Harry Potter 1. CROUTONS!

**Disclaimer: I never nor have I ever owned Harry Potter.**

Chapter 1!

_CROUTONS!_

Ginny: "Harry! Why did you take my croutons? Now I can't eat my salad!"

Harry: "What?"

Ginny: "My Croutons! CRUTONS DAMMIT!"

Harry: "What croutons? What salad? What are you TALKING about, Ginny?"

Ginny: "You're always taking my stuff! Just like you took my conditioner to make your hair lie flat!"

Harry: "That was ONE TIME! I... ummm... didn't steal your croutons! Yeah that's right. I didn't."

Ginny: "God Harry! How many times do I have to tell you! YOU"RE HAIR IS SEXY ALREADY!"

Harry: "Why thank you!"

Ginny: "You're welcome. Now WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM!"

(Ron and Hermione walk in)

Hermione: "So you're better then me at chess. What is chess in the long run? I'm better at you at everything else, so ha!"

Ron: "Oh yeah right. My hair is so much better then yours!"

Hermione: "You have GOT to be kidding me! You steal my conditioner, Ron, why would you do that if you weren't jealous of my hair! ...Oh hi you guys!"

Ginny: "He steals your conditioner too?"

Hermione: "I know! What's with that? I mean his hairs sexy already!"

Ginny: "I know right?"

Harry: "Ron, tell Ginny I never stole anything"

Ron: "Sorry mate. I never got that hair gel back."

Hermione: "Why do you guys steal our conditioner?"

Ron: "I didn't steal your conditioner okay!"

Hermione: "So you stole Harry's hair gel, that's just as bad. Wait Harry, you use hair gel?"

Harry: "Ummm... no"

Ginny: "I still don't have my croutons!"

Hermione: "What croutons?"

Ginny: "The ones Harry stole!"

Harry: "I didn't steal them!"

Hermione: "You did Harry admit it."

Ginny: "Now I can't eat my salad! And do you know what THAT means?"

Harry: "What does THAT mean, Ginny?"

Ginny: "That means I can't eat my salad! Which means I'm going to get fat? And it's all YOUR fault!"

Harry: "I'm sorry"

Hermione: "Sorry won't cut it! This is serious"

Ginny: "Wait...Hermione!"

Hermione: "What?"

Ginny: "YOU did it! YOU took them!"

Hermione: "What?" No I didn't!"

Harry: "I bet you DID!"

Ginny: "Yes you did! You're trying to make me fat so the boys will start looking at you!"

Hermione: "They ALREADY look at me more than YOU Ginny!"

Harry: "Not really..."

Hermione: "Shut up Harry, I'm not talking to you!"

Ron: "I...I...I guess I sort of look at Hermione."

Harry: "Of course more than Ginny, she's your sister! Wait... what?"

Ron: "I...Well...never mind!"

Hermione: "Really? Aw! See Ginny!"

Harry: "Wow Ron... "

Ginny: "Okay fine it wasn't Hermione. Then it was you Harry! Listen I know you want me to look ugly so you don't have a desire for me but it doesn't work like that! I either get you for a boyfriend or the croutons! CHOOOOOOSE!"

Harry: "I didn't mean to take your croutons! But you know I can't enjoy salads without a little crunch!"

Ginny: "Awwwww. It's alright. You know I wouldn't mind both of those options...(wink wink)"

Harry: "I LOVE YOU GINNY! I'll never steal your croutons again!"

Hermione: "I knew you stole them!"

Ron: "You know Hermione, you don't need a salad at all."

Hermione: "Awww! Thanks Ron. Neither do you. And even if you did, I would never steal the croutons."

Ron: "So...Harry and Ginny left to like say 'No, I love _you_ more!' over and over again so...it's just us...alone...without them..."

Hermione: "Yeah... I noticed"

Ron: "So...what's up with that?"

Hermione: "With what?"

Ron: "I don't know...us...alone."

Hermione: "I don't mind"

Ron: "Yeah well...me neither.

(Long Pause)

Ron: "So..."

(Long Pause)

Ron: "Okay skrew it. You wanna go make out somewhere?"

Hermione: "You know it!"


	2. We haveta tell them!

**Disclaimer: Nope still Harry's still not mine**

Chapter 2!

_We have to tell them_

Hermione: "We have to tell them about us."

Ron: "Now?"

Hermione: "We HAVE to!"

Ron: "But they're all-"

Hermione: "Ron! If we don't now then we'll have to later!"

Ron: "Fine."

Hermione: "Okay, how should we say it?"

(Harry and Ginny walk up)

Ginny: "Hey you guys! No I love YOU more Harry!"

Harry: "I know, it's cause I'm so-"

(Ginny glares)

Harry: "I mean- I love YOU more, Gin!"

Ginny: "That's more like it! Anyways, what's up with you two?"

Hermione: (pokes Ron) "NOW!"

Ron: "Umm…yeah we haveta tell you guys something."

Ginny: "What?"

Ron: "It's just that...well...me and Hermione-"

Hermione: "GOT CEREAL!"

Ron: "Yeah!"

Hermione: (cough) "...it was…yummy cereal..."

Ron: (whispers) "Coward!"

Harry: "…..We had that cereal too, remember?"

Hermione: "I know! And what I just realized was that we never thanked you for it! It was delicious! I never knew you could cook!"

Ginny: "Harry! You never cook cereal for me!"

Harry: "Ginny! I live and BREATHE for you! You shouldn't want cereal on top

of that! Plus, when would I have time? What with Voldemort and everything…"

Ginny: "But you get my croutons! WHY CAN'T I HAVE CEREAL?"

Ron: "See what you did Hermione!"

Hermione: "Sssshh!"

Ginny: "Wait! What was that?"

Ron: "Ask Hermione!"

Hermione: "NOTHING! I'm just… annoyed at you, Ginny! You know Harry doesn't have time for cereal! Try not to be such a shrew!"

Ginny: "Excuse ME?"

Ron: "Hermione just tell them!"

Harry: "Hermione! Why did you say THAT? Ron, don't try to cover for her! We can see her true colors!"

Hermione: "I'm sorry, Ginny. I don't know why I said that. Harry never made us cereal. I was just trying to stop Ron before he told you that him and I-"

Ron: "Got a Christmas card!"

Harry: "Ummmmm... wow!"

Hermione: (whispers) "Who's the coward NOW?"

Ginny: "Huh? But Ron! It's, like, August!"

Ron: "I know that's why it was...um...so...weird!"

Harry: "So….who was it from?"

Ron: "Umm...no name."

Ginny: "I bet it was YOU Harry! You're always doing things for other people but doing NOTHING for ME!"

Harry: "GINNY! How could you SAY that! You know, you never do anything for me either!"

Ginny: "Oh PaaalllEEESE! Don't you remember all those sheets I gave you?"

Harry: "and I didn't have to send you a Christmas card! Don't you remember? Christmas was the day that-"

Hermione: "STOP!"

Ron: "Yeah!"

Hermione: "And anyways, it wasn't from Harry! It was from... Pigwidgeon! He just brought it to us!"

Ron: "HERMIONE! I give up! This is it! Harry? Ginny? HERMIONE AND I ARE GOING OUT!"

...Pause...

Harry: "Yeah... and?"

Ginny: "No duh!"

Ron: "You have GOT to be kidding me"

Hermione: "Okay you did NOT just say that!"

Ginny: "Well duh it was a little obvious."

Harry: "So… what's the problem? What do you have to tell us?

Ron: "That was IT!"

Harry: "Are you serious!"

Ron: "Umm YEAH!"

Ginny: "You mean the cereal and the cards and the sheets were all because of you two?"

Harry: "And we stayed! And listened to you! When we could have been snoggin- I mean... someplace else!"

Ron: (Glares at Harry)

Ginny: "Common Harry!"

Harry: "BYE you guys!"

...They leave...

Ron: "Well...that wasn't so hard was it?"

Hermione: "It wouldn't have been if we had just TOLD them! 'A Christmas card?' What was THAT?"

Ron: "Umm hello? YOU CAN'T COOK CEREAL!"

Hermione: "Oh...yeah"

Ron: "You know, you're pretty cute when you're stupid."

Hermione: I know I am, I'm-

(Ron glares)

Hermione: "I mean...so are you!...wait! Did you just call me stupid!"

Ron: "Yeah I...

(sees Hermione's face)

Ron: "I mean NOO!"

Hermione: "That's it! We're breaking up!

Ron: "No way! After we just told them we were together and..."

(sees Hermione's face)

Ron: "...I mean NOOO! Don't leeeeeeave me! I neeeed you!"

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. The Things They Do For Love

**Disclaimer: There's some Wicked stuff in here so I own neither Harry Potter nor Wicked.**

**Okay so yes there is stuff from the musical 'Wicked' in here! If you've seen the musical Wicked then just skip this part! But if you haven't really quick here's what you need to know! Glinda, Fieyro, and Boq are all characters. Glinda and Fieyro are like Mr. and Mrs. Popular and they think they belong together but they actually don't. The songs are very self explanatory so I hope it doesn't confuse you too much. Okay and one more thing. GO SEE WICKED IT'S AMAZING! **

Chapter 3!

_The Things They Do For Love_

Harry: "Lalalalalalalalalalalalala! I'm so HAPPY todaaaaaaaaaay!"

Ginny: "Whys that?"

Harry: "BECAUSE! (sings) 'You're perfect, you're perfect, so we're perfect

togetheeeeeer! Born to be forever- Dancing through liiiiiiiife! You deserve each other, this hat and you. You're both so- smart! You deserve each other so HERE! Out of the goodness of my heeeeeeeaaaart!' I'm going to go see WICKED!"

Ginny: "...Awwww I love Wicked...(hint hint wink wink)"

Harry: "Oh, I'm sorry, Gin... I've only got one ticket!"

(At the same time they say…)

Ginny: "Oh well I guess I'll have to go alone then!"

Harry: "But I'll tell you all about it!"

Pause

Harry: "EXCUSE me?"

Ginny: "Excuse ME?"

Harry: "Ginny! Stop being such a shrew! You never even HEARD of wicked

until I bought you the CD!"

Ginny: "That's exactly why I should see it now!"

Harry: "But Ginny, I like it SO much better than you do! And I slaved away

forEVER to get this ticket and you are NOT going to ruin this for me!"

Ginny: "Oh well I'm sorry if I thought you cared about what I want to do!"

Harry: "If you're nice to me then I'll get you IDINA MENZEL'S autograph!"

Ginny: "Dumbo! She's not there anymore!"

Harry: "Well I could get it for you anyways! Cause I'm Harry Potter and I'm

bloody MAGICAL! And just stop it with that poor-pitiful-little-me

attitude because you aren't fooling anyone! I can see your true colors!"

Ginny: "Oh really? There's still something you're not getting! And guess what that

is?"

Harry: "WHAT? What could you possibly want to say to me?"

Ginny: "I want to say that it's OVER! I'm sick of you only thinking about yourself and never doing ANYTHING for me!"

Harry: "OH PLEASE, Ginny, don't even start! I do SO much for you! More than anyone could ever ask for! And you are NOT going to ruin the one chance I have to do something for myself and that is seeing Wicked! And so if this is really over than it'll be YOUR LOSS not mine!"

Harry: (walks away humming 'No one Mourns the Wicked')

Ginny: "Oh yeah! Well...well...FINE!" (storms away)

Harry: (walks right into Hermione) "No one mourns the wicked, Hermione! NO ONE!"

Hermione: "Oh so I guess no one will care if I kill Ron then?"

Harry: "Why do you want to kill Ron?"

Hermione: "Because he's such a pompous JERK!"

Harry: "OMG! OMGOMGOMGOMG! Did you guys BREAK UP?"

Hermione: "...(looks sad)...yeah"

Harry: "Oh no! What about all the Honers of the world? SHAME BE-EST OPON THOU! But at least us JATE and CC fans are still happy... not so much for the Garry-ers..." (bursts into tears)

(Honers are Ron/Hermione fans, Jate is Jack/Kate from Lost, CC is Charlie/Claire from Lost and Garrys are Harry/Ginny)

Hermione: "Yeah did you see that awesome Jate kiss?...but wait! Garrys? (Gasps) Did you and Ginny break up?"

Harry: (Nods) "But Hermione! She was going to go see Wicked with my ticket! She can't just DO that!"

Hermione: "But Ginny loves wicked! It's been her dream since she was born to go see that musical but her parents have always been too poor!"

Harry: "But I love Wicked even more! You know I do! sings 'LOATHING! UNADULTERATED LOATHING! FOR GINNY'S FACE, HER VOICE, HER TRAITOR-SEEING-WICKEDNESS! tears ...Let's just sniffles say... I- I- I MISS GINNY!"

Hermione: "Of course you do! She's one hot mama."

Harry: "Hermione, you have to help me! How can I get her back?"

Hermione: "Sorry Harry. I've got my own problems. I have to find someone to make Ron jealous with."

Harry: "Hmmmmm..."

Hermione: "Maybe you should find someone to make Ginny jealous with."

Harry: "That's a good idea..."

Hermione: "But who? Who would make them really mad?"

Harry: "OMG! I've got it!"

Hermione: "Harry, Ramilda's not ganna work..."

Harry: "No, silly!" (pulls Hermione over to the door that Ginny's standing right behind)

Hermione: "What are you-"

Harry: "SSSssshhhh! sings REALLY loud Just for this moment! AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE!"

Hermione: "...Okay it's finally happened. Harry's lost it. Who's ganna save us now?"

(Door swings open)

Ginny: "I knew you'd come to your senses, Harry!"

Harry: "Oh, I'm sorry, Ginny... I didn't know you were standing right behind that door! Oh well... I hate to break it to you but... YOU'RE NOT THAT GIRL!"

Ginny: "Excuse me? Of course I am! Do you see any blonde girls around here to replace me?"

Harry: "Muahahahahahahaha! sings There's a girl youuuuuuuuuu knooooooooow... I love her sooooooooo! YOU'RE NOT THAT GIRL!"

Hermione: (Finally catching on) "So now I'm Glinda?"

Ginny: "Haha very funny Hermione."

Harry: "Hahaha I'm FIEYRO! I'm so scandalous."

Hermione: "(whispers to Harry) This is a bad idea..."

Ginny: "Harry I know you're having a moment but I'm busy so may I be excused?"

Harry: "Fine! BEGONE! (very loudly) SO, Hermione... do you wanna come see Wicked with me? Of course, it's not like we're actually going to be WATCHING it..."

Hermione: (giggles)

(Ginny freezes)

(Ron bursts into the room and looks shocked)

Ron: "WHATS GOING ON HERE?"

Hermione: "Oh, hello, Ronald... if you'll excuse us then Harry and I must be off!"

Harry: "Yeah, go away, Boq, no one wants you here!"

Ron: "You put one little paw on her and I'll...and I'll..."

Harry: "You can't do anything about it! I'm Fieyro and I'm scandalously unstoppable! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ginny: "Hermione you little (says multiple bad words to evil for this fan fiction rating)!"

Hermione: "Excuse me Ginny? You're just jealous! And Ron... I know you're upset because I was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU... but you need to get over it and move on!"

Ron: "Oh trust me getting over a little (BEEP) like you is going to be EASY."

Harry: "Stop speaking to Glinda, err... Hermione... that way, Ron and Ginny!"

Ginny: "I will NOT!"

Hermione: "Whatever... she's just jealous! And who wouldn't be? Come on,

Harry, let's go someplace a little more... PRIVATE than this!"

(Harry and Hermione walk away singing 'I couldn't be happier')

(Ginny runs in her room crying)

Ginny: "Where's Dean when you need him?"

(Ron slams his door)

Hermione: "Ewwwwwwwwww that was icky..."

Harry: "I know!" (washes his mouth out)

Hermione: "The things we do for love!"


	4. I'm LOST without you

**Disclaimer: Both my initials are at the beginning of the alphabet; I don't own HP.**

Chapter 4!

_I'm LOST without you_

Wormtail: "Master! Master!"

Voldemort: "Wassssssuuuuppppp?"

Wormtail: "Ummmm...okay then! I have some very important information!"

Voldemort: "Reeeaaaalllllly? Spill it, Pettigrew."

Wormtail: "Okay! It's about Harry Potter!"

Voldemort: "OOoOooOooooohh, the one I wanna kill! What's my arch enemy up to these days?"

Wormtail: "Well, he's been very busy! I've discovered who the love of his life is!"

Voldemort: "AAAAHHHH WHO?"

Wormtail: "I just saw him seeing Wicked with Hermione Granger!"

Voldemort: "Ah I should have known! Wait... what were you doing at Wicked?"

Wormtail: "Well...I was just...um...spying on him of course! I don't get like tingly inside or anything when I see Broadway!"

Voldemort: "…Anyways... Muahahahahahahaha! You've done well, Wormtail! With this information I can at last KILL Harry Potter!"

Wormtail: "Or at least destroy his life by doing in Hermione. But we can't just kill her! She's to well protected!"

Voldemort: "We'll just haveta find some other way to make him miserable! We need some juicy gossip!"

Wormtail: "Good plan! But what?"

Voldemort: "GO SPY ON HER AND FIND OUT!"

Wormtail: "Yes master!" walks away

(Elsewhere)

Hermione: "Lalalalala, no one mourns the-"

(sees a black horse)

Hermione: "WTF?"

(Hermione runs to Ginny)

Ginny: (tear tear) "Stupid Harry! Stupid Hermione!"

Hermione: "GINNY! You haveta listen to me! I'm flashing back to my horrible past where I blew up my step father who was really my real father and-"

Ginny: "Hermione you never blew up your step father! Or your real father! Now leave me alone!"

Hermione: "Ginny! That's not the point!"

Ginny: "Go away you little traitor!"

Hermione: "GINNY! Harry loves YOU! He was trying to make you jelous!"

Ginny: "What?"

Hermione: "YES! So go say you're sorry and you can get back together!"

Ginny: "I knew it! I knew he'd regret breaking up with me and try to come up with some horrible scheme to try and get me back! What a hopeless romantic! I'd better hurry and get him before someone else really does grab him! (pauses) You haven't listened to a word I've said have you?"

Hermione: "…Do you think there are horses here?"

Ginny: "What? You mean in Brittan? Sure why not?"

(Hermione walks away looking confused)

Ginny: "I'm coming Harry!"

(Runs away to find her beloved)

Ginny: "Harry! There you are!"

Harry: "GINNY! I've been looking everywhere for you- I mean... for Hermione!"

Ginny: "Oh...well I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry I've been so self-centered. And if you really do like Hermione better then me I understand."

Harry: "Me? Like HERMIONE? Are you kidding me?"

Ginny: "I knew you were faking it!"

Harry: "I got you a present."

Ginny: "Awww Harry you didn't have to! That's a lie! Let's see it!"

(Harry gives Ginny 2 tickets to WICKED)

Ginny: (gasps) "Oh Harry! How did you know that I wanted to bring Dean with me to see Wicked?"

Harry: "EXCUSE ME?"

Ginny: "Kidding!"

Harry: "I LOVE YOU GINNY!"

Ginny: "I love you too Harry! You know I'd never see Wicked with anyone but you!"

Harry: "Cause... (sings) We deserveeee each otheeeerrrrrrr!"

Ginny: "Don't spoil it for me! Oh well it doesn't matter. As long as your mine!"

(Flashed to Hermione sitting in the forest. Ron walks up to her.)

Ron: "Humph!"

Hermione: "...Ron?"

Ron: "What?"

Hermione: (looks away and doesn't answer)

Ron: "Guess what Hermione! I know all about how you and Harry were just faking it to get me back! I overheard Harry and Ginny!"

Hermione: "...I'm sorry."

Ron: "Are you?"

Hermione: "Yeah, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I am not as PERFECT as YOU! I'm sorry that I am not as GOOD!"

Ron: (steps back) "What's going on with you?"

Hermione: "Just forget it." (starts to walk way)

Ron: "No don't walk away from me!" (grabs her arm and pulls her back)

Hermione: (starts to cry) "This place is crazy! It's driving me nuts!"

Ron: "What place? Brittan?"

Hermione: "You're killing the moment here, Jack- I mean, Ron!"

Ron: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything! But I promise it's ganna be okay alright? It's okay!"

(She kisses him)

Hermione: (thinking) ...Oops!

(she runs away)

Ron: "Hermione! Why was there an opps?"

(Wormtail SEES THE KISS)

Wormtail: "Hermione's cheating on Harry! WITH RON! Wait till I tell my master! (evil grin) and wait till he tells Harry!"


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance