Breath of Fire The Darkened Sanctum Parody

The Darkened Sanctum

_XII: "The Path We Chose..."_

It had been several hours since his little visit to BioCorp Laboratories, the blonde young man now passing through the hallways of Ranger HQ. Typing is always so much fun but then Ryu was suddenly hit by a train. Bosch didn't know how Ryu came to ranger HQ but there he was, a grease spot on the floor.

"Somebody should clean this mess up." Bosch took out a mop and mopped Ryu up."All clean!"

Nina cried and cried. Lin said "BOSCH! What have you done to Ryu? I shall kill you for that!"

"Excuse me," Bosch blinked, "Do I know you? Oh yes! You're that annoying cat. I didn't do anything to him except clean him up. So... well... go away."

"Just shut up!" Lin exclaimed. "If you say that one more time I am gonna kill you!"

"Now wait just a minute," Undead captain Zeno suddenly walked out of her coffin and stood by everyone, "Cut it out- I'm trying to be dead in peace. Can't you behave when your superiors are dead?"

"Sorry, Captain, we're just having a little disagreement about Ryu. You see, I had to mop him up, and now this lady's going to kill me, and also that blonde THING is flooding the hallway." Bosch looked down, tears up to his ankles, "That's abnormal."

Nina kept on crying until she stopped. The whole thing looked like a swimming pool. Nina was swimming and Bosch was drowning.

"That ought to kill him," Lin said.

"Well, yes, he does look quite dead," Zeno moved away from Bosch's floating body as it went down the hall and through a door. "I suppose this ends the conversation. Now, where has Ryu gotten off to?"

Ryu washed away in the tears and went down a drain. He smacked against a desk, all soaking wet. When he sat up, there was Elyon in the middle of taking a shower. Blushing, Ryu waved a bit, "Hello."

"AAAH!" Elyon pulled a towel over himself, keeping his ducky close, "Where did you come from? You're making me uncomfortable with you staring at me!"

"Sorry, have you seen Lin?"

Meanwhile, Lin was jumping around shouting "Yeah! Bosch is finally dead!"

"Will you please stop it?" Cupid said. "I am trying to sleep!"

Nina wanted to drain all of the water. She pulled the plug out of the drain and the water went down, scenery and all except the people.

"What! We are on a white screen!" Lin said. "Nina, did you do this?"

"Yes I did," Nina laughed evilly, "My plan is working!"

"Oh my GOD, she can TALK!" Lin screamed, "Foul Nina, where did you put Ryu?"

"Wow, this water IS nice and warm."

"Move over, the ducky doesn't have room."

Elyon and Ryu fought over the bubble soap, both sitting in the tub. They didn't realize Nina's tears had started to fill the room, causing the tub to float. Ryu pulled the plug in the tub but the water refused to leak out.

"...What's all this then?" Elyon looked down, then suddenly fell in. "Help! Help! I can't swim! Aaaigh!"

Ryu watched as bubbles rose to the surface. "...Bye, Elyon. Huh. Now where am I going?"

Lin suddenly woke up. "It was all a dream," she thought. "Darnit! It's 8:00 in the morning! I'll be late for Ryu's conference!"

Lin quickly got dressed. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, took a shower and put on deodorant. "Today I should actually use this stuff," She thought, "I'm always so stinky by noon when I don't wear it! Ryu! Ryu, wake up!"

"Ryu is not here," Bosch suddenly came in, wearing a pink dress, "But I would love to come with you!"

"Mother Theresa!" Lin screamed, taking the toothpaste. "Back, foul demon, less I slay you with the minty whiteness!"

"Have at ye!"

Lin shot the goop at Bosch which got into his eyes.

"IT BURNS!" He jumped into the toilet and flushed himself down, leaving nothing behind but his wallet.

Nina woke up and went to the bathroom. She found the wallet and gave it to Lin. "This is Bosch's wallet?" Lin asked. "YAHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO! I'M RICH! I'M RICH!"

"How much Zenny are in there?" Ryu asked when he came into the bathroom.

"2000000!" Lin shouted. "We can go and buy a weiner!"

"We can buy MORE than a weiner, Lin, let's buy a pet dragon!"

"Okay!"

