Breath of Fire The Silly Little Breath of Fire 3 Fanfiction I Wro

The Silly Little Breath of Fire 3 Fanfiction I Wrote One Day After Consuming Mass Quantities of Blueberries  
  
by Maxini-sama  
  
  
Ryu surveyed with disdain the teetering stack of CDs piled on top of the already full holder. Tentatively, he stretched out his hand, unsure of what might happen, and grabbed the six or so little cases. Good, they didn't fall.  
He rifled through them, glancing quickly at the titles and frowning slightly. He opened one of them, took out the little booklet inside, read it, returned it, and continued frowning. He tapped his fingers on the pile, biting his lower lip in thought. Finally, he moved to put the CDs back, thought better of it, and placed them carefully on the nearby table. Turning, he craned his neck to see into the kitchen, where Teepo and Rei were making lunch. From this angle he still couldn't see them, but he could hear well enough and it definitely did not sound like food was being made. He looked back at the CDs and started towards the kitchen.  
"You know, guys, we really don't have a very good selection of music in this house. Have you looked? It's pitiful."  
He walked into the kitchen and immediately regretted it. The entire room was covered in condiments. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and relish that had...turned...some months ago dripped from the walls and ceiling onto the floor. The sink was full of dishes and the stove still hosted numerous used pots and pans, though that was normal. The counter was littered with at least a dozen half-made sandwiches, knives, jar lids, and used paper towels. And in the center of it all, with dripping spoons raised in combat, stood his roommates. They were similarly smeared with sauces; apparently their sandwich-making venture had turned out to be a regular food fight. Ryu made a mental note to eat out more often.  
The Brood and the weretiger, who had both been very amused by their little game, saw him and lowered their weapons. Rei looked rather sheepish, while Teepo attempted to pull off the "it wasn't me!" look. Ordinarily, Ryu would have said something - maybe even broken out into a lecture, but not today. Today he was on a mission. Calmly, trying not to notice how messy the whole place was, he walked to the refrigerator, opened it, poked around, found a Sprite, and began drinking it a bit too heartily to seem natural. When he'd finished at least half the can and he knew he had their undivided attention, he spoke once more.  
"I'm going to ignore the mess, but only because we have some other stuff we need to do, like update our music selection." He looked from one to the other, seeing how they would react.  
"Why? What's wrong with it?" asked Rei defensively.  
Ryu grimaced. "It consists entirely of lounge music!"  
There was a pause before the disgusted looks of recognition came over the other two's faces. Teepo, who had been licking the ketchup off the spoon he was holding, spit once and put the spoon down. He rubbed his chin with his index finger and thought.  
"But none of us listen to lounge music...do we? I know I don't."  
"I don't!" echoed Ryu and Rei in unison.  
"And I don't think Garr does either," continued Ryu, "so why is it here?"  
Rei scratched his head, the answer on the tip of his brain. Ryu drained the rest of the Sprite and threw the empty can in the trash. Rei gave a quick little jump as his memory returned.  
"I remember! I remember! The last time we went to buy music...when was it? Three? Four months ago? Anyway, the last time we went, it was right after that keg party where we all got a little out of control. Damn, I'm still hungover!"   
"Yeah, that was some party."  
Ryu paced towards Rei. "So you're telling me that, in an impaired state, we went and bought every lounge CD known to man?" Rei nodded and Ryu shrugged. "Yeah, that sounds like one of the stupid things we would do."  
"How many are there?" inquired Teepo.  
"Probably about ten or so."  
"Oh my God! Someone actually has enough bad taste to produce that many?"   
"I guess so. But we need to take them and sell them back and find ourselves some decent music. Garr should be coming back soon with the girls; we should probably take them, considering Garr pays a fourth of the rent and Nina and Momo basically live here." He paused to look at his watch. "But they'd better hurry, since I think the music place closes at five."  
"Where are they, anyway?" asked Rei as he began to clean up and then decided against it.  
"I'm not sure. I think they're off at a poetry reading at a café or something like that. Why'd you stop cleaning? You're gonna have to do it sooner or later."  
Rei surveyed the scene. "I'd rather it be later."  
"C'mon, let's see the CDs," muttered Teepo as he walked into the living room, followed by Rei and Ryu. He picked up the stack, flipped through them, found what he thought to be a likely candidate, and stuck it in the player.   
There was a moment of silence before the sound began piping through the house. It was so soothing it was nauseating. Rei rolled his eyes, reached over, and turned it off.  
"Yes," he said, "We definitely need to get something new."  
Teepo looked concerned. "Do you think they'll buy them back?"  
Ryu too became concerned. "I don't know."  
Just then the front door opened and the three they were waiting for came in. Nina was so happy that she was unaware of how grim her two companions were. She glided over to Ryu and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, babbling about what a good time she'd had. Garr and Momo glanced around, looking rather spent, and went off to forage in the kitchen. Rei and Teepo both gave little shudders and turned away. Ryu was explaining the situation to Nina, whose jubilance had been quickly replaced with annoyance.  
"Fine. Whatever you say. We'll get the music. But the poetry...it was so beautiful and so...Ryu, are you listening to me?"  
Ryu, who hadn't been listening at all, looked up at her from his examination of the back of one of the CDs. "Huh? Of course I was listening - poetry, crap, crap, crap. But have you listened to this stuff?" He cocked his head and waved a CD vaguely at her. "It's horrible, I mean really bad."   
Exasperated, she grabbed it and examined it for herself. "It can't be that bad, I mean, I'm sure it's really soothing."  
Rei gave a short little laugh and pressed play on the stereo, this time with the volume turned down much further. The hideous music started again. Nina's impatient little scowl slowly faded into a pained grimace. Towards the end of the song (which was almost ten minutes long), she covered her ears and started stepping nervously from foot to foot. Rei smiled and pressed stop.  
"See?"  
"My God, that made me want to tear out my ears! When does that music store close? Do you think we still have time today?"  
Ryu shrugged, half-smiling.  
Just then, Garr and Momo walked out of the kitchen, looking very pale. They each held a glass of water, and, from their vacant and slightly uneasy expressions, it was obvious they'd seen the mess. Well, it was pretty hard to miss. Teepo coughed and tried to keep the conversation on the same path it had been on, before it even had a chance to change.  
"I don't know if you heard us or not, but we need some new music, cause all we have is lounge music. Don't ask how it happened."  
He had meant "Don't ask how we acquired such horrible music", but it was evident from their expressions that they thought he was referring to the kitchen. In any case, they nodded. Momo glanced back towards the kitchen and involuntarily shuddered. Garr murmured something incomprehensible and sat down.   
Nina tugged on Garr's arm. "Don't sit down. We need to go now, before the store closes. You don't know how dire the situation is."  
"It can't be that bad." Garr sounded tired.  
Teepo bent down by his ear. "If you thought the kitchen or the poetry reading was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet."  
Garr realized what this meant and, grunting indignantly, got back up on his feet. Everyone went about collecting coats and money, carefully avoiding the kitchen. Ryu went looking for his car keys and after five minutes of searching, remembered that they were on a Clapper. For the next ten minutes he ran around clapping his hands yelling, "It's over here! Over...no, wait...Over there!" He finally found them under the cushions of the couch and, trying to regain any composure he still might have had, ushered everyone out the door. Walking to the car, he announced almost cheerfully, "We should also pick up a mop at Wal-Mart on the way back, though I'd love to see Rei and Teepo lick that mess up!"   
Garr, who was holding the CDs and was the last one out, sighed and slammed the door behind him.  
The vibration sent the other CDs in the rack crashing to the floor.   
Drip, drip, plop was the only sound in the whole house, and it came from the warzone that had once been the kitchen.   
  
The car ride over was short, which was a good thing for more than one reason.   
First of all, the car they were driving in was a tiny diarrhea-colored Geo Metro. The Geo, as everyone knows, is the laughingstock of all cars - it is ugly, unsafe, and very, very small. So small, in fact, that Momo was forced to sit on Garr's lap (he didn't seem to mind, but it was clear from her complaining that she did), and Nina was squished in between Rei and Teepo in the backseat, in the center where there is no seatbelt. She spent most of her time praying they wouldn't hit another car. Ryu's erratic driving didn't make her feel any better.   
They made good time to the store, which, as it turned out, closed at eight. Getting out of the Geo took a little shorter than an eternity and afterward they all stood leaning against its plastic frame, thanking God that they had made it through yet another ride in the Little Speeding Clown Car of Death (as Garr had so affectionately named it many years ago). Rousing himself from his prayers of gratitude, Ryu clapped his hands and smiled, "C'mon, there's no time like the present."   
The music store must have been a relative of the Geo - it was small, crowded, and seemed incredibly unsafe. It was even ugly, in its own sort of way. The walls were covered in T-shirts and posters and racks of CDs, and tapes took up almost every available inch of floor space. A couple of hodgepodge items were billed as "memorabilia from the stars" and, Rei reflected with just a hint of cynicism, were probably nothing more than overpriced pieces of junk. The place was packed with people, some of them very intimidating to the six companions. Music played from above, but it was muffled and distant. It reminded more than one of them of what it must sound like when Satan's on helium and rapping into a spinning fan. No one took any notice of them as they gingerly stepped further into the store.  
"You guys start looking for something; Nina and I will go return these." Ryu took the stack of CDs from Garr with a disdainful look on his young face. He glanced at them once again and could only shake his head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.   
Rei, Teepo, Garr, and Momo melted into the crowd as Ryu and Nina edged their way through the sea of bodies to the front counter. The woman behind it looked like...how to put it nicely?...a slut. Her face was heavy with makeup and her top was very...very...revealing. Nina stuck out her tongue as they approached and looked away. Ryu didn't even try. The man in front of them was getting his change back, and Ryu couldn't help but watch in rapture as the woman leaned over to count back several bills. The clerk smiled and made a rather suggestive gesture with her hand as the man thanked her and shoved the money back in his wallet. He walked away with a dazed smile on his face. Nina gave a soft snort of scorn and prodded Ryu to the counter. He distractedly threw the little pile onto the counter and merely stood watching the woman.   
Nina's foot began to tap impatiently as the woman behind the counter just stared back at Ryu. Finally, Nina's foot even grew impatient of tapping and it kicked out violently at Ryu's leg.  
"Er....?" was all Ryu could manage.  
The store employee, who had been leaning her chin into her hands, finally spoke up. "Yes? Can I help you with something?" She never even once looked at Nina, who had to bite her tongue to keep herself from yelling.   
"Yes...er...I, rather we, would like to sell these CDs."  
"Are they in good condition?" asked the woman as she straightened up, glancing only for a moment at Nina.   
"Yes they're...fine...they just...we want to get something new." Ryu ran a hand back through his thick hair. Nina forced herself to mentally recite the poetry she'd heard earlier to keep herself calm.  
"Well, let's see what you've got." She pulled the stack towards her and began to look over it. Nina hated the way the fingertips of her free hand swirled over the counter at her side. The clerk's face went blank for a moment, then she flashed what Nina thought to be a haughty smile, which Ryu mirrored with his own dumbfounded version.   
"Well, well, we don't normally take this kind of music but I can give you...how many are there? Nine?...I can give you three bucks."  
"That'd be gr-"  
Nina jumped in with an angry glare at first Ryu and then the woman. "No it won't! You guys normally pay at least four dollars a CD! Just because it's weird music doesn't mean you can gyp us!"  
The woman's tone stayed infuriatingly calm as she brought out three dollars from the register and handed it towards Ryu. "Well, we do have to pay different amounts for...different music. Otherwise we'd lose money." In her mind Nina heard the woman's voice continuing, "And we couldn't lose money now could we? It would come out of my paycheck and then how would I buy all my slutty clothes and makeup? And without them I couldn't cover up the fact that I'm really just an insecure, annoying dumb-ass who needs to hide behind a mask of-" Nina made herself stop.   
Ryu's hand reached out for the money but Nina snatched it first, mumbling a quick "Whatever!". Ryu almost fell as Nina dragged him back from the counter and down one of the crowded aisles.   
"What was that all about? We could have bargained a little."  
"No, I could have tried to bargain and just end up losing my temper and-" Her ranting was momentarily interrupted as they passed a display of Disney soundtracks.  
Ryu looked puzzled. "What? What is it? What's wrong?"  
Nina's eyes glazed over as she stared at the display. "They have...Tarzan...and The Lion King and...Oh my God! Pocahontas!" She couldn't help herself as she began to grab up CDs, mouthing the words to "The Circle of Life".   
Ryu looked confused. Ryu was confused. "You like...Disney soundtracks?" He felt stupid saying it. There must be a mistake.  
"What? You say it like it's a bad thing!" Nina glared at him.  
"It is!" Ryu gave a short laugh and walked over to where Rei was sitting at one of the listening stations the store had set up. The headphones sat snugly over his feline ears, and his jaw was slack as he stared off into space. Apparently, he was truly mesmerized by what he was hearing. Ryu glanced around, trying to discern which CD it was, but there were so many laying about that it was impossible. Rei never even looked over at him, so entranced was he by the music, so Ryu decided to just lift up the headphones and place them over his own ears.  
Italian opera, blaring in all its incomprehensible glory, poured into his ears. Ryu spasmed and threw off the headphones. Rei caught them, wondering why Ryu was clutching his head and cursing. After a moment, Ryu regained his composure and stared at Rei openmouthed.   
"That's...How can you?...Ack!" Disgusted, he finally noticed the other CDs Rei was holding. "Riverdance? Yani: Live From the Acropolis? What is wrong with you?"  
"What? I like it!"  
Ryu shook his head. "Wow, you should go see what Nina's looking at." He gestured vaguely over his shoulder. "I wonder if Momo and Teepo found anything." With that, he walked away from the still quizzical-looking weretiger.  
Ryu found Momo and Teepo engaged in what appeared to be a pretty heated discussion. Ryu stood back awhile and just listened. Momo was trying to convince Teepo that techno and industrial music were valid, and beautiful, forms of art. Teepo was listening, but refusing to respond in anything but rap. The normally sensible Momo was working herself up into a frenzy, which only spurred Teepo on.  
"Listen to me! This is music created by machines! Machines! Think about it, think what it represents...machines making art, making music! Dammit, Teepo, listen to me! Stop rapping for one damned minute and listen!"  
Teepo giggled and rapped his reply. Even if Ryu had been able to hear him perfectly (which he couldn't, over the din of the store), he probably wouldn't have understood half of what he said. Momo apparently did hear and understand, however, and it looked to Ryu as if she were angry enough to hit him. He found that vaguely amusing. Momo merely growled something about machines and Teepo's lack of taste, and Ryu moved away before he could get drawn into their argument.   
Ryu tried to shoulder his way past a tall man in a dirty leather jacket, succeeding only in getting himself knocked into a precarious pyramid of "hot new releases", which came tumbling over him to the ground in a sea of plastic. The man in the leather jacket looked at Ryu and laughed. Ryu couldn't restrain himself and flipped the man off. The man started to yell, thought better of it, and advanced menacingly towards Ryu, who was still sprawled on the floor.  
"Why, you little punk!" the man said in a voice no more than a growl. "I oughta-"  
"Oughta what?" came Garr's voice, above and behind Ryu.  
"Who the hell are you?" sneered the man as he jabbed a finger at Garr. "Are you his mamma?"  
"Hell no!" countered Garr immediately. Ryu rose to his feet and saw that Garr had come over from the next aisle, carrying what looked like a Garth Brooks CD. Ryu gave a little mental shudder. Why didn't he know anyone who listened to good music, like the Goo Goo Dolls, or Savage Garden, or something? It bothered him so much he would have actually said something, had not Garr and the man been squaring off. They were slinging insults at each other as they came closer and closer together. Ryu backed away, unsure of what to do. Nina came up behind him, carrying an armload of Disney music.   
"What's going on?" she asked nervously.   
"I don't really know. I think they're gonna fight."  
"In here? There's no room!"  
Ryu shrugged, his attention fixed on the pair, who were still only verbally sparring. Garr held up the hand that was holding the country CD to make a particularly strong comment and the conversation suddenly swung in the opposite direction.   
"You are the...hey, you like Garth Brooks too?" Garr's adversary looked almost instantly subdued.   
Garr was confused. "Er...yeah, yeah, I do. Why? Do you?"  
The man gave a genuine smile. "Of course I do! Everyone does." He didn't notice Ryu's and Nina's slight head-shaking and continued. "He can really move you, make you feel what he's feeling, you know?"  
Garr was still confused, but no longer angry. "Yeah, I know what you mean. It reminds me of that winter back in-" Ryu and Nina never heard the rest, slinking off toward Momo and Teepo, who had been joined recently by Rei.   
"What the hell was that?" asked Nina, jerking her head over her shoulder.  
"I have absolutely no idea. One minute they were about ready to...and then they...What the-" He stopped as they came across the trio. Chaos had broken out.  
Momo stood breathing through her teeth, glaring at Teepo, who still had an impish smile on his face, though it looked a bit more strained than normal. Rei was still clutching his precious Yani, standing off on the side. On the floor, in pieces, lay the remains of several rap CDs, apparently ones Teepo had wanted. The techno CDs Momo had been holding earlier had been tossed aside, but not with the same amount of force. It looked like their little disagreement had ended quite badly. Ryu was no longer vaguely amused. Momo saw him, smiled very nervously, and nudged the broken shards of discs with her foot, trying to hide them.   
It was too late. The store security, which had seemed extremely lax before, now rushed to the scene of the fight. The slut at the front counter apparently worked with a bulking giant of a man - definitely nobody you wanted to mess with. He swaggered over, surveyed the floor and said simply, "That'll be sixty-five dollars, you can pay at the front desk." Saying nothing else, the store employee walked on towards the back of the store.   
Rei, Momo, Teepo, Ryu, and Nina looked at each other in horror. Sixty-five dollars! Now they wouldn't have enough to buy new CDs. Ryu wondered if that would have even been possible, considering how varied their tastes were. No one said a word as they got out their wallets. It was too painful. Momo looked miserable. They pooled their money together, found they only had fifty-three dollars and some odd change, and went to ask Garr. Garr was still talking to the man in the dirty leather jacket, whose father had, it seemed, been a friend of Garr's grandfather on his mother's side. Garr nodded distractedly and handed over a twenty dollar bill, all the money he had.  
Ryu and the others brought up the seventy-three dollars and handed it over to the same woman Ryu and Nina had talked to before. She looked at Ryu, smiled and took the money. Eight dollars was their change, and they moved away from the counter with no further ado.  
Huddled in a circle, the companions, minus Garr, decided what to do with the little money they had left. They made a point not to linger on the fact that the whole thing could have been avoided, had Momo and Teepo been more responsible.   
"All right, we can afford one used CD amongst us," said Ryu, trying not to sound as depressed as he felt. "What should it be?"  
Everyone spoke at once and Ryu grimaced. "There's no way this is going to work; we all like different things."   
There was a round of head-nodding, followed by a long moment of silence. Finally, Nina, who had had an idea, held up her index finger, saying, "Why don't we just use the three dollars we got from the old CDs and see if we can just give them back their money for the CDs, since they didn't really want them in the first place."  
Ryu considered this for a moment, then voiced the thought on everyone's mind. "But we don't like lounge music, that's why we came here in the first place."  
"Yes, that is true. But think of it this way: All of us dislike it so at least...you know...we can all be miserable together. I mean, none of us will get to listen to what we want, but...." she trailed off, realizing the stupidity of what she was saying. But the others were seriously considering her words.  
"That is true. Odd logic, but seems sound enough," mused Teepo. The others nodded.  
"We might as well," said Nina, taking out the three dollars she had grabbed earlier. With a determined air, she marched up to the counter and addressed the woman behind it, who finally took real notice of her.  
"Hi, yes, well, we returned those lounge CDs a little while ago and we were wondering, since it didn't seem like you really wanted them, if we could give you the three dollars and get the CDs back." The others (except Garr, who was still talking to that man) had gathered around her and looked hopeful.  
The woman shook her head, giving a tight little smile she knew she shouldn't give. "No. I'm afraid all sales are final. If you want, you can buy one of those used CDs for about eight dollars." The look of hope abruptly faded on the others' faces. Nina groaned, walked over to the stack of CDs on the edge of the counter, which had been newly re-wrapped but had not yet been put out on the shelf, and grabbed one. She brought it back and slid it across to the clerk who took it, and the eight dollars. Nina took the bagged CD and sent Ryu to go fetch Garr.   
"Tell him we're leaving."  
Ryu rushed off and came back several minutes later with Garr and Garr's new best friend in tow. Garr and the man, whose name was John Jensen, shook hands and Garr exclaimed heartily, "Well, it was a pleasure meeting you. Now, you've got my e-mail address, right?"  
"Yeah, and I gave you mine." The man saw Ryu and smiled good-naturedly. "Hey, take it easy, punk." With that, he tousled Ryu's hair and left. Ryu rolled his eyes.   
  
The Geo-ride home was about as uncomfortable as the ride there.  
It was dark by the time they got home, but that was only because it was winter. Nina and Momo decided to step in for a cup of tea before they drove to their small apartment on the other side of town. The house seemed eerily still as an irate Ryu fumbled with the key.  
"Can't believe this, can't friggin' believe it. We start out with nine CDs of lounge music, go to the music store, and come back with only one and seventy-three dollars out. Friggin' incredible." The door finally gave way with a low creak and the six weary souls shuffled in. Momo, Ryu, and Nina went to the kitchen to get the tea started.   
They had forgotten the state the kitchen had been in when they'd left.  
"Dammit," cursed Ryu, "we forgot the friggin' mop!"   



End file.

Breath of Fire, Humor