Phantom of the Opera 1. Ah, a new beginning

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Unbelievably Annoying Clones-Type Things  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any character by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or Phantom of the Opera.If I did, then I would sure as hell not be here, writing a freaking FAN fiction about them. Enjoy!  
  
(A/N: Please don't review saying that the characters are out of character. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT)  
  
(Sherlock, Watson, Jessica, Erik, Christine, Raoul, and Julia are sitting in the family room of Julia's enormous house. All things are normal. Julia and Watson are watching Barney, Jessica is twitching, and Erik is strangling Rauol.)  
  
Raoul: W-what did I do?  
  
Erik: EVERYTHING.  
  
Christine: Really, Erik, is that necessary? All he did was steal a little cookie off your plate.  
  
Erik: But it was my cookie.  
  
Sherlock: Erik, compose yourself. All this over a cookie? You really aught to be a little more.like me.  
  
Erik: **lets go of Rauol and starts strangling Sherlock**  
  
Jessica: **stops her twitching and goes to help her love** SHERLOCK!!! **starts to strangle Erik**  
  
Julia: NO! BAD JESS AND ERIK! NO STRANGLING IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE! THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME! And if they kill me. **eyes start to water** then I'll be.I'll be DEAD!  
  
All: O_o  
  
Sherlock: She has a point though. Please stop choking me.  
  
Watson: **finally looks away from Barney** Will you guys please stay quiet? I'm trying to watch an important episode! Barney is teaching everyone how to count to ten!  
  
Jessica: **stops her strangling** One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.  
  
Julia: You know, Jess? You should stop being such a smart aleck. You ruined the ending for Watson!  
  
Watson: **sniffle** You ruined it!!  
  
Sherlock: **faint from lack of air**  
  
Julia: SEE WHAT YOU DO, ERIK!? NOW WE HAVE A BODY TO GET RID OF!  
  
Erik: **calmly checks his pulse** He's not dead, just unconscious.  
  
Julia: You're lucky, Erik.  
  
Christine: I suggest putting him in your parent's room on the bed until he wakes up.  
  
Julia: Okay!  
  
Erik: **lifts up Sherlock's lifeless body and bring him to Julia's parents' room** Wow, Sherlock, you need to put on some weight. Hmmm. . . **opens all of the windows as far as they can go** You need some air.  
  
(Meanwhile, in the family room, Watson and Julia are performing)  
  
Julia and Watson: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes.Bum Bum Bum. Tired and I wanna go home. Bum Bum Bum. Tired and I wanna go to bed. Bum Bum Bum. Had a little drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head. Bum Bum Bum. . . . . . .  
  
Jessica: I don't know how long I can last.  
  
Raoul: **claps** Go-o-o-o-o-o-o Watson!  
  
Erik: **walks in and sees Julia and Watson** Does this torture called life ever stop?  
  
(Thirty minutes passed, and Julia and Watson are still performing. By then, Jessica has been twitching uncontrollably, Erik is asleep, and Raoul is down to a plain "Go Watson.")  
  
Julia and Watson: . . . Hit the road, Jack. And don't you come back no mo-o- o-ore! **bow** THE END!  
  
Raoul: **claps** Wonderful! Simply marvelous!  
  
Jessica: **continues twitching*  
  
Erik: **snores**  
  
A/N: Yes, I stole Jess's way of writing.but guess what? She can't sue me because nothing here is copyrighted! MWAHAHAHAHA. . . .you know you love me Jess ;) 


	2. WHO IS THAT?

Chapter Two: WHO IS THAT???  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books, POTO, or even the house I live in (because, of course, it's my parents' house! Haha, I thought I might just add a little cheesy joke in there).  
  
A/N: Just so you know, this was originally in the Sherlock Holmes section, but then Jess gave me a severe warning to take it off and switch it to POTO. Yeah, apparently Sherlock Holmes fans are freaks that can't take jokes about him. . . Oh and by the way, I am referring to Jessiebell10000 and her stories.  
  
(Three days have passed, and Sherlock is still not awake. Jessica is at his side day and night, spazzing. Watson has been mumbling the alphabet since Day Two. Erik starts to feel bad about strangling him, but only because now he has no one intelligent to talk to. Raoul has been baking Teletubbie cookies, reasoning that when Sherlock wakes up, he will have something to cheer him up. Christine has been taking care of every household duty, and Julia has forgotten who Sherlock is.)  
  
Julia: Where's Jess?  
  
Erik: Jessica is in your parents' room with Sherlock. . . she has been there for three days straight. How could you not remember??  
  
