Legend of Zelda 1. Episode 000: Casting Call

**If you don't think this is a good idea, THEN DON"T READ IT!!!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or Spongebob.**

**Episode 000: ****Casting Call**

One day in the mystical land of Hyrule, a small studio was being built. The guy running the place put up posters all over Hyrule saying, DO YOU WANT TO BE A STAR? THEN COME TO THIS ADDRESS! Sadly, people actually believed the posters…

A horde of the most unusual people crowded into the small studio, including WW Link, Navi, Ganondorf, Zant, Zelda, Skullkid, Midna, Tingle, Linebeck, Ilia, Nayru, and a whole bunch of other people. They sat in their chairs as their host began to greet them.

"Um, hello everyone," the guy said, ""I'm MuffieMaster (or MM for the sake of less writing) and my real name is a secret cause it's cooler that way."

"Can it!" Ganondorf said, "Nobody cares about you! Just instant stardom!" Several people agreed.

"I'm sure you all want to be stars, but you don't even know what you're doing yet!" MM said.

"Hey!" a certain annoying fairy said. "Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! HEY!!!! Heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey!"

"WHAT!!!!!" Everyone shouted.

"I'm bored!" Navi said. Linebeck walked over to Navi and hit the fairy. "Nobody cares! So shut it Sparkles!"

"But that's _my_ special name…" a teary-eyed Ciela said.

"Can MM just get on with telling us what we're doing before I impale Zant again? Ehee hee hee." Midna said.

"Nooooooo!" Zant yelled, "I won't let you impale me again! It was bad enough the first time! I hated it! HATED it! Zdsoifasdoik!"

"What?" MM asked. "Well anyway, I'm sure you've all heard of the show Spongebob Squarepants before, right?"

"I hate that show!" Ganondorf said.

"I love that show!" Link said.

"That show's boring!" Linebeck said.

"Hey! No one listens to me!" Navi said.

"I find that show moderately entertaining." Zelda said.

"That show needs fairies!" Tingle said.

"I luvs muffins!" Ilia said.

"The mask! It burns us!" Skullkid said.

"I don't get that channel…" Nayru said.

"Well, you're all going to be part of it!" MM said. No one moved.

"Noooooooo!" Ganondorf said.

"Sweet!" Link said.

"Meh." Linebeck said.

"Hey!" Navi said.

"Interesting." Zelda said.

"Will there be fairies?" Tingle said.

"Wha?" Ilia said.

"It burnses! It burnses!" Skullkid said.

"I've never even seen that show!" Nayru said.

"Well, here's the cast." MM said.

The Cast:

Spongebob: Link

Gary: Navi

Squidward: Linebeck

Patrick: Skullkid

Mr. Krabs: Tingle

Flying Dutchman: Ganondorf

Sandy: Midna

Pearl: Zelda

That weird pirate picture guy: Nayru

Plankton: Zant

Mrs. Puff: Ilia

Karen (the computer wife): Some random Gossip Stone named Karen

Larry the Lobster: A Goron named Chuck

French Narrator: Some French guy

Stage Crew: Everyone else

Other Changes:

Jellyfishing: Cucco hunting

Krusty Krab: Not sure…(The Green Fairy if no one gives me a suggestion)

Krabby Patties: Magic Muffins

That's all I can think of…

After MM explains the various roles to the idiots of Hyrule…

"Okay then." MM said. "Everybody knows what they're doing?" Silence. "Good! Ok Nayru, sing the theme song!"

"Do I have to?" Nayru asked.

"Yes."

"But I'm the goddess of wisdom! I can't be subjected to sing a horrible song like this! I mean, the part about fighting for your dish is stupid!" Nayru complained.

"It was all I could think of…" MM said. "Besides, _I'm_ the author and what _I_ say goes. Got it."

"Got it." Nayru mumbled.

"So start singing!"

"Fine." Nayru pouted.

ahem

Are you ready kids?

_Aye, aye, Nayru._

_I can't hear you!_

_AYE, AYE, NAYRU!!!_

_O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

_Who lives in a hut on the Great Deku Tree?_

_Link the Hy-lian!_

_His tunic the greenest of green that you'll see!_

_Link the Hy-lian!_

_If wisdom and power and courage ye wish._

_Link the Hy-lian!_

_Then take out your sword and fight for your dish!_

_Link the Hy-lian! (Ready?)_

_Link the Hy-lian,_

_Link the Hy-lian,_

_Link the Hy-lian,_

_Link the-e-e-e-e Hy-lia-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n!_

_Ha-ha-ha-har-har-har-ha-ha-cough-ha-ha-cough-cough-ha-ha-cough-gasp-wheeze_

_Do-dee-dee-do-dee-do-do-do _(A/N: this part was played by Link and the Orcaina of Time)

Created by the twisted mind of MuffieMaster.

"That was pure torture!" Nayru said.

"Yes it was Nayru. Yes it was." MM said

**So if you're vaguely interested in this fic, then you can give me suggestions on the minor characters and the setting and whatnot. Episode 001 will be Help Wanted, and after that it will be based on popular vote. Til then, this is MuffieMaster signing off!**


	2. Episode 001: Help Wanted

(A/N: It turns out it's been a while since I've seen this episode. Yes, I know I messed up a few things, but the whole purpose of this is to get cheap laughs.)

"Okay people!" MM said, "Are you READY!!!"

"Not really!" Everyone said.

"Well too bad! We're starting anyway!"

**Episode 001****: Help Wanted**

It was a beautiful day in Hyrule. The cuccos were clucking, the sun was shining, and a certain cel-shaded pip-squeak was waking up to the sound of…

"HEY!"

Navi was flying around Link, acting as an alarm clock/pet. "Hey! Heyheyhey! Heyheyheyheyheyhey! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

"WHAT!" Link shouted. "I'm trying to get some sleep! What's so important that you have to yell like that!"

