Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

**This is the story if Lily Evan's life, starting with her fifth year at Hogwarts. I have been working on this for a year now, piecing together the aspects of her life that JKR gave to us in her wonderful books. Please make suggestions/corrections in the comments-I am hoping to make this story as acurate as possible. Thank you for reading! :)**

**-Elaina**

**Please note: any and all who would question whether or not I am trying to pass for Ms. Joanne Rowling: I do not own any of the characters in this story! :P**

CHAPTER ONE

King Cross Station was abustle with families, not unlike it usually was during this time of year. Three people were standing in front of a large train amongst the crowd: a mother, slender build with dark red hair that came to her shoulders, a father, tall and somewhat bulky with a thick graying mustache, and their daughter, young and beautiful with the same hair as her mother's and piercing, almond-shaped eyes. A shiny badge with the letter "P" was displayed proudly on the front of her school clothes. The man and woman, like the rest of the families at the train station, were saying goodbye to their child. However, different from the other parents was the fact that they kept looking around at everything that was going on around them, as if they had hardly ever been there before.

"Mum, Dad, will you stop looking around?" the girl giggled. "You might as well just go ahead and announce to the whole station that you're Muggles."

"But it's all so fascinating, Lily," her father replied. "I just saw someone move and entire trunk without placing a finger on it."

"Well, I'm glad someone appreciates what goes on in my life," said the girl, Lily. "And speaking of Petunia...where is she today?"

It was amazing how the mood could turn from lighthearted to uncomfortable with the words of one simple question. Her father shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat with a deep grunt. "She..well, she had plans with her friends."

Her mother sighed. "We tried to get her to come along."

Lily smiled at them reassuringly, wishing that they would understand that her strained relationship with her older sister was in no way their fault. In fact, often times when she was alone with thoughts of her sister for too long, she would blame herself; if she had never become a witch, Petunia would have no reason to be jealous. There were so many times that Petunia would beg and plead, cry and wail, trying to get Lily to give up Hogwarts and come back to regular school. But for Lily, there was nothing more disgraceful then denying who you truly were; magic was just as much a part of her life as the air she breathed. And she was good at it.

The change of subject that would have usually been forcefully made by her father came instead in the form of a boy with long hair that was as black as night and eyes to match, with a hooked nose on his hardened face. He smiled at Lily and she greeted him warmly. "Hey there, Severus. Dad, Mum, you remember Severus Snape."

Her father smiled. "Of course, how are you, son?"

Apprehension filled Severus' face for a moment before he grasped Lily's father's extended hand and answered him in a shaking voice; whether that had to do with the man being his best friend's father or a Muggle, she would never know. But she did appreciate her parents being kind to him. Severus, as nice as he was, was not the type of person her family usually associated with. Mr. Evans worked for a financial company and was always trying to impress the next big person—Severus, with his grungy looks and unfriendly features certainly appeared far from being someone important.

When Lily had first introduced her parents to Severus, three years ago, she remembered closing her eyes and praying that he would say something to impress them. Of course, Severus was in no way smooth and had mumbled some sort of compliment to her mother before turning away. However, while no one saw good in Severus, Lily saw it shining as bright as a lighthouse caught in a nighttime storm.

"Are you excited for this school year?" Lily asked him kindly, cutting through the silence.

"Yes," he said. "Although I am not quite looking forward to the O.W.L's."

She nodded in agreement and turned to her parents. "Those are the tests I told you about, the ones we have to take this year. They help us determine what we will be doing after our schooling."

Her mother's eyes grew wild with confusion as they darted back in forth between Severus and her daughter. "What you will be doing? But I thought...I thought you would be coming home after you're done. Getting a job with your father or going to school to become a teacher—you have always loved children, Lily."

"Mum," Lily said coolly, keeping herself as composed as she always had been. "I don't know what I want to do yet. I promise, we'll talk about it over Christmas holiday."

"I better get on the train," Severus said quickly before the conversation could continue. Lily's green eyes met his, filled with a thousand apologies that she would never say aloud for fear of embarrassing him. He mumbled something along the lines of 'nice seeing you again Mr. and Mrs. Evans,' picked up his luggage, and climbed the steps to the Hogwarts Express.

"Lily," Mr. Evans said with a sigh. "I just don't see why you're friends with him. He is not your type. He's so..."

"What?" she snapped, her sweet voice now filled with frustration. "What is he? Weird? Different? Because in case you haven't noticed, I'm different too."

Her mother shook her head vigorously. "No, no, honey, you're not. You've always been unique. But that boy is...well, he's just not someone we would like you associating with."

"Exactly," her father continued. "Now where is that one young man we met last year? What was his name? Patcher, Presley...?"

"Potter!" her mother exclaimed happily. "Yes, that nice boy James Potter."

Lily scowled and quickly glanced around, making sure James was not in earshot of this conversation; a bigger ego was the last thing he needed for the upcoming school year. She saw him at the far end of the platform standing with his parents, a pretty plump woman and a tall man who resembled James to the tee. Both seemed a lot older than the other parents, and had many strands of graying hair to prove it. Lily knew that his dad was someone special in the Ministry; James had been known to brag about him every time the subject was brought up, and even many times when it hadn't been. From the first time she had seen Mr. Potter at the train station her second year, she had immediately realized where James got his conceited attitude.

"James Potter is an arrogant, self-centered, prat. And he just further proves my point—you cannot judge a person by the outside. I know what you see in each of them. James is a confident, well-spoken boy, one that will surely be successful one day, while Severus is unkempt, awkward, and going nowhere. But you're...you're...you're just w...wrong." She closed her eyes at her anticlimactic ending, taking a deep breath to recover.

"W...we don't want to upset you, Lily," her mother said softly. "That's the last thing in the world we want to do."

Her father nodded. "Yes, we just want you to be happy."

"But I am happy," Lily asserted. "Severus makes me happy. And besides, I have a lot of other friends. But Severus just...gets me, you know?"

"We know," her mother said kindly as she reached a hand out to touch her cheek. "We love you."

"Love you too," she replied right as the train whisle sounded, signaling that it was time for every student to board.

"This never gets any easier, leaving you," her mother cried as she pulled her into a sufficating, motherly hug. "Write to us?"

"Of course. And I'll be home before you know it, I promise."

With a reassuring smile, she picked up her old brown trunk and headed for the train. "Tell Tuney I said goodbye," she called.

With a pang of sadness, she realized that each time she took a step onto the Hogwarts Express, she felt a little less attached to the world she was leaving behind.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"No, I don't think so, Lily. Just because you have that Prefect's badge doesn't mean you can do whatever you want."

Laughter was lighting up Severus Snape's face, completely transforming it, as he made his next move on the chess board that was in front of them on the seat of the train. Lily had tried to move one of her pawns when Severus had gotten distracted by the trolley, but he had caught her just in time.

She grinned at him. "I wasn't really going to do it, Sev."

"I know. Besides, they wouldn't let you get away with cheating like that anyway. My pieces have far too much pride. Knight to E5," he spoke to the game. Like it had been an order from a king, his knight trudged forward and took of the head of the unsuspecting Queen of stone.

"Unfair," Lily told him with another laugh. "I'm horrible at Wizard Chess. We've been playing for years and I don't think I've won one game."

"Yes you have. That one time we played in the library after class."

"That was only because you had gotten sick halfway through the game," she said. "You forfeited before running away to throw up!"

Severus beamed at her with such admiration, one would have thought that she alone had just made the sun rise into the sky. It was as if he had never smiled until Lily had come along, undoing some horrible curse that had been put on him.

"Hey, Sev?" she asked as she examined the board. "Did you hear about that Muggle they found dead? The Ministry said it was the...it was the Avada Kadavera curse."

It had been all over the Muggle news the previous week-a prominent business man in London found dead in his home. The police speculated it was a heart attack, but when the coroners did the autopsy, they didn't find any sign of this being so. They buried him with the mystery unsolved-but the Ministry of Magic knew the signs of Avada Kadavera, the much-feared killing curse. Everyone in the Wizarding world seemed to make the effortless connection between the attack and the anti-Muggle views of a group of men called the Death Eaters who were led by a cruel, cunning, and powerful wizard named Voldemort.

His face flushed. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Why doesn't anyone want to talk about it, Sev? I don't understand why we have to pretend like things don't exist and hope that it goes away…"

"Lily, please," he begged, and she dropped her defenses. "What if someone heard us? You know how people get when you bring up...Death Eaters."

"But..."

"Please," he said again, looking at her with pain-filled eyes, the source of which she had no idea.

She managed to give him an appeasing nod, wanting-needing-to talk about it more but knowing how uncomfortable the subject made him. It made everyone that way. The darkness of the times held only a small gleam of light because of the people who pretended like things weren't as bad as they truly were. But it was bad; and growing worse by the day.

"I think I'm going to forfeit," she told him, quickly looking down at the chess board. "I'm starting to get motion sickness."

"I wouldn't pin that just on the train ride, Evans," said a voice at the door of the compartment. "It's most likely the smell of the trash you have decided to ride with."

The two of them looked up to see James Potter, with his messy black hair and round glasses, grinning at them. Next to him, as always, were Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew; all four, like Lily and Severus, were dressed in their dark school robes with the Hogwarts emblem displayed proudly on their chests.

Sirius was a very handsome, confident boy who relished in the fact that his choosing for Gryffindor meant that he was the outlier of his Slytherin family.

Tall and thin Remus stood next to him, kind when he wanted to be and always looking somewhat sickly. Yet he still had the assurance that suggested that he was worthy to hang out with popular James and Sirius. He also had a Prefect's badge on his shirt, although Lily had already learned this from her meeting in the Prefect's compartment at the beginning of the train ride.

Peter was the one who did seem to fit the mold of the small group—he was short and round, with eyes that drooped and a small nose plastered on his circular face, and always following his friends around like a lost puppy.

Severus was glaring at the boys with such an intense hatred, she thought he was going to pull out his wand and curse them right there. And for good reason—James and his friends made his life miserable every chance they got. Lily tried to defend him whenever she could, but it was hard to be around all the time to make sure he was alright.

"Get. Out. Of. Here," Severus told them, practically growling.

Sirius leaned against the framing of the compartment door and laughed. "Mind your manners, Snivilous."

"Oh, great new nickname, Black," said Lily. "Did it take you the whole summer to come up with that one? What do you four want?"

James smiled. "I want you to some sit with us in our compartment like I've been begging you to do for years, Lil."

"First of all, do not call me Lil," she snapped. "Second, I am perfectly fine with Severus, thank-you-very-much."

"Evans," said James. "There has to come a point that you realize Snivelous here is a no good, grease-ball rodent. We're almost to the end of our schooling now, so you don't have much time to revamp your image at Hogwarts."

"I don't need my image revamped," Lily replied coldly. "I have plenty of people who like me for more than the fact that I can do tricks on a broom. I really don't see how that little talent will get you very far in life."

A chorus of oohing sounds erupted from the boys as they mocked her with their voices and their eyes. Apparently unaffected, James leaned forward on the edge of the compartment doorframe and gazed down at her with the most charming expression he could make. "Well, I've never had the chance to enjoy your company. How about Hogsmead next week?"

She leaned forward in her seat, so that her eyes were meeting his with the same amount of intensity burning. "First of all, there isn't a Hogsmead trip scheduled for next week so I don't know how you would plan on getting there.

He grinned and glanced at Sirius, who eyes were dancing with humor. "Oh, I have my ways."

She ignored this and continued on. "And second...and James Potter, believe me when I say this: I would rather be anywhere on this earth then on a date with you.

The smile on his face and in his eyes faded instantly at the sound of her rejection. "Have fun with Snivelous," he told her with a scowl before storming off back to his compartment. His friends, laughing, immediately trailed after him.

"One day," said Lily. "we're never going to have to see his face again."

The corners of Severus' mouth turned up in a small, weary smile. "Can't wait for that."

The train was slowing down now as it neared its destination. Lily and Severus got off with their classmates and were immediately greeted with the familiar sight of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her heart began to flutter at the sight, just as it had since the first time she had seen it, like a long lost love that she couldn't wait to return to. She loved Hogwarts as much as she loved her family. However, the guilt that accompanied that fact would sweep through her, forcing Petunia's bitter expression into her mind.

Ever since they had been little girls, during the time when Petunia would be practicing her perfection in the mirror, while she walked, while she spoke, Lily had tried to be like her sister. But she had always been independent and fitting to a mold never seemed to work for her. Something in her heart stopped her, something that was so overpowering she had feared it would one day consume her. It cried out to the world how different she was from the rest of her family. And then, on a warm spring evening, it finally appeared as if it had been out in the open all along.

Petunia had been ten and Lily, eight, and they were playing in the park, as they always did after dinner. Her sister was wearing a brand new pink dress that their mother had made for her, while Lily had begged their mother to let her wear long pants.

_"I don't understand why you can't just wear the clothes that Mummy likes," Petunia told her. Her brown eyes were sneering and her lips were pressed together, which made her resemble the elderly lady who lived next door who was always yelling at Lily for walking on her grass._

_"Because, Tuney, then I wouldn't be able to do this." With a grin she raced full speed toward the tall tree in the center of the park and began to scurry up it._

_"Lily!" Petunia scolded. "I'm going to tell Mummy and Daddy on you!"_

_Lily laughed at her sister, as she always did at her threats; Petunia would never betray her. "Tuney, come up here! The view is beautiful!"_

_Petunia crossed her arms and sat down on a bench with a scowl. "You're going to fall, Lily, and then how are you going to get home? You will break your leg and you will have to stay here all night by yourself!"_

_"Alright!" Lily giggled with bravery as she climbed a little higher. "I could stay here by myself. I could just..." But before she could finish the sentence, her footing slipped and she tumbled toward the ground with a high pitched scream. With a shriek of her own, Petunia closed her eyes, unable to watch her younger sister hit the ground. However, when no thud sounded, she popped them back open and saw Lily levitating three inches above the brown dirt. Only when Lily opened her own eyes and saw what was happening, did she gently fall to the ground._

_"How..." Petunia asked. Fear overtook her face as she backed away from her sister, as if she had some terrible disease. "How did you do that?"_

_Trembling, Lily stood up on wobbly legs. "I don't know. One second I was falling and then I was floating! It was like...it was like magic!"_

_With that, Petunia ran home. She immediately told their parents that Lily had climbed the forbidden tree in the park, leaving out the part about her sister falling. Lily came home to an angry mother and a smirking sister who was pleased that Lily had gotten in trouble for what she had done. However, Lily was not concerned with her mother's anger or her sister's betrayal. She wasn't even filled with many questions about what had happened. The only thing one her mind was that finally, for the first time in her young life, she felt whole._

Severus touched her arm, snapping her back into reality. "Come on, Lil," he told her. They both climbed into the horseless carriages in front of them.

"You look sad," he said after a minute of silence between the two went by, only filled by the sounds of three other fifth years talking in the carriage. "What's wrong? Is it what Potter said on the train?" He spat out the word 'Potter' as if it was a curse word, too vial to even be on his tongue.

"No, I'm just missing Petunia. I wish she could see this; I know she would love it."

Severus did not say anything to this, but nodded and turned to look outside into the darkness. She knew that he did not like Petunia, but it was hard for her to cast her only sister aside so easily. Sure she could be cruel sometimes. Sure she found it impossible to move past jealousy and love Lily for who she was. Sure she was Muggle, nothing special to the people in their world—but she had always been Lily's rock, the one who supported her when she was treading on new and dangerous ground. And here at Hogwarts, the most dangerous, exciting thing she had ever done, her older sister was not there to help her. From the time she had been eleven and had first gotten onto that train, Lily had been on her own.

"Sev?" Lily asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"You would never leave me, right? You'll always be there?"

He paused for a minute, his eyes dancing with confusion—or was it worry? They scared Lily, as if he was going to tell her an answer that she did not want to hear. She quickly averted her gaze.

She felt his cold hand at the top of hers. It sent shivers down her spine, but not from the lack of heat. "Yes, I will always be here. You're my best friend." His black hair fell in front of his face, and he removed his hand to push it behind his ears.

"You too." Lily replied with the truth. And yet the smile on her face, the one Severus took to mean that she was happy, was completely forced.

...

It was the end of the second week of school, and Lily was in Potions class working on an assignment with Severus.

"Okay, now you need to shake the Elixir before you put it into the pot," Severus told her as he carefully measured out a beaker of thick green goop. "That way the pot doesn't boil over."

Lily stared at him blankly. "That's not in the directions."

"I've told you a million times, we're not following the directions. I don't know why you can't get over that," he said with a laugh.

"Because whenever I work by myself, I manage to get the Potion perfect with the directions..."

"Almost perfect."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not bad at Potions."

"Of course you're not bad. You're brilliant."

Lily blushed and turned away, mumbling a quick thank you. Despite the fact that she was Muggle-born, spells and potions came naturally to her. However, the only person she could never seem to outdo in Potions class was Severus. He always seemed to have a new, inventive way of following the directions that made his potion turn out the best in the class. Whenever he was her partner, the two could not be outshone.

Looking up from her Potion's book, she saw Severus writing in his own copy in neat and rigid handwriting. He seemed immersed in the act, like it was a fine piece of art working he was in the process of completing. "Why are you always writing in your book?" she asked him.

Now it was his turn to turn red as he slammed the cover of the book closed and began looking busy with the jars of ingredients in front of him. "It's nothing, alright, just a few adjustments to the directions and some spells and stuff. It's private."

His voice snapped the last line, taking her aback. "Alright, I won't ask anymore," she said. "Now what did you say to do to the Elixir?"

"Shake it." Severus' voice still sounded slightly angry, and he must have realized this because he repeated himself, this time more gently, and added a small smile.

Lily did what he said and then slowly poured the mixture into the steaming pot in front of them. Just as Severus had said, the mixture bubbled like a pot of water just starting to boil. She looked around the room at her classmates, all of whom were looking saddened by their bubbled-over potions.

Their teacher, Professor Slughorn, sprinted over to the two the second his eyes met their perfect pot of potion. He was round and short, with dull eyes that suddenly came to life at the first sign of brilliance in one of his students. He seemed to get his lifeblood from taking some part in the success of others.

"Well done Ms. Evans and Mr. Snape! Well done indeed!" he exclaimed so the entire class could hear. "See, class, this is what I expect out of every single one of you. We will start with this potion again on Tuesday until every student has gotten it right. Remember my motto—no one left behind! And don't forget that we have our first examination on Monday over chapters one through five in the book. Class dismissed!"

"Oh, the exam," Lily said with a groan. With the adjustment that always came with the first couple weeks back to school, she had completely forgotten that Professor Slughorn had assigned the exam the first day of class.

"You have nothing to worry about, Evans," said a voice from behind her. She did not even need to turn around to know who it belonged to. "With the human Potions book to help you study, there's no way you can do badly. Although, from what I've heard from good old Sluggy, you're not too bad yourself."

"Leave us alone, Potter," she snapped as she whirled around. James was alone—his friends had hurried out of the classroom before him.

He held up both hands in surrender, which were free from any sort of book that he ought to be carrying. "I just wanted to apologize about what I said on the train the other day."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You have a funny way of apologizing. And if you're really sorry, why don't you say it to Severus?"

"Lily, don't..." Severus said quietly.

"Fine then. Snape, I'm..." James started, but Severus had already snatched his books into his arms and was sprinting out the door and up the stairs.

"Sev!" she called after him. Picking up her own books, she turned to follow him, but was stopped by James' hand on her arm. "You already apologized. I accept, alright? But don't think it's going to make us friends, especially if you go right back to the way you've been acting."

He nodded his understanding. "I know...but I...I want to make a bet with you."

"What kind of bet?" she said after a moment's hesitation.

"I bet you that I will do better than you on the exam on Monday."

She actually snorted as she laughed out loud. "And what will I get if I win?"

Casually, he leaned his body weight against the table, stretching out his long legs. "Well, what do you want?"

She had to think for a moment—taking something from James Potter was an opportunity that might never present itself again and needed to be treated like the rarity that it was. "Alright. If I do better than you on the exam on Monday, you have to not talk for an entire day. Not a word."

He nodded. "And if I do better than you, you have to let me take you out on a date."

"No!" she exclaimed.

"Why? Do you think you'll lose? If you know you'll win, you have nothing to worry about, right?"

"Alright, fine," she said, extending out a hand. "But just remember what you said earlier; I have the best Potions tutor in this school right at my fingertips. You're going down, Potter."

"Yeah, Evans? We'll see about that."

He flashed her his usual boyish beam, he left the room. She could not help but smile at that encounter they just had; James had actually been civil to her for once in his life. By now, she was used to the fact that they couldn't get along. After all, even their first ride on Hogwarts Express at the age of eleven had sparked an argument.

As she came to the top of the staircase, she was approached by Severus.

"What's your problem?" she said. "Why did you run away?"

"What did he want?"

She shot him an annoyed glare. "Why do you care?"

His shrug was apathetic, but Lily could tell by his eyes that he was dying to know what happened. "I don't care. I'm just curious."

"Well, if you must know..." she answered sharply. "He wanted to make a bet about who would get the higher score on the Potions test, him or me."

"And what was the wager?"

"That he can't talk for an entire day when I win. Can you imagine it, Sev? A day without Potter flapping his annoying trap!"

The worried expression on his face did not change at the sound of this. "And if he wins?"

"Then I have to go out on a date with him." She watched his entire expression drop into one of complete depression and helplessness. "But that's never going to happen. Can you imagine James Potter beating me on any sort of test? He's lost too many brain cells from Bludgers to the head. And besides, I have you to help me study."

"Yes, and we should probably start that right away," he told her overenthusiastically, taking her arm to lead her into the library.

She laughed and tugged away from his overly-tight grasp. "Sev, I told you I'm meeting Mary in the Gryffindor Common Room to help her study for Transfiguration. She's paying me three gallons a week to tutor her. Oh, come off it, we have all weekend to study," she added as his saddened expression somehow became even more so. "I'll meet you in the library tomorrow morning at ten." And she flitted away toward the Gryffindor Common Room, unable to bear the longing in his dark eyes anymore.

...

The weekend went by quickly, and just as Lily had suspected, it was wasted with her nose buried in her Potions book. When Monday arrived, Lily felt as if she had not studied at all. She trusted in the facts that she would recognize the answers with the exam in front of her and that she was sure James was with his friends all weekend instead of spending time with his neglected Potions book.

With the exam in front of her, she began writing her name in a shaky script. There was something about the first test of the school year that made her nerves go insane. As usual, the first question made her heart to drop in the pit of her stomach.

What are the five uses for Paxil Petals?

She fought the urge to look back at Severus, for fear of being accused of cheating and instead pictured his face in her mind, hoping that would spark some remembrance. It worked; she remembered Severus leaning back in his chair in the library, listing off the uses one by one off his elongated fingers. She quickly scribbled down the answer and moved on to the next question.

After a long chain of numberless minutes, she was suddenly snapped out of her concentration by the sound of Professor Slughorn's low voice. "Yes, Mr. Snape?"

The entire class, Lily included, turned to look at Severus whose face flushed when he realized that all eyes were on him. "Professor, Potter is...he's cheating. He has his book under his robes."

James' eyes became wild with fury as he shot to his feet and shook out his clothing. "What? No I'm not, Professor!"

"Th...then he has the answers written on his arm!" Severus accused.

Slughorn's shoes echoed through the silent room as stepped forward. "Well, Mr. Potter?" he said, looking down at James in an overbearing manner.

"I. Don't." He pulled up a sleeve of his robe on each word, exposing two perfectly clean forearms.

Immediately, Severus' mouth became a thin line of contempt, reminding Lily of her sister when she would get angry. As if he was contemplating running out of the classroom, he shot a fleeting glance at the door. However, he simply sank down in his seat a little and waited for Slughorn to speak.

"Well, Mr. Snape. While I do not tolerate cheaters in my class, I also do not tolerate liars. Especially liars who attempt to get their classmates into trouble. You will be spending your evening with me in detention."

"B...b...but, Professor!" Snape sputtered. "Potter..."

"Enough, Mr. Snape!" He turned to the class. "Sorry for that little interruption. You will have ten minutes to finish the examination, and anyone who does not think that he or she will finish in time should speak with me."

Eyes still wide with shock, Lily turned her attention back on her test and jotted down her final answers right as most of the class was turning theirs in. James finished at the same time she did; he smiled at her sweetly and nudged his head toward the front of the classroom where Slughorn was seated.

"Professor," James said charmingly. "If it's not too much trouble, could you maybe grade my and Lily's tests now? We studied together and want to see how we did."

"Of course, my dear boy! But I'm sure Ms. Evans has nothing to worry about; she is one of my star students! I'm glad to hear you are utilizing her talents for my exams."

Lily smiled. "Thank you, Professor, but you have always spoken too kindly of me."

"And modest too!" When he laughed, true to his name, he looked like a slug with his eyes bulging out and his round belly shaking up and down. "Oh, by the way, Lily," he continued. "I am going to be having my first little gathering in two weeks. We missed you at the final two last year. You'll be able to make it?"

"Oh...er, right. I was wondering when you would be starting those again," Lily told him with a forced smile. "I'll certainly try to make it."

On the inside she wanted to tell them that she was never going to go to another dinner again. Everyone in the school knew that Slughorn had an absolute obsession with finding the most promising in the school in order to keep them as contacts if they one day become famous for their success. From the first time she had been the only one besides Severus to complete a potion correctly during her first year, Slughorn had his eye on her. When she continued to do well in his class along with her other subjects, he began inviting her to the 'Slug Club,' as the rest of the school referred to it. At first, she had been excited to be included in something so exclusive because of her talents in school, but after awhile, the dinners grew dull. Every year she hoped he would put an end to them or stop inviting her altogether, but he diligently asked her to attend.

While she started thinking of excuses she could use, Slughorn graded the tests and handed them back to them. She grinned when she saw the ninety-four written at the top of the page. As she was about to look up at James, she heard Slughorn's voice suddenly become enthused.

"Excellent job, Mr. Potter!" he exclaimed. "I suppose I underestimated you. Keep studying with Lily; it is certainly paying off."

She glanced at the test in James' hand and her jaw dropped in shocked; written at the top of his page was an enormous red ninety-seven. Her entire body became numb as she contemplated how this could be possible, and she did not move until James bid Slughorn farewell and gently pulled Lily into the hallway.

"No way," she told him when they were out of earshot.

James' eyes twinkled in the light as he laughed. "Eleven o'clock tonight. Common Room."

"Eleven? Don't you want to be able to something outside of the Common Room?"

He shook his head right as Sirius, Remus, and Peter came out of the classroom, their loud conversation about how hard the exam was echoing off the stone walls. "Don't worry about it, Evans," James said smoothly. "See you tonight." And with that, he ran up the steps to catch up with his friends.

After Lily had regained her composure, she didn't bother waiting for Severus outside the classroom; she knew he would be embarrassed about what happened. Instead, she went to the Great Hall to get dinner with a few people from Gryffindor and then went back to her room to study and relax before the inevitable.

But for some reason, what started out as dread quickly turned to excitement as each hour passed. She even had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down. This worried her—how could she be excited about going out on a date with James Potter? But there was something about his eyes and smile that enticed her like it never had before. Like a little kid waiting for freshly baked cookies, Lily shot impatient glances at the ticking clock.

When eleven o'clock finally came, Lily emerged in the Common Room where James was waiting alone. He stood up when she entered the room, and she saw that he had a large silver blanket draped over his arm.

"Do you have a nice cozy date by the fire planned?" she asked with a laugh.

James smiled and her heart fluttered. "I thought we would go out tonight."

"What? We can't leave the dormitories, Potter. We'll get in trouble."

Without responding to this, he held up the silver blanket, which Lily realized was actually a cloak. As he draped it over himself, his entire body disappeared from sight.

"Oh my goodness..." she gasped, reaching out to run her fingers along the invisible fabric. "Where did you get this?"

The cloak was pulled away, and James was standing in front of her once again. "My dad."

She looked up at him, fully understanding his plan now. "We can't."

"I do it all the time."

"All the time? Have you ever gotten caught?"

He frowned at her teasingly. "If I had gotten caught, do you think I would still have this? So, are you ready?"

"Potter..."

James took her hand into his and laced their fingers together. A new gleam of excitement washed over his face. "Lily, live a little."

Before she could even think it through, she found herself under the cloak with him, strolling down the empty hallways after hours. The path was barely lit by candlelight, giving it an eerie glow.

He began leading her toward the east hallway. A strong desire of protest came over Lily, but she remained quiet in case their whispered voices caused them to be caught. After a few minutes, they stopped in front of a gilded framed painting of a tall, rich-looking woman asleep in a leather chair. Cautiously, James pulled it open, revealing a tunnel on the other side. Questions of how he discovered this secret passageway burned through Lily, driving her crazy because she couldn't ask them. Only when they were safely outside did she ask him where they were going.

"The Shrieking Shack," he replied calmly.

"But you have to go past the Whomping Willow to get there."

"Just trust me."

And for some strange reason, she did. It was a kind of trust that she hadn't felt since she was at the park with Petunia, when she had thought the secrets of her mischief would never be revealed by her older sister. If someone had asked her a half hour ago, she would be certain that there was not a person in the world who could convince her to sneak out of her dormitory to the Shrieking Shack. And yet here she was. There was something so convincing about James, something that caused a heart-pounding adrenaline rush to flow through her veins, begging her to comply.

He picked up a large stick and twirled it in his hands. "Okay, here's the plan. We're going to run up to the tree. There's a knot under one of the trunks that I'm going to touch it, and then we'll be able to get through the door. Sound good?"

"That's suicide!" she exclaimed. "I can't do it...I won't do it, James. I don't want either one of us getting hurt all alone out here."

"I do it all the time. All we have to do is be good at dodging...and that is one of the only things I am good at."

"That's not true. You're good at a lot of things..."

He laughed and took her hand into his. "Not the time for a self esteem, talk, Lily. We can't stay out here forever. So what do you say?"

She moved her glace from his longing face, to the danger of the seemingly innocent tree, and then back to him. With a frown, she nodded. "I really want to ask you how you know all of this, but I'm sure you're not going to tell me."

"Not tonight," he said. "Are you ready?"

Heart pounding, hands shaking, she nodded excitedly and he counted to three. They took off running toward the giant willow.

As soon as the tree sensed them, it began waving it's branches angrily. James pulled her to the side sharply just a huge limb crashed down right where she had been standing. It didn't seem as if they would ever reach the trunk as they sprinted to avoid the fatal blows of the branches, but James found a way-darting and dodging without letting go of her hand. He pressed the knot with the stick and just as he had said, the tree stopped what it was doing and fell comatose.

They crawled through the doorway and collapsed on the wooden floor in exhaustion. The inside of the shack was just as she had pictured it—small and dusty with wooden walls and cobwebs stringing down them as if they were decorations.

James and Lily stayed silent for a minute as they caught their breath. He still hadn't let go of her hand, but she felt no desire to pull it away.

"That was...incredible!" Lily laughed. "I haven't done anything that fun since I was a little girl."

"I do know how to have fun," James said with a laugh. "That's the one thing I learned on these grounds...how to find adventure everywhere."

They caught each other's gaze, and he smiled, looking away with an embarassed blush. "You know, not to sound thick, but I've always been so fascinated by you," he told her.

She felt her own cheeks fill with heat. "Me? You sound like Professor Slughorn." The moonlight from the window danced over James' skin, illuminating his face in brilliant light.

"Well it's true," he replied, with a voice so sincere and different from the overbearing charm that he used around everyone else. "You're the most amazing person I know."

"Just in case you forgot, we haven't been the best of friends over the years."

"But I've always liked you, Lily. Wasn't it obvious?"

"Well, no, I actually thought you hated me," she said softly.

Regret extinguished the twinkle in his brown eyes as quickly as a fire being dowsed in water. "How...how could I ever hate you?" he asked softly.

Before she could answer, James lunged forward and pressed his lips to hers. But as unexpected as that was, what was even more so was the fact that she didn't protest. She ran her fingers through his soft hair, messing it further. They heard the clatter of his glasses on the wooden floor, but neither of them concerned themselves with picking them up. It felt as if they were the only two people in the entire world. Hearts pounding, they moved their lips together in a fury of passion.

After a minute, he abruptly pulled away and sat back. Color rushed to his cheeks as he thought about what he had just done. "Sorry," he mumbled as a thick, awkward silence enveloped the air.

Hundreds of thoughts raced through her mind, thoughts that tugged her emotions in so many different directions that she actually began to grow dizzy. "I..." she began. But for once, she couldn't find any words to say.

He took a deep breath. "Hell, I'm not sorry. I love you, Lily Evans."

The words, although thoughtful and kind in nature, hung in the air like they had been spoken in offense. A few more moments of silence passed by before Lily figured out that he was waiting for her to speak. She cleared her throat, but still no words came out.

After all, this was the same boy who had driven her absolutely crazy with anger, the same one who had tormented Severus for years. The hurt and hatred that filled Severus' eyes whenever they saw or mentioned James was nothing short of unbearable. Even thinking about having any feelings toward James felt as if she was betraying her best friend in the worst way possible.

But she couldn't deny that there had always been something there between the two of them. She had thought about it before, during the nights when she felt so lonely she thought she would break in half. James' face would come to mind, filled with a sort of laughter and life that Severus would never have. An alien feeling would alway accompany it as her mind told her that she and James did not belong together. Then she would push all thoughts of James aside and pretend that it had never trespassed. I'm happy, she would think. School, family, friends. Severus. She had everything she needed.

Severus was enough. He was enough. She told herself this over and over again, practically screaming it inside her own head. How dare she try to cast him aside with thoughts of James. Because with the two of them, it was one or the other; she could never have both. While there was the tiniest bit of potential to like James, she would always love Severus. And that was the way it was going to stay.

Snapping her out of her thoughts, James shifted uncomfortably. In the silence of the room, the shuffling sound was as loud as a desk scraping across the floor.

She wondered: could someone really go from hating someone to loving them? Or were those two emotions, both filled with such intense spirit, be one in the same?

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the wooden wall. "I shouldn't have said anything, I know. I mean, it was only the beginning of the week that we were fighting on the train and now this. I just thought if I could get you to spend one hour with me alone, just enough time for me to tell you how I really feel, you might realize that you feel the same way."

"I'm glad you did," she whispered. "Really. I just have a lot to think about."

As he nodded, a feeling of guilt slowly rose up through her. She did her best to push it aside-she didn't have to feel bad for not sharing the same feelings as him. Especially after what their relationship had been all of these years. He couldn't expect her to just push all of that aside as if it never happened.

She felt better about her decision-they didn't need to go down the difficult path of a relationship. They were just too different.

Or too much the same.

"So what do you see yourself doing after we're done with school?" he asked. The change of subject was so natural and easy—it was as if they hadn't just had the most intense conversation they would ever have together.

"I have no idea. My mum thinks I am going to do something in the Muggle world, but I know that's unlikely. You?"

His eyes ignited with passion once again. "I'm going to fight Voldemort."

The name that no one said, the subject that no one dared to bring up, flowed out of James like he was speaking about the weather. Lily couldn't help but gasp at the cruel sound of it on lips so innocent.

"James, don't say his name."

"But why?" he asked. "It's just a name."

"Because they say not to!"

He tilted his head, giving her a curious look that made her avert her gaze. "Evans, do you really listen to everything everyone tells you not to do?"

"No, I do not," she said firmly, trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince him. "Anyway, we...we better go back to the Common Room. I don't want to get in trouble."

With a smile, James stood up and extended out a hand to help Lily to her feet. She almost expected a tiny shock of electricity to spark through them when their skin touched, but there was nothing. Oh well, she thought.

"I still can't believe you beat me on that test," she told him.

The responding smirk that he gave her was nothing short of mischievous. "Can I tell you something without you getting mad?"

"What?"

He shook his head. "You have to promise not to get mad."

"Alright, alright, I won't get mad. What is it?"

"Snape might have not been all wrong." He pushed up his sleeve to reveal many lines scribbled writing that took up his entire forearm.

"James!" She wasn't sure if she was angry or amused, and she could tell by his uncertain expression that he wasn't entirely sure either. "I can't believe you did that. How did you get away with it when Slughorn asked you to show him your arm?"

"Sneaky Spell," he explained. "Sirius told me about it. It keeps writing on your arm until you tap it with your index finger."

"He got detention because of that."

"He was in the back of the room; he couldn't have seen me. He only told on me because he thought I would cheat to go on a date with you."

"Which you did," she pointed out.

James raised his shoulders in a quick shrug. "That's how much I like you."

How it happened, she didn't know; but all of a sudden she was standing on the tops of her toes kissing James Potter as if she had loved him all along.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for your reviews and for reading my story-I have most of it written, so I'm just working on the final parts and editing for you guys before I put up the chapters! Feel free to give advice...it won't hurt my feelings at all! Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! :)**

**-Elaina**

CHAPTER THREE

After many dreams of enchanted trees, invisible cloaks, and a fearless knight with messy black hair, Lily woke up the next morning with a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy.

James had returned them safely to the Gryffindor Common Room, and they said goodnight and parted to their dormitories. Then began the three hours that had Lily stayed up with thoughts of him swirling through her head. Everything about him that once made her heart pound with anger was now absolutely irresistible; his eyes, his smile, his wit, his voice. What began as a date she had intended on laughing with Severus about in class the next day had turned out to be one of the most confusing, yet fascinating nights of her life.

After getting ready for the school day, she hurried downstairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. James was sitting with his friends, laughing. With a pang of fear, Lily thought they were talking about what had happened last night. But then James looked up, and his smile turned into a grin as he waved her over.

"Hi, Lily."

"Hi." She sat down in between him and Remus who said a quick but friendly hello. Peter raised one of his chubby hands in the air, covered with food. Only Sirius looked straight at her and asked her how her morning had been so far.

"Very good, thank you," Lily replied sweetly, slightly taken aback; she couldn't recall one time when she had heard Sirius being so nice to someone outside of his circle of friends.

She caught James' eye, and he gave her a small smile. "I had fun last night," he said.

Lily quickly scanned the people around them, who thankfully were all involved in their own conversations. "Shh, James..."

"Calm down," Sirius whispered. "We sneak out all the time and we've never gotten caught."

"But how do all four of you fit...?" Lily asked, trailing off to imply that she was talking about the Invisibility Cloak. After all, they were much too tall to all fit under the cloak without their feet being shown.

"Don't worry about it," said James. "Like he said, we've never gotten caught."

"Whatever you say," Lily replied with a smile. "I better go grab my books. See all of you in Potions later?"

"Are you going to be sitting with Sniv..." Sirius started, but was rammed hard in the ribs by James' elbow. He let out a groan of pain and then punched his friend rather roughly on the arm.

With eyes watering from pain, James smiled at her. "See you later, Lil."

As she walked back to the Gryffindor Common Room, she was glad that she had ignored what Sirius had been about to say about Severus. James seemed to want to change the way he had been treating her best friend, and right now that was all that mattered to her.

The truth was, Severus wasn't completely innocent in their long-going feud; he had instigated almost as many fights as James had. But it was the fact that Severus was the underdog that made her heart ache for him. Not entirely out of pity, although it would be a lie to say that pity wasn't there at all; she did feel bad for him. But she found it unfair that a boy with so much potential was constantly being shoved aside simply because others couldn't see the good inside of him. He hadn't been invited to the 'Slug Club' meetings. He'd never had many friends except for Lily and a few outcasts of the Slytherin House. And some people were downright scared of him, as if he were going to blast a Dark Arts spell at them if they looked him in the eye.

While James had his charm, his looks, his wit, his talent, and his popularity to back him up, Severus only had things that nobody could see in him—his brilliance, his determination, his unmatched bravery. Just like her parents had at the train station, most people greatly underestimated him. But she knew that someday, they were going to see everything that she knew he was. He was going to take the world by storm, and she was going to be the one to coax it out of him. After all, somebody had to.

As she neared the staircase, she felt a cold hand grip her lower arm. She jumped in surprise and spun around to see Severus. He looked exhausted-his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, and he almost had no life in his sallow face.

"Sev! You scared me!" Lily laughed as she held a hand to her racing heart. "How was detention?"

He groaned. "Slughorn made me polish his display case of photographs of famous wizards and witches he's met. And he made sure to enlighten me on each and every one..."

"Well, I'm sorry it was bad. But you really shouldn't have told on James like that..."

His worn-out expression suddenly became alit with rage. Sometimes, she wished that she could bottle up this emotion for him to unleash in times other then when they were talking about James Potter—if he could become half as passionate of how much he hated James in other things, she was sure that he could already be as successful as those witches and wizards in Slughorn's display case.

"James?" he snapped. "Since when do you call him that?"

"Well, I did go on a date with him last night and that is his name."

"Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about your little date. So what did you two manage to do at eleven o'clock in the evening?" His tone was bitter and cruel, almost like he hated her too for what she had done.

A moment's hesitation flickered over her face, and she could tell by his eyes that he had noticed it.

"We just played chess in the Common Room," she said, trying to mask the uneasiness in her voice. "It was absolutely boring, and I couldn't wait for it to be over."

Relief washed over his entire face. He laughed. "Potter couldn't even find something fun for you to do? I was sure that he would at least sneak you out of the dormitories to raid the kitchen."

"Sev, would I ever agree to leave the dormitories after hours?"

He nodded and his eyes softened apologetically. "I know you wouldn't. I have to go; I'll see you in Potions."

As she watched his lanky frame scamper down the hallway, Lily leaned against the banister and sighed.

...

It was late afternoon, and Lily was on her way to the Quidditch field with a group of giggling Gryffindor girls. They couldn't wait to see the many heart-throbbing boys who played on the team, James included. She even felt a pang of foreign jealousy when she overheard one fourth year whispering about how she was planning on asking James to go with her to Hogsmead on their next scheduled trip. Lily actually opened her mouth to say that James had a girlfriend, but then realized how pathetic that would be; James was single and free to take whomever he wanted to Hogsmead.

In the stands, the fans were going wild as they waved the flags of their teams, a mass of burgundy and gold clashing with the opposing white and green of the Slytherin team. The first game of the season was always the most exciting, and she enjoyed getting away from the pressures of homework and classes to watch. And she could not help but be intrigued by the way James whisked through the air-he was a natural, it was clear. He had skills on a broom that she could never even dream of having.

"Go, Potter! Go Jennings!" cheered the Gryffindors loudly. "Beat those Bludgers, Bexley!"

Lily watched as the three of engaged in an intense discussion, their faces scrunched up in anger. After about a minute, Severus snapped one last comment and they all fell silent, turning back toward the game. Questions of what they were talking about and why began to race in her mind, but her thoughts were interrupted by the loud cheer that erupted from the crowd as the game balls were released.

"Aren't you excited, Lily?" shrieked Mary MacDonald, a fifth year whom Lily had been friends with since they began at Hogwarts. Her brown curls bounced up and down as she jumped on the stands.

Forcing a smile, she nodded to her friend, then watched as James, flying high on his top-of-the-line broom, grasped the Quaffle in his hand and flew toward the goal. A large Slytherin sixth year came hurtling at him in attempt to knock him off his broom, but James was quick-he swerved and dodged and did a small spin in the air, effortlessly throwing the ball into the goal. An eruption of screaming came and the score board added ten points for Gryffindor.

"Oh, he's so good!" her friend Adrina exclaimed, pointing to James who was now flying toward the crowd with his hands raised in the air, trying to get the crowd even more excited then they already were. "I still don't understand why you don't like him, Lily. He's great. And I always said the two of you would be perfect together."

Normally, Lily would want to give her friend a told her friend that being great meant more than having a charming smile and being able to play Quidditch, but mention of James caused thoughts of the previous night to flash in her mind. The feeling of his lips moving with hers, the way he looked into her eyes-the thoughts caused her to pull the ends of her coat tight around her body even though she wasn't cold. Stop it," she scolded herself. It was just a kiss. Things aren't going to change. Everything is going to be the way it was before.

"Well, if James and I ever end up together, you have my permission to go on an 'I told you so' spree," Lily told her. "But you should probably know that I'm going to win this bet."

Mary smiled. "So you say. I see the way he looks at you. And I see the way you look back at him."

Lily hadn't realized that she showed her emotions so often. It made her feel vulnerable, as if every single person in the stands could read her every thought at this moment. Wanting to change the subject, she pointed out a random player on the field for her and Mary to focus on.

The two rival teams seemed to go back and forth with gaining goals throughout the game, and neither team had a real advantage. The crowd around her alternated frequently from excited cheers to groans of booing, but all were intensely watching the game, loving every minute of the dramatic plays.

And then, one the Slytherin Beaters, a squinty-eyed kid named Derrick Jones, smacked the Bludger toward James, who of course was trying to get the Quaffle in the goal with his usual boasting agility. It bashed him on the head, and he went tumbling toward the ground where he lay unmoving.

"James!" Lily screamed. Fear seemed to suspend time as he hit the field. With a racing heart, she pushed people out of the way and fled toward the field where he was laying unmoving. A trickle of blood was seeping from a cut on his cheek where the ball had hit him. She held back the urge to be sick when she saw his arm twisted in the opposite direction.

Professor McGonagal was the second onto the field, followed by a few other teachers.

"Professor, is he alright?" Lily cried.

"He's breathing," said McGonagal. "We need to get him to Madam Pomfrey immediately."

With a wave of her hand, McGonagal summoned a suspended gurney from a small shack near the stands. The crowd was humming with concern, and the rest of the players had mounted on the field. Shaking, Lily followed McGonagal and James to the hospital wing.

When they arrived, Madam Pomfrey immediately lowered him into one of the beds. "What happened, Minerva?"

"Bludger hit him. The fool was spinning around doing his usual antics, not paying attention to what was happening," said McGonagal. She turned to Lily and looked her up and down. "And why are you here, Evans?"

"I'm just concerned, Professor. Can I stay here until he wakes up? Please?"

With a flash of confusion on her face, she gave a strict nod and turned back to Madam Pomfrey. "Poppy, please allow Ms. Evans to stay here until Potter awakens or when the hour is up, whichever comes first," she said firmly. "But after that, I want you to return to your dormitory." With that, she bid them farewell and told Madam Pomfrey to summon her if there were any changes in James' condition.

Lily took a seat out of the way of Madam Pomfrey, who was busying herself with mending the bones in James' arm. He looked so peaceful lying there; any panic that had been on his face from his fall wasn't evident, and he looked as if he was just in bed asleep for the night.

What was it about him that enticed her so much all of a sudden? She would have never in a million years broken out of the crowd to kneel by him when he was hurt-after all, it did nothing to help him. But at that moment, she couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Love. The word floated into her mind like a feather in the wind, landing gently in the forefront of her thoughts.

She couldn't love him; maybe she liked him. But love? That was a word used by silly little girls with nothing better to do than to draw hearts around boy's initials in their notebooks. She never wanted to be one of those people who found themselves trapped in an obsession of a person of the opposite sex.

Her heart skipped a beat when his brown eyes slowly began to flutter open. He looked different without his glasses, and he squinted to see who was standing by his bed. "Lily?" he croaked.

She rushed forward and knelt on the ground beside him. "You're alright!"

"Out of the way, out of the way," Madam Pomfrey shouted with a wave of her hand as she scurried across the room. Lily stood up and hurried to the side, watching as James rolled his eyes as the overdramatic nurse shoved a clear bottle into his hands. "Here, Potter, take a sip of this. It'll help the pain."

"Thanks, Madam Pomfrey, but I'm really fine...oh, alright, I'll drink it," he agreed quickly, for she had given him a glare that was scarier than any Bludger.

"What happened?" asked James as Madam Pomfrey left to prepare more medicine.

"That big bloke Jones hit a Bludger at you. He really should be disqualified. It was pretty obvious that he hit you in the head on purpose."

He chuckled, but winced it pain as the sore muscles in his body flexed. "He always had it out for me. So I fell off my broom? Is it alright? Oh God, Lil, please tell me it's alright..."

"James," she said. "I really think you should be more concerned with your body than your broom, but yes, it's fine."

His eyes grew soft with relief, almost vulnerable, as he gazed at her. "Thanks for sitting with me."

"Of course. When I saw you fall..." She stifled a shudder as she remembered him tumbling off his broom toward the cold ground. "Well, you scared me. A lot."

"Well, well, well," James said with a grin. "It seems that Lily Evans has fallen in love with me too."

There was that word again, those four letters which made Lily's heart race. She didn't want to embrace it at such a young age, to use it and be fooled just like so many other girls were. What did she know about love anyway at the age of fifteen? She was too level headed for it. Too mature, too...

But she hadn't always been. There were those days at the park with Petunia, before magic and Hogwarts and James-those were the days that she would have handed pieces of her heart out to anyone who asked. But then an overwhelming fear had suddenly seized her its it's tight grasp. It was fear that made her hold back everything, to focus on school, on her family, on her friends, on Severus-and nothing else.

"And what would give you that idea?" she asked him. Their eyes, brown and green, locked in an intense and beautiful connection.

He thought about this for a moment before another smile washed over his face. "Because you're still here. You must have asked Madam Pomfery or McGonagal. You could have just checked to see how I was doing later, but you begged them to stay. Just admit it—you love me."

Before Lily could answer, Madam Pomfery marched back over to James' bed with cup of a thick, red medicine for him to take.

"Now, Mr. Potter, drink this," she ordered. "And Ms. Evans, we will see you tomorrow during visiting..."

"Blimey, mate!" sounded a voice from across the room. Lily looked up and saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter looking pale with worry. Sirius, the one who had spoken, was in the lead, practically running over to James' bed. "Scared us half to death!"

"Oh no, no, no!" Madam Pomfery scolded. "These aren't visiting hours; I have a patient to treat. All four of you can come back tomorrow..."

"Come on, Madam Pomfery," Sirus coaxed her with a smile. "This is our best mate, here. Can't we talk to him for a few minutes? Then we'll leave, promise."

With an annoyed sigh, Pomfery nodded. "Three minutes, then all of you out of my Hospital wing." With that, she stomped off toward her office to leave them alone.

"Took you long enough," James mumbled.

Remus frowned. "We were late going to the game. But we came right when we heard."

"How are you doing?" said Peter.

"Alright, except for this damn headache," said James.

"We're going to get Jones for hitting you like that," said Sirius. "Wasn't right, I tell you! Well, he better find a spell that puts eyes in the back of his bloody head; he has no idea what's coming to him."

"Sirius," said Lily. "You don't want to get in trouble. And besides, that's exactly what Slytherin will be expecting you to do. They'll outnumber you if you try to get in a fight with them."

"She's right," said Remus. "We just need to find a way to get him back without anyone finding out it was us. I have a few ideas..."

"I'm not hearing this!" Lily exclaimed as cupped her hands over her ears. "I'm a Prefect. Hell, Remus, you're a Prefect!"

Lily heard Sirius grumble something to the extent of 'you just don't understand,' but she ignored him. When Madam Pomfrey came back into the room, she immediately shooed the kids away from James' bed and told them to come back the following day if James wasn't out before then. With one last smile at James, Lily walked out of the hospital and back to the Common Room with Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"That went well," Sirius said with a grin after a few minutes of silence that Lily had been determined not to fill with small talk.

"What went well?" she asked shortly.

"Oh, nothing..." he replied cheekily before Peter said the password "Moon Dance" to the Fat Lady.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Like you know so much. You weren't even there!"

"We don't have to be," Remus told her. "We can tell by the way you look at him."

"Oh come off of it...you have no idea what you're talking about."

Sirus shrugged. "Maybe not. But I do know this; there are a lot of girls who have claimed to love Prongs over the years. And only one girl ran out onto that field tonight."

Before Lily could respond, Sirius waggled his fingers at her and whispered good night before the three laughed their way into the boy's dormitory, leaving her more confused than ever.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

James recovered before Lily could go back to the hospital wing to visit him again. And she wasn't surprised at all to learn that the talk around the hallways was not just about James' accident. After witnessing the shocking scene of Lily Evans running onto the Quidditch field to aid a battered James Potter, people found the need to speculate on their relationship. So far, she had heard that they had been dating since last year and hadn't told anyone, that they were going to get married, and that she had cheated on him with Sirius. It was because of rumors such as these why she did not want to make anything official between them-she needed time to think things through, and rushing into something would only make it worse.

Severus had refused to speak to Lily ever since the Quidditch game almost a week ago, which had made it obvious to him that she had lied about her date with James. She would beg him to forgive her whenever she saw him, but he always ignored her, apparently seeing what had happened with her and James as the ultimate betrayal. Lily just hoped that he was not spending time with those two Slytherin boys from the game, whom she now knew to be Avery and Mulciber-they gave her the creeps and made her worry about him every time he saw their faces in her mind. In fact, Lily had the pleasure of giving them detention when she caught them pushing a first year against the wall in an attempt to take the chocolate frogs his mother had just sent him. While she would never dream of abusing her power as a Prefect, it was nice to know that she could dispense some justice in the world.

Lily was walking away from the village Hogsmead with Mary MacDonald, having promised to meet their friends for a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.

"Lily, look," Mary said. "Do you see the Shrieking Shack over there?"

Lily's heart began to race. No one could have possibly found out about her and James; they had been so careful sneaking out of the castle every night this week. There were times when Lily had wanted to call it off and just stay in the Common Room, but James had always managed to convince her to continue their nightly adventure. "Yeah, what about it?" she asked.

"I heard that Severus Snape went down there on Thursday night and saw whatever creature they say lives in there. And you'll never believe who everyone is saying saved him: James Potter."

James hadn't even uttered the name Severus in their discussions, let alone mentioning that he saved his life. And from the creature that lives there? Obviously Lily had never seen anything frightening in the Shrieking Shack.

Although she'd had her fair share of suspicions on the subject with Remus always coming to the forefront of her mind; his sickly demeanor, the planting of the Whomping Willow when they began school, the fact that James knew how to get past it. But it was nothing that she felt comfortable discussing. After all being a...

She stifled a shudder and pushed the word out of her mind, not even wanting to think about it. The thought was too awful for something a fifteen year old should have to experience for the rest of his life. It was better to just pretend that it didn't exist, just everyone one in the world did with the things that they feared the most. It was good not to know. And if you did know, it was at least better not to say it aloud.

"That kind of sounds like a silly rumor," Lily settled on after realizing that she hadn't responded.

Mary shrugged. "I dunno...I think rumors always have some truth to them."

Before Lily could reply, two boys donned in green Hogwarts robes appeared in the distance. Each had an arrogant strut, as if everything that crossed their paths should scurry away at the very sight of them.

"Hiya, Evans," sneered the first boy, who Lily made out to be Avery. Mulciber stood at his side, grinning a smile that contorted his face.

"What do you want, Avery?" Lily snapped. They had never spoken to her before except for the day that she had given them detention. She really found no reason to speak to most Slytherins, actually, except for Severus.

"We just wanted to thank you for giving us detention the other day," Mulciber said with a sarcastic undertone.

"It sounded like you deserved it with the way you treated that first year," Mary said. "Does it make you happy to pick on the weak, you pathetic slugs?"

Avery's mouth curled up in a snarl. "We'll see who is pathetic." He raised his wand, pointing it straight at Mary. Quickly, Lily reflected the light of his wand, which hit a passing by squirrel. She gasped as she watched the squirrel's eyes and mouth be magically sewn together, causing the animal to shriek in confusion and ran off.

"What the hell did you just do!?" Lily shrieked, storming toward a shaking Avery and putting her wand at his throat.

"I...I...it'll wear off in a few minutes," he stammered. "It was just a joke."

"What was that? Dark magic? Real funny joke...do you know how much trouble you would be in if I told Dumbledore about that?"

"I..."

"If you _ever_ come near me or Mary again, I'll go straight to Dumbledore and tell him about your new little hobby. And he'll expel you faster than you can say Quidditch. Now get out of here!"

With a glare at Lily, Avery and Mulciber hurried away, faking a laugh in an attempt to prove that they were not intimidated by her.

"T...thanks Lily," Mary told her. "That was really scary."

Lily sighed. "I know the first people who will sign up to be Death Eaters the second we leave school..."

"Oh, don't talk about that, Lily! You know I hate hearing those words almost as much as a I hate hearing _his_ name."

Lily smiled at her friend. "I forgot; sorry. Butterbeers on me today-let's hurry and get there. I'm sure everyone is wondering what is taking us so long."

She pushed aside all thoughts of Shrieking Shack rescues and Death Eaters in training-there was too much to think about, and if she didn't give herself a well-deserved break, she would go crazy.

...

"James!" Lily giggled as he started tickling her stomach on the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack.

"I have to see if you are telling the truth about being ticklish," James said.

She pulled away from him to get out of his grasp, but ended up falling back into his arms with a kiss of truce. The sound of his heart beating filled her ears like music.

"My turn," Lily said. "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"

James smiled. "That's easy. Godrick's Hollow."

"Where's that?" she asked as she sat back up to look at him, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them to hold them there.

"It's a Wizarding village. You've never heard of it? It's pretty famous around here, as far as Wizarding villages go. It's where Dumbledore grew up and we have a big graveyard of different familes that have came from there."

"Is that where you live now?"

He nodded. "Where's your house?"

"In a suburb outside of London," she said dully. "Nothing special. All of the houses look the same and we can't even put a fountain in our front yard. I sort of want to paint the outside red just to make our neighbors angry."

James laughed, the sound echoing across the walls, bringing life to the old house. "You have to be the most difficult person to figure out."

She smiled at him. "Why?"

"Because. You follow every single rule that has ever been put into place in this world, but you can be so easy persuaded to sneak out with me. You have never missed a class assignment and would go mad if you forgot to do one, but you want to paint your house red to spite your neighbors."

"I'm a complex person," Lily replied cooly. "There are things that I want and then there are things that I need." I want to turn into all of our homework. I need to paint my house red. I want to follow the school rules. I need to be here with you, right now. See the difference?"

"Actually," he said. "I do. You may be the most confusing person I have ever met in my life, but you make the most sense to me."

Lily sat back. "Now you're not making sense. But that's alright; maybe some things aren't meant to be clear-maybe when you care about someone, you can completely understand them and then not understand them at all."

He nodded and then leaned in to kiss her, placing a soft hand on her cheek as his lips touched hers.

"Lily?" James asked as he pulled away from her.

"Yes?"

"Why don't we make it official...you and me? Everybody is talking about us, so I would really like to be able to tell them the truth about you when they ask. What do you think?"

She sighed. "Listen..."

"No don't say it."

"It's complicated."

He let out a forced laugh. "Is this about Snivulous?"

And then, as if it had never been whole in the first place, everything she had thought was wonderful came crashing down. Whirling around, Lily glared at him with blazing green eyes.

"You promised you would stop."

"Hell, Lily, I've been nice to him for a week now!"

"Not nice," she corrected sharply. "Civil. Like you should have been all along."

"I still don't understand why you're friends with him." His voice was more angry than she had ever heard it before, and his expression complimented it well. But she was just as frustrated; if he really cared for her, her would leave Severus alone. It was as simple as that.

"Oh really?" She jumped to her feet, and he did the same. "Well, I don't understand why you hang out with Peter Pettigrew. You let him follow you around and practically worship you. And you love every second of it. You, Sirius, and Remus take complete advantage of him. So how is that different?"

"It's very different! Peter's my friend, and he's a good friend. Snape is a no good, lying, deceiving snake. And everyone seems to see it but you!"

Lily let out a frustrated groan as she threw her hands in the air. "I don't know why I even started to like you! You are the same awful person!"

James ignored this and looked into her eyes with a pleading intensity. "Please listen to me. He says he's your friend, but just wait for the day that he betrays you. He's not who you think he is."

"Take me back," she yelled. "Now!"

"Fine," James snapped. "But don't say that I didn't warn you about him."

She glared at him and scoffed. "I think I can take care of myself."

In a fit of rage, he whipped the cloak around them, and they hurried out the door in the cool night air where he jammed the stick into the knot of the tree. Lily was thankful that they couldn't talk once they were outside in the open-she was too angry to even sort through this right now, not that she had any desire to. As far as she was concerned, she and James were completely over. She had known all along that it was only a matter of time before he began acting the same way as he did before. He was a cruel, selfish, heartless person, and sometimes she felt that she and Severus were the only ones who saw it. She and James were over, and she was going to win Severus' friendship back. Everything was going to go back to exactly the way it had been before.

They reached the castle in record time. She wished they could go even faster-she hated the feeling of James' warm body right next to hers, smelling the scent of his cologne that she had once loved so much but now made her sick to her stomach. Finally they reached the end of the tunnel. James pushed the portrait open, just like he had done so many times before.

But this time, they heard a voice that made their hearts drop.

"We know it's you, Potter and Evans," said the sharp, angry tone of Professor McGonagal.

James cursed under his breath and threw the Invisibility Cloak to the ground, managing to stuff it in a dark corner to retrieve later before McGonagal's fingers appeared at the edge of the portrait. She pulled it open to reveal a cloakless Lily and James.

Standing inside the hallway next to McGonagal was the Headmaster of the school, Professor Dumbledore, his usually kind eyed filled with disappointment. At the sight of them, Lily felt like she was going to be sick. This was it, everything she had worked for was going to be gone because of this moment; not only would she be revoked of being a Prefect, she would most likely be expelled. She knew her parents could not afford to send her to another school overseas, so she would probably have to give up being a witch forever since she would not have completed her magical schooling. And then to her sister's delight, she would be a Muggle once again. And what would have been the gain from this sacrifice? One week with the boy she hated most in the world.

"I cannot believe the two of you have been sneaking out right under our noses!" said McGonagal. "I'd expect this from Potter, but you, Evans?"

This can't be happening, Lily thought as her heart pounded and her instincts told her to run as far as she could away from the trouble she was about to be in. She wanted to die from shame right there on the spot.

"Thank you, Minerva," Dumbledore told her kindly. "I can take it from here. Please follow me, Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans."

In the corner of her eye, Lily saw James turn to her, but she refused to even glance at his face. Nothing would please her more in the world than to never see him again. Which she was certain Dumbledore was going to make a reality in a few minutes when he kicked them both out of the school.

"Pepper-minties," Dumbledore whispered when they reached his office. Once he reached his desk, he sat down and folded his hands together. Lily had never been in his office before; it was cluttered with things, but had the same mystical charm that enveloped Dumbledore. She couldn't help but stare at the beautiful phoenix in a gilded cage next to his desk. If she wasn't in the biggest trouble of her life, she would have asked him all about it.

She had often pictured that her first time in his office would be to tell her how proud he was. He would sit down and clasp his hands together as he was doing now, but instead of being in trouble, he would rant and rave in his grandfatherly voice about how impressed he was her. You are absolutely brilliant, Ms. Evans, he would say. Please, please keep in contact with me when you leave this school. Of course, this had only been a silly fantasy-but now, it was as stifled as her and James' relationship.

"Have a seat," he told them softly.

Lily forced herself to look up at him, the feeling of shame overbearing. "Professor Dumbledore, I am sorry. I don't know what made me want to sneak out. There are rules at this school for a reason and I had no right to break them."

Dumbledore nodded at this and turned to James. "And you, James?"

He gave a sheepish grin and cleared his throat. "I'm really sorry for what I did, Professor. But please don't blame Lily; I was the one who wanted to sneak out."

"Thank you," Dumbledore replied. "But I think Lily is equally as responsible, although I am certain the idea was indeed your own. You must remember, James, that there are times that privileges allow for certain things to be done and times when they do not. While at one time I had trusted you completely, I am afraid tonight you showed utter lack of judgment."

"P...professor," Lily stammered. "Please don't expel us. We promise it won't happen again. I don't want to leave Hogwarts."

Through his half moon spectacles, there was sympathy in his eyes. "I would never dream of expelling the two most promising students in the fifth year for a little bit of mischief. After all, it is from mischief that the wildest of dreams are fulfilled."

At that moment, Lily's world once again started revolving around the sun. "Oh, thank you, Professor," she exhaled. "Thank you so much."

"However," he continued. "You two will be serving some time in detention. And Professor McGonagal has decided to take fifty points from Gryffindor each."

Even though she had never had detention in her life and had only gained House Points for Gryffindor, the punishment was almost as if they had gotten away with what they had done. She couldn't believe that Dumbledore wouldn't kick them out of school for sneaking out of the castle at night. To Lily, it seemed like one of the worst things a student could do.

"Professor," said Lily quietly. "Can we please not serve our detention together? I would really appreciate being separated."

In her peripheral vision, she saw James shoot her a glare.

"I would hate for this to tear apart your relationship with James," said Dumbledore. "I had no idea before tonight that you were even friends. All of your teachers have reported that the two of you cannot seem to get along."

"A momentary lapse of judgment, Professor," Lily explained. "I believe James and I are better off not being friends."

"Very well," Dumbledore replied with a nod. "Now, you two best be getting off to bed."

"Goodnight, Professor," they both mumbled and scurried out of his office as quickly as they could.

As soon as they entered the hallway, Lily began speeding toward the Gryffindor Common Room. Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking.

She heard his voice, sweet and sad, echoing down the empty halls.

"Lil. I'm sorry."

"Don't call me Lil," she answered back, leaving James behind, vowing to never venture into his life again.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Lily waited with a racing heart for Severus outside of Potions class. For the past two weeks, he had been refusing to speak to her; he was still furious with her for lying to him about James. He even went so far as to outright refuse to be partners with her when Slughorn paired them together for an assignment. When he came out of the room, he caught her eye and as usual, began walking faster.

"Sev."

"Go away," he snapped.

"Severus, please just listen to me."

He whipped around so quickly, she almost slammed into him. "What, Lily?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "For everything. I should have told you the truth. Please don't be angry with me anymore."

As he stared into her eyes, his angry exterior suddenly faded, leaving a softness that she had never seen in him before. "You hurt me, Lily. You lied to me, and you went out with him. You know everything he's done!"

"I know it was stupid. But it's absolutely over."

"I don't believe you," he said coldly as he turned away from her.

"And you don't have any reason to...not after I lied to you like that. But what was I going to do, Sev? You hate Potter."

He whirled around. "Then you shouldn't have been with him! He's bad news, Lily. He'll charm you and keep you around until he's done with you. That's how people like him are. He doesn't care about you; he only cares about himself."

"He..." Lily started, but then thought better of it. She had hurt Severus, and now it was time to make it up to him. Because no matter how many things she was unclear of, things that she could never look up in the books she had clung to all her life, she knew one things for certain; Severus cared about her. And if that was all that she had to fall back on for the moment, she was going to let him catch her.

"You're right," she said softly. "You were right about everything. Please...can we just be friends again?"

After a moment of searching her eyes for sincerity, his expression softened. "We never stopped being friends. Friends do fight, you know."

She smiled and threw her arms around him. "I've missed you."

Instead of responding, he pulled her a just little closer.

...

Lily was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, waiting for Severus to meet her after his class to enjoy one of their last days of freedom before the OWL's. The tests made it easy to tell which year the students walking around outside were in—the fifth years were strewn around the grass studying vigorously from various books. The fourth years were eyeing the fifth years with apprehension and dread as they witnessed what they would be in for the following year. And the sixth years simply looked relieved that the experience was over with, despite the fact that they would be taking NEWTS the following year.

