Final Fantasy X 1. Falling

...

**-Bevelle Temple, The Wedding-**

"I can fly."

I watch your faces as you all stare at me. My guardians, my friends; a look of disbelief marring all your gentle features, and then finally, I see you. Confused. Exhausted. Desperate. Your blue eyes are locked on mine, staring back as your lips part, your hand reaches out to grab me, but it is too late. I am falling.

I've closed my eyes, tilted back my head, let my body lean as I finally surrender and I am flying, leaping backwards into the chilly Bevelle wind as it swooshes loudly past my ears. I can feel its force blow violently all around me, consuming me, drowning out the frantic sound of your voice when you cry out my name.

But I cannot respond.

I can't move. I can only fall. Fall faster and faster; sink farther and farther away. A feeble victim to gravity's violent pull.

I did not admit this to you back then, but before you had all arrived, I felt fear. So much fear, and that _embarrassed_ me. I wish I could say I was as brave as you all thought me out to be, but humans are not always that tough, and even I can admit to being very fragile.

But then I find my strength. I awaken, open my eyes, and I remember: **You came back.** You all came back.

Did you know? Before I put on this wedding dress, I whistled. Before I tread down the aisle to become Seymour's wife and before I held the bouquet, readied my hair, walked in forlorn silence as all of Bevelle's eyes feasted upon me – before I got us all into this turbulent, unforgiving mess... I _whistled_. Just like you told me to. And here you are. You promised, and you were right. All I had to do was hope. All I had to do was remember.

And now I am ready.

I outstretch my hands, reach out to the miniature forms that shrink smaller and smaller as the distance between us grows, and I summon. Right there, in the air, Valefor materializes into life then dives down, dips his massive form into the wind and _soars__._ He glides with ease, thrives with effortless splendor, then catches me. It's as if my weight has suddenly returned to me, and I shift then settle when I land abruptly atop the callused surface of his body. I am safe. Gravity no longer holds me; I've fallen into the hands of another companion, of another friend.

But I have not forgotten.

I look up, and I can no longer see you. Can you see me? I can only hope so. I can only hope.

And that is all that I've done lately, you know. **Hope.** I hoped then that you would trust me. That you would see my falling form and remember the promise you made to me, which you kept, and the one I have made to you, which I still, to this day, intend to keep. Valefor's wings cover me, protect me, and I can no longer see where you stand. I understand, in this very moment, that I am on my own once again.

But that's alright.

I am alone, but I am okay. I'm not scared, you see. I'm no longer afraid. I trust you. I know you. And I hope, with all that is within me, that you find the strength within you to fight, to lead the others, to not let your emotions cloud your judgment, just this once.

That is my silent prayer. I pray that you will all turn out safe, that this will soon come to an end, and that I will find my place among all of you soon. I pray I return home. I pray I return to **you**.

Oh, but you don't know, do you? What happens... When this all ends.

"Just trust me," I find myself saying aloud. I arrive onto the entrance of the Chamber of the Fayth, clutching my staff tightly within my grasp, a poor attempt at controlling the slight tremor that grows within my hands and threatens to seize what's left of me.

This is the last aeon before we reach Zanarkand. The final step before we reach your home. Your city. Oh, how I would love to see it - To catch the look on your face when we find it.

But now is not the time for such thoughts. I must go on. I must finish this. My mind is submerged entirely into my duties, my heart fluttering humbly to the thought of you; but I simply ignore. I simply endure. I didn't know back then what your emotions held for me - Looking back now, I even find it a bit funny.

You should know: I never once stopped thinking about you. Even then, I knew. Even then, I was sure.

So I take a deep breath, then manage my first few steps as I am brought closer to the end of my journey. The conclusion of my pilgrimage. My one duty as a summoner.

_Just please, _I think slightly to myself, mostly just for you.

_Trust me._

...

...

...

**-Inside Bevelle Temple, Chamber of the Fayth-**

The world around me has become a blur. My vision is hazy and disoriented, but I can hardly understand why. I arrive, make my way into the Chamber of the Fayth and almost immediately, I am falling to my knees.

_I'm so weak._ My body is a burden I seemingly can no longer carry, and I am _tired_. The staff in my hands clanks loudly against the ground, and I feel the impact of where my skin met the floor throb numbly at my knees. I want to move. I _have_ to move, but something inside of me falters. I can feel it in my core, inside my bones. An endless void. A depressing desertion.

What is this? It must be the aeon, I finally conclude after a moment, bringing myself to stand wobbly upon my throbbing feet. It must be this place, the circumstance - everything.

In all of my confusion, I walk carefully, slowly, trying hard to compose the thoughts inside my head and bring my mind into steady focus. When I reach the monument in which the aeon sleeps, in which the fayth resides, I bring myself down onto my knees, close my eyes, and commence my bureaucratic practice.

I pray.

My body threatens to give out, and I can feel my strength begin to ebb away. Why is this happening? How can this be? I focus harder, try harder, pray harder, and summon all my will and strength into this one simple act.

I must defeat Sin. I _must_ obtain the final aeon.

Beads of sweat are forming on the surface of my skin, running down the side of my face as I clasp my hands tighter together, will myself completely still. My body is embedded in a foreign heat, overcome by a sudden power, and I find relief: It is happening. It's about to occur.

But then I feel the fayth come to life inside of me and I gasp. A splinter stabs at my heart, my own chest coiling tightly and compressing with sudden shock.

It's a child.

_The fayth is just a little boy!_

The realization almost brings tears to my eyes. He stands before me; his ghostly form hovering over the sleeping body of Bahamut as he begins to sing the Hymn of the Fayth. His voice is small and high-pitched - playful and young; stringing every word together with the youthful purity that only a child can muster, and he sings for what feels like hours.