"I'm a fairy!" Navi said, "Fairies yell!"

"Celia didn't." Link mumbled.

"What was that!?" Navi shouted.

"Nothing!" Link said hurriedly, "So what am I going to do this morning Navi?"

"Try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Mwuhahahahahahaha!"

"What?"

"Nothing. I meant, you gotta get a job at the Green Fairy!"

"Tch, what kinda name is the Green Fairy?" Link mumbled.

"I heard that!" MM yelled.

"Sorry! Sorry." Link said. He looked at a piece of paper hidden under his pillow. "Lessee. After Navi says 'Green Fairy' I say that. Okay! Ahem. I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

Several minutes later… 

"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" Link stopped in front of a horribly decorated building. "There it is. The finest eating establishment Hyrule has to offer. The Green Fairy! I can do this. I can do this!" Link took one step and fell. "I can't do this! Wahhhhhhhhh!"

Skullkid walked up to a crying Link. "Whazzup buddy?" Skullkid said, "Didja get the job yet?"

"I can't do it Skullkid!" Link whined. "I'm not worthy enough to work there!"

"Sure you are buddy!" Skullkid said, "Who's first words were 'I'm ready?' Yours!"

"Actually, my first word was 'Die ya stinkin Moblin!'" Link said.

"That doesn't matter! Cause you're gonna run up there and _demand_ that job! Who's ready?"

"I'm ready!"

"Who's ready?"

"I-I-I-I-m-m-m-m-m ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

"What's he dancing about?" Linebeck said while he was scrubbing 'Linebeck sucks!' off the door. His eyes wandered to a sign on the window. It had two words on it. Help Wanted. Linebeck's eyes widened and he dashed into the restaurant. "Mr. Tingle! Mr. Tingle!"

"What is it lad?" Tingle asked.

"Lock the doors! Close the windows! We have to hurry cause _he's_ coming!" Linebeck said.

"He?" Tingle asked. "Who's he?"

Link dashed into the Green Fairy. "I'M READY!!!!"

"Him." Linebeck said meekly.

"Hello fairy crew! I'm here to get that job!" Link said.

"Oooooohh!" Tingle said, "A fairy! Hello mister fairy!"

"Um, Tingle sir?" Linebeck said, "He's not a fairy."

"What are you doing here mister fairy?" Tingle asked.

"Forget it." Becky said.

"I'm here to fill in that vacant position!" Link said.

"Well mister fairy, as much as I _love_ fairies, I'm afraid you're not quite what we're looking for." Tingle said.

"Aw, come on." Link said, "I'll be a great worker. Ask Linebeck, he'll vouch for me!"

Linebeck and Tingle ran into a corner. Linebeck took a deep breath. "No." They went back to Link.

"Okay mister fairy," Tingle said, "I'll hire you, but only if you get me a little something."

"What is it?" Link asked, "I'll do anything. _Anything_."

"Lessee," Tingle started, "I want you to get me a magic object with…optional airbags and a GPS system…with one of those snack compartment things and a portable DVD player…that's also hydrodynamic with a MP3 player. Do you think you can get me that?"

"Aye, aye sir!" Link said. He ran out of the Green Fairy.

Tingle and Linebeck started laughing. "Hahaha! He'll never find anything like that!" Linebeck said.

"You got that right Mr. Linebeck!" Tingle said.

"A hydro-what?" The pair continued laughing. Outside a bunch of buses parked around the Green Fairy. Tingle stopped laughing. "Linebeck, stop laughing."

"Why?" Linebeck asked.

"Because I smell something," Tingle said, "A smelly smell. The type of smell that is a smelly smell that smells…smelly." Tingles eyes widened. "Moblins."

"What? What was that?" Linebeck asked.

"MOBLINS!!!" Tingle shouted. A huge crowd of Moblins invaded the building chanting "Food! Food! Food!"

"HOLD ON!!!" Linebeck shouted. The chaos ceased. "Can't all of you just get in a single file line like you're supposed to?" The Moblins did nothing, then chaos ensued. Linebeck and Tingle climbed up a convenient pole as Moblins flooded the building.

Meanwhile… 

Link went to Malo Mart to find Tingle's object. "Malo Mart, Malo Mart, for all your stupid needs." Link chanted.

Back at the Green Fairy… 

Tingle and Linebeck were cowering on top of the pole s waves of hungry Moblins tried to attack them.

"Is this how it ends?" Linebeck asked.

"Aye Mister Linebeck, I'm afraid so." Tingle answered.

"Goodbye, Tingle."

"Goodbye, Linebeck."

In what they thought was their last moments, Link suddenly crashed in inside a Mercedes-Benz and yelled to Tingle, "I got it sir! A magical object with optional airbags, a GPS system, a snack compartment, with a DVD player, MP3 player, and it's hydrodynamic! Can you believe this was the last one?"

"Never mind that mister fairy, just help us!" Tingle shouted.

"Aye, aye, sir!" Link shouted. Strange happy music floated into the room. A montage of Link doing stuff ensues. Link took out the Master Sword and started beating the crap out of the Moblins.

Later… 

The Green Fairy is filled with dead Moblins. Tingle stared open-mouthed at Link. "That was amazing mister fairy!" Tingle said. "You deserve a reward for what you've done!"

"You mean…" Link started.

"Yes! You got the job!" Tingle said.

"Yipeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!" Link shouted as he did a double backflip.

"But Mr. Tingle!" Linebeck said, "You can't hire _him_!"

"I can and I did." Tingle said, "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna take this baby out on a ride!" Tingle hopped into the Mercedes and drove into his office.

Skullkid walked into the Green Fairy. "Good morning Fairy Crew!" Skullkid said.

"Hi Skullkid!" Link said, "What'll you have?"

"One Magic Muffin!"

Link's eyes narrowed and he took out his sword. "Um, what are you doing with that?" Link jumped on Skullkid and started stabbing him repeatedly while the happy music came back on. "Tingle!" Linebeck said, "Tingle! Look at what he's doing! Look at your new employee!"

