Harry Potter 1. The Watch Pixie

Hello everyone. This is **Monica7725 (author of another Fred/Hermione story, Someday We'll Know) **and **FatCatInAHat (Author of the Fred/Hermione, On My Own).** Okay, so this note is by Monica, but anyway…. Let me explain a little bit about this story. It is random and insane, but very funny. At least I think so. It was written by the two of us, but in the most unconventional of ways. That is, one of us would write anywhere between one line to two paragraphs, and then the other would write something else. So basically, we have a story where just about every other line was randomly throw together. I think it's funny, and I hope you do too.

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**Chapter One- The Watch Pixie**

"ACK! Get out! Shut the door! Close your eyes! SOMETHING!"

"Stop being such a drama queen!"

Hermione glared at him. "I'm in my TOWEL! GET OUT!"

Fred just stood there with a smirk. "I really don't mind. Go about your business."

"FREDRICK WEASLEY! Get OUT or I will FORCE you to!"

"Go right ahead."

Hermione huffed and ran towards the bathroom. She pulled on the door. "Shit."

"You didn't see Ginny run in there? It's a pity that those candies have such a bad side effect," he told her. "George and me were planning on a release this fall."

Hermione was too upset with the fact that Fred was looking at her while she was so scantly clad to pity her best friend. In fact, she was so upset that she didn't even take note of Fred's bad grammar. "At least get out of the doorway so that I can change!"

"You do realize that Ginny could open that door at anytime, while you are changing?" Fred asked. By now he was just trying to annoy Hermione.

"What, do you think I was planning on changing in the middle of the hall way! I meant move so that I can get to Ginny's Room!"

"I wouldn't go in there." He said. "There was a terrible accident. There's now a large hole in her floor."

Hermione huffed. "So what do you expect me to do then? Prance around the hallway in my towel?"

Fred gave her a sly grin and shrugged. "If you really want to." He said mock  
nonchalantly.

Hermione glared at him, and then a thought struck her. "I suppose I could always go find Ron... He wouldn't mind letting me change in his room..." She smiled wickedly.

Fred paled considerably, and then suddenly perked up. "Of course he wouldn't mind, he's not home. _Remember_? Him and Harry went somewhere."

She was prepared for that. "Oh, bother, I suppose you are correct. I don't want to just go into his room without his permission. Is George in your room? I'm sure I could change in there..."

"No, George is cleaning up the mess in Ginny's room, actually."

"Well, since it's George, I wouldn't feel about letting myself in. I'll just be going..." She walked, still holding her towel firmly in place, towards the twins' room.

Fred Apparated in front of the door, just as she walked in front of it. "I didn't say you could go in there."

Hermione, uncomfortable with her closeness to the older boy attempted to step backward. Keyword being _attempted_. Crookshanks had, coincidentally, been walking behind her. This caused her to trip and fall backwards over the cat, who let out a loud 'hiss' and went running off.

She had, thankfully, kept a firm grip on her towel. She jumped up and found that Fred was doubled over laughing. Taking her chance, she ran into the twins' room and tried to lock the door.Fred started to countdown from five. "Five...four...three...two..."

Hermione screamed.

The door to the twin's room flew open and Hermione almost ran into Fred.

"What are you doing keeping a thing like that locked up in your room?" She screamed at him, slamming the door shut behind her.

Fred chuckled. "Haven't you ever heard of a watch dog?"

Hermione glared. "The word "dog" implies that it's a canine."

"Okay, it's a watch_ pixie_." Fred said.

Before she could reply, the pair was interrupted by a barn owl suddenly swooping in from, much to George's dismay, the whole in Ginny's room. She owl dropped a letter in front of Hermione. She picked up the letter and quickly scanned its contents. She looked back up at Fred, tears in her eyes.

"I'm going to Ron's Room." She said, her voice shaking.

Fred raised an eyebrow as he watched her walk away.

_That was close,_ he thought. _The next thing that was going to come out of her mouth was going to be something like ''Watch pixie'? That__ thing's an overgrown hamster.'" _He grinned to himself at the thought of this.

His grin faded as he watched Hermione walk away. _What was that about?_

Hermione had closed the door, clothes in hand. She dressed quickly, trying to keep her mind occupied. Blaise had not just broken up with her.

She heard Fred knocking at the door.

"No," She shouted quickly. "Go away!"

Fred ignored her, and walked in. At least he was being decent enough to have his eyes closed.

"Let's make a deal." He said, eyes still firmly shut. "You tell me what that was about, and I will tell you about my... erm... pixie."

Hermione sighed. "You can open your eyes, I'm dressed." He slowly let one eye open, and then opened them both fully.

"Now you can tell me what's wrong," He suggested.

"Nope. _You_ made this deal, _you_ can go first."

"Experiment gone wrong, end of story." Fred answered. "It's your turn."

"Erm... well... you see... You know..." She sighed, resignedly. "Blaise broke up with me."

Fred couldn't help but look a little happy.

"That's okay. He smelled funny anyway." He grinned at her.

Hermione gave him a sour look. "This is a serious matter, Fred!"

"Well,_ excuse_ me if I'm more than a little happy that you are available again." His eyes widened in horror, as he realized what he had said. "I think I need to go help George with that hole."

Hermione was too shocked to stop him from rushing out of the room.

Fred walked into Ginny's room, where George was still repairing the large gap in the floor."I'm an ass."

George grinned. "I know. The question is though, what made you an ass this time?""Besides the fact I let slip to Hermione that I was glad her boyfriend broke-up with her?" Fred shook his head slowly at the thought.

George turned around to him. "You didn't." He said.

"I did."

"Fred! She must be flipping out! What did she say? After you said it, I mean."

Fred looked shamefully at the ground. "I didn't stay to find out her reaction."

"Oh, great Fred. Real nice job." He frowned at his brother.

"You know how she is! For all I know, she could've conjured a steak to throw at my head!" Fred told him.

George furrowed his brow. "Why would she be throwing steak at you?"

"Erm... well... It was the first thing that came to mind!"

George rolled his eyes. "Ginny is going to murder you."

"Why? What did I do?"

"Look at the hole you put in her floor! Now, take that damage, and add it too what you did to Hermione, and you are so dead."

Fred looked around the room. "If you ask me, it adds some style."

"STLYE!" Ginny's voice boomed behind him.

Fred jumped.

"And what is George talking about! WHAT did you do to Hermione!"

"Nothing," Fred lied, turning to face her.

"Right, and I don't have a large hole in my floor!"

Fred grinned. "Well, if that's settled, I'll just be going!"

He quickly slipped passed Ginny, and ran to his room. Once there, he closed the door behind him, and locked it. He looked around, he suddenly jumped. His 'watch pixie' was nowhere to be seen.

He shrugged, figuring he would find it later. Or let George find it.

Or maybe, by the scream echoing through the house, Hermione had already found it.

Fred paled. _Hermione_. He ran to where he had last seen her, in Ron's room. She wasn't there.

_Where the Hell would it-the kitchen!_ He ran down the stairs and quickly into the kitchen. The 'watch pixie' had lifted Hermione off the floor and was attempting to fly through the kitchen door. Again, the key word being "attempting."

Fred quickly rushed to the door and slammed it shut. "Down Snuggles!" He yelled.

Unfortunately, "Snuggles" had misinterpreted what he meant, and dropped Hermione. Right on top of Fred.

They didn't fall to the ground, but, once he let Hermione go, the fireworks started.

"'WATCH PIXIE!' IT'S AN OVERGROWN FLYING HAMSTER!" She screamed at him.

He smiled innocently at her and shrugged.

She glared at him.

"Are you trying to pull a Hagrid! Honestly! 'Snuggles?' That's almost as bad as Fluffy!"

Fred gave her a curious look. "Fluffy?"

Hermione shrugged. It wasn't really a big deal anymore. That happened ages ago. She could disclose Fluffy's identity.

"Hagrid's three headed dog."

"Three-headed dog! As in the one that was guarding the third floor corridor in your first year?" Fred asked.

"How did you know about that?"

"Hey, the second Dumbledore said 'the third floor corridor is out of bounds to those who do not wish to die a very painful death,' we had a plan on getting in there." He answered.

"You two are impossible!" Suddenly, Hermione got very red. As if she had just remembered something.

"Fred. We need to talk."

Fred, too, became red, but followed Hermione up the stairs and into his own room, where she closed the door once they both were in."Listen. I want to know what you meant... about... me being available. Care to elaborate?"

"Not particularly, no." Fred said.

Hermione rolled her eyes. She figured he would be difficult.

"How about we pretend it never happened?" Fred requested.

"How about no?" Hermione said, walking towards the door, attempting to block him from escaping.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not telling." He stuck out his tongue.

"Fred!" Hermione yelled in exasperation. "Stop being so immature!"

"Only if you can catch me!" He Disapparated.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Apparantly he had forgotten that she was now seventeen. And she had a pretty good idea where he would apparate to...

But, instead of wasting her energy Disapparating after him, she just walked across the hall.

He was too predictable. "Lock yourself in the bathroom why don't you! You spend more time in there than I do!"

The door swung open, and, to Hermione's surprise, Mr. Weasley walked out.

"Hehe..." was all Hermione could say. She blushed deep red. "Erm... I was... looking for Fred..."

"It's all right dear. But, you know, I hate being accused of being in the bathroom longer than you." Mr. Weasley joked. "This has something to do with Snuggles, doesn't it?"

Hermione looked at him incredulously. "You KNOW about Snuggles! And you let them KEEP it!" And then, as an after thought, she added, "And, no, it isn't about that foul, over-grown hamster..."

"Watch pixie," He corrected.

Hermione, not wanting to be rude, resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, in any case, have you seen or heard from the foul, over-grown ham-" she caught herself, "pixie's owner?"

"Well, not really. I mean, are you planning on injuring one of them?" He asked.

"Not George. Possibly Fred. But it would be well deserved, I assure you..."

She quickly added, "And, I promise, there would be no permanent damage..."

"Well, in that case," Mr. Weasley said, "Fred is in the other bathroom."

Hermione grinned manically. As Mr. Weasley walked down the hall, he heard her mutter, "I knew he was predictable..."

Suddenly, something red and furry ran passed her and into Ginny's room.

"FREDRICK WEASLEY!"

Hermione grimaced. She would have to get to that bathroom fast. Fred would try to escape the house after he heard Ginny's shrieks. She raced to the bathroom in the downstairs hall, and magicked the door open. She had found her target.

Or so she thought.

Hermione grimaced. "Ron! What the hell are you doing! And aren't you supposed to be out with Harry!"

"Well, I _was_ about to go to the bathroom," he told her. "And, there is a pretty funny story with what happened with Harry and all. He he..."

"What happened to Harry?"

"Erm... Uh..." He looked uncomfortable. Hermione gave him a pointed look.

"Don't lie to me. We both know you are awful at it. By the way, we'll be having a discussion a little later about what you were really doing in here. Because, honestly. It is awful to mess with your sister's cosmetics!"

"Well, you see, Harry and I ran into Malfoy and... well, go see for yourself, in my room." Ron led Hermione out of the bathroom and into his.

Sitting on Ron's bed, was a girl with raven hair, bright green eyes, and a furious look.

"Hermione, meet Harrietta."

Hermione's eyes bulged. "What did he _do_ to you!"

"I don't know!" 'Harrietta' squealed, suddenly bursting into tears.

Ron sat down next to her and sighed, then whispered to Hermione, "She's a little sensitive."

"Well, I hate to say this, but I think we are going to need the twins."

Harry, or rather, Harrietta's eyes grew wide.

"What! Why!"

"Isn't it obvious? They deal with pranks for a living. They must know a way to reverse it..."

Harrietta started sobbing louder. "They... and... Malfoy..."

There was a knock on the door, and they all turned around to see one of the twins in the doorway.

"If you're Fred you'd better run for your life," Hermione said darkly.

"Sadly, I am George." He told her.

"'Sadly'?" Ron asked in disbelief. "If you had been Fred, she would have murdered you mate!" He turned to Hermione. "And what did Fred do?"

Her face went red, and then she started mumbling.

"How do you know about Snuggles?" Ron asked her.

"That stupid overgrown hamster-"

"Watch pixie." He corrected.

"Watch PIXIE! WATCH PIXIE!"

Harrietta's sobs, if possible, grew louder from Hermione's volume.

"Oh, will you shut up!" Hermione screamed at her, then turned to George. "FIX HIM!"

George was startled from her request.

"That's a little mean, don't you think? Looks like a girl to me..." George said. "And a pretty one too..."

"That, George, is Harry." Ron told him. George started blushing ferociously.

"Erm... wouldn't the proper name be... I dunno... something like... Harriet?"

"Actually," Hermione started, "he favors Harrietta..."

George raised his eyebrow. "I see. Who did this anyway?"

"Malfoy," they all answered in unison,

"Pretty good prank if you ask me." George told them, he was now close to Harrietta's face.

"I don't care how good it is!" George jumped back at her sudden outburst. "Just change me back!"

"Wow. Malfoy was thorough. He even sounds like a girl..."

This made Harry, or rather, Harrietta, wail louder.

"George! Stop upsetting the woman!" Ron hissed.

George ignored him. "I hate to say this, but he got you good. Major props to Malfoy."

"Just change him back already!"

Harrietta screamed, "Yes! Before Ginny sees me!"

"Before I see-oh my GOD! HARRY!" Ginny had just walked in the room, dropping the bag that she was carrying, scattering her cosmetics all over the floor.

Harrietta shrieked and rolled over on the bed, hiding his face.

It didn't matter what he did, Ginny had already seen him and she ran out of the room quickly.

"Everyone in this house is going nutters! Really, Harry, none of us needs to see that!" Ginny called back.

"Ginny!" Harry sobbed in his feminine voice.

"Look at what you all did! Fix him already! So that I can get on with KFFA!" Hermione said.

"All right, I guess." George sighed, he pulled out his wand and muttered something. But nothing happened. "Okay, back to real life now- what is KFFA, Hermione?"

"Kick Fred's Fu-"

"THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO DO!" Harrietta screeched.

George ignored him, rolled his eyes, and led Hermione out of the room.

Harrietta started wailing loudly again.

"After you show me whatever you are going to show me, will you please help Harry? I would hate to think that Ginny would break up with him over this, but you never know..."

George's eyes grew wide. "Break up? Wouldn't that imply that they are dating!"

Hermione looked down at her bare wrist. "Oh, look at the time, I have to go Kick Fred's Fucking Ass now." She quickly dashed away, she was barely down the stairs when she heard George scream.

"HARRIETTA POTTER YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TOUCHED A HAIR ON MY SISTER!"

Hermione grimaced. "Oops..." She muttered. The shrieking appeared to have lured Fred out of his hiding spot. He was making his way up the stairs. And, luck decided to be on Hermione's side for once, he hadn't seen her. Yet.

Hermione took out her wand and went quickly and silently to his room and hid behind the door.

Just as Fred passed the door, she jumped out and latched herself onto him. This would ensure that he wouldn't be able to apparate. Not unless he wanted her to go with him.

But, see, the problem is, a person who has just been toppled on doesn't have great balance. Consequently, Fred and Hermione tumbled to the floor.

"Why, Hermione, I knew you loved me, but this is going too far." He grinned.

Hermione, on top of Fred, still had her wand in hand, having clutched it tightly during the fall, and was pointing it in his face.

The grin quickly left Fred's face. "I'll be shutting up now."

Hermione didn't get off of him. In the position they were in, he wasn't able to run or apparate. Her voice deadly calm, she said,

"We need to talk."

"That's not usually what one does in a position like this." Fred told her.

"Do you think I care? This is only so you don't run and/or apparate. Like you did last time."

"It's not like I was thinking of running and/or apparating anyway."

Hermione, if possible, started to look more deadly. "We. Need. To. Talk."

"Those are the four words everyone hates to hear."

"Yes, well, I suppose you should have thought about that before you told me that you were glad Blaise broke up with me."

"Well, that was an accident. I was only trying to cheer you up." He lied.

"I doubt that."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm sorry that I don't like you like everyone else, your majesty."

"I'll drop it, for now." Hermione said. "But I still have to talk to you about your stupid overgrown hamster-"

"WATCH PIXIE!" Fred sat up, his face right in front of Hermione's.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If that's the way you are going to be, I'm not dropping the Blaise thing. Tell me what you meant. You said, and I quote, "Well excuse me if I'm more than a little happy that you are available again." That is not nothing. It implies that either, a) you really, really hated Blaise, which I doubt, by the way, since you two got along pretty well, or, b..." She closed her eyes, anticipating his answer. "you like me."

Fred, who tried to do it gently, honestly he did, pushed her off of him, and sprinted out the door.

Hermione stood up and brushed herself off. "This is going to be harder than I thought."

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Hehehe. We hope you all enjoyed that. Yeah, it's random, and not really like anything we've ever written before, but kind of funny. Hope you keep reading!

Love,

The Twinlettes.


	2. Utter Chaos

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. :Monica punches Leii's arm.: Yes we do! We own the stupid jokes::Leii punches Monica's arm: Why would we want to admit that::Monica punches Leii again: Because you were lying to the readers! You said we own nothing! We do own stuff! We own the stupid jokes. :Monica sticks hertounge out at Leii::Leii sticks her tounge out back: Meanie::The two proceed to throw punches until Fred and George pop out of no where...: Um... It would appear that your two authors are currently... indisposed... So on with chapter two!

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"GINNY CANNOT DATE YOU! OF ALL THE PEOPLE AT HOGWARTS, WHY YOU?" Hermione could still here George yelling at Harrietta, who seemed to be wailing louder than ever. She was glad that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had left for Romania earlier that evening.

What Hermione heard next shocked her.

"Leave him alone!"

It was Ginny.

Hermione continued to listen.

"You mean 'leave her alone.' See, Harry has gone through a wonderful change-"

"Why don't you go and feed your watch pixie, Fredrick!" Ginny screamed.

Hermione could just see Fred's eyes narrow. "Maybe I will! I'll feed it you!"

All Hermione could hear next was Ginny's scream, and someone stomping down the hall. She then heard the door to the twin's room open. Ginny started screaming louder.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. She couldn't believe that they were actually going to scare her like that! She ran up the stairs, she had been in the kitchen, and into the boys room.

"Fred, leave her alone, or I will fill Ginny in on what you said earlier!"

Fred was so shocked, he actually dropped Ginny, who jumped up quickly and hit her brother in the back of the head.

"You witch!" Fred screamed.

"You wizard!" Hermoine screamed back.

Ginny looked at them like they were both insane. "Were those supposed to be insults?"

"Well, I would have found it offensive if I wasn't really a witch!" Hermione screamed.

"Hey, I meant it the other way!" Fred yelled back.

Ginny decided not to inturupt their little shouting match, and escaped through the door.

"And just WHAT," Hermione screamed, "other way IS there!"

"You know, it rhymes with 'witch' and begins with a 'b.'"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of all the childish things. Just say it!"

Fred looked around the room indignantly.

"I," He said, "am a gentlemen. And gentlemen don't swear in front of ladies."

"Oh wait, there are no ladies here," he added.

Hermione did not react the way he expected. He expected her to shout some more and call him something awful, but she didn't. What she did instead was, tears in her eyes, walk out of the room.

Fred grimaced. That did not go as planned.

He followed her out of the room.

"Is that," she said, "why Blaise broke up with me? Because I'm not a lady?"

"No!" he answered quickly. "He probably broke up with you because you're _too much_ of a lady for him."

Hermione turned to him. "Are you calling me a prude now?"

"No!" he answered again. "I... well..."

"Fred, honestly. You haven't been straight with me all day. All of these unfinished answers and cryptic words. Can't you just tell me what's on your mind? Really, it isn't that hard. I know you think I'm annoying and boring and a bookworm, but just say it to my face. Look, it's easy." She walked over to the mirror. "Hermione, you are an annoying, boring, bookworm."

Fred walked over to where she was and looked her in the face. "Hermione you are a beauti-"

Suddenly, someone came pounding down the stairs wailing.

"Harrietta," they both mumbled.

"Why won't it go away! George is laughing too hard to reverse it." Harrietta squealed, in her, erm, his, er, its high pitched voice.

Fred rolled his eyes, angry with Harry for ruining the opportune moment, but also grateful that he had been saved from sounding stupid.

"Hold on..." He said with a sigh. Fred pulled out his wand, and muttered a few words. Instantly, Harrietta became Harry again.

Harry looked in the mirror and, seeming pleased with how he looked, took out his wand and started up the stairs.

Fred turned back to Hermione.

"Go ahead. Out with it. I told you, I need you to be straight with me. I need to know what the heck is going on. I need there to still be some stability in my life. After what happened today, I need to know that _someone_ is still the same."

Fred once again was interrupted, but this time by the yelp of George from up the stairs.

"But Harry, I couldn't help it, honest!" They heard him scream.

"But Fred did it within seconds! It took you about ten tries, seven of which I grew bigger boobs!"

Fred scowled at the stairs.

"It seems that the artist formerly know as Harrietta is about to murder my twin. We'll finish this later." Actually, Fred had no intent on continuing this discussion.

Hermione, despite herself, laughed at the muggle reference.

Fred quickly sprinted up the stairs, while Hermione lagged behind, still thinking about that day's past events.

When Fred got upstairs and into the room which Harry was in (Ron's) George was cowering in the corner, while Harry pointed his wand at him in a manically way. Ron, was trying to pull Harry away, but the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Then-Kill-George would not move.

Fred took matters into his own hands.

"Don't make me change you back."

Harry turned slowly to face Fred, an odd look in his eyes.

"GOD HARRY! LEAVE THEM ALL ALONE!" Ginny pushed past Fred and stopped in front of Harry, who seemed to jump at the sound of her voice.

Harry sighed in resignation. "Fine."

George, much to his relief, was able to dash out the door and into his room, while Fred attempted to go back down the stairs. However, while half way down, he lost his footing, and went flying through the air, landing right on top of Hermione, who had been walking very slowly up the stairs.

Unfortunately, this caused the pair to end up in a rather awkward position. That is, Fred straddling Hermione.

"Get. Off. Of. Me."

Fred grinned. "I seem to recall being in a similar position with you earlier. Only, you refused to get off."

"And if I recall correctly, you pushed me off."

Fred's grin, if at all possible, seemed to grow wider. "I'd like to see you try and push me off."

Hermione smiled all too sweetly at him.

"You seem to have forgotten that you have a certain body part that is a lot more vulnerable. Not to mention the fact that it isn't that hard to access."

Fred seemed taken aback. Since when had Hermione become so bold?

He seemed to be considering his options when, too late, Hermione kneed him. He screamed, fell to the side and curled up into a ball.

"Not. Fair." He said as she walked away.

Hermione did feel a bit bad about what she had just done. Maybe she should go back and check on Fred...

Hermione shrugged, when did she start caring about Fred?

With all the pranks he had pulled on her within the past few weeks, she decided he deserved it. And, if she hadn't, Ginny probably would have sooner or later.

_But_, she couldn't help but thinking to herself, _She** had** started caring about Fred. Even if it was only a little. _

As Hermione started to slowly climb the stairs, still in thought, she didn't notice a certain red head, who face was also bright red right about now, sneaking up behind her.

But she did notice when he quickly turned her around, picked her up, and threw her over his shoulder.

"Ahhhh! Bill! What are you doing here?" She craned her neck to get a good look at her surrogate older brother.

"And why is your face to red?"

"SHHHH! Shut up!" He whispered to her. "You'll reveal my hiding spot!"

"You call standing in the middle of the stairs with me over your shoulder a hiding spot?" Hermione huffed angrily. "You're all going mental!"

Bill grinned. He was not about to inform her about the plan he and George had just formed. First, he needed to find away to lock her in the broom closet. Apparently, George had managed to drag Fred in, since he was currently... immobile.

Hermione started angrily pounding on Bill's back.

"OW!" He said.

"Put. Me. Down." She said through clenched teeth, then added, "Or else."

Bill grinned. They had just reached the broom closet. "No problem."

He opened the door, and dropped her on the floor. He had made sure to grab her wand in the process.

Bill quickly shut the door, and cast a spell on it so that it would lock.

Hermione huffed angrily again as she stood up. She started to mumble to herself about those 'mental Weasleys,' when someone spoke form behind her.

"I'm a Weasley too, you know," She turned around to see Fred.

"You gave this-this-_illness_ to all the others!" She pointed an accusing finger at him.

"You shouldn't assume things." he told her matter-of-factly, "You know what they say when you assume things?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "What do they say?"

"Erm...that you shouldn't do it," He answered quickly.

Hermione rolled her eyes. Then she remembered how things had ended up last time the two of them were alone, not even ten minutes ago.

"How are... erm... are you okay?" She asked awkwardly.

Fred was taken back again, but quickly regained his composure for his answer. "No! I think there might be permanent damage! I will be the one who won't be able to continue the family line!"

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Stop being a drama queen. I didn't hit you that hard." Although, she did feel bad. So she added, "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Well," he said, "We are in a closet, all alone...I could probably think of quite a few things that could help me feel better."

"You," Hermione said dangerously, "are a pervert."

Hermione was contemplating what to say next, when a thought struck her. "We never finished our conversation. Remember? The one about being straight forward?"

"Maybes that's because it was never meant to be finished, get my drift?" Fred hoped this would work, he had seen it in some Muggle movie.

"No, I don't 'get your drift.'" Damn, he had to think of something else.

"Now, I would like to know-"

She was stopped by Fred pushing his lips onto her's quickly. It only lasted three seconds, but Hermione would have been a fool to say she didn't feel anything.

She felt her pockets for a wand, and started to panic when she did not find it. Suddenly, she grinned and ran over to the door, pounding on it.

"HARRY HELP ME! THERE IS AN EVIL DARK LORD IN HERE TRYING TO KILL ME!" She screamed. She listened, and could hear footsteps, but then heard Bill and George telling Harry off.

Fred frowned. "Oh no you don't. I need some answers."

Hermione scowled at him. "I need answers first." She said childishly,

Fred used an earlier technique and stuck out his tongue. This seemed to make Hermione even angrier.

"There could always be a repeat performance of before, when we fell down the stairs," she grinned sadistically.

Fred didn't need to here anymore threats and gave up.

"Look. What I said earlier... I guess it wasn't the most opportune moment to tell you... what with Blaise and all... But the thing is... the thing is..." He struggled to find the right words. "Okay, look. Do you remember that night in the common room? A few weeks before George and I left? When you were in fifth year?"

Hermione shook her head. "There were a lot of days before you left..." She said softly.

"The day I taught you to play chess."

Hermione nodded. "Oh, sure I remember that."

"Well, do you remember what I told you? While we were playing?"

"That I was a better opponent than Harry?" She offered, not realizing her sarcastic remarks were making Fred more nervous.

"No. I told you that it was the most fun I had ever had with a girl. The thing is Hermione... the thing is... I meant it."

It was out, finally. Now Fred could release the breathe he hadn't known he'd been holding.

But the moment was cut short when Harry swung the door open, wand at the ready.

"Wh-where is h-he?" He panted.

"Who?" They both asked at the same time.

"I-I had to fi-fight Bill and G-George, and i-it was probably just a j-joke?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Hermione answered.

Harry looked like he was going to explode. Suddenly, Bill was standing behind him, wand at the ready.

"Here's Johnny!" He screamed as a blue spark flew from his wand, hitting Harry with such force it knocked him to the ground.

When Harry stood up, he was no longer 'Harry.'

He... erm... she... eh... it seemed to notice immediately and started crying.

Hermione rushed out of the room quickly. Fred quite possibly could have meant that she was a good friend. Who was a girl. Not to be confused with a girlfriend, or a girl he even had interest in.

She was thinking about this, as she ran into something hard. She let out a shriek.

"You stupid, sniveling, overgrown hamster!"

"I can't deal with you right now! Please just go back to your cage!" She wailed.

"HE IS A **WATCH PIXIE**!" A voice behind Hermione boomed. She rolled her eyes.

"Just get it back in its cage, Ron," she demanded.

"What good would a cage do? Then it couldn't do its job." He told her as he pulled his wand out. He muttered something, and the pixie seemed to float away without bothering anyone.

"How did you do that! You know, that would have been useful to KNOW before that-that-that THING dropped me on your brother!"

"Hermione? I have several brothers. You need to clarify."

"ARGH!" Hermione screamed out of frustration, Ron jumped at the sudden loud sound.

"Um...that didn't help..."

"Ah! All of you Weasley boys are... are... INFURIATING! First you invite me for the summer, only to blow me off to hang out with Harry. With Ginny also dating said Harry, I am left to either a. hang out by myself, or b. hang out with the twins. Let me tell you neither are very appealing options. Then, when I do decide to do something, I try and make myself look nice and presentable to maybe go out somewhere, and Fred walks in on me while I am in my towel! Unfortunately, due to some freak accident in Ginny's room, I am forced to traipse around in my towel in front of your brother..."

Unfortunately for Ron, he had been tuning Hermione out since the moment she had said "all you Weasley boys" (That usually meant she was about to insult him), and only started paying attention when she used "towel" and "brother" in the same sentence.

"Wait. What? Towel? Bathroom? Accident? Which brother!" Ron yelled.

Hermione glared at him. "Well, if you were PAYING ATTENTION, you would KNOW, WOULDN'T you!" And with a huff, she

Ron rolled his eyes and followed the path that the watch pixie had followed earlier in their conversation.

Hermione, however, was not going to calm down as easily. She stormed off in the direction she figured a certain twin would have gone to. She knocked on the bathroom door, and, not to Hermione's surprise, Fred walked out.

"How much do you think you have to live for?" Hermione asked darkly.

"If I get more kisses like earlier, I'd say quite a lot." He answered.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you are trying to make me out to be a fool. Why are you trying to make me feel like an idiot?"

Fred's face suddenly grew hot. "Why? Do you feel like a fool for kissing me?"

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Because you are trying to get me to fall into your little trap, so then you can rub it in my face that you were able to play a joke on me. Well, I have news for you. Number one, the joke isn't that funny. Number two, I'd never be stupid enough to fall for it."

"Oh yes, I forgot, I am dealing with an insufferable know-it-all! She knows everything!" Fred screamed. "Even what I feel!" He didn't wait for a reply and walked away angrily.

Hermione looked after him in awe. What had caused that sudden outburst? She chase after him.

"Fred? Fred!"

"Just stop Hermione!" He screamed without looking at her. They were now nearing the twin's room, and Hermione was about to say more when Fred went as quickly as possible into his room and slammed the door in her face.

George, who had still been taking care of the damage in Ginny's room, had heard the commotion and came out in to the hallway.

