Legend of Zelda 1. Hearing The Latest

A/N: i know!! i'm in the middle of so many stories rite now, but i mite not even finish this one b/c i dont think it'll b 2 popular. but i'm just throwin' it out there! this story is heavily based on the play "The Women," (one of my favorites!!) but i tried not 2 make it confusing if u've never seen it! (u should NOT b confused!! if u r, plz put in ur review wat confused u!!  
  
Disclaimer: i do NOT own any nintendo characters!! plus i know i'm putting this in the zelda section, but it has peach and daisy and samus from it, each from their own games (obviously). i also do not own the storyline for the women. that is owned by clare booth (at least it was) kneels and bows repeatedly YOU ROCK, DUDETTE!!  
  
neway, once upon a time...  
  
Peach Fowler sped out of the salon and into the nearest telephone booth.  
  
"Hello, operator? Get me Woodlands 476-903, please. Thank you." As Peach waited for the operator to place her call, she trembled a bit from excitement. She couldn't wait to spill the latest gossip she'd heard.  
  
Meanwhile, at Woodlands 476-903, Daisy Potter heard the phone ringing. She walked towards it, almost tripping over one of her seven daughters in the process.  
  
"Girls, please try NOT to run around in the house!!" Daisy called.  
  
"LOOK MOM, I'M AN ELEVATOR MAN!!" one of her daughters shouted hysterically, popping her head in from the elevator. "WHOOO!!!"  
  
"Yes, yes, try to keep it down, dear," Daisy said, picking up the telephone. "Hello? Yes, this is Daisy Potter...."  
  
"Daisy!" Peach said into the phone.  
  
"Why, Peach? Hello! What is it?"  
  
An insidious grin crept slowly onto Peach's face as her voice rose slightly in volume. "Get a good grip on yourself dearie, you're going to DIE..."  
  
"What? What is it??"  
  
"Link Haines is stepping out on Zelda!"  
  
Daisy gasped. "Wh--WHAT?! Why darling, who told you? .....a manicurist?! Oh, is that where you've been all afternoo--but, Link! Who would've thought! How awful!"  
  
"Isn't it ghastly?" Peach giggled. "Oh but we're going to Zelda's for lunch this afternoon! Won't it be too dreadful? I mean, eating her food and knowing all about her husband."  
  
For thinking the situation was awful, ghastly, and dreadful, Peach and Daisy seemed to be having fun discussing it.  
  
"My darling, I can't wait to get the details!" Daisy tittered. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait until this afternoon ....yes, I have a doctor's appointment--yearly checkup, you know. See you later!"  
  
"Good-bye!"  
  
After hearing Peach hang up on the other end, Daisy continued to smile evilly as she dialed a new number. "Hello, get me the Haines, please. .....hello, is this the Haines residence?"  
  
"Yes." It was the maid who had picked up.  
  
"Well, hello, this is Daisy Potter, about lunch this afternoon. ....yes, I might be late, I have a doctor's appointment, but tell Zelda I'll be there just as soon as I can."  
  
"Mrs. Haines is out with Young Zelda right now, but I'll tell her."  
  
"Thank you. Good-bye."  
  
The maid hung up the phone and walked outside. "Mrs. Haines?"  
  
"Yes?" Zelda asked, turning away from the tea party she'd been having with her daughter (very cliché).  
  
"Mrs. Potter just called; she said she might be late to lunch later on. She has a doctor appointment."  
  
"Oh, thank you. That's all right." Zelda stood up and stretched as the maid walked away. Then she turned to her daughter and said, "I completely forgot about the luncheon I'm having! How stupid of me...I'll have to go and get ready, dear."  
  
"All right," Young Zelda said, following her mother into the kitchen. (A/N: try not 2 get confused w/ the whole zelda, young zelda thing. think of it as link and y. link. and dont worry, b/c y. zelda is a very minor character anyway).  
  
"Mommy, why are all these trunks out?" Young Zelda asked, once they reached her mother's room. She scratched her head. "You're not going anywhere, are you?"  
  
"Darling, of course we are!" Zelda laughed. "Daddy and I are going on a trip to Canada tomorrow, remember?"  
  
"Oh yes, I remember now," Young Zelda said. "Daddy says he's been planning this trip for the longest time; I thought you'd gone already."  
  
Zelda laughed at this as she stepped into the bathroom. Her daughter continued: "Daddy says it's like a second honeymoon. Why do you have two honeymoons?"  
  
"I don't know, I suppose it's because your father and I love each other very much," Zelda answered from behind the bathroom door, untying the ribbon in her hair.  
  
Young Zelda was quiet for a moment, then said, "I heard you once say that you love Daddy more than anyone else in the world. Do you love him more than me?"  
  
Zelda put on a bath robe and stepped back into her room. She drew her daughter into her arms saying, "Dear, that's a different kind of love.... you see, the love I have for you and the love I have for your father are different kinds. It's rather hard to explain now, but you'll understand what I mean when you get older."  
  
Young Zelda shrugged, and said, "I hope so." They both heard the doorbell ring. "Oh mother, they're here!"  
  
"Uh-oh, I'd better shower quickly," Zelda muttered to herself. She dashed back into the bathroom.  
  
"But won't they be waiting for you?"  
  
"Oh, you needn't worry about that," Zelda said. "Those women can always think of something to talk about."  
  
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again. The maid went to answer it; it was Daisy (as she had said, a tad bit late).  
  
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Potter," the maid said, opening the door a little wider to admit her.  
  
"Hello, dear. Um...could you ask Mrs. Fowler (A/N: that's peach, remember) to come out here, please?"  
  
"Yes ma'am." The maid walked away as Daisy began to pull off her gloves.  
  
"Well, how's the little mother?" came a heavily sarcastic voice.  
  
Daisy jumped and turned around to her writer "friend," Marin.  
  
"Maid, never mind about that ... Hello, DEAR," Daisy said, emphasizing the last word with just as much sarcasm.  
  
Marin smirked, and referring to Peach, said, "The spider's in the parlor; let's go and join her. Saria's here too." The two of them walked into the parlor, where Peach was pacing up and down, waving her hands in the air; as Saria read a newspaper and basically ignored her.  
  
"....I mean how can he expect me to do all the housework? Really, what have we all got servants for anyway?" Peach went on, swishing about a cigarette. Marin walked up to her and stared at the unique design on Peach's shirt: three eyeballs, each complete with brows and lashes.  
  
"Great guns, what're you dressed up for? The seeing eye?"  
  
Peach glanced down at her shirt, then glared at Marin, saying, "Better save your cracks for your next book, dearie." Then, Peach floated towards Daisy, adding, "Well Daisy, how you must have dashed...."  
  
"I broke every speed limit in town!" Daisy said, anxious to hear the details about Link and Zelda.  
  
"Well, I..." Peach turned around, and noticed that Marin was standing right next to her, listening to her every word. Pretending as though nothing had happened, Peach and Daisy turned away from each other.  
  
"When are you going to Africa to shoot, Marin?" Daisy asked after a brief pause.  
  
"Soon as my book's out," Marin responded, grinding her old cigarette into a rather fancy ash tray.  
  
"Hah, I don't blame you," Peach snorted, rolling her eyes. "I'd rather face a pack of lions than what the critics said about your last book any day." snide  
  
Before Peach or Marin could say another snide comment, Saria hopped off of the sofa and gave the newspaper to Peach. "Look it's a picture of Zelda! What does the caption say? The print's too small, and I don't have my glasses."  
  
Instead of answering the question, Peach took off her own glasses and stared at Zelda's picture. "Humph, leave it to Zelda to see that she's photographed from her best angle."  
  
"Is that so?" Marin asked, as Peach passed the newspaper to her. She skimmed through it, avoiding Zelda's picture.  
  
"So what're you going to be writing next, Marin?" Daisy asked. "Animal stories?"  
  
"I'd have to go to Africa for that," responded Marin with a grin, looking pointedly at Peach, who glared at her in return.  
  
"Ha, ha."  
  
"I wish I could make a little money writing the way you do," Saria said to Marin, smiling wistfully.  
  
"Well, if you wrote like I did, that's just what you'd make," Marin admitted.  
  
"You're not a very popular author, are you, dearie?" Peach asked, even though she well knew the answer.  
  
"Not with you," Marin said coldly. She looked back down at the newspaper before giving it to Daisy. "Best angle my foot, doesn't half do her justice."  
  
"Like some sherry, honey?" Daisy said, offering a glass to Saria (who had just turned her back to the group). When she didn't respond, Peach reached for it.  
  
"I'll take it, Saria never seems to connect very well."  
  
At the sound of her name, Saria turned around. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I was just thinking about--"  
  
"She's in love, bless her," Marin said in a mocking sort of voice, getting a drink for herself. "But heaven knows that when a woman gets old, she may be able to concentrate on vital facts, like cocktails."  
  
"Oh, another lecture on the modern woman?" Peach asked, rolling her eyes.  
  
"At the drop of a hat," Marin replied, sticking out her tongue at Peach. (A/N: believe it or not, marin is supposed 2 b older than the lot of them in this story).  
  
"Well, Marin, I believe that I am a perfectly good wife for Marth Fowler (A/N: yeah, i know. the last name fowler really doesn't go w/ marth's first name, but trust me, that's how it has 2 b). I've sacrificed a lot for that man."  
  
There was a short silence until Daisy said, "Well, lay off my reputation girls, while I go enswathe." She dropped the newspaper and skipped to the bathroom.  
  
Saria looked adoringly at one of the pictures on the mantelpiece. "Isn't Young Zelda a dream? I wish I could have children."  
  
"Well, you won't, dear, unless your bridge game improves," Peach said. Then, with an extremely heavy sigh, she collapsed onto the couch. "I'm devoted to Daisy Potter, but she does get me down. I mean, standing idly by while Mido just--"  
  
"What makes you think Mido is cheating on her?" Saria asked quietly.  
  
"Oh, you know him," Peach said very matter-of-factly. "Just loves to kiss all the girls. I told him off one time, I said, 'Look here, Mido Potter, just one more of those little smacks and I'll go running straight to Daisy!'"  
  
"And did you?" Saria asked.  
  
"Of course not! She's my best friend, I'd DIE before I'd hurt Daisy."  
  
"Nut?" Marin said suggestively, handing a bowl of nuts to Peach.  
  
Peach stared at her a moment, then took one and said, "Thank you, dearie. Heaven knows what I'd do if Marth ever tried to step out on ME. I wouldn't trust him on Alcatraz, the rat."  
  
"Why, Peach!" Saria said, horrified. "You shouldn't say such things! Why, I--I think it's disloyal!"  
  
"Ha!" Peach grunted. "Do we know how the men talk about us when we're not around?"  
  
"I've heard rumors," Marin budded in.  
  
"Exactly," Peach said slowly. Then, smiling rather wickedly, she said, "While we're on the subject ... have either of you wondered whether or not the master of this maison might not be straying?"  
  
"I haven't," Marin said indignantly.  
  
"Well, for all you know, Zelda Haines might be living in a fool's paradise," Peach said, as footsteps were heard. Peach turned around to see who it was. "All over, Daisy?"  
  
"Yes, false alarm." She laughed. "Are you finished with me?"  
  
"Long ago, we're on our hostess now," Marin said, smiling but with a bored voice.  
  
Daisy looked down at Peach, then grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's go see what's keeping Zelda!"  
  
"All right!"  
  
"Run along, children," Marin said, knowing what the two of them were up to.  
  
........  
  
"I thought I'd never get you alone!" Daisy said, shutting the bathroom door behind her and Peach. "I can't wait to get the low-down! Tell me all about it!"  
  
"Well, you know I go to Sydney's to do my hair....oh you ought to go, dear, I DESPISE whoever does yours."  
  
Daisy turned around quickly to glance in a mirror, then said, "Yes, I know, it looks awful--but hurry up!"  
  
Peach sat down and said very fast, "Well, I decided that I should get a manicure too--this new stylist Arga just arrived." She showed her nails to Daisy. "Isn't that divine? Jungle Red!"  
  
"Simply divine; go on."  
  
"Well, I was looking through the newest issue of Vogue," Peach continued. "You know, the one with the story on Zelda--and that's what got the girl started on Zel and the whole ghastly story rolled out."  
  
"Yes, but is it someone we know?" Daisy asked curiously.  
  
"No!!" Peach answered, grinning. "That's what's so awful about it! She sells perfume at Black's 5th avenue."  
  
"Black's?!" Daisy asked. She burst into laughter. "Oh, my G--"  
  
"I know, you'd at least expect Link to look at someone his own class, but a beazle!" Peach said, standing up to wash her hands.  
  
"Yes, but how did Link ever meet a girl like that?" Daisy asked, standing up to wash as well.  
  
"Oh, how do men ever meet girls like that?" Peach asked, rolling her eyes. "They're all the same, the rats."  
  
After drying their hands, they stepped out of the bathroom and saw Zelda with the others, waiting for them in the parlor.  
  
A/N: well?? did u get it? were u confused?? plz review so i know what i can do to lessen the confusion!! cheerio, dahlings! 


	2. Peach's Plot

A/N: yes, another chapter. i hope this one dusnt suck.  
  
------------------------------  
  
"You know, someone really ought to shut that manicurist up," Daisy muttered to Peach as they walked slowly towards the rest of the women.  
  
"A good piece of scandal like that? Not a chance. Why that girl never stops talking! You know how those creatures are; babble babble babble, babble--never care whose lives they ruin." Peach sighed. "I mean, it wouldn't so bad if only Zelda's friends knew; we could keep our mouths shut."  
  
"Yes," Daisy laughed. "I know plenty I never breathe about my freinds' husbands!"  
  
"So do I!" Peach laughed.  
  
The two of them came to an immediate halt and stared at each other. After an awkward silence, Peach finally rolled her eyes and continued walking.  
  
"You know I adore Zelda," Daisy said distractedly.  
  
"I worship her!" Peach chided in. "I mean, not only are we cousins, but she's my very dearest friend in all the world and I--oh Daisy, I forgot to tell you--"  
  
"Break it up, girls!" came a voice from the next room. It was Zelda.  
  
"Darling!" cried out Peach, spreading out her arms and hugging her. "We were beginning to think you would never get here."  
  
"Sorry, just taking a last-minute shower," Zelda laughed.  
  
"Well, feeling better, Peach?" Marin asked.  
  
"Meaning what?" Peach replied bitterly.  
  
"You and Daisy look so relaxed; it must have been choice."  
  
"It was," said Peach, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
"What're you talking about?" Saria asked innocently, with a confused smile on her face.  
  
"Nothing," Peach answered curtly. "Oh by the way, Zelda...how's Linky?"  
  
"Oh, he's fine, I guess," Zelda answered. "Just been out late recently, due to all his work going on."  
  
"Are you sure it's work dear, and not a beautiful blonde?" Peach asked. She said it in such a way that Zelda smiled and took it as a joke. "Link is a very attractive man, you know," Peach announced, as they all strode into the dining room.  
  
"Isn't he?" Zelda asked, taking a seat. "I can't imagine why he hasn't dumped me for some glamour girl years ago!"  
  
"Would you like some bread, madam?" one of the servants asked Peach.  
  
"No thank you."  
  
"Oh go ahead dear," said Zelda. "Not starch, it's glutton."  
  
Peach smiled wryly and took a piece of the bread. "You'd never know such a house wife." Zelda grinned.  
  
"Peach, what did you mean when you said Zelda was living in fool's paradise?" Saria asked.  
  
"She was trying to make a wisecrack about marriage," Marin  
answered quickly.  
She turned to Zelda, explaining, "Peach says that a woman's paradise  
is always a fool's  
paradise."  
  
"Well, Peach, what ever I'm living in, I like it," said Zelda.  
  
"So if Zelda's a woman, what're we?" Peach asked Marin  
mockingly, pointing to  
herself and Daisy.  
  
Marin glanced at them. "Females."  
  
"Ha! And what're you, pet?" Peach snorted.  
  
"What nature abhors; an old maid of frozen asset," Marin  
answered.  
  
Peach laughed sourly, and a servant walked into the room,  
addressing Zelda:  
"Excuse me, madam, but Mr. Haines (Link) is on the phone."  
  
"Oh," said Zelda, standing up. "Please don't talk about me while  
I'm gone," she  
added in a sing-song voice.  
  
"He probably can't make it home to dinner," Peach called after  
Zelda.  
  
"You're such a cheerful person, Peach," Marin said coldly, as  
they started yet  
another leering contest.  
  
"Hello?" Zelda said once she'd gotten the telephone.  
  
"Hi, Zel," said Link, from the other end.  
  
"Oh hello, dear," Zelda said warmly. "How're you doing?"  
  
"I'm fine, fine," Link said. But there was something in his  
voice that indicated the  
opposite.  
  
"Something's wrong; what is it?" Zelda asked.  
  
Link sighed deeply. "I'm up to my eyes in work, Zelda. Having  
the flu all last  
week really brought me way behind. And I... I don't think I can make  
our trip."  
  
"Oh, Link!" Zelda cried, disappointed evident in her voice.  
"There's no way you  
can get out of it? Nothing you can do to... maybe bring the work with  
you?"  
  
"I can't," Link said, sounding equally upset. "You know the boss  
always likes to  
stay on my back; checking my every move. I couldn't go." There was a  
long pause as  
neither of them could think of something to say.  
  
"Well..." Zelda finally said, clearing her throat. "I've got the  
girls over, so I think  
I'd better be getting back..."  
  
"Right, of course," Link said distractedly.  
  
"Bye," Zelda sighed.  
  
"Zel," Link said.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
Zelda smiled a little. "I love you, too, Link. Good-bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Frowning, Zelda hung up the phone and returned to the dining room. Her bad mood was quite clear as she sat back down.  
  
"You look as low as a swamp dear; what's up?" Peach asked.  
  
"It's really too disgusting," snorted Zelda. "Link can't get away to Canada tomorrow."  
  
"He can't?" Peach asked in a voice that said she wasn't surprised. She and Daisy exchanged glances, and Marin glared at them.  
  
"You ought to do something to take your mind off it," Saria suggested.  
  
"Yes, perhaps I should," Zelda said.  
  
