Elfen Lied Idiocy of an Author

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of which I mention… Except for myself of course… Which I may appear a few times in this story… Got a problem wid' that?

Caedes (alter ego, voice in U-D's head): **I SWEAR TO DRUNK I'M NOT _GOD!_**

**_SEVERE _**note: I am writing all this at the TOP of my head! I live off randomness, if you don't… Look away… NOW!

……………………

**I Present:**

After Elfen Lied. INTRO. 

"And I said: 'CAUSE CAT GIRLS ARE HOT!" U-D yelled being his expressive self with his voice, not caring if anybody heard him "Ultima… What are you talking about?" Lucy said covering his face with her left hand. U-D wore a demented smile "Heheheheh… Sadistic girl thinks I'm crazy!" Lucy yelled at him "YES!" She walked away from the insane author "Wait! Oh well, looks like it's just you and me… Conscience…" Caedes spoke in a fed up tone "_How was I ever stuck in your head_?" U-D answered "When I CREATED YOU! FEEL GRATEFUL! WHAHAHAHAH! No come alter ego… Let us find a way to conquer this world…" Caedes responded "_Isn't that Il Palazzo's job?_" U-D walked in a random direction "Il Palazzo and his attractive servants can fondle themselves for all I care; right now I have a lot on my mind…" U-D cupped his chin in thought, his eyes started wondering, and then he started drooling "_Snap out of it_!" Caedes yelled.

Insert INTRO here.

The doorbell rang, Kouta got up answering it, only to have a leaflet thrown in his face "HELLO FELLOW CIVILIAN! HOW'S THE WEATHER TODAY? WHAT! NO! INSANITY IS A SPEACIALITY OF MINE!" Kouta removed the leaflet from his face and yelled at the insane girl "EXCEL! ACROSS CAN KISS MY ASS FOR I CARE! I AIN'T JOINING!" Excel removed a fake mustache from her face "How'd you know?" Kouta slammed the door "Lord Il Palazzo won't be to happy about this… And the corporation that studies "Di-clo-NI-uss" isn't letting up either..." Excel walked into the middle of the road "BUT I EXCEL! WILL NOT QUIT IN HELPING LORD-" Excel was cut off, being ran over by the same truck that ran her over in the first episode of Excel Saga.

London England.

Hellsing Institution.

The doorbell rang, Walter answered it. Hyatt lay in a pool of her own blood holding a leaflet and wearing a cap (crappy disguises I tell you!) Walter merely shrugged it off and closed the door.

Integra was hanging around "Who was it?" Walter answered "That half dead girl again" Integra inhaled her cigarette then exhaled "I see, persistent aren't they? I think we should pay this Il Palazzo a visit…" Integra was about to inhale again but a distant yelling was heard "wwwwwwwwhhhhhHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Arucard phased through the ceiling and fell in front of Integra "Hiya boss!" Integra rolled her eyes "Arucard, get up! I have a mission for you" Arucard stood and corrected her "No, no! AL-U-Card" Integra rolled her eyes again "Fine! Alucard, a need you to visit the city of F in Japan" Arucard/Alucard responded "First off Integra; it's AR-U-Card, and second; can I take Seras?" Integra's eye twitched "Y-Yes, you may" Alucard now Arucard nodded "Good doing business with you!" Arucard went to Seras' room by phasing through the door, which a promising stumbling sound could be heard as he fell down the stairs.

A dark figure resided in a dark room, it had a strange fire surrounding it, violet in colour "N-No! C-C-Changing! AGH!" At that two horns shot out from his temples and he grew fangs.

Doing a dramatic finishing pose "WHEEEHAHAHAH!" a gushing wind emitted from him, all the windows smashed and the walls weakened.

"ULTIMA HAS FINALLY SUCCUMBED TO THE DARK HADOU! I CAEDES NOW POSSESS HIS BODY!" As soon Caedes mentioned this a familiar voice entered his head "_Yeah, but I'm still around!_" The somewhat crazy Diclonius punched his head "Silence! I rule now!" Caedes summoned his ridiculous amount of vectors "Let's show the world our power!"

Elfen Lied world.

10:00AM.

"KKIIIAAAAAAA!" Caedes burst through the door (well actually he blew right through the wall) and pointed dynamically "LUCY! THE TIME HAS CO-What!" The camera zoomed out and we see Caedes standing in a drug store and pointing at a shelf "Can I help you sir?" An unfazed man asked him from the counter "NE!" Caedes yelled back, walking out the hole he made, but then decided to run back in and blow through another wall on the opposite side.

Elfen Lied World.

10:02 AM.

"BBOOOYYAAA!" Caedes jumped through the window, commando rolled and stood neatly pointing at his target "LUCY! THE TIME HAS COME TO-The hell are you!" Yuka stared at the crazed Diclonius "Err, I'm Yuka…" Caedes' eyes went cat-slit "YUKA!" "YES!" "THAT CHARACTER THAT EVERYBODY HHAAATTEESS!" Yuka was offended "Hates? Why?" Caedes slapped his forehead and calmly burst through another wall.

Elfen Lied World.

10:04 AM.

"LUCY!" The dust waned, Kurama stared blankly at him "What you doing Caedes?" Caedes looked around "This isn't the restaurant…" Caedes blew down a wall and then jumped through the ceiling.

Kurama looked at the hole for several minutes "………… Wait a minute…"

Elfen Lied World.

10:10AM.

Arucard walked coolly down the streets. "Everything seems in order…" A large explosion then emitted from one of the buildings. Caedes had gone back into the authors' conscience and U-D was now riding down the wall of the damaged building on a sleek super bike "WWHHHHEeeeYEAH!" He carried a blue Fender electric guitar on his back and wearing a leather hoody, several helicopters hovered along side him trying to shoot him down "Kurama dogs, eh?" Summoning some fire energy into his fist he fired a large fire ball at the chopper, and it exploded "Forgot to warn you… I'M A PYROMANIAC!" Now surrounded by fire, U-D fire balls and streaks of fire everywhere.

Arucard (with a large sweat drop next to his head) turned away from the action packed scene and faced the camera "… Take back what I said…"

Next Day.

Meanwhile at a nearby high school, History was taking place in a classroom. The teacher called out names from the registration list "Ryoko?" "Here!" "Lucy?" "… Yeah…" "Kouta?" "Here!" "Nana?" "Yes!" "Shun?" "Hai!" "Yuka?" "Here!" "Well, that's about everybody… U-D is probably late… AGAIN!" After the teacher finished his words, some alternate rock music was heard in the distant background and U-D in all his idiocy could be seen through the window, riding his favored Suzuki motor cycle. "LOOK OUT!" In slow motion U-D drove through the window, jumped off, back flipped, and landed perfectly in his seat. Smoothly everything went back to normal and the bike flew off somewhere. "Sup, sensei?" U-D leant back in his chair "You're late Ultima!" U-D protested "The hell art thou talking about!" U-D pointed to the clock (which had a sign saying: 10 mins fast) "I'm on record time baby!" The teacher slapped his forehead and turned to the blackboard (which was green) "Nevermind… Today's lesson…" U-D threw a paper ball at his head "-BORING!" The teacher turned around angrily "WHO THREW THAT!" U-D pointed at Yuka "Hey!" Yuka slapped U-D "PROOF YOUR HONOUR!" U-D yelled, standing on his chair pointing at Yuka. The teacher threw the eraser at them "Ultima! SHUT UP! AND YUKA! STOP BEING JEALOUS!" "WHAT!" U-D pointed at Yuka again "STOP SAYING "WHAT!" JEALOUS HARPIE!" U-D lifted his guitar over his head, about to attack, but the teacher threw a piece of chalk at him "SIT DOWN ULTIMA! WHY DO YOU DO THIS EVERY CLASS!" U-D just about had it with the irritable old fool and hit the teacher instead of Yuka "YOU SHUT DA' FUCK UP FOR ONCE CHIEF!" The hit sent the teacher flying through the window (the one next to the one where U-D drove through) and onto the road; where a piano fell on him and several trucks ran over him. "Class dismissed children!" U-D got onto his trusty bike and drove out the smashed window, but then came back and drove through a perfectly good window.

Restaurant.

"... And so they said: "At least 60 more girls are sexually active nowadays than boys" And I was like… Nah…" U-D drank his sake (from the bottle) before eating more ramen, Kouta corrected him "No, YOU hit the teacher onto the highway!" U-D stopped eating and thought for a moment "Really! Jeez, I gotta' get this "Memory-loss" thingy sorted out" Nana rested her head on U-D's shoulder "… Sooo, are you going to take me out now?" U-D thought again for a moment "Hmmm, I don't remember saying that, but since I got memory-loss thingy, I probably did say that!" Yuka did the same to Kouta (Kouta rolled his eyes), Lucy's eye twitched "Why can't we have that sort of relationship?" Kouta pushed her away "Because were FUCKING COUSINS!" Kouta put his arm around Lucy "Besides, pink hair is a turn on. Let's go Lucy."

Someplace at sometime…

"… So, you think we have a clear shot?" A figure in the darkness of the bushes straightened her aim with the sniper rifle, aiming directly at U-D "Looks clear…" Another one whispered to the other, both were female "Let's see… Ultimate-Diclonious… Said to have an extremely powerful alter-ego "Caedes" and can manipulate and create fire… An insane pyromaniac that hits people that he doesn't like with his fender! Who the hell writes this CRAP!" Female assassin number one lost control of the rifle and shot at Kakuzawa's son's secretary (the blue haired woman with glasses) in the arm "AHHH! NOT AGAIN!" The assassin punched her fist into the ground "Damn! I knew we should have bought more bullets!" She attempted throwing the rifle at U-D but she underestimated its weight and accidentally it slipped out of her grasp to early, so it hit the woman in the head this time.

……………

End of Chapter 01…

U-D's favorable catch phrases to use in real life #1-5.

1. "Savvy?"

2. "YYEEAAAHHH!"

3. "Better to be addicted to anime than drugs! Nods head"

4. "KYU-SHIN-RYU STYLE RRRUUUULLLLEEESSS!" (Note: Kyu-Shin-Ryu style is the martial arts that I do, it's a form of Ninjutsu! nods head)

5. "PAWNED!"


End file.

Elfen Lied, Humor, Parody