EastEnders 1. Chapter 1

Love will always prevail

Part 1

Three months had passed since the funeral. Syed was still living in the flat near to Christian's but might as well have been living at the North Pole as Christian hardly ever saw him. He seemed to go to work early and worked all hours of the day and night. When he had last glanced him across the Square, he had been shocked at Syed's appearance. He looked so thin and seemed to have aged a lot.

Christian knew that Syed was blaming himself for Amira's death. She had found out the truth about them as Masood had forced Syed to tell her. She hadn't taken it well and had run out of the flat and run blindly across the road and didn't see the car that hit her. Syed had heard a crash and come out of the flat and cradled her in his arms. Amira had survived for a few days but had never come out of the coma and her father had made the decision to switch the machine off on advice from the doctors.

Christian had tried to get Syed to talk to him since the accident but he always pushed him away. They chatted about work and related things but anything else and Syed clammed up. Christian knew exactly what Syed was doing. Syed was convinced that it was his fault she died and was burying his head in the sand working all hours. His family tried to get him to come to theirs for meals but he always refused. He did his job and went back to an empty flat. Masood had spoken to Christian a few times as although he wasn't happy that Syed was gay, he knew that Christian might be the only person to get Syed better.

Syed walked into his flat and switched on the light. He glanced around and then collapsed on the sofa and switched on the tv. There were empty food cartons all around from takeaways and dirty plates and cups lying all around. The flat was an absolute tip. The doorbell rang and Syed decided to ignore it turning the tv up. It was no good, whoever was there was very persistent and not going to go away. Syed got up reluctantly and went down to answer it. It was Christian.

"Hi Syed I just wondered if you wanted to come to the café with me. I saw you come home and thought saves you cooking doesn't it?"

"If only he knew" thought Syed with a wry smile. Apart from cooking at work he never cooked at home. What was the point now it was just him?

"I'm really tired Christian."

"We could get a takeaway instead if you want."

"Come on in then."

Christian followed him up into the flat. He just stopped himself from gasping out loud when he saw the state of the place. He couldn't believe Syed could live like this.

"Have a seat Christian, just push those papers on the floor for now."

Christian moved a pile of papers to the side and sat down. He glanced into the kitchen which was even worse than the lounge. The bin was overflowing and the sink was full of dirty washing-up. He looked at Syed. He was busy reading a takeaway menu and then he handed it to Christian. He looked so drained and unhappy it tore at him. He hated seeing him like that and wished he could just hug him and make it all better but knew he had to take his time. Syed was mourning and blaming himself and he had to tread very carefully.

When they both decided what to have Christian phoned the order in. He went into the kitchen and started trying to tidy up. Syed called out "leave it Christian I'll do it later."

"Doesn't look like it's best done in a few weeks Sy. I need to clean some cups anyhow to make our drinks."

"Okay but leave the rest to me."

Christian washed the mugs up made some drinks and took them to the coffee table. He brushed some more leftover things to the side and put them down.

"Perhaps you need a cleaner" he said light-heartedly to Syed.

"Suppose you think that's funny."

"I could help you if you want to clear up."

"I told you Christian I will do it later."

The food came and they ate in silence watching the quiz-show on television. Syed only ate half of his and then put his plate down.

"Are you not eating that?" asked Christian.

"No you have it if you like."

"No I have enough here thanks. You really should eat more if you can Syed."

"Now you're sounding like my mum. I'm just not hungry okay."

"Don't get defensive. Saw your dad the other day. He said they want you to live back at home with them."

"Yes can you imagine? The good thing is having my own space and not having mum at me all the time."

"Must be lonely though, you need to get out more."

"I'm out every day working Christian. I go to hotels, halls, you name it all sorts with the functions we do. When I'm not working I pray at the Mosque and there's lots of people I know there too."

"I meant socially."

"I meet people socially through work just like you do Christian and at the Mosque."

"You should come clubbing with me and Chelsea one night. She's a good laugh and we meet up with other people as well."

"I wouldn't really be able to. I often have an early start."

"Couldn't your mum cover for you for once?"

"She's busy with Kamil."

Christian collected up their plates and took them into the kitchen. He took out the full bin bag and put a new one in. He headed back to the sofa.

"I don't have to work tonight. If you like we could go for a drink somewhere preferably not the Vic as I work there."

"No thanks."

"We could go to the cinema. There's that brilliant new thriller out, you used to like them."

"No I'm too tired to be honest. Probably just watch a bit of telly and then get to bed."

Christian decided to change tack a bit.

"Have you heard from Amira's dad at all?"

"Not since the funeral no. There's no reason I would."

"When is the inquest, isn't it coming up soon?"

"Next week, dad says he'll take me but I really don't want to go to be honest."

"It will be closure I guess."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Syed sounded angry.

"Well just that it will be set out what happened and you can move on."

Syed stood up and walked out to the kitchen with his cup. He slammed down his cup on the cupboard and turned round to face him.

"You have no idea have you? There will never be closure on what happened for me. I'm responsible for her dying. Me no-one else. The only way there would be closure is it there was a court case and I got put into jail for killing her."

"You didn't kill her."

"I did. It was because of me that she ran out of here the way she did and then straight into that car."

"You weren't driving that car Sy it was just terrible timing. The driver didn't have time to stop."

"Don't call me that you hear me." Syed was shaking with anger now and his hands bunched into fists, hearing Christian calling him Sy was bringing back memories he was desperately trying to forget, "everything was my fault, the fact I told her and then she got killed. It's all because what we did is wrong and it's all my fault."

"You can't blame yourself for all of that. Things happen in life and you can't blame yourself every time something happens."

"What we did was wrong, forbidden. That is why Amira was killed to punish me and that is why I should be facing trial. I told the police but they didn't want to know."

Christian was shocked "you told them what?"

"How I confessed to her just before about us and how she then ran out all upset."

"What did the police say?"

"That it was one of those things and they wouldn't arrest me for it. Felt like hitting one of them just so they would take me in to be honest."

Christian shook his head. He didn't know how to get it through to Syed that it wasn't his fault. He wondered whether Syed's family should consider professional help and perhaps a counsellor. He wasn't going to suggest it now to Syed the mood he was in but he felt something needed to be done and soon. Syed couldn't carry on like this much longer. The way he was going he was heading for a complete breakdown.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

The inquest was closed and the verdict was accidental death. The driver of the car hadn't had a chance to brake, Amira had run out too quickly. There were a few witnesses who spoke backing up the driver's account of the incident.

