Harry Potter Drunken Escapades

OK this is the sequel to " I Do Not Have A Drinking Problem" so if I recommend you read that first.

I do not own Harry Potter. It would be a lot funnier if I did.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Drinking with Harry

by: muaaimoi

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 1 : Ron

------------- Now before we begin , please keep in mind that this is not a joke.Harry Potter and Ron Weasly are at a bar. Harry is on his 3rd beer

and Ron is not happy.No matter what subject he brings up nothing seems to capture Harrys attention.Hes tried every thing he can think of. School, Quidditch, girls ,Quidditch, his brothers,Quidditch , food, and Quidditch . Harry has barley acknowledge him all night and Ron is at a loss of what to do.Now normally Ron would just sulk. But they are at a bar. People go to bars to drink because they are sulking . So it should have frankly come as no surprise when he had a beer set in front of him. But being Ron , this was not so and he almost fell off his stool." You know Harry , you never did tell me why you started to drink " Ron said eventually.

Harry just looked at him like he was stupid. " Ron , mate, its amazing that I was 17 when I started drinking" Harry said matter a factly ."What do you mean ?" Ron asked.There was a moment of silence in which Harry , drunk as he was , wondered how in the hell he had been friends with Ron for so long.Honestly , they had only been here 25 minutes an Ron had mentioned almost every topic they had ever had a conversation about aside from his near death experiences.What kind of friendship is that? Harry gave it 2 seconds of thought before he needed another beer.

"So.." Ron prompted alerting harry to his existence once again.Harry just sighed . This whole compromise thing just wasn't working.It was making him just wanna drink more.Or maybe it was just clearing up why he drank so much in the first place.Harry tried to think more about that but as the fate would have it he needed another beer . Well that and Ron had started talking again . So yeah , another beer was in higher demand that coming to terms with the reason for drinking.

"Harry come on mate tell me" Ron whined.Harry started contemplating punching Ron. Fortunately ,for the red head any way as Manny drunken brawls had revealed that Harry had a nice right hook , a girl walked up. She was , like Harry very wasted but still pretty in a slutty way. "Heeey theeerree reed" She slurred"Immm Ciiiinndy wanna gooo tooo my plaaaace". Ron looked at her at turned pink."Uh well you see " He started looking at Harry desperately for help.Harry for his part was amazed he hadn't fallen off the stool.He was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. But as the fates would have it this offended the drunk girl and she left.Ron would later wish that he had gone to her place.but we haven't gotten there yet.

It was 1 in the morning now and Ron was, like always, hungry.He was so hungry that he caved and sipped his beer. However after that he waned another , and another , and another , until he was fairly drunk .That was ,unfortunately for the Weasly , what Harry had been waiting for.See the thing no one had noticed, including Harry himself , was that Harry was very different when drunk. More specifically, Alcohol unleashed roughly 16 years of suppressed cunning and rather diabolical intentions.So had anyone known it would not have been very surprising when Harry started plotting against the Quidditch fanatic.And plot he did...

It was now 3 in the morning and Harry was happy. He had finished plotting and had decided to convince Ron he was a hobo.Now many would think this was anti climatic considering all the thought Harry had put into it.But the fact of th matter was that 99.99 of all the things Harry had thought of would probably get him thrown in Askaban and he just couldn't let that happen as he was well aware that he was fucked up enough as it was .So the hobo idea it was.Discreetly puling out his wand Harry cast a few dozen gullible charms on the red head beside him.Then imperiod him and ordered him out of the bar and to wait at the door.He then conjured a few pounds and left .

Canceling the impirio on the Weasly boy Harry handed him a galleon.Ron as expected stared dumbfounded at Harry.Inwardly smirking Harry put on his best snob face and shot Ron a disgusted look."Haaarrry maaateee whaat"Ron slurred proving just how wasted he was .That was amazing because he hadn't drank nearly as much as Harry and he was thinking quite clearly.Well at least he thought so.Ron then made a weird noise and Harry remembered he had work to do.

"Just who so you think you are weasel" Harry asked snobbishly imitating Malfoys manner perfectly .The objective was simple enough and this was the best way to achieve it.Ron never had been very bright so it would just be a matter of consistency. It was truly a pity that the red head couldn't seem to apply his brain to anything that wasn't Quidditch or Chess.Ron now had a what harry could only call a " Dope On Crack Over The Moon " expression on.Taking it as a sign that it was time to finish this Harry smirked cruelly.

" Not very bright are you ? You filth " Harry sneered inwardly wondering if he should be worried that he was so good at this.

" Harreeu " Ron said apparently far too plaster to speak. Perfect. " You dirty Hobo " Harry cried in clear out rage . "The only thing you fit to do is lick my shoe! ". "In fact do so" Harry commanded. " Gain my pardon by doing the only thing your miserable existence will ever be good for ".

Ron as expected despite being drunk off his ass was still very proud.So it was pretty predictable when he launched himself at the smaller boy. Taking his opportunity Harry delivered a rather strong kick to Ron's most prized possession. Needless to say Ron passed out from the pain. So humming happily Harry banished Ron into an ally and walked off. Very confident in the knowledge that he could claim self defense should his actions ever get out and he remembered this tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ive been sitting on this for a while. Not many people ever read the story that inspired this so I thought no one would be interested. But seeing as I am currently damning writers block to the fiery pits of hell I'm hoping that if any one reviews it would help.

So plz plz plz R&R

--------------------------------------------------


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor