Final Fantasy VII 1. Chapter 1

**100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra.**

Authors note: This is a story full of short stories with Zack doing anything you can possibly think of to annoy everyone in Shinra. This is probably going to have five stunts/pranks/whatever in each chapter. Maybe.

* * *

Zack jumped up and down on Sephiroth's desk excited about something. "Guess what Seph, you'll never guess what I am going to do!"

"You are going to stop jumping on my paper work?" He asked as he looked at the giant foot prints on his paper work that took him four hours to complete.

"Pft! No! I am starting my own show! Starring me! Oh and Kunsel to, but mostly me!" Zack smiled ear to ear waiting for him to congratulate him.

"Right, you can't just make a random show and expect people to watch it. It doesn't work that way."

"Oh trust me they will watch it. All I need is duct tape, some rope and sleeping gas. They'll watch it." Zack smirked evilly tapping his figured together.

Sephiroth nodded slowly hoping that maybe with any chance he'll leave.

"Any way the show is called _100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra._" Zack's eye's were shinning at the beautiful thought.

"Interesting...wait cause _Mayhem?_ You do that everyday." Sephiroth said.

"But now people will clap for me instead of me being punished. Hey Kunsel come in here!" Zack yelled.

Kunsel ran in with a camera in his hands. He smiled and gave a thumbs up.

"Hello people my name is Zack." He said into the camera.

"You're starting now?" Sephiroth asked a bit concerned since they were in _his_ office.

"I think the very first thing we should do is a well known classic. Just to get everyone settled in." Zack winked into the camera.

"Okay, Zack, please host you're show somewhere else. I am trying to work." Sephiroth said already pushing him out the door.

"But I have to be here to do the classic prank." Zack did puppy eyes. Puppy eye's will get Zack anywhere in life.

"What's the classic?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow cautiously not willing to say okay yet.

Zack pulled out a pink bow from his pocket. "Sephiroth I need to braid your hair."

"What? No way! How many times has someone done that to me before?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"A few times...a couple being me but that's what makes it a classic. Now hold still and take it like a man."

"Don't even think about it." And just like that Sephiroth was out of the room in a heartbeat.

"Come back I need to braid your hair!" Zack screamed as he ran down the hall with the bow is one hand. Other SOLDIER's and Turks turned their heads to see what was going on.

Tseng sighed deeply. "Dang it, not this again." He shook his head not even bothering to deal with it this time.

Kunsel turned the camera onto himself. "And that was our show for today. If you have any suggestions please tell us..." There was a long pause. "That's it...goodbye." The camera turned off.

* * *

**A/N:** So how was it? This is a story I am going to write when I'm bored! I would love to hear your suggestions threw review. And if you are lucky it will be in the next chapter along with your screen name unless you want to be called something different! Enjoy yourself and eat lots of salad!


	2. Fun with Genesis

100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra

**Author's note:** Yay episode 2! Hello everyone! I am glade people are enjoying the story so far! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Thanks to thews who reviewed.

**Disclaimer:** I think I forgot to write this last time, but I don't own Final Fantasy 7 or the characters.

* * *

"Is the camera even on?" Zack's voice said and the only thing on the camera was his shirt.

"Yes Zack. Step back, you are blocking the camera." Kunsel said and Zack moved back to were you could see his face. He cleared his throat. "Good day everyone! As you all know I am your host Zack Fair and you are watching _100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra._ Lets get right to it shall we?"

* * *

Zack was leaning up against a wall of the shower room. "Hello everyone." He whispered quietly. "This is a request from **Saria19**. Thank you for your participation." Zack slowly holds up itching powder in his hands. The camera moved down to the 40 other bottles stacked onto each other on the floor then back at Zack. "Sh." Zack put his finger over his mouth.

"Zack why are you whispering? No ones here." Kunsel said.

"Well if you want to ruin the effect! Let's move out!" He grabbed five bottles and dumped them onto the floor.

* * *

Zack sat outside the door with a news paper covering his face. It looked like the camera behind a newspaper as well. "Here comes the moment we have been waiting for." Zack ginned maniacally.

Everyone came out bare foot frantically scratching their feet, even Genesis and Sephiroth where trying to keep balance as they scratched one foot at a time. "Something tells me Zack is responsible." Genesis growled.

Zack set down the newspaper. "Oh yeah! Blame me! Why would I have itching powder?" Zack said and started scratching his arm.

Genesis raised an eyebrow.

"Dang it!" Zack stopped for a minute. "You know birds eat rocks to help them break down food." Zack said and as they were processing the random thought he ran as fast as he could with Kunsel following behind.

* * *

"I'm back." Zack whispered even more quietly then before. "This is a request from **squarepants**. All I can say is thank you. Now for business." Zack Opened the door to Genesis's room slowly, hoping it didn't squeak. Genesis was fast asleep on his bed. "Kunsel do you have the high heels?"

"Of coarse." Kunsel whispered handed them to him.

Zack grinned and grabbed Genesis's shoes and replacing them with the high heels. "Oh and to make sure they don't come off, Chocobo glue." Zack poured the glue into the shoes. "Alright go." Zack and Kunsel ran out quickly.

* * *

Genesis walked out stumbling over the heels trying to figure out how in the world do women walk in them. "Zack!" Genesis yelled. He said _Zack _ so much it was now just force of habit.

Zack chuckled. "You look good." Zack smiled holding in his laugh.

"Zack I'm going to shove Rapier down your throat." He growled murderously trying to stay balanced.

"Oh no I better run." Zack slowly started walking.

Genesis took one step and fell strait forward.

They chuckled and ran.

* * *

Zack walked into Reno's office. "Hi, as you are aware this is Reno's office." He smiled into the camera.

Reno looked up from looking at his _paperwork_. "What the heck is going on?" He looked at the camera. "And why is there a camera?" He asked.

"Well, I made my own show isn't that cool? It's called _100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra_." Zack smiled and did a hand gesture and looked in the distance dreamily.

"So why are you in my office?" He asked.

"Oh that's easy. I got a request from **freddy vs mr J**."

"And what would that be?"

Zack moved closer to him and just like that he kicked him strait in the crotch.

Reno bent over in pain.

"Sorry Reno, the fans want what the fans want." Zack shrugged and walked out before Reno could grab hold of his foot.

* * *

Zack was standing in Genesis's room again. "This place look familiar? Genesis should really learn to lock his door knowing I'm here." Zack whispered. "This is a request from **Tiryn**." He pulled out a bucket of neon pink dye from who knows where. "Let us get started."

* * *

"And done finaly, let's wait for the results." Zack grinned grabbing Loveless and they ran out standing outside the door.

Soon the door slammed open the handle breaking threw the other wall reveling a very pink Genesis.

"Zack! I just pried the high heels off my feet and you turn around and do this?" He hissed.

"Well at least it matches your red face." Zack shrugged.

"This goes with out saying but...I am going to kill you!" Genesis pulled out Rapier surprised to see it was painted pink to.

Zack waved and started running down the hall.

* * *

"Well I just finished a request from **ignio**. Rufus shouldn't trust me with his drinks anymore. This is what happened." Zack smiled and the camera moved over to Rufus.

He wobbled down the hall using anything he could to keep him up. He stopped and looked deeply at Cloud who was leaning on the wall.

Cloud looked back confused.

"How many timesdoI have to telleveryonenot to bring a Chocobo'sinhere?" He asked but it was hard to understand him do to him mixing his words.

"And this has been an episode of _100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra._ Remember we take requests!" Zack spreed out his arms and smiled.

In the back ground Rufus was poking at Cloud's head.

"Thank you and good night!" He said and the camera went off.

* * *

**A/N:** So worth a review? Or a fav? Thanks to every one who sent in request's. Not all requests were here, but fear not they will probably be in the next one!

**This chapter was available thanks to:**

**Saria19**

**squarepants**

**freddy vs mr J**

**Tiryn**

**ignio**

Stay beautiful!


	3. Poor Tseng

100 ways to cause Mayhem in Shinra

**Authors note:** Chapter three yay! This story is going to have 100 chapters! Hopefully I can write that much. I know it's been awhile but hey! This story is usually for when I am board so.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy 7, it's characters, or sliced bread.

* * *

Zack looked threw the mail in his hands. "Wow so many suggestions...**It's amazing**!" Zack screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Yeah but how are you going to do all of them? We are only doing five an episode right?" Kunsel asked as he set up the camera.

Zack thought a moment and snapped. "How about we do ten an episode?" He gasped as if it was the most brilliant idea in the world since sliced bread.

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

"This suggestion is from **Tiryn.** Oh hello again**!**"Zack smiled. Around him was balloons with smiley faces and Happy Birthday written on them, a giant cake, and a bowl full of punch. "Now for the fun part." He struggled to lifted up a jug full of some kind of liquid. "This is the most alcoholic drink known to Shinra!"

Kunsel zoomed in on the back of the label. Warning: May cause Itching, swollen tong, swollen feet, drowsiness, forgetfulness, extreme craving for bananas, and an addiction to sniffing random people. In that order.

Zack poured all of it in the punch bowl. "Now we just need guests."

* * *

There was probably over 100 people after awhile. "Thank you all for coming! This will be the best birthday on Gaia thanks to everyone...mostly me." Zack coughed.

"Yeah sure, we had no idea it was Tseng's birthday today." Genesis said.

"Yep! It was a shocker for me to. Drink the punch!" Zack demanded and walked off stage.

Tseng walked into the room and stopped when he saw everyone. "Is it someone's bi..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSENG!" Everyone screamed and it made the window shake.

Tseng had an unamused look on his face.

"Tseng happy birthday man." Zack put his arm on his shoulders.

"Zack, it's not my..."

"Here I made you some punch with my own sweat and blood." He handed it to him.

"Zack it's not..."

"Come on Tseng lighten up and have some punch." Zack forced it to him again.

He grabbed it and took a sip.

Zack smiled and tapped his fingers together.

* * *

After awhile everyone was past out at the end of the party and hanging over tables and chairs with the exception of Rufus on stage dancing and well...exposing himself.

"Thank you **Tiryn **for this awesome party." Zack dusted his hands off.

"Let me guess Zack, you spiked the punch." Tseng said and tapped his foot. "I was lucky I didn't drink much." He growled.

Zack looked at his watch. "Oh yeah I have to get to the next suggestion! Later!" He ran out.

Tseng scratched his left arm.

* * *

"Phew! That one took a lot of work. Let us go to the next request from **SparkySkye812**." Zack pulled out a straightener. "Prepare to be straitened!" He grinned.

* * *

The next day everyone came to Shinra with strait hair. Even Zack?

"Um Zack why did you straiten your hair?" Kunsel asked.

"Because, then it would have been obvious it was me! This way they will never know!"

Cloud stomped over. "Zack! I don't know what's worse! The fact you straitened my hair or that you were in my room while I was sleeping!"

"Wait! It wasn't me! Look I have strait hair to!"

"You probably straitened yours to make it seem like it wasn't you."

Zack puckered his lips as if he ate a lemon. "You're good."

"You will be hearing from my saloon." Cloud hissed.

* * *

"I finished the suggestion from **wait for it. **I sent out a memo that Lazard...I mean Maria got a gender-change. Let us see the reactions."

Zack walked into Lazard's office.

"Zack the strangest this has been happening lately. People have been calling me Maria for some reason. Do you have anything to do with this by chance?" He asked.

"Of coarse not! Who do you portray me as?" Zack asked insulted.

Genesis walked in. "Um Lazar..I mean Maria I have some papers for you si...Ma'am." Genesis said as he set an envelope down with a confused look.

Zack slowly walked out ninja stile.

* * *

Zack whispered. "Hojo's lab always gives me the creeps. This suggestion was from **Saria19 **Hi again. It was hard to die Hojo's hair orange do to him never sleeping, but I did find a way." Zack looked down and slowly pushed a frying pan out of view with his foot. "He he. So wanna see?" Zack jumped up from the boxes he was hiding behind. "Hello Hobo...Hojo!"

Hojo looked at him. His hair was a neon orange and looked like it was glowing! "Not know Zack." He said.

"Have you noticed anything lately?" Zack asked.

"No, now leave." He looked at his note pad. "Causes hair to turn orange." he wrote down on the pad.

Zack blinked. "I...Guess...I will be going now." He slowly walked away backwards still staring at him.

* * *

Zack was holding a credit card in his hand. "This one is from **softie. **The male stripper _Reno_ ordered for Tseng should be here soon. Can't wait." He smiled.

The camera focused on a man wearing a police outfit and a radio in one hand. He knocked on Tseng's door.

Tseng opened the door. "How may I help you?"

"Actually how can _I _help _you?_" Instead of going into the room the guy turned on the radio in the middle of the hall way.

"Oh my goddess." Tseng rubbed his temples trying hard to ignore the guy. He walked into his office and slammed the door and acted as if nothing happened.

The camera went back on Zack who was holding in his laugh. "I should probably give Reno his credit card back...after I buy some Gongaga pizzas." He walked away casually.

The camera went to the few people watching the stripper at work.

* * *

Zack was standing in the middle of the cafeteria. There was lights everywhere flashing one way and to the next. "This suggestion is from **Amara.** I say this is really fun. Welcome to Karaoke night!" Zack screamed. "I voted for my self 100 times! There is no way I am going to lose."

"But if you do lose. You wont delete the footage of tonight will you?" Kunsel asked.

"Kunsel, 100 votes for me, how can I possible lose?" Zack asked.

The camera cut to Zack with his head on the table.

"Come on Zack it wasn't that bad." Kunsel said.

Zack looked up with puppy eye's. "Who knew more than 100 people would be there to vote for another person?" He hit his head on the desk.

Genesis waved his trophy around. "Sorry Zack better luck next time." He grinned and walked away.

"I can't believe I voted for him to..." Zack sighed.

* * *

"Welcome. This is a suggestion from **lilitachisama**. And this...Is a gay bar." Zack said.

The camera focused on Tseng as the drugs wore off and he started to wake up. He looked around slightly. "I think I am starting to get the message." Tseng growled and rubbed his head.

Zack started laughing until one guy looked at him and gave him a grin. "Hey you can look, just don't touch the merchandise." Zack said and raised and eyebrow.

* * *

Zack had Rude tied up. "You are all probably wondering why I have Rude tied up. Well this is a suggestion from **the diamond**. This would have been easier if Rude had just agreed to take singing lessons, but no he had to make everything difficult." Zack said as he dragged Rude into a building. He walked back out and dusted his hands off.

"Zack did you ever think that if you have Rude take singing lessons you'll have more competition when it comes to the next Karaoke night." Kunsel said.

Zack blinked. "Dang it. Why doesn't anyone tell me these things anymore!" He growled.

* * *

"I just finished putting Chocobo glue on Lazard's chair, or Maria if you will. This was a suggestion from **XxSaviorxX.**"

The camera switched to Lazard. It looked like he was struggling to get out. He grabbed a crowbar...don't ask me where he got it. He tried preying the chair off.

"Oh I love Chocobo glue." Zack said and tried throwing away the bottle. He looked at it and tried again. It was stuck to his hand. "Why does this always happen!" Zack asked.

* * *

"Now for the last suggestion of the day sadly. This one if from **rleon1.** I just finished putting plastic wrap over Sephiroth's door. He should be walking out by now." Zack said.

Sephiroth started walking out when the plastic wrap wrapped around him. He struggled to get it off.

"This has been and episode of _100 Ways to Cause Mayhem in Shinra!_ We are open to requests!" Zack said and held his arms out.

Sephiroth struggled behind him and tripped onto Zack. Both of them were stuck in the plastic wrap and the screen went black.

**A/N:** Well how was it? Hope you like the longer chapters. If you didn't see your request in this one try reviewing it again. If you are lucky you will see yours here.

**This episode was possible thanks to:**

**Tiryn**

**SparkySkye812**

**wait for it**

**Saria19**

**softie**

**Amara**

**lilitachisama**

**the diamond**

**XxSaviorxX**

**rleon1**

Tell me if you get these symptoms: Itching, swollen tong, swollen feet, drowsiness, forgetfulness, extreme craving for bananas, and an addiction to sniffing random people. If so then you must have been at the party but forgot.


End file.

Final Fantasy VII, Humor