Shameless Bipolar

I missed him. I missed the times when things were different. How things were back then. I still got to see him occaasionally, but only for a little while. Then he was gone again. Replaced by someone different. This wasn't my Ian.

It started not that long ago, but it feels like forever. Since Ian came back to us. I could tell that he had changed when I saw him in that club, but I couldn't place exactly how. He didn't have that look in his eyes. The way he used to look at me. Then there were the times that he was just a little too happy. Then came the lows. There was the knife incident, the arguments. He was getting progressively worse. I don't know how to describe him now. I see him less and less. I'm forgetting.

This morning I was lucky. He was here. I was laying in bed asleep when I heard his voice call my name through the darkness. I was shaken from my sleep when I felt his hands on my bare back, forcing me to turn over to face him, opening my eyes to see his sweet, smiling face.

"Morning" he said. God, I've missed him. "It's after two, you've slept all day". I felt him lower his bare body onto mine. His skin was warm and soft. He was laughing a little, his eyes looking straight into my own. I could see the faint insanity behind them. That other person inside of them, just waiting to be free again. It was only faint for now, but it wouldn't be later. He'd be the one trapped behind the insanity again soon. His lips turned up in a crooked but loving smile. I knew I didn't have much time to enjoy with him before he'd be gone again.

"Two doesn't count as the whole day, Ian" I smiled. May as well make the most of it. He laughed and leant down, his hand settling on my jaw with his fingertips stroking the hairs on the back of my neck. He was completely on top of me now, and his lips connected with mine, kissing slowly and softly. My whole body was on fire, and I was reminded of just how much I needed him. This was my Ian. My entire life. The one who had helped me to finally realise who I am and what I want. What I wanted was him. I wanted this moment; feeling him so close, so full of love, to last forever. It didn't. This wasn't my Ian.

He pulled back, grinning widely now and shaking my arms in his hands.

"Come on Mickey, I said I'd help out with Liam today! We could go to Svetlana and take your son out too if you want. Remember him?"

"Yes Ian, I remember my own son. I'm getting up, just give me a minute" I protested. He moved from where he had been sitting on top of me and stood at the side of the bed, pacing and watching me, clearly about to complain again if I didn't make an effort to get up. Sighing, I pushed the bed covers off of myself and sat upright on the side of the bed, leaning down quickly to retrieve my jeans and then pulling them onto myself. Ian dressed himself as well and threw me my shirt, leaving the room to go downstairs and greet the rest of the Gallaghers. I followed him down the stairs and walked into the busy kitchen, grunting in response to some of the "good afternoon!"s thrown my way. I sat down at the table and Ian retrieved some coffee and pancakes, handing them to me. He then leaned across the table, grabbing the syrup and handing it to me.

"Thanks Ian, but I'm not a little kid, I can feed myself" I sighed.

"I know, I'm just trying to get you to hurry up, we've missed half the day already!" he laughed, pulling my head towards him and kissing it, and then leaving the room to collect Liam's pushchair and strap him in.

"How are you, Mickey?" Fiona asked me from across the table.

"Great" I grunted.

"How is he?" She said in a lowered voice. I sighed again. She didn't need to keep asking me all the time. She knew.

"He's.. great" I replied, and she nodded in understanding. Things had been hard for all of us.

When Fiona was finished her lunch, she began making a coffee at the kitchen counter to take out with her.

"You got everything Ian?" Fiona asked, crouching down to tickle Liam, earning a giggle from him in response.

"Yeah Fiona, don't worry, we've got this" Ian replied, grinning and laughing again.

"Well, good!" Fiona said, standing back up and ruffling Ian's hair. "I'll see you both later then, I've got to go out"

"Looking for Frank?" I called over to her.

"Nah, of course not. I don't have THAT much time" Fiona responded, grabbing her keys and leaving Ian, Liam and I in the house alone. Lip, Debbie and Carl must've left earlier.

"Are you ready, Mickey?" Ian asked, walking back over to me. I stood up from the chair, leaving the rest of my breakfast and meeting his eyes. He was still so much taller than me. I'd always told him that annoyed me but really, it was one of the things I liked about him. It was painful to think about that now, so I couldn't let myself. I stepped away from him.

"Yeah, ready" I replied, walking through the kitchen.

"Mick.. are you okay?" Ian asked, sensing that something was wrong from my actions. He followed me, and when I wouldn't respond, pulled me by my waist to face him. Our faces were dangerously close.

"Um, Yeah" I stammered, trying to pull away at least a little, but Ian's hands remained on my waist, holding me in place.

"Is everything okay?" He asked. This was weird. Nowadays he tended to be painfully oblivious to how I was feeling. Regardless, I didn't want to say anything to worry him or to hurt his feelings. I didn't want to see him sad. I never wanted to see the way that sadness made him again. I'd do anything to avoid it, and I see it far too often now. I needed to lie.

"Yes, everything's okay, Ian. Let's just go" I smiled weakly.

"Great!" Ian laughed, pulling me by the hand to retrieve the pushchair and then leaving the Gallagher household as if nothing had happened. As if, even for a second, he hadn't seen that no, everything was definitely NOT okay. I doubted things would ever be okay again. This wasn't my Ian.


End file.

Shameless, Hurt-Comfort, Romance