Legend of Zelda 1. Default Chapter

- Of Truth And Fiction - Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda or any of the characters from Zelda games. HOWEVER MY characters belong to ME!! So, no stealing! I also HIGHLY suggest you read my profile page first so that you get the idea of whom my characters are or you might get a bit confused. I will add more character profiles when they are introduced for the first time. Altogether there are five of my main characters (not all introduced at once by the way) and the rest of the Zelda cast. Okay, enough with my lecture, onto the story!  
  
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~In the Kingdom Of Laifeille...~(yes, if you read my character profiles you should know what I'm going on about)  
  
Freya: *runs into room * *gasps* MOMMA!! Are you going to be ok?!  
  
Queen: *lying on bed* ^-^ o-of course *cough cough* ...  
  
Freya: WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?  
  
Queen: Freya...I'm not –  
  
Freya: Grrrrrr! They held a gun to you am I correct? Or a sword? Or a pitchfork? OR, OR A TON OF KNIVES!!?  
  
Queen: Urm...Freya, dear I have a cold I haven't been stabbed ...* thinking* overreacts to everything...  
  
Freya: *clasps hands together * what can I do to help you momma? Anything! You name it! Oooo! I know! I'll get you some medicine! -^-^-  
  
Queen: Uh, Freya, its better if you don't, remember, you don't have any sense of direct –  
  
Freya: DON'T WORRY MOMMA!!! I'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT! *Runs out of the room *  
  
Queen: I'm doomed...  
  
~ In Hyrule ~  
  
Ganondorf: *sitting in room in Gerudo valley* what evil should I bring about today?  
  
Koume: oo! Ganondorf, you should teach that kid Link a lesson!  
  
Kotake: YES! Go over to his house right now and show him who's boss!  
  
Ganondorf: *sweatdrop* *gets out stuffed Gannon toy* *Talks to the toy* How about a picnic Ganny?  
  
Koume and Kotake: ...¬¬  
  
Tadashi: *comes bursting through wall * FREYA!!!!  
  
Ganondorf, Koume and Kotake: *looking at Tadashi *...  
  
Tadashi: *looks around * huh? Oh! *Scritches head* sorry bout the wall!! * Gets out super glue and picks up a chunk of rock* please stick back on...*tries to stick rock back on but ends up breaking the whole wall * *starts waving arms around*AHHH! I'M SORRY! I CAN FIX IT!! I CAN I –  
  
Ganondorf: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?  
  
Koume: Looks like Link.  
  
Kotake: Yeah, same hair. Better clothes.  
  
Tadashi: *still waving arms around franticly* I'M SORRY SIR!! I'LL EVEN PAY FOR REPAIRS!!  
  
Ganondorf: You have money?  
  
Tadashi: *nods head*  
  
Ganondorf: *gets out table* lets talk.  
  
Koume: First of all, whats your name?  
  
Tadashi: My names Tadashi, uh ...Sir.  
  
Koume: * hits him over the head with her broom* #! I'M A WOMAN!  
  
Tadashi: *holding head * yowch! S-sorry... ma'am!  
  
Koume: That's better. Secondly...why are you here?  
  
Tadashi: I'm looking for Princess Freya! Have you seen her?  
  
Kotake: *whispers to Ganondorf* this boy is obviously senile.  
  
Ganondorf: Are you insane boy?  
  
Tadashi: no sir.  
  
Koume: At least he's polite even if he is crazy.  
  
Tadashi: I'M NOT CRAZY!  
  
Ganondorf: *looks at Tadashi's sword* You fight?  
  
Tadashi: huh? *looks at his back* oh yeah! I forgot about that! Ha ha ha! ^- ^;  
  
Koume and Kotake: *thinking * oh god...  
  
Ganondorf: Yes, well I think I might know where your princess is...  
  
Koume and Kotake: WHAT?!  
  
Ganondorf: * grabs Koume and Kotake*  
  
Koume and Kotake: YAHHHH!!!  
  
Ganondorf: *whispers* Just play along. This way we can get rid of Link AND get loads of money at the same time! MWHEHEH! *Evil smile*  
  
Koume and Kotake: oohh! Ganny you're so evil! * They don't get it*  
  
Tadashi: YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS!? *Grabs Ganondorf's cloak* Please tell me!  
  
