Mega Man Twas A Ratchet Christmas

"Everybody. Everybody. Everbody...Sit your bitch ass down and listen to this true motherfucking story told by Maverick Hunter Zero. Real talk." Zero said to the crowd at the party. X had a concerned face. Axl was laughing. Everyone else got quiet with interest. It was story telling time at the Maverick Hunters HQ christmas party. It was a fun enough event. Although a lot of people were left with mind numbing hangovers the next morning. If there was a maverick attack the next day...they'd be screwed. It was the only day there was true peace at the headquarters.

"Er Zero you good?" X asked. Zero snickered.

"Fine. Just a bit intoxicated. On with the story." Zero said as he sat down.

"STORY TIME YEAAAAAAH." Axl said as he wobbled in the crowd.

"I take it Axl had some too." X said with a sigh.

"Nah bro...this is pure sugar rush." Axl said in a drunken tone. X facepalmed. Zero laughed.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS. TIME TO GET RATCHET TURN UP." Signas cried out loudly. Half the people got hype with Signas the other half looked horrified. Zero shook his head.

"TWIRK. TWIRK." Axl yelled along with Signas. Nana turned on some horrible radio music and people ran to the dance floor. Yes some people actually started twirking. X felt like he was going to die. Zero was unamused. This was his goddamn story time. No ratchet turn up mofuckers gonna ruin that.

"Fuck that. Listen to this damn story. If I see anybody twirking we gone be fighting." Zero said as he turned off Nana's horrid music. Everyone calmed the fuck down and sat down and looked at Zero.

"NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YOUR BITCH ASS STORY. I'M TRYNA TWIRK. TURN UP" A voice said loudly.

"Who the fuck just said that shit?" Zero asked calmly. Everyone in the crowd pointed to Double. Zero just sent a death glare. Double ran out the room with his fat yellow self.

"Any objections?" Zero said. Everyone shook their head no.

"GET ON WITH IT. IM TRYING TO GET MY DICK WET!." Some reploid dude yelled from the back. X facepalmed.

"I SWEAR TO GOD NEXT PERSON TO INTERRUPT THE NIGGA IN ME GONE COME OUT! " Zero shouted. Everyone sat down and shut up. Zero cleared his throat and was about to start until Axl interrupted once more.

"Shits not that serious." Axl said in a quiet tone.

"Axl...your my dude...but I'll come down there and wreck you." Zero said death in his glare. Axl shut up.

" Anyways...It all started like this..." Zero started. Everyone leaned in close and listened.

"It was christmas eve. It was christmas eve and they were in utter despair. Christmas was always the most bitter part of the year for our Robot Masters at Wily Fortress. Wily was broke and all he gave the robot masters every year was a really, really lame upgrades. Like one time all they got was shinier skin. They were butthurt. Because Every year Dr. Light threw a bomb amazing Christmas party. Megaman , Roll and Protoman got everything they wanted and was nearly drowning in presents. Every single one of them was jelly. One Christmas the Robotmasters were tired of that shit. It all started with Bass.

"Wily...I want real presents." Bass whined like a little bitch-" Suddenly Axl cut Zero off.

"Why ya gotta call old dude a bitch though...?" Axl asked. Zero threw a candy cane at Axl's face.

"I told yo ass not to interrupt, Shut the fuck up and listen." Zero said. Axl rubbed his head sadly. Zero then continued.

"Shut your face. It's hard out here. If you want present just steal that shit." Wily said not even looking up from his blueprints. Bass sighed and walked into the livingroom to see the other Robot masters moping. Bass spoke.

"It sucks every year it ends up like this...why don't we do something about this...?" Bass said sitting down upset on the couch.

"Well maybe if you guys got jobs like me...you could afford to buy the things you want all year round." Quickman said smugly. The rest of the robot masters looked like there were going to jump Quickman.

"Well not all of us pass for human...so shut the fuck up." Airman said angrily.

"Ha...well I don't have to worry about that shit this year." Metalman said happily.

"Lucky bastard..." Elecman said on the other side of the room.

"That's right...Blues invited me to Dr. Light's Christmas party." Metalman said rubbing it in everyone's faces.

"I'll kill you." Shadowman said pulling out a kunai and throwing it at Metalman.

"Hey. Not my fault you're not dating Blues." Metalman said slipping out of the room as he felt the murderous intent.

"I can't ever get what I want..." Crashman said almost on the verge of tears. Everyone felt sad for that dude Crashman." Suddenly Bass got an idea.

"How many crimes do we commit per week?" Bass asked out loud suddenly. Iceman raised his hand. Bass nodded.

"About 16." Iceman answered.

"So why don't we commit one more, Steal and get what we want because bitch ass Wily won't buy it for us." Bass said. Iceman's face lit up.

"I CAN GET THAT PONY?!" Iceman shouted happy. Suddenly they heard Wily's voice from the next room.

"HELL THE FUCK NO. YOUR GETTING A UPGRADE AND YOUR GONNA LIKE IT." Wily yelled from the lab. Iceman looked like he was going to cry.

"If you can get away with stealing it." Elecman said with a smirk.

"I'll freeze anyone that gets in my way." Iceman said in a creepy deep voice.

"Oh lawd." Quickman said getting up.

"What aren't you going to join us?" Elecman asked.

"Nah he's too much of a little bitch to steal." Crashman teased. This made Quickman upset.

"Shut up...I got this shit." Quickman said indignantly." Suddenly Zero was cut off.

"Aye man...don't use no serious words...the fuck does indignantly mean...? Signas said. Zero threw a glass at Signas' head and it shattered.

"Shut the fuck up I'm talking." Zero said gazing down at the all wet Signas. Signas looked like he was going to cry. Zero continued once more.

"So the robot masters decided they would break into Toys R Us and live their childish dreams. They moved slowly in the night to make sure Wily didn't notice them leaving. They whisked off into the night. The city of Metropolis was bright with red and green. Everything seemed to be decorated with Christmas lights. It was beautiful They practically skipped through the city. Having the time of their life. It was first time they knew Christmas happiness." Zero was interrupted again.

"That's beautiful Zero." X said dreamily. Zero smiled.

"Oh you think so? Well..." Zero started only to get cut off Axl.

"Oh I see how it is Zero...X interrupts and it all good? Playing favorites." Axl said with a grumpy tone.

"Don't worry...I'll deal with him later." Zero said making a perverse face at X. X then went red and Zero continued the story.

"The robot masters rolled up to the toy store and snuck in from the back not tripping the front door alarms. Elecman touched the light switch and all the lights in the toy store went on Including super loud music for some reason. The robot masters then went ham picking up all of their Christmas dream toys. Shadow man finally got that Barbie he always wanted. Iceman got a fake toy pony. Crashman got his Captain America mask he always wanted. Ect. Everyone was having the time of their lives. Even Bass who was busy with the easy bake oven over he always wanted. Everyone was literally in heaven.

At Light Labs the party was on. People were opening presents singing together and just outright having a jolly ass time. Suddenly there was a signal from the lab. Apparently a toy store had been broken in to. Megaman sighed. He was having so much fun.

"Dr. Light do I have to?" Megaman said sadly.

"Come on now Rock. It doesn't matter what day it is. The city has to be safe." Dr. Light said with his bitch ass self. Megaman got all butt hurt and went to go put on his armor. Suddenly Protoman touched his shoulder.

"It's alright Rock. I'll go with you. It'll be more fun that way. It'll be like our own little midnight adventure." Protoman said as he grabbed his helmet. He didn't have the rest of his armor with him. Only his blaster and helmet. Megaman smiled his cute little smile.

"WHERE'S THE HOT PART OF THIS STORY." Alia yelled.

"Excuse me?" Zero said angrily. Alia continued.

"So many men... where's the hot yaoi?" Alia said in a drunken tone.

"ERM..." Zero honestly didn't know how to respond to that. Axl laughed as did a few others.

"Anyways... Megaman and Protoman set off. Into the night to go to the toy store. Having fun racing there..." Zero started but got inturrputed once more.

"I'M TRYING TO HEAR ABOUT HOT MANLY LOVING." Alia cried out. Zero facedpalmed.

"Alia if you don't shut the fuck up I will shove this candy cane down your throat. Right here right now. All I want to do is tell this goddamn story and all you keep interrupting my shit." Zero said angrily.

"I'm listening Zero." X reassured Zero.

"Yeah me too. I only keep interrupting just to troll." Axl said.

"I love you guys." Zero said getting slightly emotional.

"You see that? Those are my real homies right there. All of y'all other reploids fake." Zero said.

"ROASTED." Axl cried out. X face palmed.

"Are you sure you don't want to lay down or something Zero?" X asked. Zero shook his head no.

"This story is gonna be told." Zero said intensely. He then continued.

"When Blues and Rock got to the toy store it looked like a rave was happening there. So Blues and Rock walked up and kicked in the door. They both looked all around the room. They saw Robot masters having the time of their life. Suddenly Protoman walked over and killed the music. He spoke.

"Party's over. Looks like you'll be spending your Christmas in the scrap heap. Lets get em Rock." Protoman said taking out his blaster. Suddenly Bass stopped playing with his easy bake oven and looked at Protoman. He walked over upset and spoke.

"Leave it to fucking Proto-fag to ruin our only good Christmas...Shouldn't you be at Dr. Light's party having fun with your lover and family...bitch." Bass said angrily Then Crashman walked up.

"So just because you guys are happy you want to ruin our Christmas? Talk about lame." Crashman said getting upset. Iceman started crying when he saw Protoman and Megaman. Everyone else just rage quitted. It was then that Protoman and Megaman felt a guilt wash over them. Especially Protoman. He knew first hand that Wily never got anyone presents. It was god awful. Here the robot masters were having the time of their lives and they decided to ruin it.

"Dream killers." Iceman said while sobbing. Megaman felt like he was on the verge of tears. Protoman was trying to think of a solution.

"How about this...what if I bought you all of these toys. Would you go home?" Blues asked. Going into his pocket for his money. He reached in and realised. He had none with him. Protoman facepalmed.

"Er...let me rephrase that...how about you guys steal these toys get out of the toy store and go home? We'll pretend we never saw you." Protoman said scratching the back of his head. Megaman gave him a look of disapproval. Protoman shrugged.

"Okay. Thanks." Bass said with happiness. Zero was interrupted once more.

"Why Protoman gotta be broke though?" Axl said.

"He spent his money on hair products." Zero responded finally giving in to the random questions. Zero then tried to continue.

"Gaaaaaaaaay" Signas said. Suddenly Zero threw a empty bottle at Signas. Signas made a sad face. Zero continued.

"When the robot masters went home Wily wondered where they were. They got a whoopen with an extension cord. Then Wily tore up all their toys. The end." Zero said. Everyone in the room got quiet for a second. One guy awkwardly coughed.

"Really? Zero, that's how your going to end it?" X said. Zero sighed.

"But this is a true ass story. You can call Bass and ask." Zero said. X frowned.

"Zerooooo change it." X whined. Zero sighed once more.

"Fine." Zero said reluctantly giving in to X's childish voice.

"YEAH. GOOD ENDING." Axl yelled. Alia whacked him in the back of the end. The awkward silence continued until Zero began again.

"The robot masters were happy when they got to keep their dream toys there was happiness shining in their eyes. Megaman got an idea. Christmas spirit was inside of him. He then made an offer.

"Hey why don't you guys come to our Christmas party?" Megaman suggested. All of the robot masters' face lit up even more.

"A-Are you sure it'll be alright?" Iceman said as if Megaman would change his mind at any moment.

"I'm sure. 100%" Megaman said with a smile.

"Aww yay. Best christmas ever." Crashman said happily. They all then got into a giant bro hug. Bass started shedding manly tears. Protoman was about to comment but Megaman nudged him in the side. They then practically skipped through the city to Dr. Light's house. Which scared a lot of people because random robot masters were happily walking through the town on Christmas. Something was about to go down. When they had finally gotten to Dr. Light's house and Dr. Light opened the door he looked like he was going to faint.

"Oh...I see we have guests..." Dr. Light said.

"Yeah...about that..." Protoman scratched the back of his head. Dr. Light sighed. He was about to say no when suddenly Crashman brought out his drills and started spinning them around with a death glare in his eyes. Dr. Light gulped and then smiled nervously.

"We'd be glad to have all of you. Merry Christmas~!" Dr. Light said letting everyone in.

"Haha thanks" Crashman said putting his drills away. Soon the party began to get hype. Suddenly it turned into a rave much like in the toy store. Dr. Light looked like he was going to fall out. But atleast no one was wrecking the house. The stayed up all night being ridiculous and having fun and eventually all fell asleep in the livingroom. There was wrapping paper and things everywhere. Protoman had fallen to sleep snuggling with all the new sweaters he'd gotten for christmas. Megaman fell asleep in a robotmaster pile with a bunch of toys. Bass fell asleep with his easy bake oven. And Roll fell asleep on the kitchen counter. Don't ask how she got there. I'm trying to keep this PG-13. The End." Zero said.

"Dude...this is far from PG-13." X sighing.

"Yeah did you see all that cussing we did?" Axl said. X then got out his blaster and pointed it at Axl.

"Don't break the 4th wall. You'll get shot." X said in a serious voice. Axl just assumed the come at me bro position. Zero yawned.

"I'm sleepy." Zero said suddenly.

"Yeah...me too." X agreed.

"Christmas snuggle party?" Zero asked X. X just nodded and they walked out the room. The party then got quiet.

"So...IT'S TIME TO TURN UP." Signas cried out. Axl put on the ratchet music. Everyone started twirking.

"I PUT ON FOR MY CITY." Double cried out. X and Zero could hear the party from the hallway they were walking down. X facepalmed.  
Zero laughed.

"Can't keep ratchet people from being ratchet X." Zero said

"Ha. Guess so. At least everything will turn regular tomorrow." X sighed.

"So did the story really happen like that? Did they really get a whoopen?" X asked Zero.

"Yep true tale." Zero said.

"That's sad." X said frowning.

"Well when you break into a toy store and steal you're gonna get a spanking if your dad catches you." Zero said.

"Yeah...I guess so..." X said trying to picture Bass bent over on Wily's lap being spanked. X giggled at the imaged. Zero just looked at X slightly confused.

"Somehow I don't want to know what your thinking about X." Zero said. X just laughed. Then X thought about something.

"Hey Zero what do you want for Christmas? It is tomorrow." X said.

"You mean today right? It's past 12. But lets see...Elf themed lingerie." Zero said. X's face went red.

"W-Why?" X stuttered out. Zero smirked and just opened the door to their dorm at Maverick Hunters HQ.

"You'll find out soon enough." Zero said with a smug smile and then laughed evil laughter. X couldn't help laughing at that point.

"I'm too sleepy to be concerned." X said as he laid down. He got under the covers He was too lazy to take off the ugly but humorous christmas sweater he had on. Zero on the hand threw off his reindeer ears and laid down next to X. They then assumed the cuddle position.

"Hey Zero?" X answered.

"Yeah X?" Zero responded.

"On a scale of 1-10 how bad you think Axl will be feeling tomorrow?" X asked. Zero chuckled.

"Over 9,000." Zero replied.

"10 bucks says he'll wake up next to Signas." X said.

"Pffft. Alia would be out for blood before that happens." Zero said.

"Christmas morning drama for the win." X said as he snuggled in more.

The end.

* * *

**I'm just going to apologize for this fanfiction right here and right now. XD It was completely ridiculous but hey...S'what happens. I dedicate this to twirking Apollo Justice. . /659b8de9717595071e553d578d4c6a0f/tumblr_mp0njq6mD H1sro799o1_ **

**XD I'm sorry.**


End file.

Mega Man, Humor, Parody