Evangelion 1. Immovable Objects

This was a door, and it was closed.

Misato stared at it, debating whether she should open it or not. She ran her thumb over the pads of her fingers, a slow yet nervous action. She could feel the latch in her hand, the resistance as she slid the panel away. She could see him there. See him on the futon, curled up. In pain.

She could see him.

If the door wasn't there. It was, though. And it was closed.

She tried to form words, but the sound in her throat was hesitant, and strangled. She extended her hand, and let it rest against the panel. It was as though she could feel him beyond the door. The pain, slowly seeping through the barrier, into her fingers. Through her arm, to her heart. Pumping, through the soul. Through the essence of her. Mingling.

"Shinji," she said. She waited; no response came. "Shinji...you did right. You didn't do the wrong thing."

She waited, but all that greeted her was silence. She pressed up against the door, and closed her eyes. She felt the latch. The panel sliding. And yet...she couldn't bring herself to actually follow through.

What would she do? What could she actually offer him? She played through the scenarios. How could she understand what he felt? She couldn't.

Shinji had killed an Angel. That was a good thing: his pain was something she just couldn't comprehend. It was real, though, and it hurt her. It hurt her because it hurt him.

How could she comfort him? How? She had no options. She backed away. "Shinji," she said, "We'll...talk later. I'm...I'm going to make this better. I'm going to fix this." She nodded, firm in her decision. Yes. She would fix this. She had waffled on whether to follow through, after seeing the names in...his...gift to her. The numbers.

The contacts. All there, in a neat little gift-wrapped package. Waiting for her to...decide.

She decided. Now.

"Shinji, it's going to be better after this. I...I promise." She turned, and left the hallway. She entered her room, sliding the door shut behind her. She took a deep breath, and crossed to her desk. Sitting there was the phone. The Phone. The only Phone. The most important Phone in the world.

The Phone that would change everything. Everything.

She felt a prickling sensation in her hands, a slow sweat beginning in her back. She felt a pain in her stomach, and shivered. She shook her head, bit her lip...and dialed.

The phone rang once...then twice...

There was a click.

"I didn't really think you'd call on this phone," the voice said. It was half-joking, but Misato could hear the nervousness. Hyuga was putting on a bold face. She smiled slightly...thought of replying in kind.

"...Melchizedek," she said, unable to come up with anything else.

"...Really?" The voice was stunned.

"Really."

"...All right. Everything will be in order when...when you get here."

"Good. See you in a bit." She hung up, and took a deep breath. That was it: the point of no return. They were committed. She closed her eyes, and leaned on the desk.

Now, they just had to see if Kaji's contacts were good for their word.

She dialed the second number. She didn't even have to wait for a ring.

"I was waiting for this call," the voice said.

"I imagine," Misato said. "Melchizedek is in effect."

"I see," the voice said. "I have to admit, I didn't anticipate it coming to that."

"Does that mean you aren't-" Misato began, feeling a rising panic.

"We are," the voice said, cutting her off. "Don't worry about that. It just means things will be...complicated, for a bit."

"Define 'complicated.'"

"It's best that I don't. Just be ready for guests."

"Of course."

"Excellent. We'll see you tomorrow. Be safe until then." The line clicked, and Misato stood in silence.

"No going back," she murmured. "No going back."

* * *

><p>Misato exited the room, pocketing the cell phone and running a thumb over the hammer of her handgun. It sat securely in her shoulder holster. Would she need it? Would there be blood today?<p>

Of course. Of course there would. The head of the Tactical Operations had just instigated a coup at Nerv's Tokyo-3 headquarters. A hasty, last-minute coup, dependent upon the good faith of actors on the outside, who Misato did not know. Actors that were brought to her by a dead man's hand.

Of course there would be blood.

She looked back towards the rear of the apartment, and took a mental tally. Rei and Asuka were both in Medical: Misato knew where they were, and if all went well, they would be secured in the hour. Shinji was still here. She bit her lip, honestly thinking she should leave him here. That it would better for him...safer.

All the more chance to run away.

But he hadn't run, and it had broken him. And he wasn't going to run now: there was nowhere left to run. And Misato had already made her decision, so this was pointless quibbling. She was just too scared to do what needed doing. She hardened her expression, marched back to his door, and opened it.

Shinji sat on his futon, his back to the door. He did not acknowledge her presence. He did not seem in the room, at the moment.

Misato didn't call to him, or say a word. She simply entered the room, grabbed his arm, and yanked him to his feet. An involuntary gasp of pain slipped out, but his head hung limp. Accepting.

That hurt Misato. That acceptance, the sense that he was being hauled away to something else. A tool, thrown in the box until needed. She had no words of assurance, no way of dissuading his apathy. She had used them all up.

She dragged him to the front door, and out into the evening air. Down to the car, as they had done many times before. This time was different, though. This was a different trip with a different destination.

The ride was in silence, save for the nervous thumping of Misato's thumbs against the steering wheel. At one point, she detected Shinji's head slowly, inexorably turning to regard the drumming. Some part of him recognized the act, the lack of normality. The newness and strangeness of it. He then turned away, choosing to ignore it.

They pulled up to the outside security gate for the Center, where two guards with submachine guns greeted her. She bit her lip, wondering which set of guards these were. Had things even begun?

Were they over? She glanced to the right, and saw a third guard manning a light machine gun. He wasn't pointing it at her, which was a good sign. He did, however...look tense.

She rolled down her window as one of the first two stepped over. "Good evening, Major," he said.

"Evening," she said. "So...have you had a coffee break yet?" Clunky and hasty pass-phrases. She felt the words like bitter sludge on her tongue, the awkwardness of them.

The guard, to her relief, nodded. "Yes, but there was some spills."

"...bad ones?"

"Haven't had a chance to clean up, yet, so be careful if you go in there." Misato glanced down, the nervousness returning.

They hadn't secured the entire GeoFront yet.

"I was expecting a status update from Lt. Hyuga, but I was an idiot and forgot to charge my phone," she said.

"He's in a meeting with the Commander in his office," the guard said. "You can probably catch up to him there."

That was good news.

Misato nodded, and drove in. As she did, she glanced into the rear-view mirror, watched as the guards broke down the checkpoint and hurried in behind her. That was also good news.

They had not secured the GeoFront...but they could lock it down. They were about to be physically separated from the outside world.

* * *

><p>It was after they parked that Shinji began to detect something was amiss. As she exited the car, she heard Shinji mumble, "Misato..." and then go silent. She looked in the direction his head was turned, and saw a greasy brown smear on the concrete. It could be motor oil...or it could blood. It was hard to tell in this light, but the sloppy trail leading away from the patch spoke volumes to Misato.<p>

Shinji said no more, and ignored what he saw. He had registered it for a moment, then put it out of his head. He was done with the world. He was done.

Misato opened his door, and again roughly hauled him to his feet. She dragged him out of the garage, into the bright corridors of the Center. As she did, she was greeted by two more guards. The pungent scent of cordite assaulted her. Shinji squirmed in her grip, recognizing the smell but not knowing exactly what it was. He saw something past the guards and fixated on it.

"Where are we at?" Misato asked.

"We've locked down all vital areas, with minimal casualties. Only two fatalities for us so far," the female guard said. "We're unclear on how many we've taken down, but we can confirm at least sixty. All Section-2."

"Where are the major trouble spots?" Misato asked.

"Misato...," Shinji mumbled again. He seemed to be coming alive, and a sense of dread seeped up through Misato's fingers. She ignored him for the moment.

"We have pockets of resistance in several corridors, and a major attempt to break out at the North Gate. There was also an attempt at one of the comm hubs, but that didn't go too well for them."

"Misato..."

"The Commander?"

"Secured in his office and under guard," the woman confirmed.

"Good. Have we confirmed that no messages have been sent outside?"

"Lt. Ibuki has the nets locked down, and is sending out normal status reports."

"Mi...Misato," Shinji again murmured, pulling lightly at her grip.

"Yes?" Misato finally asked, acknowledging Shinji with gentleness. He was starting to breathe heavily.

"There's something on the floor."

"I know, Shinji. We're going to your father's office right now. I'll explain things there." She ordered the guards to escort them, and followed them past the massive, sticky puddle of dried blood spattered crimson and cruel on the pale, bone-colored floor. Her boots squelched and snicked through the patch, and Shinji stumbled as he slipped on a greasy spot. He went limp again, but Misato did not relinquish her grip.

"It's okay, Shinji," she began mumbling. "It's all going to be all right."

He began to mumble without meaning. He stumbled, and reeled. "Stop," he said quietly.

Misato did not stop, and he did not ask again.

* * *

><p>Outside of the Commander's office was a full fireteam, in a state of deceptive relaxation. Their eyes continued to rove the corridor, and their weapons were still in the low-ready. They let Misato through, and she entered the cavernous office beyond the door.<p>

At the center of the room, sitting in his briefs in a single chair beneath a glaring light, was the Commander.

On either side of him were two of Misato's loyalists. Standing near the door was Hyuga. Shinji's legs finally gave out, and rather than hold him up, Misato allowed him to slump to the floor. He curled up into a ball, and stayed silent.

"No trouble?" Misato asked, shucking her jacket and dropping it on the floor. It felt constricting for some reason, and she wanted to shed the sense of claustrophobia.

"Some," Hyuga said cautiously. "Aoba got caught while taking a team to Magi's global hub."

"And?"

"Beyond being hurt, I don't know the details. He still made it to the hub, though, and is waiting for our signal to cut it."

"Okay. That should be happening in the next fifteen minutes."

"Major, there's something you need to know about the Commander," Hyuga said tensely. "When we stripped him...his hand..." He gave her a hard look. "There is something in his hand."

Misato turned her eyes towards the Commander, felt a dull hardness seep to the surface that required no invitation. She slowly crossed the space between them.

The Commander's eyes were...as they always were. Slightly contemptuous. Neither here, nor there, but somehow...intense. Frighteningly intense.

They did not frighten Misato.

"So...a coup," Gendo Ikari mumbled.

"Yes."

"I should have killed that man sooner." A bile rose in Misato's throat, and she swallowed her hatred.

"So you did? Kill him, I mean."

"No. I was just remarking on the fact that his presence here should have been dealt with decisively at an earlier point in time." Gendo looked past her, at his son lying limp on the floor. "I do not know who killed him."

"That's a discussion for another time, then," Misato grated. She crossed her arms. "It wasn't incredibly difficult, you know...to arrange this. All we needed to do was to show the evidence. The evidence he collected...Kaji. My Kaji." She nodded, owning the name. It was hers, now. No one else's.

"The weak-minded are easily swayed," Gendo said indifferently.

"Third Impact was the goal the entire time. We were...fighting to end the world, not to save it." She shook her head. "Did any of you old men really think that we would throw away our ideals at the drop of a hat? That we would...accept that!?"

"All of you are irrelevant to that end," the Commander said.

"For irrelevant people, we sure threw a wrench in your plans," Misato said. "I'm surprised you didn't see this as a possibility."

"It can't be stopped, you know," Gendo said. "It will happen, eventually. It has too. The pieces aren't stacked. They're falling. They've been falling ever since that day in Antarctica. We're just waiting for them to land." He glared at her. "How do YOU want them to land?"

"You don't get it: it's done. We've secured the bridge, the armory, the Evas. We have guards outside of the LCL Plant, and Adam is secured. There is no Third Impact. It is not happening. We will keep fighting the Angels, despite you, and the Committee, and Seele, and all of-"

"You'd let him stay dead?" The calm question stunned Misato.

"...what?"

"All I wanted...all I desired...was to see my Yui again. That's all." He made fist with his right hand. It was trembling in a way that seemed unnatural. "Wouldn't you like that? To see your Kaji again?" He looked up at her. "It's going to happen, Major. You can't delude yourself: it will happen, and when it does...how will you let it occur? To the whims of some old men? To yours?" His head cocked to the side.

"...would you like to see him again?"

Misato's heart pounded in her ears, the echoes of that last recorded message in the back of her mind. This man was a devil that had brought a very tempting bargain. She considered it. She actually considered it. To hear Kaji again, to hold him. The smell of his aftershave, the taste of his mouth. To be held.

To be held.

She turned her gaze to Gendo's right hand. She pointed at it, and one of the guards followed the unspoken command. Grabbed the wrist, raised the arm.

Revealed...it.

"Jesus wept," she mumbled. All thoughts...all her desires of Kaji vanished in the reality of that sight. "What is...that...thing?"

"It's a key. Nothing more," Gendo said.

"A key? A...that's a...no. No." She shook her head, and loomed over Gendo. "No bargains, no [i]deals[/i], no promises. This is ending. This is over. Seele murdered this world. They raped it. They...raped...it. This is done. Humanity is not your plaything, it is not an experiment...so no. No dice. It's over." She swiped her hands in the air, a motion of dismissal. "Done. Second Impact is Final Impact. There will be no more."

"...then get used to Kaji being a memory, because that's all-"

Misato slapped the man, a backhand that cut his lip. His head turned slightly with the blow, but he stayed silent. He turned his sullen gaze towards her, a simmering rage beneath the eyes, and it struck her how similar this man looked to his son. For a moment, it was as though she was looking at Shinji...at a resentful and hurt little boy.

She turned to Hyuga. "This man is to be isolated. No one has access to him. Clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And find out what that [i]thing[/i] is!" she snapped, pointing at Gendo's hand. Hyuga nodded, and turned to issue order's to Gendo's guards. They hauled him to his feet, and moved him roughly out of the office. Misato was left alone with Shinji.

She sighed, and allowed her mind to decompress for a moment. To shed the confusing and hurtful emotions, to take stock of the situation. To reach equilibrium. She looked down at the boy, lying listless and empty.

Misato knelt down next to him, and laid a hand on his head. "This has to be done, Shinji," she whispered. "They were going to do it. To finish what Second Impact started. We had been lied to, this...whole time. We were being used."

Shinji did not reply. He didn't move under her hand, didn't even seem to be breathing.

"Kaji...Kaji left us the way out. It was what he was doing before...he..." She swallowed. "I couldn't tell you. But...this is to make you safe, do you understand? I'm going to make you safe."

She lifted him to a sitting position. He lolled, limp, like a dead animal. In that moment, as they were alone, Misato felt pain. The sense of utter isolation, of being truly alone. She felt it looking at him. She felt in herself.

She pulled him close, and held him tightly. For a moment, they sat motionless, her nose burrowed into his hair, his face against her shoulder. Then he squirmed. And twisted. And jerked.

Misato continued to hold him. A sharp pain shot through her as the boy sank his teeth into her shoulder. She bit her cheek, but refused to let go. She trembled as his bite became harder, more firm. She felt a warm trickle run down her chest, knew that there would be blood.

She did not let go.

Presently...Shinji did. The teeth retracted from the wound he had made. He went limp once more, but leaned heavily into Misato.

"I'm going to fix this," she whispered. "I promise you I'll fix this." Shinji said nothing, and the blood ran down Misato's arm.


	2. Corroding

Misato gently walked Shinji into the sterile room. His pace was listless and unmotivated; he seemed less like a solid thing, and more like a wisp. He stumbled to a halt for just a moment, taking in the Nerv security personnel and medical staff crowding the space. This was the largest of the medical suites, with rows of beds lining the walls. Misato gave Shinji a small nudge, and continued walking him into the suite. She guided him past the beds, to an area where the other two Children had been moved.

Rei sat quietly on one of the beds, seemingly oblivious to everything around her. She didn't acknowledge Shinji or Misato's arrival. Instead, she seemed to be waiting for something. Waiting. Locked and motionless.

Asuka lay in the next bed over, her wrists bandaged and medical monitors beeping incessantly. Shinji stopped once more, fixated on the sight of Asuka. Misato gave him a final nudge, guiding him to the last bed, and sat him down. He continued to stare at Asuka, his expression gradually becoming forlorn and sallow. Misato crouched in front of him, blocking his view of the girl for a moment. Shinji's eyes lost their focus, and he seemed to pull into himself.

"I'm going to go now. You'll be safe in this room. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" Shinji said nothing. Misato gathered his hands together, held them gently. "Don't run away, Shinji." He flinched, as though expecting a slap. The focus returned to his eyes, and he looked at Misato's shoulder. She was wearing her jacket, but she knew he had seen the angry gash he had bitten into the skin. His tongue worked in his mouth for a moment, and he looked like he was going to be sick. There was still a smudge of blood on the corner of his mouth. Her blood.

Misato cupped his cheek, directed his gaze away from the shoulder, and used her thumb to try and wipe away the smudge. Without thinking, she withdrew the hand and licked a glob of spit onto her thumb, and used it to clean the blood. Something about the motion amused her immensely, and she grinned slightly. "Look at me, being all motherly. What a silly thought, right? God, I'd be an awful mom. Probably drop my kid in washing machine by accident or something." The smudge disappeared under her efforts, and she nodded in satisfaction. She gently lifted his chin with both hands.

"Good. All better. See? I can fix some things. Right?" She smiled at him. His lips started trembling, and his eyes became blurred under rapidly forming tears. She continued to force a smile. How do you comfort a teenage boy? What do they want? What do they need?

Should she flirt with him? Offer him…favors, or something? How does this work? How is this thing handled?

No…no, he's a teenager. He's a child. He's a little boy. He snorted, noisy and slowly becoming ashamed. Misato leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, deep and warm. She then whispered into his ear, "Just stay here and rest. Go to sleep, and I'll be here when you wake up. Okay?"

He mumbled something unintelligible, but she felt him nod. She guided him down onto the bed, and turned to wave over a medic. "A sedative, maybe? Nothing big, just…help him sleep?"

"Yes, ma'am," the medic agreed. Misato gave Shinji one last scratch on his scalp, then turned and walked briskly towards the door. She crossed the threshold and almost ran into Hyuga.

"Aoba just sent a message: he wants to know if we're cutting Magi or not."

"Tell him to disconnect it and get back as soon as possible. And…stop by a medic on the way in. Has he actually told you what his injury is?"

"No, ma'am. Speaking of which…," Misato grunted in surprise and bit of embarrassment as Hyuga grabbed her wrist and raised it up. There was still blood from her shoulder caked on the back of her hand. "Are _you_ okay?"

"That's kind of forward for you, Lieutenant," she said peevishly, tugging her hand away and glaring at him. He gave that 'Aw, shucks' grin, and she glanced away to hide a smirk. It was very hard to stay angry at Hyuga. "Shinji bit me…kind of deep. I'll be fine."

"You do know that can get infected quickly."

"Send a medic up to the bridge. We can treat it up there," Misato stated, pressing past the guards and picking up her pace. Hyuga easily matched her stride.

"Any idea on the timetable from…our friends?"

"Oh, you do not want me to answer that question," Misato said. Hyuga winced.

"We're just…kind of charging into this, then?"

"Pretty much."

"…as usual, right?" Hyuga said, grinning. Misato laughed.

"It's what we're best at, buddy," she declared, grabbing Hyuga's neck in a bear-hug. He protested for a moment before she released him, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Let's go let this thing play out, and see where it takes us."

* * *

><p>When they came to the bridge, Misato was surprised to see Maya with a tissue shoved up her nose. It was stained red at the edges. "What the hell happened to you?"<p>

"I…it just started…it just started bleeding," she stammered.

"…did you just stress yourself into a nosebleed?" Hyuga asked, taking his usual place.

"I might have," Maya admitted, leaning down to spit red phlegm into a waste bin under her console. "I'm sorry, ma'am."

"It's okay. I might be puking into that bin myself in a minute."

"It's interesting, isn't it?" Hyuga said, booting up his console. "Think about everything we've faced from this room. Everything, and the one thing that scares us the most is other humans."

Maya nodded. "Aoba has reported success. Magi has now been physically disconnected from the outside. We've been completely locked down, ma'am."

"Good job," Misato said. "Where are we on securing the Center?"

"We still can't locate Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki, but Dr. Akagi…has been secured in her lab," Maya said. Misato noted the hesitation, and filed it away for later. "We still have fighting on levels 34, 20, and 18." The main screen flickered, and security camera footage appeared. Nerv personnel clashed with each other, in some area at point blank range. "We have a contingent of Section-2 holed up in level 5, and a hostage situation developing at the Foundry."

"Hostage situation?

"It looks as though some fiber techs had been caught by a Sec-2 tactical team. No more than four individuals, but they have at least…an estimated twelve technicians hostage."

"Leave that for now, and have no Security personnel approach too closely. Just set up a perimeter…where in the Foundry are they holding them?"

"One of the machine shops. Limited access."

"Not a primary shop?"

"No, ma'am." Misato nodded, and sighed.

"Bring Dr. Akagi up to the bridge. Have her searched, first."

"Yes, ma'am."

She scratched her head. "…Can we get some TV in here?"

"Ma'am?"

"Newsfeeds, anything."

"Uh…yeah, one minute," Hyuga said, beginning to fiddle at his station. As he did, a group of security personnel entered the bridge, Aoba at their head.

"Good to have you back, Lieu…what the hell?" Misato stared at Aoba. He had a piece of gauze pressed against his left cheek, but it was doing an absolutely awful job of staunching the blood.

"You should see the other guy," he said through clenched teeth.

"What the hell!? Get out of here and get down to Medical!" Misato snapped.

"No, no, it's fine. See, it already stopped bleeding," he grunted. He removed the gauze to reveal the nasty gash from the corner of his mouth up to his ear.

"It was a flechette bullet, ma'am," one of the Security guards said. "A little bit more to the right and the Sir wouldn't be here anymore."

"You sound so upset about that," Aoba giggled.

"Is he in shock?" Hyuga asked, alarmed.

"No, but I am doped up to my eyeballs right now," Aoba admitted. "Not enough to stop me from working."

"The hell you are. You're going—"

"I can sit at my station. It's just sitting down. It's nothing, really." His eyes focused on Misato. "I'm good, ma'am. I just need to sit, is all." Misato glared at him, and noted the arrival of the medic for her shoulder.

"You! Take a look at his cheek, okay? I can wait. The rest of you report to the duty officer in the hall. He'll assign you where you need to go." Aoba looked grateful, and sat down in his chair.

"News is up," Maya noted quietly. Misato looked up at the screen.

"What are we watching for?" Hyuga asked.

"We shall know it when we see it," Misato said grandly. She inhaled quietly. "…none of you needed to be here, you know?"

"What?" Maya asked. The three bridge techs looked at her in confusion. "Of course we did. After what you showed us…this is…this is our job! This is what we do." Maya waved her hand in the air. "How could we _not_?"

"It's appreciated, is what I'm saying," Misato said.

"Don't thank us," Hyuga insisted. "This is where we belong."

"And this needs stitches," the medic interjected, carefully cleaning out the wound on Aoba's cheek. "It's nice your being all stoic, but you're going to scar and maybe bleed yourself into unconsciousness."

"I won't…I'm not going to—"

"Look, you can get stitched up and back up here in less than four hours, or you can pass out on your console. Decision is yours." Aoba grumbled helplessly.

"Just get to Medical. Your station is waiting for you," Misato said, shucking her jacket. Aoba grumbled mirthlessly, but accepted the wad of fresh gauze the medic offered and wandered off the bridge.

"What did this?" the medic asked, turning his attention to the bite on Misato's shoulder.

"Long story," Misato said, as the medic began scrubbing the wound with alcohol. "I imagine it should have a good ending. At least I'd like it to."

* * *

><p>There was no real reason for Misato to sit in the Commander's chair beyond the fact that she had always wanted to, if just to see what it felt like. It was…a most uncomfortable chair. And she didn't like being separated from the techs, but she needed a little privacy, and the shot that the medic had given her made her feel a little lightheaded. She was still sitting there when she felt a familiar presence sidle next to her, and the smell of cigarettes wafted over her.<p>

"Hiya, Ritz," she mumbled, staring intently at the massive wall monitor.

"Misato," a dull voice that could have been Ritz's replied. Misato glanced up at her: the woman didn't look any different from the Ritsuko she remembered, if somehow…thin. Thin in the soul.

There was something bad lurking beneath her, and Misato was unable to determine what that was. She studied Ritsuko's profile a second longer, and turned back to the screen.

"Didn't see this coming," Ritz murmured

"Apparently, neither did Gendo. Or Seele…hopefully."

"Making very big assumptions, are we?"

"I have made no assumptions about you." She glanced back at her friend…if friend was something she still could be called. "Where do you sit, in all of this?"

"Where I always have."

"Don't be coy, Ritz," Misato said. "I can't see you being in your position and not know where the Commander was headed."

"And I'm shocked you could be in your position and never connect the dots," Ritsuko said. "Willful ignorance, perhaps?" She sniffed, and crossed her arms. "And now this. This temper tantrum. Oh, Seele is not going to be happy about this."

"I don't especially care what they think, at the moment."

"You will when they come knocking," Ritsuko said. "So…why are we watching television instead of preparing?"

"I'm waiting for something," Misato mumbled.

"What?"

"I'll know when I see it." She leaned forward, and rubbed her hands together.

"And what am I doing here?"

"Waiting and watching. And nothing else."

Ritsuko fidgeted. "…can I smoke?"

"No."

* * *

><p>And so they sat silently: Misato slumped in the former Commander's chair, Ritsuko slouched next to her with her arms crossed, and the bridge technicians quietly manned their terminals. Occasionally, Ritsuko would cough, as though she wanted something. Misato did not acknowledge her, and instead counted down the time. An hour passed. Then two. Aoba returned in the interim, his face patched with a large bandage.<p>

Three hours.

Ritsuko had begun to get even more fidgety when the words EMERGENCY BROADCAST cut across the screen. "Change the channel!" Misato snapped. Hyuga complied. The same message appeared on each channel they switched to: emergency. Breaking news. Extra, extra.

"Stop," Misato said. "Give me the sound." They stopped on a channel which was displaying imagery of the New Kantei. They were playing imagery of commandos entering the building in combat kit.

"—at appears to be members of the SBU storming the Prime Minister's offices. Again, these images…taken in Tokyo-2 at the New Kantei, time stamped at nearly twenty minutes ago, show members of our military entering the offices in force. We have unverified reports that these are SBU sailors, but we can't confirm that at this time, beyond the fact that these are Japanese soldiers."

"That's what we're waiting for," Misato murmured. The Phone began buzzing. She answered. "Is this you I see on the news?" she said.

"I can't verify what you see on the news," the voice chided. "I can say that an unknown force has apparently been involved in an incident at the Evangelion Center in Tokyo-3, and that a threat connected to this incident has been leveled against the Prime Minister, who is being secluded for his protection."

"Oh, my."

"Indeed. We are currently detaching troops from the CRF to secure the Center, as well a few teams from the SFG to guide them in. I personally think that they won't find anything amiss, but one can't be too careful these days."

"I agree. You wouldn't happen to know which way these troops would be coming, would you?"

"I would not, but I do happen to have on hand that they are not coming from the west, the east, or north."

"Well…that narrows it down a bit, doesn't it?"

"I would hope so. Am I correct to assume that there won't be any trouble…from this unspecified direction?"

"No trouble at all. Please give my regards to the Prime Minister: I know this must be a stressful time."

"I will be certain to." The line went dead, and Misato pocketed the phone.

"Let the South Gate know that JSSDF troops will be approaching, and they're to let them in," she stated.

"Confirmed?" Hyuga asked.

"Confirmed. It sounds like light infantry, so expect some combat cars and trucks." She stood up, and stretched. "Christ, I need a cigarette."

"I don't remember you being a smoker," Ritsuko mumbled, still sullen.

"I'm not: I could just go for a cigarette right now. Things actually look like they're going our way, but all it takes is one little mistake, and bam! All downhill." She gestured, indicating she wanted Ritsuko to go first.

"Oh, after you," Ritsuko said sarcastically.

"Please, Ritz, we've been friends a long time…if anybody should put a bullet in your back, it's me." The scientist stared at Misato.

"You're not joking."

"I'm undecided at this point. Help me reach a decision." Ritsuko glared, and then tiredly turned her back and left the bridge, Misato on her heels.

There were a few smoking lounges scattered throughout the Center, with filter lamps to clean the air. Misato followed Ritsuko into the one nearest to the bridge, taking a seat across from the blond woman and lighting a cigarette.

Ritsuko sniffed, recognizing the smell. "I know that brand. I didn't know you smoked it."

"I don't. Kaji did," Misato said, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes. She rubbed her temple, tasting the smoke and savoring it. She sat for a few minutes, and opened her eyes. Ritsuko had locked eyes on the pack, and her fidgeting was becoming more pronounced.

Misato still did not offer a cigarette.

"So, Ritz: from one friend to another…just clue me in on how deep in this mess you are."

"I'm getting tired of this little naivety game that you're playing."

"Naive? Eh…perhaps." Misato took another drag. "My eyes are open, now. What about yours?"

"Me? Really?" She scoffed. "Spare me. You and your…Jesus, you're dense. Do you think this will change anything? Do you think you've actually accomplished something by this stunt? That you can actually trust whoever it is on the other end of that phone? You…stupid woman." Misato said nothing, but continued to puff at the cigarette. "These men…they've been planning this act for years. Did you know Gendo had an agenda? He never told me, but I figured it out, I could read between the lines. You don't spend that much time with a man and not learn something!"

Misato spat onto the floor, but still said nothing. "Do you know how many years he had to put his plan into play? Years. Years! And you think that…in a few days…a few days you can waltz in and just upset everything? Are you insane!?"

"I'm just using what was given to me," Misato said quietly.

"By Kaji!? He's dead! How well do you think that worked out for him!? Huh?" Ritsuko was trembling with rage now. Misato sniffed, and stood. She stepped to the door and called a guard over.

"Please escort the Doctor back to the bridge. Be sure to accompany her at all times: she's an observer, and meant to observe. Nothing more."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I enjoyed this talk, Ritz, but I think you're taking it a bit personally. You should probably take some time to cool down. Think things through." Misato waved ineffectually as she left. "I have to go greet some guests. We'll catch up later." She hurried down the hall, feeling the anger burning behind her. Releasing her own as she went to the south gate.


	3. Diamonds

It was a question of numbers, really.

The math to warfare was not always the most straightforward of algorithms and formula. The numbers always had their own way of working in context to the situation. Not just the number of bodies, but the quality of that number, and all the little numbers that tagged along: number of bullets. Number of weapons. Number of rations.

It was all about the numbers.

The numbers had daunted Misato when she read the clinical report that Kaji wrote. The projected timetable for Instrumentality. The individuals known to be part of that dread conspiracy. The suspected members. The end, ultimate goal.

What could be brought to bear to achieve that end. A whole country…a whole planet…all those resources directed here, on one place. To achieve an end…incalculable.

Unthinkable.

She felt the despair in that moment, shuffling through the papers, until she got to the end. A small envelope, that smelled of cologne, with her name on it, attached in rubber band to a small, black cell phone. Something tucked in the back, where he knew she would find it, and read it, after seeing the gravity of what he had found. What he faced off against, alone. She opened it, and it was a card with a single phone number on it, and a little, handwritten note:

_I wish this could have been diamonds, but I think it'll be worth more in the end. Make use of it._

_-K._

A single phone number. A special phone. And all of this.

She had made a call. And things…started…to move.

* * *

><p>"Two companies?"<p>

"Roughly three hundred pax," the JSSDF Major said, his face angular in the shadows cut by the headlights. Misato narrowed her eyes cautiously, then circled past him to glance at the first of the trucks idling by the bend. The Southern Access Road wound through low hills and dense tree-line, and she knew that there were at least fifteen to twenty more vehicles tucked behind that first one. Closer was the Major's command vehicle, a cockroach-like armored vehicle with roughly a squad of soldiers inside. Two of them stood by the open hatch, their weapons low but not stowed.

They wore tactical balaclavas, and their nametapes and ranks had been removed. They still had, however, the Japanese flag on one shoulder. Non-tactical patches, so the white and red of the flag was blisteringly apparent in the dark, and through the haze of the vehicles lights. On the other would be the current CRF unit patch.

Sanitized to protect individual identities, but not enough to leave no doubt as to the unit and nation of these soldiers.

"What about assets? Attachments?" Misato asked.

"Official, or otherwise?" the Major replied. He was a short, lean, hungry looking man, a few inches shy of Misato's height. His balaclava had been pulled down and tucked under his chin, revealing his humorless face.

"Both."

"Officially, we have two teams from the Special Forces Group. Reliable, so no worries. We also a have a Prophet, though I imagine you have similar devices within the GeoFront?"

"Keep fishing."

"No trust?" Misato smiled, and held her hands wide. The Major almost met the smile, but his face continued to hold its cool demeanor.

"We have some drones, mostly hand-launched, though we have a pair of Albatross catapult launched. A few armored vehicles, multiple trucks, combat cars. We have a platoon of attached engineers, with their own Lieutenant. If you want an exact count, I suggest speaking to my first sergeant."

"Unofficial?"

"In about…," the Major checked his watch, "One hour, there will be news teams crawling over this place, videotaping a cordon of Japanese soldiers providing security to the GeoFront."

Misato nodded, smiling slightly. So that was it. Not enough troops to assist in truly defending the facility, but good quality troops…the best quality, really. Troops that were supposedly loyal to whoever was currently cooling his heels in the Prime Minister's office while the previous occupant was probably tied up in a closet somewhere. And not enough to take the facility (at least, not _quickly)_, but enough to make a ring. Guard the entrances, set up pickets, provide a true, 360 degree bubble of security around the facility. And to do so publicly, in full view of everyone.

Everyone.

She had been given hostages. She could work with this.

"We are happy to accept your help, Major. Please send your First Sergeant to the bridge, with the exact numbers of your personnel, a list of items you have…we can see about resupply if necessary. Transponders on your vehicles would be useful, too, assuming they all have satellite link-ups?"

"They do, but we're currently running dark. Our internal comps are off, at the moment."

"I have a brilliant little staff that I am certain will be able to tie your vehicles into our net securely, if you're willing."

"Of course."

"…M'kay," Misato murmured, rubbing her teeth with her thumb. "Right. Send them in."

"We'll go where you need us," the Major said, and turned back to his vehicle. He cycled his arm in the air, and the engine of the command carrier revved. Behind, the first truck blared its horn, and like an answering chorus, more truck horns called back.

The Army was moving in.

* * *

><p>"It's like a movie, huh?" Aoba was slowly tracing the big bandage on his face with the fingers of his left hand, cautiously probing at it.<p>

"Stop that," Maya scolded.

"It's just…it feels weird. Like numb-ish, but not numb. It's supposed to hurt, right?"

"It will if you don't stop messing with it," she complained. "Look, damn it, it's bleeding again."

"Ah!" Aoba pulled his hand away, looking at the small red smudges on his fingertips. Maya grabbed some of the gauze left by he medic on the console, and pressed it against Aoba's shoulder.

"Gently apply it to your cheek, not too hard," she said. Aoba sighed, accepting the gauze and cautiously pressing it against his face. He then resumed watching the JSSDF troops arranging their trucks as a squad of engineers pulled out bales of concertina wire. They were efficient, but relaxed. Almost bored in their movements.

"Look at these guys," Hyuga chided, highlighting and zooming in on a pair of troops with their rifles slung. One was leaning against a truck's fender, while his partner had wedged his balaclava up enough to allow him to smoke a cigarette. "Pride of the nation."

"They're both tougher than you, you know?" Aoba said.

"No doubt about it it," Hyuga said. The phone on the console rang, and he sat up, answering it. It was the unmarked cellular, the one that had started this whole chain of events. "Ma'am," he said.

"I take it you guys are watching our friends trundling about the perimeter?"

"And mocking them, yes."

"Please don't, we might actually need their help," Misato said. "You should be getting their first sergeant soon, with their transponder codes among other things. Can you plug those into our net?"

"I'll have Maya do it. Unless there's something else you want me to check for."

"There'll be a good number of them. Any chance one of them might be a bug, or…."

"…or we're giving one of their vehicles access to Magi, I got it. No worries, ma'am."

"Also, as soon as you're done with that…uh…it might…be a good idea to get…you know, get Samson ready."

"…Really? Are you…?"

"Just in case. Don't do anything rash, just…in case we need it, you know?"

"…Yeah, I can do that. That can be done. Also, in fifteen more minutes, we'll have the internal nets scrubbed, and we'll be able to use comms again."

"Good. Which reminds me, have we located the Vice-Commander yet?"

"No, ma'am. We've narrowed down where we think he is, but…."

"Yeah, but. That needs to be a priority. As soon as he is located, he needs to be brought the bridge. I have to make a stop, but I'll be p soon."

"Roger, ma'am." The line clicked, and Hyuga put the phone down. "God."

"What?" Maya asked.

"The Major just asked me to prepare the Samson option?"

"We don't…we won't _need_ that, will we?" Maya asked, shocked. Hyuga's mind filled momentarily with the image of a great, smoking crater in the ground, ash and carbonized molecules drifting through the air of where there had once been a vast, layered structure. And somewhere at the center of that smoldering wasteland would have been the place that they had been sitting, at the bridge, when they blew it all up.

"No…I trust it won't come to that," Hyuga mumbled, and then cursed himself for making foolish promises. On the screen, the soldiers had finished their smoke break. They hefted their rifles, and went back to work.

* * *

><p>Shinji stared out over the bloody sea, as the gory water sopped on to the sand. The remains of the old wold lingered around him, and the afterbirth of the new one was splattered in front of him. It pooled in the sea, and seemed sprinkled across the sky: a great, red band that seemed to splatter against the moon. A gash in the sky.<p>

He had been here before. He would be here again. He was there, and then not. He was here, and then never. He was in all places, at all times, and this is where he would always find himself, again and again. It would be always be here, and he would always be in this place.

"Hey, there, kid," the voice said, and it was familiar in ways that were both saddening and nostalgic. He turned to the source, and saw a tall man next to him, thin but solid. He seemed younger than he should be, but older than time. He looked very familiar, but Shinji couldn't decide from where.

"Hi," he mumbled, listless.

"How are you holding up?"

"…I'm good. I guess."

"That's good. Keep yourself upright, you know."

"…whatever."

"Apathy at that age…I remember that."

"Go away."

"Not when I just got here." The man stretched, gazing out over the ocean. "We always end up back at this one spot. It's like we can't ever avoid it. We're being drawn to it, you know?"

"What?"

"This spot. This beach. This water. This sky. It's here, waiting for us and demanding our presence." The man looked at Shinji. The boy thought he looked like Kaji, and he felt pain. Pain and loss, that disappeared as quickly as it arrived, pushed back into the box. Distant, and closed.

"What are you talking about?" Shinji mumbled.

"That this place is meant for us. Tailor made and designed. In one form, or another."

"One form…or…."

"Hey, look, it's starting," the man said, and pointed up. Shinji looked, as light split across the sky. Thousands of crosses seemed to linger overhead, and he felt a strange sense of longing and dread.

"Don't run away."

* * *

><p>He sat up, wobbly and feeling fuzzy. There was gentle noise, the hum of machines and low-voices of people moving around him. He squirmed into a sitting position, drool slicked on his cheek from slipping too hard. He rubbed ineffectually at it, snuffling. His eyes focused, and he saw Asuka in the bed next to him.<p>

The image of that night came to him, when he found her sleeping next to him. The panic, the sweat, the butterflies and shocking _desire _all muddled up and mingled. Looking at her now brought none of that. Just hurt. Hurt, and confusion, and other feelings. Deep, dark and hopeless feelings. Shuddering, he got to his feet, carefully moving next to her bed.

She had gone away. Not physically, she was always there, but she had gone away. She was not here, and had not been here for a while. Not since that day, that day when she just couldn't Pilot anymore. That day when she began changing, and the change frightened him, and he looked at her and he saw Asuka, but it wasn't. It was an impostor, and he wanted who she was back. He wanted her to scoff at him. To talk down to him. To call him an idiot. Anything.

To be here again, and not gone.

"Wake up," he mumbled. Asuka did not respond. He gazed over her, the twisted sheets, the immaculate bandages on her wrists. The wires…why were there so many wires. "Wake up, come on," he mumbled, a bit louder, a hint of a whine. He reached out and gently shook her shoulder.

"Get up, get up," he said. "You need to get up. You don't get to run away." She didn't respond, so he shook harder. "I said get up!" he said, his voice breaking. He jerked her shoulder, gripping it tightly with his fingers.

"Hey, stop that!" one of the medics snapped, but Shinji didn't hear him. He shook Asuka roughly, and began sobbing.

"You're supposed to be here! I have to be here! You have to be here!" Someone grabbed him and pulled him away. It was not difficult, because he was only a boy, and a small one at that. He fought against the hands, but he was lifted off of his feet and dragged back. "Wake up! Wake up!" he screamed. One of the medics fussed over Asuka, checking the wires and bandages. "Don't touch her!" Shinji shrieked, kicking and squirming. He tried to pry the hands away, but he couldn't. He wouldn't stop, though. He couldn't stop. He couldn't run away. Not now. He couldn't.

"Shinji!" Misato's face filled his vision, and he relaxed slightly. He didn't stop squirming, though, and kept pushing. Kept trying. "Shinji, stop! Stop…just relax. It's me, okay?" She cupped his face in his hands, as tears soaked his cheeks. "Relax." Shinji sighed, and stopped fighting.

"She won't wake up," he whimpered.

"She's hurt, Shinji, she won't wake up for a little while," Misato explained. "You need to stop this."

"She…has to wake up, I can't…she…."

"She will wake up. _You _need to calm down." Shinji tried to look past Misato at Asuka.

"…I need to help her. I didn't help, I…I should have…I mean, I had…."

"Let's go, okay? You stay with me for a bit, and let's leave Asuka alone, okay? There's someplace else I want you to be for a bit. Help me out, huh?"

"I can't help, I can't help. I don't…I'm not…no one…please don't…." His eyes went glassy, and he fell away into murmuring. Misato's face went hard, but not cruel.

"Come on. You're not going to get rest here." She began to guide him back towards the door. He tried to resist, and then slid to a halt. Rei was staring at him, her expression somewhere between curious and bland. He felt embarrassed, and reminded of the strangeness around him. That wasn't Rei. That was someone else. And yet, he felt ashamed of being like this, in front of her. He wiped his face, and hurried into the hallway. Misato followed, watching closely.

"Let's put you in my office," she suggested. "The couch in there is comfortable."

"…I don't care," he grumbled. Misato sighed, nodding.

"Okay. That's fine. Let's…let's get you settled then." Shinji shrugged, his addled brain sifting images. The bloody beach. The man who was so familiar. Rei who was not Rei. Asuka who was not Asuka.

Shinji who was not Shinji.


	4. Confessional

Shinji began bawling by the time Misato got him into her office. It had started as small sniffles, the kind that a boy would produce when trying _not _to cry. As soon as they were walking through the threshold of her office door, the sniffles abruptly went right out the window, replaced by shuddering, deep peals of misery and despair. His legs gave out from under him in that moment, and he collapsed in a heap on the floor, completely given over the tears, the consuming sadness.

Misato was at a loss. She found herself trapped between irritation, frustration, sympathy, concern…a whole melange of emotions that left her with no clear idea of what to do.

"Shinji, come on," she cooed, leaning down next to him. "There's no reason to—"

"I _killed_ him!" he bawled. "I felt it! His…the crunching…in my fingers…I felt the bones…!" He was forcing out words between gasping breaths and shuddering heaves. "I crushed him, and I killed him, and I'm wrong, wrong, I'm all _wrong_ inside!"

It was starting to become clearer to Misato why Shinji had slipped like this. Not entirely, but that was a new factor of it. She had not considered the height of the synchronization, had not considered that the way in which the Angelic infiltrator was eliminated may be a contributor to…this. Shinji would have felt it all: the fragile bones snapping under his palm, the sense of life bursting through his fingers like a popped balloon. The entire time thinking that this was his friend.

"He wasn't your friend, you know," Misato tried to reason. "He was an Angel…it was all a trick."

"It's _all_ a trick!" he screamed, whirling around and glaring at Misato with such _hatred _that she recoiled. "He _loved_ me! It felt real! It felt really real!" He scooted backwards, deeper into the office and away from Misato. "No one loves me! And if he loved me to make me…to trick me…what does that say about _you_!?" He wobbled to his feet. "Or Asuka? Or Rei? Or my _father_!?" He was still backing away, and he collided with Misato's desk, stacked high with papers and reports she had long neglected. The tower of office material shifted and spilled. Shinji turned and helped the catastrophe along, swiping it onto the floor and sending Misato's phone, lamp, and one of her pen-containers against the wall.

"You all don't care about me, you just want what you can _get_ from me! Do this, do that, kill him, kill him, _kill him_!" He picked up her keyboard and chucked it across the room at Misato. She didn't move, staring at him impassively as the missile passed by her at a wide margin. "I want to die! I want to die! I want _everyone_ to die!" He threw her mouse this time, which passed a little closer. He ripped her monitor off of the table, held it over his head, and slammed it on the floor. It popped violently, glass shards blossoming into the air and the acrid smell of something burning filling the room. The force of the action tipped him, and he stumbled back and fell down. He stayed on the floor, sobbing quietly and exhausted in his rage.

Misato surveyed the destruction he had caused, and tried to pinpoint exactly _where_ he had lost it. She was flummoxed. Completely confused. One minute, he was an empty vessel, barely there on the surface, much less beneath. And with seemingly no provocation…from _nowhere_…he had done this. All of this, with such anger, and hate, and hurt, hurt upon hurt. There was a part of her with no sympathy whatsoever. So he hurt…so what? Who didn't these days? Did his suffering mean more than her suffering? Did he give more than she did? Did he know what she felt when Kaji…?

When Kaji…?

She bit her lip, fighting the tears down. Buck up and soldier on. That's what you did, and that's what he needed to do now. She had no time to wet-nurse a child in the middle of all that was happening

…and this child was at the _center_ of all that was happening. She reminded herself why she had made her decision, her choice to take on those shadowy elements that Kaji had battled in this direct and forward manner. She done it because there was a door. And on the other side of the door was a boy, and that boy had killed his best friend and was told he was a good boy for doing so. He _had_ soldiered on…time and again. He had done what he could, what he thought was best, was right, and it had broken him. Little by little, piece by piece. When she had finally intervened, done something she thought was right…what needed to be done…he had already sunk so low that he was now open in his desire.

Kill the world. Kill myself. Kill it all away until it felt better. The lack of sympathy slowly dissolved, and she stared at the child she had set out to help. Her shoulder still throbbed from where he bit her. She endured that, but that was a trivial pain. An easy thing to overcome. Could she endure this?

She had to. She had made that decision, and she would follow through with it.

Misato crossed the officer, and crouched next to Shinji, hugging her knees. "Shinji, I don't know if I love you," she said. "I am fond of you, and I don't like seeing you hurt. I started this…thing, to try and protect you. To take you out of it. I think that's a kind of love, don't you?"

"Don't make me do it again," he whimpered. "I don't want to do it again."

"Shinji…sweetie, you may have to." He covered his face, and turned to the floor, withdrawing. Hesitantly, she reached out, like trying to pet an unfamiliar dog. She touched his shoulder, and he flinched. He did not fight her off. "It is…awful, what you can do. What you have to do. And right now I think you're the only one that can do it. I don't know if…Asuka can, right now. Or ever again. And I don't….Shinji, I don't trust Rei…right now. This Rei.

"We have one Evangelion left to us, and it's the strongest one ever made. And…you're its Pilot. You're the only one who can Pilot it, so you might need to. If I could do it for you, I would. In a heartbeat. I can't, though. That's you." She swallowed, thinking on what he had said.

_Great job, Misato, you idiot_, that voice in her head said. The one that sounded like her, and commonly told her all the little things she did wrong in her life. _He just told you how he felt used by everyone. Tell him you need him together so you can use him some more_.

"Look, it's…Shinji, I'm an awful person. I don't know how to do this, okay? You need someone who's not me. No one needs someone like me. I'm…the worst kind of person." A single eye peaked up at her, from between tear-soaked fingers. She swallowed. "I want to run away so many times in the day I stop counting. I…did want to kill myself. Sometimes I still do. I think that would be better for everyone, sometimes. It would be better for you."

She shifted, kneeling on the floor and feeling ugly inside, the ugliness that seemed constant these days. "I don't, though, because I'm the only one who can do what I do. I have to. I…I _knew_ what these people were going to do, I knew it. And no one else did, or at least…no one in Nerv that needed to. I had to do something, right? I couldn't run away from that, and I want to, because…I'm very scared, Shinji. I' m scared I made a mistake. I'm scared that it will fail at any second, and everything I tried to do will not…matter. I'm scared everyone I know will be killed, and that I couldn't stop it. I'm scared that I overlooked something.

"Hell, I'm just…I'm even scared of dying. Funny how that works, huh? Want to kill myself one minute, but can't stand the thought of being killed at the same time." She laughed lightly. "Maybe it's a woman thing, I don't know." She sniffed, looking up at the ceiling. This frank admission of how she felt was wearying, and her eyes stung. "You hold it together, though. You don't know what's at the other end, but you hold on tight, cut off what you can't save, and maybe you'll have saved something important at the other end. Or failed. But if you run…if you do nothing, you fail anyway. At least…that's how I see it."

She looked down. Two eyes stared up at her, red-rimmed and hollow but wide and focused. She smiled. "I…Shinji, I still say you did a good thing, with…the Fifth Child. I am so sorry, however, that you had to do that to a friend. I am. But…Shinji, it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes us bad people for _making_ you do it. It makes the Fifth Child a bad person for putting that decision on you." She took her hand away from his shoulder, brushed his hair away from his face. "You save the world every other day, Shinji. Bad people don't do that."

"I don't want to save the world anymore," he mumbled. "I…I don't."

"And you shouldn't have to. At the end of this…maybe you won't. I still need you, though. Shinji, the enemy I'm facing…that _we_ face…we don't know what they'll throw at us. And we may need you to Pilot again. We just…we might need it. If you don't…we won't win. And everything we did won't matter anymore. We'll all be dead. You, me, Rei, Asuka. Maya, Hyuga, Aoba, Ritz…." She sighed, and was preparing to name more names when he sat up, slowly and carefully. He leaned against her desk, looking like he had just woken up from a deep sleep.

"…I'm sorry I messed up your office," he mumbled.

"Ah, it's just stuff. Stuff is nothing," she said, smiling. "If it makes you feel better, go ahead and wreck it some more."

"I want things to be…back to the way they were. Before…it…I dunno, just the way they were."

"We can't…go back," Misato said, feeling a sudden stab of pain in her heart. _He'll be just a memory, now._ "We can go forward, however, and we can make what's in front of us better than what was behind."

Shinji nodded, but he didn't seem sold on that. He looked down at his hands, and he sat silently. Misato stayed with him, having nothing more to say.

* * *

><p>The search for the Vice-Commander continued, even as the mutineers secured the remaining pockets of resistance. One by one, squads of Section 2 men and surprised Seele sleeper agents were captured, separated, and sequestered to the GeoFront's security block. Kozo Fuyutsuki was nowhere to be found among any of the surly, shocked, and dismayed prisoners.<p>

This was simply because he was in the one, single place that no one would have thought to look.

* * *

><p>The Evas always had a 'standby' Plug inserted, filled with oxygenated LCL, for storage. The theory was that, in a scramble, a Pilot could enter this Plug much more rapidly than the normal launch Plug sitting back in the loading cradle. During a normal launch sequence, the standby would be removed, clearing the way for the launch Plug. In standby mode, it was considered just good housekeeping: keeping the Plug filled was recorded to be good for the Eva's internal systems. It was something that was so normal to the standard operating procedures for the Evangelion's that no one had even remembered that Unit One and Two still had their standby Plugs in.<p>

No one had thought to even consider that the professor-turned-paramilitary officer was floating in LCL bath of one of those Plugs at this very moment.

Fuyutsuki took one final, measured breath, and relaxed deeper into his trance-like state. When the coup had started, he knew…he _knew…_that this was it. The critical juncture. This was when Gendo would make his move. This was when Seele would make its grab for godhood. This was it, and he had no options. No choices left. So, he enacted the plan he himself had pondered…if not actually prepared for…when the Event came into being.

Ensuring that no one would be looking into the Plug's was as simple as disconnecting a few discrete wires connected to the monitoring and entry warning systems. There would be no reason to check the Plugs during this time, and so he decided to try one thing he had always mused on. This was the last chance he would get, and he had nothing to lose. Activating the Plug, at low enough levels to be unobtrusive, but with enough power to form a nascent synchronization link, Fuyutsuki had closed his eyes, calmed his rattled nerves, and began to slip down into a dream-like state of calm.

Theoretically, one could enter a state of sympathetic synchornization, if not actualized synchronization, in this manner. It would not be enough to move an Evangelion (not that Fuyutsuki could ever hope to do that), but it could share information. There could be a transfer of thoughts, or feelings. Or words. It was all he had left, and he was taking every throw of the dice to see if it worked.

At some point…some strange, and unreal moment…Fuyutsuki began to speak. It was an unconscious thing, the moment when he felt he could go no deeper, form no further connection. It was the Edge, and he was shouting over the border.

"Yui…," he whispered. Slowly, the word seemed to take a shape and form not of its sound, and Fuyutsuki felt that was the sign he was waiting for. "Yui-kun…we need to talk."

He waited for a response, and when none came, he continued. "I don't know if you can hear me, or even if you care, but there are things you need to know, and decisions you have to make. And I feel I have a right…no, a…a duty to inform you on those decisions. As your teacher, and…friend." He felt relaxed…giddy, even. This was something he had determined he would never, ever do, but doing it now was strangely uplifting. It lightened, somehow.

"Those Men…the Men you told me about, the ones we dealt with back in those days…the ones you knew before Antarctica…the ones called Seele…you know them. You knew their goals then, what they would try to achieve. Yui, I think…they are trying, now. I think they are trying to accomplish what they set out to do. I know…I _know _that you have other plans. That you don't want them to succeed in their…madness. We…are in danger right now. Yui, I…I think I know what you want. From our talks. And I have never told Gendo, even…even when I think I should have. I have been honest in this, and loyal to your request. I have to ask you now…do your plans include this? The end of humanity? Did you plan on your…success ending with you as a true monument? A shrine to a species that doesn't exist anymore?"

He swallowed, and he felt tremendous sadness. The sadness of loss, lost opportunity, lost friends. Lost time. "I am…a foolish, old man. I have…let too many things go in the assumption that it would all be as it should be…that I would know what to do when the time was right. I…should have told you, long ago, how much you…touched me. And you did, Yui, you…I haven't ever…I mean…." His heart ached, and he mumbled for a moment. "Eh…it never makes a difference, but sometimes these things need to be said. You are a remarkable woman, and…you left a remarkable boy behind.

"He has…gone through a lot. A great ordeal. And he is now here, left alone…at the end of this. He…we…we need you. Just for a little longer. I can't…make you help us, I can't…even be sure you're hearing me. I have no way to gauge this, I…am praying…that you hear this. That you consider these things. That…." He closed his mouth, and sighed.

"Yui, god damn it, you stupid, idiotic, _selfish_ woman, of all the things I should have told you, not going through with your wretched experiment was the first. And not leaving your son…to that. That was the second. He deserved better. We all did. Even…Gendo, he above all deserved better, and I can barely stand the man." He sighed. He had nothing more to say, and he shrugged. "This was…my last chance to tell you these things. I hope you heard them. I hope…you will consider them." He nodded, satisfied…and decided to face the music.

* * *

><p>The sentries outside of the Bay were shocked when a sopping, copper-smelling man of tremendous height appeared through the doorway they were guarding. He regarded each of them the way a hunting bird regards a rabbit, and sniffed. "So…the Old Men have taken over, have they?"<p>

"Who?" the first of the sentries asked, before recognizing Fuyutsuki. "Hey, wait a minute…you're the Vice-Commander!"

"Oh, good: they blind can see," Fuyutsuki mumbled.

"We have orders to detain you and bring you to Maj. Katsuragi!" the sentry continued, backing up and pointing his submachine gun at the man. Fuyutsuki gave him a disdainful look until the sentry lowered the submachine gun in chastised embarrassment.

"What do you mean 'Maj. Katsuragi?'" Fuyutsuki demanded. "Explain what's going on."

"We are simply under orders to detain you until further notice. If you want explanations, you'll have to talk to the Major," the sentry said, while one of his fellows began speaking into a shoulder radio. Fuyutsuki considered this, piecing the elements together. Maybe this was Seele's move, after all….

"Yes. Detain me and bring me to the Major at once," Fuyutsuki ordered. The sentries looked at each other in confusion. "Are you not proper mutineers? You have a prisoner! I suggest you guard him!" Fuyutsuki scolded, until one by one they aimed their weapons at him. He nodded in satisfaction.

"Much better," he said, pleased.


	5. Change of Command

Misato marched sharply towards the command bridge, one ear cocked to her hand-held radio. Occasionally, officers and other leaders in the mutiny would chime in with status updates or cross-checks, before turning back to their other radios, keyed to sub-nets and sub-frequencies. She hummed to herself as she absorbed and filed away the incoming information, wondering when the next phase of the whole ordeal would come.

A crucial phase. Probably _the_ most crucial phase in the short-term.

She glanced to her right, as Shinji stumbled along next to her, trying to match her pace. Misato just couldn't figure the right place for him at the moment: she didn't want to leave him in the Med Bay, because she already had one Pilot under heavy sedation. She didn't want to leave him unattended in her office…or anywhere she couldn't get to him at a moment's notice. So once again, she adjusted, and decided it would just be better all around to have him tag along with her.

It wasn't ideal, but it was what it , she had very little time to sort that situation out. One of the last pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place.

The Vice-Commander had been found.

"So, Shinji," Misato said. Shinji's head jerked towards her, caught off guard. "What do you know about running a mutiny?"

"Um…I…don't really…."

"Exactly how I feel. You'd think someone would have written a book on this sort of thing by now. I mean, there are books on coups and stuff, but I wasn't able to find any of those in time. And this is slightly different."

"…is it?"

"Well…_substantially_ different." She passed the bridge's security cordon, and stepped into the command space. "Maybe I should write a book about this. What do you think?"

"Sure. I guess."

"We'll co-write it, when things settle down. Hyuga!"

"Ma'am!"

"Where is Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki?"

"We have him cooling his heels in Bridge Conference 2."

"Did you really just say 'cooling his heels?'" Misato asked, squinting.

"It was literally the first phrase that popped into my mind," Hyuga said.

"Any movement on the perimeter?"

"So far, no," Aoba said. "Our above-ground sensors are all showing no movement, nothing. Our uniformed friends have also reported all quiet on their ends. They have requested permission to launch their drones."

"Tell them to go ahead," Misato said. She checked her watch. She scoffed: it was only 0349. This had been a long night already, and it was still far from over. "And the news?"

"Well, _we're _up there, now," Aoba said. He pointed to the main screen, which was running news feeds from seven different channels. Mingled in the madness were repeat images of the New Kantei being stormed, the current security perimeter that had been set up around that building with JGSDF troops, and the current cordon around the GeoFront. There was speculation about the two events being linked. _Speculate away, boys_, Misato thought sourly. Leave the media a scrap of chaos, and they'd spend days filling in the gaps.

"Let's see…if that gives us some wiggle room," Misato mumbled. "Keep me posted. Shinji?" She turned to the boy. "I need to go talk to the Vice-Commander. Can you stay here?" He shrugged, uncertain. He looked around the room, seemingly lost. "Just…stay here for a bit." She sighed, and glanced back up at the screen. Soldiers with rifles, that was the news of the day. Soldiers here, soldiers there…soldiers in all the places that mattered.

_So how long before this _really _gets out of hand_? Misato wondered. Truth be told, she had to admit…how did she know it wasn't already out of hand right now?

* * *

><p>Misato wrinkled her nose as she stepped into the conference room. It was a familiar smell, but it wasn't one she was expecting in this enclosed space. Why did it stink of LCL in here?<p>

The source was the Vice-Commander himself: sitting in his briefs at the back of the room, much as the Commander himself had been stripped for security reasons, Fuyutsuki reeked of LCL. She could see greasy, orange-colored patches on his exposed skin where the substance was coagulating in the cool air of the room.

"Vice-Commander," she said.

"Major," he replied.

"So…we had a hell of a time finding you."

"I imagine," he said. He was strangely relaxed, and not resonating the same wave of intensity and irritation that had come from the Commander.

"I was told you were discovered exiting the Evangelion hangers. Specifically, Unit One's."

"I was not 'discovered,' I surrendered myself. There is a substantial difference," he said.

"Forgive me. You were detained," she replied, testy.

"That will work as well," the older man admitted.

"…Did you sabotage our Evas?"

"What I did was of no concern of yours, Major. I suppose you could call it sabotage, but that's entirely up to forces beyond either of us," he replied. Misato shook her head.

"We don't really have time for word games. What was it you did?" Fuyutsuki looked down at his hands, smiled, and said nothing. Misato felt a dull sense of panic. If he had been tampering with the Evangelions…did that mean there was something coming…which might _require_ an Evangelion to stop?

She crossed the room, slid a chair in front of the Vice-Commander, and sat down. She leaned forward. "You bastards will stop at nothing to achieve your goals. It wasn't enough that you had to…unleash that _thing_ in the South Pole." As she spoke, Fuyutsuki's brow furrowed. She continued on. "And now, after you've broken…all of us. Me, the…kids. The Children…after we're all just ground to bits, you want to take what we gave and throw it out the window."

"You seem to be holding together, for being 'ground to bits,'" Fuyutsuki noted. "But I think I'm…missing something here."

"What's to miss? You're trying to destroy our primary trump card."

"…Major, who are you taking orders from?"

"What?" Misato sat back, confused by the question. Fuyutsuki's expression went from concerned and confused to slightly bewildered.

"Do you mean to say…at least, I'm interpreting it this way…are you not…taking orders from anyone in these situation?"

"I'm…no! Why would I? Who would you _think_ I'm taking orders from? The government?" Misato squinted at him. "Who _could _we take orders from here? Our superiors are trying to end the world! But you knew that already, didn't you!"

"…Oh! Good! That's a relief!" Fuyutsuki said, leaning back in his chair. "I'm glad my suspicions were confirmed."

"…Eh?"

"I will admit, for a few minutes there, I felt a little nervous. I was afraid I had miscalculated." He crossed his arms. "So I would be correct in assuming that you are, in fact…rebelling against Seele?"

"…Who did you…what did…yes, yes we are."

"Then you might be surprised to find we're on the same side."

"I beg your pardon?"

"We are both attempting to stop Third Impact." Fuyutsuki beamed at her as if she were a student that had solved an exceptionally difficult theorem. "Isn't that refreshing?" Misato stared at the Vice-Commander.

"…Run that by me again."

"Oh, for God's sake, Major, you're supposed to be one of the bright ones," Fuyutsuki said. "It's quite simple: we had two concurrent plans to try and prevent Seele from enacting their final scenario. We are opposed to the Human Instrumentality Project, only I was more discrete in my rebellion than you were."

"Which, apparently, included _sabotaging our Evas_?" Misato snapped.

"Against Seele. Not against _us_," Fuyutsuki said.

"That…makes no sense. At all," Misato complained.

"I will explain it…in confidential company." He glanced at the guards. Misato took his meaning, and waved her hand, dismissing the two of them.

"Are you sure, ma'am?" the senior guard asked.

"Just wait in the hallway," she said, drawing her handgun. She waited for the door to slide shut behind her, and she stared at the Vice-Commander. "Okay," she said. "Tell me your reasons, and make sure they're good. Because, frankly…I'm really having trouble buying this 'struggling together' crap you're selling."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Understandable. Well…it begins with a remarkable young lady, you see…."

* * *

><p>"…and that is the long and short of it." Fuyutsuki rested his hands on his stomach as he leaned back in the chair. He was relaxed, relieved even: it was remarkably uplifting to vent so many secrets.<p>

Misato was slumped in her chair, leaning heavily on her hand. Her pistol was forgotten for the moment, gripped casually and loosely in her freehand. Her eyes were wide and stunned, and her mouth hung open. "That's…that's it?"

"That's it."

"So…the long and short of it, as you say…is that Shinji's mom is…Unit One. Because she wanted to become a god…."

"…well, not a _god_, exactly…."

"…it's a lot less of a mouthful than 'immortal memorial to the human race,'" Misato said testily.

"…this is true."

"And while this was happening," Misato said, moving on, "The Commander…_cloned _his wife…and that clone is, in fact…Rei…."

"One of them, at least."

"Oh, don't worry, I know about the rest!" The woman shifted in her chair, worked up now. "And that the whole thing in Antarctica wasn't an accident on my idiot dad's part, but that he may have been _deliberately _mislead…and that…." She began rubbing at her forehead with both hands. Worryingly, she still held her handgun. Fuyutsuki made a small noise in his throat and gently extended his hand, alarmed.

"I am not going to shoot myself!" she grunted. "I just…I am having a very difficult time…understanding this." She closed her eyes. "So…Shinji's mother…willingly allowed herself to be absorbed into Unit One."

"Yes."

"And she wanted Shinji to _watch _it?"

"She wanted him to see the bright world she was helping to create," Fuytusuki said, sadly. "I never really knew what she meant by that."

"And then," Misato grunted, ignoring the man. "His dad…packs up his kid, sends him off for ten years…ten…Jesus, no wonder he's messed up."

"You say that so casually," Fuyutsuki scolded.

"I don't think of it in any 'casual' way," Misato snapped. "I have…made a decision to stop running from the things that are hard for me, and caring for that boy is _hard_. I am doing this…for him." She relaxed, and holstered her pistol. "And for Asuka. I would even say I'm doing it for Rei, but is that really Rei down there? Or just the latest model? Or is it, in fact, Mrs. Ikari? Wait…better question: why does she exist at all? What was Gendo Ikari planning on doing with a _clone of his wife_?"

"I have theories, but you have to understand that Gendo Ikari was a very guarded man. He does not share himself with others, and he did not share his plans with me. We were…allies of convenience. In all fairness, I somewhat detest the man."

"I would have never have guessed that."

"I respect him, you understand. And I had to assume that there was something to him, or else…Yui would not have married him. Still…that's beside the point. In the end, I was…making an appeal."

"To…Unit One…I mean…."

"Yes, to the soul of Unit One. I was…hoping she would…listen. For once." He crossed his arms, and closed his eyes. "Do you know why Unit One was so…savage when it fought? It wasn't just the soul and the will of the boy, you know."

"…Maternal instinct. It was his mother choosing to defend him."

"Yes. That boy…has had an unfair life." Fuyutsuki smiled. "You may not figure me to be sentimental, but I am. I don't know that boy very well, but…he is Yui's son. That…well." He shrugged. "Well," he repeated.

"Nnh," Misato murmured. "So…where does that leave us, then?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't assume you're telling the truth, but it doesn't sound…like a lie." She tugged at an ear. "It's too far-fetched. A lie is generally simple. That is…absurd enough to be true."

"I take it, then, that you're decided what to do with me."

"Yes."

"I know you have no reason to trust me, but I would advise you to let me sit in on your mutiny."

"Sit in?"

"Yes." He leaned forward. "How long do you think it will be before Seele responds?"

"That's what's worried me," she admitted. "So far, there hasn't been a response…to this, or to what's happening outside."

"Outside?" Misato explained to Fuyutsuki about the mysterious benefactor who Kaji had put her in touch with. The CRF commandos, the raid on the New Kantei…all of it. When she finished, he looked concerned but thoughtful.

"I see…so…hmm…." He rubbed his chin. "This situation may be more complicated than you think."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not comfortable telling you, because I think you've done pretty good so far. Too much information might make you hesitate, which would be worse than acting. Just answer me this: do you trust this contact? Or these commandos?"

"No," Misato said without hesitation, "but I know they aren't Seele."

"I would advise you to keep that stance," Fuyutsuki said. "All I feel I should say right now is that this situation may be more complicated than it appears on the surface."

Misato closed her eyes, considering the current state of Japanese politics. It was, safe to say, not entirely democratic. The ravages of post-Impact society, combined with a hefty military budget and the constant threat of Angelic attacks…the assertive role the country was playing in East Asia, despite that….

The factions. The factions within factions. She opened her eyes, studying Fuyutsuki. "You're thinking that we're unintentional participants in an actual coup for the country of Japan."

"It's possible," he agreed. "Which, I have to say, should not stop you from this course, or using what assets come your way: Seele's goals are real. They are no confined to the petty politics of one nation. Whatever happens in Tokyo-2 might confuse them, but it will not dissuade them from their ultimate goal."

"Third Impact," she mumbled.

"Yes," the Vice-Commander said.

"…do you think, then, that whoever this is…carrying out this coup…doubts the validity of the threat?"

"…I hesitate to—"

"I'm asking you to," Misato said. "I can act without restraint, when needed. I need information, though. And advice." She slumped forward. "I…really need advice." Fuyutsuki nodded, and scratched his bare chest.

"Well…I am certain that whoever is assisting you believes the threat of Seele to be real, and to be opposed. In knowing that, I further ask you…what kind of person or persons would know that, and _still_ use it as an opportunity to grab for power?"

"The Prime Minister, though…if he's in Seele's pocket…."

"Is he?" Fuyutsuki smiled. "He is a democratically elected leader. I don't doubt Seele would try to manipulate one of their own into a position of power, but that brings exposure, and risk. Wouldn't it be easier to simply…feed disinformation to a pre-seated leader?"

"Ah. Aaaahh." Misato nodded in understanding. "The good man led astray."

"I wouldn't call the PM a good man, but the principle is the same. The best of intentions…on the worst of advice."

"On lies…." She sniffed. "Then that's where were at. And nothing to be done about it for the moment."

"No."

"…It is possible that there is a unit in the Japanese military that is planning an attack on us," Misato said, abruptly changing the subject.

"Hence the 'honor guard' of CRF troops."

"Yes."

"…Would you accept my offer as an adviser to your mutiny?"

"…yes, I would, Vice-Commander."

"…Professor," Fuyutsuki said, bluntly.

"I'm sorry?" Misato asked, confused.

"Just…Professor. Or Doctor, whichever you prefer. I think I'm done with being Vice-Commander for a bit." He smiled. "You're the one in the hot-seat, now, Major."

"When have I _not _been?"

"A valid point." Fuyutsuki sighed. "Now…while I would be happy to assist…it is very cold, and I reek of LCL."

"Um…yes. Sorry, we'll square that away." Misato called the guards back into the room. "Take the…Professor to the nearest locker-room. Get him a spare set of clothes, and allow him to wash up and change. He will be joining the command staff on the bridge."

