More Than Life Itself

**Disclaimer: We all know that I own nothing. Tsk, tsk. Everything belongs to Dick Wolf. You know, that evil guy who let Alex leave not once, not twice, but **_**three **_**times?**

**I guess you would classify this story as AU. It's A/O obviously, and it takes place directly after **_**Loss**_**, but instead of Alex getting shot, Olivia took the bullet for her. Couldn't you imagine her doing that?**

Olivia always said she'd take a bullet for Alex, and Alex believed it, but she told herself that the opportunity would never arise, so she wasn't worried. She knew Olivia would do whatever it took to protect her, but Alex figured that Olivia was much more likely to be the target of a whizzing bullet than she was, and so her words comforted Alex rather than concerned her. If anything, Alex was worried that _Olivia _would get shot in the line of duty. And in a way, she was.

It all happened so quickly. An SUV slowing down as it passed them, a hand reaching out, Elliot's panicked scream, yelling at them to get down, the gun – she dropped to the ground but she wasn't fast enough and the bullet was whizzing toward her and she knew this was it and she was going to die and then – a figure leapt in front of her, shielding her from the bullet. The gunman had been aiming for her, but it was dark, and he clearly thought he'd hit her as the figure in front of her fell down, and the SUV sped away.

Another figure – Elliot, she vaguely realized – rose and sprinted toward her, but she just lay there on her stomach, her hands covering her head, unable to move. Her mind was racing and when she processed what had happened, she gasped and started to run toward the figure lying on the ground.

It was just as she'd feared. Olivia lay there, still as a corpse, her stomach gushing blood. Elliot pressed his hands over the wound, attempting to quell the flow, but soon his hands were sticky with blood. "Alex!" he called, looking up at her as he tried desperately to staunch the blood flow.

Alex was close to fainting herself, from the overwhelming guilt, because Olivia had taken a bullet meant for her. It was the ultimate sacrifice, and she had made it because she loved Alex, literally more than she loved life itself. There was blood, so much blood, more than she'd ever seen before, and Olivia – her Olivia was lying on the concrete, unconscious, maybe even – no, she couldn't think that way. She would be okay. She had to be. She was _Olivia_, after all. And Alex knew she wouldn't be able to live without her.

Alex shook her head as if to clear it. This wasn't a dream and she needed to snap out of it. She knelt down and pressed her hands over Elliot's, trying in vain to stop the blood seeping from her girlfriend's stomach.

Elliot shook his head at her. "Alex. _Alex! _Call 911!"

Alex stared at him for a moment, uncomprehending.

"_Now_, Alex!" he yelled.

She jumped, mostly from the intensity of his voice, but she recognized that he was only screaming to get her attention, and because his partner – and her girlfriend – had the life seeping out of her before their very eyes.

Alex pulled out her cell phone. Her bloodstained hands were shaking so badly that she could barely dial 911. She was too shocked to even cry as a calm voice came on the other end of the line: "911, what is your emergency?"

Alex couldn't speak. She tried to tell the operator the relevant information, that a police officer had been shot and where, not that the police officer happened to be the woman she wanted – _needed _– to spend the rest of her life with. But she was trembling so hard that she couldn't push a single word past her lips.

"It's okay," soothed the woman. "We have your location. I'll send an ambulance right away."

Alex couldn't even thank the operator before she sank to her knees beside Olivia, cradling her girlfriend's head in her lap. "Stay with me, honey," she whispered, kissing Olivia's hair. "Please, please hold on. I love you, Liv. Don't die on me now." She knew Olivia couldn't hear her, but she had to say the words anyway.

The next few minutes were a blur. An ambulance pulled up and Olivia was lifted onto a stretcher and wheeled toward the ambulance.

Alex clung to her hand. "Please, can I stay with her?"

"She's critical," said an EMT, not to anyone in particular, as he extricated Alex's hands from Olivia's.

Alex fell to her knees and buried her head in her hands as the ambulance sped off with her girlfriend inside. She wrapped her arms around herself, ignoring the biting wind that sent shivers up her spine. She wanted to cry; no, she just wanted to _feel_. She was numb.

She felt Elliot's hands on her shoulders, helping her to her feet. "Come on, Alex," he said softly. "I'll take you to the hospital."

She stood up, almost in a daze. "What if – what if she's –?" She couldn't bear to voice the thought, but Elliot heard it anyway.

"She's not. She's strong, Alex. This is _Liv _we're talking about. She's a fighter."

Alex was silent for the entire ride to the hospital, and when they got there, she let Elliot lead her into the waiting room. She sat down beside him, crossing one leg over the other as she trembled in trepidation.

Elliot gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm going to call the captain. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Alex nodded and bowed her head. This was all her fault. Olivia had taken that bullet for _her_. If she died, it would be all Alex's fault.

Time seemed almost to stand still. Minutes and hours blurred, and Alex vaguely noticed Elliot sitting down beside her again and asking if she wanted anything. He got up again to get coffee and asked her if she wanted some, and she thought she'd shaken her head no, but she couldn't be quite sure.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor came out and said, "Family of Olivia Benson?"

Alex was by his side in an instant. "How is she?"

He looked down at her over his glasses. "And you are . . ."

"Alexandra Cabot, assistant district attorney," she said coolly. She knew girlfriends had no legal rights, so she decided a little lie would go a long way. "I'm prosecuting."

The doctor sighed. "She's stable, but you can't see her."

"Why not?"

"She's unconscious anyway. She can't help your case."

"That doesn't answer my question," growled Alex. "When will she regain consciousness?" _Or will she_? she asked silently.

The doctor shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. She could wake up in five minutes or in five weeks."

"Oh, well, _that's _helpful," snapped Alex. "I need to see her."

"Why?"

Finally, she decided to go with the truth. Imploring blue eyes met the doctor's cold grey ones as she whispered, "I love her."

He relented. "You can go in."

She turned back to Elliot, her eyes questioning, but he shook his head. "You go," he called. "It's okay."

Alex nodded gratefully and hurried after the doctor toward Olivia's hospital room.

Her heart skipped a beat when she got inside. Her girlfriend was lying on the bed, hooked up to an IV, looking smaller and more vulnerable than Alex had ever seen her before. But she was alive, and that was what mattered.

She perched on the edge of the hospital bed and took Olivia's hand in hers. It was icy cold, and it jarred her for a moment. Alex's hands were always cold and Olivia's were always warm, and she liked to take Alex's hands in her own and rub them or blow on them to warm them up. The thought made Alex smile.

She kissed Olivia's hand, not daring to get any closer to her girlfriend. "I love you, Liv," she whispered.

Suddenly, she felt Olivia twitch. "I love you, too," the detective murmured.

She was awake. She was _alive_!

And Alex cried.

She curled up against her girlfriend. "Don't you ever do that to me again," she ordered, hugging Olivia close.

Olivia tried to sit up, but groaned at the pain in her stomach. She lay back down and rolled over to face Alex, smiling weakly and brushing Alex's tears away. "I think your self-pity is misplaced," she joked. "I'm the one who took a slug in the stomach."

Alex swallowed a sob. "I could have – I – you shouldn't have –" 

"Shh," soothed Olivia, kissing Alex's forehead. "It's okay. I told you, I would do anything to protect you. It was my choice. It's because I love you."

"You could have _died_!"

Olivia looked at her seriously. "Better me than you."

"Never take a bullet for me again, Olivia. I'm serious."

Olivia smiled wryly. "How about you just drop a case when I tell you to and never give anyone a reason to _want _to kill you ever again?"

"That would mean we'd both have to quit our jobs."

"Okay, fine. Just please stop putting yourself in unnecessary danger."

"You know, I could say the same to you."

Olivia gave Alex another kiss. "Okay. Let's make a deal for neither of us to ever put ourselves in unnecessary danger ever again."

Alex snuggled closer to her girlfriend. "Deal."

They lay together in silence for a few moments, then Olivia added, "But I would still take a bullet for you. Nothing could ever change that. I love you, and my life would be worth nothing without you."

Alex's eyes were full of pain. "Don't you think I feel the same way?"

"I know, but I couldn't ever _not _try to protect you."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but it's my job to keep you safe anyway."

Alex sighed. "I know. You wouldn't be you otherwise. And I guess I wouldn't have you any other way."

**Review if you enjoyed this oneshot!**


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