Syed had sat down with his parents and listened intently to the whole proceedings. As he sat in the family car going back to the Square, he felt numb. It wasn't right that Amira was dead and he was still here able to go about doing his job, going out, living his life when she would never have that chance again. His mum and dad were talking quietly in the front of the car but he let their words wash over him. Suddenly he realised his mum was calling his name.

"Syed I was talking to you."

"Sorry mum what did you say?"

"We thought you should come back to ours tonight, I can cook up your favourite meal and you should stay over."

"I need to get back to work mum."

"After work then come round for dinner. You shouldn't be on your own tonight."

"I'm fine mum really, don't fuss."

Zainab looked at Syed and decided to let it go. She looked helplessly at Masood who took her hand and said "just leave him for now Zee" so she turned back round to face the front. Masood glanced in the rear mirror at Syed who looked like he was miles away again. He was resting his head against the window and his eyes looked tired and drawn. Masood wished he could help Syed through this time but didn't know how to. He didn't blame Syed for Amira's death but it was the revelation of what had happened between him and Christian that made her upset and run out the way she did. He knew Syed blamed himself totally and no amount of arguing was going to change that.

The car stopped outside Syed's flat and he got out and waved to his parents "thanks" and headed into his flat. He had to go to the Unit in a while. He looked at a picture of him and Amira on their wedding day that his mum had put up on the cabinet. She was beaming happily into the camera and she looked like the princess he had always called her. She had deserved better than him and he should have been truthful sooner. The guilt was eating away at him again, every day it seemed to be getting worse. He needed to suffer, he wanted to but he didn't know how. Amira had suffered terribly because of him and it was what he deserved. The police wouldn't put him in jail so he would have to punish himself.

He suddenly had an idea. He went into the kitchen and opened the cutlery drawer searching until he found what he was looking for. The knife he chose was small but had a sharp blade and he knew it would work. He hesitated but then an image came into his mind of Amira lying injured on the ground and he knew what to do. He pushed the sleeves of his shirt up and lifted up the knife and pressed the blade next to the skin high on his arm.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

3 days later

Syed stepped out of the shower. As he dried himself off, he caught sight of the marks on his upper arms where he had been cutting himself.

The shirt he was wearing today only just covered them but now the weather was getting warmer he didn't want to wear a long-sleeved one. He buttoned it up and finished dressing.

Today there was a wedding reception at the Vic and they were doing the food. His mum was going to help him. Syed suspected this was so she could keep an eye on him and Christian. He doubted they would even be allowed to talk with her breathing down their necks.

The food was all set out in the Vic and all Syed had to do now was just keep an eye on the food table and top-up as needed. He went to the bar to get himself a drink and Roxy served him. Christian seemed to be keeping his distance today maybe because Zainab was glaring at him a lot as she did.

Syed sat down with his drink and Zainab came over "I'm really tired so I'm going to go home and check on your dad and Kamil. Call me if you need any help though."

"I will mum though I think I can manage now."

Zainab walked out and almost as soon as she was gone, Christian appeared and sat down opposite him.

"Please tell me your mum has gone home."

"She has."

"Any more of those stares from her and I don't think I could manage not to say something and you know what your mum and I are like when we get started."

Syed nodded.

"I haven't seen you since the inquest Syed, I wanted to ask how it went. I gather they gave an accidental death verdict from Jane."

"Yes and that was it really."

"Time to move on with your life then. It's what Amira would have wanted."

"You don't know that."

"Amira wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself over this. It was just an accident."

"Which happened just after she found out about us."

"It's just incredibly bad timing. She was in shock but she would have got over this."

"Her life was ruined anyway whether she lived or died."

"Look Syed she would have been okay, moved on and maybe met someone else."

"She was ruined Christian. I ruined her for anyone else don't you understand. In our culture she would be shamed because of what I am. No-one would touch her again."

Christian was shocked by how Syed was talking. Syed stood up and walked over to the food table. A few things were emptying out so he got out the containers and started topping up. Christian had followed him and he helped him.

"I can do this on my own you know."

"Why are you always so stubborn?"

"Haven't you got your own job to do Christian?" Syed said glaring at him.

"I was just trying to help. Don't know why I bother all the grief I get from you. I thought we were friends and friends help each other you know. You look tired, I just figured you might appreciate some help. Stupid old me."

Christian walked off angrily and Syed watched him go. He felt he should go and apologise but what was the point. It was better and easier if he didn't have to speak to him.

Later on back at the flat his phone rang.

"Hello."

"Syed it's dad."

"Hi dad what's up."

"You know what your mum's like. She keeps worrying about you and wants you to come over and have something to eat. Reckons you're not eating enough good home-cooked food or something. Do me a favour and agree to come over tomorrow."

"Alright dad if it keeps her quiet but just for dinner okay."

Syed hung up and sat back down on the sofa. He flicked through the tv channels but there was nothing on worth watching. He switched it off and sat deep in thought. He closed his eyes and immediately as often happened when he tried to sleep at night his thoughts were of Christian. The memories would always come back and tantalise him. He desperately tried to think of something else but this particular memory wouldn't go away. It was when he went to see Christian after he was beaten up and Christian had suggested he kiss it better. He wished he was here now and he could kiss him and touch him. His eyes opened in horror. He needed to stop these thoughts, they were wrong, bad, evil. He stood up and went out to the kitchen taking his shirt off as he went. He found the knive and as soon as he felt the pain, he felt such relief. This was what he deserved. He swapped hands and went to do the other side but at that moment his doorbell rang.

Ignore it he thought but then it rang again. Perhaps it was his dad sent round on an errand by his mum. He would have to make some excuse as he didn't let them see the state of his flat. He quickly put his shirt back on and ran down the stairs to open the door. He was shocked when he saw who it was.

"What do you want Christian?"

"Look we had words before, I just wanted to apologise. I've just been worried about you that's all."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine Syed that's the thing. Can we talk a bit please?"

"Now's not a good time."

"Are you eating?"

"No I don't want to be too late though I have an early start."

"Okay just a quick chat then."

"Come in." Syed stood back to let Christian pass and then he closed the door. Christian went on ahead and walked into the flat. He was shocked to see that if anything the flat looked worse than last time he had seen it. Papers, rubbish, plates, cups were strewn all around. Christian took a seat on the sofa and Syed sat down on the chair next to it. He could see that Christian was shocked at the mess again. He sat down waiting for Christian to say something. Christian was looking at him and suddenly his eyes dropped to look at his arm.

"What happened to your arm?"

Syed jumped as if he had been burnt suddenly. He glanced down and there was blood seeping through his shirt and running down his arm. How could he have been so stupid, he should have put a plaster on it quick before Christian saw.

"Oh it's nothing, I think I bashed into a sharp corner just before you rang the bell. I'll just go and wash it."

He went into the kitchen and got some kitchen towel and dabbed at it. Christian followed him in and reaching out to take the kitchen towel off the wound he said

"here let me take a look."

Syed held tight to it "it's fine really. I'll just get a plaster."

"Do you want me to get it for you?"

"Yes if you could. In that box in that cupboard there?" Syed pointed with his good arm. Christian found it and got out a plaster and handed it to him. Christian went to put the box back in the cupboard and at that point he spotted the knive. It was lying away from all the washing-up stuff but more suspicious than that, it had some fresh blood on it. Christian swallowed hard suddenly feeling really sick. He had a bad feeling about this but had to tread really carefully.

He looked over at Syed who was hastily putting the plaster on his cut. He then wandered back to the chair and sat down so Christian followed sitting back down on the sofa.

"So what did you want to talk about Christian?"

"I'm worried about you. Don't take this the wrong way but I think maybe you should see a doctor."

"I'm not ill."

Christian was silent for a few minutes and Syed looked at him anxiously. What was this all about now?

"You seem to be blaming yourself for what happened to Amira and I don't think you're looking after yourself properly."

Syed glared back at him "I think maybe you should go."

"Look around here Syed, this place is an absolute tip. When did you last wash-up, cook yourself a decent meal, put the rubbish out, clean this place."

"We can't all be house-proud like you Christian."

"This isn't you Syed. This place looking like this it's a sign that something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. I just wish people would leave me in peace to get on with my life and stop interfering."

Christian shuffled up the sofa so he was sat right next to Syed's chair. He suddenly reached out without warning and grabbed Syed's good arm and pushed the sleeve up. As he had suspected, there were marks on it as well. Syed dragged his arm away from him angrily. Christian looked at him with concern in his eyes.

"You're self-harming aren't you Syed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I saw the knife in the kitchen, that's what you were doing when I rang the bell."

Syed was silent, there really was no point pretending otherwise. In a way he felt relieved that someone knew. He looked down at the ground.

"Do you know how dangerous that is?" Christian asked "why do you do it?"

Syed didn't answer as he just couldn't explain.

"I want you to go and see a doctor Syed and if you don't I will tell your parents about this."

"You're blackmailing me" Syed replied in astonishment.

"Yes if it's the only way to get you help. You can't carry on like this, you must realise that. Make an appointment tomorrow and I'll come with you."

"I don't need you to hold my hand."

"I'm not but I want to make sure you go through with it. Phone them tomorrow okay and then let me know when we go."

Christian got up and went out to the kitchen. He picked up the knife feeling ill again seeing Syed's blood on it thinking what he was doing to himself and washed it under the tap. He checked the drawers and all the washing-up picking up any sharp knives and also taking the scissors. He then went into the bathroom and collected all the razors. He put all these things into a bag.

"Sure you don't want to confiscate my painkillers in case I decide to take them?" Syed said angrily "give me those things, they're mine." He went over to Christian and tried to get the bag off him.

"Don't fight me Syed I'm not going to let you have these until we get some help. I'm going to sleep here tonight."

"What!! This is my flat and I want you out of here now."

He pushed him hard and Christian lost his balance and tripped over dropping the bag. Syed went to grab it but Christian got there first.

"Get out" shouted Syed and going to push Christian again but this time he was ready for him and he grabbed Syed's arms stopping him from hurting him.

"Don't argue with me Syed, I'm staying here on this sofa and you have to put up with it otherwise I tell your parents. So what's it to be?"

Syed freed himself and turned his back on him "doesn't look like I have much choice does it?" and he went into his bedroom slamming the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Syed and Christian were sat in the doctor's waiting-room. Christian had rang the surgery first thing in the morning and made an emergency appointment. When Syed had emerged from his bedroom in the morning, he could see straightaway that Christian had been busy. The flat had been tidied up, all the rubbish picked up and the washing-up done.

Syed had picked at the toast he had made for him in silence refusing to speak to him. It was like dealing with a child today thought Christian as he glanced at Syed sat next to him in the waiting room. Syed had hardly spoken a word and was sat looking down at his hands and kept fidgeting nervously. Christian wanted to comfort him somehow and longed to take his hand but knew he couldn't do that here and not only that, Syed would be furious if he tried that right now.

Someone came out of the doctor's room and then they heard him call out "Syed Masood". They both stood up and walked in together.

"Sit down please" said the doctor pointing to the chairs.

"What seems to be the problem?" he looked at Syed but he didn't say anything.

"Tell him Syed" prompted Christian.

"I don't even want to be here, you forced me remember."

"Can I tell you?" asked Christian to the doctor.

"Of course."

"I found out last night that Syed is self-harming and I think has been for a while."

The doctor stood up walking over to Syed "can I see? Is it your arms?"

Syed reluctantly let him roll up his sleeves and he examined the cuts.

"Well none of these are too deep so they should heal okay. What we need to get to the bottom of though Mr Masood is why you are doing this."

Syed just looked at him. Christian decided to speak for him again "he's been through a lot recently. His wife died a short while ago and he blames himself for it."

"I see. So this is guilt. How often do you cut yourself?"

"I've only done it a few times."

"What makes you do it?"

"I don't know."

"It may help if you could talk to someone in confidence. One of our counsellors could see you and I could arrange it."

"Talking isn't going to help me" Syed said dismissively.

"You'd be surprised. You obviously are building up a lot of emotions inside and this is why you are self-harming, it's a form of release. What we need to find out is what makes you do it and talk you through it. I'll refer you for counselling and hopefully you should get an initial appointment by next week."

"Do I have to go?".

"I would recommend you do Mr Masood. Do you sleep well at the moment?"

"No not especially."

"Are you looking after yourself, keeping yourself well fed etc."

"Of course."

"How can you say that?" asked Christian in amazement "I spent ages this morning tidying up his flat. It was a complete shambles. There's nothing to eat in his fridge, takeaway cartons all over the place, washing up left for at least a week, bins overflowing, papers left ……"

"That's enough Christian." Syed glared at him.

"Mr Masood is it true what your friend is saying?"

"Things had got a bit untidy but not as bad as he makes it sound."

"He's in denial" said Christian.

"I think to be honest you would benefit from a prescription for anti-depressants."

As Syed shook his head the doctor carried on "You could just take a short course of them for a month or so just to get you through this difficult time. It's entirely up to you but I would recommend it. I will refer you for counselling and you should hear fairly soon."

"I don't want any anti-depressants."

"Well that's your choice but if, in the meantime, you feel you can't cope please come back and see me again and I can make out a prescription."

Syed stood up desperate to get out of there as fast as possible and walked out without speaking. Christian looked back saying "thank you Doctor" and followed him. When they got outside, Christian tried to pull back Syed to slow him down but he wasn't having it.

"Get off me Christian."

"Why don't we go for a coffee to talk about all this?"

"No and I have to get to work now. Dad won't be happy that I've taken time off already."

"You let me know when you hear with the appointment okay? No more self-harming Syed and I will be checking. If you do it again, I will tell your parents I promise."

"Some friend you are. If you really cared you would just leave me alone."

"What so you could do something really stupid. You should really consider taking the anti-depressants."

"What so I would be numb, no feelings at all. What sort of life is that?"

"It would only be for a while just to get you through this time and then with the counselling you would feel better."

Syed looked at him scornfully "I have to go" and he walked off to the Unit.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

1 month later

The counsellor sighed to herself. Syed Masood had just been to see her for the third time and she still knew no more than the first visit. He only spoke to say hello and goodbye and inbetween he sat in silence. If he wasn't prepared to talk, she wasn't going to be able to help him. She had seen this type of depression before accompanied by self-harming. She decided she would write to the doctor again and see if he would agree to get Mr Masood to visit him again.

Syed was at work when he heard footsteps on the stairs and as he glanced round he saw Christian walk in.

"How did it go today Syed?"

"Yes good I think it's really helping actually."

"That's brilliant I'm so pleased."

"Yes she said I only need to see her next week and then we're finished. So nothing to worry about."

"Good well I have to get to the Vic, my shift starts soon. Speak soon okay."

Christian went out and Syed sighed with relief. He believed him as easy as that. Now at least Christian wouldn't be checking his arms anymore. He had felt all the feelings inside him building up so much in the past few weeks but had to be careful. When he went home later, he could finally feel that release again.

2 days later

Christian was returning to his flat when he saw the Doctor stood outside Syed's place. He walked over to him.

"Hello Doctor can I help at all?"

"Well I was hoping to catch Mr Masood."

"He may be at work at present."

"I wanted to make sure he got this letter as he doesn't appear to have received our last couple of letters. I thought I'd drop this in myself by hand."

"I can make sure he gets it if you like."

"You came in with him to the surgery didn't you? Yes that would be helpful thank you and ask him to ring as soon as possible please."

"Okay goodbye."

That evening when Syed returned to his flat, he had only just got in when the doorbell rang. He went down to answer it.

"Christian what do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"I've only just got in from work, what's this all about?"

"About a letter from the Doctor I have to hand to you and what's this about some other letters they've sent you. Apparently they're waiting for you to call them."

"You'd better come in." Syed looked uneasy with Christian talking about all that on his doorstep. The flat was looking messy again but not quite as bad as before. On the table were a couple of letters and Syed handed them to Christian.

"They just want me to go in and see the Doctor that's all. I just haven't had time to ring."

"The Doctor seemed quite concerned that you get this letter Syed. Why don't you open it?"

"I will do once I get a chance to relax a bit."

"Can I look at these?" gestured Christian pointing at the original two letters.

"If you must."

Christian read them and couldn't believe it. Syed hadn't made any progress in the counselling and she was recommending that the Doctor speak to him again. Why had Syed lied about how well it was going when it wasn't.

"You said the counselling went well."

"Well it's what you wanted to hear."

"Not if it wasn't true no."

"Speaking to some lady a stranger who has no idea what it is like to be a Muslim or be gay or even a man what is the point?"

"She's trained Syed and she will have come across situations like yours before I am sure."

"You think there's loads of gay Muslims round here do you?"

Christian changed tack "perhaps you should see the Doctor then."

"He just wants to put me on anti-depressants."

"You don't know that."

Syed went into the kitchen and started putting some shopping away. Christian followed him "are you self-harming again?"

Syed didn't say anything.

"I'll take that as a yes then."

"Please yourself."

"You really need to accept the help people are offering you. You can't carry on like this Syed. What if you do yourself a real injury?"

"You should go."

"I care about you, I'm worried sick about you, please speak to someone Syed."

"I want you to go."

Christian looked at him helplessly and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He pulled Syed round to look at him.

"Remember Syed call me any time of day or night. Don't do anything silly okay. We can talk things through if you want to."

Syed turned round and carried on what he was doing so Christian walked away and out of the flat.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

4 days later

Syed got out of bed and strolled into the lounge. There was no point trying to sleep. His mind was full of so much stuff whirring round and round. Either it was memories of him and Christian keeping him awake or other times it would be the guilt over Amira and he would keep seeing her crushed body in his mind.

He sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands. He was so so tired and this lack of sleep was affecting his work. He had made some silly mistakes recently and couldn't afford to keep doing this. He had to be able to do his job, it was the only thing that kept him going. No, in all honesty, the only thing that kept him going was Christian. Just even an odd glimpse here and there was better than nothing. He ached to be with him and be held by him but then as soon as those feelings came to mind, the guilt over Amira rushed in and made him feel worse for feeling that way.

He went out to the kitchen and picked up the knife. After a couple of minutes he sat back down again and felt slightly better. He was only just aware of the pain on his arms. He looked at one of his arms and the blood glistened where he had cut it. What was he doing to himself? He suddenly felt really disgusted and felt bile rush up in his throat and ran to the sink just in time before he was sick.

