Harry Potter 1. Where the Hell Am I?

Disclaimer:

I don't own Harry Potter obviously blah blah blah,

Bri is a character I made up (kind of), however this is very loosely based on a true story

Just before you start reading.. I wanna tell you.. this is only the 2nd story I've ever written and in my opinion at least, the beginning is kinda boring.. but ahh whatever to each his own! Enjoy!

KEEP IN MIND: That this is sort of a parody of Legally Blonde..I was originally going to name her Ariel because that rhymes with Elle and someone told me to. But oh well. Too bad. I'm keeping her name as Bri. MWAHAHAHHA okayyyy I will SHUT UP NOW AND YOU CAN READ!

UPDATE A/N: I know this story is rated M because of sex and stuff, so you may be disappointed that I haven't gotten to all the action yet. I guarantee you things will start heating up, but, unlike other "Mary Sue" stories or whatever they're called, I'm not just gonna have people start banging each other left and right haha. Bri's new at the school, and she's not THAT slutty. And, Draco may be a bad boy.. but SHEESH he's not a man whore! Give the boy a break!

Bri finished packing the last of her shoes. _Oh my God. Why are they doing this to me? I'm perfectly fine here at home. This is going to SUCK!_

Today was her last day in the United States. In a few hours, she'd be on a plane to precisely the middle of NOWHERE some place in jolly old England.

_What the hell am I gonna do. They HATE Americans over there. Not to mention they have bad teeth. OhmyGod! Shit. I forgot to pack my Crest Whitestrips.. gotta remember that.._

"Hoonnneeyy we neeed to go NOW!"

"Yeah yeah hold on I'm almost ready." She grabbed her last Louis Vuitton suitcase and ran down the stairs.

"What's that?" Her dad said with an exasperated look on his face.

"Uh… just the rest of my shoes.."

"You already have a suitcase full of shoes!"

"I know daddy, but come on, what if they changed the color of the uniforms this year and then I wouldn't fit in because they wouldn't match and I'd be a total outcast and I'd be so depressed and they would hate me and think that ALL Americans have bad style and that's TOTALLY not true because New York is like the number one place for the fashion industry and they'd be wrong in thinking that…"

"OKAY OKAY OKAY I get the point just get in the car!"

"Thank you daddy!" She kissed him on the cheek and handed over her 50 pound suitcase.

"Chhees. You always give her her way. You gonna spoil that girl chu know that?" said Roberto, the (only _partially_ illegal Mexican butler)

"HAHA I think it's wayyy to late for that."

The limo ride to the airport seemed to go way too fast. They were already at the gate, waiting for the first class seats to begin boarding.

"Welcome, passengers of Northwest flight 347 departing from Los Angeles International Airport, USA, to London Heathrow, United Kingdom. Passengers in first class, passengers with wheelchairs or children under 2 years of age, and all persons seated in emergency exit rows: boarding will begin momentarily."

"Well, we'll see you at Christmas, honey. Be good and don't forget to email us!"

"Uh mom.. I don't think they have electricity…"

"Okay well then write to us."

"Mom they don't have _mail_ either."

"Really? Well then call us or something I don't know!"

"OMG mom you are soo blonde! I'll write to you! Bye!" She kissed her parents goodbye and finally boarded the plane.

"I thought she said they had no paper. How can am I supposed to write her?"

"No dear, she was kidding."

"Oh."

_Well, at least I'm in first class, _She thought, as she finally got to relax in her oversized seat. Just as she was about to put on the earphones to her pink iPod mini, the stewardess approached her saying:

"Ma'am, we have a passenger in coach with a disability that restricts them of comfort in their seat. Would you mind switching with him? The airline will reimburse you with twice the cost of your ticket as a gratitude for your cooperation."

_Oh my God.. you've GOT to be kidding me. I can't sit in coach.. they don't even have personal DVD players and the flight is like 9 hours long. I'll be so bored! And what if th.._

"Um, ma'am, are you willing to take up our offer?"

"Uh.. what? Oh yeah. Sorry. Oh.. yeah sure whatever."

"Thank you for your cooperation. At the end of the flight we will repay you with.."

"Don't worry about the money, I really don't care." She got up, grabbed her luggage, and proceded to the very last seat in the whole plane. It didn't even lean back because the bathroom was right behind it.

No wonder he was uncomfortable. This is gonna suck.

Walking past the newsstands in Heathrow Airport, she came across a shocking image. She grabbed the magazine, threw it on the cash register's counter, and almost screamed "I HAVE TO BUY THIS MAGAZINE!"

"Alright… that will be £3.99." The cashier said with a frightened look on her face

"Uhh.. I only have American money right now.. but I need this magazine!"

"We only take British currency here. You'll have to exchange your money at the nearest cashpoint."

"No no no no you don't understand! I feel like the world is turning UPSIDE DOWN! Lindsay Lohan went blonde and Britney Spears is PREGNANT!" She threw a $50 bill on the counter and scrambled out of there as fast as she could.

She spent the limo-taxi ride reading the remainder of it. _God, this is soo not true. Lindsay would never make such a bad move like that. And Britney.. oh please!_

"Here we are. Now I'm not sure how we're going to get all of your luggage up to your main lodgings, but I _am _sure your headmaster will sort it all out for you. I've best be going now, good luck this term! Cheerio."

"What, Cheerios? The word rang in her ears. NOOOO I can't have Cheerios! Too many carbs. Carbs are evil. Carbs are the enemy! Is that all they serve here!"

The limo drove off into the darkness. _Woah. This place is crreeepy… _All of a sudden, a very large figure appeared a few feet away. As it got closer and closer, Ariel started getting worried.

"Who the hell are you! Don't come any closer! I've got pepper spray!" But the figure kept walking. Finally, it came close enough to her to resemble an extremely large man.

"Why 'ello there. Name's Hagrid. I'm 'ere ter take you across the lake ter 'ogwarts Castle."

_Where the hell am I?_

"Dude, I'm serious, take one step closer and I'm gonna spray this shit in your eyes."

"No need ter be alarmed, I'm just 'ere ter escort you ter school. I promise I won't be hurtin' yer, there's no need ter worry."

Living in Los Angeles, her street instincts had told her to not trust this guy. But looking into his huge but innocent face she finally decided that he wasn't a threat.

"Okay fine, my luggage is over there." She pointed to about 9 suitcases, each with orange "Heavy" labels the airport had stuck on them.

"Looks like we're going ter need a bigger boat.." said the huge hairy man.

She walked up the steps of the huge fortress in front of her. _This place is incredible.. it must be at least 400 years old.._

"Oh it's well over a thousand, dear." A strangely dressed woman stepped out of the door.

"Where did you.. how did you know what I was.."

Professor McGonagall smiled. "Please take a seat in the Great Hall, I'm sure you'll fit in fine, there's no need to worry."

"But I wasn't worried about that.. what are you.."

The teacher just winked. "Hurry on in, the festivities will begin shortly."

