EastEnders 1. Chapter 1 Bleak Midwinter

**Chapter 1 – Bleak Midwinter**

Christian was bored. He shrugged on his jacket and stepped outside taking in the view and shivered. He was bored and cold. He leant over and picked up a couple of empty beer bottles from the veranda, his temple throbbed.

Christian was cold, bored and hung over. He placed the bottles on the top of the wall, scooped up a weapon and threw it with some vigour. An unsuspecting and innocent bottle took the brunt of his anger as the missile landed square on and it fell, but there was no satisfying crash of broken glass just a slight thud and the thick new fallen snow swallowed it up.

A second snowball followed with the same effect, he raised his arms in triumph before realising there was no-one there to share his victory so he pushed his now ice cold hands into his gloves and wrapped his arms around himself.

Christian was cold, bored, hungover and lonely. What on earth ever possessed him to come here, to the back of beyond at this time of year on his own? This was so not him, not him at all. He should be taking in the sun on a beach, lying out stripped to his speedo's enjoying the sight of sun-kissed well oiled bodies parading along the boulevard, or squeezing chest to chest against hot sweaty bodies writhing to the thumping music in a Barcelona night club.

He didn't do the country at the best of times, never mind in the depth of February in a remote area of Scotland where everyone was related to everyone else and nothing opened on a Sunday because the church demanded the full attention of the local populous. Their shock as he declined the offer to join them had been thinly disguised.

He kicked at the snow, wrapped his scarf tighter and trudged down the path to walk the half mile to the nearest form of life, the chalet shop, which although he knew would be closed for the Sabbath, he had been assured would leave milk and the Sunday papers open for residents to help themselves, along with an honesty box. He laughed inwardly at the thought, can you imagine the Minute Mart operating an honesty box, Patrick would be bankrupt within a week!

He hoped Julie would not be hanging around waiting for him. To be fair when he first arrived four days ago she had been the only really friendly face he met. All the others had taken one look at his clearly non winter, non country attire and branded him a 'southern softy' before he even spoke.

The problem was that Julie, who ran the retreat's so called leisure centre, had become a little too friendly. The leisure centre consisted of a swimming pool which should be more accurately called a swimming puddle, clearly meant for children to splash in rather than actual swimming, a small jaccuzi, a couple of exercise bikes, a sauna and a sunbed. So far he had been the only person making use of it which left Julie openly ogling and flirting with him. To begin with he had joined in with the flirtatious banter, enjoying drawing a blush to her cheeks, but he quickly realised while it was all good fun for him, it was a touch too serious for her.

With the resort being family run, and the size of her father and brothers toying with her emotions was probably not the smartest move. He did think of telling her he was gay, but suspected this might not be a concept that she understood – and looking at the size of her father and bothers….

He really didn't want to stand out any more as being any more different from the crowd, they already looked at him with considerable suspicion, only tempered by the fact that in the small shed they called a pub he had opened his wallet last night and allowed the whisky to flow freely. Hence the throbbing temples! It was clearly an unexpected gesture; maybe it was true that Ian's legendary meanness was genetic after all!

Jane, oh how she would laugh if she saw him now, walking half a mile to read a newspaper he wasn't even interested in to find something to do, to keep his mind occupied, to stop him from thinking too much, from worrying, from realising just how empty and hopeless his life really was. He didn't like having to lie to her, it wasn't his nature, and the worst of it was he couldn't even call her to hear a friendly voice. This god forsaken place didn't even have a phone signal. There was a pay phone in the pub but the background noise would be too much of a giveaway, it wouldn't take her long to figure out he wasn't where he said he was going to be, he wasn't enjoying the nightlife in Ibiza.

He groaned out loud, he was bored, cold, hungover and lonely, so what exactly WAS he doing here. Then he remembered they eyes, the brown soulful eyes pleading with him. It all started out so appealingly, a whole 4 days together away from Walford, away from prying eyes, away from family. Some time to luxuriate in each other, to find each other, to love each other without the constraints of the ticking clock demanding Sy's attention, drawing him away before the heat of their bodies had even died down. It still sounded appealing in principle, but this was reality and Christian flip flopped between the hope that all his dreams of four days of blissful passion would be fulfilled and the nagging fear that Sy would chicken out, that he would be forced to spend the full ten days on his own with a only bunch of inbreds for company.

Syed's strength of conviction in their relationship (can you call something a relationship when one half refuses to use the term boyfriend?) warmed when his eyes were locked on him and reflecting his smouldering lust, but cooled as soon as the connection was broken.

Would it be out of sight, out of mind? Would a few days of complete separation cool his ardour completely? Would he succumb to the safety of the charms of Amira, of the family, of the mosque? Would he forget him so quickly?

The desperation gripped him again. Zainab had already been complaining before he left that Masala Queen couldn't cope with both of them being away at the same time, with Christian going on holiday for a fortnight she couldn't possibly spare Syed time off to go to a course, even if it would help the business.

Would her insistence grow? Would that streak in Syed that continually sought appeasement from his mother outweigh the desires that were so deeply hidden from all but himself? Would he, Christian be at the bottom of the list once again, eventually returning to Walford to a sting of apologies, more wounded and soulful brown eyes, and if so what was his response to be?

"Hello there, bonnie morning isn't it."

His thoughts were broken by the delightful lilt of Julie's voice.

"Surprised to see you up and about, Dad says you fair packed away the drink last night. He was impressed you could keep up with the locals you know."

Christian grinned, "It was a good night, I think I met most of your family. I didn't think you worked on a Sunday?"

"I don't just come back from the Kirk, want me to take you around to see the sights?" she suggested hopefully.

"Nah, you're okay, enjoy your day of rest", he turned away towards the chalet shop before swiveling around again, "There haven't been any messages for me have there?"

She shook her head looking distinctly disappointed "Expecting a message from your girlfriend are you?"

"Not me darling, strictly unattached me", he grinned much to her delight, "Just my friend is due to join me this evening and I wondered if the weather would affect his travel plans."

"Oooh! Is he as dishy as you are? Could do with some more talent round here! Haven't heard anything, but if I do I'll drive up to your cabin."

He put his head down and walked on, well no message that was encouraging. If Syed wasn't coming surely when he couldn't raise him on the mobile he would think to leave a message, wouldn't he? Six hours, that's all he was due to wait, six hours...he could do this.


	2. Chapter 2 Bleak Thoughts

Chapter 2 – Bleak Thoughts

Christian grabbed a newspaper from the pile and tossed some coins in the box. He reprimanded himself for having so little faith in Syed, if he said he would be here, then he would move heaven and earth to do so. After all, this break away had been all his idea. It hadn't been an idea born in the throes of passion; he had come to Christian with all the logistics worked out in military precision. The cover stories, the location, and the transport arrangements even the luggage all worked out in minute detail.

Christian had been thrilled and disappointed in equal measure. Excited at the prospect of capturing some quality time with Syed, overjoyed that he would go to so much trouble to be with him, really spend some time together, to have something more than just a quick fumble. However it also brought home to him just how much of Syed's life was cloaked in deception, how seldom it was that he was able to just be himself. For every objection that Christian raised, or every deviation to the plan that he suggested Syed had answers ready – no, they couldn't go abroad for risk of evidence on his passport; no, they couldn't stay in London because someone might see them; no, they couldn't travel together at the same time, someone might get suspicious; no, he couldn't hire a car in his name just in case somehow he ended with an insurance claim….. and so it went on.

Christian had acquiesced, though it went against his nature to engage in subterfuge, though the timing and the location couldn't be further from his choice, though nothing in the plan was to his preference – nothing that is except spending time with Syed. His heart ached, it was only six days since he had seen him, but he missed him so much. He missed HIM, not just the sex – he could have that anywhere (well maybe not here, but anywhere else he chose to go!), but he missed the looks, the laughter, the scent of him as their choreographed moves around Masala Queen enabled the odd sensuous brushing of hands, bumping of bodies, whispered sweet nothings all within the glare of his unsuspecting family. He missed the stolen moments they shared, the kisses, soft and luxurious; hard and passionate; breathless and intense. He missed the touches, gentle and reassuring; subtle and teasing; rough and domineering.

Christian climbed up the hill, his body warmed by the exertion of the walk back to the cabin, his heart warmed by the memories of Syed. Was it just the allure of forbidden fruit that cleaved him to Syed? He guessed Jane would say so. His face burned with the memory of nearly losing his sister because of that misguided affair with David, he knows now it wasn't love. The only reason he knows for sure is because of what he feels now. Love has hit him like an express train and left him reeling, left him compromising his 'out and proud' integrity with this dishonesty, they say love conquers all – but the truth is that if he multiplied the hurt he felt at nearly losing Jane by a thousand he still wouldn't be close to the hurt that he would impose on Syed by truly accepting their love.

He reached to top of the hill, drew the cold air deep into his lungs. He turned his back on the cabin and looked out over the vast expanse that was displayed in front of him. Miles of empty space, he guessed that it was the sort of landscape that poets would wax lyrical over, but all it represented to him was the miles that stood between him and Syed.

The fresh air had cleared his hangover, the walk had removed the chill but he was still bored and without Syed, he was still lonely. He shook his head and turned towards the cabin.

Think positive, he chided himself again. Let tomorrow take care of itself, live for the moment. It had served him well up until now and if that was all that was on offer from Syed then he should take maximum advantage while he could!

He pulled the door closed, turned the heating on, shrugged off his coat and turned on the radio. The cabin had a huge open plan kitchen, dining room and living room area, with two bedrooms and the "Pièce de résistance" a large secluded hot tub area with sliding glass doors that you could open to the outside with a uninterrupted view over the valley below and the mountains beyond. He couldn't help the grin spreading across his face at the images that wandered through his mind of Syed and that hot tub.

He had less than five hours left to prepare, he wanted to plan their reunion, to luxuriate in the anticipation; to make everything perfect. He hung up his coat and put away his gloves and scarf and headed to the kitchen. He had guessed the local shops would have limited fare so he had come equipped with the appropriate spices, herbs and condiments, there were some (but not many) benefits of working with his mother, he not only knew what Syed's favorite dishes were but exactly how his mother prepared them. While he had many complaints to make about Zainab, he couldn't fault her cooking. The fridge was stocked with plenty of local fresh fare so they wouldn't need to go out for the length of Syed's visit if they didn't want to.

Before long the kitchen was infused with the warm familiar smell of cumin and coriander, Christian was happily chopping, slicing, stirring and tasting while bouncing along to the music. He wondered how they were coping at Masala Queen and pushed aside the worried thought that Syed might still be there right now doing the same thing as he was doing here. He put the marinated chicken into the fridge and couldn't resist swiping a finger along the side of the chocolate fudge cake. He sucked the sweet frosting from his finger, wrapping his tongue around it and wondered how it would taste smeared over Syed's delectable skin, licking it from his lips and plundering it from his mouth. He stood for a minute, savouring the thought feeling himself getting hard. His reverie was interrupted by a rap at the door. He looked out to see Julie's Landover outside, with the muffling of the snow and the volume of the music he hadn't heard it come up the drive. A cold shiver ran up his back – was this news he was dreading, was this excuse from Syed. He turned the music down and opened the door to be faced not with Julie, but with her younger brother Jamie.

"Dad sent me," he grunted clearly miffed at being sent on an errand, "it's going to be cold tonight, thought you might need some more logs for the fire."

Christian helped him stack the logs and bring a full basket into the cabin and listened intently to the monosyllabic instructions for using the log burning stove. Jamie gratefully accepted a nip of whisky against the cold, but turned his nose up at the offer of 'foreign' food. Eventually he left leaving Christian with just an hour to finish his preparations. He showered and changed, set the table, found a few candles stuffed in the back of a cupboard, set the fire and waited. The fire crackled and spit and he lay out on the sofa with his eyes closed, listening for the sounds of an approaching taxi and thought about night ahead. He waited and waited….

As the hours slipped by he began to pace the floor, he alternated between worry that something had happened, anger that he might have lost his bottle and reassuring himself that it was a long journey and he might just be late. As the sun went down and he switched the lights on, so a dark cloud fell over Christian's mood. With resignation he knew the last train would have been in two hours ago, and Syed clearly wasn't on it. He thought about heading for the pub to get at least some company, but couldn't face the half mile trek, so he poured a large glass of vodka, switched the lights back off and wallowed in his misery with the light of the fire the only thing to accompany him.


	3. Chapter 3 Gradual Thaw

**Chapter 3 – A Gradual Thaw**

The fire was beginning to die, Christian contemplated whether to throw on another log or retire to bed. The vodka bottle lying by his right arm was three quarters empty and since he hadn't bothered to eat, he remained lying on the sofa waiting for the room to stop swaying before he tried to make it to his feet. He felt sick, not physically sick, but gutted. He let his eyes close again; tomorrow he would pack up and go home. He didn't care that the cabin was paid for until next week, he didn't care that he would face a barrage of questions from Jane, he didn't care what people would say or think, he just needed to see Sy, he needed to confront him, he needed to know where he stood….he just needed him.

He focused his thoughts on to an image of those soulful brown eyes, and reached out his hand into the now cooling air of the room in an attempt to grasp him, but there was nothing there. He called out his name, but no-one answered. With a sudden tremor running through his body he decided that something must have happened to him, that he was lying somewhere, cold, alone and hurt. In the fog that was his brain all sorts of scenarios ran through his mind of what might have happened. He shouldn't have let him travel all this way on his own. He stared once again at his impotent phone, willing it to burst into life – but still there were no bars showing. He cursed the fact that this place was a decade out of time. There was only one thing for it - the payphone.

He staggered to his feet, banked up the fire so it would still be warm for his return, then grabbed his coat and went out into the night. The cold caught in his chest and panic started to set in. He wasn't sure what time it was but it was clear and crisp, it was a full moon and the bright moonlight bathed the white snow with an eerie, almost blue light. Just as well, aside from the twinkling lights on the side of the cabin, there were no street lights to guide his path.

He wrapped his coat closer to him and with images of an injured Syed coming unbidden to his eyes; following the tyre tracks left from Jamie's visit he started the descent of the hill. As the gradient steepened his feet started to slither on the hard packed snow and he cursed his lack of sensible footwear. 'Just great Christian' he mumbled to himself 'if you fall on your arse here and knock yourself out nobody is going to find you until the morning by which time you'll freeze to death'.

His overactive imagination gave him images of the Masood's and Beale's joined in mourning, trying to understand why his body had been recovered on a distant hillside and Syed's from goodness knows where he was, when they were both supposed to be elsewhere. They wouldn't even get a joint funeral, he didn't know what the rites were for a Muslim ceremony were, but he was damned sure of one thing – even if Zainab did figure out they spent their last hours on earth battling to be with one another, there was no way she would allow them to rest for all eternity together!

As his feet once again started to slide he shouted out loud "Get a grip Christian" and continued under his breath "and stop being such a drama queen." He stopped for a moment, leaning against a low wall, to balance both mind and body. Fully sober now he considered turning around and going back to the cabin. If Sy was in trouble there was nothing practical he could do, there was no way he was going to get transport out of here tonight. The only thing he might achieve was peace of mind, if he could just hear his voice, even if he had decided to stay away, just knowing he was safe and sound was enough for now. So there was nothing else for it – onwards and downwards!

As he pulled himself upright, keeping one hand on the wall he continued a slow and steady descent. He saw a bight glow from below and heard the sound of a vehicle. With his heart racing he continued walk towards the noise until he was blinded by the bright headlights. He stood startled, shielding his eyes until he heard a loud toot followed by the cursing of a very irate man.

"What in God's name are you doing you idiot, trying to get killed standing in the middle of an icy road in the dark – I nearly ran right into you!"

"Sorry, is that you Jamie?" said Christian trying to peer into the brightness.

As the angry driver dipped his lights, a familiar voice cut through the night air. "Christian?"

"Syed – is it you, are you OK?"

"You know this nutter do you?" muttered the driver.

As Christian's eyes adjusted he saw Syed had climbed out of the car, clutching a briefcase and slinging his rucksack over his shoulder.

"Yeah" he answered them both. He peeled off some notes and handed them to the driver, "Thanks mate, I'll take I from here."

He crunched forward in the snow towards Christian as the taxi reversed down the hill and disappeared into the night.

"Thought I'd never make it, over three hours I was stuck on that train, it's so worth it though – isn't it just beautiful? What **are** you doing out in the cold Christian?"

Christian looked at the tired but excited face trudging up the hill towards him and decided he had never been so relieved to see anyone so much in all his life, nor had he seen anything so beautiful as the moonlight reflecting off Syed's eyes.

"I was worried about ya – thought you'd got lost or something, should've met you at the station."

"Really Christian, I'm 27 not 7, I can get into a taxi on my own."

Christian reached out and hauled him the last few steps towards him scooping him into his arms. As the briefcase and rucksack fell abandoned into the snow, Christian administered a crushing bear hug, pushing their lips together.

"Just as well Sy," he husked into his ear as he released his grip "there is no place for a seven year old in any of my plans."


	4. Chapter 4 Fire and Ice

Warnng - time for our boys to have a little fun so there will be smut

to all onWFCTGIO to keep us amised through yet another blackhole

**Chapter 4 – Fire and Ice**

They clung to each other as they climbed the hill, for stability, for warmth but most of all for comfort after their self imposed separation. Their words were light and flirtatious and they were full of laughter. Syed was giddy with the sense of freedom and anticipation of five whole days and four whole nights of uninterrupted indulgence, Christian was simply flooded with relief, tinged with the guilt of unfounded doubt.

They fell through the door into their own private haven. Syed abandoned his luggage and his leather jacket looking every bit the excited seven year-old he declared himself not to be. Christian surreptitiously hid the near empty vodka bottle and hung up his and Syed's coats, grinning as he half listened to the excited babble as Syed explored the cabin. He stoked the fire, throwing on more logs as it burst into life, sending a warm glow across the room.

Soft fingers toyed with the hair at the back of his neck. Hands caressed across his shoulders as Syed pulled him backwards into a gentle hug.

"It's perfect Christian." he whispered.

He thought about all the tacky responses that he could make, but not wanting to break the moment, he settled for laying his head back, feeling Syed's stubble scrape across his cheek and sighing contentedly. When exactly did he become this boring, that such a simple touch left him so…. so weak.

"I missed you Sy, I was so worried you wouldn't be able to get away."

"Hey, I'm here now."

"Yeah, yeah you are – so what do you want babe? Anything I can get for you?"

Syed shifted them around so they were face to face, planting delicate kisses along his jaw line, "Anything? All I want is right here."

Christian gave a cheeky grin, "That's such a line!"

"Maybe," said Syed as he tossed cushions from the sofa onto the floor in front of the fire ".. but that doesn't meant it isn't true." He stretched out on his side and held his hand out for Christian to join him.

For a moment Christian just towered over him taking in the sight, Syed cocked his head and started to roll his teeth over his bottom lip basking in Christian's gaze. "What's the matter – too old to make it down here?"

Well that did it, in one fluid movement Christian had rolled him onto his back, was lying over him and had his arms pinned above his head. He attacked his neck with sloppy kisses and little bites before moving up to meet those luscious lips. "Such insolence," he muttered "will be punished." He relaxed his grip on Syed's wrists and began to run his fingers teasingly down his arms. Syed's hands automatically went to his hair but Christian pushed them back.

"Uh uh mister, just you stay there. Time you learned who's boss."

Christian sat back on his heels and dragged his tee-shirt over his head, Syed reached up for contact only to have his hands batted away. "Don't move." he reprimanded.

"You asked me what I wanted, and I want you." he pouted.

"Oh you'll get me Sy," he dropped forward to whisper in his ear, "all of me, but only when you learn to do exactly what you are told." He captured his lips again and maneuvered a hand between them slipping it under his shirt caressing the taut skin of his abdomen, his thumb circling his belly button. Syed sighed into the kiss letting his hands drop to the floor, his fingers twitching. Christian tugged at his top shirt button with his teeth, his warm moist breathe heating the skin underneath, eventually he gave in and nimble fingers took over. "Oi, hands above your head I said."

"Chris-t-i-an" he implored.

Christian sat back, folded his arms and arched an eyebrow, Syed responded by rolling his eyes and reluctantly raising his arms above his head and was rewarded as Christian deftly unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and with one finger teasing the sensitive flesh at his waistband allowed the other hand and his mouth to map and roam his neck and chest, swirling his tongue around first one then the other nipple causing Syed to moan and writhe underneath him. "So beautiful….taste so good, going to make you feel so good."

"I wannna touch you, feel you…"

"All in good time baby… give me your hand."

He took Syed's hand in his, kissing the palm and then one by one taking each finger into his mouth slowly sucking and licking them while his other hand deftly unbuckled Syed's belt and released him. He then wrapped Syed's wet hand around his own cock. "Slowly baby, move it nice and slow.

As Syed's hand moved slowly up and down the shaft Christian swiped his tongue over the head tasting the pre-cum. Syed bucked his hips, Christian used both hands to pull his jeans and boxers down his lean legs, never breaking eye contact or halting soft words of encouragement. "So hot, that's right baby, long and slow….". He shrugged off his own remaining clothes and kneeling he kissed and nipped his way back up his legs, up his inner thighs, until his face was once more level with Syed's cock. He kissed the tip and massaged his perineum eliciting a string of disjointed vowels. Syed tried to speed up his movements. As Christian steadied his hand, he tried to reach out for him but Christian was having none of it. He crawled back up his body teasing his lower lip and once again forced his hands above his head. "Turn over babe, on your knees."

His heart thumping, he did as he was told and hissed as he felt Christian's erection and the persistent gentle pressure of a hot wet tongue at that spot at the nape of his neck that drove him over the edge. On cue he begged "P l e a s e Christian, don't tease, I want you."

At this moment the fire chose to crackle and spit a burning ember landing on Syed's arse making him jump. Christian chuckled and brushed it away lapping the burning skin to cool it, "You really are on fire Sy!". He slid one finger between his cheeks creating space for his tongue to follow causing Syed to lose control, throwing his head back in ecstasy. "Now Christian, now" he gasped.

"Touch yourself." Christian grunted as he complied. It only took half a dozen thrusts before he felt Syed ripple and contract around him, hearing his name uttered on heavy breaths before his own orgasm hit him.

They lay in each other's arms as their breathing returned to normal, entranced by the dancing of the flames and the shadows they created.

"I told you this was a great place didn't I? "

"Hmmm."

"We could build a snowman tomorrow."

"I can think or better things to build."

"You do like it don't you Christian?"

"You know Sy, this might turn out to be the best holiday I've ever had."

**some more angst to come as they talk out the blackmail repercussions - but there is also a hot tub to play in**

**reviews welcome**


	5. Chapter 5 A Winter Wonderland

**Chapter 5 – Winter Wonderland**

It was only the second time Christian had woken up with Syed in his bed and the fascination of watching him sleep was every bit as strong. Then, the alarm had been set for an obscenely early hour and his residual bruising had made him restless, so he had got up and watched from a distance lest he disturbed his precious rest.

Not this time – this time he was up close and personal. This time he could hear Syed's rhythmic breathing, he could feel his heart thumping against his hand, skin to skin he could feel the heat, all this before he even opened his eyes to take in the vision that lay beside him. Syed in repose had a special quality. He was always beautiful, with his natural good looks he didn't even have to try, what set him apart was his unconscious flirtation, whether it was placating his mother, sweet talking Amira or just dealing with customers at Masala Queen he had this way - with a tilt of his head, or a flutter of the eyelashes, or a roll of the eyes, or a bite of his lip, of disarming those around him.

It wasn't until he REALLY got to know him, until he saw the look mirrored in his eyes, the total abandonment when he came undone, that Christian realised that what his family saw, what Walford saw was simply the mask that Syed plastered on day in day out to protect himself from the virtual life he had himself created.

Christian was under no illusions, while he had no doubt that when Syed flirted with him, when they made love, what he saw was the real Syed. Yet he knew that all of this was tempered by guilt which, while he did his best to keep below the surface, was never truly deserted.

In sleep, all of this was stripped away; it was only in sleep he appeared truly at peace with himself, and that is why it fascinated Christian so much. He longed for the day when their lives would be so uncomplicated, that Syed could achieve this peace in his waking hours.

The irony was of course here was no such thing as "their lives" while he would relish and make the most of these days together, they just continued to underline the extent that Syed would go to ensure that he remained a "dirty little secret". Would he ever get the chance to wake with him again? He pushed these thoughts away, reminding himself that his lot for now was to live for the moment. He drew Syed slightly closer to him, kissing his shoulder and breathing in his scent. Then he propped himself up on one elbow so he could watch him more intently, imprint the sight on his brain to feed him in the days of drought when they finally returned to Walford.

It was another hour before Syed began to stir, first he tossed and turned and Christian had to protect himself from flailing limbs, he soothed his movements with soft caresses and Syed calmed making gentle grunts, murmuring incoherent words. As the caresses became more insistent Christian watched his consciousness being drawn to the surface, there was a moment of panic when his eyes fluttered open to unfamiliar surroundings, but as soon as their eyes locked his name floated from those delectable lips before they broke into a heartwarming beaming smile.

"Morning sleepyhead, how did …"

His sentence was cut midstream as soft arms encased his neck and his words were stolen with a deep kiss. He could wake up to this every morning for the rest of his life.

Syed lay with his head on Christian's chest drawing circles down his arms. "I suppose I should unpack, find some clean clothes."

"Only if we actually intend getting out of bed, there's no hurry ya know."

They lay together, in comfortable silence their bodies doing the talking with gentle touches, intertwined fingers, and interspersed with kisses. Eventually the events of last evening caught up with Christian, forsaking dinner for vodka was really not to be recommended, and his stomach rumbled in protest. They laughed and got up for a leisurely breakfast.

Syed dragged Christian outdoors to show him around. For the first time since he had arrived Christian really saw the beauty of what was around him, as he saw it through Syed's eyes and was infected by his enthusiasm. As they walked Syed pointed out the animal tracks in the snow, rabbits, pheasants and deer. They spotted a squirrel scurrying up a tree and saw a hawk hovering overhead swooping down into the heather in search of prey. They ducked each other's snowballs and helped each other as they climbed walls and fences to get off the beaten path.

Eventually they made their way to the leisure centre, Julie beamed as soon as she saw Christian walk in, she did a double take on seeing Syed. She winked at Christian appreciatively, "Your friend made it OK then, he doesn't look like he needs a sunbed." Christian was taken aback but since Syed didn't appear offended he let it go.

"Can you rustle up a couple of coffees darling?"

They sat by the window and Julie served them chatting away asking Syed where he was from and flirting outrageously with Christian. Syed looked on mildly amused. She finally took the not so subtle hints and left them to talk.

"I'm sorry about that."

"I think someone has a crush on you. You'd better watch out."

"Oh give over; she's not much older than Lucy!"

At the mere mention of Lucy's name Syed tensed, Christian kicked himself for touching such a raw nerve. He reached for his hand but Syed pulled away.

"It's OK Sy, Lucy isn't going to tell, she really is sorry for what she did."

Syed couldn't look him in the eyes as he re-lived the pain and worry of the last few weeks.

"But it's not OK is it Christian, if it's not Lucy it will be someone else won't it? We are kidding ourselves thinking we can run away from it all. There will always be people against us, who will come between us."

"Only if we let them Sy."

Syed's voice was small, "I can't go through all that again." then he got up and walked out leaving Christian lost for words.


	6. Chapter 6 Ice that Burns

_Yes I know I have got dates on muddled up with canon, but bear with me. Reviews welcome!_

**Chapter 6 - Ice that Burns**

Exasperated Christian paid for the coffees and followed Syed out the door. He saw him in that familiar dejected pose, walking towards the pub, hands in pockets, head down. 'Silly bugger doesn't know where he is going,' he thought. He wondered whether he should just let him walk it out on and catch him when he had calmed down. but he wasn't sure he would find his way back to the cabin, he didn't want to waste their precious time together and he was scared he would just bolt back home. So he sprinted ahead and just stopped him in his tracks.

He wanted to shake him, shout at him but as Syed looked at him he saw just how lost he really was.

"You're going the wrong way." he pointed to the track up the cabin, aware of the double meaning; Syed said nothing but turned following his direction. They fell into step with one another.

"Talk to me Sy." Christian implored.

Syed's hands remained resolutely in his pockets. His head down, his lips drawn as if he was concentrating on finding some appropriate words.

"Why did you come here?" he tried again.

"You know how I feel about you Christian."

"Do I?"

Syed looked at him as if it was obvious.

"I know you like the sex Sy, you are vocal enough about that, but how do I know how you feel about me when you never talk about it?"

Syed squirmed, "Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"Well no, not really. I've enjoyed sex with people who didn't know me, with people I didn't actually even like. It's just sex; in itself it doesn't mean anything else. I don't know what's inside your head Sy because you never tell me."

Jealousy coursed through Syed's veins. "Well if that's what you want go and find someone less…..less complicated."

"If that was what I wanted Sy, I would have gone Ibiza, I didn't I came here and I came here to be with you. I thought that's what you wanted too." They walked on in silence till they got to the cabin.

"Look Sy, whatever we came here to do, it wasn't to fight." He pulled out the chocolate cake "Peace offering?"

Syed smiled and nodded his head, he curled up on the sofa and watched Christian intently as he made coffee and sliced the cake.

"I came here to get to know you." He said timidly as Christian joined him.

"You work with me seven hours a day, you share my bed whenever you can, we go out, how much more is there for you to know?"

"Well I learned something today. You're very annoying when you're right."

Happy to be back on a more light-hearted note Christian grinned "Well given that I am always right I could see that might be a problem."

He hesitated not sure if he wanted to move back to more serious issues.

"Sy, what do you want from me?"

Syed just looked at him, expecting more explanation.

"Look in a few months you are getting married to Amira right? So what happens after that? Is that us over? Do you want to keep seeing me, do you want me to go away, do you want me to find someone else?"

"I don't know" he mumbled fiddling with the crumbs on his plate.

"Fairs fair Sy, you are planning your whole life, can't you at least help me plan the next six months? I mean if you want me out the way I need to find somewhere to go, something to do."

"No, I couldn't stand not having you in my life."

"So I go back to my old life, do I?"

"I am not sharing you with other men!"

"No? Yet you expect me to share you with Amira do you?"

"That's different." He mumbled feebly, knowing that it wasn't.

Christian sighed, what was he doing? What happened to living in the moment?

He put an arm around him, "Oh Sy, I wish I could make this easier for you, I really do, at some point you are going to have to figure out what you want. Promise me one thing – when you do, you'll let me know. Tell me; don't leave me to hear it third hand. Until then let's just enjoy each other's company and forget about the future."

Syed buried himself into Christian's embrace and nodded his head.

"So what does my beautiful boy want to do then? Go out again, listen to some music, watch a DVD, go back to bed…."

"I just want to sit here, be with you. Talk to me, tell me more about you?"

"About me? I am not sure what to tell you that you don't already know?"

"What were you like as a child, when you were growing up?"

"I was of course a cute looking child, but an insufferable self-centred adolescent."

They laughed "Now why does that not surprise me."

"What that I was a cute child; well you can tell that by what I have grown up to become."

"You're insufferable."

"Now Sy, I thought we had already established that I am always right."

He rolled his eyes, "No really what were you like?"

Christian lay back, closed his eyes and remembered."I had a happy carefree childhood, Lesley, I mean Jane and I were always close. She was a great big sister, she didn't mind having her younger brother hanging around her, and so we did lots of things together. She was more of a mum to me than my mother was in many ways. She was the one that took me swimming, took me to the pictures on a Saturday afternoon, and picked me up from school and walked home with me. She was always the one I confided in. Not, that in those days, mum and dad weren't good to me. Dad was always a bit distant, I didn't enjoy football and the sort of things that he expected a son to do, but he was never bad to me. Mum was a typical old fashioned mother, her family was her life, everything else came second, and we were always clean, well turned out and never wanted for any of the important things in life. No it was just my bond with Jane was always stronger."

"Sounds good, so what happened with your parents that meant you drifted away from them?"

"I wasn't so much a drift away, more of an explosion. What happened? I guess I grew up and didn't meet their norms any longer. I know you don't need to hear this Sy, but coming out tends to be a painful process. My dad refused to accept I was gay, the more he decried his ill-informed prejudiced view of what being gay meant the more I threw myself into a hedonistic lifestyle, flaunting it in his face. I really was an arrogant little shit at times. My mum, I think she accepted I was gay, but couldn't stand the way I was living my life. She was constantly caught in the middle of battles between me and my father and I think she was so relieved when I finally left home she couldn't even show that she would miss me, so I took it that she just didn't care. That hurt Sy, it really hurt."

"So I set off on my own at seventeen to live the high life, only keeping in touch with Jane. The excitement didn't last long though, reality hit home pretty soon, but I learned to fend for myself, to survive in a world where if you couldn't stand up for yourself you were likely to be exploited. I guess I got pretty hard hearted, developed an armour and prevented myself from getting too close to anybody so that I couldn't be hurt again."

"You still have that armour don't you? Its part of your Superman outfit!" he teased.

"On don't tell me you have a thing for men in tights Sy."

"I hurt you all the time don't I? Why do you keep taking it Christian?"

"Not now Sy, I thought we weren't going to do this just now."

"Christian."

"Yes"

"I love you."

Christian opened his eyes, put finger under Syed's chin lifting his face letting their lips meet for a light kiss,

"I know you do." He whispered.

"But you said..."

"I said I didn't know what was in your head Sy, I knew you loved me, as I love you, I just didn't know if you knew that you loved me."


	7. Chapter 7 Pure as Snow

**Chapter 7 – Pure as Snow**

Christian lay on the settee every nerve end tingling waiting for Syed's next move. He heard him preparing the hot tub and clattering about in the kitchen. The image of his skin glistening with droplets of water brought a smile to his lips, and he turned his head hoping to catch of glimpse of that lean lithe body and the lip bite that accompanied any activity when Syed was concentrating.

"Don't you dare Clarkey, I told you to keep your eyes shut."

Christian tried for an apologetic face at being caught out, but his lopsided grin gave him away. He sighed; the last few days had been idyllic, better than anything he could ever have imagined. They had made a pact to live for the moment and without the pressures of the outside world they had created a cocoon in which their love had thrived.

Syed returned and climbed back on to the sofa, his knees straddling Christian's hips and he leant forward kissing him lightly on the nose and each eye, their cocks pressing against each other through their boxers sending a shudder their bodies.

"Have you been a good boy?" he purred into Christian's ear. "No peeping I hope."

"I was getting lonely without you. Can I look now?"

"No, but you can feel."

He took a hand in his and dipped one of Christian's fingers into a jar covering it in a hot silky liquid and brought it to his own mouth and licked it from top to bottom, swirling his tongue around it sensuously, and then bent forward to run his tongue over Christian's lips. Christian pressed wet sloppy kisses along his jaw and hummed in approval.

"Want some, do you?.

Before he could answer, Syed drizzled a ribbon of warm chocolate across his abs, proceeded to lick him slowly until it was clean, moving back up for a kiss sharing the taste. Christian pulled him into a deeper kiss smearing the remnants of chocolate across his face and neck.

" More?".

Christian nodded. This time Syed poured a puddle onto Christian's chest, using his fingers to spread it out. Christian could hear Syed sucking his fingers clean and throbbed in anticipation waiting for the warm wet tongue to do its worst. When nothing happened frustration overtook him, his fingers carded through Syed's hair pulling him down. When they made contact he let out a gasp of surprise when the ice cube in Syed's mouth was pressed hard against his nipple, the chocolate underneath it congealed instantly. As Christian recovered his senses Syed assaulted his other nipple then dropped the ice allowing it to roll down his chest, down his abs coming to rest at the waistband of his boxers. He groaned as Syed's fingers teased the waistband threatening to push the ice cube further. He wasn't fast enough though as Christian flipped them over pushing their chests together smearing the now gooey chocolate between them. His eyes shot open to see the wicked grin that Syed was now sporting. "You're a bad man Syed Masood!"

He stood up dragging his giggling lover behind him heading for the hot tub before they risked incurring extra cleaning bills. This was their last night together in this haven, and they wanted to make the most of the sensation of the swirling water, with the backdrop of the setting sun.

They eventually stumbled to bed clinging to each other tightly, not parted even once sleep overtook them.

Syed woke first staring at the clock willing it to stop, to give them more time, but it ticked relentlessly on. Christian had wanted to go to the station with him, but he couldn't do it, the public farewell. He considered getting up now and slipping away while he still slept, but he couldn't do that to him. So he waited, listening to his heartbeat, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest until he simply had to touch and to taste him again, one last time before he went.

Christian stood at the window staring down the hill long after the taxi had departed. He felt bereft, a cold chill setting in his stomach. A dread that the torrid goodbye was not just for the two days before he himself returned to Walford, but that this marked the end of their affair. Somehow he knew, just knew that life would never be the same again.


	8. Chapter 8 Cold Water

Chapter 8 – Cold Water

'Shit' thought Christian deleting the five messages from Jane offering to meet him at the airport. He texted, inviting himself over for tea. He hated lying to her, it just wasn't his nature. He closed his eyes and allowed the rhythmic sound and motion of the train lull him into a soporific state. It was almost as though it was taunting him 'Sy – ed ; Sy – ed; Sy – ed' it seemed to say. Images of nubile limbs, of dark sweat soaked curls stuck to golden skin, of hooded eyes and pouting lips paraded in front of his eyes. Now was time to face up to reality, of not being able to reach out and touch him, of working alongside him pretending they were no more than friends? Next time they met, he thought bleakly, Syed would probably put his head down to avoid his eyes and rush on by like he didn't exist. Why did it have to be so hard? Is this what love was – walking the tightrope between elation and despair? Despite the idyll of the last few days seeing the grey confines of cities passing by the train windows pulled his mood further and further into the black.

He seriously considered not returning home at all, a clean break would in the long run be less painful than watching their love slowly get strangled by Syed's forthcoming wedding, and what a high to go out on. But there was also Jane, Lucy, Peter and Bobby to consider. Reconnecting with his sister had been the one good thing that had come out from that fated liaison with Ashley. He shuddered at the thought that less than a year ago he was going to sell himself out for security, thinking that love was a fantasy. He knew better now, and for all the pain nothing, nothing at all would make him regret what he and Syed had found. Finding his way back to Jane had given him a sense of home that had been missing throughout his entire adult life and that she came packaged with the twins and Bobby was an added bonus, just a pity that meant Ian Beale too, but he had the measure of him. Lucy had bitterly disappointed him blackmailing Syed, but in a way he understood why, if not what she did. She may have been misguided but she did care about him, care that he was hurting – and he didn't mind admitting it was nice that someone else actually knew. It was just all so black and white for her, as it would have been for him in his former life. Not out the closet, well move on, there are plenty more nubile young bodies to explore. Even though he was growing older, it was still true, he could turn heads, hold his own against the younger generation, it's just it wasn't enough anymore. Lucy was young, with her whole life ahead of her; she couldn't be expected to understand that. Pathetic she had called him, pathetic! He bristled at her cheek knowing full well that the reason it annoyed him so much was that she was right, he was pathetic. Syed had reduced him to this.

The announcement of the train's arrival in London broke through his soul searching reverie. He wasn't ready for Walford yet, he needed a drink, needed the familiarity of days gone by. He walked into the club, it was late afternoon so while the music thumped and lights flashed there were no humming throngs of tightly packed bodies to contend with. Roy at the desk stowed away his luggage and the barman gave him a cheeky wink as he poured him a double. He tossed it back in one, feeling the alcohol burn the back of his throat. Strong arms snaked around his waist.

"Christian honey, where have you been hiding?"

"Fred, long time, how….." he never got to finish the sentence as Fred kissed him full on the lips and dragged him by the hand to join his friends. There were five in total; it was clear by the state of them they had been there all afternoon and they had shots lined up. The laughter and the drinks flowed and Christian's mood eased. He was sitting beside an Australian called Sam, on his gap year working the bars in London; he was tanned, blonde hair, blue eyes, mid height but well built. He flirted outrageously with Christian, who responded in kind loving the uncomplicated banter. They tried to drag him onto the almost empty dance floor, but he wasn't drunk enough to do that so he promised to get more drinks in and let them go.

He ordered a round, and as he turned the corner to go to the bathroom Sam was waiting for him, one hand around his neck pulled him in for a serious snog, the other cupped him and his body responded instantly, his head kicked back and he closed his eyes letting the familiar stirrings overtake him.

"I've got a place round the corner." Sam hissed in his ear.

The sound of his phone brought him back to reality, he stepped back staring into Sam's eyes, the brightness of the blue contrasted against the brown he wanted to see and the blonde cropped hair just served to remind him how much he missed the dark curls wrapped around his fingers. He wrestled the phone from the pocket of his jeans and was relieved to hear Jane's voice worried about where he was and chiding him for not being in touch. He extricated himself from Sam's embrace, ignoring the whimpers of protest and gave his apologies and left. He took a taxi straight to the Beale's house.

Jane hugged him and rebuked him in equal measure.

"Are you drunk Christian? I would have thought you would have had enough with two weeks of sun, sea and sex. I was hoping you would help out tonight, there's a function on and we're really short staffed."

"Not a chance, I'm still on holiday until tomorrow morning." She pushed a plate of food in front of him and kept us a steady stream of chatter complaining about the café, Ian, the kids, life in general. He nodded his head in sympathy not really listening but agreed to stay and watch out for Bobby. A petulant Lucy announced her arrival in a strop complaining bitterly about having to change her plans for the evening. She caught sight of Christian and looked at him quizzically.

"What you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too darling." He quipped, "Massala Queen T-shirt suits you. Why have they roped you into this, I thought there were plenty troops under Zainanb's thumb to deal with all eventualities."

"Hasn't Jane told you," She said incredulously, "Syed came home from his course and broke off the engagement with Amira, she's gone home to her Dad and he's gone AWOL."


	9. Chapter 9 Letting off Steam

**Chapter 9 – Letting off Steam**

Christian felt his heart skip a beat, and his breathing still. He could see Jane's lips moving but he couldn't hear her words. In his state of shock he felt like he had slipped into an alternate world where time stood still, everything around him seemed to move in slow motion, voices becoming a blur as the words rolled around in his head 'Syed broke off his engagement.'

It was Lucy who came to his rescue. She grabbed him by the hand, mobilising him, dragging him back into the real world.

"Uncle Christian can help me load everything up, won't you?"

Christian nodded obediently following Lucy to the kitchen which was piled high with boxes, cutlery and tablecloths.

"I thought you knew, I thought he would have told you?", she whispered.

Christian looked at his phone; there were no messages, no missed calls. He punched in Syed's number but it went straight to answer phone. He left a desperate message and turned back to Lucy, following her to the unit. They heard Ian's voice and she pressed boxes into his hands and taking keys she led him outside to the car and started loading up.

"What happened, what do you know?"

"Not much, I haven't seen him myself, though he was at work the day he got back. Masood told Jane it was all over with Amira and she had left. Tamwar escaped to Libby's because the house was in an uproar, with all the arguments. Apparently this morning he was gone – no-one knows where he is. I thought he had maybe met you at the airport and you had gone off together. He didn't say anything?"

"No, I haven't spoken to him since…" he stopped himself before telling more than he meant to, "Look Luce, I have to find him, can you cover?"

"For goodness sake Lucy, haven't you got this loaded yet!" Ian interrupted them. "and you, Christian, you're coming too, flippin' Masood's totally unprofessional letting their family drama's come before business, dropping us in it like this."

"Not me, I promised Jane I would look after Bobby." countered Christian.

"No need, I have just left him with Pat, so no excuses I only need you to help set out. The reek of booze off you I can't put you in front of the customers." he moaned bundling them both into the car and dropped them off at the venue. Left on their own Christian and Lucy racked their brains as to where Syed might have gone. They phoned around various people who might have seen him, but no joy.

Ian returned with the food and chastised them both for their lack of progress and while Ian, Jane and Lucy bickered with one another Christian managed to sidetrack Tamwar who was only too happy to be drawn away from yet another family argument.

"No Syed?" asked Christian innocently.

"No – of course you haven't heard Syed's gone into hiding leaving the family in meltdown yet again." muttered Tamwar.

"Meltdown, what's up"?"

"You're asking the wrong person, I only live in the house, you don't expect anyone to tell me what's going on. I can't understand it myself, why on earth would Syed want to give up on Amira, she's beautiful, she's funny. I just don't get it. And as for Mum… well she didn't even like Amira that much – so why is she making such a fuss about them splitting up?"

"So where do you reckon he's gone?"

"Syed? – anyone's guess, he might have gone back to Leeds, or maybe he has come to his senses and gone after Amira, he's done it before."

"So you think he's left Walford? Wouldn't he at least let you know where he was, that he was OK?"

"Oh you don't need to worry about my brother Christian, he'll be OK, nothing sticks to him for long. He always lands on his feet – he just leaves a trail of chaos in his wake."

Realising he was going to get nothing more he slipped away and got a taxi back to Walford. He dropped by the Vic, R&R searching everywhere, likely or unlikely, that Syed might be lying low away from his parents.

'Where are you, you silly bugger?' he thought after trying for the tenth time to phone him.

Defeated he went home, picked up a pile of mail sitting at the outside door and climbed the stairs. He tossed his keys into the bowl, frowned when he saw Syed's phone on the table. He picked it up, 28 missed calls, looks like he wasn't the only one trying to track him down. He looked around and there curled up on the sofa; fast asleep was his missing lover.

Christian crouched down on the floor looking at his tear stained face, he was clutching a stripy cushion, cuddling it close to him like his life depended on it. He looked exhausted.

'Poor baby' he thought and kissed him lightly on the temple, got up and drew the curtains then covered his sleeping form. He poured himself a drink, texted Lucy and perched on the end of the sofa watching Syed sleep. The fascination no less diminished by the relief that flooded his veins just knowing he was safe, knowing he had set himself free, knowing that he was here. His fingertips idly drew light circles on Syed's ankle bone, Christian relished the slight contact but was careful not to wake him. He finally relaxed and closed his eyes trying to make sense of the day.

He felt a thumb softly run over his fingers and opened his eyes to see Syed had finally loosened his grip on the cushion and was looking up at him.

"Hey"

"Hey, what are you doing over there?"

"I didn't want to wake you. Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"I needed you. I'm sorry I 'borrowed' Jane's keys. I had to get out of the house."

Christian leaned over wrapping their bodies closely together, kissing across his cheek bones down the line of his jaw. "I heard."

"You did?"

"Uh huh"

"Then you know…."

"I know"

They kissed, a slow languid kiss, just enjoying the contact.

"I missed you so much, I realised I couldn't go back to hiding from you, to hiding from myself. I love you too much."

"I love you too"

"So what now?"

"Now my beautiful boy, we go to bed."


End file.

EastEnders, Angst, Romance