So they all went to the local pet shop. Adylla the faerie was glad to meet them: "Hello, welcome to the pet store! How can I help yoo? AH! It's yoo, Dragon Boy! How ARE yoo?"

"Pretty good. We want to buy a pet dragon."

"How lucky for yoo, we just got a new one in stock!" Adylla giggled, then floated to a huge cage, "Right in here!"

"Wow," Lin looked in, "Can I pet it?"

"Sure!" Adylla opened it and waved Lin in, "Be careful, because he-"

"AAAAAAAH!" Lin screamed as the dragon ate her, her voice fading with a loud gulp.

"-bites people."

"Sweet! I can use this to finally kill Bosch!" Ryu handed over the zenny then pulled a leash out and tied the dragon to it. "Hurray, now what kind of dragon is this?"

"Big earth dragon! I think it's called Chetyre!"

"I'M HUNGRY," Chetyre bellowed, "FEED ME."

"Let's run!" Ryu said to Nina. They ran out of there as fast as they could, Chetyre following on his leash. The dragon knocked down half of the store as they did. "We'll find Bosch in no time!"

Hortensia popped out of a closet somewhere and stood before them. "Stop!"

"Huh?" Ryu screeched to a halt. "Blind woman! Cool! Can I touch your eyes?"

"NO! Now put that dragon back or I'll kill you!"

"HUNGRY..." Chetyre suddenly ate Nina, "MMM, LUNG FLAVOR."

"EEK!" Ryu looked up, "Bad dragon, BAD DRAGON! Spit out Nina this instant!"

"I told you," Hortensia frowned, "Now I have to kill all of you."

"ME EAT LADY PERSON!" Chetyre yelled. He ate Hortensia up and Ryu said "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY!" After he yelled he cut up Chetyre and Nina, Hortensia, and Lin came out. So did Ryu's missing kitten Fluffy.

"FLUFFY!" Ryu picked up the kitten into a hug, "I love you!"

"Hi, Ryu!" Fluffy said.

"Fluffy? You can talk!" Ryu exclaimed.

"Bad kitty!" Hortensia screamed, "No talking! Bad kitty!"

"Bite me," Fluffy smirked, "I have fire breath."

"Bad kitty!"

Hortensia screamed as Fluffy roasted her into a crisp.

When she turned into ashes the 3 friends ran away. They were late for their conference. When they arrived Captain Zeno said "I see you guys have arrived. We will have a conference today. We will talk for at least 5 hours. All right? Before we begin our conference, I will explain the rules to you. They are:

Do not shout

Do not fight

Speak clearly

When it is break time please stretch

After the conference please pay 10 Zenny to me.

"That is all of the rules. Any questions?"

Nobody raised a hand.

"Okay. Please meet me at the conference room at 3:00."

Bosch ran back when he revived. "The rules are:

One Please shout

Two Please fight

Three Speak like you are sick

Four At break time stab your co-workers

Five When ever you breathe, pay me 1,000 zenny

"Bosch, are you crazy!"

"Yes I am," Bosch smiled crazily, "Doesn't my stupid expression just scream it?"

"YES!" Ryu screamed at Bosch. He ran after him.

"Get awaaaaaaayyyy from each other." Captain Zeno said when Bosch and Ryu stopped all of a sudden.

When the conference started Ryu, Nina, Lin, and Bosch sat in a circle of chairs. Zeno walked around the outside, then patted their heads.

"Duck... duck... GOOSE!" She suddenly ran to the window and threw herself out, falling onto the street below and dying for a second time in her life.

"Woah!" Ryu watched. "I guess our confrence is done. Time to kill Bosch!"

"Hey!"

"Yay!" Lin pulled out a chainsaw, "Let's do it!"

"Hurray," Nina laughed, "My plan is working!"

"Nina!" Ryu exclaimed. "She can actually talk! I shall press the RESET button!" So he did and then...

**BREATH OF FIRE: DRAGON QUARTER**

**NEW GAME**

**LOAD**

**EXTRAS**

"This game SUCKS," Lin pulled it out of the Playstation 2, then suddenly threw it out the window. "I'm never playing that thing again! Let's get out some quality entertainment," She pulled out Metroid Primed: Well-Done and Tasty and popped it in the GameBox. "Woohoo! It's a show time!"


End file.

Breath of Fire, Humor, Parody