Two hours later… 

MM walked up to Link, who was still stabbing an already dead Skullkid. "Um, Link?" MM asked. "You've been stabbing him for two hours, don't you think you should stop?"

Link stopped. "You've got a point MM. Wait a minute, who's going to replace Skullkid now?" Link asked.

"Don't worry about that." MM said. MM grabbed a random Kokiri. "Hey, can you go into the Lost Woods for me?"

"Sure!" the Kokiri said.

Later… 

A skullkid came wandering into the studio. "What happened?" Skullkid asked.

"Oh nothing," MM said, "Hey, why don't you try this mask on…I bet it would look good on you…"

**(A/N: I forgot to say that karate is magic so there, I said it)**


	3. Bonus Episode 001: Die Ganondorf! DIE!

"YES!" MM said, "I finally updated!"

"Um, who are you talking to?" Link asked.

"Good question, Link," MM said, "I don't really know."

**Bonus Episode 001: Die Ganondorf! DIE!**

One boring day in the studio of stupidity, everyone had the day off. But there is one small issue…

"WHAT!?" Everyone shouted, "We can't leave!?"

"Yes, yes," MM said, "I know it sounds bad, but I'm pretty sure you can live without going outside for one day."

"But we have stuff to do!"

"Like what?" MM asked.

"I need to kidnap Zelda and take over Hyrule for some reason I can't explain because it'll only end up in a long and drawn out speech." Ganondorf said.

"I left muffins baking in my oven at my house and now I'm afraid I'll end up burning Outset Island!" Link said.

"I need treasure because, well, it's treasure!" Linebeck said.

"I have an interview with Nintendo Power!" Midna said.

"What!" Zelda exclaimed, "Nintendo said they were too busy to take interviews today!"

"Well that's because they were too busy interviewing me!" Midna said.

"I doesn't matter to me," Nayru said, "I just want to avoid my two sisters…"

"Oh Nayruuuuuu! Guess who came to visit?"

"Oh Chu-jelly, they're here!" Nayru exclaimed.

Din and Farore marched into the studio and gave Nayru a BIG hug. "Oh Nayru, I missed you soooooo much!" Farore said. "And Dinsy feels the same way! Right Dinsy?"

"Don't call me that." Din said, "I'm just here for the free food."

"Hmph," Ganondorf said to Link, "That's your goddess kid? She acts like a little kid."

"Yours is no better," Link said as he pointed at the buffet table. "_Your_ goddess is gorging herself on all our food."

"So? She's fat," Ganondorf said. "It's not my problem." Din heard and ran over to Ganondorf. "Did you just call me fat!?" Din shrieked.

"Now, now, Dinsy," Farore said, "Don't get angry at him and burn him to the ground, without him, Nintendo would have to spend years coming up with a new villain!" Farore spotted Link. "Awwww! Is this the bearer of my Triforce? He's so _cuuuuute_! And cartoony!" She hugged Link. "I know! I'll make a cute little plushie of you to hug when you're not here!" Farore disappeared. Everyone had a 0.o face.

"That was strange, but there's a reason I want all of you to stay." MM said.

"What?" Ciela asked.

"We need to kill Ganondorf!" MM said dramatically.

"Again?" Link whined, "It was bad enough the first time! With me having to go all over the Great Sea, fighting baddies and rescuing my sister." He pointed to Aryll who was waving. "Hi." She said. "And I was punched by him like, at _least_ ten times. And those punches really _hurt_!"

"I don't see why I, the awesome Linebeck, have to engage in any violence. I don't think you understand that Linebeck's one true love is peace!"

"That's only because you're a clucking cucco." Ciela mumbled.

"What'd you say Sparkles!" Linebeck shouted."

"Yay!" Ciela said, "You called me Sparkles. I missed being called that!" Ciela gave Linebeck a hug with her…wings.

"Hey, um, er," Linebeck stuttered, "Get off Sparkles! You're covering my shirt with fairy dust!"

"Oh, um, sowee." Ciela said.

"Um, Ciela?" MM said, "You do know that sowee is copyrighted by Hourglass of Fantasies, right?"

"So?" Ciela said. A team of lawyers came barging in a studio. "Miss Ciela Fairy." The lawyer said, "You are hereby on violation of Article C Section G of Sub-Section D of the Copyright Protection Act. You are being sued by Miss Hourglass of Fantasies for using her quote 'sowee' without including a disclaimer which is a direct violation of the Copyright Protection Act. You are fined 1 million Rupees that you must pay at this instant or you shall be put in the Forsaken Fortress working for Darknuts until you pay off your debt."

"1 million Rupees?!" Ciela said, "But I'm a fairy! We don't make that much!"

"Then I'm afraid you have to be taken in." He snapped his fingers. "Book 'em boys!" Some random Moblins came and hand- er, wingcuffed Ciela. "No! You can't do this to me! Becky, help me! Heeeellllllpppp meeeeeeeeee!" Slam! The door was shut.

"Wow, that was, um, random." MM said. "Well getting back to the subject, we need to kill Ganondorf because his character, the Flying Dutchman, is a ghost."

"But we don't want to kill Ganondorf again! Ehee hee hee!" Midna said, "I haven't beaten Twilight Princes yet!"

"Did I mention that whoever kills Ganondorf first will get a reward?" MM said. Everyone's eyes flashed red. "GET HIM!!!"

And so begins a long chase scene. But since I don't feel like writing it, let's see how Ciela's doing.

At the Forsaken Fortress…

Ciela is scrubbing pans with her…wings and cooking things with her…wings. She carrys the food to the Darknuts with her…wings, and flies around with her…wings.

Okay, go to Farore now.

Farore was sewing a Link plushie. "You're gonna be soooooo cute when your finished. I'll love you and hug you and nurture you and…"

Oookay, that was kinda creepy. Let's get back to the chase scene.

