Harry Potter 1. The Gay Bush

**None of the characters are mine all belong to j k Rowling, Please let me know what you think, I know its short, but I will update soon if people like it.**

There wasn't any other way to describe how he was feeling other than the word bored. Seriously totally and utterly bored. It was a Saturday but for some reason that Harry couldn't quite fathom, for the last 20 minutes he had managed to amuse himself by flicking pieces of egg onto Neville to see how long it would take him to notice. He had reached 20 so far, even managing to land a piece of yolk on his Neville's head; he would have continued as well, had he not caught the disapproving look from Hermione.

He really did hate lunch times like these ones, Hermione reading a large book of some sort, Ron watching Hermione read the book while trying not to drool, and this left harry. Well this left harry feeling extremely miffed and playing tiddlywinks with his food.

There had to be something of interest going on around the school somewhere, Christ even Malfoy had been ignoring them over the last couple of months. In fact Malfoy didn't seem his old self at all, rarely caused conflicts, and seemed to keep himself to himself. Coming to think about it Malfoy looked drawn and paler than usual.

Casting his gaze over to the Slytherin table he caught sight of Pansy and Blaise caught in what looked like a heated discussion over a fashion magazine, beside them sat a rather disgruntled Malfoy, his hair in disarray and puffy, slightly red eyes. He was pushing his food around his place with a look of distaste plastered across his face. Blaise and pansy continued to fight ignoring their friend next to them, who had now abandoned his food and was swinging backwards on his seat.

'Funny' Harry thought 'he looks bored too, if a little suicidal'.

Just as this thought passed through Harry's brain Malfoy looked up to meet his gaze. Harry did the first thing he could think of, he winked.

Malfoy's eyes widened, the legs to his chair slipped from under him and he promptly fell to the floor. At the same moment Pansy leapt from her chair a look of triumph on her face, thwacked Blaise around the head with the magazine, sending him unceremoniously on top of Draco.

Draco squealed, tried to get up but only ended up entangling himself further.

"Well I never knew Malfoy was into men, but hey whatever floats your boat" Seamus shouted across the hall, eliciting peals of laughter from all the houses.

Bright pink and extremely pissed off, Draco shoved Blaise off him and stormed out the hall.

'Well, that certainly made lunch more interesting' Harry thought as he strolled out towards the lake.

Hermione was busy and Ron would probably meet him later on, the sun was out so he might as well enjoy it while it lasted he reasoned. Harry loved the sound of the water lapping against the shore. He found it relaxed him, allowed him to zone out.

It would have done that today as well, had after sitting down for a few moments the bush beside him not began to mutter swearwords under its breath.

"Um, hello…"

"Oh fuck off" came the quick reply. Harry considered this for a second, but having not grown up in the wizarding world; its many obscurities never ceased to fascinated him. Therefore Harry decided that if he had found a talking bush then he was bloody well going to talk to it.

"No I will not fuck off, this happens to be my spot and I will not be leaving anytime soon"

"Fine"

More huffing and cursing was heard from inside the bush.

"Look tell me what's wrong or please be quiet I'm trying to think"

The huffing stopped only to be replaced by a distinct sniffing sound. Oh god Harry thought, this bush is actually about to have an emotional break down on me.

A quiet fine was murmured,

"The entire school likes I'm a faggot."


	2. The Plan

Well this was certainly interesting, but not exactly what harry would call fun. He'd never been particularly great at handing out emotional advice to his friends, let alone to inanimate objects.

"A faggot..?"

More sniffing was heard from the bush.

"Look you can't take it that seriously, you know their taking the piss"

"I am not gay, can't they see that a guy can wear two outfits a day, and manicure his nails and not want to shag men"

"Well the outfits are a little suspicious".

Harry was beginning to have his doubts as to whether this bush actually was gay, it wasn't exactly seen as normal for a teenage boy to change that regularly.

"Shut up".

"You planning on staying here all day then? You not planning on eating at all…"

"I don't need food"

"Well I'll admit that I don't know much about the eating habits of shrubbery, but I'm pretty certain that you do need to eat."

"I haven't eaten in three days I'm above food."

"You haven't eaten in three days! What are you mad? You could get seriously ill you twat"

"My actions are not your concern"

"What the hells wrong with you, you can't have got that wound up about being called a faggot"

"Memwellm maybe I'm mememmattmmractemmd to a gmmuymm"

"I'm sorry what was that?"

This really was verging on the ridiculous he could now barely comprehend the bush

"Maybe I'm attracted to a guy"

"Oh…so you are gay"

"No! I'm not gay I just fancy Potter"

This was getting a little too interesting for comfort, but harry was intrigued.

"You planning on showing yourself anytime soon" harry questioned the bush.

"Are you mad people might see me with twigs in my hair"

Harry was beginning to tire of this he had to meet Ron soon and wanted to see who his mystery admirer was. I mean it was his right his told himself I mean he was Harry potter.

"Ok you leave me no choice you come out or I'll get you out"

"You wouldn't dare"

"I wouldn't count on that theory, I know some pretty handy stink hexes"

"Oh god"

"I'll give you 10 seconds"

"No look you don't understand"

"9"

"I'll do you a deal, what do want, anything"

"8,7,6"

"Oh come on you must need something"

"5,4,3,2"

"Please…."

"1"

With that harry plunged his hands in the bush groped blindly for the mystery person, managing to grab the scruff of their collar, and gave a hefty tug. The person squawked and was unceremoniously dumped on top of Harry.

"Malfoy!"

"POTTER!"

"EUGH, god get off me you hefty lump"

"I can't" a very pink Malfoy replied indignantly. "You're still holding onto my collar"

Harry quickly released the offending object, pushed him off him into the edge of the lake and legged it; leaving a wet, cold Malfoy struggling with his emotions of embarrassment, hurt, hatred and pure unadulterated blood lust.

"Oh harry, wait up"

Ron called out

Harry's face was thunder, as he walked over to a grinning Ron.

"What's up mate, you look like you got a stick up your arse"

"Malfoy", harry mumbled

"He giving you trouble again"

"Yeah something like that", harry murmured not entirely keen on telling Ron the whole truth.

"You just got to annoy him mate and hope he gets himself killed someday soon, he's not worth the bother"

"Yeah listen Ron, I might just go and try and finish that extra potions essay, I don't really feel like dealing with Snape on Monday."

"Sure mate I'm meeting Hermoine in ten minutes anyway."

It wasn't until much later, when harry was staring at the ceiling of his dorm, that he realised that he might in fact be able to turn this situation with Malfoy to his advantage. All those years of taunting, all the shit he'd had to put up with, it was time, time for a little revenge.

The only flaw with his elaborate plan to tell the entire school about Malfoy's sexual preference and his apparent attraction to harry himself, was that this then dragged harry into the whole sordid affair himself. No, there was only one way harry was going to go about this, and that was a thorough emotional mind fuck.

This next term was going to be interesting, there was no doubt about that thought harry as he drifted off with a smile on his face.


End file.

Harry Potter, Adventure, Humor