Is Candy a People?  
  
Karn: ....?  
  
Mog: Is People a type of carrot? Chocobo? Humen?  
  
  
  
Narrator: Yes, A type of humen...  
  
Mog #2: Phew.... I was about to eat you!  
  
Squirrel: Hey what are you? You look like a Pig mixed with a Bat.  
  
Mog: We are Moogles!  
  
Squirrel: Moogles?  
  
Mog #2: We are Creatures...  
  
Narrator: That explains SO much...  
  
Karn: Ok, So... What is there to do around here?  
  
Mog: There is Luca...  
  
Ryu: Luca..  
  
Mog: We can go with you! My name is Mog and his name is Mogu!  
  
Mogu: Pleased to meet you..  
  
Narrator: Same here  
  
Ryu: Ok, to Spira it is?   
  
Squirrel: I guess.. I wanted to be the only rodent here!  
  
Mog: Too bad!  
  
  
  
[Luca]  
  
Squirrel: This place is BIG!!!  
  
Mog: No doubt about it...  
  
Ryu: What do we do first?  
  
Karn: Whats that sign say? Blitzball? Whats a Blitzball?  
  
Ryu: Must be a type of thunder...  
  
Mogu: No, Blitzball is a game where 2 groups of humens play a soccer/Football like game underwater..  
  
Narrator: Soccer? Football?   
  
Mog: Um.. What are they?  
  
Mogu: I don't know... Why don't we ask the Narrator?  
  
Narrator: I don't know what they are...  
  
Mogu: I know YOU don't I'm talking about this games Narrator... Narrator2..  
  
Narrator2: Hey! Brother!  
  
Narrator: Long time no see!  
  
Squirrel: Geez a Family Reunion!  
  
Narrator: How's Narrator3 and Narrator4 going?  
  
Narrator2: I dunno, I haven't talked to them in awhile....  
  
Narrator: Well, good to see you!  
  
Narrator2: Same here, *Narrator2 Explains Soccer and Football to everyone*  
  
Ryu: How much I like all of this "Meeting" stuff I'd like to get on with the Quest!  
  
Narrator2: You guys are on a Quest?  
  
Karn: Yup, To gather alot of people and defeat Evil!  
  
Narrator2: Can I help? I'm useful in alot of Narrator-y Ways!  
  
Squirrel: Sure!  
  
Ryu: Squirrel, Its MY JOB TO RECRUIT ALLYS!  
  
Squirrel: Umm sorry...  
  
Ryu: And I say its okay!  
  
Narrator 1 & 2: Yay!  
  
Karn: I think we had enough Recruiting Allys we have 7!  
  
Narrator2: I'd come but... Who's going to take my job of being Narrator?  
  
Mog and Mogu: We never said we'd come! We'd be treated like freaks outside a FF game!   
  
How 'bout we take over being Narrators?  
  
Narrator2: Ok Cool!  
  
*Narrator2 and the Moogles magically switch places by using a Plot Hole*  
  
Ryu: Ok its time to go...  
  
Karn: We have only 5 Allys now...  
  
Squirrel: Thats enough!  
  
Narrator: Yes! Lets go Fight Evil Now!  
  
Narrator2: Yes.. But where to?  
  
*Everybody thinks*  
  
Ryu: How are plot Holes made?  
  
Squirrel: At the Plot Hole headquarters  
  
Karn: Where's that?  
  
Narrator2: Its inside a plot hole!  
  
Narrator: I think he's right!  
  
Ryu: But which one?  
  
Squirrel: Lets try this one!  
  
*Everybody jumps inside a Plot Hole and wind up inside Plot Hole Headquarters*  
  
Ryu: Before we enter the Plot Hole Headquarters, How'd be land in the right one on our first try?  
  
Karn: Um.... Plot Hole?  
  
Squirrel: O.o  
  
*Our heros enter the Plot Hole Headquarters*   
  
  
  
-END STORY-  
  
The last chapter of "Breath of Fire- Rewriten" coming soon! 


	4. Plot Hole Headquarters

This is the Fourth and Final Chapter of a Rewriten version of the RPG Video Game "Breath of Fire"  
  
~Disclaimer: I do not own Breath of Fire or Nintendo or Capcom or Final Fantasy or anything else....  
  
-INFO-  
  
I use the basic "Enter name: What they are saying" Method of speaking and I use the  
  
*Insert Action Here* Method of using Actions When [Enter Town Name] appears that means that are hero's  
  
have entered a new town  
  
-END INFO-  
  
-BEGIN STORY-  
  
[Plot Hole Headquarters]  
  
Ryu: Wow, Its amazing!  
  
Squirrel: Look at all the Plot Holes!   
  
*A Flying-Pig Flys By*  
  
Karn: I wonder what all these things are worth? *stares at the now golden city-thing*  
  
RyU: What do you guys wanna do?  
  
Karn: Lets just Chill *Chills*  
  
*Squirrel Bites Karn*  
  
Squirrel: YOU DID ENOUGH CHILLING IN HAWAII!!!!  
  
Karn: Fine... Lets go find stuff.  
  
Ryu: Sounds like fun! Did you guys notice Narrator and Narrator2 are missing?  
  
Karn: I'm sure we'll meet up with them later.  
  
Squirrel: Ok.. Hey! Everyone! Lets have a contest! First person to find a Plot Hole wins!  
  
*Squirrel jumps into the air and lands on a Plot Hole*  
  
Squirrel: I learned to sing *Sings to herself* And everybody was Kung Fu fighting.....  
  
Ryu: Shut up! Stupid Squirrel!  
  
Squirrel: That reminds me! I won the contest! You all shall obey for as long as I want  
  
*Awkward Silence begins and continues for awhile*  
  
Ryu: ...?  
  
Karn: ...?  
  
Squirrel: Fine! Have it your way! You win, I give up..  
  
*Awkward Silence ends*  
  
Ryu: Ha! I knew using a Plot Hole to cause a Awkward silence would cause you to give up!  
  
Karn: Lets go find the Narrators now..  
  
*Our 3 Heros begin their search*  
  
Squirrel: How about we just use a Plot Hole to teleport us to someplace?  
  
Ryu: I guess... I.. Never thought of that!  
  
*Everybody takes advantage of the writers love of Plot Holes to teleport them to "someplace?"*  
  
[someplace?]  
  
Ryu: Hey, We're in "someplace?"  
  
Karn: Stupid Squirrel you asked it to "teleport us to someplace?"  
  
Squirrel: Umm..... Ah.... I didn't know it was like that...  
  
Ryu: We're here now...  
  
Karn: Lets look around.  
  
*Our 3 hero's look around the room*  
  
Ryu: Ok, so we're in a room... Lets just use a Plot Hole to get us out of here..  
  
*Out hero's attempt to use a Plot Hole*  
  
Ryu: We used all of the Plot Holes!  
  
Karn: Geez... Now we have to get out of here by hand... Or foot..  
  
Squirrel: Look! Its a Box!  
  
RyU: Where?  
  
Squirrel: Over there! Look *Points*  
  
Ryu: Cool, lets look inside!  
  
Karn: There is a Rope, A Cat Costume, and a Buttered piece of Bread...  
  
Squirrel: If I put the Cat costume on me and tie the Buttered bread on my back with the rope,  
  
Since this is a story and anything can happen.. A cat always lands on its feet and Buttered   
  
Bread always lands face-down... It will cause them to spin around in circles really fast and eventually it   
  
will gather enough energy to restore power to the plot holes and we can use them to end this   
  
story with a happy ending!  
  
*Awkward Silence*  
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Karn: ...  
  
Squirrel: ...   
  
*Silence ends*  
  
Ryu: Nah... It sounds to hard..  
  
Karn: When I was young I used to play around in a Box and pretend I was somewhere else...   
  
Squirrel: Sounds like a plan to me!  
  
*Everyone gets inside the Box*  
  
Ryu: Ok.. Imagine us out of here.. and into where the Narrators are..  
  
*Everyone Imagines themsleves out of here and into where the Narrators are*  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
*Our heros appear inside the Narrators Lounge*  
  
[Narrators Lounge]  
  
Narrator: He... u...!  
  
Narrator2: .....!  
  
Narrator4: We have them! Finaly after all those long hours!  
  
Narrator3: All of that planning! And finaly we can steal all their Narratoring Powers!  
  
Ryu: Narratoring Powers?  
  
Narrator3: Its the power Narrators are given..  
  
Karn: Don't you guys like... Have your own?  
  
Narrator4: No! All Narrators are born with different Narratoring Powers! 1 & 2 are born with real powers and 3 & 4 are born with Plot Hole creating powers!  
  
Squirrel: And?  
  
Narrator3: We want normal powers!  
  
Karn: And why did you bother kidnapping them? You could of just used a Plot Hole to bring them here..  
  
Narrator4: Um...  
  
Squirrel: And You could of just used the Plot Hole powers to give you normal powers!  
  
Narrator3: Um....  
  
Narrator4: Um.. We never.. Ahem.. Thought of that..  
  
Karn: Just let them go...  
  
Narrator3: Fine...  
  
*Narrator3 and Narrator4 Join Ryu's party*  
  
Ryu: Why did you bother joining my party?  
  
Narrator4: Why not?  
  
Ryu: The story is over!  
  
All but Ryu: Man.... Why does this have to end?  
  
Ryu: Because the "Fin" Screen is up there...  
  
All but Ryu: Lets retire to Hawaii FOR GOOD!  
  
Ryu: Ok ^.^  
  
*Credits Roll, Dramatic Music plays, and amazing cutscenes all of our Hero's playing around in Hawaii (Including Flames and GSH NArrator)*  
  
Squirrel2: No Fare!! I was just made! I blame the GSH Narrator!  
  
-END STORY-   
  
Squirrel2: Hey, You can't End on me!  
  
Squirrel: *sings* And everybody was Kung fu Fighting..   
  
*Credits fall on both of the Squirrels and they land in the games final Plot Hole causing   
  
them to warp to Hawaii and forget they can sing* 


End file.

Breath of Fire, Humor, Parody