Harry Potter 1. Prologue

**A/N:** I was listening to the Timewarp and was suddenly struck to combine the worlds of HP and Rocky Horror. Mind you, I can't remember what happens in the latter, so lets just say the idea of it inspired this perverse alternate universe. 

I do not own Harry and friends, or the magnificant creation that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show - the only things that's mine is the plot.

**Rating:** M (for later)

**Warning:** blood, swearing

**Pairings:** HPDM, RWHG, LLNLPP, SSNTRL, BZ and everyone!

**1. Prologue**

The red-haired Weasley placed his hand on his newlyweds clasped hands. She looked into his brown eyes and smiled, some of her brown curls falling across her face. How did I get this lucky? Ron Weasley thought to himself, before turning his eyes back to the road. However, when staring into Hermione's brown eyes he did not notice the car drift to the other side of the road. A car was hurtling towards the couple's small Laser hatch. As Ron swerved to miss the oncoming truck, he ran off the side of the road, driving into a ditch.

Ron's eyes fluttered open as he noticed the scent of dirt surrounding him. He looked around and noticed Hermione clutching her head, moaning softly. "Shit!" he yelled, pushing his way toward his wife of two hours and clasping her face with both hands. There was desparation in his voice as he whispered "are you okay, Hermy?" Hermione opened her eyes and smiled at Ron. "I'm fine, just a bit of a cut on the head.  
"Look, I'll go round the other side and pull you out okay?" A smirk crossed Hermione's dirty features as she rebutted. "I'm not an invalid, Ronald." The tips of Ron's ears wen pink as he kissed his wife on the forehead and backed away.

Both eventually forced their way out of the car, and when Hermione magically healed her wound she asked her husband, "I don't suppose you know where we are." Ron, who had gotten out of the car a little before his wife and so had taken a walk to assess just that, shook his head. "I don't know, but across the road there they have's a property, may be they have a felly-tone, or whatever those muggle contraptions are called." Hermione smiled to herself as she clasped her husbands hand, and they crossed the road. As they stepped on to the shadowy driveway, they did not notice their car disappear behind them or the wards activate themselves, blocking any escape.

**A/N:** Yes I know, it's incredibly short. But I'm posting the next chapter straight away, so you don't have to wait long!


	2. Time warp

**A/N:** I was listening to the Timewarp and was suddenly struck to combine the worlds of HP and Rocky Horror. Mind you, I can't remember what happens in the latter, so lets just say the idea of it inspired this perverse alternate universe. 

I do not own Harry and friends, or the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and accompanying titles and songs: Annual Transylvanian Convention and the Timewarp - the only things that's mine is the plot.

**Rating:** M

**Warning:** OOC, cross-dressing, sexual situations and innuendo, and all other sorts of fun stuff such as slash, femmeslash, drugs, threesomes and bondage later on children!

**Pairings:** HPDM, RWHG, LLNLPP, SSNTRL, BZ and everyone!

**2. Time Warp**

Before long Ron and Hermione saw the dark castle. "Er...Ron I don't like the look of this place," Hermione said, a slight tremor in her voice.  
"We've been in worse places than this during the war Hermy"  
"Yeah, but Harry was with us then..." She stopped at the hurt look on her husband's face. "You were brave too Ron, but you know you wouldn't have gone into any of those places if Harry wasn't so stubborn"  
"It's okay Hermy. I wasn't upset with you. It's just you know how I get when he's mentioned." Ron stopped and looked into his wife's understanding eyes. "It's not your fault, he didn't have to nick off as soon as V-Voldemort was dead"  
"I think he just needed to take his mind off of everything. He will come back, some day..." Hermione trailed off, as they reached the door.

"Well, here it goes." Ron nervouslygrasped the silver door knock and rapped it against the thick wood three times, clasping Hermione with his free arm around the shoulders. There was silence, and as Hermione half-yelped "Perhaps we should be going," the door creaked open, revealing a hunchbacked, pudgy young man with messy brown hair and blue eyes.  
"Yes"  
"He...he...hi. My name is...er..." Then Ron looked at the man's face. "Bloody Hell. Neville! We thought you..." But the odd-looking, chubby man inside silenced him by saying, " Won't you please come in. We love company." The couple, looking confusedly at one another, stepped inside. "Hey Neville, could we use a phone, if you have one?" Hermione squeaked nervously, but was swiftly ignored by Neville, who was looking up the stairs. "Luna," he called.  
Suddenly, a girl in a blue and bronze maid's uniform, with dirty blonde hair and eyes so blue they were almost white slid down the railing, and looked up at the two, who were rain-soaked and muddy. "You called?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes at the butler before her.  
"We have more guests for the party, take their coats will you," Neville said, walking behind the dirty blonde, leaning in towards her neck.  
"Certainly." Luna walked towards Ron and Hermione and did as she was asked, as the latter looked at the two of them, wondering why they didn't seem to recognise them. She bagan to ask, but her voice trailed off as Neville placed a finger on her lips. "Come now. The doctor will be ever so disappointed if you leave. He sauntered over to the entrance of a decrepit hallway and turned towards the guests, leaning against the wall. Suddenly, to the shock of Ron and Hermione, he started singing, an insane glint in his eye:

