Harry Potter Getting It First

A/N: This story was co-written by Legolas-Lover0618. My partner in fanfic crime. Muhahaha....  
  
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the insane plot in this fic.   
  
"Nuh uh! I could get laid way faster than you!" Rang through the Gryffindor common room.   
  
"No way! I have any number of girls lining up for me!"   
  
"I bet I have more!"   
  
"You bet do you? Fine, first Marauder to get laid wins!"  
  
"What do we win?"   
  
"Anything we want," James Potter smiled evilly as he shook hands with his best friend.   
  
"Guys, is this really necessary?" Piped up Remus Lupin, one of James and Sirius' best friends.  
  
"Yes!" they cried in unison, glaring daggers at poor Remus.   
  
"Sorry I asked," he murmured, turning back to his book.   
  
"So when do we start?" Sirius asked, looking around for the first willing woman he could see.   
  
"Right now," James answered, his eyes following a certain red-head. It just so happened that Lily Evans saw James coming, and sped up to a power walk.   
  
"Lily, my darling. You look ravishing this evening," he complimented her as he gracefully fell into step beside her.  
  
"Potter, it's 9:00 in the morning. Go away," she gave him a flip of her auburn hair and turned the opposite direct of where she was previously headed.   
  
"I'll see you later, my love!" James called after her.  
  
"Well, well, Prongsie. Its only, what?" he checked his watch, "Five minutes in and you're already loosing."   
  
"I'm not loosing I'm," he paused to think up a quick lie, "I'm giving you a head start." He puffed out his chest in an dignified manner and strutted past Sirius.   
  
"Whatever you say, Prongsie." Sirius chuckled and made his way over to a group of 6th year giggling girls.   
  
Lily was furious. How DARE Potter and Black stoop to something that low and degrading? Especially when their putting innocent girls on the line! She stomped angrily through the corridors, her Head Girl badge flashing as she passed a torch on the wall.   
  
Lily was never one to ease-drop on other people's conversations, but when she had heard a small snip-it of their conversation, she knew it was her duty as Head Girl to investigate. And what she found out was what sent her over the edge about those two.   
  
She had already been around to the 6th and 7th year Gryffindor girls dorms and was making her way to the Ravenclaw common room. Being Head Girl did have major advantages. Basically, she had warned all the girls in Potter and Black's age range and used a little of her power to threaten them into not giving into either of the boys.  
  
"So how about tonight? I can take you on a tour of Hogwarts' hidden passages," Sirius was leaning on the back of the couch, using his charm on an unsuspecting blonde Gryffindor 7th year.   
  
"Sorry Sirius, but I'm busy," answered a little to quickly. "Maybe next time."   
  
"But-I-," he stuttered, as she stood up and left him there…. alone. Sirius Black had never been alone. He stood there, in the same tempting position he was before, only this time he wasn't charming. He was boiling mad with range.   
  
"Sorry bout your luck ole' chap," James clapped Sirius on the back. He seemed not to notice that Sirius was on the verge of strangling him with his bare hands.   
  
"That's cheating James and you know it!" he bellowed across the common room.   
  
"Hey, its not my fault your charm just isn't enough!" James yelled back.   
  
"Don't you try to play me! You told her not to date me I know it!"  
  
"No I didn't! If anything you're the one who is trying to sabotage me!"  
  
"I haven't told anyone not to date you, James!"   
  
"Then why haven't I gotten a date yet? Usually they can't resist me," James sounded truly puzzled at his last statement. Sirius took sympathy on his friend and stopped yelling.   
  
"You and me both, brother," they sank into the plush red couch in unison.  
  
"Look, all I'm asking is that you stay away from Potter and Black. They're only out to use you and I'm trying to prevent that," Lily pleaded with the 7th year Slytherin girls. Gryffindor was more than happy to comply, and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had both agreed with little persuasion. Why did Slytherin have to be so damn stuck up?   
  
"We don't care. They're the two most popular guys in school. Imagine what it would do for our popularity," Narcissia Black spoke up. All the girls nodded in agreement. Lily let out a frustrated groan and stomped toward the door.   
  
"You know, I don't see why I even came up here. Potter and Black may be low, but I don't think they would ever shag Slytherin trash," at this, she slammed the girls' dormitory door so hard it shook on its hinges.   
  
The girls looked at each other before starting to gossip. The same girl as before stood up on her four-poster bed and cleared her throat loudly.   
  
"So, who's willing to pay for a chance with Potter or my loathsome cousin?"  
  
ONE WEEK LATER  
  
James and Sirius sat on the couch in the common room, both slouched over their knees with their faces buried in their hands. Neither had been able to obtain one date all week. It seemed as though there was a memo they didn't received about the two of them being contaminated with some deadly virus.   
  
"James, am I ugly?" Sirius asked.   
  
"Honestly Padfoot, I'm not at liberty to discuss that," James answered.   
  
"I knew it," Sirius pouted, letting his head sink further.  
  
They lapsed into an odd silence, in which they both fell into thoughts of self-pity. A few minutes later, Sirius spoke again.  
  
"James, does it have to be a girl?"   
  
"Wha-," he stopped a second, shook his head of nasty thoughts, then answered, "that's just wrong, Padfoot."  
  
"Just wondering," Sirius replied.   
  
Another silence fell over the two. Gryffindors bustled in and out of the common room, the occasional female stopping and looking as though she wanted to comfort them. But before she could get to them, one of her friends would drag her away.   
  
Their attention was broken when Remus walked into the room, looking positively flustered. His hair was askew as were his robes. His tie was loose along with the belt holding up his pants. His cloak hung off one shoulder revealing a dark purple bruise on his neck and his oxford white shirt was missing a few of it's buttons. The smile on his face could only be described as goofy, with all his teeth showing and a faint line of lipstick around his lips.   
  
Slowly, he made his way over to where his best friends were sitting and plopped himself down at the end of the couch. He sighed in a dreamy way and rested his arm on the armrest of the couch, giving another sigh. James and Sirius gazed at him with utter fascination.   
  
"Padfoot, I've seen that look before," James whispered over to Sirius, who was still staring at Remus.   
  
"As have I, Prongs," Sirius answered, not moving his eyes from his werewolf friend.   
  
"Moony?" James asked quietly, as to not shake his friend out of his dazed stupor.  
  
"Huh?" Remus answered.   
  
"Moony, who was it? Where was it? When was it?"   
  
"With," he sighed again, "her."  
  
"Could he be more vague?" James asked Sirius, who was still looking at Remus as if he'd never seen him before.   
  
"James, you know what this means don't you?"   
  
"That Moony's in love?"  
  
"No, we both just lost our bet."  
  
TWO WEEKS AFTER THAT  
  
Lily Evans was happier than she had been in a long time. Potter and Black had both lost their bet to Remus Lupin. Something she hadn't expected at all, but was truly happy about. The bet was over, everything was back to normal, and she could finally say yes to James. 


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor