Dragon Ball Z It's Not Funny

A/N: First off, I do not own DBZ.

Second, I apologize for any Out of character-ness…I just feel like some of the things brought up are…questionable and very strange for the characters to see.

The night was quiet at Capsule Corporation. Dr. and Mrs. Briefs were already in bed, as was Trunks. Bulma and Vegeta, though, were still awake and were just enjoying the other's company.

Bulma was typing up a paper for the next morning's meeting that she had to go to, angry at herself for procrastinating this long, but she was glad that she could type sitting on her comfy bed on her laptop and not have her grumpy husband demand for her to leave so he could sleep. She glanced over at the man next to her, laughing slightly as she noticed that he had "confiscated" Trunks' laptop for doing who knows what. What made her laugh though was Vegeta was on the laptop…though she decided that she would rather not look at what he was looking at…

Vegeta noticed his wife staring at him and looked over to her.

"Don't you have some paper you need to be typing?" Vegeta grunted, turning his gaze back to the computer.

"Yeah…I was just trying to figure out what you were looking at…" Bulma tells him, cocking her head slightly.

"Nothing…" he mutters turning the laptop away from her prying eyes slightly, causing her to huff indignantly.

"That didn't help your case you know." She states, glaring at him slightly. He turns his eyes to her in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He mutters confusedly, staring at her.

"I just know that a lot of guys look up porn on computers and like to hide it." Bulma states, turning her gaze back to her computer, not sure she wants to see his reaction. When she doesn't hear any response, she turned her attention back to the saiyan next to her. "Oh my god Vegeta…don't tell me you…" She started, but was cut off by his angered response.

"I am NOT!" He yelled, his face bright red…though she couldn't really tell if he was blushing or not since the blue light from the computer screen illuminated on his face, masking the redness slightly.

"Really? Then what are you looking at?" Bulma questioned him. He grunts, turning his attention to his screen, practically telling her this conversation in over. She rolls her eyes and returns to typing her paper, which is what she should have been doing this entire time…but Vegeta always seems to distract her for some reason…even if she was the one who instigated the entire thing.

The room was quiet for another ten minutes before Vegeta broke the silence.

"This is so confusing…" Vegeta mutters so quietly that, for a moment, Bulma thinks she may have imagined it, that is, until she looks at him and sees him staring at her.

"What is confusing?" Bulma asks, deciding to ignore her paper for the moment, for Vegeta rarely ever admits that something confuses him.

"These…stories…they don't make sense…" He glances back at the screen, then back at Bulma who narrows her eyes, getting confused herself.

"Stories?" Bulma repeats to make sure that she didn't hear him wrong.

"Yes…they are…very inaccurate…" Vegeta huffs, looking at Bulma, who had giggled.

"How so my prince?" Bulma thought his confusion to a simple story was…dare she say…adorable. It was at times like these that she remembered that he was, in fact, an alien raised in a completely different culture than her.

"Almost all their facts are wrong." Vegeta states, looking back at the screen and going quiet.

Seeing that he wasn't going to elaborate, she decided that she needed to finish her paper first…then deal with…whatever was Vegeta's problem. For five minutes, the only sound in the room was the clicking of the keys on Bulma's laptop keyboard.

"They constantly say I blow up the Gravity Room…and then threaten you to fix it…" Vegeta says suddenly, startling the heiress.

"…The…Gravity Room?" She says, glancing at him, her eyebrows narrowed.

"No Bulma…the refrigerator…I said the Gravity Room didn't I?" He huffs, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Smart ass…Just ignore those stories…the media loves to twist rumors into giant news stories…you just have to learn how to ignore them." Bulma states thinking that he's reading some news column that was probably written years ago.

The room falls quiet again…but Vegeta's confusion only increases.

"They always have me leave to space right after I find out you're pregnant with Trunks…" Vegeta mutters, gaining Bulma's attention again.

"What?" Bulma asks…she had thought that no one had ever told the media about the fact that Vegeta was from outer space…or travels there occasionally.

"I said…" He starts, but Bulma stops him by waving her hand to tell him she heard…

"I know what you said…I'm just…confused as to…How?" Bulma asks.

"That makes two of us…" He huffs.

"Now I understand why you are so confused…" Bulma pauses, "…You only destroyed the Gravity room once…the training bots you tend to break more often…but with Trunks you waited until after his birth before you took off to space…how would they have gotten the idea of you taking off so…early?" Bulma says. Mostly to herself, since Vegeta stays quiet.

After a few moments, she shakes her head and glances at the time. _"I need to ignore Vegeta for the time being…I need to finish this stupid paper." _Bulma thinks to herself, furiously typing up her paper.

"…they seem to think that I don't know your name…and only call you 'Woman'…only calling you Bulma on certain occasions." Vegeta says, noticing the steady flow of clicking ceases. She sighs and looks at him.

"What the hell are you reading?" Bulma asks, somewhat realizing that she wasn't going to finish her paper if she constantly had to stop due to what Vegeta brought up.

"…I'm not really sure." Vegeta grunts.

"Woman?...Sounds so…primitive…where would they have gotten that idea?" Bulma mused.

"…I did call you servant woman when I returned from space…" Vegeta points out.

"True…but that was…what? Once?" Bulma raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah…" Vegeta responds, looking back at the screen. "Although…" Vegeta pauses and smirks and Bulma knows that he's going to say something that most likely she won't like. "…I do like the fact that they make Yamcha really weak and a cheater so you always realize that I am, in fact, the better man." Vegeta chuckles.

Bulma rolls her eyes, _"I really do know him…don't I" _She thinks to herself, chuckling slightly. "I know that you are stronger than Yamcha…that was obvious when you first came to earth…and he…hasn't always been fully faithful…but he didn't always cheat on me." Bulma says, and Vegeta growls at her, angry that she could be defending her ex.

"Oh shut up Vegeta…You know that I'll always love you and I'm never going back to Yamcha." Bulma reassures him, which seems to calm the saiyan slightly.

Vegeta goes quiet for a few moments, then looks at her again.

"Why do they think that we fuck like rabbits?" Vegeta asks calmly.

Bulma stares at him speechlessly. "Wha…?" She finally manages to squeak out, her face turning red.

Vegeta smirks, enjoying her discomfort. She throws one of her pillows, hitting his face…though she didn't manage to cause any harm whatsoever.

"I don't know _what_ you are reading and I don't think I want to know." Bulma huffs, turning away from her husband, who is now chuckling at her extreme embarrassment.

"Oh come on _Woman_, it's not like you're a virgin." Vegeta laughs almost cruelly, joking around with her.

"Yeah. I've slept with two men while I'm the only one you've slept with _Man_." Bulma growls at him…thinking that saying Man doesn't have the same effect as him saying Woman.

That seemed to shut him up for the time being…but nothing could've prepared her for the next thing Vegeta says.

"Where did this…bonding come from?" Vegeta asks almost innocently.

"B…bonding?" Bulma squeaks, feeling her face flush.

"Yeah…supposedly they think that saiyans bite their mate's neck in order to bond with them…it's apparently supposed to create varying degrees of bondage…" Vegeta pauses…realizing that he could have worded that better, but continues anyways, "Anywhere from simple telepathic communication to one mate going crazy and dying when the other dies." Vegeta tells her, wondering why he even brought this topic up in the first place.

"Oh…" Bulma wasn't sure how to respond to that one.

"Apparently they think you wear those scarves to cover up my love bites." Vegeta informs her, starting to feel uncomfortable with this topic already. He was never one for conversations…so this was very strange for him.

"Oh…" Bulma repeats…again…unsure how to respond to something like this…

This was one topic that she never thought would be brought up during her relationship with the saiyan prince.

"What…exactly have you been reading?" Bulma asks again, this time scooting over to him and looking at the screen.

She saw what looked like a bunch of links to different registrants, each including what looked like a profile picture. She narrowed her eyes and focused on one of the links, each of them, she noticed, were surrounded by a rectangle, seemingly dividing each of them.

_On Vegeta-sei, the prince comes across a girl and falls in love, but his arranged marriage is only a week away…can the two stay together? Or is it too late?_

Bulma glances at Vegeta, but looks back at the screen, noticing that there are about fifteen other 'summaries', as some of them mention, on the screen, each hosting a completely different story.

"Some of them say they are…fanfics…what ever that means." Vegeta huffs, scrolling down the page.

"Fanfics? Sounds…almost like people write stories about…Kami knows what and posts them here…" Bulma says, noticing her saiyan tense up.

"You mean…you earthlings have been writing…writing…porn about you and me?" Vegeta just about mewls, very apparently disgusted at this planet.

"I…guess so…" Bulma shudders, not liking the sound of that. "What are those filters?" Bulma questions, pointing to a drop down menu at the top of the screen.

Vegeta clicks on the screen and glances at the different options.

_Status, rating, language, a choice of two different genres, and a choice of four different characters…_

Bulma used the laptop's touchpad to choose a few filters…but decided to try something.

_"__Let's see…rating-M…status-Complete…language-English…characters-…" _Bulma paused in her choosing, her eyes widening in surprise…

"Who are some of these people?" Bulma asked Vegeta, not expecting a response… "Why is my name on here." Bulma squeaked surprised to see her name on this site. She scrolled down and she noticed that Goku, Gohan, and many of the others are on here also. One name causes her to pause.

"King Vegeta? I thought you were the prince?" Bulma questioned, looking at Vegeta, whose eyes were wide in surprise.

"Why in the seven hells is my father on here…along with Frieza?" Vegeta mutters, starting to wonder if leaving this planet intact was a smart idea.

"Your father? You have the same name as your father?" Bulma asks him.

"Yes…the first born son in the royal family is always named Vegeta…it's been that way for generations…that is until now." Vegeta tells her, looking at his wife.

"Oh…" Again…she wasn't really sure how to respond…

Bulma continued to scroll down until she found Vegeta's name and she clicked on it.

"Wait, why did you click on my name!?" Vegeta nearly cried out in shock, causing Bulma to giggle.

"I just want to try something." Bulma says, kissing his forehead, before turning her attention back to her goal in mind. This time when she clicks on the second character option she doesn't scroll down all the way…in fact she only scrolls down far enough to find…

"KAKAROT!?" Vegeta roars indignantly, turning to look at his laughing wife. "Why the hell did you click on both mine and Kakarot's names?...and you put it on an M rating…" Vegeta mutters the last part, his face turning red, hoping that there will be nothing like the M ones under his and Bulma's names.

"Hmm…" Bulma hummed as she scrolled through a few fanfics until one caught her eye.

_Goku is the third class saiyan, Vegeta is the prince. A relationship between them is impossible…or is it? Rated for language, lemony goodness, and m-preg._

"Lemony goodness? Do…do we eat lemons?" Vegeta asked, ignorant to the terms used on this site.

"M-preg…I really hope that is not what I think it is…" Bulma says quietly.

"…Do I want to know?" Vegeta says reluctantly, looking over at his paling wife.

"I think it stands for Male Pregnancy." Bulma chuckled nervously, glancing at her husband, who looks like he just found out he was sleeping with his sister…in other words…

…He looked as if he were about to vomit…

"…Male…Pregnancy?" Vegeta squeaked, Bulma tried not to laugh, surprised at his reaction. "…Me and…Kakarot?" Vegeta looked at Bulma horrified, Bulma set her hand on his shoulder as he turned back to look at the computer screen. "…Which…one…gets…pregnant?" Vegeta asks…not sure if he even wants to know…though he hopes that it…isn't him.

"I'm not sure…" She says, before reluctantly clicking on it and scrolling through it. After clicking to the next chapter, she glances at the author's note and notices that Lemon is typed there again.

"Why do they write about a citrus fruit? I don't understand it?" Vegeta huffs, but continues to glance at the words as Bulma scrolls down. "Wait!" Vegeta stops her suddenly.

"What is it?" Bulma asks, looking at him in surprise.

"It says 'Lemon ahead…stop reading if you find it offensive.' Who would find a fruit offensive?" Vegeta looks at Bulma , one eyebrow raised in unadulterated confusion.

"I have no idea Vegeta…" Bulma turned her gaze back to the story and started to read it aloud.

_'__Prince Vegeta…I…I know that we can't do this…but I know that this is right…'_

_'__I know Kakarot…but we must hurry.'_

_'__Right.' Goku stepped towards his prince, eyeing him and licking his lips in anticipation…it wasn't everyday that a third class saiyan got to do this with the prince._

_Vegeta removed his armor, his cape billowing behind him as the armor was raised over his head and thrown unceremoniously to the ground. His boot and gloves followed shortly afterwards, as did Goku's gi and boots._

_The two saiyans met in a passionate lip-lock, both of the pawing at the other, unable to get enough of the other man. Goku pushed his prince on his back on the bed and crawled on top of him. In battle, Vegeta may be the dominating one, in bed it was definitely Goku who dominated the prince._

"THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!" Vegeta yelled out, not able to stand any more of this crap. "As if the saiyan prince will ever be dominated…especially not by that THIRD CLASS CLOWN!"

"Vegeta…please be quieter…everyone else is still asleep…" Bulma pleaded with him, he grunts and does quiet down, but he is still fuming.

"Just find out who the hell gets pregnant…damn these earthlings…that was so not a delicious fruit…" Vegeta mutters, glaring at the laptop.

Bulma giggled before scrolling through the rest of the lemon…truthfully she thought it was disgusting to read about her husband and her best friend getting it on.

"This chapter title shows that one of you gets pregnant…" Bulma informs him, scrolling through the chapter until she reached about half-way. She started to read aloud again.

_'__I cannot believe you two…I expected something like this from you Kakarot…but my son…Vegeta…why?' King Vegeta roared at the two young boys._

_'__Because we love each other…and we will love our child…even if her grandfather won't have anything to do with her.' Goku said lovingly, looking at Vegeta's stomach lovingly, rubbing his lover's belly that was protecting their child._

"This is STUPID!" Vegeta yelled out, ignoring her previous plea for him to be quiet. He would not sit by and listen to Kakarot talking to him _lovingly _and he certainly wouldn't listen to him being pregnant…with KAKAROT'S child…of all the stupid things he's come across…this had to be number 1.

"I know…I know Vegeta…" Bulma said between her laughing… "But it is kinda funny…" Bulma giggled at his indignant expression.

"This is not FUNNY at ALL!" Vegeta growled at her, getting angrier with every one of her laughs.

"It kinda is…" Bulma pushed, biting her bottom laugh to stop herself from laughing again…she could tell he was furious.

"It. Is. Not. Funny." Vegeta grit out, and pinched Bulma's leg softly causing her to squeal.

"Okay, okay…though it is kinda funny…" She squealed when he made to lunge at her, but he stopped and turned away from her and huffed.

"Why don't we look for M-rated ones with you and Chichi…with F-preg…" He paused when he realized that didn't make much sense…but instead of correcting himself he just shut up and decided to ignore Bulma for a while.

"I'm sorry Vegeta…I just thought the way you reacted was too cute." Bulma cooed, pinching his cheek.

"I am not cute." Vegeta growled, lightly smacking her hand away.

"The people that write these…are strange…and you shouldn't think too much about them." Bulma tells him, though he stays silent and she knows that she may have gone slightly too far a little while ago.

"…Though I do enjoy the ones where you are my slave." Vegeta purred, turning towards her, rubbing her thigh languidly.

"Hmm…why is that my prince?" Bulma purred back, shutting her forgotten laptop and Trunks', which she realized they would have to delete his history because of what they were reading, and set them on the ground.

She would finish her paper tomorrow…

…but for tonight…

…another "fanfiction" would do just fine.

A/N: Now is the time where I ask myself…what the hell did I just write…

I hope someone found this amusing…it started out with Vegeta pointing out all the things that seem to have become canon within the BV universe…but turned into something much more…crack fic like…

I find all the things that have become head canons somewhat…interesting (Vegeta calling Bulma woman ALL THE TIME, Vegeta 'running away' after Trunks is conceived, the whole bondage thing, Vegeta's amazing libido, the constant destruction of the gravity room…most of these things either happen once or…well…I'm not sure where a few of them came from…) So I decided to write about them and it turned into…this…

No offense at all to the people who read or write m-preg and GokuxVegeta…I just find it disturbing…(most likely due to the fact that I am a die-hard BV fan)

Please review…please…

~MellowDragon


End file.

Dragon Ball Z, Humor