**_"It's astounding, time is fleeting _**

**_Madness takes its toll _**

**_But listen closely"_**

Neville looked directly into the eyes of the shocked couple and winked with the last line. Suddenly Luna came back from somewhere and ran up behind Neville, clasping her arms around his waist and leaning her head upon his shoulder, as she joined in... **_"Not for very much longer..."_** Neville shook himself from Luna's grasp, and then shook his head and waggled his finger at the forthright maid, before backing towards two large oak doors at thend of the hallway and singing, **_"I've got to keep control"_**

Suddenly, he opened the doors he was standing in front of and sauntered in a big room, ripping off his ragged butler's jacket and pant, revealing a skin-tight, ripped white dinner shirt, exposing both nipples (the left one pierced), and tight, studded leather hot pants.

**_"I remember doing the TIme Warp _**

**_Drinking those moments when _**

**_The blackness would hit me"_**

Luna ran up and placed both hands on Neville's chest before shimmying her whole body down his, letting her hands rest just above his groin, before joining him in singing.

"**_and the void would be calling _**

**_Let's do the time warp again._**

**_Let's do the time warp again"_**

Suddenly, Ron and Hermione noticed the odd crowd in the large room. Odd didn't quite seem to explain the vision: the garish lights provided by woodnymphs, the assorted men and women, some who they knew, dresses in androgynous, skin-tight tuxedos' and black sunglasses, the hot pink piano played by Severus Snape, who was in a neon-green corset, black sequined hotpants, thigh high fishnet stockings and black heels; the red-pick-up truck with Draco Malfoy, complete with gold, sequined top hat and matching dinner jacket, black eye-liner, red corset and bow tie, multi-coloured mini-skirt, fishnet stockings and ruby-red lips, lying in the back. Ron and Hermione stood aghast at the decadence around them. Suddenly Snape spoke:

_**"It's just a jump to the left"**_

Everyone jumped to their left and then squealed in unison:

_**"And then a step to the right"**_

Snape left the piano, which continued to play by itself, and, placing his hands on is hips, sauntered up to the stage at the opposite end of the room, his dark eyes surveying the room.

**_"With your hands on your hips"_**

Everyone followed suit, before shrilly singing:

_**You bring your knees in tight **_

_**But it's the pelvic thrust **_

_**that really drives you insane,**_

_**Let's do the Time Warp again!**_

Someone else started singing, and the two honeymooners looked towards Neville and Luna, who had been joined by Pansy Parkinson in a similar outfit to Luna, except green and silver. She stood in front of Neville, placing her hands below Luna's and, gyrating her hips seductively against the hands of the two girls, made her way downwards. The two girls then started singing.

_**It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me **_

_**So you can't see me, no not at all **_

_**In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention **_

_**Well-secluded, I see all**_

The two girls were level at this stage and looked into each other's eyes seductively, their lips close enough to feel each other's breath. Neville placed his hands on the shoulders of the two girls, and said:

_**With a bit of a mind flip**_

The girls had entwined their fingers over Neville's mounting hardness and did a seductive dance with their mouths, each hovering over the others and tongues flicking without ever touching. They breathed their lines raggedly, a seductive ardor in their voices:

_**You're there in the time slip**_

Neville smiled, then sang:

_**And nothing can ever be the same**_

The two girls came ever closer, and as they sung the next line even the straight-laced couple near the door felt the sensation in thier lower regions, hearing the unrepressed desire in the two girls voices.

_**You're spaced out on sensation,**_

Suddenly, Neville tore himself away from the girls and yelled:

_**like you're under sedation**_

The two girls stood, a look of disappointment etched on both of their complementary features, but went to opposite sides of Neville and joined him in the accompanying dance moves to the next line, crossing their arms over their chests, then quickly throwing them into the air:

_**Let's do the Time Warp again!**_

Suddenly Draco lifted himself from the back of the pick-up truck and started gyrating his body manically. He opened his mouth and sung in a voice akin to someone who had just ingested helium:

_**Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think **_

_**When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink**_

At this, a man appeared behind the blonde, green eyes alight with lust under his messy black fringe, as he swaggered forward, draped in a white wifebeater, studded leater jacket and jeans so tight that they left nothing to the imagination. He grabbed the blonde roughly around the waist and dragged him towards himself, nestling into his neck as the blonde continued to sing:

_**He shook me up, he took me by surprise **_

_**He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.**_

_**He stared at me and I felt a change **_

_**Time meant nothing, never would again**_

Then the rest of the room erupted with the shrill call of...

_**Let's do the Time Warp again!**_

The androgynous dancers in the middle of the room fell to the floor, the two maids had thrown themselves upon the clearly happy butler, and the two men in the pick-up truck were making out like mad, the leather-coated man moving his hands and mouth down the blonde's body, making the man underneath him moan in ecstasy. Neville arched his eyebrows at the shocked couple near the door and simply said, "Welcome, to the Annual Transylvanian Convention." Hermione and Ron ignored him however as their eyes fell upon the raven-haired man ravishing Draco Malfoy, a flicker of recognition in their eyes. It was Ron who finally broke the silence, in a way that only Ronald Weasley could.

"Bloody hell"

_A/N:_ Do you like? Even if you don't you know what to do! Please, I would really love some reviews!


	3. Sweet Tranvestite

**A/N:** Hey thanks for all the reviews everybody, and sorry this chapter wasn't up as soon as I said (stupid Uni work!). Hope you enjoy chapter three! 

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the world that is Harry Potter or Rocky Horror and any related titles, songs, characters, etc. I just combine them or my own perverse pleasure!

**Rating:** M

**Warning:** OOC, cross-dressing, bondage, slash, sexual situations and innuendo, and all other sorts of fun stuff such as femmeslash, drugs, S&M and threesomes later.

**Pairings:** HPDM, RWHG, LLNLPP, SSNTRL, BZ and everyone!

**Chapter 3: Sweet Transvestites**

"Bloody hell. Hermy, it's Harry. And he's snogging"  
"Yes I can s-see, Ronald." Hermione sniffed, an edge of impatience in her shaking voice. "I'm n-not blind"  
"Fuck-a-doodle-doo." Hermione was about to slap her husband on the arm in admonishment when she saw a deathly pale finger run along the length of Ron's face. Hermione turned as a voice issued from behind the newlyweds. "Don't mind if I do"  
"B-Blaise?" Hermione stuttered. Blaise Zabini didn't answer straight away. Instead, he lifted another finger to Hermione's face and ran it across her bottom lip. He smirked, and sweeping his black satin, white fur-lined cloak behind him, walked the length of the room to the stage at the opposite end, subtly shaking his rear end in time to the words he began to sing.

_**How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman **_

At this, Neville looked up at Blaise from his position (on his back on the floor, Pansy and Luna both battling for dominance over the former Gryffindor) and smirked. Ron and Hermione barely noticed this however, as they were transfixed bybottom-wiggling man before them.

_**He's just a little brought down because when you knocked **_

_**He thought you were the candyman.  
Don't get strung out by the way that I look,  
Don't judge a book by its cover I'm not much of a man by the light of day, But by night I'm one hell of a lover**_

_**I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.**_

As the final syllable rolled across his black glossy lips, he turned and faced the room, ripping of his cloak to reveal a tight black fishnet top over a pale hairless chest adorned with two nipple piercings, silver-sequined g-string, black thigh-high stockings and white leopard print platforms. He winked audaciously at Ron and Hermione, who were standing in unflattering shock, before sitting upon a black throne and crossing his left leg over his right. He allowed the tuxedo-ed people on the floor to bow in reverence before him before continuing:

_**So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound **_

_**You look like you're both pretty groovy **_

_**Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal **_

_**We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.**_

Ron, staring in horror at all his former schoolmates, opened his mouth to talk and found, to his disgust, that he was singing in tune to the song.

_**I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone?  
We're both in a bit of a hurry.  
We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car **_

_**We don't want to be any worry.**_

Blaise looked down his nose at the couple from his throne, trademark Slythern smirk plastered upon his heavily made-up face.

_**So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?  
Well babies, don't you panic.  
By the light of the night when it all seems alright **_

_**I'll get you a satanic mechanic.**_

He started to thrust his hips upward in time to the music which seemed to come from nowhere, as Snape had joined the mass on the floor who were allbowing in adoration of Zabini. Licking his lips and straddling his legs to both sides of the throne so that they exposed the glittery triangle of his g-string, he continued:

_**I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.**_

_**So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?  
I could show you my favourite obsession.  
I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan **_

_**And he's good for relieving my tension**_

_**I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.**_

_**So come up to the lab. **_

_**And see what's on the slab.  
I see you shiver with antici... pation!  
But maybe the rain isn't really to blame **_

_**So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.**_

"Can I swear now, Hermione?" But Hermione had left Ron's side and was approaching the pick-up truck. "Harry?" she whispered quietly as she looked over the edge. She gasped at the events unfolding in front of her eyes. Draco's wrists has been bound with leather stirrups to the cab of the truck, and he was arching his hips into the area just above Harry's groin, as the raven-haired man massaged the blonde's nipples with his tongue and did Merlin's knows what with his left hand under Draco's skirt. "Harry James Potter, stop molesting Malfoy and look at me at once."

The room went silent as Harry looked up, his cheeks glowing. He subconsciously bit the piercing in his lower lip as he looked at the infuriated woman next to him. A confused and slightly frustrated look marred his emerald eyes, which had previouly been clouded with lust, as he asked, "do I know you?"

**A/N:** What does everyone reckon?


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance