Harry Potter Reminisce

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. Please don't sue for reasons that it's not that good and for using them.

**Warning: **Oliver+Harry; DracoxHarry. (With a twist)

**A.N.** One-shot again. I just want to try this. I don't know if I have seen this pairing before. This is happened before and after _Dream of Another Shore_.

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**_Reminisce _**

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Oliver's POV

I remorse everything now…  Everything that I've done, everything that I've said to him, I shame upon. I did not know that it would be like this… I've thought that my heart would soon forget his sweet smile, beautiful eyes, and his charming face. I thought I would never feel this way for another. But… I was wrong. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did I have to fall for the one person I know I can't fall for? But I was given the chance… Why didn't I take it! I remorse not what I did but what I didn't do…

_Regret…_

I still remember it like it was yesterday. It happened in Quidditch practice as I felt a pair of eyes looking at me before we entered the field. I turned and saw him with a strange look in his eye. I smiled and he turned away. My smile quickly dropped down to a slight frown for I have never seen him act that way. Did I do anything to hurt him? I did not know.

_Confusion…_

I was confused. He did not talk to me that whole day. He only talked to me when needed to and I was so used to hearing his voice that I actually missed it. The practice went by. Minutes turned to hours but we still went on practicing. His mind wasn't on the game I realized. That really staggered me; he was always so serious in the game and wouldn't let anyone stop him. I decided to talk to him.

_Hurt…_

I was hurt to know that when I did try to talk to him after the game, he wouldn't look at me. He only nodded at the questions I asked. I asked him if he was okay. He only nodded. I cocked my head and tried to look at him eyes but he only turned it to the other direction. 

"Harry…" I started, "There's something wrong with you." He shuddered at what I said but I only kept going. "Your mind wasn't even on the game a while ago." I hear him sigh, softly. I think that he didn't think that I heard him but I did. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head slightly before answering. He tried at his first attempt but his voice cracked a little. Again he tried, "Nothing's wrong, Oliver…" 

I, of course, didn't believe him. I look at him eyes in the very instant that I got the chance. There was something in there. Something that I think that I've seen before… But what? I again tried to reason with him in to letting him tell me what his problem was.

"You can tell me anything, Harry," I say, my voice slightly quivering because of what I have seen in his eyes a while ago. I thought I saw something glisten in Harry's eyes. Tears? Was he going to cry? Was he going to cry because of me?

He tried to stop it because they didn't fall down his cheek. He remained strong. But the reason why he felt ache I didn't know. I just pray that I wasn't the cause of his hurt. I can only pray…

He mumbled something that's barely even audible so I asked him what he saw. He inhaled sharply before answering and facing me the first time in our whole discussion. 

"No…" He started. "You can't help me." He stood up and turned, ready to walk away from the whole discussion we had like it didn't even matter to him. It made me angry. It made me angry that he would not trust me. He would not tell me what was his problem. He wouldn't even look at me properly. I furiously grabbed his hand and being the Captain of the Gryffindor Team, I was a little too strong and had pulled him fiercer than what I had expected I would do. He slumped against my chest and I could feel his hot breath going in and out. He was nervous…

_Tense…_

We stayed in that position for what seemed like forever. I think I've felt him squirm from our position. I blushed a little knowing that he is close… too close. That's when I felt wetness on my chest… My God, he was crying.

"Harry…" 

He stopped me before I could say another word out of my mouth. "Stop!" He frantically said while trying to push me away. I, on the other hand, kept him near me. I didn't exactly know why but I feel good when he was near me…

"No! Let me go!"

"What's the matter with you, Harry!" I said raising my voice a little louder, shaking him a little as I pushed him so he and I were looking at each other. Again he tried to look away. I shook him again. "Look at me, Harry!" I said, "You won't even tell what's wrong. You never acted this way before!" I lower my voice a little before proceeding,  "Whatever it is, you will feel better when you tell me…" 

He mumbled something. "What?" I asked, somewhat surprised. I heard it but I wasn't sure.

_Stun…_

"I said, 'I love you' okay!" His eyes started to swell again. I was totally shocked. He loved me? I thought that I must've heard wrong. He only admires me. Yes, that's it. He admires me and he mistook it for love. I'm not at all disgusted that he loves me. But…

_Denial…_

I denied it. Why? I did not know…

"Harry," I started slowly, loosening my grip on him. "You---" I took a deep breath, "don't love me…"

I felt him thoroughly back away from. This time I'm the only who cannot face him. "You only… mistook it for… admiration…"

I see in his eyes that he cannot believe that I denied his feelings. Perhaps I don't believe it myself but maybe I'm just afraid that the love that he's talking about isn't really genuine love. Perhaps… I, myself, am scared. 

He backed away from more, almost tripping as he does so. The tears that were controlled a while ago were now flowing freely down his face. The last thing I knew was he was running out the door and it slammed shut as he left. I was left alone… feeling so cold. 

_Empty…_

I left for breakfast the next day, still feeling cold. I walked over to the Gryffindor table and said my good mornings to them as always. I saw Ron and Hermione, Harry's two best friends. I don't think they knew anything because they still greeted me. While I saw Harry cringe at the sound of my name. Never once did he look up and I felt unfilled. It scared me to think that I did that to Harry but I couldn't change it.

Later at practice, I again felt eyes looking at me. I really hoped that it was Harry. I was already up in the air and I didn't notice that something fast was coming. The Bludger. The last thing was blackness and I only woke up in the infirmary. I saw Harry by my side. He was sleeping and I never thought that I would think that he was actually beautiful there. 

_Fear…_

Then I saw him tremble. I was scared for him… I saw wake up suddenly and pretended to sleep. Again I saw stream of tears in his eyes. I saw that he wanted to be held. He wanted to be hugged. I sat up on the bed. His head turned to me and he wiped his eyes.

"Harry…" He didn't wait for whatever I was supposed to say. He dashed for the door and left. I still ask myself if I was given the chance to talk to him then… What would I say?

That's the last that I've seen him that night. He never returned. And when I asked Ron and Hermione the next day, they said that they didn't see him go to his dormitory last night. Strange… I saw him walking towards the table and I kept an eye on him. He was smiling.

Mail was coming and I noticed a parchment dropped on Harry's lap by his owl Hedwig. He seemed surprised that he got a letter. But as he read, I saw contentment in his eyes. My eyes widened. Could it be that he was in love?  After, he looked somewhere else and I found him staring at the Slytherin table. I was jealous I have to admit that. At whoever had captured Harry's heart. 

He left the table and I followed him. He stopped just outside and I hid. I saw him kissing another person. I would have accepted that lightly but for that fact that he was kissing his archenemy… It made me feel like I lost to a rat.

Today, Harry's probably happy with Draco still. I'm still a little envious until now but I'm happy for them. I have felt a million times that Draco doesn't deserve a wonderful person like Harry… but I feel most of the time that I didn't deserve him from the start. 

And me… I had married three times. Divorced three times. And till to this day, I remember him still because… In my life, I've only romantically loved a person four times… 

My first love was Harry…

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End


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Harry Potter, Angst