Harry Potter A Whole Mess of Comedy

hp roadtrip by a true  
snape fan  
  
  
  
INTRODUCTION:  
  
ME: Ok as we all know J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter cast. Some one owns " The Blair Witch Project, I own the Backstreet Boys CD, Universal Pictures owns the Bates Motel and Norman Bates, and my mom owns the car. Right quick run down......  
  
READERS: Nooo!!!!!!!! On with the story!!!!  
  
ME: I'll get there if you let me tell you the run down!  
  
READERS: Make it snappy, Snape Fan!  
  
ME: * sighs * Thanks. Ok the cast is ME,* some readers get up and leave* HEY GET BACK HERE!! * they return to their seats * along with HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, MCGONAGALL, DUMBLEDORE, & SNAPE  
  
* readers stare at me oddly *  
  
ME: On with the story.  
A HARRY POTTER CROSS- BETWEEN  
( aka:A Whole Mess of Comedy)  
By Snape Fan  
  
* ME, HARRY, HERMIONE and EVERYONE ELSE are in the car. HARRY HERMIONE, and MYSELF are singing to a Backstreet Boys CD *  
  
SNAPE: * looks at clock on dashboroad * Will you three quit singing? It's nearly midnight and some of us are trying to sleep.  
  
ME: * grips steering wheel tightly * I know, Snape, but I...* yawns * ... Am the one driving.  
  
HERMIONE: * taps me on the shoulder * You trade places with me and I'll drive.  
  
* car stops, I, go to the back of the van and HERMIONE pops into the driver's seat *  
  
SNAPE: * to Dumbledore * I'll trade places with you.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: * snores loudly *  
  
* SNAPE leans forward to see MCGONAGALL reading by wand light *   
SNAPE: Minerva?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Fat chance, Severus.  
  
* car starts up again *  
  
ME: Looks like your stuck sitting next to me, Snape.  
  
Snape: I didn't even want to be in this Fan Fiction.  
  
MCGONAGALL: * whacks SNAPE with book *  
  
HARRY: * stops singing * Are we there yet?  
  
HERMIONE: No  
  
RON: * wakes up * Where's the doughnuts?  
  
ME: * eyes closed trying to sleep * It's not morning yet, Ron.   
  
RON: Oh, can we stop at a hotel or something?  
  
HERMIONE: Well, that's up to Snape Fan.  
  
SNAPE: * shocked at my pen- name * Minerva PLEASE trade places with me.  
  
MCGONAGALL: Nope.  
  
HARRY: * looks out window * Hey the Bates Motel ,vacancy  
  
ME: * snaps awake * What?!, Oh no not this place maybe a Best Western but not here!  
  
* Norman Bates walks over to HERMIONE's window *   
  
N.B.: Looking for a room?  
  
ME: No.  
  
HERMIONE: Yes.  
  
N.B.: * eye twitches * 12 rooms, 12 vacancies, we have showers in every room too.  
  
HERMIONE: Well that's nice, we could book a few rooms,by the way, what's your name?  
  
N.B.: My name is Norman Bates.  
  
HERMIONE: Sure we'll take seven rooms,Norman.  
  
ME: Uh, sorry Norm, but * nods to HERMIONE * we can't stay here.  
  
N.B. Suit yourselves * walks up to the motel *  
  
* I sigh with relief, EVERYONE ELSE stares at me open mouthed, DUMBLEDORE snore loudly again *   
  
ME: WHAT?!  
  
SNAPE: You, Missy, just cost us a good night sleep.  
  
ME: * shocked * A good night sleep?! I just saved our lives!  
  
MCGONAGALL: What are you talking about, girl?  
  
ME: * looks crazy * Norman Bates is insane! Have any of you seen the movie 'Psycho'?  
  
RON: What's a movie?  
  
HERMIONE: Moving pictures  
  
RON: Oh,  
  
HARRY: Yeah I saw that movie a woman checked into that motel and ...Well, died  
  
ME: Bingo, and the same thing would've happened to all of us.  
  
* silence for a few minutes, DUMBLEDORE snores loudly again. SNAPE punches him awake *   
  
DUMBLEDORE: Uh..Quidditch Practice!  
  
ME: Rigggghhhhtttt. Yo, Hermione park the car at the nearest camping ground. My, word what am I saying?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Park the car at the nearest camping ground.  
  
* Norman bates pops out of the back of the van *  
  
N.B.: No, she meant she can't understand why she said the word camping.  
  
ME: * sees SNAPE's wand in his pocket and grabs it *  
  
SNAPE: Hey!  
  
ME: stupefy  
  
* Bates blacks out in the back of the van *   
  
ALL: Wow,  
  
SNAPE: *stares at me shocked at the idea of a Muggle knowing how to work a wand * Give me that ! * grabs his wand back *  
  
ME: Sorry,* fake cough * ' Snap'  
  
SNAPE: annoyed * Why you little....  
  
HERMIONE: Hey, Snape, no language in the car.  
  
SNAPE: Derrrrrh...  
  
ME: * sticks tounge out at SNAPE* Hermione if your tired let Harry drive, I'm going to sleep.  
*****  
2 hours later  
ME: Wh..* wakes up to see that I'm in a tent. HARRY,RON, and the teachers are eating breakfast at a picnic table,HERMIONE walks over to me* What time is it? * searches for glasses *  
  
HERMIONE: 9:00, Pop- Tart? * she holds out a Pop-Tart*  
  
ME: * still wakeing up* Thanks *yawns* Hey, what are we going to do with 'Nutty Norman' * points to back of the van*  
  
ALL: * shugs*   
  
ME: *reaches into backpack, and pulls out a roll of Duckt - Tape * Snape, Dumbledore, please get Norman ,Harry find a tree.  
  
5 minutes later,  
  
ME: * singing* La, la- Duckt- tapeing Norman to a tree, -la- la Ducket -tapeing Norman to a tree.  
  
SNAPE: She's lost it'  
  
ME: You just ain't whistlein' Dixie!  
  
RON: Yup, she has lost it.  
  
SNAPE: I want Duckt Tape her to a tree.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Why?  
  
SNAPE: She's annoing.  
  
ALL: * groan*  
  
ME: Hey, I'm out of Duckt Tape!  
  
* cast of the Blair With Project enters*   
  
HEATHER: Do you need ducket tape?  
ME: YES!  
  
* MIKE tosses me a roll of Duckt tape*  
  
ME: Thanks,  
  
JOSH: No, prob.  
  
MIKE: Hey Norman Bates.  
  
HEATHER: Bates?! Where?!  
  
HARRY: Calm down, hey he's waking up.  
  
ME: HIT THE DIRT!!  
  
* EVERYONE HIDES *  
  
NORMAN: Mother,Mother Normy's home!  
ME/HERM.: *giggle* Normy * giggle*  
  
MCGONAGALL: Why's he raving about his mother?  
  
ME: I told you he's insane. He thinks he's at home with his mother* shudders*  
  
MCGONAGALL: What's so bad about his mother?   
  
ME: His mother's been dead for over twenty- five years.  
  
HERMIONE: * gasp*  
  
* I get out and walk over to NORMAN holding a big and thick book*  
  
NORMAN: Hello, Mother.  
  
ME: * pretending to be his mother* Hello, Norman. I'm surprised at you for locking me in the furit celler.  
  
NORMAN: I'm sorry, Mother.  
  
ME: Good boy, * whacks him with the book* I have no son!  
  
NORMAN: What did I ever do to you, Mother? * blacks out*   
  
* EVERYONE comes out form hiding*  
  
ALL: OKKKKK......  
  
SNAPE: I think they're both nuts.  
  
Heather: Is, he dead?  
  
ME: No, sorry.  
  
JOSH: Whack him again!  
  
ME: Anyone who wants to wack someone, go right ahead  
  
* MCGONAGALL,is reading a Reader's Digest,SNAPE, sees it*  
  
SNAPE: Can I see that?  
  
* MCGONAGALL hands him the magazine*   
  
SNAPE: Thank you, * Whecks ME with it*  
  
ME: OW!  
  
SNAPE: Serves you right.  
  
ME: For what?!  
  
SNAPE: One you called me Snap and two you wouldn't let us stay in that hotel.  
  
ME: Hey, I still have a few folls of ducket tape left.  
*SNAPE shuts up* MCGONAGALL: Can I have my magizne back?  
* SNAPE throws it at her* Snape: I'll be in the van.  
  
ME: Someone didn't have coffe this morning.  
  
SNAPE: IT WAS DE-CAF!!  
  
ME: To- shay. Let's get this stuff picked up.  
  
* getting packed up *  
DUMBLEDORE: Why isn't he helping ? * points to Snape*   
  
ME: Not a morning person no doubt.  
  
SNAPE: Right  
  
* ME and the H.P.CAST get in car*  
  
HEATHER: What do you want us to do with 'Normy'  
  
ME: Leave him taped to the tree.* talking to H.P. CAST * Alright whose driving  
  
ALL: You.  
  
****  
1 hour later  
* ME HERMIONE AND HARRY are singing to a BSB CD again*  
  
SNAPE: Shut up, shut up, shut up!  
  
ALL: NO!  
  
SNAPE: Someone curse me now!  
  
HARRY: Gladly,  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Why?  
  
SNAPE: Those three are driving me nuts!!  
  
RON: Yeah, Snape's right you three sing BAD, OOF!  
* HERMIONE slaps him*  
  
ME: * talking to SNAPE* If I hear one more word out of you, Snape,you are going to end up like Bates, comprenda  
  
SNAPE: Yeah,yeah,yeah,* pulls out a book called "How to get out of a car full of idiots"*  
  
MCGONAGALL:* puts her magaize down and looks at the book SNAPE is reading* I'll trade you books.  
  
SNape:There's anthor one in the back of the van.  
  
* MCGONAGALL dives into the back of the van*  
  
MCGONAGALL: YES! Found it. Sweet freedom from Reader's Digest HAHAHA!! * laughs like a lunatic*  
  
SNAPE: Um, Dumbledore is she...?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: car trips make her nutty.  
  
ME: Welcome to my life Mgonagall Hello still there?   
  
HARRY: Uh-oh  
*stops car*   
  
ME: * outside the car* I found her  
  
McGONAGALL: * on the roof of the car, singing* Show me the meaning of bein' lonely  
  
ME: Guys?  
  
ALL: * inside car* WHAT?!  
  
ME: I'm going to need help.  
  
****  
45 min. later   
  
* Back in the car*  
HEMIONE : Do you think that duck tape will hold her down?  
  
ME: Don't worry.  
  
MCgonagall: *TAPED TO HER SEAT SINGING* Truela- ru -la - rula  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Where are we going again?  
  
ME: Eruope.  
  
I'LL NEED REVIEWS IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT !!  
  
YEAH AND THE SONG 'TRUELA-RU-LA-RULA' BELONGS TO THE SHOW 'TITUS' ON FOX.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.

Harry Potter, Humor