He slid down onto the floor wondering what on earth he could do now. He couldn't carry on like this anymore, Christian was right he needed to get help. He stood up shakily and picked up his mobile calling him. What time was it? 2.30 in the morning, he guessed he would be asleep.

"Please Christian please answer I need you."

The phone kept ringing and then the ansaphone picked up. Syed hung up kicking the cupboard in frustration. Perhaps Christian had struck lucky and was out partying with someone. His phone suddenly rang and he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Syed did you call me just now?"

"Yes I know it's really late but ………"

"What's wrong?" Christian interrupted.

"I need to see you, I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore." His voice broke on the last word and he just heard Christian's response "I'll be right over okay."

He sat there for what seemed like ages before he heard the bell ring. He stood up and answered the door. Christian walked in and could see straightaway that he had cut his arms again. There was fresh blood on his arms.

"Here let's take care of this" and he guided him to the sink and washed the cuts and then put plasters on them. He led Syed to the sofa and sat down next to him.

"I don't seem able to stop doing it" Syed said almost in a whisper. Christian realised he was talking about the self-harming.

"That's why you need professional help Syed, you just needed to persevere with the counselling."

Syed nodded and dropped his head and started crying "I can't sleep at all. Every time I try I see Amira or think of other things" he looked over at Christian hoping he wouldn't know what other things he was referring to "I'm so tired and I just want all this to be over and everything back to normal."

Christian put his arm around him and pulled him in for a hug "hey hey it's going to be alright, we can go back to the doctor again and I really think you should take the anti-depressants just for a short while and have another go at the counselling. Why don't you ask for a different counsellor? See if that helps."

Syed nodded "yes I have to try." He stopped crying and his head rested on Christian's shoulder. They sat in silence for a few minutes and then when Christian looked down at Syed a few minutes later, he could see that Syed had fallen asleep. He smiled to himself and gently put his arms around him and carried him into the bedroom. He eased him down onto the bed and covered Syed with the quilt.

He went back into the lounge and decided he would sleep on the sofa just in case Syed called out for him in the night. The next morning they would go back to the doctor's.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

2 months later

Syed walked into his flat. He had just had another session at the counsellor's. The new counsellor was a man and Syed had been determined to make it work this time and had been honest from day one and opened up and every session now he was crying so much. The counsellor told him it was all good and he had to admit he felt better afterwards. He had gone back to the doctor's with Christian a while back and started some anti-depressants for a few months and what with that and the counselling, he had started sleeping better.

He whistled as he got into the shower, Christian had invited him round for dinner at his flat and he was really looking forward to seeing him. What with Christian's shifts at the Vic and all his working hours, they hadn't seen each other so much over the past couple of weeks. Now though things were a bit quieter.

They had a nice meal which Christian had prepared and then he was asking Syed how the counselling had gone recently. He started to talk about it and then he felt his eyes watering again "sorry Christian I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment but I just can't seem to stop crying now. The counsellor says it's perfectly natural to be like this while working through it all."

Christian smiled "I understand, I'm pleased that it's all going well and you look so much better and happier even if you are a bit tearful tonight!!"

Syed laughed "let's change the subject quick."

"There was something I wanted to suggest to you Syed."

"Oh yes sounds interesting" he raised his eyebrows in that way which always got Christian. He loved to see that Syed was relaxed enough to be flirty again with him.

"Yes I thought perhaps you could do with a short break. Maybe a weekend away somewhere."

"Doesn't seem much point going away on my own to be honest."

"Well I wasn't necessarily suggesting you go on your own."

Syed's eyes met Christian's in surprise and he didn't know what to say.

"I'm not suggesting we share a room or anything like that I just thought we could travel together. I could do with a break myself. Brighton's nice this time of year."

"I'm not sure I would have to see if I could get the time off work. Brighton would be great though, I haven't been there for years."

"Shall we settle on a weekend then. Two weeks time would be good for me."

"I'll let you know Christian. I appreciate this you know and everything you've done for me recently." He suddenly felt awkward thinking back to how desperate he had been and the self-harming Christian had witnessed. Christian reached out his hand to him and squeezed it gently "you would do the same for me Syed." They looked at each other for a long moment until Syed looked down at the table "I think I should be going" and he smiled and got up. Christian stood up too and walked with him to the door.

"Let me know when you can about that weekend and then we can book a bed and breakfast or hotel if you fancy paying more."

"Oh hotel I think, we need to treat ourselves."

Syed looked back at Christian "thanks for tonight I really had a good time" and then he walked out. Christian watched him go thoughtfully. He was so pleased to see that Syed was well on the way to being better and seemed much happier. He hoped their weekend together might bring them closer together again but he was going to take things very slowly and let Syed make any move if he wanted to.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

The two men were walking alone the promenade. They had spent the morning walking around the shops in Brighton and had lunch in a lovely Italian restaurant that overlooked the seafront.

It was thinning out now as people were going home from their day-trips or back to their holiday accommodation or for locals back to their homes.

"Fancy a stroll along the beach Sy?"

Syed smiled and nodded back. They walked down the steps and onto the pebbles. Both of them were wearing flip-flops and they headed nearer to the sea and then found a quiet spot to rest for a while. The sun had been out today and for May it had been quite warm and the sun was starting to go down over the horizon.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes watching other people. A couple passed by with a young baby and the young lady had long dark hair and reminded Syed of Amira in some respects. He was deep in thought and didn't realise Christian was looking at him.

"It's alright to think of her you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Amira. We should be able to talk about her, she was part of your life Syed. I don't want there to be things that we can't talk about."

Syed picked up some pebbles and started throwing them towards the sea edge.

"You and me we've had a lovely time here so far. But I feel that there's this stumbling block when it comes to your marriage."

"I just feel awkward talking about her. Seems weird somehow."

"Why because she's not here anymore?"

"Sort of and because it reminds me of how I let her down."

Christian sighed "Look Syed you know the counsellor has said that you mustn't blame yourself. You have to look forward and not dwell on it. But we can talk about her and should. Things we did together the three of us. She was part of your life for some time. You shouldn't act as if she never existed."

"I guess you're right."

They were silent and Syed watched the couple walking off hand in hand.

"It's funny looking at them with their baby and knowing that could have been me and Amira."

"Is that what you would have wanted?"

"I've always wanted a family but I know that marriage for me wasn't right."

"A baby wouldn't have made everything better you know."

"I know that. I have friends who seem to have rock-solid marriages and then when they have kids, it all seems to fall apart. They are still together though as they have to. What sort of life is that?"

"A half one. A bit like the one you were living I guess."

Syed glanced over at Christian and didn't deny what he said. He nervously picked up some more pebbles. Christian decided to change the subject.

"So what do you fancy doing tonight? We could go clubbing if you want."

"Yes sounds good."

"I know a brilliant gay club just along from here. We could eat at the hotel soon and get ready afterwards. What do you say?"

"Yes fine."

They both stood up and started to walk back to their hotel. It was a few streets back from the seafront but was a lovely quaint hotel. They had booked separate rooms and much to Christian's disappointment their rooms weren't even next to each other but on different floors. They arrived at the hotel and went their separate ways to get showered and ready for dinner and then clubbing.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Christian was on the dance-floor with a few other guys they had been chatting to at the bar. One of them obviously had his eye on Christian and seemed to be getting as close as he could to him the longer they danced. Syed was sat at the bar and when he saw Christian laughing and joking with this guy again, he felt really angry. He might as well have stayed at the hotel and let Christian come here on his own. Typical Christian obviously just wanted to get his leg over once again. He decided he would just head off. He got up from the bar and headed over to the dance floor. Christian saw him approaching and moved towards him.

"Coming to join us? Changed your mind then Sy?" he said beaming at him.

"No actually I think I might head back. Feeling a bit tired."

"What no you can't do that." Christian looked really shocked.

"It's fine really you stay, you're obviously having a good time."

Christian heard the resentment in Syed's tone and he knew he was jealous. Still he didn't want Syed going already and he certainly didn't fancy the guy he had been dancing with. In fact he really only had eyes for one fella. The problem was convincing him of that.

"I'll come with you Syed."

"Christian please now I feel bad. You stay here."

"Not if you're going no."

"That's just silly."

"As silly as you thinking I want a one-night stand I guess."

Syed was nonplussed. He glared at Christian.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well you obviously think I want to go home with John."

"I didn't say that, I just thought you were having a good time. Do what you want."

Syed pushed past him and virtually ran out of the club. He walked off along the promenade until he came to some steps down to the beach and he decided he would enjoy the cool night air for a while and try to calm down before going back to the hotel. He sat down and closed his eyes enjoying the relaxing sound of the sea rising and falling on the shore.

Christian had followed him but had lost him along the promenade. He backtracked his steps peering into cafes and bars as he went trying to see where he might be. Then he looked the other direction and just spotted him sat on the beach. He went down the steps and walked over until he was right next to him and then he sat down. He glanced at Syed and saw that his eyes were shut and he looked relaxed.

"I just want to be left alone" he said.

Look Syed I asked you on this weekend as I thought it would be good for you to have a break and good for the two of us to spend time together. We've had a really really good day and why you think I would just want to cop off with someone I just don't know."

"Might have something to do with the way you were so close to him."

"That wasn't me. John kept inching in every chance he got. I was hoping you would join us and I could dance with you. That would show him."

Syed opened his eyes and looked into the distance. The lights of the promenade were reflected in the sea water and it looked so beautiful and he felt his anger and jealously slipping away. He had over-reacted he realised that now.

"I'm sorry Christian, look if you like we can go back there. This time I'll dance I promise."

Christian laughed "don't worry, I've had enough dancing for one night I think. Getting too old for this crazy lifestyle you know."

"Well you said it old man."

"Oi cheeky." Christian went to dig him in the ribs but Syed smartly swerved to the side. They both laughed together. Syed leaned closer towards Christian than before and Christian reached out for his hand. He took hold of it and felt an answering squeeze from Syed. They both sat in silence for a while.

"We should be getting back Christian." Syed looked over at him and he nodded. They stood up still holding hands but Syed pulled his hand away looking awkward.

"Someone might see" he said looking around.

"It's night-time Sy and there's no-one around."

Their eyes met and Christian felt that Syed was hoping he might kiss him but he was scared to try in case it was too soon for him. He needed a signal or something. Syed for his part was wondering if his heart could beat any faster than it was at present and wishing that Christian would kiss him. He stepped in closer to Christian hoping this might send a message to him and it did. Christian immediately smiled and he stepped in too so they were almost touching and he leaned in for a kiss. As their lips met, they both closed their eyes and the kiss was gentle. It felt so good for both men to kiss again like this and they swayed together briefly and then Syed pulled back. He didn't say anything and started to walk off the beach. Christian followed him back up onto the promenade. He was worried he had gone too far but when they got up onto the path and were walking back to the hotel, he felt Syed's hand slip into his jacket pocket to join his hand and he looked over smiling.

When they got back to the hotel, Syed moved his hand away.

"I'll se you in the morning then Christian" he said hesitatingly.

"You don't have to wait until then if you don't want to" said Christian softly and his meaning was clear to both of them.

Syed shook his head "I'm sorry I don't think I'm ready for that. It's not that I don't want to, it's just …….."

"It's okay I understand." Christian leaned in quickly and kissed him on the cheek as a goodbye and then they both walked into the hotel. They went up to their separate rooms.

Christian was disappointed he had to admit but things had gone well and he didn't want to rush Syed. He could take things slow if that was what he wanted but he ached to hold him in his arms again and show him how much he loved him.

Syed for his part was experiencing very similar feelings and found he couldn't sleep. He got up and read for a bit and then tried again but his thoughts were full of Christian and it took loads of willpower to stop himself from running down the stairs and knocking on Christian's door. He wanted him so much.


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

This was their last full day and Syed and Christian had had an early breakfast and were determined to make the most of this glorious sunny day. They had gone shopping in the morning and browsing around the market and then they had had lunch. After this, they decided to hit the beach for a while and they put their towels out to sit on. Lots of families were there and young children were running in and out of the sea water screaming as the water was cold. There were couples too walking hand in hand or lying together enjoying the sun.

Christian pulled his t-shirt off and got out his suncream and started to rub it in. Syed tried to focus on other things and not look at him but it was difficult. One glance of that strong chest and his tight stomach and it was hard to look away. The last time he had seen Christian without his top was when they had been together physically.

Syed laid back onto his towel but from here he could see Christian's back and the muscles rippling through it as he rubbed in his cream. Syed closed his eyes and desperately tried to think of something completely different.

"Hey Sy would you mind rubbing some cream into my back for me? Don't want to get all burnt now do I?"

Syed sat up and took the bottle from him "yes sure."

He rubbed it in and just touching his skin again felt so wonderful. For Christian's part he was in heaven. Syed's soft hands were massaging it into his skin and the feeling was so sensual and he didn't want it to stop but all too soon it did.

"Here you're done."

Syed handed the bottle back to Christian.

"Do you want me to do yours?" he replied.

"No it's fine thanks. I don't feel hot enough to take my top off yet."

Christian laid down on his towel and closed his eyes. He loved the feel of the sun on him. Syed got out a book he was reading and the two of them were in companionable silence for nearly an hour.

Syed put his book away and Christian sat up rubbing his eyes.

"Lying in the sun makes me feel sleepy. How's your book?"

"Yes good thanks. I was wondering are you thirsty, I could go and get us some drinks from the kiosk over there?"

"Yes Sy would love something cold, coke something like that perhaps. You know what I like."

Syed went off and came back with two cokes. They sat together looking at the view. Christian's hand reached out and took hold of Syed's. He looked round worriedly.

"No-one can see, they're all distracted doing things anyway" reassured Christian.

Syed looked round again and sure enough he was right. Nobody was paying them any attention and he gave an answering squeeze to Christian's hand. It felt good and he found himself looking at Christian's body and he started to feel aroused. He quickly let go of his hand.

"What's up?" queried Christian.

"Thought I saw someone looking. Perhaps we should move on."

Christian looked at him suspiciously but couldn't work out why Syed seemed so shifty all of a sudden. He sighed and stood up rolling up his towel and putting it back in his bag. They walked off the beach and along the Promenade and then into some gardens. They sat down again. Christian glanced at Syed as he had been really quiet since leaving the beach and he didn't understand why.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes of course."

"It's just you seem quiet all of a sudden."

"I'm just tired. Perhaps I'll go back to the hotel and start packing. You can go on somewhere else if you like. I might try and get some sleep."

"There can't be much to pack but if you want to rest then we can go back."

"You don't need to come back, why don't you stay out and enjoy yourself."

"Anybody would think you're trying to get rid of me or something."

Syed looked at Christian as if he was going to say something but then he looked away. Christian's hand reached out and turned his face to look at him.

"Sy what's up? Don't say nothing because we've been having such a good time."

Their eyes met and Syed felt the heat rushing to his face. He wanted him so much. Christian's finger stroked his cheek gently and then the same hand moved down and took hold of his hand again.

"Can I tell you something Syed?"

Syed swallowed nervously, he didn't like the way Christian had said that.

"Yes of course."

"I want to be honest with you, I don't know about you but the reason I'm so tired today is because I didn't sleep too well last night."

"You told me this at breakfast."

"Yes but I didn't tell you why I couldn't sleep."

Syed looked up at him knowing already what Christian was going to say.

"I couldn't sleep because I wanted to be with you Sy. So - why couldn't you sleep?"

Syed smiled a small smile back at him.

"I think you know why."

"Tell me."

"I wanted to run down to your room and be with you. I couldn't stop thinking about what we could be doing. Earlier on the beach the reason I was odd was because I wanted you."

Christian smiled back at him and his other hand reached out and stroked Syed's lip tenderly. Syed closed his eyes and he felt his heart beating faster. He knew it was up to him to make a move or suggest they go back and that Christian wouldn't force it.

"Maybe we should both head back then" and he stood up.

"What just to pack? I'll do mine later thanks" said Christian teasingly.

"Well I was thinking we had some catching up to do but if you're not interested ……" Syed was cut off by Christian.

"You know I am" he said huskily and he jumped up from the seat. They walked back to the hotel and Syed felt ridiculously happy all of a sudden. This wonderful man next to him who he loved with all of his heart wanted to be with him and in minutes he would feel his hands upon his body again and remember all those feelings and be driven to complete agony and ecstasy by him. His skin was tingling at the thought and he could feel already a slight hardening down below.

They got back to the hotel and were going upstairs when Christian said

"yours or mine?".

"Yours."

He followed Christian to the door and watched as he opened it with his key and then they were inside on their own. Christian turned around and looked at Syed. He really hoped he wasn't having second thoughts but he looked a little unsure now he was here.

"Look Sy we don't have to if you're not ready."

Syed moved forward and put a finger on his lips to hush him and then his lips fell onto Christian's and they kissed slowly. They pulled apart and looked at each other smiling happily and this time when their lips met, it was passionate and hard and after a couple of minutes Syed's tongue pushed in and joined with Christian's and explored and teased. They swayed together and Syed felt strong hands guide him to the sofa and then Christian gently eased him down onto it. Syed's hands reached out and pulled off Christian's t-shirt. He stopped kissing him to look at him and this time he was able to touch him not just look and his hands stroked over his chest and down his sides and down the front to the top of his waistband. Christian moved and gestured to Syed to sit up and he pulled his top off. They laid back down on the sofa Christian on top and he took hold of Syed's hands and held them down with his. His mouth lowered onto his chest and gently blew air and kissed around his nipples. After a few minutes of this Syed's hands were clenching hard in his and he started to move under him calling his name. Christian stopped what he was doing and stood up. Syed looked up confused but Christian was holding out his hand.

"Let's go to bed."

Syed stood up and Christian met him in an embrace. He felt his hands pushing his jeans down and he stepped out of them. They moved over to the bed and Syed laid down watching while Christian took his jeans off. His eyes moved to his boxers where he was obviously hard for him and when Christian lowered himself onto the bed, Syed's hands moved down to touch him there. He slipped his hand into the boxers and took hold of him. The answering moan from Christian was all the encouragement he needed and he pushed Christian onto his back straddling him and slipped off the boxers. He carried on fondling him and then Christian pushed his boxers off and pulled him onto him so that they rubbed together causing wonderful friction. Christian suddenly turned Syed over onto his back so he was on top and he got up to go to his bag. Syed laid back looking at Christian's nakedness. Christian got out some lube and condoms from his bag and walked to the bed. He could see the way Syed was looking at him and the hunger in his eyes.

He moved back on top of Syed and his hands started to work their magic until Syed was begging him for more and his legs were wrapping around him and Christian finally made love to him. Long into the night the two men rediscovered each other and it was early morning before they both fell asleep in each others' arms.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

Syed woke first and for a minute he thought he was dreaming. Waking up in the arms of Christian Clarke in his hotel room. He smiled to himself remembering the night before. He was curled into Christian and his arm snaked across his chest and he gently removed it so as not to wake him and sat up bunching up his pillows behind him so he could watch him. Christian was breathing quietly and looked so peaceful. Syed got out of bed and went into the bathroom to have a shower.

After 15 minutes or so he wandered back into the bedroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Christian was awake and looked over with a smile on his face.

"I was starting to get worried until I heard the shower going. Thought you had done a disappearing act on me."

Syed moved back towards the bed.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Would hate for you to regret last night."

"Of course I don't Christian not one minute of it."

"Come here then."

Syed recognised the glint in Christian's eyes and laughed.

"Don't you ever get enough?"

"Not of you no. You're just too damn sexy."

"You're not so bad yourself."

Syed moved towards the side of the bed where Christian was lying and he pulled him in straightaway for a kiss. For a couple of minutes they were lost in each other again and then Syed moved back and he stroked his arms across Christian's chest marvelling yet again how beautiful this man was. This man who was so strong and yet so gentle sometimes in their lovemaking that he brought tears to his eyes at how loved he felt by this gentle giant. Syed looked up at Christian.

"I love you so much."

Christian smiled pulling him in for another kiss and this one was slower. They parted and Syed's mouth moved down and kissed Christian around the nape of his neck and behind his ears. Christian stopped him with his hands and turned his face to look at him.

"I love you too Sy. Lie back and let me show you."

Syed turned over so he was lying on his back looking up at Christian who pushed the sheet covering them off onto the floor. Christian's mouth started lightly kissing and nibbling around all Syed's sensitive areas around his neck and then down his sides and across his chest across his nipples where he sucked gently while his hands explored and trailed up and down across his chest. His mouth moved lower so it was nearing the top of the towel and Syed started to move under him groaning. His hands reached down and teasingly trailed up inside the towel reaching higher and higher until almost at their target but not quite and then gently slid back down again. Syed's fingers gripped at his back and he thrust his hips up into Christian. The hands still teased and touched and his mouth kissed and bit gently just under the edge of the towel around his waist. Christian decided Syed had had enough teasing and he loosened the towel slid it from under him and threw it onto the floor. He looked at Syed and could see how much he wanted him in his eyes, his hair was messed up, his face was flushed and he was breathing hard. Such a glorious sight. One of the hands that had been teasing suddenly reached its target. Syed groaned again as he felt Christian's hand take hold of him and begin to stroke up and down his length. His lover's mouth was getting lower and lower and suddenly without warning he felt the warmth of Christian's mouth cover him. His tongue licked up and down the sides and then he felt his mouth consume him completely. Syed's hands tensed on Christian's shoulders where they were resting and Christian felt it. He carried on sucking him deep and hard starting slow to start but gradually speeding up as he noticed Syed's reactions. He knew he was close.

"Christian that feels so good" he managed to gasp out before he lost control completely and his head flailed on the pillow and he desperately grabbed onto the pillow as he felt his release coming. He called out as he came and his body shuddered with his release. Christian stayed where he was but his eyes were watching the wonderful vision of his lover coming just for him and when he was finished, he moved back up to where Syed was lying panting hard still and looking at him with love in his eyes. Their lips met and Syed tasted himself on Christian. They lay together for a few minutes until Syed had recovered.

Syed looked over at Christian and could see that he was aroused.

"We need to do something about that. What do you want to do?" he said cheekily.

"You know I fancy having you over that table right now."

"We can't do that."

"Why not, we've done it on my table a few times."

"What if we break it what would we say then?"

"That we were making mad passionate love and the table broke!!" laughed Christian.

"Be serious" said Syed trying to keep a straight face.

"I am and don't tell me you're not tempted."

Christian got out of the bed and stood there holding out his hand for Syed. He went over to him and Christian led him to the table.

"Trust me Sy it'll be okay."

He lifted Syed up onto the table so he was sitting there on the edge and then he went back to the bedside and picked up the lube. He walked back and moved back up to the table. He moved right up to where Syed was who took hold of him and stroked him feeling the strength in his hand. Christian laid Syed back onto the table lifting his legs high and having lubed his fingers he gently played around his opening and they kissed hard and Syed could feel how ready Christian was. Christian's finger slid inside him and then another and Syed moved on the table so Christian held him still with one hand. Syed was lost in the feeling of the kiss and those fingers working their magic and was only just aware of another finger being added. He writhed and pulled at Christian.

"Please Christian now."

The fingers were gone and Syed felt lost but then he felt Christian's hardness pressing into him. Christian was too close to take it slow and he pushed right into Syed as deep as he could and then thrusted fast and hard. The two men panted and shouted and scratched and Christian couldn't hold on anymore and he released into him and at the same time he felt Syed climax too. Christian collapsed onto Syed and they laughed and kissed.

"We didn't manage to break the table then Sy."

"Not for want of trying though."

They kissed again and then Christian pulled out of him and helped him off the table.

"I guess we ought to go down for breakfast and finish packing as we have to leave today."

"Yes we should."

They started to get dressed and finished doing what packing was left and then they were downstairs for breakfast. They sat at the table and as it was later there weren't so many people there now. When they had finished eating they sat quietly finishing their drinks.

"Christian I just wanted to thank you for this weekend."

"My pleasure" he said with meaning.

Syed laughed "I'm being serious, I've had a really good time and we have had a good chance to really talk."

"I know but Sy it doesn't end here you know. When we get back, I still want to see you. I know it won't be easy to start with. I don't want to rush things but if you wanted you are welcome to move in with me."

"I think I should stay in my flat for now while we see how things go."

"So you want me to court you do you?" Christian said teasingly.

"If you like. We could go out on dates you know."

"Only if I get to come back to yours or vice versa afterwards." Christian's meaning was crystal clear to Syed and he laughed again.

"Maybe."

"You're not going to play hard to get now are you? Not after last night."

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

As he said this Syed had a wicked look in his eyes. His hand moved under the table and rested on Christian's leg. They shared a secret smile.


End file.

EastEnders, Angst, Romance