"Say, how do you like that, Zel?" Peach asked, holding out her newly done nails and showing them to her cousin. "Jungle Red."  
  
"It looks as though you've been tearing at somebody's throat," Marin said softly, with a supressed smile.  
  
Peach slapped her hand down on the table. "I'll be darned, Marin, if I let you ride me any more!"  
  
"Oh Peach, Marin's only trying to be clever to," Zelda said, waving her hand dismissively.  
  
"Well she takes a crack at everything about me; even my nails," Peach huffed.  
  
"Well, I like them, I really do," Zelda said, taking Peach's hands and looking at the nails again. "You got them done at Sydney's, right?"  
  
"Yes, you should go, Zelda," Peach said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "The manicurist Arga."  
  
"Sydney's, Arga, Jungle Red," Zelda repeated. "I've got it."  
  
Peach placed her fingertips together and smiled wickedly; as Daisy bit her lip and shook her head.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
"So I decided to take Peach's advice and come here," Zelda said to Saria, as the two of them strolled into Sydney's salon.  
  
"But why are you getting yourself hauled over for Link when he already thinks you're beautiful?" Saria asked.  
  
Zelda smiled coyly, saying, "And what makes you think I'm getting hauled over for Link?"  
  
"Well you are, aren't you?" Saria asked, grinning.  
  
"Of course." Zelda walked up to the desk. "Hello, I'm Mrs. Haines; a friend of Mrs. Fowler's." (A/N: remember, peach's last name is fowler).  
  
"Oh yes, you had an appointment with Arga, correct?" the woman behind the desk asked, and Zelda nodded. "Right this way, madam."  
  
Zelda followed the woman into a room, where a skinny, platinum blonde awaited them--Arga.  
  
"Hello, Miss," said Arga, as Zelda sat down. "Who sent you in?"  
  
"Oh, I'm a friend of Mrs. Fowler's," Zelda responded.  
  
"Oh, Peach!" Arga laughed. "Isn't she a lamb?" She giggled again as Zelda smiled; then continued. "We've been exchanging the most interesting stories, lately. For instance, she told me that her friend Jack's always been able to explain anything, but when his wife found him coming home late with lipstick on his collar, that was something he wasn't even gonna TRY to explain! Do you know Mrs. Link Haines?"  
  
Zelda looked up. "Why yes, I--"  
  
"Oh, Peach feels awful sorry for her," Arga said wistfully.  
  
Zelda chuckled with confusion. "Well I don't, I..."  
  
"You would if you knew this girl," said Arga matter-of-factly, beginning to file Zelda's nails.  
  
"What girl?" Zelda asked, with smooth and gentle curiousity.  
  
"Malon Allen," Arga answered.  
  
"Malon Allen?" Zelda repeated, the name meaning nothing to her.  
  
"Yes, the girl that's hooked Mr. Haines," Arga said. At this, Zelda tensed and her hand jerked a little. "What's the matter, don't you like the file?" Arga laughed. "Well anyway, Malon works at Black's. I did too, before I got fire--left. That's how I found out about all this."  
  
"All of what?" Zelda asked, keeping her voice quiet.  
  
"About Malon and Mr. Haines!" Arga said impatiently. "I can still recall when they first met! It was an awfully rainy day, I remember. This handsome man walks up to the counter, and Malon nabs him. 'I'd like to buy some perfume,' he says. So Malon shows him our season special, Summer Rain."  
  
'That's the perfume Link got me for my birthday,' Zelda thought to herself, her brow furrowing.  
  
"And Malon's got those eyes that go up and down a man like a searchlight, you know what I mean? So anyway, she puts some of the perfume in the crook of her arm for him to smell, and since then they've been inseperable." Arga put down the file and picked up the nail polish. "Jungle Red, I suppose. Will it be one coat or two?"  
  
Zelda smiled blankly and fumbled to stand up. "That's all right, I won't be needing anything..." She rummaged in her purse for a second, then set a dime down on the table.  
  
Arga looked at her in confusion. "But...that's what all of Mrs. Fowler's friends came for, don't you..."  
  
"I think I got what all of Mrs. Fowler's friends come for," Zelda said, laughing to hide her current anguish.  
  
"Well, all right," Arga said slowly. As Zelda prepared to leave, she said, "I tell her you were in, Mrs...uh..."  
  
"Haines," Zelda said with another forced smile. "Mrs. Link Haines."  
  
"Oh, oka--" Arga halted and her eyes widened. "Oh, no...oh geez, Mrs. Haines, I'm awful sorry..."  
  
Zelda took a deep breath and rested her elbow on a nearby desk, willing not to cry.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Haines," Arga said desperately. "If--if there's anything I can do, I'll--"  
  
"Just stop spreading that story," Zelda breathed.  
  
"Oh, sure I will, of course," Arga said, nodding fervently. "Just-- I'd do somethin' about it, Mrs. Haines." Zelda stared at her, and Arga looked scared again. "I--I mean, Malon's an awful woman--she's terribly clever and she's terribly pretty, and..." Zelda's expression turned incomprehensible, and Arga worriedly said, "Well, now you know, Mrs. Haines...do something about it."  
  
Without another word, Zelda walked out of the room. She hoped Saria would be in the lobby, but she'd already gone to her own appointment. Zelda held up her head and was careful not to show any emotion as she strode nonchalantly out Sydney's doors.  
  
She couldn't get Arga's words out of her head.....  
  
"Well now you know, Mrs Haines...."  
  
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A/N: ohhhhhhhhhhhh! harsh, eh? dont worry about lz, tho. everything will turn out FINE in the end. plz review, and plz dont stop reading!! 


	3. Meeting Malon

A/N: here's another chapter, folks! read on!  
  
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Zelda hiccupped when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She ran to it, and her mother strode inside.  
  
"Well, girl, you seemed quite urgent on the telephone. Whatever is the matter?"  
  
Zelda kneaded her hands, taking a seat on a couch. "Well, I..."  
  
"Oh wait, that was a stupid question," her mother interrupted. "I, um, went to Sydney's today." She held up a hand. "Jungle Red."  
  
"Arga?" Zelda managed to ask.  
  
"No, but someone told her who I was and she caught up with me before I left. She wants to apologize for telling you that story this afternoon."  
  
"She...didn't tell you it wasn't true?" Zelda whispered.  
  
Her mother looked at her solemnly. "No, dear."  
  
Zelda felt tears rising again. Her heart of fragile glass shattered. Was Link really stepping out on her? "Mother... I just can't believe it! This can't be true, it mustn't be!"  
  
"Zelda--"  
  
"This is what happens to other people, not to us! Not to Link and me! Why, why?! I don't understand it!"  
  
"Dear, calm down," her mother said, embracing her tightly. "Good heavens, stop choking on your sobs like that and take a deep breath! ZELDA!"  
  
"Mother, it's not that easy!" Zelda cried, pulling out of her arms. I can't just STOP crying about it! You wouldn't know, this never happened to you--"  
  
"It did."  
  
It took a moment for Zelda to register what her mother had just said. She stared at her. "You--you--what?"  
  
The old woman sighed. "My dear, when a woman begins to feel bored with herself, there are many things she can do. For instance; she might buy a new dress, change her hair, or change the house decoration."  
  
Zelda didn't know where this was going, but kept quiet.  
  
"A man, on the other hand, is a complete nuisance when it comes to being bored with himself. Now, I suppose that he could just re-decorate his office, or something simple like that, but that is not the case. He needs to find someone to console him."  
  
"But why not me?" Zelda asked. "Am I not capable of consoling my own husband?!"  
  
"Hold on, dear," her mother sighed. "He wants change, something away from his old life."  
  
"So now I'm like yesterday's paper?!" Zelda shouted. "Just tossed aside for someone newer, fresher?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME?!"  
  
"Zelda, be patient! That's not what I am trying to say! Link DOES still love you! This girl means no more to him than that new dress you bought the other day! Just because you got a new one does not mean you'll never wear the others again."  
  
"A harem, now, is it?! Mother, you cannot compare love to getting a new dress!" Zelda sobbed. For a few moments, she cried; and neither of them spoke. Then Zelda sniffed, and asked, "Did you say that ... something like this happened to you and father?"  
  
"Yes," her mother replied grimly. "But it turned out to be nothing. Just a flash in the pan; and the hussy was the one who ended up getting hurt in the end. Nothing very serious happened between them. He admitted the whole thing to me later, and I forgave him. What he didn't know, though, is that I had already known while the affair was actually going on."  
  
"So you're telling me to just sit by and let this happen?!" Zelda asked incredulously. "Not to do anything about it?!"  
  
"Yes, darling. If you do, things will get blown out of proportion and you'll regret ever having done it. However, if you keep quiet, Link will eventually see what he has done wrong and drop this girl in the gutter."  
  
"He will 'eventually' see?" Zeld asked. "When will that be, mother? When?"  
  
"I don't know, child," she responded, standing up. "Zelda, I'm going on a trip to Bermuda in a few days. Perhaps you should come with me, I think it would do you good."  
  
Zelda stood up as well, wiping her eyes. "Maybe I shall....yes, I think I will." She walked with her mother to the bedroom door, then hugged her. "Thank you, darling."  
  
The elder woman smiled. "It's sort of nice to have you need mother again." They heard the front door open and close loudly. "That must be Link. Now remember, say nothing. Act as if nothing is wrong." Zelda looked a little unsure, causing her to add, "Trust me, Zelda, I'm an old woman. I know my sex." And with that, she walked out the door.  
  
Breathing heavily, Zelda heard a "Hello, Link" and "hello, Norma" from the hall way. What would she do when she saw him? She didn't have much time to think.  
  
"Hello, dear," Link said the next moment, walking into the bedroom.  
  
Zelda looked at him in fear, tears still trailing down her face. Link looked at her in concern, taking off his hat and his coat. She turned away, trying to rid her tears. He couldn't know that she knew, that was all Zelda could think right now.  
  
"Darling, what is it?" he asked, putting his arms around her from behind and leaning into her shoulder.  
  
She inhaled sharply. Her mind couldn't help but imagine him doing this same thing to another woman... a "terribly clever, terribly pretty" (as Arga had put it) woman. Realizing she needed to answer him, Zelda quickly said, "I--well, as you saw, my mother was just here, and--the dog I gave her just passed away." What a smooth lie.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zel," Link said, a calm voice that seemed to brainwash Zelda, who suddenly wondered how she could've hated him ten seconds ago.  
  
Zelda turned around and faced him. Link leaned forward and kissed her on the mouth, pushing her towards a wall near their bed. Suddenly Zelda's mind started screaming for her to push away, and she was filled with a desire to beat Link on the head with something sharp. Zelda played along as Link continued to kiss her and move his hands down to her waist; but she couldn't help but remember what Peach had said only yesterday:  
  
"Are you sure it's work dear, and not a beautiful blonde?"  
  
What if Link had been doing this to someone else? This...Malon person? Zelda felt Link's tongue pressing against her lips, and she felt all her negative thoughts fall away. Zelda raised her hands to his face and closed her eyes, breathing harder.  
  
She could no longer imagine him doing this with another woman; it couldn't be possible. He could never love someone the way he loved her.  
  
--------------------  
  
Peach crept into Black's 5th avenue and crouched behind a display of Summer Rain. She squinted, looking around, then motioned for Daisy to walk in.  
  
"Well, here we are; sneaking up on her," Peach said with joy, as Daisy hurried to catch up and linked arms with her.  
  
"Darling, do you think we ought to be doing this?" Daisy whispered.  
  
"Oh, shut up. We came here looking for Malon, and we're going to find her." Peach looked around at the women selling perfume, wondering which candidate was the winner. "Hmmm....maybe her," Peach muttered, referring to a slender lady with their back to them.  
  
Hearing someone approaching her, the woman turned around. "May I be of service to you, madams?" she asked.  
  
Peach and Daisy looked taken aback--the woman had the face of a gargoyle. It took a moment for one of them to finally say, "....no thank you, no."  
  
"From the neck up, I'd say no," Peach said, making Daisy laugh. They came across a lovely girl offering some perfume to a customer. "Well, how about baby?"  
  
"Couldn't be anyone else," Daisy said.  
  
"Here's your customer's change, Pat," another clerk said.  
  
"Pat," Peach said to herself, walking away.  
  
"It could've just been a nickname," said Daisy, twisting her head to look at Pat again. "Still don't know why you overlooked her."  
  
"I do," Peach said with a smile. She nodded towards a redhead behind the counter. "Pipe."  
  
Indeed, it was the devil herself. The girl picked up some Summer Rain and smelled it, smiling to herself. She glanced at the clock, then quickly put down the bottle and rushed into the storage room.  
  
"Quick," she said to another worker in the room. "Get this wrapped up and shipped off right away."  
  
"Yes, Miss Allen," the worker said wearily.  
  
"You seem in a keen rush to get outta here, Maylon," said Pat, walking into the room as well. "How're things going with that guy?"  
  
"Better than ever, dear," Malon said. "I'm having him dine at my place."  
  
"Your place?"  
  
"Yes, it's time Link found out that I'm a home girl."  
  
"HOME girl?!" Pat asked. She laughed. "Get her!" she added, speaking to the quiet other worker in the room. "Why don't you bother borrowing the quintuplets for the evening, dear?"  
  
"Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet!" Malon barked. "Lottie, I need you to run over to my apartment and make something for dinner!"  
  
"But I can't, tonight, Miss Allen! I've got a date!"  
  
"C'mon, c'mon, you can break it!" Malon said distractedly, scribbling something on a sheet, with the pen's lid still in her mouth.  
  
"But...I'm known for the way I cook, Miss Allen!" Lottie protested. "I'm just terrible at it!"  
  
In annoyance, Malon sighed and slammed her pad of paper on the table. She threw her arms up in the air, saying, "If you throw a couple of lamb chops in a hot oven, what's gonna keep 'em from getting done?!"  
  
"You make it sound so easy, maybe you could do it," Pat suggested.  
  
"I haven't got the time, I've--"  
  
"Telephone for you, Malon," said the gargoyle lady.  
  
"I can't take any calls right now, I'm in a hurry!"  
  
"All right. I'll tell the gentleman."  
  
"Gentleman?! Well hold on, why didn't you say so..." Malon squeezed past Pat and picked up the phone. "Hello? .....Oh hello, Link." (A/N: when there is just .......... in Malon's dialogue, it means Link is talking. ok? ok.). Malon's expression suddenly turned sad. "W-what? You--you can't make it tonight? .........oh no, no, it's all right, Link. It'll be--good discipline for my selfishness about you."  
  
"Holy mackeral, what a line!" Pat marveled, staring at Malon.  
  
Malon briefly put her hand over the reciever. "Be quiet, willya?" She returned her attention to the phone. "Sorry about that, dear...oh, well it's just that I had planned on making dinner for you myself this evening."  
  
"She thinks that because Lottie's dark, he won't see her!" laughed Pat (A/N: i KNOW! racist, right? but i didn't make that line up. it needs to be in this section to help describe malon's evilness).  
  
"Will you get out of here?!" Malon asked, clutching the reciever of the phone again. She gulped, trying to get her sweet voice back. "I--oh no, Link! Nothing's the matter! ....." Malon suddenly looked very distressed. "Well, it's just that I recieved a gloomy letter from home today ...... my little sister, she's not very well." Malon instinctively put her hand over the reciever as Pat looked at her again.  
  
"What's the matter, she got a hangover?" Pat joked.  
  
"Listen, if you don't shut up, so help me, I'm gonna slug you," Malon growled, as Pat smirked and walked away. "I'm sorry, what was that, dear? ........ oh no, don't feel bad about it. I just--I also saved a piece of the cake. With a candle on it." Malon bit on her lip, wondering if she had hooked him. She grinned when Link sounded concerned. "Oh no, dear. Don't worry about it." Malon had trouble keeping the happiness out of her voice. "I'll have another birthday next year."  
  
"She'll have another birthday next week," Pat called from the other side of the room.  
  
Malon threw her the iciest stare she could muster. "But Link, if could come over for JUST a moment, I would be so grateful to you ..... oh, so you will? All right dear, I'll meet you at our corner! .... Yes, in ten minutes! Good-bye!" She kissed the phone, then hung it up. Pat walked towards her, and Malon put her hands on her hips. "Can you believe the nerve of that guy? He almost dumped me for his wife!"  
  
Pat clicked her tongue, shaking her head.  
  
"Two ladies out here to see you, dear," the gargoyle woman announced, addressing Malon.  
  
"Ha ha, not for me, pet," Malon laughed, quickly continuing her mad scribbling. "You can take 'em."  
  
"But they asked for you by name, dear," the woman said, smiling. "A Miss Malon Allen. " (A/N: the name just rolls of ur tongue, doesn't it? i'm sry, but this character's last name is allen in the play, and i really liked it).  
  
Malon sighed with impatience and once more threw down her pad of paper. "Why me?!" She walked back into the store huffily.  
  
"Maybe they're slummy," Pat suggested as a joke.  
  
Looking around, Malon's eyes rested on Peach and Daisy, who were standing in front of her counter. Putting on her best Melanie Hamilton Wilkes smile, she approached them. "May I be of assisstance?"  
  
Peach looked at Malon eagerly. She forgot to speak until Daisy subtly elbowed her. "Oh, yes... I'm looking to change my perfume."  
  
"Oh," Malon said, still smiling. "Would you like something more subtle, or perhaps something more in the Woodsby order, like this, for instance?" She took some perfume and sprayed it deliberately on Peach's toothy grin. Peach blinked and Daisy laughed lightly.  
  
"Is that what you use?"  
  
"Oh no, I'm afraid that's much too expensive for me," Malon laughed.  
  
Peach nudged Daisy and beamed. "Nonsense, my dear... pretty girl like you, with all the rich gentlemen that float in here."  
  
"When they come to my counter, I think that they have other women on their minds," Malon said lightly.  
  
Looking for a new angle, Peach picked up a bottle of perfume. "Oh look, Daisy. Summer Rain--this is Zelda's new favorite, LINK gave it to her for her birthday."  
  
At that name, Peach noticed Malon's smile tighten. She continued to speak. "Mrs. Link HAINES... perhaps you sold it to him?"  
  