In his song, he absorbs my spirit, and I accept his. With more will, with more strength, I screw my eyes shut and pray and pray and pray with all of my heart, until the goosebumps have washed over my body and my soul is standing completely still.

I can feel his grief... His heartache.

I witness the way that he died, the way he lost his family and all of his friends. His ruined hopes and shortened life. How Sin destroyed his home, took with him a child's dreams, a child's innocence, and I understand. Suddenly, the small fayth rises, and with a brilliant flash he swoops right through me and steals the breath away from me.

That is when I faint. My exhausted form falls helplessly towards the ground and I can almost feel the harsh impact of the stone against my cheek when suddenly, something grabs me.

**And it's you.**

You've caught me in your arms, you hold me gently, look down at me with worry carved onto the features of your face. If only I could speak, but my voice is lost within my throat. If only I could move, I would reach out my hand and touch you; press my finger lightly over the cleft of you chin, tell you that I truly am alright. That I've done it. I want to muster all that I've wanted to say; what I've been meaning to tell you.

But it's useless.

I do not posses the courage or the strength.

Consciousness is slipping away, and I am falling once again, only now into a deep, uncertain slumber. Only now into the safety of your arms. Since I can't speak, I wonder. The final thought flickering inside my mind.

_Thank you, _I think, and if only you could hear me. _Thank you, thank you, thank you._

I hear you whisper my name. Your voice is soft and gentle, and I wallow on its echoing sound; the way it lingers on my skin as I try to cling on to it, but it eventually only lulls me more into my sleeping state, and I can no longer wonder. The world has turned black, my mind has deserted me.

Still, you should know: to this day, your voice remains my favorite sound.

...

...

...

**Author's Note:** The previous memoir takes place in Bevelle after Yuna marries Maester Seymour Guado (yuck!) and she acquires Bahamut as an aeon. This is fairly close to the ending of the game but, to be fair, I've always just divided this game into two sections: a) What happens before the kiss and b) What happens after it. Since this is the most important scene right after he truly comes to blows about her fate and realizes his growing feelings for her, I decided to begin the memoirs here. This is a story about them, after all.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading. Leave a review if you would be so kind. Your feedback is super helpful!


	2. Isn't It Wonderful?

I'm losing hope.

My life is far from what most people would consider to be normal, what with my responsibilities as a young High Summoner and all – but still; I do believe I have been very lucky. At least so far.

Even though my mother passed away when I was young, and my father left when I was only little, I still consider my childhood to have been easy. Or, I should say, _simple_.

Growing up in Besaid had its benefits, I guess. Life in the island was calm – boring even. Becoming a young woman in such a place had its hardships, though. There were so many things I could not understand, so many questions that kept popping up and then lingering, prodding persistently at the walls inside my head until I achieved massive headaches, but Lulu was always there to offer guidance. Wakka was always there to offer his strength, and whenever that wasn't enough, I could always venture next door to play with Chappu, or enjoy Kimahri's benevolent silence. These are some of the things I remember enjoying the most. These are some of the things I remember taking the most for granted.

And now, when I find myself so far from home, branded a traitor to my own religion and caught withing this turmoil, I cannot help but wonder: Who would I have been if I never would've become a summoner? If I wasn't Lord Braska's daughter? If I didn't have a legacy I had to live up to?

I wonder.

_Who would I be?_

The thought is tempting, and it whets my mind with curiosity. I can't help but feel that, to some extent, perhaps I would even be a better person. Wiser. Smarter. Funnier. A care-free, happy person; just like Rikku or Wakka or, well... You.

But you see, no matter how much I allow myself these thoughts, reality always finds its place back into existence, and I am reminded once again of my purpose. Of why I am here.

I know, better than anyone else: **I chose this life. **I cannot imagine myself being any other way. It simply would not be me. I wouldn't be Yuna.

I know you'd be surprised if you knew, but these were some of the thoughts that kept scurrying around in my mind. You often commented on how I always seemed to be so calm, so "level-headed", despite my circumstances. I can't help but laugh. If only you knew how far from the truth you were.

But you see, I've simply learned not to wallow in my emotions. I've learned to never let them govern me. I had to. A summoner cannot be runaway with their feelings – not ever.

That is why, when you appeared, everything changed. Everything.

I remember Wakka mentioned something about you looking like Chappu and, although I couldn't see it at first, I think I know exactly what he meant now.

You may not really look like him, but you become him. I see him in your smile sometimes. I see him in your eyes. It was once when I caught a glimpse of your unguarded face that I realized what it was: Honesty.

You were both so honest. So brave. Yes, I said it – _brave. _I don't know what your father ever made you believe about yourself, but I think you are a good man. I always have. I just... I've just never found a way to tell you.

_I never found a way to tell you any of this..._

What I'm trying to say here, is that I always knew who I was. Unlike you, I've always known. I've always been sure. It was set in stone from the very beginning: I am Yuna. I am the daughter of Lord Braska, vanquisher of Sin and some day that responsibility will fall onto me. I will have to give up my life for the safety of this world, and it is that simple.

I was so sure. _Certain._ It never once occurred to me that perhaps seven-teen was indeed a young age to die. It never once occurred to me the possibility of _waiting_, like you said, of having children or finding a spouse. I never once allowed myself these thoughts because I knew: love was not an option. I had a role in this world. This was my role.

But then you came, and you changed everything. Did you know that? You changed it all.

...

...

...

**-Macalania Woods-**

"I'm sorry."

