Final Fantasy XIII 1. An Introduction

**Authors' Notes:**

**Kookiiz: Yipee! Our first piece of work! In case you don't know anything about us, this account is a shared account. Your current authors here today are me, the lovely Ms. Kookiiz, and my workhorse, Zx Platinum... Sadly Platypus couldn't be here for our first upload *tear* but I assure you he is working behind the scenes!**

**Another A/N: I'm still getting used to the publishing format and where every little button is on this website ."  
Just wanted to clarify that anything Super Mario related belongs to Nintendo and anything Final Fantasy belongs to Square Enix! *checks back for copyright Police*  
**

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**Intro: Bodhum**

It was a warm summer afternoon and all was quiet in the Farron household. Hope, who was on vacation and decided to crash with his old friends, walked into the living room only to find it completely empty. He picked up a note that was left on the coffee table and stared at it for a while.

_ Snow and I went out shopping for groceries. We have a couple of stops to make so we'll be home a bit later than usual. Lightning should be out in the yard. I asked her to clean out the weeds so I could work on my garden. I left food on the table in case either of you get hungry. Keep the house tidy ;D  
-Serah_

Hope figured that as long as the house was clean he could do whatever he wanted. He glanced outside and found Lightning sleeping on the hammock. A fly was lazily drifting around her. She waved her hand every now and then to swat the fly away but ultimately she was in a deep sleep.

Hope decided it was time for a little fun. He turned on his Nintendo Wii system and popped in a game.

"New Super Mario Bros. Wii… Sure why not?"

The Wii booted up and Hope grabbed a can of soda. Meanwhile just outside the window a very unconscious Lightning was about to have the most interesting adventure of her life.

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**The idea for this started from a typical conversation between two gamer pals.**

**Kookiiz: Hey, Plats (I called him by his real name in the actual convo :P) take the last RPG character you played as and put them in the last platformer you played!**

**Zx Platinum: ...Uh... Lightning in New Super Mario Bros Wii? I can picture her spamming Fire and stuff.**

**Kookiiz: Huh... That sounds pretty darn funny... (Didn't really say 'darn')**

**Next thing we know we started riffing about possible situations then this came to fruition! ^^ (Please go easy on us it's our first time :3)**


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome To Mushroom Kingdom

**A/N:  
Kookiiz: Yay now we're starting something! Zx Platinum worked on this one mostly on his own. He looked pretty sleep depraved so some of the humor may be lost. I'm so nervous right now! The only other people who've seen our work are English teachers and very few select friends. *sweat* I wish Platinum was here to keep me from looking like an idiot... *trips over own feet while hitting 'Submit'*  
**

**Another A/N: Kookiiz: Eeep... I completely forgot to mention that we own nothing but computers we used to type this with! The whole Super Mario idea/franchise belongs to Nintendo and anything Final Fantasy remains in the loving care of Square Soft/Enix/whatever they decide to call themselves next. *phew*  
**

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**Chapter 1: Mushroom Kingdom**

Lightning woke up to a peculiar sight. She was in a colorful world full of hills and pipes. Her eyes were drawn to a huge castle with a mushroom flag.

"I'm just going to assume that a tornado swept me up while I was napping." She looked around all confused. Just when she thought things couldn't get weirder a tiny white mushroom with red dots started running towards her.

"Lightning, Lightning!" Lightning was incredibly confused now. How in the hell did this little shroom know her name and… was that shroom just talking to her?

"Lightning! Everyone is waiting for you in the Castle! You gotta hurry!" The little mushroom started hopping all over Lightning's body. She fought the urge to punch it in the face. _'No, that wouldn't be wise.' _She rationed. As sad as it was this little mushroom was the only other intelligent being capable of speech.

She reached out and grabbed the mushroom by the… arms? And put it aside. She sat up and inspected her body for any injuries.

"Where am I?" She groaned.

"This is the Mushroom Kingdom! Come on we have to hurry!" The mushroom jumped up and started waddling towards the door.

"…What?"

Lightning entered the Castle. Her eyes drifted towards the empty throne. She saw a large amount of mushrooms jumping around frantically screaming their little heads off. Just when Lightning was about to scream she caught sight of a familiar young pinkette.

"Serah! What the hell is going on? Where are we?!"

The other girl slowly turned around.

"The Princess has been kidnapped… These poor little Toads need us to get her back." Her voice was so sad. "Lightning… We're the only ones that can help them."

"Help them? First of all I have no idea what the flip they are! Secondly how do they expect US to do it?" Lighting was practically screaming at her sister.

"Lightning! Lightning! You have to get our Princess back!" The little mushroom she first encountered was tugging on her skirt.

"Get off me!" In a fit of frustration she kicked it to the side. "I don't have to do anything for you!"

"Lightning… The Princess is important to them… If I was kidnapped wouldn't you want to get me back?" Serah looked at her sister with sad puppy dog eyes.

Lightning let out a long exaggerated sigh.

"FINE… Let's go…"

"Wait!" Another little mushroom hopped up next to Lightning. "Take these clothes! They'll let you jump like a superstar!"

"I can jump fine thank you very much… What the flip do I have to jump for anyway?" Lightning looked around for a decent answer.

"The Princess was kidnapped by Bowser, King of the Koopas! His minions will try and stop you. You gotta jump on them to beat them!" Toad bounced around Lightning's feet

Lightning looked ready to punch a wall.

"Look… I'll deal with them the way I want to." She checks her back, "What did you little freaks do to my Gunblade?"

"Bowser took your precious Gunblade. He's trying to unlock the secrets within it!" The little mushroom jumped up again.

"What secret? It's a sword that transforms into a freaking gun! AND I'M NOT WEARING THESE CLOTHES!"

Lightning held the clothes as far away from her as possible. She wanted to get away from these 'butt ugly' rags.

"It's not so bad, Light…" Serah grinned and pranced around in her new threads.

"A red shirt and hat… And blue overalls? I don't know much about fashion but I'll pass." Lightning tossed the clothes on the ground. "I'd rather go in my underpants…"

Before she could storm out a flash of light engulfed her.

"W-what the heck was that?" She looked down and found the clothes plastered to her body. "W-Why the flip am I wearing this?!" She found herself in the same ridiculous getup as her sister. Lightning's shirt and hat were red opposed to Serah's green. She was still disgusted by them.

"You look good in red, Light!" Serah straightened out Lightning's hat.

"I feel like a plumber… Let's just get this over with." Lightning was clearly not amused.

Lightning and Serah left the castle. The former was still in disbelief and the latter was whistling a familiar tune.

"So what on Earth do we do?" Lightning looked around for some sort of clue.

"Well… That round panel says World 1 – 1. Let's start there!" Serah grabbed Lightning's hand and dragged her to the panel. "Let's-a go!"

"Wha-" Lightning's vision went pitch black. "Uh… Did I just have a stroke?" Amidst the black in Lightning's vision she noticed 2 small icons. One depicted her head and the other depicted Serah's. Beside each head was the number 5. Lightning's vision returned to normal.

"What was that?!" She looked around frantically. She looked ahead and spotted a couple bricks and mysterious boxes with question marks on them.

"…I'm just going to sit here. I refuse to move until someone tells me what the flip is going on." True to her word, Lightning plopped down and sat on her booty.

"Lightning look out! It's a Goomba! They Bowser's minions! You gotta jump on them to beat them! Don't let them touch you or you'll lose a life!" Serah was up ahead on top of the brick blocks.

"No! I refuse to move!" Lightning crossed her arms and turned her head. The Goomba waddled closer to Lightning.

"Sis, please get up! It's going to hit you!"

"N-O!"

The Goomba was at Lightning's feet now.

"Lightning! Please get up! You're the only one I can count on here!" The Goomba reached out to touch Lightning. "LIGHTNING!"

"Get away from me you freak!" Lightning lashed out and slapped the Goomba hard.

"…L-Lightning? Y-You touched it and you didn't die…" Serah's hands were covering her face. "H-How did you do that?"

The Goomba recovered from the hit. It was startled and confused. It looked at Lightning through teary eyes.

