Dragon Ball Z War of Nerves

**War of Nerves**   
song: All Saints "War of Nerves"

_Monday on the line   
When you know that now's the time   
To leave and be free   
Aware of your destiny_

    

It's been months since I last saw my feet. I'm not even sure if my shoes match right now. Being pregnant is unpleasant, but having this baby alone is even worse. I miss him. I miss him so much that my heart feels like it's not in my chest anymore. Probably because he holds it in his hands, wherever he may be. I have Bulma, of course. She herself was pregnant just a little more than a year ago.

    

I remember the night before he went off to fight Cell. We made love, something we never did that often. It was almost as if he knew he wasn't returning to me and wanted to make the most of it. The image of him above me, staring down at me with eyes taken over by a soulfulness I had never seen there, is forever engraved in my mind. And he was infusing within me such a passion that it was almost overwhelming at the time. Vividly, I remember wondering if someone had taken over my Goku's body, but I knew it was him. I knew that I never wanted that moment to end, his soul bared to me and joining with him in such an intimate way.

-----

_When that moment arrives   
World's business to the mind   
And all I see is what used to be   
My life could soon be a memory_

    

He collapsed next to her, his hand still entangled in the raven hair that was hers. His eyes still locked onto hers, searching for all the answers. His hand left her hair to gently stroke her cheek. Lips soon joined lips.

    

"Goku?" She whispered his name; afraid he might disappear before her very eyes if she spoke too loud. "Goku?"

    

He hovered above her, eyes burning into hers. "Yes?" His voice was laden with a passion that he had strove to convey to her. "What is it, my dear?"

    

"Promise you'll come home to me." Desperation crept in. She needed his promise. Needed him to say that he'd be around forever. "Promise me you'll come home alive." In the darkness she could not see the emotion that crossed his face, but she heard the silence. Urgency edged her voice. "Promise me!"

    

"I can't. But I can give you my all tonight." His hands touched her sides delicately, making her moan and forget her plea. A lone hand crept in between her legs and touched her as delicately as he had touched her sides. "You're ready." He growled softly in the back of his throat and covered her body with his. "I love you, Chi-Chi."

    

"I love you, too..." She was uncertain though. But all uncertainty left as he moved within her.

-----

_I don't ever want to feel pain   
Wanna be ready when you call my name   
I don't ever want to feel fear   
'Cause every night feels all right when you're near_

    

I dream about him a lot. The dream is so vivid, relating every detail of that last night together. I can almost feel him inside of me after the dreams. I told Bulma about them. She claimed that it was just the distance between us that caused the dreams; she had them too when Vegeta left her to train. I find that hard to believe. Because the nights I have the dreams are the nights I get the most satisfying sleep.

    

It still hurts to look over at his side of the bed and see it empty. It's been empty before but there's always been the reassurance that he'd return. He isn't returning though. He's dead. And he'll never be alive again.

    

It's funny to watch the baby grow inside of me. The way he kicks around and the force at which he does it announces that he will be just as strong as his father was. I know it's a boy. It has to be a boy.

-----

_Battle through this war of nerves   
When your life, it takes a turn   
What I have is what I feel   
While in my mind you're lying here_

    

Damn you, Goku! Why did you have to leave me? I'm not ready to go through this alone. I'm a mother, but I'm no good unless I have you there turning everything upside down.

    

Gohan listens to me. He's not supposed to listen to me! He's supposed to pretend to listen to me and then run off with his father to save the world. Gohan has been so quiet lately, tiptoeing around me, afraid of upsetting me. He was never that way when you were around. Why should he? He had his father to bail him out of all the trouble.

    

And the baby. Every time I collapse into tears because I need you, he seems to stop kicking so much.

    

I hate you so much for leaving me all alone right now. Especially through something like a pregnancy. The tears come so often these days, but I hold them in around the others because I'm supposed to be the strong one. The one who faints but never cries. Poor Gohan doesn't know why his mother spends so much time in her room. I wish you were here to hold me. I wish you were here to kiss me and make everything all right.

    

Do you remember our first time together? That's another one of those vivid memories of mine. I remember it like it was yesterday. That was my first glimpse into the fire you held.

-----

_Fear, that unholy dread   
There's a piece of me in all he says   
All kinds of mixed stuff inside my head   
The stage fright in my own bed_

    

She sat on the edge of the bed, looking very prim and proper. Very much the lady she had been instructed to play. He sat next to her, drumming his fingers nervously on his thighs. Both were unsure of who was to make the first move. He stood and stretched. "I'm tired. Going to bed."

    

She nodded, a battle raging inside of her. Half of her was relieved; the other half, however, was disappointed. She had mentally prepared herself for this night. But when he started stripping off his clothes right in front of her she was surprised and she found that she couldn't tear her eyes away from the newly exposed flesh.

    

He didn't seem to notice, because once he was down to his boxers he climbed in bed. She readied herself for bed and climbed in next to him keeping her distance from the taunting warmth that radiated from Goku.

    

"Chi-Chi?" The sudden utterance of her name caused her to jump. "Did you want to, um, you know? Tonight?"

    

She was silent for a moment. "If you want to...you know."

    

He shrugged. "Maybe another time. But let's at least not sleep so far apart." She moved across the distance to his arms and rested her head against his bare chest. The jolt of electricity they both felt was unmistakable. A warm feeling that began to burn through their bodies and hands soon began exploring of their own accord. His lips singed the flesh of her neck as they moved up towards her lips, meeting them with such urgency that they began to rethink their decision to wait.

-----

_Don't wanna be like a voice without words   
'Cause I need you here with me   
Don't wanna be alone in this world   
Now that I, will I suppress my fears   
And will I beat this war of nerves_

    

They laid the little bundle in my arms, the tail of brown fur peeking out of the blanket. I looked down at the big innocent eyes that looked so much like Goku's. "Your father would be proud." Nurses surged around me, wiping the sweat from my brow, adjusting any blanket they could get their hands on. They went by unnoticed, because right then all that mattered was the little bundle in my arms and how much he looked like Goku.

    

The little tail snaked its way around my wrist and my son gurgled at me. I smiled at him. He was already acting like Goku, all sweetness and light. I felt strangely at peace. This little bundle had wormed its way into my heart. I pressed a kiss against his little forehead. "Your name is Goten." I looked towards the heavens and felt Goku's watchful eyes. I felt his satisfaction, but most of all I felt his love radiating down on us and knew that I wasn't alone. I never was alone.

_'Cause every night feels all right when you're near_

-**fin**-


End file.

Dragon Ball Z