Elfen Lied 1. Chapter 1

Parody! First Elfen Lied fic :)

Summary: He said it would be sunny today. He lied. Now Lucy is stuck in the rain without an umbrella. Who does she vent out on? Will be a series of shorts

-Bloodbath-

Lucy was standing outside the house of Johnny Freeze.

She was rather upset, and that was obvious because of the glare on her pale face, which was somewhat covered by her pink hair.

It was supposed to be sunny today. Her family and her- and by family, she meant Yuka, Mayu, Nana, Wanta, and Kohta- were supposed to go to the beach today. As they were packing up, it started to downpour, and Lucy slipped on a puddle, and... well, you get the idea.

Breaking in was easy. All she had to do was break the windows with her vectors.

As she walked up the stairs, she heard someone snoring. It was still early morning, so it would make sense that her target would be sleeping. But snoring? Snoring was worse- she was going to gouge out the man's eyes just for that.

Her vectors knocked down the door, causing the man to scream.

It was more of 'little girl' scream.

"Don't eat me, Britney Spears!" he shrieked.

Lucy raised one eyebrow, and sliced off the man's head.

"Nyuu?"

Nyu stared at the decapitated body, confused. How did she get here?

She shrugged, and left.


	2. MarikogogogotoMcDonalds

Thank you all for reviewing :)

I usually don't get so many reviews for one chapter, so it's appreciated.

Warnings for swearing.

-Bloodbath-

Chapter Two: Mariko-go-go-go-to-McDonalds

"I want Chicken Selects with a side salad, and apple juice please," Mariko said to the employee.

"I'm sorry, but we don't carry apple juice," the male employee said.

Mariko frowned.

"But we do have stawberry-banana juice! It tastes like crap, but it's supposedly healthy for you... healthy my ass! Do you know how many calories those damn things have?" the man ranted, but remembered that he was talking to a little six-year-old (?) girl with pink hair and horns. On a wheelchair.

Mariko glared, and used her vectors to slice of the man's head.

"Where's my apple juice, bitch!" she screeched.

The man rolled his head onto the counter.

"We don't carry apple juice, miss. May I suggest a fruit smoothie? We have strawberry- banana-"

"NO! I WANT MY F*CKING APPLE JUICE, BITCH!"

She split the man's head in half.

Stupid McDonalds.

"Nevermind," she growled. "I want a happy meal. With apple slices."

"I'm sorry, miss, but we don't have apple slices. That's Burger King."

"_BITCH!_"

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"How are you alive?" she frowned. Again.

"Hey, this is anime! We can lose all of the blood in our bodies one moment, and be perfectly fine the next. I mean, that Nana chick got all of her arms and legs cut off, but she still lived. So then why can't I?" he countered. "In fact, didn't you get blown up from the inside? Or crushed by a nuke? I know it has something to do with a bomb..." he trailed off. "But you never answered my question."

"Hm?" she blinked. "Oh, my momma's dead."

"I... see... So one happy meal with apple slices and chicken nuggets?"

Mariko thought about it. She took her time, seeing as all the customers had left.

"Can I get a burger with a extra pickles instead of chicken nuggets?" she asked.

"Sure thing, miss. Anything else?"

"I thought you said you didn't have apple slices."

"Our manager's a greedy pig who hoards them all to himself. You might have to kill him, but I don't think anyone will notice," he said. "That'll be $4.99, please."

"I thought we used Yen," she said.

"The author doesn't know shit about Japanese currency," he replied casually.

Mariko handed over the money, and the man gave her her Happy Meal.

"Have a nice day," he said, and then died.

"Bitch," she muttered, a nasty expression on her face as she wheeled away.

She would let the manager live. But she _would_ hack his Facebook profile.

-End-

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	3. Nana Wants A Banana

Yay! People actually like what I'm writing! Real, actual, human beings!

Thank you for reviewing :)

Warnings for swearing.

-Bloodbath-

Chapter Three: Nana Wants A Banana

"I want a banana," a female voice said.

The store employee looked up from the cashier, and raised an eyebrow when she saw short pink hair, pink eyes, horns on the head, and a black, probably 70s styled dress. The first word that entered the female's mind was: Skittles.

No.

That's not right.

She shook her head, looked at the customer again, and thought: Cat girl.

Or maybe she was an alien. Or... an albino?

"My name is Nana, and I want a banana," she repeated.

_Na na na na, na na na na, ehh ehh ehh, goodbye-_

Not that kind of_ Na!_ the employee scolded herself.

_Baby, baby, baby, ohh, baby, baby, baby, noo-_

Damn it.

"Give Nana a banana."

Now say it out loud.

Yeah, that's right.

But you proabably don't get it.

"Nana wants a banana," the horned stalker girl said.

"Nana needs to go away," the employee snapped. "We're out of bananas- and even if we _did_ have bananas, I would tell you to go get it yourself. Now why don't you go to your Mama and Papa, and leave me the hell alone? I swear, parents need to raise their children better..."

Oh yes, you heard her.

Papa.

Bad Nana.

"But Papa said Nana is a good girl," she said, her voice suddenly dark.

"The hell? No you're not," the teen said. "Now leave before I call security."

...

Slice!

"Nana... Nana is a good girl, right papa?" Nana shrieked.

And for once, Nana was a useful diclonious, and actually _killed _some humans... for _once_.

_Lucy approves of this_.

-Bloodbath-

Short, not-so funny, but oh well.

Now I dare you to say it.

Nana wants a banana.


End file.

Elfen Lied, Humor, Parody