Harry Potter 1. First slowly

When she was a child, she didn't even notice him. She was too busy minding her own business, and he was a year older than her, so they didn't really hang out in the same groups of people. Narcissa had never cared for those who were not close to her. That made it a bit hard finding new friends, but she was no lone wolf. After all, she did have friends, Bella and Andromeda had made sure of that. The kids in her own year had nothing against her, and to be quite honest, Narcissa was rather popular amongst the students of Slytherin House.

Narcissa had seen him in the corridors, of course. He didn't speak to her, neither did she speak to him, but sometimes she let her eyes lay on him for a moment or two. She had never seen him up-close, but she knew that he was beautiful. You didn't have to look twice to realize that Lucius Malfoy was very handsome. Handsome was a very… grown-up description of someone's appearance. She couldn't think of a word that would fit him better, though, because Lucius Malfoy had always given her the impression of being trapped inside a child's body. He seemed to look down on all of them. In fact, he wore his head so high that he _actually _looked _down_ on them. It bothered her.

Narcissa Black did not know anything else about Lucius Malfoy, neither did she care enough to try to overcome more information. He simply wasn't in her interest.

When she was in her forth year, he spoke to her for the first time. It was at the Welcoming-Feast that he took the energy to move his lips to form words, just meant for her. He had spoken so lazily that it almost seemed as though he wanted her to feel honoured by only his presence.

"Since I am now declared a prefect for Slytherin House, I guess it's in place that I introduce myself" He didn't even smile, but for some reason, he had decided to sit next to her during the greeting of the students whom had been off for the summer. Narcissa raised an eyebrow and simply watched him. If it was so hard for him to speak to her, she wouldn't bore him out by telling him her name.

"I'm _Malfoy_, Lucius _Malfoy_"

She did not respond to his words. He put so much energy into the name of Malfoy that she barely heard his forename. She knew his name was Lucius since before, some of her friends had giggled about him for years. She, however, had never even thought of him more than for a second. When he passed her in the corridors or when she saw him in the common room, he did of course cross her mind, but nothing more than that.

He seemed rather confused by her silence, but his bewilderment was not the obvious sort. She could see in his eyes that he hadn't expected the lack of interest from her side, she couldn't really say what it was that made her so certain of his discomfort, just that it was something in his eyes. His face and body did not show any other feelings than confidence.

"And you are one of the Black sisters, I presume?" He said after a few moments of silence.

This time he seemed to be prepared for her non-existing answer, so quickly added;

"_Narcissa _Black, am I right?" It was obvious that he knew her name from earlier, but how or why she did not know.

"You have to forgive me if I seem a bit forward, knowing your name and all. But Purebloods must make sure to know their equals, don't we?" He said as an answer to her thoughts.

For the third time she ignored his words, but this time she showed her lack of interest in him not only with silence, but now with body language as well. She determinedly turned around and started talking to her friend Patricia instead.

That was the first and, at least for a year, last time Lucius Malfoy spoke to her.

The castle was filled with festive spirits and so was Narcissa. She was pleased to say that she and her older sister Andromeda soon were about to be home for a well-earned winter-vacation. She had soon finished the first half of her fifth year at Hogwarts. Even though Narcissa wouldn't admit it to anyone but herself, she was almost burnt out. School had been rough on her, and with sisters like Andromeda and Bellatrix, she felt the worry of failing a class grow bigger in her chest.

Narcissa had always been in the shadows of her older sisters. Bellatrix with her daring beauty and passion for the family name, Andromeda with her soft magnificence and sharp intellect. And then there was Narcissa. She was the youngest of the three and did not look like any of the older. Her sisters could have been twins, with brown hair, floating down their backs like the shadows of their admirers. The two even shared eyes, hooded and dark as the night. They were shorter than her, making them both more petite. Their length simply strengthened their personality traits, making Bella seem more fervent and Andromeda even more loveable.

Narcissa's hair was mutual to her sisters, but hers was less thick and therefore did not give the illusion of weightlessness. The colour of heir own eyes were sparkly blue and combined with her dark hair she found her looks to be rather dull. Unlike her sisters she had grown to the full length of 5'9, her body almost seemed to be dragged out, leaving her with only a ghost of the curves that Bellatrix and Andromeda had inherited from their mother.

One week of school remained until Christmas and she was walking alone in the corridors. Bedtime was in about half an hour or so, so she tried to speed up as she made her down to the dungeons. Without a warning a voice came from behind;

"It's a funny name, Narcissa"

Within 3 seconds Narcissa had drown her wand and turned around, facing the arrogant sneer belonging to Lucius Malfoy.

She hadn't seen much of him this year. He was still a prefect and he seemed to take his mission seriously, but there had been something slightly off with him. Since she did not know the boy, she couldn't tell if she was right about her theories of his emotional state or not.

"What do you want, Malfoy? And why sneak up on me like that? And for the record, if you're trying to compliment me, insulting my name is not the right way to go!"

After more than a year of silence, all those words came bubbling out of her mouth in an irritated sputter. Why on earth would he scare her like that?

Lucius Malfoy began to laugh, which made her even more certain about what an absolute prick he was.

"_Merlin_, calm down, Black! Lower that wand, you wouldn't want to find yourself in a duel with me!"

If _that _was supposed to make her lower her wand, it did not work.

"For your information I'm rather excellent at duelling, Mr. Malfoy. If I were in your clothes, I'd answer my questions and then leave"

She couldn't really tell why she disliked him so much. He had never really done anything to upset her, he had just… He had just always seemed so arrogant, and not once had he tried to be nice to her. Not even his introduction of himself had been polite as it seemed as though he was about to fall asleep just by her existence.

He stopped laughing, leaving it to smirking only. He's lips were curled as though he knew something she did not. It was a rather mocking smile.

"It's not that I don't believe you, Black" He said as he suddenly reached for his own wand. This action made her slightly uncomfortable, but she firmly covered it up. "I just feel like you should take my advice on this one. Don't find yourself in a duel with me. And please, you shouldn't be mad at me. I come with nothing but peace"

"Then why are you pointing your wand at me?"

"Why are _you_ pointing your wand at _me_?"

She admitted that he had a point, but never would she tell him that. He raised an eyebrow in pure satisfaction over her sudden quietness, as if he were to say "Exactly". She bit her lip, but did not lower wand quite yet.

"As for your questions, I do find them fully reasonable. Of course I'll answer them!" He put his wand in his robes, and lifted his hands a little above his shoulders. Narcissa spotted visible veins on the back of his hands as he moved them. His pale skin stretched tightly over his rough hands. Who would have thought that a noble man like Lucius Malfoy would have hands of a worker? "I did not "sneak up" on you, as you choose to call it. At least it wasn't my intention. And who has ever given you the idea that I would want to compliment you? I was simply stating the fact that Narcissa is an odd name!"

He made her blood boil! Normally Narcissa would have just left, since she did not earn anything from fighting him, but it was as though her wand acted by itself.

"Cantis!"

Within a second all of Lucius Malfoy's hair had fallen to the ground and he had raised his wand once again.

"You little-!" He yelled, but she couldn't help but laughing. In front of her stood a bold Lucius Malfoy! It was absolutely _hilarious_!

"Cr-" He started to pronounce the name of a spell which she had not heard of, but he was suddenly interrupted by a calm voice.

"I would advise you to lower that wand, Mr. Malfoy"

He did not instantly do as he was told, but as he turned around and met the blue eyes of Professor Dumbledore, he put it down. Narcissa could see his jaw moving and his face suddenly went taut. He seemed to force a smile to Narcissas least-favourite professor.

"Of course, Professor Dumbledore, I was very foolish. I do apologize"

In some way; he managed to make the sentence sound like an insult. Dumbledore responded with a frustratingly calm smile as he spoke:

"No harm done_ yet_, Mr. Malfoy. But if you wouldn't mind my opinion on the matter; If I were you I would not use that spell or anything like it in the future. A prefect should know better"

"Of course, Professor Dumbledore" Lucius Malfoy's nostrils moved with anger, Narcissa saw him clenching his fist.

"Ah, I think that behaviour should give you… Let's say 30 points from Slytherin? Excellent spell-casting there, Ms. Black, but I'd prefer it if you kept it to the lessons. That will be 20 points from you as well. Oh, and Mr. Malfoy, I do believe Ms. Black her could help you with a simple hair-growth spell. I wouldn't recommend you to do it by yourself, though. No offence, but that bold look doesn't quite suite you"

With those words Professor left them to be alone in the dungeons once again. It was first when the humming no longer echoed in the corridors that they moved.

She had just opened her mouth to question Dumbledore's choice of punishment when she found herself pushed against the cold, stonewall, face-to-face with Lucius Malfoy.

Narcissa breathed slowly, feeling his warm hand on her body, one pushing her shoulder hard, and another one around her throat, his breath against her forehead. He was very tall, even compared to her. She swallowed, watching him carefully for his next move. His pale skin had turned a bit pink on his cheeks, out of fury, she assumed.

"If you **_ever _**even **_think _**of cursing me again, I'll make sure it's the last thing you do"

He somehow managed to keep his lazy tone, but oddly enough, that just made her believe his words even more. And for the first time in Narcissas life, she was scared of a man.

"I-" She began but her tongue fought her in her tries to form actual words. His hand around her neck didn't have a tight grip, so there weren't really any reason for her not being able to talk. His hand was more of an indication on which one of them had the most power "I don't quite understand. I cursed you, you were only about to defend yourself, and yet he seemed to be more mad at you than me?"

She _stuttered_! A Black _never_ stuttered! The thought was ridiculous!

Lucius Malfoy snorted, swallowed in what seemed to be pure frustration.

"You are a silly little girl, you wouldn't even understand if I explained it to you!"

"I'm not silly, and I'm most certainly not little!" She answered, forgetting about his hand around her throat, forgetting about everything.

Malfoy seemed to find her words rather amusing, which surprised her a great deal. She bit her lip, observing his now bold head.

"Would you… Would you let me…?"

As an answer, he raised one eyebrow, as though he thought it was the very least he could expect from her. Narcissa lifted her wand, and without a word from any of them, his hair started growing back. It was a white kind of blonde, glistering like snow a dark midwinter night. She could help herself; she let it grow a little past his shoulders before she stopped. He didn't disapprove.

"Why?" He simply asked, still with one hand against her shoulder and one around her throat, but his grips had loosened a bit now.

"It suits you" Narcissa whispered, still fearing this man in a way she had never feared anyone else before.

There was a silence. It covered them both like gigantic cloak. Time passed by and she found herself staring into his charcoal grey eyes. They were so _dark_ but yet so _light_?

Narcissa was the one who broke the silence.

"You never answered my questions"

"I most certainly did"

"Not the first one" What do you want, Malfoy? He had never told her what he wanted. If is goal was to insult her, he had more than succeeded.

For a second, she thought he would strangle her, but something changed in his eyes. She no longer feared him. For some reason, she felt safer than anywhere else in the world, and when he let go of her, she almost asked him not to. A sudden emptiness filled her and she could not for Merlin see why.

"I was just wondering if you might want to go to this Christmas party Professor Slughorn has arranged for the Slug Club"

She stared at him, now standing a few feet away from her, making the situation less intense between them.

"With me, I mean" He clarified as she raised an eyebrow.

With a sigh he turned around and started walking towards the Slytherin common room.

"Yes"

Why? Why had she said that? The guy was an obvious psychopath! Why did she even…

"What did you say?" He turned, facing her again, but now much more far away… He seemed to be as shocked over her answer as she was herself.

"I said yes. I would want to go to the Christmas party" She swallowed "With you"


	2. Revolution

_**For the purpose of this story I've made Regulus Black Sirius **__**older**__** brother. I hope you find that okay. This chapter is a little short, my apologies. **_

He wore black robes; the collar was decorated with silver snakes, tangled around each other like old cords. He had kept his hair the length she had given him her approval for a week earlier.

She regretted accepting his invitation. It had been silly, and she could not for her life explain why she had said yes in the first place. Her younger cousin, Regulus, whom she often opened up for, had told her that she had felt an attraction. He had said that there was something between her and Malfoy that was caused by something else than common sense.

Narcissa was not attracted to Lucius Malfoy, she could not say that he wasn't beautiful to look at, but there was no attraction. Arrogance was not an appealing trait, according to her. In fact, she felt more disgusted by his existence than she felt admiration for it.

She had a family tree just as impressive as his, but in someway the name of Malfoy weighed heavier than Black, at least in Mr. Malfoy's ears. It bothered her. Coming from the largest Pureblood wizarding-family in Britain, she if anyone deserved some admiration!

"You look stunning"

His words sounded forced and untruthful. She smiled stiffly as they linked arms, silently walking of to the party.

She wasn't stunning. Neither was she very pretty. She had tried, not much, but a little. She had let her hair out, curled it. Normally it was straight and in either a braid or a ponytail. Her friend Patricia had put on a pink gloss onto her lips, pinched her cheeks to make her look like her blushingly lovely sister Andromeda. But she didn't look like her; she looked more like her younger and less pretty sister. Which, in fact, was true.

By the time they reached Professor Slughorn's office she looked up at his face. He didn't meet her eyes until a few seconds later. He waited for her to say something. She didn't.

Greetings, laughter and a sentence of clove surrounded them. The light was dull and was probably meant to be a cosy setting, but standing next to Lucius Malfoy took away any hint of cosiness in the world. After a ten-minutes-long silence, she left Lucius' side, finding some friends from her own year to entertain her instead.

He didn't do the same, and that puzzled her. Lucius Malfoy was incredibly popular, not only in Slytherin House, but in Ravenclaw as well. She could spot several people who'd gladly spend the eventing in his company. But instead of joking around with Rabastan Lestrange and Goyle, he stood awkwardly alone in a corner. He looked… tormented. His eyebrows were wrinkled, holding a glass of fire-whiskey in one hand, and another grabbing his upper forearm.

"Don't you think?"

Narcissa looked around, remembered where she was and smiled to her friend.

"Yes, yes of course I do"

She had no idea what she just agreed on. Her eyes went looking for Malfoy again, finding him in the same spot as before.

"Would you mind?" She asked, nodding towards her lonely date. Her friends giggled, but Regulus just shook his head, taking a sip from his butterbeer. She knew what he was thinking.

She excused herself with a smile and walked towards Malfoy. He did not see her, he was to busy looking out into the blue. When she got closer, she noticed his eyes being rather dizzy. This was the second time she saw him in a state where his body and facial expression were stone cold, but his eyes were telling a story.

"Enjoying the party so far?" He still didn't look at her, and she wasn't sure if he actually asked her or someone else. Narcissa looked around, trying to see someone else, someone more interesting, but saw no one.

"Not really. It doesn't quite live up to my standards of a party"

"Mine neither. But I knew that. It makes me sick, you know"

Narcissa looked up at him, confused by his words. It wasn't _that_ bad. The food could be better, so could the decorations, but it most certainly didn't make her _sick_.

"Purebloods, Halfbloods and Mudbloods, mixed together like a way too salty cookie dough!" She couldn't help but smile.

"Cookie dough? Is that how you'd explain integration for a five-year-old, or what?"

"Nevermind" He hissed, and Narcissa just shook her head.

"But I agree. I find it rather disturbing" She finally admitted.

The school had gone worse over the years, and it actually offended her how they let those students in. They had no idea what they were doing, and then they showed up in school as though they had been inside the magical community all their lives. They did not see the beauty of magic, they thought that they could _learn _how to practise it, but the truth was that it always came from within. It was the same as writing. Everyone can learn to write if someone would hand him or her a quill and parchment, but not everyone could make the words dance in front of them.

Magic had to come from the heart, a heart with tradition, a heart that beat out the purest of bloods.

"It's insulting! I like Professor Slughorn, but I don't understand what he was thinking when he invited Mudbloods to the party!" Something was on fire in Malfoy's voice.

His passion impressed her, actually. It was nothing compared to Bella, but then, Bella was a bit mental.

"I didn't know you were into politics, Malfoy?" Oh she did know. But she had no idea that he cared as much as she did. All of a sudden, his eyes met hers, and she was stuck in the cloudy heaven of his iris.

"I'm forced into it, when scum like those" Fabian and Gideon Prewett had been spotted by Lucius Malfoy "are allowed in the same room as myself!"

"I find those people to be the worst. I think they're just as bad as the Mudbloods, even worse, actually" She responded, took the drink from his hands and took a sip from it herself. It was too strong for her to like it. "The Mudbloods are rude and don't deserve their place, but the traitors… They should know better, don't you think? They've been raised with the same blood as we have, and yet they don't see segregation as an absolute must. I find it awful, I'm not sure if I'd even call them wizards"

Lucius Malfoy stared at her, actually looking impressed. He smirked, and she suddenly felt how her cheeks blushed. Patricia didn't have to pinch them, after all, they did their job perfectly well all by themselves.

"I-" He started, as they got interrupted by a not-so-very familiar voice.

"Oh look how they're making evil-plans in the corner! Hey, Malfoy, if you've got a problem with me, the least you can do is to tell it to face!"

The Prewett brothers, red-haired and dressed in rags and mud-grey eyes, were now facing them.

"Don't step so close to me, please, I wouldn't want for my dress to get dirty" Narcissa sputtered.

"Wow Malfoy, you actually got yourself a girlfriend as pathetic as yourself!"

Narcissa, prepared to start a fight, found herself to be slightly shocked when Lucius took a step forward, grabbing Fabian Prewett's collar. Narcissa saw how he reached for his wand, and acted quickly. Grabbing Lucius by his left arm, she pulled him away from the blood traitor's daring face.

"Come on, Lucius, let's leave," She murmured, dragging him towards the door.

Behind them, she could hear Slughorn's miserable voice saying;

"Oh dear"

And the Prewell brothers laughing, yelling ugly words after them. She truly hated Gryffindors. They were all like that, boosting and mean. Pathetic, really.

Once out in the corridors, Lucius speeded up his walk, and she found herself several feet away from him. Her long, figure-shaped dress proved itself very unhandy as she tried to run after him.

"Malfoy! Malfoy, wait!" She cried after him, trying to come anywhere near his speed. "Lucius!"

He stopped at once. Narcissa ran towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder and trying to meet his eyes with her own.

"Hey, what's going on? What are you-" She said, her voice short-winded by her attempts to catch up with him.

"Let me go!" He roared, "You wouldn't understand, you're just-"

"-A silly little girl" She filled him in, letting go of his arm. He had told her that before "So may be it, but that doesn't necessarily have to mean that I wont understand! I could try"

She tried to give him a little smile, tried to encourage him, but expected nothing good in return. She even prepared for being the victim of violence, supposed it, even. Narcissa actually waited for him to slap her. She didn't know why, but she wasn't afraid of the pain and neither was she scared of him. She just waited.

But instead of violence, the only thing that came out of Lucius Malfoy was tears. They streamed down his face. She hadn't seen that coming! His face had turned slightly pink and he chipped for air. Narcissa did not know it, but this was the only time she'd see him cry for the next 80 years.

"My mother-" He whispered, trying to keep his tears inside, just like Narcissa had been taught to do. Purebloods shouldn't show their feelings; it was a sign of weakness. She reached out for him again, put her arms around his waist and held him; her head leaned against his neck. She wanted to comfort him. She wanted him to feel better. "She's dying, you know."

Narcissa swallowed. She had had no idea. Stroking his back, she nodded slowly. Not saying anything, just letting him feel her body against his, let it speak for her instead.

They spent the night together. Not the physical way Regulus assumed the next day. They had been hiding down in the dungeons, she had reached for his hand, and he had let her hold it. He had talked, a lot and about everything. He had told her about his mother, how the healers had decided to prioritize a young Mudblood girl when they both reached St. Mungo's at the same time. The Mudblood would survive, but Lucius' mother was dying. He told her about his father, how he always expected Lucius to be the best, and how he therefore had started doubting in his own abilities, since the pressure increased. He told her about the Lord, the defender of their heritage. How he wanted to start a revolution. Lucius told her how he had joined this man; apparently her sister had done the same thing.

The Lord was impressed with Lucius and his talents in the dark arts, so he had rewarded him. Lucius showed her his mark, told her how he was proud, but a bit afraid of the revolution. He wanted it come, but feared for his life being taken as the price for a better world. He did not want to sacrifice his life, he said, because he dreamt of a world of purity. If he wouldn't be there to see it, he thought of it as unfair.

She had listened all night long. He had stopped crying and she had stopped feeling awkward.

"I understand" She had told him after hours. He had looked up at her, given her his first genuine smile and said:

"I think you do"


	3. Independence

She had thought of them as friends since that night. She had written to him during the winter break, but an answer seemed to be too much to ask for. By the time they returned to Hogwarts for spring-term, he didn't even look at her. Narcissa wanted to know how he felt, how he was doing, but since he had rejected her with silence as a weapon, she didn't feel like trying to reach out for him once more.

Narcissa Black let go of Lucius Malfoy, and she wouldn't speak to him for a long time. They didn't talk, neither did they meet each others eyes when they passed the other in the corridors. There was so much to be told; yet there was nothing to be said.

The up-coming summer was the summer that Andromeda decided to pack her belongings and leave the noble and most ancient House of Black. Narcissa had been there when she told the family about the Mudblood who had stolen her heart. Her father had cried, her mother had screamed and Bellatrix had tried to curse their sister. Narcissa had been quiet. She was still quiet.

In august she bleached her hair. She was tired. Tired of trying to look like her sisters. Tired of being another person. Patricia had helped her, giggling as they put the substance onto her long mane of hair. Waiting for it to its job, they sat down and talked about life.

Narcissa didn't tell her about her sister. She hadn't told anyone, she preferred it that way. She didn't want anyone to know about her. If Narcissa could decide, her sister was no sister of hers. She had left them for a mudblood, and it hurt. Him being a mudblood wasn't really the part that hurt her the most. She had chosen a man over her own family. She had chosen a mudblood instead of purity and love. Could such a man love her like pureblood would have? Narcissa doubted it. They didn't think in the same way as wizards did; maybe they didn't feel the same feelings.

"Guess who I met the other day?"

Narcissa looked up from her dreams as she observed the expression on her friends face. She looked happy, blushing cheeks and glistening eyes. Her red hair looked almost like fire, and sometimes, Narcissa wished nothing else than to touch it.

"Regulus, your cousin!" She raised an eyebrow. So…? They were in the same house, it wasn't really that odd if they'd meet.

"And?"

"And first of all, he told me that your youngest cousin, Sirius, will attend to Hogwarts this year"

"Yes, but he's a prat, really. I've never heard him say something nice about anyone"

"Regulus said the same things, but Narcissa, he asked me out! Regulus, I mean, not Sirius"

"Oh that poor thing! He probably thinks he has a shot on you. Wait, Patricia, what's that look your giving me? He _has _doesn't he?!"

Patricia and Narcissa united in a giggle, and Narcissa was truly happy for her partners in crime. They would make a great couple, she knew it. And considering Patricia's bloodline, colliding their families wouldn't be to bad.

They rinsed her hair with water an hour later, used a drying-spell and Narcissa fell in love. For the first time in her life, she saw herself.

When she looked in the mirror, she didn't see an ugly version of her older sisters. She saw Narcissa, a tall, blonde with sparkling eyes and soft cheekbones young lady. Her legs were long and slim, her breasts small but in an artistic way. The now blonde hair fell down her waist, framing her face as though it was an expensive painting.

She felt at peace. She was no longer a ghost of Andromeda. She was Narcissa.

* * *

><p>September came and she started her sixth year at Hogwarts. She was now the only remaining Black sister at the school, which made her feel slightly odd. She had always relied on her name, people knew who she was because of it. That was gone; she had to be her own from now on. It actually started to feel like a relief, not a burden. This year, she didn't have to pretend. She could be herself.<p>

She felt loved and happy. She was never tempted to write to her sister, though maybe she should have. She was done with her. She had cried after her, but not even when Narcissa screamed her name in the middle of the night would Andromeda return. Andromeda had shown that she did not want to be her sister. So she would let her be her own, just as Narcissa tried to be.

Regulus and Patricia were lovers now, and she was happy for them. Her grades increased and her life seemed to be perfect.

One day, when she was on her way to the library, Lucius Malfoy stopped her. She hadn't talked to him since last year's Christmas party, and she found it a bit odd that he all of a sudden decided to speak to her again.

She had noticed how happy he seemed to be. He no longer attacked people in public, which she was thankful for. The violent nature he had shown her last year was scaring, and truth to be told, quite bad for his own reputation.

He was now a calm, charming young man, with loads of laughter and happiness surrounding him. He had started dating a girl with the surname "Parkinson". She was in the seventh year together with him and was very pretty, but Narcissa didn't know much more about what had happened to him since last.

"Hey, Black" He said, as though he were to tell her something of high importance. It was impressive how his voice could be so drawling and still sound like he really needed to talk to her.

"Yes, Malfoy?"

A few Ravenclaw-students passed them and their eyes were hooked on the two blonde Slytherins standing in the middle of the corridor. Narcissa sighed over their presence and turned to Malfoy again.

"Blonde suits you"

His compliment seemed to be genuine this time, but Narcissa knew that was not his reason to stop her. Lucius Malfoy was not the kind of person who'd small talk, or gives someone a compliment without wanting something in return. She was sure about that, because she was exactly the same. That was the way she had been raised. Narcissa could hear her mothers voice in her head "_What's in it for you? Think before you act, not the other way around! You wont come very far in life if you rely on instincts". _It sounded cruel, but Narcissa agreed with her mother to this very day. She had nothing over for thoughtless people.

"That one goes right back at you" Cold voice. She didn't need to act warm and fuzzy in front of him; they were the same sort of people. She had seen him converse with people with people in power-positions. He was utterly charming, but she saw through that. She knew exactly where he came from. "Was that it?"

"Fancy to go to the Christmas party with me, would you?"

Narcissa nearly dropped her jaw. What was _wrong _with this man? She couldn't believe her ears! This suggestion was not only rude, it was also very churlish!

He had ignored her for months, a whole year, even. Even though she didn't know him well, it sort of hurt. She had tried so hard to comfort him, showed him that she was there for him and understood him, even though she knew nothing about what his life was like. It had felt as though he had enjoyed her company. It had felt like a secret agreement between the two of them. And he had just thrown it away without blinking. Narcissa was not an emotional person, but she had felt a bit abandoned when he had started to ignore her. It didn't make any sense, and he didn't make things any easier by _asking her out_?

"Do you really believe I would ever like to go out with you after being ignored for a year?" Her voice was as frosty as the snow outside the windows. Her mother had taught her how to do it.

"My apologies, Ms. Black. My goal has never been to upset you. It was simply a question, I never said I assumed a certain type of answer" He sounded _bored_ even!

"Malfoy, in case you haven't noticed, that's not the way things works out. You can't just leave the toy on the playground for a year and then expect it to be there when you come back."

"I didn't know you're seeing someone, pardon me"

_Oh, like you'd care, you stupid git! _He was seeing someone else as himself, who was he to apologies for intruding on her possible relationship? He was such a fraud.

"For your information, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. But I thought of us as friends, but you made it clear that you had no interest in such tie between the two of us. So no, Malfoy, I wouldn't "fancy" to go to the Christmas Party with you."

With that said, she stormed off.

* * *

><p>"He is <em>so <em>wrapped around your finger!"

Regulus thought of the Malfoy-incident as absolutely _hilarious_. Narcissa did not, she found Lucius Malfoy to be rude and she was very insulted by his act. Regulus had been going on for an hour about how _in love_ Lucius had to be with her. He said that Lucius Malfoy never would have let her storm off like that if he wasn't really into her. And Regulus also claimed that Malfoy had been glaring at her since last January. Narcissa decided that she wouldn't believe this, for her own best.

"Stop it, will you?!" She said, throwing a pillow at him. She was in the boys-dormitory; the other Slytherin boys seemed to be at dinner. Regulus and herself had eaten a little earlier to get time to talk. "It's not funny at all, he's being vulgar!"

She felt how a lump grew in her throat. She didn't want to have to deal with this, not now, not ever. She didn't understand how he could take her for granted like that? Narcissa swallowed. He hadn't even said he was sorry! If he only had been intelligent enough to claim he was sorry…! He might have had a chance, but now, never!

She turned to Regulus, who suddenly had gotten a very devilish smile upon his face.

"No, Regulus"

"What? You don't even know what I'm about to suggest!"

"Something bad. You never come up with any good ideas when you've got that smirk"

20 minutes later she somehow found herself to be in the seventh-years dormitory.

"I hate you," She murmured at Regulus, walking towards the door.

"Hey, come on Cissy, let's just have _one_ look! Or we could just put a hair-loosening hex on his shampoo!"

"I've already done that once. Come on, let's just leave"

She wasn't comfortable with this. The room smelled like boys. Cologne, dirty clothes and a smell she couldn't fully recognize. After several attempts to leave, she finally settled down on one of the beds. The boys' beds were softer, or maybe it was just this one. She sighed and lay down as Regulus rummaged the older boys' belongings.

She didn't want this. She had just wanted to talk to her cousin and go to bed early. Maybe read a book or watch as the giant squid passed the windows. Narcissa loved water, and when she got sorted into Slytherin, she was very happy to discover that their common room was placed under the Black Lake.

Narcissa closed her eyes, trying to ignore Regulus teasing words. She felt how her heart slowed down as she breathed.

The lake made such calming noises; she could hear merpeople swim by the window, singing. To her, their songs didn't sound like screaming. She was under water, and so were they. Looking up, she faced an emerald green sky made of silk, silver snakes slithering all over it. The boys had the same canopy beds as the girls.

"Hey, Cissy, catch this!"

Something came flying towards her and she instantly grabbed it, by reflex. She had almost fallen asleep!

"_Black_! Wha-what are you _doing_? Why on earth are you in my bed, and why are you holding-… **_why _**are you holding _that_?"

Narcissa was abruptly wakened from her temporary mindlessness. Sitting straight up, she met the grey eyes of Lucius Malfoy and continently enough; Regulus was nowhere to be seen.

She let her eyes find the soft material that was lying in her hands. Her face rapidly took a bright-red colour, as her first reaction was to throw it away, giving away a tiny cry. _She had held Lucius Malfoys'_… his… _his __**underwear**_in her hands! She swallowed, feeling the hatred for her cousin grow greater every second that passed.

"_I'm going to kill him!_" She said, grinding her teeth. She jumped up from the bed didn't _dare _to look Malfoy in the face. She just tried to get passed him, as she murmured: "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-"

He stopped her. Like her shame wasn't big enough as it was!

"Now now, play nicely!" He had something sadistic in his voice. Her body's reaction to his voice was nothing she dared to speak high about. It was something about the way he used his tones that made her feel… "Who are you going to kill, more specifically?"

"Regulus, my cousin, he tricked me, I'm so sorry, he's really immature and he probably thought of this as a hilarious joke. Look, I'm really sorry and I-"

Lucius Malfoy looked down on her with that ominous smirk of his. She was going to _kill_ Regulus, but first she'd make him eat his own pants. She hated him! How could he put her in this situation?

"There's a secret passage between the boy's dormitories. I thought the girls had one as well?"

"No, we don't," Narcissa muttered, trying to get past Malfoy for the second time. "Look, I'd really just like to go to bed, I'm sorry for this, but really I-"

"Easy" He said in a surprisingly calm voice. This must be the first time he spoke to her with a slight interest in his voice. He looked over his shoulder, as for to decide whether they'd be erupted soon. This act made his blonde mane of hair fall like water over his left shoulder. Narcissa was filled with the want to touch it. She swallowed as his eyes went back to hers. "I think that you and I should have little talk. Shall we?"

She simply nodded, now staring down at her own feet. This made her feel so _odd_. She was mad at Regulus, wanted to rip his throat, really, and Malfoy made her feel uncomfortable. She just wished to be in her own bed, not having to think about Malfoy, Regulus or… Or Andromeda. She had to admit that even if Narcissa had told herself that she wasn't miserable about it, there was still a part of he that grieved her lost sister. It was only during the night that those thoughts haunted her. She could only imagine a world without the ghosts of Andromeda, Lucius Malfoys sneer and Regulus pranks.

They sat down on his bed, Narcissa still not daring to look him in the eyes. This was one of the most awkward moments she had ever been trough. Her mother would be ashamed.

To Narcissa's surprise, Malfoy didn't ask her anything about why or how she was there. He had simply settled for her explanation about Regulus. That was a relief for her, but he started talking about more private things. He explained why hadn't spoken to her the last year.

His mother had died during the winter break. He told her that even though he was sad, he had done his grieving before she was gone. When she actually died, it had been something of a relief. He had started to feel like himself again. He had been ashamed for opening up for her; he hadn't dared to look at her. Malfoy had felt out of control, he normally didn't slip so much about his private life to anyone.

When he had finally overcome his fears of facing her, he had heard about her sister. This fact surprised Narcissa, because for as much as she knew, no one outside the family was informed about the Andromeda-situation. She asked him how he knew, and he said that Bellatrix had planned revenge. That she had planned to murder their sister and the mudblood she was marrying. Lucius had stopped her. He told her that he thought of homicide as necessary in some cases, but if possible, were to be avoided. Her sister didn't share his views on the matter.

Malfoy told her how he had been unsure about how to act in front of her, given what now knew about her family. He didn't judge her, he judged her sister. It made her feel a bit better. Malfoy did however advice her to keep her mouth shut about it, because he knew that most people weren't as understanding. According to him, most pureblood families had a few rotten branches, and that was okay. Of course you couldn't treat those the same way as treated the rest of the tree, it could infect other parts of it. But cutting it of was a bit too drastic for his taste.

She learned that Lucius Malfoy was now a murderer. He had killed a few muggles and mudbloods, all under the command of the Lord. She didn't know how to react. He didn't seem regretful, but he said that he preferred not to take the life from others. But, as he explained, it was necessary in some cases. They had to know their place, and if they refused to, the Knights of Walpurgis (as they called themselves) were given no choice. They did it for the greater good.

Narcissa decided not to think about it too much. Instead she listened to what he had to say, talked about herself. He listened. She listened. They reached for each other's hands, his fingers stroking hers. She was still amazed of his hands, the roughness over them. He was in so many ways gracious, moved with ease in his steps, but his hands witnessed a hard life. Maybe it was because of all the things they had done. Maybe his hands were the only part of his body that actually took damage of the type of arts he used to perform his magic? Narcissa was fascinated by them, embraced his visible veins on the back of his hand with her thumb.

Eventually, another Slytherin boy entered the dormitory, creating a slightly uncomfortable situation. Narcissa and Lucius let go of the other's hands, and Narcissa walked down to the common room. She left him alone to explain the situation for his fellow classmate.

From that moment on, Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy were best friends.


	4. Stars

**Hi there! I just want you to know that I am ****_so _****thankful for your reviews, I really appreciate it. This chapter was hard write, because I wanted to fit as much as possible into it, and then came writers-block. Although, I must say, this chapter ****_is _****bloody brilliant, so enjoy! xoxo**

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><p>They spent the following months together. It got to the point where Regulus stopped rooting for them as a couple, and now only seemed bothered by them. Narcissa enjoyed Lucius' company a lot. They shared opinions. They laughed at the same type of things. They hit of well, pretty much. He was still an arrogant arse, but she did enjoy his company.<p>

It was a Hogsmeade-weekend and they were walking down towards the village. It was still snowing, covering up the otherwise oh-so-green, Scottish landscapes. The snow was not one of heavier sort, but powdery and light. Walking through it, it almost felt like wading through air. Narcissa had always liked the winter; she could breath in a whole other way. Summer-sun burnt her skin; as a result she stayed inside instead. Autumn was windy and wet, a climate she didn't feel too comfortable with. It made her feel powerless. Spring was tolerable, but not ideal.

The trees were blank and frozen, had turned into a more dark-grey shade rather than brown. When Narcissa breathed, a burst of smoky steam escaped from her lips. When she was a child, she had pretended that she was a dragon, and the smoke coming from her mouth was the same as the one coming from a fire. Andromeda used to do it too, they played around out in the snow, blowing fake-fire at each other, as if they were real dragons.

With this memory in thought, a sad smile appeared on her face. Would she ever be able to meet Andromeda again, as her sister and not as her enemy? She swallowed. The answer was obvious. _No_. Her sister had chosen her path, and Narcissa could do nothing but accept it. But it _hurt_.

"You don't seem to be in your best mood, Black?" Lucius Malfoy asked, and rather confused, Narcissa founds his grey gaze.

They still called each other by surname; it had become a tradition of theirs. It sounded rather odd for people who didn't know them, but she didn't really care.

"I'm sorry, Malfoy, it wasn't my intention to seem distressed. I'm struggling with this potion, I was thinking, perhaps you ought to help me? Professor Slughorn isn't to impressed by my potions skills"

"Well, well, who would have thought, Black asking Malfoy for a favour! How rare!" His tone was sarcastic, and laughed.

He had helped her with most of her homework lately. He was more skilled than her in almost every subject, except for charms, she was brilliant at charms and he knew it. But, she was also a better occlumence than he was, but she'd never let him know that. In fact, no one knew about her skills in that matter. It was the sort of knowledge that would, in the end, come handy to have kept a secret.

"Now, now, don't flatter yourself. I could ask Dolohov to help me brew a bit of amortentia, if that's what you want?" She mocked back, gave him a oh-so self-satisfied smirk.

"If that's what _you_ want, then I think you should. Now, Black, what do you think, can I buy you a…" He took a pause, nodding at the Three Broomsticks a "…glass of fire-whiskey? Oh, how _silly _of me! I seem to have forgotten, _you're still not seventeen!"_

With a laugh. she elbowed him and shook her head.

"Don't be ridiculous! I'd watch out if I were you, maybe I do ask Dolohov after all…" He suddenly looked a bit terrified, and that fact made her giggle.

This was the reason Narcissa liked him. When she almost cried over her lost sister, he made her chuckle within a minute, and that was beautiful. No one could make her smile like Lucius Malfoy did. _He really is my best friend_, she thought to herself. He had helped her so much, and still did. When she was with him, nothing else really mattered. He made her forget everything else. He made her forget about her sisters, one gone mad because of the Dark Lord, and one no longer considered her sister because of her choice of man.

But Narcissa forgot about them when she was with Lucius. He made her simply happy, nothing else. She continued:

"And no, Malfoy, you can't buy me a glass of fire-whiskey, but I would love some butterbeer" She smiled, and he opened the door to the pub.

Excited voices, a scent of alcohol and air dried out of oxygen, replaced by carbon dioxide. She instantly turned hot, felt her cheeks blush because of the sudden change of climate. Malfoy told her to go and sit down as he bought them drinks.

She found a table located right underneath a window, making it possible to look outside at the snow-covered scenery. She watched the crystal-white flakes fall outside, hitting the ground without a sound. It almost looked like cotton, and she smiled slightly, leaning closer to the window to get a better view. Even though the pub was awfully hot, she could feel the brisk weather outside through the glass. It was alluring.

"Narcissa, I really need to talk to you"

In surprise, she looked up from daydream, and faced her 11 year-old cousin Sirius. He was about to turn 12 this summer, she had no clue about which date. He wore a knitted sweater that would have made his mother scream in protest. Blacks don't wear _sweaters_. But then again, she guessed he only wore it to provoke his parents.

"Alright then, but you better hurry, I'm waiting someone" She said, nodded to the seat in front of her, with that act asking him to sit down.

He did as she had asked him and quickly began to speak;

"I dislike him" She stared at him, did not understand where he was going "Malfoy, I dislike him a lot. He's dangerous, Cissy, I mean, _really _dangerous. He disappears from the castle, even!"

She raised an eyebrow, as she studied his face. He looked so much like Regulus. It was ironic, since Regulus had been the one to make sure Lucius and she became friends. Sirius eyes were gray, but not the same, spellbinding steel colour like Lucius', Sirius' were just grey. Boring, really. His hair had the same shiny black pigment as Bellas. He was growing good-looking, for sure. But then again, didn't all of the Blacks do so?

"How is my friendship with Malfoy an issue of yours? And _why_ do you think he leaves the castle?" She said, dryly. She didn't want to encourage his theories here.

"Well I- I just don't want him to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter!" He swallowed, now looking a bit unsure of whether he should be there or not. "I have my ways to know how my enemies walk around the castle and-"

"Your enemies? Oh please, Sirius, how old are you? 11? You're just a little _baby_! You don't have _enemies_, there may be some people you don't fancy that much but-"

"Cissy, please, just _listen _Lucius Malfoy has _done_ things, bad things! The Prewett brothers went into hiding because of him and his friends! They're _bad_!" He sounded so desperate.

Narcissa looked at him for a long while, wrinkled eyebrows. She knew that he in so many ways were right. Blood-traitors, mudbloods and muggles should fear her friend. To them, he could be dangerous if he had to. But he would never hurt her. She knew about the things he did for that Lord, and they had talked about it a lot.

"_It's for the greater good. I only do this because I want my kids to able to grow up in a free world with complete segregation! It's the only way, Black. We've tried the more peaceful methods, but it just gives the opposite effect! Surely you understand?" _

She did understand. She could never commit murder herself, but she understood that it was necessary at certain times. After all, it was only self-defence. The mudbloods had abused the Pureblood families for years with their presence, claiming the same rights. Now was the time for Purebloods, like Lucius Malfoy, to defend themselves.

"Sirius, you really don't need to worry about Malfoy. He's a good guy, I promise"

"Oh, I am, surely!"

She heard a drawling, familiar voice. With a smile, she looked up at her friend, holding one butterbeer and a glass, containing something that looked almost as red as blood. Malfoy put the glasses down on the table, stretched his hand out to her younger cousin. All this movement, he did with laze, but he looked rather interested in the boy in front of him.

"Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, but I dare say you already know that? Given what I happened to overhear from your conversation"

He smirked in an unusually friendly way towards the black-haired little boy, who just stared up at him. Their eyes met, grey against grey, steel versus silver. Sirius did not take his hand; neither did he seem in the mood to be friendly with Lucius Malfoy. Narcissa decided to try to save the situation as neatly as possible.

"Malfoy, this is my cousin Sirius" She smiled, and Lucius lowered his hand, raising and eyebrow and eyeing her slightly instead. "He's a bit of the family's black sheep, but he's a real sweetheart under that Gryffindor-cloak"

Lucius smiled, appreciating her joke, but Sirius obviously didn't, as he stood up.

"Think about what I've said, Cissy."

He left furiously, over to his group of friends. It was an odd assembly, consisting of a boy called Potter (whom seemed to be the best friend of her cousin), a rat-like little fellow, and then there was a lad who looked like his parents couldn't even afford to give birth to him at a hospital. Narcissa sighed, not understanding how Sirius could keep such company.

Lucius sat down, taking a sip from his wine. He sneered as he glared at her, penetrating her with his cold eyes. She took a gulp from her bottle, relaxing a bit as a result of the sweet substance on her tongue.

"Cissy… I've never heard anyone call you that before"

He looked quite interested in her nickname. He took another taste of his wine, which looked expensive and tempting. She could smell it, and he was sitting across the table. Narcissa looked down at her flask, slightly upset over her own "under-agedness". Oh the day she turned 17…

"Family only. Besides, I hate it. I find it vulgar"

Her reply was short and cold, telling him to not ask anything more. He understood, but that didn't mean he cared.

"Is there anything you don't find vulgar, Black?"

He sneered back at her, his voice now in such an alluring tone that she felt how her whole face turned pink. Or, at least that was what it felt like. She didn't know why, tried to think as little of this as possible.

"Oh, I can think about a few things"

"Such as?"

She fell silent and so did he. After a while, he broke silent, started to discuss the quidditch season.

* * *

><p>"Can I suggest something I believe you would find vulgar?" He asked a few hours later, when they found themselves sitting in the Great Hall, eating dinner.<p>

Roast chicken, mashed potatoes and asparagus were served, with a strong scent of rosemary. Happily, that happened to be Narcissa's favourite herb. Looking up from the food, she raised an eyebrow. His face had a slightly mischievous expression, and that made her critical to his suggestion.

"That depends. You can always try me"

He suddenly leaned forward, and she felt Regulus looks in her back, because it almost looked like he was going to kiss her, which made her feel uncomfortable. She hadn't meant _that_. But then, he turned his head a bit left, getting closer to her ear instead, whispering;

"Meet me in the Astronomy tower tonight at midnight. I'm a prefect, so you don't have to worry about the teachers"

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><p>Narcissas' legs were shaking. Not because she was afraid to meet Malfoy, she trusted him with her life. But she feared the night, feared the dark. Regulus laughed when she told him, he said it was ironic, because if she was afraid of the dark, Lucius Malfoy was the wrong person to hand out with. Given what magic he used, she guessed Regulus had a point.<p>

But she wasn't scared of Malfoy. He was harmless in her eyes, he didn't do anything wrong. He did use forbidden magic, but the people who had outlawed it were people who wanted to defend themselves against it, to have an advantage. People like Malfoy only used that kind of magic to defend themselves from those people.

It was to wander around the castle alone at night that made her shaky. Living in dormitories was, for her, ideal. She hated being alone at night; shadows with an owner without a voice frightened her. When something didn't speak, it had something to hide. . As a member of the Black family, she had grown up in a house filled with dark objects. To touch things you were not permitted to touch could lead to a certain death, and doing so by night when no grown-ups were awake as not a good idea. That fear had made her scared for the rest of her life.

Struggling to make her way up the tower, her wand lightened the way. She walked slowly, listening for noises that shouldn't be there. When she finally reached the Astronomy tower, she sighed relieved. Nothing had happen.

"There you are, your were about to miss it!" Malfoy stood in the middle of the tower, wearing a black cloak, his hair tied back with a ribbon. The night was dark, making his eyes look extra light; the contrast gave her goose bumps. His hair shined with a champagne-like tone in the moonlight, his dark eyebrows framing his face. He was beautiful.

"What exactly was I about to miss?" She asked as she took a step forward.

"There's a star falling tonight. I thought you might want to have a look?"

With a spell two telescopes flew into the tower, stayed in front them. The night was pitch-black, but lightened by the moon and the stars, creating a almost magical surrounding for the two friends.

Together, they watched the star fall from heaven, finding its way into another part of space. Where would it land? Did falling stars ever land, or did they just keep on falling in an eternity? It sounded like a boring life, but then again, she supposed the star had no knowledge about its fall.

"It still confuses me"

She looked up, observing Lucius' face. He no longer looked into the telescope, but at her.

"What does?"

He looked as if this was something he had wanted to say for a long time, but now was unsure whether it was appropriate or not. Sometimes belonging to the upper part of the aristocracy was a drawback. Since people were learnt not to speak their minds, it could be hard to know what they were thinking. Lucius Malfoy finally decided to declare what he wanted to have said.

"Your name, you're named after a flower, not a star. Why?"

She smiled, blushing, and shaking her head.

"I really don't know. Come here, have look!"

They looked into the telescopes again, and she pointed at the stars in the sky, one by one.

"There is Cygnus, my dad… And that's Bellatrix, as you know as my sister, Pollux, my grandfather, and there is a constellation, it's called… oh-"

She fell silent. She had been about to point at Andromeda. But Andromeda was no longer a sister of hers. Nor was she considered a Black. She could hear on Lucius breathing that he knew what she had been about to say. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to.

"Well, anyhow, I'm not up there"

Narcissa tried to cover up her embarrassment with a smile, didn't succeed, so she turned her face away from the telescope. Suddenly, Malfoy took a step closer to her. He raised an eyebrow, and shook his head.

"Aren't you? Why don't you have another look?"

His voice was mocking but in a friendly way. Instead of having the drawling she used to hear when he was around others, he sounded approachable and kind. There had always been something about Malfoy that kept other at distance, like he had a bubble around himself. But for some reason, he had let her enter that bubble.

Shaking her head, she looked down in the telescope, expecting nothing. Her eyes went from Bellatrix to Arcturus, her telescope was by the more luxurious sort, and with the greatest magic cast upon it, she was able to travel through galaxies by her eye and the golden cylinder in her hands. And there, right between the Orion and the constellation Andromeda, she saw a blooming narcissus.

It's crown spread across space, the edges blending into the dark sky, and when she thought of it, she could actually _smell_ the flower. It was extraordinary. Her heart skipped a beat. She could feel Malfoy standing close to her, felt his warmth.

"Malfoy that was f-"

As she turned around, her words got stopped halfway through the sentence by Lucius Malfoys lips. They were warm and soft, unbelievably soft, actually. They surrounded her upper-lip, and hers hugged his lower with a gentle pressure.

Narcissa Black had never been kissed before. She had been nervous about kissing someone for the first time, scared that she would make a fool out of herself, not knowing how move her lips, or by accident biting the boy. So maybe this was an ideal first kiss, one that took her by surprise, one that left her alone with impulses, and not brains.

She felt his left hand at the back of her head, and her own searched for his spine. She felt infinite, like this moment would last forever, but more like they had their own forever, because this moment was private. Infinity was not for everyone. In that moment, forever was simply theirs; and no one could destroy that.

That was when she realized she loved him. Narcissa had never had a "crush" on Lucius Malfoy. Either he was her friend or the person she adored most on earth. But never would he be her infatuation.

Suddenly, he broke the kiss and looked down at her with embarrassed eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Black, I shouldn't have- I mean… That wasn't very polite…"

She silenced his words with another kiss, combining the two young magicians as one.


	5. Sacrifice

_**This is short, my apologies. I've had a little hint of writer's block. I'm rather pleased with this chapter, though. I hope you enjoy.**_

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><p>They kept their love to themselves. No one besides them had to know. They both preferred it that way, smiles and laughter in public, kisses and warm hands in the night. They made the night their own cottage of escape. A place that would always be there, a place to rest. They met at midnight almost every night, talked about everything, kissed and touched. During the day, they were friends and nothing else.<p>

The year passed by, and no one really knew about their relationship, and they liked to keep it a secret. They didn't know where they were going with it, but when Lucius left Hogwarts Narcissa realized they were going to be together forever. Her seventh year was the hardest of them all, and she knew it was because of his absence. She felt empty. She walked around and smiled, chuckled and did her homework. But she was only half there. The rest of her was with Lucius. She wondered what he was doing, if he had met another woman, someone older and more mature, someone who would spread her legs for him. Narcissa hadn't done that.

It wasn't that she thought of sex and virginity as a holy thing, like so many other pureblood-girls. To her it didn't matter whom she'd do it with for the first time. But she did care about when. She wasn't ready just yet. They had spent the summer together, sleeping close to each other, she had felt his breath on her hair as she fell asleep, felt his lips against hers a thousand times. Sometimes, she let his hand find it's way to her breasts, and sometimes his fingers stroke her inner thighs. But every time he tried to, in a very gentlemanly way, reach for something else, her body got tense and she had to ask him not to. His warm hands left her immediately and found something else to grab instead, whereas she tried to keep on kissing him as if nothing had happened. He didn't seem to mind, but she felt guilty anyway. She felt like she held him back.

Narcissa was worried for Lucius, but not a lot. Even though he was working for the Dark Lord, a very dangerous mission, she was convinced he knew what he was doing. He was so talented. He could perform extraordinary magic, magic Narcissa could only dream of. He surprised her every day, every hour and every second. There was some odd type of dark light over him. He was glowing in such a special way. She felt like if she were around him, she would get some of that glow transferred onto her.

When she finally reached the end of her last year at Hogwarts, he was waiting for her at platform 9 and three quarters. He surprised her with a train ticket to France. The train moved faster than muggle-ones, so the trip only took a few hours. When they reached Paris, he surprised her with another train ticket. This one led to Istanbul. They spent the night in the most romantic city on earth, or that was at least that was what it was called.

"Why Istanbul, why not stay in Paris?" She asked him, as he took off his shirt, picking up a cigar from his pocket. He sat down next to her on the balcony.

"I love the Arabic culture, especially blended with western. Istanbul is ideal for that description. I was thinking about Jerusalem first, but decided not to. The muggles doesn't understand the value of that city; they're ruining it with war. There's no place on earth which contains so much historical magic!"

He seemed a bit upset as the smoke from his cigar left his system through his nose.

"I'm sure Istanbul has a lot of historical spots as well? Weren't the Ottoman Empire the most talented in the defence against the dark arts for centuries?"

She stole his cigar, put it between her lips as she watched the beautiful view. It was a hot pre-summer day, and even though she in general hated heat, she couldn't help but feeling pleased by the climate. The Eifel-Tower was right in front of them, but she didn't even give it a glaze, it was a muggle creation and she couldn't see why they adored a metal tower so much. Paris didn't have a lot of magic. The city was a bore, really. But when she sat next to Lucius, she thought that it was the most wonderful place on earth, because he was there. He lit up the surroundings.

"They were. But then, the dark magic eventually conquered. Like always" His lips curled into a sneer. "Istanbul will be great"

His words were final and there was nothing more to be said about the subject. Narcissa breathed out the smoke, kept the cigar. She needed more than he did. Lucius drank what remained of his wine and got onto his feet, walking his way inside and leaving Narcissa alone at the balcony.

The beautiful view at once turned dull. She didn't like Paris much. She stood up, stub out the cigar. Most people reused cigars, but neither Lucius nor Narcissa did. They had the money to buy new ones, so why would they ever recycle one? People who did that disgusted Narcissa. If can't afford buying two, don't buy it at all.

The farer they travelled, the hotter it become, and when they finally reached Istanbul, Narcissa weren't able to wear anything but a white tank top and a pair of black shorts. Her milky skin had turned into a soft brown colour, but her cheeks, nose and forehead were burnt from the sun. She wore her hair up in a high ponytail, trying to minimize the sweat pearls on her neck. Her eyes shone bright blue in contrast to her sun-touched skin. She didn't feel very beautiful, because she sweating all the time, and she couldn't wear fancy robes. But Lucius didn't seem to mind her appearance. He actually seemed to rather fond of it. That made Narcissa feel a bit more comfortable.

Lucius on the other hand, looked more gorgeous than ever. His pale skin hadn't been burnt in the sun; it had only taken the golden glow of the sun and transferred itself. His hair was simply tied back, his light blue shirt was half-open and he had rolled up his sleeves. The heat didn't seem to get to him in the same way as it got to Narcissa.

They did everything possible in Istanbul. They visited old monuments of now dead wizards, they went to street markets and bought cashmere clothing. The people were friendly and filled with knowledge. Turkey had one of the greatest institutes of magic in the whole world. And there were no Mudbloods to be seen. The muggle Ottomans had lost a big war in the beginning of the century, and it had put the country's Wizarding network in a bad position. Dark forced took the opportunity and the power.

Istanbul was ideal, and if Narcissa could choose another place to live in (except for Britain), this would be it. She loved it. The city didn't even have segregation! They didn't need, because no one informed the Mudbloods of their so-called "powers". Killing Mudbloods wasn't necessary here.

On their second week in the capitol of Turkey, they visited the Tokapi Palace, a place with worth for both muggles and wizards. They had walked around for hours, observing and admiring the museum, when he surprised her. He got down on his knees the moment when she least expected it. In the eyes of muggles and wizards, he asked for her hand in marriage.

Narcissa didn't hesitate to say yes. That very night, she lost her virginity. She didn't feel like she had lost something, though. It was an odd description, to "loose her virginity", she felt more like she had gained an experience. None of the two younglings really knew how to do it, but they figured out what felt the best together.

Lucius warm body pushed against her, into her, over and over. Tiny growls escaped his mouth, and she buried her face on his chest, breathing in his cologne. Everyone had told her that it would hurt, but it didn't. It didn't at all, and neither was it as exciting as she had been tricked into thinking. It felt good, but wasn't magical. He was, though. She loved him deeply, and could never think about doing this with anyone else. Her legs were parted, wrapped around his hips, her hands on his back. She loved being close to him.

"I'm so sorry"

His whisper reached her ear as Lucius' body tensed, and she felt how something filled her most sacred place. He moaned slightly, and she bit her lip, insecure of what to say or do. Lucius surprised her by continuing his movements a little while later. It felt awkward at first, and she actually wanted him to stop, But eventually, his manhood started to hit a place inside of her that she had never found before. Tiny sounds left her, and she suddenly reached her top.

They fell asleep in each other's arms, Narcissa with his seed still running from the place between her legs.

* * *

><p>They lived a happy life as engaged for two months. They travelled from Istanbul to Budapest, from Budapest to Warsaw. There was no tomorrow. Eventually, Narcissa started to feel like something was wrong.<p>

They didn't talk about Britain, or their life there. They explored foreign countries and cities, Narcissa tried to learn Polish, whilst Lucius bragged about his knowledge in the Hungarian language. But underneath their smiles and laughter, there was a sadness over the couple. They had escaped from their reality.

"When are we going home?" Narcissa sometimes asked.

He always gave her the same answer. We'll talk about that later. They never did.

Narcissa couldn't sleep if she didn't have his arms surrounding her body, giving her warmth and security. Lucius had trouble sleeping, he seemed to be haunted by memories she didn't know of. He woke up in the middle of the night, got out of bed and smoked a cigar. He said it calmed his nerves. It always woke her up when he did.

It was October and they were in Ukraine. Narcissa didn't like it there, neither did Lucius. They had decided to go to Sweden the following day, but when night came, Narcissa was wakened by a howl.

She sat up straight in bed, looking around for where the shriek had come from. The love of her life stood at the side of the bed, his face wrinkled by pain. His right hand held over his left forearm, where Narcissa spotted the Dark Mark, now swollen.

"Narcissa, I'm so sorry I-"

"Lucius, what's happening?" She gasped, trying to calm him with her soft hands against his cheeks.

"I need to go. I have to go."

"What are you talking about? Of course you don't!"

"Narcissa, I… _He's calling on me. He needs me_"

She wrinkled her eyebrows, unable to understand. Shaking her head, she kissed his forehead. He was shaking with pain, and it hurt her so much. In hope of calming his agony, she reached for her wand.

"Tell me what I can do, Lucius, I'll fix this"

"No! You can't, don't you understand? I _have_ to go!"

His words were no longer soft, but harsh and demanding. With surprising violence, he broke free from her embrace, now put on his robes whilst moaning over the aching.

"No! Lucius, please, don't go, we'll sort this out!"

"You are such a _child_! You don't understand anything, do you? You're just a silly little girl; I was stupid to believe-"

Her eyes, filled with tears, met his, and he fell quite. This wasn't the Lucius she knew. He would never say something like that. Suddenly, he reminded her of the boy she had met down in the dungeons, the one that had pushed her against the wall, hands around her throat. Suddenly, he seemed to be the angry teenager whom had lost his mother, once again.

He dressed in quiet, and she watched him, but when he stood by the door ready to leave, she couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"_Please don't leave me_" She said, holding her breath for a few seconds "Lucius, I'm pregnant"

He turned around, the harshness in his eyes was gone. They looked at each other for a long time, before he spoke;

"Go back to bed, Narcissa. I will be back when you wake up"

The slam of the door felt like a fist in her face.

And when she woke, the bed wasn't empty, but joining her was not her fiancé., but sheets filled with blood, running from the sacred place between her legs. And Narcissa was left alone.


	6. Promise

They didn't cry. They didn't talk about it. They moved back Britain, and they never said a word about their time in the east. Narcissa blamed herself for not being able to keep his child, and Lucius felt guilty for leaving her alone. He wasn't allowed to touch her again. Not because she didn't love him, but because she couldn't bear the thought of losing another baby of his. She was disappointment. She was supposed to precede the Malfoy bloodline, it was the one thing required of her. But she couldn't even do that.

"What happened to you two?" Regulus asked when he visited the Manor. Narcissa hadn't invited him, neither had Lucius, but he came and went as he wished anyways.

"We grew up, Regulus. You should try it"

"Regulus? Really, Cissy, you haven't called me that since… ever! I'm Reg to you, you know that!"

Narcissa stared at him with blank eyes. She didn't have energy for this. He was such a child! He knew nothing!

"Nicknames are ridiculous, you should stick to your real name"

"Cissy I-"

"Narcissa. My name is Narcissa and I want you to leave"

Regulus pitch black eyes met her bright blue ones. His jaw was twitching and his nostrils moved quickly. He hadn't shaved for some time. Now that she was thinking about it, he didn't look the same. He seemed to have aged ten years. The skin around his eyes had wrinkles, and underneath them were two dark, half-moon shaped bags of skin. She opened her mouth as if to ask him about it, but in that very moment he stood up and left her, just like she had asked him to.

* * *

><p>Narcissa was in bed when Lucius came home. He was always late, nowadays. She could spot him in the doorway. He was walking on his toes to make sure she didn't wake up, but she was always up when he got home. She couldn't sleep without him.<p>

"Where have you been tonight?" Narcissa asked, her voice in a low tone, trying to make sure it didn't break as she spoke.

"Narcissa, you're awake! My apologies, did I wake you up?"

Lucius voice was shocked. It always was, he never learned. He started to undress, his pale chest reflecting the moonlight as he got rid of his shirt.

"No, I couldn't sleep" She replied "Where have you been tonight?"

Narcissa asked the same question every single night, and she always had to repeat herself to get an answer. He unbuttoned his belt, pulled down his trousers, just standing in his underwear in front of her. Lucius had a great body, and even though she was attracted to him, she couldn't let him touch her again. She felt dirty for some reason. The blood of their dead baby had created a wall between them.

"I can't tell you much. We're planning to attack a famous building in Diagon Alley, I'm not allowed to tell you which one, but I'm chosen to be the leader of the attack"

He lay down beside her in bed, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her hair. He did the same thing every night. She looked up at her fiancé. He had aged as well, but not a lot. She could still spot the fire in his eyes, the passion. He was going to fight until he had reached his goal. Narcissa admired him for it.

The Death Eaters, as they were now called, had asked for her services many times. She was a talented witch, no doubt. But she couldn't give her life to them. Lucius didn't want her to, either. He said that he put himself in extreme danger for the purebloods to be able to keep on living. If she sacrificed her life as well, there wouldn't be many left to rule the world. Lucius didn't plan on dying, of course, but it was a risk. He was scared, he didn't want her to know, be he really was. She could sense it. She knew just by the way he moved.

"We should get married"

Her words were just a whisper in the dark, but their effect on him was so obvious. Lucius' stiffened, his arms still holding her, but not in the same embracing way as before. Narcissa could hear him swallow.

"Do you want to get married?"

Lucius voice was hoarse, maybe from the alcohol he had been drinking. Almost none of the Death Eaters could complete their missions without liquor running through their bodies. They drank it like water, as if it was the only thing that could give them power.

Narcissa was quiet for a moment or two.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

"Do you want to get _married_?" He asked again.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

Lucius jaw tensed and he sat up. Their wedding-plans had been set on ice since they travelled through Europe. Her parents, not to talk about Abraxas Malfoy, hated that they lived together as an unmarried couple. But they didn't survive without each other, although their engagement was far away. It felt like years since he asked for her hand.

"Narcissa, _do you want to marry me or not_?" He sounded mad, she didn't know why "Marriage isn't like this. We have to… You know we have to… If we were to get married"

In the wizarding world, the couple in question had to make love to complete the spell that would combine them. If they didn't, they wouldn't be married by law.

"Lucius, I-"

"I don't want to live with you as if you were my friend, Narcissa. I love you with all my heart, but my love is heavier than the one for a companion. I don't want to force myself on you, I want you to come to me, but if you don't, you can't really blame me for not taking your love for granted!"

Narcissa's eyelids sunk down over her blue eyes. She focused her gaze at her hands in her lap. He was right.

"I'm sorry. I haven't fulfilled my duties…" She mumbled, still not looking at him.

"It's _not _your duty, Narcissa. I don't want it to be. All I'm saying is that… I'm sorry, I just…" His voice broke.

She felt a hand underneath her chin, lifting it upwards and forcing her to face him. He looked so tired. His long blond hair was tangled and his lips thin with determination. The eyes that normally burnt with dreams of the revolution and love for her was now simply blank.

"Do you love me? Because if you do, I can do anything. We don't even have to get married, Narcissa. But I have to know before I promise you my future"

His voice was passionate, but that was the only thing about him that was. The rest was just a tired mess. But he was _her _tired mess. She couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else. And who would that even be? One of the Greengrass daughters? Or a Swedish beauty from the north? He had always talked about Sweden, how his ancestors had been Vikings, and how much he adored the traditions there. Yes, he would probably marry a daughter of the north.

But what about her? Who would she end up with? Narcissa thought of this for a moment, whilst observing Lucius' face. Was she meant to live without him? What would she do without him, without being able to see that little wrinkle right above his left eyebrow? What was she supposed to do if she wasn't allowed to kiss his crooked sneer? Was Narcissa able to love someone else? No. She couldn't. Narcissa Black couldn't imagine a life without Lucius Malfoy.

Without a word, she leant slightly forward, met his soft lips with hers. It was the first time in two years. She had almost forgotten how it felt. They kissed very, very gently, to make sure the other was comfortable. After a minute or two, she pulled back, looking at him determinedly.

"I do. I do love you, and yes, I want to marry you"

* * *

><p>Their wedding arrived within what felt as a second. Narcissa wore the prettiest dress she had ever seen, a long white thing, sleek, hugging her body tightly all the way down to her knees, where it expanded out in a beautiful wave-like way. The neck was square, forcing her breasts upwards, contouring her curves to look fuller. She wore her hair out, flowing down her back like a blonde waterfall. Her lips were covered in a blossom pink lipstick. She felt beautiful.<p>

At the alter, they promised each other a future together, promised to be faithful, and promised to love one another forever. It was a heavy thing to assure a person, but with Lucius, she had no problem doing so. She knew that she would love him to the end of her days.

The party was thrilling, of course, had there ever been a party thrown by Blacks or Malfoys who hadn't been? It was crowded, pureblood families from all over the world had gathered to celebrate their eternal love. There were so many faces Narcissa didn't recognize, but they all wished her the best of luck in her marriage.

In the corner of the room, she spotted a familiar face. Regulus sat with a glass of wine in his hands, gazing over the crowds. She kissed Lucius' cheek before she went over to him.

"You look lovely, _Narcissa_, but you already know that, I assume?"

His tone wasn't happy at all. He sounded grumpy, and he wasn't mocking her in a funny way, he was just cruel.

"Regulus. What are you doing here, in the corner? Shouldn't you dance with Patricia?"

"Shouldn't you dance with Lucius?"

"He accepted my excuses"

Regulus looked like an old man, not even close to the 24-year old he was. He looked as if he hadn't slept in years, she could actually spot a grey hair on his head.

"I broke up with Patricia"

"You did _what_?! Why on earth did you do that?"

Narcissa stared at him, unable to understand. Was that why Patricia had looked so sad during the ceremony? Oh Merlin, she hadn't even asked if she was okay! Narcissa was a truly worthless friend.

"Got tired of her. She whines a lot, you know? By the way, have you heard about Sirius? He ran off"

"What has happened to you, Reg? Tell me, please, I can't stand seeing you like this. Let me help you"

"Regulus. My name is Regulus, and I grew up. You should try it sometime."

Her own words were thrown back at her face. Maybe she had deserved it. He stood up, and she grabbed him by the arm, but was unable to speak.

"I'm leaving. I want you to have this, but you can't open it until tomorrow. Alright?"

Regulus dark eyes observed the surroundings, making sure that nobody saw when he handed her a letter. It had the family of Black's seal.

She nodded, minimized the letter with a simple spell, so that she could put it inside her dress.

"I'll mi- Have a good time, Narcissa. Really. I'll see you soon"

He leant forward, kissed her forehead, and walked away. Nothing of this made any sense to Narcissa at the moment, but later, when her hair since long had gone grey and the wrinkles, the ones she got around her eyes when she smiled, went permanent; she knew what he had wanted to say. It's so easy to be cleaver after the deed is done. It's easier to forgive yourself for doing too much, than for doing nothing.

* * *

><p>His fingers worked quickly as they dragged of her dress. She closed her eyes, embraced his touch. He stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her now naked waist, buried his face on the side of her neck.<p>

They didn't speak. They hadn't said a word to each other since their confirming "I do's". They didn't need to talk. It felt as if they did, they would ruin it. His hands cupped her bra-dressed breasts, she could both hear and feel how he breathed in.

Narcissa felt something else, something hard pushing against her lower back. It was her guarantee of him liking what he saw. He hadn't seen her naked since… Lucius took of her bra, dragged her panties down, leaving them on the floor.

They stood like that for a few minutes, him behind her, she with shut eyes. But then, she turned around, blushing. His lips were curled into a very pleased sneer. She loved that smirk.

Narcissa put her hands on his bare chest, pushed him down the bed. She kissed his throat, unbuttoned his belt and pulled down his trousers. The fabric felt like liquid between her fingers. She sat astride over him, grabbed him firmly by his ponytail forcing his gaze to go from her body to her eyes instead. When he met her eyes, she kissed him, sank down over his manhood, closing her eyes and shut the rest of the world out.

Lucius filled her with his seed a little later, her walls clinging around his member, and she instantly knew. She was pregnant.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dearest Cissy,<em>**

**_I write to you because I want someone to know about me. I don't want to be forgotten. When you read this, I will be gone. Please don't despite me for what I've done. And please, don't tell the rest of the family. _**

**_The Dark Lord has methods you couldn't even dream about. You couldn't imagine, not even in your darkest nightmares. To spare your soul, I won't tell you about them, but they must be stopped. The revolution is a must, but not this way. I don't think he's interested in it, I think his goal is to be immortal; he's using our passion for the New World as weapon to reach his own eternity._**

_**I have gone off to fight him, doing as much as I possibly can. I want you and Lucius to do the same. Lucius has his diary, and it must be destroyed. I cannot tell you why, but it must, at any cost. There is a golden cup inside our vault at Gringotts. That must be destroyed as well.**_

**_I want you tell Sirius about me. About what I did. I don't think he'll ever understand, nor do I believe that he'll care to get to know. But I want him to know. He is completely wrong about everything, but he's right on the Dark Lord._**

**_Don't trust him, Cissy. Don't let Lucius trust him any longer. He'll hurt you. He'll kill you if he gains from it. _**

**_This is my last wish, Cissy. Please. Destroy him._**

**_I'll miss you,_**

**_See you at the other side,_**

**_R.A.B_**


	7. Blood

Love is abstract. You can love your mother, your father. But you can also love a person whose blood doesn't run through your veins. If the person feels the same, the two of you will spend a lot of time trying to combine your bloodlines. You will share almost every liquid in your body with that very person, you can even create new life, with both your own and your lovers blood, giving a child the strength to stand on it's own legs. But no matter what you do, the blood of your lover will never be the one that pumps from your heart.

Narcissa Malfoy loved her cousin. Regulus had always been there when there was no one else to be found. Her relationship with her parents wasn't the best. She knew they had wanted for her to be a boy, but that went for all of her sisters. She had been their last hope, though. It did of course make her parents happy that Cygnus' brother got two sons to carry the name of Black forward. But of course, they would have preferred it if they were the ones to bless the family with a first-born son.

Cygnus Black was an emotional man. He cried a lot and suffered with depression from time to time. Therefore he had not spent a lot of time with his daughters, except for Andromeda, his favourite. The two other girls, Bellatrix and Narcissa, had been brought up by their very severe mother Druella, making them very aware of politics and their duties as the heirs of the Noble and most ancient house of Black. Cygnus had forbidden his wife to ever lay hands on his precious Andromeda, and even though he was emotionally inferior to his wife, he was still a man, so his opinion mattered the most.

Whilst Bellatrix and Narcissa had had to dine with strangers for hours straight at the age of five, Andromeda had been out in the gardens, playing with mud. Sometimes, Narcissa thought that if her father hadn't let her sister cover herself with dirt as a child, maybe she wouldn't have decided to keep the company as an adult?

Narcissa had heard that her sister had given birth to a girl a few years ago. She had named her Nymphadora. It bothered Narcissa that she had named her daughter after a constellation, as if the child was a daughter of the name of Black. She hadn't told Narcissa, and it hurt. She could understand why she hadn't contacted Bellatrix or her parents, but… but her? Hadn't their sisterhood meant anything to her? Of course, Narcissa wouldn't be able to reply if Andromeda were to contact her. But she would have liked to know that she was special to her. But apparently not. Andromeda had not only left her parents, she had left her little sister. And she had left her alone.

Sirius Black had stopped being a Black. He had left them as well. Andromeda was lost, and Bellatrix… She wasn't the way she used to be. And now, Regulus was dead. There was nothing left of what once was called the Noble most Ancient House of Black.

Narcissa was broken and so was the name she had been given at birth. But Narcissa had a different name now. A different life a head of her, and the child in her belly would not be named Black. It was Malfoy that she carried, and a Malfoy could only be given life by another.

So she burnt the letter from Regulus.

All her life, Narcissa had been living in the rubbles of her family name. The new world had destroyed her family, and she wouldn't let it kill her coming-linage too. She grieved her cousin, no doubt. But she couldn't do what he asked her to do. She was to build a new life.

Narcissa didn't tell her husband about Regulus letter, she didn't want to worry him. He was so happy. He kissed her stomach every morning and every night.

"Hello, how is everything going in there?" He asked, as his lips pushed against the bump on her torso.

"I'm only 5 months in, Lucius. I'm not sure he can hear you yet"

She had told him it was boy. She was quite certain, but Lucius seemed to take is a promise, not a divination. It made worried, but she didn't speak of it.

"Oh, I'm sure he can! I want him to recognise my voice, I want him to recognise me"

She lay on the bed, ready to fall asleep, but Lucius always wanted to talk with the little fellow growing inside of her. He insisted, every night.

"Lucius, please, I'm tired" She murmured, closed her eyes.

"Just a little longer"

There was something childish in his eyes when he spoke about the baby. He was so excited, as if all of his troubles would magically disappear once they were given an heir. Narcissa wasn't so sure. Lucius had settled between her legs, but instead of having his head stuck between her thighs, he had decided to let it rest right above her belly, rewarding it with tiny, innocent kisses.

"Do you think it's the right way?"

Narcissa's voice was sudden. It was a dangerous question and she knew it. So did Lucius, because he suddenly stiffened. Without a word dragged down her nightgown over the belly he had just so happily embraced.

"What do you mean?"

He asked, his voice low. She could hear the anger burning in his voice, he tried hard not to show it, but it was there.

"Do you think _his _way is right? Are you sure this is the way the revolution will come true?"

She was worried for her husband. She did not want to believe Regulus words; she had convinced herself that he had gone mad, just like Bella, Andromeda and Sirius. But then that left her the only Black-cousin left with some brains. And what were the odds for that? Was she mad as well?

"Of course I'm sure!"

The sweet, caring tone he used when he spoke of their child was completely gone. He was furious now. She hated when he was. A long time ago, she had been the only one able to calm his anger. He had now learnt to do that himself; but it always came to a point where he was beyond reach. She could not still him, neither could he.

"I'm just not sure about his methods, Lucius…"

"They're _necessary,_ Cissy! Don't you understand? I've told you a thousand times, we don't enjoy doing this, but we have too! It's self-defence!"

"Yes, but I'm not sure if it's right to-"

"I thought you were on our side, but maybe you're just like your traitor-sister, after all!"

The couple fell quiet. Narcissa just stared at him. The fire in his eyes quenched. There was nothing left of his anger, he just seemed empty.

"Narcissa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that-"

"I know" Narcissa said, no longer looking at him. She turned over to her side.

"Narcissa… Please, I'm sorry"

His whisper in the night was wasted. She had shut him out for the rest of the of it.

Narcissa had tried so hard to forget about her past. She had covered up everything. She was Black in blood, but a Malfoy at heart. She had only been able to use the name for five months, but she identified more with her husbands ancestors than her own. Her family had been driven to madness, and Lucius suggestion that she was a part of all of that… Narcissa had trusted him with her heart and soul. She knew that he could be violent, she had experienced it herself, but she knew that he'd never hurt her. She had truly believed that he wouldn't. But his words felt as a fist in her face.

Narcissa cried herself to sleep. Her tears were silent, she had been taught to keep them to herself, and so she did. But when her eyes ached from the lack of sleep and the excess of tears, she finally got to enter the peaceful land of dreams.

She didn't talk to Lucius for days. He didn't try to speak with her either. Most women would have gone mad, but it really was one of the things she liked most about him. If she said no, he didn't try again. If she denied him the joy of sharing a conversation with her, he would wait for her to start a new one. He respected her, after all. Lucius tried to make it up to her, of course, but never did he ever cross the line.

Narcissa spent the days planning parties and other events, and when Lucius got home, he handed her gifts under silence. Goblin-made jewellery, elf-sewn dresses and promises of visits to magical spas in Edipsos, Tuscany and Andalucia. But nothing convinced Narcissa that he was worthy of her hearing her voice. She kept the presents, of course, only a mad man wouldn't.

She had trouble sleeping. Nightmares haunted her, she was used to sleep in Lucius' arms, feeling the security wrapped around her. But she couldn't now. Instead of making peace with her husband, she had started drinking Sleeping Draught. It was easier that way.

Lucius was out on a mission. He seemed to be every night, now. From half-closed eyes, she saw how the room turned green from the light of the fireplace. You cannot apparate to private property, so they had to use the floo-powder network when they didn't have the time for a walk.

Narcissa heard a noise, giving her a notice on her husband's arrival. She didn't turn around, but she knew that he was undressing, and a few seconds later he fell down beside her in bed. He kept to his side, as he was supposed to. But then, a sudden voice spoke in the dark night.

"Maybe he's wrong. Maybe this is the wrong way. Maybe there wont even be such a thing as a revolution." It was only a whisper, but she knew that he intended for her to hear. "Maybe all our dreams will be wasted, and we will never have the pleasure of facing the new world. But you have got me, always and forever._ "_

Without a word, she turned around and faced him. He didn't look the same. There was something in his eyes.

"What has he done to you?"

Lucius didn't even have to answer with words. His hands reached for the bulge on her tummy and his jaw tensed. He breathed heavily, as if it would help him to calm down.

"No…"

His actions sent her a clear message. But _no_.

"I'll keep you safe. The both of you."

"Are you having doubts in the pureblood-superiority, Lucius?"

Narcissa asked one day when they took a walk in the gardens of the Manor. It was winter again; it always seemed to be in Britain. Narcissa's feet were cold; they felt like ice attached to her body. It didn't matter how many layers of clothing she had, she always froze during the later part of the year. She held Lucius by the arm, stealing warmth from the side of his body.

"No, I don't. I consider the superiority of purebloods to be absolutely necessary. Although… I have some doubts in-" Lucius fell quiet for a moment, his brows wrinkling. "The Dark Lord... He's an extraordinary wizard, I've never seen anyone like him, but" He lowered his voice, as if there was someone else following their conversation "I have my doubts about whether his methods are… effective. If I were leading a pureblood opposition, I wouldn't threaten my inner circle's family. And I would never suggest to spill pure blood to prove a point"

"Are you saying what I think you are?"

"I will protect you. The both of you."

* * *

><p>"You're having a daughter, Mrs. Malfoy"<p>

The Healer was an old man with dark skin. His hair had gone grey over the years, and even though he seemed to have seen a century pass by, Narcissa could spot a glimpse of happiness and excitement in his dark eyes.

The potion she had spit in had indeed turned pink, but it must be a mistake. She was giving birth a boy. A baby boy with the name of Malfoy; a baby bow who would carry on the family name and lead it into further greatness, a boy who would be their heir.

"No, no." She said, sure that she was right, "You've done a mistake, I assure you. It's a boy"

Narcissa turned to her husband to find support, but also explain herself. She had promised him a son.

"Lucius, he's wrong. I'm having a little boy, you don't need to worry"

Narcissa felt how her heart beat faster. She couldn't have a daughter. She had to be guaranteed a son; she couldn't be blamed for the Malfoy family's downfall! It was her _duty _to fortify the earth with another son of the name of Malfoy.

"How dare you concern my husband with this nonsense?" She hissed at the Healer, who simply gave her a humble smile in return.

"Worry me? Why would be worried? This is _fantastic, _Narcissa!"

Lucius beamed. His eyes glowed brighter than she had ever seen them; he actually had a _smile _on his lips. He didn't smile in front of others, if they weren't Death Eaters or worthy of the famous Malfoy-sneer.

"This will be the first girl in our family since… I don't know! I don't think there has ever been a girl born with our name. Narcissa, this is absolutely wonderful!"

* * *

><p>She worried in so many ways. She was worried for the child growing inside her, what world her daughter would have to enter. She was worried for her husband, he worked hard and she hardly ever saw him anymore. And she worried for herself. Narcissa knew that Lucius was happy about them having a baby girl, but she also knew that he expected her to bestow him a son once their first child was born.<p>

The baby inside her was a miracle. Its existence was magical. Narcissa had been blessed with carrying it underneath her heart. She doubted that she would be able to bring another child to earth. She hadn't succeeded the first time, and her pregnancy was nothing but lucky.

To keep herself from worrying too much, Narcissa arranged parties and events at the manor almost every week. Lucius was rarely there, but Narcissa didn't mind. She had grown used to his absence.

The bump on her belly had grown bigger than ever, she was soon to give birth to their daughter. Many women hated their pregnancy, but Narcissa embraced it. She glowed. To be honest, she had never felt so beautiful. The baby inside her witnessed of not only her fertility, but of Lucius' love to her. When he didn't spend time with her, she sometimes closed her eyes and put her hands on her stomach. She was carrying his child, a living soul with a heart a pumping Malfoy-blood.

This very evening, Narcissa had decided to meet a few of her old Hogwarts friends in Diagon Alley for dinner. She was dressed in a dark blue dress, showing the world what state she was in. She wanted everyone to know about her unborn baby.

"Patricia, darling, smile a little, will you?"

Her red-haired friend had never looked so dull. Her brown eyes just tiredly met Narcissa's.

"I'm sorry" She murmured, "I'm just a bit distracted. I haven't heard from Regulus since your wedding"

Narcissa stiffened. She was about to answer, but Troian came to her rescue.

"Get over it, Patty! He broke up with you, that's how it is, get over yourself"

"I know, I know! Merlin, believe me, I _know_! The thing is he didn't really seem to be himself, you know. Cissy, have you heard from him?"

Narcissa cleared her throat, took a sip from her water. The restaurant was a fancy affair, and it was a shame she couldn't drink wine. They had just ordered their food, and Narcissa had settled on lobster after half-an-hour of shilly-shallying.

"Yes, he seems to do well" Narcissa lied. She was a fantastic liar. It was in her veins, lying was second nature for a pureblood. "He writes to me as often as possible. He's in South Africa, actually, exploring the old Mapungubwean society"

Yes, he would have liked that. It was exactly the type of thing that Regulus would enjoy.

"Oh…"

They didn't speak of her cousin for the rest of the evening. They tried to act like in the old days, but things had changed. The distance between the girls was sadly obvious. Narcissa felt as if it wasn't for the baby inside her, their reunion would have been a much happier business. But they kept the mask on, smiling and laughing, but it wasn't the same.

When the night had started to fall over Diagon Alley, and all of their plates were empty, a red-haired woman entered the restaurant. She didn't fit in, she wore hand-me-down robes, her hair in mad curls and her eyes shone watery and red. She couldn't be very much older than Narcissa herself, but she looked like she had lived a thousand years already. She didn't recognize the woman, but something was familiar about her chubby figure.

"My brothers!" She cried as she violently made her way towards Narcissa's table. "What have you done?!"

Narcissa stared at the stranger in front of her. What was she talking about?

"I can assure you, I haven't been anywhere near your brothers" She said, her upper lip curling in disgust.

Who was this woman, and what made her believe that she had the right to talk to _her, _Narcissa _Malfoy_, and what on earth had made the woman think that she could just come in to this restaurant, interrupt a wonderful dinner, and accuse her of something she had had nothing to do with?

"Your husband," The woman roared in her face, spit coming from her mouth, landed on Narcissa's cheek. Two guards came running towards her, started dragging her out of the restaurant. "…is a monster! A monster, do you hear me?!"

As the two wizards forced her out, Narcissa took up a napkin from her handbag, silently dried away the spit from her face.

_Your husband is a monster._

"Narcissa, are you alright?"

_Your husband is a monster._

"Who was that?"

_Your husband is a monster._

_"_Molly Weasley. I've heard her brothers have been killed.

_Your husband is a monster._


End file.

Harry Potter, Horror, Romance