"Ma'am." The guard beckoned Fuyutsuki, and the man stood. The three walked towards the door, and just before they passed through, Misato called over her shoulder.

"Professor."

"Yes, Major?"

"…Do you think, when it comes down to it…Unit…_Yui_…can be relied upon?"

"Major," he said, "You can always rely upon a storm to rage…but can you tell me when it will come?" With that, he left the room. Misato furrowed her brow at that, and for a time, remained in the conference room with dark thoughts.


	6. On the Wall

"It's kind of…disconcerting."

"What?" Hyuga turned to Maya. "The…Vice-Commander?"

"Professor."

"Professor?" Hyuga asked, accepting the correction without protest.

"I'm used to seeing him so cool and professional. And…well…." The young woman turned and gazed up at him, next to Misato and Shinji on the overwatch. He was wearing a Nerv cotton windbreaker over a white undershirt, and sweatpants...the quickest items of clothing on hand for him to change into. She would expect that he could make even those appear like a uniform, but he was…lounging. Leaning against the overwatch's low railing, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. She didn't think he was capable of relaxing like that.

It was weird.

"I don't like it," she decided.

"We are…fifteen minutes to sunrise, in the middle of all…this," Aoba grunted, waving an encompassing arm over his head, "And that's what you're focused on?"

"Don't tell me it doesn't unnerve you just a bit."

"I will admit to nothing, and god _damn _it the painkillers aren't working anymore."

"You really should not be up here," Hyuga pleaded.

"Not leaving," Aoba grumbled, hugging his head as he leaned heavily over his station. He hummed in misery for a bit.

"I wish you would; you need recovery time," Maya pointed.

"Muh," was all Aoba could manage at that moment. He waved them off, closing his eyes and massaging the back of his scalp. Fuyutsuki noticed it from above, and turned to Misato.

"I have to admit, I never thought Aoba would be the one to stay at his station when injured like that," the academic noted.

"He's stubborn," Misato agreed. "Which isn't good if he passes out from the pain. And we may need to save all our painkillers."

"I hope not," Fuyutsuki murmured. Misato closed her eyes, and sat up. She glanced at Shinji, who was slowly and deliberately drinking from a bottle of chocolate milk through a straw. He was refusing to eat anything, but she had coaxed him to at least drink the milk. He seemed vacant, and not in the moment. She didn't know how much she should discuss with him present…and thought the hell with it, and asked anyway.

"What…would Seele do? Knowing they no longer control the Center?"

"Lie," Fuyutsuki said. "Tell terrifying lies to the Prime Minister, to take this facility back by force. Probably engineer kill-on-sight ROE for all personnel here in the base. The only person they would probably leave alive is the Commander, simply to ensure that he didn't leave them any boobytraps."

"Could they…initiate an Impact event without access to the Center?"

"That's hard to say. I won't say yes…but I won't deny it, either. That would require them putting outside resources into Japan, without a request from the government. They might do so with a UN mandate, and they might do so if the situation was confused enough to allow them the opportunity. Then again, if they were certain of success…it really wouldn't matter."

"Why not make the attempt, then? If they're going for the End of the World scenario, why not just bully in? Why be so…cautious?"

"Because Seele is, by it's nature, a cautious organization." Fuyutsuki smiled. "More appropriately…it's an organization of old men. Old men who are exceedingly patient, and willing to suffer any length of time necessary to ensure only the most optimum chance of success. They aren't gamblers, Major. If they think they will succeed, they will make the effort. If they see even the slimmest chance of failure…they'll blink. Every time."

"Doesn't exactly sound like they have…resolve."

"They have terrible resolve, and are ruthless beyond anything you could understand. Don't mistake their caution and cowardice for an unwillingness to act: if they are desperate, they may make the attempt regardless of the consequences. You should know that cowards tend to be the most dangerous when they feel they have no options left."

"So…even with their end goal, they still assume they'd have to spin it for the press if they fail?"

"Precisely."

"But if they think they can still get away with it…they make attempt something regardless?"

"Yes.

"…Minds like a box of cats," Misato grumbled. "Open the box, and no telling which way they'd go."

"Not too far off the mark," Fuyutsuki agreed. Below, Hyuga whirled in his chair.

"Ma'am, our forward arrays are picking up movement. Vehicular, along all the main routes and some of the maintenance roads."

"On screen." The main screen was lit up with dozens of video feeds, detailing convoys of five-ton trucks and infantry fighting vehicles trundling towards the GeoFront.

On cue, Misato's encrypted phone buzzed. She flipped it open. "Something you forgot to mention?" she hissed.

"Simply neglected to bring up: a minor detail in the long run," the voice said soothingly.

"A minor detail?"

"The Prime Minister had a plan in place for months to take the GeoFront, just in case. This unit was sitting on its haunches for a few weeks just waiting for the go-order."

"…When was the go-order issued?"

"Last night, just before the SBU entered the New Kantei." Misato felt as though the chair was dropping away beneath her.

"What…what unit is this?"

"It's a JSSDF unit…I believe it's the Fourth Division."

"Which Regiment?"

"I'm not certain, I'm afraid. But you're worrying! You shouldn't, for you have your CRF troops there to keep them back. After all, you should consider the Fourth Division's mission profile: you are seeing them approach, correct?"

"Yes."

"Which means they haven't hit your forward sensor arrays or observation posts…correct?"

"…yes." Misato closed her eyes and leaned forward, willing herself to calm.

"So you have nothing to worry about! Clearly they are as in the dark as you are, and are simply trying to develop the situation. I swear, you are far too tense. You need to relax, and let things proceed.

"We'll talk again in a bit. Enjoy the show." And the line went dead. Misato closed the phone, and leaned back. Fuyutsuki looked at her with curious eyes.

"Your patron?"

"I think. The one who seems to be calling…some of the shots."

"I thought that was you."

"Is it?"

"Who has the demigod in the basement?" Fuyutsuki chided. Misato sensed Shinji flinching next to her, and declined to respond.

* * *

><p>The Major hunched forward, her hands folded in front of her face. Her knees bounced in nervousness, and she stared intently at the screen. The four main entrances and multiple maintenance entrances each showed the same thing: black vehicles approaching the cordon. The CRF troops on screen could be seen waving the vehicles to a halt, many of them brandishing their weapons to indicate that they would shoot if necessary. All the vehicles slowed, and individuals got out. The majority of them were in single-piece black bodysuits, the kind designed to mask thermal patterns. A few, most notably the impressive looking individual in a great coat at the North Gate, were in dress uniforms of the JSSDF.<p>

Even here, Misato could feel the tension building at those checkpoints. There was no love lost between the JSSDF and the JGSDF. The former was the primary expeditionary arm of the Japanese government, and had participated in some of the most violent conflicts East Asia had seen since the end of World War II. They had a largely disdainful opinion of the home-stuck Self-Defense Forces, who they saw as little better than glorified policemen.

That was not the case with the Central Readiness Force. Rather than home-guard troops with rusty armor, the CRF had been involved in multiple missions abroad. They were commandos in the truest since, Japan's elite light infantry, and all of them were Two Tabs: they had earned not only a Ranger tab from the American Ranger School, but also a tab from the Japanese equivalent. No one could be a member of the CRF without both.

If the Fourth thought they could intimidate these troops, they were in for a rude surprise.

The question was, what would the nature of that surprise be? Misato swallowed. She glanced at Fuyutsuki, who was completely at ease. She grimaced, and turned to Shinji.

He was staring at her intently, noting her nervous movements. She smiled at him, but it was a broken thing: it felt out of place on her mouth. "This is a…big moment," she explained.

"Are you afraid?" Shinji asked.

"…yes."

"You shouldn't be," Fuyutsuki interjected. Slowly, all of the cordons were approached by the JSSDF troops. In some of the images, there seemed to be some tense arguments. In others, the mood seemed decidedly calmer. To her encouragement, the North Gate was one of those relaxed scenes. She assumed the impressive looking officer on the screen was the leader of the task force, and he didn't look tense. The leader of the checkpoint there was standing next to him, making small gestures with his hands while spoke. The JSSDF officer stood with his hands on his hips and his head craned towards the JGSDF soldier, nodding every now and then. From time to time, he would stop and say something. Finally, he removed his beret with something like exasperation, and resignation. He turned, and walked back to his vehicle while waving his arm in the air.

"Oh…they're pulling back," Misato sighed. One by one, the scene repeated itself across the monitors as JSSDF troops cautiously returned to their vehicles and CRF troops stepped back into their cordons.  
>All except one spot. Misato stared at a forlorn scene down in the lower left corner of the screen, one of the maintenance entrances. It appeared to be one of the more cordial scenes, with the soldiers standing relaxed and apparently at ease. They were taking longer than the others to end their engagement, however.<p>

"Put Access Gate 3-A on the main screen," she ordered. The small image grew in size and detail, and Misato felt a rising sense of alarm. At the center of the screen were six soldiers: three from the CRF, and and three from the Fourth. Beyond them, trucks idled as the group talked. The focal point was a CRF soldier whose back was to the camera, and a Fourth Division trooper who was largely obscured by the commando. She couldn't make out expressions, but she could read body language.

The shoulders of the commando were tense, and his arms were at his sides, but not relaxed. It was not the posture of a person who was in a pleasant mood. She began to say something to Fuyutsuki when, to her bewilderment, the commando hunched forward and rammed the top of his helmet into the chest of the Fourth Division trooper, knocking him to the ground. As soon as he did, the other two CRF troops fired their rifles up and over the heads of the Fourth Division troops, who still held their weapons at the low-ready.

Misato felt Shinji flinch next to her at the sound of the gunshots, which were not loud but quite sudden. "God, God, God…" she mumbled, reaching for the cellular phone on the armrest. As she grabbed it, Fuyutsuki placed a hand on hers.

"Wait," he said, studying the screen.

She swallowed, watching the screen intently as the JSSDF troops helped their comrade to his feet, making violent gestures at the CRF commando. The soldier was backing up, looking very much like he still wanted to fight while his fellows covered him with their rifles. From the lead vehicle in the background, another Fourth Division soldier appeared, screaming something. One of the first three looked at him, yelling back. The newcomer was emphatic in his motions and his volume, and with some reluctance, the JSSDF troopers retreated to their vehicles.

Misato let out a shuddering sigh of relief. Fuyutsuki nodded. "It was to be expected: there was going to be some clashing at the gates, and some bruises to go with bruised egos. It'll glossed over in the long run."

"Quite the time to start a pissing match," Misato grumbled. She turned to Shinji. He was tense, staring at the screen. "You okay, kid?"

"Yes," he murmured. She nodded, glancing back up at the monitor. It had been replaced with a map projecting the positions of the Fourth Division troops. They had formed a ring around the GeoFront, and were slowly pulling back to the two highways that encircled the massive facility. They did not go further.

"They're waiting," she said.

"I imagine we saw their commander at the North Gate," Fuyutski mused. "A general does not simply back down: I imagine he's pulling back to wait for clarification on his orders."

"Which is odd. The Fourth has a…reputation."

"I don't think they would have had any problem cutting through Japanese troops to get to us so long as the press wasn't involved. The CRF presence has already been so widely covered, an information blackout would serve no purpose at this time. This has become a politically sensitive situation."

"What if they've been told something time sensitive?" She turned to Fuyutsuki. "What if they think that we're trying to initiate Impact? Would Seele tell them something like that?"

"It's possible. If that's the case, them I have to wonder why they didn't simply push forward: that's the sort of thing the Fourth wouldn't care about. They'd accept the bad imagery for the ultimate goal.

"That's not encouraging."

"It's just an observation. What are they up to? Or…what is the nature of their orders?" Fuyutsuki had unconsciously assumed his old pose, standing erect and rigid with his hands behind his back. Thinking. "Could the orders have come from before the New Kantei fell…or are they still receiving orders?"

It said something about the situation if, of all the things Misato had witnessed in the day, that one thing was what unnerved her the most. She stood up from the chair, pondering the implications.  
>Where was Seele in this? Surely they had to be doing something. Moving somewhere, to some when. They would have to know they no longer had positive control of the GeoFront. What would their counter-move be? Would they actually try and entice the Fourth Division to move against Japanese troops? Surely they had to know no human force could stand against an Evangelion, should Nerv choose to deploy them.<p>

She clenched her hands, leaning against the railing and looking ahead with determination. That couldn't be their move…could it?

"Professor, does Seele have any other Evangelion units in production or storage?"

"Four that I can think of, but they are in no shape to move against us," he said. "There is one in Russia, but it's only the brain stem and spinal column. A second in Germany, one more in France, barely further along. The last one is in Great Britain, but it's only a torso: the legs have slowed in development, and it isn't expected to be physically complete for another six months. That's not factoring in the…software requirements."

Misato grimaced at that, and resisted the urge to glance back at Shinji. She shook her head slowly, thinking…thinking….

If she headed an all-powerful apocalyptic conspiracy of pseudo-religious fanatics…she would certainly have a masterstroke of her own. She rubbed her face and considered the angles. They had to have a way…to initiate Third Impact if they didn't control the facility. And they couldn't possibly assume they would always have access to the GeoFront: humans were humans. It was entirely possible for a rebellion to occur. You couldn't leave something like that to fate.

Sabotage the Evangelions? It was possible, but that was no guarantee: the Evangelion were so alien and powerful in their abilities that it would have to be something monumental to take them out. Like another Evangelion.

…how would you initiate Impact?

"There has to be another Evangelion out there," Misato declared. "That's what they're waiting for. There is another Evangelion out there, and they're going to try and use it against us." She laughed bitterly. "Humans truly are the last Angel."

"No." Misato turned around. Shinji stared at her with hollow, broken eyes. "No, no…don't…I know what you're going to ask." Misato cocked her head, inviting him to explain. Shinji swallowed, and said, "There'll be…another Child…in that Eva. If…Seele, this other group…if they send an Eva, it will be a human I have to fight." He shook his head. "Don't make me do that, please."

Misato swallowed, considering her options. Shinji had to be ready to Pilot, and if her hunch was correct…if they were sending an Evangelion…he needed to be ready to fight it. She really needed Asuka, as well, but they girl was still in the Med Center under heavy sedatives. She was simply not reliable enough to trust in her Evangelion, and they needed sure solutions. Misato shrugged.

"I'm not asking you to kill anyone, Shinji: if you stay away from the Plug, it should be fine." She smiled. "Unit One is far and away the most powerful Evangelion in existence at the moment. Who could stand against you?"

"I'd hurt them, though!" Shinji said, alarmed. "It hurts so much! I can't…why would I want to do that to someone else?"

"It's not about wanting to," Fuyutsuki broke in, "The choice is simple, Shinji: there is no choice. If the Major is correct, and the Seele sends an Evangelion to retake this facility…if you choose not to face it, we will die. We will…all of us die. You, the Major…the girls." Shinji looked away, his face exhausted and filled with shame. He shook his head. "Don't decide now, Shinji," the professor said. "Worry about that decision when you have to make it. Right now…enjoy that chocolate milk."

Shinji looked at the plastic bottle in his hand. "It's empty," he mumbled, and dropped it on the floor.


	7. Vicarious

There were no dreams for Asuka. No nightmares, no fancies, or memories. Simply void, black and empty. Somehow, that seemed worse to her. She seemed to float in that vast emptiness with no direction, no gravity. There was no up or down, just the black. The suffocating, blanketing, snug dark all around her.

She wondered if she was dead. She decided that she probably was. That little tiff in the bath must have done it. The men in the suits…an illusion. Dying delusions. The trip to the Med Center…the talk and the Talk…the Medicine to Make It Quiet….

All made up. None of it was real. That was that, and this was this. No more Eva. No more Angels. No more stupid Misato, or stupid penguin, or godawful Wondergirl. No more stupid, idiot, not-here-to-save-her Shinji.

…No Kaji. No Mama.

Just her and eternity. A black space in front of her, behind her, above and below and inside and out and now she was afraid. She felt that fear, the fear that this was it. Eternity in the black, alone and ignored. Alone. Alone, and forgotten, and there never was an Asuka Langley Soryu, because she can't Pilot, and Shinji can, so forget about her, she's worm food now, and feeding worms. Something about that made her feel so…upset. And hurting, and fearful, and she wanted a do-over. She wanted to redo that decision in the ruins of that apartment, next to that tub. She wanted to go back, so she didn't have to be here.

She wanted Shinji to make her donburi.

"She's coming around," a Fake Voice murmured in the Vast Empty, and she knew it wasn't real. It meant she was starting to hear things, so clearly she was going insane. You could go crazy in death, especially if you were crazy to begin with, and Asuka knew she was crazy. She was not right in the head. She was a messed up thing, she was broken and warped and definitely not a good little girl, because if she was than she would be able to Pilot the Eva, Pilot like she was supposed to. So she was crazy. It was right for her to be getting crazier. To go fruit-loop loopy in death.

"Second Child? Can you open your eyes?"

Sure, why not? She obeyed the Fake Voice, and felt a shudder as bright white _brightness_ flooded her skull. She whimpered, and felt her heart racing. Slowly, shapes seemed to appear in the haze, stereo focused and not clear. Two by two, they floated around her. She tried to raise a hand to ward them off, but the arm barely left her side. She focused on that arm, feeling cotton beneath it, something hard and scratchy on her wrist. Both wrists. Cotton everywhere. Bedsheets. Chemical smell.

Heart beating. Beating faster. Sounds and noise and light. She wasn't dead.

She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed, but she wasn't dead, and that was for certain.

"There she is…dilation seems good." A bright light in one eye…and then the other.

"Stop," she mumbled. The lights were too bright, and there was too much motion. Too much fury in her eyes. It overwhelmed her. The shapes, however, did not hear her, and so they did not stop.

"She's still groggy…a little more adrenaline," a voice said, and her heart raced. Gasping, her vision focused abruptly, and she knew where she was. The Med Center was real. The men in the suits were real. She was here, and she had not killed herself.

"Welcome back, Second Child," a female nurse said, "How are you feeling?"

Asuka made a sound halfway between a croak and a whimper.

"That'll wear off," the nurse said. "Let's try and get you up." Something felt off. Something felt confusing, and not right, and Asuka didn't know what it was. She thought it might be with the nurse waking her up and trying to get her to walk. She should stay in bed, right? That's what you did in a hospital, you stayed in the bed. Maybe they were trying to get her active for some reason? Part of the treatment?

She glanced around, and saw Wondergirl staring at her with her stupid, vacant expression. Asuka grimaced, and tried to cover her face with her hands. She didn't want to be seen like this. She didn't want Rei to see her like this.

"Come on, a few more steps," the nurse coaxed, and Asuka wobbled onto her bare soles like a newborn foal, all knobby knees and shuddering limbs. She found the equilibrium of the world to be fluid and inconsistent, and she tilted wildly into the arms of her handlers. They assisted her in circling the space near her bed, little awkward half-steps and stumbles. As they circled, Asuka became aware that Rei was not the only person in the room. There were other people, and they had guns. There were…a lot of guns. A lot of people with guns.

And Rei.

Where was Baka? Where was Shinji? That seemed so important to her, and she didn't know why.

"What? What?" Asuka mumbled in confusion, her words sticking in her throat like toffee. They didn't sound like words, and so the nurse and her assistant ignored them. The entire time, Asuka felt the heat of those red eyes boring into her, and she shivered in humiliation and shame. The armed people, some ignoring her and some watching her, bore down on her. She felt like crying, but she wasn't clear on how to do that.

Loud noises came from the entrance to the room, and she slowly turned her head in that direction. New people. New people with weapons. The one in front pointed at her. "Is she ready?"

"She can barely stand!" the nurse snapped.

"Then get a wheelchair; she's going now," the man said.

"She needs to stay in bed! She was under heavy sedation until only a few minutes ago!" the nurse protested. "And besides, she's—"

"That's not a request, and it's not up for debate: get the wheelchair right frigging now," he said. Asuka's wide eyes darted between the two, and she felt very afraid. She didn't know why, but she was wanting the comfort of that deep, dreamless sleep, knowing now that it was just that: a sleep. A temporary break from the world.

She wanted a break. Just a break.

A wheelchair was brought over to her, and she tried to plant her feet. To resist. Something about that chair spoke volumes of dread to her. "_Noooo_," she moaned, as she was carried boneless to the chair and placed carefully in it. She turned and looked at the nurse. She had no idea who this woman was, but for a few minutes she had spoken up for her. Asuka's words were coming back to her, and fixated on that nurse, with her brief kindness. "I need…I need to stay. Let me stay. I can't go, I don't want to," she babbled.

"You'll be fine, these people are here to help," the nurse said, unconvincingly. Asuka felt such betrayal in that moment, and that's when she remembered how to cry. She deflated like a balloon, feeling utterly abandoned, and rubbed at her face with limp hands. They wheeled her past Rei, and she heard them talk some more.

"Where does she go?"

"To the cell-blocks. The Major wants her under lock and key."

"Not Piloting?"

"Nope." Asuka was wheeled into the hall before she heard anymore. She was trundled at a rapid pace down the hallways, onto lifts, through corridors, and she wanted to go to sleep again, to forget that she was in this place. She wanted out, very badly. She wanted to be in that dreamless sleep again. It was then that she recognized these corridors, had memory of where she was. They wheeled her up to the locker rooms.

"No, no, please, I don't…I can't do this," she mumbled.

"Get her ready, take her to the Ready Room," the lead guard said, and two female guards lifted her by her arms.

"Please don't!" she begged, as they not-too-gently guided her into the locker room, partly dragging and partly pushing. Her legs were working fine now, and her stumbling steps seemed automatic, as though her legs were betraying her. Had thrown in with these people against her. She tried to make them stop, but one step after another drove her forward…on and on.

When they rounded the corner, and she saw her red Plug Suit hanging on an open locker, Asuka began to sob.

* * *

><p>The two Security women were brisk and practical in their actions. They pulled off Asuka's flimsy hospital gown, leaving her nude in the cold room. She didn't fight back as they forced her into the Suit, but she didn't help them either, and her undignified weeping seemed to be pushing buttons. One of them took that as resistance, and was clearly irritated with it. She was more rough in pulling the Suit on Asuka, and she was the one that fumbled with the compression switch on the girl's wrist when the Suit was finally sealed. The guard pulled at Asuka's arm, bending it painfully as she tried to figure out the mechanism. The girl whimpered as the guard's fingers pressed down on the cuts in her wrist, but she did not pull back.<p>

The guard finally found the right button and pressed, and the Suit briefly ballooned and tightened skin slick. She released the arm, and Asuka hugged herself and cried, and cried, and cried. She felt exposed, and without walls. The Plug Suit may as well have not been there at all, and the rough dressing left her feeling pawed and violated.

"Why the hell is she bawling?" the Irritated Guard grunted. Her partner shrugged, seemingly torn between exhaustion, pity, and impatience. The Irritated Guard sighed. "All right, Princess, let's go."

"Lay off, she's had a rough couple of days," the other guard sighed.

"Who the hell hasn't?" the Irritated Guard snapped. "Come on, Second Child, on your feet." Asuka closed her eyes, and shook her head. She hugged herself and slumped forward, refusing to stand. Her sobbing had devolved into sniffles, and she shivered as the crying fit passed.

"No time to be nice," the Irritated Guard hissed, and hooked an arm under Asuka's arm pit. The other one sighed and did the same with the other arm as Asuka slumped between them.

"Please don't," the girl mumbled as the guards propelled her towards the locker room door. They pushed into the hallway, where the rest of the Security group was waiting. Asuka tried to pull back, not wanting to be seen. A strange, detached part of her mind seemed to be laughing at her.

"_Everybody's looking at you! Isn't this what you always wanted?_" it seemed to cackle at her. She didn't want it right now; she wanted to hide. She wanted to be alone, and be left alone, and here in the midst of the group she felt naked and on display. Her heart was racing, and she felt her knees shivering as though she were cold.

"Here, she needs these," another guard said, handing the Interface Headset to the Irritated Guard. "They clip into the hair."

"Yeah, I know," she grunted, accepting them and beginning to pull at Asuka's hair. Asuka meekly put up a hand to resist, but the guard batted it away indifferently. The motion struck the girl's wrist, and she winced as burning pain lanced from it down past her elbow. She closed her eyes and accepted the unpleasant tugging as the guard clipped the set into place.

"There," she said.

"It's uneven," one of the other guards noted. And indeed, they were: they were off-centered and in places that Asuka did not like.

"So what?" the Irritated Guard said. "They just need to connect to the nerves in the scalp. They're touching the scalp."

"Fix them later," the leader said. "We need to get her to the Ready Room." Once again, rough arms grabbed Asuka, and forced her down the hall. Her traitorous feet helped them along, stumbling and sliding along the floor with a surreal eagerness that terrified Asuka. What would betray her next? Her hands? Her eyes? Which part of her would turn against her when she needed it the most?

As they turned a corner towards the Pilot Ready Room, Asuka noted with a vague sense of Otherness that there was brown smudges up and down the walls, and the floor. It looked as though someone had tried to scrub at them, and given up halfway. She thought how messy Nerv had become, and knew then and there it was an absurd thought, because that was blood.

She knew what blood looked like. She stumbled to a halt, staring at the stains and gasping as she was pulled forward. "Stop," she said, and tried to pull back, but the action hurt her wrists, and it made the guards pull harder. "I don't want to. I don't want to anymore!" Her legs quit, and she slumped to her knees.

There was _blood_ on the _walls_.

With grunts of irritation, the two guards dragging her hauled her off her feet as a third one wrapped his arms around her ankles and lifted them off the floor. Shrieking, Asuka begged them. Pleaded. "_Please stop!_" she sobbed. She didn't want any of it anymore. She was done.

She didn't want the Eva. She didn't want the Angels. She wanted to go back to that oblivion, that safe, warm, dreamless place. She thought that was hell, but it seemed so much _safer_ now.

The guards, of course, ignored her. The lights of the corridor passed above her, blurred through tears. With a jarring suddenness, the lights vanished, and she somehow knew she was in the darkened Ready Room. Roughly, they plopped her on a couch, and quickly exited the room. Part of her wanted to get up and run towards the door. Make a break for it. Run, run, run.

She curled up and covered her face. She stopped crying, because she felt she had drained the whole of her out. She was empty, tired, and terrified. She felt hands on her body, pulled and grabbing and pushing. She felt eyes on her, judging. Dismissing. Irritated. Dissecting.

She felt her Headset out of place and uneven. It seemed to throw all of her out of balance.

"…Asuka?" She peered through her fingers, and made out a slim shape in the gloom. Shinji was slumped on a stool, looking starved in his blue Plug Suit. His arms were crossed protectively over his chest, one hand gripping the opposite wrist. His eyes were full of concern.

She didn't want to see that. She didn't want concern. She didn't want him to see her. She moaned, and covered her face. She tried to roll away from him, but she couldn't. She settled for burrowing her face into the couch cushion, and hugged her head.

"Asuka?" he asked again, quietly. "Are…you okay?"

"_Go awaaay,_" she whimpered.

"I…can't," he mumbled. "I might have to Pilot. And Misato wants me here."

"I don't _care_," she hissed. "I don't want to anymore." She heard shuffling in the room.

"I don't, either," he mumbled. "I don't want to kill anyone." There was a long silence that followed, and Asuka thought that maybe he had left. She heard him snuffle. "We might have to fight another Eva."

Slowly, deliberately, Asuka turned her face towards him. From his perspective, he would only be able to see one crystal blue eye peering at him from beneath a mound of red hair. He swallowed.

"Nerv was going to try to end the world," he said. "Well…not Nerv. Seele…those are people who funded Nerv. I don't know all the details, but…my dad was one of them. My dad was trying to end the world." He lowered his head. "Misato's trying to stop them. But they may try to stop her. I…don't want to kill another person."

"Another…person?"

"I killed my best friend." Shinji's face did not change, but his eyes became watery. Tears began to form and drizzle down his cheeks. He snuffled. "He was an Angel. He was going to kill us, but he asked me to kill him first. I didn't want to, but I did. I…was told I did the right thing. It didn't feel right."

"…what are you talking about?"

"You were…asleep," Shinji mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fists. Asuka's arms drifted from her head and curled up in front of her. Her wrists ached. "His name was Kaworu. He was very kind."

"…he was an Angel?"

"Yes." Shinji turned away from her, staring at the screen that dominated the far wall. "He was very kind." She considered that, her gaze drifting away from Shinji to some place beyond the room. Somewhere far away and unseen. "Everybody is gone," Shinji mumbled. "Toji is gone. Kensuke is gone. I don't think…Ayanami is Ayanami. Not anymore." Shinji stared at his hands. "I don't know who she is. I don't know who I am. Not anymore." He turned and looked at her. "Your Headset is all messed up."

She said nothing. "Do you want me to fix it?"

"…yes." Shinji stood up and crossed to the couch. He sat down next to her as she forced herself up on one arm. With careful but nerveless fingers, Shinji disentangled the Headsets and moved them to where they were supposed to be. He was very careful with her hair, and very gentle. She resented the gentleness. She craved it. She hated him for it, she was grateful to him for it, she was content, she was furious, she was sad, she was satisfied. He wasn't Kaji, but he was Shinji.

"Why are you doing this?" she mumbled.

"They aren't set right," he said.

"No. Why are you being nice? Why are you always nice?" she murmured. The fingers stopped working for a second. Slowly, they started working again, careful and cautious. "Why?" she asked again, but Shinji didn't answer.

In a strange way, Asuka was glad that he didn't. She closed her eyes, and focused on the fingers. The careful, delicate, cautious fingers. She was hoping they wouldn't stop.

Eventually, they did.


	8. Qualifiers

"So…what's next?"

Misato glanced at Hyuga. She had been dozing over a cup of coffee: she didn't know how long she had been sitting there, but when she started, the coffee was steaming. It was now lukewarm. She mumbled something, and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, ma'am?" Hyuga asked.

"I'm not sure," she said a little louder. "We're running on a lot of 'what-ifs' right now." She glanced around the little break room, noted the trash piling up in the can. There was no one to remove it, so it just kept piling. She would have to get someone to set up a cleaning detail. "What if there is an Eva attack? Or what if another Angel pops up during all this? Or what if there is someone inside that we missed, some little Seele worm squirming through our guts?" She closed her eyes. "What if the CRF turns on us? What if our benefactor doesn't have our best interests in mind? What if we overreacted? What if we _under-_reacted?" She sighed. "Where the hell does Ayanami figure into all this?"

"Ayanami? The First Child?"

"Yes, eh…don't worry about the details. It's complicated." She rubbed her eyes. "She _is_ in the cell-block, right?"

"Yes."

"And they aren't treating her like a prisoner or anything? Just securing her?"

"…I cannot honestly answer that." Hyuga shrugged. "We gave a lot of instructions in the past hour or so, but I don't know how they're being carried out. It's been confusing."

"Hmm. Confusing. Yes." She sipped the cool coffee, and mumbled a little more to herself. She was so tired.

"So…why not just…I don't know, we have these press teams running around on the perimeter filming the troops, and we have evidence of what Seele was planning, and…."

"Push it out? Publicize it to the world? Oh, God, you know I would love to." She sighed. "It's not that simple."

"Why?"

"If we, as in 'us the mutineers' do that, we announce to the world that we have taken the GeoFront…and by extension the Evangelion…by force, against this nebulous, so-called conspiracy. Only we didn't, see? We took it from the UN."

"…ah."

"Yes. So we can post everything about Seele wanting to end the world, and what we have in Terminal Dogma, all of that…only it would look like a bunch of paranoid lunatics with guns have taken over the most dangerous weapons in existence."

"We have all that evidence. What you showed us, what we distributed among the staff. I mean, if it wasn't solid…or just conjecture…would we have been so successful?"

"We're on the inside. We know the stakes, we have seen the way Nerv works. And we know the players. There are layers of secrets around each little chunk, getting deeper and deeper until you find it. I'm surprised we got as many people on board as we did, and a lot of that was due to the evidence. A lot of that, though…that was Kaji." She leaned back. "He knew the right people in the organization to 'educate.' People like me. In positions and places where, when the evidence finally appeared, it would have the maximum impact. All of that, that was him." She closed her eyes. "The world doesn't have a Kaji. Or at least one we can trust."

Hyuga nodded, understanding now. "The Japanese government. The announcement has to come from them."

"Yes. And it will still not be enough. The UN will declare the government illegal, they'll say that these actions put the world at danger, and they may even call for military action against Japan. And considering how many UN troops are already in the country, we are essentially already invaded."

"So…we wait."

"Yes. And trust someone that…frankly, I don't feel like trusting him."

"We don't even know who it is."

"Exactly. I mean, he was Kaji's contact…but that doesn't mean he's on our side, you know." She crumpled her empty cup, and tossed it at the overflowing trash can. It bounced off the top and rolled along the floor, coming to rest against Hyuga's toe. "And that still doesn't ease my mind on Seele."

"Maybe they're just waiting for the right moment. When the evidence comes out, the chance to refute it. I imagine they have to have some idea of what to say in an event like that."

"That would be the best case scenario. That gives us time to move. What if they don't want to wait? What if they just go ahead, take what they want, and be done with it?" She reached for the pack of Kaji's cigarettes, and remembered they were still on the bridge. She sighed, sinking into the chair. "I don't know. I don't know if I did right, wrong, or what."

Hyuga bent down to pick up the crumpled cup. "For what it's worth, ma'am…I think you made the right choice. What other options did we really have?"

"I keep telling myself that, but this waiting game is starting to wear on me. Too many unknowns."

"Why not interrogate the Commander, then?"

"I haven't had the opportunity. Have we determined what that thing is in his hand?"

"No. It has to be something to do with the Angels, or the Evas, I don't know which."

"What makes you say that?"

Hyuga smirked. "The man has an embryo in his hand, and we deal with biological weapons fighting physically impossible creatures. What do _you _think?"

"Don't be mean," Misato pouted. "Still, you have a point. If only Ritz was on board with this."

"Dr. Akagi? She doesn't exactly seem friendly to Seele."

"She's not friendly to us, either," Misato said. She stood up and stretched, feeling the muscles in her back pop. "I tell you, Hyuga, there's something poisonous in her right now. I don't know the details, and I should. I'm a terrible friend for not prying, but this was a long time coming. I think I never really did know the real Ritsuko, and the one I have right now is…hmm…how to put it?" She undid her ponytail, running her fingers through her hair to tighten it up again. "She…has a hate in her. I don't know who it's for, but I can see it. She's angry, angry at me or…I don't know who, just angry. I can't work with that, and I can't work with her. I mean, I'm already up to my elbows with Shinji." She stopped fussing with her hair.

"Not that Shinji is a handful, but…well, he _is_ a handful. The poor kid is broken. I mean, _broke_. And we might need him to do more of the thing that broke him. And Asuka…well, she's useless as far as Piloting goes. We have to use all backups, you know, but I am ninety percent sure that when it comes time to perform, she won't. And that's awful, because she used to be so dependable." Misato grimaced. "Among other things. I didn't think she'd take Kaji's death so hard. I got too focused, I guess; no excuse."

"And how are you holding up? With…you know." Hyuga toyed with the crushed paper cup, gently rolling it from one palm to the next.

"Honestly? Borderline. I'm mostly…angry, right now. I go back and forth, you know? Angry and…hmm." She shrugged. "There'll be time for that later. Just…angry is good right now." She smiled. "I've unloaded a lot on you. I don't know why I did, just now. Sorry about that."

"It's good!" Hyuga said, suddenly feeling bashful. "You need someone to vent to, ma'am, and I'll be there. I mean, I think any of the others would, too. You know, Lt. Ibuki, or even Lt. Aoba. I mean, he's kind of a jerk, but he's the dependable kind, you know?"

"Well, that's you: the dependable type." Misato smiled at Hyuga and gave him a thumbs up. "You've always been someone to depend on."

"Not necessarily," he mumbled. He blushed scarlet, and smiled nervously while waving his hands in the air, as though warding off an incoming plane. Misato sighed.

"The kids are in the Ready Room?"

"For the last thirty minutes. Both of them, at least."

"Okay. I'll go let them know where we stand, and what I need from them. As for the Commander…." She pulled at her chin. "I need some time to talk to him. Pick his brain. And I don't want to do that alone…but I don't want the Vice…the Professor there, if you know what I mean."

"Maybe Dr. Akagi?" Hyuga suggested.

"Ah…maybe? I'm not sure. I was thinking Maya, actually."

"Maya? But she's so…meek."

"Not all the time," Misato protested, "And I just need someone to help keep track of the details. Ask questions I don't think of, you know? She's good for that." Misato stepped away from the table, and Hyuga backed into the hallway, letting her out of the break room. She began walking towards the bridge, and he fell in step next to her, still playing with the paper wad. "And meek might not be a bad thing: I'm pissed at the Commander. For a lot of reasons, and I think that Ritz is, too. It wouldn't do us any good to have two bad cops. Having a meek cop and an aggressive cop, or an in-your-face cop and don't-step-on-me cop—"

"I get what you're saying," Hyuga said, cutting her off. "Though 'don't step on me' might be a bit far. I said she was meek, not a doormat."

"We have very different views of things, Lieutenant," she said in an overly-haughty command voice. "Seriously, try walking around with authority one time and see how long it takes to realize who's the lion and who's the lamb."

"Ah," Hyuga said. "So…which am I?"

"A platypus," Misato said without hesitation, and she laughed at his bemused expression.

* * *

><p>Misato was somewhat surprised to find both of the kids sharing the same couch in the Ready Room, despite the large abundance of other places to sit. At first, she was encouraged by that, and an old part of her heart and mind wanted to tease them and play matchmaker. They looked adorable together.<p>

It then occurred to her that two cardboard cutouts would probably have more warmth and emotion. Shinji barely acknowledged her, and Asuka gave her a quick glance that bordered somewhere between resentment, hurt and…was that fear? If it was, Misato was most unnerved by that. She didn't like having the kids angry at her, or even hating her, but it was understandable. Having one of them…especially someone as self-important and confrontational as Asuka…afraid of her, without her knowing why…that wasn't good.

She filed it away as a 'qualifier,' and would see if the next few minutes would bring it to light a bit more. She crossed the room, grabbing one of the large, stuffed chairs and rolling it to the couch. She sat down in front of the two. Shinji sullenly glanced up at her, his feet together and his hands resting palm up on his thighs. Asuka picked a spot off to the left, and stared at it with listless eyes. Her knees were together, and she was fidgeting roughly with her fingers.

"…okay, kids," Misato said gently, "Things are still complicated, and they'll be complicated for a bit longer. I have to try and figure out if there is a threat from Seele that we'll need you to help us with, so I'm going to go talk to the Commander. I wanted to talk to you guys, first."

"What is Seele?" Asuka mumbled.

"Did Shinji not tell you?" Misato asked.

"He told me. He told me Seele was in charge of Nerv. I want you to tell me what it is." The words were quiet, and overprecise. Misato sighed.

"Seele was the group that founded Gehirn. They also founded Nerv. I don't know how old they are, but they are very powerful and very well-connected."

"If they're in charge, why are we against them?" she asked. Misato glanced at Shinji, but he said nothing. "He told me," Asuka mumbled. "Something about them wanting to end the world."

"You know what Instrumentality is, yes?"

"…no." Misato nodded, and looked at Shinji. He shook his head.

"I don't, either. Not the particulars," Misato said. "I always assumed it was a reset button: that when the Angels get to Adam, they do what they did in Antarctica, but across the world." Misato held her hands up, as if encompassing a tiny globe. "All of us, every single one of us…converted into LCL. A sea of red everywhere, so the Angels would have total control of this world without us to deal with." Misato shrugged. "I think it's more complicated than that. Kaji had a lot to say about that." Asuka's aching eyes glanced up at the mention of Kaji's name.

"He did a lot before he…died," Misato said, stumbling over the word. "He found out a lot of things. It's why I wasn't…there for you. I'm sorry, I should have been, but…I had a lot of catching up to do. Years worth, in a very short amount of time." She rubbed her thumb and index finger together. "You can see it, both of you. You can see everything he found, and not take my word for it. I should have shown you sooner, but I was…distracted." She waved the thought away. "An Impact event might be something that can be hijacked or…directed? Aimed. I'm not sure, but Seele thinks they can get something out of the process, like, immortality or…I don't know. The specifics are vague. Kaji couldn't determine the _why_, simply the _how_.

"He could prove what they were trying to do: he just couldn't find…the reasons. But if they can take charge of another Impact…then they can bring about Instrumentality." Misato shrugged.

"Maybe it's not a bad thing," Asuka mumbled.

"If it's a good thing," Misato asked, "Then why did Kaji die trying to stop it?" It was a cruel thing to ask, and Asuka's jaw set. She looked away, her eyes becoming misty.

"Did…did Seele kill Kaji?"

"…yes."

"You…you know that for real? For…for sure?"

Misato lied. "Yes, I do."

"…then they aren't good people," Asuka said. Her fidgeting became more pronounced.

"No, they aren't," Misato agreed. "And we will stop them. Somehow. Right now, I need you two to be ready, just in case. If Seele has something to try and counter us…and I'm assuming it's at least one Evangelion…then we need to stop it. Do you understand?" She looked firmly at Shinji, who deflated under her gaze. "It's awful, and I don't like asking you to do it. No one else can, so you _have_ to."

"Yes, Misato," Shinji mumbled.

"Yes," Asuka agreed, still distant, but somehow firm in her agreement.

"Okay. All right. I'm going to go pick the Commander's brain, and see if he can reveal something. Just…be ready. Rest. Drink chocolate milk, be lazy. Watch cartoons. Do it all in here, in your Plug Suits. Agreed?" The kids nodded.

Misato sighed. "We'll go to a hot spring after this. No Nerv, no Evas, nothing. Just a nice vacation, right?" Asuka looked down at her hands as if ashamed. Shinji shrugged, indifferent. Misato's mouth quirked, but she nodded, and left.

* * *

><p>Shinji stared at his hands in the silence that followed. "I didn't ask her where Ayanami was," he said. "I don't know why."<p>

"Why does it matter? You said it's not Ayanami," Asuka replied, a slight venom in her tone.

"Yes, but…I don't know. I feel like I should have asked."

"Why didn't you?"

"…I just didn't."

"…She's in the cell-blocks," Asuka said. "I heard them say that. I don't know why."

"The cell-blocks?" Shinji asked, mildly alarmed. He tried to make sense of that. "Did she do something wrong?"

"I don't think so," Asuka said, irritated with the topic of conversation. "I think Misato is like you: I think she doesn't know what to do with Wondergirl. She did die, after all."

"…You said that Instrumentality might be a good thing."

"Maybe."

"Do you still think that?"

"No." She looked at him. "What about you?"

"…Maybe." He closed his eyes. "I don't know. I'm just tired. I want…everyone to go away. I want to go away." Something in the way he said that both irritated and frightened Asuka. She knew why she was irritated, but being scared confused her, so she said nothing. She stared at her fingers, thinking about what Misato said.

"I want to kill whoever killed Kaji," she said, in a matter-of-fact tone. Shinji looked at her.

"You haven't killed anyone before."

"No."

"Then you don't know what it feels like."

"I don't care," she said, her fidgeting subsiding. "I want to kill them. I want to make them hurt. I want to make everything hurt."

"Why?"

"Because it should," Asuka declared. "It just should." She looked at him. It would be easy to think of him as weak if he didn't look so tired. He looked older than he should. She said it anyway. "I think you're weak," she said. "You killed an Angel. He wasn't good. When you meet with something bad, you should kill it." She nodded, her eyes becoming hard. "When I find out who killed Kaji, I'll kill them. And then I'll feel better. I will."

"…that's good for you, then," Shinji said, looking at her as though she was a different person. She hated that he did that, but it hurt as well. Her jaw set, though, and the stubbornness took hold. She looked away from him.

"You wouldn't understand. You're too much of a child," she said. "It's lost on you."

"…whatever," Shinji muttered, standing up and beginning to pace the room. Asuka glared at him, wanting him to argue. To strike back. To say something. Anything. She wanted a fight. The hurt took root, and the hate gripped her.

"…coward," she muttered under her breath. He either didn't hear her, or was ignoring her. "Coward," she said louder. "Chicken. Pansy. Sissy-boy."

"Whatever."

"_Whatever_," she said, in a mocking tone. "_Whatever_. _Whatever, whatever, whatever._"

"Stop it."

"Make me."

"Just stop."

"I'm not going to." She glared at him, squeezing her thumb until it hurt. "I don't _feel_ like it. And you can't stop me."

"Why do you do this?" he muttered. He rubbed his face in misery. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" He scratched at his eyes. "I don't know what you want, I just need…I need…."

"Who cares what you need?" she said, tilting her head back until she was staring down at him past her nose. "You don't even know. I don't care. I don't. I don't care about anything."

"Then why do you care that Kaji is dead?" Shinji lowered his hands, and gave her a look she had never seen on his face before. It was the ugliest, most hateful expression she had ever seen another person possess, twisting his normal harried and meek features into cruel, vicious mask. She froze, her expression still disdainful, but uncertain. Confused. She felt a strange sense of pleasure, as though she had discovered something she had been searching a long time for. Now that she had found it, though, she wondered if it was a prize worth having. The pain in her thumb had traveled up to her elbow, and she had to stop squeezing for fear of breaking the finger.

"You don't care. You don't care about anything but yourself," he hissed.

"You would know. Always crying about no one helping you. Who would?"

"No one. No one helps me." If she thought the expression couldn't get more twisted, she was wrong. "I'm the only one that can save the world. I'm the only one that can Pilot the Eva. I'm the only one that can do what everybody else wants, whenever they want, however they want, and I have so…much…blood." He was trembling now, and Asuka felt a genuine concern…a fear, even…that Shinji might become violent. Did she want that? Was that what she was trying to achieve? A strange thrill of anticipation rode through her. What would he do? She was both scared and delighted by the unknown.

"What do you have? You…failure." She didn't expect that, and she bit her cheek. "You failure. I always have to be there to help you, because you fail all the time, and I have to help you, and I help you, and _you don't care so you won't help me_!" He was spitting now, the words hissing like steam. "What do you want!? What do you want me to do!? Help you!? Hate you!? What do you want!? What does anybody want from me!? Why can't everyone _just die_!? I hate myself, I hate this world, and I hate you!"

Asuka continued to stare at him, then closed her eyes and turned away. She felt a sudden rush of emptiness, hearing those words. They didn't sting, not exactly. They left her feeling hollow, however. That was almost worse than if they hurt. In fact, it was decidedly worse. The idea that he hated her…it left her in a strange place of loneliness. It occurred to her that if Shinji hated her…then there was no one like her to support her. He was the only other Pilot she knew, and that was that. Having pushed him to saying that, she realized she couldn't bear the thought of being hated by Shinji, if not for the fact that he was Shinji, but for the fact that he was…the only other person who knew.

Who knew her. Because Kaji was dead, and Shinji was Shinji.

She squirmed. She felt him simmering, felt his rage and pain and frustration like a present, rabid _thing_, pressing on her. She felt the urge to cut deeper, in response to it. In an effort to get back that _sense_ being, of feeling something again. The hollowness was too much.

"Well," she said, her tone mocking, "That's good for _you, _then."

She didn't know why, but that was the catalyst. The last straw. All she knew was one moment, she was reclining against the couch, her eyes closed and her stomach empty, and the next…she was being _pressed_ against the couch, and her stomach was filled with a healthy ball of shock and fear. Shinji had grabbed her throat, and was pushing. Pushing. He hadn't tightened his grip yet, but she _felt_ it, the barely restrained tension behind the fingers. Her hands half-rose to defend herself, but they would rise no higher. She felt sluggish, trapped in an an amber of disbelief and surprise.

"I dare you," she hissed, staring into his eyes. _Please, don't_, she thought. The thumbs squeezed together for a moment, and with something almost bordering on relief, Asuka thought he might do it. And she was afraid. She couldn't let go of that hatred, couldn't back away. She couldn't ask him to stop, but she wanted him to. In that moment, she was afraid of dying, and she didn't want to die.

Then the thumbs relaxed. That hateful mask began to slip, slowly, and his eyes dropped from her face to his hands. Slowly, they slid away, down her chest to the side of her legs. He slumped, falling forward onto her lap with the release of tension. He lay still, as though dead. Asuka trembled, the moment slipping away and passing. She no longer felt hatred, or anger. She didn't feel anything. She was numb.

She presently became aware of Shinji crying. She didn't know how to process that, at the moment. Slowly, her hands rested on the back of his head and neck, the fingertips curling lightly into his hair. She thought about what he had asked: what did she want from him. She didn't know. She didn't even have the desire to hurt, anymore. She was free-floating in the room, weighed down by the weeping boy on her lap. He was warm.

"Donburi," she mumbled. "That's what I want. I want you to make me donburi." She closed her eyes, her head slowly tilting back. "It tastes good, the way you make it."

Shinji didn't respond, but he stopped crying.


	9. King-Killer

"Maya, stop sniveling and hurry up!"

"I'm not sniveling, ma'am, I just…I mean…I don't know _why_ you need me there," Maya stuttered, gripping her tablet like a life preserver. She tried to keep pace with the long-legged Misato, who was practically striding down the hallway with intent. Maya was jogging to keep pace.

"I already told you why, and it doesn't bear repeating," Misato grumped. "Why is this making you so nervous, anyway? You aren't asking any questions."

"It's just that the Commander, you know, he's _intimidating_, and we did overthrow him, so I imagine he's feeling a bit grumpy—"

"I'm grumpy. What does that count for?"

"Yeah, but you're _you_…ma'am."

Misato came to an abrupt stop, and Maya practically ran into her. "I'm 'me?'" Misato asked. "What the hell does _that_ mean?"

"That…I guess…you're more approachable?" Maya suggested. "I mean, there's no disrespect meant, ma'am: you are my superior, but I feel a lot more at ease with you than with him." Maya waited patiently for Misato's response as the older woman mulled it over.

"Approachable…okay, I can live with that," she mumbled. "At least _somebody_ finds me approachable."

"We all do!" Maya protested as Misato spun on her heel and began her sturdy march towards the Commander's holding area. Maya grunted as she hurried to keep up. "Who is it that doesn't find you approachable?"

"Maybe that's not the best word for it," Misato said. "Just something on my mind, is all."

"Is it okay if I ask?" Maya reasoned.

"No."

"Just checking, ma'am," Maya murmured as the approached the interrogation cell. It was a converted lab room in the upper levels of the GeoFront, designed for handling samples from Angelic entities. It seemed appropriate to place the Commander, with whatever was grafted to his hand, in this room. Here, he could be contained, and kept as far from Adam while still being secured in the GeoFront.

Two guards with rifles stood outside the door. One of them turned to the door's console, chiming it open. There were two more guards in the cell, staring at its sole occupant. Misato stepped in, flanked by Maya. The guards left, leaving the three of them alone: Misato, Maya…and the Commander.

"This is hardly necessary," Gendo mumbled, raising his hand. It was encased in a hastily made containment jar, strands of Bakelite caked on the exterior. "And my knuckles itch."

"That's unfortunate, sir," Misato said, pulling up a chair and sitting at the table. Maya took a place next to her, activating a recording program on her tablet. Misato crossed her arms. "Still not going to tell us what that thing is?"

"I already told you: it's a key," Gendo murmured.

"A key to what?"

"That's not the reason you're here."

"…and what is the reason I'm here?"

"You are wondering what Seele's counter-stroke will be," Gendo said. Misato cocked an eyebrow.

"Well…you said it, not me," she replied.

"Still walking among the reeds?"

"Some…guidance…would be nice."

"And why should I do that? You have me locked in the basement," Gendo grumped.

"You're aren't exactly the model of trust, are you? You abandoned your son for ten years, you conspired with men to end the world, you…cloned your wife. What's up with that, anyways?" Misato leaned forward. "You're close to her, I can see that, but I don't see the sort of hentai behavior I would expect with an old man dragging around a fourteen-year-old clone of his wife. Explain that to me."

"Who said I created her?" Gendo asked.

"…the Vice-Commander," Misato answered, after a moment's worth of consideration. Gendo closed his eyes.

"He said that, did he? Interesting." He opened his eyes, looking tired. "You have quite a list going there, Major. I suppose you could call me an evil bastard for any one of those things…except, of course, the clone issue: is giving life to Rei so evil? And is it wrong that she happens to share a likeness with my wife?"

"What purpose does she serve?" Misato asked. "Why Rei? Why create her?"

"I thought you wanted to know about Seele's plans," Gendo scolded. Misato glared at him for a moment, but relaxed.

"It would be helpful."

"Why should help?"

"Because it sounds like you and Seele don't see eye to eye on things, if certain people are to be believed," Misato stated. Gendo chewed on his tongue in thought, and then shrugged.

"True. I see no reason why I should help you, though. What makes you think I want _you _to succeed?" He scratched at his wrist, dislodging a piece of Bakelite.

"You want to be with your wife again, right?" Misato asked. Gendo narrowed his eyes, and glanced at Maya. The younger woman stared back silently. "Only a few people know, and she's one of them," Misato said.

"And the Third Child?"

"Your son?" Misato asked. The Commander did not rise to the bait, and she continued. "No, he doesn't. I haven't found the right way to tell him, and I'm afraid that it would…well…."

"Hinder his abilities to Pilot. Because you still need him, don't you?" Gendo's words had a tone of triumph, but his expression seemed eminently weary. "Hnn…well, it might. And it might not. I don't know myself, really."

"Is there validity to him remaining a Pilot?" Misato asked. "Will he be needed in Unit One?"

"…those are Ryoji Kaji's cigarettes, aren't they?" Misato began to say something, and the words seemed to clutter in her throat. She snapped her mouth shut, and leaned back from the table. "I can smell the smoke, you see. You reek of it. You must have gone through half of the pack. It's the same tobacco." Gendo tapped his nose with his free hand. "Scent is a fundamental sense in provoking memory. Much more for women than men, of course: your minds are wired for much more rapid recall, in concern to colors and scent and events. I warrant, then, that you find some comfort in the smell."

Misato had done a monumental job of holding it together for the night, and the morning, but that was surprisingly deep. She tried to talk, but no sound came out, and her heart and eyes burned. All she could see, and hear, and smell, and taste, in that moment…just a phantom. Someone who wasn't there anymore. The vividness of the memories were upon her, and she trembled at them.

"It must be hard," Maya said quietly. Her first words in the interview. Misato let her eyes drift to the table, as Gendo fixed his gaze on the younger woman.

"Excuse me?"

"What perfume did your wife wear?" Maya asked.

"…what?"

"What perfume did she wear?" Gendo closed his mouth, and said nothing. Maya waited, and then asked, "What was the smell of her shampoo? What conditioner did she use? Did she use a hand lotion? A lot of women do, especially scented ones. Do you remember the smell of that lotion?" Maya leaned forward. "Was there a way she cocked her head when she turned to look at you, or something in the back of her eyes that you hoped was for you alone? Do you remember the…patterns her hair made when wind hit it? Or…what was the tension in her fingers when she held your hand? Was it tight, like she wanted to possess you and was afraid you would leave if she left go? Or were they loose and easy, like you made her comfortable and relaxed?

"Was there a taste when you kissed—"

"Stop." It wasn't loud, and the tone was flat, but Maya did stop. Gendo seemed to have retreated into himself, and his eyes narrowed. "I will not play that game."

"…what color were her eyes?" Maya asked. "Do you even remember?" Gendo didn't reply. "She's…right out there. Inside of Unit One. And you can't see her, or touch her. All you have are these…memories of her, in pieces. Smells, and tastes, and…all of that. And you can't see her, even when she's right in front of you." Maya cocked her head, looking strangely sympathetic and curious. "It must be hard."

"…yes," Gendo murmured, studying the container on his corrupted hand. "I suppose so."

"And it must be harder knowing that you won't be able to do what you planned on doing to see her again. Because…that is what your goal is, right? To see her again?"

"I feel this interview is over," he mumbled.

"If Seele wins, you won't have your chance," Maya said. "She's out of your reach now, but she'll be gone forever if they win."

"…hum." He settled deeper into his seat, like a balloon losing air. "…the Mass Production models."

"What?" Maya asked. Misato shook the spell that seemed to have come over her, and sat up.

"The MPs are in the planning stages," she said. "They haven't even begun production."

"They should have finished five by now," Gendo said. "And they can produce more when needed…last I checked, they had fine-tuned the fabrication process down to a matter of weeks."

"…_weeks_!?" Misato practically rose from her chair. "How? I mean…never mind that. What about Pilots? Do they have Pilots on standby that they can man the MPs with?"

"They don't need Pilots. I gave them that," Gendo murmured. "We proved the success of the Dummy Plugs, remember? Why use Pilots when the Evas are capable of handling themselves?"

"…I suppose you'll tell me that they have independent power sources, as well," Misato mumbled, "Just to make my day better. N2 batteries?"

"S2 engines. Not as efficient as the one in Unit One, but…they are there." He smiled. "Another contribution of mine: I sent them the readings and all of Dr. Akagi's findings on Unit One's engine. I had to…quell suspicion, somehow." He closed his eyes, still smiling. He rubbed his forehead, and his hand trembled slightly. "Of course, I thought it wouldn't matter in the end."

"…thank you, Commander," Misato said. The man's hand lowered, and he stared at her in mild surprise. "I mean that," Misato said, standing. "You may have saved your son's life with that information." Maya stood with her and, the two women headed towards the door. Misato knocked, and the door slid open. As the guards entered, she turned to her former boss.

"In your opinion…between Unit One and the Mass Production model…what are the odds?" The man smiled again, a surprisingly feral grin.

"Ah…Major," he said. "Unit One is the most perfect being in known existence at the moment…my bias notwithstanding." He leaned back. "I'll let you write the odds."

* * *

><p>The door slid shut, and Maya released a shudder. Misato put a hand on her shoulder. "That was amazing," she said. "Where did that come from!?"<p>

"It just seemed the right thing to ask," Maya said, allowing the last of her simmering, nervous tension to dissipate. "I…felt like I recognized something in him. Something I could empathize with. And…it just…came naturally."

"…you put yourself in a place where he is," Misato said.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well…it worked. And that was a _tremendous_ help. We can begin planning for possible Eva attacks, and without them using live Pilots…Shinji should be able to fight."

"Yes," Maya said, sounding distant.

"Is something wrong?" Misato asked.

"I'm sorry…I think I put more of myself into that interview than I planned on, ma'am," the younger woman murmured.

"It…did see like you were referring to something you were familiar with…if you don't mind me prying," Misato said.

"It's nothing." Maya waved at the air, turning away from the door. "Nothing to be concerned about."

"Maya," Misato said, and the younger woman turned in surprise. The Major rarely used first names, at least as far as Maya knew. "I…have been in a bad mood for reasons that have nothing to do with you. You said I'm approachable…I want to be. So if you or any of the others have issues…you can tell me. I won't judge, and I'll try to help."

"…I'll remember that, ma'am."

"Good. Now, for a defense plan, we need our aerial—"

The phone in Misato's pocket rang. She blinked, and pulled it out. Their Mysterious Benefactor was calling. She answered. "Yes?" she asked.

"Perhaps you could enlighten me to the reason why you're moving one of your communication satellites," he said.

"…I'm sorry?" Misato asked.

"I'm not suspecting duplicity, mind you," the Voice said. "I know, of course, that you probably have some self-destruct switch set up just in case: that's common sense, and I can respect that. The satellite, however…that's just a courtesy."

"I'm still lost, what are you talking about?" There was a momentary silence, the sound of what Misato could only assume were grinding teeth.

"…Are you saying that you did not, in fact, issue orders to your command team to reposition GAMA-02 from its previous orbit?" he asked.

"I don't even know what that is," Misato said. "That's not one of ours."

"Then why is it listed in the inventory of specially assigned satellites linked to the Nerv-Tokyo space net?"

"It's not," Misato insisted, "I have the complete inventory committed to memory. There is no GAMA-02."

"…that's not on the inventory I am reading right now."

"…what inventory?"

"The one the Ministry of Defense has in record, provided by Nerv for our defense purposes."

"So…you see a satellite on a list that I have no awareness of existing? A list provided by…Nerv?" Misato felt very nervous, and felt Maya's eyes boring into her. "Where is that satellite now?"

"Assuming a stationary low orbit above Tokyo-3," he said. "To confirm: you aren't lying to me? Because if you are, that could damage future arrangements."

"I have no clue what—" The other line began buzzing. "Hang on," she murmured, and switched over. "Hyuga?"

"Major!" he snapped. "Our low-orbit watch satellites are issuing a warning: something just began a descent into the atmosphere."

"What was the source!?" Misato demanded.

"Some satellite: it's IFF identifies it as a communication satellite, but I don't recognize the model." Something seemed to click in Misato's brain, and her eyes widened.

"Tell the CRF to get inside right now, and bring the civilians with them! Prepare for immediate impact!" she screamed into the phone, and hung up. She turned to Maya. "We have to get back to the—"

The lights went out, the the Earth heaved in agony.

* * *

><p>Misato had only the vaguest memory of what happened. She remembered the floor disappearing from beneath her, actually flying up to the meet the ceiling, before falling hitting the floor and going foggy. She slowly sat up, feeling something off in her back, and whimpered from the sensation. It wasn't a pain, just a <em>wrongness<em>. Something that made her feel queasy and afraid inside. She fought the feeling down, and turned to look for Maya. She saw the guards at Gendo's cell door slowly dragging themselves up the wall, dazed and fuzzy.

"Open that door, and check on the prisoner!" she ordered. She turned, and saw Maya lying pressed into the corner between the wall and the floor. She looked like a cat that had been struck by a car, and Misato could clearly see one of the woman's arms was twisted at a crude and unnatural angle. Slowly, she crawled across the floor to the lieutenant. The young woman began moving, slowly turning away from the wall.

"It…hurts…," she whimpered.

"Where?"

"Arm…knee. Left knee…." She laid her head down. "Chest."

"What was that?" Misato murmured, slowly trying to reposition Maya. The woman grimaced and whined as she was moved.

"N…N2 mine," Maya said.

"Impossible. We've been hit with N2 warheads before. Harder hits than that, even. We've been hit with AT discharges."

"N2…had to…had to be," Maya murmured. Misato tried to run all known N2 type devices through her head, but none of them registered in her mind as being able to produce the violent reaction she had just experienced from under something as fortified as the GeoFront. She tried to stand, and couldn't. She fell forward on her hands, and stayed there on all fours, her head hanging low.

"…Major?"

"I can't stand up," she mumbled. "Something's wrong."

"Major," one of the guards said, returning from the cell. "The prisoner is unconscious, but stable."

"And you?"

"Bruised. So are the others, except Saido." He shook his head. "He broke his neck against the ceiling."

"Is he breathing?"

"No, ma'am. Can you stand?"

"No. Get a medic up here when able. Uh…my phone, where is it?" As if on cue, the familiar ring chimed from five feet away. "Get that, right now," Misato ordered, pointing at the device. The guard grabbed it, and handed it to her. It was Hyuga's phone.

"Hyuga," she croaked. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know," he replied back, sounding disoriented himself. "All our sensors are off-line. We're blind on the surface, and Magi is currently restarting."

"Restarting?"

"Shock of the blast, ma'am: it wasn't designed for that sort of jarring. The best I can say is that the biological components of Magi suffered a concussion."

"That's fine, just get it back up as soon as possible." She suddenly jerked up, a movement that brought a spasm of discomfort throughout her body. Not pain…just that strange, awful feeling she couldn't describe. She grunted, and fell on to her side.

"Ma'am? Are you okay?"

"Hyuga, I just remembered the kids!" she grunted, fighting through the sensation. "In the Ready Room…I need you to go see to them personally. Go make sure they're okay."

"Professor Fuyutsuki is already on his way there now," Hyuga said.

"Is he able to move?" she asked, incredulously.

"We were bumped around a bit down here, but not too bad. Just shaken. What about you?"

"The Commander is unconscious, one of his guards is dead, Maya is a mess, and I think there's something wrong with my back," Misato grumbled. "Other than that, it's chocolate and sunshine up here."

"Have you already requested medics?"

"Yes."

"Okay. We'll try and get our systems back up as soon as possible, ma'am."

"Get it done, Lieutenant," she croaked. She heard the line click as Hyuga hung up. She dropped the phone, and gasped. What was wrong with her? There should be pain if she was injured, right? Stabbing pain? Dull pain? Achy pain?

None. There was no pain, just that maddening, infuriating, _sense _of wrongness in her body. She trembled, feeling one of the guards place their hands on her shoulders. She waved them off. "The lieutenant," she snapped, hanging her head and gesturing furiously towards Maya. "Help her. I can wait."

The phone rang again. She didn't check the number, just answered. "What?" she gasped.

"Still alive, Major?"

"You sound surprised," she muttered, trying to sound defiant but not quite managing it.

"I frankly am," the Voice replied, and she realized that the normal mocking tone wasn't there.

"This is the part where you tell me what happened, because I have no clue," she said. "Our sensors are still off-line."

"I shouldn't be surprised: they don't exist anymore."

"What?"

"Major, the entire upper portion of the GeoFront is gone."

"Gone!?" Misato tried to wrap her mind around that. If the upper portion was gone, so were the Nerv personnel on standby there. And the entire CRF unit with its SOF contingent. And the media presence. And at least some of the JSSDF troops parked on the upper mantle of the GeoFront. All those bodies were pushed out of her mind, however, by the realization that the GeoFront's interior was now exposed. "How…how is it gone?"

"We're still tracing the origin of the device, because it happened rather quickly," the Voice said, "But that 'communication' satellite seemed to have a little more in it than just a transmitter. I would not be surprised if there was an N2 warhead on-board: one specifically designed to penetrate the defenses of the GeoFront."

"How? It…never mind. It doesn't matter." She rubbed at her forehead. An N2 warhead. One designed to bring down the GeoFront. Did Seele actually anticipate the possibility of having to destroy one of their own facilities? "We're…we're blind here. What are the JSSDF doing?"

"Picking themselves up, I warrant: we're still receiving casualty reports from them in a…roundabout way."

"What do you mean?"

"We don't exactly have a direct line to their command, you know."

"Never mind. Listen: are you familiar with the heavy-lift aircraft we use to transport our Evas."

"Yes."

"Their size? Radar signature, all of that?"

"Again, yes."

"You need to be looking for any aircraft of that size heading towards Japan."

"Do you want us to shoot them down?"

"It wouldn't matter if you did. Feel free to try, but it won't stop what's coming." Misato tried once more to stand, and couldn't. "It's about to get worse."


	10. Sight

Fuyutsuki made it about seventy feet from the Ready Room entrance before he collapsed. He slid against the nearest wall, grateful to finally be off of his feet. His right ankle hurt with such sharp, twisting severity that he decided there had to be a fracture in it. That, combined with the bump to his head that had not yet begun to bruise, had been steadily sapping his bold front the farther he got from the bridge. He rubbed at his eyes with trembling hands.

_You can never let them see you down_, he repeated in his head. The mantra of command: never let the subordinates see you suffer. Never let them see you slip. You are the rock they build their homes on. Even though he had abandoned that, he still played the charade. Truth be told, he needed to: the bridge was undermanned, and he had no idea where the Major and Lt. Ibuki were when the explosion occurred. He figured that they were alive, because if they weren't…there would simply be no justice left in the world. Being alive, and being able to return to the bridge, though…that was two different issues.

So he had to be the one to go: Lt. Hyuga and Lt. Aoba had to hold their stations. And someone had to find the Children. The Second and Third Children…and the First One. He had to find them. Make sure they were okay. It was what he was worth now, at this point.

First things first, though…he had to summon the strength to stand back up on the wounded limb. He opened his eyes, watching as Nerv personnel scurried past him. There was too much going wrong for them to notice a single injured, old man. They carried their own wounded comrades, rushed to repair damage, or trundled off to where besieged pockets of Seele loyalists had made secondary attempts to take the GeoFront. He was a minor concern.

He pushed himself up the wall, mentally steeled himself, and limped the remaining seventy feet to the Ready Room. Having stopped to rest, his raging adrenaline had subsided, and the ankle hurt significantly more now. He had to use the wall to brace himself until he arrived at the door. He hoped against hope that the emergency power conduits had reached this door as well, and he would not have to try to manually crank the door open. He keyed the button, and he breathed a shuddering sigh of relief as the pneumatics hissed open.

Fuyutsuki eased himself into the room, and saw the red-headed Second Child on her knees, leaning over the Third Child. Her hands were twisted over his face, as though attempting an incantation. She stared up at Fuyutsuki, her blue eyes wild and hollow.

"…he won't wake up," she grated, halfway between a mumble and a screech. She was gritting her teeth, and her fingers continued to work in the air, as though they could rip a solution from nothingness.

Fuyutsuki ignored her for a moment, and toddled from chair to chair until he could see the son of Gendo Ikari. The boy lay sprawled on the floor, his head resting against the girl's knee. His eyes were opened but glazed. Unfocused. His mouth hung loose, and a thin sliver of drool was collected in the corner of his lips.

"What happened?" Fuyutsuki stated in a command voice.

"…He…he won't wake up." Her fingers clenched and unclenched.

"Being hysterical about it won't fix anything," he grumped, feeling irritable from his ankle. He limped over to the pair, and awkwardly crouched down next to them.

"I tried to wake him up, but he won't wake up, and I don't know what to do,"she stammered rapidly. Fuyutsuki glanced at her, and scolded himself. He, of all people should know, that this was at the end of the day a child. Both of them were children. Did he not hurry here to assist them because of that? To assuage his conscience?

Stupid, tired old man.

"Asuka," he said gently. The girl's eyes focused on him, and her hands relaxed. She rested her fingertips against her face, shivering. "Tell me what happened."

"There was…a…the ground shook. We were…we thrown around." She swallowed. "I hurt my tail-bone." She seemed dazed, confused. Gently, Fuyutsuki took her chin in one hand and lifted her head. She didn't resist as he gently moved her head from left to right, focusing on her eyes. He didn't see any bruising, or sign of head injury, but she seemed mildly concussed.

"And Shinji?"

"…he won't wake up," she said. "I don't know what happened. He won't wake up."

"Let me see what I can do," Fuyutsuki said, leaning over the boy. It was a shame he hadn't come with a med kit, but it occurred to him that he himself wasn't operating on all cylinders. If he had, he would have stopped to grab a kit. He stared into Shinji's eyes, moving his head slowly. The boy was breathing, the pupils contracted. Unconscious, a definite concussion. He glanced at Asuka, trying to decide what the best thing he could say would be. "He's dazed," Fuyutsuki decided. "Like a bird hitting a window."

"…he'll be fine?"

"Yes," he concurred. At least, he hoped. He further hoped that Asuka wouldn't think on how many birds died horrible deaths from hitting windows. He coughed. "All the same, you had better call for a medical team." He pointed to the communication console next to the briefing screen. "I imagine they'll send someone up if you mention a Pilot is injured. Could you, please?"

"Ah…okay. I can do that," she murmured, standing up and walking to the screen. Fuyutsuki noted the shuffling, awkward way she moved. If she was walking, than hopefully her injury was nothing more than a bruise to the ego. At least, that's what he hoped. It had been a long time since he had practiced medicine, and what he had done was not ideal. The old flywheel was spinning up again, but not quick enough for his satisfaction.

He studied Shinji while Asuka haltingly stuttered through a conversation with a harried dispatcher. The boy's eyes had begun to make subtle, back and forth movements, and his lips tensed and relaxed, as though having a distant conversation. Fuyutsuki wanted to believe that was a good sign, but it could just as easily be an indicator of the child's brain slowly shutting down. There was nothing he could do at the moment, so he simply waited.

Presently, Asuka returned to Shinji's side. "They said they were coming," she mumbled.

"Did they say how long?"

"I…forgot to ask."

"That's okay," Fuyutsuki sighed, closing his eyes. "At least they're coming."

"Yes." She swallowed. "What happened?"

"We were attacked."

"By an Angel?"

"No. Seele just made their first move."

"I see."

"We might need you two very soon, now." The girl made a strange sound, as though clearing her throat. Fuyutsuki turned to look at her. She was frozen in place, as though furiously pondering something.

"You're worried about whether you can synchronize or not."

"I'm not worried about it," she mumbled.

"Really?"

"Why worry about something that won't happen?"

"You were very good at it," he reasoned.

"I can't now."

"We don't know if that will always be the case. Maybe you will this time."

"No," she mumbled. "I won't."

"Not with that attitude," Fuyutsuki chided. She didn't seem to hear him, and he decided teasing her would be a bad tactic. She wouldn't be able to tell if he was being serious or not, and Fuyutsuki was well out of practice with playful banter.

"You'll have to count on him again," she said, her voice sounding strained. Fuyutsuki said nothing, watching the girl stare at Shinji. "That's how it always is, right? It's Shinji that solves it, and I just get in the way, or get…hurt."

"…well, he is a remarkable young man," Fuyutsuki conceded. Asuka swallowed, looking away. "And you are a remarkable young woman." That seemed to make her even more miserable, and she huddled into herself. "It's true, you know. Do you know how many other children have to do what you three have done? Very few. None, I would say."

"I haven't done anything," she mumbled. That was a very odd thing to hear from the Second Child, and Fuyutsuki wondered what would compel her to say that now. Strangely enough, it disturbed him. To hear a statement like that from a certified egotist was like meeting someone for the first time. And in light of certain circumstances…it was not good.

"You're stubborn," he pointed out. "You're right, you've had a long string of setbacks, and some failures. And you have been pummeled and broken many times over. I've seen very few people take the amount of punishment you have and keep moving. You kept moving for a while. You are made of stern stuff." He gestured at Shinji. "You and Shinji. You share that trait, I think."

"Stern stuff," she said, her tone vacant. As she spoke, Shinji's eyelids fluttered shut. He looked like an animal pulling itself out of tar. A small sound escaped from his throat. Asuka leaned over the boy at the sound, becoming intent and focused.

At that moment, the door opened, and two medics entered. "Not a moment too soon," Fuyutsuki said. "Please attend to the children. The Third Child seems to be suffering a concussion, and the Second Child has a hurt tail-bone." He slowly rose to his feet. "Let me know the moment they are stabilized and if they can be medically cleared."

"Yes, sir," the senior medic said, while his junior leaned over Shinji. Asuka hugged herself, staring at Shinji with a strange expression that seemed to mingle disdain and regret at the same time. Fuyutsuki stood up, and focused on ignoring the pain in his ankle as he moved to the console. He keyed up the bridge.

"Lt. Hyuga, Lt. Aoba…this is Prof. Fuyutsuki, do either of you hear me?"

"Vice, I mean…Professor!" Aoba called, his words slurring as he spoke rapidly. "We made contact with the Major soon after you left. Lt. Ibuki suffered some serious injuries, and the Major seems to have been hurt herself."

"Hurt how?"

"I can't get the specifics, but she mentioned something about not being able to stand up."

"Where is she now?"

"She's insisted on being moved back to the bridge, but I think they may be taking her to Emergency Suite 15."

"14!" Hyuga called in the background.

"Correction, Professor, 14."

"I see. I'll be up as soon as I'm able; I'm trying to get the Children stable." He looked back, watching as the medics stabilized Shinji's neck as he attempted to force them away with slow, unfocused movements from his hands. "The Third Child was unconscious, and the Second Child was thrown around a bit but otherwise unhurt. I'll check in on the Major, you keep your focus on getting our eyes and ears up."

"Yes, sir!" Hyuga snapped, and the line went dead. Fuyutsuki eyed the console, and wondered if there was a comm station in Emergency Suite 14. He pulled up a menu, grateful that the emergency systems in Magi were not linked to its organic components: it was a simple arrangement, but they could at least maintain internal systems. He toggled through linked comm stations, and found that there was, in fact, one in Suite 14. He keyed it up.

There was no response, and he tried again. On the third try, the line opened.

"Suite 14!" someone gasped. In the background, Fuyutsuki heard shouting.

"_Major, please put down the sidearm!_"

"_I need…to get back…to the bridge!_"

"_You may have suffered a severe—_"

"_Let go of my arm!_"

"This is Pro…Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki," he stated, deciding it was best to pull some rank. "What's going on in there?"

"We're trying to stabilize the Major to assess her injuries, sir, but we're having—"

"_Give me back my sidearm!_"

"_Major, please relax!_"

"We're having complications," the voice sighed.

"Is it possible that I can speak to the Major?"

"That might not be a good—"

"_Stay on the bed!_" There was the sound of something crashing, and something made of glass shattering. More muffled noises.

"Professor!?" The voice was the Major's, but very loud. Fuyutsuki flinched back from the pickup.

"Major. Are you…feeling well?"

"I'm good enough," she said. "Hang on!" Something crashed on the other end. "_I am trying to run a mutiny!_" The pickup scraped a bit. "Sorry: I threw a bedpan."

"…Honestly, Major, are you all right?"

"I'm fine! Perfectly normal. Stop talking about me, what's the status of the kids?"

"I haven't checked on Rei yet, but the Second and Third Children were injured."

"Injured? Injured how, what's 'injured?'"

"Shinji suffered a severe concussion, and was unconscious. The medics are checking for possible spinal injuries now. Asuka landed on her tail-bone, but I don't think there was a fracture, she may have suffered a mild concussion as well."

"Oh, God…." There was shuffling on the other end. "This is bad. I…I hate to ask this, but are either of them in any state to Pilot?"

"Do you want honesty or optimism?"

"What do you think?"

"No. I think it would be dangerous for Shinji to synchronize in his state, and—" he glanced over his shoulder. Asuka was hugging her knees, staring at the medics. For the moment, she was ignored, the minor injury of the moment. "—I have concerns about Asuka."

"…Is she there?"

"Yes."

"Listening?"

"No."

"I'll be honest, I do, too. But I have greater concerns about Rei. We can't let Rei into an Evangelion."

"I think you're being—"

"Professor, be straight with me: do you think that's a good idea?"

"In regards to Rei?"

"Yes."

"…no. I don't."

"There. Now, keep an eye on Shinji, and…look, let's not put him into unnecessary risk, but the moment…the _moment_…it looks like he's cleared, we have to start prepping him for Piloting again." He heard something crash in the background.

"…Major?"

"I just realized I'm becoming Gendo Ikari," she hissed. "How many more time am I going to have to make this decision for them?"

"As many as it takes. This is what it means to command."

"I hated that man so much, but I don't know what to think, now," Misato grumbled. Fuyutsuki could hear voices coaxing the Major away. "Look…check—checked on Rei, keep an eye on the kids, I'm going to get…sorted out here and back to the bridge as soon as I can. Okay?"

"Take care of yourself, Major. We have things handled. Incidentally, how is Lt. Ibuki? I heard she suffered injury."

"She did…in a bad way, but not the worst way. She was roughed up, but she'll live, thank God."

"That's good news. I'd hate for anything to happen to her: she seems a sweet person."

"Aren't we all, Professor?" Misato grumped. The line disconnected. Fuyutsuki smirked, and turned back to the kids. Shinji had calmed down, and one of the medics felt comfortable enough to leave him and check on Asuka. The other medic glanced up from Shinji.

"I can't help but notice, sir, how you're favoring your right ankle."

"It's fine, for the moment. We have bigger concerns," Fuyutsuki shrugged, deflecting the question.

"If it's a fracture, you don't want to leave it."

"Granted, but I'm not the one who'll have to defend us when the time comes. The Children are our priority at the moment." Asuka turned to study Fuyutsuki, pondering what he said. She seemed as though she wanted to say something, but she closed her eyes as the medic began fussing over her. Fuyutsuki closed his eyes, and leaned against the wall. Was there more he should say? Something to the kids? He didn't know. His ankle hurt too badly. He was very tired.

He was exhausted.


	11. Walking Wounded

The detention level was not in the same grip of chaos as the rest of the Center. Being a hardened portion of the base gave it some stability, and as most of the individuals posted down here were in body armor, there was less chance for injury among Nerv staff. Not so with the prisoners, however.

A large number of Seele loyalists and Section-2 personnel had been crammed into all available holding cells, which did them no favors when the GeoFront was struck. Multiple concussions and sprained limbs, bruising, several minor to major fractures, and at least one cardiac arrest. Injured prisoners were being cycled in and out as fast as the single medical team could see them, but it was hardly chaotic. Still, the sense that things had changed elsewhere was palpable. They all could feel it.

Rei could feel it.

She sat motionless on the cot, her hands on her knees. She could feel the tension throughout the facility, the tang and copper taste of building panic and fear. It wasn't quite a palpable thing yet, but it was there. Eddying through the mass soul-stuff of everyone present, feeding upon itself, building and climbing like an insect over a mountain of sludge. Rei felt it.

She felt the cells in her body dying, one by one, this frail and fragile golem of meat and bone decaying around her. It had always felt like a corpse, a rotting mass that was not her body, her frame…but it was even more so, now. She had lost something.

She had lost something integral to her, and the corpse would no longer sustain. She was too big for it now, or…it was too little. Too little, too late. She couldn't decide. All she knew was that her body was dying, and she couldn't stop that. Couldn't…or maybe…didn't want to. Had she lost the will to sustain it? To stop all those little cell-deaths? To keep the organs functioning in their proper manner, their designated place? Keep the blood pumping? The heart beating?

The girl closed her eyes, piecing through her mind. She had nothing but silence now, accentuated and emphasized by the blood-meat-viscera taste of fear beating down upon her. There were portions of her missing beyond the physical, and she had no desire or inclination to seek out those lost places. It was wearying, and she had the sense that such a loss had occurred before. This made it a normal thing, and thus those things lost were normal things to lose. They needed no rectification. No discovery. And yet, in this silence, with the stench of panic around her…indeed, the stench of her own decaying body…Rei found those gaps…tantalizing.

No, tantalizing wasn't the right word. Insistent. The more that animal-group-mind pushed on her, the internal-animal-self demanded stability. Safety. Assurance of things. She rarely cared about such things. She welcomed the death of this flesh prison that seemed to restrain her, that seemed to inhibit that…something.

Something, it was always something. Out of reach of her mind, her soul, her vision. It was just there, clawing at the edges…scratching at the frames…tapping on the window. Tap-tap-tapping, tap-tap-tapping.

Her skin itched. It felt as though it was loose on her arms, on her chest, and back, and stomach, and legs. Like it was waiting to peel off.

_Tap-tap-tapping on my bedroom door…._

The door to her cell slid open. A woman entered the cell, dressed in a Nerv security uniform. There was body armor plastered on her torso and limbs, and she wore a crash helmet, like a little beetle. A beetle with human flesh. Her right cheek was swollen, like she had something tucked away in there. It was purple, and ugly color. It was ugly to Rei.

The Nerv woman crossed the space, and knelt next to Rei. "Are you uninjured?" she asked.

"Yes," Rei said.

"I need to check. Is that all right?"

"Yes." The woman very quickly, efficiently, and a bit roughly pawed Rei's limbs and torso and neck and head, looking for anything those secret injuries that always seemed to creep out at the worst times. The ones that made a healthy person drop dead when ignored.

"You seem fine," the security woman agreed. "We have a medical team down to take a look, but we've already had several Priority alerts eat up our reserves. Since you're fine, it may be a while before they get here."

"Yes," Rei said. The woman studied her, as if trying to decide whether or not Rei's monotone was normal, or the result of an injury.

"You'll be fine until then, right?"

Rei closed her eyes, opened them, and turned to face the woman. "Will you?"

"Excuse me?" the woman asked.

"I asked, will you be all right until they get here?" Rei repeated.

"Uh…I'm fine as it is. Thanks for asking," the security woman stammered, confused.

"They will get here. At some point," Rei repeated. "Your fear will bring them."

"…my fear?"

"Like a wounded animal. The fear will bring the carrion eaters. It is the biological imperative of life. Life consumes life." She turned away. "I am fine. I do not need a medic."

The security woman looked as though she had more to say, but she stood and backed out of the cell. Unnerved. Shaken. They were all shaken. Rei closed her eyes. There was an animal fear in this place, restrained but there. It was eating the walls. It ate at her.

_Tap-tap-tapping_….

She had a vision in mind…of white wings and ruby lips. She had an idea of the shape of fear, of it slobbering down on them. She had an idea, but she didn't know from where. She dismissed it, to that place of lost pieces. If it was important, it would return.

She sat on the cot, feeling her body die around her.

* * *

><p>"Jesus on the Cross, Major!" Aoba hissed, standing up. The bridge was not a roomy place, and it had become more crowded with the addition of a full-sized hospital gurney.<p>

"I didn't know you were a Christian, Aoba," Misato murmured, her chin on a pillow. She was in a hospital gown, and face down on the stretcher. She looked highly displeased with the whole situation, but a lot happier to be back on the bridge.

"I'm not, but…_Jesus_!" Aoba complained. "Aren't you injured?"

"Aren't you?" Misato shot back.

"He doesn't have a compressed spinal injury and possible vertebral fractures," the med tech insisted. "How did you let us talk you into this?"

"Because you know what can happen if I'm not up here," Misato snapped. "So stop complaining, buzz off, and _give me back my handgun_!"

"You're on a gurney, so you don't need one, ma'am," the tech hissed, his one parting jab at being bullied into this course of action. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a lot of hurt folks out there right now." With that, the tech scurried off the bridge.

"Hyuga, give me your pistol," Misato snapped.

"I will not…ma'am!" Hyuga balked.

"Aoba! I know it's just a Glock, but I need something with bullets in it," Misato complained.

"Uh, that is a personally-issued service weapon, so unless you want to sign a receipt for it—"

"God _damn _it, give me Maya's!" Misato howled.

"We've reestablished contact with the outside, ma'am," Hyuga said, deflecting the complaints.

"With who?"

"The Fourth, actually. Their headquarters were rocked a bit by the blast, but unharmed. They say they've sustained at least ten percent fatalities, and twenty percent casualties, but are still operational. They know they didn't drop the N2 device so…they've been remarkably friendly for the past half-hour."

"Not _too_ friendly, I take it," Misato grumbled.

"Well, they've given us the update: Tokyo-3 is still standing, so it was just the one device, and it was right on top of us."

"Oh, goody."

"They've traced the trajectory: it was that single satellite. They have it on their books as—"

"GAMA-02," Misato grumped, sitting up carefully on her elbows. "Those bastards actually had something _waiting_ up there for us. Is it the only one? Do they have anything else they want to drop on us?"

"Uh…not seeing…," Hyuga turned, and coughed. Sitting up had let some of the flimsy gown slide a bit to reveal the Major's back, shoulders, and panties. Aoba turned, and quickly turned back. Misato detected the motion, and blushed furiously when she realized what it indicated.

"But what's _next_?" she griped, putting her head down on the pillow and using her hands to try and hitch the gown back into place. "Ikari says the Mass Production Evas, but where will the come from? Under what context? How soon can they get here? What are you doing?" Hyuga was unbuttoning his uniform shirt.

"Just bear with me, Major, I have an undershirt," he said. "I thought the MPs were still in the planning phase." He slithered out of his shirt, and very quickly stood and draped it across Misato's back.

"Thanks," she said, grateful. She propped herself up again. "According to Ikari, they're active, thanks to research _we _gave them. He has no idea how many, just that they are up and ready to move." She shook her head. "I'm thinking they have to be coming from Russia, or China. North or west. Probably by way of a major airlift transport. Something that big will have a radar signature."

"We are seriously lacking in radar at the moment," Aoba said.

"We have friends on the outside…for the moment." Misato sighed. "Is…the Fourth even aware of the situation?"

"I gave them the broad details," Aoba said. "End of the world, outside players, trying to prevent global genocide, that sort of thing."

"And he believed you?"

"No, but when I pointed out we've had plenty of opportunities to do that before, he agreed. Begrudgingly." Aoba smiled. "I didn't tell him I was a Lieutenant, ma'am: I don't think he would have been able to stomach that."

"Probably a wise decision," Misato sighed, lowering herself down on the bed.

"In other news, that hostage situation in the Foundry?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Sounds like they may have had some injuries. The hostage takers are willing to negotiate the release of some hostages in exchange for medical aid."

"Nope." Misato sat up. "Tell them we have enough problems. They'll have to wait to surrender."

"I don't think they intended to surrender," Hyuga murmured.

"Don't care. I don't have the time or inclination to play around with them." She rubbed her eyes. It was damnably frustrating not being able to stand. Her legs were working. They worked fine! She was kicking her bare, left foot right now. It wobbled in irritation and mild boredom. She was fidgeting the toes on her right foot. It all worked. It was all there.

Why couldn't she stand up?

The Phone buzzed. She answered it. "What?" she grumbled, not really feeling the need for manners at this point.

"We've received word from the UN," the Voice said. "They have seen the explosion at the GeoFront, and are expressing their concern at the situation. They wish to send humanitarian aid."

"That's nice."

"They also want a UN team on site to assess and survey the damage, as well as secure any and all Evangelion and associated materials for the safety of humanity."

"Do they?"

"That's what they said."

"Did they mention what the nature of this team would be?"

"They did not, but they did indicate it was something appropriate for securing Evas," the Voice said. "We've been giving them a stonewall for the time being."

"And they're listening?"

"As I said…for the time being."

"Hmm." Misato shifted on the gurney, wanting to roll over on her back. She didn't. "They will send Evas of their own. That's their cover."

"Of course it is," the Voice said, sounding a bit exasperated.

"We need time to ensure our Pilots are ready to repel them."

"Are they injured?" The Voice had become entirely too casual, and Misato cursed herself a fool for letting something…anything…slip.

"No," she said, "Just shaken. We want to give them some time to rest and be ready to move."

"Yes," the Voice agreed. "We won't be able to keep them out forever, but we can give you time. Use it well." The line disconnected.

"I don't like this guy," Misato grumbled. She was in desperate need of a beer.

"We just have to deal with him a little longer, right?" Hyuga asked.

"Dunno. This is getting tense." She heard movement behind her, and she craned her neck. Fuyutsuki was shuffling onto the bridge with a brace on his ankle, and the assistance of a uniformed Nerv tech. Aoba and Hyuga stared at him in surprise. Misato lolled her head, closing her eyes. "So, you broke your ankle."

"A minor fracture, I assure you," Fuyutsuki deflected, settling into Maya's unoccupied seat. "What's the latest?"

"Hyuga, fill him in." Misato dozed for a bit as Hyuga went over the recent developments, trying to reach a state of relaxed detachment. It was nigh impossible: she was too agitated, too frustrated, too….

_Why the hell couldn't she stand up_!?

This was not how she had planned on facing down the apocalypse. She figured she would at least be able to have her feet under her. The panic of not being able to walk again…ever…that wasn't there, not yet. It was too likely she would be unable to have the time left to consider that. The gall, though…the sheer irritation at not being able to…at least _stand._

If she had to face death…if she was going to die…she wanted to die on her feet. Fully clothed, at that. With a gun. Instead, it would be on her stomach, in a hospital gown with a borrowed shirt, and no pistol. Nothing. She could cry if it wasn't so pitiful. She couldn't even do that. She thought of what Kaji would say, looking at her like this. She tried to frame it just right, the snark in the observation…the wit. The bite.

She couldn't. That scared her.

She realized that Aoba was trying to get her attention. "Ma'am…Major!" he rasped. He turned in his chair, his hand pressed on his headset. "The Fourth is relaying a message to us: coastal watch and naval units have confirmed at least…seven large aircraft approaching Japan from the Chinese mainland. They are flying…in formation, at high altitude and at a high rate of speed. They're relaying the specifics, but…." He shrugged. "I think we know who that is."

Misato swallowed, and hit speed-dial on the Phone roughly. It rang twice before the Voice answered. "I was just about to call you," he said. "The UN is still insisting we allow a special team in. We just got the radar hits: I think that 'team' is coming whether we want them to or not."

"Fantastic," Misato grimaced.

"I hope, Major, that y0ur Pilots can get their rest between now and then. If not, this might be the last conversation we have." The line clicked again just as Misato began to reply. She raised the Phone as if to throw it, and relaxed. She sighed.

"All right. All right!" She dropped the Phone on the floor. "Get Shinji and Asuka to their Evas, and get them prepped and in place for deployment. This is happening, and it's happening now." She sighed, and lowered herself onto the pillow. Fuyutsuki sighed.

"So," he said. "The battle for the GeoFront is about to begin."

"Don't get cute, Professor," Misato grumbled, pulling the pillow on top of her head and hoping that someone would kindly push down on it until she stopped breathing.


	12. Home

It was a tunnel of fear. The corridor. It wasn't a hallway anymore. It wasn't a single, actual space of rivets and metal and flickering lights. It was a loose concept now, something built around the terror of the moment. A mouth. A throat. It swallowed. It consumed. It vomited, and spit. It was swallowing and vomiting at the same time, spewing people past Shinji and drawing him and Asuka closer, closer to the stomach. To the place where the fear was greatest.

He was trembling with each step, and something about that seemed almost…welcome. He did not have the fear anymore, for a long time, simply the resigned acceptance that each day would be one more day closer to when he would climb into the Evangelion and not climb out again. It was a creeping inevitability that he would die in that awful thing. He would die, and it would be awful, and bloody, and filled with pain and shrieking and sobbing. He had known this for a long time. He had accepted it only recently…but he had known it.

Now, though…he was afraid again. He didn't know why, but the fear hurt. It was physically painful, like fingers worming through his ribs and fondling his heart in ways obscene and uncaring. He kept firing rapid, panicking glances at Asuka, as though this could assuage the fear…but she was afraid, too. He didn't know where that fear came from, if it was being fed by his own terror or simply existed as a thing unto itself. She was afraid, though. He could see it. The familiar haughty expression was gone, replaced with a blank mask of hollow despair. She didn't throw her shoulders back: she hunched meekly and tottered forward. Her stride was gone: her knees came together, as though her legs threatened to give out. He knew these things, because he felt them, too. Asuka was a mirror image of his own pitiable walk down the corridor.

He wanted to see Misato. He wanted to rail at her for lying to him, for making him do this. He wanted to hate her. Mostly, though…he wanted her to hold him and stroke his hair and whisper to him that it was going to be better. In those brief moments before, he had actually…almost believed her. And he wanted very badly to believe her again. He wanted her warm, loving arms around him, her smell in his nostrils. It had never occurred to him that her scent was that of _home _now. It was a place of safety, and he needed it. He needed it so badly his kidneys ached, and he became afraid he would piss himself, adding humiliation to his already mounting terror.

Hands jostled him, and Shinji snapped a glance at his handlers. These weren't the unknown Security people: they were on the outside edges of the group. These were Plug techs, here to assist him and Asuka into their Plugs for one more day. He stared at them, and realized he had seen these faces before. All of them…every time he had been inserted, it was the same team of techs, the same faces. He didn't know their names.

It became abundantly important to know their names.

"I…I can't…wait, please," he mumbled, his legs refusing to move. He slid to a halt, and the group jumbled as it bunched around him. Asuka came to a stop in a herky-jerky motion, staring at Shinji.

"Come on, Third, we have to move," a tech said, gently putting his hands on Shinji's back to propel him forward.

"I…I don't know your names!" he whimpered. "I've seen you all this time, but I don't know your names!" A second tech joined the first, gently pulling on Shinji's arm while pushing on his back. Slowly, haltingly, he became to stumble forward. Asuka's team did the same. She tried to resist, but she seemed pulled by the same thread tugging Shinji, helped along by the techs gentle but inexorable guidance.

"I can't go out if I don't know your names!" he gasped, as they resumed their pace. The hallway trundled by, too fast, too fast. They came to a split, and Shinji realized with dread that it was to two separate Eva bays. "Wait! Please, I…." He dug in his heels, and began to resist in earnest now. His agitation spread to Asuka, who began to go limp in her handlers hands.

"Hurry up and get them moving, or I'll move 'em," a Security man shouted.

"Third, we have to go," a handler grunted, as Shinji pushed and flailed against their grip.

"No, I have to—" In his flailing, Shinji saw Asuka. He saw Asuka, and saw nothing else. Crying out, he whipped his hand out and grabbed her wrist. She wailed in surprise, staring at him with hollow eyes. He met her stare with a fierce, pleading, desperate look of his own.

"Third, stop this now!" He tightened his grip, refusing to let go. Asuka's limp fingers skittered against his wrist, and the wrist slid through his grasp. Then, as if a switch had been engaged, those fingers jerked, trembled, and tightened on Shinji's wrist with a terrible grip of their own. In that moment, Shinji did not want anything more than that grip, and those fingers, and this _pain_, this wonderful pain of contact as Asuka dug deep and true into his wrist.

"That's _enough_!" The same Security man pushed into the group, and grabbed the children's wrists with a grip that was even more fierce, more terrible. He began to pry them apart, and Shinji knew it would happen: they were only children. They held on to each other with a child's grip, and it just wasn't enough. For a moment, time seemed to freeze and then…she was gone. It was so sudden that he didn't even have the lingering after-sense of her touch. She was gone, and there was a burly torso blocking his view. He heard her shrieking, and he heard his own voice keening beside her. He tried to kick, but the handlers were hauling him towards his Eva.

"Kuwobara," he heard a voice saying hoarsely. He went limp as he was dragged down the hall, locking onto the voice. "My name is Kuwobara. He's Takeshi, and he's Renner. It's good to finally know you, Shinji Ikari." He deflated, and the handlers hurriedly carried him down the hall to the waiting bay. The waiting Plug. The waiting Evangelion.

* * *

><p>Alone in the dark of the Plug, surrounded by the blood-stink of LCL, Shinji wept. It was the sobbing of a child, broken and choked. All snivels and squeaks and high pitched whimpers. He hugged himself in his terror, eating his terror and being eaten by it. He rocked himself on the crash couch, and wanted to go home. He had no shame anymore, and he had no reservations, no restraints. He wanted to tell Asuka every thought he had ever had about her, every moment of confused hurt and lingering hatred and raw, embarrassing desire. He wanted to tell Ayanami, even the Fake Ayanami, that connection he seemed to feel with her, the desire to tighten that connection to the point it strangled, to know her in that way that he couldn't explain. He wanted to confess every teenage fantasy he had to Misato, every hurt she heaped on him, and that he didn't care, because she <em>promised <em>to fix it, and that seemed to count for _so much_.

"I wanna go home," he gasped, and for once actually knew what that word meant. Home was a crowded and messy apartment. It was a confusing bundle of missed messages and odd thoughts and shameful desires and the lingering scent of yesterday's dinner. It was laundry hanging in the hallway, intimates on display, no shame and no secrets except the secrets that cut the deepest. All of it, he wanted back, right now. Right in this moment. "I wanna go home," he blubbered again.

He sat in the dark for a long time before the kaleidoscope pattern around him activated, and the Plug activated. He felt the pinprick tingle of synchronization, as the Plug engaged and insisted on connection. Connection between him and this thing that was a part of him. That he was a part of, like a little ride-along parasite.

With a suddenness that made him flinch, Asuka's voice filled the space around him, without words but crying. Pained and muted, but sincere and honest. As suddenly as it was heard, it stopped. Her image floated next to him, and he stared at her tear-streaked face as it stared back. Neither of them had opened the connection, and so neither of them said anything. They just stared in befuddlement, their individual moments of terror and hurt interrupted by a sudden oddity.

Misato's face suddenly appeared, haggard and exhausted. "Kids!" she gasped. It looked like she was lying on her stomach. It was hard to tell from the angle of the camera, but Shinji could definitely see a hospital gown on the screen.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Misato cut him off. "Listen, this is important: Seele is making their move. They're sending Evas here to try and retrieve Adam. Maybe even initiate Third Impact." She grunted. "These are specialized Evas, okay? They have no Pilots. No…human…Pilots. Understand? They're just Dummy Plug systems, there's no children Piloting them. They also have S2 engines, which means they don't need external power sources. To stop them completely, you have to either destroy the Dummy Plugs, rip out their S2 engines, or annihilate their cores. Do you understand? If you don't do one of those three things, these Evas can probably just get back up and come back at you. Put them down, put them down hard and fast. Do _not_ let them get Adam, and don't let them initiate an Impact event."

"How…how will we know…if…?" Shinji stammered.

"You'll know, believe me." Misato swallowed, and then forced a smile. "This has been…an awful couple of days, kids. Especially for you. We have to push through. We have to get through this day, and the next day, and the day after. It's what Kaji would have wanted for us, and so we have to do it. Okay?" The Evangelion around him began to move, and Shinji knew that he was being brought to the surface. "One more day. Just one more day. I have faith in you, so please keep some faith in me." She swallowed, and her smile faltered for a second. "Just one more day," she repeated, and cut the line.

As if on cue, the Plug's synchronization process completed, and Shinji saw the world around his Eva. The deployment chute moved by at a crawl, something he had never seen before. It slowly began to speed up the further he rose, until he was moving at a more steady pace. It was not the rocket-fast deployment of the past, however. Something was wrong: the chute's mag-lift must be damaged somehow. It occurred to him that the brakes also might be damaged, but as the pad lurched and faltered, he decided that was not the case. Above him, the door opened early, and he could see natural light playing down on him. He stared up, fixated on it, until the Evangelion broke free of the surface.

He stared down on…doom.

* * *

><p>Shinji had been deployed in the hills to the west of the GeoFront. He had no idea how he had been moved here without his knowing about it, but he had been in the darkness for a long time. He had been burrowed into his misery like a tick into flesh: did they move him and he never realized it? He couldn't be sure. It was a little thing at the moment.<p>

The big, gaping wound in the earth, however…that was a bigger issue. The GeoFront's exterior had been completely demolished. The Pyramid of the Command Center was exposed to air, as was the rest of the pristine GeoFront interior. It no longer looked as nice, for it was blasted bare, a smoldering pit in the earth. Ringing the rim was a vast coating of mud and glass, the former cap over the interior. It still smoldered, sending gouts of steam and smoke into the air. He trembled at the sight of it, and tried to look away. As he did, he saw the Asuka's line was still open. The Plug around her remained dark.

He stared at her, and she stared back. "I'm…scared," he mumbled. "I don't think I've ever been scared like this. Before."

"…I'm scared, too," she admitted. No walls. No barriers. Nothing, now. They had nothing to hide, and nothing to prove. They were now at the mortal limit of what they could and could not do, what they would and would not. Honesty was all they had left, now.

"I think we might die today," Shinji said.

"I don't want to die," Asuka admitted.

"I don't, either," Shinji said. "I said I did earlier. To Misato. I don't, now."

"Why did you say that?"

"…Because I did. I did want to."

"…What changed?"

"…I don't know." He stared at his hands. "I became scared." He closed his hands. "I know you hate that about me. When I get scared. I am, though. I don't want you to hate me, but I don't know how to make you stop."

"Why are you telling me this?" Asuka asked.

"If I die, I don't want to die with you hating me."

"Then don't die," Asuka mumbled. "Do what you always do. It's expected." There was hurt and resentment in that sentence, and it picked at Shinji. He swallowed. What was it that he always did? Win, or just blunder into victory? And what point was the victory if he felt like he lost at the end of each one?

"I don't want to," he said. "I want to go home."

"Huh?"

"The apartment. I want to go home. I want to make dinner, and listen to you yelling at me, or Misato getting drunk."

"That's pathetic."

"It's what I want. It's better than this." He stared at the gaping maw, expecting it to be filled with gore and pus, like an infection. "I want that more than this."

"…what would you be cooking?"

"Yaki-soba, probably. I dunno. Just something." He remembered something Asuka had said to him earlier, when he…when he…. "Danboori," he mumbled. "I could make that."

"…that would be nice," Asuka said, closing her eyes and shivering to herself. They said nothing more after that, but neither felt the urge to disconnect the video link.


	13. Wings

Shinji's head ached.

It throbbed, and pounded. The headache started an hour ago, a small niggling thing that seemed to start at the Synchronization Headset clipped into his hair. It radiated from there over time, first as a sort of itching, then as a burning. Then, a dull, aching throb. It seemed to squeeze his eyes out of their sockets, and fill his sinuses with mud. He felt foggy and far-away, and wondered if this had to do with getting bumped in the head earlier.

He tried to close his eyes, to go to sleep. Sleep might alleviate the pain, but it wouldn't come, and he whimpered to himself while digging at his forehead, as though he could scrape away the pain.

"What's your problem?" Asuka mumbled; their line was still open, and she had watched him slowly and surely descend into the maddening pain.

"I don't…feel good," he whined.

"I don't, either," Asuka huffed, closing her eyes.

"My…head." Her eyes popped open when he said that, and she regarded him with more interest.

"Your head hurts?"

"…yes."

"Uh…hang on," Asuka mumbled. There was movement on her end, and Shinji heard Misato's voice faintly on the other end. "Shinji…he says his head hurts…no, he doesn't look good." A window popped up in Shinji's view, Misato's face filling the screen.

"Shinji? What's the matter? Your vitals are still showing you at normal."

"My head…is…it really hurts," he mumbled.

"Hurts? Hurts how?"

"All over. All over…and…inside. It…just hurts."

"When did it start?"

"A while ago…it didn't hurt then. It itched."

"Itched? Itched, is…." She turned to someone off-screen. "He says it itched, what does that mean? Is that normal?" As she spoke, the pain vanished with a suddenness that made Shinji jerk and cry out. "Shinji!" Misato snapped, turning back to the screen.

"It…stopped. It stopped!" Trembling fingers massaged his head, pulling at his hair. "What's happening to me?"

"Okay, Shinji…just…calm down. Tale a deep breath…we still have an hour to wait, okay?"

"Why don't they just shoot them down?" Asuka asked. There was a moment of silence as Misato digested the question. "The transports…they're flying the MP-Evas in, right?"

"It wouldn't stop the Evas from coming," Misato said. "It would only delay them a bit, and anything we do to hold them back may mean Seele will try something else. We at least know what this threat is, so we can counter it. We can't counter unknowns in our state right now.

"Besides, our…link in the government has informed me that it might not be diplomatically feasible to shoot down UN marked craft at this time." She smiled. "He had to rescind an offer to us he made earlier because of that."

"So, we wait to…fight these things…when we don't know if we can. Because Shinji's head started hurting, and…I…." Asuka trailed off, looking ashamed.

"Asuka, we're going to try something," Misato suggested. The girl gasped as her pickup swayed a bit.

"I'm moving," she mumbled.

"Yeah," Misato said. "We're going to deploy you to a pad on the west side of the GeoFront. We think…we can force a residual link. It won't be enough to actually synchronize, but it should be enough to at least activate the Plug and let you see what's going on around you. You can at least be a second set of eyes on the battlefield for us, and maybe…_maybe_…that link will be enough to let you sync with Unit Two again. In time."

"…okay," Asuka murmured, sounding unsure.

Something occurred to Shinji, in what Misato had said. Eyes on the battlefield. "Uh…Misato? Aren't…all of the GeoFront's sensors and computers and stuff…gone?"

"Yeah, our sensor and surveillance array is…down and out. But, we still have the net surrounding the GeoFront's cap, and the Fourth Division has offered their drones and other surveillance equipment to plug the gaps. It seems getting hit with an N2 warhead made them angry." She shrugged. "At least they're helping, right?"

"Yeah," Shinji mumbled, still kneading his scalp. The echo of the headache…it loomed over him, glaring at him from the past. He cringed at the memory.

"Shinji?" He looked back at Misato's face. She smiled. "Just…hang in there. Little longer." The screen cut, and Shinji let his hands drop to his legs. He glanced at Asuka.

She stared at him, her eyes two little blue needles. He swallowed, and glanced away. "Did your head _really _hurt?" she asked, accusation in her tone. "Or did you just want attention?"

He swallowed, flicking a thumb over the opposing index finger. "I don't know what it was. Just that it hurt."

"…you really did have a headache?"

"A very bad one."

"And it just…went away? Like that?"

"…I don't know why." He looked at Asuka, feeling a dull sense of panic. "Asuka, what if something is wrong in my head? I was…I was unconscious, right? Does that mean I could be…bleeding in my brain or something? Does that cause headaches?"

"I…I don't know," Asuka stammered, taken back by Shinji's sudden outburst. "I don't…maybe it would, I don't…geh." She flinched, and held her hand up as light broke into her Plug. Across the crater, Unit Two's IFF appeared on Shinji's HUD, and Unit Two rose from the ground, big enough to cover with a palm. A box appeared around the signature, and zoomed in, magnifying Unit Two. Asuka's eyes adjusted to the light, and then she beheld the wreckage of the GeoFront.

"Oh, God…," she mumbled. "Oh…God…." Shinji said nothing as Asuka adjusted to the wreckage before her. He lingered in the wake of the mysterious headache, kneading his forehead with a grim sense of unease. He wanted to be grateful the pain had stopped, to shake that dread that matched the fear of what was coming towards them, but it sat there laughing at him. In time, Asuka no longer balked at the ruin before her, and focused on Shinji again. "They did this."

"What?"

"Seele did this. That's what they said. Seele did this. We were in that, and they tried to do this to us. To kill us." She closed her eyes, trembling. "They killed Kaji, and then they did this. And then they'll come, and try to kill all of us. Don't you get that?" Her eyes popped open, and she glared at him through the image. "They'll kill us _all_…so we have to kill _them_. _We_ have to kill _them_!"

Shinji swallowed, and closed his eyes. He scrubbed at his face. He couldn't. He didn't want to. He didn't want to kill anyone. Not now, not ever. He didn't like it. He didn't want to feel that way again.

"Don't you _see _that?" Asuka rasped, a tone of desperation in her voice. "You…you _have_ to see that! You have to!" Shinji compulsively switched off the feed, trying to scrub his brain of the aching, lingering feelings of hate and guilt eating away at it. After a second, a new window opened, indicating an incoming communication from Unit Two.

He ignored it.

* * *

><p>Shinji's IFF warned him of the incoming aircraft long before Misato opened his and Asuka's channels again. He watched uneasily as the far away signatures began easing closer, and closer. He swallowed, caressing the joysticks in a nervous motion when the comm request from Asuka, ignored but not dismissed, finally opened. The girl on the other side was staring at her lap, her jaw set in an expression that could be either furious or hurt. Shinji couldn't tell which, and had no more time: Misato's face reappeared.<p>

"Your IFF should be showing the incoming transports now," Misato said. "Remember: no Pilots. There are no Pilots on these Evas. Hit their Dummy Plugs, Cores, or S2 engines. We might…maybe…be able to highlight where those are on the MPEs once we have enough external analysis from the outside observers. Asuka, have you tried synchronizing with Unit Two?"

"Yes," the girl muttered.

"Any succ-"

"No."

"…okay. What we need you to do is use your Eva's sensors to help us locate those weak-points. They'll be tied in with Unit One's sensors and MAGI. Shinji, it's up to you to hit those spots until Asuka can sync again. Got it?"

"…all right," he said, gripping the control yokes firmly. Above him, the transports were much closer now, and he could make out the secondary IFF signatures inside them. Great, hulking man shaped things, nestled between their gargantuan, catamaran hulls. When it seemed as though they would pass over, the giants detached, dropping like bombs towards them. His heart began pounding as they fell, and he gasped as great wings suddenly snapped open. The things began to glide in slow, lazy loops above his head, like moths or buzzards. They grew larger as they came closer, and his heart pounded even harder. At the back of his head, that familiar itching began. He felt afraid. Was the headache returning? Why would it occur now? He closed his eyes, trying to will the itch away.

"Fifteen seconds until they touch down," Hyuga's voice chimed. Shinji opened his eyes, staring at the approaching Evas. They were close enough now that he could make out details: the white armor, the strange weapons they carried…the heads. The fish-heads with leering, grinning mouths, red lips…no eyes. No eyes. Something about that unnerved him.

Why would they make an Eva that looked like that?

"Touchdown in five…four…three…two…one," Hyuga counted down, and the MP Evas landed in a neat, triangular formation in front of Shinji. Their wings folded, retracting away into their backs. They stood still, as if staring at him, waiting. He stared back. Neither side moved for at least twenty seconds.

"Misato…they aren't moving," he mumbled.

"They're probably assessing the situation," she replied. "Good thing for us, too." As she spoke, three points of light appeared on each of the Evas. Target points: the S2 engines, the Cores…the Dummy Plugs. They were just Dummy Plugs.

"I mustn't run away," Shinji mumbled. "I won't…I won't." The itch was insufferable.

The closest MP Eva stepped forward. The movement was lurching, uncoordinated, and the impact thundered with the weight of the Eva.

"They're moving! At least one is," Shinji reported.

"It's AT Field doesn't seem to be completely up," Aoba's voice said.

"Should I…attack? What should I do?"

"Wait," Misato's voice warned.

It dragged it's strange weapon, something large and gray. It looked like a propeller blade, or…a sword. It looked too heavy for the Eva to lift, but it filled Shinji with a cold, nervous feeling. The itch intensified.

A second step.

"AT Field activity is intensifying!" Aoba reported. The third step seemed more natural, and it no longer dragged the weapon. It lurched forward, opening its massive jaws and letting a tongue the size of a warehouse slither out from between it's teeth. It was actually drooling.

Then it charged.

"Shinji, move!" Misato cried out, as the blade whipped up and over. Unit One skipped back as the blade slammed into the earth where it once was. The armored giant skidded its feet into the earth as it slid towards the rim of the crater, before clawing at the earth and scrambling forward. The itch was so unbearable now, the burning creeping up on Shinji with a desire to live that outpaced his fear of killing. Like a mad, drunken animal, the Eva scrambled towards the MP model on all fours, colliding with it just as the white giant raised its weapon again.

They locked arms, wrestling on their feet for the blade. They strained and pulled, tugging against each other. The MP model, shorter than Unit One, crouched and began driving its shoulder into Unit One's chest. Shinji gasped, feeling his chest compress from the force. He grit his teeth until he thought they would break, driving his mount forward once more.

Unit One untangled one arm and looped it around the MPs head in a guillotine choke. It pushed forward, driving its weight on the back of the neck and using its shoulders to push the blade away. It strained, and twisted…and with a great roar, it began to _pull_. The MP grunted and wheezed is its head was slowly pulled clean from the torso, trailing its massive spinal column. Strands of tendon the length and width of industrial steel cable snapped, sheets of muscle as wide as city roadways ripped clear, and an lake's worth of LCL spilled down the front of Unit One's chest. With a final, triumphant shriek, it tossed the head away, and thrust its arm into the sopping mess of the dying Eva's throat. It grabbed for the marked S2 organ, closing its hands around it and ripping it free.

"It's still moving," Aoba warned.

"It's AT Field?" Misato asked.

"Waning. It won't fight anymore, but it's still 'active.'" Shinji felt the moisture from the LCL sopping onto his arms and chest and lap as it soaked and splashed onto Unit One. He swallowed, watching the writhing thing squirm, tremble, and die. He felt the meat lump in his hand, the S2 engine that was pulsing like a heart and slowly, fitfully ceasing.

He wanted to vomit.

"There's no human Pilot," he mumbled around gritted teeth, watching as a second MP Eva approached. "No human Pilot."

"Why are they attacking one at a time?" Asuka asked, furrowing her brow.

"What?"

"They're only sending one to attack Shinji again. Why don't they attack all together?" As she spoke, the remaining MP Evas slowly realigned themselves into a new pattern. Shinji swallowed. Asuka was right: it didn't make sense. They clearly were aware of each other, and they were clearly working as a unit. Why was only one coming after him?

He banished the thought as the second attack doubled down and leapt through the air. Shinji willed the Evangelion around him to grab the corpse of the dead MP model, and Unit One responded, using its AT Field to heft the mass of flesh as though it was a pillow. As it collided with the incoming attacker, Shinji whimpered, one hand slithering up and grabbing his scalp. The burning was intense.

"It's starting again!" he gasped.

"What is?"

"The…headache," he stammered. "It's starting." The MP Eva landed short, not far from Unit One. It roiled like a cat preparing to pounce, pushing away its dead sibling. Shinji didn't wait, even as his heart raced from the anticipation of pain in his head. He charged forward, pressing the MP model stomach down to the ground as it tried to rise. The closest target was the Dummy Plug, beneath armor plating on the back. The plating was little better than paper as Unit One sank its teeth into it, and peeled it free. The MP Eva struggled harder, but Unit One ignored it, reaching into the soft tissues and pulling the rod of the Plug loose. Mindlessly, the MP Eva began twisting on the ground, its systems shutting down as it no longer had a 'mind' to direct its organs. Shinji stared at the Plug, feeling a sense of nausea at the familiar shape of the device.

"No human Pilots," he stammered, through the burning, and willed the Eva to crush it. To prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was as Misato said it was. No human Pilots. None.

The Plug crumpled like a soda can, and liquid sloshed between the Eva's fingers. Fitfully, they relaxed, and Shinji could see inside the Plug. There was a very human shape in their, pulverized but still recognizable. As he focused on it, the Eva zoomed in, and Shinji found himself staring at a familiar face. Beautiful and feline, with red eyes and silver hair.

He whimpered, dropping the Plug. "No human Pilots," he repeated, but Unit One was retreating now. "No…no human Pilots."

"Shinji? Shinji, are you all right!" Misato asked. The burning and itching were intense.

"You said…they were Dummy Plugs!" Shinji stammered.

"They are! Shinji, the MP units are being controlled by Dummy Plugs!" she pleaded. Shinji couldn't hear her anymore. His head was brimming with agony again, so intense he wanted to pull his scalp free from his skull. It was Kaworu. It wasn't clear how, but it was Kaworu. It was a clone, that's all it was, like the fake-Ayanami and all those giggling little Ayanami clones that Dr. Akagi had destroyed. That's all it was. That's all it was.

It was Kaworu, and he had killed Kaworu again.

"Three of them are moving!" Asuka stammered. Shinji tried to focus, but the pain had become so intense that his vision was blurring. "They're going to throw their weapons! Baka, move!" He tried to will the Eva backwards, and it lurched and tumbled without coordination. Where was the rim? He had to get to the crater. Over the edge. Hide for a moment. Just hide, wait, think it out. It would make sense in a minute.

He felt a sudden, piercing pain in his stomach, and his left leg, and right arm. The world seemed to dip away from him, and the last thing he perceived before the pain consumed him was the sense of something…passing him on the way up as he went down. He wanted to cry out to the Something/Someone, but it was gone before he could grab it.

Shinji slipped away, into that gray place between dreaming and death.

* * *

><p>"They're carrying Lances!" Aoba stammered, staring at the imagery on his screen. There it was…Unit One, backed up to the edge of the crater. The three Evas threw their swords and then…in mid-flight…they warped, reconfigured, and took the shape of the two-pronged Lance of Longinus. They pierced the flesh of Unit One and drove the teetering giant over the edge of the cliff and into the steaming ruin below.<p>

"Did they hit anything important?" Misato asked. Hyuga shook his head.

"Superficial hits: they missed the Pilot, the Core, and the S2 organ."

"Shinji! Are you still with us?" Misato asked, but Hygua waved her off.

"His readings indicate he's unconscious." Misato glanced at Unit Two, still on the eastern edge.

"Asuka, it's up to you," Misato said. "You have to try, Asuka, try and sync now."

"…I'm trying," the girl muttered. She was trembling, her eyes unfocused as she hunched forward.

"Please try harder," Misato begged.

"I…." Asuka began crying. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, covering her face. "I'm sorry!" Misato closed her mouth, and rested her head against her crossed arms. The MPs were advancing towards the rim of the crater in unison, as if one being in five bodies. They ignored their fallen companions, their destination and intent clear.

"…what do we do?" Aoba asked quietly. She glanced at him, and then the Professor. The older man faced forward, his expression unreadable. Hyuga stared at Misato with a pinched look, trying hard to stay composed.

"Nothing," Misato sighed. "There's nothing to do, we have…nothing to do."

"…We…have Samson," Hyuga suggested weakly. Misato shrugged, but said nothing. It would just be spiteful at that point. She was confident that destroying the base at this point would do little more than bury Adam, and not harm the surviving Evas. They would still extract Adam, and Impact would continue. It would be elaborate suicide at that point.

Would that be such a bad thing? To spit at Seele one last time? Misato closed her eyes, and said nothing. She listened to Asuka crying and apologizing, the heavy and pained breathing of her subordinates.

She didn't say anything. There was nothing left to say. No more clever escapes, or last minute solutions. This was it, and she was too tired to accept it or reject it. It simply was.

The consoles began screaming. Misato sat up as Hyuga and Aoba turned back to the boards. "Good God," Fuyutsuki mumbled. "Unit One's AT Field is…expanding. Exponentially."

"Sync rate is rising! How can that be?" Hyuga hunched over his monitor, sweat beading his face. "The Pilot is still registering as unconscious!" Misato stared at the main screen, now displaying imagery taken from an overflying drone. She could see Unit One lurching up, the embedded Lances hindering its movement. It whipped an arm up, pulling the Lance in its arm free. It began extracting the one from its stomach, and Misato felt a simmering hope and fear raising for dominance in her chest.

The second Lance was ripped free. The giant stumbled to its feet, and began to extract the final lance. As it slowly pulled the spear from its thigh, the first of the MP Evas crested the rim of the crater.

As though it was expecting it, Unit One arched back like a javelin thrower, and hurled the lance into the opposing Eva. It staggered, its arms jerking as it tried to grab the Lance before falling dead.

"That was a hit on the Core," Fuyutsuki noted quietly. "That's three MP models dead." The remaining four began repositioning, the unarmed ones moving out to flank the two still carrying their swords. The weapons reconfigured in their hands, becoming Lances. In the crater, Unit One retrieved the two discarded Lances, and began to crouch. It then leapt gracefully in the air, beginning a long arc up and over the rim.

The armed MPs reacted, hurling their lances at the rising Eva. It twisted in midair, both lances tearing away armor plating but neither finding purchase as they passed by the now-falling Unit One. It used its AT Field to positions its fall towards one of the now-disarmed MPs, and landed with an earth-shaking crunch. Both of its Lances were driven through the MP, impaling the Dummy Plug and the Core. The Eva shuddered, and went limp.

The remaining three seemed to stare at the victorious Eva, and as one, began to unfold their wings. They seemed to gaze upward, and began flapping. Each wing-beat produced a miniature windstorm as they rose off of the ground, climbing for altitude. They circled above Unit One, and then turned towards the west.

"What are they doing?" Aoba asked.

"…cutting their losses," Fuyutsuki sighed. "They've just had four of their MP units permanently disabled. They're pulling back the remaining units." He turned the chair to face Misato. "…we won."

"…it's over?" she asked cautiously.

"For the moment, I think." Misato became aware of just how hard her heart was beating in that moment, thundering in her ears. She willed herself to relax, and watched as Unit One straightened over the dead MP model and seemed to go slack on its feet.

"I…I don't understand how!" Hyuga gasped. "The Pilot is still unconscious! Is there a glitch in our software?" Misato ignored him, staring at Unit One. She glanced at Fuyutsuki, but he wasn't paying attention to her. His eyes were up on the screen. Aoba was already trying to organize a retrieval team with whatever resources he could scrounge between the Fourth Division and Nerv's personnel. Hyuga continued to try and raise Shinji.

The Pilot was unconscious. There was little doubt in Misato's mind that it wasn't Shinji that had dispatched the last two Evas. Had Unit One itself decided to fight on their behalf? Or defend its Pilot?

Was that…Yui Ikari? She didn't know. Or she did, and she didn't like the answer. It implied that the threat was still there. Unit One had acted on its own behalf. What was next? Was it simply choosing to be inactive now? Was there more to come?

Would it try to unleash an Impact event itself? "Major," Hyuga said, cutting through her thoughts. "I still can't raise the Third Child. I think he's legitimately out." Misato pushed herself up from the gurney, glancing at Aoba.

"We need to get him out immediately," she said. "Forget the MPs, all efforts now on retrieving Shinji!" She felt her doubts vanish for the moment, as she focused on a more important task at hand. Their ability to deploy Evas remained, but retrieving them would be difficult. At this point, the best they could do was get the Pilot back, and work from there. They had to get him back, soon.

As the bridge crew went about their task, Asuka's image remained on the board ignored. She surveyed the crater before her, the remains of the battle. The battle she had not participated in, and could only watch as she failed to synchronize with her Eva yet again.

Her eyes were empty.


	14. Assembly

Shinji was dead.

None of the adults were saying that. They swarmed around his body like he was alive, but Asuka knew. It didn't matter what they did say, what pretty little words they used to lessen the blow. Asuka knew better. She stood in the hallway, staring through the door as it opened and closed. Shinji's body was barely perceivable, little snippets between arms and torso, white smocks leaning over him. Why were they prolonging this? Who was it going to convince?

He was dead. It was a farce. It was all a farce. Shinji was dead. He was dead, dead, dead, and it was her fault. No one would say that, either, but Asuka knew. She knew very well that it was her fault. She couldn't synchronize anymore. She couldn't synchronize, so Shinji had to fight the MP Evas alone. He fought them alone, and somehow that had killed him, and it was her fault because she could no longer connect with Unit Two. He had died, and she had treated him terribly, and she knew it. She had cut into him, so many times. She wanted to say it was his fault. A part of her still thought it. It wasn't his fault, though, was it? It was her fault. And Seele's. She let him die, and Seele had killed him.

Shinji was dead.

One of the nurses exited the room, giving Asuka one more glimpse of Shinji's body. The nurse spied her, and assumed she was there waiting for news. He stepped over to her, looking very tired. "Your friend is going to be okay," he said. "He's breathing again, and we have him stable. His brain activity is erratic, but there…we just have to wait and see."

_Liar_, she thought, staring at him with exhaustion. She continued to stare at the nurse until he shrugged and turned to leave. "Just hang in there, kid," the nurse called, "It's all uphill from here."

_Liar_.

She continued to linger in the hallway, like a ghost haunting a grave, until she felt the urge to walk. To get away from this place of death. She turned and followed the hallway, letting herself drift along on her feet. A leaf in the flood. She had no clear destination in mind, no purpose or function beyond cutting on herself. Eating herself.

Shinji was dead.

It was her fault.

Shinji was dead, and it was her fault.

She chewed these thoughts like gristle, chewed on them until she realized she was in a familiar corridor near a familiar door. She stared at it, trying to place it, to understand why she recognized it. She then registered the name 'M. KATSURAGI' on the door. She stared at it, feeling very still in the moment. It was odd to her that this should be where she would gravitate. Was it her destination this entire time? She had let Shinji die. Seele had killed him. Misato, though…Misato had put him in Unit One. Misato bore some of the blame. Asuka narrowed her eyes, and opened the door.

Misato was behind her desk, her normal chair replaced with a stool. She leaned heavily over her desk, running a brush through the barrel of her disassembled handgun. The pieces were carefully arranged on a cloth in front of her, each in the spot it was meant to be. Misato glanced up for just a moment, registering Asuka's presence. She then turned back to her task.

"Finally got it back," she said. "I needed to clear my mind. This helps." She laid the barrel down, and looked back at Asuka. "How are you feeling?" The girl said nothing, and slowly drifted into the room. Misato waited patiently, as Asuka stood in the center of the room, hugging herself. "You haven't changed out of your Plug suit yet," Misato noted. Asuka said nothing.

"You don't need to wear it anymore…we're not under any kind of alert."

"…it's your fault," Asuka mumbled.

"What?"

"Shinji. He's dead. It's your fault." Asuka glared at the floor. "And mine. Don't pretend it's not your fault, either." Misato's mouth dropped open, and a look of panic registered on her face for a second. It then relaxed, and she leaned back with some difficulty.

"Who told you he was dead?" Misato asked.

"It's obvious," Asuka said. "Everyone's trying to pretend otherwise. He's dead, so why act like he's not?"

"Because unless something has happened in the last fifteen minutes, he's very much alive," Misato replied, somewhat testily.

"Stop lying!" Asuka shrieked. She trembled for a moment, hugging herself even tighter. "I can't stand it anymore. Everyone is always lying to me, and treating me like a little kid, and I can't stand it! Why can't you admit it? He's dead, and it's my fault, because I couldn't, I c-couldn't…and I tried, and…!"

"Asuka!" Misato tried to stand up, but slumped over the table. Asuka glanced up in surprise, having forgotten that Misato had been injured. She felt a strange stab of guilt she couldn't explain, and retreated a half-step. Misato steadied herself, breathing heavily. "Asuka…," she managed, "Listen to me…very carefully. Shinji is not dead. He's hurt, he's hurt very badly, but he's not dead. Do you understand?"

"…please…stop…don't lie to me."

"Asuka, I'm not lying."

"…you always lie. Everyone lies." Misato swallowed her reply, and slowly eased herself back down on the stool. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. Asuka stared at her sullenly, expecting an answer. The older woman sighed, and rubbed her eyes.

"How do you want me to respond to that?" Misato laid her hands on the table. "I can't. You've made your decision: everybody lies. We're all lying to you." Misato shrugged. Asuka stared at the ground. "Is that what you want to hear?" Asuka shook her head. "We're not…out…to get you. _I'm _not out to get you. I…." Misato sighed. "Asuka…what do you want me to do?"

"What?"

"I don't want to _convince_ you that I'm on your side, I…am so tired. I am at my limit, and I know that you are well past yours. I know that, but please know that…." Misato sighed, and shook her head. She then began to clean the handgun. Asuka studied the woman's meticulous movements, and cautiously approached the table. She stared at the disassembled weapon, watching as Misato oiled each piece, rubbing the oil in with a cloth. She set aside the cloth, and then began assembling the weapon with quick, careful motions. She completed the process with a quick functions check, racking the slide and checking the safety.

"…can I hold it?" Asuka asked.

"What?"

"Your gun. Can I hold it?"

"…why?" Misato studied Asuka.

"I…just want to…want to see how it feels." Misato squinted, trying to perceive what Asuka was thinking. She sighed, and, hesitantly, put the handgun down on the table. Asuka slowly reached for it, watching her fingers trembling and twitching hesitantly. She poked at the handgun, and slowly let her fingers curl around it. She picked up up, cradling it in both hands as she would a bird that had fallen out of its nest.

"…and how does it feel?" she asked.

"…not heavy," Asuka said. "I thought it would be."

"It's a USP. That means a lot of light components. It's a reliable weapon," Misato noted. Asuka's fingers tensed on it, squeezing the unyielding object.

"…it's not…really my fault, right?" She swallowed. "I'm…I tried…I tried so hard. I really did." She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I…."

"Asuka, it's not your fault," Misato said. "It's truly not. It's…I know how you've been trying. It was…." Misato coughed. "It was wrong…it was wrong of me to put you in this situation. I'm not saying I wouldn't, even if I had the same choices. You have to understand, Asuka, this position…I have to do things, sometimes, that I don't like. I simply have to. Does that make sense?"

"I think so."

"It's not your fault, though. You did what you could, and it just didn't happen. That's not your fault."

"…it's Seele's."

"What?"

"They killed Kaji. And they k…they…almost killed…Shinji." Asuka swallowed, and glanced up at Misato. "They did that. Right?"

"Yes."

"It's their fault."

"…yes."

"…they should die for that."

"…they should," Misato said slowly, concerned with Asuka's tone, but not entirely in disagreement. The girl hesitantly put the handgun down on the table.

"…I can't Pilot anymore." Asuka returned her hands to her elbows, hugging herself tightly.

"Asuka, we don't know that."

"I can't," she asserted. "I…am not useful. I have no purpose anymore."

"That's not—"

"What are you going to do about Seele?" Misato blinked, trying to follow the girl's twisting conversation.

"At the moment, there's not a whole lot we _can_ do," Misato replied. "We're hurt and trying to recover. We're exposed at the moment, we're down a Pilot for the time being…I know you're having trouble Piloting, but I'm not sure if _Shinji _can Pilot again. And the Fourth Division is helping us now, but for how long? The government is still in a state of flux."

"So you're not going to do anything?"

"I didn't say that," Misato answered. "It's just hard to think that far ahead at the moment. I do intend to do something…but first things first." She folded her hands on the table. "We have to protect Adam. That's our priority."

"It would be better to protect it if we go after Seele," Asuka mumbled.

"I don't disagree: we just…don't have the ability at the moment."

"But we might, right?"

"At some point, yes."

"…would you let me…do that?"

"Do what?" Asuka stared at the handgun meaningfully, and Misato's eyes narrowed in thought. "That? You mean…why? Why would you want to?"

"…I need to…be…I have to…do…something…." She trailed off, unable to say what she wanted, what she felt. She shook her head, feeling silly. She swallowed as Misato extended an arm and placed an index finger squarely on the pistol. She stared at Asuka.

"I won't say no, but you do know what you're asking?"

"…have you ever killed anyone before?" Asuka asked.

"…yes."

"…how does it feel?"

"I don't really have the words to describe it," Misato said. "It's…one of those things that can't really be put into words. It doesn't feel good, that's for certain. It feels…." She shrugged. "It feels as it feels."

Asuka nodded, and sniffed. "I want to do that."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I want to…whenever you decide to do something."

"What if I say no?" Asuka glared at her, but said nothing. "I see," Misato said. She sighed, and spun the pistol on the table, catching the grip with her thumb and guiding it up into her waiting palm. The action made Asuka flinch, and she stepped back. "I'll tell you what," Misato said, picking up the pistol and loading a magazine. "Let's see what tomorrow brings. One step at a time. Once we have a better idea of where we're going…then ask me again. In the mean time…I strongly suggest you think about what you're asking." Misato gave Asuka a very hard look, one the girl had never seen from the woman before. She tried to meet it, but it was withering, and too cold to keep for long.

"…yes," she mumbled.

"Good." Misato holstered her pistol. "You should go shower and change. Shinji might need someone to keep him company."

"Doesn't need me," Asuka grumped, sneering slightly.

"Then why were you moping around his emergency suite?" Misato asked. Asuka glanced away, grimacing. "You're one of my Pilots, Asuka: you should know I'll keep tabs on you. And not just because I need you." Misato crossed her arms. "I do worry about you." Asuka shrugged, and turned to leave.

"He'll be all right," Misato said. Asuka froze. "He's like you, in that way. Even when he has nothing left to give, he'll keep coming back again and again. It's why I worry about him. And you. I don't know if it's courage, or stubbornness, or fear. Maybe stupidity, I don't know. You both share that, though. You should remember that."

Asuka turned back as if to say something, and then shook her head and hurried out of the office.


	15. Dice

"Well done, all things considered," the Voice said. "We lost an entire detachment of CRF troops, a few SF teams, and several of the hardest hitting reporters in Japan's new media community…oh, and their news crews, of course." He sniffed. "I have yet to hear your casualties, but I imagine there were a few."

"There were a few," Misato mumbled, rubbing her eyes. Unit One had finally been stowed, the Fourth had returned to their former positions around the GeoFront, and Fuyutsuki was taking the sole watch on the bridge while Aoba and Hyuga napped. Maya was asleep as well, despite being on virtually no painkillers: they were waiting for a surreptitious re-supply from the JGSDF, by way of the JSSDF…it was all very complicated, very hush-hush. The hostage situation in the Foundry had resolved itself rather anti-climatically, with the hostage takers simply walking, unarmed, to the picket and surrendering. No questions asked.

Shinji had not woken up.

"It was unfortunate, in the long run, but you repulsed Seele and gave them a bit of a scare, I warrant. They weren't anticipating having any of their Evangelion permanently disabled, did they?"

"No. And I think they want to reassess what to do now that we have access to those carcasses."

"Why do you think they didn't attempt to initiate Impact?"

"Perhaps they felt they couldn't control the event with only three Evangelion. Maybe there's a minimum requirement. Your guess is as good as mine."

"Ah."

Misato sniffed, and drummed her fingers on the table. "If they come back, we might not be able to stop them."

"That's a problem for the future. We have enough issues for the present."

"How has the UN responded to the battle?"

"Not well. They want to know why a Nerv Evangelion attacked and repulsed their Special Response Team. They're upset. We may take some flak for this."

"May?"

"Certainly will. China is very eager to jump on the bandwagon, as are several other East Asian countries. The United States is uncertain how to act, but we can trust them to hesitate: one of the benefits of a strategic alliance."

"This means you'll be presenting evidence of Seele's crimes to the UN, correct?"

"In time."

_In time_. Misato's lips curled up in a silent snarl. Of course, not yet, maybe later. The Voice was clever, and it was holding all of the cards close to the chest. It would sit on the evidence for as long as it needed to, to increase the benefit to themselves. That, of course, did Nerv-Tokyo no favors whatsoever. The longer that information was held, the more the Japanese government of the moment could deny involvement with what was happening. And worse, the GeoFront was open and exposed, and the Fourth still had enough troops and equipment to be combat effective.

Misato felt very vulnerable at the moment. It made her angry.

"Of course," she grumbled.

"In the meantime, I suggest you see to your defenses. They took a nasty knock, so be sure to line 'em up again, yes?"

"Took the words out of my mouth," Misato hissed. The line clicked, and she dropped the phone on the desk. She was frustrated, and furious, and still scared. They were exposed. The world had yet to learn what was happening.

Shinji had not woken up.

Cautiously…against the advice of everyone she had seen in the last several hours…she pushed herself to her feet. Her back felt like a crimped straw, and just as sturdy. She hissed, feeling her legs tremble as her weight settled. She tried to move away from the table, but it felt too tenuous to attempt. She lowered herself rapidly, back to the chair. She put her forehead down on the table, covered her head with her hands, and began crying. Bawling, actually. It was the last straw, and she had held it together long enough.

Shinji wouldn't wake up. Kaji was dead. Her GeoFront was in ruins. Her best friend couldn't be trusted. Asuka had all but asked her permission to go and kill people. The one person who was protecting her through this was a faceless puppet-master that had just carried out a successful coup against her own government, and she couldn't even be certain that that very government wasn't just a dupe like the rest of them. She had no idea of the Angelic attacks were over, no idea if Seele would try again, no clue if there wasn't some other trick waiting around the corner: some extra N2 device, some agent-in-waiting with a knife in the dark, something, _anything_. It was all piling up faster than she could handle, and to top it all off, she couldn't even stand up because something…_something_…had gone wrong inside. Something was off, something was broken, and she couldn't stand anymore, and she probably would never be able to stand again.

And Kaji was dead.

She bawled like a child on the desk, saliva and mucous puddling under her face as she hugged her head and wept openly. She was so damned _tired_. She wanted to give up and go home, but she couldn't. She couldn't take three steps beyond the perimeter of what was left topside, or she would be target by who knows how many agencies that Seele had crawled into.

As she leaned on the desk, the stool beneath her tilted and slid sideways. She tried to catch herself, but her useless legs dragged her down, and she landed hard on her rear end. So there she sat, legs splayed under her desk, hands hesitantly propping herself up, bawling up to the sky with all the weight of the world on her. And her nose, chin, and ass all hurt. Life was unfair, and she was done with it.

"…Major?" She opened her eyes. Fuyutsuki leaned over her desk, his brow furrowed. She stared at him, snuffling, and he stared back, clearly unsure of what to do. Misato opened her mouth to try and explain the situation. To try and put on the command face, to take charge of it again.

"_I fell down!_" she warbled, "_And I'm through with it! I can't take it anymore, and Kaji's dead, and I can't stand up and—_" At this point, her words became quite incomprehensible, and Fuyutsuki swallowed, glancing back at the door. He teetered for a moment, listening to Misato blubber herself into hysterics, before grabbing a free chair and sliding it over to her.

"Now…Maj…Katsu…." He coughed. "_Misato_." He leaned over. "You haven't slept very much in the last forty-eight hours."

"_I know_!"

"And you have had to put on the brave face for a lot of people, and it is a lot of stress."

"_I know_!"

"And…I know you're feeling a little…scared at the moment, for—"

"_I KNOW_!"

"…Just breathe," he said, extending his hands with his palms out. Misato heaved awkwardly for a few minutes, each loud gasp a shaky rattle in and a quivering whimper out. Fuytuski's expression was blank, but his lips pinched together. After five minutes, Misato grabbed the fallen stool like a sullen child and propped it next to her. Using the table for leverage and only the strength of her arms, she hoisted herself up and placed herself carefully on the stool. "Do you feel better?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"I don't feel anything," she mumbled. "I'm so tired. I'm so…_tired_." She glanced up at him. "How do _you_ manage it?"

"I'm not the one in charge, for one," he said, "And I'm sixty, for another. You'd be surprised the difference time can make."

"On what?"

"Many things. Suffice it to say that it takes a lot to get me worked up these days." He rested his hands on his knees. "It wasn't always that way, you know."

"If you say so." She snuffled. "Why are you here?"

"Lt. Hyuga finished his nap and took over. I came to check up on you."

"Oh."

"…So what's next?"

"Huh?" Misato squinted at him.

"We have a moment to breathe. Where do we go from here?"

"I don't _know_!" she grumbled. "I've tried so hard to avoid an Impact scenario, and now that I have…I don't know what to do next. I have no _clue _where to go from here. What if Seele comes again? We can't stop them. Not a second time, and I don't think our Mysterious Benefactor is going to make things easy for us."

"Not releasing the Seele findings?"

"No." She rubbed her eyes. "No." She swallowed, and looked up towards the ceiling. "And we have the Fourth just breathing down our necks. Whose side are they on, anyways?"

"That's the big question," Fuyutsuki noted, crossing his arms and closing his eyes in thought. "It's JSSDF: they go by their own rules, their own command structure. There could be any number of Seele agents in their organization pulling the strings. Not to add stress to your situation, but they could come at any time." He glanced up, and saw Misato staring at the ceiling, her eyes glazed. "Misato?" he asked. "Did you hear a word I just said?"

"…whose side…?" Misato mumbled. She glanced down at Fuyutsuki, and the older man flinched in surprise by how hard and determined her eyes were. "I've gambled every single throw of the dice up to this point."

"What?"

"Every Angel attack, every…difficulty…I've just run with my instincts, right?"

"You planned your way through those situations, Misato, don't sell yourself short."

"That's not what I'm saying." She gripped at the table for stability. "Just…I know there was planning, but I always followed my gut. Then and now. That's right, right?"

"That's…correct. I will admit that."

"And I generally gamble right when it counts. Don't I?"

"I can't answer that—"

"_Don't I_!?"

"…yes. Generally." The woman nodded, her intensity growing.

"…if I make one more gamble, do you think it might pay off?"

"What are you saying?"

"…do you trust me, Kozo?" He was taken aback by her familiarity, and the racing note of desperation and eagerness in her tone.

"…I never stopped trusting you, Misato," he answered. "You were always a reliable subordinate, and I think you've made a reliable leader." Misato nodded, grateful for the words.

"I hate to make you walk on your leg," she said, gesturing at his taped ankle, "But this is important…and I need to talk to Hyuga face-to-face. _And _you."

"I'll go wake Aoba, then…."

"Forget the Bridge for a moment!" Misato snapped. "It's not important! Just get Hyuga here." She swallowed, and grinned. It looked mad for just a moment, before settling into a sneer that was downright audacious. "I think I can buy us one more day."

* * *

><p>The Fourth Division, like any respectable forward-deployment reserve, maintained a sizable fleet of aircraft. The majority of them were modern YAGR-model aircraft, in both gunship and troop carrying varieties, with a number of forward observation and command and control variants. They still utilized rotary wing aircraft, though, specifically OH-6s, CH-47s, and a number of 'Super Soft' UH-60s. None of them matched the original specifications of their parent models, and were modified to the point of being entirely separate aircraft, ideal for the Fourth Division's strategic role. Especially in regards to insertions.<p>

Five of these rotary wing craft cut towards the center of the blasted GeoFront, two CH-47s with medical personnel and a trio of OH-6s outfitted with combat and electronic warfare packages. They cut through the simmering dust clouds and residual smoke columns, aiming for a landing zone designated near the Command Center's pyramid. The OH-6s took up an over-watch position in orbit above the CH-47s as they began to descend, waved in by Nerv personnel and hemmed in by red smoke grenades marking the limits of the zone. They landed with a precision and grace that belied the mass of the double-rotor helicopters, and their hatches opened to disgorge JSSDF personnel in their tell-tale body gloves. They hurried forward with crates of basic medical necessities, followed by personnel carrying briefcases and assault packs crammed with the gear necessary to set up a very temporary command point for their assessment. They hurried across the hot earth, guided in by armed Nerv security troopers, and disappeared into a recently repaired access hatch.

The troops marched to a suite set aside for their purposes, with an ever present security watch following their every movements. They began setting up their equipment and opening crates with a detached practice, checking through their items and arranging them for rapid set-up or easy distribution. As this occurred, a cluster of JSSDF officers began to funnel through the GeoFront with Nerv handlers, to determine what was needed and how rapidly. They dispersed in ones and twos, with electronic pads to mark their observations and take notes.

One Captain followed his handler towards the command decks, further from his JSSDF colleagues and away from damaged areas. He marched steadily behind the Nerv trooper, not inspecting or observing. His eyes were locked forward, and he moved with purpose. He knew where he was going, and what he was there for.

The pair approached a conference room door. "In here, sir," the Nerv trooper said, and stood aside to allow the officer access. The Captain did not acknowledge him, but waited for the trooper to open the door, and stepped through.

Inside, a woman sat slumped over the main table. A young Nerv lieutenant with glasses, and an older man in a Nerv command uniform flanked her. The 'Captain' waited for the door to close behind him, and removed his helmet and goggles. He regarded the room, sniffed, and approached the table.

"You must be Katsuragi," he said, putting his helmet on the table. "We have a whole dossier on you. It was theorized you were one of the ringleaders of this farce. I am under the impression, however, that you are actually the one in charge." He glanced up. "Am I right?"

"Fishing will get you so far without your identity," the woman replied. The 'Captain' shrugged, and removed an ID card from a chest-pocket. The Lieutenant circled the table and took it from him, and brought it to Misato. She studied it for a moment, and nodded. "I recognize you, now. You're a little grayer in the temples, and I think you broke your nose since I last saw you. You were also a Lieutenant-Colonel, then."

"We've met, I take it?"

"No, but I observed you. I was a Lieutenant in Nerv's Tactical wing at the time. That was at the UN conference in Jakarta, on refugee populations and security concerns. You were one of the keynote speakers."

"Hmm." The 'Captain' raised an eyebrow. "Flattery gets you so far, Katsuragi."

"It wasn't intended to be: I thought your points were redundant," she said. "And it's 'Major.'" She stood awkwardly, and the Lieutenant was poised to assist her. After she straightened as best she could, she eyed the 'Captain.' "Welcome to Nerv, General."

"…Major," he conceded, and relaxed slightly. She flicked the card across the table with a finger, and squashed it with his own, slipping it off the surface and back into his pocket. "So…you have me here. What do you want?"

"To tell you what's going on," she grunted, lowering herself down again. "I figure you would like to know."

"I have a fair idea already. Don't let that stop you from telling me _your_ side of things."

"My side?" Misato smiled, and relaxed. "I'm trying to stop the end of the world." The General snickered, and Misato's smile became wooden. "What's funny about that?"

"So melodramatic. 'The end of the world.' More to the point, I'm more concerned with you starting it."

"Why would we do that?"

"You tell me: I have it on authority that there is a 'sickness' here. That you all have been so corrupted by constant exposure to what's downstairs…" He stamped a foot for emphasis. "…that you all think you're doing the right thing."

"…you don't believe that." It wasn't a question or denial, and the General shrugged.

"Of course not: the events of the past forty-eight hours are too convoluted to believe that crap. You had plenty of opportunity to make things go your way before this, and you haven't. You have my curiosity." He pointed a finger at her. "Mildly. I'm still wondering why I shouldn't come down here and handle the whole situation just to be safe."

"Still confused about your orders?" Misato asked. "Two conflicting sets, and you aren't clear which way to jump." The General didn't reply, but Misato shrugged. "If it's any consolation, I have no more trust for the new bosses in the New Kantei than you do."

"Coups are funny like that," the General said. "And I don't like being cooped up here dealing with this while _that_ is happening."

"Why haven't you, then? You as in…the JSSDF. You're not the only unit here."

"It's complicated."

"…The Self-Defense Forces are preventing you from doing so." Misato nodded. "I see…bring the country to the brink of civil war, and let it hang for a moment. No one wants to make the first move, which buys time. That's clever."

"I'm sorry?"

"A long story. Here: how would you like to be in a position to affect the outcome?"

"Huh." The General crossed his arms, and waited.

"This is deeper than a mutiny in Nerv," Misato said. "You were right: there is a group in Nerv trying to initiate an Impact event. But it's not us." She glanced at the Lieutenant, and the young man produced a data disk. He approached the General and handed it over.

"What's this?"

"Have you ever heard of Seele, General?"

"No."

"Now you have, and you're in it." Misato folded her hands together. "There were certain people in the Defense Ministry pushing very hard for you to strike, right? A few voices: bureaucrats or consultants insisting that we needed to be handled."

"Yes."

"I would avoid contact with them for the time being. At least until you've had a chance to see that."

"So this a smoking gun?"

"Something like that. I can tell you it's the reason we are in this situation right now."

"…Seele," he muttered.

"Yes."

"What is that?"

Misato traced a shape on the table with her fingers. "They're the organization that runs Nerv. They also ran Gehirn back when that was around. They've been planning a long time for an eventual Impact event. We never knew. We were helping them to that end, and…we never knew." Her face tightened, and she grimaced. "We know now."

"…that's a story," the General rumbled. "And that's all it is. You can tell any story you want in these circumstances." Misato didn't reply, but merely pointed at the disk. The General regarded it, and then looked back at Misato. He was pondering something, and he smiled in a strange and unpleasant way.

"I am considering a unilateral sweep of this facility in twelve hours," he said. "I am very aware that you have no defenses to stop me."

"No."

"What do you say to that? Knowing that now?"

"I have nothing to say," Misato said. "I've tried everything I can to hold off what's coming. I can't trust the people who brought me this far to carry it on." She shrugged. "I'm taking a gamble on you, General."

"You're holding something back," he said, pocketing the disk. "You're being honest, I think…about wanting to hold off Impact. I don't know why, but you clearly seem to think that." He put a finger against his forehead. "I can read people: it comes with the territory. You have to network and know people to get that first star, after all." He squinted. "You…have something else in your mind. Another reason for this. You want me to take a look at this, Major, you needed to be open with me."

The woman studied the General for a moment, and grimaced. "You know who our Pilots are."

"Yes."

"…Children…shouldn't be soldiers." Her hands tightened at that, a small grasping motion. The General studied her for a long time, and nodded to himself.

"I'll see what's on this disk. You have twelve-hours, Major. Starting when I leave." Misato shrugged, and lowered her head. The General studied her body language, and snickered. "You're that confident I can be convinced?"

"I expect to hear your apology in five hours," Misato said quietly. The General studied her a moment more, glanced at the two other Nerv members present, and shrugged. He turned, and left without another word.

* * *

><p>Hyuga was the first to break the silence. "I don't like this," he mumbled. "They've had an opportunity to observe the GeoFront firsthand. This was nothing more than a recon for them." Fuyutsuki said nothing, studying the table in front of him.<p>

"Major," Hyuga insisted, but the woman waved him off.

"There's no point in keeping them out," she said. "We can't stop them, we wouldn't even stall them. It's amazing we've made it this far." She shook her head. "We have one last throw of the dice, and we're either going to win big with this, or lose hard. That's been the game up to this point: win big, or die trying."

"There has to be other options."

"This is our last option. It's out of our hands, so we just need to...wait." She sighed, and closed her eyes. "Has...Shinji woken up yet?"

"No, ma'am."

"...okay. Could you both excuse me for a moment? I just need some...time to process." Without a word, Hyuga and Fuyutsuki exited the room, leaving the Major alone in her thoughts.

One more gamble. One more throw of the dice. Just...one more shot. She swallowed. Maybe they could make it to one more day. And a day after. Keep your head down and keep moving. Maybe things would pay off. Maybe.

And maybe Shinji would wake up soon. Misato didn't know, and continued to trace shapes with her fingers on the table-top in silence.


	16. Mistakes

Asuka lingered next to the door, shuffling in place like a piece of paper caught in a storm drain. She tried to look at the bed, but her eyes could never quite make the jump. She wanted to leave, but that would mean leaving. She wanted to stay, but she didn't know why.

She was trapped in a tiny eternity, all her own, between her, the door, the bed, and the boy. Forward and backward, side to side like a little girl needing to use the facilities. So useless, so awkward, so ashamed, and why should she be? There was no meaning to it. No point, or purpose. She lingered for no good reason, and she hated it. And she needed it. She swallowed, and her gaze finally, fitfully, fixed on Shinji. He lay on the bed, his Plug suit gone and wearing a hospital gown. He didn't look like he was peacefully sleeping, or dreaming, or elsewhere but not here…he looked dead.

The girl swallowed and slowly, fitfully, drifted across the room to stand next to the bed. She still wore her Plug suit, and her fingers trembled up her arm, feeling the second-skin sense of the suit against her flesh. She stared at him sideways, physically turning away but locking her eyes on the body. She swallowed, and raised her head up, a sneer of disdain cutting her lips.

"You deserve it, I think," she mumbled. "Idiot…charging in like that…that's what happens to idiots." She closed her eyes, shook her head. Was he an idiot for charging in? Or an idiot because he had no choice? He had no choice. None of them had any choice. "Baka…baka…baka," she grated. "You just…had to fight…and win. That's what you do, that's what you do, and instead you're here, and I'm all that's left, and I'm _useless_, and it's your fault I don't know how it is but it is—"

She swallowed, and stared down at the boy. Impulsively, she reached out and picked up his hand. He didn't respond, and she let it drop to his side. She leaned over, and lifted one of his eyelids with her thumb. She stared at the empty eyeball, rolled up and unfocused in the skull. The blue, almost gray color made it look like a piece of stone. "Look at me," she grated. There was no reply, and she felt a great sense of loss she couldn't explain. "_Look _at me," she insisted, pushing down on his head as if to force the eye to change direction. To refocus on her. There was no reply, and she felt that hurt and anger. Ignored again, because he probably was dead and the adults just love…_lying_…to you….

"_LOOK AT ME_!"

The eyeball slid down in the socket and focused on her with a rapid and terrible intensity. Asuka cried out and jerked back, feeling as though something…else…had looked at her in that moment. She retreated to the foot of the bed, and held her hands up to her face as though to hide. Shinji's eyes were closed again, and he hadn't moved.

"_Damn_ you!" she cried out. "You _scared_ me! You scared me, you awful…you…." She swallowed, and waited for a response. Shinji did not reply. Slowly, she crept back up the length of the bed, nervously reaching out and opening his eye again.

The eye continued to focus on her. She froze, as though in stillness she would be unseen. The eye lingered on her for a moment more, and then tilted sharply to the left. Then down, and across, and back. It shivered, and jumped, and then froze. She swallowed, and released his eyelid. When she did, his lips twitched for a moment, as though speaking, but then stopped. Asuka hugged herself, and sat down on the bed. Something was leaving in her. Something was checking out, and leaving behind a whole mess of pain and hurt in its wake. She recognized it as hope when the last little scrap of it was finally gone. She closed her eyes, and slumped on the bed.

"…I don't want to be alone," she mumbled, to no one in particular.

* * *

><p>Misato stared at the Phone, waiting. She didn't know what it was, or when it would come, but she waited. She supposed she should try and sleep, but what would it matter? She wanted to be awake and facing it when…it came. Whatever <em>it<em> was.

She checked her watch again. Six hours ago, the General had departed with his little disk, and left his casual threat in his wake. He was right, of course: it didn't matter. Misato knew that the Fourth would move if they felt they needed to, and there was simply nothing left to stop them. It was simply waiting to see what would come first: the reprieve, or the ax. Strangely, she didn't feel anxiety anymore. She didn't even feel fear. She felt bored, if anything. It was as though, by handing that disk over, she had handed a chunk of her burdens over as well. Everything felt light in comparison, even this silent watch. She cracked her fingers, and shifted awkwardly.

…what to do with Rei?

She hadn't had time to consider that, really. Now was as a good a time as ever. A clone of the Commander's wife, infused with the soul…or soul stuff, or…something…something from a god. That was the term that Ritsuko used. A god. What god? The Angels were all gods, in the most literal sense of the term. Did that make Rei an Angel, then? A soul from one of the very things they were trying to kill?

That was unnerving. She thought back to that conversation with the Commander…played it through her mind again. She remembered when she accused him of creating Rei.

"_Who said I created her?"_

"…_the Vice-Commander."_

"_He said that, did he? Interesting."_

Interesting…why would he find that interesting? She had the memory of filing it away, of making a point to question Fuyutsuki about it…and then the bomb fell…and things got so damned muddled….

…why would he create a clone of his wife if he thought Third Impact was inevitable? He had been _insistent_ on that point, that it was unstoppable. He believed, honestly believed, that there was no stopping it. And, loathe as she was to admit it…Misato seemed to detect that he did not, indeed, _want_ that outcome. He still believed it would happen, though….

So why Rei? Misato traced a circle in her palm with her index finger. Rei was a clone of Gendo's dead wife…a man who missed her dearly…and was willing to accept the inevitability of an event he disagreed with at a certain level….

…that thing in his hand….

There was a connection here, and Misato didn't know what it was, or how it all worked together. She would need to ask Gendo, assuming he woke up again. Coming down face first on that table after colliding with the ceiling had, unfortunately, fractured his skull and left him unconscious. It was now a waiting game to see if he woke up, or if his brain was swelling…or if it just switched off altogether. The most wonderful of ambiguous places…not enough to worry, but just enough to be concerned.

She checked her watch. Six hours and twenty-three minutes. She cocked an eyebrow, and sighed. She rubbed her forehead, and tried to grasp that thread of logic again when the Phone rang. She answered it.

"Yes?" she said, her tone tired.

"You frigging moron." Misato's eyebrow quirked up. The tone was bland, calm…almost defeated.

"I didn't catch that."

"You…stupid…idiotic…jackass. Do you have _any_ idea what you've done?"

"At the moment, no. Why don't you fill me in?"

"The press…is running stories…about Seele." The Voice scoffed. "It's everywhere. All over the Internet, every…every channel. All of it. Leaked by the Defense Ministry."

"That was quick," Misato sighed, feeling light. Light as a feather. Lighter than air. She felt her lips curling into a grin despite herself. One more day…and another one, and another one, and…sure, why not, let's add a whole week to that!

"…that was quick."

"I didn't think the General would put it out the day of: I just wanted him to hold off on killing us all. That's better than expected."

"…can you really be this naive? You…you are, aren't you?"

"If that's the direction you're going, then let's be frank: you never planned on releasing that information. It was safe for you to sit back and see which way the wind blew. Well, guess what: I'm not a worm on a hook, and I have people I'm responsible for. And in this little waiting game, they've been hurt, and in some cases died. We can't hold of the end forever, and the long Seele was hidden, the more likely it was going to happen. You weren't holding up you're end of things, so I did it for you."

"You honestly have no clue…none whatsoever. We needed to release this at the right time. Do you understand that? This isn't about the short-game, you idiot, this is about the long-game. We needed to be able to corner Seele, to release that information when it could have the greatest impact. Now? We still have agents of theirs in our government. You _attacked_ them when they sent their Evangelion to the GeoFront, which means _we_ attacked them. We have to defend this action to the UN. While we have to clean out our country. Do you understand what that means?

"Seele may have had suspicions before, but they are _confirmed_ now. You bought yourself a day? Congratulations: if you waited a little longer, you could have bought yourself a _year_."

Misato closed her eyes, considering her possible responses. None came to her. She closed the Phone and disconnected the line. After a minute, the Phone rang. Misato picked it up and threw it across the room. It continued to ring from the corner it landed. She sighed, and shifted on the stool.

…Had she made a mistake?

She slumped over the table, running it through her mind. All the variables…could she have made a mistake in releasing that information in the manner she had? She didn't see how, and assumed the Voice was being petulant. It had been outmaneuvered, outflanked. Whoever it was had lost his grip on Misato, and now Nerv-Tokyo was gaining breathing room.

And yet….

The door opened, and Hyuga stepped in. He was about to say something when he noted the phone ringing in the corner. "I was coming down to tell you that the stuff about Seele is getting splashed across the news…but it sounds like you already know."

"They called up to let me know what an idiot I was," Misato said. "I think it's fair to say we may have burned a bridge."

"Was that wise to do? They control the New Kantei."

"And I think the JSSDF may be on our side at the moment. At least the group outside…have they said anything about us?"

"The Fourth held a press conference, released their side of things. They painted a fairly good picture of us. Clinical, but…not inaccurate."

"…that'll work."

"…what's on your mind, ma'am?"

"I think I made a mistake."

"How?"

"…It's irrelevant." She stood unsteadily, using the table to brace herself as she worked around it towards the door. "What's done is done. We'll just have to work through it. In the meantime…I guess I can finally go to Medical."

"Better late than never, ma'am," Hyuga said, extending an arm. Misato grabbed for it and clambered onto Hyuga, allowing him to slip an arm around her waist and take most of the weight off of her feet. She leaned heavily into him as they exited the room.

"What's next, then?" Hyuga asked.

"Hell if I know," she sighed. "I just want to sleep…." They stepped down the hallway, slowly and with cautious steps. The Phone remained in the conference room, ringing and being ignored. In time, it stopped.


	17. Caution

Asuka gasped, jerking awake. She felt like she was falling, like the world had suddenly teeter-tottered away from her, and now she was staring around frantically. She was still in the chair. Still in the slick cling of the Plug Suit. Still in the sterile room. Shinji was still there before her, unconscious. Not awake.

She was still alone.

What was she dreaming of? She didn't know. She couldn't remember. She groaned, and shifted in the chair. Her heart was pounding, and she felt a small tremor of the soul. She sniffed, and glanced around. The room was painfully silent. Even Shinji's breathing was a far-away, distant thing. She focused on the breathing, measuring it and hoarding it away. She settled into the chair, wanting to fall back asleep but no longer tired. Strangely…she felt bored.

Guilt welled up in her, a strange and odd feeling. She had no clue why she felt guilty, but she did. She shifted, being grabbed the urge to go and do…something. She didn't know what, but she had the urge to leave the room, and the more the urge gripped her…the more guilty she felt. She stood up and began pacing. She glanced down at Shinji. What if he woke up?

Why did she care?

…did she care?

"Don't get any ideas," she hissed at Shinji. As usual, he had no real argument to offer. She sniffed, and gazed hungrily at the door. Then back at Shinji. "Look, I'm just gonna…I'm gonna go," she mumbled. "Uh…don't…I mean, I'll…uh…." She grumbled without words for a few minutes. "I'm gonna go," she said lamely, and hurried for the door.

Stepping into the hallway, she was surprised by the sheer lack of activity. The medical staff lingered through the corridors like ghosts, talking quietly if at all. They radiated waves of exhaustion, beating against Asuka. She watched them with an odd sense of apprehension, as though she was intruding. Swallowing a nugget of nervousness, she scurried down the hall, fleeing from this place of confusing feelings and sideways senses. She didn't know where she wanted to go…she didn't know where she was _allowed _to go. She simply went, hoping her feet knew their destination.

The more she walked, the more she was assaulted with the reality of their situation. The smells of heated metal and burning electronics, of human sweat and the sickly, sour-sweet smell of panic. That melange somewhere between excrement and vomit, of blood and breath. She hurried through the cloud, angling for some sort of familiar place, or, in the very least…so place of safety. Stability. Strength.

As it was, Asuka found herself gravitating towards the Command Bridge. As she drew closer to the areas that she knew surrounded that hub, she found it more natural to push closer and closer to the bridge. No one stopped her. No one seemed to notice her, in fact: it was as though she had faded from reality, sifting into some sort of alternate plane. She was smoke. She was water. She was nothing at all.

She approached the entrance, and the two guards gave her the most cursory of glances before she drifted between them and into the vast space. It was cooler here, not stuffy. The sick-sweet stench was gone, replaced with the smell of cold and emptiness. She slowed, feeling a slight hesitation before swallowing and pushing forward again. The space opened before her, and she looked up at the massive display screens. They all were tuned to various news channels, displaying a quilt-patchwork of information and images.

"Hey, there." Asuka swallowed, and turned towards Misato. The woman was braced against her chair in an awkward lean. "How's Shinji?"

"…the same."

"I see."

"Uh…what's happening…out…?"

"The same." Misato smiled ruefully. "Nothing, actually."

"Oh." Asuka sighed heavily, and gazed up at the screen. Half of them were images of the New Kantei, the other were just people talking. Talk-talk-talking. She rubbed her right eye with the heel of her hand, and glanced at Misato.

"You look sleepy."

"I don't feel sleepy."

"I'd guess not." Misato turned towards the only other person on the bridge. Lt. Hyuga was snoring lightly, slumped in his chair. "He's not supposed to be sleeping, you know, but I don't have the heart to wake him up. He keeps taking shifts for Aoba. Of course…Aoba won't take any painkillers. He doesn't want to waste them when there are others who might need them more." Misato awkwardly reached for a cup sitting on the console, cautiously picking it up. "I should be yelling at them for that, you know, but I just can't." Asuka didn't have anything to say to that. She drifted slowly over to one of the unoccupied chairs and sat down, putting her hands in her lap as she gazed at the monitor in front of her.

"…everybody's waiting on everybody else," Misato sighed.

"Huh?" Asuka turned back to the older woman. Misato pointed at the screen.

"The whole world knows, now. They all know about Seele, and the conspiracy. There's a lot of arguing, it seems, but I can't really tell what's going on abroad. Here, though…everyone is just waiting. I don't know what they're waiting for, but I can feel it. In my gut…there's something just lingering there, and all it will take is just a little…tip." She sucked on her teeth. "It's like…a boulder just sitting on the edge of a cliff. Everyone is waiting to see who'll tip it first. No one wants to do anything until they see who pushes it."

"…what happens when the boulder falls?" Asuka asked.

"…I don't know." Misato shrugged. "I just don't know. Nothing good, I imagine. We'll probably be in the middle of it, of course. The important thing is to try and ensure that we aren't."

"How?" Misato gave the girl an inquisitive glance. Asuka felt oddly naked under the scrutiny: she had the urge to snap back, but there was something about Misato's eyes that was different. It made her shrink down in the chair. Before Misato could answer, though, all of the monitors began to flicker to the New Kantei. The synchronized flicker caught Misato's eye, and she looked up at the screen. Something was happening.

"Makoto," Misato snapped. The lieutenant didn't respond. "Makoto! Mak—damn it." Misato fished a pin from her coat pocket, and chunked it at Lt. Hyuga's head. It hit him right behind the ear. He jerked awake, flinging his arms out in front of him.

"It wasn't Paris!" he snapped.

"Makoto!" Misato said again. He turned in his chair, still disoriented. "Something's happening." Misato pointed at the screen. Lt. Hyuga looked up, furrowing his brow. He leaned over and tapped at the keyboard in front of him, drawing up one of the images. It was of roach-like, black vehicles trundling up to the facade of the New Kantei. After a second, there was a snap as the audio turned on.

"—appears that elements of the NPA have just pulled up in front of the New Kantei," a voice said. "I'm not certain, but I think these may be the Special Assault Teams." The vehicles began to angle themselves. Out of their rear hatches, black and armored shapes scurried out, some with shields and all of them with rifles. As soon as they did, the distinct pop-pop of gunfire ensued. The figures began to push towards the structure, huddled in orderly rows behind the ballistic shields. The pop-pop began a sudden long, solid rip of noise, heavier caliber weapons that halted, shuddered, and broke the columns. A few of the figures made it to the New Kantei, huddling against the structure. Others retreated back to the safety of the armored vehicles.

There were many that did neither, and simply lay on the ground. A few squirmed.

There were a lot of bodies on the ground.

The reporter was still talking, but Misato said, "Turn off the audio." Lt. Hyuga obliged as Misato pulled at her lip. "I'm not out of this yet," she mumbled, to no one in particular. Asuka wondered what she meant by that, but before she could ask, Misato asked, "Did we establish that connection to the Fourth's Field-HQ?"

"Yes, ma'am." Misato nodded. She seemed to be torn between a decision, nodding her head to the left and then right in thought.

"Hum." She inhaled deeply. "We'll wait."

"For…wait for what?" Lt. Hyuga asked. Misato said nothing, slumping against the chair. Asuka hugged herself, slouching and watching Misato. The woman had changed in the last few days. She seemed more subdued. Less reckless than she had been before, less…exuberant. That was a lie, of course: that same recklessness was still there. It seemed to have become cold, somehow. It was fascinating to watch.

Lt. Hyuga turned to his console as it began beeping. "We have a priority comm package from the Fourth Division's Field-HQ."

"Open it. Main channel," Misato said, rubbing the back of her head. There was a crackle.

"Major?" a grating male voice asked.

"General," Misato said. "How's the weather out there?"

"Rather pleasant," he said. "A balmy 26 degrees and sunny to boot. Why don't you come out and see?"

"I'd rather not," Misato said. "I have a hunch it's going to get a little stormy." Misato waited for a reply, and when none came, she said, "It's not your side that's storming the New Kantei, is it?"

"I thought we were all on the same side, Major," the voice said. Misato smirked, sticking her tongue between her teeth while nodding to herself. She said nothing, waiting out the voice. "…no. I do not know who ordered the assault."

"Yes, you do," Misato said.

"I don't," the voice insisted, "Yet I suspect…that this may be a move on the part of Seele. Or a third player in the government we aren't aware of."

"Ah." Misato sniffed. "So, why the friendly call?"

"Time to make a decision, Major."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm beginning to think you aren't on Seele's side, but I don't know whose side your on," the voice said. "So I thought it fair to put it to you frankly: to announce where you stand or…have me make the decision for you." Misato seemed to consider that, nodding slowly. She shrugged.

"General," she said, "Are you familiar with the Biblical story of Samson?"

"No."

"I suggest you read up on it and get back to me." Misato made a quick throat-slashing gesture. Surprised, Lt. Hyuga disconnected the link.

"Why did I do that, ma'am!?" he asked, mildly panicked. Misato smiled.

"Just reasserting my dominance," she said. She turned to Asuka. "Do _you_ know the story of Samson?"

"Kind of," Asuka said, shrugging. "It's the strong guy, right?" She waited. "I don't really keep up with Bible stories. It's not my thing."

"Yes, he was the strong man," Misato said. "He was tricked into a situation where he gave up his strength. A rather stupid situation, really, but it was what it was. Anyway, after years of humiliation, he was brought to the temple of his enemies for their amusement. He prayed to God, and was granted his strength one more time. He pulled the temple down onto his own head, killing himself but all of his enemies in the process." She turned to Lt. Hyuga. "Instruct our OPs to keep a close eye on the Fourth's positions and report any movement."

"Ma'am." He relayed her instructions as Misato turned back to Asuka.

"Do you understand now?" Asuka swallowed, and nodded meekly. Misato sighed, and waited. The seconds ticked by. Seconds turned into minutes. Misato seemed to drift between tension and calm, her hands flexing and grasping one moment and then relaxed and limp the next. Asuka squirmed in her chair, suddenly feeling useless. It was a feeling she was slowly becoming resigned to, and it disturbed her how she no longer felt anxious. It was just a fact: she was useless. She simply needed to accept it, and know that she would always be useless. A painful stab began to squirm through her heart, that last rebellious gasp at the unfairness of it all. She couldn't fight it. She sighed heavily.

"Oh, be patient," Misato hissed. "I'm ninety percent sure I know what's going to happen."

"That's not very reassuring," Lt. Hyuga muttered.

"Have faith," Misato said. As if on cue, Lt. Hyuga leaned over his console.

"I don't…huh." He turned, his face devoid of emotion. "The Fourth…they're leaving."

"Are they?" Misato said, grinning.

"Our OPs are reporting troop movements away from the perimeter. It's too soon to be sure, but it looks like the Fourth…may be pulling out entirely."

"Imagine that." Misato nodded. She turned back to Asuka. "It's a matter of risk, you see."

"I don't understand," Asuka said.

"We are a very important piece on the board," Misato said. "We have the most powerful Evangelion in the world. And we have the means to end all life on earth, if we wanted. We have all the cards, and we're too weak to hold them. Everyone knows it."

"…Samson." Asuka felt a chill. "So…what that general was saying? He wanted you to decide to work for him or…he was going to invade the GeoFront."

"Yes."

"…there's something bad happening in Japan. And he didn't want to be here: he wanted to be where he could do something."

"Or his superiors wanted him to move. They don't want to leave us able to move, though…or to leave us where someone _else_ could get to us." Misato sniffed. "So either we save them the trouble and throw in with their faction, or they invade and take what they want."

"…unless you blow up the GeoFront," Asuka said quietly.

Misato smiled coldly. "Yes. They would lose a good portion of the Fourth. They might not lose the Evangelion, but they would lose all the support infrastructure for them. They'd lose time trying to rebuild that, and tie up resources guarding the Evas."

"We're too dangerous to attack…and too weak to move." Asuka cocked her head, impressed at the cleverness of it. "So they'll leave us alone, knowing we can't run, but knowing we won't be attacked by anyone else."

"Good girl," Misato said. She sighed, rubbing her face. "It gives us room to breathe. A little more room. And space to plan our next move." She turned to Lt. Hyuga. "Go wake up Fuyutsuki, tell him to get up here. Leave Aoba for the time being: if he's sleeping, he needs to get more rest." She shook her head. "It's time to stop this moment-to-moment crap: we need a long-term plan." The Lieutenant nodded, and hurried off the bridge. Misato slowly, painfully, lowered herself in the chair, shaking as she did.

"Why..didn't you join him?" Asuka asked. "Or…I mean that…his faction, or whatever."

"And be someone else's plaything? No, we're done with that. We're our own side now, Asuka." Misato leaned back. "I'm tired of being led around by the nose all the time. That stops now. We're going to look out for our own." She swallowed, her eyes drooping. She bit her lip, and Asuka felt a sense of caution at the expression. "…I suppose it means I have to do some things I didn't want to do."

"Like what?" Asuka asked. Misato shrugged, and smiled at the girl. She didn't say anything else.


	18. Strand

Shinji had never seen water so blue. It glittered before him, sparkling like jewels beneath a pale, blue sky. Blue on blue, green between. Fat trees, greedy with leaves. The wind rustled them, like a hand across hair.

This place felt familiar.

He tilted his chin up, feeling the wind kiss his face. This place was a safe place. He didn't know how, or from where. He just knew that this place…existed. Once, he was here, sitting at the edge of the water, and now he was again.

And he wasn't alone.

He glanced to the right, and saw that boy again. The older one that had sat with him on the edge of a great and bloody sea. Shinji sagged. "Why are you here?" he said reproachfully.

"That's rude," the older boy murmured.

"I don't care," Shinji muttered, wanting the intruder to vanish.

"Can't this just a be a nice moment? Can't we just…savor it? I mean, look at that!" The boy extended his arms, as though to embrace the water. "Glorious!"

"…this isn't real," Shinji sighed. "I'm not really here."

"Nope. Well, yes, but…no."

"Yes and no?"

"It's as real as you want it to be, but just because you want it to be real doesn't make it really real."

"…huh?"

"It feels safe, though, doesn't it?" the older boy said, plowing on. Shinji closed his eyes, and leaned back. He lay down on the ground, a soft carpet of cool and inviting grass accepting him.

"Yes," he agreed. "It does."

"I'm thinking you'll want to stay here, then."

"…no." Shinji opened his eyes. "I can't, can I?"

"That's up to you."

"No, it isn't." He sat up. "They'll need me again. They always do. I don't like being needed, but…I can't just…." He trembled, and ducked his head. "I killed him again."

"It wasn't him; he was already dead." Shinji flinched. "I'm sorry, but it's true."

"But I saw him…I saw him again!"

"You also saw Rei. And Rei. And Rei, and Rei, and…."

"Stop that!"

"I'm just making a point."

"Well…don't!" Shinji grimaced, but couldn't disagree. It was true…all those mindless, giggling copies of Rei. Why couldn't there be copies of Kaworu? Of course there were. He was an Angel, so the body was only a shell…such a real shell….

He sat up. "Kaworu was an Angel." The older boy looked at Shinji.

"Yes, he was. That was established."

"No, no," Shinji muttered. "Kaworu was an Angel."

"…yes…he was…."

"And there…there were…copies of him. Those were…They said they didn't have Pilots in those Evas."

"Yes. Do you think they lied to you?"

"I saw the Pilot, it was Kaworu."

"But Kaworu was an Angel…and he's dead."

"Yes, but maybe it was a copy. Like a…clone."

"…I just…said that." The older boy looked dejected, slumping. "That is exactly what I just said to you."

"…what does that make Rei?"

"…what?"

"Rei died, and now she's...she's not dead. So that means she's a...a clone. And I saw Kaworu, so...that had to be a clone, right? I wasn't just seeing things. Was I?"

"Were you?"

Shinji ignored the comment. "I…and there are clones of Kaworu…and Kaworu was an Angel…what does that make Rei?" Shinji felt cold, and he didn't want to continue that line of thought. He couldn't help it. What did that make Rei?

The older boy stood very still, but he smiled lightly. "That is a very interesting question. And I think you should keep asking it." Something made the boy turn, and Shinji followed his gaze. There, on the edge of the water, was a woman. She seemed very familiar, and she had a baby in her lap. Something about the woman made Shinji's heart ache. He stood, and as he did, the lapping water slowed, and seemed to freeze. The wind halted, and the trees stopped moving.

The woman continued playing with the baby.

"There are a lot of questions that you should be asking," the boy said, though he was no longer there. Shinji slowly cocked his head, staring at the back of the woman. So…familiar….

Her head turned slightly, black hair rustled for a moment. Her head turned…so slightly….

* * *

><p>This was a new ceiling.<p>

Shinji wasn't exactly sure when he had woken up, or how long he had been awake. All he knew was that there was a ceiling above him that he did not recognize. He turned his head, slowly, examining the rest of the room. This was real.

There was no trees, or water, or wind, but it was real, and he didn't like it. He wanted to be back in that safe place. He wasn't going to get it, but he wanted it.

He was thirsty.

Shinji sat up, slowly, feeling ancient and creaky. He lay his hands on his lap, looking at the IVs piercing his hand. He gazed around the room, trying to decide what to do. He was thirsty. He didn't like this room. He had a question in his mind…and another question. The first was clear, crystal and pure, but the second…fuzzy. Ill-defined. Hard to grasp. He flexed his hands, feeling the needles dig under the skin. He didn't like them.

He scraped hand over the blanket to pull one away and stopped as his finger seemed to snarl something. He raised the hand to his face, and saw it..a single, almost golden strand of red hair. He blinked slowly, and looked carefully over his sheets. There were a few more, in a spot on the bed that was rumpled. His head tilted cautiously, considering this. Slowly, gently, his fingers curled protectively around the single strand of hair.

Shinji sat there, considering what he saw, for a very long time.


	19. Sedative

In terms of information, Tokyo-2 was now a black hole: no new information was coming from the city, and a general press blackout was in place. The major television outlets were in a holding pattern and broadcasting from secondary locations, though a few had briefly transmitted images of uniformed individuals entering their headquarters before the cameras were shut down. At the moment, three of those images were on the screen, playing in slow motion on a thirty-second loop. Aoba sucked painfully at a straw, dabbing at his lips as water dribbled between them.

"A and B are definitely police," he mumbled. Image loop A showed a mix of individuals in tactical gear and street cop gear, all of them wearing balaclavas or surgical masks to hide their identities. Their precinct numbers were clear, and none of them were from one precinct. Their demeanor was authoritative, but almost meandering. Relaxed, not entirely confrontational. The camera capturing the images was a shoulder-mounted camera, and filming from within a locked meeting room, aimed through a glass panel. One of the cops had a piece of official looking documentation pressed against the glass, and was pointing at the cameraman, making it clear he wanted the video feed canceled. A cluster of cops were at the adjacent door, which was being blockaded by a cluster of men in civilian clothes and business suits. There was sound to accompany it, a reporter explaining what was happening, but the whole thing seemed remarkably civil. The cops were clearly limiting how much force there were determined to use in enforcing the gag order.

Image Loop B showed what seemed, in its entirety, to be a SWAT team in black body armor. Most likely, it was the Metropolitan Central Response Unit for Tokyo-2. The images in this case were very hastily captured, without the benefit of a barricaded viewpoint. These cops were much more heavily armed, but it was clear that there was still an almost detached and relaxed way to their handling of the situation. They were much swifter in occupying and shutting down the newsroom, a benefit of smaller numbers and a cohesive unit structure.

Image Loop C, however, was the tricky one. Clearly, they were looking at soldiers. They were wearing digitally patterned camouflage, wearing sanitized uniforms. They moved with about the same speed as the SWAT unit in Loop B, but without very much restraint. An unfortunate individual with a binder had strayed too close to them as they were entering, seemingly building up the courage to offer a challenge. Swiftly, a pair of soldiers converged on him, roughly pushing him down and restraining him. The rest brandished weapons, and it was very clear that they were in a confrontational mood.

"Maybe the GSDF?" Hyuga offered.

"It could be, the equipment is the same," Misato murmured, "But the SSDF has units that use the same gear."

"Are they working in conjunction with the police?" Fuyutsuki murmured, massaging his broken ankle gently.

"Could be," Hyuga noted. "It's three different towers, however: if they were hitting the same office block, then yeah. If they're scattered across the city, however…."

"That's not good," Misato sighed, and glanced at Asuka. The girl hadn't slept very well in the past thirty hours, taking fitful catnaps. The one solid bloc of sleep she had gotten was only two hours, and she had cried through most of it. She was sitting in Maya's chair, slowly rocking it from the left to the right, staring at the screen.

She needed a task. Being made to feel useful, Misato decided, was something that Asuka needed. "Second Child," she said, pitching her voice with a relaxed authority. Asuka turned, her expression wary but her body language perked up. The title and the tone seemed to have an invigorating affect on the girl. "I haven't heard much from Shinji's room. Maybe you should go check on him, see if he's up. Take one of the door sentries."

"…okay," she mumbled, looking up at the screen one more time.

"If anything new happens, I'll let you know," Misato said. Asuka gave her oe more cautious glance, and then stood up and headed for the exit. Misato rubbed her temple, noting the brief discomfort. The girl hadn't really developed an interest or investment in what was happening in Tokyo-2, but there did seem to be a dread, or apprehension. Misato filed it away for later, one more thing to ponder.

Still, sending the girl away reminded Misato of some other things that needed doing. She grimaced, leaning back. She needed to check up on Maya, at some point, and she did need to head down and have another look at her back. She probably should have gone with Asuka, but she had just gotten comfortable where she was standing, and loathe to moving away from the spot.

"…have the last of the prisoners been released?" she asked.

"Huh?" Hyuga turned around.

"Prisoner update."

"The last group was walked to the outer perimeter an hour ago, and we have thirteen 'priority' individuals still under lock and key, not counting the Commander," Hyuga said.

"Interrogations scheduled?"

"Not yet." Hyuga stood up from his console, and began pacing slowly around his chair, shaking his hands. "Uh, we've been prioritizing other things at the moment. Water pipe ruptures, ensuring power lines are secured. Just basic utility stuff, but critical."

"What about medical supplies?"

"We're still figuring that out. We have enough for a while, so we might not need to ration as much as we thought, but we also have more injured personnel than anticipated: that N2 device really threw us for a loop."

"Speaking of which, I should probably head down. I should have gone with Asuka: I need to check up on Maya, and get my back looked at."

"Is the Major willingly submitting herself to medical review?" Aoba asked, in mock surprise.

"Don't make me pull out your stitches, you hypocrite," Misato sniped. She pointed at the board, with the looping images. "Go ahead and find another news station, and see if maybe any of the third-party or minor outlets are sharing anything out of Tokyo-2." She turned, and observed Fuyutsuki leaning on the rail, rubbing his ankle.

_He said that, did he? Interesting_….

Misato sniffed. There was another visit she might have to make….

* * *

><p>"That wire there."<p>

"I know."

"…the one next to your hand."

"I _know_."

"Not that one, the oth—"

"_God damn it, I know_!"

The chastened technician turned and shrugged apologetically to Misato, who shrugged back. She glanced at the door to Maya's room, and then back down at the legs sticking out from the wall. The tech that had shrugged at her turned back towards the open panel, adjusting a mounted lamp in the opening.

"No, left," the voice inside the wall called, and the tech readjusted the lamp accordingly. "Better." There was the sound of clicking and grunting, and the legs squirmed for a moment against the scratched floor. "Ah! Ha-ha!" The legs kicked triumphantly, and the technician popped out of the wall like a rabbit from a hole. "Check in with Sandoval, see if that did it."

Misato found herself idly curious as to what was going on. This was well below her pay grade, and certainly not something she needed to be worried about. The country and the world seemed poised on the edge of a very thin knife, so getting involved in basic maintenance wouldn't do her or anybody else any good. Still, part of her really wanted to go bother the techs with more than just her presence. That idle curiosity was slowly becoming more intense, and soon she wondered what could possibly be more important than whatever was happening behind those panels.

She was saved by the approach of one of the senior medics. She actually recognized this one. "Major, I've been looking for you."

"Is everything okay, Doc?" Dr. Hata was a short, plump man who moved with deceptive slowness. His dumpling appearance made it easy to dismiss the doctor, but there was a reason he was one of the GeoFront's top medical staff.

"Just wanted to let you know the Third Child was awake. The Second Child let us know." He jerked a thumb behind him. "They're together at the moment. I figured it would be best to leave them be, for the moment."

"Did you do a check up on him?" Misato asked, feeling a profound sense of relief.

"Yeah. Not thorough, but enough: we figured it would be better to let them have a moment. Cursory inspection reveals nothing serious, but I do want to give him a full scan later, to check for any potential internal injuries."

"How was he acting?"

"Like a person who just came out of a coma," Hata said. Misato made a face, and he spread his hands apologetically. "He is more alert than I thought he would be, which is good. Still, I'm reserving my opinion until further examination. In the meantime, we'll monitor him and let him get some rest."

"That's good. Thanks, Doc," Misato said, when an orderly popped his head out of the doorway.

"Ma'am, the lieutenant's awake now."

"Thanks," Misato said, and one of the soldiers who escorted her helped her up. She made her way painfully into the room, which, in addition to Maya, had five other injured Nerv personnel resting within. Maya was at the end of the left row, and was slowly being raised into a sitting position. She was scheduled for a quick check-up, and the techs wanted her awake for that while they assessed her various injuries. Misato had shown up about twenty minutes ago, and decided to wait for the scheduled exam. Maya looked very grumpy, was a covered in a network of casts and bandages, and not entirely focused. As soon as her eyes locked on the Major, though, there was a change in her demeanor.

"Info," she grumbled.

"What was that?" her examining nurse asked. Maya pointed a finger at Misato as she approached, and grunted.

"Wha' happen? Mmm…up…."

"You want to be filled in?" Misato asked.

"Yum…mm-hmm."

"I don't think you need worry about that," Misato suggested. "I was just coming down to check on you, tell you that we're keeping your seat warm for you. See how you're feeling."

"Dun' kar…info," Maya insisted, looking a bit more alert. Misato shrugged, and gave Maya a rundown of all that had happened in the past few days, pausing occasionally to let the examining nurse ask a question during her overview. When Misato finished, Maya was much more alert, though her voice was still quiet and far away. When the nurse suggested Misato leave, Maya grunted.

"I need some more time, please," Maya said. "I'll be fine."

"I'll let you know when we're done," Misato said, and the nurse nodded, moving on to another patient. Misato turned her attention back to Maya. The younger woman tried to shift a bit, but the casts made it difficult to move. She sighed.

"My foot itches," she grumbled.

"Which one?" Misato asked.

"The…left one. On the heel." Misato awkwardly leaned over, flipping the sheet and scratching at the offending area. "…thank you," Maya said, rather meekly, as Misato sat back. "I don't like this."

"I didn't think you would," Misato teased. "It's good to see you're alert, though. No head injuries."

"What about your back, ma'am?"

"Nothing to worry about," the Major said, deflecting it. "Just focused on the kids, and…."

"Has Seele tried anything else?"

"Not to my knowledge. They're certainly behind what's happening in Tokyo-2. I don't know if there's anything else happening in Japan, but I assume there is."

"…I wish I could be more help."

"With what? You're banged the hell up. We got everything covered, just get better."

"I mean as far as the general situation is concerned," Maya murmured. "That's outside of my purview. I'm not much help outside of the Evas, or Angelic biometrics."

"Or computer networks and software engineering."

"Well…yes," Maya mumbled.

"Fortunately for us, and for you, it looks like Seele may be sitting out for a while in terms of Evangelion. And we haven't had any Angel attacks so far…knock on wood." Misato shrugged. "I think you won't be needed in regards to that. There'll be plenty of Magi issues that'll need resolving, though, so be ready to work. Enjoy the vacation." Maya smiled, but then looked distant.

"How's Dr. Akagi handling all this?" Misato nodded, understanding the clipped question. Maya worked closely with Ritz, and as far as Misato observed looked up to the woman.

"…Well, I could give you a nice answer, which I really should, since you are an invalid," Misato said. Maya smiled, but her eyes looked distant. "I think you deserve the honest one: I can't gauge Ritz right now. I've been her friend for years, and I just…don't recognize who she is at the moment. I don't know where she sits in all this and…well, frankly, she seems to have taken a turn somewhere I can't follow. I feel stupid for not seeing it, but I'm seeing it now. There's something…off at the moment."

"…Yeah," Maya mumbled. "I thought it was just me."

"Hmm?"

"I just…kind of…." She shrugged. "Nothing, Major. I'm sorry. Just mumbling."

"…Okay." Misato stood up, carefully. "They'll probably want to put you back to sleep, make you comfortable, so I'll let them know. Got to get a look at my back, anyway, then go check on the Third Child."

"Sure, thing. Take care of yourself, please: we need you healthy."

"Same with you, Lieutenant." Misato patted the bed, and slowly made her way to the exit. She caught the nurse at the door, and let her know she was one her way out. She turned back to look at Maya one more time, a reflexive action as she spoke to the nurse. It was hard to tell from the doorway, but there was something glittering on the young woman's cheeks.

Misato ignored it. It felt like the right thing to do.


	20. Orbits

"Is it really not possible for you to do that off of the bridge?" Hyuga asked.

"I like to be near the console," Aoba protested, peeling off the blackened lump of gauze and dropping it into the wastebasket. Fuyutsuki studied the man with a bemused expression as Aoba exposed the gnarled, zig-zagging wound on his face, the linked stitches along it poking up like electrical towers over a ragged ditch. Aoba was using a pocket mirror to try and observe the wound so he could clean it, and replace the gauze.

"Oh, Lord, stop that," Fuyutsuki grunted, hobbling over to the lieutenant and snatching the antiseptic solution from him. Using a q-tip, he cautiously cleaned the area around the wound while Aoba sat chastised. Hyuga sighed, giving a disapproving glance at the waste basket and then turning back to his console. So far, no one in Japan had reported anything of substance. He was sifting through pieces of largely useless information, most of simply speculation. Speculation was fine if you had an intelligence staff to sift through all of it, but their staff consisted of Aoba, Fuyutsuki, and himself, and two of them were occupied. He rubbed his face, sighing.

His monitor then lit up. He blinked, staring at it. One of Nerv's observation satellites was trying to access Magi. He cocked his head, squinting. That was…odd. To say the list. Especially because there was nothing subtle at all about the attempt.

"Uh…huh," he grunted, shifting. It would not have surprised him if Seele attempted to regain access to Magi through one of the satellites. Magi was a completely closed network now, but it could still detect the satellites buzzing above the earth, if not send and receive information from them. In theory, they could be used as a means to force a connection into the network, but that would have been through a very tenuous connection. What's more, it would have been very, very obvious, and easy to defeat.

This wasn't that: if that was happening, intruder and warning alarms would be buzzing right now. This was more the equivalent of someone standing outside of a house and throwing rocks at the door.

"What is it?" Aoba asked, batting away Fuyutsuki as the professor tried to apply fresh gauze.

"It looks like GX-709 is trying to access Magi. In a…friendly manner?"

"Huh?" Aoba pulled up the connection warning on his console. "That's…weird."

"Should we get the Major?" Hyuga asked.

"Wait," Fuyutsuki said, pushing the gauze down on Aoba's face as the man protested. He then leaned forward, and studied the image. "Hyuga, what do you think this is?"

"It's not an attack. At least, it doesn't look like one. This was a request for permission."

"Could it be a Trojan attack? Open the line and sneak something in?"

"Could be, but…why on this satellite?" He turned. "Wouldn't they want to use an official comms satellite?"

"Maybe. This could be a feint."

"If you were to open it, would you be able to scrub any incoming transmission for worms or other bits of code?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"I wouldn't, but if Aoba's up for it, he can watch the feed."

"Yeah, sure," he said, tacking at his console. "Uh…are we waiting for the Major?"

"…No. Go ahead and open it. I'll take the ax if anything happens," Fuyutsuki said, looking concerned. Hyuga glanced at the professor. "This might be a small window," Fuyutsuki said. "We might not have time to see what this is, and it might be important."

Hyuga nodded, sighed, and glanced at Aoba. Aoba held up a finger, and then nodded. Hyuga opened the line. On the main monitor, a very tan, Asian face appeared. It was difficult to tell the man's age, but it was a handsome and distinct man. Hyuga blinked in surprise, recognizing him.

"Commander Keawe," Fuyutsuki said, crossing his arms and leaning into view of Hyuga's pickup. "Good to see you." The commander of Nerv-Oahu smirked, shaking his head.

"Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki. What the hell is going on over there?"

"Not really at liberty to say. I might as well ask what the hell is going on over _there_." Fuyutsuki smirked.

"What do you think? Chaos. We've been analyzing this packet that the Major sent out, and we have questions."

"Who is 'we?'"

"At the moment, most of the senior leadership. We've sent home all non-essential staff, and are using the Hawaiian State Police for security." He smirked. "The Governor owed me a favor."

"Ah."

"We've submitted requests up the food chain for an explanation as to the content, but we've received very little back. Frankly, I'm afraid we may have just put ourselves on some sort of list. We've heard some stories out of the other Nerv facilities, and we may have dodged a bullet here." That made sense to Hyuga: Nerv-Oahu was simply a communications center, essentially a massive data warehouse that acted as a relay for Nerv's computer networks. It would be a very secure site, but fairly understaffed in comparison to other Nerv facilities. As vital as it was, it would also be under Seele's radar in terms of critical sites, especially if they were using their own networks outside of Nerv knowledge.

"We would certainly like to know what's going on, of course, but go ahead and ask your questions," Fuyutsuki said.

"Well, now that we got you, I don't even know where to start," Keawe said. "I guess the first one is, can you tell us your status without compromising your security?"

"Does that mean you're on our side?" Fuyutsuki chided.

"Don't go fishing, Fuyutsuki," Keawe grumped. "We're just trying to figure out what's what. At the moment, let's say we're on Nerv's side."

"We are, more or less, stable here," Fuyutsuki said. "We have control of the situation, and are currently waiting for everyone else to catch up with us." That was vague, but it was a good enough answer for Keawe. He nodded. "Out of curiosity, Keawe, how secure is this connection?"

"Not very, so be careful in what you say," he admitted. "I'm taking a big risk contacting you, but it was agreed that I needed to."

"Agreed by who?"

"Nerv, more or less," Keawe said. "You need to know that there's a lot of us who are on the fence about this, but we're leaning your way. I was the closest Nerv official to you, in terms of being able to reach you, so the request was made to me to see what was going on. We're not getting a lot of information out here." Keawe sighed, and gave Fuyutsuki a hard stare. "I'd rather ask the Major, but I know you: so tell me, and I'll believe it. All that stuff…with Seele and all that…is it true?"

"One hundred percent. And I speak from personal knowledge."

"…that's good enough for me, and if I say so, it'll be good enough for the rest of us." He glanced off-screen. "This connection is getting noticed. We have to try again later. Make sure nothing slid in while we were talking." Quickly, he disconnected the feed.

Fuyutsuki scratched his head. "Misato will want to hear about that," he said. Hyuga nodded, getting up.

"She's probably still in the medical wing. I'll go tell her in person. Aoba, how are we on security?"

"I didn't see anything suspicious in the feed, but I'll double-check everything to make sure I didn't miss anything."

"Good deal. Professor, can you monitor the feeds?"

"Of course. Take your time, Lieutenant."

* * *

><p>Shinji sipped at the cup of water, holding it with both hands like a toddler. Asuka sat perched on the edge of her chair, her fingers laced tightly together. Her hands were perched on her knees, and she studied him with a very intent expression. They hadn't said but three or four words to each other for the past few hours, and Shinji found himself curiously unruffled by the intense scrutiny. In an odd way, Asuka's presence was comforting. He appreciated the closeness.<p>

He had fiddled a bit with the food in front of him, but wasn't very hungry. He was very thirsty, however, and this was his third cup of water. He sucked at the straw, and glanced at Asuka again. She was still there, still staring at him.

"Do you want the pudding cup?" he asked. She blinked, her only movement. "…It's chocolate."

Slowly, she uncurled from the chair and crossed the room. Cautiously, she took the plastic cup and attached spoon. She studied it for a moment, turning it over in her fingers, before sitting down on the bed next to Shinji's legs and peeling off the foil cover. She began to pick at the pudding, slowly shaving off the top with her spoon before dropping it back into the cup.

"…there's some bad stuff happening. Outside," she mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"Lots of soldiers. Cops, everybody's going kind of crazy. They're ignoring us, right now, but I don't know how long they will."

"Because of the Evas?"

"Maybe. Misato also said she can blow us up." Asuka took a bite of pudding. "I don't she will, but she can, and that's all they care about."

"Who's 'they?'"

"Just…them. Everybody not us." She shrugged. "I can't follow it. I'm trying to, but it really doesn't make a lot of sense. There's a bunch of different sides out there, but none of them are in here. So it's…just us, and them. All there is to it." She sniffed, and picked out a glob of pudding. "Open your mouth."

He did so, and she popped the spoon into his mouth. He worked the pudding around with his tongue while she continued to eat out of the cup. "You were here a bit before, right?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"No reason. Just a guess."

"Oh."

"…I had a weird dream."

"Hmm?" The noise was noncommittal, but he continued talking.

"I keep seeing this boy. He's older, and there's something familiar about him, but I don't know what it is."

"Have you seen him before."

"No, and he keeps talking to me like he knows me. I always remember our conversations." Shinji shrugged. "I don't know if I like him very much."

"What's he say to you?"

"Just…weird stuff. I don't know. I just want to know why I keep seeing him." He closed his eyes. "I also saw a woman."

"A woman."

"Yeah. She was…I think she was important." He tried to picture her, to catch a glimpse of a face. Anything. "I don't know who she is. I feel like I should. It feels bad that I don't know who she is."

"Why are you crying?" His eyes popped open. Asuka was studying him. He touched his cheeks, and his fingers came away wet.

"I didn't know I was," he said, surprised.

"Well…don't. You don't have a reason to," she said, eating another glob of pudding.

"I guess not," he admitted.

"Open your mouth," she said, spooning up another bite. Shinji did so.


	21. Cell

Misato studied the pale girl on the security monitor. She was sitting pristine and silent in the interrogation room, rigid and aloof. Her expression was bland, and vacant. Yet…strangely present. The woman squinted quietly, staring at the image. She had made the decision, come down here to talk to Rei, and yet now she found herself unable to take the next step. She lingered here in the security room, staring at the ghostly image.

"That's pretty much the extent of her behavior," the sentry at the desk said. "Sitting and staring, and nothing else. She'll occassionally say some stuff, but none of it makes sense. We've been recording it, of course."

"Send a transcript to my account."

"Yes, ma'am."

She sighed, counting down the seconds. There was nothing for it: she had to see this through. Shaking herself from her vigil, she awkwardly straightened and carefully moved towards the door. Her escort stood nearby, one hand raised slightly but not interfering. Misato appreciated that much more than if the woman had gone directly to helping her.

The Major made her way into the hallway, using the walls for support. She couldn't sit in a wheelchair, she hated being trucked around on the gurney, and they had no walking assistance in the GeoFront: walkers and canes were the sort of things that would be common in a hospital that would see degenerative illnesses or rehabilitation, but not in a suite geared towards combat trauma. Still, she had found a way to walk at least, and using the walls to provide balance got her to where she needed to go.

She made her way to the cell, where two Security Troopers waited. They opened the door for her, and she entered with her escort. Rei gave them only a momentary glance, the kind a bored cat would make to an intruder, before going back to whatever strange, mental place she occupied.

Misato smirked, slightly. Within the room was a table, and a second chair. The escort pulled that chair back, and offered a hand for Misato. Sitting and standing were still sort of dicey, and Misato could manage both on her own. This time, however, she took the assistance: the walking had exhausted her. Rei watched that with a little bit of curiosity. Once seated, Misato waved the escort away, and the woman exited the room.

When the doors closed, Rei commented, "You aren't who you are."

"Excuse me?"

"Something has changed with you." The ruby eyes flicked over Misato. "You're…damaged."

"I was injured."

"I see."

"All of us were. When the N2 device hit. You seemed okay, though."

"This is one of the lowest portions of the base," Rei commented. "I would not be injured."

"Hmm. Shinji was, and so was Asuka, but they're both fine now. I thought you should know." Mentioning Shinji, Misato noted Rei's eyebrows raise, but there was no other reaction.

"…I don't know what to do with you."

"What do you mean?"

"Rei, why were you made?"

"I don't understand that question."

"…what do you know about your past?" That seemed to confuse the girl, and she squinted.

"I know that I was somewhere before, and that I am not anymore. I know that I am here, and not there, and soon, I will be somewhere else. The transience makes things such as past and present quite meaningless. They are one and the same."

_Not very helpful,_ Misato thought grumpily. "What I mean is what do you remember about your life before; you're childhood, you're…what do you know about that?" Misato, of course, knew a lot of the details. She had seen the room of Rei's birth. She had seen the clones.

She had seen the truth of the existence. What she didn't have was the _point_.

"…I know that I am me," Rei said quietly. She lowered her head, and seemed ashamed. Or was that embarrassment?

"…you don't remember anything, do you?" Misato phrased it as a question, but the tone was clear: it was an observation. A statement. Rei detected that, and looked up. The bland mask broke for just a moment, and she seemed hurt by the implication.

"…I am me," Rei repeated, as if it was her only defense. Misato sighed. Rei wouldn't be able to tell her much more, it seemed. As far as to why she was created, it would take other avenues to determine that. Still….

Misato wanted to poke at the girl a bit more, but she found herself hesitant to do so. If you don't know what it is, don't poke it: and yet, she had no answers. She needed to determine some more about this girl, and stress and crisis were the essential means and method to determining the truth of a thing. It would have to be a very cautious and careful crisis, indeed. So she squinted, and decided to ease into it.

"I know some things about you," Misato said. "Not a lot, but a bit. Would you like to hear them?"

"…yes." Rei crossed her hands and perked up, all business. Misato stifled a smile. There was a strange nostalgia in the motion, but from where she couldn't determine.

"You're a clone. Did you know that?"

"Yes." That was a frank and not altogether surprising answer. It was more than Misato expected, but she still couldn't say she was surprised.

"Do you know how many there were before you? How many Reis?"

"…No."

"I don't, either. I knew one. Shinji thought very highly of her." Something about that statement made the ruby eyes glitter. "What do you know about her."

"I…sometimes…my eyes…look back." Rei's expression became pained, and she seemed to have left the conversation. Her brow furrowed.

"Your eyes look back?"

"I see…that place…where…." She closed her eyes, squirmed a moment, and then returned to her poise of serene detachment. "I remember a place that smelled like Shinji." Misato cocked her head, pondering that sudden twist.

"…what is that like?" Misato asked. "That smell?"

"…a memory. It…is from somewhere." Rei licked her lips, and studied the table. "There is…something important…about that place."

"…Rei, do you know what a clone is?"

"It's a copy."

"Yes, it is. And the copy has to start somewhere. Did anyone ever tell you who you are a clone of?"

"…Me. I am a clone of me." Misato nodded. True enough.

"Who was the first?"

"What?"

"The first you. Where did you come from?"

"…I came from…that place…that. I came from…." Rei swallowed, and looked away. "I feel this body eroding."

"Rei…did someone tell you? Did anyone?"

"It pulls apart…at the cellular level. It is filled with rot. I feel…my skin rotting." Her words were mechanical, and the brief moments of pained emotion seemed to have vanished. "My flesh is pulling apart."

"You're a clone of Yui Ikari. Do you know that name?" Rei's head twisted sharply, the eyes focusing on Misato.

"What does that name mean?" she said.

"That's who you came from."

"I know Ikari. I know the Commander…and the Third Child. Who is Yui?"

"…She was the Commander's wife. And Shinji's mother."

Rei stared at Misato, unreadable. Then…she detached again. Back to that place of emptiness. "I don't know what those are."

"What does that mean to you?" Misato pressed, trying to retrieve that moment of connection.

"…this body is dying," Rei said. She closed her eyes. Misato waited, but she knew that this meeting was done. She slowly, carefully, stood up, and then moved to the door to knock for exit.


	22. Nag

Shinji picked at his lip, thinking of the dream. Which led to thinking of Rei, which led to a half-haze memory of giggling, vacant faces, dissolving into amber sludge. He thought of the Rei that was down below them, in some holding cell. He thought of the Rei before her, the one that was someone unique, and all her own. Who had smiled at him once. And…was there another?

How many Reis had there been? Or was there one Rei, and many bodies? He closed his eyes.  
>And Rei, and Rei, and Rei, and Rei…a whole long line of Reis, stretching back before a time he had been here, existing, and being…Rei. Where did that line start? He whimpered. When had he started thinking of it like that?<p>

When had he accepted it?

"Why are you crying?" Shinji sat up. Asuka was standing up, her arms crossed and her expression tired. She was wearing one of her school uniforms, a wrinkled one that had probably been stuffed into a locker and forgotten for a time. It seemed absurd that she should be wearing that. It occurred to him that was probably all that she had to wear. With the N2 strike, Tokyo-3 was gone. That probably meant Misato's apartment was also gone, along with everything they had ever owned. Those clothes were all Asuka probably had. The clothes he had worn to the GeoFront were all he had. That…and the Plug Suits.

"Ah!" He sat up, in shock. Asuka blinked, surprised by the movement.

"What?"

"My S-DAT player," he said, his voice tinged with a sound of realization and almost wonder. "It was blown up."

"What?"

"Everything was blown up. So…my S-DAT player was blown up." Asuka blinked slowly, raising her head and looking to the ceiling.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I forgot…the apartment's gone, huh?"

"Yeah."

"…all my dresses were up there. And my jewelery. My books…movies."

"…that's weird."

"That my stuff is gone?" Asuka asked, but there was no venom in the tone. She seemed detached.

"No…it's the S-DAT. I don't care."

"Don't care?"

"That's it's gone. I thought I would, but…I really don't. I feel…not bad. It's strange." He furrowed his brow. "Actually, I don't feel bad about anything else being gone, either. It feels…lightening." He smiled, just slightly. Asuka gave him a wary look, and sighed.

"I wish your cello hadn't been blown up." Shinji looked at her, curious. "I liked it when you played the cello."

"…I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That I don't have a cello to play." He sighed, curling his hands against his lap. "…Asuka, what happened to your arms?"

She turned slowly in place, putting her back to him gradually. The bandages were difficult to see when her arms were crossed, but now she stood between them and Shinji. "Why do you care?"

"You were gone, and I didn't know why. The next time I saw you, you were…you weren't awake." He rubbed his arms. "It scared me. I didn't want to see you like that. And I saw your arms. It didn't really occur to me until just now…I guess things were…."

"It doesn't matter," she mumbled. "It's over, now."

"What is?"

"…nothing." Asuka skirted the bed, walking briskly towards the door.

"She's not the first," Shinji said, unaware that Asuka was leaving.

"What do you mean?" she asked, and he glanced up in surprise, seeing her near the door. He had drifted, away from her for a moment. Feeling that distance, that detachment as she put up her wall. He remembered giggling faces dissolving into amber sludge. He had spoken on impulse.

"…Rei," he said. "She's the First Child, right, but she's not really the first. So it's ironic. That's what I was thinking. It's ironic, because she's…not the first Rei."

"…stop talking weird stuff," Asuka mumbled.

"You weren't here, so you don't know that Rei died," Shinji said. Asuka slowly approached the bed.

He looked up at her. "That's not crazy talk, or anything. Ask Misato. She'll say it, too. Everyone will. It's, uh…matter of record, or something."

"She's not very dead, at least not the last time I saw her," Asuka mumbled.

"…there was a place that Dr. Akagi took us. Me and Misato," he said, dreamily. "There were tanks. And in the tanks were bodies, they were all…they were all Rei. Just a whole room of Reis."

"…stop."

"They aren't there anymore. Dr. Akagi destroyed them. She said they were being used for the Dummy Plugs."

"I don't…want to know…."

"It doesn't bother you?" Shinji fixed her with a hard stare. Asuka's mouth dropped in surprise at the look. Slowly, her eyes lidded, and her mouth closed. She raised her nose up, and stared down at Shinji.

"No. It doesn't," she said quietly.

"It doesn't bother you that Rei…came from somewhere else? That she's…who was the first? The first Rei? She's supposed to be a clone, but who is she a clone of."

"I don't really care."

Shinji cocked his head. "You should. There's something about that that made Dr. Akagi go crazy. She begged Misato to kill her." The haughty expression on Asuka's face didn't change, but she lowered her head and looked away. She was trying to process that. "There's…something…sick about all of that," Shinji continued. "Seeing all of those…it's not Rei, but it might be Rei, and if it is…what is she and why?"

"You obsess over your little doll," Asuka muttered, her voice contemptuous. She didn't leave, though, and she wavered in her spot, gripping her arms tightly.

"…I think there might be something dangerous about her. No, not…dangerous. But…." He closed his eyes. If Kaworu was an Angel, and he was a clone, what did that make Rei? She was just a clone, but…this was a circle. It was a circle he was trapped in, and he was running around and around and around….

He tossed his sheets away and swung his feet over the side of the bed. Asuka stepped back, surprised, as he scooted to the edge. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm getting up."

"You were in a coma!"

"I feel fine," he said, and he did, surprisingly. He had something he needed to do, and had to do it now. "Where are my clothes?"

"I don't know!" Asuka said, extending a hand halfway as though to restrain Shinji. He ignored her and stood up. He wobbled for a moment, but the sensation passed and he walked towards the attached bathroom. Asuka followed him with her head, her mouth open. He stepped inside, and found a white bathrobe. He pulled it on over the hospital gown he wore, and found slippers in there as well.

"Where…where are you going?" Asuka asked quietly.

"I don't know yet," he admitted. "I don't want to be here, right now." He rubbed his head. "I feel itchy inside. In my mind. I feel like something is scratching through it, is whispering to me, and…." The rubbing became a hard, scrubbing motion.

And Rei, and Rei, and Rei….

He turned and hurried out of the room, absently pulling at his hair with one hand. Asuka stared after him for a minute, still stunned. Then, without consciously deciding to, she followed.


End file.

Evangelion