Bri walked through the huge oak doors. Before climbing the stairs up to the entrance of the Great Hall, she adjusted her already short enough skirt, ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair, and unfastened the last two buttons of her shirt. _Hmm. Well at least English guys are hot. This should be fun. _

She stepped through the wooden doors to what was originally a room full of lively chatter. All went silent. She just stood there, not knowing exactly what to do in this strange place.

"Er.. hi… I'm Bri.. from A-mer-I-ca." No one said a word.

"You know.. er.. Hollywood? Brad Pitt? Britney Spears? Do you people speak English?" Still there was silence.

"Okay you KNOW WHAT? If you're just going to ignore me then fine, whatever. I've had a shitty day, I was supposed to sit in first class and instead because I was NICE I got moved to the very last seat, my mom forgot to call for a hair appointment because my stylist is in Hawaii and so now my roots are discolored, I haven't slept in a day and I'm getting dark circles under my eyes and I DON'T HAVE ANY PREPERATION H TO GET RID OF THEM SO NOW I LOOK LIKE SHIT!" she said that whole sentenced without one breath, so that by the time she was done, she was huffing and puffing."

A handsome guy around her age with messy dark brown hair got up from the table in front of her and strolled over calmly. "It seems like you've had a rough day. Why don't you come sit with us?" His piercing green eyes looked at her with an innocent expression. _Wow.. what a hottie._

"Oooh thank you hun, jeese these people here arelike.. frigid.Where is it you're sitting?" He showed her to the nearest table where a group of his friends are sitting. _Hun? What am I doing.._

"Guys, this is- er..." he gave her a puzzled look

"Bri... just call me Bri..The group mumbled versions of "Nice to meet you." and "I'm so and so."

The green-eyed boy finished his introduction. "She's the American transfer student everyone's been talking about."

The group finally came alive. "OHH now I know who you are! You're that girl from America right?" said another cute guy with bright orange hair

"Err.. yeah.. but I already said.."

"Yeah! Everyone's been talking about an American girl coming over here for a while. We've never had an American transfer student before."

"Uhh.. what did you say your name was again?" She turned and looked at the guy brave enough to take her under his wing

"Harry, Harry Potter."

"Nice to meet you, Harry." She said with a wink. A girl with long, curlyish mouse brown hair shot her a disapproving glance. _Jeese.. what's her prob?_


	2. Dazed and Confused

Harry paced the common room. Hermione could tell there was something puzzling him.

"Harry, what's wrong?" she said while reviewing her _History of Magic_ book she had already checked out of the library.

"Oh nothing, I'm just confused about something."

"Well, what is it?"

"You know that new girl, the American?"

Hermione didn't let him see her roll her eyes. "Yes, what about her?"

"It's just so strange. She didn't seem to know who I was. Even after I told her my name she just acted as if I was a normal person. She didn't even ask to see my scar or anything! Whenever I meet ANYONE, they always seem amazed that I'm actually talking to them. But her… she had no idea who I was!"

"Well is that a bad thing?"

"Well, no… it's actually quite refreshing. For once, I've met someone who might be interested in me for who _I_ am, not my scar."

"Well I don't think it's really that important…I.. I mean, _I _was raised by muggles and I had no idea who you were either."

"Yes but Hermione, come on. Now you're totally absorbed in the wizarding world… you're at the top of our class and you seem to know everything. This girl… it seems like she accidentally came across this place and just… fell in…I don't know…she doesn't seem to know anything about magic at all."

"Well you're right Harry, I agree. She doesn't really seem to have any magical qualities does she?"

"Oh she's magical alright. She definitely has me mesmerized. But there's just something odd about her… I don't know what it is. Could you perhaps… help her a little with some basic magic skills, you know, tutor her a little… I want to see what she can do- w..with magic I mean…"

Hermione mumbled under her breath _I'll teach her a thing or two…_

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you… what did you say?"

"I said I think she's quite fond of you." Hermione quickly covered herself.

"Really? I hope so. Well, thanks Hermione! I've got to run off now."

"Where're you going… and why such a hurry?"

"Well I want to find her so you can start teaching her."

"What… NOW? It's the first day of school! I've got things to do- we were going to study together for potions, remember?

"Yes I know but..."

"… and what if she doesn't want to be taught? I'll look like a fool!"

"Oh Hermione… you could never look like a fool!" Harry said as he left the room.

Hermione smiled to herself. _That bitch is not going to take Harry away from me. But what else can I do? I have to help her or else Harry will know that I'm jealous- wait. No. I'm not jealous. I'm smarter than she is. Ha ha.. the thought of being jealous of that whore is amusing. Harry likes intelligent girls anyways.. not dumb blondes… right…oh well, sooner or later he'll realize that I'm the right girl for him… _

"Did you see the arse on that fox?" Goyle said as he walked into the Slytherin common room with Crabbe.

"How could I not! It's perfect! And those ti.."

"Crabbe, Goyle, come here." Draco said in a stern voice.

"What, Malfoy? We were just reminiscing over the lovely view we had at dinner tonight." Said Crab.

"Wha.. huh what are you talking about?" Malfoy seemed annoyed.

"Ahh Malfoy don't pretend, you sly one! I know you saw her."

"Don't insult my _vision_, Goyle," Malfoy hissed, "I don't know who you're talking about, and I don't particularly care."

"The American girl! For heaven's sake, Draco, I thought you'd have been the first to see her, considering your… talent…at finding… good looking women.."

_Except for Pansy_ Crabbe whispered to Goyle. They both snickered.

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT TO INSULT ME!"

"Sorry…I meant nice, respectable women." He lowered his head in submission

"Don't apologize like a grueling dog… now tell me, who is this girl you're talking about?"

"The Ameri…"

"Oh _HER_? You insult me even _more_! A Malfoy would _NEVER_ allow himself to be even in the same ROOM with a _dirty_ American… You're ignorance worries me…"

"But Malfoy… what do you have against Americans? In my opinion they're much mor…"

"What do I have against Americans? What do _I_ have against AMERICANS? They're all HALFBLOODS you TWIT! Most of them are probably muggles now, or mudbloods stupidly unaware of their own power. They turn our _gift_ into stupid Hollywood films that people pay to see for their own ENTERTAINMENT!"

The two oafs looked puzzled.

"HAVE YOU EVEN _SEEN_ THE WIZARD OF OZ!"

"Who's he?"

"UGH! The witch in that movie was GREEN and _melted_ after being drenched with water! The INSOLANCE THOSE PEOPLE HAVE TO THINK THAT _WE_, THE MOST POWERFUL BEINGS ON EARTH, COULD COME TO OUR DEMISE WITH A BUCKET OF _WATER_!"

He stormed out of the classroom in a huff. Crabbe and Goyle blinked in amazement.

"Oh he's good." Goyle said in a dumb stupor.

"Bucket of water my arse.. psh!"

"…well… she's still fun to look at…"

"He says he hates her now but you know damn well he'll be banging her senseless before next week."

"Ha ha, too right, Crabbe!"

Malfoy flew down the hallway, his black robes billowing behind him. _Ha. They honestly thought I'd burn my eyes upon the image of a stupid American hussy! _Just as he rounded the corner, his face collided with a stack of books. Papers flew into the air and gently floated back to the ground, right next to a gorgeous blonde girl, collapsed on the floor.

"Oh! Oh my God I'm soooo sorry! I just got my books for all my classes and I didn't see you coming.. are.. are you alright?"

He looked into her deep blue eyes. _She's seriously asking me if I'm okay? She's the one on the floor! _No one had ever seemed to genuinely care about him like that before. He lowered his gaze to her chest and couldn't help but notice the bright red lacy bra peeking out from under her white button down shirt. _Wow, what a rack…_The blood from his northen-most brain begain to rush into is more finely-tuned thinking instrument.

"…Hello?" The dirty thoughts evaporated immediately

"Uhh…y..yeah I'm alright, just took me by surprise I guess… you have a lot of books there.. do you need some help carrying them?"

Malfoy thought to himself _GOD! What the hell am I doing? Think of her as Granger. Think of her as Granger…_However, he had no time to collect his thoughts. Harry had already ran the entire length of the hallway to see what all the commotion was about. When he reached them, all he saw was Bri on the ground with his nemesis, Draco Malfoy, standing over her.

"MALFOY! What the fuck are you doing to her you pig! She's here one day and you're already trying to have your way with her!" he said in a fury.

"Oh for fuck sake, Potter, shut your gob… why would I wan…"

"Boys, BOYS! Calllm down." She said in a soft and innocent tone. "Harry, I was just being my clumsy self and I ran over him as I was carrying my books. It's totally my fault! Don't worry about me, just don't ATTACK him.. God..."

Draco was flabbergasted. _Why is she defending me? She's one of Harry's friends… right?_

"I better go now, Hermoine's going to teach me some of the basics before I go to bed." She gracefully picked up all her books and papers with seemingly no effort and casually strolled down the hall, swinging her hips. The two boys just stared off at her.

"What the hell was that, Malfoy?"

"I…I don't know…" Draco walked off in a daze.


	3. Fire and Water

Bri rolled her eyes. _Ahh, boys will be boys_. She made her way to the entrance of the Gryffindor Common Room, the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Passwo… oh it's you. Go right on in dear."

"Thank you." She said politely with a smile. The portrait swung open to reveal a large stone room with a fire crackling nearby.

"Harry?" A girl called from the corner of the room. "Oh, it's you."

"You seem disappointed." Bri said, the fire reflecting in her bright eyes.

"Me? No… don't be silly. Now, anyways… what should we study first?"

"Oh don't change the subject, come on, dish it… do you like Harry or something?"

"Ha ha.. nooo no, he's just a good friend. Yes, a very good friend, that's all.."

"'Cause if you want me to back away, you know, I'm more than willing to..." she took a step forward, as if to challenge her.

"What? Back away? Why would you need to do a thing like that? Heh heh… I don't fancy Harry, you can stay as close as you want to him."

"Okay… whatever you say…" She set her books down on the table. "How about some history of this whole magic thing first… so I at least know where this is all coming from."

"Sounds like a good start." Hermione silently let out the breath she'd been holding_. She knows… I know she knows…_

"Okay who's this guy?"

"What guy?" Thoughts of Harry quickly flashed through her mind.

"You know, the one with the white beard, standing next to that lady over there." She pointed to a picture in Hermione's book,_ Hogwarts: A History_.

"You don't know who that is?"

"Uh.. no…"

"Oh dear. That's Godric Gryffindor. He and three others founded Hogwarts School together, and obviously he founded Gryffindor House."

"Oh."

By this point Hermione was getting annoyed. "Why don't I give this to you and you can read it some time when your free, I don't think you'll need help learning the history, it's pretty much just reading." She handed over the 6 inch thick book. "When you're done with this, you can read this_: Book of Potions for Beginners_. You'll need to know a little for when we have our Potions lesson." She handed over another equally thick book.

"Er… thanks.."

"What… is it that you can't handle all that reading? I could… back off…I mean… take one off that pile…if you want me too." She shot her a daring glance.

"No thank you… I can handle it." The flames from the fire once again reflected in her eyes and she gave her a devilish grin.

Ron rushed down the stairs and almost tripped on the last step.

"Hermione! I heard that you were going to help that gi…" His jaw dropped.

"What girl?" Brianna questioned him with an intrigued look on her face.

"Oh.. er.. nevermind…"

"Okayyy… well I should go now, it's getting late and I need to take a shower." Ron's jaw was almost flush with his chest by this point..

"Bye Bri… see you in class tomorrow. I'll explain to the teachers that you're sort of a… _beginner_." Hermione smiled in a smug sort of way. Bri just flipped her hair and walked out the door.

Five minutes had passed. Ron was practically bouncing on his bed, waiting for Harry to enter the boys' dormitory. _Maybe I could just borrow it _without _asking him…yeah, I don't think he'd mind.._ Ron walked over to the large wooden chest at the foot of Harry's four poster bed. He slowly opened it, as if in fear that something might fly out at him. There it was, the silvery fabric folded neatly on top of some of his unused books. _Brilliant._ Ron grabbed the invisibility cloak, quietly shut the chest, and draped it over him as he ran out the door.

In less than ten seconds Ron was already running down the hallway. _Where is she?I know she's not in Gryffindor, because she left the Common Room… hmm.. _ Just as he was about to decide to sneak into the Hufflepuff girls' dormitory, the moonlight shining through the huge window caught his eye. It was so oddly bright that he decided to take a closer look. He saw the large, perfectly rounded moon shining brightly over the lake surrounding Hogwarts Castle. Looking further down, he could see something moving near the glimmering reflection of the moon in the rippling waters. _Holy shit!_

He found his way out of the castle and hurried across the grass. _She doesn't know about the Giant Squid!_ He reached the shore and looked down into the water, but now nothing was there. _I'll give her 30 seconds, and if she doesn't come up, I'll go in after her…_

But there was no need for that. The surface of the water broke, and out from it arose the girl, totally naked. The moonlight shone on her creamy white skin. She was flawless from head to toe.

"How brave of you Ron, but you don't need to worry, I don't need to be saved."

_What? Did the invisibility cloak fall off as I was running and was I thinking aloud? He checked to see if it was still there, and in fact, it was. What the hell?_ The only person he knew that could see through the invisibility cloak was Dumbledore.

"Umm.. okay.. I better go now then…" He shielded his eyes to impy he wasn't purposefully staring.

"Oh no hun, you're okay. Could you just hand me those clothes over there?"

"Wha.. oh.. y..yes of course." He went over to where he saw a pile of clothes neatly spread out on the grass. He turned around to walk over and hand them to her, but she was already standing right behind them.

"OH! Err.. sorry.." He shut his eyes in embarrassment.

She laughed. "I told you, it's okay, you don't need to cover you eyes." She grabbed his hand and placed it around her waist. _Gulp_ She leaned in closer.

"Thanks for watching out for me." She kissed him on the cheek. Then she took her clothes, silently put them on, and walked back into the school, cool as a cucumber. Ron remained standing there in the moonlight. _Woah. I just touched a beautiful, naked woman. Cool._ His notorious half grin appeared on his face. He strolled back into the school, back through the Gryffindor Common Room, and up the stairs into the boys'dormitory, still with the dumbfounded expression on his face. _Good. Harry's still not here._ He placed the cloak back into the chest, exactly how it was before. With a sigh of relief he collapsed on his bed. _Wow.. what a night._


	4. Potions Class

Snape entered the Potions classroom and nonchalantly waved his arm. Chalk began to magically write various ingredients, incantations, and materials needed on the blackboard.

"I'm sure most of you savagely wasted away your brains this summer holiday, and so to remind you that we are NOT on holiday any longer, we will be making a new potion today worth 200 points. The houses that succeed in creating this difficult assignment and identify the potion will be awarded full credit. Those houses that do _not_ complete the requirements in the time given," He deliberately looked at Harry and the rest of the Gryffindors. "will _lose_ 200 points. "That would _not_ be a good way to start off the year."

The students remained silent as they took out the needed materials; cauldrons of various sizes, vials of dragon's blood and phoenix tears, etc. etc.

"I have assigned you each a partner, and there will be _no_ exceptions to whom I assign to you." Names appeared on each of the students' notebooks.

"Great, I've got Goyle." Harry said with a groan.

"Oh, sorry mate. I've got Hermione. At least our house will have _some_ chance at earning credit." Hermione smiled.

Harry looked over and saw Draco with a smug look on his face. "What's wrong with you, _Malfoy_? Did your daddy escape from Azkaban?" Harry was surprised at his own tone. He was hardly every the instigator of quarrels with Draco.

"No, _Potter_, I was just admiring Professor Snape's sheer talent at selecting partners." Malfoy spat back.

"Oh shove it _Malfoy_, why… who'd you get, _Pansy_?"

"No, _Potter_, why don't you take a look for yourself." He slid his notebook across the desk. Three letters were the only things to grace the page. It read, "_Bri_"

Harry thought to himself, _That's odd, why doesn't it have her surname, or even her full first name… _

Draco smirked. "Sorry to disappoint you, _Potter_, but it looks like all be having my way with the fox after all."

Harry ignored the comment. "Where is she, anyway?"

All the students turned around after hearing the door of the classroom slam shut.

"Sorry I'm late… I had to figure out how to use a battery powered hair straightener because I couldn't find any places to plug my other one in…" The class looked at her as if she was speaking Russian. She didn't seem to notice and strolled right up to Professor Snape and held out her hand for him to shake.

"You must be Professor Snape. _Congrats_! You're my first teacher of anything to do with magic! I got you a bottle of some perfume from America because I thought you might be interested in what potions _we_ make over there." She handed him a bottle of _Pure Poison_ from Christian Dior.

"Are you… mad? This is….DEADLY!" He threw it back at her with a look of disgust on his face.

"Ha ha no no, that's just the name of it… sheesh.." She opened the bottle and put some on her wrist.

"Here, sniff." She held her wrist up to his nose. Snape looked at her, and blinked twice as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Really, I'm serious, just smell it, it's really nice." Reluctantly, he took a whiff.

"That actually does smell quite good." He said as she handed him the bottle.

"Well you can run your magic tests or whatever on it. I promise you, it's not dangerous at all, it's just to make people smell good. Now… what did I miss?" Snape examined the bottle with great interest.

Draco strolled up and handed her the list of ingredients he had copied from the board. "We're making a potion, and you're my partner." Pansy Parkinson kept a close eye as the two walked over to his table.

"Oh, you're that guy from the hallway, right? I don't think we've officially _met_. I'm Bri.. and you are?"

"Malfoy… but just call me Draco." Pansy seemed surprised. _Draco? But she's friends with Potter!_

"That's hot… what is that Norwegian or something?"

"Erm.. no… it's just what my parents called me.."

"Oh.. right. Okay so anyways, let's start this thing or we're gonna run out of time." She bent down to get the supplies out of her bag on the floor. As she was bending over, Draco looked at Harry and teasingly mouthed _Ouch! And snapped his fingers_. Harry was livid.

"What is _that_?" Draco said, looking at the strange container she perched on the desk.

"Uhh _duh_, it's my cauldron."

"But it's.. _pink… _and_.. sparkly.._"

"Oh yeah I know. Well, everyone says that black is always in style but I thought it looked drab so I decorated it! Isn't it cute?"

"Right…" Draco thought to himself, _How peculiar…This girl must _definitely_ be a Mudblood.._

She began adding the ingredients as he remained staring at the pink, glittery cauldron. And _I must be a poof to be working with something as feminine as that_. She leaned across him to grab another vile and he caught a very _clear_ glimpse down her shirt. _NOPE. Definitely not. Deffinnately NOT a poof. Glad I cleared that up…_He began to feel a rising in his nether area. _Oh fuck. Not AGAIN!_ He tried to cover it with his book, but he didn't want to look like he wasn't doing anything to help with the potion.

"Um.. would you mind if I left you on your own for a moment… I need to use the loo…"

"Oh yeah, sure, This is FUN!" She continued adding the ingredients as he rushed out the door.

Pansy followed close behind, into the boys' lavatory with him.

"What the.. what are you doing in he.."

"What's wrong, Drakie-poo?" She squeaked. Looking down, she saw the huge swell in his pants.

"OH MY GOD! Did _SHE_ give you that?"

"No no, of course not. I was just looking at you and I…."

"Awww you're sooo sweet! I'd have you right here and now but we have to back to class, you naughty boy!"

_Phew.._

Minutes passed by, and it was nearing the end of class. Draco rushed back in just as Snape rose from his desk and announced to the class:

"Time's up. I will now inspect each group's final product."

"I'm sorry I was gone, I felt ill. I'll ask Snape if he'll let us redo.."

"It's alright hun, I got this one." She winked.

Hermione whispered to Ron: "Hurry, where's the wolfbane? I don't think I added enough, it doesn't seem to be the right color!"

Ron was staring across the room at Bri. "Err.. what? Oh yeah yeah.. umm.. I don't know.. where did you put it last?"

But it was too late. Snape was already hovering over them.

"What is _this_? I would have expected more from you, Miss Granger."

"But professor, I can fix it, I just need to add one more drop of wol…"

"Miss Granger, I will not take excuses for inadequate work. 200 points from Gryffindor." He went on to the next table.

"Longbottom, do I dare look at your progress? I'm afraid I might burn my eyes." He took one look at the potion. Neville flinched as he said:

"200 points from Gryffindor. That's a record, I believe. 400 in one day.." He strolled over to Draco and Bri's table.

"Because of your absence, Mr. Malfoy, I shall be lenient." He took a look into the glittering cauldron and seemed surprised. "Excellent work! Can you identify the name of this potion and its uses?

"Hm…I believe it is the _Dormio decumbo _potion… which is… Latin…? Meaning… "to fall asleep". One can use this potion in a mild dosage as a… sleep _inducer_, or… in a greater quantity to escape from or debilitate an enemy..." She kept her eyes tightly closed while rambling off the definition.

Snape, as well as the rest of the class, was astonished. "Excellent work! 250 points to Slytherin."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other with the same look on their face: _She's in Slytherin?_

"Miss Bri, hand me your wand. I'd like to demonstrate to the class how you _correctly_ made this potion."

"… Wand?"

"Yes."

"Sorry, I don't have one…"

"What do you mean you don't have one? Whose did you use then?" He looked at Draco but he only shrugged in reply.

"_You made this potion without a wand?_" Snape leaned in closer as he spoke in almost a whisper.

"Err.. yeah.. is that a bad thing? I could go buy one or something, I didn't know…"

"No that's quite alright. Class is dismissed." The students left the classroom, their whispers could be heard as they shuffled out the door.

"Come with me miss Belddemour."

DUN DUN DUN….. more coming later.. But I'm not going to write anything more until I get at least 5 reviews so I know people are at least READING this...


	5. Dissendium

"I read somewhere that wandless magic is reserved for only _very_ few wizards, and the only ones that have been ever known to acquire it have…" Hermione trailed off

"What, Hermione?"

"Well, they've all been affiliated with.. You-Know-Who… in some way..."

"So, what are you trying to say?"

"Well, I don't think that you should be messing with her, Harry. She could be… you know… on _his_ side or something…she _is_ a Slytherin…"

"Hermione, that's ridiculous! She is not a threat at all, and _come on_! She didn't even know what magic WAS until yesterday, it's not her fault!"

"Didn't know magic until yesterday? _All I taught her was some_ history on magic, and I gave her a 600 page potions book to read. How could she have made that potion in Snape's class BY _HERSELF _after never having done magic IN HER LIFE? _Harry_, why are you defending her?"

"I'm not defending her! I'm just saying that you should at least give her the benefit of the doubt! You're acting like you're jealous or something!" Harry yelled back

"Me? Jealous of that…GRR! You are SOOO…UGHH! Ever since you've been with her, you've changed. And not for the better!" She stormed out of the room.

Harry just let out a deep breath and climbed the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

"We brought you here for your _protection_, and you're going around making yourself _extremely _noticeable using WANDLESS MAGIC!What were you thinking?" McGonagall was on the verge of shouting.

"Minerva, calm down, she didn't know, it's not her fault." Dumbledore said calmly.

"Sorry Albus, I'm just worried. I want her to be safe, and if she continues to 'stumble' into these situations with a _whole_ _class_ full of witnesses, someone's bound to find out…"

"_Shh_, Minerva, I'm sure she's learned from her mistake. Now…Bri, I have something for you."

"Ooh I love presents! What is it?"

"It's a surprise. You'll find out tomorrow." He said with a twinkle in his eye. "More importantly, we have to get you a wand. I'm sure you can sort yourself out with that?" He looked at her and winked.

"Of course." She dutifully left his office.

"I knew that girl could handle herself," McGongall seemed proud. "She's going to go far."

"Yes, Minerva, I know." He smiled.

Bri walked briskly down the hallway, looking determined and resembling a tiger stalking its prey. When she reached the statue of the humpbacked, one-eyed witch, she thought she heard footsteps behind her. She whirled around, but found no one there.

_Must be hearing things_ she thought in her head and quietly muttered "_Dissendium!_" under her breath.

The statue's hump slowly opened to reveal a dark, narrow passageway. She jumped into the opening and landed in total darkness. Then, after dusting herself off, she began walking down the damp pathway. After taking only a few steps, she heard the rustle of a cloak behind her.

"Who's there?" she shouted blindly into the darkness, but there was no answer. She stood still for a moment, hardly breathing, and listened for the sound once more.

"_Lumos!_" A bright light appeared at the entrance. Draco Malfoy stood there, holding his wand with its tip emitting a stream of light.

"What are you doing down here? And where _are_ we?" he asked.

"Um… I was just… you know… exploring the school..." she said in a girlish tone, twisting her blonde hair around her index finger.

"Well, you shouldn't be walking in darkness…y..you don't know what's down here.. Hogwarts can be a very dangerous place. Come on, I'm taking you back."

"No! I mean.. no.. that's alright, I'll be fine." she said and slowly approached him.

"I don't want to be the one responsible for you getting hurt." He gently grabbed her wrist.

"I'm not going to get hurt, I can handle myself."

"Well I'm not letting you go."

"Yes, you are."

"No, you don't even know where you're going. There are a lot of things lurking about!"

"FINE. If you don't want me to go alone, then come with me."

"No, we should be getting back to the Common Room…" his eyes were shifty. All of a sudden, she pushed him up against the wall, pinning both his wrists against it.

"What, are you… _scared?_ Come on Draco, where's your sense of adventure?" Her eyes flashed in the light of his wand, her lips just inches from his own.

"No.. no.. heh.. of course not.. I was just…"

"Well then, come ON let's GO!" She released her grasp and ran towards the darkness.

"Wait, wait, okay fine, I'll come with you. But stay close." He said, and grabbed her hand.

"If you wanted to hold my hand, you could have just asked." She said with a smile and turned to continue walking. Draco's cheeks burned bright pink. _God.. get a hold of yourself, Draco_ he thought. The two walked in silence.

The two climbed through the cellar door and intoa basement.There was only one way out, up the stairs,and people could be heard scuffling about upstairs.

Draco noticed a crate on the floor with the words "Chocolate Frogs: Honeydukes' box #127824"

"We're in Honey Dukes? How did we.. how are we supposed to get out of here...?" said Draco, "And why are we going to Hogsmeade anyways?" But Bri was already one step ahead of him. "We're not going to Hogsmeade." She said with a grin, and pulled him into the ancient-looking fireplace with her. She grabbed a handful of Floo powder from the bucket sitting next to it.

A/N: For those of you who didn't see what I updated and wrote on the top of Chapter 1**: I know this story is rated M because of sex and stuff, so you may be disappointed that I haven't gotten to all the action yet. I guarantee you things will start heating up, but, unlike other "Mary Sue" stories or whatever they're called, I'm not just gonna have people start banging each other left and right haha. Bri's new at the school, and she's not THAT slutty. And, Draco may be a bad boy.. but SHEESH he's not a man whore! Give the boy a break! **


	6. Unicorn Tails and Phoenix Feathers

"Diagon Alley!" The emerald-green flames sprung out of nowhere and the two instantly vanished.

They stumbled out of the fireplace. "Woo, what a ride! I've never done that before!" she said, wiping all the dust off of her clothes.

"How did you know how to do it then?" Draco said in amazement. "I thought you've never been here before?" _This girl is definitely NOT a filthy mudblood… or a dumb blonde, for that matter…_

"Uh…Dumbledore told me?"

"Oh, right." they walked out of the abandoned store they landed in and down the crowded street.

"I need to get a wand," she said. "where would I go for that?"

"Ollivander's. Follow me." He escorted her to an old store with a large glass bay window, displaying all sorts of differently sized wands. A gray-haired man stood behind the counter.

"Welcome, miss. I've been expecting you." said the ancient looking man with busy hair. "And your wand has been anxiously awaiting you!" He went over to the stacks and stacks of black boxes behind him. Draco noticed a glimmering plaque on the wall.

It read:

Druid Birth Trees 

**Birch** - December 24 to January 20  
**Rowan** - January 21 to February 17  
**Ash** - February 18 to March 17  
**Alder** - March 18 to April 14  
**Willow** - April 15 to May 12  
**Hawthorn** - May 13 to June 9  
**Oak** - June 10 to July 7  
**Holly** - July 8 to August 4  
**Hazel** - August 5 to September 1  
**Vine** - September 2 to September 29  
**Ivy** - September 30 to October 27  
**Reed** - October 28 to November 24  
**Elder** - November 25 to December 22

**Magical Core Descriptions:**

**Dragon Heartstring** _-good for hexes_

**Unicorn Tail Hair**_- wands for the pure of heart_

**Phoenix Feather**_- wands more powerful than ones made from any other core._

**Veela Hair**_- produces quite a temperamental wand_

**Leprechaun Hair**_- mostly popular among Irish Wizards_

**Hippogriff Talon**_- creates a wand that demands respect._

While he was reading it, the old man came out from the shelves of boxes and placed the one he was holding on the counter.

"Now miss, this is a very special wand. Yes, very special indeed. It is one of the only wands to have _two_ magical cores, there has only been one other…"

"Who has the other one?" she said, intrigued. The man looked surprised at the question.

"You'll find that out… yes, yes…that information is soon to come upon you."

"God… you sound like Yoda or something.."

"Yoda?"

"Er… nothing…"

"Back to your wand. Its inner core is a combination of Unicorn Tail Hair and Phoenix Feather. I trust you will use this wand carefully, as it is extremely powerful… I also have no fear that it will not be put to use in the Dark Arts… for Unicorn's are amongst the most pure of heart..." He leaned in to speak in a faint whisper. "_I must warn you…stay away from that boy,_" he gestured over at Draco, still preoccupied with the plaque. "_he's no good. Why are you hanging around him?_"

"_Why does everyone think he's so bad? He's been nothing but a gentleman to me._"

"_Well, I felt obligated to warn you. His father's in Azkaban you know. Nothing but the Dark Arts in that family. Yes, no good, no good at all…_" He stopped speaking as Draco turned to them.

"What kind of wand did you get? It says on this wall what each kind means."

"Er.. I got…" but the old man interrupted her.

"Holly, unicorn tail hair, 11 inches."

"Oh, so you're birthday's in July then?" he said, looking at birth dates corresponding with the wood.

"No.. actually, my birthday's in September…" she was still wondering why the old man hadn't mentioned that there were two magical cores in her wand.

"Hm, that's odd, it says that you're supposed to have vine as your wood."

The old man interjected. "No, Holly is a more appropriate substance for her wand. It provides the wizard with _extra_ protection against evil."

"Why do _I_ need _extra _protection?"

"You'll find that out soon enough." He then turned and walked back into the room full of boxes behind him.

"Wait? Where are you going? I need to pay you!" she yelled to him, but he just waved his arm and said, without looking back, "Leave it be, that's already been taken care of."

"Let's get out of here," she said, "That guy's creeping me out."

"Me too." Draco said, and opened the door for her.

"Hm.. we should be getting back now, it's almost 7 o'clock." She said, looking at the clock on the wall of Gringott's Bank.

They walked passed a store that sold assortments of pet magical animals; frogs, owls, newts, rats, etc etc. Bri looked through the large window at them. "Aww, they're soo cute! I love animals!" Draco gazed at her, touched by her genuine goodness.

They made their way back to Hogwarts in silence as Draco contemplated his new discovery, and arrived at the Slytherin Common Room with time to spare. "Well… dinner's at 7:30… I guess I'll …see you there?" _Awkward moment…_he thought.

"Yeah… I'll see you around…" she said, and made her way to the girls' dormitory.

After arriving at the Great Hall, she heard a familiar voice calling to her from the Gryffindor table.

"Hey Bri, come sit with us! We saved you a seat."

She sat between Harry and Ron, right across from Hermione, who gave her dagger eyes. "So, Harry… I've heard that you play.. er… Quidditch? What exactly is that anyways..?" He then gave her a long splurge on the game, commenting on his notorious snitch catching skills and knack for getting hurt on the field. "Ooh… that's really interesting. Too bad I don't have a broom, it seems like a lot of fun to be able to fly." she said with a smile.

"Well, maybe I could give you a private flying lesson sometime." He winked and put his arm around her. Hermione's anger grew, but despite the internal feud between the two girls, dinner seemed to go well…until Draco noticed Harry just a _little_ too close. He shot up from the Slytherin table, knocking down all the plates and goblets in front of him and his friends.

"What are _you_ doing, Potter? Get your filthy hands off her!" he shouted across the room.

"_Why_? Harry shot back, "Since when did she have a label reading 'Draco Malfoy' stuck on her?"

"Let's settle this outside, _Potter_."

"With what, a duel?"

"Of course."

"That might not be a good idea, _ferret boy_. Remember what happened last time? Your friend Professor Snape had to come and save you…"

"Don't mock me, Potter. Outside, on the Quidditch grounds. 11 o'clock. Don't be late." He grabbed his croonies perched at the table by their shirt collars, Crabbe hurriedly taking one last bite of his carrot cake. "Crabbe, Goyle, come on, we have work to do." They trailed Draco out of the Great Hall, slamming the huge doors behind them.

"_Harry_, what are you_ thinking_? You shouldn't go! Especially after hours! It could be dangerous!" Hermione said.

"I don't care what you say," he said. "I'm not going to let him treat her like she's his bloody possession!"

"Harry, I really don't care… you should listen to Hermione… both of you could get hurt…" Bri said

"No, I have to fight him, or it'll look like I'm a coward. I have to protect you." He got up from the table and stormed out. _Protect me? What the hell?_

"This is all _your _fault." Hermione said, and followed him out the door.

"Don't listen to her," said Ron. "she's just mad because you invaded her territory."

"What, she's the queen of Gryffindor now?" Bri said angrily

"No, it's _Harry_ she's miffed about. He was hers, well in her opinion at least.. Now he wants _you_."

End of Chapter 6! Keep Reviewing! Also, a **BIG THANK YOU **to where I got the information about the Druid trees and Magical core stuff. You should check it out, it's got tons of cool info!

Sorry I haven't updated in like forEVER but wouldn't let me log in for some reason...


