Shatter Me, Tahereh Mafi 1. Chapter 1 - I WISH

**I WISH **

I blow out a breath before I step up and stand on the only chair I have. I never expected that everything will all come down to this: me, a chair below me, and—as I lift my head up and stare at the ceiling—the rope that's going to end my life.

And then I wonder. If the rope knew that it won't only going to be used as a tool to tie and hoist things up but also to kill people, if the rope has feelings, how would it feel right now? How does the rope feel everytime it is used as a tool to kill instead of its original use? Remorse, perhaps, and absolute pain. It would feel like how I feel right now: the want—no, the _need_ to exterminate one's self for the sake of other people.

But…what do I really know of other people? Nothing much.

I let out a bitter laugh. It's painful in my throat and foreign to my ears. I never made a sound like that in a long time and it's ironic that when I finally do, I'm about to die.

But no, it's not ironic actually. Every single bad thing that happened in my life had felt like it was timed, and given the situation at the moment, it has never been more perfect. After all, it's the last time I'm ever going to laugh. It's the last time I'm ever going to think. It's the last time I'm ever going to live.

This is it. This is the end. It feels like I've been surviving for the last years just for this moment and I'm not even scared. Not a little bit. Not at all.

I should. I know I should but I've known a long time ago that it's harder to live than to die. When you die, every problems and worries you have will cease to exist. The world would have one less human being to blame for its destruction. The Reestablishment would have one less person to govern. And the people that are left starving and working and being practically slaves would have one less of a competition for the food to put on their mouth.

But as I think about it, I can't help but look at the closed door a few feet away from me. It's my room. It's where I lay but not sleep. It's where I spend my days in confinement, in complete solitude, in total silence, not saying a word, not needing to, not even talking to anyone even to myself. And it's where I've put all my stock of food that could probably last me a few more months. It's good that I had saved them. They would be of much help to some people, someone who could miraculously discover this place eventually…

Eventually, someone will see a dead girl from the ceiling, her neck tied tightly on an old, sturdy rope, discover the foods, the things I had saved, all the things I'm going to leave, and be apologetically thankful. They would feel pity for me. Maybe some would want to know my story. But from what I know, every human being walking above this destructed earth has only one priority: survival. They will rejoice in their discovery. They will feel happy about the added stock of food. They will even be thankful that I'm dead. At least on that part, I was able to be of help.

I wished, I hoped, that I could be one of them. Those who fight to survive with their every breath. I thought I was. I tried. I wouldn't be here this long if I didn't. But I'm not a fighter. I've always been weak. It just took me this long to realize how tired I am of being alive but not actually living; not having the courage to go outside and see for myself what the world, and its inhabitants, has turned into.

My knees are weak. My hands are clammy. But they're not shaking. I'm not shaking. I'm not scared.

I'm free.

I touch the rope and stare at it, then tug it, then check if I had tied it securely. I make sure that when I put my neck inside, it would hold me in. That it won't break anything but me.

I take in a deep breath and think, _I'm ready. _

I slide it over my head and down my neck and then reach for the knot and tighten it. I close my eyes for a moment and imagine the destination I want to go. Perhaps after I blow out my one last breath, I'll reach that place. The place where I'd get to see my family again.

I picture our old house. It's white, it's big, it's beautiful with it's perfectly landscaped front yard and wide, wide back yard where I used to run so freely, so happy, so naïve and innocent about the world and its horrors. I imagine it, I hold on to it, and when I see my mother coming out on the front door and reaches out a hand, I lift my right leg, ready to kick the chair.

But I didn't. I open my eyes to a loud crashing sound and see a light so bright I had to close my eyes again. It's blinding. It's warm. All I can see behind my eyelids is red. I try opening it again but the light is just too much. It's hurting my eyes.

"Adam!"

Someone shouts. A voice. It's a girl. I've never heard a female voice apart from mine for so long I could weep.

"Adam! Help me here! Please come quick!"

I jerk my head to where I think it's coming from and then next thing I know someone is touching me. Someone is holding my feet. Someone is standing on the same chair I'm standing on and he or she is doing something on the rope.

I desperately want to open my eyes to witness the commotion, so I try again, but the light is just too bright. Too bright it actually feels like staring into the sun. And that thought only made me even more want to see.

"I'll take care of her."

A male voice fills my ears. I've never heard a male voice in a long time.

The rope suddenly leaves my neck and then…I fall. My eyes suddenly pop wide open. I'm reaching my hands out, desperate to hold on to something, when I land on two strong arms instead of the cold hard floor.

I let out a surprised gasp and lift my eyes. I couldn't see his entire face. The light…the light is preventing me from seeing the one who caught me. But I could see his mouth and they are letting out a series of hard breaths.

"It's alright," he says. His voice is clear. "I got you." The voice before, it belongs to him.

I close my eyes and curl myself into him in complete surrender that it equally surprises and terrifies me. My clammy hands are now shaking as I curl them into fists against his chest. My eyes are stinging and I'm fighting it back. I won't allow myself to cry. I don't deserve to cry. I don't deserve to be sad. I don't deserve to be saved.

I wish I could speak. I wish I could tell him that he could now put me down. I wish I could tell them all to leave me alone to rot. It's embarrassing. I'm an embarrassment. I always had been and always will be. They caught me in the act. How could I ever think to face them?

But this male, this feeling of being in another human being's arms…I've forgotten about this. I wish he would ask me a question. Anything. I don't care. I want to hear his voice again. I want to hear again the words that he said, because I've never heard them before. They were words no one would say to me.

_Please talk to me_.

And then he does.

"We're leaving and you're coming with us," he says. His voice is so clear and so warm. "Whether you like it not, you're going to leave this hellhole."

I still don't talk back. But I want to. I want to tell him…what? I don't know what to say.

He adjusts his hold of me and I tighten my hold of the shirt from his chest as I curl myself into him some more. I hide my face from him, from anyone, from anything. I hear them talk and they talk about me and I don't like their concerned and worried voices and it makes me want to explode. But I don't. I won't. Never again.

And then I feel it now. My body. It's shaking. It's finally scared.

"You're shaking."

He speaks again. To me. He's still talking to me even if I don't answer him a word.

"Kent, would you mind?"

I don't know who he's talking to, who this Kent is. All I know is that I'm cold and then, suddenly, I'm not. This Kent must have covered me with a jacket or something. It's warm. So warm. Fresh body heat warm.

"Let's get out of here. You all have to come back some other time," he speaks, "I can't stand this place anymore."

His words were so bitter and hard that I feel it cut right through me. It made me scared even more. He hates my house, my home. Therefore, he's going to hate me too, if he doesn't already.

Therefore, he's only holding me right now because he has no choice. I'm just a burden.

But even if I know this, even if this is true, I cannot make myself let go from his hold. I want him to put me down. I want him to keep holding me. I'm confused. I don't know what I want anymore. But I need this support. I don't know who he is or what they are. If they're from The Reestablishment, they're just going to kill me. But the thought of somebody killing me instead of doing it to myself feels like a burden has been carried off from my shoulders. It would be far easier to accept my death from someone else's hands than from my own.

They would kill me later, or tonight, or tomorrow. I don't care. For now, I just want to lay still, just as I was laying still for years, and put my life into someone else's hands. He starts walking. I don't know where he's taking me. Probably a place I've never been and would unlikely stay. Because there's only one certainty that I know my whole life: I should die. I should have, long ago, but I didn't. And now the time has come.

Finally, I can rest. I feel so exhausted all of a sudden, like my body had just recognized that I'm not alone and ceases to hold me together and I'm breaking apart, slowly, willingly, into this stranger's arms.

I wish that he's the one that's going to kill me. I wish that he would offer me mercy by taking my life and release me from my misery, once and for all. But, I also wish that he would talk to me before he kills me. I wish to hear him speak again.

I wish…

I wish…

I wish…


	2. Chapter 2 - HELP ME

**HELP ME**

Maybe I wished too much. Maybe I wished too hard. Because right now…right now… He's pointing a gun to my head. I couldn't see his face still but I know it's him. I have memorized those lips.

I try to say something, to speak and tell him to spare me some mercy. I want to convince him that I do not want my wish anymore, that if they detest me that much they should just let me go and forget about me and that I promise I will never go back. But when I open my mouth, no words will come out. And I curse mentally at my own cowardice.

My heart is beating abnormally. My breathing comes out in a ragged, desperate, whimpering sound. I'm already on my knees, my hands tied around my back. I should just sink some more and start begging. I should lower my head and not look at him. I should. I should I should I should.

But I cannot stop staring at him. I cannot help but wish again that I could see his entire face. Everything is so so so bright except for his face. It's hidden under a huge light; the only darkness among this bright place.

His jaw works, hardens, and it's unfair that I find him so beautiful. So dangerous and beautiful in his hard-pressed pink lips and black suit. Everything about him is black. I want to drown in his darkness.

I want to see his face so bad. Don't I deserve this simple knowledge of seeing the face of my saviour and my defiler?

"What are you waiting for?"

A girl shouts. He turns away from me and looks at her. But the gun is still pointed at my head. I wonder if it's loaded. Perhaps it's not. Perhaps this is all a ruse.

"Shoot her! Shoot her now!" Another one urged. A male voice this time.

And this time, I turn away and look down. I can feel the cold barrel gun shaking against my forehead. I can feel his hesitation because if he really would have wanted to shoot me, he would have done so seconds ago, and these people wouldn't have to force him.

Of course. I have the answer to the question now. I don't deserve to know anything. I don't deserve anything. I have to die. There's nowhere I could go without ending up dead. I have no one. I'm alone. This certainty of death is the only thing that's keeping me alive.

I look back up at him only to realize that he had returned his attention to me. It's a shame I still couldn't see his face but there's no use in regretting about that now because whether or not I'm able to, he's still going to kill me. I'm still going to be dead, and I can't change that one simple fact.

So I stare at him, take in everything I can from this person who I barely know but I find so strangely amazing all the same. And then I close my eyes, surrendering myself wholly to his will.

He readies his gun. He presses it hardly onto my forehead and I hear myself whimper silently. I curse to myself. Pull yourself together. Don't be scared. This isn't going to hurt.

He locks his gun. I hear him take a sharp breath. And then he fires.

* * *

I wake up.

With a jolt.

That I had actually sat right up from where I lay.

I check myself. My hands, my legs, my whole body—my God, they're shaking.

I'm shaking so hard that I feel like I'm going to start an earthquake. _No_, I tell myself. Stop. Compose yourself. Take deep breaths, hold them in, let them out, then do it again.

I repeat the words in my head over and over again as I try and relax and find my inner core, my center. It's located somewhere in my body, and I will know if I'm able to hold it together when I start feeling warm. I can't get too cold. I can't. And at the rate that I am into, I'm having a mild attack.

My chest is beating wildly I feel like it's going to burst. But it won't. It never does. I have to get this together. I have to stop me before something happens. Because I cannot afford to lose my centre, my focus. I can't. I have to be focused or else…or else…

I forced my eyes shut and grit my teeth, ignoring the image that was forming inside my head. Shit. Of all the moments. I shouldn't be thinking about this right now. I need to calm down.

And then I feel the bed shake and I open my eyes.

Oh God. Oh God Oh God Oh God.

No. No No No.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

There's a loud boom. I heard it. It's far away but it's there. It's already starting. I cover my ears and close my eyes back, trying and trying not to lose it, trying to control of what's left. The earth is quivering. I hear the clouds gathering outside. It's close now. It's above me and they are bombing thunders inside my ears. There's a storm outside, inside, and I need it to stop. I need someone to stop it before it's too late.

Oh God I don't want it to be too late. I want to go back to sleep and continue that dream. Why can't I just die? Why is it so hard to kill me?

My bed shakes hard. The room shakes hard. Everything around me shakes, falls, breaks, and if I can't hold it together I'm going to break too. I can't afford that. I can't break. I can't lose it.

Please.

Please make it stop.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Someone. Anyone.

Save me.


	3. Chapter 3 - HOLD ME

**HOLD ME**

There's a sound, a door slamming loud, but I keep my eyes closed. I don't want to witness it, the destruction that I'm causing. I don't want it. I don't want this.

I'm going to lose it. Help me. Help me help me kill me now someone kill me now please.

I was about to release it, I was about to lose control and release it when I suddenly feel something warm against my skin, engulfing me, slowly, ever so slowly banishing the cold.

"Sshh." It says. "I'm here. I'm here. You're going to be okay. I'm here."

It's him. It's him.

My eyes remain closed, I hold his arms. I grip them tight. And then I realized that they're not covered.

I scream. For the first time in years I scream and I push him far from me when all I really want to do is hide inside his arms and never leave. But I can't. I couldn't risk it. I'm so alive, so full, so electrified that I'm afraid I'll hurt him. Because I have hurt people before. And they all died. Whatever this man is, whoever he is, I don't want him to die.

Never again. Never again.

"It's me!" He yells, trying to hold on to me. "Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you."

But he doesn't get it. No one gets it. They don't know me. They don't know what I can do. So I keep fighting him back. I keep pushing, pulling away from his hold. He's so strong and I'm so weak but I'm so charged right now that I could meet his strength. I'm fighting him and I'm fighting myself and I'm trying to stop the ground from shaking, the thunders from rolling, the lightning from striking. I'm fighting, and I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I just want to die.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Kent! Get the fuck over here and disable her! Now!"

I don't understand what he's saying. He's here again, this Kent. Whoever he is, whatever he means about disabling, I hope, I hope I hope I hope that that means they're going to actually pull out a gun and shoot me this time. Because I can't anymore. I'm so exhausted. I'm so alive for the first time in years but I'm also tired. I'm so tired and I just want to rest.

The dream. I want the dream back. I want to—

Someone pulls me hard against him and hold me firmly. I squirm. I don't open my eyes and dare see everything. But I fight. I pull out from his hold.

"If you would just let me hold you," he says, but he's not him. Maybe he's Kent. Maybe this is him. He pulls me harshly to him and this time, holds me firmly in my place. I struggle but I couldn't get out. And he keeps me there. He's keeping me inside his arms. "Just stay still. This is going to end soon," he says and his voice holds a sort of soft comfort, as if he was sure about what he said.

But I stop fighting altogether, not because I can't but because I suddenly feel drained. It's warm. My inner core. It's there again. I can feel it throbbing inside. I'm warm all over. I don't hear the thunders anymore, or the clouds. They're retreating. The storm outside and inside. They're retreating.

I'm suddenly calm.

And then I finally, finally, I found the words.

"What did you just do to me?" I ask. My voice sounds foreign and as I spoke my throat hurts. But I need to speak. I need to ask. "Why am I not dead?"

He lets out a low chuckle. Not him. He. The one who holds me. I feel the vibrations of his voice from his chest. But he doesn't answer my question. Instead he says, "Girls, I think she needs more rest."

"Yes."

"Of course."

Two new female voices. I don't know them. I don't recognize them. Who are they? Who are these people?

"Who," I start saying but I'm so tired. So so so exhausted that my body just won't lend me energy to speak. Now, of all time, it's not letting me speak when I already can. But I try, again. "Who…who…are…"

"Don't force yourself. You need rest. Plenty of rest."

He's laying me back down the bed. I'm momentarily surprised that it didn't break. And then slowly, I open my eyes. "Who…are…you?"

I don't know who this person hovering over me. I don't know if he's Him or he's Kent. I I want him to be Him because his eyes are so beautiful. So blue, like the sky. The sky that I have only seen for a short amount of time before. But my eyes fall to his mouth, and they're not familiar.

No. It's not Him.

"W-wh-ere is…is…he?" I croak out at the same time as Blue Eyes says, "Girls, now?"

He takes one last look at me, smiles a little and then he's gone from my view.

"Wait," I grab his hand by my limp hand. He looks back. "W-where…he…the one w-who didn't…who di—d—"

"Kenji," he calls. And then someone appears beside him.

My eyes widen. I suck in my breath. It's Him. And he's looking at me.

He has a pair of black eyes.

His attention turns to Blue Eyes when he starts saying something to him. But I want those eyes to me. I want to hold him. I want to thank him.

So I release my hold of Blue Eyes and grabs His—Kenji's—hand. He's startled and looks at me with a small frown. He's confused. He doesn't know. No. He doesn't know anything.

"Thank…you."

The last thing I saw before I allow myself to fall is a pair of surprised onyx eyes. I fell, still holding his hand. I've never felt more peaceful.


	4. Chapter 4 - WAKING UP

**WAKING UP**

I wake up staring directly at two identical faces who, together, breaks out into a relieved kind of smile. A wide, wide lovely smile. I like them instantly.

"You're finally awake," says the one nearest to me.

"You must be hungry," says the one next to her.

I honestly cannot tell them apart.

I brace my arms on the bed and push myself up.

"Oh!"

"Let us help you!"

"Here. There, now you're sitting."

"Are you alright? You don't feel like fainting?"

"You have nice hair."

"Sonya!"

"What? She does."

"You cannot just talk to someone like that and tell them they have nice hair."

"But people don't mind." She then looks at me, the one nearest me. "You don't mind, do you?"

"You're freaking her out."

"Oh stop it Sara. Does she look freaked out to you?"

I couldn't hide it anymore. I let out a chuckle. They stop talking altogether to stare at me. And then I laugh. Out loud.

Who am I? Who is this person who had the audacity to laugh? Where am I? Where have they taken me? Who is this laughing person inhabiting my body?

But, they're still staring at me. And so I stop laughing but a smile lingers on my face. "Hi," I dare say.

"Oh." They both break out into a warm friendly smile. "Hi."

I look around and it doesn't take a genius to know that I'm in a hospital room. I look at my clothes…and they're gone. I'm wearing a clean white hospital gown.

"Don't worry. We changed your clothes."

I look at them.

"I'm Sonya," says the nearest one, the one whose blonde hair is secured in a tight bun. "And this is my sister Sara," she says gesturing to the girl beside her whose equally blonde hair tied in a ponytail. "We're healers. We healed you. We made sure that you're not going to feel any pain once you wake up," Sonya continues. "Are you feeling hurt anywhere?"

I didn't answer them, but my face started crumpling. And then both their eyes widen.

"Are you okay?" Sara asks. "Where is it? Where do you hurt so we can heal it immediately?"

I feel it, the heat, the stinging, the water welling up behind my eyes. But I am not strong enough to fight them back now. I'm so relieved and happy that I just let them fall. The girls still look at me worriedly, and then I realize why.

I take their hands, two pairs of it, twenty fingers, white, so white and warm. So human. "Thank you," I say, softly but firmly. "Thank you. So much."

They both swallow. They both blink their eyes so fast. And then they smile, then their smile wobbles, and soon they're crying happy tears.

I cried harder, but they're not miserable tears anymore. Because whatever their reason for healing me, for saving me— whatever it is, even if they'll kill me later, today, or tomorrow, I'll accept it. I'll accept it wholeheartedly. And then I'm going to be forever grateful for this small show of kindess.


	5. Chapter 5 - KENJI I

**KENJI **

She's smiling. And then she's crying. She's crying while she's smiling and she's holding the girls' hands and they're holding hers, and all three of them are laughing through their tears.

I wonder why seeing her like this, so very different from the way she had been two days ago, makes me feel relieved. So much relieved from how I should be.

"How is she?"

I turn and look at Juliette as she walks beside me. She's looking more beautiful every day, growing more confident in her skin as the days pass by, as we conquer every Sector and take them away from The Reestablishment.

She's wearing the new suit Alia had designed a week ago. It seemed like Alia had worked with Warner on designing her suits for they always reveal more of her skin from what she used to wear before.

Her hair is tied back, longer than it ever was, with no sign that she's planning to cut it. Her eyes are intent and focused on what she's witnessing inside. The burrows between her eyebrows were wrinkling in fascination. Yes, she's seeing what I'm seeing. And she's also amazed.

But the thing is, the most amazing thing about Juliette is that she's kind. She's the kindest person in this planet that I know and I'm forever going to be honoured of having her as my bestfriend. And I know, I absolutely know, that she sees herself in the girl inside the medical room.

She sees herself, her old self, in her.

"I'm actually jealous," she says.

"Don't worry princess, you're prettier than her. And more badass," I tease because that's what I do. I joke.

She shoots me an annoyed look she miserably couldn't perfect and looks back on the girl. "What I'm going to tell you next Kenji, is very important. So make sure you're going to listen to me with all ears."

I sense the urgency in her voice so I drop my jokester persona and give her my full attention.

"Notice how easily she had adjusted," Juliette starts. "She was on the verge of killing herself when we found her."

I wince at her words. I had forgotten about that. No, I actually didn't. I just…forced myself to forget it because…because I couldn't bear it.

"She was completely crazy, hysterical and uncontrollable after she woke up here," she continues. "You couldn't hold her, couldn't make her still. She's strong. I would even go and think that she's stronger than me based on what we've all witnessed. Finally, it was Adam who had stopped her from doing something she would clearly regret in the future and got her to calm down, but that's not because he's stronger than her physically. He was able to disable her ability, her energy, and hysteria because that's what he does. But if Adam doesn't have that kind of power, I'm afraid no one would have been able to stop her.

"When you held her in that room, she grabbed on to you immediately right?"

"Yeah. She did. But then she started struggling and she kept pulling away from me when I tried to hold her again."

Juliette is suddenly quiet, thinking. "We don't know anything about her. We have yet to talk to her, but I hope that it would be like this, like how she's openly talking to the girls. But I do know one thing though."

I frown curiously. "You know her?"

"No," she answers. "I don't know the extent of what she can do. I don't know anything about her except that she's like us and that she's having a really hard time accepting that. But I do know one thing though."

Juliette turns to me.

"Hey, why do you suddenly look so serious? You're scaring me princess."

She frowns. "Kenji, I know you feel awful, thinking that she doesn't want you to touch her."

"Well I—"

"I know you. Don't deny it. But what you don't get is that it's not because she doesn't want you to touch her. It's actually the other way around."

"You mean…"

Juliette nods. "She's afraid to touch you. Just like how I was afraid to touch anyone before." She looks back at her. "That's why I'm so jealous because look at her now. It had only been two days and she's not afraid to touch anyone anymore."

Juliette falls quiet, just staring into the glass window, wondering awestruck into this new person that is so powerful she almost created the total destruction of the whole Sector.

The image of her standing on that chair, holding onto the rope tied around her neck suddenly pops into my mind. I clench my fist, gritting my teeth. How could she? How could she think of doing that to herself? I know that all of us here are suffering in ways unimaginable, but to completely throw your life away and give up when she still has resources none of us had? It was utter cowardice.

When I carried her to my arms I almost cursed out loud how she almost weighed nothing. It felt like carrying a sack of feathers, and I felt angry. Red, hot boiling angry towards her, towards her house, towards what we witnessed and saved her from. But then that anger slowly started subsiding when she curled herself into my arms, let out a scared whimper and held onto me for dear life.

She's so weak, so helpless. So destructive. And now…now she's laughing, she's crying and she's making friends as if none of it had made an impact to her. As if she wasn't traumatized, as if _we _weren't traumatized by what she had nearly cost us.

I want to help. I want to help her so much but something's holding me back. Something I can't help but feel—

"You hate her, don't you?"

Juliette breaks my thoughts. I look at her only to realize she's already staring at me. "Don't be ridiculous princess. I don't hate her."

"But you're angry at what she had been through, at how she coped, on her decisions…at how she just gave up," she adds. "I don't blame you Kenji, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed in you."

I barked out a mocking laugh. It came out harsh and it made Juliette frown. "I did nothing, we did nothing, but help her. I don't hate her. I'm just…"

"Angry?"

"Yes. Angry."

Juliette nods in understanding, although it looks like what she understood had nothing to do with what we were talking about. It's becoming annoying, how she could easily read me, how she could easily read everybody, at the same time remaining as mysterious to us as ever.

"Come on. Let's get Adam and Warner. It's time we hear her story."

Without asking if I agree, Juliette turns and walks towards the office. Her and Warner's office actually, but it's for everyone of us whenever we plan our next moves towards exterminating all The Reestablishments in the world. We still don't know how many of them are left out there, but I know we're ready. We are always ready to battle, to go to war for peace and change. And if it wasn't for Juliette, I would still be living with Adam and James, starving. And Warner and the soldiers of The Reestablishment would still kill mercilessly.

I look at the new girl as she keeps on talking with Sara and Sonya, not knowing that we are watching her outside. We could see her, the whole medical room, but whoever was inside couldn't see what's happening outside, unless we reset the functions of the glass window.

The first thing I ever noticed about her was her hair. It's black, so black like mine and so impossibly long. And then there were her eyes, also black as mine, but round with long and thick eyelashes. She's not too white. She's not too brown. Her skin colour is like caramel, like honey and she stands out between Sara and Sonya who always stand out among everyone for their white, ivory complexion and white blonde hair. This girl, however, is something else. I haven't seen anything like her.

What race does she belong to? What's her story?

I take something out of my pocket. It's a sort of device, small and rectangular shaped. It's blue and has a huge circle in the middle and a small square screen at its top. This thing is just one of the new and strange things she has on her house. We scoured it yesterday and found, to our amazement, things we thought were already gone and things we couldn't possibly know what. Most of them are mechanical devices none of us are familiar with.

I put it back in my pocket and look at her again. I couldn't stop the curious frown forming between my brows.

Who could you possibly be, my lady?


	6. Chapter 6 - REBELS

**REBELS**

They're here. I don't know these people but I know they're the ones who saved me just to kill me, and based from their clothes, I can only assume that they are indeed soldiers from The Reestablishment.

I see her first, the girl whose voice I heard first. She looks so strong, so capable, that I suddenly feel jealous because she's looks like everything that I am not. The next person who entered the room was someone I haven't seen and someone I'm sure I thought I would never see. An angel. He's an angel, beautiful, bright, with a halo of blonde hair and bright green eyes. He stands next to the girl and looks down at me, frowning, as if I'm someone who is disappointing to look at. He stands there as if he wants to be anywhere but.

The next ones who entered were Kent and Kenji. Immediately, I feel a great deal of relief, something I shouldn't feel because I know I'm just good as dead to these people. But seeing Kenji, looking at him—I haven't felt safer just by knowing that he's there.

But he's staring at me like the blonde guy. As if I'm a disappointment. I look down and ignored the hurt I'm feeling for myself. Of course I deserve every look they're giving me. Of course I'm nothing but a coward. And I know they're going to kill me anyway, that's why they're here right now. And I've accepted long ago that I don't deserve to live anymore, not with what I can do. I've always been an abomination. I've always been a threat. I've always known I would die. So I'm not going to beg them for mercy or look at them and tell them that the way they're scrutinizing me hurts me more than I thought it would be because I. deserve. it.

I deserve it.

I deserve this.

I notice that none of them are speaking, and since I only have so little time, I volunteered. "I know why you're all here," I say.

"Do you, really?"

I lift my face and look at the blonde guy, hearing his voice for the first time. His hands are crossed against his chest and the girl is looking at him, and then he looks at her and says, "What? Don't tell me none of you was surprised of what she said."

Then all at once, the other three let out a sigh, and if I'm not wrong, it sounded exasperated. I'm confused. But I shouldn't let them think that I don't know what they're going to do. I should just cut to the chase.

"It's…I've accepted my fate a long time ago and I know that that's why you're here. I'm not going to stop you. I promise. I'm not—I'm not going to lose it again. I'm not going to try and beg you for mercy but I wish—" My voice breaks. I pause. "I just wish— no hope, that at least you would make it fast and painless?"

I look at each of them, they're eyes are wide and I don't know why, but I look at them and when my gaze went to Kenji, I say, "I would also want you to do it."

Then I watch as his eyes widen even more and that I've grown even more confused from the shock on his face. "You—" he starts saying but then he breaks off, looks at the other three, and then looks back at me. "You thought...you thought we're going to kill you?" He asks in great disbelief.

I frown. "Isn't that why you're here?" I dare ask because—oh God—because I want them to tell me no. I want them to—

"No, of course not! What were you thinking? Did you think that we're here to do to you what you failed to do to yourself?"

"Kenji," the girl scolds. "Stop it."

He looks at her and then blinks, and then looks back at me, and then looks away. I see his jaw hardens and his fists clench. I know that look. I absolutely know that he's mad. He's angry. And now I know why. He's angry at me.

The truth hurts. He saved me but he's angry at me. I knew it. I know it. But seeing the truth on his face doesn't make it any less painful.

I don't want him to be angry at me. But they're not here to kill me either. So what are they planning to do to me?

The girl steps up and pulls a chair close to me. She sits and then takes my hand. I saw her hesitate a little, and I don't blame her. After what they saw what I can do, I know how repulsive I can be. I know, because I repulse myself.

Her hands are surprisingly gentle though, and warm. I still adjust to the feel of a human contact. It's been so long from the last time I felt a hand hold me. It's another sort of new.

"What's your name?" she asks.

The last time someone asked me my name, they had intended to kill me. They failed but that's not their fault. It was mine. But after that, I have anxiety over giving away my name. Still, I feel something different right now. I just can't explain what.

In all truth, I feel nothing and everything all at once that I'm having a hard time what to feel first. I'm confused as hell and I want answers to the questions I don't dare ask. But what if…what if they are not what I think they are?

So instead of telling her right away, I stare at her eyes. They're so blue but…no, they're green. No. They're both. So beautiful. I don't believe that eyes like these are capable of deception, I think. I hope.

Alright, I'll hope.

"Anna," I say and she breaks out into a small, but genuine, smile.

"Anna," she repeats. "I'm Juliette."

"Juliette? Like Romeo and Juliet?"

She frowns a little at the same time as the blonde guy and Kent snickers while Kenji—

I stare in awe. He's laughing.

"Sort of," Juliette answers. "But the spelling is not the same."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Right. This by the way," she gestures to the blonde male, "is my boyfriend."

Kenji bursts out laughing again and he's looking at Kent who seems to look uncomfortable all of a sudden.

But the blonde guy completely ignored them and steps up next to Juliette then extends his hand to me. I take it hesitantly. "I'm Warner."

"Anna," I repeat, taking his hand.

He nods and unlike Juliette, he's all business-like. "Am I to assume that you're named after Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina?"

My eyes widen. "How do you know?"

He shrugs. "Wild guess."

Kent clears his throat and introduces himself next. "I'm Adam Kent. And this moron monkey beside me," he pulls Kenji next to him, "is Kenji Kishimoto."

I wait for Kenji to shake my hand but all he did was say hi and then look away again.

"I apologize for his behaviour," Juliette says, "all of it."

I turn my gaze away from Kenji, hiding my hurt and disappointment, and say, "It's quite alright."

"So now that we've all made the necessary introductions, can we please proceed to the matter at hand?" Warner asks, looking at Juliette and when she nods he directs his attention to me.

"First, Anna, if I'm correct to assume, you thought we were from The Reestablishment and that we're here to kill you. Have I assumed wrong?"

I shake my head no.

"Let me tell you my dear that you have assumed wrong."

I sit up straight, ready to ask him why when he cut me in and provided me with answers to my unspoken questions.

"We are the Rebels. We are at war with The Reestablishment. Juliette here, she's our leader. She initiated everything and now we have a total of fifty Sectors join us. We have yet to abolish The Reestablishment completely but at least we're giving the Sectors and its people a new way of living that they haven't experienced in years. So that goes to saying that we won't kill you. One, because you're an innocent and two, you're like us."

"L-like you? What do you mean?" I ask.

"Let's say that we also have abilities that are beyond any normal human being could possibly do."

I gasp aloud but I don't say anything. I don't say anything for a while and just look at them. Warner said they, so that means Kenji too? What can Kenji do?

I've talked to Sara and Sonya and they said they healed me. I didn't ask them how and as just so happy that they…were not repulsed. Now that Warner said that, I wonder how they did heal me so fast. I've never…I've never felt this healthy before.

"Now that we have cleared that up, it's now your turn to tell us everything about you," Warner continues.

I look at him and I know there's a lot of question lying behind that simple sentence. But how can I possibly tell them everything? Where do I even start?

And then just like that, I knew.

"Okay. I'll tell you everything. But first, take me back to my house."


	7. Chapter 7 - KENJI II

**KENJI**

"Alright," Warner says before I could speak out a protest.

But because I'm not used to holding my tongue, I say, "No." And they all look at me, including her, Anna, waiting to explain what I just said. "Seriously guys. I think you know what I mean."

Both Warner and Kent shake their head, only Juliette is looking at me as if she knows. Well, of course she does.

"Let's get you out of here," Adam says and pulls me outside the room.

"What was that—"

I stop talking when Adam raises his finger. "Let's wait for Juliette and Warner before you speak again, shall we? Can you do that?"

I'm used to Adam being mad and rude at me. I'm used to him talking down at me even though I'm older than him. But the way he's condescending me right now is really testing my patience, and I'm the most patient person I know.

We watch Juliette and Warner come out of the room and stop before us.

"What was that about?" Warner asks.

Juliette steps in and to Warner she says, "Warner, let me talk to Kenji. You and Adam get the girls to take care of Anna."

Warner nods and gives her a kiss on the forehead then with one last look at me, he says, "Let's go Kent."

Adam nods to Juliette and soon, she and I are left alone.

"Jeez. I don't think I'll get over that. Warner listens to no one but you, princess. Come to think of it, you never did tell me exactly how you tamed him."

"Kenji," she says and I look at her. Her hands were crossed against her chest and she's looking at me seriously. "You know we have to do this."

My jaw hardens. Trust her to be so blunt. "She only thinks she wants to go back but I know that she doesn't want to."

"Really? And how long have you been an expert on knowing what she does and doesn't want?"

I groan. "Come on princess. Surely you get my reason. Going back there, seeing that place, that prison, would be awful for her and I don't know, it might make her remember that day and trigger that urge to…to…do something like that again? She's still unstable. She's still recovering. Just look at her Juliette. She looks so lost and I don't want another casualty okay. I don't want another one of us to die."

"No one will die Kenji, and I will make sure that she won't. I promise you that. She'd have to go through me, through all of us, before she does something like that again."

I let out a mocking laugh but didn't speak for a while.

"You know you don't have to come with us."

At Juliette's words, the thing I have inside my pocket suddenly felt heavy. The hell if I don't come with them. I want to know her. I want to know why she is what she is and I want to know her life, why she had that many things and why she thought she had no other way out.

My eyes went to her. She's still alone in the room. Sara and Sonya still haven't arrived. "I'll go with you," I say but I don't look at Juliette.

I hear her sigh before she says, "Okay."

"Anna, huh?" I say. "Just like Anna Karenina."

"Yeah," Juliette says. "I find it kind of…suiting even though I have no idea what that is."


	8. Chapter 8 - KNOW ME

**KNOW ME**

"I can still remember the first time I saw this bunker. It was my tenth birthday and this was my father's birthday gift to me. My mother's gift was a room, a huge room taking half of the bunker, filled with an impossible amount of food and a cabinet of clothes; small ones and huge ones. My sisters' gift to me was the books since I was fond of reading since I was a toddler. At least it was what they said. And then there was my brother. His gift to me was every device he ever owned: cameras, laptops, cellphones, music devices, cassettes and a boombox.

"I remember walking in here with them, total confusion clouding my face but the ten year old me couldn't hide her delight upon seeing all the things she now owns. So I was so happy. I thanked them. But they were crying. They were crying and I thought then that they were too happy for me too. Little did I know that they were preparing me for something. Little did I know that they were saying goodbye.

"Then we all heard explosions. I screamed. I screamed so hard I probably scared off half of their lives. It wasn't the first time I heard a loud sound like that for I've always been hearing thunders like they were exploding inside of me, like I'm underneath it. I could feel it everywhere in my body but it didn't mean that I'm used to it. All the time I just want to crawl under the earth and block my ears.

"But the bomb explosions were a whole different thing because they were not alone. Every explosion was accompanied by a scream; a human scream. A person screaming. It was too much for me because I knew then that it was hurting someone and I know what it feels like to hurt someone and be the one who's hurt.

"So I grabbed onto my family and told them to just hide with me. But they said that they need to get out there and help people and that I have to stay inside the bunker, not make a sound and wait for them to come back.

"I didn't want to disappoint my family in any way. I've done things I'm ashamed of, things I didn't know I was capable of doing, but they still loved me and cared for me. I couldn't disobey them. So…I stayed inside, locked the metal door with my ten year old hands and waited.

"And waited.

"I waited and waited and waited and waited for what felt like forever but none of them ever came back. I wanted to get out. I wanted to leave and get out but the bombs, the explosions and the gunshots were still too much and I was scared I couldn't move.

"So I decided to wait until there were no sounds, until there wasn't a single explosion or a gunshot or people screaming. And when I finally went outside, it was dark, and I was right. Nothing was left. The street that I had grown up to had become a barren land. Everything was completely destroyed. I was the only one left alive.

"I kept crying for my mama, my papa, my sisters and brother. I kept yelling out their names. I kept calling and calling and crying but no one was responding. It was like I was left deaf. I could hear nothing except the fires that was consuming what houses were left.

"So I went back inside the bunker…and never left."

"Never?"

I turn to Juliette. She's standing in the middle of the room with a frown between her forehead. It's just a simple frown, but I know what it means. Simply because my whole life, I've seen that same kind of frown in my family everytime they look at me.

"I was ten years old, basically a child. I was restless. I was alone. I didn't know what to do. So of course, I wanted to get out. But I couldn't keep out the image of the damage from my head. So I keep hesitating."

"How did you know about The Reestablishment then?"

It's Adam who asked. I look at him as he sits on the concrete floor. I glance at Kenji for a moment, trying to see if he wants any participation in the conversation. But he's still standing beside what's left of the doorframe, his face impassive and not looking at any of us. He's been silent since we arrived here. I don't really blame him for hating me. But can't he just give me one small glance?

Or perhaps, no. I let out a defeated inward sigh and answer Adam's question.

"I've lived my whole life knowing what The Reestablishment is. My parents told me what they are, what they're doing, but I didn't see them minding how the world is turning up to. So I didn't care either. However, exactly a year after the bombings, on my eleventh birthday—"

"How do you even know these things?" Warner interrupts, standing beside Juliette. "I mean you do not go out and it's impossible to determine the day or the time in here."

"I have a calendar and a clock." I point to my table. My table that is filled with things, you name it, and they all look at it. "Perhaps my family knew all along that I'm going to survive alone. At least I know that now. I mean, who cries at the birthday of a ten year old child and give her gifts like these?"

They all fell quiet for a while. No one dare answer my question because, and strangely enough, they all know. I feel it. They all know how to be alone. I don't really know these people but I owe them this information they are so clearly deprived of all. I owe them this because they saved me when I refused to save myself anymore.

"But," Juliette says and I watch her hold my alarm clock. "Won't these, all of these, run out of battery? They should have, long ago. But they seem to be working properly right now."

This time, before I answer all their questions, I take in a deep breath.

"Hey, could you please just ask her one question at a time? She can't answer all at once, you know."

All of us turn to Kenji. He's not looking at any of us though, not even to me, but the wave of relief that washed over me was enough. It's good to know that he's listening.

"Sorry," Juliette says.

"It's quite alright. I can see that you're not familiar with these things. And I know why. It's all because of The Reestablishment."

"Yes, please do continue about how you found out about us," Warner says.

My eyes widens at him in shock. "You're one of them?" I ask in disbelief.

"He was," it was Kenji who answers, still not looking at us. "But that's a whole another story. You'll learn everything when you're done with your own."

And even though he couldn't see it, I give him an obedient nod. "Alright. It was the year of my eleventh birthday when I finally took that boombox to use." I walk up to my table and hold the huge rectangular object that once had been a favourite thing of my brother. "This boombox could catch airwaves and radio signals so I listened to the news using this. At my young age, my family was teaching me to use technologies and such and all the different ways where I could watch or listen to any kinds of news. Since I have no television set—"

"What's a television set?" Adam interrupts.

Kenji groans and glares at him.

"Sorry," he says.

"I keep telling you. It's alright." He looks skeptical so I give him a small smile and that's when his face lightens up a little. I suddenly feel warm.

Warner clears his throat. "So," he says, "you mean to say you've been able to catch the news and the announcements from The Reestablishment themselves by using this piece of analog device?"

I nod at him. "I learned everything through this. I grew up listening to their updates about how the planet is doing, and what they were doing, and what they'd do to people who don't abide them. Ironically, I've learned far more things about the world through them compared to what my family taught me."

I frown when I remember the day they announced that they want a new world, and all things that had belonged to the old world should be destroyed. I couldn't stop worrying about my things after that. I couldn't sleep. Ever. But then I had gotten over it because they would never find out about my house. I knew that. And I keep thanking my father how amazing he was to have thought of building something like this. And then after that I'd spend the next hours sobbing because he knew, all of them knew, and they still left me. They did everything they could just so I could survive.

I've asked myself why me? Why just me? Who are they to decide that they have to die so I could live?

"Anna?"

I look up and see Juliette's worried face in front of me. She's holding my hands. Her hands are calloused but I didn't mind. Her touch is a strange mix of strong and gentle.

"I'm sorry. I just…got lost in my own thoughts."

She nods. "It's alright. You're tired. We should go back to the base."

Adam stands up and reaches out his hand. "Come. I'll walk you back to the tank."

"Wait a second," Kenji says, stopping us, and finally looking at me. He opens his mouth to speak when his eyes glances towards my hand that was joined with Adam. I pull away immediately and then wondered about my reaction.

He and Adam exchange a look before he returns his gaze to me and then asks, "How old are you?"

"22," I say.

He then narrows his eyes. "So you mean to say you let yourself survive for—" he pauses to count through his fingers, "—12 years just to give up like—"

"Kenji," Juliette interrupts.

"—that even though you still have the resources you could ever need? Even though you're lucky no one from The Reestablishment found you? Even though you have all these things to help you survive? Even though you knew you could help other people? Just. like. that? Because to me, it's the most selfish thing a person could do, don't you think"

His condescending voice, the truth in his words and the mad disappointment on his face are all enough to inflict pain in me more than a shot of hundred volts of electricity ever could.

My eyes are starting to burn and I'm looking away. I don't look at him now because I don't want to memorize that face. I don't want to see how I repulse him. I knew it. I know it. But seeing how disgusted he really is of me is enough. It's enough.

But I'm not going to just let an insult pass like that. Never again.

"What? You're just going to cry there and not speak?" He adds.

"Kenji, that's enough," Adam says.

"No," I say, and then I look at him. "Let him speak his mind. He has the right."

Juliette began speaking. "Let's go back now. Don't mind him—"

But I stay on my spot. "No," I tell her. "I can't leave here until I answer all of your questions. I promised you that." And to Kenji, with his black sardonic eyes, I say, "Yes. Yes I chose to die than live. I chose to end my life because I have no one else left. I've spent twelve years of my life alone, trying to find answers to all of the questions I have, trying to survive each day because that's what my family would have wanted. But just like all people, I get tired too. I got tired of living like a ghost. So I chose to escape, to kill myself, and be done with it. I woke up one day and decided that I'm done. I completely shut down and just give up." I pause and watch for his reaction. "That's what you want to hear right? That you are correct to assume that I am a coward? So, yes. Yes, I am. Now that you have it, I hope you're satisfied."

I didn't wait for any one of them to speak before I walk myself out of the door. But I stop for a moment and turn around. "You can take everything back to the base and give them away. But the books and the objects will remain as my property. Those are mine. No one uses them unless I say so." And then I walk away. I hear Adam call out my name but I didn't turn back, not even when I hear him following me.

There's a first in everything, I know this now. But I never thought I'd turn my back around to the first person I ever wanted to be with since I lost my family. And I never thought I'd have the courage to walk away from him like that.

He has such an effect on me and I'm confused and I don't get it and I don't understand anything but I'm mad and I know I won't be talking to him again. Not after what he just did.

But I hate how he doesn't seem to feel it, this unbelievable gravity that's pulling me to him. I hate how he hates me. And I hate how it unbelievably hurts.


	9. Chapter 9 - KENJ III

**KENJI**

"Well done."

I scowl at Warner. "Don't start."

"What? I'm serious."

"Princess, if you don't shut Romeo the hell up, I'm going to kill him."

Juliette rolls her eyes at me but tells Warner to shut up. I know she's mad at me, all of them, for treating Anna like that, and I have no excuse because…because…I don't even know why but she gets on my nerves.

"No, really," Warner goes on. "You managed to test her temper successfully."

I turn to him. "What are you even saying?"

"You made her mad, but did the earth shake? Did it rain? Did she try and blow us up? No. She controlled it and I bet you that she wasn't even aware about it."

"You know, you're right," Juliette says.

"Of course I am. I'm rarely wrong. I was watching her for the whole…dramatic scene," he says then gives me a mocking look, "and I was preparing for the ground to shake, or hear a storm start somewhere, but I was disappointed."

"So you mean that because of what I did, I inadvertently test her ability to control her Energy?" I ask.

"Yes," Warner answers. "So again, well done."

"You're crazy," I say as I shake my head. But now that his words are sinking in, slowly I feel my worries subside. I made her mad but she unconsciously had managed to control her Energy even when she lost her temper towards me.

It was clear from her black eyes that she's ready to spit fire at me. I've seen her in all of the possible state of emotions a human is capable of but I've never seen her mad. But, what if she wasn't that mad? What if she was just annoyed?

I look around her house and see her things in a new perspective. I know now why she has so many things. Everything seems so still, so full of life, so full of…love. Everything is taken great care of that I could imagine her cleaning each of her things meticulously because she's that kind of person.

One thing that's clouding my mind though…

"How are these things still working?" I touch the thing she's called the boombox and I have no idea how to use it. I've seen stereos and radios in my life but I've never seen something like this. It's so huge and so clearly battery operated.

But besides that, I wonder how these mobile phones are still working without a charger. All of these objects she has are battery operated. It's impossible that they'd last this long without a single electricity.

And speaking of electricity—I look up at her lights. Where does she get the electric supply she needs to keep her things working? And if she has a hard time controlling her Energy, based from what we've seen her do back in the medical room, how is it that she didn't manage to break a single thing here? Or I just don't know anything yet and I'm judging her already from what she had told us?

"Come on, Kenji."

I watch as Juliette takes my hand and holds it. "We go back to the base first and then you can hate yourself all you want."

Warner laughs out loud. "Love, I would have protested on you holding his hand but your insult is just on point. I'm proud of you."

I scowl at him again. "I can't decide if you're a grown man or a child."

"If I'm a child, what do you call yourself then?"

"Strong, capable, and handsome young man."

"You forgot one word. Stupid."

"Princess?"

"Hmm?" she says, and I notice that she's trying not to laugh.

"Oh, never mind. Let's just all go back to the tank."

"Yes. I'm curious as to what Anna and Kent are doing."

"Warner!" Juliette scolds.

But Warner just chuckles and pulls her to him. "Why? Are you jealous?"

"I'm out!" I announce and then step out of the bunker. But before I did, I take one last look inside and thank the Gods that Anna didn't look for her chair or the rope because I wouldn't be able to give them back to her for I had burned them after breaking them into pieces.

She would never see them. She would never have a reason to use them that way. I will make sure of that.


	10. Chapter 10 - I'M SORRY

**I'M SORRY**

When was the last time I got mad over such trivial things? When was the last time I needed to apologize to someone?

I could tell a lot of instances about the second question. In fact, I always feel like I need to apologize just by existing. But the first one? I couldn't remember the last time I got mad and sad something I regretted later on. Because it never happened. Because I make sure that I don't get mad and make another spectacle of myself.

After I had the time to calm myself down inside the tank with Adam, it was only then that I realized what I just did.

I almost lost it again. I nearly put all of them in danger.

"But you controlled it, Anna," Adam had said. "Did you know that you can?"

I told him no. All my life I made sure that I don't get mad, because when I get mad, bad things happen.

"It was stupid of Kenji to have put you on a spot like that but now, at least we know that you are capable of control," he reassured me, and surprisingly, he was able to convince me that it was a good thing.

Perhaps it really was, but it didn't erase the fact that I put them in danger. Why am I so careless?

"Anna?"

I look at my door, my new door, in my new room. I still can't believe it that I'm inside a real room again, with a comfortable bed and a shower, and a closet filled with clothes. Clothes I didn't think I would ever get the chance to wear.

"Are you there? It's Juliette."

I swallow. I've been avoiding her since yesterday. In fact, I didn't get out for dinner last night. Adam was kind enough to bring me food. He tried to talk to me, but when I made it clear that I'm not in the mood for a conversation, he left.

"Come in," I say and braced myself against the headboard of the bed.

"Hey," Juliette says as she enters the room.

"Hey," I say back but I don't look at her.

I hear her footsteps as she walks next to my bed, and each step matches the nervous beat of my heart. "Would you mind if I sit next to you?"

Would I mind? I should, really. I should not let her sit next to me. If I could, I want to be as far away as possible from these people who had shown me kindness.

"It's okay if you don't want to," she says. "I'll just sit here."

This time, I allow myself to look at her and I'm surprised to see her wearing casual clothes. It made her seem a little less intimidating; less of the heroine that she is and more of the normal person that she is not.

She sits on the foot of my bed and doesn't say a word. Her eyes are fixed on the tray of food resting on the nearby table. "Are you mad at me, Anna?" She turns her eyes on me and I recoil because they looked hurt. I pull my knees closer and rest my head down.

I would have preferred she pointed out that I didn't eat last night, because the tray was clearly untouched. It would have been easier to lie and tell her that I wasn't hungry, even though she would have never believed me. But to ask me if I was mad at her? How can I be mad at her when she had done nothing but reach out to me?

I apologize for existing, is what I want to say. I'm sorry for causing you trouble and almost killing you. I'm sorry for just being here right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.

But all I say is a meek and low, "I'm sorry." I am a coward.

I hear her sigh, long and deep, and then I feel her shift on the bed. The next thing I know, she's sitting next to me. I immediately lift my head back up and stare at her. "What are you doing?"

But she doesn't answer my question. Instead, she rests her head on the headboard and looks up at the ceiling. "For the past 17 years of my life, there was only one thing I knew: my touch is lethal. It only takes a mere skin to skin contact and someone would writhe in agony and pain so excruciating it would kill them, but the same doesn't apply to me. In fact, it gives my body an unbelievable satisfaction. And energy I do not want. An energy I detest. I've killed an innocent child once, by accident, but I didn't need another example of how lethal my touch is. My parents were disgusted of me. They just tossed me into an asylum I do not know. They didn't even fight for me." She looks at me. "In that, you are lucky. You've had a family who loved you so much they were willing to sacrifice themselves just to protect you. You should be grateful for that. Not all of us are as lucky as you are."

I look away and say nothing because I am left shocked and surprised about her revelation. I had no idea that she cannot touch people. I've seen her do it. I've seen her touch me. Did it go away? How did she lose it?

I have so many questions swimming inside my head but I voiced out none for I am ashamed to speak because the last things she said hit home. Again, I had no idea. I didn't know.

"You've been alone for such a long time Anna, even longer than what I have gone through, so believe me when I say that I know how you feel," she continues. "I know how disgusted you must feel about yourself. I know that you think you shouldn't even exist anymore." I wince. The image of my suicidal attempt springs suddenly up in my mind. "I know how you feel that you shouldn't keep people close to you so you built a wall around yourself to keep them safe, because you're afraid to hurt them. I know that you feel like you should apologize to everyone for just being alive, for being a freak, for being an abomination.

"I know Anna. I know how you feel because I've felt them too. And…" she pauses, "I also know that you're just lying to yourself. The truth is you're tired of being alone, but you had no one. You found yourself facing the dead end, so you told yourself that it's better if you just…disappear completely. Otherwise, you wouldn't have given up."

I sniff and wipe the tears on my cheeks. Do I deserve to talk? Do I deserve to even speak a word?

"Let us help you, Anna." She takes my hands and stares at them. I stare at her. "You have such wonderful hands. Your touch is electric. I can feel you energy right now, radiating through my body." She looks at me and smiles. "Give yourself another chance Anna. Give us a chance to help you. You have so much to share to the world and we have so much to teach you in return. Are you not wondering how I can freely touch you? Because my power is never really gone. I just learned how to control it. Don't you want to learn how to control yours? If you only go down and see the people, you'd know what I'm talking about. You're not a freak. Sure they don't like you at first but that's only because they don't know you. But Anna, the books that you've read, the things that you've learned from your parents, the machines and devices you own…are they not worth sharing to people? Didn't you ever think that perhaps your parents did everything on purpose for you to one day tell your story to people about the old world?"

At the mention of the old world, I remember the first time I saw sunrise and sunset. It was on some movie my mother had showed me when I was little. And I remember the first feel of rain against my skin. My mother was surprised when she saw me dripping wet outside on our backyard but she was more shocked when she saw that the rain was just falling around me. When she yelled for my father's name, I got so scared I cried and the rain suddenly spread throughout the whole backyard.

But instead of being repulsed by what I can do, they instead loved me more and told me and kept on repeating to me that I shouldn't be ashamed of myself.

Looking back now it makes me realize how much love I have received and that I am indeed lucky. But like Juliette…my hands are also blood-soaked. But like Juliette, do I really deserve a second chance?

"I'm not mad at you," I tell her first because I don't want her thinking that I am because I'm not. Not even close. I don't think I'll ever get mad at her. I see her smile grow wider. "And I'm not mad at anyone—well, probably at Kenji, a little."

She chuckles. "He's a jerk. But then again I wonder why, because he's really not."

"He hates me, that's why."

Juliette shakes her head furiously. "No he's not. He's angry, yes but—" she breaks off and straightens up. She releases my hands and holds my shoulders. "You know what, you need to talk to him."

I frown. "Why?"

"Just trust me. I'll tell him he should talk to you and apologize for what he had done yesterday. He owes you that, at least."

"Juliette, if there's someone who should apologize, it's me. I almost put you on a serious situation back there. I almost…almost…"

"You almost killed us?" She finishes for me. "But you did not. You controlled it, Anna. So you see? You _can _do it. Just like I did and just like everyone else." She leaps out of my bed, suddenly excited. "Please do yourself a favour and enjoy your room. Take a bath, change your clothes and come down. I'll be waiting for you at the dinning centre."

I watch her walk towards the door and I thought she's going to leave, but she turns around and says, "From now on Anna, you'll never be alone. I promise you that." And then she's gone.

I wonder how I got into this moment of my life where I would meet a person who would give me so much faith and hope. Perhaps that's the reason why she's a hero. She doesn't give up. And I could do much worse than follow her lead.

With that thought, I get out of bed and inhale a deep breath. I decided to take her advice and take the chance. But as soon as I entered the luxurious bathroom and took my time taking a bath, I couldn't help but get nervous on one thing: my talk with Kenji.

I can see it now. It would be a complete disaster.


	11. Chapter 11 - KENJI IV

**KENJI**

I wasn't waiting for her, really. Like any other person here inside the dinning centre, I was just having a small and quiet breakfast with my friends. And like how I always am, I was having a jolly good time teasing Kent about Juliette and Warner. Kent and Juliette had been over for a long time but I know that he still feels something for her. It's clear in the way he looks at her. It's still there. He's just not acting on it anymore.

So I was there and all was well, until the room fell quiet and all heads turned to the entryway. That's when I saw her standing there, nervously pulling the hem of her violet dress. I was about to stand up and go to her but Kent beat me up to it, leaving me annoyed. I saw her gave Kent a shy smile and together they crossed the room towards our table. When she saw me though, she stiffened a bit. So I turned my attention on my coffee and bread instead, as if they were the most delicious food in the world.

And now…now she's sitting directly across from me next to Adam, and I can't help but feel a strange kind of relief that she has finally decided to join us.

Juliette told me just a while ago that I have to give an apology about my rash actions towards her yesterday. She said that Anna already has grief and remorse to last her a lifetime, and I did not need to add to her problems. The least I could do is to apologize.

I chance a look at her. She's talking to Kent, listening to whatever he's saying. I notice her food and I gritted my teeth. "Eat your food, girl. It's not free."

She turns to me for a second and then looks down on her bread. I notice that she's always like that with me. Everytime I meet her gaze, she immediately looks away. It's as if she's ashamed that I'm looking at her. It's like…she doesn't want me to look at her at all.

"Stop glaring at her," Adam says.

"Whatever," I say, looking away.

I hate the way her life turned out. She grew up alone. She was all alone for so many years and thought that she'd rather just die than live for another worthless year. Her family was stupid. Why did they decide to leave her alone? They could have spent their lives together hiding in the bunker with Anna.

It's hard to say that I am not mad at her because at some point, I am. And everytime I look at her, I remember that day when we found her and that image just won't get out of my head.

I take a sip of my coffee to hide the hardening of my jaws, or the frown that's growing in my face, and then I look at her again. It's only this time that I notice how her hair was swept on a one-sided braid, revealing the entirety of her face. She has such big round black eyes, thick brows, a small nose, small cheek bones and such full lips it's making it hard for me to look away. And then I look at Adam and I know that he too sees what I'm seeing.

"Don't glare at her Kent," I say for no other reason that being annoyed.

He turns away and blushes for a moment and then mutters, "I wasn't."

Oh, he was. He likes her. That much was clear, to everybody else that is. But to Anna…I doubt she even knows what it feels to like someone from the opposite sex.

She had been deprived of so many things because of the decision of her family. But even then, she always had a choice, right? She should have has the courage to step out of that hellhole and see the world, no matter how destructed it has become, and seek the help of people or offer them help. But then again, I understand her. She wasn't like any normal human being. She's like us and like us who have destructive powers, she must have thought that she's only going to be a danger to everyone and destroy everything. So she thought of destroying herself instead.

"Kenji."

It was a good thing I was just holding my bread. Had it been my cup, I would have dropped it on the table and it would have been a mess. My name on her voice startled me so much.

"What?" I didn't mean it to sound harsh, but it came out like that anyway. Still, I don't make a single apology.

Anna opens her mouth, and then closes it. She seems to hesitate. "Nevermind," she mutters and looks down, then bites her lower lip.

I immediately look away and my eyes unconsciously go to Adam. If not for the fact that my cheeks are heating too, I would have laughed at his reaction, which also means that I should also laugh at_ my_ reaction. Here we are, two grown men, sitting with a girl, having breakfast, and blushing.

We are soldiers. We never blush. Well at least I don't and since Adam has been in a real relationship before, he's already an exception. But then again this is not the first time we're sitting with a girl and certainly not the first time we see a girl biting her lower lip. Adam is excused because he likes Anna, so he can blush all he wants, but me?

Why am I reacting like this?

"Don't bite your lips, Anna," Still blushing—Adam says and Anna bit her lower lip more, unconsciously, and when she realizes what she just did, she mutters an apology and then blushes some more.

And guess what? I blush real hard too.

Dear God, is this what I think it is?

* * *

NO. Hell no!

It cannot be.

There is no way I'm attracted to her. No. This is just a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation of emotions. She's just a new girl who knows nothing about us, about the new world and is still living in the past. I'm just terribly curious about her, her story, her devices and the history that she carries about the old world, her power and nothing more.

This is just me going through late puberty where my male hormones are just reacting for the first time, albeit belatedly, because in no way I am attracted to her. She is not even my type. Although yes, yes she's beautiful and mysterious and all that, but I've always preferred strong and capable women who knows how to speak up and not this meek, quiet, shy and weak female sitting in front of me.

No.

I cannot accept that, can I?

"Hey Kenji," Adam calls.

"What?" I snap.

"Are you alright? You look pale all of a sudden."

"I—I'm fine." I stand up and look at Anna. She lifts her eyes to me. "Are you done?"

"She's not," Adam answers for her.

"Since when did you appoint yourself as her spoke person?" I tell him. "Come on. Castle said to bring you to him after breakfast."

"Castle?" she suddenly asks. "You have a castle here?"

"Do you know any Castles?"

"I do!" She says, smiling excitedly. And just like that, she got everybody's attention, especially me.

"What do you mean you do?" I ask what everyone wants to ask.

She looks away, thinking, and then returns her attention back to me. "Well, there is the Castle of Dracula. And then there's the Castles at Scotland, England and Ireland. I cannot actually name them all because unfortunately I think I forgot all their names."

I stare at her with a confused frown, my mouth probably hanging open, and again, everyone shares my reaction. "What are you talking about?"

She blinks at me. "Didn't you say you would bring me to Castle?"

"Yes."

"So this castle is an enormous building with towers and guards that used to house nobilities during the medieval era, is it not?"

"What? Castle, he's the former leader of Omega Point. He's a doctor. He wants to see you and talk to you about your powers."

Now it's her who's looking at me with a confused frown. "So you mean he's a person and not anywhere in what I just said?"

"Lady, I have no idea what you just talked about."

"Oh," she mutters. Her cheeks flushing.

"Hey, I know what you are talking about."

We all look at Belinda who is sitting two tables away from us, surprised that she is participating in the conversation.

"You do?" Anna asks.

"Yes. I have seen one myself," Belinda says, "so I do know what you're talking about. The question is, how did you come to know about them?"

Most of the time she does nothing but sit there with anyone, say a few his and hellos and little chitchats but nothing more than that. Belinda is too busy deciding on what colour her long hair is for the day before braiding it (because that's her power. She can change the colour of anything using her mind. It's really like magic.), or assisting the cooking department, or just walking everywhere and glaring at them. So it is very interesting that for the first time since I know her, even back when we were still at Omega Point, for the first time she's talking about her past.

"I…" Anna starts and then looks at me. I don't know why she did but I figured that she's asking for permission to talk to Belinda, so I nodded. She gives me a small smile, and it's ridiculous and stupid because it sent a warm fuzzy feeling inside my stomach.

"I've seen it in movies and documentaries, and read it from books. I know their structure, how they are made, what use they are, but sadly, I hadn't had the chance to see even one in person."

Belinda nods. "They've been gone for so long and the first one I saw was the last one ever, before The Reestablishment destroyed all of them when I was a wee child. And how old you say you are?"

"Twenty-two…ma'am."

Belinda cocks her head to the side, as if to say, _Figured. _

"You ma'am? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

She smiles faintly at her. "Old enough, child. Just…old enough." She then stands up, says, "Good talking to you sweetheart," and left the dinning centre.

"Well blimey," I softly exclaim. "You just made old Belinda smile."

Anna stands up and frowns worriedly. "Is it wrong? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't know—"

"Relax Anna," Adam says, standing up too. "You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did something good."

"What?"

But instead of answering her, Adam smiles and ruffles the top of her hair. Anna's reaction is standing stiffly in frozen surprise. "Come on, I'll take you to Castle."

"No," I interrupt and before he could protest, I take Anna's hand and pull her next to me. "_I _take her to Castle. Castle asked _me _Kent, not you." I look at Anna and her cheeks are so flushed and instantly feel sorry for her. She's not used to all these kinds of attention and actions. "Come on. Let's get you to Castle."

As Anna and I are walking towards the exit, I don't look back to see Adam's, or anyone's, reaction on what they just witnessed. I have no time for worrying about what other people might be thinking. But I have a feeling that Adam would soon talk to me about whatever it is that he thinks we need to talk about.

"W-where are we?" Anna asks.

"If you're worried that I'm going to do anything to you, don't be. This is just a shortcut to Castle's office; a way not all knows, only me."

"Why didn't we just use the usual way then?"

She doesn't sound like she believed what I just told her, so she asked that question. Smart girl. "To reach Castle's office using the way we all use would mean that you'd have to pass by the Training Room, although saying it is a room would be an understatement. It's basically a small gym and it's full in this time of the day, mainly because most soldiers prefer to exercise in the morning. Words had already spread throughout here about you and just like when you're at school, if you're the new kid, people would talk and wonder about you and stare at you whenever you pass by the hallway or basically anywhere. It's the same here. And I figured you don't want everyone's attention on you, so I decided we use this way instead."

It's probably the longest thing I have ever said to her. It's also probably the first time I didn't say anything rude or stupid to her. Which is nice, I guess. After this maybe she'll think that I'm not really a mean person.

"Oh," she says softly.

I glance at her. She's walking beside me, head facing front, but I see that her eyes are looking down. She's quiet, but she seems calm. As usual, I can't read her face, or decipher her words, but the coldness of her hand tells me enough of what I need to know.

"Anna?"

She turns to me. I can see from the corner of my eyes that she's surprised. Yeah well, me too. It's the first time I called her by her name. I didn't know I was going to call her by her name until it was too late.

"Yes, Kenji?" she asks.

It occurs to me now that she had been calling be my name. I turn to her and look into her eyes, and then after a moment, I look turn away without saying anything. It was only when we were nearing Castle's office that I pull myself together and take the chance.

So I stop walking. She too stops walking.

"Are we there?" she asks.

"Anna," I repeat, and then I turn to her. "Don't be nervous. I'm not going to leave you alone with Castle, I promise."

I realize that I probably scared her more by unconsciously telling her Castle is a bad person, and I was prepared to tell her that no, he's not. But then she breaks out into a smile, the same smile I saw her give to Sonya and Sara back in the medical room, which is now entirely directed to me.

I feel her squeeze my hand slightly and I feel reassured. It's weird because I thought I was the one who's trying to reassure her.

"Thank you," she then says. And then we proceed on our way to Castle. At some point, she let what would sound like an amused chuckle and said, "I'm home—schooled."

It made me laugh.


	12. Chapter 12 - I'M SEEN

**I'M SEEN**

I feel calmer now. My hands aren't cold anymore. The warmth from Kenji's hand to mine is enough. I am assured. I'm in safe hands.

I see a light at the end of the hallway. For the last minutes he and I are walking on this almost dark and empty place, where when we speak our voices echo throug the walls. It scared me at first, not knowing where Kenji is taking me or who this Castle is supposed to be, so I wasn't able to stop my hands from getting cold.

I've been like this since I can remember. My mother told me once that all human being get cold when they are nervous, especially their hands. It would shake and would start feeling clammy. It's our body's defence mechanism, preventing the nervousness to overwhelm us, mom had said, so I should not worry about it.

But things go wrong when I feel nervous. When my body drops its temperature and I start shaking, the world shakes with me too. At first, I didn't know why it was what it was, or why me. I still don't know now and I don't think I ever will, but I was hopeless back then. I thought I was alone.

Right now, I'm starting to feel not lonely anymore.

I still don't know what they can do but I feel that they are like me. They too thought they were freaks. And even though I clearly don't deserve it, Juliette is willing to have faith in me. She had shown me compassion when I couldn't even show that to myself. And now, as I look at our still intertwined hands, Kenji has offered to protect me. I don't know what I did to deserve anything I am currently receiving, but it would be a sin not to pay them back. I could do worse than not help them; educate them about the things they do not know, give them information they want about things that The Reestablishment had deprived them.

"That's Castle's office," Kenji says, his ever clear voice breaks me out of my reverie.

"Kenji, who is Castle and why does he want to see me?" I ask, not because I don't trust this Castle. I just want to be prepared about anything. I do not want to offend anyone and given the lack of my social skills, I may do something like that unconsciously.

Kenji gives me a sideways smile. One I could get used to, along with the sound of his laughter. His laugh is like music to my ears and I want to hear it everyday if I can. "He's a doctor. Like you, like most of us here, he also has a power and it's Telekinesis: the ability to move objects using one's mind. And he's also brilliant. He's been the leader of the Omega Point, a secret organization that houses, takes care and helps people like us which goal is to abolish The Reestablishment."

"Omega Point? Where is it now?"

His expression suddenly looks angry, and then sad. "It's gone now. The Reestablishment blew it up during the war. Out of the hundreds of people there, only nine of us have survived."

It wasn't what I was expecting to hear. I didn't know something as bad as that could happen, but then again there's really nothing twice as bad as The Reestablishment. They're the real monsters.

"I'm sorry," I tell him and grip his hand.

He looks down at it, and then at me, and then smiles softly. He doesn't say anything but it is okay. I can see them in his eyes.

I turn my face towards Castle's office which is now only a foot away. Kenji touches the doorknob and asks, "Are you ready"

I give him a nod and he opens the door. But before I enter, I crossed my fingers behind me. Old habits die hard, indeed.

* * *

Had Kenji not call my name and started snapping his fingers in my face, I wouldn't have torn my eyes away from what I just saw.

Pure, white, hot rage is searing inside me as I look at who can only be the Castle. "How _dare_ you," I bit out.

The heat of anger is starting to overwhelm my body as the image of what I just saw keeps playing inside my head and before I could stop myself, the effect is already happening. The floor and everything inside the huge office is starting to shake. One wrong move from Kenji or Castle and I'm going to let my anger destroy everything.

But instead of fear, what I am seeing instead of Castle's eyes are pure unadulterated amusement. "Now why does this feel like dejavu?"

"Castle, please don't." I hear Kenji say. I don't look at him. I don't tear my eyes away from this Castle. But suddenly, Kenji's in front of me.

"Step away Kenji," I warn.

"No," he says stubbornly. "Not until you look at me."

So I do. "You know this? You know all of this and yet you still allow it? What kind of person are you?"

He flinches. His face looked hurt, but it was only for a while because it turns into a serious expression. "Anna, it is not what you think it is. He is not torturing him."

"No? Putting someone inside that glass box and doing something painful to him as you let Castle watch and do nothing as the boy scream is not torture? I may know little about the new world Kenji but I still know what is right and what is wrong, and this is so _obviously_ wrong!"

"Why are you making this so difficult?"

"I am _what_?!" A glass shatters to the floor.

"Oh dear," Castle says. "Kenji, you have to calm her down please, before she breaks everything."

"I am calm!" I exclaim. "If I'm not, I would have broken everything here."

Castle suddenly narrows his eyes at me, looking curious all of a sudden. "How are you controlling it?"

"What?"

"Castle please!" Kenji exclaims. "Do not make this worse."

But Castle ignores him and takes steps closer to me. I watch as a notebook and a pen float on air and land gracefully on his open palms. Telekinesis, I remember Kenji said. He opens the notebook, uncaps the pen and starts writing something.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I am jutting down notes but since the earth is shaking, I'm finding it difficult to write," he says, but he's still writing. When he's done, he puts the pen down and closes the notebook then looks at me. "I just wrote your name down and along with it I wrote "amazing, powerful, has a great amount of energy." Those are my initial observations of you, and since I heard from Kenji, Juliette, Warner and Adam about the little incident you did inside the medical room, I am thoroughly curious now as to how you are doing what you are doing."

I frown at him. "What do you mean?"

"You cannot control your powers right?"

I don't say anything.

"I'll take that as a yes. So let me ask you again. How are you controlling your energies right now? Why don't I hear any thunders somewhere?"

My anger starts to subside as I focus on his questions. Yesterday was the first time I was able to control my anger. Today I was not able to control it but Castle's right; I don't feel a storm forming outside. I just shook the earth.

As I unclench my hands, my energies altogether left me and I feel suddenly weak that I sway a little.

"Anna," Kenji says, catching me. "Are you okay?"

"I am. I'm just—"

"Exhausted," Castle cuts in. He's standing outside the glass box and types something on what would look like the controller. After a while, the box disappears and the boy steps out, beads of sweat dripping all over his body.

He then looks at me. "You almost destroyed everything we've worked hard for, miss. Thank God you did not snap."

"Wha—" I start saying but the boy lets out a loud laugh.

"Hey Kenji. Why do you look so pale man?"

"Shut up Arthur," Kenji says.

He held up his hands. "Alright. I'm out here. I'm hungry. There better be food left for me or I'll burn everyone down." He starts walking towards a door across the room but before he leaves, he turns around and looks at me. "Nice meeting you, Anna. Remind me never to piss you off." And with a wink, he left.

"Now, did that look tortured to you?"

I look at Kenji, and for the first time, I want to kick him.

Castle lets out a chuckle. "What you just saw, Anna dear, before you went _Juliette _—"

"Juliette?"

"It's just some kind of a sick joke we call to anyone who goes into a fit of anger for no apparent reason," Kenji explains. And before I could ask him, he says, "And no, she's not okay with it."

"Anyway," Castle continues, "as I was saying, as what Kenji was saying to you, it is not what you think it is. I think it's quite obvious now, don't you think? After you saw how tortured our poor little Arthur looked like."

I scowl at him.

He laughs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to have finally met you. What Arthur was doing inside that glass box, or the Simulation Room as we call it, is what I would have proposed that you should do. It's a simulation box, designed for people like you who have such a great amount of energy which is difficult to control. You put that head gear inside your head and with computer generated codes, it sends signals to your brain and puts you in a difficult situation that would serve as an obstacle, a test you should pass. But you can only pass it by controlling your energies. What would you do if a toddler was put between you and your enemy? And once you unleash your energy, you know that the toddler would be the first casualty. If you were put in a highly stressful situation, what would you do?"

"But that's…that's cruel," I say. "Why would you put yourself in that kind of situation? And what if you are not able to control it and release it, what would happen with you, or anyone that's inside in this office?"

"That glass box isn't made up of simple glasses," Kenji says. I look at him. "Let's just say it can hold up anything for a while. Say for example, you. If you were put there and not able to control your energies and let out an earthquake like what you just did, the glasses would shatter. They would shake but they would hold it together, for a while, at the same time send an alarm to the computer, which then would automatically shut down the simulation."

"What happens when even after the simulation shuts down and I'm back to the real world but I still can't control my energy?"

"Well," it's Castle. "It's all up to you. Or if you still remain uncontrollable, we have Adam and to the job and disable you."

"Disable?"

"That's his specialty. He's a disabler. One touch and he can disable your power. He can shut you down, so to say, like a computer."

I turn my gaze away from Castle and back to the Simulating Room. "What did you mean when you say you would have proposed that I should do?"

"Exactly that. Based from the incident at the medical room, I assumed that you cannot control your energy. Last night, Adam informed me how you were able to control it yesterday, even when Kenji here obviously enraged you. But, I wasn't convinced that it had anything to do with your control. Perhaps, you just handled your emotions well, which is an integral part of controlling. However, after what I just witnessed a while ago, with you trying to hold on to your temper, trying not to snap, I'm even more confused."

I nod in understanding. "How did I do it? How did I suddenly had control and not break apart?"

"Exactly."

"I know I may have triggered some of your control yesterday," Kenji says. "But I doubt it has anything to do with me. Maybe you're forced yourself not to blow up because you know we're there or maybe not, because if that's the case then you should've done the same thing today. It's interesting as it is confusing."

If there's a person here that is more confused than ever it's me. I spent my childhood trying not to get too happy, angry, scared and mad so I could not lose it and prevent destruction. I spent years living in that bunker, blocking the world out, keeping myself unknown, trying not to make accidental contacts to anyone so I can keep everyone safe from me. And now this…all of a sudden I am able to control it? Without even trying to? Without knowing how?

"We'll figure this out together, Anna," Castle says. I turn to him. "I can see you now. You're not as invisible as you thought you were before. You and I are going to work this out together. You will have no reason to fear yourself or hate yourself anymore. I promise."

The last person who made a promise to me was Kenji, and true to his words he's still here. Even after what I did. And now Castle is making a promise too. Should I trust him?

I look at Kenji and when he nods, it's all the confirmation that I need.


	13. Chapter 13 - KENJI V

**KENJI**

Anna and I just left Castle's office a while ago and are now on our way to the rooftop. She asked me the way but I told her I'll accompany her there. She didn't agree but then I didn't give her the chance to speak because I started walking. Reluctantly, she followed.

I know exactly why she wants to be up there. Going back to the dinning centre wouldn't be a good thing to do, especially after what she just did. I know she wants to be alone but she can do that inside her room. She's going to have to get used to having me around because I'm not going to leave her alone when she's out here.

But right now, she's still not talking. She's probably berating herself again; blaming herself for being careless and putting all of us in danger.

I should probably talk to her and tell her it's not her fault, but even if I do that I doubt she'll believe me. Yes she's the one controlling it but she's not the one who caused it. It's us, or rather, the simulation. She thought Castle was torturing Arthur, and I don't blame her for thinking that. Arthur looked like he was being tortured.

When I saw the anger in Anna's eyes, I knew it was a wrong decision to bring her there without telling her first the necessary details. When the earth started shaking, I was tempted to run and get Adam immediately. But I didn't. I stayed on my spot. I promised not to leave her. She needed me.

But boy did it scare the shit out of me. I was scared for Arthur and Castle and everyone in the base. I was scared that a year's worth of work would be reduced to nothing. But what I was scared more was Anna's safety.

I've seen her lose control. I've seen how she looked like, how scared she was of herself, how she recoiled inside her and let her power consume her. And then I've seen how weak she had become once Adam disabled her. I wish I could have done something then but I was scared shit too. I tried to calm her down. I thought I was doing something when she let me pull her into my arms, but then she started pushing me away. And even though Juliette told me that Anna just didn't want me touching her I still don't understand why, after Adam had disabled her, she took my hand and thanked me. I was too stunned, too startled and too afraid to speak. I didn't know how to react.

And up to now, I still don't understand that. What did I do? Why was she afraid to touch me then but now she's not?

Or is she?

I stop on my track and take a chance.

I turn around. "Back in the medical room," I start, "when I embraced you and tried to calm you down, you allowed it. But then you touched my arms and started pulling away."

She looks away.

"Why Anna? Why didn't you want me to touch you then?" I take one step closer and reach for her hand. I have no idea if she would allow it still, but I feel relieved when she didn't' pull away. "Why are you allowing me to touch you now? I have so many questions but I don't know where to start."

She stares at our hands. She doesn't wrap them around mine, but one of fingers moves. "Let's go to the rooftop and we'll talk. I feel so suffocated right now I need the air outside to breathe."

I nod and lead her there. Our hands are still knotted together when we reach it and only then she pulls away. I watch her walk towards one of the edges and I had a panicking thought that she would jump. But then she smiles at me and says, "I'm fine now."

"Good," I say as I walk next to her. Below us is a garden of flowers and vegetables. We had decided to make one so the civilians would have something to do, with the help of us too. But it's still unfinished and it looks like someone had dumped small green leaves on it. "I apologize for the not so good view," I add.

She chuckles. "I've seen worse."

She doesn't realize the weight of her words, but I do. Since The Reestablishment took over, things really had been worse.

"My hands…" she starts, looking at them. "My hands are blood-soaked. I've killed people before."

Her revelation doesn't shock me. I figure long ago that there are only two kinds of people in this world now: those who had taken a life and those who had not.

"I've killed them even before I knew what killing meant. I was just a baby."

Now _that_ shocked me. "What?"

"I'm not supposed to know it, but I pestered and pestered my brother to tell me anything when I was just a baby until he gave up. I was a persistent child you know, and maybe he figured that I'd cry or get angry if he refused, which would then lead me to, you know, make the earth shake or produce a storm."

Her eyes are far away, staring out into the horizon. I can't stop staring at her.

"Dom told me that when I was a baby, whenever I threw a tantrum, things would happen. Things like thunderstorm, where lightning would come down to earth. Or there would be a slight shake. Of course I asked him these after that incident happened, when I first discovered that I could make it rain.

"At first they had no idea that I was the one causing it, but they figured it out eventually and then after that they spent all their time trying not to make me cry. They were worried about what it would do to me, and the extent of what I could do.

"You see, there's a reason our neighbourhood is called Light Strikes. We seemed to have become the favourite target of lightning killings and it was such a coincidence that it only started after I was born. But of course, it really wasn't a coincidence.

"And then Dom showed me newspaper cut-outs. Without our parents' knowledge, he had been cutting out every news article about some person who's killed by a lightning strike. After I throw a tantrum, he would wait for the newspaper first thing in the morning to see if anyone was hit and if there was or were, he would hide it from mom and dad. There were a total of ten of them. I killed ten people when I was still a toddler."

Anna stops talking and the only sound I could hear is the wind blowing against us. "I'm sorry," I mutter because I have no idea what to tell her.

"After that, when I was aware of what I can do, I made sure not to kill anyone anymore. But when I was nine, I killed another. And it's a baby."

Her voice cracks, a tear fall from her eye, and I feel my chest tighten. I want to tell her that she doesn't need to tell me anything. I want to tell her to stop talking and reassure her that it's not her fault. But the words are trapped inside my throat. I find myself unable to speak.

But when I am sure she's not going to speak again, she does. All I could do at the moment is to listen.

"I remember that day like it was just yesterday. I was so upset because I couldn't get out. I couldn't leave the house. I want to buy books and dad wouldn't let me, saying that The Reestablishment had already forbid everyone to sell or read books. But I would take none of it and I cried. They all started panicking then and it upset me more. Before I knew it I was already causing trouble. The wind was blowing hard. The clouds were starting to gather and are releasing thunders and lightning. The earth was shaking. Everything was happening all at once and my family was begging me to stop it, but I didn't know how. They kept begging and I kept telling them I don't know how. And then suddenly my aunt was there, carrying her baby, my cousin. I looked at her, Hayley, and noticed that she was staring at me with her blue innocent eyes. I didn't know how it happened but I started feeling calm. I focused all my attention to her, a warm feeling started growing inside of me. And then…I wasn't upset anymore. My aunt sat next to me, everyone was hovering over me worriedly, but my attention was only on her. That's when I made the mistake of touching her. I touched her cute little hands and she started trembling, convulsing and crying. She was immediately taken to the hospital, but before they arrived there, she was already dead.

"I don't know what happened, but that's the whole reason why I chose not to get out of that bunker. I'm not only afraid of what the world has become, but I also didn't want to see anyone and start making emotional connections. I do not want to care for another soul anymore because I'm an emotionally unstable person. I do not want any kind of attachment. That's why I confined myself there for years because I swore to myself that I'd never give myself another reason to hurt anyone. Never again."

I stand here, listening to her, watching each tear fall from her eyes and all I want is to pull her to me and keep her there. Embrace her, surround her with my arms and tell her that I understand now. I completely do.

That's when I feel her hand against mine. But she's not holding it. She's just giving it feather light touches.

But I'm not her. I'm not afraid of her. So I take her hand. Slowly, she looks at me. I touch her face, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being rude to you. I'm sorry for every pain that I caused you. I'm sorry. Even though I didn't know you, that doesn't give me the permission to be rude. And Anna?" I stare at her eyes. They're black like mine but they're glimmering through her tears. "I don't hate you. I'm sorry if you thought I do. And stop trying to make me hate you because it will never happen. Whatever your past is, that's not you anymore. The moment we found you, that was God giving you a second chance. This, now, here, you and me—this is your new life. And whether you like it or not, I'm going to be a part of it."

She opens her mouth and a soft gasp comes out. A harsh wind suddenly blows around us, releasing the thin band that was tying her hair together. Her long black hair flows with it, creating soft waves across the wind. She tucks a strand on her left hair and bites her lip. I'm momentarily amazed. But then her hand starts feeling cold and that's when I realize.

"Are you nervous?" I ask.

"Yes," she mutters.

"Why?"

She hesitates. She wets her lips. I almost faint. "I don't know," she says. "This?"

"Are you…creating this wind?"

She shrugs. "Maybe? I don't know."

She is. I'm sure of it.

I look at our hands. "They're cold. Are you scared of me?" I ask worriedly. If she is then I'm going to have to step back, although it won't be easy.

"No," she shakes her head. "I've never been scared of you Kenji."

Thank God. "Then why are you so cold?"

She looks away for a moment. I've seen her do it a couple of times that I now know why: She's thinking. And so I wait for her to come back to me. "I'm not sure," she finally say. "What I know is that you're the one causing me this now. You're making me nervous, but not because I'm scared of you. I don't know why but you really are making me nervous Kenji."

She had no idea but I do, and oh I don't know what to do with the warmth that is suddenly surrounding my heart.

"What are you smiling about?"

I'm smiling? I probably am. "Nothing," I say and before she could say anything more, I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her body.

She starts wiggling out, but I'm stronger than her. "Kenjii—"

"Sshh. Just stay here for a while"

"But—"

"No buts. Just don't think. Let it go." She stops squirming and eventually relaxes. I smile. "That's it."

"You're so full of yourself," she mutters and I chuckle. "But this is nice." She then wraps her arms around me.

And there we are, embracing on top of the building that was used to belong to The Reestablishment. And even if the war with them is still not over yet, and I know that eminent danger is just out there waiting, right now, here with Anna, for the first time, I feel really contented and happy that I wish we could stay like this forever.

Dear God, it _is_ what I think it is. What a morning this has been.


	14. Chapter 14 - PEACEFUL

**PEACEFUL**

The person I see in the clear, oval mirror is brushing her hair with the most beautiful comb I have ever seen. She looks so clean and fresh, but the most surprising thing about her is that she's smiling. This girl hasn't smiled in a long time and now she cannot seem to stop.

I stop brushing my hair and put down the comb. I stare at myself in the mirror in amazement and wonder. Have I ever looked this good, this clean? Have I ever smiled like this? Have I ever felt this contented and satisfied and just plain peaceful in my entire life? No. Because I'm not supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to survive. I wasn't expecting any of this.

I'm not supposed to enjoy being alive. I was a walking disaster. I still am—a bomb that's waiting to explode. But so are the people here. After I realized that, and that I'm not alone, that there are other people like me in this world, being here is starting to make me feel safe. Safer than I was inside my bunker, in fact. Never in my whole life did I imagine how it would feel like to be saved. I had long gone retired to the fact that I'm going to die there, alone. But the Rebels found me when I couldn't even find myself. They saved me. As far as I know, they are the ones who gave me my second life. And I'm determined to pay them back by staying alive and teach them the things The Reestablishment has deprived them of.

A knock on the door alerted my attention. "Who is it?"

"It's me."

That's all he said. He didn't even say his name. But I perfectly know who he is and just like that, my heart starts beating erratically. My hands all of a sudden feel cold. I'm nervous.

I look at myself in the mirror to check if I look alright. He knocks again and I say, "Wait a second!" before standing up and smoothing my sleeping dress.

I walk to the door and grab the handle when he says yet again, "Anna, it's Kenji."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of course I know it's him. I'd know his voice anywhere.

I open the door. "What are you so in a hurry?" I start to ask. I was about to tell him I'm trying to sleep when I notice that he's dressed differently. He's not wearing his usual soldier uniform. What he has on instead is a navy blue long sleeve shirt and faded jeans.

His hair is wet and it's sticking up, obviously still wasn't combed. He smells of soap. I cannot identify its scent. All I know is that I like it.

"So, are we just going to stand here all night?" he asks.

I blink. "I'm sorry. Come in." I step aside as he walks in. After closing the door I take a deep breath before turning to him. "So, what do you want?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he just looks at me. His gaze is heavy, and his eyes are travelling all over me. I am suddenly conscious.

I shift on one of my foot and nervously rub my arm, looking anywhere but his eyes. After what felt like an eternity, I hear him sigh.

"Goddamn it," he mutters.

My eyes return to his. He looks like he's in pain. "Kenji? Wh—"

"Castle says that your training will start tomorrow, if that's okay with you," he interrupts. But he's not looking at me. "He's anxious and excited to work with you and to learn from you. That's what he said."

I nod. "Of course. I'm glad to be of help. It's the least that I could do after everything I did. After you saved me—"

"Don't," he interrupts again, his eyes lifting up to me. "Please don't remind me of that."

I was supposed to tell him about my suicide attempt but from his angry tone, I decided to oblige and close my mouth. And say nothing more.

I was wrong. He still hasn't forgiven me yet.

He takes something out of his pocket, and my eyes widen in surprise when I saw what it was. And then I frown.

"I'm sorry if I took this without your permission," he says.

I look at him in question. Why did he take one of my iPods? It's the blue one. My most favourite. Why didn't I know that it's missing? That's when I realized I haven't taken the time to check my things after arriving here. Where are they anyway?

"I was curious. But I think it's time I return this."

He hands it to me. I reach out and touched it. Our hands touched too, and the hairs at the back of my neck start rising. But I hide my reaction. He doesn't need to know how much he affects me.

I withdraw my hand, but without the iPod. "Keep it. It's yours."

Kenji frowns. "But I don't even know how this works."

I smile a little at his honesty. "Come. I'll teach you." I walk towards my bed and sit. He follows. He's mere inches away from me and I can feel his warmth. We're not even touching and yet it feels like it.

Mentally shaking my head, I focus on the task at hand. "Do you have the earphones with you?"

"What earphones?"

"The long white thing that looked like wire, with small circles at the end," I explain.

"Oh." He takes something out from the same pocket and showed me. "You mean this?"

I smile. "Yes." I take it from him, along with the iPod. Pressing the power button, I'm not surprised when it turned on.

"What is this device? How does it work?" he asks. I glance at him but didn't give him any answers yet.

When it's fully on, I plug the earphone in then handed Kenji the other end of the earphone. He looks at me in question.

"What am I going to do with this?"

"Watch me." I put the other one on my left ear. "Like that."

Kenji looks dubiously at it before doing what I did. "This is like one of our communication devices that we put in our ear so we can speak even through distance."

I nod. "Yes. The military used it too."

"Military?"

"The soldier of the old world, Kenji."

"Ah," he says.

I look at him. "You know, you're like them. They save the world too."

He stares at me, and then looks away. "I don't save the world, Anna. I just try to save as many people as I can, but not the world."

I shrug. "To me it's the same thing."

He lets out a low chuckle. "So what now? I don't hear anyone talking at the end of this line."

I shake my head. "So impatient," I mutter as I look at the screen, looking for something. "This is a music device. This little blue thing has a little over two hundred songs, depending on the capacity of its memory."

"Cool."

I bite my lip as I found the perfect song, and then I press play. Soon, the music was filling our ears.

His body straightens up abruptly, hearing the song for the first time. And then he stares at me, his eyes are wide. His mouth is half-open. "This is amazing," he says.

I meet his gaze. I don't look away. "Isn't it?" But since the song is so lovely and mellow, I cannot stop my eyes from closing as I float along with it. And then, before I knew it, I'm singing along.

"_You're the fear. I don't care. Coz I've never been so high. Follow me to the dark, let me take you pass the satellites. You can see the world you brought to life_."

"Anna," I hear him mutter, and I stop singing. I open my eyes slowly to find his face only a breath away from mine.

"Kenji," I say back. My voice quivers.

We do nothing for a few seconds but stare at each other's eyes. And then his hand touches my face. The contact was so foreign. His palm feels so soft and warm, his fingers brush my skin gently and I don't turn away. Instead, I fall deeper. It's like I've been waiting my whole life for him to touch me. I never wanted to be touched by anyone before. Now, I want him to touch me everywhere.

"I'm going to kiss you," Kenji whispers. I've read about kissing. I've read about it more than I care to admit, and I know that kissing someone means you're attracted to them. Does this mean Kenji is attracted to me? Does this mean he wants me?

"If you don't want me to kiss you, it's fine. It's going to be painful for me, but I'll leave if you want me to."

"No!" I blurt out before I even know I was supposed to say that. He inhales sharply. His hand goes still. "No," I repeat, this time my voice was softer. I swallow, and then I close my eyes as I say, "Please….stay."

And then his lips touch mine. The surprise was too much that I gasped in his mouth. He kisses me gently, slowly, as if I was breakable. Both his hands now are touching my face and I feel his every breath against my lips. His kisses are sweet, and they're torture, because it makes me want more. It makes me want so much more.

I wound my arms around his neck and unconsciously touch the back of his head. He groans and pulls away. "My God, Anna."

I look at him in panic. "What? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry."

I was about to pull away when his hands fall to my waist, grips it tight, and then crushes his lips again to mine. But where his kisses were slow a while ago, now they're more demanding. Stronger…

Deeper…

Louder…

"I've never wanted to kiss anyone before," he says between our kisses. "I've never felt attached to anyone ever before until now. And I don't want to pull away."

Kenji kisses me passionately. It's like he couldn't get enough. His hands are now wounded around my waist, lifting me up, leading me to where he wants me to be. I follow his lead without breaking our kiss and I ended up sitting on his lap. I kiss him back with everything I could. I kiss him like I've been kissed before. I've never been kissed before. And now I know why. My body was waiting for this. For him.

I'll follow this man anywhere.

Perhaps we've been kissing too much—we were—because when we both pull away, our breaths are sharp. Our eyes are heavy and dark, but they're glimmering. They're hungry for more. And I'm not about to stop now.

I was about to kiss him again when he began talking. "Anna," he says. But it came out more like a sigh; a whisper. "I feel like I can't breathe when I'm not with you. I want to be with you all the time," he adds. "Do you understand that? Do you know the effect you have on me? Do you know what I mean?"

Honestly, I do, because that's how I feel. And a lot more. A whole lot more.

So I nod.

Kenji shakes his head, but he's smiling. "No, you don't. You can't possibly know."

I frown. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, that if you don't get up from where you are sitting at the moment, I may not be able to stop myself from doing what I want to do."

He stares at me for a long moment. I stare back, digesting his words. And after a few moments, I realized what he meant.

But I don't move. I don't do anything. I'm stubborn.

"Anna," he mutters.

"You're my centre," I begin saying out of nowhere. "You're my core." His mouth opens up in surprise. "And I know it's still too early to say but…but I think…"

"You think?"

I touch his face. My thumb grazes over the small scar on his right cheekbone. "I think I found what I've been looking for my whole life."

Kenji shuts his eyes hard, and then buries his face on my shoulder. And we stayed still like that for a while.

As far as I know, we're one now. There's never going to be Anna without Kenji. There's never going to be Kenji without Anna. There is only going to be an 'us'. Together, we'll be alive.

"You keep saying I saved you," he finally says, his breath hot against my neck. "But it's you who's saving me right now."

I don't say anything. I don't ask what he meant. I just wrap my arms around this boy and hold him. I hold him like he's my world, because he is. I don't know how or when or why; all I know is that he's here with me. He's not repulsed at me. And I feel like I'd die without him. It's ridiculous.

But I don't question the turn of the moment either. I'm sure he did not come here for this. But I've learned long ago that if there's one thing a person can't control, it's his feelings. He may avoid it. He may mask it. He may ignore it, but not for a long time. Because once it's there, it will never go away. It may change, but it's going to stay with you as long as you allow it. And I feel that Kenji feels something for me, otherwise his heart wouldn't beat this fast. As fast as mine, even, because I feel something strong for him too.

We then lied down on my bed and for the whole night, we listened to the songs on my iPod while still wrapped in each other's arms, until we drifted off to sleep.

And then I realized, the next day I woke up, that I've never had a more peaceful, dreamless sleep in my whole life. And I'm going to hold on to this peacefulness surrounding my heart for as long as I can.

As long as Kenji wants me.


	15. Chapter 15 - KENJI VI

KENJI

The gym feels cold. It's empty. And every move I make echoes back to me. But I make another series of punches to the sandbag anyway, as my ears fill up with the noises it makes.

Still, no matter how much I try, the sweet sounds Anna made last night drown down the echo of noise my punches makes. How she called for her mother in a pained voice and clutched my shirt tight broke my heart. She sounded so afraid and vulnerable. And when I whispered to her ears that she's safe and that I'm there with her, she said my name in a sexy sleepy voice and let out a soft smile. They are all I could hear. She's all that I could see. And all I want to do right now is to stop whatever I'm doing and crawl back in her bed then hold her.

But the kiss…that's the real reason why I'm here right now. It unmanned me. The moment our lips touched, something inside me broke, but it was a glorious kind of breaking because something wonderful and new started building up and soon enough I could feel it in my stomach, climbing up to my chest and it stayed there; brand new. It made me want to cry. It was that overwhelming. Which made it hard for me to focus on anything else last night other than that kiss. Other than her.

Really, I'm as good as dead because I'm not me anymore. I'm hers. I'm so fucking hers and I don't want myself back. She can have me all.

"Woah. Are you trying to eye fuck that sandbag?"

Kent walks in with a towel hanging on his left shoulder, staring at me disgustingly. Well he's the disgusting one for even thinking about that.

"Screw you. I'm just catching my breath," I say.

He nods but still looks at me funny. I hold the sandbag and lean my head against it, forcing my attention to him and not just on thoughts of Anna. He doesn't need to know that she is all I could think about.

"Were you with Anna last night?"

Ah damn. He already does. "Yes," I reply without bothering to deny it. "But it's not what you think."

He smirks and for the first time I feel the urge to want to punch something wholeheartedly. It would get my mind off of her.

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he says.

I glare at him.

He chuckles. "Fine. I'm not going to pry. Considering the small scene you pulled off yesterday, I think pretty much everyone already got the idea. But…" he pauses and looks at me seriously, "not me."

I straighten up and stare at him. "What do you mean?"

"I like her too, Kenji." Adam said without a hint of hesitation. It's clear and forceful, like he was saying, "I like her and I don't give a fuck about how you feel about her." Which is pretty damn impressive if he's not contemplating on stealing Anna from me.

But I'm not entirely surprised either. I know Adam and I see the way he looks at her. But still, how dare he?

"Yeah? You like her too?" I say as my lips curl up in a small smirk. "I don't blame you Kent. But she's already mine. She said so last night."

Adam shrugs. "I don't care. It doesn't change anything."

Now I'm thoroughly pissed off. I close the gap between us in angry strides and stop just a few inches in front of him. "Listen here. You're my friend. We've been through so many things and shit and I admire your balls to say just what you said in my face. Of that I can't fault you. But you're not going to put yourself in another love fucking triangle, and I sure as hell am not going to let you put yourself between me and Anna. She's mine and you're going to either accept that for our friendship's sake, if not for your health, or go look somewhere else. Because Kent, I won't hesitate to choose Anna over our friendship and I don't think I will apologize for it."

There is definitely tension in the air, and from the way Adam's face went grim, I know I've made my point clear and exact. And I know that he knows I am dead serious.

We continue staring, no one backing out, until a few seconds later his shoulders that were too hard and stiff sags subtly, as his face softens a little.

"What is it about helpless women that bring out the knights in men?" he said.

I took an angry a step. "Is that what you think of her? Is that what you thought of Juliette? Some weak girl—"

"Woah," Adam holds his palms up. "I'm not here to fight Kenji. I didn't mean to offend, and I certainly don't think that way about Juliette. Ever."

I narrow my eyes and stare at him. There's something wrong about Adam. But I cannot point out what that is. "Why are you here Kent?"

He drops his hands and levels my stare. "Castle ordered me bring Juliette at his office first thing in the morning. Well this morning, which is a mere hour away. But glad that I woke up early and went here then found you. I think I need to ask for your permission first if it's okay for me to escort her there myself."

"Where did you get the idea that you need to ask me first?" I tell him but before he was able to speak a word, I interrupt. "But I'm glad you did."

"So…it's okay if I escort—"

"I'll go with here," I cut in.

Adam nods. "Fine."

"Fine? Aren't you supposed to argue? I thought you said you like her?" It was confusing, the way he acted so confident a while ago about liking Anna and now he's suddenly okay?

And then he chuckles. And I watch as his chuckles grow into a full laugh.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask.

"Oh God. You really thought I was serious?"

Wait… "What?"

"I'm just kidding," he says, but still I'm unconvinced.

And even after we left the gym, I couldn't shake off the feeling that there was some kind of truth behind his joke. After all, I have seen the way he looks at Anna, and if there isn't any meaning to it, I wouldn't feel this skeptic.

But I wouldn't do something, unless he would. As far as I'm concerned, from what happened last night, Anna is mine now. For the short amount of time that we've known each other, she had trusted me. Last night, that was when she put down her walls and let me into her heart. She allowed me to touch her, to kiss her, and she had trusted herself to touch me too. We both surrendered to each other because…I don't know. Maybe we realized that resisting would be pointless. We have this indescribable connection. But no matter how confusing this may seem one thing is true: we belong to each other. And frankly, that's all I care about now.


	16. Chapter 16 - INTRODUCTION

_Hey guys! I would just like to say sorry for the late updates. Before, my only reason was just work. Now though, I will add one. I seemed to have acquired a boyfriend? Who works at Japan? So I'm in a long distance relationship and he likes to talk all the time, even in between our work breaks? And also every night? So I'm sorry, I apologize, if my updates are going to be late. And also thank you for still reading this story. I promise that I'll update as soon as I can. I can scold my boyfriend and demand to give me the day off to write. xD Anyway, here's another chapter. Hope you'll like it. Again, thank you for sticking with this story. KeNa is so emotional and fun and surprising to write. _

_I love you all! xoxo_

**INTRODUCTION**

They're all staring at me. Every person lined up inside this wide hall is looking up at the balcony outside of Castle's office. But even though it is him who's speaking and that every ear is listening to him, it is very obvious though that their eyes are all on me.

I've never wanted to be invisible in all my life as much as I do now.

"Don't worry. You can do this."

I look over my shoulder and almost screeched when I found Kenji's face inches to mine. I haven't seen him for hours since he disappeared from my room last night, and now he's here, appearing again as if nothing has happened.

Maybe he was surprised about our actions last night and needed the time to think about it. Guys are like that, aren't they? At least that's what the books have been telling me. I've read countless of male characters that are, in the short time that I've known Kenji, similar to his personality. But still the feeling of dread and worry the moment I opened my eyes with him gone—I don't want to feel that way anymore.

Except that I'm starting to feel them again right now that I can't help but ask, "Where have you been?"

We stare at each other for a split second before he leans back and clears his throat. "I just woke up. Napped for a while after doing some punches. I'm sorry."

I nod because I believe him, and because I couldn't say what is on my mind. But in the way he's not meting my gaze, I can't help but feel that there's something off with him. Suddenly, the feeling of anxiousness and worry just got worse.

Adam appeared on my doorstep this morning, and was surprised to find me still on my sleeping clothes. That's when he told me about seeing Kenji at the gym to tell him that Castle wants me for the usual Monday morning gathering in the hall, to of course, announce my permanent residence, and also to introduce myself to everyone. Adam also told me that Kenji said he was supposed to tell me those things and then offered to escort me there.

But when I told Adam that I haven't seen Kenji for hours, his expression grew angry. In the end, it was him to who escorted me here, to Castle's office, where I was only given a few minutes to prepare for my supposed speech.

I asked Castle if this was really necessary because I don't think it is. I don't want people to know me. I don't particularly care if they like me or not. I would still share them all the things I know about the old world, about their heritage, about the normal people—about the world, basically, long before the Reestablishment existed. But he told me that it's the only time I am given the chance to speak about myself in front of everyone; to formally introduce myself as a new member of the Rebels.

But I'm never good with talking. Talking always makes me nervous. And people too, crowded places. Being the centre of attention. I hate being the centre of attention.

I don't know if I can pull this off. I am not confident that I won't stutter. Oh God, what if I stutter?

And now Kenji is telling me not to worry? When he should have been the one who was supposed to tell me, and I would have been able to prepare enough for this?

Suddenly, I heard Castle announce my name, and knowing that it's my turn to speak, my heart starts beating fast like it would burst right out of my chest, and my hands are shaking, and I can't seem to stop feeling like I'm about to pass out—I know that I absolutely cannot do this.

They are all looking at me now, intently. I couldn't read their faces. I couldn't hear their thoughts. I wish I could so that I can tell them what they want to hear. Because I know their ears are all on me now, and what if I say the wrong thing? And what's worse? What if I couldn't actually get a word out?

Oh God. Oh God this is the worst. They're all waiting for me. I'm staring at them. I can't open my mouth. I cannot do this.

My thoughts suddenly stop when I feel something warm on my hand. I look down to see Kenji's slowly wrapping mine under his. I look up and his eyes are already on mine. So black. So dark. But it is shining with such resolve. Unwavering—he's telling me the opposite of my thoughts.

"I'm here," he says. "We'll get through this."

The word 'we' is resonating in my ears. My ears like that word. My hand loves his warmth. And my heart…my heart is finally calming down.

I look over to Adam to ask if he was doing this to me, but when he gives me a small smile while shaking his head, it's taking everything in me not to kiss Kenji right now, right this moment—in front for everybody.

But then I am weak and I seem to be developing a habit of doing things before thinking about them. And so I kiss him, but only on the cheek. Still, it was enough to stir everybody.

He looks at me in dumb surprise. "What was that for?"

"I forgive you," is what I said. For ditching me, is what I didn't say, because he'll get it. And when he gives me a smile, I knew that he did.

So before this warm feeling wears off, I face the crowd. It's weird because I feel like I can do anything with Kenji beside me. It's weird because he gives me this…unspeakable, indescribable strength. But no, I take that back. This is not weird. This is what love is supposed to be like, right? It's supposed to make you believe in yourself. To become better.

"Good morning," I begin. "My name is Anna…and I would just like you all to know that I wouldn't be here right now if not for these people standing beside me; your leaders. And since I owe them my life, I have pledged myself in the service of the betterment of this Sector. I bear with me information, stories, things that you would soon get to discover, in which, I have come to realize, the Reestablishment has taken from you. Taken from us. I include myself because even though I know these much, just like you, they had taken away all the people I love…along with my innocence. Along with my right to live my life the way I want to. " I pause to take a breath, and also allow the people to digest everything I said. "But it's not too late. Everything is not too late. Some of you might still be thinking that there's no chance anymore, and yet you're still here, fighting for the freedom you deserve, with only your faith and beliefs to carry with you. But that's okay, because someone once told me that courage isn't the absence of fear. And that bravery is overrated. True strength comes from acknowledging that you have fears, at the same time believing that one day you'll be able to overcome it. I might have been at the lowest point of my life where I…where I was…" I stop. I couldn't find the words on how to reveal what I almost did. Why was I even telling them this? They wouldn't even care. They wouldn't—

I feel a squeeze on my hand and I look down at my hand still wrapped under Kenji's. "Take your time, Anna."

I nod. I take a deep breath. I take my time and hold it in. And then I let them out. It doesn't really matter if they won't care. I just need to say these out, for me. "I almost took my own life."

There. I have said it. Some gasped—surprised, disbelieved, or maybe even disgusted. I don't care because I can see that some are looking away. And I know…I know now that I'm really not the only one who had once thought that my life was over.

"At one point, I looked around me, and everything I saw were dead ends. There was no way out. I realized that living was pointless. I was alone…I was alone and I was useless." I look away. "There was no one left I loved."

At the corner of my eye I see Juliette. So I look at her and she offers me an encouraging smile which, once again, reminds me of hope. "But Juliette saved me. These people saved me. And if not for you fighting with them, they wouldn't have a reason to fight for either. They wouldn't have found me. I wouldn't be here. So to all of you, thank you. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for being such an inspiration to each other. I am honoured just by standing in front of you. I'm not one of your leaders. I'm not someone to look up to. I am just a normal girl, at least as normal as how people like us define normal." I break out into a smile when they chuckled. "I am here to help. I'm here to teach you about what I know. I'm sorry if I scared you off with my presence. The sudden earthquake was…indeed, my fault." There was quite a reaction, but they weren't as bad as I thought they would be. "But I'm going to learn how to control my energies, as what Castle said. And I'm going to direct my full attention on helping you, on helping this Sector. I am happy that I found this new family. Thank you…Thank you."

"But wait! What did you mean when you said you have information with you? That you have things that The Reestablishment took from us?" One from the crowd asks. He's a tall man, with broad shoulders and skin dark as night. He looks strong and dangerous, as if he was certain of everything.

Uncertainty is a feeling I know so well, but I am coming to realize that I am not the only one who does. It depends on each person. This guy, for example, I bet he knows it too. It's subtle, but I could see it clouding in his eyes. And for some reason it made me look at Castle, and then at Juliette, and Warner, and soon I am looking at everyone around me. And then I look at Kenji. Just like everyone else, he does have this look of uncertainty too. But from the way he's looking at me right now, there is only pure trust. It's like he is sure of me. And somehow, I feel sure of myself.

"Our world's history, even before human kind existed," I answer the guy who asked. "Even before The Reestablishment. Devices that are…owned by the old world. Worlds that are older than ours. The earth, before its total destruction. Names, people, stories…" I tell him, and then I look at Castle. "I think I have to tell them my story," I said.

Castle gives me a nod of approval. And so I faced the crown once more and told them what my life was like before I was rescued by the Rebels. I told them everything. I hid nothing.

Their reactions were…they were mixed. Some looked horrified. Some looked like they were in pain. Some just continued staring at me with their mouths hanging open. But I ignored them all and just gave them all a smile before stepping back, allowing Castle the moment again.

As he was speaking to the crowd, Kenji and I stand side by side in silence. He's still holding my hand, and I like the feeling that he's not letting go. And I…I am hoping that he's never going to find a reason to.

"Just so you'd know," he says, leaning closer, "you were amazing."

I look at him, already blushing. "No. I wasn't. I was stuttering and—" I stop mid-sentence because his eyes look like he's about to scold me if I don't. But I add, "I wasn't trying to."

He sighs. "I know. In fact, we all do," he says, motioning his head to the side. "But you still were amazing, so just accept the compliment. It's time you learn how to."

I bite my lower lip to hide a pleased grin. I don't want to smile in this kind of formal moment, but Kenji is making me want to. This boy holding my hand is making me want to do things, and I want to do them with him.

Who am I? What had he done? What did he do to me?

I turn, hoping that maybe just by looking at him, I will find the answers. But he's still watching me, fighting back his own smile, and I feel the questions fade away.

I let out a defeated, inward sigh. "I hate you so much," is what I say. What I didn't say is something I'm not yet ready to reveal to him.

Kenji lets out his smile and then chuckles under his breath. He squeezes my hand, stares at me, and then says, "I know."

And for some reason, I don't doubt that he does, maybe even more about the words I didn't say.


	17. Chapter 17 - NIGHTMARE

**NIGHTMARE**

After the introduction, Castle immediately sent me to the training room with Kenji. I'm confused on how he said that with a sigh, like he would have wanted otherwise. But if he suggested another person, I would be the one to object. I want Kenji to train me.

But now that we're here, he's asking me to do something I don't want to do.

I stare at him to check if he's serious. When his expression didn't waver, I let out an irritated sigh. "No," I say again.

"Why? Are you afraid you're going to hurt me?"

"Yes!" I blurt out. "Kenji, I still can't control my energies."

He looks up, putting his hands on his hips. The way he closes his eyes, it seems as if he's already done with me when we've only been here for almost ten minutes. In which I really find patronizing. "How do I make you understand that you're not going to be able to hurt me?"

I almost stomp my foot in impatience. "How do I make you understand that I can hurt anyone, anyone, that I touch?" I insist. "For the love of God Kenji, I killed a baby! I almost destroyed this place! What do you still want me to do? Why are you—"

I stop mid-sentence when I feel a sudden snap inside me. It made me take a step back and suck in a breath. A feeling, something like tingles, started travelling down my hands and I look at them and I see them shaking. It takes me a second before realizing what's happening.

Kenji was about to step closer when his bottle of water suddenly flies across the room and hits the wall. It cracked and soon water was spilling out.

"Anna?"

"No!" The loudness of my voice echoes throughout the empty training room. I take a moment to thank God that we're alone here. The electric feeling coursing through my body is not very active but there's something different in it. I feel, somehow, in control. But at the same time, I am not.

I look at Kenji, and if my looks could hurt anyone he would have been already on the floor shaking. He looks so guilty. He did this. He purposefully made me mad to provoke me so that I'll lose my cool.

Honestly, the only thing that's saving him from my harm is the fact that I care so very much of his health. And also, although I couldn't quite explain this yet, there's something different about my energies right now.

But I don't tell him. I had just forgiven him for leaving me alone this morning without a word, and now he's doing it again. Testing the limit of my patience. "You did this," I tell him. "You provoked me."

He grins. He. Grins. And I almost lose it all. Almost. "I'm sorry. But this is the only way you're going to learn how to control it. I mean look at you, you already are. You're not losing it, Anna. You got it."

I know I should be mad, and I am. I am angry, and he's not going to get away easily from this. But after he said those words, I had a moment of thought. I look around and watch how the equipment shakes, but not all of them. Some are just…still. The only casualty was Kenji's water bottle.

I hate it. I hate how he's right. But it doesn't make me any less angry. "You know how dangerous this is," I say. I'm close to losing it all, I'm so close and he still doesn't realize it because he keeps on smiling. But then again, I pause to check how I'm doing, and I'm surprised when I belatedly realize that I'm trying to stall. That I am pausing. That I am, in a sense, controlling my energies.

I eye my water bottle this time and I don't know how but I envision sending it my energy. Before I know it, it flew, straight at the back of Kenji's head.

"Aw!" He screams and looks around. When he sees my water bottle, he glares at me. "What the hell?!"

I stare at him. I stare at Kenji's obvious anger and something inside me stirs. It's cold, and it overwhelms the warm feeling of my energies. I feel it cover them up until my hands are no longer shaking. Until the room falls quiet and still. Until my vision blurs and Kenji's face isn't visible anymore.

Before my eyes, the room started spinning. And then…I fall. Again. And the last thing I feel before completely blacking out is Kenji screaming my name over and over and over…

* * *

_Anna!_

I jerk awake, sucking in a surprised breath.

Am I dead? Did I hit my head? What—why can't I see anything?

Dark. So dark. It's all black. A pool of darkness. And I'm drowning in it. I cannot hear anything. I cannot see anything. But I'm floating against it. At least I feel like I do. I don't know.

Where am I? What is this place? I open my mouth to speak but they won't. I couldn't. I am frozen. I can't move. I'm still, and I'm just floating, and flowing, flowing seamlessly to wherever this slow current is taking me.

"Your eyes are closed," someone whispers to me.

"No," I say in my head.

"Yes, they are. They've been closed for a while now."

"Are they?"

"Yes. So open them. I know you want to."

But I don't because I can't. I try, but they won't open. "I…I can't."

The voice doesn't speak for a while, and all was quiet again.

And then: "Once more, Anna. Try."

So I do. As I feel my eyelids lifting up, my body moves. It's like I'm going down. If I was lying and floating along a second ago, now it feels like the current is putting me down. And then as my eyes have finally opened up, I wish I didn't listen to the voice. I wish I just stayed them closed so that I couldn't see what I'm seeing right now.

Chaos. Destruction. Deaths. They all surround me. And there I am, standing in the middle of it all.

I couldn't believe it. I want to cry. What happened?

"You see now?" The voice says. I turn around, expecting someone behind me. But there's no one there. And then I realize, as I look around more, that there's no one left alive. There was only me.

"Who are you?" I speak out loud, looking frantically around. "Where are you? What did you do to them?!" I yell. I keep yelling. I keep looking everywhere, running through the devastation, asking why was I the only one left.

But I couldn't find the owner of the voice. I don't even know if it's a girl or a boy. It's distinct. It's strange. It's deep. And it changes even as it speaks. I don't know who it belongs to, but I feel an awful feeling about it. Like I've heard it before.

"Who are you?!" I ask yet again. "What did you do to them?!"

And then the voice laughs. A chill of fear spreads all over my body. It sounded so menacing. So evil. "Me? Why are you asking me?"

"You're the only one with me here."

"True. But what about you? You're here, too. And alive. Very much alive."

Its words stopped me cold. "W-what do you mean?"

"Look down on your hands, Anna. And you'll see."

With my eyes wild and wide in fear, I slowly look down. I see my hands. I see the both of them. But they're not my normal hands. They're full of blood.

"No." I shake my head. "N-no…" I take a step back. "This…" No, I whisper to myself. This can't be…this is impossible. I didn't—

"Kill them. You killed them all Anna. You caused this destruction."

I look around me again. I see a building. It was familiar. I look up and see a rooftop, realizing that it was where I told Kenji every horrible thing about me. And it was where he declared that he didn't care anything about my past. It was there that he took my heart, sealing my fate. But it's completely destroyed now. Half of the building collapsed into huge chunks of cement on the ground. There's only one thing that would cause it. An earthquake.

"Congratulations. You're all alone now, just like how you always have been, and how you always will be." Like echo, the last words are resonating around. It's leaving. It's leaving me.

There are dead bodies around me, and among them I spot a familiar soldier suit. My heart beating erratically, I start walking closer. My feet are heavy and it feels like I'm just dragging them along with my body. It feels like walking on water.

When I am close enough, I stop. I didn't need to get closer to know who it was. Surrounded by dead bodies, Kenji is lying there with them, his eyes are closed. But his mouth…it was gushing with blood. Beside him was Juliette. There was an ugly wound on her head. Her other hand was holding a gun; the other one was…it was holding Warner's.

Soon, I was looking around me. And around me lay everyone I loved. I see Castle, Sarah and Sonya. I see Adam, his eyes are open.

I throw up. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stomach what I did. There's no denying it now. My hands are soaked with their bloods. I caused everything. I did this. I did all of these.

I thought I was a good person. I thought I could be, despite the destruction I have inside me. I thought I could become someone else other than the threat that I am.

I was wrong. I was so incredibly wrong.

In the end, I blew up. And I became the monster that I was. The monster that I swore I would never be.

My knees go weak and I fall down on my own mess.

I cry. I cry so hard. I cry even though I don't deserve to cry. I cry and whisper I'm sorry even though I don't deserve their forgiveness. I cry and cry and cry until my eyes are swollen and my throat is dry. I cry out their names and the emptiness echo their names back to me. Mocking me. Provoking me. Killing me.

Slowly, I look up. I see that the usual grey clouds are gone and are replaced by something so unusually wonderful. The sky looks blue. It looks so beautifully blue.

It's unfair. I'm witnessing this beauty alone. I've always wanted to see something beautiful with everyone. With Kenji holding my hands. With my head leaning against his solid shoulder. With him. I wanted everything with him.

Now he's gone. Now I'm all alone.

I cry again. This all makes me want to scream.

I want to scream…I want to scream…I want to scream…

"Go on," the voice whispers in my ear. "Let the world listen to you this time."

The world. Hey world, I hate you. I want to scream at you so bad. I want to scream. I want to. So much.

"Let go…"

Yes. Right. No one could hear me now. I will. I can.

And so

I did.


	18. Chapter 18 - KENJI VII

**KENJI**

With Anna, everything was a surprise. You can never tell when it comes to her, this I have learnt, and this I will forever expect. She always does something either to surprise me, worry me, exasperate me, or disbelieve me. Hell, she almost killed herself, and I've always thought that would have been the top of it. Whatever she'll do, I wouldn't feel anything close to the horror of that day.

But I was wrong. When she passed out on me yesterday at the training room, I almost flew to the infirmary carrying her in my hands. Blaming myself for being so incredibly stupid.

I should have known, shouldn't I? I do. I did know that it was fucking dangerous. But she was handling it well. She was calm, at least when compared to how she always had been. So I was confident enough on her ability to learn fast that I deliberately provoked her. Because if there was one thing I surely know about Anna is her inability to be patient with me.

When she started losing it, it was a gradual process. I could feel her energies but they were not as volatile. They were not as aggressive as they should be. And so I smiled, because I was proud of her. But it only made her angrier. Why?

_Why?_

And why, before she passed out, the remnants of her energies were cold. It was subtle but the room's temperature dropped.

But I didn't care anything about that. All I could think about was her. So I rushed to the infirmary and basically ordered Sonya and Sarah to do their fucking jobs and heal whatever is wrong with Anna. For the whole time they attended to her, I was outside the room pacing like mad.

And last night while I was sitting beside her bed in one of the infirmary rooms, when I thought she was sleeping, she suddenly let out a scream so earsplittingly loud I jumped out of my seat. And the most horrifying thing about it was that her eyes were open.

That scream was something I couldn't get out of my head. I couldn't forget the expression on her face. It was full of pain, anger, frustration, and agony. Extreme agony. I knew she was just dreaming because her eyes were focused on something that was clearly not there. She was seeing, she was looking, at something else. And whatever that was, it had caused her screams.

I couldn't move. I just stood there in fear, watching her scream away her entire voice. I couldn't move, not even when the room shook. I didn't know how long I stood there—motionless, stupefied, damn scared shit, when Juliette and the rest of the group flooded in.

Kent immediately threw himself on Anna, but not with ease, for Anna was fighting him and she was so much stronger than she ever was. And she wasn't even awake. She resisted. She fought him hard. She even touched him once and he had to draw back in surprised pain.

When she was growing uncontrollable, and the entire Sector was in trouble of destruction, they decided to tie her. When I saw the leather ties, I woke up from my state. I objected, jumping myself between her and the rest of them. Anna was no animal. She didn't need to be tied up just like one. She's a fucking human being.

But I didn't know what happened really because someone knocked me out in the head and I fell down. And the last thing I saw was Anna, still screaming, being tied back down on the bed, while the world is shaking…and I was on the floor, helplessly blacking out.

When I woke up, I was in my room. I got dressed fast and ran to Anna. I couldn't afford to be apart from her even for a minute. But now that I'm here, I don't know what to do. She's still unconscious.

My Anna looks so pale, so exhausted. But they had removed the knot in her hands. Thank God.

I walk next to her. I touch her cheek. They're soft, so soft like silk. But cold, so cold as ice. I curse at myself.

"What have you been dreaming, Anna? What had made you so terrified?" I look at her hand, and I take it.

I touch it.

I hold.

She's so cold. Why is she so cold?

"I'm sorry."

I hold it tighter.

"I'm so so sorry." I ball my free hand into a tight fist. I did this to her. If only I didn't provoke her. If only I wasn't so selfish and stupid and overconfident. She touches me freely anytime she wants that I have forgotten how easily she could lose it. She's been so calm these past few days that I forget how hard it was for her to keep them all inside.

But why? What exactly happened back in the training room that made her pass out? She wasn't using all her energies. She was so in control that she even managed to manipulate her water bottle and throw it on me.

"What did you feel Anna?" I ask, even though I know I couldn't get any answers. "Something shifted in you. I saw it in your eyes. Something made you surprised. What was it?" I close my eyes in agony. "Let me help you. I want to help you."

"A trigger."

I turn around to find Castle entering the room. "What are you talking about? What trigger? I provoked her. Of course it triggered her emotions causing her to…" I couldn't finish what I was saying. I already told Castle everything. There was no point in recalling it. I couldn't. I don't want to think about what I did.

"Yes. You got careless."

I put down Anna's hand gently because I don't want to hurt her. Because I need to grip something hard right now. So I put both of my hands on the railing of her bed. And I grip them tight. "I know. I'm sorry."

Castles lets out a long sigh. "I should scold you, but I decided to postpone that for a while. At least until after Anna wakes up. She's our priority right now."

I don't say thank you because I hate myself right now. I don't even speak.

"About the trigger, I was talking about something else."

His words catches my attention, and I look at him. "Something else?"

"Yes, something only Anna could explain to us." He puts both his hands inside the pockets of his lab coat, staring at her. "But of course, this is just my theory."

"The room's temperature dropped," I tell him. "Was that…?"

Castle only shrugs. "I don't know, Kenji. And to tell you honestly, I'm out of theories. We'll just have to wait for Anna to wake up. And don't worry, we're stabilizing her body temperature. When it rises to normal, she's going to wake up. And it won't be for long. She gave us a scare last night when it dropped to almost twenty five degrees Celsius. If she was a normal person, it would have given her hypothermia. And she would have died within seconds. But something inside her was fighting it—no, wait. Not fighting. It's like, she has the ability to control her body's temperature."

"What?"

I must have looked so confused because he gives me a funny look before shaking his head. "In all my life, I thought Juliette would have been the most mysterious case I have ever beheld. And now...I think I'm wrong."

I turn back and stare at her. She's breathing normally, and she looks so serene. But there's something wrong. I could feel it. I just couldn't point out what it is, but there's something entirely wrong.

"Are we ever going to be prepared if a time will come that she's going to lose it again?" Castle asks. I prefer not to respond, because no. We won't be prepared, because we'll never know.

Castle sighs again. "I feel a sense of dread. I don't want to hold this against Anna but she's still unstable. Also…I feel something. I'm never the follow-your-instinct guy but I feel something. About her. And I don't want to be right about it."

I grit my teeth and I still don't say anything. Because I don't care about that. All I care about is the girl lying helplessly in front of me.

I thought I was capable of protecting her from anything. I thought I was enough. But I hate how I can't save her right now. I hate how I can't do anything.

_How can I save you? Anna, tell me what to do. _

_Anna…_

_Anna…_


	19. Chapter 19-GOOD NIGHT

**GOOD NIGHT**

I think I'm having the longest sleep of my life. I can hear them, but their voices sound so far away, and I'm unable to get close because I'm paralyzed. I'm a prisoner in my own body, in my subconscious, and yet I'm also aware of what's happening outside.

Am I delirious? Or just hallucinating? I remember reading a health book; it was talking about death. It is said there that being in a delirious state and hallucinating—seeing and hearing things that are not real—are just some of the symptoms of dying.

So…this it then? I am finally dying.

I hear someone calling my name. And his voice sounds so achingly familiar.

…It's Kenji. He's calling me back. He wants me to go back.

In front of me, I see a white light and his voice seems to come from there. So I walk to it, closer, so much closer but ever so slowly because I feel weak. When I'm there, I reach out my hand. I see something and I think it's Kenji. It is him, I'm sure of it. He's waiting for me to come back.

I'm coming back, my love. Don't worry. I'm almost there. I—

"My baby! You're alive!"

I let out a surprised gasp at another familiar voice. A voice I haven't heard in years.

I drop my arms and turn around. "Mama?" I whisper. Because there, standing just a few feet away, is the woman with the most beautiful set of dark green eyes.

"Yes Anna. It's me," she's crying but she's happy. It's like she couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.

"What are you…doing here? W-where am I?"

My mama smiles widely. Her eyes still in tears. "It doesn't matter where you are. What matters is I'm here, with your father, sister and brother. We're here to get you." She extends her delicate arms, and I watch her hands, so long and elegant and graceful, as she adds, "We're going home."

"Home," I repeat. But our home was destroyed. Confused, I look at her. "But we don't have a home now. The Reestablishment—"

"Not that home, my dear. A new one. An indestructible home. In there, we won't be bothered by anything anymore. We'll live in peace, and with each other. We've been waiting for you, don't you know that?"

My mama's soothing voice calms me down, as always. And I realize only then how much I missed it. How much I miss her, and papa, and my siblings.

They are waiting for me. They've been waiting for me.

But—

I look back—

Someone else is waiting there for me too.

"What's the matter Anna? Don't you want to come with me? Don't you want to be with your family?"

I stare at my mama's sad eyes, realizing that her own daughter is hesitating. But would she blame me if I was forced to make a life of my own without them? That I met a boy and fell in love?

"Have you forgotten about us?"

No mom, I want to say. No. No. Never. Not even a single minute. I want to reassure her that not once in my life have I ever forgotten about my family. But what's the point when I could already feel in my heart that I'm not yet ready to leave with her?

But then again, I miss them. I miss them so much it hurts. I want to be with them too.

Oh God. I'm so torn. Why must this be?

"Come with me Anna," mom reaches out her arms again and I motion to take her hand. I know, that if I so much as touch her, I'm never going to have a chance to go back to Kenji again.

The thing is, I was supposed to have died a long time ago. So I think that this maybe is me dying. I knew it before, and I know it now. This is the end for me. How else could I explain my mama's presence?

My mind made up, I look back around to hear his voice one last time.

_Anna! Can you hear me?_

It's his voice. He sounds like he's panicking. I almost smile. He always worries so much about me.

Good bye, Kenji. Take care of yourself. I love you.

_No! You are not leaving me!_

I almost took my mama's hand but his words stop me. I look back, wishing he would stop speaking to me so that this would be easier.

"Kenji…"

_Listen to me._

Why do you sound so desperate?

_You can't go yet. You still have so much to do. I know you don't think you're worthy of living but what about me? Am I not worthy enough to live for? Don't you understand? I cannot live without you, Anna._

Oh Kenji. Please don't—

_I love you._

I close my eyes as I feel a tear roll down my cheek. He shouldn't have said that. He should have let me go.

"Anna?" I turn to my mom, and I realize that she has put down her hand. And then before I could say anything, she nods her head. With a small smile she says, "I understand."

"Thanks mom. But this doesn't mean I love you any less," I say.

"I know. But be careful though, my dear. You're getting stronger." She touches my cheek in the only way a mother can. Her hand is so soft, just like how it was before. But they are not warm. No, because she's not alive. "I am so proud of you. Be kind, Anna. Be strong. Don't let your fears eat you. Your ability is not a curse. Never forget that. Never forget that."

I nod at my mama. She is saying good bye. "I won't." And with that, she's slowly disappearing. And I am too.

And I know that the net moment I open my eyes, Kenji's face will be the first thing I'll see.


	20. Chapter 20 - KENJI VIII

_Guys, I'm sorry this took too long but finally, here it is! An update! And I cannot thank you enough, all you wonderful readers especially those who leave reviews. I cannot thank you enough for reading and supporting this story. I love you all! xoxo_

* * *

**KENJI**

When Anna suddenly took a breath and then slowly opened her eyes, I felt like crying. Out of overwhelming relief, frustration, and anger. Towards her. But mostly for scaring the life out of me.

I wanted to hug her and then wring her body back and forth and yell at her for giving me such a fright. But when she opened her mouth and whispered my name, it's as if the chaos in my head suddenly went still and calm.

Anna is alive. And she's staring at me, only me, right now. That was the only thing I could ever think about.

I go next to her. Gently, I wrap my hand around one of hers. They're still cold, but unlike before, I could feel warmth under her skin, pulsating her back to life. She's alive. She's alive. She's alive. I repeat those words like a mantra. I repeat them, still half-convinced that she is alive. Because maybe I'm just hallucinating. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe this is all just a dream.

But then she grins, albeit weakly, and then says, "hi," and I knew, everything is right in the world.

My lips quivering, I try to give her a loving smile. "Hey," I say, and it is such an overwhelming relief to say that.

Her full lips spread wide. She lifts her left hand but I don't stop staring at her. However, when her hand cups my face, and her thumb rubs my left cheek, it's only then that I feel the wetness against my skin. "Don't cry," she whispers. "I'm here now."

I feel my throat thicken and my eyes go heavy, and then I don't hold back anymore. I kiss her hands, both of them. I'm holding onto them. I kiss them while my tears fall. I am crying and I am laughing, and my Anna laughs with me. "I just told you not to cry," she adds.

I shake my head, my hold on her tightening. "It's your fault. Don't you ever, ever, scare me like that again. Promise me. Promise me, Anna."

Anna nods. "I promise."

And then I had to say it. "I love you."

Tears then start falling from Anna's eyes and the way she looks at me changes. It's deeper. It's as if she—

"I know," she says with such meaning. I laugh in disbelief because how did she know?

But I believe her. I so fucking believe her that I promise myself never to let go.

I'm not letting her go.


	21. Chapter 21 - I LOVE HIM

**I LOVE HIM**

I've been awake for two hours now and never has Kenji left my side. I'm currently watching him eat, but his eyes are never leaving mine.

According to Juliette, he hasn't eaten anything since I passed out, and that was almost two days ago. So with what little energy I have gained from being awake and conscious, I tried to be stern and forced him to eat or else it would take time before I'd forgive him.

I chuckled when he immediately left the room, but I didn't expect him to return, with a tray of food on his hands. Apparently, he said, I didn't say anything about him not eating there. I didn't protest because in all truth, I want him by my side.

But as I watch him eat like it's the best food he's ever had, my mind races back to the dreams I've had. And I can't help but feel…worried.

The thing about dreams, especially the surreal ones, is that they leave an impression. You won't be able to stop thinking about them for a while. And when it comes to my dreams, it's something I couldn't ignore.

I try to forget that awful one though. I can't let it get through me. I have more important things than dwell on that, like preventing that to happen.

I let out a sigh and close my eyes, and then I see their faces again. Their dead bodies all over the floor. God…I couldn't forget about them that easily even if I want to. That dream will haunt me forever. All I could do is train and trust my friends, so I can become stronger. So I can control my energies. To use it in its full extent, but towards The Reestablishment. So that I can protect my new family, Kenji, this Sector. So that I can prevent something like that dream from happening.

In the end, I'm my worst enemy.

"Anna?"

I open my eyes and look at Kenji. "Yes?"

His face is frowning. He has his spoon paused halfway across his mouth. And there is no mistaking the immediate worried frown on his forehead. "Are you alright?"

There is fear in those questions, I realize. But unlike before, it's not fear for himself and the rest of the people here. Right now, it's fear towards me. He's scared for me and not at me. He's scared that something might happen to me again and he almost lost me. He's scared that he's going to lose me again. And that single realization brought me to tears.

Kenji immediately abandons his food and rushes to me. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" He brushes my hair out of my face. He touches my forehead, checking my temperature. He then cups my face. "Anna, why are you crying? Please, don't cry."

The crack on his voice, the obvious fear in his dark eyes, and the trembling of his hands breaks my heart. I shake my head. I shake them and say no. I touch his hands and I bring them to my mouth and I kiss them. And then I say the only thing that matters, "I don't want to lose you."

He forces a small laugh, and it's the kind of laugh that is trying to conceal a fear. But when he speaks, he speaks so with such intensity that I have no choice but to believe him. "You are not going to lose me," he says fiercely. "We've had enough dramas to last us a lifetime, what with you and your uncontrollable energies that is taking the life out of you everytime you use it. And look, I know that you think life is not guaranteed but Anna, don't you see? I don't care about life. All I care about is you."

I sniff and blinked away the tears. "No. I don't care about myself, Kenji. You know that."

"But—"

"I'm not done yet," I interrupt. "I don't care that much about me, but that was before. That was before I met you; all of you. It's different now. Now, I'm going to promise you that I'm going to live for you, but you have to promise me that you would too, okay? You would live for me because without you…I don't even want to think about what I'd be." I shake my head, brushing off the image of him dying out of my mind. "I'd go crazy. I'd lose my mind."

He removes his hands from mine and puts them back on my face, cupping my cheeks gently, and as he looks straight into my eyes, he makes a promise. "You. Are. Not. Losing. Me. You can't even if you want to. You won't even if you had to. You'll never get rid of me, Anna. I promise you that. I'm yours, for life."

And then he catches me by surprise when he lowers his head and kisses me. He kisses me so hard and so desperate. Like I'm his air and he couldn't breathe without me.

And so I kiss him back just as much.

God, I love this man.


End file.

Shatter Me, Tahereh Mafi, Romance, Sci-Fi