Your apology is sullen, and I can't help the bittersweet emotions that sprout along my core. I feel saddened, but I also feel joyed. An impossible combination and yet I feel it. I think I'm beginning to grow accustomed to the impossible, because there you stand, loitering along my side, offering your apology, convinced somehow that you've done me wrong.

I turn to face you, and almost immediately I feel something flutter lightly inside my chest. I wish I had enough experience at these things to be able to control my emotions better, but I can't. At this moment, I can't.

You told me about how you "found out". How they told you everything.

So now you know, huh. It is the cold truth...

**I will die when we defeat Sin. **The final summoning will take my life along with it.

Your expression seems uncertain, a heavy mournful veil burdening your gaze. "It's just, you know... All those things I said". A pause, then you continue: "Like 'let's go get Sin!', or about Zanarkand... I didn't know what would happen to you, Yuna."

_I know_, I think, and I wish I had the will to stop you right there before you go on and apologize any further, but the words stay glued on my tongue, and I can't speak. I just wait, stand still and patient as you conclude your statement by saying, "I hope I didn't make you sad. Forgive me."

_How little you know._

"I wasn't sad," I shake my head. "I was happy".

And I meant it.

_You have made me so happy._ I want to say more – belabor my emotions until I feel that you completely comprehend. I can feel them burgeoning inside of me, itching on the tip pf my tongue with the desire to speak, to _say,_ but my back is turned to you so that I can't see you, and I choose to focus instead on my breathing, to remain calm and composed.

It's funny; I almost feel like a little kid, fluttery and jittery with uncontrollable excitement. But this is all happening within me, and you don't even have a clue.

Or maybe you do, because the next second you are diving down into the pool of water that surrounds us, swimming for a bit as you enlarge the distance between us, then resurfacing with a loud gasp. I watch you gulp for air, and allow my eyes to fall onto you, study you, unguarded as your gaze is preoccupied someplace else. I wonder what you're thinking; what's going on inside that mind of yours.

You're floating on your back when I hear you call my name. "Just don't do it," you say, and I can't help my surprised reaction.

"You mean the pilgrimage?"

"That's right". You're standing now, your eyes locked intently on mine as if to challenge me, before you swim around a bit more, now shortening the length of space between us. I can almost feel my pulse inside my ears when you continue, "Forget all about Sin, about being a summoner... Forget all that! You know, live a normal life. Come on now, Yuna, what do you say?"

_What do I say?_

**Excitement. **

It hammers violently against the cage of my chest, and I have to take a moment to compose my thoughts back into order.

_Could I really? Could I do that?_

"Maybe I will."

I can tell my response has pleased you, and something inside me smiles along with you when I see the corners of your mouth curl up almost instantly. Then you're standing right before me, and I can feel the anticipation tickle along the base of my stomach.

The possibilities seem endless; an abyssal map that stretches on as far as the Farplane itself. So grand. So _endless_. At that moment, my life is my own, my decisions carry my wishes and mine only. I live merely for myself, and I feel great, **bold**, tremendous in size as if the hopelessness I'd been submerged into was nothing but a fleeting dream, and the true me is blooming at the seed planted by your words.

_But- _

**Worry.**

It finds its place again inside my heart as my mind wanders back to the others. How would they feel? We've come this far, and for what? So that I can quit my pilgrimage? I sincerely dread the response when I ask you if you think the others would be surprised.

"Yeah," you say simply. "Except Rikku. She'd support you." Perhaps you notice my expression, because you press on: "Lulu and Wakka wouldn't hold out long!"

"Kimahri would say yes too, I know. But Sir Auron..."

_Sir Auron._

I can feel a strong wave of guilt wash over me. If there is anyone I know has walked through nails and fire to get me to where I stand today, I know that it's Sir Auron. He served my father, then served me. His highest honor has been protecting what has been most beloved to me, and here I am about to abandon him... How could I?

"I'll make him understand, Yuna. It's the least I can do for you."

"No, I should tell him. He deserves that much", and with those words I have decided: _That's it. I'm doing it. _**_I am quitting my pilgrimage._**

There is a long moment of silence, and I remember that we let it go uninterrupted for what felt like a long, blissful time. Allowing the thought to sink in, to materialize into realization, my new reality taking form almost immediately as I entertain the thought of a new, independent life.

Why shouldn't I? I deserve to be as happy as anyone else, don't I?

_We are not brought upon this world to suffer, _I think to myself as I float over the water, stare up at the perfect Macalanian night sky. The moon is big. Bright. Incandescent. Unforgiving in its radiating light. Just like my new future.

_Our lives are our own. Our destinies are for **us** to decide._

"What will I do when I give up my pilgrimage?" I ask.

You take a moment to respond, and I can imagine the features on your face mend with concentration as you wonder, consider: What _would_ we all do?

"Hey," you suddenly exclaim, your voice a mixture of optimism and excitement. "I know! Let's go to Zanarkand!"

_What?_

"Uh, not the one in Spira – The one I'm from!"

"Ah," I muse, allowing my mind to tread lightly upon the possibility.

"Yeah, we can all fly there! Everyone can go! Then, we'll have a big party at my place!"

You sound so happy. I can't help but feel it too. "And then we could see blitzball!"

"That's right!"

"Your Zanarkand Abes would play..."

"Yeah."

"We could _all _watch you play, in the stadium all lit up at night. I'd cheer and cheer until I couldn't cheer anymore!"

You chuckle with amusement before nodding your head and agreeing even more. My heart is already beating so fast – I press on and ask, "Well, what about after the game?"

You give me a look that implies as if I hadn't realized the obvious: "We'd go out and have fun!"

"In the middle of the night?"

You laugh. I realize my question must have sounded silly.

"No problem," you retort, taking a step towards me as I stand before you. "Zanarkand never sleeps!"

And then your head is tilting back, your eyes closing by themselves, your arms floating over the water's surface as you bask under the silver pool of moonlight, lose yourself inside the thoughts of your home. I think of your eyes, the color of the sea, the drops of water that fall from the unruly strands of your sunlight-colored hair. Your tanned skin, your broad smile, all the things that contrast with my own nature, my own appearance.

I hear the sharp intake of your breath, followed by your voice. You muse about the sea, saying we could all venture out and go there. You talk about the sunrise, how the skies tinge with red and yellow, "_almost like it's on fire!_". You think and reminisce. You dream and you smile. I cannot help... But feel so suddenly out of place.

The sunrise. Blitzball. The sea. A city that never sleeps. Buildings so tall that they make you dizzy. So many people bustling in the streets that you never run out of a new face to meet...

This is your world, Tidus. Your world and the only life you've ever known. It is your haven and your bliss, but... It's not mine.

**It's just not mine.**

I would do anything, and I suddenly wish there _was _something I could do. I want to go. I want to go to your city, to your home, into your arms. I want that more than anything, and I've never wanted so much in my entire life.

I can't help my tears; they well up and spill from my eyes. I wish I wasn't this weak – I wish that I was stronger, but I feel a pang in my heart that I simply have never known before.

This is heartache. Selfish, plain heartache. Because I know we can't do this. Because I know I can't just run away. I can't just _be. _**I can't just be with you. **

Your soul dances inside your body, and I can feel it as well as if it were my own. You finish your statement, coming back to me, and your voice is soft and gentle, only an inch short from a whisper when you tell me, "I know you'd like it".

_Yes, I know._

I know like I've never known anything else. **I know that I would.**

And then I crack. I break. Tears fall down my cheeks, form ripples as they land onto the water. Your face is a clear slate of bewilderment, and I'm almost scared you'll think you've done something wrong again.

"Yu-"

"I can't..."

Silence. Dread.

"I just can't!" I'm sobbing. My regret pouring out of me with the sharp, scathing pain of a knife. "I can't go!"

But then you wait, you stand in silence and allow me to let go, to break down as the pain in my chest grows worse and worse. Any possibilities of a different life have vanished. The cold hard truth chips away at any fragile shards of hope that remained within me.

I feel so lost. So _terrible_, and it's as if the sky has collapsed above me. The moon is no longer bright, the night no longer serene, the swift hum of the pyreflies that float and dance around us turns into a screeching, haunting cry. What once was beautiful has turned cold and daunting. What once brought hope brings only the reminder of the dreams that have perished.

Sin.

I cannot abandon my role. I was born to destroy Sin. I will die..._ I will die and I will destroy Sin._

I've been so foolish to allow myself these childish dreams. I shouldn't love you, and yet I do. I shouldn't want you, and yet I do.

I shouldn't miss you.

I shouldn't crave you.

I shouldn't shudder at the sound of your voice.

But I do.

I do. I do. I do.

"Yuna". You reach out, your hands rest heavily upon my shoulders and I look up, shocked, confused. Broken in all my vulnerability but you simply don't care. You say nothing. Offer nothing but a slight bow of your head, a soft, reassuring gaze that melts inside the deep blue of your eyes. I would've held my breath, but I never could have expected what happened next.

**You kiss me.**

Your lips find their place on mine, and the sensation is so foreign and alarming that my whole body freezes stiff. Uncertainty. Panic. But your lips are so warm, so comforting. I catch a glimpse of your closed eyes, of your long, dark eyelashes clumped together with dampness from the water, beads of the liquid rolling down your cheeks much like mine, but for a whole different reason. Then something in me _**zaps**_.

Kissing you was the most normal thing I felt I'd ever done.

I allow my eyes to fall shut, my mouth to respond to yours, and I feel like I'm home. I feel safe. Suddenly in Zanarkand, in the sea, in the blitzball games that consume your life and drive your passion.

I am with you, in every sense, and all my past mistakes, decisions, efforts – they melt away as your arms enclose themselves around me, my haven, my personal sanctuary, and we are soon sinking under the water, flowing with the current like fallen leaves. We're no longer worlds apart. We are one. **We are the same.**

The moon is bright once again, the stars find their rightful place among the heavens. I find the music in the sound of the pyreflies, find my song in the low hum of the life that swirls around us, and all is well. All is right once again.

_I love you, _I think; and for once I don't fight it.

I do not think. I do not decide – I simply allow myself to _be. _I am the most alive I have felt in ages.

To love and be loved...

_Isn't it wonderful?_

_..._

_..._

_..._

**Author's note: **Writing this was interesting. I love seeing the world through Yuna's perspective, and this is the part where I feel she truly comes to experience a side of herself she didn't know she possessed: the romantic side. It's kind of challenging to capture her character well, though, and I'm constantly feeling like I haven't quite done her justice. She's just so many things! Strong but fragile. Funny but serious. An impossible display of combinations that come to a perfect, delicate balance. Perhaps that's why so many of us love her.

Thanks so much for reading, once again.


	3. The Dream Ends

Our existence in this world is so fragile. So weak. An illusion. _A fleeting dream. _

I think I've come to understand more of the boundaries that divide life and death. Both ends are so vast, so infinite, unfathomable in what they truly are and yet the line that divides them is so devastatingly thin. So traversal. A transparent thread of hope between what we can achieve in our existence, and what we manage to leave behind in the end.

All this pain; all this suffering – it will diminish and fade within time. Soon enough, this will only be a memory.

**Us.**

_We_ will only be a memory.

So perhaps that is why Sin has been able to triumph for so long. To exist. To reincarnate. Perhaps that's why he's been able to annihilate town after town, to take so many lives along with him.

Life is precious, vital, important, and yet so dismissive and insignificant in all the same. The loud cries and echoes of countless men, women, children – All their hopes and dreams and values. The war cries. The prayers. In the very end, they are nothing.

**Nothing.**

All lives will eventually perish...

_Every dream must come to an end._

...

...

...

**-Fahrenheit, Upper Deck, After The Final Battle Against Yu Yevon-**

You're a dream.

That's what you told me. You said that the Bevelle fayth told you that, the one that's just a child. The fayth themselves made you up, _created _you. A sliver of their hopes. A mere illusion. Nothing but the manifestation of their capricious whims.

**But that can't be**. I won't believe it. Why would the fayth dream up an entire Dream Zanarkand? A _dream _city full of thousands of different people? Why would they create you, your father, your mother, your story, your name? Why would they make you, and then bring you into our world?

It seems... It's almost cruel.

Your existence carried along with it a promise, a truce: We would find a way to defeat Sin, and we would do it together. With me alive. With you by my side. No more unnecessary quarrel. No more unnecessary death.

"_This is our story, Yuna. Now let's see this thing through together."_

And we did. We did.

But then how come- How come now we're here, we've made it, and you're fading? You're _vanishing._ How come now you're leaving me?

**How come now you're gone?**

We've destroyed Sin. We've found a way to kill it's core, Yu Yevon, and the cycle is complete. The plague is finally over. The spiral of death is ceased. Finished. No more war. No more pain. No more premature goodbyes...

But how come you're fading, Tidus? _**Why are you fading?**_

"No," I whisper, shaking my head. In denial. In disbelief. No. **No, no, no, no, no**.

"Yuna," – You nod – "I _have_ to go."

**No.**

I shake my head. I cannot accept this. I won't have it. I asked you once to stay with me until the end and you said it. You promised:

"_Not until the end. Always"_

"_Always, then."_

The fayth are dying. I know this, even as they are miles away in Mt. Gagazet, I_ feel_ their souls dying. I can hear their moans and cries as they turn to stone, their spirits leaving their exhausted bodies, leaving behind cold, empty shells. Every single one of my aeons have all gone as well, possessed and destroyed by Yu Yevon.

Sin perishes with a giant burst of light. An immense assembly of pyreflies disperse in its place, growing bigger and bigger, forming a cloud so big it lights up the entire sky and covers all of Spira. The people look up at the scene in awe, in wonder, in hope. Hundreds, thousands, _millions_ of the orbs scatter and span across the sky, a blanket of energy, _dying _energy. They once held life. They once formed Sin's body, but now they stray, waiting to be sent to the Farplane, to the afterlife.

So much _death._ So much that it drowns out any celebration, any yearn for festivity. It's all a morbid mess.

Auron is gone.

Jecht is gone.

Sin is gone.

And now **you**. Now you're leaving. And it's not fair. **It's not fair.**

"I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand," You tell me, and I feel a pang at the sound of that word. _Zanarkand_. An ideal that once carried so much hope – and now look at us.

You're walking away. I want to say something. Anything. I can't speak. I can't talk. What can I say to make you stay?

_Please don't go-_

"Goodbye."

With that, you're making your way to the edge of the ship, to jump off and become one with the Farplane. To leave us. To die. To come to an abrupt end all because **_you accept this._**

You let go. You don't fight it. But you fought so hard for me not to accept _my_ fate – to **change **it. You taught me how to hope, to wish, to look beyond the horizon and realize that anything is possible for me.

So then why don't you fight it? _Why don't you stay? _

There must be another way, but time is running out, and your frame grows smaller and smaller as I watch you walk away from us.

Stay. Please. _Stay._

"We're gonna see you again!" Rikku shouts, and you don't even flinch. You don't even hesitate. I have to do something - I don't know what to do._ I have to do something._

Finally, I run. I just run. My feet move by themselves and my body simply follows. I ignore Kimahri's warning tone when he calls my name. I ignore all reason and purpose and know, just _know, _that I have to stop you. You turn to face me, outstretching your arms, ready to catch me. To hold me. I'm almost there, I can feel my skin nearly touch yours but then-

I fall.

I fall right through you. Right through your fading form as I hear the others gasp.

Before I know what is happening, I tumble forward, fall to the ground; the force so strong it throws me over and my temple meets the ground with a solid, arduous **_pang_**. The pain nearly renders me blind, my whole body settling onto the ground helplessly, a failure, and my chest heaves. It hurts. Not just because of the fall, but it _hurts_. My heart _breaks_. I want to cry. I need to cry, but it's like I've suddenly forgotten how to.

I can hear your muffled sobs, your quiet weeping. Mourning. You're fading. You're dying. My ears catch the low hum of the pyreflies that escape your body, and one swirls up from the ground, dances right before my eyes, illuminating my face, flowing up then disappearing.

It's so cruel. Something collapses inside of me, and then it hits me:

**I can't touch you.**

_I will never be able to touch you again. _

Devastated. Defeated. A useless, hapless lump; I stumble onto my feet, use what's left of my strength to hold myself upright, to raise my head high and look forward. I can see the clouds, the sky, the endless, yellow vortex that will soon swallow you and take you over the threshold and into another world. A world no longer mine. My world one you no longer live in.

You've stopped crying, and it takes everything in me not to follow. To do the same. To muster all my strength and courage and finally say it. The obvious truth. The _only_ truth:

"I love you."

And that's it. I've done it. I have said it all and with those simple words given you what little breath resides within me.

I don't know whether you turn around. I can only imagine your reaction. Perhaps you already vanished. Perhaps you're already gone, I'm too late – But no. Not yet. I feel your presence right behind me. You stand so close that I should feel your breath on the back of my neck, but I don't. Breath no longer escapes you; air does not flow through your lungs anymore.

Then your arms drape around me and they're dim, evanescent; glowing as you summon all your will into this embrace. I can't feel them when you wrap them over my chest, but I know that you hold me. Guard me. Protect me. My guardian if only for a second more. My mind still catches on to the memory – the _thought_ of your touch. The heat that used to radiate from your body, the lingering sensations it would leave upon my skin.

I remember it.

I feel it.

Even if it's no longer there. Even if there's no longer contact. It is real. _It's real._ There is nothing realer than this. **Than you, **even as you're fading right behind me, even as you slip away from my grasp.

Finally, I close my eyes. In your silence, I understand. I cope. I accept, and it is enough. It's all suddenly enough.

**You love me too.**

I don't want you to let go. I wish time would stand still, remain this way forever, but it can't, and it doesn't. You let me go - you have to. Then you walk, pass right through me slowly, as if to give me all that's left of you. But there's nothing. I can't sense you anymore. My eyes fix on your back and I watch you fade one last time, tread intently as you finally slip away. My hands clench into tight fists. I fight back the tears that blur my vision.

With a start, you run, jump, then fly into the clouds. Descending and falling. Crossing that thin divide between what is here and what isn't.

And you're gone.

_Gone._

I would feel my heart shatter, but I can't respond. I can't react. I feel numb. Bereft. Desolate. Abandoned. The others wave goodbye. The others let you go. But I can't. I just can't. When you jumped, you took with you a very large, irreplaceable piece of me, Tidus. One I simply can never take back.

And it's over.

Suddenly, it's all over.

...

...

...

**Author's note: **This scene in the game ALWAYS. FREAKIN'. GETS ME. I can only imagine how hopeless Yuna must have felt. It's difficult to fathom such heart-wrenching emotion, and then there's also the task of staying in character - which I hope I did well. I imagine Yuna being an ardent, passionate person on the inside despite her cool exterior so I tried to fit that into her thoughts._  
_

**Side note:** I would like to thank **Fuzzyfezz **for her review of this story. I seriously almost did backflips when I read it, plus it's my first review ever! (There should be an achievement or some sort of celebration for that *throws confetti in the air*) You are so kind and thank you so much for your time and honesty!


	4. Never Forget Them

There are certain things in my life that I've struggled to come to terms with, but no matter how much time it takes me, I always find a way to move on.

It's "the Al Bhed in me", Rikku says. "The Al Bhed are warriors; they always find a way through!" She thinks that's why I've been able to keep so calm, despite the calamitous storm inside me. She says that, but I can't help but feel like it's really something else.

I feel... Stronger, you know?

Maybe that's just what inevitably happens after you experience some form of loss, right? You become callused. Tougher. Harder to break? Like a band after it's been stretched too far and for too long. Changed forever, never returning to your primal state.

But who am I kidding. There is still a fragility in me that _bleeds_ whenever I think of you - Even today. I don't remember when I actually made amends with all that happened - and perhaps I still haven't. But I can breathe now. I can smile. I can tread the sands of Besaid, and feel sincerely content.

I won't lie, there was a time where I felt I couldn't even do that. There were moments, in the middle of the night or a perfect, sunny day where I would have to stop whatever I was doing and just _breathe_. A sudden, sharp pain would randomly erupt within my chest, so arduous and torturous I was literally robbed of all air like if someone had yanked a vital cord that connected all my insides together. The haunting memory of your fading form reverberated violently in my mind, reminding me. _Tormenting_ me.

It felt so... **permanent**. I thought it would truly last forever. Sometimes, it still does. But all pain fades, just like our lives, just like our memories, just like you did.

Pain ebbs away. Even the strongest tidal waves settle into calm waters after some time.

_Time, time, time. _

It destroys so much, and yet it heals everything.

...

...

...

**-Docks, Outside Luca Stadium-**

The wind blows. Strong. Powerful. Seagulls fly in mindless circles around me, their grating caws filling the air and mingling with the sound of the water under the dock. The crashes and clashes of waves against the hard stone are loud and heavy. Constant. Persistent. Much like my whistling.

I whistle. I stand over the dock and I just whistle, whistle, whistle.

**_"If we should get separated, just whistle. I'll come running. I promise."_**

Whistle.

**_"I believe in your Zanarkand."_**

Whistle.

**_"This is my story. It'll go the way I want it...or I'll end it here!"_**

Whistle.

**_"Yuna, I have to go." _**

Whistle.

**_"I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand."_**

Whistle.

**"_Goodbye."_**

Whistle.

"**I love you."**

I take a deep breath, ready to go again. It's all so pointless, but I keep trying. Maybe just for a little longer... If I just keep trying.

"Yuna." Lulu's voice is a loud echo behind me, an abrupt interruption to the sound of the waves and the seagulls, which had already become mere background noise for my ears. I turn to face her. She smiles. "It's time."

Right.

I turn to the sea one more time. Try to say goodbye in some sort of internal way, and perhaps it's just one last attempt at breaking the links of the chain that still binds us, that ties me to you. Perhaps it's one last attempt at mustering my courage, summoning my strength to stand before all of Spira and give my final speech. I don't know. I'm nervous. My mind is still in shambles. But I take a deep breath. I remember: The people are counting on me. My role as a Summoner is not yet complete. Just this one last task and the story of Sin, of you and me, of all of us, will finally come to an end.

The wind blows my hair, ruffles my clothes, warms and comforts my skin. There is a **presence** in it. An entity. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I feel it, and I think: Maybe it's all the whispers of the people of Spira, the legacies left behind by all those who were eradicated by Sin. Maybe it's my father, Mother, Sir Auron, Jecht, you. Maybe it's everyone culminating into this one breath of life, of lingering hope.

I close my eyes. I summon all the strength that I know you would give me if you could. My father's patience. Sir Auron's sense of duty. Jecht's permanent smile. I remember it all, I cherish it all, and it strengthens me. It gives me life.

Just one more task. Just one more duty. My job will be over. My role as a High Summoner will finally be complete.

...

...

...

**-Grand Balcony, Inside Luca Stadium-**

"So, what will you do now?"

"Well," I look at Wakka, admire the smile lingering in his lips. He's trying to be encouraging, helpful. I can't help but smile. That big, stubborn man. So strong and coarse but yet so gentle and caring. "I don't think there's really much I can say. I'll just have to be honest."

"Go get 'em, Yunie!" Rikku encourages, jumping up and thrusting a fist in the air.

Kimahri nods. Lulu's eyes gleam with rare optimism when she smiles; a rare occurrence, but I know it is because they are happy. My friends. They have found peace.

I ignore your absence when I walk over to the edge of the balcony, stand before all of Spira as a loud roar of thunderous cheer and applause explode into the air. So much happiness. So much celebration. So much hope filling every corner of the massive stadium, except the places in which you and Sir Auron should be standing. The empty spaces remind me once again of my purpose. Of the people that should be beside me today, but aren't.

I clear my throat. Clench my fist tightly. My father never got the chance to do this, to announce Spira of his victory. But today I have that chance. Today, I am lucky.

"Everyone," I start, "everyone has lost something precious. Everyone has lost hopes, dreams and friends." The crowd hushes, settling into a sea of silence, of nodding heads that listen intently as I compose my emotions into their long-awaited message. The words every soul in Spira has been praying to hear: "Now, Sin is finally dead. Now, Spira is ours again."

Cheer. Applause. The people jump and hug and cry. I can hear children laughing. Festive balloons float up into the air, ascending to the sky and disappearing from my view like pyreflies. _Hmm._ I fight back a smile. They are so happy. It fills my heart with joy, if only for a moment. I raise my head, speak carefully and slowly as to allow my voice to echo as it booms from the microphone.

"Working together, now we can make new homes for ourselves, and new dreams."

_D__reams._ I think of you. Still, I continue, "Although I know the journey will be hard, we have lots of time. Together we will rebuild Spira. The road is ahead of us, so let's start out today."

Thunderous. Vehement. The people cheer so loud, it's as if they have never known happiness in their entire lives. It almost surprises me, it almost takes me aback. I turn around to look at the others, find them all smiling and laughing as they meet my gaze. They're surprised too.

They're all happy, so profoundly content. I remember this is what I've always wanted in my life: To see the world come together and react in this way. In joy. In harmony.

I look for your face and almost instantly regret it when I remember that I won't find it. But that's okay. That's alright. Something within me understands now. Something inside me aches, but it understands also.

I turn to face the people again, the same way I had done earlier to the sea, attempting to break the chains that bind us, only this time to succeed.

It is time for me, too, to let you go.

"Just one more thing," I say, and the crowd returns to silence. I inhale deeply, feel my chest nearly burst when I conclude my statement. "The people and the friends that we have lost" -I stop, drop my gaze, see your face– "Or the dreams that have faded."

My eyes fall shut. I am suddenly someplace else:

At the beginning of our journey, when I saw you for the first time, exiting the Chamber of the Fayth in Besaid when I had first become a summoner, obtained my very first aeon.

At the deck of a ship, when you were telling me about your father and your mother and your life for the first time.

At the edge of a cliff in Mushroom Rock, overlooking the sunset, lost in my thoughts when you suddenly interrupt me, sit beside me and encourage me to stay strong. The sun reflecting in your eyes. The ocean's glimmering water when I force myself to look away, bashful.

At the temple of Djose, when I awoke from my sleep to find you staring down at me, curious, watching me, laughing at my appearance when I stand up and you catch a look at my messy hair.

On the edge of Bevelle Temple, when I told you I could fly. To believe in me. When I jumped off, closed my eyes and fell into a dream that didn't end until you carried me out of the temple.

I'm inside the Macalania woods, freezing stiff when you suddenly kiss me. Holding your hands when we melt into the water. My fingers intertwining with yours, my body responding to a current I didn't know I even possessed.

I am in Zanarkand, when we all sit around a fire, resting, exhausted and you stand up, put a reassuring hand over my shoulder. You linger, stay, then you go, climb the steep hill to catch a glimpse of your own city's ruins.

I am in Besaid. In Zanarkand. Inside Sin. I am everywhere and nowhere all at once, and perhaps that is simply what happens when you let go. When you make peace with the past.

My eyes open. I am here once again. I feel the relieving snap of the chain, of the link that never allowed me to see beyond my own suffering. I look at the people, see their smiles and their joy. I look at the sky. So big, blue. Eternal. I look up further and further to where I feel you must be –- but then remember I'm looking at the wrong place. I already know. I already have you. **You are within _me_.**

_"Not until the end. __Always."_

A blink. A smile. I close my eyes and can almost feel your arms wrap around me once again, your pyreflies flying by my face. Tears sting behind my closed lids. My lips tremble, and yet form a tiny smile. I utter my last words, my final hopes, my single promise:

"**Never forget them."**

_..._

_..._

_..._

**Author's note:** I was tempted to make this part of chapter 3, but decided instead that it was better if it had its own chapter. Reviews are welcome and very much appreciated. Thank you!


	5. Until We Meet Again

...

**-Besaid, Two Years Later-**

Hey. Guess what.

I can hold my breath underwater for 2 minutes and 41 seconds.

It's not much. It's nothing compared to how long you could hold _your_ breath, but hey, it's something! You'd be proud.

A blitzball match lasts five minutes, so if I keep practicing, perhaps I'll be able to join a blitz team or pick up some other sort of underwater sport? Or... Maybe not. There's just really not much to do these days, unfortunately, so maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part.

Well, It's been two years now since you left. **Two years**... I can hardly believe it.

If you want to know, the others have been doing just fine. Rikku runs around with the Al Bhed collecting relics and treasures within city ruins - Her "quest for fortune", she says. Kimahri has returned to Mt. Gagazet to make amends with his people and has remained there for some time - left only a short while after you did. I hear he's doing well. I think of him often.

Oh, and guess what. You would never believe this: **Lulu and Wakka are married!**

What? I _know_! It all happened gradually, but I guess they kind of just realized their feelings for each other? It's funny, and I know you'd laugh because you kinda called them out on it. I never could've seen it happening and yet there they are!

And me? Well, there's really not much else to tell. I spend my days helping the people of Spira in what small ways I can.

Everyone has been so happy lately. There's rarely any quarrel going on. Well, no serious quarrel anyway. I've had some offers for marriage (not that I really want anything to do with that for now), and I've found myself rather frustrated at the constant prodding of others for me to find a spouse. It's like you save Spira and now suddenly people want you to start being "normal" and do things like live in a hut and cook food and commence to distribute offspring.

**Preposterous.**

But, besides that, I feel fine. Just fine. Somehow, I've managed to cope. I still miss you, though... I really do...

There are times when I look into the water, and see your face. It's odd, but I admit it. The sun reminds me of you too. The sky reminds me of you. The sand reminds me of you. So many petty things that shouldn't matter but still they do because they all remind me of you.

Zanarkand has become a place I have avoided - reminds of too much. Blitzballs and tournaments and even the giggles of little kids bring you prowling to my mind. Sometimes, when I'm in Luca, I hear the crowd cheer and smell the food from the stalls and hear the women gossip about nothing and it all comes flying back. It all comes back to me like a violent wave that crashes into my heart in some weird, painful, freak collision.

Especially so whenever I hear someone whistle.

It took me months before I stopped turning around, heart racing relentlessly, expecting to see you running towards me. Sometimes, I would imagine I could see you appearing from behind a random bush, or a palm tree, or simply walking out of the ocean and into the beach like _magic. _Perhaps it was just me being childish, or perhaps it was just my own way of coping.

But I'm doing well now, you know. So well.

I look around me, see the joy, and know well in the back of my mind that I cannot take full credit for it.

I think the real hero, the real vanquisher of Sin here, is **you**.

No, no. Don't laugh. I'm serious. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. Sin would've just re-spawned after a few years, the cycle repeating itself once again. But you brought an end to all that.

It is that fact that has also helped me understand why your story had to end the way it did. Why in the end, you had to leave us...

Your role was to save not only me, but all of Spira and the fayth. I wonder why? Did you fall in love with this world, even though it was not your own? Was it me? Was it Auron, your father - all of us?

I can only wonder. I can only wish you were here to explain it, but not understanding is not always all that bad; it leaves more room for the imagination.

(By the way, just to flatter myself, I'm going to say that it was because of me. Hope you don't mind.)

And, um... Well. Yeah. I don't think there's really much else to say. There's so much, but yet too much, and then there's nothing left. _Feelings. _They're funny aren't they?

And, well, I wonder where you are. I hope you are okay. I hope that these final thoughts will somehow reach you - and even if they don't, I know that it is all still worth it. Perhaps these memoirs are a bit egoistic of me. Perhaps this is just my own selfish way of letting you go. But I have now, you see. I have.

You will never be forgotten. That was my promise. I know that in the end, when I do pass from this world, my final thought will be the same thing I think about before I fall asleep, the first thing I see when I wake up. **You.** It doesn't matter what I do with my life from this point on. I've been tainted. I've been changed. You've become my beacon - no matter how far apart we are. You draw me forward, you keep me going. Even if I can't see you anymore. Even if I ever reach a point in which I can no longer recall the exact features of your face. Even if time erases all the traces of your laughter, of your voice...

**_I am glad to have met you_**.

Although things didn't turn out in the end the way I would've wanted them to, I have no regrets. Not one.

I will live. I will enjoy my life. I feel... I _know_, I owe that much to you.

I am so thankful to you, Tidus. So, _so_ thankful.

So this is it. The end of my memoirs. The end of our story. The end of this wonderful, painful, mesmerizing period in my life.

It feels so bittersweet growing up, you know - It is a privilege and an honor stolen from many people by Sin before, including you. I have that honor, and I cherish it entirely, but I cannot help but feel an underlying desertion where you should be.

But I guess life simply goes on and I know that, someday, I will see you again. Maybe in the Farplane. Maybe here in Spira. Someday, our story shall continue. I know this with all my heart, Tidus. With all of it.

As for now, I have my friends, my pesky marriage offerings, a slightly chubbier Wakka and my two minutes and forty one seconds.

That is enough.

It is all enough.

...

...

...

Oh! I almost forgot. Just one last thing...

**I love you.**

.: The End :.


End file.

Final Fantasy X, Hurt-Comfort, Romance