(A/N: Hey, I just realized. . .how come my parents never noticed Sherlock was in their room? . . .oh well)  
  
Julia: What? Who's Sherlock?  
  
Erik: O_o  
  
Jessica: **stumbles out of Julia's parents' room** Need. . . food. . . can't. . . live. . .  
  
Erik: Ah, I see Jessica has finally come to her senses about Sherlock.  
  
Jessica: **perks up after hearing "Sherlock"** Oh my god! **twitch** I forgot **twitch** about **twitch** Sherlock!! **twitch** What if he woke up?? Then he would be lost and confused, without seeing a familiar, beautiful face.  
  
Julia: WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHO THIS "SHERLOCK" IS???  
  
Erik: O_o  
  
Watson: *tears himself away from Barney on TV** A, B, C, D, E, F, G!!!!!!!!  
  
Raoul: **from the kitchen** He means to say, 'How dare you forget him?' How rude can you get, Julia?? I mean, the poor boy is zombified! That, and-oh! Oh, my cookies are burning! Noooooo!  
  
Julia: Forget who??  
  
Erik: **sighs** I need to find better company. Speaking of better company, where's Christine?  
  
Raoul: **is still screaming on and on about his cookies**  
  
(A/N: Man, I need to get more characters.I mean, there are only so many things you can do with Christine, a spaz, three fops, a mad-man, and an unconscious person.)  
  
Isaac: **opens the front door with his claws** She's downstairs.  
  
Julia: Oh, hello, Isaac. **waves to the lobster**  
  
Erik: HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?? A LOBSTER JUST ENTERED THE ROOM AND SPOKE! I AM HALLUCINATING OR SOMETHING??  
  
Raoul: **comes into the family room, wondering what all the fuss is about, and sees Isaac** Hey, man! **he and Isaac give each other high-fives**  
  
Isaac: Wassup, dude?  
  
Raoul: Nothing much! Hey, let's do our secret handshake! **The two of them do an intricate dance that one would never, ever call a handshake**  
  
Erik: **goes into a fetal position**  
  
Christine: **walks into the family room, wiping her dirty hands on her pants, and notices Erik** What are you doing?  
  
Erik: Don't you see it!? Don't you see the evil!?  
  
Christine: **looks at Isaac** No.  
  
Erik: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Christine: **goes over to Isaac and whispers** I think you should probably leave now. Erik is acting a little freaking over you.  
  
Isaac: **nods** No problem. Bye, all!  
  
Christine and Raoul: Bye, Isaac!  
  
(Meanwhile, in Julia's parents' room, Jessica is holding Sherlock's wrist, crying)  
  
Jessica: No, no, Sherlock! You can't have died, you just can't have! **twitch** Now who am I going to obsess over?? Not Erik! He's already in love with Christine. . . I'll never be able to get **twitch** him!  
  
(Back in the family room)  
  
Julia: Let's go talk to Jess. I can hear her in my parents' room.  
  
Erik: **stands up and regains his composure** Let's.  
  
(They all enter the room)  
  
Jessica: **looks up and sees them** He's dead, guys! He's dead!  
  
Watson: **falls on the floor in hysterics** W, X, Y, Z!!!!  
  
Erik: Don't be silly. He's still breathing.  
  
Jessica: But, but. . . he doesn't have a pulse! I checked!  
  
Julia: WHO IS THAT ON MY PARENTS' BED??? I AM GOING TO GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!  
  
(By the way, the word "zombified" does not belong to me. It is copyrighted to Heather. REVIEW PLEASE, OR I WILL SERIOUSLY SICK ISAAC ON YOU) 


	3. Sherlock Holmes, a normal, worldfamous d...

Disclaimer: I own no characters from Sherlock Holmes of POTO (I couldn't think of any clever responses today. . . ( )  
  
A/N: I have been showing this story to me friends, and they are laughing hysterically at it. BUT WHERE ARE THE REVIEWS??? THERE ARE NONE. Please at least consider reviewing for this poor, poor writer.  
  
Erik: This is odd. . . he is definitely breathing.  
  
(Before any conclusions could be made [for only Holmes would be able to come up with one so quickly], Sherlock's eyes open)  
  
Jessica: You're alive! **hugs him**  
  
Sherlock: **in an odd voice** Hello.  
  
Erik: Good, now I finally have someone normal to talk to.  
  
Julia: Who are you??  
  
Sherlock: **still in the odd voice** Hello. My name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am a normal, world-famous detective.  
  
Julia: Ohhhh. . . so you are the one they have been telling me about. **puts out her hand** Pleased to meet you.  
  
Sherlock: **hides his hand away from her, and continues in the creepy voice** Please do not touch me.  
  
Raoul: Geez, Sherlock, you sure are being mean.  
  
Sherlock: I apologize for being mean.  
  
Jessica: Aw, that's my little Sherlock! Always apologizing!  
  
Erik: You are not acting yourself, Sherlock. . .  
  
Sherlock: What are you talking about. I am acting just like myself.  
  
Erik: Okay. . .  
  
Raoul: Oh! I forgot my cookies! **runs in the kitchen**  
  
Sherlock: What a nice boy. He made me cookies.  
  
Erik: O_O  
  
Julia: So, Sherlock. . . How old are you anyway?  
  
Sherlock: **opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it**  
  
Julia: What?  
  
Sherlock: Does not comply.  
  
Raoul: What?  
  
Sherlock: Does not comply.  
  
Raoul: **comes back. . . WITH COOKIES!** Cookies are here! Lookie, Sherlock, there's even Teletubbies on them!  
  
Sherlock: **appears to attempt to smile, but it turns into a creepy showing of the teeth** Why thank you. I love teletubbies.  
  
Erik: O_O  
  
Raoul: Here! Here! Take some Sherlock!  
  
Sherlock: No. I am not hungry.  
  
Julia: Now, I don't know you very well, but I would say you are a little grouchy today Sherlock.  
  
Erik: Yeah. . . I think you need a little rest Sherlock.  
  
Sherlock: If you say I should. **closes his eyes**  
  
Erik: We are going to assume that he is asleep, of course. . .  
  
Julia: **checks her watch randomly** Oh no! Guys, my parents are going to home in twenty minutes! **starts spazzing** We need to get Sherlock out of here! My parents are going to FREAK!  
  
Jessica: No spazzing for you! That is MY job!  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Watson: HELLO-O-O! We have to get him out of here!  
  
Raoul: Don't go there, girlfriend! **snap, snap, snap**  
  
Raoul and Watson: **giggle**  
  
Erik: **picks Sherlock up, struggling a bit** Boy, you are heavy, Holmes. **brings him into the living room and lays him down on the couch.  
  
Jessica: Sherlock sure was acting weird. . .  
  
Erik: You're telling me.  
  
Julia: Oh my gosh, guys. I remember something!  
  
Everyone: **gasps**  
  
Julia: The last time, Erik picked Sherlock up, he was commenting on how Sherlock needed to put on some weight.  
  
Watson: And. . .?  
  
Julia: And Sherlock was there the whole time! He didn't just appear on my parents' bed! He was actually there!  
  
Jessica: Well, at least you remember now.  
  
Julia: Remember what?  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Jessica: Hmm. . .Julia, you are on to something for once. . .  
  
What is Julia on to? Why hasn't Erik strangled anyone? Why did Sherlock like the teletubbie cookies? Why is Isaac so gosh-darn cool?? All this and more in the exciting next chapter! 


	4. Sherlock Holmes?

Disclaimer: Get off my back with this disclaimer thing! I OWN NOTHING AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY TO BUY ANYTHING! (although me friends tell me otherwise)  
  
A/N: Introducing a new character today! Enjoy! AND REVIEW DARN YOU, REVIEW!  
  
(A few days have passed, and nothing really has happened. Well, actually... Sherlock, Raoul, and Watson have appeared to become the best of friends. Erik has been driven crazy, and Jessica is beginning to twitch once every 7 seconds. Other characters are not important.)  
  
Julia: Hey, Georgy-boy.  
  
Jessica: **twitch** If you call me that one more time **twitch**...  
  
Julia: **slaps her on the back** Aw, you know you love it Jess...  
  
Jessica: **twitches**  
  
(Two random males enter the room. One is a 30-year-old blonde in a space suit, the other is a hunch-backed man with a horribly, horribly deformed face.)  
  
Hunch-back: The year is 2148.  
  
Astronaut: No! It must be 1963! It must be!  
  
Julia: WHO THE CRAP ARE YOU TWO?????  
  
Heather: **enters the room and shoots the two men** Man, they were getting annoying.  
  
Erik: O_O You are my hero!  
  
Heather: Thank you, thank you.  
  
Julia: Yo!  
  
Heather: 'Ello.  
  
Raoul: Hi!  
  
Sherlock: Hello. My name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am a normal, world- famous detective.  
  
Watson: Hi!  
  
Christine: Hey there!  
  
Jessica: **twitch**  
  
Julia: Oh my gosh! We gotta get rid of these bodies!! My parents are gonna KILL me.  
  
Heather: That's okay, Cloney. They won't get a chance to kill you.  
  
Julia: Really??  
  
Heather: Yeah, cause I'll kill you before they can get to you.  
  
Julia: Thanks!  
  
(A horrid case of writer's block then came, and the next day or so was very boring. Well, Erik and Heather killed over 20 people and nearly killed Raoul twice, but other than that nothing.)  
  
(Jessica is in the kitchen, attempting to find food.)  
  
Jessica: **reaches into the fridge, twitching violently and looks around** There's only **twitch** condiments and **twitch** juice! Oooh...looky here...a jar! I wonder what's in it! **reaches out to grab the jar**  
  
(Meanwhile, the others are in the family room, arguing over whether to watch Maury or Jerry Springer.)  
  
Raoul: MAURY!  
  
Julia: JERRY!  
  
Heather: JERRY!  
  
Erik: MAURY!  
  
Watson: Can't we all just get along?  
  
(They all hear a scream from the kitchen, so they go to Jessica, finding her holding on to a large jar, twitching violently.)  
  
Jessica: **twitch** There is **twitch** a brain in **twitch** here!  
  
Heather: She actually has a reason to twitch this time!  
  
(A/N: Heather is too smart for this fic. She's gonna die now.)  
  
Raoul: I HATE YOU!!!!!!! **stabs Heather in the chest**  
  
Jessica: Odd... **twitch**  
  
Erik: SHE WAS MY FRIEND!  
  
Julia: Aw, Erik, I still like you. **gives him a big hug**  
  
Erik: DIE EVIL ONE!! **starts strangling Julia with the lasso**  
  
Heather's Ghost: Oh the randomness.  
  
Jessica: THERE'S A FREAKING BRAIN IN A JAR CAN WE STOP WITH THE KILLING??  
  
Erik: Oh, yes I forgot about that...  
  
(They all stare at it)  
  
Christine: Who do you think this brain belongs to?  
  
Sherlock: It certainly can't me, Sherlock Holmes, for I am a normal, world- famous detective.  
  
Erik: We never suggested that it was your brain, Holmes.  
  
Sherlock: I knew that.  
  
Erik: I don't think you did.  
  
Sherlock: **opens his mouth, then closes it**  
  
Julia: Kay...  
  
(Suddenly, the brain starts moving violently in the jar, glowing slightly. At the same moment, Watson falls to the floor and starts twitching violently.)  
  
Jessica: _O  
  
Raoul: **screams**  
  
Erik: **laughs**  
  
Julia: DUDE I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL. . .IF MY PARENTS COME HOME, I AM GOING TO BE SO BUSTED!  
  
(Suddenly, Watson stops shaking. He stands up jerkily [A/N: SO A WORD!] and the others can see that his eyes are rolled back into his head---  
  
Julia: I wish I could do that...  
  
(STOP INTERUPTTING! So anyway, where was I...oh yes. Watson opens his mouth, and everyone gasps. He begins to drool. Then, he begins to talk.)  
  
Watson: I am going to kill each and every one of you. How could you think he-- **thrusts his arm to Sherlock**-- could actually be me?? I am not that thick!!! AND I DO NOT LIKE TELLETUBBIE COOKIES!  
  
Raoul: Huh? Watty, what are you talking about?  
  
Watson: Watty? Who the deuce is Watty? I am Sherlock Holmes!  
  
Sherlock: That is not possible. For my name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am a normal, world-famous detective.  
  
Watson: I know all of you with your puny minds could never understand what is happening right now, so I am going to say it slowly. My name is Sherlock Holmes. I am---  
  
Sherlock: That is not possible. For my name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am a normal, world-famous detective.  
  
Watson: WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP??? Somebody turn this guy off!  
  
Sherlock: My off button is implanted within my ear, deep into my brain, so it would be impossible for you to turn me off without--- oh, crap.  
  
All except Jessica: O_O  
  
Jessica: _O  
  
Watson: Anyway...I am speaking through this fop in order to communicate with you all. The brain that Jessica is holding is none other than mine.  
  
Jessica: This is Sherlock's brain?? Awesome!!! **everyone stares at her** Ah! Get away! Mine! **runs away**  
  
Julia: Kay...  
  
Watson: **calls after Jessica** I need that, you know! . . . . . .Yes, well, that imposter that calls himself Sherlock Holmes---  
  
Sherlock: What are you talking about. I am Sherlock Holmes, a normal, world- famous detective.  
  
Erik: **strangles Sherlock** Continue Holmes.  
  
Watson: Well, as I was saying. While I was resting up after that strangling from Erik, who foolishly left the windows open, two strange beings that I cannot describe as humans came through an open window with a metal object that looked somewhat like a human brain. Of course, it was not an actual brain, for it was not pink in color and it appeared that it was quite heavy, possibly 13 kilograms in weight. They took strange tools and drugged me, else you would have heard my yelling. They replaced my brain with their fake brain, but before they would finish the operation, they heard Jessica coming down the hall, coming to tend my every need until I woke up. So they quickly stuffed my brain in a jar and hid it. But, alas, Raoul found it and put it in the refrigerator, thinking it was jam. Lucky for me... Wow, no interruptions this time.  
  
(Watson, erm, Sherlock looked around the room. Julia was on the floor, sleeping. Christine and Raoul were nowhere to be found, although giggling was heard from another part of the house. Erik and "Sherlock" were attacking each other. Sherlock heard Jessica in the bathroom, mumbling about "the greatest detective's brain.")  
  
A/N: What will happen next?? Will Erik or the imposter win the fight? Will Julia wake up? Will Christine and Raoul ever stop running off together? Will Jessica ever give Sherlock his brain back????? 


	5. School

Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
A/N: Come on. You know you wanna review. You just wanna! ^_~  
  
(Erik and "Sherlock" are still fighting. But, they make a horrible move by waking Julia up. She sees them and begins to yell.)  
  
Julia: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?? NO FIGHTING TO THE DEATH IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE!  
  
Sherlock: I apologize for fighting in your parents' house.  
  
Erik: Yeah, yeah, sorry, whatever.  
  
Watson: I insist you put me back into my proper body. Where is Jessica?  
  
Raoul: Oooh! Oooh! I know! Pick me!  
  
Watson: **rolls his eyes** Raoul.  
  
Raoul: Crap, what was the question again?  
  
All: O_o  
  
Jessica: _O  
  
Erik: There she is! I just saw her twitch!  
  
(Jessica, who was hiding under the table, gets up and starts to run around the house, screaming "MY BRAIN! IT'S MINE!!!!!" Erik, Julia, Raoul, and the real Sherlock start chasing her, while Christine watches the imposter.  
  
The four chase Jessica around the house, screaming "There! I saw her twitch over there!" every so often. She leads them out of the house. They could see her running down the street, still holding Sherlock's brain. She was also wearing a strange cape much like the one Erik wears. The others could hear her yell.)  
  
Jessica: Don't worry, **twitch** Capey, they'll never take us! **twitch** I don't think they know where we are! **twitch**  
  
(Jessica finally sees them all and starts running even faster. Eventually they all find themselves at Dag Hammarskjold Middle School, where Jessica is considered smart.)  
  
Jessica: **sits down in a seat in C7** Ah, school. **twitch**  
  
Julia: Oh no! Do we have school today, Georgey?  
  
Jessica: We always do, my **twitch** dear Watson. Always. **twitch**  
  
Julia: Come, guys. **motions towards the classroom** Take a seat.  
  
Watson (Sherlock): I always loved school. I was at the top of the class.  
  
Erik: I was ridiculed in school.  
  
Raoul: Oh my gosh, guys! High school was awesome! I was class president, and was in all the sports, and I was even labeled Homecoming Queen!  
  
Watson (Sherlock): Don't you mean Homecoming King?  
  
Raoul: No!  
  
(They all sit down and wait for school to begin. Meanwhile, back at Julia's house...)  
  
Christine: So... You're like an alien?  
  
Sherlock: No. What are you talking about. My name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am a normal, world-famous detective.  
  
Christine: I can see this conversation is going to get very far.  
  
(Back at school, it is now 9:38.)  
  
Erik: I don't think there is school today. We have sat here for over an hour and not one person has arrived.  
  
Julia: That's not true, Erik. You forgot that person that came in here a while ago, that killed Raoul and tried to kill you and wrote "All must die" on the whiteboard with Raoul's blood.  
  
Erik: Oh, yes. What a pleasant man that was. I wish we had exchanged screen names.  
  
Watson (Sherlock): **agitated** Can we just leave now Jessica?  
  
Jessica: **twitch** No! **twitch** School now! O__O  
  
Watson (Sherlock): Now be reasonable, Jessica. Give me my brain back.  
  
Jessica: No! _O  
  
Watson (Sherlock): Give it back...  
  
Jessica: **twitch**  
  
Julia: GIVE THE MAN HIS BRAIN BACK! IT'S NOT YOUR FREAKING BRAIN TO BEGIN WITH! AND ANOTHER THING! TAKE CAPEY OFF! YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE ERIK!  
  
Jessica: **twitch** NO SPAZZING FOR YOU! **twitch** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU??? **twitch** THAT'S MY JOB!  
  
Erik: I have to find better company. 


End file.

Phantom of the Opera, Humor