Hermione was, for the third time that day, holding back tears.

"What's wrong Hermione?"

What happened next was a big surprise, even to Hermione.

The usually self-controlled Hermione attacked George. The second she started for him, he ran down the hall, away from her, screaming. They soon ended up in the kitchen, where Harrietta was still crying.

Soon, it was utter chaos. Snuggles seemed to like the trouble, because he came into the room and started breaking dishes.

So, it was well into the night, and there was chaos in the Weasley's kitchen.Harrietta crying her... his... its head off, George running around the kitchen table with Hermione on his tail, and then there was a over-sized pixie breaking dishes. A great way to end a night.

* * *

Hey guys! It's Monica writing the note again! Thank so much for your reviews! I'd do reviewer responses, but I wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible. Why? Well, my co-author, Leii, is starting an extra credit project where she can't use the computer until the end of the school year. This makes it difficult to write new chapters, since weboth need to be on. Currently, we have four chapters written, including the ones posted. We are trying to start chapter 5, but we haven't really had time. I don't know how fast updates will be now because of that... But, anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I promise to do responses in the next chapter.

Love,  
Monica and Leii


	3. You Must Really like Heavy Objects

**Chapter 3- You must really like Heavy Objects**

Unfortunately for George, Hermione eventually took Harrietta's wand, after running around the table at least fifty times, and hexed him. What she used was a mystery to everyone but Hermione, who refused to say what it was.

George could be heard moaning from his room about how Hermione had disfigured him. This put Fred in an awkward position. He needed to stay at the house since his parents were out of town, but he couldn't stay in his room with all of George's whining.

"Oh, shut up, will you!" Fred finally screamed. "Of all the pranks we've pulled on people, one would think you'd have a better sense of humor!"

George glared at him, or Fred thought, it was hard to tell with George's face disfigured like that. "Well, we never sent someone backwards on the evolution line, now, have we?"

Fred sighed exasperated. "I can't DEAL with this right now! Do you know why she flipped out? Do you!"

George cringed at Fred's loudness. "Cause you're an ass?" He asked, giving Fred an unsure grin. But Fred couldn't see the grin anyway, George being disfigured and all.

"No. Well, yes. Well, sort of. You see... we got in an argument. I sort of kissed her-"

"She's pissed at you for kissing her!"

"That's part of it..." Fred answered.

George laughed. "Are you really that horrible of a kisser?"

"No. Well, yes. Maybe. I don't know! After we kissed, Harry ran into the room and ruined everything. When we tried talking about it, she told me not to make a fool of her. It wasn't funny. We got into an argument, and I called her an insufferable know-it-all. Then I just walked away. She called me, but I told her to go away..."

"AND THAT'S WHY SHE TRIED TO CRIPPLE ME! BECAUSE YOU'RE AN RUDE AND HELPLESS PRAT!" George screamed.

"I don't know WHY she went after you! YOU must have offended her!"

"_I_ didn't do _anything_!" He told Fred. "She went after me because we are twins. We look alike if you haven't noticed!"

Fred tried to pretend his astonishment. "Oh my GOD! Really! I never noticed." He rolled his eyes.

George glared at him. Not that Fred could tell of course, because of George's squished up face.

"So should I go talk to her?"

George now rolled his barely visible eyes. "If you want us to be identical again."

"Then what should I DO!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"You," Fred said, "are absolutely no help."

"Yeah?" George asked. "You figured this out, when?"

"Don't be a smart ass. I don't know what to do."

"And I should know how?"

"I don't know!" Fred answered, "You're the smart one!"

George grinned, but with his defaced face (no pun intended...) it only made him look creepy.

"Glad you admit it. And honestly, I have no idea. You figure it out."

Fred glared at him one more time. "See? No help at all. I don't care what she does to me. I am going to go talk to her." And he walked out of the room.

But, when he arrived at Hermione's room, no one was there. He walked down to the kitchen, and found her. She was sitting at the table with the still wailing Harrietta. But now, they both seemed to be crying.

"Oh, hun-" Harrietta said in her high pitched voice. She... he... it realized how squealy their voice sounded and lowered it. "Hermione, that's awful! Men are just rats!" As if realizing what she... he... it... had said, Harrietta shook their head furiously. "I mean Fred is a rat. Not all men are rats. Especially not that wonderful Potter fellow."

"You realize that you are that wonderful Potter fellow, right?" Hermione asked, wiping away the tears.

"Yes, of course I do. Just because I'm currently a women doesn't mean I lost my memory!"

"Erm... Harry? I mean... Harrietta? You kind of sound like you are... comfortable... you know, with the whole girl thing..."

Harrietta shrieked. "I am NOT! I am just waiting for it to wear off!"

Fred figured it would be good to step out now. He drew his wand, and approached them slowly.

"I'll change you back again." He said to Harrietta.

Hermione sat completely still, while Harrietta ignored Fred all together.

"So, Hermione..." Harrietta said.

Fred realized they weren't about to talk to him, so he simply turned Harrietta back to Harry, and left the room.

Well, I guess I should say almost left the room. He stopped himself.

"You do realize that was George that you attacked and George you deformed? If you fix him, you can throw anything you want at me."

Hermione grew warm and stood up, she ran past Fred quickly and up the stairs. Fred tried to follow, but by the time he got up the stairs, Hermione was already leaving his room. His first instinct was to stand and take it like a man,

However, his second instinct, running as fast as his legs would take him, took over.

That is, until Hermione caught him.

"I believe you made a promise."

"I never used the exact word 'promise'." He said.

He sighed. "I promise that if you talk to me, when we are done you can throw something at my head. Agreed?"

Fred hadn't noticed Hermione already had something very heavy looking in her hand, which she raised above her head.

"Let's skip the first part and go straight to the part where I throw things at you."

"How about no? Why can't we talk about this rationally?"

Hermione lowered her hands. "Because you were a jerk."

Then added, "And I've gone crazy lately. If I was self-controlled Hermione, I would be sitting down right now, but, because I am not self-controlled Hermione today, you'd better start running."

Fred, instead of taking his chances with running, yelled to George, "Since I assume she's fixed your face, watch out for the house!" Quickly, he apparated out. He went to his secret spot.

"ARGH!" Hermione screamed, then turned to George. "WHERE did he go?"

George cowered. "I don't know. Really I don't. I swear. Just please don't hurt me!"

Fred wasn't worried about being hurt, but he was worried he had hurt Hermione.

_Maybe I should have just let her hit me; it would have made things so much easier._ He thought as he sat down on a stiff back chair. _Maybe I should just go back..._

But if she had taken her frustrations out on George... let's just say he was in for death-by-twin...

Little did Fred know that he had just made Hermione's day. Now she didn't have to deal with him- wonderful!

The whole group, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and George, were sitting in Ron's room. Hermione and Harry were continuing their earlier conversation, while Ron and George were talking to Ginny and glaring at Harry.

"Nah." Fred decided to himself. "George can handle himself."

So, sitting on the stiff-back chair, waiting until he thought the coast was clear, Fred started humming a song. He couldn't really remember the lyrics, only that the words 'Beverly Hills' were involved. So, he started humming this song, and the time flew by. Before he knew it he had fall asleep, and was woken by a creak in the floorboard somewhere within the room he was in.

He quickly spun around. "What the-" He nodded. "George."

"You think your brother is really trustable?" Hermione was standing behind George. "I mean, I understand that you Apparated to throw me off, but to the basement? All I had to do was follow him down here and—oh my God is that hamster behind you sleeping!"

George squealed. Not a squeal of terror, like Hermione's would have been, but a squeal of joy. "There you are Snuggles!" He turned to Hermione. "And it's a WATCH PIXIE!"

Hermione rolled her eyes as George ran of to play with the hamster. She was left alone with Fred.

He shifted uncomfortably and waited for the first object to be thrown. He was surprised to find the object hit him in the cheek, and softly too...

He opened his eyes, it wasn't an object, it was Hermione! She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

"I'm self controlled Hermione now,"

"Well... er... can we talk then?"

She pulled away from him. "Of course."

She conjured another chair as Fred sat down in his, except her's was much more comfortable.

"You first," He said.

"I think me refraining from hitting you with large objects gives me an automatic choice in this matter," she said, "Which means you go first."

"Well, what do you want to know?" He asked, even though he knew.

"Everything," she answered.

"Um," Fred started oh-so-intelligently. "I think it would be better if you were more specific. Because, you know, if you aren't it may take weeks to find out what you really wanted to know."

Hermione looked like she was about to blow-up again, but she was being self-controlled at the moment. "I meant about what happened earlier."

"Well, me and George had just finished our newest product, the Hair Curler. You see, the thing spurts out such bad jokes it could make your hair curl. Which it does. Literally. Anyway, we decided to test it on Ginny. Needless to say, something went wrong and it exploded. Unfortunately, in the curling process, something happened to Ginny's face. But she was able to magic it off quickly. So no harm, no foul. And that is what happened earlier." He smiled sweetly, knowing perfectly well that that hadn't been the happening she had been talking about.

"Not that that wasn't...interesting to know," she said, "You and I both know that is not what I was talking about."

"Hmmm... than you must be referring to how I so dashingly turned Harrietta back into Harry. Twice, and you are obviously wondering how I did it,"

"Actually, I was wondering how it felt when I kneed you earlier." Hermione smirked.

"Erm... not very good."

"Good, because if you don't get to the point, I will do it again."

"Okay, fine, earlier I wasn't ly-AH!" Fred was lifted off him chair, thanks to the watch pixie. "Snuggles! George, what are you doing?"

Hermione was doubled over with laughter; she had seen George talking to Snuggles.

"He's EATING ME!" Fred screamed. Suddenly, Snuggles tore Fred's already ripped shirt off of him and tossed it into his mouth.

"Correction, he's eating your shirt." George said.

"What I want to know is why you insist on getting Snuggles high? There is something wrong with you!"

"He isn't high, thank you very much."

Hermione giggled, but then attempted to pull herself together. "Erm, George? Could you, I dunno... take that thing back to its cage? Fred and I were having a conversation..."

"No can do," George said. "It's Fred's night to watch Snuggles."

Fred immediately protested. "IS NOT!"

Fred pulled his brother aside and whispered urgently, "Come on, please? Don't you want me to fix things between me and Hermione?"