"…Don't… Touch… Me…" The Goomba seemed to be able to understand human speech. It slowly turned around and waddled away.

"Lightning… You're invincible to Goombas! You're the chosen one!" Serah bounced around on the block. "You're the chosen one! You can beat Bowser once and for all and then Mushroom Kingdom will be safe forever! Lightning! You have to keep going!"

"I refuse…" Serah hopped off her brick and kneeled down in front of Lightning.

"Light… These poor little guys can't take protect themselves."

"Not my problem."

"You would do it if I was kidnapped…" Serah looked like she was about to cry.

"But it's not you…"

Serah stared at her sister trying to come up with an answer. With a serious face she leaned in to look Lightning in the eyes.

"Your Gunblade…"

This set Lightning off. In one swift motion she jumped up, dusted herself off and adjusted her hat.

"It's personal now…" She marched ahead off into a vast world shattering all game mechanics… Not that she really cared in the first place.

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**Kookiiz: If you can see this I can only assume you either a) Read the Chapter or b) Just scrolled to see how long it was... *darting eyes* I'm afraid to say anything right now... I've never been good with sharing my thoughts. Plats and I are pretty introverted and the thought of failing scares us to death! God I wish he was here!**

**You've probably noticed Lightning saying heck and flip a lot. Well the original draft that Plats wrote up had her cussing up a blue storm! I wanted to keep this as clean as possible so all of you can enjoy. Still I rated it T for Teen just in case a swear got past me. .'' Please leave a comment telling us what you think of it so far or if you have any ideas or suggestions. (About improvements or just ideas for future scenarios) Still wishing Platinum was here to keep me from shaking...  
**


	3. Chapter 2: Understanding The Game

**A/N: Kookiiz: Hey all, Kookiiz again! Plats just sent me the next chapter and I wanted to post it up ASAP! We might be out of commission for a while so this one's kind of a longer one. T-T  
From tomorrow, Plats and I will be away. Plats is going on vaykay and I'll be on a plane to Texas to stay with family for a year . . Plats and I will still be in touch throughout the year so we'll still be working on this. (Even though I have ideas for future projects ;D) Anyway should I not be able to post stuff Plats will take my place. (So be nice to him ^^)**

**Once again, all Mario-like essences belong to Nintendo and all Final Fantasy essences belong to Square Enix! We own none of it! (I like to think we're borrowing them with the main goal of exposing more people to their awesomeness!)**

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**Chapter 2: Understanding The Game**

**Bodhum:**

Just as the afternoon had turned to evening young Serah Farron and her beloved fiancé Snow Villiers came home after a long day of shopping and errands.

"We're home! Did you miss us?" Serah chirped as she set the bags down.

Hope's gentlemanly instinct kicked in. He paused his game and helped with the groceries.

"Where's Lightning?" Snow asked as he brought in some boxes.

"Haven't seen her since noon. I think she's still passed out on the hammock." Hope jutted his thumb towards the window.

"Well at least she tried to pull out the weeds. I honestly thought she'd Firaga the garden in frustration." Serah slid the window open to let in a breeze. "Oh hey you're playing Super Mario? I haven't played that since grade school!"

Hope had finished bringing everything in. He picked up another can of soda and sat back down on the couch.

"You wanna play? This thing has multiplayer if you want."

Before Hope could finish his sentence Serah had already sat down with Wii-mote in hand and a huge grin on her face.

"Power stars are mine!" she yelled as Snow picked up his Wii-mote.

**Mushroom Kingdom:**

It was a beautiful day in Mushroom Kingdom. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, the Piranha Plants were coming out of their pipes to say hello, and even the hills were... colorful. Indeed it was a beautiful day! The Goombas went out for their daily stroll and the Koopas were marching without a care in the world. Nothing could possible ruin this day. No siree, nothing at all could possibly-

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

A Goomba shriek pierced the air.

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! TWO CRAZY PEOPLE ARE GONNA KILL US!"

One of the Koopas stopped the poor Goomba and slapped him back to his senses.

"What are you talking about? There's no one behind you…" Koopa shook Goomba around a bit.

"They came from the skies! Just out of nowhere they fall from the sky and stomp on us!" Poor little Goomba was freaking out. He just saw his best friend squished to death…

Koopa sighed, "Nothing is going to kill us…"

The ground around Koopa darkened rapidly. It looked up to see its friends backing away quickly.

"Why are you-" Poor little Koopa shouldn't have looked up.

Now many people say your life flashes before your eyes in a near death experience. They were wrong. The only thing that flashed before little Koopa's eyes was Lightning's foot.

Horror flashed on everyone's eyes. She was here… Lightning Farron… In only a few short minutes she became known as the Koopa Krusher…

Lightning stood there confused as the minions she thought were sent to stop her ran around screaming their little heads off.

"Why aren't they trying to kill me?" she asked.

Serah looked at her sister closely.

"Oh I get it now! You must've sat on a Power Star! Notice how your butt's all sparkly?"

Lightning spun around to look at her behind.

"…So I didn't have glitter in my back pocket? What's a Power Star do anyway?"

"It puts you in a state of invincibility! Anything that touches you dies!" Serah jumped up and clapped her hands together. She loved explaining things to her big sister.

"I see… It wears off huh?" Lightning turned around. All the minions that had once run away were lined up in front of her. "Holy son of a Goomba! Serah, we gotta run!" she looked around. "Serah?"

High up on a brick block Lightning found her sister jumping after a Power Star.

"AHAHAHAHA! KOOPAS AND GOOMBAS ALIKE FEAR ME! I AM THE EVER SO SPARKLY SERAH FARRON AND NONE OF YOU CAN HURT ME!" Serah dove off her platform and knocked at least 10 Goombas out as she landed.

Lightning stared in disbelief.

"I'll clear a path and you follow me, kay?" Serah took off before Lightning could respond. The very sight was comical to humans but a total nightmare for the minions. Leaving a trail of sparkles and miracles Serah ran down every Koopa and Goomba in her path screaming "I'M INVINCIBLE!" She closed her eyes as she ran and let the excitement and power take over.

"Serah! Open your eyes! Look out for the-" Lightning's warning came too late. Serah's face had just met the side of a green pipe. The sparkles from the star faded as the Goombas started jumping on her.

"Get away from my sister you freaks!" The minute she touched a Goomba her vision went black.

The image of her's and Serah's faces flashed in front of her. This time there was a giant 4 next to them. As her vision returned Lightning found herself exactly where she started earlier. The same Goomba she had slapped was making its way towards her. Serah stood at her side as if nothing happened.

"What the Koopa just happened?" Lightning looked around frantically for a logical answer.

"We died… Remember that blackness before we started this? It shows you how many lives you have left. I got jumped by the Goombas and you can't touch them directly. If you had a power up a single touch wouldn't do anything to you but you're normal right now."

None of these words made any sense to Lightning.

"Remember you have to jump on them if you want to beat them!" She gave Lightning a thumbs up and winked. This confused her even more.

"W-why can't I just light them with a Firaga?" She flicked out her hand and tried hard to conjure up said fire spell. "What the- Why can't I use my magic?!" She waved her hand fanatically.

"There's no magic here in Mushroom Kingdom, silly!" Serah bounced around in front of Lightning. "If you want fire you'll need to find a Fire Flower!"

"And where do I find one of those?" Lightning was beginning to get frustrated.

"They're hidden in those question mark blocks! You have to jump and hit them!"

Lightning made her way to a [ ? ] block and stared at it for a moment.

"Am I to believe that a Flaming Flower will pop out of this if I hit it?" She looked at Serah as if she had lost her mind.

"Yup! Go for it!"

Lightning hesitated. She pondered the possible outcomes. She could shatter her hand, she could break the block entirely, she could miss and hit her head or she could just be looking very foolish.

"Oh nuts to it all…" Lightning closed her eyes and punched the block as hard as she could.

Now it's been proven that swearing can help you deal with pain. However since this story is intended for everyone Lightning is just going to have to bear with it.

She collapsed on the floor spazzing about. Clutching her shattered wrist she screamed out to the heavens.

"Oh, silly me!" Serah knocked herself on the head, "I forgot to give you the Special Gloves!" She pulled out a large novelty pair of white gloves and tossed them at Lightning.

"How on earth are these supposed to help?!" Tears began to sting at Lightning's eyes.

"Those gloves will let you break bricks as long as you're big enough." It became blatantly clear that Lightning was NOT in fact "big" enough. This theory was confirmed when she shattered her other wrist with the gloves on.

"I swear I'm going to kill someone!" Holding her hands close to her body she kicked and rolled around a bit more.

Serah felt like she had to show Lightning how the world around them worked before she felt comfortable with her leading the way.

"You hit the [ ? ] Blocks to get coins and power up items. As long as you have a power up item you won't die from a single touch. Right now you are considered to be in a vulnerable state. Eating a mushroom will make you grow big letting you take a hit. Are you listening to me?"

Lightning just sat there staring at her sister with the blankest expression.

"Let me get this straight… You, the girl that ran into the side of a pipe, are telling me that mushrooms will make me bigger?" She paused for dramatic effect, "Yeah like I'm going to believe that…"

Serah proceeded to hit a [ ? ] block. It shot out a Mushroom and an Orange Flower.

"Serah… I know I taught you to NEVER eat things off the ground."

Lightning's warning was ignored. Serah ate the Mushroom and immediately grew twice the size of Lightning.

"And now that I'm big I can smash these Brick Blocks!" She punched a Brick Block and a coin flew out of it. "See?"

Lightning stared at her little… big little sister and blinked a few times.

"If you knew that all along… THEN WHY THE HECK DID YOU LET ME SHATTER MY WRISTS?!"

"It must have slipped my mind…" Serah cocked her head. "I know! This flower will make it all better!" She plucked the Orange Flower and gave it to Lightning.

"I don't want a flower… I wanna go home!" She thought for a minute. "No, I want my Gunblade… Then I wanna go home!"

Serah was frustrated with Lightning's stubbornness. She pinched Lightning's nose forcing her to open her mouth. She then rammed the Flower and forced Lightning to eat it.

After a moment of coughing and hacking Lightning grew to the same size as Serah. Her red shirt and hat turned white and her blue overalls turned red.

"What was that for?!" She wiped her mouth and glared at Serah.

"Eating a power up like a Flower will make you big and give you special powers!" Serah bounced excitedly. "You wanted to use Firaga on the Goombas right? Try it now!"

Lightning was still perplexed. Nothing in this crazy mixed up world made even the slightest amount of sense. All she wanted was something she was used to. She held out her hand and took a deep breath.

"Firaga!" she yelled!

A tiny fireball formed in her hand.

"Serah… How is this a Firaga?" She stared at the puny flame in her hand.

"Good! Now that you have the Fire Flower you can throw Fireballs at the enemy!" Serah pointed at a lone Koopa minding its own business.

"I suppose it's one way to get rid of stress…" Lightning locked her sights on the Koopa and hurled the Fireball as hard as she could. She noticed that the ball's arc peaked roughly at her height. It bounced on the ground twice before extinguishing.

"You need to judge your distance from the enemy!" Serah chirped.

"Distance this!" She threw another Fireball directly above her. Once again the Fireball arc peaked at her height and bounced on the ground. "This is pathetic!" Lightning stomped on the ground.

"Those are the mechanics of this world, sis… You better get used to them if we're to save the Princess…" Serah dropped down from her perch and grabbed Lightning's hand. "Baby steps, Light… Things'll make sense sooner or later." She gave Lightning a wide grin.

"For the love of Etro I hope we get this over with fast." Lightning set her sights on a Castle just off in the distance. She was determined to get her Gunblade back! Oh and the Princess too…

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**Kookiiz: I just wanted the line "Holy son of a Goomba" so I'm happy with this xD I have to give credit to Plats for the Lightning wrist breakage. I never would've thought of that in a thousand lifetimes ^^; As always any suggestions you may have about anything will be greatly appreciated. See y'all in a week!**


End file.

Final Fantasy XIII, Adventure, Parody