	7. The Duel

Malfoy trudged out onto the Quidditch grounds, Crabbe and Goyle following closely behind. He had spent the past 3 hours trying to figure out what he could _possibly_ do to Harry. Obviously Aveda Kedavra wouldn't work on him, not that he was going to _kill_ him anyways, _Serpensorcia_ wouldn't work because he's a parsel-tongue… _Why did I challenge him? Bloody stupid idea. I'm going to make a fool of myself!_

Just then, Draco heard footsteps across the grass. Hermione, Ron, and Bri all chased after Harry, quickly approaching him.

"Alright, _Malfoy_," Harry said, still walking toward him, "let's get this over with.

"_Reducto!_" Harry shouted, causing Malfoy to be blasted 20 feet across the grass. He fell down with a big _thump!_. A faint shriek erupted from Bri's throat.

"Harry! Don't! You're going to hurt him!" Malfoy slowly got back to his feet. However, he had no time to conjure another curse.

"_Mobilicorpus!_" Harry shouted, and Draco was instantly levitated into the air. "_Expelliarmus!_" His wand flew from his hand. "How does it feel to be helpless Malfoy? There's nothing you can do, I have your wand and you're 15 feet above the ground."

"Harry! Put him down NOW!" Bri shouted from the behind him.

"No!" said Harry. "He doesn't deserve to have his ego back yet. I'm tired of him prancing around school like he's better than everyone. Now, Draco. You're going to have to learn that you can't just claim possession of things, when they _don't WANT you to possess them_! _Diffindo!_" Draco's white button-down shirt ripped down the middle, revealing his pale and muscular skin.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Potter!" Malfoy shouted down at him, now half naked. "He's gone mad! Absolutely insane! Put me DOWN scarhead!"

"No, I don't believe you Malfoy. I don't think I can trust that you're telling me the truth. Let's see... what can I do to test that? Oh yes! Legilimens! I could use that, to see what dirty thoughts you're hiding.. Yes I think I will." He pointed his wand back up at Draco. "_Legilimens!_" he shouted, and a stream of white light shot from it.

"Malfoy, you _rascal_!" he said in a sarcastic tone. "How could you think such dirty things? You wouldn't want me to tell Bri, would you? Maybe I should. I think she has a right to know what you're fantasizing about when she thinks you two are just having a pleasant conversation…"

"Harry, that's ENOUGH! What is WRONG with you? Put him down NOW!" Bri screamed. Hermione was equally confounded at his behavior, as shown by the horrified look on her face.

"Fine, whatever you say, beautiful." he turned back to Draco, still dangling in the air like a ragdoll. "_Finite Incantatum!_" he instantly dropped down onto the grass. As he tried to sit up, Bri started to run over to him.

"Don't go near him!" Harry yelled to her, but she kept running. "_Locomotor Mortis_" he pointed his wand at her in an attempt to slow her down. Instead she whirled around, and shot back with her own wand, "_Protego!_" The curse reflected back upon him, and his legs locked together."_Incarcerous!_" she screamed, and Harry flew backward from the power of the wand, and landed on the grass, tied up in ropes.

"YOU NEED TO _CALM DOWN HARRY!_" she screamed back at him.

"_Obliviate!_" his memory of the event was instantly erase. She looked over at Hermione and Ron and altered their memories as well, then turned on her heel and ran over to Draco, still attempting to sit up and collapsed down on the ground next to him, taking him into her arms. His face was bloodied up, and he seemed too weak to say anything, all he did was stare back up into her eyes.

"This is all _my_ fault!" she said, her tears gently dropping onto his face. With each drip, the blood disappeared more and more. She handed him back his wand. When he had it steadily in his hand, pointing it at her, he faintly whispered "_Orchideous_". A bright red rose appeared out of the wand. He smiled, and she gently kissed his forehead.

"I hate to ruin this moment," she whispered in his ear, "_Obliviate_." his head dropped down, asleep.


	8. The Phoenix and the Vologgart

**FINALLY SOME SEXUAL CONTENT! Oh I am so proud.**

Bri woke early and descended the stairs into the Slytherin Common Room. There, she found Crabbe and Goyle collapsed on the couch.

"_Guys, wake up! I need to talk to you!_" she whispered

"Uhghsodjg… w..hat? Who's there?" Crabbe sat up, his hair askew, with a groggy look on his face. Bri grabbed him by the shoulders to get his attention.

"Hello? It's me, Bri."

"Oh… _what the hell happened last night?_"

"That's what I need to talk to you about! I wa…"

"What happened to Draco? Where is he?" he interrupted.

"Don't worry, he's fine. Okay.. now listen! There's a reason I didn't alteryour memory. I need you to keep him away from Harry, and….me."

"What? Why _you_? I thought you two were.."

"…Harry can really hurt him, as you saw by what happened last night. He and the others don't remember, and neither does Draco, so DO NOT mention ANYTHING about what happened to _anyone_, or I'll have a lot of explaining to do…"

"Well, how can I keep him away from you?"

"I'll handle that myself, I just need you to protect him from Harry, okay?"

"I will, if I can…" Crabbe trailed off

"Thanks, Draco's lucky to have you as a friend." she said and kissed him on the cheek.

Bri spent her breakfast socializing at the Gryffindor table, avoiding confused looks from Draco, who was sitting across the room with the Slytherins. Nonetheless, her memory spell seemed to have worked; none of the trio mentioned anything about last night. All of a sudden, a familiar "swooshing" sound erupted from the stone ceiling.

"Mail's here." Ron said casually.

The flock of owls swooped down into the Great Hall, dropping various packages, newspapers, and letters to their student owners. "Witch Weekly" fell into Harry's lap, and other parcels fell down to his friends.

"Well, looks like I didn't get anything today… I don't think my mom knows how the owl system works yet, ha ha." Bri laughed. She was about to grab her books and head to her first class when the room went silent; all the students were staring at the ceiling. All that could be heard was the faint sound of a pair of gliding wings. She followed their gaze to a beautiful, ruby red bird, swooping right towards her. It gracefully landed on the table and reached out its talon to hand her a small scroll of ancient-looking parchment. When she grabbed the note, the bird fluffed out its feathers as if to show its pride in delivering it. Uncurling the scroll, she read:

_The Phoenix riddle hath more wit _

_By us, we two being one, are it. _

_So to one neutral thing both sexes fit, _

_We die and rise the same, _

_and prove Mysterious by this love._

_Hello, my name is Flame. I have been sent to be your companion and warden, by whom, I'm sure you are aware of. Do not be alarmed, for I will bear nothing but your protection._

She folded the note and stuck it in her pocket, not exactly knowing what to do next. The bird was still perched on the table, waiting for her response. Bri looked at Harry.

"Uh... what am I supposed to do? Talk to it or something?" she said laughingly

"That's.. that's a bloody _Phoenix_! Who the hell gave you THAT?" Ron said with an amazed look on his face.

"I… don't know" she lied. She turned to the bird. "Um… hi?" it again puffed out it's feathers as if in reply. "Okay er… tell whoever sent you to me…thanks very much?" it let out a small chirp, launched into the air, and flew out of the Great Hall.

Bri could feel the eyes of the hundreds of other students burning into the back of her head. Without looking back at them, she grabbed her things and Harry's hand, then hurried out of the Great Hall to her next lesson.

"Who sent you a _Phoenix_?" Harry said, equally amazed as Ron.

"Dumbledore."

"What? Why would Dumbledore send you _that_?" Harry said, puzzled

"Uh.. I don't know…" Luckily, the doors of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom swung open. A stout little woman with short curly hair appeared peeked out of the room, looking at them through her little round glasses.

"Oh hello dears! Come come! I'm very excited to be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! Quickly quickly now, into the classroom, I don't want my class to be late the first lesson!" by then, the rest of the DADA class had appeared at the entrance to the classroom. They shuffled in quietly, still darting quick glances at Bri.

"Welcome class, to your first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson this year. My name is Madam Higgins, and I have much planned to do today, so let's begin! I know I may be overlapping a little, but I do believe that in your third year Professor Lupin taught you how to defend yourselves against a Boggart? Am I correct?" The class monotonously answered her with nods and yes's.

"Right then, that's very good. Today I have something similar to a Boggart, and yet quite the opposite. Can anyone define what a 'vologgart' is?"**A/N No, that word did not randomly pop into my head- "volo" means to wish or want in Latin, and you'll understand why I named it that in a few more lines, haha. **Hermione's hand instantly shot into the air. "Oo I see we have a diligent student among us. What is your name miss?"

"Hermione Granger, Madam Higgins." She began her definition: "A vologgart _is_ the exact opposite of a boggart- it's a shape-shifter," she said. "and can take the shape of whatever it feels we desire and want the most."

"Very good, Miss Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor." Hermione turned around and glared back at Bri, proud of her accomplishment. "Now, who can tell us how to defend oneself from a vologgart?" Hermione smiled at her, silently testing to see if she knew that answer. Although she did know, Bri did not raise her hand. "Nobody? Alright then, do we have a volunteer to come up here and try this out?" Again, nobody answered. Sensing Hermione's longing to go up and show off to the class, Bri raised her hand.

"I'll do it." She got up from her seat, and flipped her silky blonde hair as she walked past Hermione.

_Damnit._ Hermione thought. _What a bitch. Well, maybe I'll find a weakness in her by what this vologgart reveals she desires..._

"And what is your name, dear?"

"Um.. Bri..."

"Oh yes, I've heard much about you… well anyways, this should be interesting!" She unveiled the same closet used to enclose the boggart a few years prior.

"Now, when I count to three, I will open the door. The Vologgart will appear to you and your classmates as the thing you want the most at this very moment. Think of something that will make it utterly disgusting, and then _clearly_ say: '_Turpis!" _**A/N: Turpis means ugly in Latin…**

"Are you ready?" she placed her hand on the door handle.

"Yes."

"Alright. One… two… THREE!" The door creaked open, and at first nothing came out. Then all of a sudden, a styrofoam cup covered in a colorful paper holder with the words "Starbuck's Coffee" written on it appeared out of thin air.

"What the… what exactly is that dear?"

"Ahh! It's a chai tea latte from Starbucks! I've been _dying_ for one ever since I got here! They're my fave!" she picked up the cup, took off the top, and smelled the vapors rising from the hot liquid. Madam Higgins stared at it in amazement.

"No no,.. don't drink it dear! It will surely be poisonous!"

"Oh, right.. sorry… erm… _Turpis_?" the cup instantly vanished from her hand.

"Very good, very good indeed for a first time! Fifteen points to Slytherin." She turned back to the class. "Now that you have all seen how this works, please form a line in front of the wardrobe, and you will each have your turn." Draco Malfoy pushed his way to the front, Harry and Hermione right behind him.

"This should be fairly simple." He grinned at Harry and then motioned at Madam Higgins to open the closet.

The door opened a mere crack and a long, sexy leg appeared out of it. It opened further to reveal a scantly clad Bri, dressed in a dangerously short school uniform skirt and a low cut, white button down blouse. Whistles erupted from the male students in the line behind him. The vologgart slowly approached Draco, unbuttoning its shirt one button for every step.

"Now, boy! Say the spell!" Draco only stared at her, hyptonized.

"BOY! SAY THE SPELL!" The vologgart placed his hand onher chest, barely covered by a red lacy bra. Draco turned around and said to Harry. "Oh, this is very arousing.. but not how I remember they felt like.." he said, examiningher breasts with his hands. "… oh yes, definitely too small than the real versions eh?" he said, now looking at the real Bri's chest (which she quickly covered by folding her arms, blushing).He winked at her."Wouldn't you agree, Potter? Oh that's _right_, never mind. I forgot that you're too self-righteous to fondle a woman." He gave him another devilish grin.

"Fuck you, Malfoy." Harry said under his breath. "She'd never let you touch her, only in your sick fantasy."

Draco turned around and said something like "_Just a cheap imitation_." And vanquished the vologgart with the Turpis spell before it had a chance to slap him.

"DRACO YOU BASTARD_!"_ Pansy Parkinson shrieked from the back of the line. Her face was red and she looked at Bri in fury. "You are such a WHORE!" she yelled.

"Hey, I haven't done anything with your so-called 'boyfriend'. It's not _my_ fault he'd rather feel me up than you." Bri snapped back. Pansy let out a huffish scream and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Err.. good work Mr. Malfoy… another fifteen points to Slytherin. You're turn Mr. Potter."

As Draco turned to walk back to the end of the line, he spat at Harry, "This should be entertaining, _Potter_."

"Open the closet." Harry said, determined. The same figure stepped out of it, a mirror image of what had just appeared moments earlier. "Uhh.. _Turpis!_" Harry said, staring at the almost half nakedgirl in front of him. Unfazed, the vologgart drew nearer. "_TURPIS!_" Harry weakly repeated, and still nothing happened. Shewrapped herarms around him, bringing him in closer to her lips.He looked down into her bulging bosom andgulped, the beads of sweat dripped from his face. At this point, Harry had given up trying to defeat it, and really had no desire to get rid of it anyway. The vologgart gently kissed his lips and he began to collapse underneath it.

"NO!" Hermione screamed from behind Harry, pulled out her wand, and shouted "_TURPIS!_" The vologgart instantly vanished. Harry fell to the ground, unconscious, and looking drained of his youthful glow.

"Once again, this is all your fault." Hermione said to Bri.

"Now, now girls, this is no one's fault. A vologgart is a very powerful being, even more threatening than a boggart because the victim has no desire to vanquish their fantasy. Lust in itself can be a very dangerous monster. Now, Miss Granger, please take this boy to Madam Pomfrey right away. Class is dismissed for today."

**The poem from the scroll is an excerpt from John Donne's "The Canonization".**


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance