Weakness

**Weakness**

By: Liv-x-Lex4ver & E. Scribbles

Olivia poured her coffee slowly, aware eyes were on her. A smile played on her lips as she emptied a sachet of sugar into it, her hands shaking a little when a smooth voice spoke behind her, "I would have thought you're already sweet enough."

"Asked Munch for some terrible pick up lines, have you?" Olivia asked the raven haired detective who hovered next to her.

"Was I trying to pick you up, then?"

"Weren't you?"

She smiled, crossing her arms. "It's...possible, I, ah, haven't seen you take interest in anyone here. Figured you might play for the same team."

"I guess you'll just have to put your detective skills to the test, won't you?" Olivia smiled, moving past her to walk back to her desk.

She took a fresh cup and poured herself some before taking her desk a few feet from her. "Well, you sure don't act like you're interested in any of the men around here."

Olivia's phone vibrated and Alex's name flashed on the screen. Guilt hit her as she opened it and spoke softly. "Benson."

"Hey Liv, was wondering if we could have lunch? We haven't seen much of each other the last few days."

Olivia closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead, aware of the eyes that were still on her. "Uhh...yeah. Sure."

"Olivia, you sound upset. Would you rather not go?" she asked honestly. "You sound like you could use some sleep."

Olivia smiled, her guilt growing stronger at the thoughts she'd had earlier in the day. "Since when have I ever slept? You know I'd rather spend time with you."

Alex smiled. "All right. I'll come get you in half an hour, okay?"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too, bye."

Olivia hung up the phone and caressed it for a moment before placing it back on her desk.

The new recruit, Sasha, noticed. "Had some good times with the receiver or are you just wishing you had someone to caress like that?" she asked, walking over and leaning on the edge of Olivia's desk, unknown to her.

Olivia just stared at the phone, remembering the last time she'd seen Alex, almost 2 weeks ago now, and even then it had only been for a few minutes.

Sasha grinned, completely oblivious to what was on Olivia's mind as she laid a hand on her shoulder. "Who was on the phone?"

Olivia jumped then cleared her throat. "Ah...just, umm...the ADA."

"Oh, going to talk over a case?" she asked.

"Something like that. Don't you have work to do? Or are you happy to just sit on my desk all day?"

She shrugged. "Can't it be both?" she asked with a smile.

"Not when you're sitting on the file I'm supposed to be working on."

"Oh," she said, standing up, using Olivia's shoulder for leverage, smiling as she heard her breath hitch, "sorry. But uh...think about it if you ever get too lonely, okay?" she said as she headed back over to her desk.

Olivia sat at her desk for a short while, trying to concentrate, but she couldn't think straight. Mumbling where she was going to Elliot, she headed to one of the empty offices with her file, but when in there, she set it down and closed her eyes, resting back in the chair.

Sasha, curious, followed her without a sound. Something about Olivia told her she felt something for her, but she wasn't about to express it in front of anyone else. She stood beside her, "Olivia," she whispered, "what's wrong?"

Olivia sighed, having hoped for some peace, but something had also told her that Sasha would follow her. Maybe that's what she wanted? She frowned and raised a hand to rub her forehead once more. "Headache."

Sasha stood behind her, batting her hand away and rubbing her temples. "Is this better?" she asked.

Olivia just uttered a quiet moan, the tension that had been pounding in her temples for days slowly dissipating.

Sasha sighed, moving from her temples down to her shoulders where she found a few knots and tried to get them out. "How's this?"

"Perfect." Olivia sighed.

Sasha smiled, leaning down and pecking her cheek, her hands moving up and down her arms. She felt Olivia tense up at first, but then she relaxed. "Are you always like this?" she whispered.

"Like what?"

"So tense, uptight...frustrated? Sexually pent?" she added with a smirk on her lips.

"When you've been in this job as long as I have, you'll be just as tense as I am," Olivia replied, ignoring the last part, a picture of Alex flickering in her head.

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I believe it, but there's more... I-I could help you," she said, standing in front of her. "It probably wouldn't have to be much..."

Olivia's eyes flickered open. "What do you mean?"

Sasha leaned down kissing her lightly on the lips, waiting for her to respond. When Olivia didn't pull away, she snaked her hands behind her back, hearing her moan and feeling Olivia grip her back like a vice, kissing harder.

Olivia knew she should stop, but Sasha was here, wanting her, willing. Her eyes closed, she imagined Alex kissing her, her soft red lips.

Sasha's hands went under Olivia's shirt, caressing her bare back and making her tremble. She moved her hands to her breasts, causing Olivia to groan louder, crushing their lips together. Sasha caressed her stomach making Olivia ache with an unquenchable need, Olivia's hand guiding her down, profanity slipping from her mouth into her lips as Sasha's hand hit right between her legs and made her gasp.

Alex stood in the doorway, her mouth open. When Elliot had said Olivia had moved to an office because she wasn't feeling well, she'd walked quietly in, a bottle of water in her hand, and now she couldn't seem to get her legs to move or her throat to utter any noise.

Sasha was the first to spot the reflection of the blonde in one of the windows, seeing her flushed and watching them. "Want to join in?"

Alex shook her head, the water bottle dropping with a thud as she huffed and stalked from the room, fuming. She took Olivia's seat at her desk.

Elliot noticed her discomfort. "What's wrong?" he asked, offering her a few tissues as she looked like she either needed to cry or tear something up.

Alex shook her head, balling the tissues in her fists.

A few seconds later, a flushing Olivia appeared, wiping her face. "Alex?"

Alex wouldn't turn around. "Finished your romp?" she asked coldly, wiping her eyes.

Olivia glanced towards Elliot, the only one within earshot, but he kept his head down. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened," Olivia said.

Alex turned around. "Really, Olivia? Really? You just went in there, sat down and she was all over you?" She scoffed. "What's worse is that you didn't try to stop when I was standing there."

"I didn't see you. And yes, sort of. Look, can we go somewhere else to discuss this?"

She sighed, standing, a painful look in her eyes. "Fine. You pick." She wanted to say there was nothing to discuss, that the trust they had could never be fixed, but something inside Alex told her they did need to talk this out.

Olivia led her out, her heart thumping in her chest.

* * *

By the time they reached the most private restaurant she could think of, her palms were sweating. She pulled out a seat for Alex before sitting down herself. "I think I've come here before with Elliot. Although god knows why we came here, it's a bit posh for two cops. I think it was back when he was trying to impress Kathy by how important he was."

Alex tried to smile, but couldn't. Her hands were on the table trembling. Nothing had ever frightened her more than the possibility of not having Olivia Benson in her life. They had such a strong connection. The love was pure and honest, sometimes even a bit overwhelming.

Her eyes began to water a bit and she wiped them. "Well, that would make sense, right? A man wanting to impress a woman he loves, not cheat on her during a busy work schedule and dry spell?"

Olivia's face reddened and she wiped her palms along her pants, trying to get rid of the moisture. "Alex, she was just...She's been...I know I shouldn't...I was thinking about you the whole time. I haven't seen you in two weeks."

"Oh, thinking about me while you're making out with someone else? That makes me feel so much better!"

Olivia bit her lip, trying to take Alex's hand across the table and playing absently with the napkin when she pulled it away. "I know how it sounds. I just...missed you. It was stupid. It was a mistake."

She shrugged. "Well," she sighed, "it's not like you tried to push her away..."

"Because I wasn't thinking. I've hardly slept since I last saw you. Every time I close my eyes I think about you, I just want to see you, to talk to you..." Olivia sighed, rubbing her temple and lowering her eyes as the waiter came over to take their order.

After he'd left, Alex took her hand. "Really? You mean that? You, uh, seemed pretty willing to let her continue."

"Because I was thinking about...you. I know it sounds bad. I know. She's just...been so nice to me. I've had a headache for the past few days. She gave me a massage like you do..."

"I-if you want to forego lunch, I could give you a massage," she said with a warm smile.

Olivia searched her eyes, her thumb caressing her hand, before shaking her head. "I've missed just talking to you."

"I've missed you too. How are you? How are your cases going?" she asked, rubbing her hands.

Olivia's heart was still pounding, wondering if Alex was really asking her this, if she was really smiling at her after what she'd just done. "Fine."

Alex smiled, caressing her hands, kissing them. "Liv, I know you're upset, you're sorry and after I've had a little time, I'll forgive you, I promise. But really, how are you?"

Olivia drew in a deep breath, gazing at her for a while before answering. "Ok. Not having much luck at work of late. I got a whack on the head with a steal pipe a couple of days ago and I've got a few broken ribs. Typically, all Elliot got was a tiny scratch and he's still moaning about it."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Broken ribs? That must feel horrible. I'm sorry. Maybe the headache was from that steel pipe. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I wouldn't say no to a soak in your tub later, if you're offering. I've been staying at Elliot's. My apartment sort of…flooded."

"Flooded? What happened? Why didn't you tell me? You could've stayed with me."

"You haven't exactly called me recently. I thought you were busy. I didn't want to disturb you."

Alex sighed. "I know and I'm sorry about that. You still could've called. I'd never be too busy for you."

"I did try, for a while. It kept going to voicemail and you never returned my calls."

"I lost my old phone after dropping it on the street a while back. I-I've had to use the office. My new one should be here this week. Liv, I never meant to ignore you."

Olivia caressed her hand. "I guess we both should have made more of an effort. Not that I should have done what I did. I'm not trying to make you feel like it's your fault, Alex."

"I know. We've...been apart for too long. Too busy for each other. Can you get into your apartment to get your clothes? You can stay with me if you want."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel you have to put me up, I'm fine with Elliot."

Alex shook her head, kissing her knuckles. "I insist. It's no trouble," she replied as their food was brought out and she let go of her hands.

* * *

That evening, Olivia shifted uneasily from foot to foot, standing outside Alex's door for a long time before an odd look from a neighbor forced her to knock on the door.

Alex, just out of the shower and her hair still damp, tied a robe tightly around herself before walking over. "Who is it?"

"Ghost of Christmas present?"

Alex smiled, opening the door and pulling her inside before closing the door. "Sorry," she apologized. "Fresh from the shower," she wiped her nose. "Typically not how I like to answer the door, so, uh, sit, make yourself comfortable, okay? I'll be back in a few minutes."

She walked back to the bedroom, quickly drying herself off and slipping into a pair of boxers and a long silky set of pajamas before pulling her hair back and walking back out. "Ah, so much better!"

Olivia was holding a photo of them together that had been sitting on the table, smiling widely at each other, apparently oblivious of the camera. It had been taken before they'd even gotten together. She couldn't remember ever seeing herself so relaxed and happy in a photo.

Alex walked over and sat beside her. "That's my favorite picture of us," she said, wrapping her arm around her.

"...I don't know what I was thinking, Alex. I really am so, so sorry. I have never felt this way about anyone before it's just...overwhelming sometimes. Especially when I don't see you for a long time. I can't get you out of my head."

"Understandable. We all feel weak at one point or another. It wasn't your fault. Pent-up sexual energy...it wants out. It takes control even when we don't want it to. She saw how you acted and took advantage of it. But just think if it had been me, you wouldn't have been so quiet," she said with a smile.

Olivia gave a small smile which widened when she saw the look on Alex's face. "One time. And it wasn't my fault. You made me make that noise. And it's not my fault that you have nosy neighbors. 'Oh Ms. Cabot! Are you ok? I heard screaming!' What would she have done anyway, she's 90 and has a walking cane."

Alex smiled again, pulling her close. "I wish...but you must still be very tender. I-I'd hate to make you feel worse."

Olivia pulled up her shirt a little, showing the bruises that covered most of one side of her torso. "I'm on desk duty. Not even allowed to go to the gym."

Alex kissed her cheek, barely touching them. "Awww, poor girl. Is it horrible that I'm thinking about it anyway?"

"Nah, I'm irresistible." Olivia smiled, but her lightheartedness was still forced. Something was still being held back.

Alex saw something in her eyes. "What is it?" she asked, stroking her cheek. "What's the matter, sweetie? Tell me."

She couldn't. She couldn't risk losing the most precious woman in her life. Instead of speaking, Olivia lent forward and captured her lips.

Alex carefully wrapped her arms around her, feeling the kiss was a bit forced, Olivia whimpered as they pulled apart. "Liv? You can tell me. Is it...about earlier?"

Olivia searched her face for a moment before lowering her eyes. "Sort of."

Alex sighed, leaning up and kissing her cheek. "Be honest with me, Liv. If we don't have that then, what else is there?" She held her hands.

"If you want me to go after this...it's ok. I understand. Sasha..the woman that you- She has been around for a few days. She's been nice to me when I needed it. She was there when I got hurt, she took me home, told me I was being stupid when I tried to go back to work, that sort of thing. This morning...she was just...looking at me differently. I was…thinking about her...differently as well. I thought about doing with her what you found us doing."

Alex suddenly let go, ceasing all physical contact. She thought a long time about Olivia's explanation before giving her an answer. "She's...helped you when I couldn't, but, Olivia, do you love her like you love me?"

"I don't love her at all. I was..I just wanted physical contact with someone and she was there. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, Alex, please believe that."

Alex grabbed her hand. Her whole body was trembling, but not out of anger. She couldn't believe she'd been that close to losing her. Broken ribs...they could've punctured a lung, the heart. And nobody would've thought to say anything to her. That was her last coherent thought as she collapsed into Olivia's lap in a trembling fit of tears.

Olivia apologized over and over again, holding her close, ignoring the pain it caused, and wiped her tears away.

Alex leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder, her tears never ceasing for ten minutes. Finally, she began to regain control. "I-I know," she squeaked out, "a-and I-I believe you, but damn it! You could've died...nobody would've told me anything!" And her tears came in torrents again as she clung to her. "Don't you dare leave me like that!"

Olivia kissed her head, holding her as tightly as she could. "I think Elliot should know enough about us by now to tell you if anything happened. Remember the time he came over to ask you for a warrant and I answered the door in your glasses, shirt and underwear? He's stupid, but not that stupid." Olivia smiled, trying to stop her crying.

Alex looked up at her. "Yeah, but why didn't he tell me about this? Broken ribs aren't that minor."

"I told him not to."

"What? Why? If you're hurt I want to know!"

"Because I thought you were avoiding me. I didn't want you to feel forced to see me. " Olivia wiped Alex's tears away.

"Forced?" she asked. "Why would I avoid you?"

"I thought you weren't answering my calls. It's happened, and I'm ok now, so we don't need to worry about it anymore. It's alright."

She sniffed. "It won't make your pain go away or the bruises. Liv, if this hurts, we don't have to sit like this."

"Any way I sit hurts, to be honest. That's why I haven't been sleeping well."

She shrugged. "Maybe I can help with that."

"Funny, I can't remember ever sleeping a lot when I'm with you..."

Alex smiled. "Well, this time you're getting a hot bath, warm pjs and I'm forcing you to sleep because I'm too afraid I'll hurt you if I try anything."

Olivia smiled, squeezing Alex's hands. "That sounds perfect."

"Hey, guess what?" she whispered into her ear.

Olivia's eyes fluttered shut, her heart beating faster for a different reason this time. "What?"

She smiled, nipping at her lobe before answering, "I love you." Alex wrapped her arms around her. "And when you feel well enough, we won't be sleeping," she said with a smirk. "I'd give anything right now, but I don't want you in pain."

Olivia captured her lips once more, this time not holding anything back.

**THE END**

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, just a cute little one-shot! What do you think?

Thanks to my Beta:**Tiger(dot)Lily(dot)Weasley(dot)757  
**

Don't forget to review!

**Liv-x=Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


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