Breath of Fire Barubary Goes To School

Barubary Goes To School

By The Jersey Boy

NOTES: I do not own these characters. I am just using them in my story. Enjoy it please. What did you say? Sir, step out of the car please. ^_^

Barubary sat in his room in the land of Infinity, watching "Boy Meets World." He watched as the kids went to school, where they laughed, joked around, ate good food, and so on… He had never gotten an education. St. Evans told him all he needed to worry about was destroying intruders.

But more than anything, Barubary wanted to go to school. He wanted to learn. He wanted to BE something!

He lumbered out of his room to find St. Evans.

The robed man was playing poker with Shupkay and M.C. Tusk.

"I'll fold." Shupkay said, tossing her cards on the table.

"Are you cheating?" M.C. Tusk growled.

"M.C., I raise you 3,000 Zenny." Evans said with a wry grin.

"Um… excuse me?" Barubary said.

Evans looked up. "Oh, hello Barubary. Can you give us ten minutes?"

"Sure." The beast hissed. He went back and played "Breath of Fire 2" on his GBA.

"Ooh, who's that handsome demon?" he said to himself as he fought through Infinity, "He looks like someone I know… heh, heh, heh. God bless you, Capcom!"

Finally his door opened and St. Evans walked in. "What do you need, my loyal servant?"

Barubary put his GBA down. "I want to go to school."

Evans seemed taken aback. "What?"

"I want to learn math and science, and history and physics! I want an education, St. Evans!"

Evans pulled on his beard. "But why? All you need do is defend our world from bad people. Why do you need an education?"

"Did you ever ask ME if that's all I wanted to do?" Barubary cried, losing his temper. "What if I wanted to be a computer programmer, or an astrophysicist?"

"Hmmm…" St. Evans scratched his head. "Well, I suppose that you don't HAVE to stay down here forever… I know a good school you can go to, so be ready on Monday."

"Okay!" Cried Barubary happily. "Thank you!"

That Monday…

Barubary sat at his desk in South Park Elementary School, next to an incredibly fat kid and a kid with an orange hood.

"Dude, who's the new kid?" Stan whispered to Kyle.

"I have no idea… but he sure is ugly!" Kyle replied.

"Mmmphhmmphh mmphhh!" Said Kenny.

Everyone laughed.

"Geez, Kenny, do we talk about YOUR parents that way?" Stan said through his laughter.

"All right everyone, quiet down." Said Mr. Garrison, coming in to the room. "We have a new student today, so I want everyone to be very nice to him. Please welcome Barubary."

Everyone stared at the huge demon sitting at the desk.

"Now, children, let's start off with some math problems… who knows what 8 x 3 is?"

Barubary raised his claw.

"Yes?"

"21?" he asked, uncertainly.

"Excuse me, but when I said 'who knows what this is?' I wasn't referring to huge, ugly-ass demons!" Mr. Garrison shouted.

Barubary growled and said nothing the rest of the period.

The next period was science.

"So what will we examine today, Mr. Garrison?" Mr. Hat asked.

"Good question, Mr. Hat. We will be examining _crystals!"_

Everyone _oooh_-ed. Everyone, that is, except Barubary. He remembered when St. Evans had trapped him in a crystal for a while. It was not pleasant.

"Ok, let's pass these around." Mr. Garrison continued. Everyone took turns looking at the large rocks.

"Hey Kenny," Said Cartman, "How much can I offer for you to shove this crystal up your ass?"

Roughly translated, Kenny said, "No f*ckin way, dude. I'm not getting into THAT again."

"Dude…" Barubary looked down to see Stan holding a crystal up to him. "You want to check it out?"

"No!" The demon screamed. "Get it away! Quick!"

"Dude, what a f*ckin chicken-sh*t." Said Cartman.

"Eric, are you planning on starting ANOTHER war on Canada?" Mr. Garrison shouted. "Keep quiet! And for you, young man, or…er, uh, thing… You participate in the class like everyone else!"

Nervously, Barubary took the crystal. It was very small, but it still gave him flashbacks. He quickly passed it to some kid named Butters.

"Now, here's our experiment!" Said Mr. Garrison, taking out a Tupperware container. "We are going to take these monster action figures, and put them in the crystals!"

Everyone _ooh_-ed again.

"Noooo! No no no no no no no!" Barubary screamed, losing his mind.

"That does it!" Garrison said. "Go to the school counselor this instant!"

Mr. Mackey looked Barubary over. "Well, Mr. Barubary, I must say that you made quite a bad impression on your first day, m'kay. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"It's not my fault!" Barubary said. "They were going to make me put a monster in a crystal!"

"M'kay, what's wrong with that?"

Barubary shuddered. He couldn't say it.

"Uh, young man, if you want to continue to stay here, you need to cooperate, m'kay!"

Barubary lost his temper. "Oh, f*ck off!"

"What did you say?"

"You heard me!"

Mr. Mackey shook his head. "Go back to class, m'kay. I'll call in your father for a conference on Friday, then you can make a decision whether or not you want to stay here, m'kay."

"Hello there, children!" Said Chef as Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric walked into the cafeteria.

"Hey Chef."

Then Barubary walked in.

"Well I'll be an intern under Bill Clinton's desk!" Chef exclaimed. "Who… uh, _what_ is that?"

"My name is Barubary. I serve St. Eva." The demon said.

"Oh really? That's nice." Said Chef, plopping some creamed chipped beef onto a slice of toast.

"Chef, who is St. Eva?" Stan asked.

Chef sighed. "Stan, did you ever think there would be a God who you could believe in and love, but he'd kill you one day anyway?"

Stan was silent.

"St. Eva is like that. Understand?"

"No." Said Stan.

"Hmm… Let me sing you a little song!"

__

"Ohhh, it was a hot day, and the sun was beating on the dragon in the back of the hills! There was a bright light, the roaring of a demon, the gates behind the dragon were connected to the road to hell! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Paul Simon!"

Paul Simon came out with a guitar. _"This is the day for opening the gates, this is the end of the world… the way Habaruku is grinning in the church, the way he looks at us all. The way we look to a terrifying demon that's gaining power in a corner of hell. This is the day for opening the gates, so don't cry baby don't cry don't cry!"_

"Thanks, Mr. Simon." Said Chef as Paul left. "So now do you understand, children?"

"Nope." Said Kyle.

"Ah, fudge it. Well, move along children, you're holding up the line."

That Friday, St. Evans sat next to Barubary in the principal's office.

"Well, he just seems to have no respect for his elders." Principal Victoria was saying. "And he refuses to participate in his classes and is getting very poor grades."

"Hmm.." St. Evans said, "That would be a fault of mine. I never really taught him how to deal with humans."

"M'kay, well you need to start right away." Said Mr. Mackey.

St. Evans got angry. "YOU are telling ME what to do?" He rose and took Barubary's claw. "Come, Barubary, we're leaving."

When they got out of the school, St. Evans turned and encased the whole school in a huge crystal.

"Revenge is so very, very sweet." Said Barubary with a toothy grin.

"Indeed." Said Evans. "Let's catch a bus back home." A school bus had just pulled up.

"Sit down and shut up!" Shouted the driver. Evans put her in a crystal as well, and then drove the bus into the sunset, Barubary sitting in the back, listening to Puff Daddy on his Discman.

THE END!

This BoF 2/South Park crossover fic done by

The Jersey Boy. _License, Insurance, and Registration please._

Email: Father_Hulk@yahoo.com 


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Breath of Fire, Humor