Ganondorf: ...*gives him weirdo looks* *pulls cloak away* HANDS OFF THE MERCHANDISE!! Anyway...an evil villain named Link has... uh kidnapped her. *Fake concern* Oh the tragedy!  
  
Tadashi: WHAT!? HE KIDNAPPED FREYA!?  
  
Ganondorf: Yes, he looks like a garden gnome and lives in a shabby tree house in the forest. He likes women so...he probably kidnapped your girlfriend to hec hem satisfy his own urges.  
  
Tadashi: * blushes* uh no...Freya's not my...*blushes insanely* WAIT- HE, HES BEEN DOING... THAT WITH HER!? YOU'VE GOTTA TELL ME WHERE HE IS!  
  
Ganondorf: *hits him over the head with Kotake's broom* Haven't you been paying attention?! He lives in the forest with a white light bulb called Navi.  
  
Tadashi: *Tilts head* light bulb?  
  
Ganondorf: Yes, well he needs company. He lives by himself so a light bulb is all he has.  
  
Tadashi: * sad face*  
  
Ganondorf: WHAT NOW!?  
  
Tadashi: *looks up* now I kinda feel sorry for him...  
  
Ganondorf: *slaps head*Arghhh... Remember, he's doing naughty things with your potential girlfriend...  
  
Tadashi: *Is extremely angry* I'LL KILL HIM!!  
  
Ganondorf: *smug smile* Now...didn't you have to pay me back for all the damage you caused? * Puts out hand*  
  
Tadashi: * pulls out empty pockets* *sweatdrop* Urm...thanks for the info! ^- ^ RUN! * Runs out*  
  
Ganondorf: *still smiling and has hand out* ...  
  
Koume and Kotake: Looks like we're not getting any money...Ganondorf's just in denial now...  
  
Ganondorf: ... THE DAMN KID DID'NT PAY ME!! DOESN'T HE KNOW WHO I AM!?  
  
Koume: Doubt it. He seemed a bit out of it to me.  
  
Ganondorf: GRRRRRRR!!!! I WANTED THE MONEY!!!  
  
Koume and Kotake: oh, and, Ganondorf, why do you change the subject when we ask YOU to kill Link?  
  
Ganondorf: * sweatdrop* * gets out organ* * starts playing his song on it* can't you two see I'm busy? Stop asking irritating questions!  
  
Koume and Kotake: ...¬¬  
  
~ In Kokiri Forest ~  
  
Tadashi: WHERE ARE YOU, YOU B******!?  
  
Random Kokiri: * hits him with deku stick* NO SWEARING!  
  
Tadashi: WHY IS EVERYONE HITTING ME ALL OF A SUDDEN!?  
  
(Loreille: Because you're an idiot)  
  
Tadashi: * grasps head* NOW I'M HEARING VOICES!! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOPPPPP!!  
  
Link: Hi there! Are you... in need of help?  
  
Tadashi: * looks up at Link* YOU!  
  
Link: moi?  
  
Tadashi: Gimme back FREYA!!!  
  
Link: who is Freya?  
  
Tadashi: You should know you pervert! How dare you do such things to an innocent princess!  
  
Link: * is highly confused*  
  
Tadashi: *Takes out sword* You will die for your vile sins villain! I demand you to release Freya this instant!  
  
Link: h-huh?!  
  
Tadashi: * swings sword* opps! -_-;  
  
Link: * looks to his side* you...completely missed me! ...And cut a tree...poor tree...*uses song of healing* Does that feel better little tree?  
  
Tadashi: *swings sword 180 degrees* HYAAA! -_-;; whoops  
  
Link: GAHHHH! YOU CUT NAVI! *Shakes Tadashi's hand* Thank you so much!!  
  
Tadashi: * shocked* uh...your welcome...I guess...WAIT! *snaps out of handshake* GIVE ME FREYA YOU FIEND!  
  
Link: WHO THE HELL IS FREYA!? AND WHY DO YOU SUSPECT ME OF TAKING HER!?  
  
Tadashi: Don't play innocent with me villain! Some guy with two women who looked like creepy old guys, told me ALL about you!  
  
Link: *pondering* creepy old dudes... OHHH! GANONDORF! WHY DID YOU TALK TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!? Actually...come to think of it...WHO ARE YOU?  
  
Tadashi: DON'T TRY TO MANIPULATE ME! *Slashes at Link...but drops his sword* -_-# damn sword...  
  
Link: I suggest that you find a weapon more suited for your * cough* standard. I recommend...the...crappy, useless, does absolutely no damage what so ever, plastic toy sword! * Holds it up* *der ner NER NER! *  
  
Girls Voice: AIYAAAA!!! HELP!!  
  
Link and Tadashi: huh?! * they run into Lost Woods*  
  
Girls Voice: PLEASE HELP!!  
  
Tadashi: Why are you running to help? You're the villain aren't you?  
  
Link: W-WHA!? NO WAY! DO I LOOK LIKE IT!?  
  
Tadashi: Well, the dress is rather suspicious...  
  
Link: It's a tunic! Not a dress!  
  
Tadashi: Still looks pretty wimpy if you ask me...  
  
Girl's voice: hello? If you hadn't noticed I'm in need of serious help over here!  
  
Tadashi: *looks around* huh?! Freya! He didn't rape you after all! ^-^  
  
Link: We went through all this...AND NOW YOUR ALL CALM ABOUT IT!?  
  
Tadashi: Yup!  
  
Link: ¬¬ ....  
  
Freya: * caught up in a skulltulas web* Need help, need help, Hello? I NEED HELP!  
  
Tadashi: oh right! SORRY! * tries to cut her free with toy sword* WHAT THE-  
  
Link: * Cuts Freya free with master sword* are you okay?  
  
Tadashi: *still hacking away at the web* damn it....  
  
Link: You can quit it now Tadashi, she's free so-  
  
Tadashi: Stop talking! I've almost cut it!  
  
Link: OOOkkay....  
  
Freya: Thanks for rescuing me I am in your debt! Bye now! * Starts walking away*  
  
Tadashi: FREYA! I CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR YOU AND NOW YOUR JUST WALKING AWAY!?  
  
Freya: Yes ^-^ See you. *Starts walking briskly*  
  
Link: Hey... uh you guys are not from around here are you?  
  
Freya: Oh! *Turns around* I'm terribly sorry! I forgot to introduce ones self ^-^! Hec hem, I am the wonderfully gracious, beautiful, intelligent, polite, ever amazing, completely enchanting princess of Laifeille. Oh, yeah and this is Tadashi.  
  
Tadashi: * unenthusiastically* Howdy.  
  
Link: *sighs* anyways its nice to meet you both, but Tadashi, what Ganondorf told you was a lie. You shouldn't trust that guy.  
  
Tadashi: But Freya was in trouble! I had to find her!  
  
Freya: -^-^- Cookie?  
  
Tadashi: * shakes head* No thanks, besides I don't know anyone apart from you here...  
  
Link: Ohhhhh! I get it!  
  
Tadashi: You do? Oh good!  
  
Link: You have social issues right? Ah don't worry! If you got clothes as good as mine, I bet that would boost your self-esteem right through the roof!  
  
Tadashi: No that's not what I-  
  
Link: Come, we shall go meet people! *Pulls him along*  
  
Tadashi: Wahhh!! Uh Freya...you coming?  
  
Freya: Yes, I am Tadashi!  
  
Tadashi: Then why are heading towards the Deku Tree?  
  
Freya: Oh my! So I am!  
  
Link: This could be a loooongg story...  
  
~ Briefly back to Ganondorf ~  
  
Ganondorf: See Ganny? I invited miss. Peach doll and mr. Keaton Doll to come to our tea party too! * Pushes Gannon toy*  
  
Ganny: *squeak*  
  
Koume: Ganondorf...what are you doing?  
  
Ganondorf: uh...hec hem I'm just uh plotting out our next attack on Link! *Takes Gannon toy and hits the Keaton doll with it* HA! TAKE THAT HERO OF TIME!  
  
Koume: Good. I'm glad to see your using your time wisely. *Leaves room*  
  
Ganondorf: *picks up Keaton doll and hugs it * I'm sorry little Keaton. Ganondorf never meant to hurt poor ickle you!  
  
Kotake: *looking through keyhole* He worries me.  
  
Koume: Yeah, ever since he was released from the sacred realm he's been a bit...traumatized...  
  
Ganondorf: * hugs the Gannon doll* who loves you? I love you!  
  
Ganny: *squeak*  
  
Koume and Kotake: ...... maybe... we should just leave him for now...  
  
~ Chapter 1 End ~  
  
Phew! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! My other characters will be introduced shortly! Please review, but no flames please. Suggestions are fine but no flaming! Oh yeah, thank you Linda Of Lorule for correcting me on the spelling of "Ganondorf"! Okay, until the next chapter bye bye! -^-^- 


	2. The Brink Of Deception

~ The Brink Of Deception ~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda or any of the characters from Zelda games. HOWEVER MY characters belong to ME!! So, no stealing! Go onto my profile page to get the link to see my characters.  
  
Where we left off...Link believes Tadashi has people problems and Ganondorf seems to be going mad. Yeah that's about it with the exception of Freya who can't find her way around the least challenging area of the game. Well enjoy this chapter! ^-^  
  
************ ~ In Hyrule Field ~  
  
Hazel: *Arms folded* She's been gone for a whole day already! The kingdoms burnt down and her mothers been decapitated!  
  
Mint: Wahhh! These weapons are heavy Hazel-San! *Carrying bag of random weapons of mass destruction*  
  
Blanche: What are they for...?  
  
Hazel: HA! WE'RE GOING TO BLOW UP PRINCESS FREYA!  
  
Mint: I thought we were her guardian sprites though Hazel-San. Doesn't that mean we must protect her?  
  
Hazel: ¬¬ oh yeah.  
  
Blanche: * takes out bazooka*  
  
Hazel and Mint: huh? Blanche-San?  
  
Blanche: * fires bazooka at them both* get...moving  
  
Mint and Hazel: *Get blasted by it* AIYAAA!! WE'RE MOVING! WE'RE MOVING!  
  
~ Somewhere in Hyrule ~  
  
Tadashi: So that guy tricked me into trying to kill you? Why would he do that?  
  
Link: Long story...  
  
* Flashback*  
  
Ganondorf: * talking from sacred realm* Hey, Link if you get me out of here I'll give you candy!  
  
Young Link: * ears perk up* How much candy?!  
  
Ganondorf: * evil smile* as much candy as you want!  
  
Young Link: Hmm...Nah uh! The deku tree told me NEVER to take candy from ugly evil b******s.  
  
Ganondorf: #! WHY YOU FREAKIN LITTLE...I mean...let me out of here and I'll correct the deku tree for you! * thinking* yeah with my fists! Damn smart mouthed tree!  
  
Young Link: uhhhhhh...okay! ^-^ *Breaks seal*  
  
Ganondorf: MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Cough cough* MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm freeee...I'M FREEE!!  
  
Young Link: I KNEW IT! *Slashes up Ganondorf's Gannon toy*  
  
Ganondorf: GANNY! * Hugs toy* AHHH! HOW COULD YOU!? You're mean...*sniffle*  
  
Young Link: And if you EVER come near me, I will destroy ALL your other toys!  
  
Ganondorf: W-WHAT!? NOOOO!  
  
Young Link: Geez, how many do you have?  
  
* End of Flashback*  
  
Tadashi: Sounded like a short story between two little pre-school kids to me...  
  
Freya: *looks at Link* you were picking on a little kid?! * Gets out hammer* YOU BULLY!  
  
Link: What?! NO! He's older than –  
  
Freya: * bashes Link over the head with her hammer which seemed to fling out from nowhere* humph! That should teach you!  
  
Link: * holding head* owww...Am I not even allowed to explain anything here!?  
  
(Loreille: nope)  
  
Tadashi: AH! THE VOICES! THEY'RE BACK! *Starts running around in circles*  
  
Freya and Link: ¬¬;  
  
Freya: *whispers to Link* If anyone asks we don't know him.  
  
Link: Gotcha.  
  
~ On Death Mountain.... ~ Rumiko: Darn. We lost her...  
  
Kaiser: *looking all cute*  
  
Rumiko: What!? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A BLOOD THIRSTY WOLF! NOT A CUTE LITTLE DOGGY!  
  
Kaiser: bark bark! -^-^-  
  
Rumiko: ¬¬ I need to get someone to draw me in with a better canine...I'm firing you Loreille! * Loreille has been fired from her manga picture duties of drawing Kaiser*  
  
(Loreille: * has huge stamp saying, "reject" on her forehead* Why you stuck up little...)  
  
Rumiko: *flicks hair* Now... how to get out off of this mountain...  
  
Random Goron: *pats Kaiser on the head* ...what a cute dog, goro!  
  
Kaiser: * barking happily*  
  
Rumiko: WHAT ARE YOU DOING KAISER!? BITE, SNARL, SHOW SOME FANGS YOU STUPID ANIMAL!! *Takes hold of its neck and starts shaking it*  
  
Kaiser: @-@  
  
Random Goron: * makes suicide attempt to escape from the crazy lady* GOROOO!! *Lands with a big thump to the ground*  
  
*An earthquake starts from the Gorons death strike*  
  
Rumiko: * falls down* ouff! Dumb piece of lard...  
  
Kaiser: -^-^- * licks Rumiko's face*  
  
Rumiko: YUCK!! * Pushes Kaiser off* ARGGHH I AM SO GETTNG A REPLACEMENT!  
  
Kaiser: -^-^- * still licking her*  
  
Rumiko: * pushes him violently* I SAID QUIT IT!  
  
* Loads of Gorons roll down hill from the earthquake and just happen to land on top of Rumiko, completely missing Kaiser*  
  
Gorons: goro, goro...*they roll off hill and land into kakariko village*  
  
Citizens of Kakariko: *See Gorons rolling down the mountainside* HOLY S***!!!  
  
Rumiko: * lying on floor with Goron roll marks all over her* ...This sucks. ~ Meanwhile, where Ganondorf is... ~  
  
Ganondorf: *running around Gerudo valley* I ORDER YOU TO GIVE ME BACK MY GANNON DOLL, NABOORU!  
  
Nabooru: *waving Gannon toy up in the air* Ho ho ho! Not until you give me some loving, Gannon baby ^. ~  
  
Koume: * looking to the left, seeing Nabooru run by* I thought she hated Ganondorf...  
  
Kotake: *looking to the right seeing Ganondorf run by* Loreille decided to make it more interesting by giving Nabooru a crush on Ganondorf ...  
  
Koume: *shivers* That is scary...  
  
Kotake: This is turning into a horror fic...  
  
Koume: *sees Ganondorf being tied to wall by Nabooru* ...or the authors gone insane.  
  
Kotake: * sees Nabooru getting out a whip and walking seductively up to Ganondorf. Ganondorf is shivering. * That...might be a possibility...  
  
~ Back to Link and those two fools ~  
  
Tadashi: Where are we?  
  
Link: This is Lake Hylia of course!  
  
Freya: ooo! -^-^- Pretty water! *Puts foot in lake. Falls in*  
  
Link: -_-;  
  
Tadashi: lemme try! * Falls in as well*  
  
Link: -_-;;  
  
Freya: * is all wet* Huh? How come we fell in?  
  
Link: D-U-H it's a lake! Filled with something us normal people call WATER!  
  
Tadashi: Where we come from, you can walk over the water!  
  
Link: ...¬¬ That is the lamest idea I've ever heard of...*weird looks at Loreille* YOUR MAKING THEM EVEN MORE STUPID BY GIVING THEM STUFF LIKE THAT IN THEIR KINGDOM!!  
  
(Loreille: Link, don't be so judgemental. Some people might like that idea. *Looks at a random group of people* * holds out a sickle* you like that idea...don't you people? People: * look terrified. Nod their heads in agreement*)  
  
Link: *smacks his head*  
  
Ganondorf: * is seen jumping off waterfall leading to lake Hylia* AHHHH!!! GET HER AWAY FROM ME!  
  
Freya: huh? ^-^?  
  
Nabooru: * shouting from top of waterfall* LOVER!! COME BACK HERE!! ARGHH!!!  
  
Ganondorf: * floating along lake* *looks up* oh. Hello Link. I see you're healthy and well. That's a pity. I so wanted to see you dead.  
  
Link: ¬¬ Same here.  
  
Ganondorf: I know you said if I ever came near you again you would *coughs* slaughter my uh...valuables...but could you do a favour for me?  
  
Link: A favour? FOR YOU!? WHY THE HELL SHOULD I!?  
  
Ganondorf: *jumps outta the water* *pats Links shoulder* because you're the hero of time and goodie...goodness! You have to answer my plea!  
  
Link: Yeah, but your Ganondorf, the king of thieves and of evil evilness. Besides you hate my guts.  
  
Ganondorf: I don't hate you Link.  
  
Link: huh!?  
  
Ganondorf: I just despise you intensely! ^-^  
  
Link: ¬¬ oh that's SOOO much better.  
  
Ganondorf: Well, you WERE dumb enough to release me from that evil realm. That gives you some credit at least.  
  
Link: *sighs* so what's the favour?  
  
Ganondorf: KILL NABOORU!  
  
Link: NO! We need her to seal you up, just in case you go insane and try to take over Hyrule again!  
  
*Freya and Tadashi are STIL trying to walk over the water. Their clothes are soaking by now. *  
  
Ganondorf: BUT SHE TRIED TO RAPE ME!!!  
  
Link: * disgusted look* are you sure SHE tried that? Doesn't she hate you?  
  
Ganondorf: yeah well, some very idiotic author had the bright idea of making her think that she is completely in love with me.  
  
Link: poor girl...  
  
Ganondorf: I know...WAIT -WHAT DO YOU MEAN POOR GIRL!? I'M THE ONE GETTING RAPED HERE!  
  
Link: Serves you right aswell.  
  
Freya and Tadashi: * standing on rock in lake Hylia* SEE!? WE CAN...WOOAH! *a bazooka shot is fired at the rock*  
  
Hazel: FREYA! IT IS I! HAZEL! And mint...and Blanche are here aswell...  
  
Freya: Oh wow! Tee hee hee! -^-^- ...Who are you again?  
  
Hazel: *stress mark* YOU'VE KNOWN US SINCE YOU WERE 340 YEARS OLD! HOW COULD YOU FORGET!?  
  
Freya: quite easily actually.  
  
Mint: P- princess, we're here to inform you that you're in WOOO AHH! - * Almost drops bags containing weapons* serious danger!  
  
Ganondorf: hmmm? *Thinking* this could get interesting...  
  
Blanche: But we can't tell you why.  
  
Ganondorf: * falls on floor*  
  
Tadashi: * looks at Ganondorf* are you okay uh...sir?  
  
Ganondorf: ......* thinking* I've got to find out about this danger thing...  
  
Freya: huh? I am? Oh wow! Sounds like...fun! -^-^-  
  
Everyone: * groans*  
  
Tadashi: hey...where did that Link guy go?  
  
Everyone: huh?  
  
~ Outside Lake Hylia ~ ( it is night time now to give you the setting)  
  
Link: phew...that lot is too hyper! * Calls for Epona*  
  
*No Response*  
  
Link: that's weird...damn thing must be broken...*starts bashing it against a rock* WORK YOU DAMN OCARINA! * senses something at the back of him * *taks out sword and turns around*  
  
Lost Girl: *is holding a handgun to link's face* * starring at Link with big, sad eyes * those who can fight will fight. Those who cannot will try. Which one are you?  
  
Link: * holding sword up to her* who...WHO ARE YOU!?  
  
~ Chapter 2 end ~  
  
Heh heh heh! I left it at a cliffhanger! So there ya go! All my characters have been introduced! * throws a party* ok ok its really not that exciting. As you can see, "lost girl" is not added onto my profile page. Hazel: that's because your too lazy to draw her... Well yeah but...I'll add a description of her later! Oh and by the way I won't be able to update for two weeks, since I'm on holiday. Please review and tell me what you thought! Bye now!  
  
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Legend of Zelda, Humor