Ganondorf was running for his life away from the crazed maniacs trying to kill him. "Get away from me you freaks!" Ganondorf said.

"Nevah!" Everyone cried.

They were all chasing him with music in the background, like some sort of old Scooby-Doo cartoon. There was that door scene and- OH look! A monkey! Hi monkey!"

"Ook!" the monkey said.

Ok! Bye mister monkey!

Where were we? Oh yeah!

Ganondorf was cornered by Link. "Prepare to die again Ganondorf. I want that prize!"

"You'll never take me alive!" Ganony said.

"Um, that's sorta the point." Link said.

"You're not gonna kill him!" Linebeck came out of the shadows. "I am!"

"I thought Linebeck's one true love is peace?" Link asked.

"That was before I knew there was gonna be treasure! Now go and fight, little monkey!" Linebeck said.

"No!" Ganondorf exclaimed, "You can't kill me! I'm copyrighted by Nintendo!"

Link got out the Master Sword. "Well I have bad news for you, Ganony!" Link said, "I'm copyrighted by Nintendo too! So no lawyers will come to save you!" Link jumped up and stabbed him in the head. "Hyahhh!" Link cried.

"Heh heh heh," Ganondorf laughed, "You can't kill me! I have the Triforce of Power!" Ganondorf got out his sword. "Prepare to die Hero!"

Farore teleported onto the scene. "Oh Linky! I finished my plushie! Isn't it cute!" Farore stepped between Ganondorf and Link, and Ganondorf sliced the plushie into shreds. "Oh boy." Ganondorf said. "You killed my plushie." Farore said with an eye twitch. "YOU KILLED MY BABY!!!!!!"

"No! Please! Don't! Gahhhhhh!" Farore jumped on Ganondorf and started beating him. "No one killes my plushies! No one! That was my baby and you killed it! Dieeee!" Farore continued beating Ganondorf while Link and Linebeck watched with fear until Din stepped in and pulled them apart.

"Farore!" Din said, "Goddesses should have more class!" Farore whimpered and started crying. "Wahhhhhhhh! But-but Dinsy, the mean man killed my plushie! He hurt my feelings!"

"That may be Farore, but goddesses shouldn't unleash unceasing havoc that could possibly end life as we know it unless we forgot to do our hair." Din said.

"But Dinsy!"

"No buts Farore!"

"But Dinsy! The mean man called you fat!"

"What," Din looked at Ganondorf with a twitch, "Did he call me?"

"Fat, Dinsy!"

Din leapt at Ganondorf and started beating him. "Dieeeeeeeee!!!!" Din cried. Farore, Link, and Linebeck watched Din unleash the wrath of the Goddesses on Ganondorf, all in high definition!

After several minutes, Ganondorf was a ghost. "Wow Dinsy!" Farore said, "I've never seen you that mad before!"

"Well nobody calls me fat." Din said. "Let's go Farore!"

"Okie-dokie sis!" Farore gave Link a big hug before he left, "I'll miss you Linky-winky!"

"She is one weird goddess." Linebeck said.

"Ditto." Link said. MM walked onto the scene. "Hey! MM! Where's our prize?"

"Prize?" MM asked.

"Yeah the prize!" Linebeck said.

"Well, since Din is the one who killed Ganondorf, then she gets the prize, but since she left, no one gets the prize."

"What!" Link and Linebeck said. "Hey! That's not fair!"

"Speaking of hey's, what happened to Navi?" MM asked.

Somewhere in a closet. Navi was in a bottle screaming her head off. "Hey! Hey!!! Heyheyheyheyheyheyhey! Let me out! Please! I'll even act like a Pokemon! Pika! Pika pika! See? I'm a Pikachu! Pika pi? Pika Pikachu! Pi Pika Pi! Pikachu! PIKA!"


	4. Bonus Episode 002: Christmas in Hyrule

"I'm reaaaaaalllllllyyyy sorry for two bonus chapters in a row," MM said, "It's just that I haven't seen the Christmas special in a long time so I don't remember it."

"Are you talking to yourself again?" Link asked.

"Um, no."

**Bonus Episode 002****: Christmas!!!**

Link and Zant were having a staring contest. "Heh, you can't beat me, Zant," Link said, "You're crazy."

"I am NOT crazy!" Zant shouted, "In fact, _you're_ crazy for thinking _I'm_ crazy! See? Crazy! Mwuahhhhhzsadaarzhfdzj!!!!!!" Zant blinked.

"Ha!" Link laughed, "I beat you again, Zant!"

"Nooooooo!" Zant yelled, "I demand a rematch!"

"Again?" Link asked, "Staring contests get a little boring after the one-thousandth, two-hundredth, and forty-second time."

"Awwwww! Come on! Pwease!"

"No."

"Then I will spread your entrails like honey filled butter all over the floor! Mwuhahahahaha!" Zant tripped. "Owie!"

"Hello everyone!" MM stepped out from behind an imaginary curtain and striked a pose he thought was cool. "Merry Christmas!"

"Christmas?" Navi said, "What's that? Is it something you can eat? Hello? Hey! Hey listen! What's Christmas?"

"Ugh," Nayru moaned, "Who let the annoying fairy out of the bottle?"

"Annoying?" Navi yelled, "I'm not annoying! I'm totally awesome! I was voted the number one fairy on the polls!"

"No," Nayru said, "As the goddess of wisdom, I happen to know that Ciela won that particular poll. And who let you out of that bottle?"

"I did!" Ganondorf came gliding out of a wall. "I wanted revenge for the goddesses that turned me into this! So I let out the ultimate evil that Nintendo could come up with!"

"Bowser?" Link asked.

"No you fools!" Ganondorf said, "Navi! She is the _worst_ character in the history of Nintendo!"

"Hey! I resent that comment!" Navi shouted. "And can someone tell me what Christmas is?!"