Malon kept her cool, though wondering wildly how these two strange woman obviously knew about her situation with Link.... or maybe they didn't, and were just wondering about it.. "Oh, I wouldn't know. You see, we have so many men come here."  
  
"Uh, tall, distinguished, awfully good looking," Peach rambled, trying to describe Link. "Surely you wouldn't overlook him?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's OWN business," Malon said, in a polite way of trying to get Peach to shut up. She picked up some perfume bottles and put them back on a counter.  
  
Peach sighed and picked up a small bottle. "And as you say, you have so many men."  
  
Malon glared at her, then walked back to the cash register.  
  
"I'll take this," Peach said, handing the perfume to Malon.  
  
"Ooh, twenty-five cents," Malon said with admiration. "You are getting off economically, aren't you?"  
  
"Aren't I?" Peach asked imperiously. She handed the quarter to Malon along with a small card. "Here's my name and adress. Ship it and send." And with that, Peach and Daisy began to walk away.  
  
"It'll be in tomorrow, Mrs. PROWler," Malon said, reading the card.  
  
Peach whipped around. "FOWLER," she said angrily.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Malon said in a light voice, making it clearly obvious that she had called Peach that on purpose.  
  
"She called me that on purpose!" Peach fumed, as she and Daisy stalked out of the department store.  
  
"I can see her laughing from here!" Daisy said, shocked.  
  
"She DID call me that deliberately! I'll have her fired; I'll go STRAIGHT to the management of this very store, if I have to!"  
  
Peach ended up not complaining to the owners, but she and Daisy certainly went home in a huff.  
  
------------  
  
A/N: and so, malon is introduced. any questions? if so, plz put them in ur reviews!! 


	4. Disaster In The Dressing Room

A/N: so long since an update, but w/e. i had no internet. neway, more of this story no one's reading but i'm writing for my own entertainment.  
  
------------  
  
Two weeks later........  
  
Zelda, her daughter, and her mother (A/N: whose name is NORMA) were all gathered in the Haines bedroom. The trip to Bermuda had just ended; and Zelda had put on a short movie show for them (using the footage taped on the trip to Bermuda).  
  
"Ah, there's me catching that awful fish!" Zelda laughed, as the three of them watched her heave on a string partly off screen. "What a lively brute that was!  
  
Young Zelda giggled when she saw her mother triumphantly pull the animal onto the boat. "You're not fooling anyone, mother! That fish is as dead as a doornail!"  
  
"Oh, so what?" Zelda asked.  
  
"Whoopsy, there I go," sighed Zelda's mother. Her grandaughter started laughing hysterically upon seeing the camera's view suddenly fly sideways and begin shooting film.... underwater?  
  
"Yes, that's when grandma tripped over the tackle and fell over backwards over the boat," Zelda remarked with a grin.  
  
"You mean you dropped our precious camera under water?" Young Zelda gasped, unsuccessfully attempting to stifle a laugh.  
  
"Yes, and your precious grandmother dropped in right after it," Norma said. "Though I guess you wouldn't really mind about that, would you?"  
  
(A/N: in case ur wondering how i picked the name norma 4 zelda's mother--all tho ur probly not--it's the name of the actress who played zelda's character in the film version of this story. norma shearer. lil known fact. ANYwho, on with ze story--)  
  
"And, that's it," Zelda said, turning off the projector and starting to put it away.  
  
"No, don't put it away yet, mother," Young Zelda protested. "I want to show daddy when he comes home from work."  
  
"I showed them to daddy last night, sorry," Zelda said.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"How's your father been doing?" Norma asked Young Zelda.  
  
"All right, I guess," Young Zelda answered, shrugging. "Only he's been coming home late from work a lot still. Aunt Peach says that she was going to call you about that with Daisy while you were still in Bermuda.... anyway, I've got to go. I'm going to Virginia's house, bye!"  
  
"Goodbye, dear," Zelda said quickly, as her daughter skipped out of the room. She looked up to see her mother glaring at her, then turned away and proceeded to take down the screen.  
  
"Zelda, you didn't tell me that those women called you while we were in Bermuda," she said sternly.  
  
"I didn't think it was important," Zelda said lightly, though it had been.  
  
"Is that why we came home two weeks early?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"What did they say to you, Zelda?"  
  
"Nothing," Zelda answered, looking down and distractedly straightening out a small carpet. "I am divinely happy."  
  
"Look at me and say that," Norma said, standing over her.  
  
Zelda slowly stood up. She rose her eyes to meet her mother's, taking in a quiet deep breath. "I am divinely happy."  
  
".... All right then. But hurry up, dear, or else you'll be late for the fashion show."  
  
"Oh yes, thank you for reminding me," Zelda said, glad to be off the subject of Link. She grabbed a purse and hat and made for the door of the bedroom.  
  
"Oh, and Zelda, one more thing," Norma called after her.  
  
"Yes?" Zelda asked from the hall.  
  
"Don't confide anything in your girlfriends," she said. "If you do, they'll see to it that you are miserable for the remainder of your life. Don't let them know that you know about Link; or if you're hurt."  
  
"Good-bye, mother," Zelda said rather darkly, flying down the steps and out the front door.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Ah, it's the lady of the hour," remarked Marin, as Zelda walked into the building that the fashion show was taking place in.  
  
"Hello, dears, sorry I'm late," Zelda said, meeting them at the buffet.  
  
"I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it," Peach said, opting not to eat and popping a piece of gum in her mouth instead.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you," Zelda joked.  
  
"Hurry and eat, you lot, it's starting soon," Daisy said, bouncing a bit on her feet.  
  
"Yes, thanks to Zellie dear, we've been waiting a while to find seats," Peach said with a smile.  
  
"Oh, don't be rude, Peach," Saria said. She grinned at Zelda. "It's not your fault you're a tad late, right?"  
  
"Traffic was pretty bad," Zelda told them.  
  
"By the way, how's Link?" Peach asked.  
  
"Oh, he's just fine," Zelda replied in nearly a monotone, leaving to find a seat with the others. In a floaty, fake-happy voice, she said, "Actually, we've been seeing a lot of each other lately."  
  
Unfortunately for Zelda, her cousin saw right through the charade.  
  
"She can't stand it!" Peach laughed, elbowing Daisy as soon as Zelda was safely out of earshot. "C'mon, let's go grab a seat by the others."  
  
A short while later (after ze fashion show).............  
  
"Ah, that was divine!" Saria sighed. "Models are so lucky to be doing what they do." At this remark, Marin made something of a grunting noise and rolled her eyes.  
  
Noticing one of the models walking around and.... doing her job, Daisy nudged a worker at the place and said, "Could you ask her to come model here, please?"  
  
"Of course, ma'am," the worker said. "Oh, Mara! Yes, please come over here and model for a moment, please."  
  
Mara glided towards them in her flowy dress. "It's a very nice fit; skin- tight, pretty much. You should have it made, Zelda--you're just what it needs."  
  
"It was Mrs. Potter who asked for the dress, Princess," the worker said.  
  
Mara stared at Daisy (A/N: who, in this story, is supposed to be somewhat over weight). "Oh ..... I'm sorry."  
  
"Say, you're wearing that wrong," Peach said, standing up and snatching a piece of the fabric. "I saw someone modeling this in Vogue. The veil is supposed to go up over the shoulder like this--"  
  
"Excuse moi!" Mara cried in her hanky-panky French accent, looking shocked. She slapped away Peach's hands. "What do you know how to wear clothes?!"  
  
"Well, I may not be a model, pet, but no one disputes the way I wear clothes!" Peach snorted huffily (at the moment, she was wearing a distasteful pair of glasses and a fluffy cardigan--since she was crocheting at the time, she looked a bit like a little old grandma with blonde hair).  
  
"Now, now, it's just professional jealousy," Zelda told the concerned worker. "They're really very good friends."  
  
"Oh yes, Mara just adores the Fowler family," Peach said, rolling her eyes. "Especially my husband."  
  
"Are you accusing me of having an affair with Marth?" Mara asked lightly, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
Peach pinched the model's cheek rather hard and in a mock-sugary voice, she said, "No, my little pet, but I'm trying to!" She released Mara's cheek and folded her arms. "Heh. I'd like to see Marth Fowler bat an eyelash at another woman."  
  
"I have," Mara said, grinning devilishly. "And she's not bad either." Smiling to herself, the model walked away.  
  
Zelda rolled her eyes and grabbed her cousin's elbow just as Peach was beginning to compute what she'd just been told. "Wha--did you catch her innuendo?!"  
  
"C'mon, she was just pulling your leg," Zelda sighed, as the the group of them headed towards the dressing rooms. They all sat down a Big Comfy Couch (.... ha .... ha?) and were immediately confronted by yet another model.  
  
"Oh, that's simply gorgeous!" Daisy gasped, reaching out and feeling the material of the dress the girl was wearing.  
  
"You're right," Zelda breathed. She looked over at yet another worker and gave her a lop-sided grin. "It's divine ..."  
  
"Lovely," remarked Marin, putting on her glasses.  
  
Peach was smiling from ear to ear; her eyes wide, staring at the dress. Zelda bit down on her lip, trying to decide whether or not she wanted it. "Oh, don't tell me the price, but .... how much is it?"  
  
"Two-hundred twenty-five," the worker answered.  
  
Zelda let out a short laugh. "It IS a nightgown, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, Mrs. Haines."  
  
"I'd be happy to have it for an evening gown!" Saria giggled.  
  
"Ho, isn't she naïve?" Marin laughed.  
  
"Go on, Zelda! Buy it!" Peach goaded her. "If Link doesn't notice the dress, he'll notice the bill!"  
  
Zelda smiled. "Oh, all right! I'll--"  
  
"I'll take that," came a voice from the entrance of the room. Zelda raised her eyebrows. The model turned towards a certain redhead in the doorway (who is near and dear to us all), and accompanied her to a cabinet. "And I could use a few more on the same order."  
  
Peach and Daisy stared at the woman. The latter whipped towards Zelda and said seriously, "Oh Zelda, I could DIE for you!"  
  
"Me too!" Daisy whimpered.  
  
"Why? I didn't really want it anyway," Zelda said, with another of her I-DID-really-want-that-but-I-won't-tell-you-so smiles.  
  
"Wha--don't you know who that is?!" Daisy hissed.  
  
"No, why?" Zelda asked innocently, in a voice that indicated she didn't care very much.  
  
"That's Malon Allen!" Peach said.  
  
Zelda put on another forced smile, and said slowly, "Malon Allen?" She pretended the name meant nothing to her, as it hadn't a few weeks ago. Saria and Marin exchanged glances.  
  
"And at 225 she could use a few more!" Daisy whispered.  
  
"Mrs. Haines, your room is ready now," announced a worker.  
  
With something of a confused/sad look on her face (imagine a lost puppy), Zelda automatically stood up and followed the worker to a room just down the way.  
  
Meanwhile, in the dressing room across the hall...  
  
"Is that all, Miss Allen?" a worker asked.  
  
"Yes, I think so," Malon answered.  
  
"Now you're opening a charge here, correct?" the worker asked, getting out a pen and a small pad of paper.  
  
"Correct," Malon said, opening a box containing a long, sequined dress.  
  
"And where will we be recieving your payments from?" the worker inquired. "The bank?"  
  
"Oh no, I haven't an account yet," Malon answered.  
  
"Then on cash, or...credit?"  
  
"No, no," Malon answered.  
  
"Well... I'm sorry, Miss Allen, but we must have a financial reference," the worker said.  
  
"Of course, of course," Malon said, turning towards her. "You can put down Mr. Link Haines. He is a very old friend of my family."  
  
"Ahh, yes," the worker said, smiling and writing something down. "Mrs. Haines is a very good customer of ours, you know."  
  
Malon, of course, had not known this. She put on a false sweet smile. "Oh...really? Well, um... I haven't really met Mrs. Haines yet, so would you mind not telling her that I used her husband as a reference?"  
  
"Of course not," the worker said. "We understand."  
  
"Whaddya mean you understand?!" Malon asked indignantly.  
  
"Oh, no, I--I didn't mean--"  
  
"No, no, that's quite all right," Malon said lightly, beginning to undress. "It's just that ..... oh, well being here in a new town; you've got to be so careful about not doing anything that people might misconstrue! You see, I haven't met Mrs. Haines socially before, so I'd feel funny if she knew that I--"  
  
"Yes, of course," the worker said eagerly. "Women are funny about little things like that."  
  
"Yes..." Malon sighed. "Say, you know that blue number you had in the show, the one that was all drippy with embroidery?"  
  
"You mean the blue negligeé?" the worker asked.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, would you bring that in? I'd like to try it on."  
  
"Certainly, Ms. Allen."  
  
Meanwhile, back at Zelda's dressing room--  
  
Zelda stood on a small platform in front of a three-way mirror. She wore an elegant black gown, tight towards the top and middle, then becoming long and wider at the bottom. Mournfully, Zelda looked at her three reflections. Was there something wrong with her that Link didn't like?  
  
"Oh, that really suits you, Mrs. Haines!" exclaimed her assisstant at the place, named Jane.  
  
"Really? Oh, thank you," Zelda said distractedly.  
  
"I brought the hat part of it. Would you like to try it on?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Yoo-hoo! May I come in?" came an all-too-familiar bubbly voice. It was Peach. "Hello, dearie."  
  
"Take a seat, Peach," Zelda said, fastening on two crystal earrings.  
  
"Divine dress, darling," Peach said.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Jane left, leaving the two of them alone. As soon as the door closed, Peach leapt up and took a hold of Zelda's elbow.  
  
"Zelda, dear, you DO know. Why don't you confide in me?"  
  
"Quiet, Peach," Zelda said softly, still gazing blankly at the mirror.  
  
"Now, come on, dear, you've known about this all along, it'll help to talk it out with somebody."  
  
"Stay out of my affairs, Peach," Zelda said, stepping off of the stool and walking towards a wall.  
  
"I most certainly will not!" Peach said. "I've kept quiet for too long! You're the only one in New York who doesn't know all about this! And if you think I'm just going to stand calmly by and let you bury your head in the sand like some ostrich, you're very much mistaken! Marth says that he hasn't seen Link in the club during the afternoons for weeks." She tried to look at Zelda's face to see her reaction, but Zel was doing a fine job of avoiding eye contact. "Look where she was six months ago, and look where she is now!"  
"Peach, will you PLEASE let me do what I want to do with my own life?" Zelda pleaded quietly.  
  
The door opened, and Jane stood there, calling out to someone outside, "Mara, show Miss Allen that negligeé you're wearing--" Then turned towards them. "Sorry, Mrs. Haines, I gave you the wrong hat by mistake. I've got the right one, though."  
  
"I was wondering," Zelda laughed softly, taking off the hat she was wearing. Jane began to fasten the new one on her.  
  
"By the way, is that Malon Allen across the hall?" Peach asked.  
  
"Yes," Jane answered, as. "Do you know her?"  
  
"Why--"  
  
"Has she a lot of money?"  
  
"I think she knows where she can get a lot," Peach said, beginning to play around with a couple of the sashes on Zelda's dress and grinning rather wickedly.  
  
"Well, she's buying everything she sees, regardless," Jane sighed. Zelda breathed in deeply, choking a little. "Why--Mrs. Haines, are you all right?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm just a little tired, that's all," Zelda said, forcing a smile.  
  
"Perhaps you've been standing too long," Jane said.  
  
"Yes, I think that's it."  
  
"Uh, you go get her a glass of sherry," Peach said quickly.  
  
"Oh, surely." Jane rushed out of the room, and Zelda sat down. Peach squatted next to her, trying her sweet disposition tactic again.  
  
"Now Zelda, you'd feel so much better if you told your troubles to some one," Peach said in the kindest voice she could muster. "Why don't you just confide in me? Link's an absolute WORM spending money on a girl like that!"  
  
"Shut up, Peach!" Zelda cried, getting to her feet. "Just leave me alone!"  
  
"But now's your chance, Zelda!" Peach persisted. "Malon's in just the next room! Get it over with, just go in there and--"  
  
"Go in there?!" Zelda repeated. She shook her head, saying, "I'm going home."  
  
Jane came back to the room with concern, holding a glass of sherry, but Peach took the glass and then shoved her back out the door.  
  
"You can't go, not now!" Peach said desperately. "Just go in there and say a few quiet words! Tell her you'll make Link's life an absolute tornado until he gives her up!"  
  
"PEACH...GO ....AWAY," Zelda said in a choked, determined voice.  
  
Rather huffily, Peach stood on top of the stool in front of the three- way mirror as Zelda made for the door. "Well, she may be a perfectly good influence on your husband, but she's not going to do your child any good." She glanced sideways to try and catch Zelda's facial expression right now.  
  
"What did you say?" Zelda asked quietly, turning back towards her.  
  
"Huh. Far be it from me to tell you things you don't care to hear," Peach snorted. "Daisy wanted me to tell you when we called you up in Bermuda, but did I utter?"  
  
Zelda walked in front of Peach and grabbed her wrist, saying forcefully, "What's this got to do with my child?!"  
  
"Well. It happened while you were away," Peach said, as Zelda's hand slipped from her wrist. "Daisy saw them: Link, that creature, and Young Zelda lunching together in the park. She said they were having a hilarious time; seated pretty cozy, eating ice cream, and Malon was kissing Young Zelda between every bite! When I heard that, I became just heart sick, dear."  
  
Peach tried to read Zelda's expression, but it was too blank. She gave a sigh, and stepped off of the stool. "Well, as you say, it's your affair--not mine." As she walked out the door, Peach added, "No doubt that girl will make an awfully good stepmama for your daughter." Then she exited, shutting the door loudly behind her.  
  
Rubbing her forehead, Zelda tried to think clearly. 'Calm down, Zel, you don't need to get excited,' she told herself. 'Peach was only trying to ....' Suddenly, a new feeling washed over Zelda. A feeling of acute anger, supremacy and regal-ness. Her head raised high, she left her dressing room and defiantly strode defiantly across the hall.  
  
Peach looked from around the corner as Zelda opened the door to the room containing Malon.  
  
For a moment, Zelda could not breathe as Malon, dressed in a slinky golden bath robe, turned to face her. "I beg your pardon?" the redhead asked, smiling in confusion.  
  
"I am Mrs. Link Haines," Zelda said mechanically.  
  
Malon frowned with her smile still in place. So this woman was her competition; this uncommonly attractive girl? "I'm sorry, I don't think I know you."  
  
"I believe it's my husband you know," Zelda said seriously.  
  
"Oh," Malon said flatly. "So, Link's finally told you."  
  
"No, he's never mentioned you. But I couldn't stand by and let this happen any longer."  
  
"Uh-huh, well, that takes a lot of guilt off my shoulders," Malon said, still grinning. "Personally, I'm glad you know."  
  
"You've been seeing my daughter, that's why I came to talk to you," Zelda said quietly. "I won't have you coming near my daughter!"  
  
"You don't have to get hysterical about it!" Malon said, turning her back on Zelda and fixing her hair while looking in a mirror. "What do I care about your daughter, I'm sick of hearing about her."  
  
"You won't have to hear about her anymore," Zelda said coolly, still quiet. "Because you and my husband aren't going on seeing each other."  
  
"That's .... rather up to Link, isn't it?" Malon asked, lighting a cigarette.  
  
"You've made it impossible for me to do anything else!" Zelda cried, changing the subject a little.  
  
"Still, it IS Link's decision," Malon said. She smirked again. "He seems to be satisfied with this arrangement."  
  
Zelda shook her head. "I know that Link could never really love a girl like you."  
  
Malon nodded. "Well, if he couldn't, he's an awfully good actor." She laughed, then gave Zelda a confused smile. "Look, I still don't see what you're complaining about, Mrs. Haines! You've got everything that matters! You've got the name, the position, the money--!"  
  
"My husband's love happens to mean more to me than those things," Zelda said patiently, smiling superciliously.  
  
"Ugh, you noble wives bore the brains outta me," Malon sighed, laughing a little bit. "Bet you bore your husbands, too..."  
  
"Oh, you ARE a hard one, aren't you?" Zelda asked softly, smirking.  
  
"Oh, I can be soft on the right occasion," Malon replied, smiling suggestively. Zelda stiffened, and Malon continued. "Look--what did you expect me to do; burst into tears and beg you to forgive me?" Her smile widened. "That's what you really came in here for, wasn't it?"  
  
"Not after seeing you," Zelda answered. "You're even more typical than I dared hope."  
  
"Well honey, that goes double," Malon sneered. "Now, look--I'd break up your snug little roost if I could, but I don't stand a chance." She saw Zelda smile again, so she quickly and haughtily added, "Oh don't think that it's because your husband isn't crazy about me. It's just that Link's the kind of man who lets that old fashioned sentiment put the Indian sign on him, and that's IT."  
  
"I'm glad that you understand the power of sentiment, Miss Allen," Zelda said. "Because it's beauty is something you'll never know."  
  
Glaring at her, Malon put out her cigarette out and strode towards the door. She opened it (not noticing about fifteen workers scrambling away from it--they'd been eavesdropping, the little weasels!). "This happens to be MY dressing room, Mrs. Haines," Malon said.  
  
Zelda walked towards her. "Yes, it's yours .... for the time being, like everything else you've got. But the time to wake up from the dream world will come soon." She was about to leave, when she glanced down at the robe that revealed much of Malon's shapely legs and smirked again. "May I suggest that if you're dressing to please Link .... not that one. He ... doesn't like such obvious attempts."  
  
"Whenever something I wear doesn't please Link, I take it off," Malon assured her, putting on another impious grin.  
  
Zelda shook her head and stared at Malon. Then she raised a hand a slapped her sharply across the face. And with that, Zelda walked regally back to her own dressing room, and both women's doors slammed shut.  
  
The worker who had been assisting Malon clicked her tongue. "So that's what she calls 'meeting Mrs. Haines socially.'"  
  
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A/N: mua ha haa! isn't malon evil? btw, if ur an AVID lz person, u can just check in this story on the last chapter. if i wasn't writing this story, chances r i wouldn't be reading it b/c i hate malon. however, keep up reading for the comedy and cleverness (once again i remind u this is NOT an original plot here). plz review!! 


	5. Let The Story Ride

i luv writing this (even tho no one's reading it. and if u r, Y RNT U REVIEWING?!) anyhow, on wit da story, man.  
  
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Peach lay flat on her back. She was at Sydney's, going through her weekly exercise routine on a mat.  
  
"Up, and over, and up and over, and PULL the hamstrings!" her trainer, Rosalind said, directing Peach's leg and how it should be moving.  
  
"She's being really ridiculous about it, really!" Peach said, moving her leg "up and over" repeatedly. "If Zelda would only talk to her friends, things would be oh so much easier for her!"  
  
"Now on your side," Rosalind said. Peach turned over and waited for further instruction. "And, up and down, and up and down and--"  
  
"But now that I think of it, Zelda never listens to any of her friends," Peach said, raising and dropping her leg.  
  
"Up and down, and--how does she avoid it?--up and down--"  
  
"Ugh!" Peach snorted, rolling over onto her back again. "I'm exhausted!"  
  
"Mrs. Fowler, you've barely done a thing," Rosalind pointed out. When Peach didn't respond, she sighed, and said, "Maybe we should try something simpler, like crawling up the wall."  
  
Sighing, Peach faced the wall, still on her back.  
  
"Good. Now crawl slowly up the wall," Rosalind said. Peach moved her feet very slow-like up the wall. "Press each tiny vertebrae as hard as you can!"  
  
"The way you say that makes me feel like vermin," Peach grunted, as her back began to arch more off the ground.  
  
"There shouldn't be much effort," Rosalind said. Peach stopped to stare at her. "Um, crawling up the wall, I mean."  
  
Suddenly, Saria burst into the room, fastening a belt around her waist. "Oh, I'm SO sorry I'm late, Peach, I--!"  
  
"There you are, Saria!" Peach said, dropping her legs from the wall rather un-elegantly. She continued to speak from her position on the floor. "You're always late! I'm paying for these lessons you know--"  
  
"--I know, but there was so much traffic today, and my car's been malfunct--"  
  
Neither of them relented talking, determined to be heard over the other. "Please, PLEASE!!" Rosalind shouted at the top her lungs to get their attention. It worked. Peach and Saria stared at her. Roz cleared her throat and said, "It's time for a posture race."  
  
Saria walked towards the other side of the room, and Peach lazily followed (slouching a bit).  
  
"Tsk, tsk, Mrs. Fowler," Rosalind said to Peach. "A lady always enters a room erect."  
  
"Yeah, well, most of my friends exit horizontally."  
  
Rosalind ignored Peach's comment. "All right. Backs straight, arms out, on the tip of your toes, and--you're off."  
  
Saria and Peach, with their arms out straight in front of them, tip- toed as fast as they could across the room.  
  
"Jack is furious with me for letting you pay for these," Saria muttered to Peach through her teeth, referring to her husband.  
  
"Yeah, well, he ought to be darn glad HE isn't paying for them."  
  
"Tuck under, please," Rosalind interrupted, correcting Peach's posture. As part of the routine, Saria and Peach began to walk backwards (to where they had started from).  
  
"But--but Peach, you don't understand!" Saria continued. "Ever since I got that job, I've been making almost as much money as he has, which is making him really upset. And now he's almost changed completely, and he's not the man I knew!"  
  
"Yeah, well, hang on to your own little income," Peach advised her, as they reached the end of the line. Her breathing was slightly heavier than usual. "It's the only protection a ...(deep breath) married woman has."  
  
"All right, now return to the mats," Rosalind told them. They did so. Right then, Daisy bombarded through the door, with a white cloth tied around her head.  
  
"Oh hello, Daisy, what're you doing here?" Peach asked, eager for any kind of interruption.  
  
"Hello, dears, I was just right in the middle of my facial when I remembered something just awful I've done!" Daisy said in one breath.  
  
"Mrs. Potter, we're right in the middle of a lesson," Rosalind said, with something of a forced smile. "And besides ... shouldn't you be down still having your--"  
  
"Darling, relaxing is part of my facial," Daisy said to Roz.  
  
"Then you should relax completely, Mrs. Potter," Rosalind said through her teeth. "From the neck up."  
  
"Uh, you go tell them I want my bath getting ready," Peach said, once the initial glares were over. "There's a good girl; I'm simply exhausted!"  
  
"Mrs. Fowler, you've barely moved a muscle," Roz pointed out quietly.  
  
Peach's smile turned upside-down, and she said flatly, "Listen, who's carcass is this, yours or mine?"  
  
"It's yours, but I'm paid to exercise it."  
  
"Heh," Peach snorted. "You sound like a horse trainer."  
  
"Well, Mrs. Fowler, you're getting warm," Rosalind said. With that, she stalked out of the room.  
  
"Well how d'ya like that?" Peach asked in disbelief.  
  
"Honestly, the way they run this place, you'd think it was a boarding school," Daisy said. "But no matter." She sat down between Saria and Peach.  
  
"So what is it you wanted to tell us?" Saria asked her.  
  
"Well, darlings, I've just done the most GHASTLY thing," Daisy said.  
  
"What?" Peach asked curiously.  
  
"I could really just bite my tongue off, for it."  
  
"Yes, but Daisy, what IS it?" Peach asked, grinning.  
  
"I've been racking my brain trying to remember what it was, but I just can't!" Daisy said with annoyance. "I remember I was with Phyllis Povah--"  
  
"I know what you're going to say!" Peach gasped accusingly, pointing her finger at Daisy. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You forgot she was writing a gossip column, and you told her something about me."  
  
"Darling, you know I'd never give you away," Daisy assured her. "I told her ALL about Link and Zelda."  
  
"Oh, that!" Peach laughed.  
  
"Daisy!" Saria cried in despair.  
  
"I know it! I can't believe I did it," Daisy said.  
  
"But now it'll be in all those dreadful scandal sheets!" Saria wailed.  
  
"What exactly did you tell her?" Peach asked.  
  
"Um, I said that Zelda and Malon were across the hall from each other in their dressing rooms the other day," Daisy started. "And then I think I said that Zelda gave the Allen girl an awful punch in the gut, and ripped her satin gown right off her!"  
  
"You didn't!" Peach said, almost to the point of hysterical laughter.  
  
"Well, I don't know if I said a satin gown, or a velvet gown," Daisy said, rolling her eyes. "But I do know that I said she gave Malon a black eye and a broken arm."  
  
"Daisy, you didn't!" Saria whimpered.  
  
"Well that's what Peach told me," Daisy said, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"You did too! And besides, those two are on the brink of divorce anyway--"  
  
"Says who?!" Peach asked with excitement.  
  
"You did!" Daisy told her.  
  
"I did not! And besides, what can Zelda expect when she goes parading about, broadcasting her affairs to the world--"  
  
"Zelda doesn't broadcast them!" Saria interrupted.  
  
"Well then who does?!" Peach asked.  
  
"YOU do! You're making things impossible for Zelda, you really are!"  
  
"Oh, come off it, Saria."  
  
"No! I won't! And by tomorrow morning, EVERYbody will know what's going on between Link, Zelda, and Malon!"  
  
"Mrs. Fowler, your bath is ready now," Rosalind announced, sticking her head inside the room for a moment.  
  
Peach stood up and sighed. "Don't worry, dear. I'll fix everything. I'll go have a talk with Phyllis."  
  
"What're you going to say?" Daisy asked.  
  
"I'll tell her you were lying," Peach answered.  
  
"You most certainly will not!" Daisy insisted, a little embarrassed.  
  
"Well then let the story ride!" Peach laughed. "It'll all be forgotten in a couple days! Remember that story a while ago about what's- her-name that came out right before she jumped out a window? There, you see? I can't even remember her name! So who cares, Daisy?" With that, she glided out of the room.  
  
Saria still sat there, glaring at the place where Peach had previously been seated. "I think that Peach is a terrible woman ... and I'm going to tell her so!"  
  
"Now, now, dear, don't worry about it," Daisy told her, standing up. "It's just the girl's poor luck that she wasn't born deaf and dumb."  
  
"But you're Peach's best friend, why don't YOU do something about it?" Saria asked, also getting to her feet.  
  
"Darling, I'd try, but I can't," Daisy said, shrugging. "To me, there is nothing wrong with Peach Fowler. I see no evil, I hear no evil, I speak no evil!"  
  
---------------------------  
  
"We can't go on like this, Link," Zelda whispered, clutching the back of a chair in their room.  
  
"Zelda, please," Link said quietly.  
  
"Please what?! Please don't care about my having an affair with another woman!? Please pretend that you still don't know what's going on?!"  
  
"You don't understand, Zelda," Link said, stepping closer to her.  
  
"Understand what?! What more is there that I need to comprehend, or is there something ELSE you're not telling me?!"  
  
Link took another step forward and caught her hands. "Zelda, please! Let me say something to you!"  
  
"Dear God in heaven, help me!" Zelda shouted, trying vainly to get out of his grasp. "I loved you, Link! I LOVED YOU!! And of all the other filthy tramps that wanted you for your money, you knew that wasn't what I wanted! I loved you for who you were! So a fine way to pay me back, you thought, was by going out behind my back with one of those--those--" She couldn't think of a way to finish her sentence. So instead, Zelda screamed shortly and finally yanked herself free of his grasp.  
  
"Zelda--"  
  
"Stay away from me!" she said hoarsely. "Away, you monster!"  
  
"I know you always loved me, I thought you did, anyway, but now you-- "  
  
"Haven't you been listening to a WORD of what I've been saying?!" Zelda cried, as Link walked towards her again. "I didn't say I never loved you, I said STAY AWAY FROM ME!"  
  
"Please, I want you to say you love me!"  
  
"Stay away from me!"  
  
Link put his strong arms around her, and she attempted to beat him off, still crying. He silenced her with a kiss, a much deeper one than the ones he'd been giving her recently. Zelda didn't want to kiss him, but it was so hard for her to resist. When he finally stopped for a moment and stared at her, her mind seemed to have gone blank.  
  
Then she threw her arms around him again, kissing him once more. Half of her knew this was what she wanted, while the other half wanted Link to wither and die. After a few moments, she released the kiss, tears still staining her cheeks.  
  
"Link....did you ever do that.... with her?" she asked quietly, not able to face him.  
  
"No, not really, no," he answered.  
  
"Not really?" she repeated, sitting down in a chair. "What does that mean? Go on, be honest. Please."  
  
Sighing, Link stood beside her. "I will be honest, Zelda. I have kissed Malon--" Zelda choked as new tears formed, and he went on--"but I never kissed her quite like that. Just now, I mean."  
  
"But.... but why?" Zelda whispered. "Why ... did ... you... do ... this ... to me?"  
  
"I--I'm not really sure," Link stammered, beginning to cry a little himself. "I felt as if I wasn't treating you right, or you .... oh, I'm not making any sense ... but Zelda, you've always been first with me."  
  
Zelda gave out a laugh. The kind of laugh you make when something is so heart breaking that you wish it was funny. "I don't want to be part of a group, Link," she murmured. "Even if I am first."  
  
There was a long silence between them. Then, at the same time, they both glanced at each other. Neither one wanted to be the first to look away.  
  
"What happens now?" Link asked.  
  
"I don't know," Zelda answered quietly. She wiped away some of her tears, then stood up. "Actually, I do."  
  
"What?" Link asked, watching her make for the door. She stopped.  
  
Zelda thought she heard fast footsteps from outside the door, but didn't move. "I'm leaving you, Link. Obviously we don't belong together, and besides .... you'd be more happy if you didn't have to worry about balancing two women. Two lives. Now you can have the one you left me for and not have to worry about it all."  
  
Link stared in disbelief as Zelda opened the door and slammed it shut. He ran to catch up with her and met her on the stair way. She paused and waited until Link was on the same stair as she.  
  
"Well, what is it?"  
  
"Just thought that maybe I'd go and tell Malon," Link answered coldly. "I'm sure she'll be very happy." He stormed down the rest of the steps, and slammed the front door as loudly as he could.  
  
Zelda screamed again, tears splashing down her front and sobs forcing their way out of her throat. She collapsed, grasping the banister so as not to slip down the stairs.  
  
From the room down the hall....  
  
"Poor Mrs. Haines," one of the maids whispered. "I can't believe what Mr. Haines is doin' to her."  
  
"All men are scum," the cook deduced, washing some dishes. "And to think .... what did the Mrs ever do to deserve this?"  
  
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing, and that's what makes me angry!" the maid said. "And now the poor creature is cryin' her eyes out, JUST because of that rat who dumped her .... although I do feel a little bad about eavesdropping on them .... do you think they have a chance of forgiving each other?"  
  
"Pffft," the cook sighed. "Anyone who could fix the relationship between those two would win that prize they're always givin' out in Sweden."  
  
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A/N: tsk, tsk! poor zelda. but don't worry; everything will work out all rite in the end. that is, it will if u REVIEW!! LIKE, NOW!!! ...................... sry. 


	6. Emblem Of The Great Divide

-----------------------  
  
"Zelda, please don't do this," Norma asked softly (that's her mother, remember?). "All you'll do is end up regretting it."  
  
"It's too late now, mother," Zelda said, packing some things into a suitcase. "We've already signed the papers and everything!"  
  
Norma sighed again. "I know I'm too late, but please! You will look back on this day and wish it had never happened! You're playing right into this Allen girl's hands, doing what she wants! And I know it's not what Link wanted! And no, now that I think about it, it is NOT too late! You can still not go through the divorce case!"  
  
"Mother, please," Zelda sighed.  
  
"You've got a child, Zelda," her mother said, voice trembling.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Have you told her yet?"  
  
Zelda slowly closed the suitcase. "Yes."  
  
"And what does she think of all this?"  
  
Wiping away at a tear, Zelda made for the door, then stopped. "She ... she said that some of her friends' parents had divorces, and she felt bad for them. And when I told her that Link and I are divorcing, she ... cried a little ..."  
  
"Oh, well that's surprising," her mother said sarcastically.  
  
"Please don't reprimand me anymore, mother," Zelda said, opening the door. "Goodbye."  
  
Norma sighed. "My dear, I hope it isn't long until you realize what a mistake you're making .... but goodbye."  
  
--------------------  
  
The train rattled along loudly, whirring past the countryside. Zelda sat on the seat wearily, her eyes closing now and then. Saria sat across from her, sniffling a little bit, wearing an angry expression. She began to rock back and forth slightly, and Zelda sighed and walked towards her.  
  
"Dear, you've got to calm down," Zelda whispered, taking Saria's hand.  
  
"I c-can't!" Saria sniffed. "I swear, Zelda .... if I hadn't made this train with you, I'd have jumped right in front of it." The two of them laughed nervously, then Saria looked at an envelope in Zelda's hand. "Is that letter from Link?"  
  
"Oh, no," Zelda answered quickly. "It's just an old letter from an old beau."  
  
"I guess you'll be having lots of beaus now, won't you, Zelda?" Saria laughed.  
  
Zelda shrugged. "I .... guess so."  
  
"Well I won't," Saria said, looking away with an angry expression. "I'll never trust another man again."  
  
"Ah, Saria--"  
  
"No, Zelda, you don't understand," Saria interrupted. "You don't know the things Jack said to me. Just because he can't have a car, I can't have a car. He can't afford anything anymore!"  
  
"Dear, perhaps it was just jealousy," Zelda pointed out. "He didn't want you making more money than him--obviously--so instead of saying nothing and getting a better job, he took it out on you."  
  
Saria was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you're right," she finally muttered.  
  
"That's a girl." Zelda stood up and headed for the door of the cart. "I'm just going to the bar for a moment; you think about what I said." She watched Saria nod, then walked down the hallway. When she reached the bar, she nearly bumped into a woman and her young daughter.  
  
"Mommy, is Daddy coming with us to Reno?" the daughter asked.  
  
"No, darling," the mother said sternly.  
  
"Mommy, where's Daddy going?"  
  
"I don't know," the mother answered stiffly, taking her daughter's hand and leaving the bar. "But from now on, you will please refer to him as 'that heel.'"  
  
Zelda frowned sadly at this, and was surprised when she heard someone laughing about it. She looked around the room and saw an older-looking woman chuckling. The woman was seated on a stool at the bar, and Zelda jumped when they made eye contact.  
  
"Chérie, won't you join me in a drink?" the older woman asked.  
  
A little awkwardly, Zelda stood up and headed towards her. This lady looked slightly familiar...  
  
"You looked so desoleé sitting in the corner over there all by yourself!" the lady said, grinning.  
  
"Did I?" Zelda asked in a soft voice, smiling an awkward sort of smile.  
  
"My name is Impa," the woman said, holding out a hand. "More formally known as the Countess DeLave."  
  
Zelda smiled and shook Impa's hand. "Of course, I've seen your picture in the papers." She knew she'd seen her somewhere before.  
  
"And I've seen yours, too," Impa said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"My name is Mrs. Link Haines," Zelda answered, looking down.  
  
"Ah yes, that's it!" Impa laughed. She paused and stared at Zelda's face. "Oh, my--my dear, those crummy newspaper pictures didn't do you half justice!"  
  
"Thank y--"  
  
"Let's all have a little party!" Impa announced, putting her arms in the air and dancing about in a circle. Addressing the only other person in the room, she cried, "You too, Chérie! Care to join us for some champagne?"  
  
The girl looked up from the couch she was sitting on, and grinned. "Champagne? Right you are!" She stood up, setting down her stitching, and elegantly crossed the room towards the bar.  
  
"This sweet little thing is getting her first divorce, too," Impa told Zelda. "She is a very good friend of mine--uh, what did you say your name was again, dear?"  
  
Samus rolled her eyes. "Samus Aarons." (A/N: just 2 let u know, samus is not wearing her usual armor. no. not here in 1939. she's wearing a blue jumper).  
  
"Ah, that's right! Well, Samus, this Mrs. Link Haines," Impa said. She leaned closer to Samus, reaching for a champagne bottle, and whispered, "You know, ripped the scalp off that Allen woman in the dressing room."  
  
"Oh, yeah!" Samus said, realization finally kicking in. "Glad to know ya; I was afraid you were a wet firecracker, sister! Shake."  
  
Zelda smiled and shook Samus' hand, murmuring that "it was nice to meet her, too."  
  
"Ah!" sighed Impa, pouring champagne for them all. "Just wait until you've lost as many husbands as I have. Married, divorced; married, divorced ... l'amour, l'amour. That's French for love."  
  
"Oui, oui," Samus laughed, taking her glass from Impa.  
  
"But where love leads, I always follow," Impa said gallantly.  
  
"Well, happy days!" Samus said, raising her glass and sipping from it.  
  
"Happy nights!" added Impa, drinking from her cup as well.  
  
"..........." Unable to come up with something to say, Zelda just nodded and smiled, gingerly tasting the champagne.  
  
"Miss Aarons was connected with the stage," Impa told Zelda. "O-or was it the circus, dear?"  
  
"It WAS the chorus," Samus said.  
  
"Oh, the chorus! You must tell us all about it some time!" Impa said excitedly. She elbowed Zelda with a grin and said, "I'll bet you made some great hauls out of our New York boyfriends!"  
  
Samus rolled her eyes as Zelda and Impa laughed. "If you mean diamond bracelets and boxes of orchids, that breed died out just before my time; thank you."  
  
"Yes, isn't it a pity?" Impa asked bitterly. "But then I never got a shoe out of anyone except for my first husband, Mr. Strauss. He said the most touching thing in his will; I remember every word of it, he said--'To my dear wife, Impa, I leave all my estate. ...to be administered by executors, because SHE is an A-1 schlmiel.' Wasn't that sweet?"  
  
"Any ladle's sweet that dishes out some gravy," Samus agreed.  
  
"Isn't it true? None of my other husbands ever gave me a dime!" Impa said. "Ah, l'amour, l'amour ...how it can let you down." She smiled and hit Zelda playfully on the shoulder. "But then how it can pick you up again, too, dearie!" Suddenly, the train began rattling violently. "Good heavens!" Impa cried. "Where is this wretched train taking us?!"  
  
"We're going through the mountains, darling," Samus said.  
  
"I deTEST mountains!" Impa growled. "They always remind me of the day Gustave made me climb to the top of an Alp once--uh, Gustave was my, uh, third husband. You see, we had climbed all this way, when suddenly, it struck me that Gustave had pushed me. I went tumbling down half-way down the mountain before it dawned on me that Gustave didn't love me anymore." Zelda smiled ruefully as the Countess continued. "But, love takes care of its own mistakes. I slid right into the arms of my fourth husband, the Count."  
  
Samus' brow furrowed. "Well, isn't that the bird you're divorcing now?"  
  
"But of course dear, what else could I do?" Impa asked. "After finding out he was putting poison in my headache powders."  
  
"Poison?!" Zelda asked incredulously. She laughed. "You're not a very good judge of character, are you, Countess?"  
  
"No, I'm not," Impa said, nodding. "That's what's the trouble with me. I don't pick them for character." She looked up at Zelda. "Bet you picked yours for character."  
  
Zelda was surprised at this assumption, but quickly said, "Well, in a way ...yes."  
  
"And where does it get you? On the train for Reno," Impa said, waving her hand.  
  
"On the train for Reno," Zelda repeated, looking ahead with a glazed look over her eyes.  
  
"You know, I think it's cruel sitting around waiting for someone to die," Impa said. Then she turned to Samus. "What'd you pick yours for, darling?"  
  
"Not for character," Samus said with an impish grin, finishing off her champagne.  
  
"There, you see?" Impa said. "No matter what you pick them for, where does it get you? On the train for Reno." Sighing, Impa poured more drink for herself and Samus, then held up her glass for a toast. "But how exciting love is ... To Reno--the biggest little city in the world!"  
  
"To Reno!" Samus added, smiling broadly and also holding up her glass. "Emblem of the great divide!"  
  
The two of them looked over at Zelda, who was smiling but seemed troubled. Her glass was held about half as high as theirs, as if she was contemplating something rather important. "What's the matter dearie?" Impa asked with a smile. "Cat got your tongue?"  
  
With that, Zelda seemed suddenly to realize where she was. "No, no," she said smiling. Then she nodded and held up her glass: "To Reno!"  
  
-------------------------  
  
Saria was looking about for the manager of their boarding house. She was a very odd looking woman named Ruto--anyway, this is the time of the day that mail usually came, so Saria knew she'd be coming back from the mailbox.  
  
"Ruto!" Saria called out.  
  
"Hiya, kid," Ruto called out to her in her hoarse voice.  
  
"Have you seen Zelda?" Saria asked desperately.  
  
"Sorry, no," Ruto answered, going through the letters in her hand as they walked into the boarding house. "But she should be here soon, seeing as how the mail's come." Ruto shook her head. "The way she waited for that man to write her, you'd think she wouldn't have ... ah, well, none of my business, I guess."  
  
"No, you're right," Saria said quietly. "Zelda ought not to have gotten that divorce this morning."  
  
"No, I suppose she shouldn't have," Ruto said casually. "So why didn't you get your divorce with her, too?"  
  
"I'm still waiting for some papers from New York," Saria responded. "Have you ever been in love, Ruto?"  
  
"Well, depends on your point of view," Ruto said thoughtfully.  
  
"You mean you've never cared for a man?" Saria asked sorrowfully.  
  
"I've had three!!" Ruto retorted hotly.  
  
"Husbands?"  
  
"Kids." Ruto's shoulder slumped. "I've been stuck with the same guy 'bout seven years. Miserable man."  
  
"Well then why don't you get a divorce?" Saria asked. "Good heavens, Ruto! YOU could get one over night!"  
  
"What're ya, crazy?" Ruto asked. "I've gotta keep my eye on that man. Seems ter be the only person who can care or understand, at times. But still, you know them red-headed men. They're fierce!"  
  
"Oh, Ruto! He beats you!" Saria gasped, horrorstruck. "That's terrible!"  
  
"Isn't it?" Ruto agreed. "'Specially when you think of the gals 'round here who need it more'n I do."  
  
They both jumped upon hearing a loud "WOO-HOO!!" from outside. They stuck their heads out the window and saw Impa riding up on a bold stallion. "HELLO, RUTO!" she called out.  
  
"HIYA, COUNTESS!" Ruto shouted back, waving her hand. She and Saria walked towards the entrance, and watched Impa dismount.  
  
"Is Mrs. Haines around?" Impa inquired, speaking of Zelda.  
  
"Nope, but she'll be here soon, cuz the mail's come," Ruto answered. "Come on in."  
  
"Comma yip-ai-yay-dee and a YIIP ai yay dee," Impa sang to herself, following Ruto back into the boarding house.  
  
"Oh dear," Saria said, sitting on the arm of a couch. "Now SHE wants to see Mrs. Haines too, and I-I've simply got to speak to her alone."  
  
"Did you see the doctor, dear?" Impa asked. Saria, twitching nervously, nodded. "What did he say?"  
  
"Oh, h-he said it was the altitude," Saria responded quickly.  
  
"Dearie, you've just got a case of the Reno jumpsy-wumpsies," Impa laughed, walking over to a table. "Ruto, would you mind opening up this wee juggy and getting some bottles?"  
  
"Sure thing, Countess," Ruto said, opening the liquor jug Impa had set down, and then walking over to a cabinet with glasses in it.  
  
Samus came striding into the room next. "Hello, sunshine," she said to the thoroughly troubled Saria. "Hello, Countess. How're things out on the open range?"  
  
"Simply divine, my dear," Impa answered, as Ruto came back with the glasses. She turned to Saria, who still looked quite distracted about something. "Come on, darling, and have some of this good corn liquor."  
  
"Oh, no thank you," Saria refused politely.  
  
"Is that invitation general, Impa?" Samus asked, while reaching for a glass.  
  
"Yes, indeedy," Impa responded. Samus stared at her blankly, the jug in one hand. "...as we say on the range."  
  
Smiling, Samus poured some of the liquor into her glass. Impa sighed happily. "It's such a wonderful feeling to be divorced. I feel free; free as a bird. Just as serenly as a chickadee ...." She stood up and grinned down at Samus. "But wither .... wither, shall I fly."  
  
"Into the arms of our dear cowboy, dahling," Samus said, laughing a little into her liquor.  
  
Impa gasped, a broad grin on his face. "Samus Aarons!"  
  
"Oh it's obvious that the stable boy is mad about you," Samus went on, smiling. "He likes you almost as much as his horse .... and it's such a blasted fast horse, too."  
  
"Now Roy Winston IS nice," Impa said, trying her best to be dignified. But that excited girlish smile crept back onto her face as she said, "Have you heard the play of his muscles? Musical, just musical!"  
  
"Great guns, you don't mean to say his joints squeak?" Ruto couldn't help asking. Impa glared at her.  
  
"He could crack a coconut with those knees," Samus said. "If he could get them together, anyway."  
  
"True; true," Impa said, nodding her head. She smiled again. "Do you really think he likes me, Samus?"  
  
"Why sure!" Samus answered, nodding. "You should take him out some time. But if I had your dough, I'd sell him to the radio first. Just imagine how that voice would sound, cooing over a microphone!"  
  
"DiVINE!" Impa gasped. She smiled again. "Why not? I'll turn him into a radio star! And after that, I'll..." She frowned a little. "But then, I HAVE had four divorces. Dare I risk a fifth."  
  
Samus paused, then asked, "What're you risking, Countess, or maybe I shouldn't ask." Before Impa could retaliate, Zelda strode into the room holding a basket of fruit.  
  
"Hello, girls," she said.  
  
"Darling!" Samus said, getting up and hugging Zelda. "How does it feel to be divorced?"  
  
"Great!" Zelda laughed.  
  
"You're lying," Samus said with a sly smile.  
  
"Have it your own way," Zelda said softly.  
  
"Zelda!" Saria called out. "Can I talk with you?"  
  
"Sure, honey," Zelda answered. "Just a moment." She turned to Impa and Samus with her bowl of fruit and declared, "As an official act to commemorate my last night in Reno, I'm going to prepare dinner with my own little hands."  
  
"Got a letter fer ya," Ruto said, taking an envelope from under her arm.  
  
Zelda anxiously set down her bowl and took the note. She glanced at the address eagerly, and she frowned with a smile still on her face. "It's from Daisy," she said. She set down the note for a moment, asking Saria to help her put away some of the fruit.  
  
"So Samus, do tell about the man in your life," Impa said. "After all, there must be a man!!"  
  
She was surprised when Samus looked a little mad, and said "SHH!!!" This intrigued Impa greatly, especially when Samus dragged her towards a slot machine in the corner.  
  
"Listen, I would've spilled it before," Samus said, nonchalantly putting a quarter into the slot machine. "But I just found out--his wife's a friend of our palsy walsies!" She nodded back at Zelda and Saria, grinning at the look on Impa's face. "Ever hear them speak of Peach Fowler?"  
  
"Um, yeah, I think so."  
  
"Well..." Samus grinned devilishly. "It's the dame's husband--MARTH Fowler!"  
  
Impa gasped. "How sweet!"  
  
"Yeah! And all we had to do to get rid of her was--"  
  
"Ooh, look! You won the jackpot!" Impa interrupted, and their attention was immediately turned towards collecting the golden coins.  
  
Saria, Zelda, and Ruto walked outdoors, as a bell suddenly rang out. Ruto pushed through them, saying, "Reckon that's the new border, ladies," she explained, rushing down the road. "Just came in earlier this afternoon!"  
  
Smiling, Zelda took the letter out of his envelope and laughed. "Oh, my goodness! Saria, listen to this." She read the letter aloud while putting an arm around Saria's shoulders. "'Dear Zelda, that bumbling stork has just delivered to me another female!'"  
  
"Good heavens!" Saria laughed. "That makes eight girls!"  
  
"Eight little cherubs? How suh-WEET!" Impa said, who had just joined them with Samus. "L'amour, l'amour!"  
  
None of them noticed the carriage approaching them coming up over the hill, but they did hear a sharp, familiar voice ring out, "Who the heck is paging l'amour?"  
  
They all looked up, and Saria dropped the apple she'd been eating. "Peach!"  
  
"Peach Fowler!" Zelda repeated incredulously. Samus and Impa stared at each other; Samus looked quite nervous, but Impa was smiling knowingly.  
  
"Well, here I am dears, move over," Peach sighed, as her carriage came to a stop. She opened the door and got out, taking her luggage with her.  
  
"What's THAT dude contraption?" Ruto asked, staring at something under Peach's arm.  
  
"An English saddle," Peach responded. "I refuse point-blank to learn how to ride one of those Western things."  
  
"Have you ever seen a horse laugh?" Ruto asked.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Well you're going to." Ruto pulled a note from out of her bra and handed it to Peach. "Here, this was waitin' for ya. You want to go up to your room now, or stay here and dish with your buddies?"  
  
Peach dumped all of her bags onto the woman. "I'll be along," she said, waving her hand dismissively. Ruto rolled her eyes and walked away. Peach smiled at her friends and walked towards them.  
  
"É tu, Brutus?" Zelda asked, her hands on her hips.  
  
"Darling!" Peach laughed, embracing her.  
  
"Isn't this the gathering of the clan?" Zelda giggled.  
  
"Why didn't you send us a wire or something?" Saria asked, also recieving a hug from Peach.  
  
Peach walked forward, saying, "I was going t--" She had been about to kiss the cheek of the next woman on line, who was Impa. Both women suddenly jumped, and Impa stared at her. "Another member of the big round-up?" Peach asked, nodding her head at her.  
  
"Peach, this is the Countess DeLave, a.k.a. Impa," Zelda said.  
  
"How d'you do?" Peach and Impa asked at the same time.  
  
"And this is Samus Aarons," Zelda said.  
  
"How d'you do?" Samus asked with a false smile, tucking one leg behind the other one shyly.  
  
Peach looked at her quickly up and down. "How do YOU do?" she asked after a suspicious pause. She pushed Saria roughly down onto an outdoor couch, and Zelda sat down next to her. "Well, you would NOT believe it, but Marth Fowler has kicked me out, kicked ME out of the house for some filthy beazle!!"  
  
"Oh don't go yet, dearie," Impa said with a smile, grabbing Samus' elbow as she tried to walk away. "Pour Mrs. Fowler a little drinky winky."  
  
Samus glared at her. "Okay..."  
  
"He one day picked very innocently and meekly a fight with me," Peach explained. "Did I know that he had dictographs hidden all over the place? Recordings me of me speaking to him with the most foul sounding language; it gave him complete grounds for incompatability! And so he said that if I didn't go to Reno to divorce him, HE'D go to Reno to divorce me! Divorce ME! Ruin MY reputation!!"  
  
"But who IS the girl, Peach?" Saria asked.  
  
"Nobody knows; not even Winchell!" Peach answered. Samus apprehensievely handed Peach a glass. "Oh, thanks." She shook her head and picked up the letter in her lap. "Hmm... probably a bill forwarded to me by Marth ..." Then a smile replaced her frown as she laughed, and said, "Oh, it's from Marin! How interesting .... haha, she's says Old Man Gidfrey is up to his old tricks again ..."  
  
Peach was too distracted reading to notice a small clip from a newspaper fall out of the envelope. Curiously, Impa picked it up. Her eyes widened and she subtley held up the clip for Samus to see. Samus' eyes also widened, but in fear. She read the underlined clip, and quickly got up from the couch she was sitting on.  
  
"Say, there's supposed to be a clipping in here," Peach said. She looked about her. "Where is it?"  
  
"Oh, here it is," Impa said, pretending to pick it up from the ground. She smiled and handed it to Peach.  
  
Peach scanned it, and her eyes bulged out of their sockets. "Hey--!" She pointed to where Samus had previously sat, then realized she wasn't there. She immediately saw Samus saddling a horse, and ran after her.  
  
"HEY!! HEY, YOU!! ISN'T YOUR NAME AARONS?!" she shouted, grabbing the reins of the horse.  
  
"What's it to ya, Mrs. Fowler?" she sneered.  
  
Angrily, Peach held the newspaper clipping close to her glasses and read: "'Samus 'Vanities' Aarons is being Renovated. Three guesses, Mrs. Fowler, who she's going to marry.'"  
  
"Why, Samus!" Zelda exclaimed, shocked at her friend.  
  
"Ah, why can't those moldy rats leave a successful divorce alone?" Samus asked with a grin.  
  
"How dare you, you--"  
  
"Now, Peach," Zelda interrupted, something in her brain clicking.  
  
"Did you know about this?!" Peach demanded.  
  
"Why of course not," Zelda smirked. "But what do you care? You don't love Marth, you told me so yourse--"  
  
"Oh, that doesn't matter!" Peach said impatiently. She turned back to Samus. "How much did he settle on you?!"  
  
"I'm making him pay for what he wants," Samus said superiorly upon her horse. "YOU made him pay for what he didn't want!"  
  
Peach was aghast. "Why, you filthy beaz--"  
  
"DON'T start calling names, you Park Avenue playgirl!" interjected Samus with a hint of anger. "I know a lot more words than you do!"  
  
Growling, Peach grabbed Samus' hip pocket and yanked her off the horse. Samus managed to land on her feet and raised a gloved hand and brought it close to the scared Peach's face.  
  
"Don't you dare strike me!" Peach cried out. "I've got glasses on!"  
  
"Well now ya haven't!" Samus shouted, snatching off Peach's glasses and slapping her hard across the face. She seemed pleased at Peach's shock.  
  
"How d'you like that?!" Peach asked, taking a swing at Samus. She ducked, however, and Peach ended up smacking the horse's thighs. The scared animal obediently galloped off.  
  
Impa approached Samus as she went stalking by her. "Now, really, dear, you needn't be so vulgar--"  
  
"She was the on started it, I never did a thing!" Samus pouted; her back turned towards Peach (who was running straight for her). It was just then that Peach finally reached Samus, and grabbed her hair, pulling it as hard as she could.  
  
"YEEOOW!!!" Samus screamed. She turned around and grabbed the brim of Peach's hat. She yanked down on it, causing it to break.  
  
"My hat!" Peach shouted. "Well how d'you like that!!" She smirked when Zelda tried to control Samus by holding her hands behind her back. However, Peach was determined to have the last say on matters--she grabbed Samus' riding shorts and yanked down on them. "NYEH HE HEHEE!" she laughed.  
  
Samus broke free of Zelda (or Zelda willingly let go; no one was really sure), and she kicked at her rival's ankle. Peach grabbed it and rubbed the spot Samus had hit, when Samus dove at her; and the two of them flew onto the couch, wrestling. They nearly forced the couch onto it's back; but then rolled the other way and ended up falling to the ground.  
  
"Pretty well matched, ain't they?" Ruto asked, her elbow on Saria's shoulder.  
  
"Ruto, DO something!!" Saria cried desperately.  
  
"You kidding? Let 'em enjoy themselves," Ruto said. She watched a moment longer, then left and said, "I'll go get the smellin' salts fer the loser."  
  
Finally, Zelda decided that enough was enough and she managed to heave Samus off of Peach. When Peach tried getting up, Impa sat on her.  
  
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Peach shrieked.  
  
"Now I'm only trying to help in my own way!" Impa said worriedly, as Peach writhed underneath her.  
  
"OH, GET OFF ME, YOU BIG MOOSE!!" Peach shouted, punching Impa's rear. Howling in pain, the Countess tried to stand up. Peach did as well, but found she was a little weak. Panting, she made her way towards Samus.  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into her," Zelda apologized to Samus.  
  
"She's a cuckoo!" Samus pouted, rubbing her arm.  
  
Peach's eyes widened as she saw Samus' shapely leg before. Then she lunged at it and met it--with her teeth.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOWWW!" Samus screamed, yanking her leg from Peach's mouth. "OOOH, WHO'S GOT THE IODINE?!"  
  
"In my bathroom; help her, Saria!" Zelda said worriedly.  
  
"Yeah!" Samus said, staring icily at Peach. "Gotta be careful of hydrophobia!"  
  
"WAAAAHH!!" cried Peach, still slumped on the ground. Zelda sighed and walked over, helping her up. She led Peach to a table and poured her a glass of cold water to calm her down. "How could you let her do that to me, Zelda?!"  
  
"What did you expect me to do, turn the hose on you?" Zelda joked.  
  
Peach gulped down some of the liquid. "You, my own cousin! And after all I've done for you!"  
  
"Wha--?" Zelda stared at her. "And just what have you done for me?"  
  
"I warned you!" Peach supplied quickly.  
  
"Well, I'm not exactly grateful for that!" Zelda snorted.  
  
"Oh aren't you?!" Peach asked. "Well if you ask me, you're getting exactly what you deserve!! JUST SEEING YOU ALL MAKES ME SICK; YOU LOT ARE TICKLED TO DEATH TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!!" Enraged, Peach picked up the jugs and cups and dishes on the table and crashed them as loudly as she could. "I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU ALL!! I HATE YOU ALL!!! I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY!!" She concluded this statement by smashing the water jug on the table and having water spray everywhere.  
  
"LISTEN, MRS. FOWLER!" Ruto said, coming up from behind her and holding Peach's hands behind her back. "You've got a case of they hysterics! Just you come to your room with me!"  
  
"SOMEDAY YOU'LL NEED A GIRLFRIEND!!" Peach shouted hoarsely at Zelda. "AND THEN YOU'LL THINK OF YOUR TREACHERY TO ME!!"  
  
Zelda blew out some breath, and waved her hand once Peach was gone.  
  
"Ah, poor creatures," Impa said wistfully. "They've lost their equilibrium, because they've lost their faith in love." Zelda stared after her as she sang, "Oh a man can ride a horse to the plains above; but a woman has to ride on the wings of love. Comma-yip-ay-yay-dee comma-YIP ai yay dee..." 


	7. Buck up, Sister!

A/N: sry that other chapter was soooooo ridiculously long (if anyone read it) so here's a shorter one. read on!

-----------------------------

Zelda sighed as she walked into her bathroom. Samus was washing her face in the sink, and Saria was rubbing the scar on Samus' leg. "Talk about a fight between a couple of lady palookas," Zelda said from the doorway.

"Yeah," Samus agreed, splashing some cold water onto her face. "We're really a couple of cats."

"You wanted to see me about something, Saria?" Zelda asked, remembering what Saria had said earlier. She moved her fingers over the teethmarks in Samus's leg.

"Oh Zelda," Saria whispered. "I'm going to have a baby."

Zelda straightened and looked at her. Samus turned towards her too, and Saria began to cry, still smiling.

"Why darling, that's wonderful!" Zelda said warmly, embracing her shaking friend. "When did you find out?"

"Earlier today," Saria answered.

"Honey, that's great!" Samus said.

"But Zelda," Saria whispered. "What ever am I going to do with a baby?"

"Oh, send it to college," Zelda joked.

"Land it with the marines," Samus suggested. "Say sister, when're you going to tell Jack about it?"

"I can't," Saria said.

"Well why not, isn't he old enough to know?" Zelda laughed.

"W-well, I mean--"

"Come on dear, what's his phone number?" Zelda asked.

Saria's tears were coming full throttle right now, and that old smile had come back. "El Dorado 58-598."

"Got it," Zelda said, walking over to the telephone. She picked it up as the other two entered the room after her. "Hello, operator? Get me El Dorado 58-598, please."

"Oh but Zelda, what'll I tell him?" Saria asked nervously, a frown appearing on her worried face.

"Don't worry; you'll know when you hear his voice," Zelda assured her.

"But Zelda...I've still got my pride," Saria said, trying her best not to cry anymore.

"Reno's full of women who've got their pride," Samus said. She looked over at Zelda. "It's a pretty chilly exchange for the guy you're stuck on."

Zelda did not seem to register what Samus had said at first, but turned to stare at her a moment later. Samus quickly turned away and began brushing her hair. Then Zelda jumped and gave the phone to Saria. "Here, take it!"

"Hello?" Saria said shakily into the phone. "Hello, Jack ....... no, no, nothing's wrong, I'm fine. It's just that I'm--" She braced herself. "I'm going to have a baby ......" Suddenly her expression lit up. Zelda and Samus grinned at each other, then politely walked outside. "Oh darling, are you?" Saria asked. "You're--it's all right? You aren't upset? Oh Jack ...... I--yes. Yes, of course. Oh, thank you so much!! ..... all right. I--I'll do it as soon as I can! Good-bye!" Saria set down the phone, then smiled and rushed outside to the others.

"He's not upset!" she cried. "It's all right! Oh Zelda, I'm going to get the first train leaving Reno! And when I get home, I'll--I won't ever argue with Jack ever again!"

"Well, you'd better go get packed," Samus said.

"All right," Saria obliged. She gave Zelda one more tearful hug, then ran off to go get changed. This left Samus and Zelda awkwardly alone.

"Listen, sister," Samus said quietly. "When're you going to get wise to yourself?"

"What d'you mean?" Zelda asked. She tried not to look at Samus, and said, "I got divorced this morning, Sam."

"Oh, a Reno divorce," Samus snorted.

"I've still got my pride, Sam," Zelda whispered.

"Look, Reno's full of women who have their pride," Samus said. "But you don't ever see one of 'em going home happy."

The telephone rang then. The two women looked at each other. Zelda grinned hopefully, and Samus ran inside to the phone.

"Hello?" she asked excitedly. "........no, operator, we've completed that call."

Zelda's expression sagged again, and she walked around the porch to sit on the window sill. Sympathetically, Samus walked over and sat on the inside of the sill. "Listen, sister ...."

"It's no use, Samus," Zelda said sorrowfully. "We can try negotiating; but it's just no use. What does it all come up to in the end? Compromise."

"Well what the heck?" Samus asked. "A woman's compromised the day she's born, Zelda."

Zelda snorted and gave a small smile, then shook her head. " There's no point in fooling myself. Link doesn't want me, Samus. "

"Now how do you know that?" Samus asked.

Zelda inhaled deeply. "I have waited every day to hear from him. I have waited every day for a letter from him."

"Have you written to him?" Samus inquired.

"No, of course not," Zelda answered.

"Well then how do you know that he's not waiting around for YOU to write HIM?" Samus asked, raising her hands in the air in exasperation.

Zelda looked up. This possibility hadn't occurred to her, and she briefly smiled, but soon the feeling was over. If Link was really the man she knew he was, HE would've been the one to write first.

"No, it's over between us," she said in a soft voice.

Samus paused for a moment, then said, "Look, Zel--I come from a world where a woman's gotta come up on top, or it's just too darn bad." She paused again. "You know, I lost my man once, too."

"You?" Zelda asked in disbelief, smiling a little.

"Yeah," Samus said, grinning also. "But it only happened once; got wise to myself after that ..... I liked him a lot more than I ever liked any other man."

"Well what--what happened?" Zelda asked delicately, smoothing out her skirt in distraction.

"Well," Samus sighed, "As it turns out, he'd been spinnin' with some other dame for a while. I made a terrible row. Why shouldn't I? I should. But what I ought NOT to have done was to leave him--in the hands of that woman." She enunciated the last word with disgust. "Like a coward.... and that's what you are, Zelda Haines, you're a blithering coward." Samus strode away to the couch to leave Zelda with that.

Zelda stared after her in shock. "Why?!" she asked. She threw her legs over the window sill and stalked towards Samus. "Because I wouldn't stay and be second fiddle?!"

"Because you ran from the trenches under open fire!" Samus said back, getting off the couch. "You deserted him when the troops rolled in!"

"I deserted HIM!?" Zelda asked in indignation, rolling up her sleeve.

"Well, sure! You don't think he WANTS to be in the clutches of that red-headed octopus, do you?" Samus asked. Feeling dizzy, Zelda slowly sat down on the couch, and Samus sighed in frustration. "One, two, three, four, five, six seven eight nine--Listen, honey--don't you know that we dames have got to be more than school girl sweetheart?" Samus crouched down to Zelda's level. "We gotta be a wife! And a pal, and mother--yeah, AND a nursemaid."

She smiled and Zelda laughed, wiping away at a tear that was threatening to course down her cheek.

"Sometimes we've even got to be a cutie," Samus said. She hesitated, and looked at Zelda's wistful expression. "You should've licked that girl where she licked you," Samus said softly. She lightly hit Zelda's shoulder, finishing, "In his arms. That's where you win in the first round. And if I know men it's STILL Custer's last stand."

Zelda laughed quietly and stood up.

"I'll bet if you'd given him half a chance, he would've asked you not to get this divorce," Samus said confidently.

"Why, Samus....he did ask me," Zelda said quietly, furrowing her brow.

"And you STILL let him get away?" Samus asked, teeth gritted and hands on her hips.

"What else could I do?" Zelda asked, speaking mostly to herself.

"Listen, sister--what if that Link fellow had smallpox? You wouldn't have liked to stay with him, but you'dve done it, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, of course..." Zelda answered.

"Well, honey," Samus laughed. "The situation this guy's stuck in makes a bad case of smallpox look like a carnival. So while he's back there floundering in the darkness, YOU remove the one safety he's got--his legal marriage. And not a word of comfort outta you. And why?" The phone rang and Samus went to answer it, but she finished by saying, "Because you're too busy nursing your two-for-a-nickel pride. Operator, I told you we completed that--" Her eyes widened. She looked to Zelda. "You say it's New York calling Mrs. Haines?"

Zelda stared at her, and Samus said something else, then handed the phone to her. "Tell him you'll take that divorce paper and use it for confetti!" Samus rushed out of the room, and Zelda quickly picked up the telephone.

"Hello? Link?" she whispered.

Samus held her breath and hid in the hallway outside the room. She knew it was very rude of her, but she didn't want Zelda to say something stupid and ruin her chances of happiness. This is what she heard:

"How've you been, Link? .....oh, I'm glad to hear that...." Tears of joy came falling out of Zelda's eyes. "Oh, no, no, I'm fine but--it's just so good to hear your voice!" Samus smiled as Zelda laughed. "Well yes, my divorce went on this morning on schedule, but I can still ..... but Link ..... yes, but Link ......"

Samus got confused. There was something wrong....

"Well of course I haven't seen a paper, how could I, up here?" Zelda laughed. Samus couldn't see it, but she knew from the deadly silence that Zelda's smile had just dispappeared. ".....oh. I--see." She took a deep breath. "I understand the position you're in, Link. Don't worry." Tears started up again, but they were kind people do not tend to enjoy seeing. She inhaled again to steady herself. "Yes .... I hope you'll both be very happy ..... good-bye, Link. Good-bye." She hung up the phone, and sat on the couch with her mouth still half-open.

Sorrowfully, Samus walked into the room. "He married her, didn't he?" she asked softly.

Zelda stared in front of her for a moment, then nodded. "This afternoon." She stood up slowly, and walked across the room, though not aiming on going anywhere.

"Gee, sister, I'm sorry for being so hard on ya--" Samus began.

"No, no, it's all right, sister," Zelda choked, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. She nodded and didn't quite manage to hold back a large sob, saying, "It was a good try." Then she collapsed completely, falling onto another couch with her back to Samus.

"Aw, geez, sister," Samus cried desperately. "Buck up! Buck up!"

Zelda gave out another loud wail, and her hands clenched the couch's back. Samus, feeling terrible and awkward, quickly walked out of the room. No one else entered for the rest of the day, and Zelda cried herself to sleep.

--------------------------------------

A/N: o dear, i suck at writing things like this. o well! plz review, i need them desperately for this story!!


	8. Lovey Dovey On The Telephone

A/N: ok, c jane review asked 4 the names of the characters & actors in the movie, so i hope ur reading this, jane: Zelda (Norma Shearer; Mary--mary's the name in the movie), Malon (Joan Crawford; Crystal), Peach (Rosalind Russell; Sylvia), Samus (Paulette Goddard; Miriam), The Countess DeLave, aka Impa (Mary Boland; Flora), Saria (Joan Fontaine; Peggy), Daisy (Phyllis Povah; Edith), Young Zelda (Virginia Weidler; Little Mary), and lastly, Ruto (Marjorie Main; Lucy). Phew! what a mouthful! ne of those names familiar, janey? well, neway, read on!!

"How's Zelda doing?" Impa asked Samus the next day.

"She was still sort of in denial this morning," Samus answered, remembering what had been said between them:

"Zelda, don't worry, you'll be fine," Samus had said.

"I--I don't know what I'm kicking about," Zelda'd gasped. "I've still got my pride!"

"What IS pride, anyway?" Impa sighed. "It seems that all it's ever done is make a woman stark-raving, well, devastated."

"Ain't it true?" Samus agreed. "Except for Saria. Now there's a real trooper for you. Didn't give a darn that she'd have to swallow her pride; she was willing to give it up for the man she loves."

"And now it's too late for Zelda to do the same," Impa whispered. "I feel terrible."

"We all do," Samus said. Then she grimaced. "Except for her own cousin, that Peach creature. Boy, I didn't get her the way I wanted to last time. Why, if I had the chance, I'd--"

"Yes, dear," Impa interrupted. "But I think Mrs. Fowler would rather be left alone right now."

"Yeah, I know," Samus said. "That's why I wanna knock her cold before she's happy again."

-----------------18 Months Later-------------------

Malon sat comfortably in a bath filled to the brim with large, foamy bubbles. They covered her entire body; that is, the bubbles came up to her neck line. Smoking a cigarette, she mulled over a magazine in her hand. Ah, why didn't journalists ever report about anything interesting?

Her maid came in at that moment, saying, "Madam, Monsieur says that you should get out of that bath now. He--"

"I told monsier that the doctor TOLD me take these baths!" Malon snapped. "It's for my health!"

"But Madam--"

"Don't you 'but madam' me!" Malon shouted. A telephone lying nearby rang suddenly. Malon glanced at it, then said, "Get out. OUUUTT!!!!"

The frightened maid rushed out in a hurry, and Malon picked up the phone as soon as the door was closed. "Hello?" She grinned. "Yes, you .... yeah, and I've been shriveled to a peanut waiting for this call. ..... uh-huh. I thought that when I had this bathroom installed I'd have a little privacy, but --phew! The way people barge in and out you'd think it was Grand Central Station." She laughed. "What? Yes ...."

Malon was too distracted to see the bathroom door slide open once again, and Young Zelda carefully walked in.

"Yeah, I'll say we had fun," Malon cooed into the phone. Then she noticed Young Zelda standing innocently there, watching her. "I'll call you back," Malon said quickly. She hung up the phone and looked at the girl. She put a strained smile on her face. "Eh, who sent you in here?"

"Father," Young Zelda answered. "He's walking me to mother's, and he told me to say good-night to you. Well, good-night, Malon." She headed for the door.

"Wait a moment," Malon said in a sugary tone. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Y. Zelda turned around to face her with an unreadable expression on her face. "You've been told to call me Auntie Malon."

"Yes."

"Well why don't ya do it?" Malon asked, pretending to be sad.

Young Zelda looked at the ceiling a moment, thinking. Then she turned around again. "Well, good night, Malon."

"My, you're awfully eager to tell Daddy about it, aren't you?" Malon asked, recovering her syrupy tone.

"About what?"

"About my talk on the telephone," Malon answered.

"I don't understand grown-ups on the telephone," Young Zelda said back. "They don't make any sense. So if you'll excuse me, I think I'll be going."

"You sit down there!" Malon barked, pointing to a stool near her tub, her sweet voice completely gone.

"Please, Malon, it's hot in here and I have my coat on," the small girl said softly.

"I said sit down!" Malon barked.

Young Zelda quietly acquiesced, and crossed the room. She sat down and stared blankly at the seething Malon. "Now you are going to sit here and tell me WHY you don't like me."

"I never said I didn't like you," Young Zelda said innocently.

"But you don't, do you?"

"No, but I never said so," Young Zelda replied.

Malon was red with anger. "Just wait 'til your father hears about this!"

"Listen, father doesn't think you're so wonderful anymore!" Young Zelda retaliated. She gazed into space, saying dreamily, "We understand each other, Daddy and I."

"Well I'm sure you've done plenty of mouthing to your mother," Malon snorted.

"No I haven't!!" Young Zelda said back, in a severly stern and fierce tone that Malon hadn't been expecting. "It's my job to keep mother cheerful! And now I am leaving, AUNTIE Malon." She stalked towards the door. Before closing it behind her, she added, "Just one more thing--I think that this bathroom is absolutely ridiculous. And good-night." Then she slammed the door shut, and Malon snarled after her.

"Why, you..." The phone rang, and she picked up again. "Hello .... look, don't call me anymore. If there's any calling to be done, I'll call you. ..... it's too dangerous! That little Haines brat was just in here, and ....... you're drunk! Oh yes you are, or you wouldn't want to be taking any chances either!"

"Yoo-hoo! May I come in?" came a bubbly voice from another door.

"Oh great, here comes MORE trouble," Malon sighed, gripping the phone tightly. She called out, "Just a minute, Peach!" then returned to the phone, saying, "I've got to hang up now, and don't you DARE call me back here again!!" She banged it down onto its reciever angrily, then said, "Come in, dear!"

Peach waltzed into the room, holding a cigarette holder. She grinned at Malon. "Hello, darling, how goes it?"

"Everything's fine," Malon told her through gritted teeth. "I've just been soaking her for a while. It's for my nerves."

"For your nerves? I'll have to ask my psychoanalyst about that," Peach said. "Can you believe it, dear? I have to tell him EVERYTHING."

"What a great effort THAT must be," Malon said sarcastically.

Peach spat out a chocolate she had just picked up, with an "oh, ick!!". Then she turned to Malon. "Oh, I don't mind talking about myself. It's just telling him about my friends that makes me feel disloyal .... I even told him about Link and Zelda! You see, Dr. Mario says that Link has a guilt complex."

"A g--a what?" Malon asked, as if she had never heard the word "guilt" before.

"He--oh, want me to get your back, dear?"

"Sure."

Malon leaned forward, as Peach took a brush and scrubbed away at her friend's back. "Dr. Mario says that men like Link can't admit that anything they feel for a woman is anything but love. So naturally, Link had to convince himself that your, uh, relationship had dignity to it, and--"

"Ouch, you're takin' the skin off my back!" Malon interrupted.

Peach eased up, then continued. "And so he felt that had to marry you to justify everything. In fact, the doctor thinks that Link still is in love with Zelda."

"I've worked too hard to land this meal ticket," Malon sighed, "to make any false moves now. I've been Mrs. Link Haines for eighteen months, and so I don't need any of your nagging babbling to--"

"Is that any way to talk to me after all I've done for you?!" Peach cried, dropping the brush and standing with her hands on her hips.

"Done what?" Malon snorted.

"You didn't know a soul when you married Link!" Peach answered. "I've gotten you into some of our very best homes!"

"Yes, with some of their very best insults," Malon sneered.

"Hmph." Nose in the air, Peach began to walk towards the door.

"Oh, Peach," Malon said softly. "Who ... who was Mrs. Roy Winston before she married Roy Winston?"

"Le Countess DeLave!" Peach replied immediately, sitting down on a chair in front of the tub. "Imagine! Giving up that title to marry some cowhand--I think her name is Impa, or something--I have to laugh every time I think that she actually got him into radio! Oh, Malon, he's the chambermaid's delight!"

"Oh, really?" Malon asked, looking down and raising her eyebrows.

The maid opened the door again. "Mrs. Fowler, Mrs. Potter is on the telephone for you."

"Oh, okay, I'll take it in here," Peach said, reaching for the phone.

Malon bared her teeth and slashed her hand across her throat. The maid looked at her worriedly, then quickly stammered, "But, the call is on the other phone, madam!"

Peach looked from the maid to Malon, then grinned when she was struck with realization. "Are you telling me that this charming little instrument is not an extension?"

"Link does so much work on the other phone, I had to get my own line," Malon said with a smile.

"I'll bet you anything Link THINKS this is an extension," Peach said, still smiling devilishly.

"Go answer the telephone," Malon said bitterly.

Peach waved her hand at the maid. "Tell her I'll call her back."

The nervous maid quickly smiled and exited the room. Malon frowned in disgust as Peach smirked at her.

"You sly little fox, you!" she laughed. "You put this phone in here to talk to a man, didn't you?"

"I told you why it's here before," Malon growled. "Now if you'd LEAVE, I'm going to take a shower." She pulled down on a rope, and a curtain rolled down in front of her.

"Wha--hm." Peach got up to leave, when suddenly the phone rang. She dove for it.

"Don't you dare pick up that phone!!" Malon shouted. But by the time she had stuck her head and arm out from behind the curtain, Peach had already gotten it.

"Hello?" Peach said sweetly. Her eyes widened, and she laughed hysterically. Malon reached out and snatched the phone from her. She hung it up.

"What'd he say?!" she demanded.

"Not a thing," Peach laughed, standing up. She mocked his drunken voice: "Not a thingle thing, dahling!"

"All right, so what?" Malon asked, a little calmer.

"He was SINGING!" Peach chortled. "Comma tai, yai yiippie ai-yay, darling!" She fell into another fit of hysterics. "Malon, ohhhh, Malon!" She pointed to the phone. "Roy Winston!! The chambermaid's delight!!" She headed quickly for the door.

"You haven't got a thing on me, Peach Fowler, not a thing!" Malon snorted, a wicked grin plastered onto her face.

"Do I care?" Peach asked, smiling widely. She walked back to the tub. "Now I'm not going to say anything about you with Impa's husband, because THAT would give Zelda Haines too much satisfaction. So you just hang on to Link, and we'll BOTH be happy."

"Will you shake on that?" Malon asked with a smile, holding out her hand.

"Sure, why not?" Peach asked, reaching out as well and shaking Malon's hand.

"Are they gone yet?" Norma asked, peeking into a room and addressing one of the maids inside it.

"No, they're downstairs having a dinner party," the maid, Jane, answered.

"Oh, I don't know how my daughter can stand those wretched creatures," Norma sighed, stepping into the room. "They're a bad influence on my Zelda."

"Well, I hear that she fed them all on her last night at Reno," Jane said. "So now she feels--"

"--that she must feed them annually," Norma sighed. "Honestly." They heard footsteps and laughter coming from the hallway. "Ah. The approach of the innoncence." The old woman stepped into another room, saying, "I leave you my share of them, Jane."

Zelda and Samus walked into the room, arm in arm, and they walked over to the makeup counter. Each got out a tube of lipstick, and applied it while looking into a large mirror.

"Zelda, please hurry," Saria begged, standing beside them. "Jack and I have to be home by four--the baby always wakes up and he'll make a scene if we're not there." She gasped and smiled. "Did I tell you? He said the CUTEST thing yesterday." Saria's voice was brimming with excitement. "He said .... Dada!!"

"When does he enter college?" Marin asked sarcastically, adding some rouge to her cheeks.

"Hello again, girls," Daisy greeted, entering the room.

"Hello, Daisy," Zelda said back.

"Ooh, do you want to hear something about Peach?" Daisy asked.

"NO," Zelda and Samus responded at the same time.

"Well," Daisy said, continuing as if she hadn't heard them. "She's seeing this new psychoanalyst, Dr. Mario."

"What? But he's a dreadful fake!" Zelda said, getting out some eyeshadow.

"I know! Isn't it a scream? Peach's mad about him!" Daisy laughed. "Do you know what she pays an hour just to drool at the man?"

"What?"

"One hundred dollars."

"It's worth a million," Samus chuckled, still applying crimson to her lips.

"You know, you really should make up with Peach, Zelda," Daisy said. "She's been livid at the way you high-hatted her ever since Reno."

"I'd rather have her for a friend than an enemy," Marin announced seriously from behind them.

"Not me," Zelda snorted with a grin.

"Say, where's Impa?" Daisy asked.

"Oh, she's still downstairs, drinking with the men," Zelda answered. She tapped Saria on the shoulder. "Go get her, will you, Saria?"

"What's the hurry?" Samus asked, powdering her face. "One more drink, and Impa'll float up on her own breath."

Zelda laughed. Then Impa walked into the room, with Daisy and Saria on either side of her. "What a divine dinner party this is!" she cried out joyously. She reached out and hugged three of the women at the same time. "Isn't it so nice to see all our lives so settled?--temporarily--Zelda, dear, why don't you go downstairs and put that poor Ganon out of his misery?"

"How, shoot him?" Zelda joked, playing with some of the pearls on Impa's necklace.

"Marry him, darling!" Impa laughed. Zelda did as well.

"I'll get your wrap, Zelda," Saria said. "Which one?"

"Oh, I don't think I'm going to go back," Zelda said.

"Why, are you sure?" Saria asked.

"Yes," Zelda answered. "No Casino Roof for me tonight."

"Now Zellie, you're not, uh, upset that my Roy's had a wee bit too much to drink, are you?" Impa laughed, putting on a large coat.

"It's not that," Samus said with a grin. "Your ducky is stinko."

"Oh but Zelda, you really should come," Impa pleaded, after glaring at Samus. She frowned. "You see, I'm never coming back to New York."

"You're not?" Zelda asked, also frowning. "Why, what's the matter?"

Impa sighed deeply. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Might as well tell the world, darling, what is it?" Zelda asked, smiling broadly.

"Well, you see--"

She cut short upon noticing the that the other four women in the room were crowded around her with curiousity. Zelda prompted her to go on. Impa sighed, and went on. "Well .... Well ...." She sat down, and the others did as well, forming a circle. "Can we keep this between the five of us? Em, the six of us?"

"Shoot, Impa, it's a nation-wide hook-up," Samus said, grinning.

"Well....you know the way Roy was always cooing love songs in my ear?" Impa asked. The others nodded, and she grimaced. "He doesn't do it anymore."

"Well, maybe he's saving himself for the microphone," Samus suggested.

Impa shook her head. "No...he's been coming home lately smelling of some strange perfume."

"Where does he say he's been?" Saria asked.

Impa's eyes narrowed. "With his horse."

"Oh, poor Impa," Zelda said with a smile.

"I think it's better just to keep floating around," Impa sniffed, drawing her fur collar tighter around her neck.

"Yes, that's it, Impa," Marin said sorrowfully. "Chin up."

Impa smiled, until Samus cracked, "That's right--both of 'em."

The women stood up, and Zelda saw them all to the door.

"Good-night, dear," Marin said, clamping her purse shut and leaving the room.

Impa stopped to embrace Zelda, and said, "May we meet again someday, my darling Zel."

"Yes," Zelda said, smiling wistfully as Impa left. There goes another friend, she thought to herself.

"Night, Zel," Saria said. She stopped as Daisy also approached the doorway, saying:

"Well, Zelda, I guess that since you're not going I can tell you--if you had, you'dve run right into Link, Malon, and Peach!" Daisy laughed, seeming to find something about it extremely hilarious.

"And you'dve let it happen, wouldn't you?" Saria asked sternly.

"Well after all, they've got to meet again SOMEtime," Daisy said, as if it were all very logical.

"Yes, but you know how much Zelda hates situations!" Saria struck back.

"Oh, it's all right," Zelda laughed.

"Good-night, dearie," Daisy said, as Saria walked away. She hugged Zelda, then frowned. "I hate this dress. Mido always says it looks as if I was going to sing in it ..."

Zelda laughed as Daisy left, and Samus walked up. "Just wait--I wish you could see the cooing fest I'll put over Marth, all for our dear, darling, Peachie," Samus said, smiling impishly and batting her eyelashes. "Say, while I'm up there, shall I spit in Malon's eye for you?"

"Ah, no," Zelda laughed quietly. "That's all right."

"You're passing up a swell chance, sister," Samus giggled. "Where I spit, no grass grows EVER. Good-night."

"Night," Zelda said softly, watching her last friend leave. She shut the door, then looked around questioningly as she heard a strange fizzing sound coming from behind her. She turned around, and saw Norma parading about, spraing a perfume bottle. "Mother, whatever ARE you doing?"

"Fumigating," Norma answered shortly. "Those friends of yours simply push me over the edge with all their cologne."

Zelda laughed and walked to her desk. She changed out of her evening gown and pulled on a humongous white, mink coat.

"Good read?" Norma asked, picking up a book on the nightstand.

"Yes, it's very romantic," Zelda called back.

Norma sighed. "Zelda, I wish you would just--"

"--find some nice man," Zelda finished for her. "I don't see how I can, mother. I had the only one I ever wanted ..." She gazed at the ceiling. "If it hadn't been for my pride, I'd ..." She broke the sentence off awkwardly, and walked over to her bed.

"Yes, well, heaven knows it's wonderful to be able to spread out in bed like a swastika," Norma commented. "Good-night, Zelda."

"Good night." Zelda settled down in her bed to read, when she heard the door creak open. She looked up.

"Mother, c-could I sleep with you tonight?" Young Zelda asked timidly from her position in the doorway.

"Sure, darling," Zelda answered, pulling back her covers. Her daughter smiled and leapt onto the bed. "I'm liable to keep you awake though, dear ..."

"That's okay, I can't sleep anyway," Young Zelda assured her.

"Oh yes you can, if you try," Zelda sighed, picking up her book again.

There was silence for a few moments, then Young Zelda said, "Mother, which is more important? Truth or honor?"

"They're equally important, honey," Zelda answered. "One doesn't exist without the other."

"Yes it does," Young Zelda said. "I have such a big problem concering them."

"Oh, you do?" Zelda asked with amusment, still looking at her book's pages.

"Yes, you see, daddy lied to me tonight, but he did it for an honorable reason," Young Zelda answered.

"Daddy didn't lie to you," Zelda assured her. "Now, go to sleep."

"But mother, he DID lie to me," Young Zelda persisted. "You see, he lied to me by telling me that he loves Malon. But I know he doesn't, if he'd only find it deep within his heart to tell me."

"Darling, you know that daddy is very happy with Malon," Zelda said.

"Oh, mother, he isn't," Young Zelda whimpered. "He sits for hours and hours all alone in his study, while that silly thing plays Solataire with the radio on. He's so lonesome, so sad and just plain miserable. I told him I was going to tell you tonight, but he said not to bother."

"Why not?" Zelda asked, setting the book down.

Young Zelda yawned; she could feel herself getting tired. "He said because why would you care about how he feels? Oh, and that Malon, I wish he knew ..." She yawned again. "She's been talking pretty lovey-dovey to someone on the telephone a lot ..."

Zelda's eyes widened. "Who's she been talking to?!"

"I don't know," Young Zelda...yawned. "You'd have to ask Auntie Peach. They're together all the time."

Suddenly, something in Zelda's mind clicked. She leapt off the bed, scaring the heebie-jeebies out of her daughter. She pulled a rope for the maid, and grabbed her mink coat again.

"What is it, mother?" Young Zelda asked. "Did you forget you're invited to a party or something?"

"Almost!" Zelda laughed, hugging the girl tightly.

"Is something the matter, dear?" Norma asked, entering the room in a nightgown. "I thought I heard you ring."

"Oh nothing's wrong, nothing," Zelda said quickly. Jane walked into the room, her hair slightly tousled.

"What is it, ma'am?"

"Jane, quick! Call a cab and get my things ready!" Zelda said. "Oh, I've never been so happy in my LIFE!" Smiling from ear to ear, she ran for the door.

"Zelda, what is going on?!" Norma asked.

"Ha ha, I've had two years to grow claws, mother!" Zelda laughed, holding her nails out before as if they were, indeed, claws. "Jungle Red!"

A/N: 'member? jungle red's the color that got this whole mess started. hope that chappie was ok! o, and 4 neone reading this--if ne of those actresses on top were familiar, tell me so in a review!!! oh, and y rnt there ne actors? simply b/c no men r featured in the movie. a cast of 135 women only! (not a man in sight--still brilliant). ok, i'll shut up now. plz plz plz review!


	9. A Name For You Ladies

A/N: yes, the second 2 last installment of this chapter! this is the climax, ppl!

------------Later That Night----------------

Zelda, dressed in a skin-tight golden dress, struck a match and lit a cigarette. She was standing in the dressing room of the Casino Roof, where ladies would go to fix their make-up, hair, or change outfits. But Zelda was there for the soul purpose of seeing a certain someone walk in.

After some time had passed, Zelda walked up to the worker in the room. "Din, are you sure that Mrs. Fowler, er, Peach Fowler hasn't come in here yet?"

"Oh, sure, Miss," Din answered (ironic that a goddess would be serving others, but plz don't comment on that).

"You do recognize her by sight, don't you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Haines," Din sighed, rolling her eyes. "She's famous for the size of her tips--not even a thin dime! But it's getting late ... maybe she's decided not to come."

"Oh yes, maybe," Zelda said. "Thank you." She walked back towards a large mirror, fiddling with her purse. If Peach didn't show up, Zelda didn't know when she'd have another chance...

"Zelda! What're you doing in here? You're missing the party!"

Zel turned towards the door and saw Saria, in a white evening gown, running to her. "Oh, hello dear," she said back. "I've just been--I've got a little bit of a headache, and so I came in here." She wiped her forehead with a handkerchief.

"But you won't get rid of it in this bad air!" Saria laughed.

"No, I guess I won't," Zelda said, putting her handkerchief away resignedly. She and Saria were about to leave the room, when the door opened from the other side.

"Ugh, Link's in such a mood," came Malon's voice.

"Ex-nay," sighed Peach, shutting the door behind them. Then she spotted her two "friends." "Hello, Zelda," she said, smiling falsely.

"Good evening," Zelda said back, grinning.

"Hello, Saria," Peach said.

"Hello," Saria said darkly, looking up at her and talking in a subdued tone.

Then Peach smiled (looking rather malevolent), and walked arm-in-arm with Malon towards a changing room. "Hope you have a good time, dearies!"

"Did I tell you Link's getting me pearls for my birthday?" Malon asked Peach loudly, turning her head to look at Zelda.

"Oh you have me to thank for that, dear," Peach said, just as loud. "I told him you'd love them."

Zelda, laughing inwardly, walked away from the door and towards a mirror. She smiled and took out some rouge.

"Come on, Zelda, let's go," Saria said quietly, taking hold of her friend's elbow.

"I have to fix my make-up," Zelda said with a hint of glee, tugging her arm out of Saria's grasp.

"But they're going to be back soon, and--"

"Leave me alone, Saria!!" Zelda snapped.

"Zelda!" Saria cried, deeply hurt.

Then Peach and Malon came striding back; the first in black satin and sashes, the second in a blindly glittering golden gown.

"Did I tell you I've been seeing Dr. Mario, Saria?" Zelda asked, a bit loudly. Peach instinctively cast her glare at the two of them. Zelda sniggered and continued, saying, "My dear, he keeps me for hours and never sends me a bill."

At this, Peach walked promptly into the wall as Malon exited through the door. Zelda caught sight of Peach's hateful glare as she walked out as well, slamming the door behind her.

"Why Zelda, you've never been to Dr. Mario in your life," Saria said, extremely confused by what was going on.

"Shhh," Zelda said, when she noticed the door opening again.

"You still here, Zelda?" Peach asked in a cracked voice, slowly entering the room. Zelda only grinned, prompting Peach to say, "I've got, uh, stocking trouble."

"Oh," Zelda said. "What a bore." She swiftly smiled at her cousin, then headed for the door.

"How've you been feeling, Zelda?" Peach asked desperately.

"Fine, fine."

"I uh, heard you say you've been to the doctor," Peach said, making the point of the conversation quite clear.

"Ohhh," Zelda said smugly, turning towards Peach. "Jealous?"

Peach frowned. "Not of you, if that's what you mean--"

"Oh, Peach, it's all over town how you've been making a fool of yourself over Dr. Mario!" Zelda laughed. She went for the door again, only to have her exit blocked by Peach.

"I'd care for you to explain that little remark, Zelda Haines!" Peach shouted.

"You pay him a hundred dollars an hour just to hold your hand," Zelda said, smiling superiorly.

Peach shoved Zelda into the center of the room. "Zelda Haines, I haven't seen you for TWO YEARS!! Where do you get your information?!"

"Where do you suppose?" Zelda asked.

"Well where? Where?!" Peach asked, as Zelda giggled.

"From Malon!"

"FROM MALON?!" Peach cried incredulously. Zelda laughed again. "Well wha--wh--why--whe--

"Girls, girls, Phyllis Povah!" Saria whispered. The two women looked towards the door, and indeed saw the gossip columnist walking in.

"Hello, girls," she said lightly. "My, don't you look lovely! Got any dirt for the column?"

"Not a thing sweet, not a thing," Peach answered quickly, wanting to get rid of the journalist as quickly as possible.

Phyllis sighed with disappointment. "I might as well shove off. I've never seen such a clean joint! I just need to get my wrap..."

"Why would Malon be spreading ... lies about me?!" Peach asked Zelda as soon as Phyllis walked away.

"I'm going to get Nancy!!" Saria cried, fleeing from the room. "....uh, I mean I'm going to get Marin!"

"Dear, you're her only friend, who else has she got to gossip about?" Zelda said, answering Peach's question with another question.

Peach put her hands on her hips and frowned. "She's got Roy Winston. Why can't she talk about him?"

"Roy Winston?!" Zelda cried. She gasped, and put a hand to her mouth.

Peach's eyes widened. "Zelda Haines, you tricked that out of me! You fiendish cat, I'll get you!"

Zelda ran towards Phyllis as she began to leave. "Phyll, stick around! I've got something for you!"

"Good 'n dirty?" Phyllis asked with excitement.

"Good and dirty!" Zelda assured her. "Go out there and dig up Roy Winston! Ask him which famous society matron he's been seeing, and make sure to get all the details!"

"Oh boy!" Phyllis shouted, clapping her hands on Zelda's shoulders. "DIRT!" She ran from the room, glowing with anticipation.

"You're not going to get away with this one, Zelda!" Peach vowed, running for the door. "I'll shut Roy Winston's drunken trap if it's the last thing I do!!"

"Oh no you won't!" Zelda said. The door suddenly opened, and Marin and Saria entered. "Stop her, girls!"

"Where are you going, my pretty lady?" Marin snickered, taking a hold of Peach's arm while Saria grabbed the other.

"Din, d'you have a place where we can lock her up?" Zelda asked.

"Sure," Din answered, leading them towards a closet.

"Now dear, that won't be necessary!" Peach yelled desperately, as she was flung into the closet.

"Yeah, it will," Din giggled, locking the door. "This is for the tips you never gave me!!"

"Zelda, this isn't like you!" Saria laughed.

"But whatever it is, I'm for it!" Marin added.

A few moments later, Samus came racing into the room. She grabbed Zelda's hand and squeezed it. "Darling, you won't believe it! All heck's broken loose!"

"Of course it has!" Zelda laughed.

"Roy Winston just spilled the most terrific load of dirt!" Samus informed her. "He came right out and said he's been seeing Malon for months! And the joint's full of newspaper cameras!--don't worry, I got all the names and the places down on Marth's shirt." She laughed hysterically. "Link Haines had to knock 'im cold to shut his trap!"

"Oh, I knew darling could do it!" Zelda declared happily, smiling so much it hurt her cheeks.

The next moment, Daisy and Impa came into the room, the first one with her comforting arm around the sobbing later.

"Oh dear," Zelda giggled.

"Oh, the publicity!" Impa sobbed, throwing herself onto a couch. "Of all my husbands, Roy is the first to humiliate me in public!!"

"Poor Impa," Zelda said with a suppressed chuckle. "What'd he do?"

"DO?" Daisy repeated. "He declared an undying love for little Malon!"

"Oh the publicity," Impa sobbed. "La pu-blee-ci-tay!! THE INGRATE!"

And who should enter the room next but the star of our show, Malon. "Hey, you!" she snapped at Din. "Is Mrs. Fowler in here?!"

Din bowed in mockery, and led Malon to a closet.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE EVERYBODY IN THIS PLACE, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!!" Peach screamed from inside the closet. Then Din unlocked the door, and Peach fell with a shout to the floor. "It's kidnapping, that's what it is! It's kidnapping!" Then she slowly rose to be eye-to-eye with Malon.

"You've been shooting off your mouth, you rat!" Malon accused.

"I didn't do a thing, not a thing, Zelda Haines got it out of me!" Peach whimpered, pointing lamely at Zelda.

"It wasn't hard to do," Zelda snickered.

Malon glared at Peach. "Why you rotten little...!" She stalked towards the group of women clustered about Impa. "You cats are trying to break up my marriage!"

"Link's sick of you, Malon, in your heart you know it!" Zelda laughed, jabbing Malon's heart with her index finger.

"You can't get me on the drunken ravings of Roy Winston," Malon said back smugly. "You need evidence!"

"You don't need that kind of evidence outside New York," Samus told her.

"Yes, Malon, take my advice," Daisy said. "Put your mind on your alimony."

"Alimony?!" Peach screeched. "With what Link can get on you, he won't have to give you a dime!" Well, she certainly changed sides quickly.

"Is that so?" Malon asked, smirking. She looked around at them all. "Well what if I don't need alimony, how about THAT?"

"You don't need alimony?" Daisy reiterated in astonishment.

"What're you going to use instead of it, sugar?" Samus asked with a wicked grin.

"Roy Winston!" Malon spat.

"OHH!" Impa cried, pulling herself up. "The ingrate!! THE INGRATE!!"

"Your cowboy and I get along great, Countess, just great!" Malon sneered. "And that dough he makes on the radio ain't bad either! He makes a lot more than Link Haines'll ever dig up!" Malon rose her voice slightly as Impa continued to sob loudly. "Roy and I'll be tickled to death to be rid of the lot of ya!" She made her way towards the door, basking in her glory.

"Don't let her get to you, Impa," Zelda soothed, being a complete hypocrite.

"Yes, and make sure your next husband doesn't become financially independant," Peach said.

"But...Roy isn't independent!" Impa managed to choke out. None of them noticed Malon come to a halt at the doorway...

"But--hasn't he a contract with Dandy Gelateen?" Samus asked in confusion.

"Well, no!" Impa bawled. At this, Malon twisted around the spot, her mouth open. Impa inhaled deeply. "I am Dandy Gelateen! No one would put Roy on the radio, the meanies! I had to buy OUT Dandy Gelateen!"

Samus snapped her fingers, and she and Peach glided towards Malon. "Comma tai yai yippie, comma tai yai yay, Malon!" the fomer mocked in a sing-song voice.

"You can buy it now, dear!" Peach snorted. "And give Roy away with every package."

Malon sighed deeply. She looked down, the removed her hand from where it had been resting on the doorframe. "Well, girls, I guess it's back to the perfume counter for me." Before she walked out the door, she had to give one more final insult: "And by the way ... there's a name for you ladies. However, it isn't used in high society--outside of a kennel." Grinning, she let that sink in and shut the door behind her.

"Why, that stinking wolf in sheep's clothing!" Peach gasped.

"That bombshell's got some nerve!" Samus said angrily. "Calling us that!"

Their thoughts were interrupted when Saria came running into the room, stopping when she reached Zelda. "Oh Zel--Link's outside, he wants to see you! You'll go, won't you, Zelda?"

"Of course I will!" the excited gal answered, running for the door.

"Zelda Haines, haven't you any pride?!" Peach asked her cousin, scandalized.

"None whatsoever, Peach!" Zelda laughed. "That's a luxury a woman in love can't afford!"

A/N: doo-doodle doo!!!!! the next chap is the last, so plz review OR ELSE! lol, jk. but plz review neway!!!!!!


	10. L'amour, l'amour!

A/N: ok, peeps...not much of a chap, but it was hard 2 write b/c i had 2 make it up myself. but plz read, enjoy, and review!!

------------Seeing Link Again!!------------

Running out the doors of the dressing room, Zelda looked around earnestly for Link. After scanning about for him, she saw him headed for the exit with his head bowed.

"Hey Mister, where d'you think you're going?" she asked, running to catch up with him.

He had a very embarrassed look on his face, and he couldn't bring himself to look into Zelda's eyes. "Zel, please don't--I shouldn't have told Saria to tell you to meet me here. I'm so ashamed of myself, I was such a jerk!" He looked at her with sorrow.

When he didn't continue, Zelda said, "Well, if you're looking for an argument, you'd better go elsewhere."

He laughed uneasily, catching her eye for a moment, but quickly dropped his gaze. "You shouldn't have come to talk to me," he muttered. "I'm really not--I don't deserve you after all I've done. I can't believe what I did to us..."

"Oh, darling, I understand," Zelda sighed. "And for a long time I could not find it in my heart to forgive you. I still wanted you, I still loved you, but I didn't think I could get over what you had done."

"You aren't making me feel any better about this, Zelda," Link said.

"I'm not trying to make you feel better," she said honestly. "I'm telling you the truth. The fact that you could face me right now--"

"I didn't want to, though," Link said. "Didn't you see? I was ready to run away, and I would have if you hadn't caught up to me."

Zelda sighed, and smiled at him. "Link...if you didn't still love me, you wouldn't have asked Saria for me. And I know it. I'm not angry with you anymore ..... at least, I don't think I am."

"It was never you," Link blurted out, grabbing her hand. "I need you to know that--I never went for M-Malon because of you. It was me. I thought I was just--I felt like I was growing old, and I needed something that ...."

He winced when she withdrew her hand from his. When he didn't speak again, she said, "Go on, keep talking."

Link sighed deeply again. "I don't have anything to say, Zelda. I can't think of a reason in the world why you should want to come back to me, after all the things that I've done. I was nothing but a ruthless coward; I said things that I shouldn't have and did things I shouldn't have. You don't understand, Zel. I'd sell my soul to the devil if I could start this over again."

"Link...look at me," Zelda whispered. He shook his head, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. She gently put her hand on his cheek and he automatically grabbed it with his own. He kissed her fingers, and finally glanced upwards at her.

"Zel, you're crying," he said softly. Indeed, tears were trickling down Zelda's face and she was biting her lip as if she were trying her hardest not to sob.

"Oh," she whispered, taking in a deep quick breath. "You're looking at me."

"Yeah, I am," he said, the smallest trace of a grin visible on his face.

"Now kiss me," she said in the same, quiet voice.

His eyes widened slightly. "No, Zelda, I couldn't .... I really don't think that I should, I'd--"

"What, is Malon a better kisser than me?" she asked in a completely innocent, pouty tone.

Link grimaced at his ex-wife, then grabbed her and kissed her roughly. She was a little taken aback at first, then smiled and embraced him tightly. Zelda had never sensed a more urgent, devoted feeling in Link before.

He massaged her neck with a strong hand, and his tongue met hers frequently. When he broke it off, he was shaking, and Zelda whispered, "I love you, Link..."

"Don't say that EVER again," he said sharply.

"Say what, that I love you?"

"No...don't ever ask me again if Malon was a better kisser than you," he said. "I didn't love her, Zelda. I love you, and you're special, and now I'm finally realizing it. I really don't know what was wrong with me."

"Ask Peach, she could ask her psychoanalyst about it," Zelda giggled.

"Hey, isn't Peach the one who messed up the past two years of our lives?" Link asked, hugging Zelda again.

"Nooo, that would've been you and Malon," Zelda pointed out. Then she paused. "Although I guess if Peach hadn't tricked me into finding out, I never would've brought the thing out in the open, and--"

"Zelda, don't," Link whispered, putting a finger to her lips. "But are you really going to .... I mean, are you going to take me back? Because if you don't, I'll jump off the Empire State Building, I really will."

"Don't do that," Zelda laughed. "I knew I'd be taking you back the moment I saw you, Link. Now, shall we go home? I feel like a celebration."

"Sure." Arm in arm, Link and Zelda walked out of the casino.

"I can't believe she took him back!!" sobbed Impa. "I'd never have forgiven him!! Just look at what Roy did to me--there's no way he'll be coming back to me! I'll give him the time of day if I ever see him again!"

"Oh, I just think Zelda's a lot more understanding than you are," Samus said. "She did always pick 'em for character." Impa sobbed loudly again, causing Samus to sigh. "Well, since you're not going to say it, I guess I can .... l'amour, l'amour! Tou jours l'amour!!"

THE END!

----------------A/N-----------

ok, that ending was tad weird, but....it really is over! so now that u've read it .... SEE IT! I COMMAND YOU TO!!!! the film is tre excellent & if u look it up in any guide or on amazon or something, reviews r POSITIVE!! if u liked this story, there is no reason y u shouldn't like the movie!! yes, it's in black & white, but who freaking cares?! it's the story that counts, not whether or not there's color!! my story is almost line 4 line the same as the movie, so once again--if u liked this fic, SEE THE MOVIE! FROM 1939!! ok, now that i've yelled at ya'll enough, plz review!


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Legend of Zelda, Humor, Romance