"Not right this very moment, bro," George said, he looked down at his watch. "I have a date, starting now!" He Apparated before Fred could stop him.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. Lemme wrestle this thing up to her cage and then we can finish talking? I know you don't like Snuggles very much, but I need to hear what you have to say."

Hermione shrugged. She was a little busy looking at Fred's chest anyway.

Fred noticed. "See something you like?"

Hermione looked up quickly. "Huh?"

Fred laughed and went back to getting Snuggles in a cage. He must have realized something, because he pulled out his wand, muttered something, and Snuggles disappeared.

"What did you do?"

"I sent him to his cage." Fred answered.

"Oh. Well. Finish what you were going to say."

"What are you talking about?" He asked innocently.

"You said, and I quote, "I wasn't ly-AH!"" Hermione squealed, imitating Fred. "You weren't what?"

"I wasn't...erm..."

"Out with it. And remember, I can tell when you lie."

Fred ran his hand through his hair. "I was going to say that I wasn't lying when I told you that..." Fred paused. He decided it would be better to have her mad at him than to have her laugh at him. "That..." he cringed."You were an insufferable know-it-all."

He knew her self-control would leave right then and there. She pulled out her wand before he could react, and he flew against the wall. He figured he just laid there, maybe she would leave.

Again, his second instinct got hold of him, and he was dashing out of the basement stupidly leaving Hermione with many large objects. Which he knew she was going to grab.

As he left the kitchen and headed up the stairs for his own room, he heard her following fast.

He arrived at the top of the stairs to be hit with a large metal goblet.

He quickly headed for the nearest door. It happened to be Ginny's. He groped for the doorknob, it being dark, but he couldn't find it. Just as he found it, something large struck his hand, and he turned to see Hermione at the top of the stairs.

If it were really possible, Hermione would be spewing lava by now. All the objects in her hand flew towards him, the softest being a rubber duck, the hardest a glass plate, which shattered on the floor.

"I said I'm willing to tell the truth." She looked at him confused. "Sit down please."

"Okay..." She said slowly, making her way to the bed.

"Owww!" A new voice yelped.

"Lumos!" Hermione yelled.

There, lying on the bed, were Harry and Ginny.

"You," Fred seethed at the two of them, "are so dead."

Harry immediately jumped off the bed.

"We were just talking, honestly!" Harry said. "I would never touch-Oh MY GOD!"

And that was why Harrietta returned again, for a third time that day.

"I regret doing that," Fred said.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"I should have kicked him around then turned him into a girl." He answered, "I am a gentleman, and a gentleman never hits a lady."

"But, technically, Harrietta isn't really a girl." Hermione told him.

"Actually, the spell makes Harry a girl," he told her, "in everyway."

"We were just talking!" Harrietta whined.

"In the dark?" Fred glared.

"Well...erm...yes...no! I mean..."

"Just shut up Harrietta!" Hermione said, then she pushed Fred out of the room and closed the door behind her.

"Hermione! I just caught them in bed together! I need to kick someone's ass!" Fred screamed.

"What if you and me just happened to start talking in your room, lights out, and we decided to get more comfortable?" Hermione asked. "And then Harry and Ron walk in, what would you do?"

"Are you proposing something?" Fred grinned mischievously. "There is no one in-"

"FRED! Answer the question!" Hermione demanded.

"Erm... run for my life?"

"No, you dolt. You would keep your mouth shut, hoping we weren't caught."

"And if we were caught...?"

"You would try to explain. Don't beat Harry... Harrietta up. Go change him back, and then I will listen to you. No heavy objects, I promise."

Fred sighed. "You realize that the second it is Harry again, I will lose all self-control?"

"You must really love heavy objects,"

"Okay, if you promise no heavy objects and you..." Fred looked embarrassed. "You may want to... I dunno, hold my hand or something, so I'm not tempted to... you know, jump on Harry or anything..."

Hermione smiled and took his hand in hers. "If you insist so forcefully..."

"Now go." Fred pouted, but did as she said. He walked into the room, where Harrietta was currently sobbing. He muttered something, and Harrietta was once again Harry. Fred's eye twitched, but Hermione squeezed his hand tight.

Harry looked at them, then at Ginny, then at them again. This went on until Fred said, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"But you just...and Ginny and me...ARGH!" Harry sat on the bed and put his head in his hands.

"First, we aren't going out; second, we aren't in a bed." Fred busted.

They all stared at him confused.

"Me and Hermione I mean."

Ginny looked at him like he was insane. "No one was accusing you of anything."

Harry coughed. Ginny nudged him in the ribs. Suddenly, Hermione's eyes got wide with realization. "No, no, no. Fred and I weren't doing anything like that. In fact, before we found you two, I was planning on knocking him into a coma." She was, by now, bright red. "Come on Fred." She said, and pulled him out the door.

The second the door closed behind Hermione, they could hear a fit of laughter coming from the room.

/3/

Hey everyone! Sorry we haven't updated. Leii is still doing that project, and me? I've just been busy… you know, getting my heart broken and the like. Anyway. As

promised, review responses!

**Pauly-85- We're so glad you like it! We hope you liked the update:)**

**FlairVerona- We're glad you thought it was funny! Yeah, Hermione needs to stop being stubborn…. But it probably won't happen soon…**

**SilentConfession- You really thought it was that funny? Thanks! Harrietta is funny, isn't he/she/it? Lol! He/She/It made an appearance in this chapter :D**

**Miz Granger- We're glad you like it!**

**Leigh The Wonderlord- Why thank you! I do believe that was Leii's line, but I came up with the whole OKFFA thing :)**

**Amrawo- Glad you liked the first chapter! Have you read the second?**

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**SamiJo- Her and Mr. Weasley went to go see Charlie. It says that in the last chapter :) Thanks for reviewing!**

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**My-invisible-friend- It has been a rough day for her, huh?**

**BlackLustz- I have to share that idea with Leii… It could make for an interesting chapter 5… We already have the next chapter written :)**

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**RenorFaer- We are glad you thought it was funny!**

**Scorpio 1118- lol! We are glad you liked it! We're glad you thought it was funny!**


	4. Insanity, Harry Potter Style

**Author's Note:** It's very hard to write this author's note while trying to write chapter five with Monica, but I'll somehow manage.

This is Leii, by the way. I know, I've never written an author's note for this... This is definitely not as funny as Monica's, but whatever.

Sorry it took... a very long time. We were busy; high school is very stressful.

Anyway-- ow! Monica just told me I have to say something funny...

Harry's potatoes...

Hehehe... fuuuunnnnnyyyy...

This story is much more fun to write, because the stupid attention whore known as Draco Malfoy is not in it. A new, pink character is introduced in this chapter...

And, no, I have no idea why he is pink.

Also, I have no idea where ANY of this chapter came from... Niquil and insomniacs don't work. Not to mention the fact that the two author's of this story are clinically insane.

If anyone is wondering where Monica is and why I of all people am writing the note, it is because I insisted to write it this time.

It won't happen again, I promise. :)

**Disclaimer- **We, Monica and I, do not own Harry Potter or any songs that may appear within this chapter. Monica tells me that we own the new character... I don't want to own that large, pink-- Monica says to shut my mouth and stop ruining the story.

**Operation KFFA**

**Chapter Four- Insanity, Harry Potter Style**

Ginny looked at him like he was insane. "No one was accusing you of anything."

Harry coughed.

Ginny nudged him in the ribs.

Suddenly, Hermione's eyes got wide with realization. "No, no, no. Fred and I weren't doing anything like that. In fact, before we found you two, I was planning on knocking him into a coma." She was, by now, bright red. "Come on Fred," she said, pulling him out the door.

The second the door closed behind Hermione, they could hear a fit of laughter coming from the room.

"Look at what you did Frederick Weasley!" Hermione yelled.

"You've got Harry and Ginny convinced that we're..."

"That we're what?" Fred asked.

Hermione blushed. "Doing something we most definitely are not doing!"

"And what is it that we aren't doing?" Fred continued to push.

"You know exactly what!"

"Actually, I don't," said Fred. "Please enlighten me."

"They think we were... for lack of a better term... Making out!" Hermione screamed.

Fred saw that behind Hermione, George slowly was coming up the stairs. He knew Hermione could not see George, so he took the opportunity to embarrass Hermione.

"But it's the truth, isn't it? We were making out!"

George's eyes grew wide and he stopped mid-step.

"And what a hot make-out session it was, right Hermione?" continued Fred.

"What the hell are you talking about!" Hermione screeched.

"About our wonderful and mind blowing make-out session, silly."

"Oh, yes, of course," said Hermione sarcastically.

Behind her, George looked like he was about to faint from shock.

Fred was about to say something when Molly yelled from downstairs "Oh Sweet Merlin!" followed by a rather loud _thud_. Some would conquer that she fainted.

George rushed downstairs, to avoid being caught by Fred and Hermione.

He wished he hadn't. He was met by the largest dog he'd ever seen. He didn't move, _hell_, he could barely breath.

Now the Weasley household had an ACTUAL guard dog.

A pink guard dog...

After looking the dog over for a minute, he realized that it looked like an overgrown poodle mix... with its fur dyed pink...

"What the bloody hell!" George yelled.

George looked like he was about to throw up. "We can't have that thing in the same house as—"

He heard the rumbling of the stairs. Too late.

"Snuggles," he finished lamely, as the overgrown ham- erm, _pixie_ tumbled down the stairs.

There was suddenly a loud roar of squeaky barks that erupted from the pink thing, and an unrecognizable sound came from Snuggles.

George quickly moved out of the way as Snuggles tackled the large dog.

"Snuggles, no!" Mr. Weasley cried.

By now, the sound had attracted most of the family— Harry and Ginny from the room, Hermione and Fred from the Hall, and Ron from... well, wherever Ron had been.

Ginny looked at the giant dog, then at her father, then at his mother on the floor. Finally, she looked at Fred and Hermione.

"The world has gone bloody mad!"

This came from Ginny of course, who everyone turned to look at as she made this exclamation.

Mr. Weasley took out his wand, and everyone of age followed suit.

But not before George shouted to Ginny, "The WORLD is going bloody mad! You included, missy!"

Ginny's eyes narrowed. "What exactly does that mean, George Weasley?

"You snogging Harry! And Hermione snogging Fred! And this crazy giant poodle, and-"

"Hermione WHAT!" Hermione yelled. "I did not snog Fred, you peabrain!"

"I just heard you and Fred talking about that hot make-out session you had!"

"WHAT!"

Everyone turned to look at the door leading to the kitchen. Ron was standing stalk-still in the doorframe.

His eyes landed on Fred. "I'm going to KILL you!"

Fred scrambled behind his father.

"Dad! Ron's gone mad!"

Hermione, meanwhile, looked like she was ready to murder Fred as well.

"THAT'S IT!" Mr. Weasley screamed, causing everyone to stop and look at him. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR IMMATURITY! GET OVER IT!"

"Whoa, Dad, calm down," said Ginny.

"No, I will _not_ calm down. You two," he pointed at Hermione and Fred, "over there. You three," he pointed at Ron, Harry, and Ginny, "upstairs. And you," he pointed to George, "clean this up."

And he left his children and their friends to themselves, while he headed upstairs, with his wife levitating behind him.

Ron, Harry and Ginny followed behind the floating Mrs. Weasley.

Ron was mumbling incoherently, as usual.

Once they had gotten out of sight, Hermione turned to Fred.

"Well?" Hermione said expectantly.

"Well what?" Fred asked stupidly.

"I believe that someone here deserves an apology," she said.

Fred nodded, and then looked at George. "Sorry for the mess."

George shrugged. "Just promise me you won't discuss your heated make out sessions in public anymore."

"THERE WAS NO HEATED MAKE-OUT SESSION!" Hermione snapped.

George looked at Fred, then back at Hermione. "Well then... I don't want to know what is going on then..."

"Fred just likes to have his head up his ass."

"What does your make-out session have to do with Fred having his head up his ass? Unless..."

"GEORGE!" Hermione yelled.

"HERMIONE!" George yelled back.

"GEORGE!"

"HERMIONE!"

"GEORGE!"

"FRED!" Fred yelled, just for the sake of yelling.

Both Hermione and George turned to glare at him.

"Mind your own business!" they both yelled in unison.

"You're talking about me liking to have my head up my ass!" said Fred. "If that's not my business I don't know _what_ is!"

Hermione and George seemed to have no answer to that.

"For once in your life Fred, just shut up!" said Hermione. "All you ever do is talk without thinking! Just SHUT UP!"

"I need to shut up? I need to shut up!" Fred asked incredulously.

"YOU BOTH NEED TO SHUT UP!"

"How about we all just take a vow of silence?" George suggested.

"How about no?" Hermione said. "Not 'till Fred explains at least half of the crazy things he's said tonight."

"And I was about to say that taking a vow of silence would take the fun out of life!" exclaimed Fred. "Now I realize it would help me live a much better life, a HERMIONE-FREE one."

Hermione groaned. "Stop lying Fred, and just admit your undying love for me!"

"Love YOU! I don't even LIKE you!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Shove off George!"

"Both of you shut up!"

"Shut up, Hermione!"

"Shove off, Fred!"

"Go read a book!"

"Go feed your overgrown hamster!"

"WATCH PIXIE!"

Fred and Hermione were so close together, and George was staring at the like they were insane, and even later Fred couldn't figure out what possessed him to do it.

He kissed her.

Soon though, he realized what he was doing, and he stopped the kiss as soon as it had started. He quickly Apparated out of the house.

Hermione couldn't take it anymore. The second she heard the pop that signaled he had Apparated, she let out a scream of frustration.

Her scream was so loud that George would swear that the house shook.

"That is my cue to leave." George said uneasily.

"GEORGE!"

"Yes?"

"Nothing, I just like yelling your name..."

"Oh you do, do you?"

"NOT LIKE THAT YOU LOSER!"

George smirked a smirk that even Draco Malfoy, the stupid Pureblooded attention whore, would be proud of.

"You know you love the way my name just rolls off of your tongue," he said provokingly.

"Yeah, while I'm KILLING YOU!" Hermione lunged at him.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't touch the hair!"

"Now you sound even MORE like that prat!"

"Who? Fred?"

"No! The attention whore!"

"Who?"

"DRACO _BLOODY_ MALFOY!"

"Do you scream that name often too?"

Hermione was sick of this, so she decided to deadpan, "Yeah, you know it."

George pretended to be shocked. "What will Fred say? You're just a world class slut, aren't you? Me, Malfoy... who else? Don't say Ron... I don't need to know THAT much about my younger brother."

Hermione just stared at him.

"Did you just call me a slut?"

George realized he had crossed the line. So he did what he does best. He tried to talk his way out of it.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Isn't it FRED you should be taking this out on?"

"Not when YOU are the twin which I have in my hands," said Hermione calmly. "I think I could have just as much fun PRETENDING you are Fred while I beat the mickey out of you."

George screamed bloody murder. "FRED! GET IN HERE! I"M BEING MURDERED BY YOUR GIRLFREIND!"

Bad move on George's part. For the bloody curdling scream was what triggered—

"WHERE IS HE!"

Harry had burst into the room, wand at the ready. His hair was wilder than usual, and they could hear Ginny coming down the stairs behind him.

"WHERE IS HE!" he screamed once more, looking madly around the room.

"HARRY! Voldemort is DEAD! You are a RAVING LUNATIC! GET HELP!" Hermione yelled at him.

That seemed to snap Harry out of whatever trance he had been put into by the scream, and a look of confusion crossed over his face.

"What is going on?" he asked. "I was upstairs with Ginny and... why am I here?" He looked up at Hermione, who still had George in her firm grasp. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! Are you going after the ENTIRE Weasley family or something? Did Malfoy have something to do with this... stupid little attention whore that he is I bet that he did something for ultimate revenge..."

"HARRY! GO AWAY! You. Need. Help." She said this last part very slowly.

"Well fine then!" Harry huffed, puffing his chest out. "If you don't need my help I'll just be—"

"HARRY! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!" screamed George, afraid he had suddenly become invisible. "CAN YOU NOT SEE HERMIONE TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"What? Murder? George?" Harry looked around your room, and looked as if he was about to do something about the situation. "Wait a—" That is, until Hermione gave him a rather nasty look. "Nevermind."

"I'll just be leaving," said Harry rushing up the stairs, ignoring George's calls.

"Now it's just you and me, George," Hermione said, a mad glint in her eyes. "You and me."

"I feel rather uncomfortable with this situation, and would like to leave until I am more comfortable with it."

"Well, that's just too—"

"Dinner's on the table!" Mrs. Weasley yelled.

"When did she get home?" George asked.

"Well, Monica thought it would be a good idea to start incorporating her in the story."

"Who?"

"Well, you see George, we are only fictional characters in a book, written by a British woman," Hermione said as matter of factly. "This, however, is only a fan fiction, written very late at night by two very insane people. If it were the real story, I doubt that I would even be talking to you."

"Well, now that that is settled, let's go eat dinner."

"Sounds good."

Meanwhile, Harry was going insane once more...

"Calm down, Harry," said Ginny as she watched her boyfriend pace the room.

"How can I relax? They are joking about VOLDEMORT! VOLD-E-MORT! You know what that means?"

"That Leii finds it funny to make you insane?"

"NO!" insisted Harry. "That they must be WORKING for him! We must VANQUISH the DARK LORD! ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

Ginny rolled her eyes; she had this conversation once a week. Sighing, she said, "Ok, Harry. Now, go to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning."

"No," said Harry, bringing his hands together in a maniacal way. "This must happen TONIGHT! Remember what Mad-Eye once said: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

"Let us _also_ remember that he was a raving lunatic that was trying to kill you..."

"Well, yes, but can't we go eat dinner? I mean before I have to go to bed?"

"Wow... being a girl on and off has really made you rather whiny."

"Shove off! I am COMPLETELY comfortable with my sexuality... oh, that nail polish is really pretty..."

Ginny rolled her eyes and pulled Harry down the stairs.

She realized when she got to the dinner table that no one was sitting down. Because no one wanted to sit next to anyone else.

What Hermione heard next shocked her.

Instead, everyone was standing around the kitchen, staring blankly around.

"Well, this is wonderful," Mrs. Weasley said, "I cook a meal for you, after coming back to finding the house in shambles, and you are going to be rude enough not to even ATTEMPT to eat it. Wonderful end to the day, don't you say?"

There was a sudden uproar of yelling from everyone.

Hermione was yelling at George, who was attempting to yell at Fred, who was attempting to yell at Harry, who was trying to find Ron, who wasn't in the room—

Speaking of annoying things, suddenly, a... garbage can burst through the kitchen door...

"Someone BETTER explain what is going on! STARTING with why there is a hole in my kitchen door! And a garbage can as well!"

Before anyone could give their completely stupid answers to Mrs. Weasley, muffins starting shooting from the top of the garbage can.

Not any muffins, however, possessed muffins.

As they chased the group all over the kitchen, new ones continued to shoot from it.

Over all of the chaos, however, Harry could be heard screaming "VOLDEMORT WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH ATTACKING ME WITH MUFFINS!"

No one had the energy to argue with Harry while running from the muffins. So they let him rush at the garbage can.

Only to have it throw its lid at his head.

"Oh, Voldie got smarter!" he said. "Well, I'll show you, you evil... Voldemort trash can you!"

"Has Harry been like this since the war ended?" Fred asked Bill.

"No, only today. It must be something about turning into a girl that makes you a little..."

"Insane?" George offered.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Hermione yelled.

"I'm just saying," said George. "Every girl that I've ever met has been a little... eccentric if you will. Look at you for example, you are a mad woman. I wouldn't be surprised if you painted your face and started to tribal dances."

"Tribal dances? TRIBAL dances?" Hermione looked about ready to jump on George.

"HERMIONE! GEORGE! FRED!" Mrs. Weaseley shouted.

It was then that they noticed they were the only ones who hadn't been affected by Mrs. Weasley's wrath, and therefore they were the only ones standing up.

The muffins had been stopped apparently, and the garbage bin had been muzzled.

Hermione, Fred and George sat down in a row as Mrs. Weasley threw an evil look.

"You will pay for that," Hermione said under her breath as Mrs. Weasley handed Harry a bowl of potatoes.

"Oh yeah?" asked Fred. "Whatcha gonna do? A tribal dance in hopes of my death?"

Before Hermione could reply, Harry yelled, "Potatoes! My favorite!"

Everyone's head turned to Harry, who seemed to have become weirder and weirder as the day had progressed.

"What? I like potatoes."

"We know you do Harry. We know," Ginny said softly.

Suddenly, a loud crashing noise came from the floor above. Harry jumped to his feet immediately (making sure the potatoes remained safe though).

"VOLDEMORT!" he screamed loudly.

Everyone rolled their eyes as Harry put the bowl of potatoes down and ran out of the room.

"How long do you think it will take to realize that it's a ghoul?" Ginny asked.

"How long has Lord Voldemort been dead?" joked Fred.

"Umm... three... two..."

"It's alright!" Harry yelled from upstairs. "It's just the ghoul."

He came pounding back down the stairs. "Now I can get back to those wonderful potatoes..."

Ginny rolled her eyes, and continued to eat.

"So how was your day Hermione?"

"Don't even get me started."


	5. I Resent That

**Disclaimer:**** We own it all! (Monica smacks Leii) We do not! (Leii smacks Monica back) They don't need to know that! (Monica smacks Leii once more) Well, either we say we don't own it, or we get sued. (Leii contemplates for a second) You think she'd really sue us? (Monica glares) Let's not take the chance. (Leii pouts) But it'd be a fun experiment! (Monica now stares pointedly) Just say that we don't own anything but the title, plot, Snuggles, and Fido. (Leii sighs) I guess, according to Monica, the genius who helped me with my English homework only a couple of hours ago, we do not own anything but the title, plot, Snuggles, and Fido.  
****  
Operation KFFA**

**Chapter 5- I Resent That**

The Weasley household, thanks to Mrs. Weasley returning, had returned to its... _normal_ routine.

Everyone, thank goodness, was in bed, sound asleep. Even _Snuggles_ had calmed down.

Hermione and Fred were the only ones still awake, other than Ron.

Hermione was attempting to plan Operation KFFA, while Fred was just a plain insomniac. Ron, on the other hand, was just doing... whatever he was doing (no one dared to ask).

Pacing the floor of the bedroom, Hermione was deep in thought. Well, as deep in thought as one could be at three in the morning.

This was her thought process: Fred had kissed her. Not once, but _twice_! But why? The only thing she could think was that she had some master plan for getting back at her for kneeing him. Why else would he kiss her? She needed something big. Something huge. And she needed help. But who? There was Ginny, who was sleeping in the same room as Hermione that night (it was actually Percy's old room, but _whatever_), because there was currently a large hole in Ginny's floor.

But Hermione felt bad about involving Ginny.

There was always...

No, that would be rather unfair to Fred... but it would be so funny... and Fred DID deserve it...

Hermione quietly opened the door and tip-toed to the twins' room. Without knocking, she opened the door, trying to keep it from making noise.

She was in. The only problem was, not both twins were asleep in their beds.

There was only one in the entire room.

Hermione prayed that it was George and poked him on the shoulder. "Wake up!" she said in his ear.

"But I don't want to want up mummy! I don't want to go to school! I want to go to Hogwarts mummy! Hogwarts!"

Hermione giggled; George must be reliving his pre-Hogwarts days.

Her laughter seemed to bring him to the present, and he opened his eyes. "What d'ya want, 'Mione?" he asked groggily.

"I have a plan," she told him. "And I need your help."

That got his attention. He_was_ a prankster, and plans always got his full attention.

"Plan? What kind of Plan?"

"A plan for revenge," she explained, grinning evilly. "On your dear, sweet twin brother."

He crossed his arms. "No way. Nuh-uh. Not doing it," he announced. "We are a team. I'm not getting revenge on him."

Hermione knew this was going to happen and pulled out her wand. "You know how Malfoy, the stupid attention whore, turned Harry into Harrietta?" she asked. Not waiting for an answer, she continued, "Well, I think that you'll be a lovely Georgia."

"Yes, but I know how to change myself BACK!" George proclaimed like a child.

Hermione thought about this. "Did Fred tell you what I did to him earlier?"

"Besides making out with him?" George shuddered. "I don't want to know."

Hermione glared at him. "We did _not _make out. Would you like to stick my knee into one of your appendages?"

"Not particularly, no," George answered.

"Well then, join me and we can get Fred once and for all," Hermione said, sounding like every evil character in Muggle books and television.

George gulped. "See, I would like to, I really would but..." He grinned at something Hermione couldn't see.

"But his valiant twin won't let him," a voice said from behind them.

Hermione turned to glare.

"Hermione, Hermione, _Hermione_," Fred said, shaking his head from side to side overdramatically. "Trying to get my own twin brother to help you take out revenge on me?"

"And I would have gotten him to help me too, if it weren't for your meddling," Hermione said ruefully. "Why can't George be the insomniac instead of you?"

Fred waved his hand, not giving a thought to her question.

"What kind of revenge were you planning on planning? Because you forget, I am Fred, and he is George."

"Yes, I forgot who you were, I'm so forgetful," said Hermione sarcastically.

Fred shook his head dismissively. "You forget we are the _Weasley_ twins. The _Princes of Pranks_."

"Well, you're brother was just about to commit treason against your kingdom," she said.

"I was not!" insisted George. "I was just going to... erm... think about it...?"

Fred put a hand to his head in mock distress. "Treason! How? Poison in my goblet? A dagger to my throat? A stake through my heart? A-"

"We get the picture Prince Fredrick," Hermione said in a bored tone.

He pretended to pout now.

"If you don't mind, _Princes of Pranks_," Hermione said, "I must be going. I need to find someone else who is willing to help me with my plan of revenge..."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Some people never learn..."

"Yeah," George agreed.

"Don't even get me started on you," Fred said. "You were going to help the enemy!"

"It isn't my fault!" George proclaimed. "She was threatening to... not allow me to have children!"

"Oh, you too, huh?" Fred said, dismissing his earlier annoyance at his twin.

"She threatened to make me into Georgia!"

Fred rolled his eyes. "It's not like you couldn't change yourself back!"

"I told her that, but it's just the glint she had in her eyes," George admitted. "You picked yourself out one insane woman, Fred."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Go to bed," he said, shoving an extra pillow in his twin's face.

George mumbled, but lay down on his bed, falling asleep quickly. Fred, however, was still his insomniac self and wasn't even attempting to get to sleep. Instead, he had to go make sure that Hermione wasn't going to do anything rash.

He heard a voice coming down that hall that signaled it was too late.

"And how exactly is this plan supposed to work?" he heard his brother Ron asking.

"It just will, Ronald," Hermione said. "Now be quiet and don't tell anyone what I told you... what were you doing with Ginny's make-up bag anyway?"

Fred couldn't contain himself. He howled with laughter. Ron... and Ginny's make-up bag...!

His laughter, however, caught the attention of not only Ron and Hermione, but the entire household, which had been awoken by Fred's laughter.

Harry came bursting into the room, wand at the ready, only in his boxers, the rest of the household not far behind him.

"Where is he?" he screamed.

Fred rolled his eyes. "Voldemort is dead, Harry," he said softly. "Why don't you go down to the kitchen, and heat yourself up some leftover potatoes?"

Harry looked around the room one more time. Once he was sure Voldemort wasn't going to jump out at him, he lowered his wand. "There's none left," he said ruefully.

"What? There were pounds of it left after dinner."

"Well, you see, there are about five hours between the time I went to bed and the time we ate dinner... I got hungry..."

"And you ate them ALL!" Ginny asked from behind him, causing him to jump around with his wand raised.

He lowered it once he decided that Ginny not an imposter. "Yes," he answered.

Ginny rolled her eyes.

There was suddenly a very loud rumble. Everyone looked around, and saw the very large dog they had seen earlier bounding straight towards them. Or rather, straight towards _Fred_.

Fred's eyes widened and he attempted to push his way out of the room, only to be stopped by someone, or rather some_thing_ grabbing the back of his shirt.

"NO!" he screamed as the pink dog tackled him to the floor.

"Down Fido!" Mr. Weasley shouted.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE!"

It was Mrs. Weasley who shouted.

"Fido? FIDO!" Fred screamed from underneath the large dog. "That's what you name_ nice _and_ small_ dogs, not MONSTERS!"

"This coming from the one who named his overgrown hamster SNUGGLES," commented Hermione as she watched the dog start to groom Fred's mass of hair.

Everyone snorted at this comment. Except Mrs. Weasley.

"Will someone explain to me why we are all awake at THREE THIRTY IN THE MORNING!"

"Because Hermione is a raving lunatic who decided to interrupt life in our peaceful kingdom by trying to get me against my own twin!" George explained, talking rather fast. "And Harry, well, Harry's just INSANE."

"I resent that," said Harry.

"And you were ASLEEP George. How would you know what happened?"

"Well, I wasn't asleep a few minutes ago, was I?"

"Well the whole house wasn't awake a few minutes ago, was it?"

"Well whose fault was it then?"

"Well it wasn't my fault," Hermione said quickly.

"Yes it was!"

"No it wasn't!"

"WAS!

"WASN"T!"

"WAS!"

"WAS!"

"WASN"T!"

Hermione smirked. "Told you."

Before George could comment back, Fred started screaming again. "Does ANYONE notice or care that there is a large, pink dog grooming my hair as it pins me to the ground?"

"No," everyone but Mrs. Weasley said in unison.

Mrs. Weasley just stared at everyone. "I'm going to bed," she said tiredly. She could only hope she was experiencing a very real feeling dream.

"I think I am too." Mr. Weasley said.

Everyone, including Fido, watched in disbelief as the two elders left the chaos and went back to bed.

"I think I'm starting to agree with you, Ginny," Hermione said. "The world is going mad. Of course, your boyfriend is the perfect example..."

"I resent that," Harry said again.

"Oh, go eat some potatoes," said Hermione.

"I already TOLD you. There aren't any left."

"Well then, go MAKE some or something!" said Hermione impatiently. She definitely was not in the mood to deal with the insane Harry Potter at this time of night.

"I would, but there aren't any potatoes left in the entire house!"

"Wait a second... did you just say that Ginny is Harry's 'girlfriend'?" Ron asked suddenly.

"I think Harry and I will go and... plant some potato seeds or something..."said Ginny quickly, dragging Harry to the kitchen.

"Wait, Ron didn't know? I thought Ron knew?" George asked.

"No one asked you George."

"Well, fine then," George said, and stomped up the stairs.

Hermione and Ron followed after him, both too tired to try and do anything.

And that just left Fred and Fido on the floor.

"What about meeeeeeeeee?" Fred whined. No one came to his aid.

"Well this just officially sucks," Fred said to no one in particular.

Fred realized that things were about to get worse. The dog on top of him was snoring.

"Bloody hell," Fred yelled. "This thing is sound asleep!"

And Fred realized there was no way in hell he would be able to move the roughly 300 pound dog.

"GEORGE, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS UP HERE RIGHT NOW I SWEAR I WILL CHANGE YOU TO GEORGIA!" Fred shouted as loudly as he could. "PERMANENTLY!"

But no one could here him. Oh god, the dog was _slobbering_.

Suddenly, he heard someone coming.

"Oh god no!" he said once he saw Hermione, who was grinning madly.

"So, Fred, how's life below a dog? _Comfortable_?"

"This is YOUR fault!" Fred yelled.

"Well, I had help."

"Wait, THIS is what you and Ron were talking about? This is just cruel and unusual!"

"No, my dear Fredrick, this is just phase one. Unless," she added darkly, "you are willing to _finally_ give me some information."

"NEVER!" Fred said. "I plead the fifth!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Nice try," she said. "First of all, we aren't in the U.S., and secondly, I think that you'd rather not stay beneath that dog forever. Imagine, the rest of your life, with a large, pink dog named Fido on top of you. _Funny_, yet not pleasant."

Fred weighed his options-- literally. The dog _was_ three hundred pounds...

He sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"You still haven't explained to me why you are so glad Blaise broke up with me."

"You sure? Cause I swear that I gave you a full explanation..."

Hermione rolled her eyes once more.

"I'm serious, didn't I already tell you why?"

"No, you have been avoiding the subject!" she told him. "I. WANT. AN. ANSWER."

"Because. He. Smelled. Funny," said Fred. But he was starting to regret his decision. He was having trouble breathing.

Hermione, realizing she wouldn't be getting an answer, moved onto the next question. "Why'd you kiss me? Twice?"

"Because you smell good," he answered, immediately regretting opening his mouth once more as he started to blush.

Hermione glared at him. "Why are you dancing around the subject? What are you afraid of? Hurting my feelings? I can handle whatever you got Fredrick Weasley."

"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it," he said to her. For the third time, he regretted speaking.

"Fine." Hermione said defiantly. She gave him one last look, and began to walk up the stairs.

"WAIT!"

Hermione stopped and turned back around slowly.

"You're never going to get an actually explanation if you just leave me here to die beneath this three-hundred pound dog," said Fred. "Plus, I think you'd have much more fun beating me yourself."

Hermione paused. "Nah."

She turned back up the stairs.

So Fred did the only thing he could think to do...

"HARRY! VOLDEMORT IS ATTACKING ME IN THE FORM OF A THREE HUNDRED POUND PINK POODLE!"

As expected, and to Hermione's dismay, Harry came running into the room, wand at the ready.

"Little Voldie's gone from snakes to pink poodles?" Harry said, apparently to himself. "Someone's gone insane!"

Quickly, he tackled the sleeping dog off of Fred, who stood up and started to brush--

"BLOODY HELL!"

"I TOLD YOU VOLDEMORT WAS BACK AGAIN!" screamed Harry as he tackled the growling dog once more off of Fred.

"THAT IS NOT VOLDEMORT!" Hermione told him. "IT'S A DOG!"

"No, it's Voldemort _disguised_ as a dog, Hermione," Harry insisted.

Hermione smirked. "Harry, I that there are some potatoes in the cupoboard downstairs, you really should go check..."

Harry seemed to think about it for a second. "Okay," he said brightly.

Fred ran up the stairs before the dog could chase after him.

Hermione handed Fido a dog treat and rolled her eyes. "Good dog," she said.

"RON! PHASE TWO IS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW!" she screamed suddenly.

Ron came into the room from... wherever he had been.

"Phase two?" he asked unsurely. "Are you sure?"

She grinned. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Ronald."

"Ummmm... if you say so." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "Just don't tell Fred I was in on this... he'll kill me."

"Well then, maybe you should cough up the money for the funeral, cause he's figured it out."

"What!"

"Just go back to... wherever you were, and I'll deal with this phase myself," Hermione said impatiently.

"Well fine then." Ron said.

"Fine," Hermione said.

Hermione stomped up the stairs. Phase two was completely screwed, she was going to have to come up with something as she went up the stairs.

What could Fred possibly fear?

She knew just the thing. Taking out her wand, she transfigured herself and said another helpful little charm...

"FREDRICK WEASLEY GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" she screamed, sounding exactly like Molly.

Fred came down the stairs, looking rather frightened.

"M-mum?"

"What did you do to poor Hermione! She's sitting in her room sobbing her eyes out. AT FOUR IN THE MORNING!"

"What!" he asked incredulously.

"She's _crying_! What did you _do_ to her?" Hermione, as Mrs. Weasley, continued.

"I don't know... nothing..." he answered timidly.

"Obviously not nothing, she's mumbling and sobbing so hard! You are in a truck load of trouble, young man!"

"But- but-" Fred looked like a fish, opening and closing his mouth. "Why is she crying?" He sat down at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. "Thats not what I wanted. Not at all."

Hermione saw he was distressed, and softened her voice. "What happened Fred?"

Fred was about to speak, when, from out of the cupboard door, Harry emerged.

"AHA!" he said, holding up a large potato as if it were a trophy. "There _are_ potatoes left!"

Harry then saw that "Mrs. Weasley" was in the room, so he tried to hide the potatoes behind his back.

"It's okay, Harry," Hermione said, "You go about your business and make something to eat."

"Well, I was actually planning on hiding them under my bed. Who eats potatoes at four in the morning?" said Harry.

Hermione sighed. "Give me the potatoes Harry."

"WHAT!" he asked, holding the potatoes to his chest tightly. "No!"

She was surprised, Harry usual listened to Mrs. Weasley. "What did you say?"

"I said 'no.' Theses are _my_ potatoes! AND YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM!"

"Wow, okay, go to bed Harry, and you can keep the potatoes."

Harry shrugged. "Okay."

And that is how Fred and Hermione/Mrs. Weasley were once again left alone.

"What happened Fred? You and Hermione used to get along well. And now all you do is fight and attempt revenge on one and other." Hermione then realized that she was still Mrs. Weasley, so she added, "And destroy my house."

"I don't want to talk to you about this mum, you wouldn't understand," Fred said.

"Well, who WOULD understand then? You must talk to SOMEONE." Hermione knew quite well that at this point the entire Weasley family was slightly afraid of her, so she could either have Fred actually tell someone else, and then tell her, OR just make herself look like that person.

"That's the problem, mum," Fred said, his voice raising slightly. "NO ONE undestands. Everyone thinks Ron and Hermione, _Ron and Hermione_. I hate to break it to you, but I believe my dear brother Ron doesn't even LIKE girls! I'm tired of being told to BACK OFF because Hermione and Ron are "MEANT TO BE"! Has anyone even ASKED Hermione whether or not she likes Ron? NOOOOO!"

"Well, Hermione knows that she doesn't have to conform to what other people expect of her. And you're being silly. Of COURSE Ron likes girls. He's had a girlfriend for months. Some girl named Hannah."

Hermione frowned.

"But that still doesn't explain why you have been acting so oddly."

"Yes it DOES! That's the problem! Everyone wants a DIRECT and TO THE POINT answer, but I can't GIVE a direct answer," Fred explained further.

"So are you saying--"

But at that moment, Hermione heard people walking around upstairs. Hermione faked a yawn, and said, "Oh, I need to do something upstairs." She rushed up the stairs praying it would not be Mrs. Weasley who was awake.

As she walked up the stairs however, it was not Mrs. Weasley that was awake. It was Harry and Ginny.

On Ginny's bed.They both jumped up immediately, and ran downstairs, where Fred had disappeared from, and now was replaced with Bill.

"Bill? What are you doing here? Especially at," Ginny checked the clock. "4:30 a.m.?"

"What are YOU doing awake?" he asked. Suddenly, he held up his hand. "Nevermind," he said, "I don't want a reason to kill you. Harry."

Harry just stared at Bill with his mouth opening and closing. He finally worked up his nerve and said, "You wouldn't _really_ kill me, would you Bill?"

He raised an eyebrow. "It matters... what were you doing?"

"I'll just be shutting up now," Harry said.

"Exactly," said Bill. He started looking around the room for something. "Have you seen any potatoes around the house? I have a real craving for some..."

"NO! MY POTATOES!" Harry yelled.

Bill stopped moving. "What are you talking about?"

Harry was almost foaming. "DON'T. TOUCH. MY. POTATOES."

"What is going on?" Bill asked.

"Well, see, Harry has been turned into a girl several times this week, and it has made him go slightly insane. Especially if you mention--"

"Does this have anything to do with Voldemort?"

"That," Ginny finished lamely.

"VOLDEMORT!" Harry screamed, pulling his wand out and looking around madly. "Where!"

"I see." Bill said, raising his eyebrows, to no one in particular. Then to Ginny, he said, "You realize your boyfriend is bloody mad, don't you?"

"Wait, you knew that we were dating? And you aren't mad?" Ginny said, as Harry began running around the kitchen, searching the pantries for "Voldemort."

"Yeah, I knew. Its right about time too."

Ginny's jaw dropped. "You're serious? So if I tell you the reason we are up is that we were making out you wouldn't flip?"

"Is that the reason you're up?"

"Yes..."

"Well then, I'd have to say it's a pity that Harry will soon become the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Die," Bill said, before pulling his wand out.

"Well, what about you! Where have you been all day! You were here yesterday, and all day you were gone! Where you off making out with Fleur!" Ginny yelled.

"That's none of your business!" Bill said angrily.

"Harry isn't right in the head--"

"I resent that," Harry said from inside the cupboard.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sadly, it is Leii once more writing the author's note. However, I CAN assure you that Monica IS still alive.She's just busy watching her latest obession on Lifetime. I thought this was the opportune time to post a new chapter, because I had nothing else to do and this has been sitting here for too long, waiting to be posted. 

And I know I promised not to write another note (actually, Monica just reminded me), but I just HAD to. Again, she is a little busy watching a movie (a very GOOD movie I might add) and I don't want her to bother with this note.

As expected, this note is extremely boring and straight to the point. Again, sorry. I'll try to never write another note. But I won't be promising anything this time around. :)

Love,

Monica & Leii. (But Leii wrote the note, remember that.)


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance