Final Fantasy VII 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. If I did, Tifa would have used a Phoenix Down on Aerith and they would have been best friends instead of love rivals, Sephiroth wouldn't be a bad guy, Zack and Cloud would have eloped, the Buster Sword would be the strongest weapon instead of the weakest, Rufus and Reno would be married, Cloud really would be a First Class SOLDIER, and the Sector Seven slums wouldn't be crushed beneath the pizza. But that wouldn't make for a very good story, would it?**

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CXT

Tifa sighed. Ever since Cloud had proposed, he barely spoke a word. Not as if being engaged wasn't stressful enough for her, but the groom-to-be was hardly even around. He couldn't have taken a vacation? Couldn't have closed the Strife Delivery Service just for a little while, however long it would take for them to be wed? There were few preparations to be made; it's not as if everyone they were going to invite lived on the other side of the world map, for Bahamut's sake. The wedding dress might take a bit, and bridesmaids dresses. But there was only one bride. Three bridesmaids, Yuffie, Cissnei, and Elena. And the maid of honor, Aerith… And then there's the flower girl, Marlene. And a tux for the groom… it was doubtful that Barret and Cid and Vincent (groomsmen) had nice clothes. Then there was Zack, the best man. And Denzel, the ring bearer… And who was she kidding? There were tons of invitations to send. Rufus, Sephiroth, Reeve, Shelke, Shalua, Genesis, Red XIII, Cait Sith… 

_Oh… I can't blame him for not wanting to be around. There's so much to do… _she thought. 

Suddenly, she heard the door open and close quietly, like someone trying to sneak in without being heard. 

"Cloud? Cloud, come up here!" she shouted to her fiancé. 

His footfalls sounded reluctant, like a puppy being called that knows it did something bad. 

"Erm… yes, Teef?" he asked, using the nickname that he knew always made her a little bit less angry. Her eyes softened. 

"Cloud… I feel like ever since you proposed I haven't seen you at all! Even less than before, and my patience is starting to spread thin. I really could use your help, you know! Have you even bought a tux yet? Does Zack even know that he's the best man? Does _anybody _even know that were _engaged _yet?" Her anger was quickly refueled when she reminded herself of everything that had to be done and how Cloud hasn't done anything but dropped to one knee and popped the question.

"Tifa… I… I'm sorry, I had no idea," he said, his eyes wide and his mouth in a slight frown. 

"Well get an idea. You could at least help a little. Try not to accept every job that's thrown at you. Start trying to be a husband to me and a father to Denzel rather than a delivery boy for the rest of the world! I'm doing my best to do it by myself, but I can't, Cloud. I can't."

"Well _excuse _me, Tifa! Excuse me for trying to make money so that we can even _have _this wedding!"

"We have the bar, too! Can't you close the delivery service for a little while and help out at the bar? At least you would be home! I really wish you could understand what this does to me, Cloud," she said with a sigh. 

"I wish I could, too. I want to know what all the chaos is all about. Why is it so difficult to make invitations? I don't even know who we're inviting!"

"Just please help me," she said. 

"Sorry. Can't. I have a delivery to make."

"_Cloud_!"

ZXA

"Zack!" 

"Yes, Aerith?"

She sighed. "Come here, I need to tell you something!" 

Zack stepped slowly into the bedroom to where his wife was sitting quietly on the bed, holding something tightly in her hand. 

"What's up? What's that in your hand?"

"It's um…." she stopped gripping it so tightly and stared hard at it. "It's a…"

"A what?"

"A pregnancy test."

Zack's eyebrows shot up his forehead and his jaw dropped. "So what you're telling me is…"

"Mmhmm. I'm pregnant."

"Aerith, that's great! We're gonna be parents! This is wonderful! We have to call our friends!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Thanks for doing exactly what I thought you would do, Zack."

He was still rejoicing. "Hmmn? Wussat?"

"No one ever thinks about how the woman might feel. Everyone always starts thinking about the end result. Always about, 'Oh, we're gonna be parents! Yay!' Well you aren't the one who has to carry the thing around for 9 months."

"Well sorry. You can't blame me for being happy," he said, pouting. 

Aerith sighed again. "Yeah, I know. I'm happy, too. But I just wish you could understand that I have to go through a lot because of this. Morning sickness… gaining weight… moodiness… not to mention the actual pain of giving birth. No fun for me."

"I wish I could understand, too. I would give anything to understand why it is that your so glum, and we're gonna be _parents!_"

Aerith laughed. "Wouldn't that be a sight: you, pregnant. At least I wouldn't have to deal with it. Ah, well. Can't always get what you want." 

"Oh yeah. Definitely. Now c'mon, mommy, it's late. Let's get some sleep. We'll tell everyone the happy news tomorrow."

"Love you, Zack."

"Love you, too, Aerith."

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**DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNN! Lol. Be careful what you wish for, boys, you just might get it! ;) Please review! Pretty please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Final Fantasy VII. I never understood why we had to do this. If we're writing fanfics for it, we clearly don't own it. Seriously. **_**Fan. Fiction. **_***rolls eyes* I don't think you'll find anyone on this website seriously claiming that they own this stuff. **

**I forgot to say this in the first chapter, but this is slightly AU. Any villain/dead/different-game-and-certain-characters-never-met barriers are nixed. Other then that, it's all the same. Meteorfall, Geostigma, etc., all still happened. But for different, unexplainable reasons. I guess most of that stuff wouldn't have happened without Sephiroth flipping a metaphorical shit which hit the metaphorical fan in Nibelheim… Heh…**

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The next day started just like every other day, except that it didn't.

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**CXT**

Tifa sat up in bed and yawned.

"Good morning, Cloud," she said drowsily, then her eyes shot open and her hand flew to her mouth.

That wasn't her voice. She looked over to where Cloud usually was, to the right of her on the bed. Cloud wasn't there. _Nothing _was there. Not even bed. She was on the right.

"C, Cloud?" she asked, still not talking in her own voice. She didn't look at Cloud yet. She didn't want to. She was afraid of what she might see.

She could feel the bed move, as if he was rolling over.

"Hmmnn… yess Tifa?" he asked, he words slurred, but then he suddenly sat up. They looked at each other. Their screams could be heard throughout the entire neighborhood.

**ZXA**

Zack wasn't a pleasant person in the morning. He rolled/fell out of bed, grumbled his way to the bathroom, grabbed his toothbrush, and brushed his teeth without even opening his eyes.

But today was different.

As soon as he bent down to spit into the sink, his head was spinning and he had to stumble over to the toilet where he then proceeded to vomit.

When he finished he grabbed a towel off the rod and wiped his mouth, and when he opened his eyes and looked in the mirror, he didn't see the tan, black-haired man he saw every morning. He saw quite the opposite.

When he opened his eyes, staring back at him in the mirror was not himself, but his wife.

Rather than screaming, he shouted '_Holy shit!' _at the top of his lungs, loud enough to wake up his/her wife/husband.

The person who looked like Zack but was in fact Aerith was in the bathroom staring at her self/the person who looked like her but was actually Zack faster than you could say 'mako.'

Then they screamed.

**CXT**

_Ring ring ring._

_Ring ring ring._

_Ring ring--_

"Hello, Strife Delivery Service--"

"'You name it, we deliver it,' yes we know, Cloud. Could you please put Tifa on the phone?"

"This is she."

"That's very funny, Cloud. Now could you please put Tifa on?"

"No seriously, it's me. Tifa. Have you ever heard Cloud answer the phone with 'hello, Strife Delivery Service'? C'mon, Aerith, I know you've called here enough times to know that."

"'S'not Aerith."

"…"

"…"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. It's Zack."

"Okay…"

"Alright. Aerith, get dressed! We're goin' to Tifa's! I think they--" _Click._

"Cloud, get up. Zack 'n' Aerith are comin' over…" Tifa yawned. "I think the same thing happened to them. I thought I was talking to Aerith on the phone and she said it was Zack."

"Alright. Well gimme your old tank top and a pair of jeans."

"I don't have any jeans."

"Gimme summa mine then. And a belt."

"You need a bra, too," Tifa observed bluntly.

"You're gonna havta help me out with that part."

"And underwear."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "I can do that by myself."

"Are you sure about that?"

_Ding dong._

"They're here already?!"

"They only live down the street, Cloud."

"Oh right."

**ZXA**

As soon as Tifa opened the door, Zack (Aerith's body)**[1] **couldn't help but stare. Her hair was a mess, her shirt was inside out, her bra strap was hanging off her shoulder, and she looked really annoyed. She was also wearing Cloud's jeans.

"Hey, Aerith. Come on in."

"Um… are we interrupting something…?" he asked. _Hahaha. Cloud got cockblocked!_

"Hmm?" Tifa raised her eyebrows. Then she looked down at herself.

"Oh! No no no no no. Come in. You just got here faster than I thought you would. Didn't have much time to get dressed."

_Yeah. Totally cockblocked. Ha!_

Aerith (Zack's body) and Zack walked into Tifa's Seventh Heaven to see the complete opposite of what they were used to. Tifa had walked over to the bar and sat down, putting her elbows on the surface and her face in her hands. Cloud was behind the counter cleaning glasses. He smiled kindly at them.

"Hey, guys. Can I get you anything?" he asked pleasantly, almost identical to how Tifa usually does.

_Hmmm… maybe not?_

"No. That's alright. But we really need to talk to you," Zack replied. He and Aerith sat down at the bar and looked at each other.

"First, we have some news," Aerith said. "I--" she stopped and shook her head. "He-- she's pregnant." She pointed at Zack, and he laughed. Cloud walked out from behind the bar and hugged him tightly.

"We have news, too! A few weeks ago… Cloud proposed!" Cloud exclaimed and stuck out his hand, pulled it back in, smiled awkwardly, then walked over to Tifa and lifted her hand, showing them the engagement ring.

Aerith got about as far as hugging Cloud in her congratulatory spaz attack, but then she realized something.

"Cloud… why are you talking in third person? And you're acting kinda strange…"

Tifa sat up in her seat and cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not talking in third person. I've barely said anything at all." Then she and Cloud looked at looked at each other and burst into hysterical laughter.

"We have to talk to you guys, too. Something must've happened last night because when we woke up this morning, we weren't exactly ourselves," Cloud said.

Zack laughed. "Same with us. When I woke up, not only did I have an attack of morning sickness, but instead of finding _that _staring back at me in the mirror," he pointed at Aerith, "I found _this,_" he said, and gestured towards himself.

Cloud smiled. "When I woke up, I realized that it wasn't my voice that I was talking with so I woke up Cloud, and we found that we were looking at ourselves."

Aerith sighed. "So…" she pointed at Tifa. "You're Cloud…" then she pointed at Cloud. "And you're Tifa."

They both nodded.

"Wait!" Zack shouted all of a sudden. "Does this mean I have to have kid?!"

Tifa jumped out of her seat in realization. "And do I have to wear a wedding dress?!"

The other two looked at each other. "Uhh… yeah," Cloud said. "Maybe. Of course, we don't know how long we're gonna be like this."

Aerith smirked. "Hey, Tifa?"

"Yeah, Aerith?" Cloud replied.

"I think I might enjoy this…"

"Whaddiya mean?"

"This whole situation means two things," she started. "One: I don't have to have a kid, or at least I don't have to go through some of the pregnancy. Two: You don't have to deal with all the pain in the ass pre-wedding stuff. And believe me, it's all a serious pain in the ass."

"Oh…"

"It all means that Zack and Cloud get to do it. Because, well, we can't tell anyone about this. Except maybe Sephiroth. I mean, isn't this what you wanted, Zack? I do recall you wishing last night that you could understand…"

Tifa and Zack paled. "You did not…" Tifa said.

"I did."

"So did I…"

Cloud and Aerith were laughing their asses off. "So…" Cloud said. "I guess all you have to do is have the kid, Zack, and Cloud, you have to deal with all the wedding crap, and we'll probably switch back."

Zack cringed. "Cloud, you lucky bastard. At least all you have to do in the end is wear a dress…"

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**1: PLEASE READ THIS FOR YOUR SAKE!! You've noticed the 'ZXA' and the 'CXT', right? Good. When those show up, it means that the couple described in the heading is going to be the one who is going to be talked about directly. For example, ZXA means that Zack's **_**mind and thoughts**_** will be called Zack, and CXT means that Zack's **_**physical body**_** will be called Zack. Dialogue is always the same. Zack's mind is always Zack when people are talking. Understand? I hope so. You'll catch on eventually. **


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Final Fantasy VII, Humor, Romance