Harry Potter Breaking up with Bella

_This is bloody torture._

Harry Potter sat in the field of flowers, hands over his face, as his girlfriend rambled on.

"I just sometimes . . . feel so . . . I don't know . . . insignificant . . . powerless. I look at what you can do . . . and I wonder . . . how can you love me, an ordinary human?"

Harry ran his hands down his face and glanced over at Bella Swan. She sat with her arms wrapped around her legs. As usual, he had a hard time reading her expression. Was she depressed or confused? Could she be both?

"It just makes no sense . . . for you to love me." Bella turned to him with those eternally sad eyes. "You can wave a wand and cast out a hundred Dementors. What can I do? How can I be special in your eyes if . . . if I don't have that kind of power?"

"Um . . . uh, well . . . you're um . . . special in your own way."

"Maybe you see me that way, but how . . . I can't feel that way. Sometimes I feel . . . well it's like . . . I'm more an observer in your world. I want to participate in it. Actually . . . actually be a part of it."

"You are a part of my world," Harry tried to reassure her.

Bella only seemed to get more depressed. Harry didn't think that possible.

"I'm a part of you, not . . . not your world."

Harry hung his head. Didn't this girl not know how to take a bloody compliment?

"I see how the other witches and wizards . . . how they look at me. It's just . . . I want to be . . . I love you . . . but we're so different. Can we . . . how can this work? We must make it work. It's like we're two . . . you know, two souls joined together. Shouldn't that . . . shouldn't that be enough? But it's not. Not with your world and your powers and -"

"Oh for God's sake!" Harry shot to his feet, arms out to his side. "How can anyone complain so much? Is your life so bloody horrible? Is there one thing in this life that makes you happy? Even when we're snogging you look like you're about to start crying."

Harry stomped around in a small circle. "You know, my parents were killed when I was a year old by the greatest dark wizard who ever lived, who by the way still wants me dead. I live with an aunt, uncle and cousin who hate my guts, my godfather was framed as a mass murderer, most of the school thought I was commanding a Basilisk to attack Muggle-borns my second year at Hogwarts, and where do I begin about my slimy git of a Potions professor? But you know what? Even with all that, I don't spend every second of every day whinging about it."

"Which makes you all the more special, Harry," said Bella. "All the pain and anguish you suffer, yet you manage not to let it overwhelm you. Me, I -"

"You what? What's the worst thing that ever happened to you? You moved out of Arizona. What the hell's so bad about that? It's a bloody desert! You left a bloody state where if you step outside in July, you spontaneously combust!"

"But there was such trauma in that move, and then . . . meeting you . . . your pain . . . it's like . . . sometimes it's like it's my pain as well."

"Oh please!" Harry looked to the sky and shook his head. "Bella, I'm sorry. I just don't think we're right for one another."

Bella stared at him with a blank expression. She blinked, over and over and over and over again. "What are . . . wait a minute . . . How . . . do you . . . wait . . ."

"Bloody hell! Can you, for once, speak in a complete bloody sentence?"

"But . . . but . . . Harry. You . . . you mean everything to me. How can I live without you? What . . . what will I do?"

"Just do what every girl does when they get dumped. Eat a load of ice cream and watch some romance movies."

**XXXXX**

Harry stomped into the Great Hall, conflicted. Part of him felt relief over not having to see Bella again. Another part felt like a dark hole had formed in his heart. He and Bella had been together for six months. He did care for her. But she acted so angst-ridden all the time. And how come she never smiled? Snape smiled more than Bella.

"You okay, mate?"

Harry looked up to see Ron Weasley staring at him from the Gryffindor table. Hermione Granger sat next to him.

Harry plopped down beside Ron. "Bella and I broke up."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione put a hand over her heart. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, but I'm fine. It was for the best."

"Harry?"

He turned to find Cedric Diggory standing behind him. "Hey, Cedric."

"Forgive me. Didn't mean to eavesdrop, but did I hear you say you broke up with that American Muggle you were dating?"

"Bella? Yeah, we just broke up."

"Ah." Cedric nodded. "Well, I hope you don't think I'm too forward in asking this, but I was wondering if I might have a try at her. She may not be able to do magic, but I find her fit and rather intriguing."

Harry contemplated the tall, blond Hufflepuff for several seconds. He then shrugged. "Cedric, be my guest. And good luck, because you're going to need it."

_**THE END**_

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_Everything I know about Bella Swan comes from watching a lot of clips of the Rifftrax version of the "Twilight" saga, because there is no way in hell I would watch any of those movies without the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys mocking it._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE II: **_I will appear on ArtistFirst radio Tuesday 2/12/13 at 7-pm US Eastern Time to talk about my sci-fi book "Dark Wings." Listen live at artistfirst-dot-com._


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Harry Potter, Humor, Parody