I Don't Care

A/N: Okay, I love this new Blake Shelton cd and I have wanted to use this song since the first time I heard it. Let's just say, for the purpose of this song, that Elliot has never met Simon. He has also never met Dean Porter – but he's heard of both of them. I promise you'll see where this is going. R&R! XOX, KJ

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me.

--

I had to do a double-take when I saw her. At first, I wasn't one hundred percent sure it was her, but then she tossed her head back and laughed and I knew. No one laughs like my girl. I was on 5th Avenue with Dickie, trying to find a nice suit for the upcoming formal at his school while Kathy took Lizzie to find a dress. Dickie spotted Liv shortly after I did. With a guy. About her height. Brown shaggy hair. His arm wrapped around her shoulders. I could feel a muscle tick in my jaw at the comfortable embrace they shared. I stopped myself before I could get too pissed; she was none of my concern anymore. Problem is, I keep forgetting that I don't care.

"Dad, isn't that Liv?" my son asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Who's that with her?"

"I'm not sure, Son. Let's go in here and see if we can find you somethin' sharp," I replied, ushering Dickie into Hugo Boss.

"Have you talked to her, Dad? Did you tell her what you and mom decided?"

"No, Richard, I haven't."

"Dad, I just think--"

"Dickie, I just think you should pipe down before you start sounding like one of your sisters."

"Dad, they have a point you know."

I shot him a glare that would always silence him.

"I'm just saying," he muttered.

I couldn't blame him. I'm sure my kids were tired of hearing about how much I missed Liv. I still saw her at work every day, but since Kathy had made the announcement that she was pregnant with my youngest daughter Erin, things between me and Liv… were strained to say the least. The tight best friendship we'd shared was pretty much non-existent. After awhile, I'd heard she was dating Dean Porter, who'd been her FBI contact while she was out in Oregon. I didn't know details, because I refused to ask questions that I didn't want to hear the answers to. Shortly after Erin was born, Kathy and I had made the decision that we truly were not in love like we'd once been. I planned to stay a part of their lives for the sake of Erin and the other four kids, but we finalized our divorce. I'd never missed Liv more in my life.

_There She Was;  
Laughin', Talkin', Window Shoppin' With A New Guy.  
And I'd Heard About Him.  
I Heard She Found Him Right Around When We Said Good-bye._

And I Came Real Close And Almost Lost My Temper.  
But I Bit My Tongue, Kept My Cool, 'cause I Remembered...

Sitting in Hugo Boss watching my son try on suit after suit, I was thinking about a few different things. Most importantly, pride in my boy. And to be honest, pride in myself and my ex-wife that we managed to raise our children to learn from our mistakes – even if it didn't seem like we could sometimes. When I should have been getting ready for spring formal my senior year, I was getting ready for my wedding. And the next twenty-two years of marriage. Which made my mind wander to Liv. Again. And what might have happened had I not married Kathy and had four more kids after Maureen. But then I remembered. I don't care. If she wanted to date Dean Porter, hell, if she wanted to date the whole Goddamn FBI, it was none of my concern. The last conversation we had about anything halfway personal resonated in my mind.

"So what are you going to do?" she'd asked when I told her Kathy was pregnant.

"What do you mean by that?" I'd snipped.

I remember being so angry. But not at her. At me. At Kathy. At the situation. At the fact that I'd just shot my chance with her straight to hell.

I Don't Care.  
She Don't Matter.  
I Don't Love Her Anymore, He Can Have Her!  
I Don't Know Why It Slips My Mind,  
I Tell Myself All The Time;  
Guess I Forgot Again For A Second There;  
That I Don't Care.

"You looked sharp, kid," I glanced over at my son in the passenger seat of my Envoy when we were on our way home that afternoon.

"Thanks, Pop. You seemed kinda out of it the whole time. Thinkin' about Liv?"

"Dickie," I sighed.

"I know, I know. Drop it. But seriously, Dad. You love the girl. Why can't you just tell her? I don't get it."

"How long did it take you to tell Magz that you loved her?" I turned the tables on my son and asked about his girlfriend, Maggie O'Connor.

"A long time," he muttered.

"My point exactly, my son."

"So are you agreeing that you love Liv?" he asked, the famous Stabler gleam in his eye.

"Shut up, Richard," I laughed and slugged his arm.

Later that night, I couldn't help but think about my conversation with Dickie. Why couldn't I ever man up until it was too late? I then made the decision to do something I hadn't done since I'd heard a rumor that Kathy was cheating on me with Bobby Fallon in tenth grade.

I pulled the Envoy out of the garage and headed uptown to Liv's. The whole time I drove, I tried to talk myself out of it – to tell myself how stupid it was and what a terrible idea it was. Stalking is illegal, Stabler... When I got within a few blocks, I knew there was no turning back. I glanced up to the window of her apartment and saw her hugging the guy I'd seen her with earlier. A car I didn't recognize was parked in front of her building. Of course. I felt an instant twinge of jealousy, like she was cheating on me. It was like I was right back in the tenth grade. I turned left and went around the block to head back to Queens. Why had I even driven up here? I knew in my heart she'd be with him. Why do I care so damn much? Oh that's right. I don't.

_Almost 10:00.  
I Should've Known His Car Would Still Be Parked In Her Drive.  
Almost Pulled In;  
Knocked On Her Door And Gave Her A Piece Of My Mind._

Oh, But I Just Kept On Driving Back To My Place;  
Wonderin' Why I Went So Far Out Of My Way When...

I Don't Care.  
She Don't Matter.  
I Don't Love Her Anymore, He Can Have Her!  
I Don't Know Why It Slips My Mind,  
I Tell Myself All The Time;  
Guess I Forgot Again For A Second There;  
That I Don't Care.

Forty-five minutes later, I was sitting on my couch with a beer flicking through the channels on the TV. I glanced at my phone that I'd left on the coffee table when I went on my little stalking excursion. The screen read "one new voicemail." I picked it up and called my voicemail, punching in my pass code. The mechanical voice alerted me that I had One. New. Message.

"Elliot, it's me. It's Liv. I, uh, I kept thinking about you a lot today. My brother Simon was here, but he just left. This is going to sound crazy, but, well, we were downtown today, and I swear I saw someone who looked just like you. I guess it just made me think of you. And that, um, that I, uh, I miss you, El. You can call me if you want. I, uh, um, bye."

_When I Got Home, The Light Was Blinkin' On That Old Machine.  
She Said, "my Brother's Been In Town, But He Just Left.  
And, I Miss You! Give Me A Ring."_

I didn't call her. I didn't want to give her the chance to not answer the phone. I pulled my shoes back on and poured my still-full beer down the sink before grabbing my keys and heading back into Manhattan. To my Liv. 

When I pulled up in front of her building, I blazed a trail from my SUV to the front door of her building and keyed my way in. If anything qualified as an emergency to use the emergency key, this was it. My girl.

I raced up the stairs, in too big of a hurry to use the elevator. I nearly ran down the hall and knocked on her door. She opened it a moment later and all those feelings came flooding back as I stared into her big brown eyes.

"Hi," she greeted me.

"Hi," I replied. I stepped through the door and wrapped her in my arms and breathed in her sweet smell. I pulled back a moment and smiled at her.

"I missed you too."

_I Still Care!  
She's All That Matters!  
I Still Love Her Just Like Always, Gotta Have Her.  
I Never Got Her Off My Mind, Been Hopin' She Would Call Sometime.  
I Know It's Late, To Be Drivin' Over There, But I Don't Care!  
I Don't Care._


End file.