Her eye caught Severus, who was walking toward her with two Slytherin boys at his side. Blocking the harsh sunlight with her hand, she squinted to make out their faces-they were Avery and Mulciber, the two boys from the Quidditch game whom Severus had been speaking to.

Chills overwhelmed her as Mulciber caught her staring, giving her a cruel look as he mumbled something to Severus.

"Why are you friends with them?" she asked after he had told them goodbye and walked toward her.

He frowned. "Why do you care whom I speak to while I'm not with you? I never say anything about the obnoxious people you choose to spend your time with. I thought we were supposed to be friends. Best friends?"

"We are, Sev, but I don't like some of the people you're hanging around with! I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber. Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev? He's creepy! Do you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?" She leaned against a pillar and stared at him, waiting for an answer.

"That was nothing," Severus said quickly. "It was a laugh, that's all..."

"It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny..."

"What about the stuff that Potter and his mates get up to?" Severus snapped indicatively. His eyes were wild and angry looking.

"What's Potter got to do with anything?" Lily asked in frustration.

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

She'd had her suspicions about Remus ever since she went to the Shrieking Shack; Remus' sickly demeanor, the planting of the Whomping Willow, the fact that James knew how to get past it. But it was nothing that she felt comfortable discussing. After all being a. . .

She stifled a shudder and pushed the word out of her mind, not even wanting to think about it. The thought was too awful for something a fifteen year old should have to experience for the rest of his life. It was better to just pretend that it didn't exist, just everyone one in the world did with the things that they feared the most. It was good not to know. And if you did know, it was at least better not to say it aloud.

"He's ill," she decided on. "They say he's ill."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Every month at the full moon?"

"I know your theory," she snapped. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are."

"They don't use Dark Magic, though," she said. "And you're being ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from what's down there. . ."

"Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to...I won't let you..."

"Let me? Let me?" she shouted at Severus, whose eyes were now as wide as his face was pallid.

"I didn't mean..." he sputtered. "I just don't want to see you made a fool of... He fancies you, James Potter fancies you! And he's not...everyone thinks...big Quidditch hero..."

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag," she interrupted. "I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them."

She frowned as she realized that Severus had not listened to her at all concerning Mulciber and Avery. For the past week, anytime she had spoken out against James in any way, he would suddenly became happier than a Seeker wrapping his fingers around an elusive Snitch.

She gave him a smile of peace. "Look-I don't want to talk about Potter anymore. I feel like an emotional wreck, and being nervous about the OWL's doesn't help."

Severus reached out and took her hand, giving it a small squeeze before quickly dropping it again in embarassment. "We probably should go to the library to study," he said quickly. "We can review Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts first, since those are our best subjects, and then we can get dinner before we study the others."

Lily shook her head. "Let's somewhere to talk. We haven't done that in so long."

"We're doing that right now," Severus said, looking straight ahead as he walked, which she knew meant he was uncomfortable. "And I think our time would be best spent studying."

She stopped him with a touch to his shoulder. "Go get your books and meet me at the field."

Severus raised his eyes to meet hers, and his face relaxed when they locked gazes. "Alright. I'll meet you there in fifteen minutes."

...

Lily layed on her back as she waited in the abadoned field, overgrown with weeds and grass, which was about a half a mile down away from the castle. Severus and her had found it when they got kicked out of the library laughing too loud-they needed a place to study for that day where they could enjoy themselves and since neither of them could be in the same Common Room, the field seemed like the perfect place.

"I said fifteen minutes!" Lily laughed as she saw Severus hurrying toward her, his robes flapping behind him as he awkwardly made his way forward.

He sat down next to her and sighed. "I can't find my Potions book anywhere. Have you seen it?"

Lily shook her head and layed back down to look up at the clouds in the sky. "No, but I'll look through things when I get back inside. I may have picked it up by mistake."

"Ju...just...don't look through it!" he stammared. "It's private, remember?"

"Alright, alright," she laughed. "I probably don't want to know what's in there. You don't have pictures of me, right?"

"No!" he explained quickly. "Of course not. I would...I would never."

She sat back up and took his hand into hers. It was clamy with sweat, from the fear of losing his book to the fear of saying something to offend her, but she pressed her palm into his anyway. "Calm down, Sev. Let's just lay here and look at the clouds." She took her hand back and they both layed on their backs. Lily heard him sigh deeply.

"What do you think that one looks like?" she asked him.

"Slughorn," Severus snorted. "Look, there's his hands and his big head and his eyes scowering the hallways, looking for protegies."

Lily laughed at this. It felt so good to be happy once again. Why did she need to look for happiness in James Potter when she had it right here in front of her?

"What do you see when you look at that one?" Severus asked, pointing to a cloud being pushed along by the wind.

"I see two friends. Two people who are complete opposites, but somehow fit together."

"It's just one cloud, Lily."

"I know," she said, sitting back up. "Sometimes, two things can be so good for each other that they look to be one. Their differences don't matter. Don't you think that's true?"

Severus stayed laying down and sighed once more. "I guess so."

They stayed silent for a few minutes, Severus stayed on his back and Lily watched the tangle of weeds that was straight ahead of her. Butterflies danced through the field, in and out of the long stems as if they were beautiful flowers.

"I love you," she told him. "You know that, right?"

His turned his head so that he was looking at her, his eyes gleaming with a multitude of emotions. He sat back up and grabbed her hand like she had done, slowly linking their fingers together. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and kissed her. It was different than her kiss with James; their kiss had been passionate and full of longing. This was tender and sweet, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His lips tasted like sweet, like licorice, and his long eye lashes fluttered once against hers.

A feeling of dread filled her instantly, and she pulled away as quickly as she could, banging against his head in the process.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, holding a hand to his forehead. "What's wrong?"

"I...I can't. I'm so sorry, Sev. You're right; we shouldn't have came here. It was stupid...I'm stupid. I am just so confused and I..."

"Confused?" he snapped back. "What's confusing about this? You love me, I love you. Why when Potter wants you, you throw yourself at him, but when I do, I make you confused?"

"I was confused with him too! We're only sixteen years old, Severus. How do we know what we want?"

"Fine then. While you figure out what you want, I'm going to go to the library to study. I have more improtant things to focus on than you, Lily." He stormed off, and Lily didn't call after him. He was right; she wasn't being fair to him. She had longed for closeness to him, but the kiss was too much; there was already too much vulnerablity in the air from his story to acceleratate it with a kiss. And for someone who was teetering on the edge of losing control of her emotions, she shouldn't have played around with feelings for Severus. At least not until she got her thoughts and feelings straightened around.

It wasn't as if she didn't want to take things farther with Severus; she hadn't been lying when she said she loved him. But they were young and foolish. How could they be certain what they wanted when neither of them could grow up enough to take control of their lives outside of each other. Lily still longed for James and hated him at the same time. Severus could not stop dabbling in Dark Magic. How could they possibly think about being together, something that would be more serious than any of other relationships which were formed at Hogwarts? This wasn't two average people trying to see if they are compatable to date; this was her and Severus. Their was so much unspoken between them, so much that ran deeply between them. And it wasn't worth throwing away on a kiss. Not until both of them could be sure of what they wanted.

Lily lay there for a little while longer, day dreaming of a time when she would know exactly what she wanted. Because right now, it felt like a weight on her shoulders that she would never be able to lift off.

...

The first tests of the week, Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, were hard, but Lily was confident that she had done well on them. Plus, she had managed to salvage some sleep, unlike the many students who bore dark circles under their eyes from studying all night. The fifth years looked like walking zombies with their sickly faces buried in their school books, begging them for pieces of information that they had yet to retain.

Unable to find Severus anywhere, she went with a group of girls to the lake on the far end of the grounds where dozens of people in their year had gone to recover from the exams.

"Oh, look who it is," said the girl next to her, Lucy Drennings. She smoothed out her long blonde hair and turned her gaze to a group of boys by the tree. "He's absolutely adorable with that Snitch in his hand. I've always said that he should play Seeker."

James Potter was with his friends, tossing a golden Snitch in the air and catching it. He touched a hand to his black hair and ruffled it, glancing over at the pretty girls while he did so.

Lily scowled and turned away. "He's horrible."

An unpleasant smirk spread over Lucy's face. "Really now? Because I've heard rumors that the two of you are dating."

The other girls, who had been immersed in a conversation of their own, now turned their attention to Lily. "Yes," said Bertha Jorkins, who was known for making gossip her reason for living. "Tell us, Lily. Were all the things that were said true? We've been dying to know."

But before she could come up with a witty comeback to silence them once and for all, an outcry of a spell hit her ears, and her green eyes locked on a boy with hair as black as his eyes. He looked like a helpless animal trapped in the corner by a mean group of little boys as James and his friends backed him into the tree.

Severus.

Pink bubbles were foaming from his mouth, and she watched with horror as he began choking on them. The people at the lake whirled around and became the audience for the scene.

She jumped to her feet. "Leave him alone!"

Like the conceited prat he was, James instinctively raised his hand once more to mess up his hair.

"All right, Evans?"

"Leave him alone," she said. "What has he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

As his smile widened to a grin, she felt the strong urge to run forward and punch him in the nose. She hated him more than ever before—he was like a horrible dragon who had managed to convince her that he was as gentle as a doe, now back to burning down the village.

The shallow people whom she called friends laughed. Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest; no one person could handle this much anger, she was sure of it. She would collapse in a few moments, dead on the spot, her heart having exploded from pure rage.

"You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

A flash of cruel mocking filled his eyes. "I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James. "Go on. Go out with me and I will never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she spat.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius told his friends as he turned back to Severus. "Oy!" he then shouted, for Severus, who was now clean of bubbles, had grabbed his wand from the ground and pointed it at James. Lily's stomach churned as a large wound appeared on James' cheek, blood splattering onto his robes.

The stench of dark magic filled the air, a sickening spell that made the muscles in Lily's stomach convulse.

Quickly, another spell was fired, this time from James, and Severus was hanging upside down. His robes fell down, revealing his bare legs and underpants. The crowd began to cheer, and the boys began roaring with laughter.

"Let him down!"

"Certainly," James told her, and with a flick of his wand, Severus was in a ball on the dirt ground. He staggered to his feet and raised his wand once more, but Sirius was too quick for him.

"Locomotor mortis!" he shouted, and Severus fell over once more.

"Leave him alone!" Lily screamed and thrust her own wand out, her mind racing with curses that she could use against them.

James grinned, amused. "Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you."

"Take the curse off him then!"

With a sigh, James muttered a spell under his breath, and Snape stood to his feet like a fawn learning how to walk.

"There you go," he said. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus..."

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Severus snarled.

Lily stood unmoving for a moment. The words felt like a slap to her face, a punch to her gut. They hung in the cool air, filling it complete silence except for the echoing of Severus' voice through her mind.

This was what she got for helping the unappreciated. This was what she got for believing in someone against all odds—thrown aside like she had never really mattered. It was Petunia all over again; no matter how kind Lily was, she was always treated the same way by the people who said that loved her.

Well she was done with love. What good was it? It was just as bad as Dark Magic—but with love, you were slashed on the inside instead of the outside like James had been. Outer injuries healed and scarred over, leaving only traces of what had been. It was the inner wounds that would remain forever.

"Fine," she said. "I won't bother you in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." Pure malice was in her voice, making it sound unrecognizable to her own ears.

Severus' eyes instantly filled with regret as he processed what he had done, what he didn't know was now lost forever.

"Apologize to Evans!" James shouted at Severus with the threat of his wand to back him up.

Lily scoffed. "I don't want you to make him apologize. You're as bad as he is!"

"What?" said James. "I'd never call you a...you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can. I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me sick."

With that, she turned on her heels, and walked away from James a second time, knowing it would be the last. After all, she had nothing else to defend from his cruelty—not Severus, not her heart. She was alone now, and that was the way she liked it. When you were alone, nothing could hurt you. Nothing could cause your heart to feel like it was shredded to pieces. No, it was better, being alone. There was no pain. In fact, there was no feeling at all.

She heard James shouting her name behind her, but she didn't care. Let him shout, she thought. Let him feel at least some pang of regret for what he had done to her. Let them all feel what they had done to her—Petunia, James, Severus. She was sick of defending, tired of forgiving.

Lily walked down the hill to the field where she and Severus had kissed a few short days ago. Just a half a mile from the Shrieking Shack where her and James had bore their hearts out for one another. Oh, how things could change.

She sobbed her loneliness into the desolate ground below her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy :) **

CHAPTER SIX

While it was impossible to completely avoid both Severus and James, choosing to ignore them whenever she was them was an easy solution. Both of them tried to talk to her a few times over the course of their last week of school, but she walked away from them-no good could come from her being this emotional. She was more grateful for the summer holiday than ever before, only wanting to feel refreshed after such a difficult school year. It was clear that being a teenager in the Wizarding world was no easier than being one in the Muggle world, and Lily felt saddened by the fact that she got swept up into all the drama like a fool. A summer holiday was just what she needed to set her priorities straight again.

Lily had just finished up working with Lucy Drennings for their final Potions assignment and having had done all the work, Lily could not wait to clear her head with a glass of Pumpkin Juice in the Great Hall, her last one of the school year.

"Ah, Ms. Evans, could I see you for a moment?" said Slughorn as she stood up to leave.

She made her way to the front of the room against the dozens of students desperate to escape the room. "Yes, Professor?" she asked when she finally reached him.

"My dear girl, we have greatly missed you at my little dinners. I am having one more this evening, the last one for the year, and I would appreciate it if you could try your best to attend."

Knowing she couldn't miss yet another dinner without upsetting him, she forced a smile. "Alright, Professor. I will see you there."

His belly shook with a booming laugh. "Good girl. I knew you would prioritize it."

When it was time to go to the dinner, Lily dawdled to Slughorn's office, stopping to talk to anyone she could on her way. When she entered the room, there were already seven people sitting at a large round table which was set generously with food and mismatched decor. Slughorn was in a discussion with a young third year named Hamish MacFarlan Jr., whose father was the head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports.

"I can try t' get 'ou tickets, Professor," the boy replied with a mouthful of bread. "But I do know tha' tickets to the Cup are going t' be sold out this year, so it might be difficult."

Slughorn's face immediately sunk in disappointment, and the Harris, realizing that he had upset him, immediately busied himself in a hurried slurp of the soup in front of him.

"Ah, Ms. Evans!" Slughorn exclaimed as she walked around the table to find a seat. "For those of you who do not know, this is Lily Evans. She has been a little busy to come to my parties all year, but she is one of my most promising students!"

Blushing, Lily raised a hand in greeting to the people that surrounded the table. Some of them looked familiar from the last time she had forced herself to come, like Lynnie Rantings, a Slytherin sixth year. One of the cruelest girls in the school, she had a talent for Defense Against the Dark Arts and showed potential to be an Auror. In addition, she had always been one to make rude comments to Severus about his association with Lily and appeared more than pleased after they stopped being friends. She shot Lily a spiteful gaze as Lily took a seat.

Then there was Walter Cunnings, a sixth year with a crooked nose who played Seeker for Ravenclaw. To the annoyance of everyone around him, he often boasted about becoming a professional after school.

On the right side of Lynnie was a boy a year younger than Lily. He had short dark hair and a handsome, yet somewhat hardened face. She recognized him to be Sirius' younger brother Regulus. Although they looked alike, there were distinct differences between him and Sirius—the most obvious of all, he was proudly garnished in Slytherin attire. His perfect posture and upturned nose told Lily that he was a haughty boy who was used to being treated as someone special. While Sirius sometimes had an overconfident attitude, there was something different about the way his younger brother carried himself. She began to wonder if Sirius and him got along at all; it seemed that they were polar opposites.

"Are you happy about the end of the school year, Professor?" Lynnie asked him with a forced sweetness in her voice.

"No, no, no," he said. "I will miss all of you terribly while you're on holiday. Although, I do intend to use the break to work on my collection of poisonous spiders. I only need to find one more to complete my European collection, you know."

Lynnie shot him a smile, although her eyes mocked him humorously. "How fascinating."

"Lily, how do you think you did on your OWL's?" Slughorn asked.

She chewed the piece of bread she had just put in her mouth quickly, and then smiled. "Fine, I think, Professor. There was one part of the Potions exam that threw me a little, but then I remembered one of your lectures in class. I should have decent scores on all of them."

"Do you know what career you want to go into?" asked Walter, probably meaning the question as a segway into a conversation about his Quidditch dreams. His nose appeared even more obscure when he turned toward her, and Lily wondered if it got broken by a fist from his constant bragging.

"I'm not sure yet," she replied kindly. "I want to see my scores from the tests before I decide."

Slughorn clasped his hands together. "You will have done wonderfully, my dear girl, I am sure of it. You will go on to do great things."

"Thank you, Professor," she said.

"Now, what do everything think about the new gnome laws they are setting forth? Too progressive?"

"I for one disagree with them," said Regulus. "Gnome rights? What's next...rights for house elves?"

The room erupted in laughter at the thought, and Lily frowned. "I believe that everyone has the right to be treated fairly."

"I disagree," Lynnie said. "I think that in this world, there are people who are better than others. We can't cry injustice every time some half-bred species wants rights. Where would the world be then? Overrun by gnomes and goblics and giants..."

"And what constitutes being better than another?" Lily asked. "Because we were born human, we are better than other species?"

"Exactly," Lynnie replied coldly, her eyes sparkling with hatred as she looked at Lily.

Lily scoffed. "That sounds similar to what the Death Eaters think, now doesn't it? There are some who are just _better_ than others. That Muggles need to be put into their places along with the rest of this world, that only Pureblood Wizards deserve to be treated humanly."

At the sound of the word 'Death Eaters,' Walter spit his soup back into his bowl and the others looked up at her with open mouths. Lily watched as Slughorn's round face scrunched up in an unnerving manner.

"Ms. Evans..."

"Well, it's true. That's what they preach, don't they?"

Regulus scoffed. His eyes, dark but not in color, met hers. "They only speak what they believe."

"_Only_ what they believe?" she repeated. "It's intolerance. And I for one am not going to stand for it. As soon as I'm done at Hogwarts, I am going to find some group, any group, that is fighting against them and join that. It's better than shoving what is happening aside and pretending it doesn't exist."

"It's not up to you to change anything," said Lynnie. "You may think you are the best thing that's ever happened to this school, Evans, but don't fool yourself into believing that you alone are the chosen person who can stop what is happening."

Lily shot to her feet and glared at Mary, whose eyes were thin with contempt. "I do _not_ think that. I'm only saying that I want to stand up against a Mudblood-hating people..."

"Ms. Evans!" said Slughorn, standing up from his seat as well. His face was now completely purple, and beads of sweat were dripping down his thick neck. "Do not use such language."

"But that's what he's doing. Against people like me! Trying to get others to believe that we're not as good as Purebloods. And everyone just ignores it like it isn't even happening. Neighbors against neighbors, friends against friends. Don't you see what he's doing? He's making sure we don't know who to trust so that we won't be able to stand together when the time comes."

Lynnie gave an incredulous laugh. "So what are _you _going to do, Evans? Form a little army all on your own, will you now?"

"Someone has to. Some things are worth fighting for. And it has to be the ones brave enough to stand up..."

"That's _enough_!" Slughorn shouted, and the room instantly became silent. Lily, breathing heavy and full of adrenaline, silenced herself, but she did not sit down. "This is an inappropriate conversation for this dinner. We have heard your ideas, Lily, and while I value your passion, you are clearly out of line and speaking about things of which you know _nothing_ about. You are still a student at this school, and no matter how bright you are, you do not have the training necessary to put an end to anything! It takes years and years of studying beyond school to become a mastered wizard or witch. So I suggest you put aside all of those thoughts and continue to focus on your studies. One day, with enough effort, you will be able to fulfill your dream of being a great leader in society. But until then, I do not want to hear another word about the subject!"

Lily blinked back stinging tears and stood silent for a moment. "I'm sorry for ruining the dinner, Professor. Good night to all of you."

With her head held high, she walked out of his office, ignoring shouts of protest from Slughorn.

Once outside in the hallway, she pushed aside feelings of regret for what she had done. Because it felt _good_ to actually be doing something about it, even if what she did made no difference at all.

She knew that she was only a fifteen-year-old girl with no real ability to do anything to change the world. However, who she was on the inside was completely opposite of that. True bravery knew no age, despite what people like Slughorn seemed to think. And if there was one type of person whom Lily wanted to be known to be, it was a valorous one.

The words she had spoken to Lynnie rang through her head.

_Some things are worth fighting for._

What would she give up for something she believed in? Would she give up friendships? Family? Would she even go so far to give up her own life? These dark questions spun around her mind threateningly—with great change, comes great sacrifice, she thought. How many people were truly willing to sacrifice anything to make their world a better place?

People had to be better than they made themselves out to be. There had to be one ounce of good left in this dark, forsaken world. Or else people were doomed to live under the outlook of the Death Eaters and their master. A world of hatred that eliminated people who did not fit in a certain mold.

With a sigh, Lily headed back to her dormitory through the dark hallways. Whatever came out of that outburst, she didn't care. Whisperings in the hallways, rude remarks from the Slytherins, disappointment in the determined eyes of Slughorn-it was all worth it all to see the enraged expression on Lynnie Ranting's face.

...

"Severus Snape is outside begging to see you."

Lily looked up from her book to see Mary MacDonald frowning at her. "What did you say?" she asked, unsure if she heard her correctly.

"Severus Snape," she repeated with a disgusted scowl. "He's saying he'll sleep on the floor outside the portrait if her needs to. Please do us all a favor and go out there and tell him to get away from our Common Room.

A strong urge to defend Severus came over Lily, but she pushed it away and instead hurried toward the portrait hole and swung it open.

He was seated on the cold ground, apparently ready to fulfill his threat of staying the night in the hall.

"I'm sorry," he told her softly.

"I'm not interested," she snapped.

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath. I only came because Mary said you were threatening to sleep here."

He gave a stiff nod of his head. "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you a Mudblood. It just..."

"Slipped out?" Lily said coldly. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious Death Eater friends...you see, you don't even deny it!" she said when he averted his gaze to the wall. "You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it shut as if he had decided against it.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine."

Severus' eyes grew wide with fear. "No, listen...I didn't mean..."

"...to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone else of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

As Severus stammered for a remark, Lily gave him one last stare and crawled back into the portrait hole.


End file.

Harry Potter, Adventure, Romance