Harry Potter 1. The dreaded Flame!

It Would Happen to You.

A/N: This is not really [but in a strange way..? a self-insertion fic, it was supposed to be about me but then I started writing… read at your own risk.

Katie was spinning in her office chair thinking about her latest creation. She had written yet another fanfic and was now just watching her email for review notices. As a well known writer Katie would get her fair share flames, which were pretty mean, but that was just because those stupid critics didn't understand her art. Besides, she had a big standing of followers! It was almost like being popular!

At school Katie never breathed a word about her secret life on the Internet, she was more of a listener than a talker anyway. Kids in her class all seemed interested in myspace and partying. Katie's Mom said that having a myspace was just asking for a stalker, and Katie wasn't the sort of person to be invited to a High School party.

Bing! "You've Got Mail!" Katie snapped her head to the screen ignoring the gross popping her neck made in protest. Fingers twitching in excitement, Katie opened the link to read her first review.

WiccadWitch666 says:

This is the LAST TIME. I don't know who you think you are but you obviously don't have a clue what it takes to be a hero. Here's a lesson in writing for you

HHnpghj8380—fjej valDA7e nnnn…BBTT

"What on earth?" Katie peered closely at the weird letters only to jump back in horror as the blue light from her monitor started swirling.

Anyone watching from outside wouldn't believe the sight of ordinary, shy Katie Wheeler being sucked unto a swirling vortex of magic.

Katie found herself in a pile of wet black robes in an empty stone room. Trying to get out of a large copper vat, but not quite succeeding, Katie tried to think of where she could be. 'Stone room, stone room, where have I been that would have a basement that is made of stone? Better yet, where would that Jerk-Flamer send me to teach me a lesson in writing that has a stone basement.'

Slipping yet again and spitting out the bit of robe that had managed to find it's way into her mouth Katie almost fell into the frothy robes again in her shock. 'Hogwarts!' It was every fangirl's dream to end up in the magical world, but how could she get on without help. And more importantly, how would she live without her computer until she could get back?

Finally the vat was tipped out onto a spinny belt thingy that Katie jumped off of just in time to watch the robes spin dry. Now that she knew where she was she commented to her self, "Well this is a crappy spot to appear, but I guess the 'wiccanwich' wanted to get revenge. Jerk!" Katie reluctantly stripped off her sodden shorts and tee shirt and looked for something dry to wear.

The room was steamy but Katie managed to find some underwear that fit and a comfy black robe. She tightened the belt and wrung out her hair. This definitely wasn't the best start of an adventure. Katie wandered around looking for some shoes in her size, but decided that seeing as the robe was floor length she might as well just wear some wooly socks and not bother with the strange ugly shoes that people seemed to favor.

Witchy clothing was actually a disappointment. The underwear was big and the robes frumpy, they really needed to upgrade. The movies made the uniforms look so cute! Katie was the type of writer who always made the uniforms sound as cute as possible.

Finally finding the door gave Katie a strange sense of accomplishment for beating the first adversary and she left in search of the main characters to befriend, thinking that maybe this punishment wouldn't be so bad after all.

She didn't notice the sign on the door she just left stating 'Boys' Laundry'


	2. secret Passageways don't Like you

It Would Happen to You 2

Katie found her self lost. Hogwarts in her stories had never been like this; it was big and crowded with unhelpful portraits, moving armor and statues that changed positions and clothing. Landmarks were impossible to use in navigation and the castle itself seemed to do its best at hazing new arrivals.

Trick steps she was prepared for, as she often used them as an introduction to the Strong Heroic Male ™ in her stories. What she was not prepared for was closets that posed as empty halls that actually only went a few feet in before the door closed and refused to open until she asked politely. Reading Harry's description it never once mentioned statues pretending to be painting only to reach out and grab her unexpectedly.

In fact, Katie couldn't seem to find a single secret passageway that continently took her to the great hall where she could make a grand entrance. She pulled back tapestries, groped paintings (much to their occupants' distress) and even muttered old nursery rhymes to see if perhaps a wall would open up.

Katie had simply never realized that Hogwarts was so _big!_ Sure she knew it had several stories, people got lost a lot, dungeons, etc. But she had always just thought of it on the same level of hugeness as her own high school. Never had she dreamed there could be whole sections you could wander around in for hours without ever meeting another soul (living or dead).

'Perhaps I should rest a bit before continuing,' Katie thought, 'surely if I haven't met anyone by now, a few more minutes wont hurt.' and she plopped down on a tapestry she had accidentally pulled from the wall in her search for hidden passageways. Several deep breaths later, Katie was almost ready to start her search when she heard the worst death rattle any human being could possibly have emitted saying:

"Vandalizing the castle! I'll see you in detention for this!" and a horribly dirty and gnarled hand clamped on her robe-clad shoulder.

"No! It was an accident," Katie tried to explain herself, but the thing was already pushing her in front of itself as it shuffled off in another direction.

"Likely story." was all she could make out from its mad mutterings to a hideous cat prowling beside it.

That exact moment that Katie realized that the creature that accosted her was Filch, she realized her day was soon to get much worse.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Parody