"Christmas," MM said, "Is a holiday where people give each other gifts."

"Like treasure?" Linebeck asked.

MM sighed. "Yes Linebeck, like treasure."

Linebeck started laughing. "Hahaha! Ok, you monkeys, give me treasure!"

"Wait a minute, Linebeck," MM said, "We can't start until Ciela gets here.

"But last time I checked, Ciela was dead!" Link said.

"Oh," MM said, "Then we have to mourn the death of Ciela."

Ciela came flying in the door. "Hey guys! I'm back from the Forsaken Fortress! You wouldn't believe that Darknuts wore Hello Kitty underwear!"

"We have come here today to mourn the death of Miss Ciela Fairy," MM said, "She was a good fairy, who wasn't as annoying as Navi, and she will be sorely missed."

"Um, hello?" Ciela said, "I'm still alive." Everyone turned to Ciela. "Your alive!!!" Link shouted. He ran over to Ciela and gave her a hug. "I missed you so much Ciela! Don't ever get caught saying 'sowee' ever again!"

"You're…crushing…me!" Ciela sputtered out. Link let go.

"Okay!" MM said, "Now we can talk about Christmas! Lets start by watching a cheesy Christmas specials on the television!"

_Five hours later._

Everybody was on the ground, twitching, and MM turned off the TV. "Ok, does everyone understand Christmas now?"

"Something to do with flying reindeer, a fat guy, giant socks, talking snowmen, and little green men who look like Link."

"My long lost family." Link said.

"What about me?" Aryll asked.

"Oh, I forgot about you." Link said. Aryll started crying and ran away to the Mushroom Kingdom.

"The ways of you light dwellers are so strange," Midna said, "I mean, giving presents to other people is stupid. You should be giving presents to me! Ehee hee hee!"

"I don't think you get the point." MM said, "Christmas is a time for family. So everyone invite your family over!"

"Oh no." Nayru said. Farore and Din appeared out of nowhere and landed on top of Nayru. Farore spotted Link and gave him a hug. "Oh Linky-winky! I missed you! I never was able make a plushie of you!"

"Immature." Din said as she went over to the buffet table.

"I hate my sisters." Nayru said.

"At least you have a family." Ciela said, "I wish I had sisters."

"You have a family." The spirit of power, the spirit of wisdom, Tael, Tatl, and Navi floated over to Ciela like some kind of cult. "Sister, sister, sister." They chanted. "Nooooooooooooooooo" Ciela screamed.

Linebeck scoffed, "I don't see the point of family. I mean I, the famous Linebeck, have no family. And look at how I turned out!"

"Yeah, a self-centered cucco." Ciela mumbled.

"Don't you have some screaming to get to Sparkles?!" Linebeck yelled.

"Oh yeah. Noooooooooooooooo!"

"It might be nice to have siblings." Zelda said.

"Awwww, don't worry Zeldy," Ilia said, "I'll be your sister!" She came over to Zelda and gave her a hug.

"You dare touch me?" Zelda said, "Die!" Zelda got out a sword and stabbed Ilia with it. Ilia died. "Hm, it's just like that one fic 100 Ways to Kill Ilia by Midnight Crystal Sage."

"Oh yeah!" MM said, "I love that fic!"

"Family?" Tingle said, "Oh yeah! My family!" Tingle got out a cell phone and dialed a number. A robotic voice came out of the phone. "I am sorry. You have not paid your phone bill for 25 years. And you are out of free minutes. Thank you for using Fairy Wireless."

"Darn it!" Tingle said, "I knew I should have signed up for the My Faves plan!"

"Family huh?" Midna said. Zant was dancing behind her when Midna drove her hair through Zant's stomach, "I don't know what you're talking about. Ehee hee hee!"

Skullkid ran up to MM with a whole bunch of Kokiri behind him. "I have family! See MM?" The Kokiri kicked Skullkid. "I thought you said we were getting a bonus, Skullkid!" They stomped off.

"I think it's time to open presents guys." MM said. A bunch of presents appeared under the Great Deku Tree. "PRESENTS!!!" Everyone dived under the Deku Tree and started ripping open Snake's cardboard boxes.

"I got an ocarina!" Link said.

"I got a Linky plushie!" Farore said.

"I got a McDonald's coupon!" Din said.

"I got rupees!" Linebeck said.

"Ehee hee hee! I got a framed picture of me impaling Zant!" Midna said.

"I got a new stomach! A STOMACH!!! Hahahahahahaha-cough-cough-ha!" Zant said.

"I got the Complete Idiot's Guide to Avoiding Your Sisters." Nayru said.

"Hey! I got coffee!" Navi said.

"I got a Phantom Hourglass in my size!" Ciela said.

"I got a Youtube video of me taking over Hyrule!" Ganondorf said.

"I got mask polish!" Skullkid said.

"I got Fairy Tears!" Tingle said.

"I have…socks." Zelda said. "Everyone else has these great gifts, and I got socks."

"Cheer up Zelda!" MM said, "I bet I got something worse." MM opened his gift. "OMG!!! An iPhone!!!"

"Yeah that's _much_ worse than my gift." Zelda mumbled.

Farore hugged Link and said, "I luv my gift Linky!" Farore walked away and started doing…things to the plushie. Ganondorf glided over to Farore. "Now my revenge on the goddesses!" Ganondorf grabbed the plushie from Farore, and ripped it in half. "You killed my plushie." Farore said.

"Yeah, yeah," Ganondorf said, "We went through this the last chapter. But now you can't hurt me because I'm a ghost!"

"Grrrrrrr!" Farore grabbed Navi. "If I can't physically hurt you, then I'll have to scar you for life." Farore got the coffee and poured 18 cups down Navi's throat. Nayru ran over to Farore to stop her, but it was too late. "What have you done Farore?!" Nayru said, "You have doomed us all." Navi started twitching.

"She's gonna blow!!!" Link shouted. Everyone dived.

"HEY!!!" Navi shouted. "This coffee is GREAT!!! I-love-coffee-do-you-love-coffee? I-do! It-tastes-so-good-and-it-gives-my-so-much-energy! Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-HEY!!!! Are-you-listening?! Listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-listen-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!!!!!!!!"

"Make it stop!" MM said.

"This is torture! TORTURE!!!" Zant said.

"I'm sorry! I'll never be evil again if you just stop!" Ganondorf said.

"I'll stop this!" Din said. "Din's FIRE!!!" A wave of flame fell upon the studio, burning everything. When the flame was out, Navi passed out and everything was scorched. "Ugh," MM said, "There goes the deposit on the studio."

"My-my rupees!" Linebeck stuttered. "Noooooooooooooo!!!"

"You know what, Ciela?" Link asked.

"What Link?"

"I hate Christmas."

**Happy Holidays people!**


	5. Episode 002: Christmas Who?

"Ready to do the Christmas special?" MM asked.

"I thought you said you couldn't write one because you haven't really seen it!" Nayru said.

"Well, I didn't write this one, it was written by Hourglass of Fantasies!" MM replied, "Except the Patchy parts, I wrote those. And the part before the sing-along starts."

"Hmm," Midna said while reading the script, "I don't have a western accent! Ehee hee hee!"

"Well blame HoF not me!"

"Nope, I'm blaming you." Midna said.

"Gah!" MM replied.

"Sigh, MuffieMaster owns nothing." Link said.

**Episode 002****: Christmas Who? **(by Hourglass of Fantasies)

Patchy the pirate was sitting on a chair. "Hey kids, today we're gonna-" MM walked on stage and kicked Patchy off the stage. "Shut up, old man!" MM said, "This isn't Spongebob."

"I'll be back, young whippersnapper!" Patchy said as he shook his fist.

"That's nice," MM said, "Ok, this tells the story of Link's first Christmas, not Spongebob's. It just happens to be very similar to Spongebob's first Christmas. It all began when…"

-

Link stood on a small hill near Midna's bubble of Twilight, "Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get that Midna with a super-sneaky magic move!" Link shook the Dominion Rod in his left hand and chopped the water with it, "Hoo! Ha!" Laughing, Link started waving the Rod around in the air and charged towards Midna's bubble of Twilight.

When Link arrived at Midna's home, she was humming some strange tune and putting colored lights up. "What diabolical act is she committing now?" Link asked as he watched the Twili.

Midna was finished putting up the lights and walked over to a wire with a plug laying next to it.. She picked up the plug and plugged it into the wire that had some weird square thing on it. Then all the lights she had hung lit up around her bubble.

Link gasped and dropped his Dominion Rod, "Fire! Don't worry, Midna! I'm coming!" Link ran off and returned with a bucket, he scooped some water in and made an engine noise. Quickly, he dove into Midna's bubble, closed his eyes, and splashed the water all over Midna, "Stand back, Midna! Fire!"

Link opened his eyes and saw Midna staring at him with a ticked off expression. "So I guess there is no fire, huh?" Link asked, blushing and dropping the bucket.

"What in the name of the Twilight is wrong with you, Link?" Midna barked, dripping wet. "Ain't ya ever seen a Christmas tree before?"

"Christmas who?" Link asked.

"What!? Ya'll ain't never heard of Christmas?" Midna gasped.

"Is she a friend from the Twilight Realm?"

"Heh, no. I can't believe ya'll ain't never heard of," Midna's eyes got big and she put on a high-pitched voice, "Christmas!"

Link copied Midna's voice and movements, "Tell me more about this, Christmas!"

-

"And so, Midna told Link a magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told him of toy-making creatures called elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told him of the one they call, Santa Clause."

-

Link stood talking on a table at the Green Fairy telling Skull Kid and Linebeck the story Midna had told him. "And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake!"

Linebeck glared at Link with a bored expression, "Yawn."

"But the best part is," Link said happily, taking out a picture of Santa Clause. "You can write a letter to this guy, Santa Clause, and tell him what you want, and he brings it to you!"

Skull Kid put on a goofy expression and smiled at Majora's Mask that was hovering next to him, "Like a genie!"

Tingle quickly walked over after listening in on the whole conversation, "Well I don't know about you Rupoors, but any fella who is givin' out free stuff, is a friend o' mine!"

"That's the spirit, Tingle sir! Here you go," Link chirped, pulling out a pencil and paper for Tingle. "You can get started on your letter right now!"

"I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where some fat old guy dressed in red breaks into your boat and leaves gifts," Linebeck said snorting.

"Like a genie," Skull Kid said, his eyes growing big with excitement.

"Pipe down, Linebeck!" Tingle snapped, slamming him claws down on the table. "I'm trying to concentrate! This is as good as a blank check, direct from the first national bank of Santa Clause!" Tingles eyes turned to Rupees like they always did. He laughed happily and walked off, thinking of all the wonderful things he could be rewarded with.

"Ah boy," Linebeck said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Skull Kid smiled at Majora's Mask again, "Yeah!"

Link hoped off the table and pulled out more pencils and papers, "Okay! Who's next?"

"Ohh!" Skull Kid cried, waving his hand in the air. "Me! Me! Pick me!"

Linebeck groaned.

"Here you go, Skull Kid," Link chirped, handing Skull Kid a pencil and blank piece of paper.

Skull Kid happily took the pencil and paper and looked at the paper, "There is no words on this?"

"Not yet," Link replied, holding up a pencil. "You've got to write some! With the pencil."

Skull Kid looked at the pencil Link have gave him a squealed with delight, "Yippee! A writing stick!"

Link smiled and handed Linebeck a piece of paper and pencil, "Come on, Becky, write a letter!"

"Kid, grow up, will you?" Linebeck asked, eyeing Majora's Mask as it floated around Skull Kids head telling him to write down world domination. "No one's going to give me a gift because I wrote a letter asking to."

"You're doing it wrong!" Majora's Mask yelled at Skull Kid. "Let me see it!" Majora's Mask took the paper from Skull Kid and floated behind his head. It took a pencil using its magic and started writing 'world

domination' over and over again.

"Can I have another paper?" Skull Kid begged.

"Sure," Link said handing Skull Kid a piece of paper. "Here you go, buddy."

"Heh, thanks!" Skull Kid said happily taking the paper.

"Okay-dokey, Linebeck," Link continued, waving a piece of paper in Linebeck's face. "How about-"

"Link," Skull Kid whined. "Majora's Mask stole my paper, could I have another one?"

Link sighed, "Sure buddy, here ya-"

"WORLD DOMINATION!" Majora's Mask yelled, taking the piece of paper.

Link was about to take another piece of paper, when Majoraâ€™s Mask took all his left-over paper.

Link sighed, Linebeck snorted, Majora's Mask kept chanting "WORLD DOMINATION!"

-

Link and Skull Kid stood in front of Link's house. "Skull Kid," Link said, taking out his Bow and Arrows. "I have found a way to launch bottles to the surface. The hopes of our Christmas wishes rely on this idea." Link took a bottle and stabbed an arrow through the glass. "Fire in the hole!" he cried.

Skull Kid covered his ears as Link shot and arrow into the sky.

"It's on its way," Link said happily as he watched the arrow soar to the surface of the ocean.

"ME NEXT!" Majora's Mask yelled, attaching itself onto Skull Kid's face and making him hand Link the letter.

"What did you wish for, Majora's Mask?" Link asked as he stabbed the bottle with an arrow.

"The moon to crash down and destroy the world!" Majora's Mask laughed.

Link nodded knowingly as he shot the arrow up into the air.

Tingle quickly pushed Skull Kid out of the way and handed Link his bottle.

Link took the bottle and stabbed it with and arrow, "What did you wish for Mr. Tingle, sir?"

"A fairy," Tingle replied, grinning a huge grin.

"Really?" Link asked, confused as he shot his arrow up.

"With several bags of Rupees!" Tingle cheered as he watched his bottle go.

Soon enough, Link was launching bottle after bottle for all the residents of town.

Linebeck pushed his way through the crowd, "Outta my way!" he snapped as he came up to Link.

"Hi, Becky!" Link chirped. "You come to make a wish too?"

"My wish," Linebeck said, annoyed. "Is that the people of Hyrule would stop listening to the useless blubbering from this dunderheads mouth!"

"Gee, Becky," Link replied, shooting up another arrow. "Maybe Santa will give me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said. Alright! Who is next!?"

The crowd around Link cheered like mad, waving their bottles around as Linebeck stormed off.

-

("What?" Link said, "We have to sing?!"

"Yes!" MM hissed, "Now do it before I throttle you!")

The Sing-a-long

"It's shaping up to be a wonderful holi-day, not your average every-day!"

"Sounds like someone felled my own coral tree! Link, Skull Kid, why did you do this to me!?"

"The world feels like it's in loverly!"

"Go away before I harm you bodily!"

"This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!"

"There will be shopping decorating and plenty of snow! Plenty of snow! Hey Skull Kid who is that under the mistletoe!?"

"What? Who? Me? Would you look at the time? I should go!"

"People seem a little more brotherly!"

"Brotherly!"

"Here is a special something fro you to me!"

"To you from me!"

"Even all the trash on Christmas smells so sweet-ly!!"

"HEY!"

"This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!"

"Ya dah dah dah dah! Dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dom!"

"Kid what do you want, can't ya see that I'm busy!?"

"Step outside we've got something for you to see!"

"Link, Skull Kid, take this stuff down immediately!"

"Chestnuts roasting and burned to the third degree!"

"Tonight things are as good as they seem to be!"

"A mask on top will complete all the scenery!"

"This Christmas feels like the VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TO ME!"

"Heh heh heh!"

"This Christmas feels like the VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TO ME!"

End of Sing-a-long.

-

Link sighed happily as he watched the last bottle fly up to the surface. "Well, that is everyone. OH MY GOSH! BECKY! LINEBECK!"

Linebeck was in his boat playing with a gear, trying to fix something when Link exploded in, holding a bunch of papers, pencils, and a bottle. "BECKY! Becky! You haven't wrote a letter to Santa yet!"

"Kid!" Linebeck snapped, "Grow up! I am NOT writing a letter to Santa Clause!"

"How about this?" Link asked. "'Hi Santa! No, You may remember-"

"NO!" Linebeck snapped.

"Howdy Clause?" Link asked.

Linebeck pushed Link out of his house and stood on the deck of his boat. "Link, grow up! I don't believe in Santa Clause!" Linebeck snorted and stormed below deck into his boat.

Link stood their gloomily as a crowd of residents came behind Link and started cheering, "Come on, Linebeck!"

"Come on!"

"Don't be a party pooper!"

"I don't believe in Santa Clause!" Linebeck snapped, coming onto the deck quickly. "Link has you all fooled! Santa Clause is just a bunch of make-believe extra ship parts!" Linebeck stormed below deck as the crowd continued chanting "Come on out, Becky!"

"Come on, everybody!" Link suddenly cried from the crowd, grabbing onto the big coral tree Skull Kid and himself chopped down. "Lets sing until Santa gets here!"

"Yeah!" the crowd cried.

"Ohh, Santa is coming, tonight, tonight! Santa is coming to-night! Santa is coming, tonight, tonight, Santa is coming tonight!"

Linebeck, from his bed in his boat, snorted.

-

"Santa is coming, tonight, tonight, Santa is coming tonight!" the crowd sang very tiredly as the still stood outside of Linebeck's boat, singing.

"Hey!" one guy complained. "Where's Santa!?"

Every eye turned on Link. He nervously looked at his watch and flinched, "Umm, he should be here any minute! Santa is coming, tonight, tonight! Santa is-"

The crowd groaned and started mumbling things to themselves. A small group of people with the one guys who asked about Santa stayed for a second. "Thanks

for the lies, Mr. Fairy Tales," he snarled. "Come on, guys, let's go somewhere else." The others nodded and walked away.

"Wait!" Link cried.

"He probably just stopped for a snack!" Skull Kid guessed. "Fat guys get hungry, right?"

"Yeah!" Link said, hopefully.

-

"Sigh," Link sighed. Suddenly, a glass bottle with a fairy in it fell off the tree and broke once it hit his head.

Skull Kid groaned and started to walk away sadly, "Never trust a genie."

Link sadly looked up as Majora's Mask rammed into his head, "World domination! So close!" he snorted and floated off after Skull Kid.

Link sulked down sadly, still waiting for Santa Clause to come.

-

"GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!" Linebeck laughed as he exploded out of his boat. "MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO! HO! HA HA HA HA!" He looked over and saw Link standing sadly in front of the tree. "Oh!" he laughed, running over to Link holding a Pictograph Box. "I think I see our first Christmas photo coming up!" He held his Pictograph Box and was about to take a picture, when he said to Link, "Can ya move a little to the left?"

Link had huge, watery eyes as he stepped to the left.

"Say, 'Santa Clause!'" Linebeck said happily.

Link started to sniffle as he managed to say, "Santa Clause?"

Linebeck took a Pictograph that had Link's eyes watering like crazy. "Oh, our first Christmas!" he started dancing around, waving the Pictograph and laughing at sobbing Link. "This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas, to me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA!"

Link started crying, "You were right, Linebeck, this is a stupid holiday! B-b-but I still want you to have this."

Linebeck paused as Link took out a small, brightly wrapped box. "For me? Umm, what is it?"

"A present," Link sniffled. "I made it, I didn't want you to feel upset when, SANTA CAME!" Link walked off, crying.

Linebeck watched him go before he looked at the box Link had given him. "Hmm, well, what do we have here? It's probably an old muffin, or a spatula of time or," Linebeck put on a stupid tone, "His favorite hat. Ha." He opened the box and gasped. "W-what's this?" he pulled out a small Rupee bag Link must have made. "Why-it looks like a Rupee bag! It feels like one too! Hand-crafted, why, it's even got my name on it! What is this?" he asked, looking at a small golden rupee on the front of the bag above where the name 'Linebeck' was sewn on. "Wow!" Linebeck said in admiration. "This is the greatest Christmas gift ever! Aww, poor kid. I feel like a, I feel like a, big jerk! I didn't mean to hurt the kids feelings like that! Hey, Link, Link?"

Link sadly was tugging at some decorations on his house, "I'd better get this stuff down, aah well" the little Hero slid down onto the ground and pulled the decorations off.

"Hmm," Linebeck pondered. "I got it!"

-

"I guess I ought to take this stuff off of Linebeck's place," Link sighed as he dragged himself over to Linebeck's boat. As Link grabbed a hold of some lights, someone started cheering, "Ho ho ho!"

Link gasped and looked around. "Hello?"

"Ho ho ho!" Linebeck cheered from the roof of Links house. Linebeck was dressed in a red jacket instead of blue and wore a little Santa hat he had found.

"Hello? Yoo hoo? Show yourself. Yes?" Link asked, looking around in every which way.

"Up here you dimwit!" Linebeck snapped, his bad temper staring up. "Err, I mean, merry Christmas kid."

Link whipped around and gasped, "AH! Could it be!?"

"Yes! It is I, Santa Clause!" Linebeck said happily. "Ho ho ah!" Just then, Linebeck slipped and fell down.

"Hey," Link said, pointing to fallen Linebeck. "You're s-s-San, s-s-s-San, s-s-s-s-s-Santahhh," Link fainted.

Linebeck stood up and looked at Link, "Hey kid? Link?"

Link opened his eyes, "S-s-s-s-s-San-"

"Don't do that again," Linebeck said, annoyed.

Link jumped up and gave Linebeck a hug, "I knew you'd come Santa, thank you for spreading Christmas to Hyrule."

"I didn't spread Christmas, Link," Linebeck said with a smile. "You did."

"I did!? Ahh," Link fainted again.

Navi floated over to him and dragged him home by the hat.

"Merry Christmas, kid!" Linebeck chirped. "Ho ho ho! Phew, glad that is over with."

"Ah-em!" a voice came from behind Linebeck. He turned and groaned at what he saw, a group of people staring at him with huge grins on their faces. "You got a gift for me Santa?" "And me too?" "And what about me?"

Linebeck scratched the back of his head, "Umm, right. Let's see what Santa has for all you good people!"

Linebeck dove into his boat and started dragging his things out of it. "A bowl of mashed potatoes for you, sir. And a wrench for you ma'am. And this, and this, and that, and some of these too!"

-

"Thank you, Santa," Ganondorf laughed as he dragged away Linebeck's favorite wooden box.

Linebeck snorted and walked onto the deck of his boat. "What was I thinking? I gave away all my stuff just so Link could have a little joy. Am I insane?"

"Oh! Oh Becky!" Link cried. "You should have seen him! He was here! He had rosey cheeks and gave us all presents! I nose was red but his spirit was filled with Christmas joy! He was jolly and had brown hair-"

Linebeck shot his cannon at Link and sent him flying. "Yep, I'm insane," he said.

-

"I hope you people enjoyed this special Christmas chapter!" MM said.

"Tch, I didn't," Linebeck said, "I lost all my stuff."

"Aside from Linebeck, I hope all of you enjoy Christmas you moochers."

"Arrrrrrr! I've come back for me revenge!" Patchy ran into a studio brandishing a sword.

"Oh noes!" MM said. He ran away with Patchy close behind.


End file.

Legend of Zelda, Humor, Parody